Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #22 - Walker Should Be Banned From Jury Duty

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

This episode we talk about retaking the ACT 10 years later, crazy jury duty experiences, how to eat while driving, and accidentally cooking a dead mouse. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww MERCH - Coming Soon! Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I'm Walker. I'm super excited to be here guys Smith. Hey, I love the enthusiasm. Thanks Walker. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. If you're now that Wow. I was gonna try to like course it up. Are you taking you take it? no no we can go to three two one if you ain't laughing you ain't living i thought you're trying to steal it from me walker hit that shit no it's too late listen i was trying to that's that's why i waited because i wanted to hit it exactly but like it's okay it's okay you know everyone has missteps in this life and i want to talk about i had this okay that would be not getting all my work done during the week, so now I have to go to work during the weekend. That sucks ass, Walker. I know. Walker, don't do that,

because not only does that take away from your weekend, it takes away from my weekend with you, asshole. I know. Now we don't get to spend time together. It was extremely selfish, and I promise it won't happen again. I have to work tomorrow, too. Until the next week.

Oh, really? Yeah, I can't be too bad. Oh, perfect. It lines up. I have to work tomorrow, too. Ah, dang. i can't be too perfect yeah it lines up i have to work tomorrow too ah jesus aj we need this damn podcast start paying the bills walker i'm sick and tired of you uh austin you cannot tell walker to to don't do that it's more of a stop doing that because walker you've did this multiple times over the past couple months you'd be like i didn't finish and I've got to work on the weekend. I'm fucked.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Stop doing that. It's a recurring trend of being. I'm utterly tired of it. One time, Walker's like, hey, Austin, I've got to go into the office today. I'm like, Walker, that fucking sucks, man. I was hoping to hang out, and he's like, well, you can just come with me.

And I went with him, and we caught him. And we fucking nailed out all the shit. I was like, fuck it. I'll help you get the work done. The worst it's ever gotten me. I had to go to the airport at 4 a.m. And I just decided to put the one thing I had to do in the office off until 1 a.m. on Sunday morning. Bruh.

And I just stayed up all night. Went from here to the office. Did my thing. Went to the airport. Bruh. And I just stayed up all night, went from here to the office, did my thing, went to the airport, all good. Well, I'm glad it worked out in the long run, but that sounds like hell. Honestly, I have way more chance of making a flight.

Staying up all night? Are you good, buddy? I don't think so. Are you going to yak? I don't know what the fuck just happened. Is the wine getting to you? Walker's having a little wine night by himself, basically. He's taking a bottle of wine to the head, and he seems like he's having a good time.

He seems extra smiley. I like him. I am extra smiley. That's awesome. He's whining and not dining. Well, he did dine us as well. So Walker whined and dined us tonight. He made us his special recipe, jerk chicken, beans and rice. Well, yeah, passed down from my grandmother.

Yeah, jerk chicken and rice. Yeah. Fire. All the way from Jamaica. Straight from Jamaica. Straight from Jamaica. Yep. Yeah, that's the one.

Hell yeah. Speaking of cooking things i i cooked some uh some fucked up shit this week and it was actually a mortifying experience that i just need to get off my chest because i had no fun doing it um i woke up let's just say tuesday morning and i as i always do go to cook myself some breakfast and as i do not always do, go to cook myself some breakfast. And as I do not always do, I went to cook myself some toast. Because usually I don't have toast. But I decided to have some toast this special morning.

We don't have a toaster. So I open the oven to throw the piece of toast on the, you know, the oven rack. Let it, turn the broiler on. Toast my bread. What? Don't look at me like I'm crazy, AJ. That's a normal thing like i did we did that all throughout college like it's very boy never put on toast in the oven what are no bread in the oven what you've never put bread in the oven like like a french like a dinner roll you've never put in the oven you ain't never owned a 12 fucking okay poster but you can't put a dinner roll in a toaster, bud.

Let's just say I will no longer be putting bread in the oven. I've been sticking to the air fryer from now on for one specific reason. Can you guys stop fighting while I'm trying to tell you guys something cool? It's outside, isn't it? You gotta be fucking shitting me.

Is it not outside? That noise is outside. It's here if there's a bomb going off. Fucking get the fuck down. Oh, shit. AJ's spilling shit. Thank God. It's definitely outside. You guys are tripping.

All right. Is it not? Kenzie, why are you looking at me like that? All right. Jesus. Why is there a red dot on your forehead? Sorry for this. Shut the fuck up.

Sorry for the interruption, guys. My cast members tweaked out over a beeping noise outside. Um, okay. So yeah, let me get back to it. Uh, threw my bread in the oven, turn the broiler on. Well, I turned the broiler on, then went to throw the bread in the oven. And when I opened the oven, there was this horrendous, absolutely putrid smell coming out of the oven. I almost yacked as soon as I opened the oven. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And I look down, and there's a dead mouse laying in the bottom of the oven.

