Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #11 - Walker is a Deadbeat Dad

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

This episode we talk about the different names for soda, someones retina getting detached, and Walkers parenting technique. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. My name is Walker. The most pathetic facial hair on planet Earth Smith. Number one podcast you've never heard of. Grab your Bev, grab your smoke, whatever whatever you do we're about to have a good time we don't can we don't necessarily uh promote those things so if you want to grab an apple juice you can do that too a shout out to kitty i hope you're enjoying that uh gary payton baby i shout out gary payton i literally just said grab your bev that could be anything. Oh. Austin, no Bev, fucking Lane. Yeah, some people are drinking tea. Why are you coming out of the gate trying to hurt my feelings?

Okay, because you guys insulted me with this contract. So you have animosity built up. Okay, here we go. That's great. Here we go. Love it. Jesus. Don't disturb Cuddy, please.

Are you good? This contract? Damn. Void. Void. All right, bet. Wait till you see the next one, then. Void.

Come back with something different. As this is podcast 11, should we just unplug his mic? Yeah, I mean, literally, we gave you a contract that guaranteed you seven more pods, and that's how you act. No, you guys are void. Fuck it. We're void? Check that signature on there. Walker, we can not.

Never mind. You're done. That just irritated me. Yeah. I turned up for this. Ungrateful. Yeah. Ungrateful.

What's that Drake song he said? I don't fuck with Drake like that. Your mama be ashamed of you. Ungrateful. What's that Drake song? He said, I don't fuck with Drake like that. Your mama be ashamed of it. Ungrateful. How can you live with yourself? That's me. Okay, my fault. I went too hard.

The contract was just insulting. I wanted to rip it in your face. What part of it did you not like? Dude, I... The no interrupting, all that type of shit. We approached everything in a very formal... Delicate. Delicate manner.

And I think you overreacted. Because you're a fucking idiot. I know my worth. I'm sorry. You just increased my heart rate by a lot i gotta calm down for a couple seconds good in through the nose you know your worth yeah all right it's actually didn't materially change anything at all but i don't want to talk about that you know what i want to talk about what what's been going on guys how are you doing dude what's the word man i've had a hell of a day i

tell you what um i uh i went to the doctor this morning and this is the last time i'm going to talk about it and if i talk about it again just never watch or listen to the podcast again um i went to the doctor don't take that advice this morning for my face you know if you look back a couple episodes episode one it's been talked about throughout um i got my face kicked in broke some bones in my face finally went to the doctor for the final time today and uh they said you know buddy you're just gonna have to thug it out you're just gonna have to deal with it they really say that yeah they're basically just like yeah it's fractured we can see that but at this point you're three months out and it's already healed so like fuck it like like the worst like it we would have to re-break it for us to fix it damn so like

it's and it's like you know it's really not bad like you can't tell a difference like so so the only thing i thought the i like, the worrying thing was that, like, you could have the fragments that could, like, drift into your eye. Like, weren't they, like, maybe having to, like, put a mesh over it? Like, that was, like, a thought at one time. They told me they might have to put mesh under my eyeball if it starts, like, if my eyeball starts sinking into my head. Then they said, call us back when we'll probably fix that for you.

Jesus. AJ, can I tell you a story i got told the other day yeah this dude said he was in i don't know canada or some shit he is like walking across the airport to meet his girlfriend who has flown up and he sees like two lightning bolts in one eye. It ended up he detached his retina two times in one eye. I didn't even know you could detach your retina. So like it like reattached?

He popped an eye out? No, no, no. It's just like it was in his eye. So he said like over the next six or seven hours, the darkness like increased like a clock. It went from like 12 to 1, and then then an hour later it was like 12 to 3, and then like 12 to 5. And apparently somehow he hit his optic nerve. So now he is mostly blind in one eye.

He can only see peripherally. I didn't know you could detach your retina. Was he on drugs? No, man. Oh, maybe. I don't know. He probably is now.. Was he on drugs? No, man. Oh, maybe. I don't know. He probably is now. I would be now.

Yeah, right? Fuck that. It's pretty sick. That shit's trash. That dude's pretty sick. He's covered in tattoos. He used to... He's worked for the company for a long time,

and I remember seeing him as a kid, and, you know, he's got a huge beard he rides a motorcycle he's got a bald head biker he's got two sleeves oh dude he's got this insane tattoo that's like from his armpit all the way down to like his knee jesus but he was like the scariest motherfucker of my life when i was a kid i I bet he was very intimidating. He's a swell guy. Hey, you guys are very disrespectful, by the way. Why? You didn't introduce

who the hell is on the podcast. What are you talking about? There's a select individual licking its foot right now. Who is that? This is Cudbert Budbert Smith-Hadding. Nice.

