Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #12 - Austin and Aj Butt Heads

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

This episode we talk about going to prison, Pulling 6's, Rip Steve Irwin, and hitting a gold mine while flossing. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

welcome back to the always laugh podcast my name is austin lane my name is aj my name is walker uh i'm drunk smith i like it number one podcast you've never heard of grab a bev grab your choice of smoke whatever you do vape or just relax shout out kitty Kitty. We're grabbing Bev's. Shout out Grandma Kitty. She gets a shout out every podcast. Oh yeah, she's the OG. She's the number one. Austin, you just made us an unbelievable

pork chop and onion and mushroom and bell pepper meal. Thanks, dude. And I just want to say thank you for that. I just want to give a little everybody in the room, claps for Austin. He even had sides. He had sides to go with the dinner.

I had some store-bought potato salad. And I had some Hawaiian rolls that I burnt the shit out of and had to cut half of them off to make them edible. I walked in the kitchen and I was like, these are half-size Hawaiian rolls. Yeah, we lost the bottom half. It was a little hot in that oven.

Literally cut the portion size of feeding four people to just completely dumb down half. AJ, are you stoned? Be honest. No, dude. You said you weren't. You look fried no bro does he look kind of fried just got the millimeter eyes going oh yeah you're squinting

can you see oh yeah bright as open your eyes buddy that's scary hey no i'm actually in pain over here. Me and Walker, we did, what is it called, body shots? Yeah, you can see. Body boxing. As you can see in the intro. Me and Walker did body shots off each other's shoulders. Body boxing. You guys did body shots.

Yeah. Is that still a thing? Do people still do body shots where they pour the liquor or whatever in your belly? About 20 minutes ago in the kitchen, bud. What are you talking about? Well, I missed out on that one. Yeah, they come to me. They're like, Austin, we got a fire idea for an intro clip for the podcast.

Watch this. They're licking fucking tequila off of each other's tummies. Yeah, dude, you're a little hairy. I haven't flossed. Who, me or him you no hell no you should see this guy i uh i haven't i haven't flossed in a couple days and oh that was corrected awesome do you floss yeah i probably realistically i floss two to three times a week interesting yeah i'm not super consistent with it but i like to at least knock it out a couple

times a week are you more of like a uh the string oh hell or do you pick it up or you got to get the little flossers yeah those things are like revolutionary one of the best inventions of all time i i liked i'm like a purist about everything and for two or three years i used like the actual like floss where you'd have to like wrap around your fingers old school old school f that and yeah i'd floss like twice a week and i was like the sticks are so much like the sticks are so much easier you floss oh yeah i just actually um found my love for flossing like two months ago really why? Why do you love it so much? I only have like one cavity my whole life, right? I just found out

getting them little sticks, dude, I got a gold mine tooth back there that is good no matter any time of day. I'm pulling something out. I know. If you know, you know. Everyone got that one tooth that you know there's gonna be something in that bitch. You're pulling logs out of that motherfucker. I can't believe I went this long without doing it.

Yeah, that's scary. Walker's looking at me like I'm a criminal, but I'm serious, dude. There's one tooth back there that is always good for it. It's good for it. I go to that one first every time. It's not even in road.

It's like four back. Dude dude the light is flickering over there the dining room light we were sitting down to have a dinner and who was it it was like the fuck was like the light is flickering so i'm the only one that pays attention around this motherfucker really yeah that's how you feel. Why are you talking so quiet? I'm not. Oh, are we? We need to up our energy a bit. Our podcast producer just said we need to talk a little louder.

We're being a little soft. Okay, hang on. So you guys can definitely hear me right now, right? 100%. And the audience is going to be able to hear me. I mean, it'll probably be pretty quiet, but yeah. Yeah. Kenzie can't hear a fucking word I'm saying,

so how does she know how to judge our volume? That's facts. Hey, you want to know what? I was about to buy something on the internet the other day. I wanted to know. If only you had a mic, Kenzie. Yeah, geez. Talk louder.

You guys are all talking extremely quietly. Are we being monotone? You guys are just like, you guys are talking in the mic like this. Sorry. This is better. Speak up. Have some energy. Let's go.

Kenzie has fired me up. Have some energy, damn it. What the fuck? Have some energy, darn it. All right, so look. Hell yeah. I was on the internet about to buy something. Walker, guess what I was about to buy?

What? One of them bicycles that have like the motors on them. One of the e-bikes? Little pussy. With the diesel joint on there. A diesel? So a motorbike? It takes gas, buddy.

What's a bike? Pedal bike. It's not a pedal bike. How do you feel about those? I'm not a fan. Why? Because it's... What is the point of the pedals?

