Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #24 - Austin Got Attacked, Aj is a Flat Earther, Walker Has Road Rage

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

This episode we talk about getting stuck in virtual reality, getting attacked by a cat, the earth being flat, and being naked in your own home. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww MERCH - Coming Soon! Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the Always Laugh Podcast. My name's Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I'm Walker. I'm so glad I don't live in Tennessee, Smith. Not a big fan of Tennessee. Nah, dude. I was there this week for work, and I mean, it was, you know, it's nice, but there was

definitely some spots that were a little dusty and crusty. A little dusty and crusty. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. If you ain't laughing. We don't like Tennessee. All right. If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. We don't like Tennessee. All right. If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. That was solid, solid shit.

Off to a good start so far. I like Tennessee personally. I love Tennessee. You know, Nashville's a great time, but when you get down to like the 10,000 person, like rural towns where the trailer parks go on for as long, like as far as the eye can see, that's where we start getting into a different territory. People need love too. When,

uh, when like a solid 30 to 40% of, you know, the 20 to 40 year olds you see look strung out. That's where we get into a different territory. That's where the fun starts. You think they got a big, uh,

drug problem in Tennessee? Uh, or in rural Tennessee? Absolutely. It's like any other place. Why are your mic acting like that? That thing moving. I'll take over her in a sec.

All right. AJ? I had some funny stuff happen in my life recently. So I quit blue collar. Hell yeah. I'm done. Good shit. I'm done.

Are you excited about that? Dude, you have no idea how happy I am to be out of that business, man. Yeah. That shit's a grind. So now you're just unemployed? Yeah. But I had a funny- I quit my job and that's it.

The last couple of days I had some funny jokes cracked on me at work because I was always like the laughing, what's the word? Like the soft hands little bitch? No, I just was always like the punching bag. I was the easy target. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? Is that not what I said?

No. It was many words. One day I was at work and it was lunchtime and they were like, all right, we're about to go eat lunch. So I started walking towards the truck to get my lunch pail, and they're like, dang, that's the fastest you moved all day. And I was just walking to go get my lunch. Dude, I'll be dragging ass at work, bro. I believe it.

It was funny to me because I did have a little pep in my step to go get lunch. Finally a reason to move. That shit had me cracking up. It was funny to me because I did have a little pep in my step to go get lunch. Finally a reason to move. That shit had me cracking up. You're graduating from Soft Hands University onto, like, Soft Hands post-grad. Then this was the same day that the air quality was bad. And I'm like, we're not even supposed to be outside today, man. And, like, there's, like, air quality is, like, high on the radar. There's, like, there's a warning. And they start doing all that funny, like, hey's, like, air quality is high on the radar. There's, like, there's a warning.

And they start doing all that funny, like, hey, Mr. George, the new guy said he has to go home because of air quality. They're just, they started, they said air quality. Like, they started. I'm like. Soft lungs around here. Right. I'm like, oh, okay. How dare you want to have good lung health you

guys are just so uh so tough you you don't uh that doesn't affect you I guess uh okay but dude I'm so happy to be out of that industry and actually like be uh like be around like people that aren't just like trying to be like hard asses all day like I'm sure that's exhausting Walker can I tell you something? Absolutely. I'm not going to say negative feelings towards AJ, but definitely in his direction to a certain extent right now. Why?

Because I stayed the night at his house a few nights ago, and we had a good time. We had a couple bevs. We were hanging out in the pool. The vibes were amazing, immaculate. It's time to go to bed. I'm like, all let's let's let's hit the hay i'm laying down in the guest room at their house laying there minding my own business

i'm super tired i'm about to pass out their cat their cat's name is molly fat fattest cat you'll ever see in your damn life don't don't do her like that tell me i'm lying she's overfed. She's heavyset. So I will say the first time I saw Molly, I, uh, she, she's a wide load. Yeah. She's about three or four times wider than she is tall. She is a, uh, what's that? Uh, the little, them trucks that'd be taking up more than one lane. Yeah. Wide load.

So, so the cat jumps up onto the bed while I'm trying to go to sleep. I'm like, all right, that's cool. She's being all nice to me at first, like purring, cuddled up next to me. So I start petting her. And, you know, like sometimes cats will let you know when they're done. They're like, all right, stop touching me. So she like kind of swats at my hand and like bites at my hand. And I would say my nervous system probably wasn't receiving,

recepting pain like at the level that it normally would just based on the level of intoxication i was at um so i didn't realize how serious the first warning was because the second warning wasn't a warning she turned so i keep kind of petting her she turns bites the shit out of my hand and scratches me there's literally like fang marks in the top of my hand so i shove her off the bed i'm like hell no and this cat's like 400 pounds so she hits the ground with a loud oh jesus dude we have to record don't mess up the christian dior christian dior's damn but um yeah she hits the ground with a thud i wake up the next day and kenzie's like austin did you push the cat off the bed last night i was like uh yeah no no

no no she said the cat made a weird-ass noise last night. Like, I don't know what the hell happened. Here's my take on the situation. Austin's like, oh, my God, I can't believe y'all heard the cat last night. I have a take on it, too. Austin deftly got bit by the cat and was like, oh, fuck. Threw the cat off the bed and was like, fuck you, and then ran up, kicked the cat out of the room

slammed the door and went back to bed he's like oh i can't believe i heard that i think he violated her bro you touched my cat inappropriately i didn't violate your cat she would not bite nobody if you ain't bro you probably touched her stomach or some shit her saggy that's an unbelief that's a that's a that's an allegation Yeah dude that's messed up She wouldn't do that Cool so we're just victim blaming now? Sick That's facts I get attacked by your pet