And I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. And I had already thrown the bread in there. So I grabbed the bread back out and slammed the oven door shut. And I was like, oh, that's fucked up. And I just left the kitchen because I was about to yak in there. And I was like, oh, shit, I didn't turn the oven door shut and I was like oh that's fucked up and I just like left the kitchen because I was about to yak in there and I was like oh shit I didn't turn the oven off I'm literally just cooking this dead mouse so I ran back in there got a piece of bread laid out the mayo yeah I ate the mouse you guys are stressing me out this so you guys have an active mouse problem not really but how many times do it like sorry austin continue he's brought it

up multiple times this whole not really so there were there were warning signs pointing to this um aj so for my birthday aj bought me a pack of uh lance uh cream cheese and chives crackers oh no the og triple ogs and one morning i walked a different the morning before i walk out and like one of the two of the packs of crackers were ran through and it didn't look like a human did it. And I was like, oh, no, there's like a squirrel or a mouse in here. Like, we're fucked. So I threw all those away. And then the next morning found the dead mouse in the bottom of the oven.

And I text I face Snapchat Walker a video. And I'm like, bro, this is fucked. Like, this is so fucked. I was like cackling in the office. Just looking. I was like, oh, I could fucked. Like, this is so fucked. I was, like, cackling in the office just looking at it. I was like, oh, I couldn't imagine dealing with that. Like, oh, I imagine the smell. Because I didn't even know, like, you would turn the oven on first. Yeah, bro, that's brutal.

Well, I've told you, AJ, like, I wake up usually between the hours of 5.30 and, like, 8.01 a.m. Every time I wake up, I the hours of 530 and like 801 a.m. Every time I wake up, I usually go to the bathroom. You can hear him. Bro, squirrels running through the walls. Yeah. I keep some bird seed in the back laundry room. They got into it, those fuckers.

We have above our back door, we have like a little squirrel hole. You guys have no privacy here. Yeah, they're on our ass. Bro, I took that. They're on your ass. No, that's. So the pack of crackers had like a little box, you know, that the crackers are in. So I took the box out of the recycling from the day before and I scooped the dead mouse into it.

And like I'm carrying it outside, like holding it as far away from my body as I possibly can. And I get it to the front porch. And as soon as I get to the front porch, I throw up in the box on top of the mouse because it was so fucking disgusting. That sounds disgusting. I'm sorry. This is what y'all do over here when I'm here. I wasn't here. I'm sorry.

That story was too gross, but I had to get off that off my chest. Hey, man, this fucking we're appreciative to allow us to be in this house but this rental property got some shit going on bro hey we got confirmed for another year guys the podcast will officially be here for roughly another year and a half yeah give or take unless we get our studio before then we're working really hard on that yeah there's place across street we're gonna scope and i have no idea what you just's a place across the street we've been scoping. I have no idea what you just said. There's a place across the street we've been scoping. We've been scoping. Ah.

Hey, have you guys ever did jury duty? Jury duty, jury duty, blackmail, eviction notice. Name that movie. I've gotten excused and then I just ignored one. Thank you, Kenzie. Neither have worked out poorly. Would you... I have like, worked out poorly. So would you?

I have not, AJ. Sorry. What are the odds that you would think I would get selected for jury duty? Honestly, high. 100%. Super high. Are you kidding me, AJ? You were, like, the perfect person they want. Really?

You're super agreeable. You won't make, like, a. I'll fucking lie on stand, buddy. About what, though? I'm saying no. Okay, hear me out. So I got selected for jury duty, right? And I went.

This is the whole thing, right? I'm going to go into some shit, right? So I got selected for jury duty. I'm scared shitless. What the fuck do I do? He's like, I'm going to court. This never ends well. I've never known anyone to go to jury duty before.

I'm a first-time jury dutiest, right? First in the family to do jury duty before like so i'm a first time jury dutiest right first first in the family do jury duty i feel like i'm the first one to go to college and shit like first one that's mr dutiest to you yeah yeah real government guy over here so look i go to jury duty so apparently when you go to i don't even know if i'm allowed to say this like probably you are i didn't sign an nda i don't think so well look at government nda i walk it so they put you in this room right it's like a little it's like a classroom essentially and there's the amount of chairs in there is just enough to where like there's a little bit of walking room up front, but there's, like, it's probably, like, a room twice as big as this, and there's chairs just shoulder to shoulder, right? So everyone's in there just jam-packed, shoulder to shoulder,

probably 100 people in there. They go down the list of, okay, so, like, we're sitting there. Then all of a sudden this lady comes out of nowhere and just starts reading off names, right? So, like, four names got read, and just starts reading off names right so like four names got read and it's just quiet right so like imagine imagine if i'm the speaker at the front of the room for jury duty i'm like walker austin kenzie and it's just quiet yeah alexander you're like here no no no no no no no no no no no no listen my name is alexander and i'm an alcoholic hi alexander quiet okay because no one else has

said shit quiet did you like shoot up like a bean sprout no no like okay like alexander quiet brian quiet uh fucking cassandra here i'm like oh shit i was supposed to say here bro so like now i'm like now my social anxiety's pumping like i'm like oh fuck dude i can't interrupt like she's mid list of names and after that it's like here here here here i'm like oh god i can't be like yo i'm from like 50 names ago i'm here so so look it's like 100 people bro i had to wait until the very end. And then, like, she says, like, her final arguments and shit or, like, closing thoughts or whatever the fuck. Her closing arguments.

And at the end of it, I had to, like, pull her aside. Like, as she, like, dismissed everyone, it was like, yo, my name's Alexander. Like, I was here. Like, fuck that. Like, I didn't know I was supposed to say something. My fault. My fault. My fault.

