Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #21 - College Turned Aj Into a Criminal

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

This episode we talk about Aj becoming a criminal in college, Crazy Zoom stories, The Scumbag Fuck Club, and having two moms. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww MERCH - Coming Soon! Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always left podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. My name is Walker. I'm a soft supple and ready to party Smith. That sounds like a repeat. I think it is a repeat. My creativity has been stretched to the limit. We're 21 podcasting. Boys, you've seen my best material already already you have you ever seen that episode of always sunny where dennis is like i haven't peaked yet when i i haven't even begun to peak when i peak you'll know it everybody will know it i'm like the opposite of that i peaked like episode like 16. we're just gonna go silent from here on out. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. This is your co-host, AJ. Grab your twee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grab everything.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. Walker. I like the hairdo, bud. You got that shit peeled back right now. Yeah, I woke up a little cockeyed today. Your hair is straight, like, I might be tripping right now, but, like, I feel like it was, like, in, like, Happy Feet. You know that, like, Penguin movie? Like, one of the penguins had, like, their hair straight up in the air?

You can, alright. Have you ever seen Happy Feet? Yeah, it's one of my favorite movies, actually. It's a pretty good movie. Are you calling me a little deformed penguin kid? Kind of. I'd say that's spot on in my current state. It's giving peacock.

Yeah, dude, I just woke up today, and if I take a shower the night before, I'm not touching besides my teeth in the morning. No, no, it's not like your hair's not fucked up. It's just your headphones are peeling your hair straight back, so you have like a sideways mohawk going on. No, no. It's not like your hair's not fucked up. It's just your headphones are peeling your hair straight back. So you have like a sideways mohawk going on. Spicy. It's pretty fire. I'm just down here wishing I could have a bad hair day.

I know this is not the right place to do this, but I'm sad that AJ didn't come with the energy that I wanted him to when it's the number one podcast we you never heard of before come on bro what was that whispering shit it's the number one podcast you never nobody gives a fuck about that they want to hear the real shit it was in the middle of some shit i had to i had to slip it in there real quick nothing wrong with that i want you to take over i want you to take charge okay because this is the number one podcast you've never heard of before. Right? Yeah, I had some weird shit happen to me today. That's why I'm being weird.

Oh, he's weirded out. Yeah. What happened? Dude, I get home from work. I shower, right? Like a normal person, I shower. I get out of the shower. I walk to my room.

He was doing something outside of his comfort zone. No, listen shower. I walk to my room. He was doing something outside of his comfort zone. No, listen. I freaking walk to my room. Were you choking the chicken? No. I'm naked, right? Were you mashing the chicken? I live in a house with my wife.

I'm walking to the room. I'm fucking naked, dude. He acts like... Anyway. Okay. I'm not like... Okay. I don't live with a house full of people

where I can walk around my crib naked. No problem. I've seen him do it. It doesn't matter who's there. So look, I get in the room. Fucking, you know, whatever. I'm sitting there. About to get dressed.

I put some boxers on. Look, I have boxers on. That's it. So I guess I'm telling boxers on. Look, I have boxers on. That's it. I guess I'm telling the story wrong. When I walked in the room, I saw Kenzie's phone on, like charging on the counter, right? On the nightstand? No problem.

I see it on, right? The screen's lit up. No problem. Whatever. It's her work phone, so I'm not even tripping. So I put boxers on. I look over and see the little green thing at the top left-hand corner, and I'm like, what the fuck?

Like, that means, like, recording or, like, whatever, or, like, front camera or some shit like that. And I fucking, I, like, I look over, like, the phone, like, to see, like, what was going on. She's on a fucking Zoom call with fucking, like, 50 of her social work friends. I'm fucking no shirt on. Thank God the phone was, like, laying flat and I didn't, like, stand over it. Stand over it with my fucking nuts. Was the camera on?

The front fucking camera was on. And a whole bunch of people saw me awkwardly hunch over. I have no shirt on. And look out of the Zoom call. Those social workers were like, we got to get Kenzie out of this. Her man's establishing dominance. He won't even put a shirt on when she's on an important Zoom call. That's fucked up.

That's what he gets for looking at my phone why are you looking at my phone kenzie why would you leave your phone on the counter on any any work meeting with your naked ass husband running around well i think my had the camera off but i think when the meeting officially started at six it clicked the cameras on so i didn't know they had a great view of your uh your kitchen light fixture for a while i'm just saying thank god i didn't like legit like walk up to it and like put your dick on it because the camera was just facing up so like thank god it hover over it like look down in zoom calls can't you like comment like, make, like, side comments and shit. Did anybody say, like, who the fuck was that? No, I didn't.

