Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #3 - Aj Gets Fired For Discount Fraud

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

This episode we talk discount fraud, mall walkers, and almost getting into a car accident. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

She a dirty girl. She a dirty girl. Welcome back to the Always Laugh Podcast. I'm Austin Lane. I'm AJ. I am Walker the Coke Can Smith. That's a new one. That's a new one, man. Why Coke Can? So AJ didn't want to fucking say you wanted to... Oh shit, I'm fucked.

Idiot. Well, I'm gonna say it right now. Nah, bro. Nah, nah. We gotta keep it going no no we gotta keep it going we just gotta keep it going oh hey number no fuck this clown bro fuck you number one podcast you've never heard of there we go we're gonna make it we're gonna make it out the um we'll make it out of so guys some weird shit happened to me this week okay hey jay you fucked up that entire intro so bad no we're good it's okay no we're good. It's okay. No, we're good.

We're going to keep it rolling. It's okay. You blew it. We're going to talk about why I blew it. Because you don't know anything about podcasting. We're all... You're kind of here on like a make-a-wish type deal. Kenzie wanted something to keep you out of the house. And that's what this is.

Kenzie's here. Yeah, she wanted something to keep you out of the house. And that's what this is. Kenzie's here. Yeah, she wanted something to keep her out of the house too. I'm on a 10-day contract, I feel like. Yeah. It's expiring soon. You're about to fucking blow the deal, buddy. Jesus. You're good enough.

10 episodes. 10 episodes. You're not going to get the signing. All right. All right. I'm just kidding. You've done a good job, AJ. Thank you.

AJ, I love you. Love you, too. And you're one of the most attractive men that I've seen recently. Really? Appreciate that. As long as I'm better than this guy, we good. No, don't get crazy. Don't get crazy now.

You're not as good looking as the guy who looks like he was, you know, taken off of a pedestal in Greece. Damn right. You know? In Mykonos. Mykonos. What's that? I don't know. It's in Greece, I think.

I was just repeating what AJ was saying. It's the all-white place. Sorry, guys. I'm going to take a sip. What the hell does that mean, AJ? It's like on Instagram, the pictures are very Pinterest-y. It's like a whole bunch of weird buildings in Mykonos. I know what you're saying.

You're talking about the Maldives or something? No, no, no. I don't know. Fuck it. Walker, why do you have so many damn drinks? Walker literally has four drinks. What do you have right now? All right, so I got...

Well, this is a hazy apple juice. Hazy apple juice. And then that's water. And then the mug is chocolate almond milk. And then that's a twisted tea. What the fuck? Bro, have you ever had some chocolate almond milk? That's your party pack?

Bro, tap it. I want to tap in. Did you put it in the microwave? Fuck no. It's cold as sin. Cold as sin. Bro, try it. Is sin cold?

All right. Now let it hit. Let it hit all the centers of your mouth. I'm going to chase my twist. Tell me that's not good. No joke. That is extremely good. That's what I'm saying.

Fuck. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Oh, shit. You done woke the bear up. Hey, we're all Gucci. Bro, that shit pisses me off, bro. I swear to God, my fucking phone always tries to connect to the damn audio thing. Listen, it doesn't want to be left out.

I think this podcast is just going to raise my stress levels too much. I can't handle this shit. want to be left out i think this podcast is just gonna raise my stress levels too much they don't understand the amount of stress austin has been under trying to get the audio under control we are sorry guys we understand the audio has been pretty quiet um we we hear it too and we're trying to figure it out but yeah so enjoy your free fucking content you fucking losers oh sorry sorry that was a little extreme i i love you guys we um we had to go get uh we we call these tweeze we had to go get tweeze um yeah we'll just refer to them as tweeze so if you're here keep your labels in please labels in i'm label out because i'm big i love twisted they need to put me on the can like these two let's not give free promo and then these two people right here

we can show them they've done good things for us in the past and present we have good memories of twisted tweeze tweeze i usually don't have many memories off of them what's up kenzie eyes are closed let's get it let's get enough sleep kenzie is this are we being boring today i'm just tired you need to tell them about our weekend Alright Not yet I got some shit I want to talk about Walker wanted to get some shit off his chest So I've been a fan of this college since I was like a little kid What college?

I can't say You don't want to drag their name to the mud And I'm under an NDA Let's legit not say the name of this college He could get in legal trouble You're under a whole NDA. Oh, let's legit not say the name of this college. He could get in legal trouble. You're under a whole NDA? Yeah, bro. Jesus.

You're important as fuck. No, I wish. So I was working in this fume hood, and I'm installing a piece in the fume hood. Yes. And they know this is happening. Like, we had people go and drill in the fume hood yesterday. The average person doesn't know what a fume hood is. Two days ago. Well, fuck them. I doesn't know what a fume hood is.

Well, fuck them. I don't know. What the fuck? Fuck you, buddy. What the hell? No, I wasn't saying fuck you. Why is everybody so on fucking tilt today? Like, why is everybody on edge?

Sorry, dude. I did a bunch of... Jesus. You didn't say... Oh, I just snotted all over the mic. Oh, I love it. My nose is running. No, Walker, Walker.