I was just like, bro, I'm here. But that shit fucked me up, dude. I would't know I was supposed to say something My fault My fault My fault I was just like I'm here But that shit Fucked me up I would have said I can't believe They do a roll call They do a roll call Fuck you

Cause like you can't Miss jury duty Like it's illegal To miss jury duty My mom has gotten Selected three times Since I've known her Um

And she has a Foolproof way For getting out of it You're stepping on my cord bro Jesus AJ I asked nicely once Sorry So she Um, and she has a foolproof way for getting out of it. You're stepping on my cord, bro. Jesus, AJ. I asked nicely once. Sorry.

So she goes to jury duty. She puts on a long black turtleneck. She'll wear all her pearls. She'll go pearl necklace, pearly earrings. She never gets selected. She says, apparently the lawyers don't want older conservative women. So when she walks in there with her shock you know salt and pepper head hair and pearled out they're like oh fuck no get this woman although with her new haircut my mom's rocking the uh the high and tight

with you know basically almost like a like a jimmy lee curt? Yeah. But she's got more like a pompadour kind of going on. The Karen 9000? They might select her now. She just looks like it. But no, listen though. She looks just liberal enough. She looks like she wouldn't like the death penalty. That fucking lib.

So look. So after roll call, right? They're like, yeah, we're going to court. So, they walk you all the way down to the courtroom. And you want to know some fucking... I'm going to get deep in this shit. So, you go and sit in on a real court case, right? Real people up there going to court.

And you're in the stands, right? Right. people up there going to court and you're in the stands right right so like the court case was this dude sexually assaulting like a whole family right it was like the most it wouldn't know like just casual shit it was like some fucking svu shit going on casual sexual assault no i'm saying like it wasn't no traffic ticket or some shit. It was like SVU. They pull out a whole jury for a traffic ticket. Imagine. They're like, we need to wet y'all's feet on this bad boy.

It's going to get ugly. It was some SVU shit going on, and it was fucking gruesome. And they start going down the names, or they start calling people to go up there, and then they question you to see if you'd be a good fit for jury duty and they're like keep in mind they're like this trial might go two three months you know i'm saying like you might have to come here for every single one for two three months so motherfuckers are in the stands like bro like ain't no way ain't no way we already don't want to be here let alone alone two, three months for the court.

Fucking hell no. Yeah, I feel you. So why are you talking like that? Talking like what? That's his normal voice. So, like, literally, like, they call you up. You're crazy if you get selected for jury duty, bro, because the questions they ask you are, like, they're, like, they ask you some of the most craziest shit.

And if you really are, like, yeah, yeah, like, they're, like, okay, like, you're fucking stupid. Dude, I want it bad. I want to be on a jury so bad. No. Dude, you just, like, you. It really fucks you over. You don't get paid. You do get paid.

Not nearly enough. No, not enough, but. And, I mean, like, if you're a salary employee, you might be fine if your company's cool. You don't get paid. You do get paid. Not nearly enough. No, not enough. And I mean, if you're a salary employee, you might be fine if your company's cool. You can't get fired, I guess, legally for it. But it fucks you over. Listen, bro. If you have a standard job and you're like, I got jury duty there, you'd be like, it's a law. Like, sure.

Like, you can have it all. But if you're like, I got to do jury duty for three months, you're like, dude, you're done. Walker, I feel like you'd be a really bad option for jury duty. Oh, absolutely. You are way too opinionated. But I like the idea of it. Like, no matter what the thing, like,

you are the jury of peers making an objective decision. If there was a woman or a child involved, the perpetrator is automatically guilty in your eyes. You wouldn't even listen. You'd be like, fuck it. Yep. Guilty. Hey, nonviolent crime, they're not going. Not guilty.

Nonviolent, not guilty. If it's nonviolent, not guilty all the way. But yeah, woman and children, yeah. Guilty, I don't even need to hear it. But need the prison, please. Yeah, just go ahead and settle that. Thank you. Death sentence.

I vote for death sentence. Like, buddy, that's not how this works. How do we get there? How do we ramp this up? Like, on second thought, go home. You should have seen that shit, though. The judge was like, raise your hand if you think you wouldn't be a good fit or why you can't be here.

And people are raising their hand. I'm literally like they give you a time to be like, if you have a valid reason why you shouldn't be here, raise your hand and let us know what the reason is. I saw motherfuckers like, I'm a firefighter. Our fire station's already short staffed like i shouldn't be here like well some people might want to be there no no like i should be at work i'm a firefighter judge judge is like not a good enough excuse like i'm like dang no this is real

literally dude said he's a firefighter like his shit was short-staffed. He's like, I need to be at the station. He's like, nah. Judge is like, no, doesn't qualify. It's 100% how he said it. If it was his like... Other people are like, I'm a single mom, and I care for someone at home. The judge is like, all right, you're rescheduled for three weeks. Come back in three weeks. Dude, I think that's literally...

