Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #18 - Austin Pooped His Pants in Nashville

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

This episode we talk about insane travel stories, almost passing out in the gym, and white people wearing shorts year round. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww MERCH - Coming Soon! Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I'm Walker. If you use woke as a pejorative, you're a moron Smith. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of Walker. Thank you for another fucking thing that we don't understand, but we're going to get with you about that later. Hey, if you ain't laughing, you ain't living. I love it, dude. Is that new? Yeah. Let's go. I said it last week, so I'm trying to make it a thing.

All right. If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. Is pejorative like... Can you... I don't know what that word is. It's like a negative thing. Oh. Oh.

My name is AJ. I have shades on. AJ, you already introduced yourself. Freaking slow it down, bud. Grab your Bev. Grab your smoke. We're going to have a good time. We're going to shoot some shit.

Come on with it. What's that noise? Her mic. Dude, relax. Okay. Relax. Relax, bud. Fucking relax, Ray.

Okay. Ray Charles. This is a big podcast, bud. Fucking relax, Ray. It's okay. Ray Charles. This is a big podcast. Kenzie now has headphones on, so shout out to Kenzie. She can hear everything we say. Yeah. Yeah. Kenzie, welcome to the world.

Guys, how we living? Living lavish, living lux. What'd you get up to this week? No fucking idea overall overall mostly a bunch of boring ass shit but today has been good today's been a good day um woke up my roommate uh maybe maybe overslept maybe it was uh intentional uh we got to hang out for most of the day hit mose on cinco de mayo happy cinco de mayo everyone we're recording this podcast on cinco de mayo so uh shout out to that um we went to mo's we got a free t-shirt buy your t-shirt um

had a couple margaritas before the before the pod and where did you get a free t-shirt at mo's first really first 50 people to show up get a free t-shirt. Oh, I knew there was a reason that you went to Moe's. I was hungry. And there's an incentive for a free t-shirt. Potentially. Jesus Christ. Was that the shirt I just threw on the ground? Yeah.

Yeah, thanks for that, by the way. What did it say on the shirt? No idea. No, it was free. It doesn't matter. It says Cinco de Mo's. Welcome to Mo's. So to let the audience in, Austin, AJ, and Kenzie have celebrated the holiday like they normally do. As the average white American would.

Pod number 18. It's a drunk pod. Once again, baby, we're bringing it back. We got another drunk pod on our hands. Slightly drunk. We're good. Slightly drunk maybe. I served burnt pizza tonight for dinner

with a side of Oreo ice cream bars. Oh, yeah. Walker, it was Walker's turn to make our weekly dinner. AJ, what the fuck? All right. If you're hearing some bullshit noises right now,

it's AJ adjusting his mic for the sixth time. I'm good now. Thank you very much. This motherfucker. I'm sorry, but if you guys want the best audio, you have to just bear with me real quick. But Walker made some fire frozen Zazaz some high-end frozen zaz but he burnt the fucking dog shit out of one of them and it had a little crunch to it all right you put enough ranch on

it though and it hits well yeah yeah see i was so i was in california this week um i took a red eye like two days ago and these fuckers still made me make dinner you know quit your bitch there's no fairness in the world that is dude honestly it was your turn it was your decision to decide to leave the state yeah that's fair how was cali you doing anything cool at all no not really just work your ass off i did uh i went to this place called half moon bay which is like this affluent part of near like San Fran. And we sat outside like the Ritz Carlton and watched the sunset. And swear to God, at the moment the sun hit the horizon, I heard bagpipes around the corner.

And this dude, this bagpipe player literally like marched up to the fucking shore face the sunset playing bagpipes that's he like turned around and then marched away bro you're i saw your snapchat story i was like where the fuck is this man right now that shit was so cool yeah it was awesome um wait what time did you say that was was Was it early as shit or later in the day? Oh, yeah, it was like sunset. It was like 730. Like he like he nailed it. Oh, it sounded dope.

Apparently he's there every day. So I want to know what like the pay is, first of all, and the benefits package for the bagpipe player outside of the Ritz-Carlton. Like how do you get into that line of work? Right. maybe he's passionate dude i mean it sounds like a hell of a life i always wonder like weird jobs like when you see someone with like a different like out of the ordinary like there's no way they're doing it for fun clearly they're being paid to do this like how did you stumble upon this job? Like, okay, like, you got on Indeed. It said, like, Sunset Bag Boy Scottish or, like, some shit like that.

Like, what the fuck? Like, how do you come across that shit? Sunset Bag Boy. Yeah, like, Bag Boy, Sunset, Snapchat's taking over you type shit. I want to clarify that I was not staying at the Ritz-Carlton. Yes, you were. Because that is, as I learned, a cheap room at the Ritz-Carlton is $1,200 a night.

