Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #26 - Aj Becoming a Dad, Experiencing Prison, Old Money Vs. New Money

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

This episode we talk about transgender fish, the full prison experience, one of us having a baby, and old money vs. new money. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww MERCH - Coming Soon! Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the Always Laugh Podcast. My name's Austin Lane. Yo, yo, my name is AJ. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. That's way too long, dude. Between that and my name, my name's Walker, and I don't even have a fucking nickname this week. Fuck you, AJ.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. Let's go. There was a lot of hostility in that intro. I like it, man. I think it worked out kind of well in the long run I don't know, AJ, that was just really selfish Here, can I get a little Can you guys stop touching each other?

Thank you It's disgusting I like that way better It flows better and everything like that What's disgusting, Walker? That fucking truffle butter I licked off you last night Jesus Yeah, shut your mouth

I didn't mean that I meant You're right That was quite disgusting Dude, I was on my spades app last night Yeah, shut your mouth. I didn't mean that. You're right. That was quite disgusting. Dude, I was on my Spades app last night, and this dude was trying to flirt with this girl who had a pretty profile picture. Because if you buy $20 in Spades coins, you get to pick your own profile picture.

So she had her tits hanging out and all this shit. So he was like, you're real pretty and he said like two other things i literally i was like jesus christ dude all the spades players could see it yeah yeah yeah it's like an open open table for talk and he was like why why did you just say that i was like say what he was like his name I was like, say what? He was like, his name. I was like, what? What are you on right now? He was like, you sound like the devil. And we proceeded to lose our fucking match. Your teammate said this? Yes, to

me, because I said Jesus Christ. What is wrong with this man? I don't know. I'm the devil, yet he's trying to hit on a girl playing a fucking mobile spades game. Walker, what the fuck do you have pulled up? Nothing, dude. It's just my own fucking special world.

So we recently decided that Walker has unlocked the ability, unlocked the privilege of running the laptop on the podcast because he believes it will add value, and I believe so too. It will. Kinsey sucked so bad at it that it was past time for a change. Don't do that. It was never her job to pull up sites and shit. If it was her job to keep the admin notifications off the screen,

she was a fucking failure. Walker, what the hell do you have pulled up on the screen? The roads in Austin suck from the Austin Reddit. I don't know. I got it. What are we talking about, boys? I have a question. I'll start things off with a fucking question.

I want to know, throughout your guys' lives, which song was either A, more hype or just like more influential to you right like as like that's a banger like this is a fucking fire song okay you ready yeah was it dreams and nightmares by meek mill and we're talking about like hype song that's a song that goes like nightmares come true it was time to marry the game, and I said, yeah, I do. And then it's just like. Yeah, it goes crazy. Yeah.

That song or First Day Out by Tee Grizzly. Definitely Dreams and Nightmares, dude. That was like the football hype song. From like what part of my life? I guess it was two parts of your life, but like what song overall is like more hype? Yeah, but like. Probably Tee Grizzly. But the problem is like I hear the T-Grizzly

now song now and I'm like, you know, 25 and I fucking am in an office cubicle. It's like, what the fuck do I have to

get hyped up about? Like dreams and nightmares like that was football. You know, that was something. I mean, the shit came out in like 2017.

I'm just fucking pathetic. I'm just pathetic. Well, I think Did it really come out that long ago? Yeah, like, 2017. Now I'm just pathetic. Well, I think. Did it really come out that long ago? Yeah, dude. Shit. Tee Grizzly fucking shit went crazy. Especially, like, the reason why I'm like that because if you lived in Lansing

or went to Michigan State or lived in Detroit specifically, that song just, like, touched a lot of those fucking like oh for sure you know what i'm saying yeah like damn like we knew what he was talking about and like the whole when the whole world caught on to it it's like wow that's a banger yeah dude visionary truly straight up okay outside of that milkmail is one of the weirdest motherfuckers like on the planet right you can't even do that. Have you seen the dude swim? Have you seen him front flip off a trampoline?

He does that flawlessly. Bro, no, he doesn't. Yes, he does. He lands flawlessly. Who's doing that? Are you doing that? His body looks like it's controlled like he's in Men in Black. Are you front flipping off a trampoline flawlessly first try in front of thousands of people?

Me? Yes. Yes. But I'm not the average person. Walker, you are not doing that. Neither is Austin. Neither am I. What do you mean?

Yeah, we are. You're front flipping off a trampoline on your legs without falling in front of thousands of people. First try. Guaranteed. No warm up. Guaranteed. Do I just?