Three months or some shit like that, and then they got to redo it in three months. Dude, if you were trying to get something out of someone, if you weren't like nice and pleasant when you asked for it, why would they do it? If they have no, no, but like no reason to,

you would think the firefighter serves this local community. Like is a damn near like law enforcement. Damn near. Like judge, be like, all right, like you're an important member of society. Like go back. Right. I don't disagree with you but if the firefighters like i shouldn't even be here you know like no he didn't say that but like he just was emphasizing like hey like i'm a firefighter

like like i need to be there like i'm a big part you know in in the fire putting out well there goes a situation yeah fuck your argument i guess right walker i got another question for you guys if you guys don't got nothing for me oh dude real quick i'm keeping them coming okay before your question can i can i dude firefighters have really escaped a lot of the heat oh dude taken on by not really first responders but the one of the first responders. Dude, paramedics and EMTs get more hate than firefighters. You cannot tell me

back in the day, firefighters would respond to people of a certain ethnicity a little slower. You can't tell me. I mean, you might be right. They probably fucking were. That's crazy. I ain't never heard of that before, now that be right. They probably fucking were. That's crazy. I ain't never heard of that before.

Now that you say that. They probably were. Is Kenzie crying over there? She's fucking laughing. She looks like she's crying. What the fuck? That's the worst part to be laughing. Kenzie, come on.

Walker said that. Why is Kenzie cry laughing over there? He said the fuck. Dude, the firefighters are actually racist as fuck. Are you laughing at the... I think I know what she's laughing at. This is so fucked. Alright, Kenzo, let's hear it. He said they escaped a lot of heat.

Yeah, I know. I was literally going to make a joke, but he kept going. He's like, yeah, they escaped a lot of heat of the first responders. I was like, bro, they're literally in nothing but the fucking heat. I don't even get... when people are like no pun intended my brain doesn't work nearly like that yeah you just like pun to the fuck out of that situation didn't even mean to didn't even mean to didn't even recognize it just steamroll so i stared directly into your

eyes like is like what did was he trying to make a joke and then you just kept rolling i was like all right i'm not saying anything then he wasn't trying to make a joke damn she just left it that yeah i bet firefighters have a race as fast somebody recommend me a book in the comments please beth you got anything for me firefighters um is almost like this like safe way out like essentially like they don't get no heat, bro. Shut the fuck up. Alright, shut up. But no, EMTs and ambulance people have been in the news for heat.

Some Jeffrey Dahmer glasses on. They're pretty dope. I thought we weren't going to bring it up. Now we all three have glasses on. I don't have glasses on. Technically, AJ brought it up. He got damn near buffs it up he got he got damn near buffs on walker got the taylor swift joints on that's fire dude yeah i wrote that

sunglass vibe my nice question would be when you guys order like uh like a sandwich or something from like a fast food place and you're like in the car driving, do you just grab it out of the package and freehand that thing? Or do you peel the package back, hold the package, and eat the part that's not in the package and slowly peel it back down? I typically, it depends on the situation and the vibe I'm in, but I will raw dog that sandwich. See, that's the rookie mistake. Imagine a Big Mac in my hand leaking down my arm.

That first bite's going to hit. I literally just smashed the whole thing into my face. Oh, it's beautiful. Oh, dude, you have so much lettuce in the fucking devil's ass. You take your hands off the wheel so you can catch the shit that's falling on your lap. Oh, dude. I have driven. I sort of got up 50 miles on my knee before just because I was.

So what do you do? You're unwrapping or you're fucking going raw? Are you wrapping or going raw? So are we talking in town trips or out of town? I'm saying just in general. In-town, you're doing it wrong. You got to get a couple apps to satiate you until you get the main part home. No.

If you get a sandwich, bro, you get some chips to eat on the car ride home, and then you eat your sandwich at home. I swear to God, I have yet to find something worth it enough to leave it in the car on the whole drive home and not touch it till I get home. How far are you driving? Listen, AJ. More than 10 minutes, it ain't worth it, bro.

AJ, I gotta tell you something that is going to- I'm crushing it. I'm pulling over and crushing it in the car, bro. Listen, this is gonna piss you off so bad. What? I have a story I gotta tell you. It's not a story. It's something I did this week that's going to make you so fucking mad.

So you know how I had to Uber 40 minutes away to get my car because it was left there because I shouldn't have been driving it? Yeah. Yeah, so I Ubered all the way there to get my car. And then as I get there to get my car, A, my car's dead. Had to get a quick little jump start. That's beside the point. As I'm jumping my car. Of course it the point. As I'm jumping my car. Of course it's dead.

As I'm jumping my car. He's dead. I place my Chipotle bowl order. And I go pick it up in Chapel Hill, which is 40 minutes away from where we're at right now. And I don't eat it until I get all the way back home. I didn't eat it until I get all the way back home. I didn't touch it. And the entire time I was driving, I was thinking that AJ and Walker would be fucking pissed at me. Well, AJ would be pissed and Walker would just be like, why?

I got one for you. Like, why would you not tap in? I got one for you. Bro, I understand that. The bowl, that's a little much to be eaten on the road. No, it was doable. 100% doable. I just didn't want to.

I got one for you, though. If I can't eat it with my hands, I won't eat it on the road. That's fair. If I've got to use utensils, I can wait. But, dude, I enjoyed that bowl so much more. When I got home, I opened it. It was the fattest fucking Chipotle bowl I'd ever seen. But you had to suffer the 45 minutes home.