No one said anything. She checked the comments. That was her first fucking thing. Yeah, I would have, too. Like, who the hell was that bearded man in Kenzie's screen? Y'all got any other funny, like, Zoom stories or stuff like that? I have a funny Zoom story. It's's not funny i just guess it was a zoom story now that i look back on it it probably wasn't that funny it wasn't even me on zoom it

was my ex-girlfriend on zoom and i was in the room and they started talking about some wild shit it was some occupational therapy shit and she got super embarrassed and yeah no it wasn't that funny looking back i uh i took a 8 a.m summer engineering course in like the midst of covid and it was a zoom call and the teacher had a rule that you you didn't have to have your camera on but you had to have your mic on you get docked you get docked five points for every minute your mic's off bro i, I fell asleep like two or three times. Snoring. My superpower in this class was I was like super, you know, good like with the teacher. Like I was the only one that would like wish, like say like, oh, hey, mister, you know.

You don't even know the motherfucker's name. I know his name. I don't want to. You don't want to shout him out. It all makes sense now. Can we believe it? Sure. No.

Yeah. Dr. E. Bong. It's not getting bleeped. Shout out Dr. E. Bong.

He was a fucking legend. But this one. This one dude fell asleep during class and right in the mic. And Dr. E. Bong stopped the class and he was like excuse me nathan i you i you need to wake up and no way bro i'm not kidding you this dude snored for like three minutes and i one of his friends in the class must have called him or anything we were all like spamming like the chat like the private messages like bro like come it is your ass right now and he just didn't care he was getting his snaps and i'm i'm a hundred percent sure i snored on that camera though 100 did you ever get spammed in the

you woke up to like 80 messages like walker what the fuck bro wake up imagine that's like a worst nightmare right there do you guys remember when fucking zoom like as a stock fucking skyrocketed oh yeah it was i remember kenzie fucking that shit was so crazy to me kenzie doing grad school in the living room i'm like what the fuck is going on? It was like the first month during that shit. Shout out online classes. The only reason I have a degree. I swear on my life.

The only reason. That and Chegg. Shout out. UNCC, if you're seeing this right now, please don't take away my degree. Hey, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Isn't that fuck?

Colleges can rescind your degree after the fact. Ah, shit. They can? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I can get my shit taken. What? What's like, you know. And they try to use that thing,

oh, a degree is something they can never take away. Bro, if. You still know the shit. I mean, like, if you become an engineer, you have to get certified by, like,

the engineering board. And say, like, you know, you're a civil engineer and you build a bridge and it fucks up. have to go up like in front of that board and basically defend your design and if they figure out like you're at fault you lose your engineering license right if you put your stamp on that shit that's your ass that's your ass which is why like getting your like pe is like being like you know yeah having your pe is like a super

difficult thing to do because if you put your stamp on some shit and that shit fucks up and you professional engineering license um if you put your stamp on some shit and that shit fucks up like that's that person's ass that's why it's like such a big deal i think it's interesting like those checks and balances like within industries like i'm sure you know there's there's a bunch of medical industry like you know oh yeah if you fuck up a surgery like you're going in front of the board i thought they just had the hippocratic oath isn't that it's like do no harm and it's like all right guys best of luck all right people do no evil see no evil going in that's that's the right right i just want to say shout out to chegg because I just recently got a job.

I don't want to say the job quite just yet because I haven't, like, got all the way in there yet. But long story short, shout out to Chegg because when I was doing the little – don't you guys hate when you apply for a job and then, like, after you apply, you're like, all right, like, I'm good, like, everything's straight. They're like, please do this questionnaire that takes that takes like 45 fucking minutes or some shit you're like literally just exit out fuck it it's just like the most like boiler i'm not meant to work here i'm not doing

this job i'm not doing it if they have a questionnaire i'm probably not gonna do it but this particular job i was like it was one of those like like strongly agree agree or like that's slight it's not even a test it's just like you can make sure it was that you want to hear it was that and it was also like um they give you a question like janet is mad with it with a customer how would you you know would you talk to Janet in the back room and it gives you four fucking or whatever. How would you handle that situation? It gives you four fucking things. Do they have the Walmart spin on that?

It's like Janet and Karen square up in the self-checkout line. How do you de-escalate that situation? You see Richard walking out of the store with a full cart of merchandise. How do you get him back in without touching him? So, look, I'm so fucking lazy. I'm so fucking lazy. And also, I'm just a fucking dick, I guess, or a degenerate. I'm over here fucking Googling the questions.

