Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #13 - AUSTIN ATE 70 HOTDOGS IN 2 MONTHS!

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

This episode we talk about eating raw hotdogs, our first nights in college, blue balls, and insane restaurant stories. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

welcome back to the always laugh podcast my name is austin lane my name is aj i am walker subtly acquiring body mass smith let's go welcome to the number one podcast you've never heard of before grab your bath grab your smoke or just hang out whatever's best and turn up with us. Yeah, baby. Let's go. Happy Easter. Oh, yeah, it's Easter right now. So, happy Easter. He is risen. Walker, happy Easter. Thanks, man. I don't really fuck with that Jesus guy, but, you know, I appreciate the sentiment.

Happy Easter to those that believe in Easter and the Easter bunny. Go find your eggs. The only Jesus I believe in is the guy who does my carpentry work. Jesus, bud. That's not racist. It's not? I used to work with someone. Jesus is a carpenter.

He does all my work. I used to work with someone. Jesus is a carpenter. He does all my work. I used to work with someone named Jesus. He was cool as fuck. We have a giveaway. Right, AJ? Tell them about the giveaway. We do have a giveaway. All you have to do is like the status that is posted on our, or pinned on our Facebook.

The rules are on there. Like the post. Share the post. and comment a friend or just comment somebody in the comments, and that's all you got to do. You can win some gift cards, some merch, stuff like that. So we're trying to get a lot of names in there. Yeah, we're announcing the winners, what, in a week?

A week from now, a week from today? On the 18th. Yep, so that'll be cool. I was doing community service one time, and i had to go to a elementary school this was middle school i went to an elementary school and i would read uh to kids and like you know pull specific kids and like help them with their math homework or whatever and i pulled this one guy and i was reading his name off the sheet and I was like fuck that there's no way that's right is there a Jesus here and he came up and he was like my

name's Jesus and I was like oh fuck okay can I call you Jesus from now on? That's kind of, is there a Jesus here? That was always hilarious in school when you'd have a substitute teacher that didn't know how to pronounce people's names. And they're just, like, atrociously messing up names. I feel like middle-aged white people just lose the ability to like like how do your parents pronounce Chipotle is it something ridiculous like Chipotle or something my mom doesn't even know what that is it's not even a thing this is McDonald's or Taco Bell like my mom calls kava kava like it's like how do you get all these things wrong i think they're just like i think throughout the uh throughout the um timeline of a human's life you start out really stupid you

don't know shit you don't know you can't take care of yourself you can't do anything and then you kind of hit your peak probably sometime in your late 20s you're kind of hit maybe like into your 30s too you're like hitting your peak and then from there you're just getting dumb again you're going in reverse so jalapenoino is jalapeno jalapeno just making fun of me the whole time what do you mean talking about i'm just like i'm just yeah yeah because you peaked like 10 years ago or something oh i mean because if it was your late 20s oh i peaked in high school i probably peaked my freshman year college but basically high school see look i gotta i got a weird thing about that you know how people say like like when they want to make some make fun

of somebody or like whatever like oh you peaked in high school yeah well like with me i technically like i already know what i'm gonna look like when i'm like 60 when i'm 50 when i'm 40 because i'm already bald like i already know what i'm gonna like. All these motherfuckers out here that think they're still hot shit, just wait, buddy. You got about 10 years, you know, whatever it is, and you're going to be in my shoes. Bro, this hair is not going anywhere. You're going to look totally different is what I'm saying.

You're going to look totally different. AJ, you know, a car's hood can look good for the entire time the car exists, but the rest of the car can still fall to fucking pieces. So what are you going to do about the non-head part of your body? I'm saying, though, appearance-wise, all you motherfuckers, this is to everyone that talks shit about me being bald, because there has been a lot of people lately that have been bringing it up, like more than ever, that should shave their fucking head,

but they won't come home. It's been come come home 2020 but now we're three years into this shit motherfuckers still won't come home like bro shave your fucking head dude you look crazy bully bad hairlines 2023 oh i've been but they bullied me into shaving it was the best thing i ever did in my life it was really funny he's like no really funny. He's like, no, I can't go full bald. Give me a bald fade. Let me get a bald fade. We're like, bro. Shout out to Marco.

He gave me my first bald fade. But look, I just got really drunk and then shaved it one night. And I don't know why I thought I could shave it drunk in the shower with no mirror. I thought I could just freehand that joint with no mirror. I fucking got got off the shower i was like yeah i can't do this and i had to finish it in the standard mirror but that was before i knew you you popped out the shower patchy as hell that was a fucked up night dude that was a fun night actually do you ever cut yourself your mom's yeah no i've never cut myself maybe

the first time because i have a mirror but never You got to be an idiot to cut yourself, honestly, or use a terrible razor. We've had this conversation before. Me and Walker, I feel like, have had this before. I equate it to shaving my taint area. That's way more sensitive, bro. Really? I feel like that's the same type of skin. Face, taint, head.

