Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #27 - Austin and Walker Have a Joint Tinder!

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

This episode we talk about committing GTA, the theory of "free will", having a joint Tinder, and who cuts your hair. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww MERCH - Coming Soon! Follow us on all socials!! @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. My name's Walker agent Annie Rex Smith. If you ain't laughing, you ain't living Walker. What does that mean? I don't know. So what's up boys? It's been a while since we've done a podcast. Are we going to have two weeks? I have missed you guys, man. I've missed you guys man i've missed you too aj you've been you've been out of north carolina bro where you been at where you been at i've been all over the map i uh i hit the road to michigan on a road trip hey shout out michigan don't forget to say that shout out to michigan i uh where specifically i almost forgot shout. Shout out to Jackson, Michigan. I actually, I'm kind of fake for this. I only went to Jackson, like, for, like, an hour in four days. That's wild. All my people have just moved out of the city, and they all live other places.

So Jackson was just, like, it just it just i mean i made it there don't get me wrong but i didn't stay there for that long i was in i saw saw my people and got out 34 percent of our listening base our fan base our supporter base is from jackson america and that's how long you uh went there to show your love for them i've really come around you know like uh i used to be a hater but they've really shown out i'm i'm a big fan of all the fine folks up there in jackson not this i think uh it's kind of bullshit now that i think now that this scumbag's out of there that's true i think it's a good i think enough place to live the streets have cleaned up a bit yeah exactly they got the

they drain the swamp you could say they got the-raff out of there. I think the fame's getting to my head. Oh, no. I didn't even go. Was it the pixelated shades? Yeah, that explains the sunglasses. I'm like, Jackson? Like, I'm gold, but, like, I ain't about to be staying for real. His fucking pop filter was leaning.

Oh, was it? It was leant over. Let me get something out of the way please do um on the last podcast i mentioned uh segregation and i was trying to lead into a different whole point i was i'm reading this book right now and it was talking about like black wall street and how like it was segregated but it was like really good until like you know white people came in and like fire bombed it and all that stuff i'll show you to make a larger point it just didn't go over well but i have something that's going to redeem me oh god we'll be the judge of that walker so austin you've heard this

aj words are often used to convey meaning as you know and oftentimes scarier words are attributed to something if they want to seem scarier like for example the the abort one that that's like a scary word that's attributed to something right I think one of the problems with trans acceptance is you know some of these words are scary and some of the terms, like, are scary. You know, like, like bottom surgery. So I think trans women should co-op. And instead of calling it bottom surgery, we start calling it aftermarket pussy. I feel like that's, um...

That ain't bad. That's not bad. Because if you think of, like, oh, you're upgrading your car, like this is not. I can already tell. I don't know about the car analogy. This is a good analogy, right? Yeah.

Never mind. Are you talking about like a girl getting a BBL? Or are you talking about like? I'm talking about a trans woman. Okay. Who's gotten bottom surgery. Yeah. Calls it aftermarket pussy oh walker like say

for example personally personally i think you should have waited at least two more podcasts to bring this segment up but that's just my opinion i get it i get it it's kind of fucked because the the last podcast was nothing bad was nothing um was supposed to be bad but it it could have been taken as bad on a lot of different topics that were mentioned yeah for sure you know well i'm a bad person generally through and through and but i think this could be really positive like all i want is more acceptance for trans people and i feel like this is a way like you know for trans men we could call it uh um here let me check my notes real quick you said we could call it we what he's a trans man we could call it what are you are you are you

doing that right now well i mean you know they're part of the club too i saw you in about two weeks i know listen anyone should be a scumbag male including a woman so anyway i don't know like the like a like a um upgraded dick or i'm losing it it's kind of fucked up anyone doing a surgery like that like if it's just like an enhancement or if you're doing the old switcheroo, you're paying resale for your part, right? And it's kind of fucked up. What? You ain't even getting it.

You ain't even getting it. There's no market rate. These doctors and shit can charge whatever they want for it. Like, oh, you want this fucking dick? That is something. You want this dick, bro? You missed missed last drop now will you hand up well beyond like the uh the price like every doctor has like their own method of doing it so like you can get like very like you know wildly different results depending on like the doctor you go to yeah that's wild. Organ drops. We're sold out. We've got to wait until the next drop, dog.