I could have her put down I would never do that to you But I could make that decision Look at my hand Dude She tore my shit up I don't want to hear it man And I'm not blaming it on the fact that she's overweight But I definitely feel like it has something to do with it.

So now you're fat shaming my cat. Yes, 100%. Oh, my goodness. So for anyone wondering, we are doing a slight change of scenery this week. You can find us on the Always Laugh podcast here on the front porch of our recording studio. Yeah, if you hear the birds chirping in the background, that's because we're outside. There's a bird feeder about two feet above my head.

And any seeds that come in, it'll just be a special treat for the end. Spudwalker's going to eat the bird seeds that fall on his head. Do you guys remember... AJ, real quick. Your head is just putting off an unbelievable sheen right now.

It looks like a dome helmet. His freshly shaved, sun-kissed head. Sun-kissed and freshly shaved. The difference between AJ's lower back and his butt cheek, it's like literally two different ethnicities at this point. It's unbelievable. I'm honestly, I don't know if I should be proud or, like, scared how tan I am on my back, dude. It's like.

I think you should be proud. It's kind of sketchy. Do you use sunscreen ever? On my head. I try to. I mean, that's better than nothing. It gets burnt the most out of anything, obviously. It's the most sensitive.

The only problem with me. It's actually the thick. You'd be surprised. Your head skin is very thick. It's the most sensitive. The only problem with me is... It's actually the thick... You'd be surprised. Your head skin is very thick. It's like leather up there? I don't think so. I think it's like the same skin as your face skin. Not a chance, bro.

Dude, wearing this wife beater is really going to allow people to see the sweat running down my arms. I'm getting a little moist. Are y'all hot, boys? I don't know. I think I'm nervous. You may wonder why Austin has a wife beater on for anyone watching on YouTube and we're just kind of just trying out new fits Man, like the white beater was wait do people still call them that I don't know

There's probably a more PC term the beater the beater was cool at one point The beater was the spouse beater Yeah, yeah, we let's take the gender yeah we're in general it's the spouse beater i want to talk about people's lack of self-awareness dude that's one thing that like if you're not self-aware at this day and age like what the do you have any like examples of that i have an example yesterday aj and i went went to a Mexican restaurant to eat lunch, and AJ dripped a bunch of salsa down his chin, and it was in his beard, and he didn't know it.

So I think that's an example of him being unaware. No, you've never had a beard that hangs off your fucking face before, so you wouldn't even know that. I'm talking a three-inch glob about to drip off his beard. I couldn't even feel it. I'm like, bro, you might have to go to the bathroom. I had to dip my napkin in the water, like, brush. Jesus.

It was bad. It was pretty sick. I mean, once that stuff gets in there, there's stuff coming out. I was about to grab a chip and just scrape it off. I was about to dunk my beard just in my water. I was about to not say something. Oh, man. Walker, what are you looking at like that?

Dude, you just look so fucking like. Douchey as fuck. I was going to say good, but. I look like a clown. No, man. Maybe a little bit, but. Clothes don't make you, bro. It's what.

Is that what you're hitting the town with tonight? Clothes don't make you. Hose will break you. That was off the the dome did you guys like that wow yeah you're pretty talented is that cool no um i really like like for instance austin's mom told us a story today about people what you say next austin's mom told us a story today about how just people are just their self-awareness and like they're like the audacity of some fucking people. It's just out of this fucking world, man. She did send us a perfect example.

So Austin's mom and stepmom are both at the beach right now taking a little vacation. Dang. They're sit out. They're set out. They're laid out. You know, they've got their own tent. They've got a nice buffer of space around them. Two women walk up. One puts her tent down six feet away.

The other puts her tent, we'll put the picture up, I'm not kidding you, six inches away. To the point where her tent is slightly under Lori and Andrea's tent. And they sent us a picture of the other side. There's like 20 feet to the next tent between them. This woman's literally trying to bully them out of their beach spot. It's unbelievably messed up. Like, how dare they?

Oh, my God. No, I think... Their beach day must be ruined. I think right now it's it's a level of pettiness between two parties right oh 100 both of them are grown adults grown women and they're not backing down from one one another like they're just dude i see i don't know i'm so on laurie and andrea's side on this like the fucking gall of someone to walk up and put their umbrella under your umbrella i would just ask him to move over do you think they not do that i don't think so hold on hold

on jesus do you think well maybe i'd be like yo can you guys just like scoot the fuck over you're kind of my space bro do you think they have had like an actual conversation or no do you think it's all just do you know like no tension like andrew's probably just making probably so thick bro offhand comments loud comments oh yeah through the you can just be in super i wish we had a little more space wow oh cramped over here only there was a whole beach or something. And Walker said some funny shit. If anyone listening has ever been to Carolina Beach, Walker said the funniest fucking comment. I swear to God, I'll forget where I was at.