All right, if you can snot on the mic, I can put the entire mic in my mouth. I've been trying to get you to do that the whole fucking time. I'm sorry about that. Oh, fuck. That's not going to look good. That's not going to look good for me. I'm about to clip you and repost your shit. Oh, fuck.

That's getting clipped. No, please, guys, don't do it. Don't do it, guys. Come on. You're getting clipped. Bro, I'm sorry. getting clipped. No, please, guys. Don't do it. Nope. Don't do it, guys. Come on. You're getting clipped. Bro, I'm sorry. Oh, no. That's not going to look good.

I'm tired of you talking shit down there. What's up? Yeah. Okay. A fume hood is like a box that air flows through. Okay. No shit. I know, right?

Well, no shit. You're the one who doesn't know what a fucking is, bud. Neither do any listener that's not in your field of work. Listen, I'd be willing to wager all 20 people that listen to this are smarter than you. Oh, shit. All right, guy. I can see that. All right, speaking of him, just quick.

No, wait. Sorry, my bad. But it was just, it had to do with him being really dumb. I know. They go for it. They go for it. I'll get there later. Okay.

Never mind. No. I love those stories. Come on. Come on. I'll explain later. Trust me. Finish your thought.

My entire body is in this fume hood, right? And I start getting real itchy, and my arms break out in hives and shit like that. So I ran off to the bathroom, and washed like my arms and my hands yes you guys you guys good yeah he told me to get the fuck away buddy was rubbing elbows i forgot i forgot on camera it looks crazy like me and him are dating and you are over there have you i would If you've ever heard one conversation between y'all, I would think you're dating. Anyways. We're a family. So I break out in hives.

I go to the bathroom and wash my hands and arms. Oh. Go back in the fume hood. I don't put my entire torso in it this time. And I like, you know, keep doing shit and do this shit. So this researcher comes in like two hours later when i was testing the hood and she walks up to the fume hood she's like hey where'd all the acid that was in this hood go no i was like are you fucking serious these motherfuckers tried to kill me did is it

not like what did you they tried to set you up you um Why were you touching the acid? I wasn't. I was just in the fume hood. But they had moved the acid, I guess, the day before and just didn't clean the hood out or anything. So the residual acid was just fucking you up in the fume hood? I probably have cancer now. That's fine, though. Rip.

So, yeah, that was all. That was all. It wasn't my favorite thing. Yeah, no. Is that noise? Is it raining? Yeah, though. Rip. So, yeah, that was all. That was all. It wasn't my favorite thing. Yeah, no, that doesn't. Is that noise? Is it raining? Yeah, dude. That's thunder?

Holy shit. No. Jesus Christ. Somebody's taking. No, it's thunder, and there's lightning going on behind you guys. Nobody's taking the trash out on a Sunday. That's what it sounded like. I can't really hear that well because of these headphones, but it sounded like somebody was

taking the trash out. Dude, it sounds like we're in the rainforest right now. It's honestly kind of relaxing. I can't really hear that well because of these headphones, but it sounded like somebody was taking the trash out. Dude, it sounds like we're in the rainforest right now. It's honestly kind of relaxing. We are in the rainforest. Well, I wish we were in the rainforest. So that's what happened over the weekend for you? No, that's what happened last week. This weekend, I fell into a real deep depression hole and just fucking laid on this couch without

showering for like three days straight. Did you eat? Because my boyfriend was gone. Oh, yeah. I ate a bunch of like really unhealthy fried foods. I think on the whole New Year's resolution, I'm definitely skewing more towards gaining 40 than losing 40 right now. Nice. That's good.

Yeah, we'll pick it back up in February, right? Yeah. Right, guys? Technically, you're on track with your resolution. You're on track, right? Like you said either or. Oh, I'm way ahead of schedule. Let with your resolution. You're on track, right? Like you said, either or. Oh, I'm way ahead of schedule. Let me tell you.

Depressed. You're gaining some weight. My life is getting worse in a lot of measurable ways. You ain't got fired yet. I know. I got to keep trying. That is one of your goals. If you speak on that name, you might do it.

All right, we'll save that. If we get two likes, I'll drop it. I'll drop the name. I'm name dropping this place. All right, listen. I want to know, first off, wait. You told them about the tattoos, right? Because those are pretty cool.

No, we never got there. We were supposed to. I don't care. No, like, what did you do that weekend? Oh, I. That was a whole experience. Yeah, I. You got to say it. You got a whole experience. Yeah, I, uh. You gotta say it.

You gotta say it. What did you do? Me and one of my friends, we, uh, we went over to Durham. Durham? And they were having a, uh. Fucking Durham? I know. Nothing good happens in Durham.

They were having a, uh, flash sale for Friday the 13th. So I rolled a 100-sided die and I got 18. And then I got that. And then I went to D.C. with this same friend. He's talking, for the listeners only, he's talking about a tattoo.

Did you already say that? I don't think so. When he said, when he said, I got that, he was referring to tattoos. Then I got that one. He's currently showing you guys,

but you can't see him. My mother cried. Oh my God. Not really. Why I got that one. He's currently showing you guys, but you can't see him. My mother cried. Oh, my God. Not really. Why do you do that to her? Because I hate her. I honestly love your mom. Can I say her name?

