Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #2 - First Time Gambling in Vegas

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Welcome to the Always Laugh Podcast! "The Number One Podcast you Never Heard of Before". Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

And I come in on Tweedledee and Tweedledumass over there. Can I say something real quick? Yeah, sure. Welcome back to the Always Laugh Podcast. I'm Austin Lane. My name's AJ. I am Walker Strokesucker Smith. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of before. Let's get it. Let's go. That only took us about six tries to get the intro,

but we did it this time. Let's go. It's all good. Practice makes perfect. Yeah. Guys, I just want to, first of all, talk about how unbelievably successful our first podcast went. As a gesture of goodwill, I've actually bought something.

You bought something? What? Yeah. I bought something. You bought something? What? Yeah. I bought something. Oh, God. What is he about to pull out, man? I'm so scared. I'm nervous.

I have no idea. All right. So, like, as a show of commitment towards the podcast and, like, how much money we're going to be making, I bought a Ford GT. Okay. But where is it? Well, it's, I just bought it. What is it? What? I just bought it.

What is it? It's a Ford GT. A Ford GT. I put it all on credit. A Ford GT? Yeah. A car. Yeah, it's like my... You would get a fix on the road daily, whatever.

Found on road dead or whatever the fucking shit's called. Walker, Ford GTts are really expensive yeah we're gonna be making a fuck ton of money on this thing how did you get the credit line for that i know people it was like a loan shark listen i've got except like 900 whatever underwriter they sent you to i need them walker i was all i was all excited for you to pull something out but you just lied to us instead. No, dude. I got a Ford GT.

And we're going to make so much money on this podcast, I'm going to be able to pay for it. Just not yet. Just not yet. Okay. I don't even personally want to make money. So, yeah, how much money have we made so far? Yeah, buddy. We are in the negatives.

How much money have we made? Zero dollars. we won't make money we don't we're not monetized listen anyway our first episode 90 views in a day stop stop playing and half of them were me come on now i don't know if that's something to brag about i don't care dude i support it heavy heavy. I was definitely all the Apple podcast listens. If you don't support your own shit, what are you doing? It's facts. I agree. Yeah, I was a couple of subscribers.

I have a question for you guys. Yes. Do you guys use condoms? I have a wife. No. Walker. We know his wife. No. Walker. Oh, we know his answer. Sometimes.

I don't really know why I asked that. It wasn't really important to the story. But so back when I was in, like, middle school, I was, like, 12 years old. And I was always trying to come up with like get rich quick schemes i don't think this one would have ever gotten me rich but born hustler yeah i was a born hustler so i was trying to i came up with this plan right because like i thought like for some reason i when i was like 12 i thought like condoms were cool or it was like cool to have them because like maybe i guess maybe because like it made you like look like you had sex but

you didn't because you're 12 years old um i don't know what the fuck i was thinking but there was this dude in my neighborhood and he was like 16 i was like bro i got a plan like i think kids at school buy these like i think kids at school buy these from me so like i got this dude to buy me a bunch of condoms and and I tried to sell them at school. Fucking idiot. How'd it go? I think I sold one. I made like $1, and everybody just thought I was really fucking weird. You sold a condom at school?

Yes. You're in like middle school doing this? You are different. I was in like seventh grade. Sanderson, man. I'll tell you. Carol Middle. Come on.

Carol Middle. Shout out Carol Middle. My mom's name is Carol. Uh, fine. Shout out to my mom. That's cool. Fine.

So don't do that. Let me get boot up. Um, she's single. No. Uh, yes, actually she is.

And they tell her about me. She got, she got married and then got divorced like a year later after I was born. So clearly, we're going back to me not having a dad. Were we going back to that? I am. Okay. I think about that daily.

Well, how do you think it's affected you? It hasn't because he's a bitch and I'll swing on him if I see him. All right. affected you it hasn't because he's a bitch and i'll swing on him if i see him all right but other than that um yeah so you sold a condom at school dude you're a fucking idiot yeah no i thought i was gonna make a lot of money because i was like these are cool like i don't for some reason i was uh fascinated was it a real condom yeah i was i was selling uh magnums shut i swear to god I had a bunch of them. To 12-year-olds? Yeah. I would store them in the top drawer of my dresser,

and I prayed my mom didn't find them. But, yeah, I tried really hard to sell them, and nobody wanted to buy them. I think everybody was more broke. I think they thought they were cool, but they were broke because they were 12 condoms man dude i saw a condom in your fucking room the other day whoa buddy yeah whoa i said whoa i'm in way too deep sitting in plain sight on the fucking dresser was it used used or was it... No, it was a brand new one. What's the problem then, man?

Okay, I'm practicing safety first. I don't know. I haven't saw one of those in years, but it felt like you were doing something wrong. I don't know. Honestly, when you picked them up, I was like, oh shit, he found them. I didn't touch them.

Are you serious? Yeah, you did. I pointed at it. I said, bro, you are a builder. I think you picked them up. Why can't you touch an unopened condom? That just ain't right. It's his. That's his. It's my property.

His rubber. Yeah. Do you also call them rubbers? I don't even know. I've never called it that in my life. My mom. I think that's weird. My mom gave me the talk when I was like seven years old.

