Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #31 - We Gambled at a Gender Reveal Party

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

This episode Aj gets a sugar high, Walker and Austin go on a dopamine fast, Aj has to stretch before work, and we gamble on Aj's child's gender reveal. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I'm Walker the smallest penis you've ever seen Smith. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. If you ain't laughing you ain't living. Do you like that AJ? Adapt, overcome, accomplish. Yeah divide and conquer. Walker hit the go button on that thing. Divide and conquer, baby. I'm fucking it up. AJ, how is life? Where's your head at? What's new? What's old? I need to know it all. My life is kind of at a time in my life where tomorrow I find out if I'm having a boy or a girl.

And it's kind of like just like a very like, what's the word I'm looking for? Like just a crazy fucking surreal vibe. Because like obviously like I know I'm having a child, but like tomorrow it's like what brand of little monster am I going to let out on yeah what demon is about to possess this entire world are we talking like rip her rip its way out it's just like i don't know man like do i need to do do i start building the mini ramp now or later i feel like i'm really sad that like some twilight shit's not going down like i figured you were a

real man. Like, you know, Kenzie would be pregnant for like a month and a half at most and then have the baby. It's like, but I guess. Yeah, what the hell is going on here? So are you like shitting yourself over this whole pregnancy thing or what? Like, are you scared? Like, be honest. Or is it just like.

No, I'm fucking. Honestly, I'm lit because. Actually, I don't really. it's like a surreal thing. Like, you don't even know how to think about it. It ain't even really, like, obviously, it's hit me, but, like, it ain't really hit me, hit me, like, until tomorrow. Until I find out, like, I'm having a daughter or I'm having a son. Like, that's wild to say. Like, right now, I'm just, like, I'm having a kid.

Like, sweet. So, you're doing a little gender reveal party tomorrow yep yep we seeing the fucking so typically gender reveal parties are you know they do something pop a balloon fucking hit a baseball some shit and like the color forest fire yeah start a forest fire whatever you whatever floats your boat um and usually you know pink means girl blue means boy aj is one of the most colorblind people i've ever met in my fucking life i mean freaking life sorry excuse my language um so are you gonna know what the what the baby is when the balloon is popped or the ball is hit or the fucking it's funny force is set on fire like are you even gonna know it's funny you bring that up because that has been that particular what you

just said has been my biggest fear like i'm like dude if i fucking look at this thing that's gonna pop up or whatever and i'm like in my head i'm like let's just say for instance I'm like, let's just say, for instance, I'm like, bet it's a gender neutral. It's gray. AJ's going to scream out, non-binary. I just don't. I just pray. I pray I am confident in my decision because I really don't want to, if I get the emotion of it being one gender, and then they're like, no, dumbass, it's the other gender. I'd be like, oh, my God.

Let's go. I swear to God, I still mean it. You're just going to look around until somebody says it. No, I've already told everyone, please yell it out. There's a whole plan in place for this motherfucker. Please make sure like i know he's like austin i don't know what to do and i'm like bro just look at me no because then i'll get yelled at for looking at austin during the most

that would be so craziest thing in my life well i'm gonna be standing behind the the moment so i'll be like i've literally got i'm gonna go like this for a boy this for a girl no no i meant that came out wrong two thumbs down for a girl girl boy no listen the past like not this recent uh new year's eve but the i swear to god like two new year's eves before last year i have literally gotten yelled at for making eye contact with someone else during the new year's eve kiss with my wife fucking two years in a row dude she's like you literally stared at him why you kissed me no i didn't first off and i'm sorry sorry yes you probably fucking friends sorry he really does it for me You definitely probably did that Yeah no shit

You know AJ He's literally mid kiss He's looking around like Fucking eyeballing all the boys I've gotten better at it I have matured a little bit I've gotten better I feel like you'd be a better girl dad than boy dad

Probably I'm still building the mini ramp in the backyard. Because, like, you know, you didn't have a real father figure in your life. So, like, now you're going to try to overcompensate, and you're just going to raise some absolute monster. I'm not going to overcompensate. I'm just going to be what you're supposed to be. See, I think there's, like, a whole problem going around with, like, helicopter parenting and, like. there's a whole problem going around with helicopter parenting. What's that?

It's just like an over-vigilant parent that's just too up your ass, kind of. Yeah. It's like, was your mom super strict? Obviously not, because you watch porn in the living room. Dude. So she pretty much lets you operate how you want. I've read so much psychoanalysis on Reddit. What do you mean?

She said, let him get it behind her back. She said, let him get his nut. She also, I also used to come home absolutely. You put porn on her TV that she bought you. It was a computer. Oh, even worse. But I used to come home absolutely cooked. I forget you couldn't watch porn on TV.

And she'd be like, I'm drug testing you, pee in this cup. And I'd be like, oh my gosh. I'm not even stoned. I'm fucking just smoking weed in the woods. Out of a pop can. Bro, I saw the screenshot off TikTok. And this mom was like, me at 14, going out drinking, you know, to the park and all that shit. My son at 14 asking me to come outside so he doesn't get kidnapped when he takes the garbage out.