Look, I Googled. What's the best answer to give for this one? No, no, no, no, no, no. Look, I Googled a question like, okay, let's just say, for instance, like what to do if Richard walks out the front door with a fucking 12 rack or whatever, whatever. I love the thought of you. That's how I imagine you actually type in things to Google

Like you use like Richard Finna walk out the door with a 12 rack How about a Finna stop him I typed that shit in If the cops catch him he Finna be weaned over I typed that shit in Chegg pops up The exact question pops up on chag thank you the exact question pops up on chag bro and it's a screenshot of like the internal fucking of this

company's fucking answers bro the internal shit it says on the bottom like for company use only internal source like it says like do not copyright like all this shit it's it's blasted on the internet on chegg fucking shout out to chegg because that i feel like he's the only reason why and i completely lied on my resume bad lied on my resume bad and fucking bro i pray to god that che i pray to god that uncc never sees this podcast because i've said this so many times i didn't get my degree chegg got my degree shout out to chegg bro whoever had every question whoever whoever created that they i i would give them i would give them a couple bucks for uh for work. The entire assessment was on Chegg, bro. Every single answer I got right.

Austin, can I remove my professor beep and move it to where I name dropped the store on accident? So no more professor beep. No more professor bleeped out. Yeah. But you want to... What was it? AJ didn't want to name drop where he applied to, and I absolutely name dropped where he applied to. But you said that version.

Yeah, it's tough. Are we cutting the whole segment? No. You shouldn't have said anything because... We probably would have been all right, but... It's all good. It is what it is. But, dude, yeah. I fucking lied on the resume and got the job

dude i'm a big proponent of a lie on your resume i'm a big proponent of lying on anything listen to this what is that dude check like no listen to this i have never been a manager in my life i have worked my way up to assistant manager with, like, three employees below me, right? Like, as far as, like, on the totem pole. Like, where I was, like, the key holder on duty. And I had, like, a part-timer or, like, whatever. Yep. Dude, they said, how many employees have you managed like

like what i'm like shit about 20 25 because i manage one employee 20 different times yeah but because you gotta stretch the truth i read the job description and it was like, you know, you could manage anywhere between like fucking 10 to 70 employees or something like that. And I was like, yeah, I haven't managed 20 at all three of these stores. I've never managed anyone. Bro, that'll, this'll go good. That's so crazy to think like. They didn't check references. Fuck it.

Managing 70 employees at like a transient place like that, it's like- It's not possible. You don't know the names of more than 20% of your staff. Right. Impossible. You just go with the flow at that point. I've always been the cool manager when it comes to being- I'm so lenient.

No shit, AJ. Because I'm lenient. I don't give a fuck. I'm very chill. Yeah. So this is about to. No shit, AJ. Because I'm lenient. I don't give a fuck. I'm very chill. So this is about to be an experience, dog. Bro, wherever you end up getting your job, that place is going to shit. It's going down. It's going to go to shit, bro.

They're going to be like, why is the employee smoking crack in aisle 23? I don't fucking know. AJ told me to feel so. Listen, that's the crack smoking aisle now, okay? This store is under new management. We've got safe injection sites. Me and Austin are coming out. We're setting out lawn chairs. We might fill up a little kiddie pool out in the garden center because nobody's out in the fucking garden center.

The garden center at Lowe's. Fucking hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They have lawn chairs there, too? Come see me at Lowe's. Fucking hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. They have lawn chairs there, too? Come see me at Lowe's. We'll bring our own beer. We'll catch a whole-ass vibe out there.

We'll bring our own tweeze. Dude, if I could die in the lawn center at Lowe's, or the garden center, I think I'd be happy. I just wanted to say, if I could free... I don't know if I'd be happy, but I'd be content. If I could just free every bird that's stuck inside Lowe's or free every bird stuck inside a store, I wish I could, bro. That's facts. Inside, yes. In the garden center, they're living like fucking kids, bro.