That's Boo Boo. What's Pookie Butt? His mother probably would disagree with the hyphenation there. Describe the name. How did that name come about well um this is me and my ex-girlfriend's dog i guess if we really want to talk about this um and yeah we got him and we kind of raised him together they basically they have shared custody but walker's like the piece of shit father that's only in the picture every like six months on holidays listen we last saw him at christmas literally

he'll come around every once in a while i treat him well you know i'll go and take and i'll give him a bath and you know i send him home with some presents like i sent him i sent a bunch of christmas presents home this year this this time he's gonna go home and be like, yeah, daddy got me all drunk on a podcast. Yeah, dad took me to the vet and they bleached my asshole. Thank you. Listen, I want them primmed and proper. My boy needs to be out here stunting on the streets. I like that. One of the wild things about Cuddy, he is always misgendered by almost everyone that meets him

it's fucked up for example in 2023 fucked up when i came home what's cuddy's pronouns i believe it's he him but uh you'd have to ask him um so ask them ask him well yeah you're assuming dog that's dude'm going to fuck up our listenership with the non-bias. We have a non-binary audience. You're literally assuming dog. They're gone. It's a dog. So?

So I came home. AJ and Kenzie were here. And they were like, so she's like so shy. Like, what's her deal? And I was like, oh, you know, he's like so shy like what's her deal and i was like oh you know he's like oh and then kenzie was like well she's doing something right she uh austin sorry he's a dick you were a dick dude i was just snapping flicks dude i i feel like i have to give you shit because i gave aj shit for doing behind the scenes stuff.

It wasn't behind the scenes. No, no, no, no. Hold the book on. But it's just as fucking distracting. He's over here taking pictures and shit, bro. Yes. No. Whipping your phone out,

totally turning away from me while I'm telling a story, taking a picture of AJ, then putting your phone down. No. That's incredibly distracting. And disrespectful. You're making me feel bad austin have you been uh using a little micro needler what's a micro needler you've been uh putting that uh putting that keratin oil on that beard's creeping up bud oh you're talking about

my you've been using castor oil no it is oh yeah i used to have a cat i just gave up on all personal hygiene within the last week and a half so castor oil sounds like something you would put on like a break castor oil sounds like something they would make you drink in like 1940 because it's supposed to be a miracle cure i uh i I want to talk about something on this podcast. And, you know, let's try to keep it light. But what's like the worst slash like funniest punishment you ever got as a child? If no one has an answer, I can go first.

Go ahead. So I don't know. I just kind of used to be like a douchebag. So, my parents would ground me. But grounding me meant I couldn't leave the confines of my room. And they would take away, you know, all the screens, you know, like, which at that time was, you know, my iPad. And in later years, or not iPad, like, you know, iPod you know my iPad and in later years or not I have a pad like, you know, I pod nano or like PSP in later years. Oh, yeah, but they would only leave me with books

specifically the dictionary oh and I did summer diving and I remember I got grounded and it was the last day of summer diving. It was the final meet and I was grounded so they wouldn't let me go. And I sat home crying, reading the dictionary for like three hours and then fell asleep at like seven o'clock. I was like, it's probably eight years old. That's fucked. That's haunted me.

Dude, I was roughly seven or eight years old and i was actually so um we were actually as the family brother sister whatever going to kenzie's birthday party our executive podcast assistant producer lady woman um we were going to her birthday party yeah we were going to sexy ass motherfucker sorry anyway oh yeah we were going to her birthday party. So it's pronounced bro. Yeah. We were going to sexy ass motherfucker. Sorry. Anyway. Oh yeah. We were,

we were supposed to all be going to her birthday party and you know, I was a little shithead kid for some reason. I like fucking spazzed out. Like I, I got into a fight with my brother probably. And then my mom yelled at me, took his side cause he was a cry baby either way. I freaked out.

And like, I was like, I'm running away. F this shit. And, uh, walked down the sidewalk, like a block, probably like half a block away from my house. Like, I could still see my house in sight. I was too scared to walk any further

because my neighborhood was a little bit sketchy, and I was like, I'm not going that far away. So I just sat down there for hours, and everybody else left. And I eventually came back, and my mom's waiting in the living room. And she's like, go to your fucking room. And I'm like, if you make me go to my room right now, I'm jumping out the window and running away. I mean it this time.

And she's like, all right, that's fine. I'll just hold you down here in the living room until you calm down. Literally sat on the living room floor and just held me, like just held my arms like you're not moving. And then eventually, you know, like an hour later, I was like, all right, whatever. I'll just go to my room like I'm sick of this. Went to my room. The entire bedroom was empty. The only thing in it was a bed.

All of my toys, all of my shit was gone i was like damn they worked fast they should start a fucking moving company i was only on the sidewalk for like two hours they cleaned your shit oh yeah yeah it was a miserable several weeks without anything but you didn't make it to my birthday party did not make it to kenzie's birthday party it was at the lake it was it was at swain's lake i not make it to Kenzie's birthday party. I think it was at the lake. It was. It was at Swain's Lake. I apologize. I missed out. I apologize. AJ.