That's not going to work on the old company cards. I'm not going to cover that one. It's like, listen, this is a business expense. So speaking of your uh little travel experience this week um i love to travel have you do you guys have any like fucking anything like any like wild travel stories at all just like it could be anywhere like you might have went to two hours away from your home and some wild shit happened just like a little travel experience you guys have any anything crazy yeah you. You ever been to Albion, Michigan?

Yeah, I fucking grew up there, ass jack. I can't say I've ever been to Albion, Michigan. Walker, you have no idea what you're missing, bro, in Albion, Michigan. So what's your wild travel story from Albion, Michigan, then? Just like everything about it. All right, good story. Walker, you got anything? Yeah.

That was a great travel story aj yeah fuck you guys i fucking drove i didn't ask for crazy travel destinations i'm talking about a story within your destination walker anything i need to like pull myself? I need to, like, pull myself together. You need to decompress from that bullshit for a second. AJ, go ahead. When we moved to Raleigh, it was, like, November. And when we pulled up to the crib, I mean, it was, like, an apartment. We pulled up to the apartment and start unloading our shit. It's, like, November, and we were sweating our fucking dicks off in november

and we're like what the hell's going on like yeah here that's north in north carolina that could be normal but in michigan it's like it should be snowing oh it was we left with coats on and then when we got to north carolina i was like shirtless unloading the u-haul dude that's been something like the last 10 years i can make it through in shorts through like December, January. The entire year. You can almost do a full year around here in shorts. I did this year. Like you might have to do it like a couple days for like a couple weeks.

It really depends on like what time you have to go to work in the morning and also like how in tune with your white culture are you. Were you guys those white kids that would go actually white kids have no culture year-round white kids that would go to school year-round in shorts if your parents would let you absolutely i was the same way no but before we get before we get off topic real quick um i like i want to tell my stupid ass travel story real quick. So it's been a couple, it's been, you know, one to two handfuls of podcasts since we've talked about anything shit related, shitting yourself, shitting in general. You're going to make people throw up. They're going to be all right.

So this, this story is a little raunchy, but bear with me. So trigger warning. One year, it was probably two to three years ago myself and the boys group of friends go to nashville and nashville has a whole strip broadway uh that has a bunch of bars and they all play bands so we're waiting outside the one of the bars in line waiting to get into one of these bars whatever and i'm like i'm i'm chilling i'm good but like i have to fart so like i go to fart and like it wasn't even like a you know like they say never trust a fart and in this situation should have taken that advice because like it didn't even feel like i potentially had to shit it just like i farted and like i swear to god like it just felt like a little

bubble came out and like i shit it i shit it in my pants a little bit on broadway in nashville in line waiting to get into a bar but you kept it pushing no listen it gets so much fucking worse it gets so much worse i just saw a youtube video was this your buddy's birthday no that was in charlotte so i immediately hop out of line i'm like boys i gotta go handle this so like there's a parking lot right next to us and uh i go hide behind these cars that are parked in this parking lot it's dark outside so i have you know decent coverage i'm like i don't know what to fucking do i gotta wipe the shit out of my ass i take my shoes off and take my socks off oh and wipe my ass with my socks well i like i was gonna wipe my ass with

my boxers and just like raw dog it which i still did but there was too much there was too much not enough room to still wipe so i took my socks off wipe my ass with my fucking socks and um yeah it was fucking still messy there was a little bit of shit in my pants still it was not good dude it was just not a good situation but i get back in line and i'm hanging out with the friends i meet back up with them in line and there's these girls behind us and these girls like come up and talk to us like of course the one time a group of girls like, come up and talk to us. Like, of course. The one time a group of girls decides to come up and talk to a group of guys, this is my situation.

Only if they knew what you were doing behind the fucking car. So this girl comes up to me and, like, puts her arm around me, and she's like, you're cute, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And, like, she, like, leans in to kiss me, so I kiss her. Whatever, fuck it. Like, I kiss her. And I'm like, I know I smell like shit. And then she fucking reaches her hand around my back and, like, and her hand starts going lower and lower and lower.

And then, like, she gets to, like, my waistline on the back of my pants and i'm like i'm like all right stop like you gotta stop like you're gonna have shit on your hands so like i i guarantee this girl reached her hand into my shitty pants she's like this man's raw dogging jeans right now why does he not have boxers on under his jeans and then she probably smelled her hands later and she's like yeah it makes sense now oh dude it was one of the most mortifying experiences of my life are you are you glad to get that off your chest dude holy fuck i just i i forgot it i literally it popped into my head today I was like, I haven't talked about this with really anyone, and I decided this was the place to divulge that story.