There's mice in there. There's fucking everything in there. Do you know how much bird seed is in one garden center? Oh, dude. If they just pop the bag at the bottom, plus they're doing all their fur. They're feeding their homies. Oh, dude. Oh, the birds are living large in one garden center oh dude if they just like pop the bag at the bottom plus they're doing all their feed their homies oh dude oh the birds are living large in the garden they can literally hit the lake with no repercussions the squirrels are sneaking in mid middle of the night like they're getting everybody's getting theirs imagine being like one of those like hummingbirds that

lives in like a hummingbird observatory it's like you are living in a tailored climate for you. You're having the best food ever. All you have is some people walking through. That might be a good life. Or you're desensitized to humans and shit and butterflies are landing on your arm and shit. People say captivity is fucked up, but put me in captivity and don't

don't make me have to like do another thing ever again i don't want to make any more decisions it's called jail in prison i've made enough decisions but imagine a person didn't suck like imagine a human in captivity you were provided all the enrichment activities that you needed you were fed the perfect diet for like to like keep you healthy any medical problem you have you got it like a vet brought in so you're saying like two chipotle bowls a day minimum if that lines up with your macros you might get one and then like you might get like a moe's burrito for dinner you don't get to make that decision right and that's completely fine as long as they're hitting like one of those at least a day like that's that would work that could probably be arranged you know you put like a little sign language request in like that uh that gorilla

did you know um did y'all ever see that gorilla that carambe no r.i.p good lord no the gorilla that could do sign language they like taught it to do sign language. It had a cat that died and it mourned the cat for a month or two. I feel like I know what you're talking about. I'm tweaking out right now. I'm not going to lie to you because there's a hair on the side of my face and I can't get it off. Do you see it? Can you please get it off me, AJ?

I don't see it. It's your scraggly ass beard. Bro, there's something right here. Please get it. Thanks, bro. I'm sorry. I'm'm sorry i fucked up the vibes there jesus i tweaked out all right you tweaked out what is up is that caffeine so in north carolina we actually me and kenzie just went to a tiger a tiger like sanctuary down the street down the street yeah which street not too far away from here probably about 30 minutes down the street which street was it it was in pittsburgh i think not a street in pittsburgh it was like some joe exotic shit i sort of got i believe when'd you

just like tiny cages. How many screets did you have to take to get there? A couple, but I'm saying. It's past Jordan Lake. Oh, you were out there. When the fuck did you guys do? I know. I literally know you.

Tigers and lions and shit. I know your guys' every move. When the fuck did this happen? A little while. Not recently, like last year for sure. I wasn't keeping tabs on you yet. I'm going to set up a script to send me an email notification with your location

and your location. That's fire. Every hour. That's fire. If you leave Joko or Waco, I'm on your ass. That's fire. That's fire. But no, what I was saying is that shit was like some Tiger King shit out that way.

Like, you get like like, a tour. It was pretty cool, actually. Did everybody have, like, all their limbs? Like, all the workers? Yeah, all the workers and shit. Was it, like, a nice, like, close-knit, like, tight? I think a couple of employees there were, like, low-key at rehab, but... If you saw the Tiger King doc, like, everybody in there looked either like they were on crystal meth or just come off crystal meth.

Yeah, no, I think a couple of employees like got sent there for like rehab to like ground themselves like with the animals. Can I divulge something? Speaking of crystal meth, I've never done crystal meth. That would just be absolutely fucking absurd. But I would love to try every single drug one time like every single one of them what do you guys think about that yeah or nah walker gives a thumbs up edger um just to see what it's talking about like obviously i wouldn't do it right now maybe like after the age of 50 i'll do it but i would like to try every drug just i just i would like to a billion percent

know that like it wasn't, like, cut with anything. Oh, no, yeah. I want pure form of everything. Yeah. Well, that's why a city like Amsterdam is so interesting. It's like, we went to Amsterdam for spring break. And so, like, they have medical shops where you can buy whatever you want. You can buy, like, you know, lab-made cocaine or meth or, like, pills and, like, whatever you want. You can buy, like, you know, lab-made cocaine or meth.

Really? Or, like, pills and, like, whatever you want. You know, I really didn't divulge outside of the green stuff, but... Me either. Amsterdam, after dark, is one of the safest cities I've ever been to because there's no need for drug dealers out there. You can just buy the drugs legally. There's no need for, you know, like, prostitutes or women buy the drugs legally there's no need for you know like

prostitutes or women of the night because that's legal there it's like there's no reason for people to be like out doing nefarious activities at night because that's just all allowed this dude yeah sorry that was an intrusive thought we don't have to talk about uh doing hard drugs but walker just said the the the prostitutes and the drug dealers are what's uh what's the scary part of the night that's funny i mean like no the prostitutes aren't the scary part of the night but it's just like people out on the street doing like nefarious things it's like there's like no reason for that to even exist they also don't fuck around with that shit if you get caught doing some shit they'll throw you in jail immediately.

I'm surprised. God damn it. I'm surprised. Divert. I'm surprised I didn't go to jail. That's all I'll say because I pulled some buck shit. Bruh. I came out and found him.

I can't even imagine. 5 a.m. coming down from shrooms. I've never been out of the country, man. I can't even imagine what it's like out that way. I couldn't believe I made it to that ferry alive. I can't believe I didn't get completely robbed, only partially robbed.