Maybe not. like same type of skin you know like face taint head maybe not and look i don't know if you guys listened to the last pod but i'm recovering from um pretty bad cold i had and i'm still coughing every now and then so if you guys see me or hear me cough like i'm trying my best but it is what it is yeah for all you uh for all you youtube viewers foul beast we dropped a bonus podcast for you guys you can find it on Apple and Spotify. The link's in the description. So, yeah, go listen to that shit. Do you guys... Yeah, our production team had some problems last week.

Are you guys very picky with where you buy your meat, like your groceries? Or I guess, like your meat? Sometimes. Sometimes. You know, I've always been a big Harris Teeter boy. So the other day I was shopping for meat. It's always expensive and it's like my least favorite thing to buy. But it's essential.

So I went to Food Lion, which is probably not the best place to buy meat. And I found these packages of meat and they all said manager special. And I was like, I don't know what that means but the shit was cheap as hell i was like bet i'm like this is a steal like i'm taking this and uh it's for people just like you i get i get home and i'm like kenzie like i got this meat it's a manager special she's like oh you're nasty she's like that shit's about to expire i'm like it says uh eat or freeze by the day after I bought it. And she's like, yeah, you're fucking nasty.

We only buy from Costco because we're fancy. It's good shit, though. Kenzie handles all the meat buying. I would go to Costco, but I go to the poor Costco. Shout out to Sam's Club. Yes, sir. I don't know what it is, but about sam's club like at least in this area they don't put them in the nicest areas but i don't know what it is but they're like we're

gonna put a sam's club there we're gonna put a costco over here and the costco is like my fucking brand new city top to bottom yeah dude you know that's one of the classist institutions that's how they segregate us it's so fucked yeah they don't put targets in nice areas because they're fucking bums hey i got a i got a real serious question because i'm gonna judge you based on how you answer this question okay oh shit that's scary this is you know you know me out of left field with it this is something oh god that wacky aj no no he's coming off the cuff here he goes again no no he didn't yes he did hey all right so food we're talking about food here walker listen up

walker listen up name name your name your top three pies flavors. Yup. Yup. I said it. Top three. Savory or sweet pies? Just top three overall. Top three, buddy.

I would say top five, but Kenzie said that's too big a list. That's a lot. Can I go top five? Does it have to be in order or just top three? Top three, like one being your favorite, three being like you're almost like... Do cobblers and crumbles count as pies? Dude, your ass is getting way too technical. I just wanted like a cherry or an apple or a pumpkin.

All right, I got you. I got you. Walker, answer it however you want. Okay. Is a cobbler or whatever the fuck you just said a pie? Yes. Is it a pie? We're talking about like peach.

It's in my pie cookbook, so we're going to count it. Peach cobbler or some shit like that? Oh. Gas. But that's not a pie in my head. My top three. Number three, which means the least favorite out of the three. I mean like still your favorites, but like just third.

I got you. I got you. Just like bronze. Bronze. All right. The bronze medal goes to cherry pie okay uh the uh silver medal goes to pecan pie i lied i lied i lied the the silver medal goes to um pumpkin pie and then the gold medal goes to pecan oh what pecan is your number one it It hits, dude. It's fire. Okay.

All right, I got five. My favorite dessert probably ever is just like warm peach cobbler straight out the oven. Okay, that's not a pie. It's in the pie book, though. I'm with you on that, bro. That's fire. That's fire. Number two, a chocolate chest pie, specifically from the Angus Barn.

Number three, one of those Oreo Jell-O pies my mom makes. Those are fire. Number four, pumpkin pie. I fucking love it. Number five, I got to go pecan pie. So that's your number one? Or that's your number five? That's my number five.

You guys are going to hate mine. If he came with that and you guys both said, but what is it? I don't even want to say it. I want to say it, pe but okay pecan there's two ways to say it and pecan is not one of them I don't that's why I've never ate it before look I would say pecan pie hey do y'all have I changed it pecans down here AJ what the fuck how does everybody say it I switch it up I think Hey look I go pecan

Pecan Pecan You wanna hear my I'm gonna do three Let's hear it bud Number three Apple Alright

From McDonald's No just like Anyway No Turnovers not a pie bud Hey strawberries and cream Look Three Apple Number two Pumpkin Right is not a pie, bud. Strawberries and cream. Look. Three, apple. Number two,

pumpkin. Right? Nothing out of the ordinary. Okay. Number one. Key lime. Ew, you're a nasty bitch. Key lime pie all day, number one. He's an 80-year-old man. That's disgusting. I like a good key lime. Key lime pie is gas.

Nice and sour. Key lime pie is gas. Nice and sour. Key lime is trash. What is that brand in the white box at the grocery store? The key lime with the... I don't know. I know exactly what you're talking about. Edwards. Oh, yes.

Yes. Those bitches are criminal. They are so good, bro. We sold those at the Cajun restaurant I work at. We sold maybe a slice a week. It was unbelievable. The key lime pies would stay in that fridge for weeks on end. Walker, you worked in the restaurant.

