Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #19 - Austin and Walker Have ED

Episode Date: May 23, 2023

This episode we talk about erectile dysfunction pills, loving and hating the holidays, iguanas taking over, and rewriting the constitution. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww MERCH - Coming Soon! Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name's Austin Lane. My name's AJ. I'm Walker. I cannot stop buying houseplants Smith. What's up boys? Podcast number 19. How we doing? Bro, this the number one podcast you've never heard of dumbass. Jesus Christ. If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. What's up? I'll tell you what's up. This past weekend, I went to a cookout. I kissed a random girl at a bar. Not super random, but whatever. Next day, I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be at a bar. I'm going to be to a cookout i kissed a random girl at a bar not super random but whatever next day woke up went to brunch uh almost got a tattoo took an erectile dysfunction pill um ended up at a family dinner wasn't my family and uh been recovering ever since what about you guys the ed pill didn't work you said absolutely not nope uh so you're gonna have you're definitely gonna have issues when you're an old What about you guys? The ED pill didn't work, you said? Absolutely not. Nope. So you're definitely going to have issues when you're an old man. Yeah. Yeah, probably.

You just literally saw the future. Austin, can I indulge? Are you going to indulge or divulge? Divulge? I think that's the right one, actually. All right. I guess. Don't give them too much. Austin comes to me with the rhino, like riding like a tiger with like a RPG on it type gas station pills.

Like just like the dirtiest shit you could find. And he was like, let's take them. So we both take two. And then he takes another one. And he leaves. And I end up puking them both up because I just feel like absolute trash. And Austin, I think, transcended his body and went to a different plane. Oh, yeah.

Well, I threw up too, but it was just right outside of the brunch bar. So the bartender's like, I go to buy, like I come back in, I go to buy another round of drinks for everyone. He's like, are you good? And I'm like, yeah, well, what do you mean? He's like, well, people usually are not very good when they're throwing up outside the bar. And I was like, dude, trust me.

I got this. If anything, I'm fucking good. Mind your fucking business. What are you, a fucking cop? He was being real coppy. Real oppy. Real oppy outside. You guys honestly fucking went on a bender last weekend.

What are you talking about, man? I wasn't even a part of it. I just got to witness it, and I can say you guys went full on. Can we bring up why you and you weren't a part of it? Yep. I can tell you exactly why. Because you're soft and you lied to us. Because I drove 50 minutes home with the intention of coming back,

but once I got home, I said, yeah, we ain't going back. Oh, yeah, we'll meet you guys out. So we're at the cookout. They say, yeah, we ain't going back. Oh, yeah, we'll meet you guys out. So we're at the cookout. They say, yeah, we're going to meet you guys out tonight. I looked them dead in their eyes because I knew the odds were slim. If I were them, I wouldn't have promised it. There's no way I would have made that drive back. I had good intentions.

When I was looking you dead in your eyes, we were coming back, bro, because the fucking sun was still like it was still light out everything was good but by the time we drove 50 minutes home and then we're gonna have to drive another like 25 minutes back look man I'm not mad at you I'm not mad at you just know you let people down people are upset I was mad they can be upset all they want but just know that Austin's still recovering from the bender and i've been straight ever since i'm good okay austin's good now he rounded into form after the absolute betrayal by his cousin and her associated people yeah you guys left you guys left me so i had to drink to

the pain i didn't give a proper goodbye that's how you know my intentions were to come back. That's what made it so messed up. You guys promised. You guys looked me in my eyes, and I was like, you promise you're coming back. We were like, yeah, we're coming back. I know what you said. Everyone knows that, man. It's late night, bro.

It's just like we got. It was like 730. It was dark out. that's why you know dude i was at food lion today and this lady came up to me and she's like hey i'm your neighbor uh can you give me a ride home you're right and i was like i have one neighbor i have one neighbor. I have one neighbor, and they haven't been in their house in about three months because they've been getting renovations done. I was like, and she's like, oh, I like your shirt, UNC Charlotte, right? And I was like, yeah.

She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I live, like, right near there. So, like, can you take me home? And I was like, we are nowhere near. Nowhere near this location. Three hours away. Yeah. So, that was my fun. She was down bad.

She was trying to get in your car. Oh, 100%. I think it's because you've been, like, looking good. You've been hitting the gym lately. Like, ladies are flocking. Maybe. That could've been hitting the gym lately. Ladies are flocking. Maybe. That could have been a potential sex traffic. She was going to sex traffic me?

