Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #33 - The NFL is the Religion of America

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

This episode we talk about Walker Kissing a dude, Trump and Gunna, Work Romance, and Bar Fights. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. I'm Walker the misanthrope Smith. If you ain't laughing you ain't living baby boys how have you been the misanthrope. I don't know what the fuck that word means. Walker. Walker. Dab me up baby. Let's go. We're fucking in it today. Dude how have I been? Misanthrope means you hate people I've been good I was in New Mexico this week I had some of the worst Mexican food of my life Why is it the Was it just one bad experience? Oh yeah Just one bad experience

But like it was Overall whole state terrible No, no There's so many just fine fat women there that I'm into Oh, yeah. Just one bad experience, but, like, it was. Overall, whole state, terrible. No, no. There's so many just fine fat women there that I'm into. But I did. It was a little sad. This week I just saw so many, like, opioided out people, you know,

just, like, with, like, their heads fucking hanging. So you had terrible Mexican food in New Mexico. Yeah. It's because you were in the knockoff Mexico. I know you're in that new bullshit new bullshit, but these tortillas were like a quarter inch thick Disgusting. It's like a pita bread. It was literally more like pita bread. It was a pita bread burrito And it was so bad that was like I fuck it. So I unwrap the burrito. It was like a euro a gyro Yeah, whatever people call those things So I just likerapped the shit

and I was using chips to eat the ground beef and the ground beef was so bad I just stopped eating that. Damn. That bad? Yeah. That's pretty bad. Austin could make a better taco than that it seems like. I can make fire tacos. Damn good tacos.

I wasn't eating tacos so what does that have to do with anything? Can I get sour cream? I don't know the difference between a taco, a burrito, an enchilada, a chimichanga, a taquito. You know what I love? I don't know the difference between any of that shit. I love when white newscasters throw

in the little Latin flair. A taquito. Miami. Oh, good. And we go live to Miami where the Latino community. That's one of my favorite things. Walker, say, erros con pollo.

No. Fuck you. I have missed you fuckers. I've missed you too, buddy. I try to call AJ. His motherfucker's working all the time. I try to call him. He doesn't pick up.

I respond like hours later. His motherfucker's working all the time. I try to call him. He doesn't pick up. I respond, like, hours later. I text him. I get responses, like, every six hours at best. One Discord message and then just, like, fucked off. Yeah. Have you been checking up on the Discord? I'm trying to be your Discord kitten. See, the thing is, with me, ever since I started working, I've been, like, I read the text,

but responding is too much. Like, I can't. And I've had this conversation with other people, too. I'm like, I read it. I see everything. I see it. Your chats are hard. I'll be honest.

Just a matter of typing, which it sounds pathetic, but typing out a message is like too much, dude, since I'm so busy, bro. I don't got time. You got to fucking speak. I need someone to forward me these messages. Speaking of the Discord, we're trying to get the Discord popping. We want a way to really, Walker, what did you say? Interface with our- Connect with our community.

Connect with our community. So we want to start a chant. I really just want to talk to Beth and Marco more. Facts. Hey, you want to know something? Our friends are moving to a different state in two days north carolina let's go that'd be fine that'd be sick bro if they move to north carolina they're moving to some but yeah no for real we're trying to get the discord we're getting

the discord the link will be in the description below for you guys to join you know talk to us if you want dude sue sue hogs or whatever the fuck it is yeah razorbacks dumb shit you know, talk to us if you want. Dude, sue hogs or whatever the fuck it is. The Razorbacks. Dumb shit. You know pigs evolve back into hogs over two generations? If you just let a pig go in two generations, that's going to be fucking, it's going to have a six-inch tusk. It's going to weigh 300 pounds and move at 25 miles an hour. That's pretty dope.

Have you, speaking of hogs have you saw i think it's in oklahoma where they cat they set up them pens to catch wild hogs they just stuff them with like two or three hundred pounds of tannerite and blow it up from helicopters no dude they get paid good money for them uh i don't know if they're called hogs or boars but they set up these like they got to be, like, steel cages. And they lure, like, they lure them in there, like, with food. Like, over in the night, they just slowly, like, go in there. And, like, they'll get, like, they have to be, like, full metal steel, like, or else they'll get out.

Like, they're that strong. But, like, they go for good money, apparently. I got a YouTube channel on that shit. My dad was down in Texas, and they just have, like, a full-on, open season kill as many as you want because they're like an infestation rampant so what they do you know crops up don't they uh-huh oh they tear everything up uh what they do out in the country because you know they're so fucking bored is they'll put out like all this fruit and all this bait and put out like two or three hundred pounds of tannerite and they'll fly in helicopters and like from like 200 yards away shoot the tannerite after there's like you know three or four hundred hogs around this and it just sends like fucking flying burning hogs everywhere that's so fucked up my dad was in the helicopter when they shot it and he was like yeah it was pretty sick your dad has did that

before he didn't shoot it he He was just along for the ride. He was witness. Yeah. He witnessed homicide. A little hog meat in the air, 240 yards or miles away. Do you think pig jerky is good? Probably. It's probably like bacon.