It's me buying them. You worked in the restaurant industry for quite some time. I bet you have some ridiculous shit that you've encountered in those times what's like some of the you kind of mentioned some in the previous podcast but like what's some crazy shit that happened in the in the queen um the some of the stories that come to my mind just right off the top um i was serving this couple one time and it was this pregnant lady and her husband and so i had walked back to the table they had you know dropped out their meals i give them like 15 minutes i was walking back um the woman's plate was full it was like a bowl type

situation it was full of what i thought was water and then she just starts puking all over the table and she basically filled up this gigantic dinner bowl. And I literally was just like, I just turned around and walked the fuck away. You're like Busboy now. Literally, I was like, Busboy, get the fuck out there. Busboy, hit that table stat. Yeah, that was pretty wild. You know, just like so many small things would happen. I remember one time I was carrying a tray up the stairs,

and it was carpeted stairs, and I got to the top, and there was a jazz band playing in the dinner room next door. And you could see everything at the top of the stairs. So I get up. I trip on the top of the stairs, take a quarter of skin out of my elbow, drop the entire tray of food. The band stops playing and everyone looks at me. That's terrible.

It was pretty bad. And yeah, you know, people are super ungrateful, I found out. I had this one couple who brought their daughter in for her birthday. And, you know, they were talking about it and the couple next to them had heard it. So they pulled me aside and they were like, hey, we want to cover their meal. I'm like, okay, great. So they paid for the meal, didn't leave me a tip or anything. The couple ordered a piece of cheesecake.

So I gave it to them who were celebrating the birthday. I was like, yeah, so you know, this couple next to you paid for your meal and all you have to do is take care of this is the cheesecake. They ended up having the manager come over because the

cheesecake was too brown on top and they wanted a whiter version of the cheesecake. And tip means like 16 cents what the fuck because they only got charged like four bucks that is some straight bullshit yeah that wasn't that wasn't one of my favorite tables i'm sure i could think of more they got their meal for free they complained about the one thing that they had to pay for and then tipped you 16 cents yeah people are trash dude dude people are great you know people are i've never worked in the restaurant

industry or the food industry it's wild man it's a good time i guess no not for a long time not the food industry but the restaurant industry yeah well you've worked in like like you've worked in the cell phone it's interesting like just worked in retail in general. Once you see how the sausage gets made, you, like, you know, ordering ice at a restaurant, you're like, yeah, I know this bitch hasn't been cleaned in months. Actually, no, I take that back. I was a dishwasher. I was a dishwasher one time at a restaurant, and I saw a lot of behind-the-scenes shit.

I was the dishwasher. Dude, everyone back at house is doing drugs. Like, all the cooks are doing drugs all the dishes are smoking weed most servers are smoking or they're like ex-addicts like everyone everyone's smoking cigarettes and not washing their hands when they come back oh dude working in the restaurant industry mainly back a house it's either they're addicts or they're recovering addicts that's all that you that's all there is and i don't know if like or young people if the restaurant industry just attracts addicts and recovering addicts or if it turns them into it hold on a quick question i think it does turn them into it but what profession do you think what profession do you think has more

like drug addicts and like recovering drug addicts and like let's say felons like whatever prison inmate blue collar or um restaurant like back of house restaurant um blue collar but that's a good question to think about because there is a lot of probably restaurants in that kitchen that you know what i'm saying the motherfucker on them dishes i don't know it just depends i guess Yeah I mean Every construction worker On planet earth Goes home

And drinks a beer And probably verbally Abuses their wife Or their dog If I had to guess One of the two Or their Kid or some shit

AJ you work blue collar That's scary I work like Light blue Kenzie Your wife's over there And your dog's over there Which one is it bud yeah kenzie is everything good at both oh that's good we're safe we're all right good that's what i like to hear kenzie um

the drywall not not so much but i'm not my name isn't kyle if you ever recall if you ever raise kyle name in general if you ever raise your if you ever raise your voice to my cousin that'll be the last time you speak bud just everyone if you're not yelling and arguing i'm just dude that was fucking badass every now and then it's okay what's that austin just scared your ass straight did you hear that i hear a fucking thing austin i don't know if you want to repeat yourself he heard me he knows what the fuck is up no replay that replay that last part. I said, if you ever raise your voice to my cousin, it'll be the last time you speak. Is that what I said? I think so.

You tried to get all hard on us. Yeah. All right, all right. I'm a good guy, man. Who are you? Usually good guys have to reiterate that they're good guys pretty often. I'm a good guy, I swear to God. I don't say anything

let me check a note let me see what we got cooking here today um hit those ones looking good boys and girls oh last night i was a little bit intoxicated and i i thought this was way cooler at the time than it might be. But, like, you ever been, I don't know, not necessarily sneaking around, but, like, you're, like, up late at night. I mean, obviously, you were probably a child in this circumstance. But, like, you're, like, you have to go pee. So you go to the bathroom, and you accidentally, like, drop the toilet seat, and it's loud as fuck.