You got robbed? Oh, yeah. So did some other people that I know. R.I.P. Getting robbed sucks, man. Gone too soon, our sweet boy. Back up in that fucking shithole. No chance.

That was mean. I didn't mean that. Back up in the Great Lakes State. So did your guys' parents ever, when you were younger, they're like, hey, go get this for me. And you're like, nah, I'm not fucking with that vibe. Like, I don't want to go get that shit. And you're like, they're all like, I i'll time you let's see how fast you can let's

see how long it takes you to get back and you're like oh in that case i'm going i'm going balls to the wall i'm racing to whatever you need right now i would total sucker my dad got me every time with that oh 100 so did mine i single-handedly contributed to my father's alcoholism. Now, did your parents ever show you the level of disrespect where you got back and they obviously didn't time you? So they gave you like, they were like, 40 seconds. And I was like, there's no fucking way it was 40 seconds on the dot. You're fucking lying. Yeah. Oh, 100% every time.

Like, I'm like, so how long did it take me? How long did it take me to get that beer for you, dad? Probably about 25 seconds. I'm like, probably about, motherfucker. I was trying to beat my last time. Do you not understand what this means to me? Do you not have a leaderboard in your head set up for me? What am I doing this for?

You have no idea what this means to me. My dad was more like, let's see how long I can go before I call you again. Fucking six years and go by. I'll time you. Shit. Okay. Yeah, AJ was timing his dad.

Hell yeah. I had the fucking time. Austin, should I ask AJ the question I asked you earlier? Yeah. Fuck it. I'll ask it to both of you. What?

Right now, if you were given the given the, you had to do one or the other. It's on our front porch. There's a big pile of dog shit or a hug from your father. Do you step in the dog shit or hug your father? I would say line me up

a plate, a fork, a knife, and I'm eating that dog shit before I touch that motherfucker. You're eating it? we just had to step in it bro oh shit he just really wanted to show commitment he really sorry i'm also stepping in the dog shit like with not my nicest pair of shoes but i'll step in it with some decent shoes and go give me the hose and spray them off because you can spray off the dog shit. You can't spray off your fucking dad's fucking crack smelling shit on you. Woo!

Shit! Bro, Walker, I don't think you understand. Motherfuckers don't like their dads over here, bro. That man can't smoke. Is this anything? Is this segment anything? We smoking on Jimmy Pat.

Is this segment anything? What do you mean? The anti-dad segment. Yeah, let's hear it, buddy. So, you both have... Talumptuous. Talumptuous? I think the people...

Talumptuous? Fuck off situation. Kenzie, please help. I would, but I don't know. To lump shoot. I think it's to lump shoot. No, it's... I gotta look it up.

Just don't look it up. I gotta look it up. I think we all three need to... If we're gonna talk about it, the audience needs to know our dad's situations. But we should divulge that at the end of the segment. What do you think? I don't know what segment we're doing. I think it might be more funny if Walker asks

whatever the fuck he's about to say. And then at the end we just like divulge a little. We won't go too deep. Alright. That was not the right Google search for that. Walker's trying to Google search what word he was trying to find. Ask Chad GBT. I just spelled out Terrential walker's walker's trying to google search what what word he was trying to find ask chad gbt i

just spelled out torrential resembling a torrent and violence nah no it's it's okay tumultuous tumultuous you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah relationship with your fathers yeah yeah fuck them yeah i'm sorry aj i did focus on i i hate when people do that like on like a specific story when they focus they're like ah what's that guy's name ah who cares no it wasn't john it was uh it was like dude i have no idea just tell the story make up a goddamn name you both have a strained relationship with your fathers um how oh god i nothing. There's nothing funny. God damn it, Walker. Let's make it sentimental. How do you...

So, Austin, you have a very strong relationship with your mom. You have a very strong relationship with your siblings. My dogs, for sure. Yeah, and your dog. Literally dog and dogs. Yeah, my dogs, and we got my dog, too. AJ, I know you have a pretty strong relationship with your mom i don't know if you have any siblings he does not i'm an only child you're

an only child that explains a lot um what the fuck you didn't know that i think i did know i got a rogue i got a rogue brother fucking that you don't know dude i could see that honestly aj's got a so what's up hit me with it then already you ain't got shit what's the beef you're grasping at you're grasping at straws yeah save me all right um so walker was trying to get at the uh aj and i have shitty fathers whatever yeah cool cool beans um i don't even have a fucking like i don't like like he was never around enough to even have like a fucking like like who is it was never like a like a he's gone for milk it was like uh no oh he never was here like oh this guy fucking popping like who the fuck like okay you can't just step in and play fucking daddy. Like, that shit is so corny to me when motherfuckers are gone for so long