His mom's name is Curly, and she's a very nice lady. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about that for one second. So one of my mom's favorite jokes is that uh my grandparents her parents uh they didn't want her they instead wanted a little black boy because my mom's full name is curtis tyrone smith curtis tyrone and tyrone's a family name but just i'mrone, and I'm here to fuck your bitch. Yeah, that's like my icebreaker at parties.

I'm like, my mom's name is Curtis Tyrone. Hell yeah. It's a fire name. Honestly. When you first, oh, I don't, your mom told me a story one time, or maybe it was you, about your mom, but her name is not actually Curtis Tyrone. Curtis Courtney. Yeah, they just lied to her all life. Well, but her name is not actually Curtis Tyrone. Curtis Courtney. Yeah.

They just lied to her all life. Well, another fucked up thing. She's a fraud. My grandparents lied to my mom's older sister. Your family's a lie. For 40 years. Jesus. My grandma had a tennis weekend one.

Or had a, I don't know, had to play a tennis match one weekend. So she moved my mom's sister's birthday two days later and she ran with it for 40 years. My aunt had this fake birthday like on her driver's license. That's I don't even know if I can trust you on anything. Why not? license that's i don't even know if i can trust you on anything why not because like your birthday might i might be happy birthday walker and be like well you can trust me i'm being sincere i don't know if there's some fucked up shit behind the scenes the right shit that's true i got my birth certificate that could be forged yeah maybe i don't know hey, didn't you go to some march in Maryland or some shit?

No Oh, you didn't do that? No Well, I thought that was Yeah, I thought that was why I was going too But apparently that wasn't a thing Maybe I was just hearing what I want to hear What did we do this weekend?

We actually just got back We just got back from Charlotte We just got off the road it's been it's been a weekend man it is uh it's been a weekend and um we went to charlotte on friday for what what is it why did we go there uh we had to go to charlotte because i was a vendor at a sports card show um and i wanted to bring austin along and austin's sister lives in charlotte that shit was so fucking boring but it was also lit at the same time flex the stack flex the stack no i'll up it at the right time but um but yeah that's what i do i go to sports i'm a vendor at sports card

uh conventions a lot of weekends and um usually i do it all by myself and it was kind of fun bringing austin along to see uh him in a new environment it was new that's for damn sure austin also um just just now figured out what i'm or he just figured out what figured out what a mall walker is. Oh, my God. It's pretty normal to me. The older people who go to the mall strictly just to walk. They will hit every inch and corner. It was the weirdest shit I've ever seen.

Austin's like, what are they doing? I'm like, bro, it's just a mall walker. So the sports card convention was inside of like a plaza. It was like a plaza. Plaza. A plaza. It was a plaza. And yeah, it was inside.

But like the plaza, like the plaza was like abandoned. I don't even know. It wasn't even open. There were like no stores inside that were open. Comment down below if you, if there's a plaza still open that has actual stores. Kenzie, will you pull up a plaza, please? She can't. I don't think there's one that actually has

actual stores in it. I think they're all abandoned. Fuck it, stop fucking with Kenzie. Anyway, we're in this plaza or whatever and I turn around and there's these big glass windows, so you can see straight in there.

And there are just people literally walking around the entire perimeter of this fucking place. That's the word, perimeter. Yeah, literally. They walk straight to the corner and then turn. I'm like, bro, what the fuck? I swear to God, I watched over 50 people do it while we were there. Into the corner? Bro, they will walk all the way.

Face the wall and then turn. Yes. NPCs. Literally, they were computer generated i swear i'm trying to explain to him i don't fucking know bro when you get older it's number one it's free number two it's indoors so you can go every day you don't have to worry about walking outside or the weather and number three whatever four it's it's safe. Must count. Can't count to four. It's free.

You can just go walk around the mall. Have you ever heard of people doing that? I think it's because we've never worked in a mall. You worked in a mall, Kenzie? Yeah, Kenzie and AJ have both worked in malls. For years. They've seen this shit. Old people are going to be so much sadder to me when I see them at the mall now.

It's like, you motherfuckers are just in here walking around. They're not there shopping. They're literally slinking up the joint. They came to that mall with jeans on and are getting their steps in, 100%. That's wild. Like, miles. They're walking miles. I was dumbfounded every time I saw them.

In jeans. In jeans. That's one thing that I never understood because I worked in a mall for years. And they'd always have jeans on. You know you're coming here to walk. Throw some sweats on. Why are you in jeans? AJ said, I said, what are they doing?

There are no stores even open. He said, that's a mall walker. I said, what? The fuck is that? What is a mall walker? It's normal to me. I don't know. He's like, you've never heard of that?

No. I'm a mall rat. I've spent over 10,000 hours inside malls. God damn. For sure. That's fire. Years of my life. 40 hours a week.

That's a lot of hours. Yep. Shout out to Westwood Mall Foot Locker and Meridian Mall Foot Locker. I got fired from there. And T-Mobile in the Lansing Mall. Those are all great experiences. You got fired from one of them. What did you get fired for?

Some discount fraud. Just some fraud. I pocketed some money off the boys paying cash. And then you pocket the money and then re-ring it up on your discount. And then just pocket the difference. Because they're like, oh, the all-white lows are 95-40 off the door. Or at least that's what they were a couple years ago. And you're like, bro, just give me 90.