I was suffering regardless, buddy. I was in a... Literally... Austin was in a bad place that day. I was in a suffering state of literally yesterday i pull up kfc slash taco bell classic the dually i get the kfc spicy chicken sandwich x baja blast fire combo you're getting the kfc spicy chicken sandwich mixed with the fucking iconic baja blast taco bell bro those two fire so look i pull out the the drive-thru i get my shit i make one little

curve kenzie's like what are you doing i said i'm pulling over what the fuck does it look like I'm doing? I'm eating. I'm in the parking lot still. I'm pulling over in the parking lot and crushing that chicken sandwich and drink. The drink is just to wash it down on the way home. I live four minutes from that place. You got to get that hot.

Was it good? Oh, dude. I got the fresh joint. And the only reason why I got that sandwich in particular, because number one, months ago, Beth said, and this is the funniest saying I swear to God I've ever heard. Our friend Beth texted us and said uh don't walk run and it was a it was a picture of the spicy chicken sandwich the whole don't walk run thing has resonated in my fucking head this whole time that that fucking sandwich is iconic bro it's it's pretty good if you get it fresh bro it's not popeyes level if you get that fresh, bro. It's not Popeye's level if you get that fresh Popeye's because everyone knows Popeye's is like one for four.

You get three bad and you never want to come back again, but then you're like, fuck, I guess I'll give them one more try. Then they give you one good one, and then you'll be good to give them another four. Yeah, I'd agree with that. I mean, I'd say like one for three, but yeah. It's not every time. I had my first bite say like one for three, but yeah. It's not in every time. I had my first bite of Popeye's chicken sandwich about a month ago.

When you get that one, it's life-changing. So I've been cutting back big time on the DoorDash ordering. Because, you know, it's just like, you know, that joke's played out. But, you know, you order $20 worth worth of food on door dash and your bill comes out to 60 something yeah it's unbelievable it's bullshit but what i have been doing when i do get to the level of inebriation or hungriness where i finally order door dash i've started doing the express fee thing it's like three dollars and it's like you're the first stop on the route they go to that restaurant first and they bring it to you first you're the first stop on the route. They go to that restaurant first, and they bring it to you first.

You're like, if I'm going to pay all this extra money, I'm going to pay the extra $3 to get my shit hot. And I used that a couple weeks ago on Popeyes. And I got the sandwich, and I've been hyping the sandwich up to Awesome for a while, and he was like, take a bite first. Let me know if it's worth it. And I took a bite, and it was a fucking good one. He was like, you need to try this right now.

Dude, you wouldn't believe this, but. Oh, it was fucking phenomenal. I was waiting in lines for Popeye's to open in 2020 to get that fucking sandwich. Dude, I pulled up. I was one of them. I sat in the drive-thru. I was one of them. I wasted, I burned a whole lunch break, sat 40 minutes in the drive-thru,

was late back to my job that I had to clock into for that fucking sandwich. I was in Sugar Creek in fucking Charlotte, just chilling out on the street on a line that was like a quarter mile long. Holding up traffic. So worth it. Sugar Creek is a one-lane road people are masked up motherfuckers got fucking masks going on i think i'm trying sorry damn it damn it bud no hey if you weren't in the popeyes lines what the fuck were you doing probably something more productive that's probably

what i was doing in 2020 definitely less productive than i's probably what I was doing. In 2020, definitely less productive now that I think about it. 2020 was the year that changed everything for me. They knew what they were doing. You were. So me and Austin lived together from 2016 to 2020, was it? That's right. 2020 was the year that you actually moved out of the house. I cried on my way out.

I cried. I cried multiple times. I cried on my way out. I cried. I cried multiple times. My fucking eyes out. So Austin moves back to Raleigh. We're, you know, like, you know, like we had like a group, like we had accumulated guys over the years. Yeah, you met one of them, Drew Baldy. Yeah, exactly. We had like, at the, like, you know, the core unit was pretty much like seven guys.

You guys had a high turnover, right? Oh, big time. Not really. We just added. We had a couple in and out. We had a couple that had to be turned over for sure. Motherfuckers were in and out of that bitch. So what happened when you moved out of the house?

What happened? What did I do? Well, in the short term, I drove out of the driveway what happened what did i do um well in the short term i drove out of the driveway and cried all the way down the street while my friends waved goodbye in the front yard which made me just cry even more uh came back to raleigh and started working and the pandemic hit well that's why kind of why i left yeah pandemic hit i left came back to raleigh started working and absolutely started drinking my fucking face off like i was at home and just drinking buddy like just fucking going at it really that's all i'll do go home go to work

come home make tiktoks that was like the time period that I really popped off on TikTok, I guess you would say. And then just drink. And it really set me up for a good time and pain. Pain and suffering. At this point, it's probably like 50-50. What did you do? What did you do um what did i do after well they have after all the tears were over um life just kind of went on i feel like i did end up moving back to um well yeah the the pandemic

happened that kind of sucked oh dude okay so i do have to say this when that pandemic first hit like america and we first did the whole lockdown. Yeah. That was fire, by the way. Yeah, the lockdown was when I was drinking my face off. The lockdown was fire. So we played a game called Mario Kart. I think we've talked about it before.