Yeah. All right. Can we get into the sex trafficking thing? Sure. To be fair, I don't know really enough about it, but I've heard enough absurd stories where I can push back a little bit like the whole They sit under your car to like slice your ankles

Like there's no I heard dude. I walked out of my like the the place I work at and there was There's these two girls of walking walking out of the office adjacent. And I walked ahead of them, and one of them stopped down and looked under her car. No way. And the girl was like, what are you doing? And she was like, yeah, you got to make sure nobody's under there. Nobody will take you into sex trafficking.

I guess. Maybe she thought she had an oil leak. Right, I was going to say oil leak. Probably she just didn't want to admit it. Maybe. Like her car might not start. Her car was bummy as hell and she was like, I'm going to cover. I'm going to cover with some...

She has to put a quart. She puts a quart of oil in every morning before she goes to work. Oh, shit. No, you can't fuck around. Sex trafficking is not something to fuck around about um that shit is hell no have you ever seen the movie taken that shit's fucking crazy that shit's real as fuck and um it really i've actually never seen taken wow that shit seems hold on you've never seen taken noen is a fire movie. Fire movie. Yeah, I saw the... I haven't watched many movies.

The gray one? The gray one? Do you remember... You know the Liam Neeson movie where he's, like, fighting a wolf? Oh, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. I watched that, and I was like... The gray?

Is it called The Gray? The gray, that's what it is. I was like, this is, like, the most badass thing I've ever seen. He can't get better than this. I don't even need to take it. Dude, I don't know man him in taken is like probably the most badass liam neeson movie i've ever seen in my goddamn life i mean in my freaking life that's buddy's name liam neeson liam neeson he is hugely controversial if you have you heard what he said so his daughter was raped which is obviously terrible and i believe she was raped by a black

man and he said after that happened he roamed around scotland i guess that's where he lived with like a pipe or something looking for black men to beat up liam neeson jesus christ buddy could have just like fucking if he was that mad he could have like ordered like a hit or something he got all that money but like just random black man like not even the guy it made him racist as fuck litter i think it yeah yeah yeah it made him feel comfortable with his racism. I'm not. Dude, I think canceling is fake.

Canceling is. It's really not. Oh, no. Apparently, I heard from or I've watched videos of celebrity or like influencers saying like canceled culture somewhat has died down a little bit from what it was. It's potentially no longer a thing. It still is a thing, but it's not as relevant as what it was. Have you guys heard that? So in cancel culture, that's wrapped up into the whole Me Too movement, I think.

And people usually, when they talk about cancel culture, they're framing it in a negative light. Kenzie, is that true despite she's not wearing the head the uh the podcast woman what do you think about me too i don't know good answer she said she's not wearing the headphones because when she wears the headphones she's too into what we're talking about so she's not saying she's not wearing the headphones because when she wears the headphones, she's too into what we're talking about. I did not say that. She's not wearing them today, so she has no idea what we're talking about. She doesn't give a shit about what we're talking about.

She doesn't want to have to care. So, hey, today, can we talk about Dollar Tree? No. Can I finish my point real quick? Get to it, buddy. All right. Cancel culture is not a real thing. It's just consequences for action period

period i like that stance actually aj we cannot talk about dollar tree okay but only because you asked let's talk i'm talking about dollar ah all right let's hear it you want to hear okay no i'm gonna tell a funny story about dollar tree nope i don't want to hear it. You guys will not believe this shit. I have gotten... So, look. I buy my... Kenzie got me hip to this. If you're not hip to this, you're wasting money.

Buy your Christmas cards, any event cards that you're going to buy a card for somebody at Dollar Tree. They're literally a dollar compared to, like, paying $8 to $10 at Target. They're actually 50 cents. Oh, wow cents they're like anywhere six dollars and up at any other place right don't get me wrong they're not the best cards but they're they're good cards right yeah why blow why blow eight dollars on a card when somebody reads it and pretends like they care about keeping the card and they hold on to it for just long enough to not feel bad about throwing it away it just gets thrown in a drawer but um but i got called out one time by i think it was my mom who was it babe i think it was your mom and me and me i got oh and her i've gotten called out two times for getting the same card multiple years in a row to these people.

Because Dollar Tree ain't shit. They print the same cards every year. And I have just picked out the same one multiple times for multiple people. They're like, you literally got me this card last year. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, I mean, I guess it's a good card if I keep picking it out. Dude, my grandfather, who's, you know, RIP the legend.

A real one. What he would do, he would get like a Easter card from somebody and he'd cross out Easter. He'd write in Christmas. He'd cross out the note to himself. He'd write in, Merry Christmas, Walker. I love you, Charlie.