You good, bro? They just want to save something. No receipt, no nothing. Give me 90 off the're good, bro. They just want to save something. Like, no receipt, no nothing. Give me 90 out the door, you're good. And then you ring that bitch up. It's like 71. Back in the day, I was like, good money. I was gas money.

Get back home type shit. I needed that. So they were like, AJ, why are you buying eight pairs of shoes a week? No, I was driving home. Why are you buying eight pairs of shoes a shift? I was driving home from Footlocker one day i had to drive for like 50 minutes to work i'm driving home in my bus down ass jeep that should not be on the highway let alone for 50 minutes and i get a call from my manager who's like my best friend

he's like hey bro you got to come back here they got got you on camera. Shit. I said, damn. I came back. He pulled, the auditor dude from Chicago was there. I said, oh, yeah, I'm done. And look, you want to, he took me down to the fucking, what the hell is that, the food court. He took me down to the food court and then pulled out his laptop and showed me pocketing the money and shit on camera. And he's like, you're going to have to pay that back back you know this right and i'm like did you come up with this uh scam on your own or you were no this is a this is a normal thing

back in the day like bro like everyone was doing this shit for years and we had a stupid ass employee trying to trying to do this shit and got everyone fucked over. You? Stupid-ass bitch Star. Fuck her. Wasn't you? Her name was Star. No.

Star was doing this shit so wrong. She's a rat. She ratted you out. No, she didn't rat no one out. She didn't know how to properly. She burnt the loop. She burnt the loop. She burnt the loop.

She's over here trying to fucking fuck that bitch she did not know what she was doing she didn't know what she was doing bro and then she got everyone fried off that shit because you should have taught her the scamming ways no she was literally just giving shoes out to her friends and just pocketing the money not even ringing them up and then we had an audit we're missing like 20 pair of shoes that's not normal it's normal to miss like maybe one one yeah she was just straight up stealing so they're like why the fuck are y'all missing 20 shoes on the audit and then that got us got us audited and then that's when they watched the cameras which they would never just normally watch the cameras on a normal ass day and they they were watching

trying to figure out where these shoes went and saw me doing some fuck shit like they weren't even looking they weren't even looking for me bro is the thing they were like wait a minute why did you just put that cash in his pocket wait we gotta track this down rewind that the thing is when he made me pay that money

it was like whatever the money it was like $90 or some shit like that it ended up to be like I can't remember exactly but like 70 80 whatever bro that was like all the money i had to my name and i had to pay that bitch back i don't know like what happened if i wouldn't have paid it back but he caught me on the spot i had to literally go take all the money on my pocket which was like 80 and put that bitch in the register i was sick yeah that's i wanted to fucking i i did cry on the way home because i didn't know what to do bro i just got fried from my job i didn't know you said i just got fried from my job fired like i got fried they fried me

they fried you fried your ass bro they had you on 4k they did they had me on 4k for sure stealing stealing boxes idiot i was just stealing 90 dollars worth of boxes you want to know some shit aj was moving big big numbers everyone back home gonna laugh at this shit i got fired fucking hooking gino up ain't that a bitch i was saving gino a couple dollars trying to make me a couple dollars and got fucking fired. That's hilarious. If anyone in Jackson is watching this, they'll know exactly who the fuck Gino is. He's a good guy, man. Sounds like it. No bad.

It's good. I used to run a little moving company scam. Really? Yeah. It was like this app-based moving company. Jesus Christ. It was an app-based moving company, so we would go out to like moving jobs and you know we'd work

on the clock for like two hours and then we'd log off say that we completed the job and then we'd just work off the clock and the people would pay us under the table because the company charged like $50 per hour per mover and we got paid I'm sorry to interrupt your story but you have to get the table because the the company charged like fifty dollars per hour per mover and we got i'm sorry to interrupt your story but you have to get the tip of the mic like you're

turning your face away from the mic you have to be like facing the mic because i can't really hear shit you're saying i don't think you're that sorry to interrupt me that is way better can you just keep your face there the entire time and don't move at all thank you boy neck gonna be on fire are you mad at me because i said that to you yes well that's too bad because i told you before the podcast well i want to take a brief intermission and just say thank you to everyone that's left us feedback and comment or commented on the videos a lot of y'all are family to us and um all your feedback is great oh you're talking about the only family members that have commented i thought you were i see well it's pretty much all family that's commented there hasn't been

no like right at first i was like at first i was like he's saying that these random people are family and i was like oh that's sweet but i was like don't speak for me like i'm not gonna call these random people my family but it's only been our family members And I was like, oh, that's sweet. But I was like, don't speak for me. Like, I'm not going to call these random people my family. But it's only been our family members that have commented. Yeah, so appreciate it. Everyone is giving us good feedback. I don't know if they're just lying because they're family or if they really, truly are saying it. So I appreciate it.

That's pretty fire. We get fired up every time we see or I get fired up every time I see a new comment on there. Do you guys get fired up every time i see a new comment on there do you guys get fired up walker ain't even checked walker's like i ain't even looked am i supposed to lie or tell the truth here i don't get fired to actually respond i don't get fired you're the only one that got the damn login i'll give me the login i'll respond to him i want to respond i don't know i don't want 100 of of this company. Jesus Christ. Fucking 100 views later.