It's fucking. So that's just like, yeah, some mom got me and Austin talked about this, but like some got uh arrested or not arrested she hurt the uh the cps threatened to take her kids away because she let her six and twelve year old go to the park alone it's like bro they were like you have to sign an affidavit that you're not gonna do this again or we're gonna put your kids in foster care it's like this shit's not that deep like let the kids go to the park i was allowed to to walk to school, and that was, like, early 2000s. Like, I don't know. I think, like, since, like, the bad thing happened. Dude, it's...

What was the bad thing? There's been a lot of bad things. Yeah, honestly. You can't even narrow it down to a shit ton of bad things. It's the motherfuckers that were in their teenagers in the early 2000s that are now fucking grown are the ones you got to worry about. Early 2000 teenagers? Them fucking 43-year-olds. Ooh, that's my mother.

My mother is 43. Excluding her. My dad is 45. That's insane. It makes sense, though. You may wonder off topic why I have a box of Krispy Kreme in front of me. I got a dozen of them because I was feeling generous today and also feeling extremely He was feeling generous and he's like, boys, I got donuts.

And we're like, yeah, we don't want it. Yeah, no one wants it. You were feeling generous? Like, no, AJ, you were feeling fat. Yeah, you were feeling like you wanted some got donuts. And we're like, yeah, we don't want them. Yeah, no one wants them. You're so generous. Like, no, AJ, you were feeling fat. Yeah, you were feeling like you wanted some fucking donuts. And you bought twice as many as you needed because you wanted to make it look like you were being nice. That's okay.

Because me and AJ worked out a little deal. And because of his niceness, now he has to eat six more donuts. Yeah, dude. Bringing his total up to 12. It's really a win for you. You have to finish those by the time the pod's over. Okay?

Easy work, bud. A little Krispy Kreme. He's going to forget about them, and then there's going to be five minutes left at the end of the pod, and he's going to be shoving donuts in his mouth, and it's going to be fucking hilarious. I'm excited for it. Yeah, dude. That sounds exciting. Walker.

How are you, man man how's life it's okay dude i've been traveling a lot and i don't know it's just wearing on me you just want to sit still for once in your damn life yeah i went to a hotel recently and i uh i stayed up all night the last night. The last night you were there. So I'm in a really, really bad situation right now where, like, I just don't trust myself to wake up before the hour of, like, 6 o'clock. Yeah. So what I do is I just take an Adderall at, like, 11, and I just stay up all night. So I just, like, you know, I play Clash of Clans

for, like, six hours straight in the hotel bed, and then I, like, get up and Clash of Clans for like six hours straight in the hotel bed and I like get up and like I clean the hotel room and I'll stay in this really shitty hotel and like I walked into the shower and I walked out and I like or some shit like was coming off in the shower and I looked at

the bottom of my feet and just from the carpet in the hotel room they were completely black that's tough what the hell is your dad doing to you man it's not my it's not my boss um it's all it's all walker's doing yeah i was trying to you booked it so yeah i was trying to be a cheap fuck because we get like a per diem on he was. He was trying to pocket some bread. The old per diem trick. I was fucking with old bread, bud. You're over here eating fucking ham sandwiches, fucking out the loaf of bread and shit.

No, but that's the perfect thing on the road. Dude, I lose so much weight on the road. I just don't eat. The only meals I really have to eat are like with coworkers. When you go with coworkers. Exactly. Because it's like, they're like, all right, let's all get dinner tonight. I'm like, fuck.

You fuckers. Because I can skip out on lunch because i just lie to them and i'm like oh i just didn't have breakfast or i had breakfast so yeah i don't eat breakfast and lunch i don't eat either sometimes dinner mostly it's just like two or three o'clock in the morning when i the self hatred is really set in and i go to mcdonald's and have about 2500 calories when the old d8 is hit you straight in the dome piece what are you what are you ordering delta soaked into my membrane you're like yeah i'm fucking done with this shit where's the mickey d's at i'm about to crush it. Oh, baby.

What are you ordering at that hour? I fucking got McDonald's breakfast this morning. How was it? What'd you get? What'd you get? What'd you get? What'd you get? Sausage burrito, two hash browns, big egg and cheese biscuit.

What do I get? What? I get the same thing every time. You are an animal. As I'm eating six donuts after I just ate six a couple hours ago, you are wild. Yeah. The bacon biscuit is too much, dawg.

What? That's overkill, bro. Bro, the bacon, egg, and cheese is too much. Walker, you never got into the McMuffin? After two sausages and two hasseys? Just one sausage. You never got into the McMuffin? You're good, man. I'm not a huge English muffin guy. My mom used to make them and I was like,

these things fucking suck. I could see that. Bro, did y'all ever have carnation instant breakfast? Maybe. I can't picture it. Was it fire? No. My mom used to make us drink this shit before we went to school. It was

garbage, bro. It was a didn't have that. It was garbage, bro. It was a carnation into breakfast. It was like Nesquik if Nesquik was like mixed with, I don't know, garbage. It tasted so bad, bro. That's not good. What were we talking about before? We were talking about every single morning before I would go to school, I would wake, I would go to bed dreaming about the fruity pebbles

or the fucking cinnamon toast crunch i would literally go to bed thinking about how excited i was to eat a bowl of cereal before i went to school i used to get in trouble for picking the biggest bowl i could find in the kitchen so you get one bowl before you go to school. I would find the biggest bowl I could literally find. I would take a fucking mixing bowl and make a bowl of cereal and it was so damn good. I loved bowls of cereal.