Thank you for being transparent on that, but, bruh. I'm glad you got that. You are a sick bitch. Dude, she had dookie under her fingernails, guaranteed. You're going to have our listeners literally hitting the dislike button. I know. I'm sorry sorry listeners and viewers fucking um getting back to the shorts thing light me up in the comments i don't give a

fuck i had to get it off my chest where did buddy come from with that you've been holding that you've been holding on to that this whole time i suppressed that for a very long time and then it popped into my head today and i decided to share with you guys so i don't need you making me feel like shit about it all All right, AJ? Fucking be nice. Say, it's all right, buddy. It happens to all of us, right? I've never did that.

All right. Nothing even close. It's not that embarrassing. Let's go back to the whole white people with shorts all year. I had something embarrassing that happened on my trip. This past trip? Yeah. To Cali?

Yes. What happened? So when I was a kid, i remember i was on an airplane and i was walking down the aisle and somebody just like fist bumped me out of nowhere this like cool looking dude just like that was fist out like you're the man bumped it i was like all that happened i was like that's sick sign of sex trafficking i don't think so probably not i'm on the plane and there's this it's it's like a red eye it's like 6 a.m in the morning this little kid is like you know bounding in front of his mother walking down the plane

they like stop in front of me i like reach my fist out like to bump it he looks at my fist and then like looks away and i went like i like put my hand on my heart and I looked at his mom and she looked at me just looking like like my bad my son just dissed the fuck out of you you know it would have been so funny if she held her fist up like I got you dog I know that was fucked up on his part nope and uh yeah I just I just I just had to turn forward I didn't know how to I thought that was so cool when I was a kid and that kid did not give a fuck yeah because you probably didn't have an ipad in your hand or some shit but also can we talk about the whole terminology of the word red eye

only like is like relevant to a certain class of people like i don't think so the i don't think like anyone in the class to like a airport knows what a red eye is i'm just this is me just saying like i've never like i've personally never said like i hopped on a red eye type shit i feel like i only hear like celebrities and like rich people say that well well red eyes are not really for the upper class. It's definitely like a lower. Is it really? See, I don't even know what it is. It's like middle of the night flight you can get.

Is it really? It's middle of the night flight. I thought it was like some rich shit. It's like the midnight flight is the red eye. I mean, if you take a red eye on a private plane, that's probably some rich shit. That's fire. No, that's fire. I took a red eye on my PJ.

Not in economy in the middle seat at the back of the plane. God, in fucking Delta. I fuck with Delta. Shout out Delta. I've only flown Delta. Comment down below what your favorite plane provider is. Because honestly, who cares? No, I want to hear that shit.

I like Spirit. Zach, I want to know what. I fuck with Spirit. They get me from point A to point B, and it's cost effective. I want to know what Zach flies. I also want to know what Beth Margo flies. I'm finally in a job that lets me or that enables me to travel, and I have to travel for the job.

So I'm finally earning status for Delta. Like you're getting frequent flyer miles and that type of shit? My boss, he has the platinum elite status of everything so it's funny when he checks into a hotel and I check in after him and they're like oh thank you for being a platinum elite you know we've got a bunch of water and snacks in your room like you have room service

like you know access to the concierge lounge you know there's breakfast lunch and dinner in there just call down if you need anything I walk up thanks for being a member breakfast, lunch, and dinner in there. Just call down if you need anything. I walk up. Thanks for being a member. You don't get shit. Go fuck yourself.

Here's your key card. Go to your room. And don't call us because we probably won't pick up. They're like, yeah, no room service. No new towels. You get what you get. No, honestly, when you travel, it really will put you in your fucking place. Whatever place you're in, I feel like when you travel, if you're that fucking guy, you're going to get treated like that fucking guy. Or if you're an employee, you're going to get treated like a fucking employee.

I feel like traveling will really expose your class in this world type shit. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, it makes sense. I remember getting on a plane and walking past my coworkers who were in first class as I went straight to the back of the plane. So bullshit. So bullshit, dude. It's embarrassing for no reason. I, honestly. It's embarrassing for, like, no reason.

I feel like it even shouldn't be embarrassing. Like, the only time that I would want to be first class is if I'm flying, like, more than, like, four hours. Like, I can fucking thug it out in the back of the plane. That's the fucking society pressure. When it gets to, like, six hours plus, it's like, bro, business class business class first class those would hit different right now you you guys ever been in a situation where you're on a long ass flight and they hook you up with the fucking exit row and you would just have all of the leg room in the world no it's the best god the longest flight i've been on is michigan to rally it's only hour 45 and i'm like by by that

hour and a half i'm like bro can we get off already like i'm tweaking i couldn't do no more than two hours aj is terrible on flights when we were flying back from uh michigan coming off a bender coming off a little bender he was already like our heads were all a little fuzzy this motherfucker looked take off he went ghost white he looked sick he's like just don't talk to me don't touch me like he looked bad i just don't like the whole like going from the ground to like in the air and like just going up and then like leveling out like that whole like up in level stresses me you know aj talks You know, AJ talks a lot of shit. He just talks shit in general all the time.