I need to know Walker's story about his scam. Yes. He said $50 an hour per person. Yes. Nah, fuck that. Fuck you. Sorry, dude. I'll talk fucking off to the side now. What are you going to do now?

Yeah. I would scam a fucking movie company. We're going to crop the podcast to about right here and just have us two in it. All right, now. What are you going to do now? Yeah. I would scam a fucking movie company. We're going to crop the podcast to about right here and just have us two in it. All right. So now you're going to get like 50 views. Yeah. Down from 100 to 50. That's fine.

It'll work out in the end. What are you going to use for clips, dude? What do you mean? I'm your fucking clip machine. He's a big clip guy. Yeah, bud. You are a clip machine. Yeah, bud.

Handle that mic again. Which mic? This one? Yeah. What's wrong with this? Show us who's boss. Oh, fuck. That was this episode?

Yeah. Shit, man. Hey, show the camera your stickers, man. On your thing. Can we hear the rest of the scam? That's boring as shit, dude. Walker, can you quit bitching about the mic situation and tell us the scam?

Listen, just for the record, before the podcast, Austin said, keep your face fucking a cunt hair away from the mic. Which I did. Did not. I did. I was like this. I was just talking off. It was like this.

I need you in there was like this. I was just talking off. It was like this. I need you in there. Like this. Your hair is like awesome. When you're moving your head like this. I'm animated when I talk. I know, and it's good. You're a good storyteller. We're having technical difficulties.

Don't patronize me. Can you explain having technical difficulties don't patronize me okay you're yeah literally in the technical difficulties you're damn near worthless all right no i love you i love you i'm sorry let's let's hey hey let's chill out all right thanks walker that was cute. Can I get one? Fuck no. That's fucked up, dude. Your hands are super smooth, though. Hey, I'll take it. I'll take it. Buddy is lubed up. If you can see Walker's skin glowing, he had to put lotion on head, toe, literally.

I do, bro. Every day. Hey, are your toe knuckles lubed up? Bro, I'm not even trying to say this. Your Achilles heels got lotion on them, I'm not even trying to say this. Your Achilles heels got less than what I have. I'm not even trying to say this. Disrespectfully, the bottom of my feet are smoother than any part on your body. That's a lie.

Mine are extremely soft, my guy. Your feet? I didn't go outside without socks on until just recently. That's good, dude. For the first time in your entire life? Bro, I swear to God, I never went outside with no socks on. Are y'all some of the white people that don't wash your legs and feet in the shower? Like you just let the water run down?

I wash my legs. Austin definitely lets the soap just run down. For sure. My man used the 2-in-1 shampoo. 2-in-1 shampoo is fire. 2-in-1 shampoo is perfectly normal. It's not good. A lot of people use it just because it's normal

doesn't mean it's good i mean i'd skip a step i'm being efficient you probably do condition way more than i do i will say exactly do you even use conditioner like once a week then fuck off i don't necessarily like wash my head is that a crime i don't put any i don't put any soap near my face or head at all. I don't. I'll fucking die. I'll curl up in the corner and die. I'll feel so fucking dry after that. I'll off myself.

I mean, you got pretty nice skin. I can't hate the game. Yeah, I don't want. I never wash my face. Skincare routine non-existent. No skincare routine. I'm just. Knock on wood, I'm very

thankful I have... My skincare routine consists of shit. Walker has a whole routine. Shit corporations will send Austin to shill out on TikTok. So thank you, Austin. You're welcome. Yeah.

Perfect. You nailed welcome. Yeah. Perfect. You nailed it. Yeah. My boxers are on inside out. Dude, comment down below if you've ever been down bad. A lot of guys definitely have did this. But if you ever had to do a little flip-a-roo. Okay, this was not my fault.

This was not my fault in the slightest. So I wake up this morning. You flip them. So I'm in Charlotte with. I just go boxerless. I'm not going raw. I can't go raw with jeans. Chafed out.

I like it. I do not like the pain. No, buddy's on some bareback mountain shit. On some fucking just ass out in jeans. Bareback. What's it called? Broke back mountain. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what you and me did last weekend, right? Oh, fuck. Fucking you wish, buddy. Yeah, you're goddamn right. Yeah, fuck. All right, sorry, Austin. Go ahead.

I don't really know how to tell this story without it being fucking annoying and boring, but basically, Kenzie, AJ, and I are in Charlotte. Kenzie's at my sister's. I stay at my friend's. AJ goes to work. I have to go back to my sister's. It's not work. I. AJ goes to work. I have to go back to my sister's. It's not work. I like doing it.

Okay. I have to go back to my sister's. Fuck off. To like shower and then I'm meeting AJ at work. So I have to go back and shower and change. I get a text before I get back to my sister's and he's like, hey, bro, I fucked up. Like it was early in the morning. I took all your.

Still a little bit drunk. I took all your shit with me to work because i thought it'd be helpful because i was meeting him at work later so like he thought it was going to be helpful and i'm like dude i don't have anything to shower with i don't have clothes to change into i took everything so i took a shower buddy buddy is coming off of the longest night of his life up till 5 a.m drinking like it was woke up with no toothbrush dude there is nothing worse than taking a shower and putting on the clothes oh yes they're all blown out bro i was at the bar i was at the bar till 2 a.m like i was not clean i was not a clean individual so i just jesus i flipped

the old boxers on or flip flip the old boxers inside out wear your socks inside out too that is honestly more disgusting than the drawers. The socks. Oh, my feet. I'm wearing the same socks right now that I had on yesterday, and my feet probably smell. That's what that fucking smells like. I was wondering why it smelled like a locker room in here. My bad, boys.