A little turtleneck. And she called condoms sleeves. Sleeves. A sleeve. So I walked around calling them sleeves. Comment down below what you call condoms. Nobody knew what I was talking about. Rubber.

I got a sleeve. Sleeve. Yo, you got a sleeve. Jimmy. Oh, yeah, a Jimmy. A Jimmy. Oh, that just reminded me. Back when I was selling them, I had a code word for them

because I didn't want anybody to know what I was talking about, so we called them cones. A cone. Yeah. I was selling cones, which looking back makes no sense. Please comment down below what you call a condom. Bro, you trying to tap into this cone? Yeah.

Shit makes everything worse. Looking back, it was kind of weird. How do you even get off off a condom? What do you mean? Like, how? I don't think I was selling them for like a week. Normally, it's just like usual. Right, but what I'm trying to say is the level of...

What are you trying to say, AJ? The level of feel is what I'm trying to say. Oh, like you're... You can't even feel nothing. You're just thrust in the air. That might be more the pencil you got than anything else. Nah, dude. You know what the fuck I'm talking about.

I don't know, man. Pull it out. Dude, we're not doing all that. All right, all right. This ain't OnlyFans. Can I get something off my chest real quick? Yeah? I don't know, man. Pull it out. Dude, we're not doing all that. All right, all right. This ain't OnlyFans. Can I get something off my chest real quick? Yeah, this isn't OnlyFans. We got to keep it somewhat.

Would you date a girl that had OnlyFans leaking her bio? We will legitimately get a copyright strike, but we'll get a strike. I could pay. AJ, can I get something off my chest real quick? Am I going too far? No. I don't know. I could pay $3 and see everything or however much it costs.

What? If Walker dated a girl with OnlyFans in her body. Would you get the OnlyFans of that girl? If I wanted to see it, I could work at McDonald's and purchase it. I know, but if my girlfriend had an OnlyFans, would you purchase it? I don't know, dude. Probably not because I have a whole ass wife. Why do I need a baby?

Dude, buy me dinner. Support her. Support her. Would you want your friends to purchase it? Yeah, dude. Fuck it. He would. I don't believe you at all.

I do not believe you. Dude, yeah, fuck it. You'd be pissed. Like, okay, all my friends know my girlfriend looks, like, butt-ass naked. I don't think you would sit well with me. Maybe I'm talking a big game. Maybe that's a level of maturity that I haven't just quite reached yet. I don't have nothing against it.

It's just, like, you got to be special to be with a girl who I could just purchase her link for X amount of dollars and just see everything. Yeah, I don't think I could do it. But I mean, you could make that argument with, you know, any porn star or anything. Well, those are like a different level. These are just random people walking around. Do you think you could marry a porn star? Riley Reid.

Riley Reid. Riley Reid. Like, your wife's just getting... You know who fucking Riley Reid is. Shut Reid. Riley. Like, your wife's just getting. You know who fucking Riley Reid is. Shut the fuck up. Every guy knows who Riley Reid is. I don't know, man. If you don't, that's cap. Never heard of him.

I'm like the homepage every time type of guy. The for you page. Yeah. The for you page of the hub. The for you page. All right. This is getting too exaggerated for me Yeah, we gotta chill It's the porn for me

We came out swinging a little too hard today No, I don't know why this conversation You're the one selling condoms at school, buddy I made a dollar I lost several So, AJ, can I get something off my chest? Yes, please, tell me everything So we went through this last week, and you decided to just be disrespectful once again.

Yep. This is going to be a thing. You were in my house. Yep. I do have my shoes on in your house, too. And your shoes. So will you just do me the favor of taking your hat off? Nope.

Nope. If you know, you know, but anyone... Austin, can we get six likes? I have no idea. No, we didn't. There's not six likes? There's more than six likes, but...

That... We said in the last episode you were taking your hat off on six likes. Nope, nope. Yes. Did we get six comments? Yes.

I think that was part of the deal, too. Something like that. Bro bro on one of our shorts somebody said i had a caveman brain and aj commented on it i just found it out in the wild that shit was hilarious you're an asshole you're like an asshole you could tell that was a random person like honestly intrigued and i'm just on there like that's fucking hilarious. It was like LMAO classic. No, that's something I would have did to like, all right,

we've been out here for 10 minutes like I'm not about to get it towed like the car is perfectly working. No reason for a tow truck. I'm breaking the window. Hell yeah, period. I'm not taking the hat off bro why because i'm not because i have a receding hairline that i didn't shave and i have too

much self-respect to be out on the internet down bad it's come home 2023 and my head's not shaved so i'm not about to be out here looking bad bro listen but i've had this whole about your elbow creases this and that up 40 down 40 all that type of shit i care about my fucking hair bro we ain't all got a mop like you buddy i'll give you some i got a mop yeah i used to have a mop better than that we don't you know we don't need to get ridiculous justin bieber joint in about eighth grade buddy oh yeah i bet it was stringy as fuck no i was thick oh thick kenzie tell her or tell him shit yeah she wasn't around. Tell us about his greasy little man. I used to have a dog ass hairline.

This week, Kenzie has a mic over there. Used to before the age of 16. Oh, great. I used to. Dude, I made it the longest. I was the last male in my family to have. I made it the longest. Just know that. And I'm the best looking male in my family. have. I made it the longest. Just know that.