He went fucking dead silent, and I would look at him just laughing and smiling. He just looks at me, shaking his head like, don't fuck with me, don't fuck with me. I have something that kind of causes the same reaction to me in the airport. I saw this, a disturbing amount of this which is people going through the security line with slides or flip-flops on and then taking them off and walking on the bare airflow airport ground with their bare feet yeah that's that's Dude Criminal If you are one of those people Please

Why Stop Please at least throw a pair of socks on Like you won't get made fun of Socks and sandals I don't understand It's just like Why did you come to the airport

With no socks on You know you gotta take them bitches off I couldn't imagine That's some white people shit It's nasty White people Stop doing that. I'm on your ass.

Our people's ass. Stop. Our people's ass. You knew you had to wake up in the morning and come to the airport. Why the fuck don't you have socks on? It almost elicited a physical response from me. I was like, that's just fucked. Have you seen them TikToks?

They're like, take off your hood. It's like 5 in the morning. Everyone has anxiety. My favorite. This is an everyday thing. My favorite part of my day is when AJ is like, have you seen those TikToks? And then he quotes it. And I'm like, no.

Tell me why. I haven't. Austin has 1 million followers on TikTok and doesn't get on TikTok. How? Dude, it's not even that I don't get on TikTok. I just don't fucking, like, I don't know. You are built different. I don't like, well, whatever.

That's how subtle Austin is. One of them guys that just, like you you guys all know that one person was just like dude ran up a million followers and just like doesn't care it's not like it ain't like a no no no people get hype over 10k don't get it don't get it twisted 5k listen it's not that i don't care i'm just not gonna go around like I have a million followers on TikTok like no like that shit's whack as fuck but I'm saying like you you don't even get on the app

like I know buddy I know exactly what I have and I'm grateful every single day for all of this you're like me on Dig Dug when I got to level 99 and it went back to 0 like you're like oh fuck you're like a woman on Candy Crush when they get to level 1 million. Dude, I appreciate all of the fucking whatever, but that's just the start.

People get too hyped up. That's why people fall off because they're like, oh, I hit 10K. I hit 100K. I hit a million. I made it. No, motherfucker. That's why people fall off because they're like, oh, I hit 10K. I hit 100K. I hit a million. I made it. No, motherfucker. That's nothing.

I mean, like, shout out to all those people that have hit those milestones. But that's what it is. A milestone to the greater fucking picture. We still in the trenches. We trying to make it out. Exactly. If you got some food or some government gift cards, call me. If I have some government gift cards.

That's fucking hilarious. Oh, shit. No, no, listen, listen to this shit. I just want to know, right? I just want to know. Yeah. You guys played sports in high school, right? A little bit.

What was your, like, preferred, like, sports number? Like, what number did y'all ask for in high school? Seven. 56. Okay, Mike, Vic, and numbers. Like, what number did y'all ask for in high school? Seven. 56. Okay, Mike Vick, and were you a lineman? Yeah. He's like, I'm going to try to make fun of him. Yeah, no, I was.

I'm not making fun. That's a classic lineman number. It's a linebacker number. Linebacker? Mm-hmm. 56 is line men all day, buddy. Right, yeah. No, there's no linebackers number 56 what is it

what's his name for the Bears what's his name Khalil no the white dude Brian Erlacher his buddy came Brian Erlacher 56 Lawrence buddy came Brian Urlacher.

56. Lawrence Taylor was number 56, right? One of the fucking... They used to call me Jeremy Shockey in elementary school. The skateboarder? Yeah. I was more of a rip sticker.

So they called me a wrestling piece of troy brooks man fuck all right i had to get off my chest we'll let it we'll let it go all right that's my fault yeah you're good um aj the other day you and i was did i cut you off i don't know all right fuck it um the other day you and i went to the gym right and we uh shout out to lexi my sister lexi lane um alexis lane yeah alexis whatever alexis lane the goat yeah so like aj and i are sitting on the couch and we facetime my sister and we're like fuck like we're like we're trying to get our fucking abs right like we're trying not to be fat anymore blah blah blah lexi's like look this is what you got to do hit the stair master for 15 minutes a day and that shit will get you right like on speed eight on speed eight you don't have

a choice hit it do it whatever so we it's leg day what's today uh friday it was this was yesterday thursday um we hit the stairmaster we get to like five minutes in on speed eight aj's like bro i'm not doing so good i'm not doing so good so he's like all right fuck it my goal is 10 minutes i'm like all right let's just hit 10 minutes like it's our first day on the stairmaster we can We can take it easy, whatever. So we make it to 10 minutes. We get off the Stairmaster. AJ's breathing heavy as fuck. He's leaking. He looks like he just took a fucking shower.