And let me preface this. I love Carolina Beach. I've been there almost every year of my life for a vacation. Yeah. Do you mind sharing that comment you said? Carolina Beach is about three steps up from the third world. I love it but it is just like not a very nice place i think it's beautiful like it's like it's super touristy

and all the touristy people like the bum like the beat you know it's beach bumps there that's a beach town but there's there's also like beach like you got to have this is like with anything like restaurant etiquette or beach etiquette or like where's your beach etiquette bro like where's your home training bro yeah home training beach etiquette what the fuck is wrong with you what are you smiling at walker what's got you smiling like that today i think i think he just keeps looking at me smiling. You're just giving off a vibe, man. We love it, honestly. Dude, you definitely fuck right now. Like, you look slutty, and it's great. I look like you shouldn't touch me or you might catch something.

You look like you have an STD active. Yes, exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. Yeah. It's a great look. Appreciate that, boys. You just need your hair. I'm sure I'll find my that, boys. You just need your hair just to be... I'm sure I'll find my wife in this fit.

You need your hair to be just a little bit more greasy in your hair. Your spouse, please. Yeah, my spouse. A little bit more grease in the hair. I don't know if Austin's hair could get greasy, to be honest. I don't think I've ever seen your hair. If he doesn't shower for like two days... My hair gets greasy as shit.

I just shower very frequently. I'm a very frequent shower goer. Super frequent shower goer? I would say at least daily. At least. At least daily. At least. Could be two times daily.

Yeah. Depending if my balls are sweating or not. Come on, man. Jesus. What? Do y'all ever use like gold bond powder or like baby powder down there or anything like that? No. Usually, from my experience, the people who, this is my opinion, the people who use those type of things are usually on the heavier side.

The people who I have met throughout life usually are bigger gentlemen that do that. They got the swamp. They don't want to chafe out. They'll be chafed out. Dude, I... No hair grows on my inner thighs because they're just like fucking rubbing up.

Fucking tree trunks. No thigh gap. They rub them together. No thigh gap, unfortunately. We'll get there, but none right now. Dude, I went to the gym yesterday and i was uh squatting and there was this probably 60 year old man in front of me doing the most i don't know interesting bicep curls it was like a seven stage movement like the hell

like he he would like turn it bring it up turn it up, turn it, like, go, like, right and left. No way. Go to the top, go, like, this way and this way. And then, like, go like this and go, like, this way and this way. Jesus, he was really moving that. He got all of the supporting muscles. And you're not going to tell him the damn thing because he's probably been doing it his whole life. And he's like, fucking, this is how it's done, son.

Oh, yeah. I mean, and, you know, he looked as good as you can look at, you know, 70. Hell, yeah. A fucking unit. Dude, I can't believe. How are you in the gym at 70 years old? Like a fitness connection? What the fuck?

Just imagine, imagine the. I don't know. It just seems. I always thought 70 was like retirement home level. Hell, no. Imagine the confidence you have, though confidence he's trying to get girls bro he's not done yet imagine the job not finished you're 70 and you're in the gym there's 70 year olds in nursing homes there's 70 year olds of like walkers and you're in the gym fucking just

getting active you know i'm saying imagine that that how what that power feels like well retirement homes have are spread like one of the highest rates of stds in the country they're worse than colleges really because they they have no need to wear condoms and they're old they don't really give a fuck about getting tested so they just like i've heard in some places it's like an open door policy like if the door is open come get some come get some some some cheeks man we couldn't find anything that rhymes with open some wing wang come get some wing wang dude old people are just i'm just saying like just like the i couldn't imagine being 70 and looking at another 70-year-old that's, like, all crippled.

He's a little bitch, dog. I'm in the gym getting active, lifting. Like, I will fucking beat the shit out of you. Jesus. My grandma, up until about four or five years ago, she would do 100 crunches a day. And she's 94 right now. So she was doing crunches until she was like 89. When she was like in her like mid to late 80s, she had ended up having to go to the hospital. And she literally had internal bleeding from doing so many fucking crunches.

Oh, my gosh. You've got to stop. You've got to stop. What are you doing? You're 88 years old. You're 88 with a 14 pack. You can call it. I'm training. She's it. I'm training.

She's like, I'm training. He's like, I'm not giving up. I'm not done. She's like, training for what? What are you training for? By the US Open, wasn't she a tennis player? She was a tennis player. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, the senior tour? You know, she can still bat around some balls. You're literally training to die. Like, relax. She hasn't lost a step. You're literally training to die. Relax. She hasn't lost a step. That's what I'm saying. That's when I feel like the VR could be really useful. Imagine hooking an old person up on a tennis game

and they can relive their days playing sports back in the day. That's far. That would probably lead to a lot of people, like an Inception exception type scenario where people just never leave the fucking world. You know what I'm talking about? People get lost in the simulation. You're talking about like when fake world becomes more important than real world.