Dude, that's hilarious. Send it down for Christmas. That's fire. Every time I got a card from him and it was like, you know, birthday, Christmas, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It has like four X's.

Every time was crossed out, was in the holiday, it was crossed out and it was always addressed to him originally dude that's legendary it has like a snowman on the front happy birthday that's so funny he could get away with it

I guess he just didn't give a fuck it was very endearing one of my ex-girlfriend's moms would buy out like rows of cards and she would like flip through to like, like, have I given this one to this person? Because like she'd have multiples of like a bunch of them. So like she had to like flip through all of them. Like, shit, I hope I didn't give this one to that same person.

I couldn't imagine having giving enough thank you letters to where they start overlapping dude do you know how embarrassing it was to get called i'll be like dude you literally got me the same card last year it's like mother's day or like some fucking other fucking shit honestly cards are um kenzie said this once, and I don't disagree, but, like, at the same time, whatever. She said, like, it's nothing to get somebody a card. Like, it's nothing to get somebody a card. Like, that's simple. It's slight, whatever.

And, you know, writing a nice message in the card is always good, whatever. But, like, cards are fucking lame. Like, overall, they're kind of fucking lame. I disagree with the – i think the message is what makes it inside like the card yeah oh 100 100 but if like someone like actually you know writes you like a half a page oh i'm crying i agree i agree but if i'm getting a card and it just says happy birthday austin xo fucking whoever the fuck i'm like stop wasting your time just hand me the cash in person my sister showed incredible because you can send them to me i appreciate them thank you

when you pull out the letter you can't look at the cash first you have to read it oh you my sister it was just her birthday, she pulled out the letter and this check just like fluttered down right in front of her. Didn't even look. It was like a slow-mo shot. There was a slow-mo shot of the check falling. It was like fluttering down.

Those fucking videos. Those videos where they... That's a great idea, Splinweez. Where they open the card and the fucking cash just falls out of it. They're just staring at the card. That shit is stupid, bro. They did. I've seen so many videos, like, so much money in the cards.

The shit just falls out. You're like, love you too, grandma. So, scramble to pick up all your money austin you strike me as a guy who you're like a anti valentine's day like are you like a you think like a lot of these holidays are like superfluous like hallmark holidays no i fucking love them all oh okay huge huge holiday guy just not the cards specifically i was mostly just talking shit. Okay. He's getting the cards. I like the cards.

I like giving them. It's, I was just talking shit. You did come to me the other day and you were like, man, all these birthdays and Christmas. Oh, yeah. It's bullshit. It's fucking annoying. It's just irritating. I'm on that same tip.

I'm on the same tip. It's usually the beginning of the year. It's one after a fucking another. Especially when you have so many, like, whatever. So many friends and family. It's like, holy shit. Like, it's always a holiday or always somebody's birthday. Why can't I just be by my fucking self?

Right. Or, like, why do I always have to spend a minimum of $30 fucking dollars on somebody's gift? Like, fuck. Three times a month. Every goddamn month. Cut me a goddamn break. You're being ungrateful, bud. I'm not being ungrateful.

Some people wish they could buy somebody a gift. I'm being fucking broke. Okay. That shit will fucking turn you ice cold, baby. Shit. No, I do get overwhelmed because, like, it goes like this. It really starts at fucking Christmas, okay? It goes Christmas, and then it's like boom

new year's like not not that new year's like you have to do anything but it's still like an event it goes christmas new year's and it's like boom valentine's day because look because you know january flies the fuck by every year. January flies by. It's February. Then boom, Valentine's Day. Then it's like fucking February. What's February got? 28 days?

28. February flies by even quicker than January. They're like, bitch, it's Easter. Buy a fucking Easter basket. And then it's like, bitch, it's somebody's birthday. And then what's the one after that? Easter and then fucking April. Memorial Day?

No, it's just like another birthday. I just stress AJ out because I'm always like, ooh, Halloween, I need a spooky basket. Yeah, she's already talking about spooky baskets. It's fucking May. Easter, I need an Easter basket. Easter basket. We need decorations. We need new pillows.

We need new fucking bunnies on the fucking wall or whatever the fuck. I think part of my... Boy, do I hate my wife. Oh, my God. No, I guarantee a lot of dudes out there that got wives can fucking relate. Well, part of my... I wouldn't call it hatred, but whatever, negativity, animosity towards it is not that I have to spend money on a gift. Fuck it. I don't on a gift. Fuck it.

I don't give a fuck. Put it on credit. Who cares? But I got to go to the store. I got to think. I am so bad at thinking of gift giving. I always ask somebody that's a better gift giver than me. I'll ask Kenzie all the time.