So I'm like, dude, it's leg day, buddy. Like, you better lock it in. Like, we got some shit to handle. And I'm like, we're not going to squat. Like, I don't want to squat. Like, my back's fucked up. I'm not trying to squat right now. Like, let's just go hit the fucking leg press.

So we get to the leg press. We're trying to push reasonably heavy weight. Heavy, buddy. The Stairmaster was the warm-up. That was the first exercise we did was the Stairmaster. And I respect all of the girl fitness community that dies on the the stair master because that's a big thing in the women girl he uh she her community all that shit so we got good stuff so we go to the um yeah shout out to everybody that can handle the stair master wait tell them what you were telling

yourself on the stair master in my head no no In my head, I was on like minute three. I was on minute three. Fitting to die on that bitch. Look, I'm on, look, no, Walker, you're laughing. Do speed eight. That motherfucker will show you who's boss. Look, you put that bitch on speed eight on the Stairmaster, I'm

three minutes in. In my head, I'm like, his little sister, Lexi, talking about 15 minutes. Bitch, I'm like, his little sister Lexi talking about 15 minutes. Bitch, I'm finna die on three. So I'm like, all right. In my head, I'm like, my goal is five, but I ain't gonna say it out loud. My goal is five. But look, in my head, I'm like, my goal is five.

I ain't gonna say it out loud, though. But then once we got to five, I'm like, all right, all right. Thug it out. Thug it out. I'm on 10. I'm like, my goal is 10. That's at least close to 15. That's what he said out loud to me. He's like, Austin, I'm on 10. I'm like, my goal is 10. That's at least close to 15. That's what he said out loud to me.

He's like, Austin, my goal is 10. I'm like, 10 is a lot. Like, in my head, I'm like, 10 is a fucking lot, bro. And once we got to about eight, I'm like hanging on to the thing. Like, you know what I'm saying? He's hunched over. No, no, listen. Hold on.

I'm hanging on to that bitch. Leaned over like a motherfucking, I don't know, like drunk as hell on that bitch. I leaned over. And then I'm like, all right, I'm going to thug this last minute out. From 9 to 10, I'm staying up straight. I'm not holding on to shit. I stood up straight on all 10 toes. Fuck, I stood up straight.

From 9 to 10, got off that bitch. And then Austin can tell you the rest after that. You didn't even say what I was talking about. What? The firefighters. Oh, yeah, yeah. About seven minutes in, I'm like,

them motherfuckers at 9-11 fucking walked up 100 stories or whatever the fuck. I'm like, bro, I could do this shit with no weight on my back or nothing. I'm like, in my head, I'm trying to coach myself through this shit.

Austin's over there not even breathing hard. I'm looking. Jay gets six minutes into the stair master he's like the guys on 9-11 i have to push through shit was shit was 20 20 years ago i'm looking at austin i'm like bro you ain't sweating oh i was dying he's like no i ain't sweating i Oh, I was dying. He's like, no, I ain't sweating. I'm literally, sweat is pouring onto the machine where I have to wipe it off. Dude, I look over. He's not even sweating, bro. I was fucking dying. But I looked over, and I saw you hunched over fucking dying. And I'm like, ain't no way I'm going to go out like that.

I had to make you feel bad, so I just fucking pretended like I was all right. And I just thugged it out. And I'm like, all right, he's going to look over and see me playing it cool, and he's going to feel bad about it, and that's all I can do for him right now. Do you know how much of a buzzkill that was to me? I'm like, I'm fighting through this shit. I got this shit to look over to see you not even struggling. I'm like, what the fuck?

My legs could damn near not move another fucking step at minute eight i was like fuck this all you motherfuckers at home speed eight on the inc i mean on the what is it called the stair master master speed eight but listen so we get off the fucking we get off the stair master um aj is not doing well you can see it in his eyes you know like when you work out too hard you get a little dizzy Like when you get to that feeling When you're cold and you're hot and you're sweating at the same time And it's like you feel like you're literally blacking out

But it's just from working out Yeah, motherfucker was spinning in the gym And I could see it in his eyes It was not spinning Call it what you want It was not spinning, tell him what happened No, listen Tell him what happened. Look. I saw... No, no. Listen, I saw... Tell him every shit we did until you told me I looked white.

And I was like, all right, let me go try to throw up. So he was fine. Yeah, yeah. He was fine. Whatever. We'll say he was fine. Tell him what we did. We went and did...

We hit leg press. Fucking did heavy ass weights. Four sets. Heavy. Maxed out. And did a fucking drop set on the last one. Yeah. Yup.