Grandma, take the VR off. People do the wrong drug. Fuck off, you little shit. People take the drug and then it makes you crack your neck and you're like tripping again. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. What drug is that?

Is that LSD? Imagine like a grandma. The CIA is just tuned in, I think. Imagine a grandma wearing a VR like so long like she forgets it's on and like it gets like crusted on her face. Jesus. And then like you come over and you're like. I don't want to imagine that. But I'm saying like grandma, like snap out come over and you're like. I don't want to imagine that. What I'm saying, like, grandma, like, snap out of it.

Like, take it off. Peel the damn mask off. Grandma, take it off. Peel the goggles off. It's time to come back to reality. Oh, shit. Is that what your nightmares look like, AJ? No, I don't know.

I just thought of that shit. Like, you said, like, what if they, like, they got so in tune with, like, reliving, like, some shit. And they, like, they, like, had, like they had some, you know they're old people some shit started going wrong with their brain then they really thought, they forgot the thing was on and they thought they were in real life with the VR on so that'd be fucking wild

that's like nightmare fuel you throw them in GTA damn this shit crazy shit I got an RPG I can steal planes you can just rob people you can die and they just bring you back to life Crazy. Shit, I got an RPG? I can steal planes? You can just rob people? You can die and they just bring you back to life?

Dude, oh my god. I know so many grandparents would do the role-playing GTA and they'd be cops. We're going to clean up the streets around here. There's too much hooliganism going around. Oh shit, they're cleaning up the streets of Raleigh. Los Santos, we need to get it together. Oh, shit. They're cleaning up the streets of Raleigh. Los Santos, we need to get it together. Oh, hell no.

Carjackings down by 90%. Cops rise by 90%. Cop murder rates up 90%. There's one on every corner. And they're all fully loaded. Mm-mm-mm. I was thinking of some shit that my grandparents used to... My grandma, now that we're talking about grandparents. When I used to go into my grandma's house,

she used to send me out to look for these artifact arrows from Native Americans. Arrowheads? Yeah, yeah. Did you guys ever collect those or find those out like where you grew up at like in the woods or some shit i i i never found one but i learned about it in school in michigan i feel like that's like a really big thing up in michigan i don't know if it's as big of a thing down here in north carolina um yeah the i i think the the cherookees were the tribe that were here, and they were more based, like, towards the mountains. Oh, yeah, I'm sure in the mountains.

Yeah, but Michigan for some reason. You ever found one? Yeah, I think I found a couple. Do you know what tribe was from there? I don't want to sound ignorant to it. I have no idea. I think there were a couple different tribes. I don't know.

How many Native American tribes can you name? Go. Pottawatomie. Did I say it right? I don't think I've ever heard of that one, to be honest. Cherokee. I think just those

two. One of my good friends back home in in michigan uh his like wife is part of like a like the cherokee tribe or some shit and i heard there's a lot of benefits if you're like if you if you got that that type of blood that bloodline in you oh yeah ton of benefits all you had to do is Endure like 300 years or 600 years Of suffering, get all your land stolen

Get parceled off But they can own casinos They can own casinos I'm just saying what the 28 year old was saying What the 28 year old was saying Is they get They're getting their their

shit back so you can name two native american tribes yeah that's pretty good uh i can't name any um do you guys ever walk around naked in the house yeah do you think it's like illegal if people can see in your house and you're naked i was wondering the same fucking um like i don't i feel like it shouldn't be illegal like don't look in my windows if you don't want to see me naked yeah i think there's like a certain point it's also the self-awareness say you're a like in an apartment overlooking a busy street and you're just you know in the window hanging dong that's probably a little different than you know being in your bedroom and someone like peeping in on you so from where we're sitting here on this porch the bar next door is roughly 30 feet away so you're telling me if i stood in the doorway

like butt ass naked that could be a problem as people are passing by i think so yeah i think you i i don't think you can just like hang dong on like your front porch or like in your front i actually hanging dong is fucking wild one of my mom's friends um she was a bit of a wild child and they were doing renovations on the house across the street from her yeah and for some reason she just got the hots about the construction guys out there so what she did is she took a lawn chair out into her front yard, went out there with a robe

and started tanning naked while they were on their lunch break. They called the cops on her. They were like, who do you think we are? You sick motherfucker. They were like, this is not the 60s. We could get a charge for this.

Put it away, ma'am. Go inside now. That's hilarious. Did she get in trouble? I don't, I mean, I think she might have gotten like a public indecency. But I don't know. I could see that. I always wonder about the whole like.