Like, it slams loud as shit. And you're, like, oh, fuck, I probably potentially woke some people up. No? I think of the beeper on the microwave oh yeah that's yeah for sure you gotta you gotta thing involving a microwave late night doesn't work but i was at walker's walker and i were at his parents last night uh we had a little sleepover at his parents house with his siblings and um i was using the bathroom and i closed the i like dropped the toilet seat and i like panicked and like closed my eyes because i knew it was gonna be loud as shit and then i opened my eyes and the motherfuckers just slow closing which isn't like anything new

to me like i know i've known about these obviously for a very long time but i was like holy fuck like whoever invented that shit is like, it was a revolutionary concept. Shout out to them. My parents are super bougie. They got the slow closers. Dude, the slow closers are fire. I fuck with them heavy. So, like, do you slither around, like, at my house?

Oh, yeah, dude. When you're asleep, I'm fucking active. I'm going through your shit. That gives me nightmares oh i'm literally about to start locking my bed i'll go through your bedside table while you're asleep oh no that's criminal it's it's it'd be so funny you know like me and austin would share a dorm room when we share it we shared like a room yeah and you know whenever i had class before i might wake up and do my damnedest not to wake his ass up.

And, you know, he'd wake up before me, go take a shower, kick the fucking door down, coming back in the room like, what's up, bitches? Disrespectful. No, it was time to get the day started. Walker had a fucking 8 a.m. He knew what was going on. He's like, I'm like, buddy buddy it's time to get the day started we got to go get our fucking sloppy wet ass eggs from the dining hall and get our grits and keep our day pushing nothing like it bro the morning time used to be different i used to tear that dining hall up the whole semester i went oh my god i gained i gained 15 pounds my freshman

year and i didn't even drink usually like you hear about people gaining their freshman 15 i didn't like we drank like what once every like two to three weeks maybe like one time every three weeks we got caught for drinking our first night in college that shit was hilarious so our first night in college we're we're drinking obviously because we're like college baby like let's fucking party like we're pulling out the wii games you know it's for 18 year old guys in their dorm room because we're fucking awesome yeah we're we're uh drinking i'm in the bathroom taking a freaking dookie and i hear a knock on the door i'm like oh whatever it's cool

it's cool um i come out and my fucking roommates aka a.k.a. Walker and one of our other buddies and another dude, we're pouring all of the beers down the drain. I'm like, what the fuck's going on? The RA is standing in the doorway like, yep, is there any more? Any more in the back? Any more in your other rooms? Jared's like, oh, yeah, we got a whole refrigerator full of them back here. I'm like, god damn it, Jared.

We had 30 fucking beers in there that he didn't need to know about oh yeah amateur hour all down the drain i'd like to know the percentage of like say like the the freshman class or whatever year like that first night of school when you're like alone for the first time i want to know the percentage like motherfuckers drank that that night oh like did some shit super high percentage That they never did before because they're just alone. Girls swiping on really ugly guys on Tinder they never would before. They're like, I'm in college, baby. Let's get weird.

It's up to me now. We didn't get in any trouble for the drinking incident because we hadn't had our hall meeting yet. We were drinking before the hall meeting. So we got in trouble and then had to go to the hall meeting those hall meetings he made a mention of no drinking and uh lingered on us oh yeah he was like you can't if you're underage you can't drink blah blah blah and he just like stares at us like yeah yeah shut the no when i got to college i had never heard of like an ra like i didn't like know how that shit was, like, real.

Like, seriously. And when I got placed in that dorm room and, like, really saw an RA, like, knocking on people's doors, like, checking in on people and shit, I'm like, like, that's normal. Like, they do that? We got a babysitter. Some RAs. Literally, I'm like, what the fuck is that? I was in an upperclassman dorm, too. Somehow, I was, like, so late signing up, they put me in an upperclassman dorm with all the Canadian hockey players.

They were all juniors. I've heard great stories about RAs. Ours were trash. Some people would be like, oh, yeah, our RAs were sick. We would roll blunts with them, smoke in their room. They didn't give a fuck. Our RAs were a bunch of ops. They wouldn't let us get away with shit. When I think of my RA, have you guys ever seen the videos on, like,

just, like, the internet of the cart narc? No. The dude who, if you, if he, like, it's in, like, California or some shit, like, he'd be patrolling gas stations, I mean, like, grocery store parking lots and shit, and if you leave your cart out, like, your shopping cart, he'll fucking come out of shit and if you leave your cart out like your shopping cart he'll fucking come on nowhere and be like like violation and like dude he gets people to like he'll slap a sticker on their car and people like chase him and shit is it just like a public shaming thing yeah but it's just like a random dude who says he's like the carton arcs and like

he's like you didn't put your cart away you didn't put your cart away. You didn't put your cart away. People get hot. I respect that. That's hilarious. People get hot over that shit, but that's what I imagine my RA was like. Putting your cart away, that's one of those things. It's like that's a real easy test of whether someone's just like a baseline good human. Because putting your cart away, it's one of those things that you're not going to get in trouble if you don't do it. There's no real rule book that says put your cart back. But if you don't put your cart back you're a fucking scumbag yeah no fuck you fucking dick but no he'll jump out of the fucking woodworks and like slap a sticker on your car it's wild that's funny no his shit's fire. I respect him because there's no reason you should get that worked up over not, like,

someone calling you out for not putting your car away. Just go put it away. You know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. People are, oh, man, the pollen's really fucking with me, I think. You think it's the pollen? I don't know what it is, but, dude.