You're riding a dirt bike. You're putting diesel in your engine. All right, all right. I made that up. I made the whole diesel part up. AJ's an made that up. I made the whole diesel part up. AJ's an idiot. No, I made the whole diesel thing up, but I was looking at them online. I was about to cop.

The e-bike? Yeah. Well, dude, I think it's like a cool idea. Have you heard one before? They sound like a crash rocket. Meow. They're, like, my thing is the pedals. Are just for stability.

No. The pedals are for your fucking pride. Because you refuse to ride a little dirt bike around, but if you lazily pedal everywhere, that's fine. Dude, the hills in Raleigh can be a little tough sometimes.

They just need a little help. That's the thing about riding a bike. That's kind of the thing. The hills are hard. That's why you go into the lower gear not everybody's capable okay then ride a dirt bike or a vespa or something like that well they still want to get their exercise in some of the time all right fucking lance armstrong have you ever rode an e-bike what is an e-bike an e-bike is what aj is talking about it's a motorized bike yeah why is it e because usually it's electric oh dumb ass very few of them have all right all right

very few of them have gas why is it an e-cigarette or like why is it an e why is it an e-car or whatever that's fucking electric awesome go can i get mean go ahead aj blow me from the back motherfucker that'd be a first for you and me i like new experiences this motherfucker you fucking probably pissing on your balls over there relax walker the other day i was walking to the gas station and there was a man sitting on the corner and I believe this man happened to be homeless. And he, I walked by, well, actually I was walking back from the gas station. I walked by and he was like, yeah, any extra spare change or any money, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I got 95 cents in my pocket.

That's all I got for you, my man. He was like, I'll take that for sure. For sure. He's like, you got cash app. I'm like, sorry, man, I don't. And he's like, all right, that's cool. And then he's like, are you a cigarette smoker by chance? And I was like, no, man, but I appreciate it. And I just kept walking. And as soon as I said that, I was like, oh, you fucking idiot. He wasn't offering a cigarette. He was asking for one.

Privileged. Fucking idiot. It probably would have been the same answer, though, though. And I was like, damn, should I go back and give them one because we still have a fucking pack of Newports. You should start carrying those every time you go to the gas station. Just to offer it. Just give them one at a time? Yeah, yeah. Just like, you let people

bum off. They're going to start flocking to you. Just pull out three cigarettes and hold it in your fingers and just walk around and be like, yeah, yeah. It's going to be like holding a french fry up at the beach. Jesus. There you go.

Is that fucked up? Yeah. I mean, shit. It's going to attract all walks of life, dude. You might get some stranglers. I'm going to get a wild drunk AJ coming up to me like, please, bro. Bro, do you have a square? I do, actually. Hey, man. bro bro do you have a square i do actually hey man so listen i wasn't about to buy an e-bike i just wanted to see your reaction on that because i know you don't like them yeah yeah you know the

pedals are just have you awesome have you ever ridden an e-bike road an e-bike like you know like like a motorized but are you saying one with the pedals? Yes. No. It's not a workout. I don't think I've ever seen one. I've only seen the motorized gas, like little motors.

You know what the equivalent is? You know what the exact equivalent? An e-bike... Pedaling on an e-bike is exactly like pedaling on a razor scooter. Pretty much the same effect. Nothing.

All right. I've never rode a razor scooter. I had dirt bikes when I was a kid. That was fun. I bet, dude. I've never ridden a dirt bike. It's very fun. They were sketched though they were like some dirt bike off-brand like off off-brand uh like who knows some asian country off-brand dirt bikes the clutch

would always stick so like it would pop and then fucking get flipped off of it they were very dangerous but they were very fun huh huh huh i had a um a small dirt bike as a child it was only like i only had one but it was fun while i had it i had a brother so we needed we know what my dirt bike was what your dirt bike was the lawnmower that right there is honestly pretty funny. Every weekend, grinding bores. I had to pay my way in this shit. You know what I'm saying? That motherfucker go all the four miles per hour. Dude, I remember my parents wouldn't let me use an electric lawnmower until I was a certain age.

Electric lawnmower? Or a gas lawnmower. A lawnmower that spins. Probably until I was 10 so up until then they would make me mow the grass with a push like one of the manual old-fashioned ones that like rotates the blades that's fire it's fire for like one strip and you're like holy fuck that's like the worst thing ever it's probably pretty miserable and then you do the other, you know, 45 strips of the yard. Bro, I used to do some dumb shit to get out of having to mow the lawn. So we lived out in the country, and we had about five acres when I lived in Michigan. And it took forever to mow.