Till exhaustion. exhaustion yeah he was fucked up so then we i'm still breathing hard via the post stair master after every set he's like i'm not doing well i'm not doing well after every set um so then we move on to the little hamstring fucking i'm gonna fly through this next part of the story because it's boring as fuck we fly through the we do the little uh hamstring fucking curls whatever he's like i'm not doing well i'm not doing well we go to the leg extensions you know quad leg extensions he's like i'm not doing well i'm not doing well we get through two sets motherfucker after two sets he sits there i'm still breathing hard he's like i'm not doing well i look at him he's ghost white

fucking ghost white drenched like it looks like somebody just took a hose and blasted like it was not good so he's like i'm like bro you look like you're about to throw up he's like i feel like i might he's like matter of fact i think i'm gonna go to the bathroom like just to see like what's going on bro like i was like all right since you fit since you physically said i look like i'm turning white even though i'm still repping out fucking sets, I'm still doing sets. After the second set, Austin's like, you look white as fuck. I'm like, all right, let me go to the bathroom. I'm like, all right.

So AJ's like, I'm going to the bathroom. Grab my shit. Like, just make sure you grab my shit. I just got to go. He just fucking took off walking. So I go downstairs to go to the next Fucking little workout area And I told him meet me there And AJ's on his own at this point

In the bathroom And look I'll tell you what happened in the bathroom Look I get in the bathroom I immediately Take my shirt off I'm in a handicapped stall like a big stall Thank god no one was in there I had the bathroom to myself i'm like

fucking yes i'm like i take my shirt off i damn near had to fucking rip i had to rip my neck damn near my shirt to get my shirt off because my shirt was fucking soaked i'm like what the fuck i'm i'm like leaking take my shirt off hanging on a little hook on the back of the door like Austin used to do in high school to get butt ass naked. To take a shit. Take a shit. I'm hanging on the little back hook. I'm so nasty with it. My knee is on the ground and my palm.

No, no. I take that back. My palm. There's a handicap bar on this side. There's a handicap bar on the other side. So I'm gripping that bitch with one knee on the ground trying to yak in the toilet all of a sudden look as i'm like trying to make myself throw up i hear someone come in right so any anyone's like normal reaction is like all right tighten up tighten the fuck up do not act like you're in here throwing up because

like there's only a certain type of person that, like, will still continue to, like, yak or, like, shit or, like, whatever they're doing as people are in there, right? A standard person will, like, try to suppress it, right? I don't know if that's just me or, like. No, that adds up. I feel like most people probably do. So, look, someone walked in. I stand up. I'm like, I'm in here, like, just to announce myself, like, I'm in here. I'm good. Like, just know I'm all right. I'm up. I'm like, I'm in here. Just to announce myself, I'm in here.

I'm good. Just know I'm all right. I'm good. So look, I hear this man, someone peeing in the urinal, and he's making the craziest noises. This guy, any fucking masculine noise, alpha male noise you can think of, he's making while peeing. I don't even want to do him. He's pissing.

He's like, ugh. He's making the craziest noise. He had to be over 50 years old. Only people over the age of 50 do that. No. So I immediately think it's awesome trying to be funny, right? So I'm like, bro, chill out. Like, chill out, bro.

So look. I'm like, bro, chill out. Chill out. So look, he don't say nothing. He's still, like, moaning while peeing. He's like, ugh. Like, ugh. I's like, oh, I'm like, bro. I'm like, am I? I'm like, what the fuck?

So I'm like, I'm going to really see if it's awesome or not. So, you know, you know, the classic, like kind of like kind of like look down and like see what shoes they rocking. He's rocking the all black Air Max 270s. The same shoes he has on. So look. So look. So look. I'm like, oh, you motherfucker.

I said that shit. I'm like, oh, you motherfucker. Because I'm like guaranteed Austin. He's wearing the shoes. Oh, you motherfucker. So you know I'm tall and shit so after he didn't say a response after that as he's he's still peeing during this whole time he's still peeing I like glance or I glance over the top of the stall we make eye contact. This dude had motherfucking dreads and was black.

And he was the personal trainer in that bitch whose arms are like fucking. Oh, it was the big dude. Bro. Yeah, the big motherfucker. This dude was fucking yacked. And we made eye contact, and I just kept it pushing, bro. So, like, after you made eye contact, what just kept it pushing bro like i just so like after you made eye contact what happened like specifically nothing i just turned around and walked the fuck out no no i'm still in the stall i looked over the stall made eye contact like five seconds

later he leaves and oh you waited you're like i'm not leaving this fucking stall until he's gone i waited like three minutes after he left to walk out. Kenzie and I are literally downstairs in the fucking turf room waiting for you. You were taking forever. As I walked out, I'm just scanning who has these black shoes on. I seen him. I said, oh my god. You turned the opposite direction.

You're like, I gotta get the fuck on. This motherfucker was yacked. I'm talking about the biggest dude in the gym it's like oh as he's pissing bro i'm like he's pissing out straight fucking trend creatine motherfucker just pissing he's on fucking gear his piss isn't coming out right no he's got the bull piss oh my god this guy was fucking in there struggling. He was damn near struggling more than me. Dude, that is really funny.