Did your parents ever call it they'd say like Jeffro? No. You got some glaze. If you talk with food in your mouth again, I will fucking come at you across this podcast. I want you to get the glaze. I, if you talk with food in your mouth again, I will fucking come at you across this podcast. I want you to get the glaze. Finish your bite before you talk, you un... I want you to get the glaze off your beard.

One more time now. Who taught you manners? Were you born out of fucking... Were you raised in a barn? Your child is learning etiquette from me, okay? Okay. That's final. And that's final.

You have no... Don't even ask Kenzie. She doesn't have a vote in this. She has no say in this matter. Like it should be. Jesus Christ. I also grab my fork like... I'll grab it like this.

You know, most people grab it like this. I grab it like this. You eat it like a shovel? Oh, yeah. That's fucked up. Walker, what are we... What are you thinking? Boy or girl tomorrow? What you thinking? Boy or girl tomorrow?

What do we got? Boy or girl? Come on. Girl. All right. How much do you want to bet on it? I'll put $20 that it's a boy. I'll put $50.

That it's a girl? Bet. $50 bet. Stakes just went up, ladies and gentlemen. Can I side bet? No. If you want. I got a dub on a girl.

Got a dub on a girl. What did I say? You said girl. $50. It's going to be a girl, bro. I'll take Boyf with you, $20. He's doubling. He's trying to recoup his losses yeah

i either win 30 or only lose 30 yeah oh wait can i do like oh this cunt there's a fly flying around all right we gotta focus up um guys so yesterday i yesterday I matched with this girl on Hinge, and she's a lovely lady. I still don't know how to say her name. She's French as fuck. Like, she's straight off the boat from France. And her name's Ama. We're going to call her Ama. And she's very nice.

Ama, Nama, Nama, Ana, Mama. Yeah, something like that. She's very nice, but I can barely understand what she's saying a lot of the time and she can barely understand what I'm saying a lot of the time, but she's super cool and very nice. And she, she learned that we had a podcast and she, I woke up this morning to text messages from her. Like, so I watched three episodes of the podcast or listened to three episodes of the pod and i thought it was really good you guys get off topic and make no sense a lot of the time but you guys talk well and your mics sound nice and i was like all right we'll take it so we're doing okay i think the production quality has consistently been one of the most complimented parts about this podcast

hey buddy we didn't cheap out on the production. I was like, look, we can't create shitty content with shitty equipment. If we're going to be shit, we're going to sound nice while we're doing it. We're going to leave a record for

the world. Question? Am I supposed to do this whole pod with a sticky fucking hand, bud, or what? Yes. That's on you, buddy. Gosh dang. I might have to wipe her off with a bush light can. Here, I got you.

What? I got you right here. I got you a little... Not on the couch. Dude, what kind of life is this? What the fuck? I just pissed off. There's so much? I just pissed off Walker and AJ. There's so much electronics around here, you'd freak out if you've seen what we're...

There's a fan blowing on the fucking camera. I like how you just poured cold water on AJ's hand, so he just rubbed icing all over the hands. No, we're good. They're not sticking no more. Did I do something wrong? We're good. So many things. I'm not sticking no more. Did I do something wrong? We're good. So many things. I'm not perfect.

Probably like one wrong. Hit us with a topic, dude. Somebody say something. I got it. Thank you. I got it. So I just finished week three at my new job, right? Where do you work, bro? I'm sick of the shit. Walmart. Thank you. Manager

at Walmart. Fuck yeah yeah listen to this shit though this is something i've been wanting to talk about for a minute jesus all right fucking deal with a bunch of alcoholics so listen so i was thinking because they told me this during tram'm still in like training right because I got hired in right as a manager they're like yeah like during your morning stretches and shit and I was like morning stretches

I was like okay if your job makes you do a stretch before you clock in that job is not sustainable you need to find a fucking exit path immediately because why do i have to stretch before i go do my shift like they're just like oh yeah you're fucked it seems like i don't know dude how many steps you put in did you stretch

no we're not stretching yet but i'm just like, I heard them say they stretch before work, and I'm like, oh, my God. That brought back so many memories to, like, working in a factory. Like, you'd literally have to stretch your hands out and shit. That's wild. You'd be all in there like this, like, all right, fucking. Bending your shit back. Like, it's, like, fucking crazy what they make you do. That's just how you know your job is, like, not good. Like, why do I have to stretch before I have to go to work

so I don't get fucking arthritis in my fucking wrist for the rest of my life? You don't get carpal tunnel, bro. That's fucked. Dude, I, so... It doesn't help. Like, they want to act like it helps. They're working 15-hour shifts.