You're sick, buddy. Oh, hand me that slinky. Yep. I just remembered I wanted to fuck with a slinky. Let me see sick buddy oh hand me that slinky yep i just remembered i wanted to fuck with a slinky let me see that thing give me that shit bro do you guys ever have a slinky as a kid slinkies are fire you like slinkies i used to send it down like 20 stairs all right i'm done but slinkies um shout out slinky that's all I had to say about that. No free ads. Is that still a thing?

Do they still sell those? I didn't know that was a new one. I think I've had this since 2008. Well, kids are probably playing Slinky on the iPad now. That's facts. Dude, that's so fucked. This Slinky app is probably the most depressing thing ever. You press one side. Oh, dude, imagine a VR

slinky. That's, like, what's the fucking point? Oh, this is sick. You have to hit volume up, volume down. The slinky thing. So, we didn't do a fucking thing for Easter today, huh? Did you guys not even touch an egg?

No, we ate some scrambled eggs. Does that count? Did you involve any, like,? No, we ate some scrambled eggs. Does that count? Did you involve any like chocolate Easter bunnies or anything? We ate. I ate some chocolate drumsticks. Motherfucker had drumsticks. Yeah. My little sister shows up with the mini drumsticks.

Were they like the caramel, the chocolate? Yeah, just like this big. Fire. Walker opened it. Walker opened it. show us what the mini drumsticks were they like the caramel with the chocolate yeah it's just uh like this big fire walker open it he's like what the fuck is this he's like i can one bite this thing oh yeah you're one bite i could if i wanted to different you know you were doing it in two to uh to be more presentable yeah oh yeah like i can unhinge my jaw i can get a full hot dog down in one bite something to be proud of buddy you're like um you could be on that like the nathan's hot dog eating contest i don't have stamina but if you need to get one or two down one and i can vacuum them just one time straight down yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Austin, how about you? What's your fucking record? Record for what? For that throat. What do you mean? Hot dogs, bro. Oh. Yeah, you got that throat. One time in college, I ate over 70 hot dogs in a two month period of time i shit because they were like 98

depressed no i was living my best life it was it was 98 cents for a pack of hot dogs and 98 cents for the pack of buns that's like that's a fucking days and days worth of meals you guys will often will often make choices that sometimes seriously depress me. What do you mean, bud? This period was one of those big ones because I would come home and you would be heating up hot dogs in the microwave in a glass pint. Full of water. Full of water. I'm boiling them in the microwave.

Take them out. Just put them in, you know, fucking dry hot dog buns and go to town. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Catch up in mustard. Come on. You think I'm just a fucking raw dog in the dog? Sometimes. A lot of people are, dude.

I might even throw a Kraft single on that motherfucker. Dude, we have a friend who would straight up eat hot dogs cold out of the refrigerator. Oh, that's fire. No, that's fire. Kenzie does that. I do not do that. You did that as a kid. No, I did not. Kyle did. that? I do not do that. You did that as a kid. No, I did not.

Kyle did. Oh, I did. I did 100%. Walker, you won't eat a raw hot dog? No. Walker? There you go, raw hot dog. It's not raw, though.

Then why'd you call it raw? Okay. You won't eat an uncooked hot dog? You won't eat an unheated up hot dog? Yes, that's exactly right. That's the word you're looking for. Unheated. Fuck no. Not even on my deathbed, bro. I swear to God. You won't eat a up hot dog. Yes, that's exactly right. That's the word you're looking for. Unheated. Fuck no, not even on my deathbed, bro.

I swear to God. You don't eat a cold hot dog? Fuck. I'll eat it if it's been heated up and then colded again. Yeah. That's a word, right? Colded? I'm not opening the Oscar Mayer package.

You still got the slime on it? Absolutely not. It's not slime. It's that good hot dog water. Oh, yeah that hot dog juice It just got picked off. You guys are soft Kenzie. You never ate a cold hot of a freshie No, but Kyle did so you guys were probably doing it together 100% We used to have eating competitions to we were LA Beast before you literally a beast You couldn't even throw it in the microwave for like 18 seconds

You need cold hot dogs like y'all did. All it's going to take is 18 seconds, bro, and you're good. Like 20 seconds, bro. Bro, I like the taste of it. That's what's wrong. That's what's wrong. You liked it that way. Yeah, they're fire.