I definitely know I can do it. But I'm saying I don't. I don't think I do. You definitely can do it? Yeah, but I still have it in my head. AJ, there's no fucking shot, dude. You try to do a front flip and both your knees this time explode. Buddy, I can do a one-handed round-off right now.

No cap. Who gives a fuck about a round-off, dude? That's a one-handed round-off. You think a little pussy? I should backflip off the trampoline. My knee's fixed now, bro. I had one bad knee. It got fixed.

I had surgery. Bro, I will run your shit in gymnastics anytime you want, my boy. What do you want to do? Because I will win. Back handsprings. My boy. Back handspring. Yeah.

You're not doing a back handspring, and neither am I. Neither are you. That's for sure. I got to have a spot. But if I got a spot, I'll do one. I bet. Let's do backflips. Can we do an Oklahoma drill?

Oh, fuck. That has nothing to do with flipping. Can we do body boxing again? Just so we're all clear, AJ would land on his back once again if we did an Oklahoma drill. Ooh, did y'all get spicy? Oh, yeah. AJ and I one night decided that we should hit a little football drill. I planted this kid.

Yeah, dude. I thought I got low. I didn't get low. I put everything I had into it. Yeah, I know. I fucking laid him out. In front of, dude, we're in front of his family and everything. We're all fucking sauced up.

We both agreed Oklahoma drill. It's midnight. We're at the fire. Let me give you some context around this. I get laid out. It's real primal. In the grass. It was very primal.

His grandpa's all nervous. Like, chill out, chill out. Not only are you embarrassed, you're itchy as fuck for the next hour. I V'd out. Just fucking weird. AJ kind of like caught me. I was like, you did the wrong thing you gotta explode off the ball buddy you can't sit there stagnant i thought i was gonna like those

legs i thought i was gonna be able to connect and then throw down but i just connected and got thrown back well the problem was aj wanted to feel like your cock against his leg so like he like pulled you into like a hug type he wasn't even he wasn't even in for like the oklahoma drill he just wanted to get like really close to you he was trying to uh cop a few and dude you uh you uh how can i phrase this i'm fucking blind i uh i got a quote for you pissed Pistoned him into the ground. I fucked right through that bullshit. Do you want to hear a fire quote? 100%.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. Let that sink in. I was hoping we could all just be quiet for a second so I could input, while in editing, input crickets. That'd be pretty good. That's a pretty good bit. Yeah, AJ, that sank right down through the middle of my psyche. I heard that the other day, and I was like, damn, that's some, like, yeah, like, it is nice to be important, but, like, it's important to be nice.

Would you guys rather have old money or be hood rich? I'd rather kill myself. Noted. AJ? Hood rich, because that shit only lasts for, like, a couple years. I couldn't handle it long term, you know. I just want it for a couple years. I couldn't handle it long term. I just want it for a couple years. Let me either go to jail.

Let me do something crazy. Hoodrich is definitely more fun because the old money, you felt like the security of it will stay around. You can't even touch it. You've got some weird shit. There's definitely pedophiles in your family. You're drinking virgin blood. Looking back, you know multiple. She was one of the women that you know i don't know led the charge

against uh d or desegregation segregation i don't know desegregation or segregation buddy do you want it segregated or not what i want it okay what if you all right let's say let's say we had segregation. What type of segregation would you like to see in today's age? All of it, dude. I think. Why? Pussy, non-pussy. I don't know. Just because I don't think everyone's equal.

Blue collar, white collar. Okay, so who specifically are not equal? Those people. Who is that? What comes to your mind i would say yes yep you nailed it all right right on the head so was that it was that right okay my final question my final question on that topic um was that racially charged absolutely pretty much everything i do on this podcast is racially charged.

Against white people. I really don't have a problem with anybody else. Hispanics I'm getting more of a problem with because I'm figuring out how racist they are. But whites is really where I've got my sights aimed at. Fair enough. So you want segregation

not because you would like to be away from... He wants to be segregated against other white people. Yeah, like, you know... So you want to be locked in solitary confinement, basically. Did y'all ever see, like, those cringey videos where, like, the white people are, like, you know, bowing down to, like, black people and they're, like, you know,

confessing their, like, white sins and, like, you know, pledging their allegiance and all that shit that's like what brothers of islam do to people i think i think we need to do that like full scale as a society like have you ever heard of reparations yeah it's not reparations it's it's now uh mandatory taxes%. If you don't have any melanin in your skin, 50% of your shit is gone.