And I'm the best looking male in my family, and I'll claim that until I die. I mean, to be totally honest, you're one of the best looking men I've ever seen in my entire life. Austin just saw one of my cousins. Don't he look just like me? He looks like you and ZZ Top. Oh, God. Who is that? ZZ Top? Yeah. What do you know about ZZ Top? I don't know anything about ZZ Top. Oh, God. Who is that? ZZ Top?

Yeah. What do you know about ZZ Top? I don't know anything about ZZ Top. I was talking about 8J. Other than he has a big beard. Huge beard. Yeah, yeah. Pull them up.

Pull it up, podcast producer. I just want to say shout out to my friend, Beth. Me and Austin had a conversation. My friend, Marco. Shout out to them. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Me and Austin had a conversation My friend Marco Shout out to them Oh yeah shout out to Marco And Beth Marco especially you little bowling ball

Wait till I get my fucking hands on you again bud Oh it's over Oh my god Talk about some Caramel sundae Fucking bing bang It's going down In the DM's bud Talk about some Caramel Sunday, Oochie Wally fucking Bing Bang. It's going down in the DMs, bud. Okay?

DeMarco, just watch your back. That's all I can say. Bet that Marco are going to be dying laughing. Are you coming to Atlanta, Walker? Is that guaranteed you're coming? That's a bet. So AJ and I have our birthdays coming up. His birthday is March 2nd. My birthday is March 3rd.

And we're all going to atlanta and walker's coming with apparently i don't remember inviting us man we just we just actually celebrated this stuff for the first time what last year yeah and we went to ashville because austin lived in ashville and um yeah that was like a whole bender for real because like if you just take that if you just take off that whole week my birthday day off on the second that night bender uh March 3rd day after bender and then you're like oh I've been doing this shit for two days March 4th bender and then you're like all right I gotta get together. What are we doing here? It's no more celebration. When's your birthday, Walker?

September. Hey, Walker, will you do me a favor and put your headphones on real quick? I just want to see what you look like. What's your sign, Walker? Virgo. I know it. The only reason I'm resistant to this is because. Because he's a Virgo.

I'm a cheap ass, and this shit's gonna get all over my shit. Huh? You know what I'm saying? I don't get it. What you got, ear lotion on? Does it... Do you hear, like, a weird ticking noise at all? Yeah, I hear a little static.

Why? Because you're deep-throating the mic, dude. That's usually a connection issue. Yup. It's definitely because he's mic. You just gotta keep that away from the laptop but it's fine it's fine though audio's no audio's fine it's all separate tracks i'll just cut hers out for anything that she's not actually talking awesome what'd you do last night what did i do last night

i went on a date last night how many dates have you been on this week one date this week dude's on fucking 50 first days do you even know what that is yeah i seen that dude on tiktok who did 50 dates 50 states what you know about that uh nothing about that actually austin is a local single guy in raleigh north carolina if you want to link up hit him up on instagram uh please don't hit Hit his DM. He does very well at social interactions. He's a very good guy. I'd be scared shit. I never did adult dating.

Luckily, I got... Adult dating. Listen, this is all I can say about Austin. Early on, but this dude will literally go to the bar and link up with a girl and be like, Hi, how are you? What's your name? This dude will literally go to the bar and link up with a girl and be like, Hi, how are you? What's your name? Sometimes I catch him walking out of the shower and I'm like,

Holy, that thing belongs on a mule. Jesus Christ. So ladies, just, you know, do with that what you will. Buddy's fucking strapped, apparently. You heard it here first, folks. Fuck. Yeah, no, first dates are kind of scary. He went sober yesterday. He said he pulled up stone cold sober.

I took him over like I was dropping my kid off. Did you drop him off? Yeah, Walker dropped me off on my date. I sat outside and waited until he got in safe. No way. Yeah, dude. No way. I was like, you've got this, honey.

Where'd you drop him off at? It was some apartment complex down by Gumwood. Whoa. Oh, dude. No way. I was like, you've got this, honey. Where'd you drop him off at? It was some apartment complex down by Glenwood. Whoa. Oh, shit. Cut that. We can't be giving out locations, guys. All right. It was some fucking place.

Drake made a song. What was that song? 2 AM on Glenwood? I know y'all heard it. I know he wasn't talking about Raleigh, but I wanted him to be talking about Raleigh. Maybe he was. Maybe he was. Maybe he was having a really good time on Glenwood. There's no way Drake came to Glenwood, bro.

The Raleigh locals are different. Maybe he went to Teets. Austin. Hey, we got some podcast business to discuss real quick. Me and Austin were talking about this last week. We were? Yeah. Okay.

So in film production or a TV production, there's something called an executive producer. It needs to be better. And that is someone who puts up a ton of money for the film or a lot of effort and does all that. A sponsor. So looking at our own executive producer, I feel a more appropriate title would be more like producing intern? Assistant to the producing intern? Kenzie's getting demoted right now. Have you guys ever heard of Kris Jenner?

No. Fuck that bitch. Jesus. Kris Jenner is the executive producer, and she watches the final cut and approves it, and that is all. Did you watch the final cut and approve it? No. Oh, right. How do you feel about Caitlyn Jenner?