I don't have many words for this topic anymore. I heard an interesting theory on shoplifting the other day. Because, like, you know, shoplifting is all in the news. It's, you know, all the kids are doing shoplifting nowadays. Yeah, is that what's going on around here? Yeah, everybody's shoplifting. Okay. You know, I was a rigid, rigid anti-shoplifter for most of my life but recently i've come around

on it and like you know i don't really participate much myself but i encourage people to well maybe not but when it's when it's you don't look down you don't so the reason is like there's no mom and pops anymore all there are is like these big corporations like Walmart and Target. When you steal the merchandise, 90% of the time nothing's going to happen. If not more than that. Right. Maybe like 95% of the time. The people at the store don't get in trouble for the lost merchandise because that just happens.

So it's like, you know, the companies is facing this like long-term problem while the people stealing are getting this like immediate benefit it's like why wouldn't you steal if there's basically no repercussions for everyone for anyone yeah it's kind of so go ahead no no okay well i didn't what i was going to say is it's kind of stealing in today's like day and age is it's kind of stealing in today's day and age is kind of two sides to it, right? So say you steal from Target, right? Or like Walmart. These places probably have, it's just a random number, they probably have million plus dollar security camera systems, right?

Like they have top of the line, you know what I'm saying? Like they can see every, like you think Walmart has a janky ass security system? Probably fucking not. you know what i'm saying like they can see every like you think walmart has a janky ass security system probably fucking not you know i'm saying so it's like they're gonna they're gonna see you doing it and like like what i don't know for sure but like don't they just like start building a case and then once it gets up to like a high dollar amount that's when they actually try to get you essentially that too yeah so like so it's like okay there's like that so it's like okay like you can do it like a couple fucking times you can do it a couple times and then before like anything like really like seriously might happen to you but then there's always that fucking employee that

takes their job too seriously and like tries to really like be a hero and stop the shoplifter like bro just you're putting yourself in harm's way so get out the way bro to kind of dispute you so there was like a two hundred thousand dollar uh like shop what's that thing called it's like i don't know like shop steal or some shit like that what are you talking about i don't know there's like a term for like when you like where somebody like like a grab and dash oh uh dine dash what are you talking about but like it's like shopping or like retail focus i don't know it doesn't matter okay a snatch and grab whatever there's like a 200 000 ring in new york and it was perpetrated

by like 67 people and they would just like hit up these like malls and department stores like weekend after weekend and just you know like i saw one because there's like laws that like they can just uh i think i have well yeah like employees can't chase them what i'm saying like that they're not allowed to touch them they can't do shit and people will just openly steal i think it's like that in california yeah and you know employees should not put their life on the line for you know a 14 dollar vest at a tj max yeah it's not helping it's not affecting them in any way yeah um i don't know what was i don't know walker i uh i take me off topic i am 1000 because i don't know what the fuck we're talking about anymore we're moving we're moving to something uh cooler um so walker you've spent a lot of time with my

family recently i have i would say um first of first of all how has that experience been overall good dude pretty decent i'm a big fan of your family you know i appreciate that you could have told me that they're dog shit and i wouldn't i don't care but um i would hope you would care about what i think about your family i don't care about what you think about anything i'm just kidding i didn't mean that um i take that back i'm getting like emotional whiplash over here bro yeah my bad i don't know where that came from i fucked up but um yeah your family's good wholesome people yeah you know like it was it was pretty funny because you know i was spending a lot of time you were spending a lot of time with your family a shit ton of time with my family your

mother and andrea were have been more involved in my life than my parents ever were in the last week um so what would you like so let's so there was it was my sister's 21st birthday recently and uh you know the whole family came over to our house here to um celebrate her birthday uh i would i just want you to like kind of describe what it's like when my family gets around each other, without going into too much detail, but just what it's like when everybody's here and drinking and interacting. What kind of environment does that turn out to be? I would ascribe it to a rising rising a rising tide you know the symphony swelling you know a group of people

whose main focus is all shared you know it's kind of beautiful for eight hours everyone has exactly one purpose and they all execute it like dancers on the stage what would you say that purpose is having a good time oh specifically through one means or another, you know? There's some that prefer a different flavor. So are there ever moments in those times with my family that it seems like things have gone too far while they're trying to achieve that goal? Absolutely.

And, you know, sometimes these situations have a ringleader. And you're looking right at someone, you know, who might be trying to ascribe blame to the family. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean? Trying to fucking place blame elsewhere. Dude. Look in the mirror.