All right, what do I buy my mom? What do I buy Lexi? Please help. So you're just being lazy no it's not i mean maybe yeah probably i just i fucking hate like thinking you have to keep notes throughout the year right and i hate i hate going to the store i know what to buy walker's sister or yeah walker's sister next year for sure i got it written down strap Strap on? No strap. I mean, they probably already got one. AJ, I have a question for you. They probably already got one.

Yes. That's so fucking lame, dude. All right, I got a question. What percentage would you say of the time that you are out of your house are you wearing a hat? Oh, fucking six days out the week i say my or no probably seven days out the week because hang on guys we got an amber alert is it is that what's vibrating like that tweak oh it hasn't hit me yet holy fuck what's the amber alert red passenger car let's fucking get on it i wish we were i wish we were live right now so we could actually send this out to our millions of viewers i hope i hope that hold on i hope that situation is handled

properly is it just aj what percentage is your hat uh on your head when you leave the home fucking 90 because i only shaved my head for an event like if i'm going to an event i'm shaving my head and i'll rock the fucking the baldy the bald eagle for fucking i'll rock it for the event can that be your new nickname bald the bald eagles i really don't want it to be but like that'll be hilarious um but i mean but like once i get that shadow bro i'm rocking a hat because i'm not stop pointing at the camera every time you talk about your baldness because look i'm not gonna be out here looking crazy as fuck i'm not i'm not doing it bro okay i've seen a lot of ads for like you want to hear some funny shit do hold on you want

to hear some funny shit no all right sorry fuck i keep asking look when not even austin got it we did we did a video we did a video yesterday that will never be released but we did a video yesterday and i was asked because we were in the public i said uh i told him i was like i was like i'm 32 years old he's like that's a lie i was like all right yeah i'm lying i'm lying i'm like i'm 29 he's like no like really like you look like kind of younger than 29 actually like because i had a hat on and i hadn't shaved i was like on like a uh probably like a four day four day Four-day shadow. Four-day shadow, right?

So I'm looking crazy. And I would never come outside the house. Even in the house, you can ask Kenzie. I don't even feel comfortable walking around with no hat on because it's just like I know I look crazy. I know I look fucking 40 years old. But look, I take my hat. He said I look younger. And I i was like bro like i'm bald up top like like you like i actually am like i look my age for for sure he's like oh let me see

so i got put on the spot to take my hat off in public we're on camera and i would never do this unless like this is the only situation i'll do this i'm getting asked and i'm on camera i take it off he said oh yeah you do look older i said see point proven point fucking proven shave your fucking head you look younger i'm telling you motherfucker shave your fucking head you bald bitch god i've come to the realization that the only reason AJ is so adamant on people shaving their fucking heads is because he doesn't want to be alone in this bald world. It ain't nothing, bro. It ain't nothing because...

AJ will constantly tell me in Austin, he's like, just wait. Just wait till you're like 45. He's like, you guys talk shit now. I'm like, dude, I'm not losing my hair Until I'm like 70 My dad's not even gray Walker actually is different Your fucking jeans are fucking great So props to you buddy

I've never even Seen your fucking ghost ass dad Your dad is a ghost That motherfucker is nowhere to be found I love my father and I don't Appreciate you talking about him like that. Fuck that fucking weirdo. JK.

What was I about to say? I just am a stand for I held on to my fucking shadow and tried to do the whole comb over thing and tried all these dumb ass hairstyles. I love you. We can't talk about this again. I agree.

We've talked about your bald head and balding and shaving bald heads on the podcast way too much. All right. So here's, let's get into the meat and potatoes. You guys, this shit is fucking whack, bro. You're whack, bro. All right, go ahead. AJ, be nice to us. All right.

You are consulted as a general of a militia. And you have the choice between the West Virginia militia and the North Dakota militia. Who you taking? West Virginia. West Virginia?

Do we have weapons? No. What year is this? This is Do we have weapons? No. No weapons. What year is this? This is the 90s. We'll say it's like peak opioid Appalachia versus like Pete's Drank in North Dakota. 100% West Virginia. You think?

Yeah, probably higher population. Can't 100% say that with a fact, but probably higher population. And they're on fucking, oh, they're on fucking hard painkillers, bud. Like, they can't feel a guy. Yeah, but it's not like they're, like, they're good. Really? Wait, what's the end goal here? What's the end goal?

Like, to win? To win? What the fuck? Yeah, it's literally, like, a fight to the death in, like win? What the fuck? Yeah, it's literally like a fight to the death. Oh, yeah, I'm taking West Virginia. They're a bunch of inbred fucking crazy. Yeah, them bitches live on the side of a mountain. Bro, I'm taking North Dakota.