Mario Kart. You drink a beer every two races. You can't drink it between races. Can't drink and drive. It's a video game. I went to Food Lion. I'm not kidding you every day for a month I bought a 12 pack of

White Claws I went back to my house I played Mario Kart by myself I played with people for the first week and then they kind of fell off they all got burned out because it's like Jesus Christ what the fuck I'm not just going to drink a case of White Claws They all got burned out because it's like, dude, Jesus Christ, what the fuck?

I'm not just going to drink a case of White Claws at like 2 o'clock on a... That sounds like the best time ever. Honestly, a case of White Claws is literally like Gatorade, bro. I don't think so. No dead ass. Can we be fucking for real, bro? Be fucking for real, bro. A 12-pack of Claws, bro. It'll get you drunk. It'll get you started for the night bro. Be fucking for real, bro. A 12-pack of claws, bro. It'll get you drunk.

It'll get you started for the night. It'll fucking... It'll get you started. It'll start it. But, like, come on. Be FFR, bro. Be fucking for real. Yeah, and then I tried to move back to Charlotte,

and all of the friends were like, yeah, move back in. And one of our friends was like, no. So then, like, I just did it anyway. Fuck him. Who said that? Because, like, I wasn't supposed to be living in the house anymore. They didn't really have the space.

But we made it work. We had a whole plan laid out. Oh, yeah. It was fun. The perpetrators, Austin Lane, Connor, Walker. Yeah. We had gotten drunk some nights. And we would stay up literally planning.

Like, all right. So Austin's going to come back. He's going to stay for a weekend, and then we just don't say anything. And I never leave. He just lives in Connor's room. He lives in Connor's room for, you know, like a couple weeks. Maybe he moves out on the couch, or he can stay in Connor's room. And we literally just, like, don't say anything about it. If the person who had a problem with it brings it up name dropping uh jared jared jared tinsman that motherfucker he said what the

fuck man so i get but it was so funny yeah let me find out you're so walkers like come back for the weekend walker and connor like come back for the weekend and then basically never leave if he never says anything it is what it is so i come back for that weekend and jared's like hey like it was just him and me at one point we're drinking or whatever it was just jared and i and what do you want you to start paying rent no no no he it was that weekend he didn't realize that i wasn't leaving yet he comes up to me and he's like hey bro just so you know like no hard feelings like i like there's just not much space here i I was like, yeah, no worries, man. Like, I feel you. And then I literally never left. That was a rinky-dink little house. Yeah, it was.

I mean, we made it work. It was fun. We made it work. The whole downstairs, that was the part that I was like, bro, come on. Like, there's a whole downstairs that nobody even touches. Unless we're playing Mario Kart. Kenzie. It's time.

Thank you, Ken Kenzie That's fine AJ How you living man? I just want to talk about Can we Alright Can we normalize Grown men

Utilizing a blanket Because Is it not normalized? I do it every day Please turn me into a trailblazer. I need something. I sleep in bed every night with a blanket. No, the people on the internet?

AJ sleeps with just a top sheet. Nothing else. Fuck a blanket. I'm too tough. No, no, no. I am pro. No, I'm not talking about blanket in bed, dude. I'm talking about the people in the comments talking about why does a grown man have a blanket on bro what them why

are they worried about what a grown man's doing i'm saying like there's really dudes out here that think like a blanket really like is like like they would never like a blanket bro you said the other day bro you're sitting on the couch with a blanket i don't do that at my house i because i don't i don't just sit on the couch like you're not you're just not catching a vibe on the couch i'm not a big couch guy in general but aj to answer your overall question yes we can normalize dudes sitting on the couch with a blanket i'm fucking i do it all the time and i'm not gonna stop so and there's dudes out there's dudes out here that act like there's something like like oh that ain't normal then i don't want to be normal they're like oh you're not manly enough like you got a blanket on you pussy boy you snowflake

fucking snowflakes fucking joe byron got in there guys think they can just wear blankets blankets and shit bro if you're cold you better stay cold damn it what the fuck is a blanket i sleep with nothing me and austin live in a over a hundred year old house that has windows that are at least 60 years old there's like no insulation they don't even open. I said, bro, can we open this window? They said, no. They're all painted shut. They got painted shut in the fucking 70s. They haven't opened in like 40 years.

I tried to chip away at my bedroom windows for probably four or five hours and it just didn't work. I was like, Walker. I came in there and I'm like, Walker. It's time to call it, buddy. It's not going to happen. I was like, really? I'm so close. I don't know. Do you guys feel Walker, it's time to call it, buddy. It's not going to happen. I'm so close. I don't know.

Do you guys feel trapped just knowing you can't open them? No. No. Not really. Like no fresh air. I really wish we could. Like no fresh air. I really wish we could, bud. Okay, to be honest, yes, I do feel kind of trapped.

This dude Walker's over here blowing smoke into his fucking, what is that, dehumidifier or some shit? Yeah, dehumidifier. He can't even blow out the window. But for some reason, our AC unit is a fucking tank. Oh, it is. I'm over here shivering right now. Our house, the AC unit says like 69 or like 70. It's 65.

It's like 65. I'll pull out my thermometer in the bathroom. I'll take it in there. I've got an instant read thermometer. 64 sometimes. Dude, it's finicky, though. It's finicky. If you set the thermostat to 60, if you set it to 70 and above, it gets fucking stuffy and hot in here.