I fucked up. I much rather would have gone to the birthday party. Worst slash funniest punishment? I was an only child, so my punishments only lasted like 30 minutes. Spoiled little bitch. Begged my mom to like, this is not realistic. Like, come on. Realistically, stop grounding me. You're done. You're not

doing shit here. No, when she caught me rolling up some grass in the bathroom and I... Listen to this shit. Look. No, the worst time I ever got in trouble, honestly, I went into the bathroom, locked the door, acted like I was taking went into the bathroom locked the door act like I was

taking a fucking shit locked the door cut the fan on like I was in there pooping put the towel under the door no no no towel or nothing but I was like in there pooping for real like I was going number two fire I had I had snuck a paper plate in there with me cause I knew I was about to roll

up I was about to roll up a joint bro rolled the joint up why my dumb ass put the paper plate in the bathroom trash can with weed residue on because you were fucking stoned no because i was like 12 no i don't know why i don't know why i thought it'd be a good idea. Like, my mom wouldn't think it was out of the normal to see a paper plate in the bathroom trash can, especially with weed on it. But, yeah, she got really, really mad at me over that. What was the punishment? Just, like, fucking, like, you're done.

The punishment really was just, like, you can't go to your friend's house or like type shit. Like I never really got anything taken away, taken away. Um, but it was mainly like, you can't go to your friends down the street. One time I was in about fifth grade and, uh,

Oh, thanks dude. I was, I was done. Hell yeah. All right. But, um,

this girl, uh, sat across from, uh, this guy and I, and we were both, um, trying were both trying to flirt with this girl. I didn't really actually like her. I was only flirting with her

because I knew he liked her, and it would piss him off, and I didn't fuck with the kid. So we were like, him and I were writing notes to each other while we're in class, like cussing each other out, like fully cussing each other out

in this notebook, and the teacher saw us, and and she's like show me what's in there and we're literally we're literally like fuck you she's mine like go to hell motherfucker and she like what age was this i was in like fifth grade so i don't know what that is like like 11, 12, something like that. I went through a big note era. I used to write page-long notes to the love of my life. So fifth grade, I think, is like fifth grade is really where I pretty much got introduced to curse words like completely in fourth grade. But nobody really used them. And then fifth grade was just a disaster at my elementary school. Like when we were going around the track at recess

it was just like we were cursing you know like elementary school kids you know just like like what the fuck you stupid you stupid bitch ass fuck you bitch ass see that sounds good you don't even know how to do it exactly it's so natural for you now you know i don't know yeah my uh i i remember when i was younger um my grandpa my grandfather would thanks for the support i already told this story my uh my grandfather would let us like cuss out at his house and we took full advantage of this rest in peace yeah all right have we talked about this no i don't think so okay like he would let us cuss out there like fully like yeah you guys can cuss as much as you want go ahead like do what you want we're like all right bet we took full advantage of that opportunity my brother my cousin and i were just out there cussing up a damn storm so that translated

that i was like eight at this time so like i i was cussing early and I would go to school and cuss a lot with like the other guys. And they're like, I knew I had a problem when, when the other guys were like, Austin, you cuss a lot. I was like,

you, what? I was like, you guys are pussies. Bitch. You fuck nut. Shut up, bitch.

Jesus. I have to tell you guys my stupidest punishment because it's like stupidest parents please go ahead i never really got in trouble until i was a teenager but i got my cell phone taken away but the whole time i still had my ipod touch on wi-fi so really you were sneaking can i tell a punishment that didn't come from my parents? Oh, those are the worst. I would have spazzed on whoever gave it to me. You're not my mom or my dad.

You're a badass child. Who gave it to me was my baby sister. What? So this, she was about probably seven. Who? Amber. We're like five and a half years apart. She was about probably seven. We're like. Who? Amber. Oh. We're like five and a half years apart.

She was mad at me for, I guess we had gotten in a fight, like going to lunch as a family. It was over a weekend. So the next morning I had a razor flip phone. Next morning I had lost my phone. I was like, what the fuck? Like I remember like me, my mom and Amber were wrestling in bed and like I had lost my phone. I was like, what the fuck? I remember me, my mom, and Amber were wrestling in bed, and I had my phone on me, but then I lost my phone. Family shit.

It was a problem. We were huge WWE fans. Oh, shit. Let me find out someone was jumping off the top ropes. I had to use Elbow before I could even form full sentences. Booyaka, Booyaka, 619 to his mom. That's fucked up. No, who was jumping off the top bunk there?