They know how to survive on their own. They're going to fucking win by any means. They have a special kind of strength. They do. The wild and wonderful whites of West Virginia. It's called Kraken. Have you ever seen that? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. But wild and wonderful whites of West Virginia. It's called Kraken. Have you ever seen that? Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah.

But I haven't tapped in. Oh, dude, that shit is different in West Virginia. Yeah, they're too busy fucking doing weird shit. Them motherfuckers in North Dakota are gonna get it in, get it out. I don't think so. I think they're soft as fuck. I think I'd pick the crazy mountain people over some fucking farmers.

Fuck no. Here's my next hypothetical. Alright. For those of you that don't know, my good friend Austin here has scoliosis. I do. What's your degree? Last time I had it checked, it was 32 degree curvature.

Haven't had it checked in about nine years. No. That shit's fake. Austin claims that if he did not have scoliosis, he'd be above six feet, which I believe. And he'd be in the NFL. Correct. Without a doubt. So, my question is, what do we think would have to realistically happen for Austin to have gotten in the NFL? I can tell you what I think realistically.

We'll say no scoliosis involved. What position did you play? Wide receiver. Dude. What would have realistically had to happen? Yes. Step one, probably play for a different high school football team. Jesus Christ.

Because I was a glorified lineman. So that means your mom would have had something different to get school of choice to send you to where you wanted to go but also not even necessarily because if I were yeah um dude literally like the the the shit would have just fallen in the fucking everyone says old follow 63 I could dunk or follow 63 I could get to the. I'm one of the best wide receivers in North Carolina. Let's just put it that way. Facts.

Bold stance, buddy. Bro, you've never seen this man's three route. He has snatched kids' souls. How many touchdowns do you have in high school? Two. Shut the fuck up! I'm sorry, I just peaked the mic. Bro, you peaked so hard you ruined my left earphone.

There's fucking kids in high school getting 40 touchdowns plus. All right. I had scoliosis. Did you not hear the fucking diagnosis, bud? You're about to piss me off. All right. That's the second half. I didn't have scoliosis and fucking didn't even.

You were a bust. I was tall and 6'3 still didn't we're talking about me not you i'm just saying i was yeah you were built like a i was a new born buddy have you ever aj i've seen videos of you running you run like a new baby fucking giraffe god damn it i was just about to say that i would say he he's built like a baby giraffe. Yeah. 100%. Like, I'm fucking lightning fast. I agree with you. I know you're fast, and I know you're strong. We went fucking.

I pack a mean right hook. We fucking, we did that shit. So, if you didn't have scoliosis, you'd be like the next Floyd Mayweather. You know what I call this one? Six months in the hospital. Sudden death. For those of you that couldn't see what the fuck he was just doing. Boy, if you want to shut your mortal combat ass up.

Six months in the hospital was his left fist and sudden death was the right fist. That was another one. Thanks, Grandpa. All right, peace. Jesus. Dude, grandparents are ridiculous with the fucking dad jokes. Oh, yeah. It's so... And they're like, what's the word?

Like, unforgiving or unapologetically... I don't know, some shit. They're like... Do you know what I'm trying to say? Yeah, I think so. I think so. I think, like... I don't know what it's called.

I don't think I have any grandparents. Unapologetics is pretty good. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, they don't give a fuck. The filter is gone. Like, my grandpa Mark, he is one of... and it's just like he doesn't give up. He doesn't give up.

He will say the same dad joke for 20 years straight, and it only gets more funny because he doesn't give up. Because he's getting older. It's not funny at all. No, it's not funny at all. But it is funny because of just the persistence. Like when I got my face smashed, when I got my face smashed in a few months ago, he's like, oh, does your face hurt? Well, it's killing me. I'm like, shut the fuck up, Mark.

What a douchebag. He's been saying that to me since I was fucking six. That's fucking hilarious, Grant. Mark, you're funny as fuck, dude. You got another scenario for us? Not to put you on the spot, but those were kind of fun. No. All right.

Sick. Cool. Interesting. Cool. Do you think you could ever ride a rhino? No. Not even. What if the rhino was sedated a little bit and you just got on the back?

What's the biggest animal y'all think you could kill? Kill? With what? Your bare hands. A fucking, like. You're in a cage with it. Oh. At the zoo.

Oh, shit. You get your bare hands and it's you versus the animal. I wouldn't want to. I mean, it'd have to be something. Let me give you some options. It's a hypothetical. Let me give you some options, okay? It'd have to be something. It's a hypothetical. Let me give you some options, okay? It'd have to be something aggressive, right?