God damn it, AJ. We cannot talk about that on this podcast, AJ. It's over with. Don't cut that, but we're just... Listen, bud. Don't do that shit. That's a controversial subject. I'm sorry. My fault're just... Listen, bud. Don't do that shit. That's a controversial subject. I'm sorry.

My fault. Yeah, so abortion. I'm all for it. Post-term even. You know, pre-post-term. Bug it. When is North Carolina going to approve weed? Going to approve weed?

When our state gets un-cherryerrymandered you want a local you need to stay off the weed what's the even i say i don't know oh my god i don't know who you're talking about i'm just kidding he's a psycho idiot he's funny i guess no seriously he does some soap operas have you ever seen him act on a soap opera? No. Classic. North Carolina needed to get their shit together. We can't even gamble around this motherfucker. Got me betting on bullshit.

We're the Bible Belt, bud. It's annoying. Bible Belt. We can't gamble. You can't fucking smoke weed legally. You can't just walk in the store and buy weed. That ain't right, bro. Everyone should be able to smoke weed. Like, legally.

Why not? You sure can walk in there and buy seven. AJ2024. You can walk in there and buy seven Twisted Tees and a pack of Newports, and ain't no one going to say a fucking thing. Are you speaking from experience? No, I'm just saying the pack of Newports was random,

but seven Twisted Tees, that's fucking... I like Newports. That's normal. Newports aren't bad. If you are going to smoke a dart, it has to be a port just to feel something. Nah, Marlboro Reds all day. Gross. You don't even feel anything.

They taste so bad. If I'm smoking a dart, it's going to be a port. Walker, what kind of cigarettes do you smoke? The electronic ones. Oh, nice. Can I hit that? No. Yeah, you can hit it if you do the dance. All right, I will hold it. Do I hit that? No.

Yeah, you can hit it if you do the dance. Do your little dancey dance. This is how I publicly humiliate AJ. Dance for the vape monkey. He's making me dance for the vape. No, fuck that. I'm not ruining my reputation online. If the camera wasn't on, he would 100% be dancing right now.

Oh. Damn. All right. That's all I got. He earned it, man. That's a bet. Bro. Okay. If you don't roguely hit your friend's vape pretty much once a week,

because I'm going to probably hit it once every time I come over here, just to feel something. It depends on the amount of alcohol consumed cannot sign the contract now one vape one vape rip uh a week for life one vape rip every encounter well what do i get from this transaction the art of giving oh the art of the art wow the art of does it Oh, the art of giving. Wow. The art of giving. Doesn't it feel good when you give to the needy? Walker, how come we never spilled a single thing

on that shitty couch over there, but now that we have this nicer couch, like every other week somebody spills some shit on it. Kenzie spilled last week. The dog fucking made a... Walker, I meant to tell you that. I want you to tell the story of what happened on this couch yeah so i've never oh it's like that ever in my gosh dang life in my goddamn

life what were you afraid to cuss all this other yeah the whole i need to stop saying the word goddamn i don't think that that ain't right bro i bro. I don't think it matters. It just sounds dumb as fuck. So, Austin kind of suckered me with this couch. I paid full price for it. We split it down the middle.

He's been doing his darndest. Where'd you get it? That doesn't matter. Facebook Marketplace. Facebook Marketplace. Facebook Marketplace. The freaking. It was a steal. A gold mine worth of shit.

Anyway. So Austin has just been spilling to his heart's content. No. Whether directly or indirectly. His guess. Austin's guess. Directly or indirectly. Me.

Bullshit. Directly or indirectly. Okay. And we had a perfect example the other night. So I get home from D.C. where I've been all weekend. And I come in on Tweedledee and Tweedledumass over there. Absolutely shit-faced. Can I say something real quick?

Yeah, sure. When you're done telling your story, can you show the people your new tattoos? Sure. All right. Hell yeah. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. Yeah, your mom doesn't give a shit your dad might um so aj and austin were flipped and aj and kenzie's dog was we're over here was over here what's his name i don't know beagle fuck fucking loud bitch So uh

He was running around and I was hyping him up And I was scratching him and Austin Is sitting there with a glass with a Full beer in it And I'm over like the arm By like the arm of the couch So I stand up from Jack and I'm like And he fucking jumps

To like right here Onto the couch Puts his entire paw right in to Austin's glass, and then flips it completely onto AJ. Honestly, not much spillage on the couch, a couple drops. AJ was soaked. Soaked.

It was like a bomb went off, and AJ was not happy. I woke up the next morning. I was so, I wanted to lay hands on that. I woke up the next morning, and I went to do laundry, and I found AJ's clothes in my dryer. What'd you find in the dryer? I found your pants, your shirt, your boxers. I found everything, bro.

You took everything off. Dude. I'm like, Walker, do you have any idea why AJ's clothes were in my dryer, or in our dryer? Buddy was drunk. He was like, bro, you don't remember? And I was like, I have no idea what happened. What happened? Listen to this shit.

And that's what happened. That happened. And I didn't know what to do, bro. My boxers are soaked. I'm at this dude's house. And I know he doesn't have much for like a... Kenzie. I'm a different size than him, right?