AJ comes downstairs and is, like, telling me this story. I'm in the middle of doing abs as he's telling me this story. I'm like, buddy, I can't even, like, laugh the way I want to because you're making me cramp the fuck up. Like, shut the fuck up. Meanwhile, Kenzie's like like are you okay like you don't have health insurance like you need to you need to take it easy in here babe i'm like he's fucking fine i'm like i'm good i just almost od'd off the stairmaster shout to lexi bro

i damn near od'd off that bitch for that motherfucker had me breathing heavy four sets later still how oh that shit was so I didn't even do 15 minutes I did 10 minutes and damn near OD'd bro that ain't right who knew you could legitimately legitimately almost OD off working out AJ you want have you ever tried the versa climber I don't know what that is. That's the one It's in the turf room. It's got like, you go like this. Oh yeah, that bitch. The what? Bro. Oh, were you

No, you're like here. Make Austin do it, or make him do it next time y'all are in there. Bro, that bitch is different. Hell nah. It just uses your entire body. I want to say it's different but hit that speed 8 on the Stairmaster. It's like it just uses your entire body. It's fucking hell. I want to say it's different, but hit that speed eight on the Stairmaster. That's no count. Hit five minutes on the Versa machine and talk to me.

Comment down below what your hell exercise is because I think eight minutes on a Stairmaster or ten minutes on a Stairmaster is different. AJ went through all seven days of hell week in fucking 15 minutes. In 10 minutes That's what I meant I also went from fat boy to six pack in a week So all y'all can talk shit Show it off, pull it out there

That's what I thought Yeah he's sitting down Just wait Let him stand up and lean back a little bit The motherfucking McDouble's still poking real quick, but it's going to be gone soon. Dude, I've been good on McDonald's breakfast lately. I haven't tapped in. I haven't had fast food in a minute besides my rogue cookout orders and shit.

Hey, that's good, man. I'm proud of you. Cookout ain't even fast food if you order the right shit. Hasn't had fast food in a minute, but I've personally witnessed him have Chipotle twice within the last eight days, Chick-fil-A one of the days, and a cookout tray. Within the last eight days, those have been your lunch orders. Just so you know. McDonald's is only fast food in my eyes. Welcome back to Talking with Walk.

I have a quote for us this week that I found and I kind of liked it be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it

advice is a form of nostalgia dispensing is a way of fishing from the past from the disposal wiping it off painting over

the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. I don't know who the quote was from, but I liked it. So, Walker, tell me what that quote means to you. Basically, people who are giving you advice are just taking past experiences and covering the bad parts and I think really giving advice to their younger selves. Right, so basically like wisdom.

That's like what wisdom is yeah right it's like be you know be be cautious but also be patient with those who are supplying it sounds like a fucking load of bullshit when somebody gives you some trash ass advice it's like you probably had something happen where that's necessary right aj what are your thoughts on uh walker's segment it uh no no listen no no let me hear that i'm very interested in your opinion that is that is some shit because um when someone like tries to give you advice that is exactly true like they're giving you advice based on what they've personally had happen probably to them. Like, in general.

So, like, everyone goes through different shit in life. So, like, your advice might be different than his advice because, like, you might have had some shit happen versus what he had happen. And, like, I don't know. It's just different. Like, I might only talk to you and take your advice to heart. But, like, low-key key I should have took his advice Because like maybe me and him was like

Closer like on some different On some wavelength shit Like maybe you was like a Virgo And I was a Pisces Or like whatever the fuck You know what I'm saying Like whatever the fuck I feel it AJ

I feel you dog I am a Virgo Oh you are You know I'm a Pisces What are you talking about So is he I'm a Pisces Hey What are you talking about? So is he. I'm a Pisces. Hey.

It's meant to be. Kenzie, what's your sign? Let's go. Leo. Leo. That's how I mean. I'm a Leo. What do they say?

I'm a Leo. I'm about to fuck the summer up. Comment down below what's your sign. Man, I already know what time it is. Hey, you motherfuckers giving advice out here need to be careful. I'm tired of motherfuckers giving sub-mid, what's that word? Sub-par advice, bro. If you're going to give advice, at least, like, be fire with it.

Hit me with something that I want. Stand on all ten toes. Don't give me some shit. Hit me with something I haven't heard before. That's what I'm saying, bro. Like, oh, go to college. Shut up, bro. We heard that 10 years ago don't get run face first into a wall like like fucking clip your toenails like oh my god are we on the same

page anymore i don't know actively keep up with your hygiene you stanky ass co-worker said to me some wild shit the co-worker said to you yeah yes well first of all have y'all ever met like been around a person normally a guy who without even a trace of irony uses terms like alpha beta and sigma yeah most of my friend group unfortunately, including myself. I honestly can 100% say I have one friend that was in like a frat and he was cool as fuck. But it wasn't white people frats. It was black people frats. So Walker's not talking about. Way different.