Every year. And it will be until we're all on equal footing. Fair enough. I respect that. So what have you guys been up to this week? Anything cool? AJ? Thinking about how I can overthrow the fucking uh

the the racial structure like racial class hierarchy in this country that's what you've done this week i'm trying to turn it on it's all right so i'm over here trying to change the topic and walker's like nope let's get right back into it i'll tell you what i did uh this week um i got austin's cousin pregnant so that's that i'm having a how is that even possible with it you're a little nub so so you guys know uh our uh podcast producer that usually sits about uh 12 feet away from us and has the mic she chimes in once in a while. Yeah, she's cooking up a baby right now, so she's no longer with us.

She's got a bun in the oven. She's no longer with us. Yep, because of me, I did it. Shut up. AJ, fuck to fuck her over. I'm the dad. I'm the dad. You put a parasite here.

Are you sure? 1000%. Bro, are you getting a paternity test? Yeah, did you take a paternity test? No. Why? Scrayed up? I got full faith.

Bro, you're over here a lot. Yeah, dude. She might be over there. That'd be really, like, sickening. I don't know how people do that shit. Like, if you're in a... Like, you... I have a feeling, like...

Okay, hear me out hold on before you go any further can we just say congratulations on aj becoming a father thank you what the fuck appreciate it that's fucking sick dude like you're becoming a dad that is fucking this wasn't a joke like he's dead ass becoming a father this is the first time wasson said congratulations that is not true i said it to you multiple times, asshole. I could tell it hurt him bad. He's like, congratulations. AJ, I know you're going

to be a great father for so many reasons, one of which is you've seen exactly what not to do. I know. And I'm excited to see how it turns out. It's kind of wild

because I know at heart I'm going to be a great father and I will be a great father, but it's wild because I know at heart I'm going to be a great father, and I will be a great father, but it's crazy that I know almost like, compared to like, okay, not to put you on blast from Don Walker, but like you have a good father, right, a great father who has been in your life your whole life, right? So, like, me and, like, Austin, on the other hand, like, we know what it's like to be a bad father. It's like we have that in our heads.

We know what it's like to have a bad father. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, to have a bad father. We know what it's like. So, like, compared to, like, you, Walker, Walker don't even know what it's like to have a bad father. I've got a bad father. But, like, I also have that in my head. So I'm like, all right, get that shit out of my head.

Get out. Get out. Get out. I'm going to be a great father. So, like, so like i can't like i can't not be a great father like it's not an option i uh like if you are i think you're a fucking father assuming yeah you are father assuming yeah just because you know uh my dad loved me and paid my bills you just talked to him the other day you know know, continues to pay my bills. Doesn't mean he's a great father.

Fuck that guy. Walker, what would you do if your dad saw this clip? Like, we clip it and send it to him. Can I, like, pre-put in my two weeks? Yeah, like, your dad's like, yeah, you're fired. And it's like, I put in my two weeks about one week and six days ago. So, we're good, buddy. The hot joke's on you.

Oh, yeah, dude. I'm about to have a fucking kid, man. Do you guys think, say, like, shit really just hit the fan for you. You think you could bounce back? What do you mean by hit the fan? I think about it all the time. Like, hit rock bottom? Oh, yeah.

Like, on the streets no like your life falls apart over the next like four weeks what does that mean fall apart describe fall apart um like money like for me uh i lose my job uh like one of my family members dies okay and uh i find out my dog that died like last year was actually alive this whole time and he he dies again that's that's that would be that would be tough yeah that would be tough i think i think i could just like cruise right through it dude i've been off the antidepressants for about a month now. And it's mostly because my shrink prescribed me a new one,

but I just haven't gone to CVS for like three weeks at this point. So I'm just like fully off the fucking SSRIs. Has it been good or bad? It's been fucking weird. I get so much more rageful. It's fucking sick. But do you feel like it's affected your life in a positive way or in a non-positive way? Probably non-positive, to be honest. That explains the prescription in the first place.

Kids, don't just quit your antidepressants cold turkey and refuse to get on the next ones. It doesn't work that well. So what are you just like? You just are just over there popping Zans? Or what are you doing? Every day, bro. Really? Not, like, sometimes I pop them.

Are you not black the fuck out? Sometimes I'll, like, crush them up and just snort them. Bro, you cannot black out if you snort Zans. He's not lying. I mean, he's lying. I mean, I meant he's not telling the truth. I don't know anything about that, but I don't sound good, buddy. We do not promote drug use.