It's not even like you didn't have a microwave. That's indicative of larger mental problems. You know, do you guys ever take like a slice of bread and ball it up into like a ball, like roll it up into a ball and just eat it like an apple?

Yeah, sometimes. You've done that? Yeah, when I was like six. When I couldn't buy food on my own. All right. I don't do it anymore. Why does...

You guys are some haters. Dude, as a kid, probably, yeah, sure. Pour some honey on it. Just give it a little flavor. Walker, as a kid, probably, yeah, sure. Pour some honey on it. Just give it a little flavor. Walker, read the last three things in your Google search history. Oh, boy.

Okay. This shouldn't. No, I got something for you, though, since we was talking about food. If Walker needs some help. Should we cancel out the NSFW ones? NSFW? Not safe for work? All the porn stuff?

No, no, no. You can't delete it. It was supposed to be what's there. I'm not deleting shit, bud. Well, let's hear it then. I'm scared. I am too. It's going to be like how much air can a fume hood withstand

The last three Google searches were The girl show 30 rock Goo geek Which was google but I misspelled the L As a K And then a porn website What is the porn website

Can we talk about Can we talk about The porn website. What is the porn website? Can we talk about when you... Valesa. Can we talk about when you go to the... The porn website made by women for women. Oh, yeah. Do you like ethically sourced porn? Do you not want to contribute to the exploitation of young, vulnerable women? Well, don't watch porn.

But if you do, go to Balasa because it's not bad. Can we talk about how the search bar for the internet, like on an iPhone, the keyboard is way fucking off and you hit the fucking period dot sign like an extra amount of times, so many times when you're typing? Can we talk about that? That might be a you thing buddy that is a fucking worldwide thing i guarantee you got a fat you got the fat finger

sausage fingers bro listen it's only when you go to the um the search bar and insert some shit in the keyboard switches up on you and they put the dot in a different spot bro i swear to god that's a thing. I guarantee some of our listeners will know what I'm talking about. I've never paid attention to that, AJ. All 103 of you guys. What? Doesn't happen to me. It's a real thing.

It might not happen to everyone in this room, but I guarantee in the world it happens to somebody and I'm not the only one talking about it. I fucking cracked my phone screen about an hour and a half ago. So did I. Yeah. Can I see it?

Yeah. Walker, you just got this motherfucker. Is it when it dropped? Damn. Is it when it dropped when you woke up? Why are you just now, you were like, I don't even want to talk about it. Yeah. Well, yeah, my brain was still not functioning correctly, but yeah, I rolled over during

my nap, and it took a tumble. Walker literally just woke up. You just got this, motherfucker. I just got it. Walker refuses to put a case on his phone. 7 Plus. On his iPhone 7 Plus. On my iPhone 7 Plus.

The brand new 7 Plus. I buy a new 7 Plus for $160, like two or three times a year. How many 7 Pluses have you owned? This is probably five or six dude what these why don't you level up one time dude i can't lose the button oh my god let me go that's one of the apple fucked up big time no they don't agree it's so convenient like you can tell anyone do some cool ass shit you can swipe left swipe right no no we're

not even gonna try to convince him bro it's gonna he'd have heard it all about my button you you wouldn't dream of the things me and my butt do together you guys are fucking bro the iphone 7 was one of the worst iphones to ever come out 100 do you know why they just they're bro mine was i had one, and it was trash. Hold on. This ain't no tech fucking, this ain't no Apple fucking bullshit. Everyone knows everything we're saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck this Apple bullshit. What you got? You got a note for us? No, yeah, dude. We were talking about food, bro, and that got me thinking of a special note that I got. Okay. That is related to the drink part of the whole food. Do you hold this note near and dear to your heart?

Kind of, because it was a very important moment in my life. This is a touchy top. Okay. So I used to work third shift at a factory, right? At Tac Manufacturing. All my Jackson listeners will know that if there is anyone from Jackson listening. Have we talked about this? No, we haven't.

So I was down on my last, bro. Down on my last. Third shift. Had no money. So look, they had a vending machine there. It only took quarters, right? You had to put quarters in it only for everything. Quarters only.

Right. I used to always forget quarters. And, like, one night, I'm fucking working. I'm exhausted. I'm, like, falling asleep while walking type shit. Like, holding on to my machine so I don't fall over while the machine's, like, going and shit. I'm, like, hell yeah. I'm telling i'm telling my buddy like man i'm so tired like he's like bro go to the vending machine get you some drink i'm like i ain't got no money he lended me the money it was like a dollar 50 i needed all

quarters i didn't have no quarters on me i go to the vending machine i come back i got a sprite i take a drink he's's like, what the fuck? Why did you get a? He's like, bro, that don't even got caffeine in it. What the fuck? I looked at the bottle. I said, oh, dude, I was so sick. I got a Sprite.