My bad. Yeah, I was down bad. It's AJ's fault. Kenzie did look a little pale today. AJ fucked me over. Personal hygiene guy. You did me dirty. I apologize. AJ fucked me over. Personal hygiene guy. You did me dirty.

I apologize. I said I am sorry. Were you trying to fuck with him? No, bro. He was like, I'm trying to be helpful. I thought I was being helpful by grabbing everything from Lexi's, and that way everything would already be gone, and I'd have it all. I forgot that he was going to Lexi's and then coming to me.

So, like, I... He... Yeah. I got fucked over. I fucked him over, for sure. I'm good at... What's it called? Adversity.

I'm good at overcoming adversity. No, you're not. You fucking crying bitch and moan. About what? Everything. No, I don't. Okay. You do.

No. Oh, I'm tired. AJ almost killed us on the way home. Oh, I'm tired. Austin, can you drive? No, bitch. You drive. You drove us here. You're driving us home. What the fuck? I never asked you to fucking drive. on the way home. Oh, I'm tired. Austin, can you drive? No, bitch. You drive. You drove us here.

You're driving us home. What the fuck? I never asked you to fucking drive. Making shit up. I'm bugging it out. I don't care. Fucking one eye open. What do you mean?

I'm always the driver around this motherfucker. I fell asleep. Through bender after fucking bender, I'm always the one you can count on to give us a ride. I was like- Austin's in the passenger seat i was falling asleep i was falling asleep all of a sudden i feel the car i'm falling asleep in the passenger seat i feel the car jerk and i'm like what the fuck just

happened he's like bro i just fell asleep i was like yeah me i was like yeah me too it was fucking scary shit we were both like scared the fuck out of me, dude. I sort of got nodded the fuck out while driving because that God Austin had the fucking game on or some shit. And that shit was putting me to sleep. I was watching the Bills game. Jesus. Yeah. Bills lost. Got shot on.

Look at it. Let's go. I'll be like, oh, I think my mic is 100 percent fucking up. But fuck it. So that was fake. Oh, he need a chaser. No, I just died a little inside. A little water chaser.

I can't let you talk about me like that, bro. What? You told me you wanted some heat bags. Yeah, I mean... No, I just wanted you to be funny. If you can't stand the heat, get out the kitchen. Period. Poo.

Oh, that's facts. Can I leave? Sure, fuck. It's on you if you want to leave i mean if you want i don't want you to i don't want you to leave don't put it on me well i mean all right i'm not leaving then okay good yeah we had a fun fucking weekend or at least it was something we had a good time i had a great time it was fun it was a good the bartenders i mean the the secure the bouncers in charlotte can suck a dick they were grilling aj dude there there's a select individual in front of me that got their um that like got their fake id stolen or took and then i was like next up and i'm fucking

clearly old enough like i'm fucking like 28 about to be 29 bro like i'm old enough to get i'm bald bro like i'm not i'm not i'm not showing it we go. But look, I clearly look old enough, bro. Like, I'm old. And this dude, I give him my ID. You know, he's doing his thing. He's like. Will you take our house? No. And then he looks up at me, and he's like, 3-31-whatever.

Like, in some random ass birthday. I said, bro, that's not my birthday. And I corrected him. He's like, why are you getting so defensive? I'm like, you just fucking looked at my ID, looked up at me and said the wrong birthday. Like, yeah, I'm going to correct you. Like, what the fuck? Like, that's not my birthday.

What are you talking about? Yeah. He was acting like I was on some bullshit. I'm like, what the? Like, bro, no one's trying to sneak into your fucking bar, bro. Like, I'm just trying to get it. Like, I'm old enough, bro. What the fuck are you talking about?

He was on a power trip. He was being a dick. For sure. Yeah, you. Oh, hey, I know who you look like. I just remembered. Be nice. Boy, you look like Dewey off Malcolm in the Middle and shit.

Hey, Dewey, chill out. You know what you look like, AJ? Who? You look like a fucking emaciated polar bear that they fucking shaved and then rolled in flour. You know why? Because you're fucking dusty. Hey, they're fucking extinct. You look like a fucking emaciated polar bear, bud.

Yeah. You look like a polar bear that got fucked by global warming. They already are fucked by global warming Global warming because of you What did I do? Fucking you know you did You didn't donate to the fucking Shit

What shit? Bro like you can donate to save the fucking polar bears You didn't donate I did I did. I did donate. Where? By letting you be on this podcast. I'm helping out the fucking emaciated polar bear.

AJ, maybe you should have donated a little more because clearly it didn't work out for you. Shit. Everyone needs to fucking donate, bro. I'll send you a care package. I'm really glad that I'm not in the middle of all the beef. I just sit back and chill. You guys talk shit. Dewey, relax.

Hey, fruitcake. Fruitcake, that's the best you got. You want to eat a fucking boot sandwich? Here we go. You ever have a fucking... Here we go. You ever taste a concrete, huh? You want to fucking taste concrete?