We had a riding lawnmower. Rich. But I used to do some dumb shit to, like, not have to do it. Like, one time I was mowing the lawn and flip-flops which was a dumb idea but either way i like took it off mid mow and like threw it out in front of the lawnmower and chopped that fucker up i was like mama i fucked up my flip-flop got me out of mowing for about five minutes that was sick one time i slowly like drove into a tree like didn't like run into it but just just parked right in front of the tree.

I'm like, Mom, I'm stuck because I didn't know how to get it into reverse because I didn't really know how to work the fucker. I was like nine, probably younger than that. I've got a lot of trauma related to lawnmowers. I do too. I remember I was a huge fan of Stever when I was

a kid. I went into the creek one time. There's like a cool little creek in my backyard. And I found a baby copperhead. So I was picking it up like by the tail like Steve Irwin does, you know, just like talking in an Australian accent. Like, oh, crikey, we got a wild one here, you know. My little sister's just, like, cheering me on.

And I took it to the neighbor's, who was the neighbor's girlfriend at the time. And she was like, holy shit. Jumped off the lawnmower. Holy shit. Stabbed through its head with, like, a shovel and then ran over like four times with a lawnmower and I just sat there like holy I never I never brought another snake to hurt

like again baby copperheads are like ten times more venomous than other venoms like ten times more dude I had the guidance of the OG dude I have a fire I have a fire video on my phone of when we were in college and you're holding up a big ass like black snake i feel

like this similar situation with your copperhead i forgot about that i'll pull we'll pull it up on the screen about right here somewhere like that yeah it's fire walker was doing walker was back on his crocodile hunter shit i also um i, like, I think everybody fucked with Steve Irwin. Heavy, dude. Crocodile Hunter? Come on, now. Yeah, he was the man. He was cool as fuck.

The funniest comedy skit of this ever, I swear to God, is when Cat Williams was like, fuck that Stingray, you bitch ass. What did he say? He said, motherfucker got killed by a fucking stingray well that's that's one of my it's one of my favorite tweets is this guy at a stingray exhibit and he's got his fist above the water he's about i'm about to put on for my homie steve that's hilarious his son's doing like similar shit and he's actually not bad like you'd probably not expect him to be great but He's got the outfit and everything.

He's got the personality for it. Oh, dude. Speaking of videos, I've seen videos where it's like a sting. It was like something like people saving a sting. It was on a beach and people were saving a stingray and then someone stitched it and it was like, no, fuck that stingray for life. That's the ops right there. Fuck that.

It's on site with that motherfucker when I see him. My man Steve, he done killed my man Steve. No, that's on site with the bitch ass Stingray. Bro, I remember when Steve Irwin died, I was the biggest. I would go to Blockbuster with my parents and buy, like rent the Steve Irwin Crocodile Hunter documentaries like obsessed. And he died. And I remember, you know, his funeral was in Australia.

So it was like his funeral came on at like 10 or 11 o'clock here. And that was past my bedtime because I was in elementary school at the time. Right. But the bathroom in my parents room were shared at the time so i snuck into the bathroom at like 10 30 and sobbed silently because my mom was like you know she liked steve erwin i was like the big thing going on she had it on on the tv i sat in the bathroom listening to the funeral sobbing oh my god and i just like as soon as it was over i went back to sleep and just like cried myself to sleep over steve erwin steve was your man steve dude that's hilarious

had a huge effect dude my life when that motherfucker would like document the crocs doing the death roll and shit you're bloody mate she's going into a death row that's the reason to fire me up dude where they'd fucking just spin dude that shit when he called them sheilas or that's like the girl name or a bloody bloke you said you bloody mate you have the you have the best australian accent i've ever no i don't crikey mate quirky quirky mate look at her sheila's doing a death row bro i just thought it was something so fucking stupid let's hear it i was uh so like before you start preschool you have to i don't know what the fuck it was that you know you go talk to someone i think and they kind of like assess where you are

developmentally i guess so there were a few things that i had to do like i'd they would see if you knew your shapes your colors fucking numbers whatever blah blah blah letters and one of them was like like they were i was kind of like preparing i guess like studying to go do this so like my grandma was helping me like you gotta fucking know this and this and this all right cool so like i'm one of the things like draw a picture of blah blah blah and it was like your family or some stupid shit and on the picture i drew so i drew the picture of like my family and my grandma looks at the picture and she's like what is that and she's like pointing like between the boys legs like just the boys

i was like oh that's their wieners so i drew dicks on all of like the male people in the the picture she's like no you do not do that. Dude, imagine if I did that for the fucking people at the preschool. They'd be like, bro, what the fuck is wrong with you? They all have dicks. They probably thought that anyway. I have a

dick I thought you guys should know. It's visible. That sums up your personality pretty well. Let me hang it out there, you know. See what happens. This fucking guy. Boys will be boys, I tell you.