The top bunk. So this is how vindictive Annabelle is. She pretended to be having a good time and wrestling me, and she actually stole my Razor phone. Fire. And went and put it in the washing machine jesus so i can't find my phone the next day i'm like what the fuck you know like where's my phone tweaking like a day and a half later when the laundry switched over my mom's like i found your

fucking phone and my parents laid into me they were like i could i can't believe you were so irresponsible and like you know this is why we can't get trust you with stuff like this like you're just so careless that you throw it in the wash they weren't waterproof back then and i was like i didn't do this i didn't i didn't even like put anything in the laundry look at the laundry. It's all like mom's underwear. Do you think that I was fucking doing laundry? I was like, oh, yeah, let me toss the razor in there.

So I lived with this for like 12, not 12, probably like 8 to 10 years. And Annabelle finally came clean. And it was like a big deal for her. She came up and she was all nervous. and I could tell I was like fuck is what she was like I need to talk to you and I was like the fuck is wrong with you you're acting super weird she was like I uh I washed her phone on purpose I was like I knew it knew I couldn't trust your ass. Shout out. Did you throw in rice? Did you throw in rice?

It was long gone by that point. It was dead to the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Hey, real quick, just to circle back to, can we circle back real quick? Sure. 100%. To what you were saying about running away.

I once ran away as a child. I was a runaway. Look, we lived on a dead-end street, right? It was probably like three-quarters of a mile long. And it was probably four houses on the street. I once got so mad, I ran away. And I was like, man, fuck this shit. I'm out.

I ran down the street, whatever, went off into the woods, sat there for like a good minute like a long time and found out no one was gonna like come looking for me and shit I'm like what the fuck like dude like they don't even care so I ran away realized they didn't care

and then I was like man fuck this shit I'm going back bro I went back and I hid in the garage I hid in the garage. I hid in the damn garage. They don't know where I'm at. They have been gone this whole time. Probably been like two, three hours, and I've been gone.

I'm in the garage, though. They're hiding. Some more time goes by. Nothing happens. I finally just gave in and just walked back inside, bro. I was like, fuck it. Then I threw a tuna fish sandwich at the wall. Yeah you look back on it it's like and then ate it half the shit you did when you were a kid was just for attention it's like i'm not running away i

just want somebody to come find me i'm like oh y'all really don't care all right but i remember one of the like i'll come back i had a story where like um what am i trying to say uh one morning we were on our way to school my mom was about to drive us to the bus stop and uh i was being a shithead once again and my mom is like i was like mom i'm not getting in that car she's like get in the damn car and she's i'm like no mom and she's like all right fine i'm leaving you here and like i said i lived in a sketchy neighborhood so i was like oh shit she pulled out of the driveway she left i was like oh shit and at this point it's like six o'clock in the morning it's so dark outside i'm like i'm fucked i'm fucked i'm fucked i'm just sitting on like the back stoop of my house we had like an alley in

the backyard um i'm just sitting there i'm like what do i do what do i do what do i do and uh she pulls she drives around the block, pulls back in. She's like, are you ready to get in the car? It was one of the happiest moments of my fucking life. I was like, thank God she came back. Yes, ma'am. Okay, yeah, I'm ready. I had time to cool off.

The 30 seconds it took her to go around the block, I really changed up my mindset on that topic. Hey, real quick, real quick, guys so let's fucking change the subject i got some sad news for you fuck shit you ready i thought you were gonna change it happily no no no complete switch up complete switch up you ready right kenzie that content is blocked by your IT admin. You ready? Okay. I read that soon, in the near future, Taco Bell will be getting rid of the quesarito. Oh, no. I'm pissed.

I've never had one in my life. The quesarito is fire. Are you a big quesarito guy? I just love anything with rice in it with like the sauce. I couldn't even tell you what's in a quesarito, but I've had probably a hundred of them.

Literally. Never had one. They're so fire. AJ and Austin are Chipotle fiends. No. It's me. No. It's me. No. It's Austin. It's all him. I fucking hate Chipotle, but it's the it's me no it's austin it's all him i fucking hate chipotle but it's the best option north carolina has for that type of one for that type of food for like tex-mex yeah tell me about pancheros that we forgot about y'all ever heard of pancheros no there's some

it might be some up north shit is it like a chain chain up north? Yeah, and I forgot about it when I went on that. It's a family owned business. He's like, it might be some up north shit. No, no, no. There's one in northern Minnesota. It's a fucking chain, bro. But look, when I went on that rant about Chipotle, Qdoba, Moe's. Let me remind you that Qdoba is winning that.

If you hate on Chipotle, I hate you. But listen, Pancheros is winning all that. I forgot about them because they're up north only. They are number one, 100%. AJ, I will not trust anyone above Virginia on their opinion on Mexican food. And especially if it's a specifically northern-based, I mean, you know, Tex-Mex restaurant. Absolutely not, bro. And you probably like North Carolina barbecue.