So like in everything, like my pants are bigger, my fucking shirts are bigger. Assistant to the assistant podcast intern. Everything's bigger. And this, I'm like, bro, my fucking boxers are soaked, bro. Like, what do I do? He's like, here, bro, wear my... I'm like, all right, I'm flipping them inside out.

If you ain't never flipped if you ain't never flipped the boxers inside out because you were down bad enough you ain't never lived AJ like I left hearing some joggers that were like leggings is this man not your boy enough

to where you can touch something that has been washed that his balls have touched I just would prefer what color were the boxers I got I think I might have something funny to tell you because touch something that has been washed, that his balls have touched? I just would prefer... What color were the boxers? I think I might have something funny to tell you because I think I know which ones I gave. Were they blue? I'm colorblind, but I think they were dark blue, yeah.

Okay, well, you're right. You know what's funny? You know what's fucking hilarious? I got beer spilled all over me in Charlotte. Those weren't even my boxers. I borrowed those from one of my friends from one of my friends the brotherhood of the traveling boxers yeah i was just paying it forward i was like i got beer spilled on me and charlotte so this is what they gave me so i gave them to you whoever owned those originally is like a size 28 pants

them bitches were small. Hey, Chris Buzan, if you're watching this, shout out to you for the hand-me-down boxers. Appreciate that, bro. I don't think anyone's ever watched this less than Chris Buzan. He's gonna watch. We'll tag you.

Love you, Chris. I'll see you next time I'm in Boston, baby. Your boxers made it all the way to freaking benson north i found the boxers in the pants on our floor where they left them the next day and i panicked for about like 25 seconds you're like what the fuck and where the fuck did these i was on kenzie's i knew exactly where they came clean up After himself I knew exactly Where they came from But I said What the fuck

Kenzie I'll try to blame it on Kenzie Like Another dude's boxers are here Alright That's a bad You're fucking Alright

AJ had a dude over That's cool Nah I believe it I see how you get down But yeah We Normally

We would just Give me the keys We we going home type shit. And we stayed. AJ, what do you say to the allegations that you have a Grindr account? Usually they have a sober driver, and he says, give me the keys, we're going home. Yeah, give me the keys, we're going home. But this time we're like, all right, no, we got to stay. And, yeah, we left at like four yeah so i i

was on a mission that night i'm not gonna lie to you um kenzie originally did not want to stay the night and i made sure everybody got really drunk so everybody had to stay the night and they had to leave at like four o'clock in the morning because they had to work the next day we we us normal people unfortunately still have to go to work every day. I'm like, this fucking guy just plays video games all day because he's grinded for like five years. And he can just hang out all day and kind of work when he wants to. It's fucking real as fuck. He kind of works when he wants to. Something like that.

I don't know. But it took like five years for you to get like that. And when everyone else was like, get a job, Austin, you're a fucking idiot. Ha ha ha. There goes Austin making them dumbass videos again. Austin's like, ha ha, I play video games all day and work when I want to. And that's why you've got to go to your nine to five, you stupid bitch. Damn.

He says that to me daily. Holy shit. This dude wakes up at fucking 10, slimes on a bed at 1030. I've been at work since fucking 530. Walker gets home from work every day, and I'm like, how was your 9 to 5, you stupid bitch? Every single day. Kill yourself. Fucking off.

Loser. Maybe tonight's the night. Walking traffic, stupid. Taylor Ganger playing traffic, bitch. Jesus. Y'all remember that? You're too young for that shit. Taylor Ganger fucking choking a chicken wing, stupid.

I think I am too young for that. How old are you, Walker? I don't think we're too young for that. Are you 25 too, Austin? Am I 25? No, I'm not 25. 21. I'm 24 years old.

I turned 25 March 3rd. If you guys want to send me gifts to my PO box, I'm not 25. 21. I'm 24 years old. I turned 25 March 3rd. If you guys want to send me gifts to my P.O. box, that would be great. JK, I don't have a P.O. box, but my address is my address is I was pretending like I said the address. You would never say to add you all out.

2-5-1-2 Penninger. 25-30 Penninger. Circle. 25-30, Penninger. Pull up. Pull up. Charlotte, North Carolina. RIP Billy and Hootie.

Are those the goats? Yeah, bro. Walker and I have been roommates for a while. We lived together in college. At one point, we lived in a house. It kind of turned into sort of like a frat house. It was a frat house. We had a lot of dudes living there, and we partied a house kind of turned into like sort of like a frat house we had a lot of dudes had a lot of dudes living there and we partied a lot and whatever um but one day one of the roommates decided it was a good idea to buy goats so we had two pet goats at our um did they have

the horns they did they would it would bro it was so cool like they would like get up on their back legs and headbutt the shit out of each other. They would take off running full speed across the yard. We had a wall, and they would fly off this wall. We had this really elevated brick wall, and they would get on top of it. It was literally 12 or 15 feet off the ground. They would get on the edge of this brick wall and headbutt each other up there. They never fell off, but we were always terrified that they were going to.

I love the goats. Goats are sick. Some of the dumbest creatures ever put on the planet, but God, they're awesome. Oh, yeah. They were both dudes. All they did was- They cover your yard for you, though. Don't they just eat grass all day?