I didn't know it. It wasn't even a McDonald's Sprite. It didn't give you any extra surge. It didn't do shit for me. And after he called me out, i just as i'm just drinking the rest of it like this fucking bullshit like it's fucking bullshit but yeah no that's what i don't it brought me i thought about you know sprite nice it was pissed that's not fucked up that shit hurts to this day bro i was so tired needing like a caffeine booster like something and like

it didn't he should just let you, like the placebo effect is very powerful. Yeah, it might have worked. He called it out, and I believe it would have worked too. Like if you would have never said it didn't have caffeine, I would have never like spotted that on a bottle type shit, you know? I feel that. What's your guys' body counts? Oh, God damn it.

What's your cookout order? I've been waiting. Kenzie, you first. I've been waiting for this topic to come up for so many episodes because I knew somebody was going to do it. Walker, what's yours? You guys have family listeners. Who cares? They don't need to listen to this part.

Hey, family, don't listen. Wow, we told them before instead of after. We nailed it this time. We're getting better, guys. I don't know exactly. I don't want to fucking talk about this. This is stupid. Why? You guys are both fucking good guys.

What if my future wife listens to this podcast? She's like, damn. I feel bad for her. My man's is still a virgin. I'm not speaking on it. I'm just saying. Listen, this is a place of no judgment.

All right, I'm a virgin. Congratulations. Thank you. You are still clean. I'm a pure soul. Walker, what's yours? Well, depending on what Jack does tonight.

Jesus. We might be a one. No. Never mind. Who's Jack? It's his boy toy. Yeah, it's Kenzie and AJ. Friend.

Walker, you're sick in the head. Is it your friend from Colorado? You're a sick fuck. Yeah. Your friend from Colorado? Yeah, Jack P. Shout out. Shout out, Jack P. Shout out. Shout out, Jack P.

I feel bad for that motherfucker. He came and saw you on the worst night ever. It wasn't that bad. He was fine. We're grown men. Grown men that got our asses beat, and he witnessed it. Yeah. Walker, what are you thinking about so hard?

You look like you're deep in thought. Yeah, dude. I fucking forgot my segment. God damn it. I was waiting on you. yeah walker what are you thinking about so hard you look like you're deep in thought yeah dude i forgot my segment god damn it i was oh yeah we're at 38 minutes and walker's just fumbling the bag i know i i you didn't do it last week or you didn't do it in the bonus pod anyway yeah i did what'd you do that was my tornado alley idea oh right not bad i want to go back to Dreamville Bad I'm sorry I wanna go back Bad Seeing Drake

Seeing Drake Uh Uzi Vert Fucking Wayne Lil Wayne 21 Savage All that shit was out of nowhere

We already gave up on Glorilla Cause she didn't come But then Drake brought her out That shit Was Life changing Drake was like Get get your ass. After a long night of drinking, when you guys wake up in the morning

and your mouth is dry as fuck, what does your mouth taste like? Like, what would you describe it as? Fucking ass, bro. How do you know what ass tastes like? The worst case scenario, just the worst feeling on earth. Well, I remarked to you this morning. I woke up, and we were both, you know what ass tastes like? The worst case scenario, just the worst feeling on earth. Well, I remarked to you this morning. I don't even drink like that. And we were both, once we untangled our limbs,

because we were spooning on the couch together. I told you, I said, my mouth tastes like a dog's asshole this morning. You did say that. A dog specifically. Well, you know, they're all different. My coochie pink and my booty hole're all different it depends on the morning but okay all right i remember my segment can i uh can i do it yeah yeah go for it all right um people in public um there seems to be really two different you know schools of thought. Some people don't care what people think they are, and some people do care.

And my example for this is a guy I saw in the gym back when I still lived in Charlotte. This guy was 6'7", as dark as night, and one of the largest human beings I've ever seen. And I walk into Fitness Connection. It's literally Michael Jordan. Maybe. Maybe he was pretty ugly too so that lines up he was doing squats and listening to some r&b song i think it was like a brandy song or something singing it at the top of his lungs he didn't give a fuck he didn't give a fuck in the middle't give a fuck. In the middle of, like, a fitness connection in Charlotte, just singing at the top of his lungs,

and I was just looking at him like, man, I really hope somebody goes and says something to that guy. That is an enviable word. I think it is, yeah. That's very enviable. It is. I wish I had more of that, that just, like, want and, you know, don't give a fuck.

Oh, yeah. You just have to go for it. It's like me on this podcast. Just for it you're out you're uncomfortable at first putting yourself out there oh i hadn't posted a picture online like four years let alone a fucking you went dark you went dark for four years and now you popped out with a podcast i pop out and i'm a i post daily uh follow me on all socials now you're now you're a worldwide media sensation i've gone from not seeing your post to ignoring your post see what a wild world man yeah man i'm flooding i'm flooding the internet bro i got so many pictures built up that like aj will come he'll be like hey yo send me any pictures you got of me like i want to post on instagram he's like austin i know you got some fire pics of me like can you

send them to me like i need them bro i'm scrolling through one eye open so scrolling through my phone and i know you got more i know you got more yeah i got a lot more i don't know if you want to post them they're not all the most flattering dude i've been i just posted a picture the other day when i was in fucking lansing america this is is like fucking when we lived on the west side. Lansing, America. Like five years ago. I'm posting pictures from five years ago, and I still look damn near the same. That ain't right, bro.