You can't hang that beaver out whenever you want. You know what I'm saying? Beaver. I haven't heard that word in a minute so look i wonder that same shit in my house because at nighttime if there's a um light on in my hallway and i say i walk from the shower to my room like usually fucking ass out cheeks out anyone like walking or driving by or like even my neighbors like if they wanted to get weird with it and like if they wanted to pull out the binoculars they could definitely see my fucking ass walking down the hallway because it's like at nighttime even i have window tint on my shit

and you can still see through it at night so it's like dude people are so nosy i can't imagine the amount of people like like walking past this like we live on a can't imagine the amount of people walking past us. We live on a fairly busy street. The amount of people that walk past our place and just beam their eyes in our windows. What do those guys got going on? Especially when the lights are on. What are the percentage of people that have binoculars and try to look in their neighbor's houses? I'd like to know that. It's got to be not insignificant. Maybe like 10%. I bet we've been peeped on. Oh, I'm sure. No, you got some good coverage like, not insignificant, like maybe, like, 10%. I bet we've been peeped on. Oh, I'm sure.

No, you got some good coverage right here. Yeah, we do have some good front yard coverage. Well, I guarantee some conversations I've been listened in on. I'm sure our neighbors right over here, they've probably heard some stuff coming out of this house. As we're doing a whole podcast outside. That's right. They're absolute sweethearts, though. They are awesome. they're awesome oh man yeah it's a beautiful freaking day it feels like it's like 76 degrees and sunny it's pretty nice calm breeze perfect i got me a cold dc take care brush your hair

i somehow got awesome to go to not one but two bookstores today yeah it was a lot for little old me what was the occasion i was like i was trying to learn how to read preparing for our act test we went and got some books i found a book that i've been looking for for years it was extremely satisfying i did like a legit fist pump and i said fuck yeah in the bookstore we got yeah he did we got coffee right before and my coffee tastes shitty. Oh, my gosh. I bought a book. Then we went to the second bookstore, and he stayed in there for about five minutes,

and then I looked around, and I was like, where'd he go? In my defense, I got a phone call. But, you know, the fact he even went to the second one, I'll take that as a victory. Yeah, I now own like six books. Number one, you have bad experiences with coffee, and I really apologize. I wish you would just get awesome coffee experiences because I want you to love coffee, but you drink it so rarely that when you do get it, it's like most of the time I don't like it. I really like coffee.

If it's good, it's good. You just got to find that one, bro. There's so many different options in today's world in coffee. I feel like an ice caramel latte should be fire. I can't do the latte. I don't know. I don't even know what a latte is. I don't know what a macchiato is.

I don't know what any of it means. Comment down below your coffee order. I know I don't like mocha. That shit's weird. Give this man some suggestions. I had a mocha today. That was pretty good. I'm a good... don't like mocha give this man give this man some suggestions i had a mocha today that's pretty good i'm a good i like a mocha like an iced caramel like a um like just a uh just like an iced coffee like a caramel iced coffee with a couple uh vanillas in there dude

you're a man and you drink iced coffee 100 that's fire yeah i feel like you've you're creeping further away from me am i I? I'm so good. I don't know. AJ. I just feel lonely. Actually, you know, we're friends. Oh, I might have turned a little bit. That's my fault.

So our executive producer is not here this week. Yeah, we're missing Kenzie. Because she needed to clean the already clean house. Kenzie, you're bullshit, and you're never going to hear this, so I know you're bullshit, and you never going to hear this so I know you're bullshit and you should be here bro she does got some shit to do at the house for sure for shit show you're such a good fiance

I try my best man that's one thing I pride myself on is being the best man I can be what do you think you're not good at when it comes to being a fiance do you have anything just like off the top? Yes, I do probably. Let's hear it.

I think this is turning into a therapy session. No, it doesn't. I think I need to work on being more. No, not work on. What are you bad at? Like we're not saying you should get better. Fuck it. Just what are you bad at?

Fuck them. We ball. I'm trying to figure out how to work. If they don't like Fuck them. We ball. I'm trying to figure out how to work. If they don't like it, they can leave. I'm trying to figure out how to word it. Like just like thinking about others. Like I want to blame it on me being the only child, but you can only blame shit from your childhood for so long.

At one point you got to be like, all right, you're done. That no longer affects you. But I think I need to work on just being more considerate, like, as far as, like, me and this fucking guy, we ate the last of the eggs. And I didn't say a fucking word. I just, oh, eggs are gone. And I know that's, like, her thing. She eats it every morning. So, apparently, I was told we crushed, like, eight eggs in the span of, like, less than 12.

Like, you spending the night, we ate eight eggs. Yeah, we had. So one o'clock in the morning, drunk, we're going to bed, we're starving. So we're like, yeah, let's cook eggs. We each have two eggs and bagels. And then in the morning. So it was eight. We had two each.

I think realistically we had one each. I thought she was lying when she said you guys ate a whole. I think we had one each i thought she was lying when she said you guys ate i think we had six total yeah and well because i just i forgot that was her morning thing and i wasn't thinking are y'all breakfast guys i eat breakfast every morning well today i never eat breakfast i didn't i have to i don't eat if it was if it up to me, I would skip breakfast every day and just eat like lunch and just go straight to lunch, right? Like today, for instance, I woke up, mowed the grass. Me cutting the grass equals out to just under 17,000 steps because I got the old push mower, the electric joint. And I looked that up, dude.