You ever bit the curb? You want to bite the curb? Hey, hey, hey, can we be friends? What's that movie? American History. Oh, fuck. That shit's fucked.

Hey, can we be friends again? That's some racist shit, I think. It was racist for sure. Fuck that movie. Can we... I mean, yeah, it was about a

white supremacist Nazi. Yeah. Fucking hell. Who played... Who's the actor in that? I don't know. I can't remember his name. He was,

they wouldn't dare, they wouldn't dare make a movie like that nowadays. It'd be over with. I mean, they could. I mean, the movie was,

I mean, they make movies like that all the time. The movie was fucked up, but it wasn't like, you know. It's not like they were being racist. They were like,

it wasn't like propaganda. Yeah, they pretty much, they, well. I literally only can remember the part on the Bite the Curb thing, and I was traumatized by that. Bro, that shit was fucked up. When I saw that, I was like, no fucking way.

Guys, here's what we should talk about for a minute and 40 seconds. It's almost time, buddy. What movie traumatized you as a kid? What movie traumatized me as a kid? I traumatized me as a kid i've got an answer jurassic park i am legend i watched when i was like 11 that movie fucked me up i had nightmares for weeks oh no no no i got one when he's in the when he's in the building warehouse thing or whatever oh my god and he's looking for his dog and he's like his hand over the flat oh yeah and then like there's like a bunch of little zombie fucks in. And he's looking for his dog and he's got like his hand over the flat. Yeah. And then like there's like

a bunch of little zombie fucks in the corner just like breathing. Yeah. It's fucking fine. What's yours, Austin? I don't really know if I have one to be honest.

Let me think. You can say yours. I got one. I was going to say Jurassic Park when they were when they got stuck. I think it's in the beginning

where they drove the car and then they got stuck on like the water. Then all of a sudden the motherfuckers started coming out the wood. The raptors. One more time.

One more time. I don't even know. That's fire. I think that's going to be my new texture. I don't remember a lot of the raptor sounds, but that one or this is some old shit, but I think it was called Tremors. Movie called Tremors is A movie called Tremors. It's these little big-ass worms that will come off the ground and like... I think I know exactly what movie it is. They'd have to hide over...

If you threw a rock on the ground, they'd immediately... Because of the vibrations, they'd get the rock. So you couldn't step on the ground type shit without them seeing you. I think I've seen that movie. Bro, The Tremors. I like that movie. It's a good movie, but it was fucking scary, bro. Walker, you ready in five seconds?

Oh, I'm ready. Hi. How can you hear me? Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. Okay. I'm putting the instructive master class on down

some people call me the romantic jaguar and that's because I just peel my baby bird out I peel my baby bird out and I say this is for you

and that's all that was fucking miserable it out and I say, this is for you. And that's all. Oh, thank God that was over. That was fucking miserable. I almost fucking lost it. I think my brain was literally about to implode. In a good way? No, it was too much

sensory. It was weird. We've had too long of a weekend. Crank that mic, bud. Bro, we've had you wrong crank that mic but bro we've had too long weekend for you to be talking like that walkers walkers segment might get cut this week no no no you gotta leave leave that in, buddy. He says something Jaguar. I love Paul Walsh. Just peel my fucking dark lavender ass, motherfucker. I know a movie traumatized me as a kid. I think it's called The Ring. Oh, that shit.

Is that where she comes out of the movie? Out of the TV? Thing, thing. Hold on. What was Big Black's name on Robin Big, his stripper name? They called him Black Lavender or what was it? You all know? I got no clue. You don't remember? Mm-mm. Babe, wasn't it? I think it him Black Lavender or what was it? Y'all know? I have not a clue.

You don't remember? Mm-mm. Babe, wasn't it? I think it's Black Lavender and Bobby Light. Hey, Bobby Light gonna do you right. If you know, you know. She a dirty girl. She a dirty girl.

He was shining that flashlight. That shit was funny. Bobby Light gonna do you right. Fire. And then when Big Black threw on the fucking black, the black lavender stripper fit, he had like a purple thong on.

He was running through the house with the thong showing out all his basketball shorts. It was a little dance he was doing. That shit was hilarious, dog. They don't make... Rest in peace, Christopher Bigback Boykins. And I found out that that show is a fucking fraud.

The whole mini horse. Y'all remember the mini horse in Fantasy Factory? No. I do. You don't remember the mini horse. Or I think it was in Robin Big, too. I used to love Fantasy Factory. But yes.

You don't know? What was it? Rob... I know what Fantasy. What was it? Rob thought it would be a good idea to get a mini horse. They got a mini horse, right? And as a younger viewer, because that was a couple years ago, probably four or five years ago. Maybe eight or nine or ten,

probably 13 years ago. That long? That shit. It's 2023, bud. It was probably like 13 years ago. As a younger viewer, we're watching this shit like, damn, this motherfucker Rob is crazy. He really got this horse living in his factory and shit,

living in his house. They'd taken the horse everywhere. Come to find out after the fact, I just now learned this, he would rent the horse for an episode and give it back to the ranch. Dude, you should write him a letter. He'd go pick up the horse. Google password required, it says.