Like, fuck that. What's that? You're the only one who has alarms on your phone. Bullshit. That's mine. My wife has to take her vitamin. She's pregnant. Jesus, don't be a good husband around us, bro.

Yeah, that's disgusting. Give it here. Bro, so I was climbing in like air handlers and shit. I was climbing out. What is an air handler? For the people that don't know. Brief synopsis. Moves air in a building.

Hell yeah. Supplies air in a building. Hell yeah. Supplies air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was walking out of these things with my boots just absolutely wrapped in spider webs. Like these were real filthy shits. Like cockroaches, spider. It's basically a fucking big ass metal box. Spiders everywhere.

Like I was like walk, literally, wading through, like, spider webs. And I walked out, and one of the facilities guys was like, thank God you aren't skittish, because I was unwrapping my boots. I was like, buddy, I'm just good at hiding it. Buddy, I'm thugging it out because I'm in front of grown men right now. Listen, I can handle the spiders and the cockroaches the spider crickets oh the ones that jump i used to like climb into like uh like those runoff sewer drains when i was a kid like there's like a whole network of them like around like my

neighborhood that we would climb in and bro that like the worst thing about it was those big ass fucking spider crickets they jump a a little bit? I hated them. I hated them. They probably hated you a little bit. Yeah. You were in there. I think I have a sugar high. I feel kind of weird.

How many donuts you got left? How many donuts? What's your donut counter at? Whose nose is whistling? I'm three down. Fucking AJ's wheezing over here. Is it me, dog? I'm shorted. I got SO me, dog? I'm shorted.

I got SOB, dog. You're shorted for breath. Dude, you should not be eating 10 donuts right now. You have to raise a child. That's true. Yeah, you fuckers set me up with this shit. All right, this is your last one. I'm done, bro.

You're done? No, no, no. This is your last box, I meant. You're not done eating donuts. After this year, you're going to be fine. You got about 25 minutes. I feel like I'm stoned, but're not done eating donuts. After this year, you could be fine. You got about 25 minutes. I feel like I'm stoned, but I'm not stoned. I'm fucking just awful.

Bro, you got to crank another one out right now or you're going to lose your momentum. I'm off a nut, bro. Off a what? A donut. Oh. Me and Austin have huge news. Oh, shit, we do? Yeah.

What do we do? This is way more important than some dumb baby or whatever. Right. Bitch, I'm excited. For the first time ever, two days ago, me and Austin saw a hummingbird here. Oh, we did. Walker's been cultivating a bird farm.

He has been waiting on the hummingbirds. I have obsessive tendencies, and I just jump into things so like it's been plants for a little while sorry thank you it's been plants for a little while as you can see i've now gotten into bird feeders i have like seven of them i bought a fuck ton of bird feeders i bought like we live in the middle of the city and there are seven bird feeders surrounding our house every window has a feeder.

It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. I'm like, this guy is out of control. Feeder. Walker and I are... I'll let you finish. I'm going to let you finish up what you got to say. I got some shit to say. I bought an outdoor dog feeder.

Like an outdoor dog food folder that I put bird seed in. I fill them up constantly i my fucking day got ruined this morning because i looked out my window i woke up look out my window because i have a little like bird set up i have like a a hanging thing in my window than another one and this squirrel was on the secondary bird feeder and kicked the bottom of it straight out. It kicked it off? Four pounds of bird seed just fell on the ground. That's so fucked up.

And I got up out of bed angry. I was like, what am I going to do here? Right. I got to run all the way outside to handle this? I'm not kidding you. Five squirrels ran up and started chewing on the bounty. I walked in the backyard yesterday and it was like I walked in

on teenagers having sex. Like it... Dude, I'm not kidding you. Four squirrels exploded from under my window and about 13 birds flew away. Walker, this morning I'm supporting every single creature

in a two-mile radius. Oh, yeah. You are keeping these motherfuckers fed. Shut the fuck up. You really are. Every squirrel, bird, and rabbit in a two-mile radius is in this yard on a daily basis. Guaranteed.

The squirrel that kicked the bottom out of your bird feeder, was that before or after the picture that you sent me of the 13 fucking birds on the feeder this morning before or after the picture that you sent me of the 13 fucking birds on the feeder this morning that was after that was before so the the birds were before the squirrel fucked everything up yeah i had to angle the picture so you couldn't see the empty bird feeder in the back i didn't even notice that's fucking funny yeah okay so walker and i are talking about doing this whole, how do you put it? Like dopamine, what's it called?

We're doing a dopamine fast. A dopamine fast. So that basically means we're basically going to cut out anything that could potentially make us happy in our daily lives, which includes alcohol, weed, nicotine, fucking. Nicotine's going to be bad. It's going to be a tough one. I am hopelessly addicted. Walker might have to stop feeding his birds and watering his plants.

I'm just kidding. He doesn't have to stop doing that. That would be cool. But imagine, that would really set you over the edge. I just sit here watching these dying plants. Walker, I feel like we are going to be too very... We can't play video games. We can't fucking watch TV.