Yeah, why isn't pork jerky a thing? Deer jerky's a thing, and that's pretty fire. I feel like anything jerky is good. It's a little lean for my taste, but feel like anything you know it's a little lean for my taste but it's not bad it's a little gamey yeah it's a little gamey you know what you know about that game it's a little cabela vibes fucking idiot um have you guys ever played curb you're in yeah hell yeah you play walker ain't never played no damn curve No he's never played curve I lived in the country and I've played curve So curve is basically

It's basically like When you're kind of have less money And nothing to do and you're bored as fuck One person One person stands on one curb You know on one side of the road The other person stands on the other curb On the other side of the road

And you throw a basketball. And you try to perfectly hit the curb so the ball bounces back to you. So if you get the ball to bounce all the way back to you, you get a point or whatever. Yeah. That's some poor shit right there. Just unlocked that memory. It's honestly pretty fun. It's really fun.

It does suck when you fucking throw a fucking shitter and it goes fucking down the street. You got to run. Don't live on no hill or nothing. It's over with. Yep. Yeah. Curb is a lot. Curb used to be fun, dude.

It was fucked, dude. Me and all the neighborhood kids would be out there playing Curb. Hey, you guys want to play Curb? After me and my friend watched Jackass for the first time, we used to do the thing. We'd go in the street late at night and we pretend to like stretch something across the street and then just like run off laughing our asses off and the cars would stop every time and like get out and look in front of it and you know it's just nothing that's that's fucking hilarious that you guys actually did that dude it was so funny you guys are we're beyond your generation dude that's i feel like i was totally you know

bam margera was our north star back at that time yeah shout out shout out bam margera bam wherever you are i hope you're doing well and if you want to be on the podcast let me know because i have some questions for your ass i want bam's dad or uncle on the podcast that's true what's his name his name phil or to or Tommy or something? Phil. Phil. His name's Phil. Bam has completely just like, his life has just completely gone to shit. Went off the rails.

Got kicked off jackass because he couldn't stay drug free for like six months. But also, rest in peace to Ryan Dunn because I do think that had a big impact on his. I'm sure. When Ryan Dunn died. Yeah. When Ryan Dunn wrapped himself around a tree at 140 miles an hour. Because he was drinking and driving. Because he was drinking and driving.

That was one of my favorite things about Jackass. It's like, your entire brand is built on this just terrible humor. And like, you get mad when people make fun of your friend who died. Well, it's not nice to make fun of people that died. I disagree. The whole like reverence

for the dead i think that's bullshit i think we need to turn up the heat you could turn up the heat on like adolf hitler and like stalin and like uh you know people like that oh my god joseph stalin i remember that fucker from way back. You guys go way back. From that hot... Yeah, AJ and Stalin, they had each other's ear. Fucking Stalin. I remember him from that hot-ass history class in sixth grade. You gave him the advice to starve an entire country, right?

The famine, that was all you. I don't even know. I just remember hearing that word. Have you ever seen that picture of him where he looks all hot and shit? No. He's got that greasy- I've never seen a picture of him. Dude, he's a... There was this big, like,

there was like a Stalinism movement. Where it was like, oh, you know, Stalin was actually good, you know, he like enacted all these policies of socialism and stuff. It's like, yeah, he also killed like 13 million people rookie numbers get your numbers up scrub how many people do you think you would kill if you were a world leader zero people ele world peace you said 13 million yeah yeah he killed a lot of fucking people that's in what country well like he the ukraine i don't know if it was ukraine the crimea famine something like that he starved an entire

country for like five years and that killed like a couple million people i went to the beach yesterday how was it again it was fucking fine it was decent i got there at like 6pm. Had to film some YouTube stuff and then went straight to dinner after that. Really spent no time on the beach. I mean night time vibes at the beach. Went to the club. Downtown Wilmington, North Carolina. It was popping out there.

Wilmington has some baddies. If you guys are looking for a place to find some baddies. Not this guy. You've been talking about that a lot recently. Yeah, AJ's been trying to find some baddies. AJ's trying to escape the bounds of his commitments. Dude, you guys are probably at fucking Jerry Allen's, fucking sticky as fuck. I don't know where I was.