Bro, fucking relax. It's literally fine. Look, they'd go rent the horse and do an episode and give it back. I'm triggered over that. Why? He's a fraud? He's a fraud? He's a fraud. He had the whole world thinking he owned a whole ass mini horse.

Motherfucker owned it for an hour and gave it back. Him and Big Black also weren't friends. Yeah, they weren't even friends. It was strictly business. Him and Big Black were not even friends. Did they just not like each other? Kind of like you guys, just hanging out. Yeah, we're literally only here for business.

I come here to do the pod and I leave. Who's the dude who runs the laptop on Ridiculousness? You talking about Big Cat or Drama? Oh. Oh, Stilo Brim? Stilo? Yeah. I know he and Rob do not fuck with each other.

Oh, I don't think they do at all. I can just tell. Well, I think Rob's just too serious. He's all business. He doesn't give a fuck about anybody. The man runs MTV. Walker, do you know Big Cat or Drama? DJ Drama?

No. No. Drama beats. No. Okay, then. Never mind. Well, I want to meet Drama and Big Cat. Big Cat seems chill as fuck.

Let's get him on the bod. We're talking about shit from, like, 2009. Let's move on. Nobody fucking cares. Yo, have y'all heard about this new rapper, Rakim? Rakim? Yeah, he's coming up. I don't think so.

That was a joke. Because we were talking about, like, 2009 shit, so I, like, named it. Is that fucking, um... That's cool. What the fuck? It was in... What's it called, bro? The little group they were in. Wu-Tang?

Yeah, Wu-Tang. Yeah, Rakim was in the Wu-Tang. That shit dead, bro. I'm probably going to get hate for that, bro. That's like way before 2009 Yeah I know Like way before Well I figured if I did a rapper You all seen the Wu-Tang documentary?

Earlier you would get the joke Have you all seen the Wu-Tang documentary? I don't know any of the names of Wu-Tang Should I have done like Grandmaster Flash? Walker who's your favorite rapper? That would have worked Maybe Ice-T Ice. Should I have done Grandmaster Flash? Walker, who's your favorite rapper? That would have worked. Maybe Ice-T. Ice-T would have hit.

Who's your favorite rapper? Like right now? In general. Young Thug. Top five. Young Thug. Young Thug. Kendrick.

Megan Thee Stallion. He's being so serious He is He's 100% being serious Throw Nikki Nikki in there And Beyonce Nah nah

Nikki ain't on my list Beyonce's not a rapper She's dropped some bangers though Truffle Butter Thank you Nikki I'll always love you for that one What about Cardi Nah

I like Cardi though What about Snow the Product? I don't know who that is. Glorilla? Glorilla's up there. Genevue? Hanging out the window with my ass friends. What did she say?

Some credit score. I'm gonna be fucking rich tomorrow. Meg dropped the hottest bar of 2022. What is it? My pussy is the most expensive meal you'll ever eat. Hey. Talking that big shit.

So she's a high-priced hooker. No, she's fucking the baddest woman on the planet. She's getting her foot shot off by fucking a five-foot-zero guy. Fuck Tory. Hey, remember you were capping for Tory. Don't fuck with Tory Lanez. She's getting her foot shot off by fucking a five foot zero guy. Fuck Tori. Hey, remember you were capping for Tori. Hey. Don't fuck with Tori Lanes.

I like Tori Lanes. Do you guys have any closing arguments before the fucking camera dies? Because we probably have about 48 seconds. I fuck with Toosie way more than Tori Lanes because I feel like they're like the same kind of. Fuck Tori Lanes. It's already dead. Meg forever. You lying.

Kenzie, you were about to. Oh, you don't know how much anxiety you just gave me. Holy shit. Oh, man. That would have been wild. What percent is it on? Oh, shit. Oh, we're living.

Look, we are ending the podcast, bro. Let's do it. We had a long week. We had to get this out, though, for real. We had to. Because we love the fans. We have bills to pay. We own.

The bills got fucking. We thoroughly enjoy doing this for real. Do another merch giveaway. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Drew. We never gave out the first merch giveaway, so let's do a second one. Let's make it not 14 steps this time. Okay, yeah.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, no shit. You want people to fucking do everything. Just comment your Instagram handle under the video. Comment your Instagram handle under the video, and I will DM you. Plain and simple. Woo! That's real easy, guys.

Yeah, that's nice. All right, let's get it. Can I join? Hey, but you have to be following. Yeah. On Instagram. And we're just going to trust. Oh, yeah, you'll have to be following us. Because we're going to DM you, so we'll know.

And this guy, what's it going to be? An Always Laugh shirt? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that part. Yeah, we'll send you an Always Laugh merch package. Whatever. A shirt, bro. You're going to get a shirt, bro.

It's a shirt. Yep, it's a shirt. It's the same shirt he's wearing. Yep. It's a plain Jane Always always laughs shirt all day. And this is episode what, three? Yeah, we're closing on episode three. My name's Austin Lane.

What's your name? AJ motherfucking Allen, the biggest stepper, fuck Walker, fucking dewy looking ass bitch. All right, let's not get started. Walker, is there anything you want to say? I'm out. AJ? AJ? You're about as funny as you are ugly, which is very.

So he's very funny and very ugly. Oh! It was perfect. He waited. He waited. He waited. All right, we out. Love you guys.