No video games, no phones really outside of work. We're going to get home every day. We have to go to the gym every day. Gym every day, cold showers every morning. Cold showers. Every shower is a cold shower. There's no hot water in here for two weeks. We have to cook every night. No eating out. No seasoning.

We cannot season our food. Vegetables, meat, and complex carbs. And soybeans. Yeah, I'm not coming over, bro. No, you're not coming over. You're too much fun for us to have in our lives. We would literally get... I told Austin, I was like, no talking to AJ.

We would ejaculate. We would ejaculate. We would ejaculate as soon as. No jerking off. Yeah, no jerking off. No fucking. As soon as AJ walked in the door, we would both just nut. Like, oh shit.

On your own. Yeah, well, we're not saying you're going to jerk us off. Jesus Christ. No, you'd ski with us. You're a freaking homophobe. You'd ski with us.

We'd get you all drunk on donuts again and you'd start skiing. AJ's blacking out on donuts right now. I feel so crazy right now. I swear to God, this is wild because if this all takes, fuck, I've been buying six packs of shit for no reason. Just eat fucking ten donuts. I'm, like, over here here scared I can't drive home

I feel sloppy drunk right now I do feel sloppy because I can't touch anything number one number two I don't know I've never done this before Walker does this feel good it feels pretty good I think you'll like it

so listen boys you sure do. I think you'll like it. So listen, boys. You sure do hit it like you fucking did it before. AJ knows this. I don't think Austin, you know this. You guys have been doing shit behind my back. I got a new credit card. How does AJ know when I don't?

Because I got the referral. Why didn't you tell me? I've learned something about myself. I only need to tell one person something, and then I'm like, okay, I'm good. I'm good on that. So it drops out of my head. You know I like that type of shit.

I'm literally one and done. Bro, I would have told you if I remembered, but the second I told AJ, I'm like, I told somebody. So how much? Drop it on my- So how much info are you willing to divulge on this guy? What's the limit? Okay, what's the limit?

87. 8,700? Mm-hmm. All right. What do you- Fuck. What do you- What company?

It's a Marriott Bonvoy card. Ooh. I got 125,000 points. Good hotel card. And it promoted me to gold status. So now I'm a gold elite member. Bro, you sent me your stats today. You're only nine stays away from platinum elite.

That's fucking fire. You're almost at the top. I was talking to that coworker who's a little problematic. Not a little problematic, but he's a little something. He's a little something. He was like, oh, yeah, i got a government rate for like 120 and i was like oh i look last week i couldn't really find anything that was worth it and he was like well you know as a platinum elite member you know a lifetime member may i think they show me rates that they just don't

show anyone else you're like buddy i've worked here for six months and i'm about there dude i was like i'm gold like I'm one level below. I'm pretty sure they're showing us the same rates. One and a half more trips and you're platinum. If you're bragging about your hotel status as a flex,

get the fuck out of my face. I've talked about it before but I'm going to do it again. I'm a Delta. I fly only Delta. i hate delta for one reason and that's that when they board um i forget what it is something like something and first class they go to the left of the aisle oh yeah it's a little like badge there and then everyone else they go up and close that off and then they do the regular lane which is just like a nondescript gray sign it's the most like insulting thing ever it's right next to each other it's just yeah it's just cordoned off like things

walking up to the just let them go first like why the fuck do they need a whole different lane right next to this with a rope in between that means nothing i just could not imagine imagine paying like thousands for your first class ticket and like the only benefit is you get a fucking like six more inches of leg room and fucking you get the board fucking early i will say i will i flew first class it's worth it i'm sure it is it has to be at least something but not not paying for it but it's nice right it's worth it when somebody, it's worth it. I'm sure it is. It has to be at least something, but for the price difference. Well, not me paying for it, but it's nice. Right.

It's worth it when somebody else is going to fork over the bill. Something like that. It's double the cost. It's insane. Yeah, fuck that. A $600 flight is $1,200 in first class. I mean, you know, when I'm rolling in it, I'm going to be flying first class. Fuck it.

When I'm rolling in it, though. But, like, is it that deep it's nice bro you get treated like an actual human being i guess i've only traveled from michigan to north carolina it's only an hour and a half so yeah i'm kind of becoming like an airport warrior at this point you've been in a lot of airports recently i'm amazed i've taken like 30 flights this year so far, I think. You are fucking insane. That's wild. Walker, I've thought about this a little. Did you have some? Yeah, I had nothing. This

is karma. I'm going to get fucked for this. Do I just throw up over here? Nothing has gone wrong. Bro, keep eating donuts, bitch. You can throw up in the box when you finish them, pussy. Yeah, exactly. Nothing has gone wrong for me. I've never had a... Well, something actually did go wrong.

Did I ever talk about this on the podcast? No, you didn't. I don't know. You ain't never had a bad experience, buddy. Spit it out. Once your shit got delayed. I was in Atlanta. A little layover.