and try to come in and try to tell you what to do and try to, like... Bro, that shit is fucking lame. Some weak shit. Bro, you wasn't there. You weren't there. AJ, did you ever have a stepdad? Yeah, for, like, fucking eight months type shit. Did he try to lay the law down no i watched him get his finger

cut a bit off by a snapping turtle one time that was pretty funny that's kind of funny that is that was the time i actually disturbing that's kind of funny i actually had a i actually did have a stepbrother for like eight months for real because he had a son. But. Are you still in contact with him? Dude, I think he's dead, bro. I don't know. It's like nothing. You got to understand, these relationships are nothing. They're just random people. My dad is a random person.

I got a stepmom. Pretty much. Did your stepmom ever try to lay the law down? Oh, 100%. And when I say stepmom, I mean stepmom i'm my mom's side not my dad's side um i think i know this lady i think i know this lady yeah my mom my mom has a a wife for show your mom she's the homie though oh shit that's who you're talking about okay i've got a great twitter take shout out shout out to you. Shout out, Andrea.

If you know, you know. Shout out, Lori and Andrea. Lori joined the good side because she realized men are trash. I think men should start in jail and have to earn their way out. That's kind of funny. Starting at 18, we're right to jail, and you have to prove you're a good enough person to be out on the streets. There's going to be some slime balls out of here.

I'd be locked up. Oh, I think we all would. Oh, yeah, we probably all would. Maybe not AJ. AJ's been in a consistent, stable relationship for years. You can't say that just because his fiance is in the room. Motherfucker would be locked up. No, but like.

We'd make it out. No, he fucking wouldn't you would hope he did bro i went through some little little rough shit in my life but for but for the most part dude i've lived on the straight and narrow bow don't you fucking talk to me like that morally maybe straight and narrow bow hit you with the morally. Morally, maybe. Legally, absolutely not. But you got to understand that legal fucking shit. I was in a fucked up environment. I was in a fucked up... Some shit caused me to do that.

I didn't just do that on a whim, bro. I would never do that if I wasn't in that situation. No shit. Nobody would ever do it if they weren't in that situation. I'm saying... Do you think if... My whole legal shit came from college. Look, the reason my legal shit happened in college

was because I was away from my hometown. I have no money. I have no car. I was around bad influences who I normally wouldn't be around in my home city because my mom wouldn't allow me to go to community college because she thought me going to an actual college was better than me staying at community college on my own.

She looked down upon community college. She wouldn't let me go. It's not the worst thing in the world. But I would have never gotten in that legal trouble, bro, if I would have never went to college. I would have never stole nothing in my home city. That's a hot-ass take. That is a hot ass take.

It's not a hot ass take. I would have never gotten legal trouble if I didn't go to college. I'm so serious. I know the title of this video. That's incredible. Bro, I went for a semester. How long is a semester in college? Six months or give or take.

I went to college for four and a half months and got in legal trouble that I would never get in. Ever. It was the first time you were out on your own. You couldn't handle it. I got sent off with nothing. You didn't have your mom there beating your ass. Your mom wasn't there beating your ass if you were fucking up. Nah, bro.

She wasn't beating my ass. But I'm saying I would never be around The type of people To do that shit To influence me To do that Like It was bad bro I'm not It's thousand percent true bro

I'm not like that I never was I know you're not I'm not saying you're like that I'm saying I never was What was the question I got lost Alright

Who fucking knows Yeah like six minutes ago Can we just switch up The vibe real quick we're fucking deep yeah let's hear it um i'm a good guy man this is gonna get a little you are a good guy aj this is gonna get vulgar you are a good guy 100 i know that for a fact i don't break the law bro i know yeah not too often i used to you can break the law you don't break any you are not a morally objectable person everything you do is within the a good moral framework you might not follow the legal laws none of us fuck all the legal laws

legal laws are stupid i can walk across the street if there's not there's not a crosswalk that's stupid yeah i know they got that i can do a line of blow if there's nobody looking that's that doesn't hurt anyone. Why is that a crime? You know they got that new law dropping Saturday at noon. You heard about that? New law just dropped? What they got?

They're about to drop. A new law? A fresh drop? Not the fresh drop. You got to fucking enter the drawing to have it apply for you. It's a sneakers draw, bro. Bro, it only applies if you get into the raffle. You got to buy it.