No, I would never. Tell our loyal fans what happened what i would never try to put blame on the family um so uh like i said it was my sister's 21st birthday and we all went downtown raleigh and went out and we had a good time and had some drinks and i i think we had we conquered some of your ptsd conquered some of my ptsd yeah i think i think this is where it reverts back to what we were talking about before what we're talking about before stealing but go ahead we weren't all right um so we were uh we were we were struggling to get an uber home and uh so my sister and i so we're like

let's just walk home we live a mile away and we're like let's just walk now you guys know that we live a mile away from downtown uh raleigh so come find us um they definitely know it when you point it out after the fact yeah we live on don't so uh we uh don't do it okay anyway so we all decide to walk home and there's like 10 of us and my sister and i are walking up ahead of the crowd and uh we walk through a an area and this area had a vehicle that we decided would be a good idea to drive us home in it was a golf cart um so we we go for a little cruise around the block we go home and uh walker is home at this point and uh walker what i don't know i don't even know where to go with the story to be honest i'd yeah we can always just bleep out what we don't want right what what what we

don't what might not we want so austin's little sister calls me and she's like walker i need you to come pick us up austin's fucking drunk all right he stole a golf cart we're at blah blah blah and i'm like okay so i go and put on my shoes and walk out of the door quietly you know i don't i don't raise the alarm to the family or anything like that nobody knows i left until i found out after the fact laurie knew left because she, you know, Lori's like a little fucking, you know. She has mom instinct. She knows what's going on. That's a great way to put it. She knows what's going on.

Ain't nothing getting past Lori. So I walk out to the street and I walk down like a block away. And all of a sudden I hear where Austin and Lexi were. I almost called her Kenziezie i can't stop dude dude so many people um so the golf cart that i took had a trailer connected to it yeah so i hear the trailer bouncing down the road and where is it except buzzing my fucking house our fucking house and i was like well there goes like the stealth and nobody knowing what was going on right so i'm like she's like park the park the golf cart like what was going on right so i'm like she's

like park the park the golf cart like i'm done with this shit i'm like yeah fair enough like i'm gonna park it i park it around the corner my brother comes out and he's like where's the golf cart i'm like uh follow me so we go we go cruising on the golf cart one more time i'm like all right let's just go around the block a couple times we don't want to do too much but we're coming down our street again and there are trash cans in the front and i'm like zach hit those trash cans like absolutely smoke them and he did and like they flew and i could just like see the disappointment in Walker's eyes. Yeah, I picked them up. Well, that was on you because we would have picked them up. And that's on you. I wanted to help.

And the thing is, you guys probably thought you were being so stealthy. Oh, hell no. Dude. There's probably so many people looking out there like, what the fuck? Dude, I wasn't that drunk. I wasn't that empty trailer behind a golf cart. I wasn't really even drunk at that point. Like, I knew exactly what was happening.

Buddy just wanted to joyride the golf cart. The golf, the trailer was bouncing behind me the entire time. It was loud as shit. Lexi's like, park the, park the golf cart, park the golf cart. So I park it, and then she's like, how do we get home? And I'm like, Lexi, we're like a 20-minute walk from home. I'm like, get back in the golf cart right now. So then we whip it back home.

You took Lexi for like 30 minutes through the streets. Yeah, yeah. We're going to have to cut some of this, I think. Nah, I don't think so. What would have to be cut? Me drunk driving a golf cart? Fuck it. Come arrest me, pussies.

Or fucking GTA. Oh, yeah, the whole GTA thing. Dude, you instituted an organizational-wide policy change. Okay, A, it wasn't GTA. Yeah, dude, like whoever left that golf cart there with the... Because did you say... They got a write-up for sure. Dude, oh, yeah.

Yo, who closed last night? Hey, I double-checked to make sure the golf cart was returned to its rightful place the next day. We're good to go. It wouldn't have been Grand Theft Auto. It was, like, minimum theft auto. It was a fucking golf cart, not a goddamn jet. A motor vehicle. Motor vehicle.

Yeah. Minimum theft auto. Imagine you worked there. You sound worse. Yeah. Walker probably knows. That's a funny song. Walker probably knows the 9 to 5 corporate the uh the nine to five like um like

corporate talk like hey like who who closed up last night like oh i don't know uh bob did the fucking golf cart is gone so what the fuck bob where are the keys and like it's just like i could just see that conversation happening like Oh, yeah. Imagine, like, who would ever. It was a trailer, so some poor landscaper would just probably. Like, do you think people, like, would watch the podcast and be like, yeah, those guys, that guy needs to be arrested. And, like, I have to worry about the cops showing up to my house. Someone could have got fired because of you. Dude, I'm getting into stoicism, so I can't control what anyone thinks.