I get on my plane. I got my AirPods in. I got AirPods. They're like the best thing ever. Rich. I'm listening to music and i hear like this like kind of commotion behind me so i turn my music off and i go up and i like look behind me this old man in the row behind me stands up goes to the middle of the aisle and starts projectile

vomiting all over the place no bro he covered The four people like the two rows Going up like my row And this other row So fucking Pandemonium breaks out There's a twist There's a twist This guy is blind

He has no idea what the fuck's going on He has no idea what's going on He throws up He's like I need to go to's going on he throws up they're like he's like i need to go to the bathroom so he's like they're there and he's like i can't see so like they lead him back and he's stepping all in the shit and everything like that he's got his son with him his son's like in his 30s and he's special needs so the guy comes back.

They've cleared out the two things. They brought us back to the gate. They've got the cleaning crews. They bring doctors on board to bring this guy off. And the special needs son starts like freaking out and like refusing to get off the plane with these doctors. Rightfully so. He's like, no, we don't need to go. Like, I'm not going to die. I've already done that. We don't need to go. They need a guardian. We don't need to go off the plane with these doctors rightfully so he's like no we don't need to go like we like i'm not gonna die i've already done that we don't need to go they need a guardian

he had a guardian who oh but both the blind yeah the both of them need a guardian that's what i'm saying who the fuck was watching these they're just out dangling in these streets like more power more power to them but jesus like did they not need a fucking... The dude who was sitting on the aisle on my row who got covered in vomit comes back. He has a shirt on and he's listening to this thing and he turns around and he's like, actually, y'all need

to go get checked out by this doctor. This is ridiculous. He turned into a total Karen and they stood up and went to the doctors and uh we never saw him again jeez louise dude it's pretty sick did it smell like vomit for the entire flight oh yeah dude that would really not make me happy that would that would really be grody it was worth it for like but like that's like the worst thing that's ever happened to me in an airport never lost luggage never like nothing. I've never really had a bad experience in the airport either.

I mean, I had to sprint to a flight once. Well, I was stuck on a runway for like fucking four hours. That was pretty trash, but nothing super crazy. I've never even checked a bag before. I check it every time. I hate checking a bag. It's so much better. I need my shit with me.

I disagree entirely. With me. Walker, let's debate this. It's so much better. I need my shit with me. I disagree entirely. With me. Walker, let's debate this. All right, let's do it. All right, bet. For my specific luggage, I have a backpack and a duffel bag. I put all my shit in my duffel bag, and it's like 40 pounds. Yeah.

I'm carrying that around the airport. Sucks balls. I check it. I get off. By the time I've picked up the bag that uber lines cleared out a little bit i get an uber right to the airport good to go okay that makes perfect sense and i understand you're carrying a duffel bag that's a lot but like for me like i have like a you know a little fucking wheelie fucking carry on even putting that up in the plane dude that's slight

it's not well i have to pick it up and take it back down. It sucks. Why? How? Because it takes so many flights where people have to check the bags they're carrying on anyways. I've never had to. Or space runs out. Bro, you've never gotten on a flight where like above your row? I've heard them saying like,

oh, we're running out of space. You have to check your shit. But they'll check it for you right there. That's another thing. Like you get to the airport and you have to check a bag. You have to check your shit. But they'll check it for you right there. That's another thing. You get to the airport and you have to check a bag. You have to wait in the line. No. I go straight to the line. Get on my flight. Throw my shit up top. Y'all gotta get that TSA.

I got TSA pre-checked. I got that shit this week. I just don't. I got too much anxiety. I'm rich now guys. i got pre-check yeah i think uh i think beth has pre-checked too but then after you get off the flight you have to wait for that bitch and she doesn't like me ever since i did the uh special needs person impression impersonation that was probably one of the few things but i just don't like i don't like having

my shit out there i need my shit with me. I don't want to sit at the fucking gondola waiting for the shit to come. The what? I don't know. I just said a word. Dude, that's... I love it. Coming around the damn spin-em-a-jig.

I don't like that shit. Can I tell you why I love it? Coming around the corner. Every time I've gone down there, there's a line of old women waiting for their luggage Yeah, and if you see an old lady walk up to a big suitcase Run up there and get it for oh my god. It's like you just walked on water in front of her You get so much cred. She just fell in love with you on the spot. I don't even give a fuck about that I just want people to think I'm awesome Doing nice deeds, so I'll do nice deeds only if people people to think I'm awesome for doing nice deeds. So I'll do nice deeds.

Only if people are going to think I'm awesome. Only if people thank me. Only if there's a crowd of at least 10 people to witness it. Dude, right? There's something worse than letting someone cut in or like let someone into the lane and they don't wave. I'm like,

if I had known you weren't going to wave, I wouldn't let you in, bitch. Fuck you. At least say. Dude, if you guys see my eyes right now, my eyes are like halfway shut. You want to eat another donut. How many you got left? One.

One. If you don't handle that. Bang it out, baby. Dude, my stomach is. Your leg needs to stop shaking. My stomach is out. One donut to go. Handle it. Jesus Christ.

Walker, you 100% have road rage. And I don't mean that meanly. You just get a little... I do. ...ragey out there. You get a little frosty. I do. I can feel my heartbeat in my arms.