What the fuck is Jerry Allen's? This little dive bar on Wilmington Beach is so bad. We weren't at the beach. We were at downtown Wilmington, not Wrightsville. Oh. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Fuck. Wilmington's got some bad, If anything, we'd be at the Fat Pelican if we were going to be at a dive bar. Bro, I walked into the Fat Pelican.

Jerry Allen's is worse than Fat Pelican. That's at Carolina. So the Fat Pelican's at Carolina Beach. Went, walked in there and I don't know where I was going with this.

Ran into somebody I knew. That's all. It was way cooler in my head. Dude, that was with this. Ran into somebody I knew. That's all. It was way cooler in my head. Dude, that was pretty sick. Ran into somebody I knew. Who was it? It was my ex-girlfriend's, one of my ex-girlfriend's best friends and her boyfriend. Oh, dude.

Did you just see it was your ex-girlfriend's birthday? Did you wish her a happy birthday? What? Fucking ex-ex-girlfriend's birthday? Oh, fuck. Idiot. Damn, it's been two? Yeah, buddy.

Oh, yeah. I get around. shout malia yeah my little sister that's my friend too he can't keep bringing them around and like they're becoming friends and all of a sudden we just can't talk anymore go ahead i didn't wish her happy birthday that who lana she got her heart broken wait let me know i'm talking about which in turn broke his heart Because he's an idiot It was

It was Lynette's birthday I see you It was Lynette's birthday But it was Malia's birthday Last month You know it's Why are we talking about this Let's talk about

All my ex-girlfriends I want to talk about How Austin Why are we dropping names Damn Sorry ladies It was Beep's birthday You know

Austin's Sister Is still Best friends With this girl With my ex-ex-girlfriend sorry ladies it was peeps birthday you know austin's sister love you best friends with my ex-girlfriend so it's like i see this shit online i'm like bro this is hilarious yeah lexi lexi puts it on her story it's it's lynette and it's like happy birthday lynette and i swipe up on it and i'm like tell her i said i love her oh my god like she's like i'm not gonna say that austin and i was like come on it's i was like it's funny and she's like she's like do you actually want me to say it and i was like no don't do it and she was like good because i think she hates you and i was like yeah i know that tracks i'm aware that tracks makes sense yeah how have you been aj good real quick i'll tell you everything about me, but I just want to know, did y'all see fucking Trump daddy's mugshot?

Dude, I just can't force myself to care about the Trump mugshot. Everyone's pissed. So the internet, I don't know, but the internet's pissed because apparently Trump has similar charges that YSL, Free Slat has. Yeah, they're both on RICO charges. So he's like hired Gunn as lawyer. And Trump hired Gunn as lawyer, bro. That's so crazy. Did he really?

Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. I didn't fucking know that, but Trump got a bond. People are mad Trump got a bond and YSL, Free Slat, Sl I didn't know. I didn't fucking know that. But Trump got a bond. People are mad. Trump got a bond in a wise, free slap. Slime didn't. Please don't ever do that. That's how you have to fucking say free sex. That's free sex.

Free Jeffrey. Free. But he didn't. He don't got a bond. Everyone's mad. Yeah. The whole bond thing is like so like, you know, you'll see like a $3 million bond, but to actually get released, you only have to post like 10%.

Yeah. So I think Trump was on like 200,000. That's it, bro. He paid for 10% and then the rest of it's being paid by this like bail bondsman in Atlanta. My man is a born hustler. Oh yeah. He has never spent his money on anything when kenzie told me because he's like yeah he went i was like i was like you see trump

went to jail and she's like yeah he bonded out already i was like of course he fucking bonded out i'm like they gave him a bond i think trump's gonna sit in jail no i don't know i was i was thinking him sitting in fulton county in Atlanta. I don't know. He's in Gucci Man. I saw so many liberals on Twitter just proclaiming for Trump to get raped in prison. It's so fucked, dude. It's fucked. I was like, I hope Trump becomes a really good boyfriend in prison.

Oh, God. The people on TikTok impersonating him about, like, what he was probably saying when they were like, okay, we got to do your fingerprint. He's like, oh, no, no, no, no. No, he didn't come up. They, like, just say impersonated. Dude, it's so funny. But anyways, about me, I've been good, bro. My life's been a blur lately. I spend at my job about probably about 55 hours a week it's a lot dude i've never worked

this much in my life i fucking bet it's a lot like listen to this shit listen to this this is literally just yesterday and today yesterday i worked 1 to 11 30 right standard shift standard closing shift 1 to 11 30 got home took a shower got immediately got in bed right obviously because it's like late almost 12 30 at this point my fiance has been sleeping for like four hours i'm like okay get in the bed and then i set my alarm thinking, to wake up at 7 o'clock this morning to get myself three hours before work. Right. As any normal person would do. Did the old woke up this morning at 9 o'clock and realized that I set my alarm for fucking the next day because it was after midnight when I set my alarm.