Damn. You got to buy a if you get into the raffle. You gotta buy it. Damn. You gotta buy a ticket. What's the law? The fucking law is to mine your fucking business. It's dropping that fucking Saturday

at noon. You gotta fucking get a raffle ticket. Ben, say less. Bro, do you know what society we live in? Who would pay

to mine their own business? I would pay for everybody else. People pay not to mine their own business. I would pay for everybody else. People pay not to mind their own business. I would pay for everybody else to mind their own fucking business. If I could pay to mind my own business, and there's also a clause saying no one else could be in your business. But I want to push back on that. Boys, if people weren't in our business, they wouldn't listen to our podcast.

Oh, that's probably a good point. So they need to get a raffle ticket. That's like the whole entertainment industry is people being in other people's business. Damn it. I never thought about it like that. So really, we need to pay to get more people in our business. Let's get controversial. Let's get controversial.

AJ, you got any more hot takes? I fucking hate the Have you heard about Nate. The. Have you heard about this shit going on in Florida? No. What is the longest? All right, we're going to speak like Kenzie's not in the room for a minute.

And also, yeah. Anyway, what's the furthest drive you guys have ever made to get some ass? It was literally Kenzie and it was 45 minutes. You're not supposed to... Don't name names. God damn it. I can name fucking names. That's my cousin you're talking about, you asshole. Yeah, and I went there and fucking got cheeks, bro.

Shut up. You better shut up. Five hours. You ever seen that gas station? Five hours? You ever seen that gas station video of somebody cracking the question twisted tea over somebody's head Yeah, that's about to be me on you right now. That's a fire video I drove five hours for for a girl once no fucking way. Do I know about this? It was probably ass

Oh, I think I do know about this. It was probably um, so was it worth it? I guess I will no But was it was extremely uncomfortable actually I guess I will. That's my next question. It's never worth it. It was extremely uncomfortable, actually. I wish I didn't do it. Were you out of the state? No. Yes, I was out of the state. Well, now I don't know.

Now you don't know. This was the follow-up. Do I not know anything about this? Not the follow-up. Oh, but it's the same person? Yes all right but well what's the furthest that anybody's ever driven to come have relations with you guys well well to follow up on we're not awesome stupid that's a good ass question to follow up on that i have a lead into that lead into that, AJ. I've never had a car. Like, me driving 45 minutes to see her was like me stretching it.

Like, I was like, I'm just assuming I'm going to break down. AJ used to take the city bus to go over to Kenzie's house. There wasn't a city bus, bro. It was like, shit. It was deep, bro. What's the longest anybody ever drove to come to you guys austin officially joined the scumbag fuck club okay and i am a member of the scumbag fuck okay and that is where you make a girl in a different city make is not make make is a strong

not make but for all intents and purposes make a girl from a different city drive to your house in the middle of the night and have her leave by the next morning with no hurt feelings on either side. Okay. This is complete horse shit, by the way. No hurt feelings on either side. Yeah, you're correct. 100%.

But it's kind of bullshit the way that you're phrasing it. Scumbag fuck club? I think that's so funny. Scumbag fuck club. That's so bullshit, though. She literally hit me up and said do you want to fuck no shit sure cock like what kind of question is that welcome back to talking with walk um guys i have been reading a book lately and I just want to shout it out. Jeanette McCurdy's I Am Glad My Mom Is Dead is an unbelievable read.

Huge shout-out to her for being extremely raw and exposing what is extremely personal. But, oh my God, her mom is a basket case. And even if you don't like to read this is worth it yeah walker has been reading this book and he's read me a few excerpts of this book and some of the shit he's told me like literally he'll be reading on the couch for like 10 minutes and within that 10 minutes of time he's like busting out like what the fuck is going on and reading me like a little like excerpt from this book oh yeah i gotta read this book i'm reading the book 100 so there's an excerpt in the book where uh jeanette starts going through puberty and she goes to her mom's and her mom had cancer so she feels like a lump on her chest and she goes to her mom and she's like oh my god, like you have to check this out.

And her mom was like, no, honey, that's not cancer. Like you're just growing boobs. And Jeanette was so concerned about looking like a child because her mom wanted her to be a child actor. She was like, OK, well, how do I reverse that? And she said her mom looked at her with like a look of of grateful happiness and said, well, we can stop that using calorie restriction. And then she was like 10 when this happened. And then they used anorexia as a bonding time activity.

That's fucking, that's so sick. And when I say sick, I mean like sick in the head. Literally like sick. Sick in the head. In the most literal sense. Disgusting. Do you guys know who Gypsy Rose is? Of course.