And I'm not going to comment on it. I'm getting into free will, so nobody can control what I do. I noticed that's something that you and our friend Connor, me and Austin went to the lake and hung out with Connor and his family. Love you, Doble. That was a great time. It was a good time. You and Connor were just pointing at each other, saying dumb shit,

and saying, like, free will, free will. Free will. What's that about? I don't know. It's just like nobody can really stop you from doing what you want to do the only thing that really stops you is like you know your moral pressure yeah societal pressure which creates your morals i guess like let's be honest if nobody like people would be really bad people if other people wouldn't be affected or wouldn't say anything about it people would be terrible people like horrible people yeah yeah it would just it would

reduce us to you know apes it would be complete anarchy um but yeah no i would i would come up with a bad idea at the lake and the group would decide probably not a good idea, Austin. And then Connor would look at me and say, but free will, man. I mean, what's really stopping you? What's stopping you from getting on the kitchen table and peeing on the casserole? You did that?

Yeah, dude, it was disgusting. But we ate it the next day. Why am I just now hearing this and what the fuck? No, I did that. Oh, you did? Yeah, free will. No, nobody pissed on the casserole. AJ, we did it right in front of Connor's mom.

What are you talking about? I don't fucking know what you guys fucking did up there. I wasn't invited. Well, you were invited. I just told him that you couldn't come. Now that is fucked because we really could have. I said, I don't really fuck with AJ like that. He needs to stay home.

That's fine. Damn, that's tough. I feel you. What you got for me? I know you got something for me over there. Dude, I think my barber got either fired or deported. Oh, no way. Can't get a hold of him.

What was his name? First name? Sammy. He don't know. Fucking Sammy. Damn, no way. Can't get a hold of him. What was his name? First name? Sammy. He don't know. Fucking Sammy. Damn it, Sammy. I had his number, and it just goes straight to fucking. I got a guy for you.

He's Dominican. Oh, hell yeah. I got a guy for you. Hook me up. Was Sammy Dominican? I think he was Puerto Rican. You can't get deported to Puerto Rico. What the fuck am I talking about?

Jesus, buddy. Dude, I am racist as as shit I got a real problem If these last two pods have shown us anything I sometimes forget Puerto Rico Shout out Sammy You gave Me the best fade I've ever had in my life And I'll miss you

Bye Sammy That's so crazy When you don't get haircuts like myself, hearing the word fade just brings back memories. I love when we start talking about hair and haircuts around AJ and he just starts reminiscing. He always has some feelings. I feel bad because I know you want hair.

I know you want it back. The way you talk about it, I don't really say it. I can see it in your eyes. You're just like, bring the hair back, please. I never really said fade, though. I always say taper. It's just crazy because I think they're like the same thing. It's just like whatever you call it.

It's whatever era you grew up in. Barberlingo is crazy. Used to call it getting shaped. Getting your jimmy shaped. Shape up? I don't know. Getting your jimmy shaped. I'm trying to do like a 40s thing.

What the fuck is getting your jimmy shaped? I don't want anybody shaping my jimmy. So AJ, I don't know. I'm really stressed because Sammy was my dude. So now I've got to find a new barber. Oh, God. That's stressful oh god so like i did the dude that works next to sammy valentino so dirty because i went to him

and sammy was beside us cut this dude's hair and he was cutting this like dude's mullet and every time he'd take a swip on the clipper clippers he was like oh my god that's fucking beautiful and he'd do it like every single time he made a swipe. Who, Sammy or Valentino? Sammy. Oh. So I was like, obviously, I got to go to this guy next. I need this guy. And he'll spend, like, you know, 45, like, it's great.

I get, like, an hour off of work because he spends 40 minutes just styling my hair. Like, the cutting only takes 20. He, like, he puts every strand in place place which i immediately mess up as soon as i walk for you literally to look in the mirror and like and get it how you want it man love you sammy bye sammy dude the process the process of getting a new barber if anyone has to do that is literally harder and scarier than like trying to find like a new like significant other like that's why i just let my mom cut my hair my mom has cut my hair forever and she always will because my mom doesn't fucking miss all right boys she doesn't fucking miss i hear you when she cuts my

hair she doesn't miss so why would i go anywhere else i've been made fun of oh mommy still cut your hair yeah because she doesn't fucking miss walker one day though and like i've never made fun of you for that i know but i'm going to start if you fucking well guess what right she doesn't fucking miss your mom still pulls out you know the the 40 walmart clippers and shapeshift nope your problem probably has some nice my mom went to cosmetology school. Thank you very much. He has to sit in the chair in the kitchen. So put some respect on her name.

There goes my pit. Yeah. Yeah. Little bitch. Look, man. Hey, when your mom is like 80 and her hands are starting to get a little shaky. My haircuts are going to be getting a little shaky because I've never given up on her. I'm like, Mom, tighten up.

You're shaking. AJ, what do you have a superiority complex over? What's that mean? What makes you better than us? Over you guys? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

I don't know. I mean, shit. Off the fucking. What makes me better than you guys? I got one. That makes him better than us or that makes you better than us? Yeah. My superiority complex.