Nah, man. They don't eat everything but the grass. They didn't want the grass. They go for the weeds. They love leaves. Anything with a leaf, that's all them. That's all them. Although, when Connor would buy the fancy alfalfa grass,

they were all about that shit. Shout out to this guy named Connor Doble, man. He's a really good guy. He's holding it down in Memphis right now. We can pull up on him when we go to Nashville. Bro, Memphis is on the complete other side of the state. Memphis is on the other side of the state. Memphis and Nashville are like three, four hours away?

Ain't it like right there? No. They're like three hours away? Aren't they both on the edge? Are they three hours away? I think they're further than three hours. They might be. They're on different edges.

And the state's like this. If you're looking at a map, the state's like this long. Shit. Damn, my GI. Shit, bud. I'm not big G. Yeah, we used to have parties in college, and the goats would come in the house. The goats pooped a lot, so sometimes they would poop a little bit in the house,

but we would always clean up, whatever. But they would jump up on our counters and stuff. They loved jumping on stuff. Questionable. I feel like every time I see a goat, they're always on the most random object. They love it, dude. There's some goats by our house, and we went and seen them a couple times, and they're always on the highest possible object they can get on.

And we're like, what the fuck? You see that goat up there? And it's on top of a house type shit. Like, what the fuck? That's sick. I could see a goat on top of a house. For sure. It's me. Shut the fuck? That's sick. I could see a goat on top of a house. For sure. It's me.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Hey, no. I got some shit that I've been thinking about. Goat on a shed. That I wanted to talk about. Hold on. No, I got two things I want to talk about.

You're just now cracking that. You pissed me off. AJ. What? Are they going to be boring? No, they're honestly like interesting shit to me at least. Well, you're like the least important person that it should be interesting to in this. Walker's tattoos.

In this equation. All right, listen. Let's see your tattoos first. No, no. I want to hear your story first. All right. All right. let's see your tattoos first no no i want to hear your story first all right i had a video on tiktok hit a million views which is like congratulations good job aj thank you the second thing is um i'm a stan i think that's the right

word for qdoba fuck the rest Qdoba is better than Moe's it's better than Chipotle it's shitting on all both of them every restaurant like that Qdoba is the best if you're gonna eat that type of food is it the most expensive? are you with me? no

Walker are you good? yeah I'm good what are you ordering there though like a burrito bowl or a burrito? Either. Okay. I think Moe's. And it's still better than Moe's is terrible. They should have canceled that shit years ago. No, you're dead wrong.

Moe's burritos, slap. When's the last time you had keto? You're talking Moe's. Nothing's wrong with Moe's. Moe's is fucking ass. Ass. I'm saying that with an ass. Do you want to fight?

You're about to piss a lot of people off. Fucking pull up the gloves, buddy. Moe's is terrible. Pull up the gloves. How many times have you had Moe's? Twice. Okay. Literally two out of ten every time.

Burrito? Overpriced, small-ass burrito, not that good queso. Kenzie? Terrible. Qdoba literally has... What? Boxing glove? Don't quote me on how to say it, but like Cholula...

Boxing glove? Qdoba has Cholula in the store, bro. Chipotle has like Tabasco sauce and fucking Moe's don't have shit. You seem very passionate about this. Because I'm a big food guy and I'm sure people back home, I feel like it's a northern thing. Hiking boots? Hey, AJ. What?

You ever seen one of those? Hiking boot? You want to eat a fucking boot sandwich, bud? I used to own those right there. If the most disrespect doesn't stop. You're going to eat a boot sandwich, bud. I'm going to be serving up a fresh plate of boot sandwiches. They're hilarious.

Walker literally just asked Kenzie to pull up a picture of a boot on the TV. Your palate is trash if you like Moe's. Okay. Also, I'm getting ready to serve this guy a boot sandwich. I don't think we need all the slander. No, no, no, no. Me, personally, I'm slandering Moe's, and I'm slandering Chipotle. It goes Qdoba, Chipotle, Moe's.

Last resort if I'm down that bad. And I didn't even know about Moe's because we lived in jackson and lansing and they only had it in grand rapids it's not that good bro one time i went to las vegas one time i drove to las vegas with my friend connor and before i left i told walker that i was gonna uh text him and ask him for a one word response one word response so i got all the way to vegas with my friend and we're at we're at the casino and while we're at the casino i text walker and i say hey walker red or black and walker like walker had no idea what the question was going to be he just knew he had to give me a one word response and he texted me back and he said red

and then walker told me later on that it was like the most stressful like 20 minutes of his life and he was panicking the entire time and he wanted to text me again and tell me to change it to black or whatever. But then Connor and I. So I put $500. This is the first time I've ever gambled in a casino. I walk in, put $500 on red. Connor Doble puts $200 on red. Because that's what Walker told us to do.

And we hit. Y'all both hit? We doubled our money. Y'all both hit. Let's go. It was lit. We were all like, woo! And everybody was like, bruh, chill out.

And we were like, no, that was the hypest shit. We're all degenerate gamblers over here. We can now afford to get all the way to LA and then back to. Yeah, so Connor and I started in Charlotte, North Carolina. And we drove all the way to LA and back. Jesus. And one of our stops was Vegas along the way. So we had to stop there and make sure we had enough money to get home.

So, yeah. So shout out to Walker for making me some money. So you gave him the right answer. You can just predict the future. I'm still waiting on that check. Uh-oh, Kenzie's laptop is going to die. I'm not holding my breath. It's okay.