Sounds familiar. How the hell do you know who that is? How do I know who it is? Yeah. Because I've watched, I fucking saw the documentary. Have you seen anything that's ever touched Hulu? No, Netflix. Or Netflix.

It was on Netflix. I saw the movie, I didn't see the documentary. I want Austin to start a letterboxd account. Bro. documentary i want to start a letterboxd account bro you have seen since i've lived with austin he's seen thousands of i'm willing to bet i'm in the upper like one percent of netflix movie watchers you at least watch a movie at least i've averaged a movie i would say on average a movie a day for like the last two years i'll put in three sometimes but then i'll go a couple days without one just because of circumstances but it doesn't get on tiktok fuck no how do you lock into a movie

bro like that it doesn't have an interesting title all right not to get too deep but i i think i recently discovered the reason that I do it. It's just kind of like an escape from reality. Watch a fucking movie and not think about shit else. Just let me fucking catch a vibe with this movie. I'm on my phone, bro. Yeah, that's fucking lame. That's so fucking lame. I'm on Twitter, bro.

That's lame. I want you to track this just because the range of movies, like I can't imagine what your Netflix recommendations are. You're seeing a totally different plane than I am. 100%. My Netflix for you page is fucking wild. You're seeing like shit from like foreign directors that has like 30 views on Netflix. Like you're in the dredges.

Have you seen Yellowstone? No, but listen. I haven't saw Yellowstone. That's a TV show. You know what Yellowstone is? Oh, it's on Hulu though. I've been tapping into Hulu because I've already ran through all of Netflix. Yellowstone is a country soap opera.

But it's a show. It's a show. It's a western soap opera. I'm only on episode 3. But listen, it's a show. I'm a fucking movie fan's a western soap opera. I'm only on episode three. But listen, it's a show. I'm a fucking movie fanatic. Oh, you're movie, movie, movie. Unless it's Rick and Morty or Breaking Bad or Prison Break or Avatar the Last Airbender. Fine.

Airbender. Well, I bend air in real time, too. How? I mean, I bend. We bend. Okay. air in real time too how i mean i've explained we we've been oh we uh okay i just want to say this motherfucker if you if you are fortunate this motherfucker if you are fortunate to have a house smoking dick and also smoking dick no no no you're smoking cutting me off because you're smoking dick if you are fortunate to have a house and also potentially or even whatever, if you just have somewhere you live that has a shed,

have your buddy come over and get all fucked up and go out in the shed and turn a fan on and, like, catch a vibe in the shed. Catch a shed vibe? Bro, a shed vibe? Like, okay, me and Austin and whoever wants to join have a thing where we... Hit up the Twitter if you want to send inquiries. If we're fucking drinking... Hit us up on Twitter.

I have a shed that, like, it's nowhere. It's just like a shed. And all you need is two fucking camping lawn chairs and fucking a fan and a cooler. You're fucking good, man. And a speaker. That's all you fucking need. It feels like you're in a different house. In a different...

You're in a different area of your shit. It's like wild. I think I found a new rapper in my top five rappers right now, guys. Who? I think his name is Xplugtheg God or something like that. X the God.

Never heard of him. X the Plug, something like that. It's fire? SoundCloud? Nah, nah. It's not Apple Music. All said, it's like, it's up y'all's alley.

Like, it's like angry rap music. It's fucking fire. Angry rap is not up my alley. I've been listening to nothing but soft shit. Since when? Since, like, since my heart got broken. So that happened, like, yesterday? So that's what's wrong with you?

Is it because that girl left and went back three hours home? Yeah. He's still going over. He tries that. The six-hour rendezvous just wasn't enough didn't cut it you fucking got attached and then it'll be you'll be all right buddy thank you you'll be all right that's nice that was fucking stupid all right you fucking assholes do you guys have anything else you want to say to wrap this bullshit up? Rest in peace, Tina Turner.

Hell yeah. RIP, Tina Turner. Thank you, Kenzie. I'll have the Ike and Tuna Tina. Or the Tina Tuna. Do you want that as a plate or a platter?

I'm scared. I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it. RIP Lucille Blue. Amen. Walker? I mean, AJ? I just looked at AJ dead in his eyes and said Walker. That's hilarious.

Got anything? Fucking, you know, I'm coming with the same shit. Rest in peace Troy Brooks fan hell yeah alright thank you ladies and gentlemen

for listening to another episode of Always Laugh Podcast my name's Austin Lane my name is AJ shout out to the Looking Glass Brewery my name's Walker

RIP Sarge miss you boy we out love you people My name's Walker RIP Sarge Miss you boy We out Love you people