No. So it can't be like a penguin. No, it could be a turtle, and you can just pick the turtle shell up and smash it down if you wanted to. It's a fight to the death. There's no rules, okay? No. First one. It has to be done.

A squirrel. Oh, hell no. It's done. You think you could kill a squirrel? That bitch is easy. No, no, no. It might latch on. You grab it by the tail and slam it.

Okay. Gonzo. All right. An otter. Oh, an otter? A full-size river otter can get to like five, six feet. I'd let that bitch kill me. I'm not killing no otter, bro.

Five, six feet. I feel like I could get it pinned down and piece it up. No, he'd smash its face. That fucking otter would be... I think you'd kill an otter, too. Thank you. That otter would be laying on its back, fondling Austin on the top of a fucking river, like fucking him up. Look, I don't want to kill any of these animals, but I like the hypothetical, so keep them coming.

A medium-sized dog, like a cutty-sized dog. Oh, easy. A large dog, like a chunkdy size dog oh easy a large dog like a chunk size dog it would be a lot harder and scarier but i i know i could do it if my life depends are you going fucking head up with a honey badger fuck no yes you're taking it i'm punting that thing what about the universe dude those things are psychopaths what about that that video of the honey badger or the Tasmanian devil going after the lions or the jaguars. We'll put it there. Was it a honey badger or a Tasmanian?

No, a honey badger. It was a honey badger. I feel like they're all the same, right? They're the same animal, but just on... That's my new take. Don't Tasmanian devils spin really fast? Yeah, they're the one that make the tornado. They make a tornado when they hunt.

I think Tasmanian devils and honey badgers are the exact same animal, just different continents. Save the quall bears. And chupacabras. And chupacabras. You want to know what my favorite animal is lately? I mean, it's been my favorite. One of my favorite animals lately. No.

Is the capybara. They're in Kinston. Really? They're in North Carolina. Capybaras. Them fuckers are huge. They're an invasive species. Are they really? They'll go around and eat the tops of tree roots.

So they're dicks. They're super dicks. Are you guys hip to the iguana issue in Florida? I've seen an iguana or two. I've heard murmurings. Like, there's, like... Like, you're allowed to hunt them. Yeah, there's, like, teams that, like, go out and, like, it's, like, it's fucking free game.

It's on site. What's it? It's on site. Yeah, it's on site. I said it's free game. It's open season is what I was talking about. It's open season on iguanas in Florida. You can kill them bitches like it ain't nothing.

It's a fire movie. Oh, my God. If you go on YouTube and search iguana hunting, they'll snipe them bitches out the tree. Ping! If a fucking iguana just... It's... Hey, no, because they're big. They're big as fuck and they're heavy they're aggressive too man hey i've seen this one video they took over a whole pool public pool taken over by iguana

they're like smoking cigars and shit like yeah this is our shit now playing poker in the side my man they've got iguana strippers working the poles for him, working the beach chairs. Sheesh, not the iguana. The people that have the pet iguanas are fucking tripping, bro. There's a viral iguana on TikTok named Rocket. My man walks around the crib like he owns that bitch. I'm talking about only in Florida, bro. Guys, what's your uh what's your

craziest experience with medicine that you've been prescribed medicine that you've been prescribed none only not prescribed that's far i uh i got my wisdom teeth out one time and austin came and picked me up but when i first came to all I remember is just like I had like four people's hands in my mouth. And I kept like spitting out whatever they're trying to shove in. And this one nurse took her hand and like put it right on my forehead and like shoved me back. She was like, stop spitting out the cotton. I was like, damn. Okay, sorry.

That day was so fucking funny. I pick Walker up from his fucking. They wheeled me out in the wheelchair. I was like, come on. She was like, I have to. I'm sorry. He wasn't being aggressive, but he was definitely like, fuck off.

Everybody just fuck off. I'm a grown man. They're like, just so you know, he's being kind of aggressive. They didn't say aggressive, but they were like, he's being kind of argumentative. I was like, oh, I got him. Don't worry about it. I'll deal with him. I'm like, Walker, get in the fucking car.