Disgusting. North Carolina barbecue, disgusting. Disgusting. Terrible. Shut them down. The only thing different about North Carolina barbecue is the sauces. You might as well drink vinegar. They don't have sauces.

It's vinegar. It don't even look like barbecue. How can you call it barbecue if there's no barbecue? Right. It ain't even the right color. See, this is how I know y'all just live your lives in ignorance. Dude.

Do you think it's only barbecue if they put barbecue sauce on it? Bro, I mean, it should taste like barbecue. It's kind of the way it works. It shouldn't look like fucking, I'm colorblind. This shit don't even look right. Otherwise, it's like pink, bro. It's just fucking wet pulled pork. That's what you guys have here.

Literally vinegar. Wet pulled pork. And you put a little fucking vinegar base it's already vinegar vinegar based mustard on that shit is ass yeah like i said wet pulled pork ass it's not ass let's get one thing straight no it's not terrible i just don't think it's terrible it's fire and i don't i'm gonna i'll i'll eat it in if it's in front of me but i'm not like happy about it like oh barbecue you're just a you're just a cantankerous old man that's stuck in your ways I'll eat it if it's in front of me, but I'm not happy about it. Oh, barbecue's so good. You're just a cantankerous old man that's stuck in your ways.

No, bro. Old ass man, bro. It's different styles. Apparently, the style up north is called, I think it's Kansas style barbecue. I think that's what it's called. I'm pretty sure it's called. There's a style to it. It's two different styles.

If we could look it up, please. Well, there's a bunch of different styles. There's Texas style, Kansas, North Carolina. No, North Carolina is adopting some other shit. Dude, that's not a... They're cooking meat. That's not a... The difference is the sauces.

North Carolina barbecue is just vinegar-based sauces. There you go. Because that's what we're going for. It's gross. It's not a sauce. That's not for you. It's not a sauce. Some of it is.

There's vinegar-based things that we use here. Boys, can we go to some real barbecue around here? Yeah. Where? I love this place in Kirk. Please, please show me. I love barbecue. I'm waiting to get a good dish.

Dude, this place is one of those ones. It's family-owned, and you come in, and they're fighting the whole time behind time like behind the counter oh it's probably fun you don't even talk because you're just watching them it's fucking awesome um real quick real fucking quick can i see my notes please you need to go into your pop discussion oh yeah yeah yeah yeah what pop versus soda and the fago situation oh you guys want to hear something funny real quick i uh when i used to work at t-mobile Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Pop versus soda in the Faygo situation. Oh, you guys want to hear something funny real quick? When I used to work at T-Mobile, I had a coworker from born and raised in North Carolina. All the way to North Carolina, right?

I was telling him because, shout out to Grandma Kitty, she had gave us when she traveled down here, she smuggled a whole bunch of Faygo Pop, Red Pop, from up north and brought it down here, right? She smuggled it because they don't sell it around here. See, the pop threw me off there. It's just called Faygo. Listen, listen, Faygo Red Pop is what it's called. No, just Faygo. That's what it says on the label, says fago red pop it says fago red pop i thought it was just fago listen fago red pop put an image so grandma pop up the image grandma kitty got us like 20

bottles of fago red pop right and we have 20 bottles and me and kenzie are looking at these 20 bottles like we don't even drink pop like that like like i might have like one two maybe three like on some like random shit maybe as a chaser like just on some take a couple sips and you're good but i'm not drinking 20 bottles of pop in my fridge like that that's not a thing. Like I don't want to open my fridge and see 20 bottles of pop. Like that's not, I can't do that. Right. Cause it's just doesn't feel right.

So I'm like, I got to start giving these out. Like I'm giving them to homeless people, this and that. I'm telling my coworkers, right? I'm at T-Mobile and I'm like, Hey man,

I'm telling this dude, I'm like, Hey dude, I got some, uh, i got some uh fago pop aj can i can i can i just cut in for one second yeah go ahead you've said pop way too fucking much and it's starting starting to boil my blood just a little bit that's why i started laughing you said we're gonna put a counter on the fucking screen how many times you've said fago red pop i'm doing it on purpose pop i'm doing no drinking game you're trying to piss

walker end up in the hospital listen i'm like hey man i got some fago popping in the trunk you want some i'm telling it to my co-worker and he's like no trapping like a fool i'm giving it away look he's like no dude like i'm straight like'm giving it away look he's like no dude like i'm straight like i'm straight like i'm like you sure bro like it's fire like it is good like you sure because he was a big pop guy and he's like no i'm straight i'm straight and then like an hour later he like comes up to me he's like bro like what what were you talking about i'm like bro some some pop bro like he thought you were trying to move on. No, no, listen.