Fucking idiots. Guys being dudes. Yeah, I'm an idiot. AJ, let's hear what note one is. Note one, why note one off the top? Did you guys know that this might be just like you might be like, bro, you're stupid. But did you guys know a dog's tail is just an extension of their spine? I never really put two and two together.

But I did see some dog chiropractor videos that were pretty fire. And they just pulled on the tail kind of hard. And it just like released their spine. Whoa. Pretty sick. Pretty gross actually. It kind of scared the shit out of me. So the human like our tail bones that used to be our tail when we were monkeys.

That's fire. But we just evolved off our four legs into two. Dude if you had a tail bro that would be crazy. would be lit you guys ever seen jumanji that shit's crazy jumanji's pretty wild no that'd be trippy as hell if you just what the hell is a tail even for walker what's a tail for that sounds like something you would know white people balancing the fuck well monkeys specifically use their tails to like hang from

trees and stuff like that cats use their tails to like hang from trees and stuff like that cats use their tails to like balance like to like flip themselves over bro you ever seen a fucking kangaroo use its tail they fucking jump back on their tail to cause violence they're fucking psychos dude it's sick when they jump back on the tail and kick you with their fucking back legs dude they'll fuck you they, they'll fuck you up like that. Oh, yeah. Like kangaroos are just, I don't know. I would figure they have like little tiny T-Rex arms.

Like what are their arms doing? And they're all jacked. Like they look like IFBB pros. They look like they just came straight out of prison. They all have jail bodies. Straight up. Not even, dude. Their legs are fucking massive, too.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. If you've made it this far, 20 minutes into the pod, I want everyone here to just imagine a T-Rex shooting a basketball. Wow. Thank you for that, AJ.

You're welcome. Look at Walker. You're thinking hard. Look, their arms are like this. Look at Walker. You're thinking hard. Look, their arms are like this. That's not what I'm thinking about. What are you thinking about? Oh, how a contract was ripped up. Yeah, well, I mean, AJ, there's nothing guaranteed.

Yeah, why am I still here, boys? Because you're pretty much day-to-day, but you could be kicked off at any moment. Yeah, you're really fucked up by not signing that contract. My lawyer is taking a little bit longer to get back with me for the new revised contract that I'll display to you guys next pod. I don't give a damn what it says. Okay, well, it's my... I got... I got...

What's the word I'm looking for I got Rights too Not really That's not one word You don't really have rights Okay You don't really have

You don't have any say In anything Guys I didn't say anything the rest of the episode Alright bet I just checked my notes It's just you and me Walt And I've got some good stuff.

What the fuck you got? Let's hear it. What's one thing that you do on a daily basis that you're embarrassed about? Scratch my balls and smell my hand. You wonder why you can't keep a damn girlfriend. Is that what you were looking for? No, that was, that wasn't. AJ, that was fucking out of pocket.

That was out of pocket. What? What you just said. That you can't keep a girlfriend? Yeah, I can't keep a girlfriend because I break up with all of them. No, AJ, yours has to be at least as truthful as Austin's. You got it, Walk. Come on. Yeah, we don't want to hear any bullshit. You gotta walk. Come on.

Yeah, we don't want to hear any bullshit. You want the real shit? Yeah, we want the nitty gritty shit. You want the real shit? Oh, I'll pick my nose right in front of you. It ain't nothing, dude. I'm just cleaning her out.

Pick her and flick her. That's what I always say. Nah, dude. As a kid, though, when I was young, I would say below age 10. When I was 10 and below, I was a big nose picker in bed. And I was so nasty with it, dude. I was so nasty at age 8 that I'd get a good one, and I'm like, oh, shit, where do I flick it at? Fucking just rub it on the wall, dog.

You had a crusty-ass wall, didn't you? And look, I got caught. My mom's like, what the fuck, you disgusting little shit? I'm like, shit, I don't even know what those are. For real, like, what are those? I played it crazy. She's like, she said it, like, eight. No, I definitely, like, played it like I had no idea what she was talking about.

I'm like, what the fuck? I don't know what those are. What the hell? It's clearly, like, rogue boogers on the wall. Crusty-ass booger wall. Oh, yeah, they rub right off. They... Ugh!

Ugh! I do not need that image in my head. You're sick. Keep it real. Wearing the headphones made that sound worse. Walker, what is something that you do that's embarrassing?