I got one, too. Right now. Go, go, go. Shit. My superiority complex over your guys is that I can grow a fucking beard. Dude, have you fucking seen me? That's a good one. Because I got nothing for you, bro. Dude, have you fucking seen me? That's a good one. Because I got nothing for you, bro.

Yeah, that's fair. I've never tried to grow a beard. But then you guys can just hit me with the opposite. I'll have a full head of hair. Mine isn't really over you guys specifically. Just over everybody ever. I have O negative blood. You know, universal donor.

And God, I just like to feel my dick swing on that one for some reason. Your blood type? Yeah. I don't know my blood type. I'm probably super rare. I get just blown up by the Red Cross. And now they'll send, it's like, oh, negative hero, universal hero, come in and, you know, get an American Red Cross towel. I got another one. We'll jerk you off in the back an American Red Cross towel. I got another one.

We'll jerk you off in the back. I'll get deep. I'll get deep. All right, let's hear it. I was able to find the love of my life and have a baby before you guys. Wow. Well, have a baby. We're still out.

With the love of my life. Sure, he's still out. I win. Austin's still fucking searching on fucking Tinderinder i don't know what you're i'm not searching for love buddy i'm looking for straight i'm looking for straight hot same thing hey i got i got something for you i'm looking for love ladies i'm looking for you guys all right i'll tell you some shit that i thought was the most creative shit i've ever fucking heard.

I found out at one point in time, these two right here, these two fine gentlemen had a joint Tinder account and they said that bitch was getting blew up. It's still active. Messages after. I said, damn, that's some lucrative shit right there. Joint Tinder account. Like, hey, if you got some lucrative shit you gotta be we you know either you need to bring a friend or you or both of us it's a great it's a great ice however you're swinging it yeah i was in the one i was in the bumble pool for a while but i just i voluntarily myself about

a week ago the uh the amount of apps there is now i don't even know them all you know back back in my day it was just tinder and that was new now they got like three of them i think i need to take that but like some main ones i need to like learn to love myself and i'm not gonna love myself until i'm skinny and not a fucking psycho so i got some i got some stuff to handle i I felt the same way today. I was thinking, Austin, you should take a break from these dating apps. But then I was like, how am I going to get interaction? That is true. Like, what the fuck am I supposed to do, just jerk off every day? Well, that's what you've done for a majority of your life.

I still do it even if I am getting action, so I guess the action doesn't really matter. The jerking off has nothing to do with it. You act like you have a problem talking to girls. This dude will talk to anyone besides the girl out front. He probably will now. Yeah, we're on a first-name basis now. You fucking talk to anyone when you're all i mean

sober too probably when you're all fucked up well it's i don't go out like i don't really go out so it's just like if i want like that's a lot of fear a lot of people have i'm sure um it's just like you could talk to someone all day on an app but like can you go walk up to a random girl you think is cute in a bar most people would probably say no and i can tip i mean like which is wild if i really have to like hype myself up to do it i'm like austin you got this like don't be a pussy just go do it people do this every day worst case scenario they say no and they do say no you sound like me on the stair master i mean it really is just like that like you just can't you just gotta like you know face your fears and get out there and do it

it's like a duck let it just roll off your back you know yeah and like it's not even the rejection that i'm scared of so i don't know what i'm scared of like i'm not scared like i'm gonna walk up and be like i think you're scared you're going to find the one. No, he's scared. He's scared because he's low-key shy. I'm not low-key shy. You are. Am I? Probably.

Yeah, probably. I don't know. Who fucking knows, dude? Maybe one day I'll figure it out. Yeah, I don't know if that's a great argument to make out of Austin. What, being shy?

Yeah. You don't think I'm shy? No no i wouldn't really classify you as shy yeah i mean everybody has shy tendencies i'm sure but like i guess i wouldn't classify myself i'm glad i'm glad i am not in the dating world anymore i couldn't do it you make videos on one of the busiest streets in raleigh that's not very shy behavior. I guess that's true. Yeah, but even that's like... You're trying to make a living talking to strangers.

That's not very shy behavior. But put it this way though, if I have a work uniform on, I'll talk to anybody. But the moment that work uniform comes off, I ain't talking to nobody. Yeah, I feel like that's nobody and I feel like when I'm out there trying to record a YouTube video in public it's

it's like I'm there for a purpose it's completely different than just like talking to random people because there's no reason to be talking to those people you turn on the mode yeah I turn on that influencer creator it's like the uh a lot of us normal people don't understand but Austin enters a realm where it's him and his camera and everything

he's catching is gold. He's like Midas. I really do block out a lot of shit. I do not have the Midas touch. That kind of makes me think of when I'm at work, dude. Customer-wise, I'm the guy you want to see. Because I'll talk to you all day long about everything but work. They're like, AJ, you need to be selling them this or talking about this.