He said, bro, I thought you was talking about some Taylor Swift pop music type shit. Like, bro, like I was selling mixtapes out the car or some shit, bro. I'm like, no, dude, a drink. He's like, oh, soda? I'm like, yeah, bro. AJ, I think this needs to be a moment of reflection for you your co-workers would think that you would sell mixtapes out of the trunk of your car what how are you acting at work to put off that person bro like this dude had no like he

i'm just a random dude to him he's around to me like i'm like bro like bro you sure you don't want this faggo pop like he's thinking it's like a genre of music like pop music like this is what i will say about the pop verse soda argument um he thought i was selling music we're all from the north or kenzie aj and i are from the north and it everybody up there calls it pop down here it's soda and i've run into multiple occasions i get made fun of for calling it pop here's the thing everybody in michigan or in the north or anywhere knows what soda like soda means but like people here don't know what pop is so like who is less educated on the overall topic that's all i have

the self for sure yeah i mean i don't just agree with that framing of it um i i'm not gonna lie i never heard pop until like well into my teenage years and i was like who the fuck because like i i've got family from the north i've you visited the north. You've got family in Alaska, my boy. You go out to South Dakota, they're saying, you got a soda pop? I've heard soda pop. I've never heard soda pop.

What do they say in Minnesota? Down in some parts of the south. They say soda. The biggie soda. In some parts of the south. They say soda. The Becky soda. In some parts of the South, they call it Coke. They don't call it soda or pop. They call it Coke. Yeah, I've heard that too.

They're like, can I get a Coke? Yeah, what kind? A Sprite. What? That's the dumbest. Right? Where? Can we agree?

This is in like some parts of the South. Can we agree on that? That's the worst one. I don't think pop is the worst. Name a location. I'm never name a location i'm never going there i'm never going alabama never going there bam roll tide hell no can we talk about speaking of fucking roll tide jesus i um last night put 20 on i'm i'm in a pool of NCAA March Madness brackets I had the opportunity

to win I still have the opportunity to win about $500 maybe threw $20 in today is the first day of March Madness today is March 16th when we're filming the pod my bracket went to absolute dog shit really quick

I had Virginia going to the championship My bracket went to absolute dog shit really quick. I had Virginia going to the championship. And they lost already. Did they lose? Yeah, they lost. They got upset by who the fuck was it? Fucking Furman. Was it Furman?

I think they got beat by Furman today. The first time Furman won. Furman, hell yeah. First time they won. First time they bent. Shout out to Furman, baby. One of my friends used to play a goalie on the women's soccer team. Yeah, shout out A-Cut. A-Cut.

Sheesh. Not A-Cut. My whole bracket went to fucking shit today. It literally just X's all the way to the fucking championship. It's fucking terrible. Can I just pick one randomly yeah yeah yeah that's perfect all right blank check at work oh my god so buddy was committing fraud again no no no no no no no dude so uh i work blue collar right like i work i do like construction

like build like decks and like just like home improvement shit oh yeah and my co-workers call me blank check because like they call me blank check because they think i'm like a closet millionaire or some shit they're like why are you out here doing this like i'm literally just the helper like i just like i hand them shit and like i hold shit and like i don't like do anything serious but set up the camera yeah i said it gives them the impression they think i'm a closet millionaire because like i i literally have all my teeth like i'm like like they think i'm rich you're not horrendously addicted they're like yeah i'm not i'm not like addicted to fucking like whatever like just like whatever like they think I'm a closet millionaire.

They call me blank check. And this shit is fucking hilarious. They think I'm out there just for shits and giggles. I'm like, dude, I need the money just as much as you fucks need the money. You're just out there making friends. Right. They think I'm out there just fucking around. I'm like, dude, I'm not a fucking millionaire.

Why do y'all think that? What the fuck? Fucking blank check. I could see it, dude. You kind of put off'all think that? Like, what the fuck? Fucking blank shit. I could see it, dude. You kind of put off those vibes. We're going to call you blank. I literally, look, this morning, or no, it was yesterday morning. It's in Raleigh in the morning.

It's like 29, 30 degrees at like 730, 8 o'clock a.m. It's like 30 degrees. I have two hoodies on in an old north face a very old north face from like seven years ago this motherfucker is like oh yeah that's that shit they wear up in the north they some yuppies bro or a bow they some yuppies bro look he got the north face on that he from north there's some yuppies man i'm like bro it's just a fucking coat bro like relax dude like they they literally think i'm rich bro around here we call you blank check for a whole different reason yeah hey check that contract that motherfucker's gonna be i can't

believe this motherfucker ripped it up yeah yeah that's fucked dude. He went from having a seven-day guaranteed to zero days. Oh, yeah. You're fucked. You'll be lucky if we post this one. I'll fucking report every episode, buddy. Go ahead. You think that's going to stand a chance against the tide? I'll be the one to displace.