On a daily basis? I feel like I really put myself out there. He beats off seven times a day. Oh, that's rookie numbers. Seven times. I don't know, man. I go to the bathroom an unhealthy amount of times. Do you pee a lot?

Yeah, not even. Sometimes I'll just go in there, like pull my pants down, sit down on the toilet and just like hang out. It's just like your safe space. You don't even do shit. Yeah, that might be it.

Dude, something about being on your phone on the toilet with your pants off is fucking fire. It just hits the better than like on the couch. That is 100% true. But sometimes I'll just sit there. Like no phone or anything.

I'll put the phone down on our little cushion that we got down there. A little cushion mat. Just contemplating life. And I'll just look up because we have a little mirror over the sink and it looks right at us. And I'll just look at myself. Oh my god. Walker, what the fuck? I sometimes will go like.

Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts come up. I'll go sit down sometimes and just... It might just be a false alarm. I might think I gotta go, but it might just be a false alarm. I have those all the time. You go in there, you think you're about to take a huge shit, and it's, like, the biggest fart of your entire life.

It's just a false alarm, baby. I just let one out. Those are kind of fire, though. Anyway, we don't have to talk about shitting anymore. Yeah. Um... Yeah, that's not like super embarrassing that's kind of funny like you're just in there fucking yeah that was

lightweight dude wasn't embarrassing at all really deepest hit my vape i would say pretty oh you're just naming things that make you self-conscious yeah but i feel like this is embarrassing i don't know like some embarrassing shit like you fucking like fucking i don't know you do some weird shit some weird shit that you don't want people to know about you got anything weird buddy i'll tell you something that pisses me off okay completely like different but i can tell he's over here like shit shit i can't think of none yeah people people that drive in the car with an open cup of liquid oh that's me piss me the fuck all day like if i go to mcdonald's or something i get a drink i'm taking the lid

off that fuck dude you hit one bump or you turn you gotta worry about spilling and shit it's sticky and it's all sticky fuck a straw god damn why i don't fuck with save the turtles bro oh my god yeah i'm just playing i just don't fuck with using straws like at a restaurant i never use a straw people like just playing fuck fuck the turtles yeah fuck the turtles what fuck them no, I'm not saying... That's just not, like, the main reason that I don't use straws. I'm not, like, this fucking huge environmental activist. I would like to save the turtles, but it's not really...

Did you guys know... Have you ever seen Blackfish? No, what's it called? I think it is called Blackfish. No, that's the one about SeaWorld, ain't it? Yeah. Sea Spiracy or something? Sea Spiracy or something.

It's, like... This is a... It's a show on netflix i think that um talks about the uh like the whole sustainable uh these big corporate like companies are just like they got their boats out out in sea and they're just clearing out the fish right and by the way they're or how much they're they're taking clearing out the fish, right? And by the way, they're, or how much they're taking, like, taking fish out of the water, like, they're saying, like, after so many years, there's literally going to be, like, no fish, like, in the, because they're just taking it all. And it's, like, a big, like, conspiracy, like, they want us to think, like, oh, like, your straw or, like, your little six your little six pack thing is like what's contaminating the ocean.

So that's a. But they're fucking. The commercial fishing. The commercial fishers and shit are the ones really fucking up the ocean. That's a great point, AJ. And it goes beyond like the commercial fishers. Like one of the corporate strategies to climate change was to shift responsibility onto individual decisions yeah do you remember the campaign in like the early 2000s

where it was like hit your light switch you remember like i don't remember that turn your lights off when you leave the room save energy because you know they were talking about like global warming at that time and like climate change right corporations contribute like 70 percent of like the co2 output right yeah like major corporations are using like the normal person has like zero bearing on anything like that right yeah no like so throw batteries in the lakes no please don't do that no bad idea scratch that no dude i think everyone needs to watch that sea spirit see though on i think it's on netflix i think i started to it's wild dude it's wild it's like a documentary type of shit thing yeah yeah i think i started watching it or maybe i watched something are

they talking about dolphins a lot? Yeah Yeah I think I've seen it Yeah Yep Fuck yeah No it's fucked dude It's fucked

They said They're cleaning them out There's gonna be no more left Well yeah they're decimating the fish Like the And the whole word sustainable Like when you only buy seafood It says like sustainable

Caught sustainably Or whatever the fuck it says like sustainable uh uh caught sustainably or whatever the fuck it says cage free on it yeah like sustainable fishing or whatever but it's just a scam can i brag about something real quick sure um well brag and also just talk about it walker and i well really all four of us in this room have uh done a lot of bowling lately we fucking we went bowling what two weekends in a row is that was that weekends in a row yeah yeah we walker and i one day we bowled six games back to back it was fire we were just in there it was just me and him we found this dope new spot but anyway um i bowled what was it called stars and strikes capital boulevard rally fucking fire It was just me and him. We found this dope new spot. But anyway, I bowled. Shut him out.