That's like eight miles. So I walked eight miles this morning in direct sunlight. No food in me at all. Had a bowl of cereal at like two o'clock. Now I'm here drinking a DC. I'm good. A DC. Yeah.

Yeah. That's quite the dream. I have no idea how long we've been filming. Now that we don't have our executive producer, it's really... We've been going for about 24 minutes. Ah, hell yeah. I'm good. How do you know this? How do you know this math? About four minutes in, I looked at my

phone, and it was 4.53. Holy fuck. To take you behind the scenes, and now it's 5.10. Dude, that's crazy. Quick maths. Yeah, I'm not good at math like that. The breeze stopped, and I think I'm leaking. The Bree? The Bree's.

I think it's 21 minutes, actually. Shit, Walker. There's no way we're at 21 minutes. What, you think we're not that long? I think we're in the 30s for sure, but it doesn't matter. I can go all fucking day. Why do you choose that plant to bring out here every time? You have so many other options.

Why that one? Last week, I brought another one out. Wow. I'm sorry. Do you not even remember aj do you not even pay attention during the podcast were you so enraptured by robert hill that you couldn't even look at me our last guest hold on though shout out to robert hill but i can't lie bro if you're this, I just in my head was picturing myself when Joe Dirt got interviewed at the news station. I swear to God, I felt like I was in that room during the Joe Dirt interview. Ain't nothing wrong with it, bro. You had me cracking the fuck up, man.

That shit just reminded me of Joe Dirt, bro. I don't know what it was. We had good old Joe Dirt on the podcast. They left me at the Grand Canyon canyon tell me what happened next then i went to wherever you went then i went to over there i was like oh man you guys ever smoked a cigarette before joe dirt tay um i have not aj yeah i've definitely degenerate i've tried to get addicted to cigarettes before and i can't what have you ever smoked a cigarette do Do you see what I'm wearing? What do you think?

No. Wrong answer. Oh. Dude, do they sell Christian Dior glasses to people who smoke cigarettes? I think so. I think that's exactly what my point was. I thought that was like in the contract. Can I spark up a...

The contents of this drawer are a $2 bill, a condom, a pack of Newports, some... There's a lot of Delta-8. There's a lot of degenerate stuff in there. Delta-8 sour diesel. How bad of a look is it for me to spark this cigarette on the pot? You have to put it in your ear. That's all you do. Or just leave it in your mouth.

Do darts only. I'm not smoking the cig. You have to put it in your ear. Or just leave it in your mouth. Do darts only. I'm not smoking a cig. I might actually throw up. You're not a real trailer park boy then? Nope. Can we talk about how... No, let's not have that just sitting here. Can we talk about Newport, though?

How their branding looks similar to the Nike sign? And I saw a conspiracy. I don't know if it's a conspiracy theory or what, that they did that to market to African-American people because of the whole urban culture thing, like Nike and shit, that they did that to push it onto a certain type, like certain people.

Newport, just do it. Just smoke it. Do you think that's a thing? Maybe. Do I think Newport subconsciously copied the Nike symbol to appeal to a more urban audience? Yeah. That is the question. Yes.

If you think about it, bro, it's like... That's pretty fire. It's crazy. Is that your favorite conspiracy theory? I mean, it's just something that I thought was fucked up. Do you have a favorite conspiracy theory? Yeah, I'm a big flat earth guy. Bro, AJ is a flat earther.

It just doesn't make sense in his head that it's not flat. Not a fun one, but you do have one. Flat earth. Yeah, especially when we go to the ocean. I'm like, this is fucking wild. Jesus, bud. Dude, put back the we go to the ocean. I'm like this is fucking a while shit Jesus but Do you put back the Christian Dior Dior's? This fucking guy, but yeah when we go to the ocean it really starts to trip me out

I'm like dude when people aren't looking at your Christian Dior glasses. This is the edge of the earth Pay attention to me guys Damn it the earth pay attention to me guys damn it dude what's like uh like one of the what's the douchiest thing you guys do on like a daily basis something to get attention when you know you it's unnecessary uh like something to get like like the most attention grabbing thing i do yeah i don't really do anything on a daily basis like that but sometimes like coming out of work when i'm pissed off i'll just like blast music pulling like like in your car yeah blast music in my car windows down arm out the window and i'm

just like like you'll pull up to a stoplight and there's like an old lady next to you and you're like i don't give a shit like i'm just being loud and obnoxious just because i'm in a bad mood and it's like there's no reason to do that there's no reason to play my music that loud like permanent hearing damage level. But I'm just being a douchebag and I want everyone to hear it. What kind of music are you playing? What's the vibe? Some kind of, you know, maybe.

Tupac, I'm going to hit him up. First off, fuck your bitch in the clique you playing. I'm just like staring around like who's going to make eye contact? Say something. Can't wait for someone to look at you i remember being uh i don't really do too much douchey shit no more i don't think but i would definitely in high school or not not high school but yeah maybe in high school or something i don't know if kids still use pencil sharpeners and that but motherfuckers if they had a new

outfit on they were definitely walking up to sharpen that pencil for sure that is hilarious everybody needs to see the new drip yeah if you oh that was a big thing like coming back from summer break seeing like seeing what everyone's got to offer you know on the first couple weeks of school yeah it's like i had a i had a fire fit for like the first three days and it's just back to the old shit wasn't that some shit literally it like, oh, Walker's got a really cool shirt first day. Second day, oh, another really cool shirt. How long can he go? Third day, oh, first shirt again.