You do not like other drivers around you. I don't. No. You have not good words to say. I hate the connotation of road rage because I just don't want to be that person. But, yeah, I kind of do. Well, like, you're not, like, rageful, I would say. But there's no other way to describe what you do on the road.

I don't, like, you know, go up and, like, tailgate people. Right. You're not, like, being aggressive out there or flipping people off. But I will sit in my car and be like, you fucking. You're not like being aggressive out there or flipping people off. But I will sit in my car and be like, you're just stewing. And really, overall, it probably doesn't affect anybody unless you have a passenger. It only affects me and my passenger.

And sometimes I get scared. I'm like, dude, Walker's gonna fucking kill somebody. There's nothing worse than driving with someone who has road rage. Oh, dude, I'm like... Sitting in the passenger seat and it's just like... I'm like, can this dude just chill? Can we not go like 60 tailgating some guy like like why won't he chill y'all have no fucking idea it's probably very similar to like when we play golf together because austin's having a good time cracking a

few beers and i'm like slamming his driver into the slamming my driver to the ground like oh just being like the worst person to be around ever just like walker shooting like walker shooting bogey slamming his driver into the ground i'm over here shooting triple bogey i'm like yeah dude i must be tough dude i got so mad on a golf course one time i took my five iron and straight up smashed it into a tree and i snapped it in half nothing makes makes Walker more angry. And I didn't have a five iron for like three years. Hey, you never rode on. Let me finish.

My fault. Jesus Christ. The decorum is just nothing. I told you if you talked with your mouth full again, I'm coming after you. Damn it. Hey, listen. Y'all ain't never been scared enough to. All right, back.

Back. I'm about to. Look. Hey, listen. Y'all ain't never been scared enough to... Alright, back. Back. I'm about to... Look. Throw them bitches. Me and AJ have a boxing match at Catchweight September 23rd. Catchweight? Yeah, it's called Catchweight. There's heavyweight, catchweight, and then light heavyweight.

It's not called... I thought it was called... What is it called? It's called fucking Courierweight or some shit. It's definitely not Welton. I don't think you know what you're fucking talking about. It's called Catchweight. It's not called... What is it called? It's called fucking Courier Waves. It's definitely not Welton. I don't think you know what you're fucking talking about. It's called Catchweight. No, it's not called Catchweight. It's Cruiser.

Cruiser. Cruiserweight. God damn. I was like, what the fuck is... Good shit, AJ. What the fuck is Catchweight? Welcome back to Talking With Walk. No segment this week.

Son of a bitch. We didn't get one last week. Yeah, dude. Me running the timer is really just... I don't look at the timer anymore because I know it subconsciously because I can feel. Well, if you know it, then you should be. I can feel my laptop's vibes. Then you should know that it's time.

Anyway. Walker and AJ. You got my ass on that one. Walker and AJ have a boxing match coming up September 14th. Some shit like that. 23rd. September 23rd.

It's a Saturday. They're fighting cruiserweight. That's 200 pounds. I weigh 227 pounds right now. AJ weighs about 210. AJ is nodding out. He probably weighs about 212 right now. Buddy, are you okay?

Walker, talk to him. Talk to him. These bitches got me fucked up, dude. AJ. I'm tore up right now. You've got two bites left, bro. You got this. You don't understand what I'm going through.

I understand. Are you okay? I'm fighting demons, bro. Get off my mic. Sorry. Boys, let's just take it down a little bit. Okay, yeah. We got to look.

But anyway. I don't know if we've talked about anything in the last 10 minutes. I'm running on. Yeah, dude, so much. I've been running on pure euphoria. I wanted to fucking tell you. That's good, dude. You ain't never been.

Speaking of euphoria, RIP. We talked about how rich I was for a long time. RIP. A legend. Angus Cloud. RIP. Anotherus Cloud. R.I.P. Another one gone too soon. Very sad.

I saw a picture of him next to Mac Miller. It's like skinny white dudes who look like they do meth. You're gonna die before the age of 27. They don't look like they do meth, bro. They just look like they're fried. Mac Miller and Angus Cloud both look like they abuse methamphetamines I don't know about meth

Maybe pills Meth makes you look a little bit Downers, dude Meth is a lot more Culturally accepted than I previously thought I've always heard Meth is like the absolute fucking Who the hell is accepting meth In your culture than I previously thought. I've always heard like meth is like the absolute fucking.

Who the hell is accepting meth in your culture? A lot of gay guys I know. That makes sense. A lot of gay guys do meth and fuck each other for like two days straight. Jesus. Yeah. I mean, golly. Yeah.

They're having a good time, dude. I'm just mad you ain't got cheeks that many times. I'm just mad I didn't have any meth. Dude, I do not want to have sex for two days straight. Are you kidding me? I will take my three minutes, and I'm fine with that. Is the other person fine with that, though? That's not my concern.

That sounds like a personal problem. That's kind of true. I don't know what I just agreed to, but I'm going to say it. A transgender hooker will be fine, okay? I paid them very well. Yeah. Good. That's good. I don't know what I just agreed to, but I'm going to say it's kind of true. That transgender hooker will be fine, okay? I paid them very well. Yeah. Good. That's good.