That's good. You don't age. You'd be in high school five years ago. You're the ageless one. Buddy, how old do you think I am? Fucking like 25 yeah yeah you know any 20 year old high schoolers yeah you want to know some fucked up shit i got a co-worker that was like hey bro like did you graduate like like what's the what's the deal

what's the deal on you bro like did you graduate he's like bro you ain't gonna believe how i like i'm like what happened bro i'm thinking he like went to alternative or like dropped out or like whatever he's like bro they kicked me out because i got too old he's like i was like like they said i couldn't come no more i'm like bro you didn't even drop like they gotta be like 21 22 for like that right literally he was like 20 plus they called it for him they're like all right bud it ain't happening bud no it's like it's time to hang it up you're done you're done man like you you did your best we don't want you to walk in the halls with these you know 15 i feel like it's starting to get weird at that point they should just give them the diploma it's like you fucking tried like we're not gonna hold you back in life you we are we are a society of participation

trophies right like you should have like here's your participation ged yeah you're here's your participation participation participation participation participation gd jesus hey one one quick thing um before we get up out of here i'll save i'll save i'll save come on you can't don't honey dick me what you're gonna say honey dick yeah i just got honey dick don't honey dick me. What you going to say? Honey dick? Yeah, I just got honey dicked. Don't blue ball me, bitch. The reason why, because I know I say stupid shit at the very end, but I'm going to save

this one, though. I'm going to save it. What the fuck? Because I'm going to say it, and you guys are like, all right, and we're done. Always left pocket. Hey, blue balls are fake. It's a thing guys tell girls to make them feel bad and try to have sex with them. I've never had them, personally. I thought I'd drop a little

knowledge for you. That's facts, so Walker, thank you because I stand by that too. I don't think that's entirely true. I don't think blue balls are fake. Never mind. All you weird ass dudes out here fucking trying to kiss me. Oh no, fuck me, my balls hurt. Weird ass bitch.

If you don't go, I'm going. Where my hug looking at? Yeah! Where my hug looking at Where's my relief at Put me in the game coach Coach can I get Bring your ass back I'm just happy to be here bro I appreciate everything The motherfucker playing ass back Hell no Alright, no, I ain't gonna even talk about it I'm just happy to be here, bro

I appreciate anything Yeah, honestly, I appreciate I appreciate your guys' commitment to what we're doing here I'm speaking to my co-host right now I appreciate you guys committing so hard to the fucking podcast We've been grinding our asses off for about, what now? Like, almost three months We've been putting in the time, putting in the work and it's the i mean the results are showing they speak

for themselves so uh yeah shout out to you guys shout out to everybody involved appreciate you guys shout out to all the listeners the viewers couldn't do it without you guys dude the results are fucking wild like whenever something like these these guys just came back today like dude like i heard from so-and-so or so Or so and so said this or so and so said that About the pod I was like I'm like bro they listened? Like what? People are fucking with it and we're fucking with you guys

But yeah great pod Thanks for fucking being here boys Sorry I'm getting a little bit drunk This is Twisted Teas If you guys knew Walker This dude Walker Your tolerance is down Shit

Walker slimed out of bed Literally For It's 47 minutes ago He had to take a little A little A little power nappy You know

A little nappy Hey hold on One thing Shout out to our local gas station Because Because of us They now stock Two rows of Twisted Teeth.

They used to only have like one row with eight in them. Now there's 16. Fuck yeah. And we still bought them out. I forgot to bring that up. Yeah, we fucking bought out the double row. We literally changed the way they stock their shelves. Let's fucking go.

Shout out Twisted Teeth. Whoever's making the purchase order is probably looking at the numbers like, Shit, that's a spike in Twisted Tea. What the? What is going on? This is a trend. We need to increase our stock. Whoever's behind their purchase ordering is a fucking genius.

They are looking at those reports like, yeah, allocate them more for shows. We need to start a relationship, establish a dialogue and be like, give us a couple extra boxes this week. We need to go straight to the source. boxes this week we need to go straight to the source they will get bought i'm telling you we need to get these motherfuckers wholesale honestly yeah we need to go to the source well thank you guys all for listening to the always laugh podcast it's been a fun time um you know subscribe to our shit listen to us on apple spotify fucking check out our snapchat stories we're about to get our snapchat seriously popping popping Spotify, fucking check out our Snapchat stories. We're about to get our Snapchat seriously popping, popping. Go to check out our Facebook. Go to the giveaway shit.

Do all that shit. Yeah, my name's Austin Lane. My name is AJ. Thank you for the continued support. I'm stealing Walker's bit just for this one last time. I'm Walker. We bit just for this one last time. Alan. I'm Walker. We out. Love you guys.