I'm like, fuck that, dude. We're talking about fucking like what do you like what shoes he has on her so you're the last person they want to see i'm i'm the i'm the one because i'm the no pressure sales guy that the managers hate they're like aj like you're you're way too relaxed and chill yeah but you're the yeah i'm the one that i'm like you don't want that shit bro way overpriced you do not yeah that is that is the most fire that's literally me usb fuck no i'm like bro you you don't need this take this off like you straight with this bro like don't do that bro you're gonna get scammed but anyways as soon as i clock out bro and say like i go to mcdonald's and my food is wrong or some shit, I'll have to talk myself up to be like,

yo, say something like, yo, like, or like if I see some, if I need to ask an employee for help or some shit, I'd be like, all right,

bro, you got this shit. Like, come on. Like, like I don't care about myself up, bro. Cause I'm like,

I'm as soon as I'm off work, I don't want to like, I'm so like, as like, I'm just like, I don't feel like that's a shy thing. I feel like a lot of people don't want to like talk to nobody. as like I'm just like I don't think that's a shy thing I feel like a lot of people don't want to like talk to nobody at least at least like the uh like the like

complaining about like your food being wrong like I fucking hate it not necessarily that like but I was using it as a scenario like I will not like say something like I won't speak up if I don't have to bro but you're full of shit because we'll be in public and you'll say some random shit. Because I got courage with my people around me. You'll say something. I'll be like, bro, why did you just spark up a conversation with this random dude for no reason? He's like, we'll be walking down the street and AJ's like,

yo, your tattoos are fucking fire, bro. And then they'll have a five-minute conversation about it. I'm like, I... And then I'll walk up to him and be like, shit was fucking lame as fuck. I'll just be doing dumb shit like that like bro you're fucking like your fits fire and then i'll get like oh we'll start walking away like dude that shit was ass you're like you're straight up well i guess you're that's not like that's not a that's not like i like making people laugh and smile, bro. Even if I'm lying. I feel about that.

Even if I'm lying, bro. If there's the cosmic energy, you are like a demon for some reason. You're like the two-faced demon. You can't believe a fucking word you're saying. You spread kindness, but inward you're just ugly. I feel like it's good. He's like a recycling bin for like people dude like i literally know like not even joking bro today look it was this old lady

who rang me up at pet smart i went to pet smart i had to get some uh food for my leopard gecko and um it's this old lady i felt bad for her right i've always felt bad for old people that are still working right like clearly old can stand up, sitting down at the register. Old, bro. Yeah. So, like, I'm like, I'm going to say something. And I just was looking at her. I'm like, I saw she had a bracelet on, just like a bracelet like this.

And I didn't even look at that bracelet for nothing but a glance. If you would have asked me what that bracelet looked like, I had no clue said i like your bracelet and she said oh thanks and she got all happy and as i'm laughing i'm like bro like i ain't shit bro like if you would ask me what kind of bracelet that was i had no like not even know what color it was for real like but like i knew it'd make it make her happy you know like she's old as fuck. That's my vibe, bro. You're spreading positivity. She don't need to know I didn't give a fuck. But as far as she knew, that's probably the nicest thing you said to her all day.

You're spreading positivity. She said her grandson got it for her. That's true. Have y'all ever seen the good, lawful, bad? No. It's like a good, lawful, bad chart. And it just goes through. You're like bad good. Onful, bad chart, and it just goes through. You're, like, bad good.

Like, on the good scale, you're good, but you're, like, the worst kind of good, I would say. Oh, fuck. I wouldn't, I don't know. He probably falls, like, somewhere. Ideally, you just say the compliment and mean it. Or, even if you don't mean it, behind your back think oh i just fucking lied ideally she thought i like that bracelet stupid it doesn't matter you just don't say it doesn't matter because i just said it to get a reaction out of her up in a positive way does it bring you joy to um yeah to laugh

about it after like i got her ass no like i didn't get her like you're manipulating old women in pet spark i mean if you want to call it i'm not manipulative at all though is the thing like i'm not using it to my advantage you are it makes you does it make you feel good to make her feel good hold on it makes me feel good knowing that I made her smile or feel good about her bracelet but she doesn't know that I just don't care

I'm never going to see her again and you did it for your own personal benefit I'm not doing it to someone I'm around every single day most people are pieces doing it to people I'll never see again. Most people are pieces of shit to people they are around every day. About to piss me off. I'm just fucking with you, AJ.