Right, Walker? No, we promote all the drug use. Can I tell you about this dude I found on YouTube? I don't know what I was thinking. So I found this dude on YouTube because when I'm strung out on Adderall at like 3 o'clock in the morning and binging YouTube, there's nothing better than like those fucking super nice channels about like all this stuff so um the guy I found the other day is this like Australian dude and his whole fucking gig is he just like goes and clears roots out of like drains and shit like that oh I love those videos

there'll be a flood he'll reach his hand out there oh dude so like so like he just like he's got like a little pov camera he walks around like he's conor mcgregor and his comments are filled with i didn't know you could do this you can create a youtube account with like your actual name and like your actual picture on it and pretend like it's facebook so under every one of his videos he just has a bunch of like 40- and 50-year-old white women just thirsting after him. Like, oh my God, I wish you would come clean my pipes. And like, oh, those roots were deep in there. Ooh, that's fire.

It's really, it's fucking hot. I watch it and just start furiously masturbating. Okay, okay, before we go any further, how did we get here again? Can we just agree that this is a... Guys, someone take the mic away from me, please. Can we agree that this is a... Walker, you're on a one-minute timeout. Can we agree this is Patreon?

No. So here's the thing. We're keeping this. Yeah, I mean, name one thing that's been said that shouldn here's the thing. We're keeping this. Yeah, I mean, like, name one thing that's been said that shouldn't have been said. We ain't going there, but go ahead. All right. No, I think we're right on the right track.

Okay. Okay? I got something. If we're going to keep this, I got some heat for you. We're keeping it. 100% keeping it. Do you guys know a lot about fish? Like fish and the lakes and shit? Not a lot.

I know what a largemouth looks like. Largemouth bass. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like me after 2 a.m. You got to take a picture with it. You hold it up. It's a fucking, hey, 4 a.m. Looks like that.

Jesus, bud. Whoever's in Austin's room at 4 a.m. is a largemouth bass. It's mostly AJ. All right. is a largemouth bass. But listen. It's mostly AJ. All right. But okay, okay. Do y'all know the fish tilapia? Yeah.

Bottom feeder. What's up? Is it a bottom feeder? I don't even know. Did you know I learned this on Bama Bass? Did you know tilapia can change sex like a lot of these people out here? So tilapia. They can just, oh, use a male. Nope. We switching female. They're inherently transgender transgender they can do it if they want to fucking woke ass fish bro get the

hell get the fuck out of here they're selling that harris teeter has harris teeter gone fucking woke yeah and they have half off sushi on wednesday that sounds like more of a food is that why they do half-off sushi on Wednesday? Yeah, they're feeding us fucking woke transgender fish. You might have thought you had a male fish. It's a female now, bitch. Dude, they're literally poisoning us. They're trying to turn us all gay.

Kenzie's gone for three episodes and this is where we're at? The fucking- They're drinking Bud Light. They're drinking Bud Light. They must be pouring that shit in the fucking lakes. Tilapia are switching genders. Apparently that's why they're so invasive. They can just like, if there's no females, a couple of the males are like,

all right, we'll take it in the ass and shit out a couple kids for the good of the clan. Amen to that. Apparently tilapia are fucking crazy. Number one, they can change sex. Number two, when they have kids, they grab all the kids up, put them in, put them in their mouth. And then they, they, uh, they incubate them. They parent the kids in their mouth and like, they'll deliver the kids to like a food source

and let them out and then eat them back up and then let them incubate in their mouth. Like they grow the kids in their mouth. That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Tilapia are fucking crazy. And I look at them different when i see them dead in the store now why are they i mean they're literally shit eating fish like people who eat tilapia like there's something you sick bitch you couldn't afford salmon so you got tilapia dumbass salmon also if you eat fish in general you fucking suck god damn God damn it. We just had shrimp. Dude, I know. What's that?

A bottom feeder? Yeah, literally shrimp. It's kind of wild that most bottom feeding gas. Fucking fire. Crab, bottom feeder. Lobster, bottom feeder. Shrimp, bottom feeder. See, I disagree.

Straight fire. I think. So what's a good fish that's not a bottom feeder? Mahi, mahi. Mahi, mahi. Dolphin, literally. Yeah, mahi's a dolphin. Crab and lobster are fucking ass. And that's not a bottom feeder. Mahi, mahi. Dolphin, literally. Crab and lobster are fucking ass. And that's like a hot take I'm gonna

stand on. Dead ass? Hold on, hold on. Would they be ass if you didn't have to do all the work to get to them? Like all the cracking and shit. Yes, that makes it even worse. Bro, they taste like nothing. You get them out of the shell just to dip it in butter.

Dude, you're dead wrong. They're literally like the cockroaches of the sea. I was at Moe's one time. The wood bug of the sea. I got two burritos because I'm a fat fuck. And I was checking out. You're not a fat fuck. And the cashier was like, bro, you're buying two burritos?