Podcast fanatics. Buddy, there's no legal action taken and no money's made no money's made so you don't have any fucking ground to stand on dude i have all the ground to stand on you're done i refresh that motherfucking youtube page about 80 times a day to see the one subscriber change a day. Thank you very much. Thank you. Appreciate it. Welcome.

I just want to say shout out to Grandma Kitty. Shout out to Beth. Shout out to Marco. Shout out to... Hey, Beth and Marco moved out already. Walker.

Everybody. You're my friend. Thanks, dude. AJ. out already. Walker. Everybody. You're my friend. Thanks, dude. AJ. I really need that right now. No, don't. Back at me. No, talk to him.

AJ. No, no, no. Still look at me. He's controlling, Amy. AJ. Oh, fuck. You're getting there. Hey, pick another one off that list.

Pick another one off that list so we can talk about it after your segment. AJ, shut the freak up, dude. What? I just want to open up your head. Just like open it up and just look inside to see what's going on in that motherfucker. You're going to see a lot of great things happening, but you're going to see like, you know,

the, you know, the scene from cat in the hat where like the shit's all like purple and fucking weird. That's what the inside of AJ's head fucking looks like. Welcome back to Walker's music. 30 second musings at the 38 minute. Um,

but I mean, going to be honest, folks don't really have much this week walls are kind of closing in um but i do want to talk about um you know what i want to talk about i want to to talk about AJ's topic. Thank you, Walker, for that fucking segment this week. That was really great. Thank you. That was wonderful.

You nailed it, killed it. The best one yet. Providing lots of value. Okay, so here's the next topic on AJ's list. I'm scared. Let's talk about how the average person is one bad medical emergency or accident away from being homeless. Now, that's bullshit.

Start us off. No, that's 100% fucking true. Look, me and Walker are on the same page. Motherfuckers like to make fun of homeless people, but if you have one who, everyone in the world, wants to look down on homeless people like, oh, it could never be me. But listen. I think I could be homeless at any motherfucking point The average

If someone has an extremely bad Medical emergency Or like something catastrophic Happening in their life Motherfuckers live paycheck to paycheck bro If you have some shit that gets you off work For four or five months You ain't got no disability or no shit, and you're a grown adult,

like, you really might be homeless type shit. Like, one wrong thing, that's what's fucked up. Motherfuckers, the damn near whole, not the whole world, I would say, but, like, a good part of the world is paycheck to paycheck. If you miss that one paycheck, bro, you're homeless. You're fucked. What y'all got to say about that you're coming with some deep ass shit this is always laugh podcast not always fucking cry podcast bro it

ain't no always cry it's just like what it is what it ain't okay i come with shit what you got nothing i got all types of shit oh see i don't have this with some hit us with some uh should i tap into a note yeah tap into a note Already did that one without looking at the phone. Already did that one without looking at the phone. Already did that one without looking at the phone. Y'all don't got no answer on that? It ain't nothing to cry about. What the fuck?

No, what do you say to that? You're absolutely right. You're right. I mean, America. I know Walker got some shit to say down there. You know, we are living in a dying empire right now. The inequality in this country is reaching an all-time high. And, you know, just the cyclical nature of civilization.

Can I interrupt you? Sure. So, this is fucking stupid. I have this note in my phone, and it says, I know for a fact I wrote this down when I was drunk. Right now. That narrows it right now i'm sober shut up it says um have you guys ever thought about what it would be like to be inside of a dishwasher that's running and i remember when i wrote this note down i was laying on kenzie and aj's couch while their dishwasher was running, trying to go to sleep. And the motherfucker was going.

You know what it reminds me of? What the fuck is going on in there? I need to know. I feel like it'd feel like one of those water beds I used to see at the mall. I always wanted to hit one of those. You know, where it like laid a sheet over you? I bet it wouldn't even be that comfortable looking at it now.

When I was a kid I was like that's like some alien shit. I feel like if you ever got waterboarded that would be like what it's like being in a dishwasher. That same night that I was passed out or not passed out but going to sleep on Kenzie and AJ's couch AJ walks out of his bedroom slightly before

we're all going to bed and he has a fuck ton of lotion on his hands like an absurd amount of lotion he's like bro you gotta help me out he comes up to me I'm like alright I got you and I put my hands like like in out in front of me and he like fucking rubs all this lotion

all over my hands so like while I'm in the fucking bed listening to the dishwasher I have my hands just like right here in front of my face just smelling my hands cause the lotion smelled so fucking good it was fire I literally just went to bed smelling my hands

might sound weird but it was a good experience 10 out of 10 that's what you're doing that's what you're doing in my living room yeah different yeah buddy i'm smelling my hands and listening to the dishwasher so you mean to tell me um pull another one up i got i know i got some heat in there bro no heat fuck them notes bro fuck them then awesome you got anything else buddy i just fucking i just went on a rant i got something for you all right bet once upon a time uh winnie the pooh

fuck i got can't do that content spot i don't have shit i fucking lied i fucked up well you guys just why won't you, nobody will come clean with me. Everybody just drops subtle hints like, oh, Austin, I think you could do this better. Nobody will just straight up tell me like, Austin, you're really not cut out for podcasting. Why won't you guys just come clean and say it? Damn, bro. Because that would be a horrible thing to say. Right.