I know you have good intentions. I do it to people I don't know for real. He likes my shoes. I'm going to side-eye him. Tell the fucking truth. I don't know if that's a real compliment or not. AJ wouldn't tell us. I feel like it takes a lot to like, it takes the truth to.

I'm getting better with you. I stand up to you now. I ain't scared. If I don't like it, I don't fucking like it. I'm like, you like these sunglasses? He's like, meh. Like, okay, buddy. Hold on.

Great. These are gas, though. Yeah, the fucking. The emojis. I hate those sunglasses because there's a goal explosion or like a banner in Rock Lee where they drift down. It's fucking annoying as shit. Yeah. That's really relevant to our fucking podcast.

Yeah. What else we got, boys? Some a piece of shit, huh? I don't know. We just went on a tangent about AJ taking advantage of uh old women and pet smart so we can only go up from here it's such a weird way taking advantage of them in such a weird way she said do you want to donate no ma'am through their emotional benefit i said i like your bracelet i didn't say i was giving money to the spca you're like a a mutually beneficial like symbiotic parasite not a parasite man you're

not a parasite i'm sorry you're getting you're getting sucked from both ends i'll tell you from both i'll tell you what i did holy it's not actually no i'd enjoy it from both ends you guys don't laugh at me what'd you say i'll suck your dick from the back. I ain't saying it. Walker. Walker. AJ, what? Go ahead. No, you guys are going to be like, it's always laugh podcast. It's stupid. AJ was about to say some dumb shit. Go ahead.

I'm straight, bro. Go ahead. Will it make anybody in the world laugh? No. Because there might be that one person out there that needs this. Hurry up. No one told me there that needs this. Hurry up. No one told me you actually had to. You have 10 seconds.

No one told me other than just funding your Roth IRA, you actually have to put the money and actually go buy stocks with it. I thought if I just put the money in there, I'm good. So today I bought stocks in my Roth IRA. It's been a little absence for us. And I got a little something for us. I'm sure some of you have heard it before. It's a couple weeks old.

There's a state park in Pennsylvania called the Roth Rock State Park. Now, the Department of Conservation and Natural Resources in pennsylvania set up security cameras around this one wildlife or around this one bathroom that was just like out in the woods right set up cameras because people kept stealing shit out of it like hand sanitizer toilet paper all this stuff what they caught instead was a award-winning chemistry professor from Penn State who was naked save for a ski mask and hiking boots. He was having sex with his dog. What?

When they reported the footage and authorities went to pick him up, he begged them to shoot him. What the fuck? Like, begged them. Wait, wait, wait. So he was just going to this public bathroom? Yeah, with a ski mask. With a ski mask and fucked his dog. Committing bestiality. Yes. But why was

he, like, using the hand sanitizer to clean up after or something? No, no, the stealing hand sanitizer was unrelated oh that's why they set up the cameras damn that's tough freak ass bitch i also have something here from our dear aj now when aj was just a wee lad he went to a party this was in high school i believe right my senior year his senior year of high school right before basketball season started exactly so he went to this party it was it like had like a fair amount of people

right how many people yeah it was at it was at my buddy's house nothing out of the ordinary probably like uh probably like 15 people ish i don't know there's a good amount of people there for sure i know i don't know if Did the party get raided? No, no, no, dude. A faculty member saw something on Facebook, which is out of the ordinary. We've been doing this shit for years. A faculty member saw something on Facebook.

And someone new there posted something or some shit. Managed to wrangle this information out. Now, this was printed and sent to all the parents and whatever that were involved. So let me get this straight real quick, just to clarify. AJ was at a party with some friends and a faculty member saw something. Let me explain. Just a brief. Please.

That letter right there is a summary of what the athletic director recovered from interviewing about. I think it was like 17 kids he interviewed in the high school, apparently that were at the party. So this is like a summary of lies that people gave him and some truths, right? The fucking, the people who told the truth told the truth. So there was a bunch of underage drinking and... I lied my ass off, right?

Because it's right before basketball season. It's my senior year. I lied my fucking ass off.? Because it's right before basketball season. It's my senior year. I lied my fucking ass off. Party Saturday night at Joey's house. Get together to watch the Big Ten championship football game. Athletes and non-athletes were there. Appears many texts were sent out inviting people over for the game. Most thought they were coming just to watch the game.