Now we're going home. And he's like, no, we got to go to Target to pick up my prescriptions. And I'm like, okay, we're going to go to Target and you're going to wait in the car. And he's like, we got to go to target to pick up my prescriptions and i'm like okay we're gonna go to target and you're gonna wait in the car and he's like no i'm coming in and i'm like all right come on we're going in and we were just sitting there austin like did all the talking i was sitting there just high as balls oh yeah he's like fucking doing dumb shit like trying to dance in the parking lot i'm like dude you have open wounds in your mouth like sit the fuck still i was like leaning up against the shelf just like looking at austin just like dude i'm like we gotta get the fuck out of here give me the fucking prescriptions we gotta go i got a funny surgery story that just happened recently or like what two years ago i had um i had acl surgery right like voluntarily like i told

them to do it and um yeah as opposed to the other one no i'm saying like i didn't like as opposed to when acls are forced upon you i'm saying like i didn't i'm taking this acl motherfucker you're getting this surgery bitch i swear to god no like compared to like to if I heard it in a basketball game or some shit, and I took him in an ambulance, and they did surgery that same night. No, I walked in there. I was like, yo, my shit's fucked up. You turned yourself in. Yeah.

Yeah, I literally. I turned myself into health care. I turned myself into health care. So they did the surgery. Kenzie can vouch for me on this. Look, they said, Kenzie. Kenzie has never looked less in her entire life. Listen, when I woke up off that surgery, bro, I remember them saying this.

I swear to God. They were like, he's doing really well. He's good. Normally, they're loopy like his huge dick too no like they're like he's what they say they're like he's like all the way with it i need some backup on this i can't remember what they said but yeah you're they were like okay we usually want them to like finish the juice and crackers and he's like all right like let's go like here's my fucking i'm like dude i woke up like straight bro smashed it it's fucking

weird you wake up from a surgery that they hand you a coke and goldfish can we just a canned coke and goldfish like what the fuck i bet you weren't too mad about it i was sipping that it's an iconic picture i'm sipping a coke with my pinky up can we pull up the picture? Oh, for sure. Right here. Bing, boop. I remember, so I had a bunch of ear issues when I was a kid. Like, I had a lisp and everything until I was, like, 10 or so. But, so I had to get tubes in my ears twice. I remember the second time I got them out, I woke up, and they were like, do you want a Popsicle? I was like, I would fucking love a Popsicle.

It's so random. Like, you know, 10. Fucking give me a Popsicle. Only in America they're giving out Popsicles, canned Coke, and Goldfish for your post, like, fucking high- ass surgery. You know, in the early sign of the decline of the American healthcare system, they had those cheap ass freezy pops with like the whack ass like coconut banana flavor. I got a banana flavor. Oh, could have kept that. Fucking terrible, man. Dude, I got my tonsils taken out when I was five years old.

And most of the story is my parents telling me this or what they told me. So apparently I was not fucking having it i was not happy about getting my tonsils taken out like they're gonna do what where hell no so they like bring me into the hospital room whatever they go to put the like anesthesia mask on my face and um i couldn't fucking breathe they're like count to three and just keep breathing in i'm like i can't breathe so i'm like kicking screaming fighting them like i am not doing this like no they're trying to kill me like i was i was like screaming bloody murder like i thought they were trying to kill me you're a badass kid i already know bro so like i apparently i got my

they made me go to sleep whatever i went sleepy went sleepy time. I came out of it. And apparently, after I had my fucking throat cut open and tonsils removed, I was still screaming as I woke up. Like, they were trying to fucking kill me. And my mom and grandma were just like, Austin, please stop screaming. Like, you are bleeding in your throat. Like, this is terrible. Welcome back to Talking With talking with walk today for the boys we have a quiz about american history i picked four questions i figured you'd both be

able to answer american history first question who is the fourth president uh andrew jackson aj fucking i don't even have nothing but George W. And fucking, I don't know. What was the last state added to the United States? Hawaii. Fucking Hawaii. The Bill of Rights had how many bills on it? Eight.

Not a clue. How many amendments has there been to the Constitution? The top ten crack commandments. That should have been American history. I have no fucking idea. Boys, I am pleased to announce you both went zero for four. What were the correct answers? Degenerate.

Fourth president was James Madison. No, you went one for four. Last state item was Hawaii. Let's go. That's like the only oddball one out. The Bill of Rights had 10 bills and there's been 27 amendments. 27? What about Puerto Rico?

That's out of state. 27 amendments. It's a territory. 14th amendment, I think. How they revised it. The 22nd amendment outlawed slavery. How they, like, revised it or whatever. The 22nd Amendment gave women suffrage. Hold on. Hold the fuck on.

Like, when you say, like, amendments, like, this is where they went back and changed it? Yeah, changed the Constitution. When was the last time they changed one of these motherfuckers? They need to fucking update these bitches, I feel like. I think the 1900s? We need less. Civil rights era? We need less amendments and just bitches, I feel like. I think the 1900s? Civil rights era? We need less amendments and just the whole thing rewritten. Yeah, like, can we get a chat GPT version of the fucking amendments?