I'd go and buy crab legs with that money. You are a fat fuck. I was like, well, that's fucking stupid as shit. Why the i'd go and buy crab legs with that money you are like well that's fucking stupid as shit why the fuck would you go about crab legs crab legs suck dick it's like yeah that's good for you ass clown it's like i might as well just like drink like four tablespoons of butter and like eat like four pieces of gum that's about the same sensation uh i'm on your side with the dude at moe's because that guy needs to fuck off and mind his own business. But crab and lobster are a rather tasty delicacy in my opinion. AJ, did you know in New England in the 1800s, they had a rule where you could only feed prisoners a certain amount of lobsters a week? Because back then it was considered a shitty thing.

Oh, boo-hoo. Oh, no. We have to eat lobster again. Lobster again. But I'm, like... Their fucking gums are shit. It went from being something that they literally, like, overfed to prisoners.

They were like, y'all literally cannot feed them any more than this. And now it's like a delicacy. It doesn't make any sense. It's kind of fucked up to think about. Like bone marrow bro. They went from doing. Fish and lobster and shit.

To like shit that you wouldn't even like. Could you imagine. Eating a prison meal bro for real. Like non commissary. Just straight up what they gave you from the. From the kitchen. Have you seen that shit? I want to try it really bad.

Bro, I don't even want to try it. I have a friend that's going to have to serve some time at some point in their life. I just know that they will. And they were like, yeah. Who, is it me? And they're like, yeah, when I have to serve this time, I'm probably not going to eat the prison food. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro?

Like, you got to try it. Get the full experience. Take a dick in the butt. drop the soap idiot like do all the things that you're supposed to do in prison bite the pillow let someone go and dry like what are we here for going in dry we're not here for a long time we're here for a good time and you can say you fucking lived so and then you can get out and go come on someone and Go commit assault on someone and get into prison. So did you drop the soap? Yeah, gladly.

Oh, shit. What do you think I was there for? Jesus Christ. There's just an epidemic. AJ, what are your thoughts on that? I've seen, I've just seen a video. There's an epidemic of dudes who like go to bathhouses

that try to go to prison so they get prison raped. I just saw a video of Lil Boosie because you know Lil Boosie to go to prison so they shouldn't get uh prison raped i just saw a video of little bussy because you know little bussy has been to prison and he was like yeah man like i used to talk to dudes in there like and they used to try to explain themselves like i'm just putting it in their mouth you know like i'm just i'm just getting head like i'm not fucking no but i'm just getting head and little bussy's like you're. I'm just getting head. And Lil Boosie's like, you're homosexual. Like, you can't tell me you're not.

You're getting head from, like, just talking about you're just putting it in their mouth. Like, no, you're a homo. Like, because they used to downplay it. Like, they weren't, like, oh, when I get out, I'm going to be back. Like, dude, but no, you're getting your dick sucked now by men. Yeah. Just talking about you putting it in their mouth. No. And it was just like crazy because little pussy was like uh like like he would try to like he would try to like be the

one that to tell him straight like no dude like you're just scared to say you're gay like you're like you saying you're just putting it in their mouth bro is like you trying to say like something other than you being gay that generation of rappers is so fucking weird like a little boosie it's wild have y'all heard about like what ti did to his daughter oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah kenzie won't let me fucking forget about that until like she was 18 he would take her to a doctor and have her hymen checked to make sure she was still a virgin when we went legitimately like psychotic like yeah sexual i don't know like abuser type shit yeah 100 you know we when we went to atlanta we saw him performing

that's all kenzie had to say he's a fucking weirdo and like low-key like i said 20 foes cars whatever it's like that shit's fire, bro. That shit's what up. Oh. That's it. Dude. Okay. No, no, no. Can we just talk about that fucking concert for two seconds?

We went to a concert. It was like a homecoming tour concert in Atlanta of all old head Atlanta artists. Our OG listeners already know. Yeah, we've probably talked about it before. But that fucking just, that, can we just talk about that stadium? Literally about to fall the fuck. I feel like that bitch was about to collapse. Oh, yeah. The music was so goddamn loud.

It was like a fucking earthquake in there. It was sick. When we left that bitch, I was like that was wild i couldn't even walk straight i wouldn't even drunk i just couldn't even think dude the music was busting in that bitch and i was stoned as fuck so yeah i was uh dude i honestly i feel i feel uh really strange right now i feel like i'm sitting next to two strangers like i left town over these i just got back yesterday i left town i came back and like i don't know it just feels like everything's different now yeah just know like i came back aj has a uh he's a baby daddy and has a baby mama.

And Walker's just fucking here spitting some straight fucking. Me and Walker hung out without you. Yeah. I get a picture. I'm out of town. I get a picture from Walker. And I'm like, he sends me a picture of himself because it was part of the bit in the conversation or whatever. And I'm like, I know where you're at.