I like that. It's a service, and you've got to pay for a service. Yeah, always pay your hookers well. Yeah, exactly. Anytime someone is doing a service. I'm actually excited to announce my presidential run in 2040. Because I'm not 36. I can't yet run for president. I don't want to run in 2036 because that's kind of gay. So I'm running in 2040. Because I'm not 36. I can't yet run for president.

I don't want to run in 2036 because that's kind of gay. So I'm running in 2040. And I am very excited. How many votes do you think you'll get? So many. All of them. Do you think so? 80% of the vote.

All right, realistically. How many fan members you got? 60% of the vote. Okay. That sounds way more true. Listen, I'm going on a what's your campaign uh oh platform thingamajig men men start off in jail and they have to earn their way out the second a guy turns 18 straight to jail right mandatory bottom surgeries after the age of 36

for everyone yes so if you're a dude you got to get that shit chopped if you're a girl you got to get that shit extended yep okay um extended yeah the extendo the extendo what else um that's pretty much all i got right now wow you have quite the campaign platform buddy i think you are cooking with straight fucking water. You are cooking with water. We changed the national anthem to International Players Album by UGK. That's not bad. That's decent.

That might be your strongest leg to stand on so far. I think so. The White House is renamed the Melting Pot House. That's good. That's good. That's good. It is called the White House. That's good. That's good. That's good. It is called the White House. That's some whole shit.

We paint the Lincoln Memorial brown. Hmm. I could see how that could go either way, but I see where you're coming from. We rename the Washington Memorial the Bill Clinton Memorial. I like that. I'm on board with that. We also arrest Hillary and Bill Clinton after posthumously if post what posthumously posthumous posthumously about the piss posthumously don't try to throw out big words if you don't

know what they mean or even i know what they mean i don't know how to say it just describe what you're trying to say posthumously that's it it means like means like after they're dead. Post-mortem? Yeah, that works too. All right. I arrest them for the Clinton kill list and raping all those children on Epstein's Island. Boo. Bad, bad, bad. My 17th campaign promise is that everyone gets

Ethereum. Or whatever the equivalent is in the future. How much? The US dollar will have tanked by now. We'll all be trading. What about 8 through 16? Is Ethereum still a thing? That's next spot.

I don't want to give it all out. Is Ethereum still a thing? Yeah. It's like... AJ, lick those fingers. Damn, buddy. No, I can't, bro. You gotta.

What's the... This is that middle one at least. No, I can't. I can't, bro. What is Ethereum at right now? I don't fucking know. I don't keep up with that shit anymore. I didn't...

I started trading crypto until I switched phones and my Google Authenticator account got locked out. And they were like, yeah, you got to send in a picture of your address and everything. One time I was trading. I should never do it. So I was trading. I have like $600 on BitMarket or whatever. I was trading shit coins back about two years ago. And I put in a grand on this coin called SafeMoon. I was up 12 grand.

I was up 12 grand and my younger brother, he convinced me, buddy, it's going to the fucking moon. Don't you pull out. It's in the name SafeMoon. So Austin being up 12 grand, this thing was a microgram literally or a micro cent. It was.0000 a microgram literally or a micro cent it was point zero zero zero zero zero zero like one or like six or some shit yeah and then went it up to zero zero zero zero one and you were i was up i had 12 grand i saw 13 000 in front of me and i was like i need to pull out and zach was like no don't. And Zach was like, no, don't do it.

My younger brother was like, no, don't do it. Austin had told me about this, and I was like, oh, fuck, he's up $13,000. I'll put $600 in. I put like $400 in. Immediately lost. It went nothing but down after that. Sounds like me. Every time I do some shit like that, it's always like, oh, it's up, it's up.

Puts money in, down for four months. Austin was still like up $4, that, it's always like, oh, it's up. It's up. Put some money in. Down for four months. Austin was still like up four grand, and I was like, dude, please. Yeah, he begged. Walker was begging me to pull out. I was like, fuck you. I was like, dude, I saw a Reddit post, and it was like, it just called it a shit coin. It was over.

Like, it's over. Yeah, so I'm still in there for $1,000. Are you still up stable? Oh, yeah. I'm in there, baby. Buddy, I'm still in peloton when i open the when i open the safe moon wallet it has x's it just has a bunch of x's i don't even know if it exists anymore anyway ladies and gentlemen thanks for watching another episode

of always laugh podcast boys you got anything else you want to say to wrap this one up. I have eight, nine donuts on my own. AJ's not doing well, Walker. Protect trans kids. Yeah, buddy. Like I said, thanks for watching another episode. Make sure you go to every single platform that you can possibly think of and just type in Always Laugh Podcast. You'll find us.

Yeah, my name's Austin Lane. My name is AJ. Fuck them fucking donuts. My name is Walker, the smallest penis you've ever seen in your entire life. And also shout out to France. Keep Frenching, motherfucker, and frying. Keep having those things. Keep Frenching and keep frying.

Oui, oui. French and frying. Oui, out. Love you, oui. We out.