It's all right. Hey, do you have an extra beer in there? Do I have an extra beer? Yeah. What do you think this is? I'm mooching vape rips. I'm also mooching a beer. I don't have an extra one.

We got some extra liquor. You can take a shot of tequila. Hey, let's all three do one. No, but I will watch you do one. There's not enough for three shots. AJ, go get the tequila. You want to kick me off the pod that bad? Yeah, see ya.

Yeah, I'm kicking you off the pod for 30 seconds. Hey, Walker, so who's going to turn up your mic? Because your ASMR segment is coming up. 40 seconds, folks. Yeah, I think we have 40. Strap the fucking. T-Mod. Oh, yeah.

Our assistant to the assistant podcast intern. T-Mod is 30 seconds to Walker's ASMR. Let's get it. This one? Nope. This one? Nope. This one?

Yep. Which one? Yep. All the way to the right. Walker, talk. We need a sound check. Beep, beep. Oh, yeah.

You're loud as shit now, buddy. Here in about 10 seconds, Walker is going to do his ASMR segment. Are you drinking a latte? Yeah. Yeah, he is. I'm drinking a latte? Yeah, yeah, he is. I'm drinking a coffee. Alright, hit it. Welcome back to Walker's ASMR section.

Oh, God, that's foul as fuck. Listen, if you truly like Twisted Teas, I, that's foul as fuck. Listen, if you truly like twisted teas, I think there's something deeply, deeply wrong with you. Tastes like absolute garbage. You know what? I fucking wasted my ASMR section. Can I get... Ah, fuck.

Bro, add 30 seconds. Turn it. Oh, you get another 30? No. I'm calling it. I'm calling it. I'm calling it. I fucked it up.

Add 15. He fucked it. That was his section. Just, yeah, make it. Just get it back to where the other ones are. Damn. Well, I was still fired. Hey.

Hey, not bad. I only cringed like a little bit. I think people, they might get a kick out of that. You only cringed a little bit? Like, normally, it's like... That's like the best compliment I've ever gotten in my life. people, they might get a kick out of that. You only cringed a little bit? Like normally it's like. That's like the best compliment I've ever gotten in my life. Normally I cringe like a lot. I only.

I was a little bit. With like everything, right? I only cringed a little bit. I'm not supposed to cringe. I only cringe a little bit. Did you get any chills? So that was not a compliment at all. I got shivers down my spine.

Damn. Yeah. That's sick. I got a long spine. I want a segment. What should my segment be on the podcast? You know what, AJ? AJ, I feel like I've really been coming after you.

No, you have, bro. You have. You're lucky I can handle that shit. Come on. You know what you kind of look like? What? Oh, God. Don't you fucking say something off Toy Story.

I'm about to piss me off. Have you ever seen Men in Black 2? Don't say like a serpent or some stupid ass shit. You look like the little thangs that try to, you know, the little like, Jay! When they all come in and they're freaking out. Kenzie's pulling it up on the screen. Shut the fuck up. Men in Black 2.

Little aliens. Do little aliens. So I look like an alien. Maybe. We're about to find out. Oh, baby. Tell me that's not. To the left, to the left, to the left.

That one. Sorry, I'm not fucking. Holy fuck. Dude. Jesus. Okay. Walker, you'm not fucking. Holy fuck. Dude. Jesus. Okay. Walker, you're fucked up. We'll insert a picture with this. Yeah, we'll insert the picture.

Austin's segment needs to be rapid fire. What, rapid fire questions? No, that's AJ's segment. I have a cute, actually my most embarrassing story. I got a new one. You got a new one? I panicked bad on the first time. Hey, AJ. I didn't even say my most embarrassing story. AJ, what's your most embarrassing story. I got a new one. You got a new one? I panicked bad on the first time. Hey, AJ.

I didn't even say my most embarrassing story. AJ, what's your most embarrassing story? I got two. Which one do you want to hear? One or two? One. No, I'm saying like one or two. I'm going to pick one.

Yeah. They're telling secrets, bro. I forgot my second one. I forget shit all the time. Tell one, and then it's Austin's rapid fire round. Two. Which one should I tell? The one at the-

We chose number two. You only get one this week. You better remember that. No, I was saying I was going to pick either the first one in my head or the second one, but I forgot the second one. Oh, that's because you can't remember me. Jesus. Oh, yeah, I know.

Just tell the first one, then. I know. You only have one. Do you want it to be a dec like mid-sized story or just like a quick rapid fire quick as fuck tell me hit me uh what's your most embarrassing story aj i i asked where home so natural hey when i was in high school i asked where homecoming was bill's home or away they clowned me for that shit you bro. You're dumb as fuck. That's funny as fuck, actually. Bro, I had never been to homecoming.

I didn't know. Hey, where's homecoming at this year, guys? Bro, I was on a team, bro. I'm like, where's homecoming at? I was genuinely asking a question, bro. Did y'all win the homecoming game? Fuck no. No, yes, yes, yes.

We always played this school that we know. We'd only win two games out the year type shit. And homecoming was one of them because we had to win that one. Where's homecoming this year? Austin, what's your most embarrassing moment? My most embarrassing moment? I have no idea. I feel like that's like a hard rapid fire question.