You're at AJ's house right now without me. What the fuck is going on here? Yeah, we're kind of progressing in our relationship without you. Just know me and Walker hang out. I can't have that. Oh, yeah, we were talking hell of shit about you. I'm okay with that. I'm completely fine with that.

We got to get it out. But it's just not the hanging out. It's a good vet session. Me and Walker got to vet somebody. If I'm not there, then could you guys really have a good time? Let's be honest. If I'm not there, there's no good time being had. Are you kidding me?

You guys probably were miserable staring at the wall. Honestly, the conversation never ended. You guys were searching for conversation. It got awkward so many times. No, it didn't, dude. It got awkward when I was trying to hit on his pregnant wife, but other than that, it wasn't that bad. Yeah.

But honestly, the conversation never stopped the whole time. How long were you over? Probably five hours or so, four hours? Probably not even that, four hours, yeah. I'm just kidding. I'm really glad that my friends all hang out with each other. No, fuck fuck shut up pussy me and Walker

that's my new friend down there Walker be mean to me I'm surprised I'm surprised he drove out to my house that's a long mission

for you I know to not get no coochie or nothing that's a long mission I was trying but aww bitch just know

coming out to my house is a dry mission Another dude Another dude got her pregnant It's fucked up Somebody blew up my spot God damn Yeah I brought AJ and Kenzie

As a baby present I brought them 40 pounds of bird seed That's so fire You have no idea Because I'm legitimately a fucking weirdo No no no What the fuck's wrong with me. No, the 40 pounds. Is it really 40 pounds?

Yeah, bro. The 40 pounds of bird seed did more than any fucking diaper or like kid's clothing. Because that just brings us joy for however long 40 pounds lasts. You know what I'm saying? This kid's going to bring us nothing but misery for 18 years. This kid's going to bring us joy for about 45 seconds. I'm saying. Oh, that was beautiful.

The best day of my life was when you were born, and the worst day of my life was the next day. But I'm saying, I'm not saying all that. I'm saying I think the bird seed will last eight months, you think, or nine months. Come on, that was funny. That was funny. I don't give a fuck what you said.

We got one feeder, and they go through it real quick. There's a pigeon out there that fucking runs through it. Yeah on, that was funny. That was funny. I don't give a fuck what you said. We got one feeder and they go through it real quick. There's a pigeon out there that fucking runs through it. Yeah, those fat fuck pigeons. I hate them. They're government fucking spies to fucking feed their USB drive and shit. So real quick,

can I get something off my chest? I came home from this trip that I was briefly speaking about, and there's a box in the dining room, and it's a present, clearly, because it has a bow on top. And it's a wagon. And I had talked about wanting a wagon, you know, big wagon guy over here.

A G-wagon? You know, just a pull-behind wagon. Okay. And I'm like, all right. The Ozark Trail? Yeah, like that type of thing, yep. And I'm like, all right, I'm just going to walk past this. I'm not going to think too hard about it.

Yeah, we can throw it up on the screen. Walker, can you throw that up on the screen? You don't have to pull it up on the screen. We can pull that up on the screen. I want to see the specs on that wagon. I'm like, all right, I'm not trying to get emotional right now because i was in the middle of probably about to have an emotional breakdown just based on the prior four days so i walk into the kitchen and i'm like something doesn't seem right but whatever i'm just gonna i'm gonna move past this on my way to the gas

i walk out the back door go to the gas station walk back and then i look at the sink and i'm like oh we have a brand new kitchen sink. I swear to God, every time I leave town and Walker is left here alone, he gets manic. He has to get manic. Like, there's no way he's not in a manic state. Like, shit just changes around here. Walker bought me a wagon, the wagon that I had been talking about for months. Like, I've wanted this wagon.

Moral of the story is Walker sitting right next to me is a great roommate and a great friend. I very much appreciate him and all he does around this household and for me. Yeah, and what you don't understand as I tried to get it through you is I'm playing you, bro. Why do you think he came over to my house? He's manic. Minimal financial investment for maximum emotional output. I'm literally putty.

I am putty in your hand. I'm putty. Oh, yeah. I own you now. Literally. I own you. Hey, Austin, will you do this? Yeah.