What's it called? Stars and Strikes, Capital Boulevard Rally. Fucking fire. Stars and Strikes, you owe me a bag for just putting you on like that. Anyway, the first weekend, I bowled a 162. That's my all-time personal best. The next weekend, I bowled a 163. So, yeah, I just kind of wanted to brag about that.

Very proud of myself on that. They have robot servers there. Oh, that shit was crazy. Next level. AJ got cut off, which really, like, represents a lot, I feel like. What? The pizza-carrying robot swerved you and straight-up cut you off. You were about to fight it, remember? I watched it.

Oh, yeah. When I walked in, there was a rogue pizza, or it was just a robot that had food on it, and it was delivering this food, I swear to God, like 50 yards away. Like, I caught this robot lacking 50 yards away from its customer. You could have snagged that shit. Like, who's to say I wouldn't spit on your food or some shit? Like, all the intrusive thoughts

came to my head like, I swear to God, I'll take a fry right now. Who's going to stop me? The robot? No, like, the robot's not going to fucking stop me. You are why those nice things

can't happen. But, like, I didn't obviously do anything, but the intrusive thoughts were like, fucking take a fry or like... That fucker must be in, like, still being beta right now

because they make no sense. It's a robot carrying all this food around but it still has two fucking servers escorting it. I think that was just for us. Usually it's just the pull up. They didn't trust us. No, because look, I ordered pizza.

Which is totally understandable. I ordered pizza and I was like, alright, I want to see the robot. Bring it here. What's up? The robot came, but it also came with, like, two employees just walking behind it carrying plates. And, like. It's like, what the fuck is the point? Like. Security guards.

Which made me feel better, honestly, that my pizza wasn't just dangling through the bowling alley. Like, who knows what other motherfuckers' intrusive thoughts are way worse than mine. Honestly, eating pizza at the bowling alley seems like one of the worst ideas you can have. Like, 100%. Dude, I'll eat pizza from anywhere. Literally anywhere. So why? This shit was banging.

It was, like, cafeteria style, but it was banging. AJ, come on, bro. Do you think they serve pizza in prison? Ever? Do you think they ever have, like, a pizza day? I'm sure you get it on commissary or some shit. They never have a serve pizza in prison? Ever? Do you think they ever have a pizza day? I'm sure you get it on commissary or some shit. They never have a pizza day in prison. I'm not saying hungry.

There's probably things that you got to make yourself. Maybe like a Jack's pizza. There's definitely a guy on TikTok who shows you how to make a pizza. I'll call and ask my dad. Daddy's in jail. No. Why are you bent that, bitch? I feel like if they had Jack's Pizza in prison, I could do prison.

They're definitely making cook-ups and shit, and they're making their own prison. Walker, what the hell are you doing over here? You motherfucker. No. Wow. Walker's the number one person to call someone out for looking at their phone on the pod. I had to get some shit ready. AJ, stop looking at your phone.

Hold on. AJ, what the hell? What have we come to? Listen. I don't know. It's really the wheels are falling apart here. This is fucked up. AJ, what the hell? What have we come to? Listen. I don't know. It's really the wheels are falling apart here. This is fucked up. Listen, though.

You want to hear some fucked up shit that I can't stand a motherfucker? Yeah. You can't stand a motherfucker? I'm about to turn up. Turn up. Actually, real quick before you say this. Can I say something about you? Go ahead.

We were at the bowling alley, and aj gave me one of his favorite quotes thus far in our young relationship oh yeah i wrote it down but i'll let you continue walking um he walked up i want to make sure i get this word word for word he went up and bowled a ball i think maybe got one or either hit it in the gutter or he got one pin down. He walked back. He said, I still have my jacket on. Y'all didn't tell me.

Fuck you talking about? Yeah, because my jacket was hindering my stroke. Okay, why is that our responsibility, dude? Like, where is your head at in that situation? Dude, you're all supposed to look after me. You bowl an absolute stinker comeback, and you're like, oh, come on, bro.

Like, you didn't tell me my jacket wasn't off? Like, what the fuck? Bro, I hadn't even settled in yet. That is a Drew Baldy level excuse. That is hilarious. And I won't stand for it. That is hilarious. Shout out to Drew Baldy.