If you're below 70, you're pretty good. Like 68, 69, you're usually pretty straight. All I'm saying is I sleep on 69 because that's like the perfect, like, you get cold, you snuggle up to your blanket. But, like, if that bitch hits 70, bro, I'm fucking whole leg out, hanging off the side of the bed, can't breathe, dying, can't even fall asleep. Over one degree, bro. 69 and 70 are two completely different things. Are you the type of people that have to have a blanket on? Could you sleep with no blanket just on the top of the bed?

A sheet? No, you have to have – it could be a sheet. You have to have something on you, though. I'm sure in certain situations I could sleep without a blanket, but I fully... Obviously, if you're full... You slept out on a... Not to expose you. Can I expose you?

You slept out on a goddamn screened-in porch. In 50-degree weather. Last week. In 50-degree weather with no blanket. Yeah, dude, I woke up the coldest I'd ever been. Anyway, no, Walker, I typically need a blanket. I don't feel right. degree weather with no blanket yeah dude i woke up the coldest i've ever been anyway um no walker i typically need a blanket i usually don't feel right i usually prefer something covering my mouth wait i don't know why i usually pull it up just high enough to cover my little mouth so if like

i'll smirk so like if you had no blanket you'd be like what aj i've got something like that i i put my what's wrong with you i'll'm saying I like to be like... Protected? Yeah, protected. You'll cover your whole head? No, just like my nose and below. How do you breathe? I'm saying, obviously, through my nose.

I don't know how I breathe, bro. Jesus. I breathe. Welcome back to Talking With Locke. I've got a recap of events that I thought, you know, were important over the last four days. Denver Nuggets went over the heat in the NBA Finals. The fuck did you say? I don't know.

The Denver Nuggets won over the heat in the Finals. It's not your turn. Also, in Atlanta, protesters were arrested after protesting the domestic terrorism, or sorry, cop city in Atlanta. And it sets a stage for a really important battle around the country where protesting and activism rights have already been eroded so much over the last 20 or 30 years. Thank you for sharing, Walker.

Thank you. Dude Walker. Thank you, dude. It literally took me about a couple seconds to realize you said protesting. And I thought you said like protesting, like you're like, they were pro testing. And I was like, where are they testing?

I was tricking them. They're pro SATs. Yeah. They're pro testing. And I was like, what are they testing? I was tripping, bro. They're pro SATs. Yeah. They're pro. Hey, what'd you get on your ACT? 30. 30? Walker Smart.

What'd you get? 23 or 4 is like my highest. How many times did you guys take it? Two. Once. It didn't change my, I got the same score as him, I think. So you got a 30 on your first try, and you're just like, I'm calling it. Isn't the highest like a 32?

Yeah, like why would he take it again? I think the highest is 36. Oh, I think it is now. Did they change it? I don't know. They upped the score. So, dude, like my SAT, that's the one that was, like, a flex for me. Walker's, like, a really good test taker.

I'm the opposite. I got, like, a 2180 on the SAT when it was out of, like, 2400. Y'all took the SAT? Yeah. I mean, our high school offered both. What, you were trying to go to college out of state? Well, colleges wanted to see both. Like, you had a better chance of getting into the school that you wanted to go to.

Yeah, dude, we went into college, like college like 2016 like they they wanted some shit like you had to like submit a whole resume to get into college god i can't imagine aka a college application is that why i didn't get in a resume maybe just a college app i i listened to this shit. I took the ACT. I think I took that bitch three times. And the highest I got was a motherfucking 19. That's pretty solid, man. I got a 19 on the first one. And then just consistently went down. I've seen people do worse.

My dad told me. 17, 18. It was bad. I don't want to take the blame if this is wrong. My dad told me one time. if you answer every question as C, you get a 17 on the ACT. Damn it. I got a 17 one time. You were guessing.

Oh, no. I was off to Addie Ray's bussing and that bitch tripping. Couldn't even get a 20. You had a prescription back then? That's fire. Yeah, hell yeah. No. Yeah, hell yeah. No. Yeah, man.

AJ, what do you think you would get on the ACT now? Oh, fucking the lowest. Can I set that up? Can I get you to take the ACT? I would do much better on the ACT now. Guaranteed. Dude, don't you have to write like a paper? Yes.

That's part of it. It's over with, bro. I'm going to set this up. That was the only part that I did well on. Both of you sit at that table over there. We're going to take the ACT. You're going to administer an ACT to us. I'm going to administer an ACT.

AJ's going to be like, yo, what'd you get for me? I'm going to monitor y'all. I'm going to be cheating. No phones. Phones in a fucking locker. What do you mean? I can't chat. Can you order mock ACTs?

Oh, absolutely, dude. Oh, we're doing this big time. Oh, that would be hilarious. Well, this will be like a separate video. I guarantee I'm going to be more stressed than AJ because if AJ scores higher than me, I'm going to be fucking livid. No, no. We would take that shit so serious. So, AJ, your all-time record is a 19.

Yes, three times. And yours is a 24. Yeah, something like that. Okay. So, that's setting the stage aj's now 29 austin's 25 can i lower my number to a 23 just god damn it you're already locked in fuck um coming soon austin and aj retake the act so do hey I'm trying to enroll back in college, bro. I'm trying to get ready.