Oh, you bought me a wagon? This motherfucker. No, I already know what Walker's doing. Walker is just slowly, literally buying Austin. Like, you only have to spend, like, I'll just say a random number. You only have to spend, like, another thousand and you win. You win this thing called life. Dude, I get him, like, like a 70 inch tv and it's

over with he is forever indebted to you you spend like 250 more dollars that that affects my life in any way not even directly on me and you own me forever 4l this motherfucker look all you gotta do is look i'll tell you right now i'm gonna have to start buying him shit just so I can offset it a little bit. I'm buying time. You got to buy time, Dada. God damn it. You got to buy him a new car or some shit. Whoa, I need to buy me a new car first.

Hey, I heard there's some mishap in the old Hyundai. Hey, we ain't the old Hyundai. What? We're not worried about it. Hyundai. What happened? The air conditioning went it. Hyundai. What happened? The air conditioning went out. And how hot is it outside daily?

Roughly 92 degrees at the peak. His AC went off. He said, I said, you better hope it ain't the same thing I had to fix. I was like 600 to get my AC back up and running. He said, shit, looks like it's going to be a lonely summer. What did he say? I ain't going nowhere. No, no. What did he say? He said, guess I ain't going

nowhere this summer. It's going to be a hot summer. Walker, you want to go out somewhere? You drive. Can you drive? Hey, walk. Hey, walk. Just know my air conditioning is broken. Do what you will with that information.

And you guys want to talk shit? Listen, I will drive, but you know how it goes. Look, you guys want to talk shit? The last time I was in his car, I damn near overheated, bro. And he's like, what do you mean you can't feel the AC? I'm like, this shit ain't blowing, bro. I'm like, it's fucking 100 degrees this bitch. What do you mean?

He was being soft. I'm leaking, bro. And he's like, you got to open the vent. i'm like he was being soft i'm leaking bro and he's like you gotta open the vent i'm like what the fuck open a vent i'm like it's fucking pointed at me what the fuck he's like no spin the knob i'm like spin what knob it's not even funny that's a normal thing even blowing now ss your ass yeah it got really i'm over here hitting the window shit is not going down bro he's like he's like no it ain't working today it worked yesterday but it ain't working today it might work tomorrow but no no it didn't and the next day it did it did work yeah i literally was in your car it worked just fine he's like hold on hold on no i might not roll back up yeah don't touch it jesus christ, Jesus Christ, dude. Jesus Christ. Can we move on? No, your car is a bit on its own.

What? Yeah. I'm about sick of my car being brought up. It gets me from point A to point B, and it's never let me down. Fuck on wood. Whenever I drive your car, it fucking absolutely pisses me off. It humbles you. For one reason and one reason only.

What's that? Your fucking little visor. Oh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It doesn't go all the way up. Oh, yeah.

What's wrong with the visor? The visor, like, is that it's, like, you know, they're supposed to be flat against the roof of the car. It hangs at, like, a fucking 45 degree angle. Oh, my God. The fuckerers blown out. I slam my head into it every time I get into your car.

Well, stop driving my car then. No. Stop parking behind me, bitch. Stop parking in front of me, bitch. Alright. Fair. I'll do better. Do better. I got one more heater for you guys. Hold on. Let's hear it.

I got it. I got it. I'm coming up. Coming up. Coming up. Coming up quick. AJ's cooking right now. I'm caring. Literally, my back hurts.

Hold on. Bold statement by AJ. Bold statement. If you. Bold statement by the least funny here. Question for both of you guys. What's up dude what speed do you watch youtube videos on normal speed because i'm not a fucking weirdo okay you guys never adjust

they never throw a fucking 1.25 or a 1.5 in there no or even a 2x do you oh yeah all the time so that is not makes you feel good it's not good for you yeah let's just move past that and i got another question or another statement this is a statement it's a statement what's the statement so this podcast has really got me into my whole like videographer like editing bag you know i'm saying like i i feel confident like yeah like i can log into iMovie like uh turn on cap cut you know i'm saying but like listen take off. If you edit videos on your phone, you are a sociopath. I'm going to say that right now.

There is people out there that will go on the CapCut app on their phone and edit that bitch on their phone. You got me fucked up. You are a sociopath. Dude, that's hitting a broad strokes audience. What's your favorite Gucci song? My Kitchen How's it go?

Send me like a little thing Nobody nobody Fuckin' my kitchen Walker favorite Gucci song you got one? Gucci do the dishes Pounds in the trash can Gucci do the dishes I don't remember the name

My favorite Gucci song is I get the bag and You get the bag and fumble it I get the bag and flip it and tumble it Oh dude my favorite Gucci song is 2014 Forest Hills Drive Is that Did you guys ever fuck with OJ the Juice Man?

Is that J. Cole? Hey I thought that was a whole bit AJ Uh, is that, um... Did you guys ever fuck with OJ the Juice Man? Is that J. Cole? Hey! I thought that was a whole bit. Uh, AJ. Can you do any impressions, dude? Um, like, well, like, just, like, anything? Like, give me, like, a, uh... Bobby Shmurda.