Shout out to Drew Baldy. I fucking, you fucks were going to let me bowl with my jacket on, not even comfortable. I fucked up. Like, that's why my stroke was bad. Strike after that. Why are you? Strike. Oh, you hear it.

Bitch. That's all you hear. Splasher. After I took that fucker off. Why is it our responsibility to make sure you take your jacket off You're supposed to look out for me I'll look out for you I'll just take your fucking coat off You idiot after I see you just gutter ball That doesn't sound like you're looking out at all

That sounds like an excuse to be mean to me Nah Comment down below what size bowling ball You use if you've made it this far Why don't you ever say anything nice to me? Because that's my love language. Just being a dick. You love me?

So every time you're mean to me, you sound like an abusive fucking spouse. Yeah. Hell yeah. Oh, I need to make an updated meme. You got something? Be nice to Austin or drop 25. AJ's been coming for me. And it's probably deserved,

but still it doesn't feel good. Listen, though, disregard the bowling alley, but look. So y'all know I love some Golden Arches, some Mickey D's, some McDonald's, some McDicks, any way you want to play it. I love that shit, right? And I'm at a point now where, i just like i'm i'm sick and tired of people being like oh my god i don't want mcdonald's is bad for you no or it's not even that good like i don't give a fuck i like mcdonald's it's good i know it's like fake food or whatever

who gives a fuck but i like it it is like i like it it's my shit i'm tired of people talking shit about it but look i was in my local mcdonald's the other day in the morning no it's my shit i'm tired of people talking shit about it but look i was in my local mcdonald's the other day in the morning no it's probably afternoon afternoon the manager there's there's a manager and like three employees right the one of the employees like had to like mess something up or ask like a crazy question or some shit and the manager starts going off she starts yelling in the store she's like we're just serving burgers and fries. It's just burgers and fries. She's like, we're not doing construction.

We're not engineers. It's just burgers and fries. And look, the people I'm with, my coworkers, we all get our food. We leave. We get to the car. My coworker opens his shit up it's messed up damn

and he's a hothead I'm like oh he's like burgers and fries huh burgers and fries my shit's fucked up I'm like oh no so I didn't go back in there

with him but I can only imagine what was said. Went in there and turned up on him. But that's just fucked up, though. She's trying to belittle the employees, and she's the one serving the food, like handing the food to the customer, like the last point of contact. And she's in there, like, straight up just belittling the employees.

And that shit really ticked me off because I've worked at McDonald's as a fresh out of high school, first job like I've been there and like bro like shut the fuck up you're here too stupid just cause you're a manager I don't give a fuck fuck you and you're fucking disrespectful ass just for no

reason bro it's just burgers and fries yeah bitch I'll beat your dumb ass Jesus I think that was her way of saying, we're doing cheeseburgers, like regular burgers and French fries. Like, fuck everything else. No, dude, she was trying to simplify it to like, it's not that hard. This isn't rocket science. We're making burgers and fries, people.

Yeah, it's just burgers and fries. She compared it to, that's how you know you're fucked up. She compared it to construction and engineering. Those are two things that she thinks is like the hardest things on earth. This fucker is an engineer. No. Who? You.

I'm not an engineer. Gizmodo. On a certain level, you could see his whole idea of let's make public transport but with cars appealing to Americans who are comfortable with cars. But I just don't really get what he is doing. I also think it goes back to what I was saying earlier in terms of the distraction that Elon Musk has achieved really effectively. To try to distract from real solutions to the problems that the automobiles have created and things that will require less car dependence and to actually offer people alternatives to the car and instead kind of intervene and say, no, actually, I have the ideas that are going to be even better than that and we should pursue those instead of trying to sap energy from alternatives.

Thanks, Walker. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. I let you go a little bit. I let you go like 40-something seconds just because I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about that entire time, and I was trying to piece it together. Did you piece it? I kind of zoned out. I was trying to piece it together, then I got bored. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's probably for the best. I don't know what the fuck you just said. I got something to say. What's up? All right, guys, listen. If you've been down bad swiping that old credit card, right? If you're swipe, swipe. You doing that on youownsheehan.com online shopping on that damn credit card, right?

Fuck Sheehan. Bro. And you paying interest on that credit card. Balance transfer. Get you a balance transfer. I recommend Discover, BLA, or Wells Fargo. balance transfer get you a balance transfer i recommend discover bla or wells park city simplicity is not bad no listen though listen to all my people listening if you are paying interest on a credit card it is so easy to do a balance transfer i'm just spitting knowledge i know this is not not take financial advice from anyone on this podcast.

I can tell you that. Especially AJ. I'm a big Balance fans for Garnt. AJ bought a couple fans from Garnt the other day. Why? I haven't picked them up yet. Relax, Ernie. Yeah, and I got one.