That's like a three-hour test. Are y'all ready for this? I'll do it. That shit is slight. That's probably why I failed, because I just was trying to get this shit over with. I literally have nightmares about... You get like 145, man. I have nightmares about having to take tests and shit.

Like, I'll wake up out of a nightmare like, oh, thank God I don't have to go take a test right now. Because in college, it was like a fucking... It was hell. Motherfuckers were just trying to get up out of there. It was on like a Saturday morning, too try to get up out of there it was all like a saturday morning too like bro come on bro i'm trying to leave so i'm gonna wake up on act morning and be like oh fuck i'm gonna have serious test anxiety i'm literally giving like

i'm i'm bringing up past trauma for y'all i never maybe it shows out how bad of a student i was i i never had like the bad dreams about missing a test or missing oh i never i never did in college but now i do i always had i had yeah it's called pts if you've ever like worked in literally uh the service industry if you work in there long enough you get like server dreams where like i've been dreaming in the weeds where i have like 12 tables and everyone hates me and everyone hates what they've had so many times it's like disgusting i've been seeing them tiktoks where it's like you're sitting baby you're sitting on the toilet and you remember that table that asked for a ranch

you never brought my ranch and you're like tripping out it's stressing you out at night that's hilarious like damn they asked for a ranch told them I'd get it and I never got it. Little piece of advice. If you ever tell a food runner, which is the person that you only see once that brings you your food and ask them for something, 20%

chance they tell the server that. Like, 20%. If it's busy, zero. Like, zero fucking shot. Negative. You got to ask the next person that comes around. And they'll always be so confident. Oh, yeah, I got you.

Yeah, they don't got you. And if they bring you one, you better love them for life. They're the man or the woman. This is the motherfucking Cajun queen, baby. We ain't doing all that. Come on, man. Period. Period. Period.

I'm excited to take the ACT. I can't wait to see how much I've learned over the years compared to high school. I am. I can't wait for this, honestly. I'm so excited. Do we have to use, like, a fucking pencil and shit? I'm buying y'all, like, official calculators and everything. We're getting number two pencils with the sharpeners.

We probably still have our calculators. I'm getting you all some Scantrons. We're doing this thing legit. Oh, you're only allowed to use those little bullshit calculators, aren't you? Oh, fuck. I might be fucked, actually. Yeah, no. No TI-84s, baby.

No graphing calcs. No memory on these bad boys. I got my iPhone calculator. I'm straight, bro. I'm fucked. No iPhones, bud. They're going to be in the locker. What the fuck? I'm going to get one of those things, No iPhones, bud. They're gonna be in the locker. What the fuck?

I'm gonna get one of those things, like one of those shoe things that you hang over a door. I'm gonna have you hang your fucking cell phone. I have an Apple Watch you wouldn't even notice, bro. I'm not gonna notice your Apple Watch. I'm gonna be sitting three feet from you. Is this a competition between AJ and I? I think it should be. You're done. How much do you want to put on it?

Fucking none, dude. The discrepancy. You're done. How much do you want to put on it? Fucking none, dude. Oh, okay. The discrepancy. That's fun. Okay, no, no, no. We're going based off. Okay. Okay.

Just lie and say a number. No. Like, what the fuck? We're going based off. Dog has a whole degree. I got kicked out first semester. Dude, that's kind of an interesting twist on it. Yeah.

So Austin scored high originally, has a college degree. That's kind of an interesting twist on it. Austin scored high originally, has a college degree. There's a lot on the line for you, Austin. If AJ shows you up, that's going to be pretty embarrassing. I told you I'm going to be nervous as fuck taking this test. Dude, I'm guessing so crazy

because if I do bad, AJ did bad on the ACT. No, I need you to actually try. I'm guessing crazy. I need ACT. No, I need you to actually try. I'm guessing crazy on that. I need you to try. AJ's pride got a 19. I need you to try. Oh, I tried every fucking time. I took that bitch.

What do you mean? Come on, man. I tried. What do I do? All right, Walker, set the date. Set the date. July 14th. All right.

Be there, be square. Don't miss test day. You don't get any retakes. I ain't going to miss no fucking test day. All right. We got to do a drug test on that day. My assistant grader. Yeah, of course. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

Kenzie said, yeah, of course. All right, boys. You guys have anything else you want to say to wrap this up? Let me check. All right. So, no. You guys have anything else you want to say to wrap this up? Let me check. All right. So, no. Walker, you got anything? I don't got nothing.

I hope everyone's having a great time of day, whatever time of day you're watching this. Oh, yeah? Kenzie, you got anything? No. AJ? I got something. We're about to go on tour. We're going on tour, coming to a city near you.

Always laugh live, baby. No, we are about to go on tour, though, for real. And we're going to knock out some serious shit. We're going to be the first podcast that I know of to go on tour, which I only know, like, us. And then we just go on tour. All right. Okay.

Just real quick. Just real quick. Sorry, Austin. AJ, I could name 15 podcasts off the top of my head that have gone on tour. No, Walker, you're going on tour with us. No shit. He's part of the podcast.

What the fuck do you mean? I'm saying the motherfucker be gone every other weekend. No, you're coming with us. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening to another episode of Always Laugh Podcast. My name's Austin Lane. My name is AJ. Don't trust a Marco

cutting your hair. I'm Walker. We out. Love you, people.