Imagine thinking the dudes who had their finger on the pulse of the 2020s were guys that were born in the 1700s. Right. Bro, can we get... There's, like, that funny stand-up bit that's like if like the the founding fathers saw what was going on today they'd be like if they saw what was going on today they'd be like what the fuck are you guys doing we wrote that shit fucking 300 years ago you haven't rewritten anything the founding fathers would be like what

what are the slaves doing everywhere why do they own their own houses and why are they in government i thought we we specifically put language in there and we made amendments specifically so this wouldn't happen they'd fucking hate us son of a bitch dude they like the founding fathers were terrible people. Oh, 100%. Terrible people. The founding fathers would realize they hate white people, too. No. They'd be like, oh. What do you mean?

They were all white men. I'm saying, but if they realized. Oh, they would hate white people. Now they'd be like, really? White people? You allowed all this shit to happen? They'd be like, disappointing. You guys became good people or better people.

Fucking weird ass bitches back in the day. They ain't have, they weren't popping on no Instagram or nothing. Weird ass bitch. They had no Facebook, no Snapchat. Shit. Amen. George Washington wore a slave's teeth. That boy is tripping.

That's tripping. That's tripping. That's fucked up. Why can't we just, like, fucking put some new shit out? Like, can we get, like, a new drop? Like, oh, what they about to drop this week type shit, like, for, like, the Constitution or some shit. Like a Supreme drop or, like, some new Jordans coming out or some shit. Yo, new law and order just dropped. Hey, bro, did y'all see that new shit that just dropped last week?

Yo, it's not illegal to jaywalk anymore. Who would have thunk? Like, you got to wait in line to get the new drop and shit. Like, you got to really go get it. Sorry, sold out. Scan this QR code if you don't want to be affected by inflation anymore. Hey, no, hold on. That new law, they're sold out, bro.

You can't even park. You got to wait till next week, bro. Sorry, you missed your chance. Maybe you can hit it on the resale, though. Yeah, my man's got it over there for double, though. My man's got a total tax avoidance on the low. Hit him up. He's got a tax avoidance card.

No, this is hilarious. This is fucking hilarious. That is so funny. The government just gave out lottery tickets for different crimes. It's like, alright, you can do insider trading with these four credit cards. Connect them to Robinhood and just go wild.

Imagine. I need them government gift cards that if i were a dictator i would do extremely fun things with my uh government that i was running for my uh people what's the um like most like uh relevant country like that the u.s would fuck with that's like a dictatorship. What do you mean fuck with? Like the most U.S. friendly. Like you'd go there and be like, oh, they fuck with. It has English and shit written around and shit. Normalship. A dictatorship? Liberia.

I don't know if it's Liberia. There's a country in Africa that's almost Modeled itself after the US Constitution wise They're like the only country One of the only countries that uses The imperial system After the US The imperial system

Like not metric Like not a 9mm and 5g In my pocket That shit was the funniest shit. Their flag resembles the U.S. flag. I forget what the country is. Shout out to Liberia, man. Are they a dictatorship?

Is it Libya? No, it's definitely not Libya. Oh, fuck. Gaddafi did not fuck with us. Shout out to Libya. Oh, yeah, man. I just was curious. Yeah.

You know how the U.S. has, like, what's it called? Like, sister countries or some shit like that? Like, how banks have, like, sister banks and shit? Like, if you bank there, but this bank is called something way different, but, like, they're affiliated with each other type shit. Like, you can use their ATM with no fee. Allies? No, it's called sister, we got sister we got sister countries i think i might have just made that up i don't know

fucker did he make it up i have no idea okay ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen don't touch me my bad um did you guys have fun tonight i'm not talking to my co-host i'm talking to the um the listeners i hope everyone had fun man we um we really we we do this shit bro we're gonna drop every tuesday if we don't drop every tuesday honestly you might want to like check in on us either we've given up completely we deleted all social medias and we went we went ghost or like something seriously bad happened. So check in on us. Call our mothers.

No, don't call them. I'm a texter. But yeah. Walker, you got any closing statements, bud? We drop every Tuesday. Woodrow Wilson, I'll see you in hell, bitch. Hell yeah, AJ. Smoking on that Woodrow Wilson pack.

What the fuck are you talking about? Well, thanks for listening to another episode of the Always Laugh Podcast. We appreciate you guys. I appreciate these two people sitting next to me. Yeah. My name's Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I'm Walker.

That's it. We out. Love you people.