But I want the truth. Do I kill you like that no you don't you think yes i do that's like when i when i cook something i'm built for podcasting yeah hell yeah you need to sign me then no we try to no yeah you're done i ain't signing you're on a day-to-day contract now but but dude it's like when i cook and i am just like somebody tell me how bad it is but if somebody actually did that it would fucking destroy well here's the thing i'm the best one on this motherfucker you guys just don't see it so um listen when you spit it's nothing but facts uh beth and mar, I know you guys are the only ones that have made it this far.

This man is a fucking idiot, bro. You're an idiot. You're a fraud. It's definitely me and Walker that carry this bitch. Yo, can I? You think so? All right, Beth, we'll see how it goes. It's mainly Walker.

We'll see how it goes next week. It's mainly Walker. Can I describe to y'all a dilemma I've been facing? Just remember, without me, there is no human. Oh, actually, it's not me. There's no human form on Earth. So back when I was a kid, there was like this gang. Cuddy.

Cuddy. Cuddy. Bye, Cud. Cuddy. Bye, Cud. No. Come on, Bubba. Damn.

Oh, he's a go. Bubba, come here. Oh, my goodness. He's okay. It's a go ball. There's this gang of neighborhoodba, come here. Oh my goodness. He's okay. It's a good boy. There's this gang of neighborhood kicks, and they were super cool, and I always wanted to get in with them, right? And they would always talk to me about, like, what they would get up to, you know?

No? No. This is important. Okay. This is important. Why doesn't Cuddy have a collar on? Dude, that is not important. This is 100% important.

It's in the other room? Yeah, it's in my room. Okay. As long as it's here. Jesus. Where else would it be? Not on? He's just a naked dog just like running through the world?

Maybe. Anyways, it was four friends and they would always, you know, get together and tell me about the fun times they had and just, you know, like they would like, you know, talk to each other in front of me and like laugh about the fun times they had. And just, you know, like, they would, like, you know, talk to each other in front of me and, like, laugh about it and all that. And I went on a trip with them one summer. And we went to the lake. And they were like,

oh, hey, you're pretty cool. Why don't you join our group? So then I joined their group and as soon as I left the lake I got kicked out of the group. Oh no. You didn't make a good impression. I didn't make a good impression.

Now this didn't happen when I was a kid. This happened when I was 25 years old approximately two weeks ago. In Atlanta. Jesus. The Beth Marco Kenzie AJ Austin group chat. Which Austin brings up

all the time. All the time. You didn't get kicked out. No, no. There's just multiple group chats. It's worse. I got added to a sympathy group chat that had four messages sent to it. No, the group chat has a specific name. I don't want to hear it. It says Atlanta group or whatever the fuck.

We're not in Atlanta anymore. Okay. Yeah. My feelings aren't hurting anymore. Thank you for talking me off the ledge. No, you want to hear some shit? Got you, dog. anymore thank you for talking me off the ledge yeah no you want to hear you want to hear some shit got you dog i did feel fucking terrible when i said or i think it was me and you who had the conversation me and walker had the conversation that i can't even look him in

the eyes i'm saying this shit we had a group chat and i'm like yeah it's me, Austin, Kenzie, Beth, Marco. And Walker's like, what about me? No, no, no, no, no. That's not how it happened. I take it back. I'm trying to piece it together. Walker didn't say, what about me? But it was more like it wasn't said out loud, I don't think. But you could feel the, like, why am I not in it?

Like, I'm part of the group, too. Like, what the fuck? And I was like, fuck. No, here's what actually happened. Walker is a part of our day-to-day lives. Here's what actually happened, and then we're going to end the podcast. Appreciate it. AJ, Austin brings it up all the time. It's not really a big deal.

I felt terrible. AJ comes over, and he brings up the group chat. And he looks at me, and I'm doing the blank smile that you do when somebody's telling a story that you're not involved in. And AJ sees my face and he's like, oh, we'll add you in there. And then looks down. I never got added. Thank you for listening to Always Laugh Podcast.

Yeah, we're going to sign off now. Thank you guys for making it this far on the podcast. Kenzie, hurry up. Austin's lucky to be in the group chat facts i don't deserve it um uh yeah subscribe do all the motherfucking shit you already know what to do i say it every time why do i need to say it again am i right uh my name is austin lane my name is aj like our page on facebook and follow our page on facebook thank you walker walkie see you love you guys like our page on Facebook and follow our page on Facebook. Thank you. Walker. Walkie. See ya. Love you guys.