Fourth day, he has two shirts. All right, that's his wardrobe. I do remember it being a flex. That's a Twitter joke I ripped off. If you came back from spring break with a tan, you if you came back damn it walking break if you came back from spring break with a tan you were fucking rich rich 100 you were rich the kids that had tans coming back from spring break were fucking rich bro there was this one girl in my elementary school her name was rachel her family like they were pretty wealthy and they would always go like

to the tropics i remember between fourth and fifth grade she came back in fifth grade and i didn't even i thought she was hispanic like she was so tan i i like i was like oh my god that's wild that is why it takes you like a good week to like get adjusted to someone's tan after like a long break it's like it's just it was such a it was such a subtle i. I was always so jealous. It was a subtle flex. They have a little burn on them. I would go on spring break. A little sunglass line or some shit. We didn't have very much money growing up,

so my spring break I would just lay in the backyard and try to get really tan so it looked like I did something. That's pretty sweet. You want to know what that is? No. Everybody knew I was poor. You want to know what that is? No. Everybody knew I was poor. You want to know what that shit equates to? The whole coming back from spring break tan that equaled out that you had money and shit,

it does equal out to real life because when you're in the working force, when you're in a 9-to-5, if you are tan going to your 9-to-5, honestly, I can't wait it looks like you have a life outside of work like damn like this guy like he looks like he's outside for real like he does shit outside do i look like i have a life outside of work it doesn't look like you spend much time outside but like i can't wait to go because I just came from I just came from a job that I worked outside

at least I'm not I'm a little darker than Walker but I use a fair amount of sunscreen so that's what I'm going to go with Walker long term will win but we have the instant success but you'll win long term when your skin is like

when we have black spots all over our'll win long term when your skin is like... Yeah, we're going to look like... That's literally what I'm going for. When we're 50, you guys might look a little like cranberries that have been left out in the sun for maybe a couple minutes too long. Not too long. When I'm 50 years old, I want to look kind of crusty, like leather that sat out in the sun too long.

I want to start doing that like gwyneth paltrow shit or not going to paltrow it was a jennifer aniston there's this great interview with jennifer aniston where they're like so you've been doing the skin treatment right she was like yeah yeah it's a south korean thing you know it's like this whole thing and they're like what's the part of the skin treatment they extract something from the foreskins of babies from south korea and white women put it on their skin and somehow you know it makes you i don't know reduces wrinkles make you look younger the levels like that is insane that's why i believe like billionaires i can think of a more direct way to get that done but oh yeah Oh, yeah. Like, you know.

They're taking transfusions of, like, you know, virgin blood and all that. Tripping. What the fuck? Anyway. Tripping. South Korean foreskin penises, or foreskins, make a great moisturizer after you've applied your retinol. What, did you get that on Black Market? I'm sure you could find it there.

Place an order? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn on them proxies and place an order? You want to drop ship some South Korean floor skins? No. I do want to talk about this in the future. Jeez Louise. If you guys have ever... We don't got to talk about it now, but...

How do you get on the dark web? Like, you just Google it? You're like, I don't got to talk about it now, but how do you get on the dark web? Like, do you just Google it? You're like, I don't know. I don't feel like I should tell you. I would never do it, bro. I'm scared to break the law. I would only order, like, an RPG and hand grenades. Anniver, my little sister, she hit me up the other day.

She was like, have you heard about the dark web? I was like, yeah, yeah, I've heard of it. She was like, have you heard about the dark web? I was like, yeah, I've heard of it. She was like, have you ever been on it? I was like, yeah, like once or twice. She was like, oh my God. She started texting me in all caps. Isn't it all like child porn and like dead bodies? Purchasing organs.

I was like, I'm sure that's on there somewhere. I'm sure you can find that. I mean, there's certainly dead bodies. There's certainly dead bodies. I don't you can find that. I mean, there's certainly dead bodies. There's certainly dead bodies. I don't know. That is, like, a scary place. And, like, the dark web is, like, kind of a misnomer to, like, give it, like, a more. Like, 70% of the internet's on there.

I just hate how mysterious it is. Like, the crazy shit that gets talked about online and shit, but that's never really talked about. Like, even on Twitter, or maybe I'm just not on that side of Twitter, but,'s never really talked about like even on twitter or maybe i'm just not on that side of twitter but like twitter talks about everything i don't never see none about the dark web well i've i've read i read something that like in the past the internet has been primarily written by humans but as of like this point forward most of the content is developed by like these llms like you know chat gbt and gbt4 so like going forward like a majority of the content that you see will like not have even been touched by a human that's kind of scary like that's kind of wild i feel like the

quality of everything is just going to like decline so much like how are you going to look up something if it's just all GBT? Right. I'm about to change my middle name to GPT. You love you some chat GPT. Yeah. AJ goes all in on the AI, but in the worst ways possible. AJ, will you check the camera and see how long we've been going? Dude, I swear we're probably 50 minutes, bro.