Huh? Can we get both of them? Bring one over here. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Where'd that come from? You guys get both of them? Bring one over here. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Where'd that come from? You guys have a good day? Do you want me to explain the fan story?

No. Not really. Disregard it. You guys have a good day? I had a good day. I was a little hungover from the night before. What did you do last night? I went to Pluto last night.

Oh, shit. Or Neptune or wherever the fuck that shit's at. I was there. I was there. You were out of this world, bro. I was zooted. You were puffing on zooties? Puffing on zooties.

Fucking getting fucked up. That's fire Oh shit You're degenerate bro I'm big D-Gen guy But no dude You guys Nobody told me my pants

Are You had me Out of my element Yesterday I was all Fucking Fucked up What the fuck

Are you talking about But today it was 85 85 and sunny So That was a great day. Walker, your day? Shout out to Beth and Marco.

Not bad. Decent? Yeah, pretty decent. Average. Pretty average. Run-of-the-mill type shit. Yeah. How's your New Year's resolution going so far?

Have you worked towards completing any of your goals? Have you been lotioning your elbows? So the closest one, I've been real bad on the guitar for the past two or three weeks. You ain't picked up that guitar since fucking January. He has. He was pretty good about it for a while. You used to be on it, bro. Yeah.

The Spanish, not going great. The elbow creasing, it's going amazing there you go um composting not going good but i am adding to the plant repertoire so i'm feel like i'm i'm still scratching that itch you think they can see that we got walker just hooked us up with a fucking new little plant section in the house pretty fun And there's some new animals over there too. Oh yeah, we got some fishies. We bought a cichlid. So yeah, Austin was like,

let's pick out fish. And he picked out a cichlid. And I picked out two other fish. And Austin's fish has been systematically murdering my fish. Animal abuse. Dude, we didn't know.

They didn't tell us. I'm calling the ASPCA. Usually at the pet store, they're like, oh, you can't put those two together. They'll fuck each other up. She didn't give a fuck. It was like end of the day. She was like, take it. Get the fuck out.

So we've been waking up every morning and a new fish is missing all of its fins dead. It's pretty fucked up. It's brutal. But my man, he's a fucking real one. He's handling shit. You picked the Highlander. The fucking serial killer. You fucking picked the fucking samurai motherfucking warrior.

Yep. He'll be the last one standing in that motherfucker, guaranteed. The sucker fish is literally fighting for its life right now it's literally see the sickle sucker fish it's sucker fish versus cichlid the cichlid's a dick too because he won't even like do anything after he kills the fish he'll just eat all their fins off and then let them die dude fish are brutal i got them i got a lot i got all my money on the fucking sucker fish. Honestly, he's a big motherfucker. I think if he gets pissed, he doesn't have a mouth, though.

He has a suction cup for a face. It's like, what can you do? It's like fucking Squidward. You look like fucking Squidward. That's hilarious. That's facts. Take your hat off. You look like Squidward. You got a big That's facts. Take your hat off. You look like Squidward.

You got a big old sniffer on you, bud. But you look like Squidward after you got plastic surgery. Isn't that what he did? Say something I haven't heard before. Yeah. Handsome Squidward. Hey, Dewey, chill out. I don't know if AJ's quite at that level yet.

You're handsome, Squidward, bro. We'll pull the picture up. Dewey, chill out, bro. Dewey. Second off. You can't even tell with the headphones. What do I look like? Yeah. An avatar. too damn good to fucking and talk shit about it look like you pull sixes pull set dude you fucking fuck yeah you fucking shit me sixes i'm a six if but yeah on my scale that's good eating bud it's fucking good eats we thrive in the six range

the six okay that that is something you know fucking stupid we can talk about people's scales are way too high anything that is average is a seven anything Anything that's good is, you know, like an 8 or a 9. Average needs to be a 5. Fuck no. Okay needs to be like a 4. Bad needs to be like a 3 to a 2. I disagree. It's also per region, too.

Like, per region, like an L.A. or an Arizona 6 is like a 10 here. Oh, we're talking about women? I was talking about like food. Both. Fuck. Jesus, AJ. Fucking massage. You guys are both idiots.

Alright, guys. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast this week. I don't know what the fuck we just talked about. I hope it was somewhat enjoyable. Subscribe to our channel. Check out all of our socials find us on facebook always laugh podcast type it in we'll come up it's that simple um yeah thanks for listening my name is austin lane my name is aj i'm tired of austin doing the intro like a bullet point checklist alan my name's walk Walker we out see you

love you guys