He's not talking about frats when he's saying alpha beta sigma yeah no i was talking about like like an alpha i know but like he goes hand in hand no man it doesn't walker just uh just continue so this guy called himself an alpha without a trace of irony. He also at some point said, my big toenail, if it grew out, could probably cut someone's jugular. That line took me so fucking off guard, I didn't even know how to react to it. It's like this guy is so confident in himself that he's like, my big fucking toenail will own somebody.

What are you supposed to say to that you tell him to shut the fuck up that's what i said well okay so walker was telling me about this fella and i'm like dude i don't know how you would put like i don't see how you put up with this guy at work like i would just call him on a shit and And he's like, he's not as bad as it makes it seem. Like, the stories make it seem like you just got to kind of laugh with it because at the end of the day, it's kind of fucking funny. Yeah. Like, to have that level of confidence in yourself is almost admirable. Oh, yeah.

Honestly, those. The dude can conquer the world. Those guys. With his fucking big toenail. You honestly have to just gas up for your own comedy like you know they're about to say something either dumb dumb as hell i had i had uh look i hear you they're either gonna say something stupid as hell or like you like you're you're setting them up to say something funny just so you can laugh because like you know they're going to say something stupid.

I do it all the time. Right. It takes a bigger person to use the situation for your own comedic pleasure. It's kind of fucked up if you think about it. It's like, I'm going to say something because I know a response is going to be given to me that's going to make me laugh. It's the perfect setup. It's like yeah like like like like me at work hell yeah joe biden and then oh shit all hell breaks loose what the

fuck are you talking about joe biden oh hell no 80 hour work weeks soft hands take that biden in that bud light and get the fuck on out. You must have soft hands, Bo. No, that shit go hand in hand. I definitely understand saying that shit, though. Will you tell about one of your people not accepting a certain beer? Oh, yeah, no. It's not just one person. I figure it's a whole lot of people that are probably like that. If you were to go to the rural parts of America and give out free Bud Light

and do a percentage of the amount of people that you know they drink. You know they drink beer and shit. You get a whole bunch of beer drinkers and you go to hand out free bud light do a percentage of how many people hesitate on taking the fucking free the fucking free bud light bro it's gonna be a high percent bro until they get drunk enough and they're like all right fuck it i guess i'll uh i'll uh put my my own personal morals aside on this one and drink the bud light because it's going to do exactly what it did two weeks ago before they

fucking did all the shit. I guess the tranny ain't that bad. I'll put my lips on it. Son of a bitch. Pour it in a glass. Pour it in a glass, bro. Son of a bitch. Boys, boys.

Can I just tell you guys both? Shout out to everyone drinking Bud Light, man. 100%. I love my Bud Light. I used to not like Bud Light, but much like Colin Kaepernick. So can I tell this real quick? All right. Let's go.

My favorite athlete of all time is Cam Newton. And Colin Kaepernick absolutely just sunned Cam Newton in the playoffs one time. What year was that? I don't know. Like 2013, 2014 maybe. And he walked into the end zone, did the fake Superman, but then closed his chest up and buttoned it down and did his celebration. So I was like, fuck this dude.

Because he made my favorite quarterback look like a bitch. And then the flag shit happened, and I realized what side I was on, like the type of people who agreed with me, and I was like, you know what? This guy's actually not bad. You're like, I think I like Colin Kaepernick all of a sudden. I think I have to put aside my past

and realize I need to get on the right train. It's not the flag shit. It's just like, you know, I don't think you can say flag shit. It's like what, you know. You know what he meant. Chill out. What do you mean? Like, I don't know the fucking right or wrong way to say it,

but I feel like it's not called like the flag shit. Dude, I did JROTC. I know what I'm talking about. a right or wrong way to say it but i think it's not called like the flag shit dude i did jrtc i know what i'm talking about so he is studied up on this if anyone can call it's fucking walker exactly don't call out him don't call him out again oh shit oh shit it's time to call the pod because i just accidentally uh slurred my words and drunk spoke at the same time I think so um it's been a pleasure ladies and gents like I as was saying um I fuck with both of you guys heavy uh thanks for

um all of you guys' fucking uh effort that you put into this pod every week and thanks to all the listeners for listening to our bullshit every week uh AJ you got anything to say? yeah I do um I just want to say please uh you know comment like subscribe all that good stuff it helps everything in general you know walker nope well in that case my name is austin lane my name is AJ Reopening Clay Bonds and Rives Junction.

Thank you. I'm Walker. We out. Love you, everyone.