Others knew it would be more than that. Oh, no. Alcohol was at the house. Oh, yes. Reported that was in Joey's closet Two 30 racks Mixed report on if there was other alcohol Reported at least four kids smoked Or had smoked marijuana at the house Or outside of the house

17 kids interviewed All reported alcohol or drinking of it by most everyone at the party Two student athletes confessed to drinking No others confessed But most interviewed Said most everyone at the party. Oh, yes to student athletes confused confessed drinking No others can feel but most interviewed idiots most everyone was drinking Minimum seven boys and three girls spent the night. I have reason why It was reported that this type of behavior is common for the group of kids Unsure if this means athletes or non-athletes. Fucking D-gens.

It was also reported by four basketball players that their parents do not care if they attend parties where alcohol is present. A parent arrived late in the night. Bix reports on what happened. It was reported that the kids were told to dump it out and stop. Also reported were kids told to put it away. Also reported that the parent went told to dump it out and stop. Also reported were kids were told to put it away. Also reported that the parent went to bed and then things continued. Unsure what happened. Was that parent restocking?

Dude, the parent is my buddy's dad who lives there. We get all fucked up all the time, dude. We kept going. What do you mean? That's hilarious. All athletes fall under the athletic code of conduct i believe that all were drinking based on the multiple reports i am confident more than two were drinking police were not called reports were not filed to any parents that i am aware of teacher reported based on face space space, book, post. What does this mean to the basketball team?

This is an awareness to all the parents as what I know as AD. I have no idea what your kids have shared with you. This is what they shared with me. Nine basketball players were there. This is a big deal. Thank you for that, AJ. That was lovely. I cannot believe my mom sent me that just the other day.

I don't know if anyone else's mom does this, but my mom is going through that phase where she feels like she's needing to send me. Because we live in different states. She's sending me. I'm talking about tests I got in Aeon in third grade or like a newspaper article when I was born or like. That's sweet. She's thinking about you, man. Everything is yellow.

She misses you. Because it's so old. The white paper turned yellow. She misses you. But I'm saying she's at that point now where she's sending me all this. And I call it junk because she's sending me every trophy I ever won. I'm talking about everything from my childhood she's sending me. And I'm like, Mom, where do you think I'm supposed to put all this stuff?

Like, I don't really want it. We went through a box the other day that AJ's mom sent him. This was probably a couple weeks ago now, but this motherfucker went through some phases. Shit's so funny. We should pop up some pictures of the phases of his life because it's pretty damn funny. I'm talking about, dude, like I got fucking prison letters. She's sending me prison letters my dad was writing, dude.

Like all sorts of shit and i'm like bro time to frame that i don't know where to put all this stuff like i i trash no i i it's like i can't throw it away i can't throw it away but she's just passing the buck onto you that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying she's It's easier to mail it and never see it again than just burn it. But, like, what am I supposed to do? Burn it, baby. I got a little ball that I had the Detroit, like, a four Detroit Pistons player sign in, like, 2002.

Dude, you can give that to the baby. I guess, but what the fuck? 100%. Detroit Pistons signed? Yeah. 2002? I can't read the players. It's all right. Like, I don't know who signed it. but what the fuck? 100%. Detroit Pistons signed? Yeah. 2002? Read the players.

It's all right. I don't know who signed it. Look up their signatures, bro. Okay. How do I do that? I don't know. Get it graded. Yeah, get it graded.

It's worth negative money. The shipping costs more than the grading. There's no grading. The grading's worth. There's no grading. No grading. I guess if you're a parent listening to this which i'm sure there might be a couple it is being real unappreciative i love it when my mom's sending me some i'm saying but just keep it in a safe spot in the basement my mom has a basement it's in a safe spot me it's it's going in the shed. And the shed is not climate controlled.

It's hot. There's bugs. Who knows what might happen to it. I've always had a good time in that shed. There might be a fire set. Who knows? You never know. Moral of the story is,

I guess. If you're a mom, keep that shit. Boys, you guys ready to wrap up another episode of the Always Laugh Podcast? All I want to know is, is it petty for me to hang the trophies or do I, do I hide them? You got to hang them.

Is it like, oh dude, let go of high school buddy. Hang them in the dining room. AJ had a mean layup in junior high. I'm holding on to that forever, baby. Fuck. All right, man. I'm good. It's been fun. It's been real that forever, baby. Fuck. All right, man. I'm good, man. Boys, it's been fun.

It's been real. Yeah. You guys have anything to say to wrap up another episode? Yeah, man. Rest in peace to Jada Youngin. I think people forget about that. 23 Island is my favorite song forever, and his music will forever live in my household based on that one song.

R.I.P. That's all I got. Be kind and protect trans kids. 100%. I don't have anything to say. Thanks for listening to another episode of the Always Laugh Podcast. My name's Austin Lane. My name's AJ.

I'm Walker. We out. Love you, everyone. my name's AJ I'm Walker we out love you everyone