Rapid fire? Let's fucking hear the first one of mine. I don't know. I peed my pants in front of my class once in school. I was going to say on my couch. I peed on AJ's couch. I peed in AJ's bed. I peed in your guest bed.

I peed in AJ's guest bed. Thank you for clarifying that. I peed in Walker's bed. And it was all on AJ. Shut the fuck up. I peed in Walker's bed before. I peed in my bed a lot of times i peed on several bodies just a bed wetter hey i bought a i bought a waterproof sheet literally so all right yeah all right so this is the thing i get i get a little i get a little bit too drunk sometimes and like i don't know like i i wet the bed as a kid and i guess like getting really drunk just brings it back out of me.

So Walker comes home. We moved into this house, and when we first moved in a couple months ago, Walker comes home with a fucking waterproof sheet, and he's like, just in case you ever decide to sleep in my bed. I'm like, bro, fuck you. Whoa, it was way more loving than that. I don't know. Here's what happened.

You threw it on the couch and laughed. I left it on the dining and laughed i left it on the dining room table for a whole day because i wanted him to see it and then then he didn't say anything about it so i brought it in and i fucking threw it on the couch and i was like hey bud hey you see that i uh i came prepared this time if we get a little loosey-goosey you know late at night have a little sleepover action, a little big spoon, little spoon, a little tip-touch, a little butt-to-nut, a little action like that.

Just nut-to-butt. Y'all not head-to-foot? Why? It's still nut-to-butt. It is fucking hilarious. All right, so we're in Michigan one time. I'm sleeping on the concrete floor. He's like, bro, just get up on the couch with me.

He's trying to play it all cool. Like he wouldn't cuddle with his homies i said bro you are literally pissing me off you down there on the hard ass concrete if you don't get on this goddamn couch shut the fuck up aj would you cuddle with the homies i'm sleeping wherever the fuck i'm sleeping if there's other people they're sleeping just mind your fucking no but No, but I'm like... If we're down bad, bro, we're staying at someone's house. There's one sectional for three people. And then

me and Kenzie are just laid out on the couch and then you got Austin shivering on the ground fucking coming off a fucking bender. Buddy, get on the couch, bro. I don't give a fuck. Get on the couch. Listen, like, let me lay out a scenario for you. Get your own blanket though alright get your own blanket

it's like two hours from now night's winding down you know we're all a little tipsy I pull out a bottle of wine just for you and me Austin and Kenzie

why can't I get any Austin and Kenzie they've I think they went to get food or something like that so it's just you and me here okay and I'm like

hey AJ let's like go watch a movie. We're sitting on the couch, but we're apart from each other. This seems very natural. Hey, AJ, let's go watch a movie. And I get really scared. I'm like a big wimp when it comes to horror movies. So I'm like, AJ, come over here.

And then we lay down, and you cuddle me. Would you be interested in something like that i'd probably tell you to cut the light on and i'll sit on the side of the bed with you i might give you a i might give you a fist bump every now and then like you good bro i'm gang you good and then but i don't think i'd go nothing but with you though for real no we don't have to be. I can, like, so you're going to be, like, laying like this, and I'll be, like, in your nook right here. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm in your nook.

Head on, like, a little bit on the arm, a little bit on the chest. And I got one hand across your leg. Wouldn't work out. And I got one leg draped across your leg. I'm trying really hard to hide my sweaty armpits right now. Sometimes the tip of my elbow just drifts down a little bit. Just drifts down to just check out

what the landscape's like. My chest has been feeling weird lately. I wouldn't want to pressure my chest, so I would automatically decline that. Hey, guys. We've been going for about 46 minutes. Let's keep it popping. Are we going to keep rolling?

Let's hit an hour. Yeah, let's keep it rolling. Wait, wait, wait. Kenzie, can you see how much, what percent the camera battery is at? Because that shit will probably die. How do I see that? Is it black? I don't see anything black.

It says for three minutes. Can you. This is kind of useless for the podcast. Press up on the little dial. Let me just give a shout out to you. Walker, you're doing a great job. And when you're listening to this in your car. Guys, guys, we have 3% left.

So you better figure out what you're going to say last. Well, can we give it like, okay. Can we end the video podcast and keep the audio podcast going? Hell no. That doesn't make any sense. What do you mean? Wrap it up, boys. You can cut the video podcast here.

Hey, we agreed that we wanted to keep the podcast between 30 and 45 minutes, at least at first. So that's what we're doing. We're at 47 minutes. I know we're having a great time. Don't cut gold. I am having a good time. Everyone tell me your favorite movie really quick. Rapid Fire.

Austin. Fifty Shades of Grey. Fifty Shades Deeper. Friday. movie really quick rapid fire austin uh 50 shades of gray 50 shades deeper friday all right ladies and gentlemen thank you so much for watching this week's podcast like i said i'm austin lane i'm aj motherfucking athlete walker's not gonna say shit again he doesn't like to do his outro it's all good um make sure you uh like subscribe whatever if you're a listener make sure you watch the youtube if you're a watcher make sure you go from youtube over to apple music or spotify or amazon podcasts or google podcasts we're pretty much everywhere so uh make sure you give us a listen thanks again for watching we out love you everyone.