Go check. 100%. See what the number says. I'm stepping out. We're at like 30 minutes. Man, off the line. I bet we're at 31 minutes. Walker's guess is 31 minutes my guess is 42 minutes um anyway dude it's just been a lovely day 44 19 welcome back to talking with walk um for my segment today, boys, I've got another question for y'all about American history. Let's go. My fave. Harry S. Truman was the president in the 40s.

He brought us into World War II. What was his middle name? Harry S. Truman. What was his middle name? Austin? His middle name was probably something like Samson. AJ? Say his name again.

Harry S. Truman. I think it was just the letter S. AJ's right. Let's go! Let's go! I did not expect that. That's right. Let's go! Let's go! I did not expect that. That's wild. No, that's why I had you re-say it, because there's a reason you just included that in the name.

That's his name. Yeah, he did it as a tribute to his two grandfathers who both had S names. Dumbass. Literally. Well, no, that's not dumbass. Who just takes a letter as a middle name? Nobody has that as a middle name.

Exactly. That's absurd. Hey, call me by my middle name, S. Good shit, AJ. I have two letters as my middle name. Maybe AJ will score higher on the ACT after all. Context clues, dude. Dude.

Duh. So to bring it back to the ACT, that's still happening. Are y'all going to study it all? We're going to do this in about a month or so. I might look up quickly how to do algebra real quick, but other than that. I'm really excited to read y'all's essays. I was wondering, how are you going to grade it by hand? Or is there something you can scan it and it grades it?

I'm going to grade it by hand. I don't have the technology. I can't buy a Scantron scanner. But I'm saying like... So we're just going to circle all the answers basically. We don't even need the Scantrons. Oh, we're doing the bubbles baby. Bubbles baby. I'm actually

pretty excited to show my strengths. I'm going to get those desks that have like the chairs built into them. I would love to crack my back on one of those one more time. Just that push back. The more you push, the more far you go. Do you remember that?

No, not really. I never remember cracking my back. I know exactly what he's saying. You're talking about the desk that you barely have enough room. It's just right here in front of you. If you grab that motherfucker and press yourself back, dude. Dude, trying to sit in one of those as like a grown man,

it'll humble you real quick. When's the last time you guys sat on a school bus as a grown man? It's fucking wild. On a school bus? Probably like a skiing trip or something. Knees to chest. Realistically.

Skiing trip, yeah. When was that? They shuttle, when you go skiing, they'll shuttle you around. Last year? Yeah. a year ago i went i went on one though on like a like some sort of like shuttle and it's like knees to chest and that fucking shit is so goddamn uncomfortable you're also like six three i was six three in high

school dude like when i first started riding the bus in middle school i thought it was so sick you didn't have to wear a seat belt oh me too i felt like i i felt like i don't know you're just super cool you're free i'll fly out this motherfucker we get actually who gives a fuck i gotta roll my window down if i fucking want to let's go hell yeah i remember they used to make us ask like you have to ask if you can roll your window down i'm like bruh i'd throw shit out the window when the bus driver wasn't looking dude I'm a badass kid we had we had four bus drivers over three years

and one of them my favorite one was this first generation immigrant from Nigeria and he would run super hot super hot so like kids would act up all the time you know middle school kids obviously our middle school was probably 25 super hot. Kids would act up all the time. Middle school kids, obviously.

Our middle school was probably 25 minutes away from our neighborhood. He drove us all the way the neighborhood and he was like, shut the fuck up. I'm not going to do a Nigerian accent. Shut the fuck up. If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to turn this bus around.

He's literally the bus driver from Billy Madison. Yes. And we're like, you know, between like 10 and 14, nobody shuts up. This dude straight up turns the bus around and drives us back to downtown Raleigh, 25 minutes away. That's insane. Makes us call our parents, and our parents have to come pick us up. That's stupid. I was going to say, they always threaten to turn this thing around. Dude, he actually did. He wasn't playing games. He was going to say, they always threaten to turn this thing around. Dude, he actually did.

He wasn't playing games. He was about that. They always threaten to turn this thing around in any aspect of life. Ah, turn this motherfucker around right now. They never do. You're not going to turn around. You don't have the balls. You don't want to waste your time. Why would you waste your time?

That's a level of pettiness. He was willing to make a point. And I respect him for it, you know? You guys should have shut the fuck up. Listen, I was a good little boy on the bus. I just sat there listening to my razor flip phone Led Zeppelin. You were probably

doing some freaky shit on the bus. Anyway, you guys got anything else you guys want to say real quick, wrap her up. Porch vibes were immaculate today. Thanks for tuning in, everyone, if you've made it this far. Hell yeah. AJ?

Yeah, man, wish me luck. My head's burnt to crisp, and I need aloe. Yes, sir. You're going to peel. All right, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for listening to another episode of Always La podcast my name is austin lane my name is aj i'm walker we out love people