Bobby Shmurda. Can you do that one? Give me a Bobby Shmurda. Bobby Shmurda. I'm Bobby Bitch. Um... I don't know no Bobby Shmurda.'m bobby bitch um i don't know no bobby from california california stoner vibes bro we me me and chad we're at the surf and the fucking water was gnar dude like we fucking shit was rad dad you know we fucking we were gnar'd out dude like dude dude are these are these california teenagers from ontario or something yeah did you say rad dad fucking chad's fucking ch Chad's lettuce was

Fucking filthy buddy You should have seen him He was surfing the gnar And then he hit the reef And then boom a fucking flounder Came out the water Fucking smacked bloke in the face Are you Hispanic?

Dude I feel like you were born in the wrong place Honestly Not a flounder coming out the water. Buddy got hit in the face with a goldfish. Walker, you got an impression? I do a pretty good Donald Trump. Let's hear it. Hold on.

Can I be Sleepy Joe? Yeah, yeah. You can be Sleepy Joe. Do you want to be in a debate? Can I be the one that's cringed out in the middle of the debate? Hold on, hold on. You can be the moderator. Yeah, I don't know much Sleepy Joe. Do you want to be in a debate? Can I be the one that's cringed out in the middle of the debate? Hold on, hold on. You can be the moderator. Yeah, I don't really, I don't know much Sleepy Joe, but yeah.

Before we get too deep, what would the moderator look like? Like, what should my... I think just like you look right now. Well, like, just like, what should I say? Like, anything? Well, ask probing questions that Sleepy Joe's Alzheimer's couldn't answer. Okay. So, we have Sleepy Joe and Donald T with us today.

Donald T. Yep, Donald T. So, the question that's on the docket is, what do you guys think about the oil crisis in Syria right now? Well, the oil crisis in Syria is a serious problem. And I just don't think that Sleepy Joe is the right person to handle it. So listen, I don't know how to do Sleepy Joe's accent or whatever, but sure. Well, it sounds like Walker. It's a fantastic choice from our... So listen.

Can we move past this bit immediately? I want to make America great again. We're going to give all our money to Ukraine and fuck everyone. My name's Donald Trump. Guys, it's about time to end the podcast on that note. Donald Trump. Guys, it's about time to end the podcast on that note. Donald. I have no idea how long we've been going, but I think it might be time to call it. Really?

Really? Dude, I got more in the chamber. No, we're good. Come on, Donald. Nope, nope. We don't need any more. Let's go, Brandon. We don't need any more. Let's go, Brandon. We don't need any more.

Okay. That's enough of that. Sorry. We're calling it. Hold on. God damn it, Walker. What is wrong with you? Walker, what is wrong with you?

Oh, C-O-S-A-R. Shut up. Walker's okay. Before anybody gets mad, Walker's entire goal for this podcast was to be extremely controversial. You brought good dishonor upon your family. Upon this podcast. Boy, I will beat the shit out of you. Come at me, R-Tard.

Come at me, you fuckingTard. Come at me, you fucking clown. I didn't even commit. That's fucking pussy shit for me. You did the right thing. I really think you did. Come at me, retard. God damn it, Walker. No! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean that. Walker.

I take it back. Make your public apology right now. Or don't. I don't care. Whatever you want. Oh, fuck that. Your image is my image. God don't. I don't care. Whatever you want. Oh, fuck that. Your image is my image. God damn it. I'm sorry. Do you mean that?

I'm not sorry to AJ. Why would you say that? I'm sorry to all the people that are hurt by my family. No, I don't give a fuck about your family. My family watches this shit. We actually care and not incognito like your ass. Yeah, you and your little Jackson, Michigan hive can come see me. Yeah, they'll shoot your ass.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, it seems like it's about time to call it on this podcast. Walker wants to get shot. Can everybody just shut up and help me finish this up before anything gets any more out of control? Yeah. Do you guys have any final words? Prefer preferably not by walker

damn yeah man that's harsh right yeah fuck off that's even more harsh make sure um we always forget to say this make sure you like comment subscribe do all do all the things as Austin would say, you know? Fuck yeah. Like, we really are in the lab cooking. If you're on Apple, leave us a review. If it's funny, I will maybe read it on the podcast. No promises. Yeah. So thank you guys all so much for listening to another episode of the Always Laugh Podcast. My name's Austin Lane.

My name is AJ. It takes a special character to listen to us, Alan. I'm really sorry, guys. Walker. We out. Love you, people.