So I had a whopping 25 minutes to get ready, shower, and leave to go do another 11-hour shift. And then I left from there and immediately came here, and now I'm going to get back at fucking, I don't know, fucking tonight. Well, thank God I'm off tomorrow, but then boom, bitch, right back. Tomorrow we're filming all day. Yeah, tomorrow we're filming all fucking day so my life has just been like a fucking blur like dude i've been home in the past 24 hours like for like three

hours yeah buddy you're young and you're getting it you know yeah you gotta make it you gotta walker stop sucking off the mic you can't be doing that shit stop fucking stretching your jaw now is the time to put all put all put it put put it in your all, you know what I mean? Grind it out right now. Be a little bit pissed off about it. I'm straight. AJ, I'm trying to train for our boxing match with this, you know? Oh, yeah.

Because that's what the loser has to do. I told Walker, I said, dude. Suck the other guy's dick. Oh, God. Hell, I didn't sign up for that. You're on the dotted line, man. I didn't fucking sign shit. It was in the fine print.

Times New Roman, one point font. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Yeah, bro. But, no, I've been fucking moving, though. I've been fucking moving. Yeah, shout out AJ grinding it right now. I'm not even, I mean, like, I want to say I'm tired.

I've been fucking driving around with a fucking headlight out, so I've been driving with my brights on and shit. It's been so bad. I hate when people do that. Dude, I don't have a choice. You do have a choice. Just drive with one headlight. No, and get pulled over?

No. You're going to get pulled for driving around with your brights on, bro. Do you think a policeman is going to be more apt to pull someone over with one headlight or bright lights on? Depends on the headlight. One headlight for sure. Bright lights depends on the person. Bro, if you're going down a country road and you're just flashing a cop with your brights, they're definitely going to pull you.

I forgot they were on. Big whoop. Sorry, officer. Sorry, officer. And then the officer. Just go fix your headlight. You work in a place where they sell headlights. You have to take...

My car isn't just one of them cars because I've changed so many headlights in my life. I have to take the bumper off. It's not no fucking... Unhook the thing, pull it out, and put a new one. Done. My Jeeps were. Dude, the fucking Ford Fusion,

you gotta take the goddamn front bumper off, bro. That's ass. It's ass. Could be off, bro. That's ass. It's ass. Hmm. It's fuck. Quit being lazy, bro. Okay. Yeah.

I'll do it on my day off. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Along with the fucking. You don't have a day off. You're working tomorrow. Yeah.

So, bright lights, baby. So, do it while you're working. Non-stop, baby. Bright lights. Oh, I guess they could do it. I guess they could do it. We can do it tomorrow, AJ. I'm glad I could get you to come around on that.

AJ, we can do your headlight tomorrow, man. You want to rip my bumper off tomorrow? Fuck yeah, I want to rip your bumper off tomorrow. Dude, that can be a skit. Yeah, we can make a skit out of it. It's real. It ain't no skit. It's like it's car repair.

This is all props. You just start smashing his car to bits. Yep. You're done. Dude, I think it was your fault for getting a Ford Focus. Fusion. Oh, I take that back. Fusion.

Fords do suck dick, though. My dad and sister both, and other sister, have Fords. Yeah, Fords suck. They all suck balls. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not disrespecting my car at all. My car has been fine to me besides a little stupid shit like that. I've never had no major issue.

I've never had no breakdowns. Knock on wood, I like my car. I just, like, if I were to have the privilege to go to the law and pick one out, it probably wouldn't be that one. But that's just all i could get at the time so i got it you guys ever had it for life you don't need to protect your car's feelings it's a it's a big girl it can get over it my car is a fucking warrior buddy you guys ever had a work romance you guys ever um yeah you have with kenzie yeah what you guys ever um yeah you have with kenzu yeah what you guys worked together no she worked next

door what the fuck in the mall it was a mall romance all right so you worked she used to walk by be like hey baby how you doing damn her shit chill out that's my cousin bro I'm about sick of this shit Damn How you walk past Like hey You trying to go to Applebee's Walker what about you Oh go ahead AJ Applebee's was in the mall

Down the hallway It was the one restaurant Like we gotta slide to Applebee's Hell yeah We used to go to Applebee's Every day after work Hell yeah Get fucking hammered

Walker Go buy her some CDs and tapes. Any good work romance stories? You ever had a work romance? No. Not really. I mean, I've had sex with some girls that I worked with. Walker.

You freak ass bitch. That counts as romance. Okay. Then yes. At work? At work? No, not at work. Outside of work.

So who was the one that kind of initiated it? Who started this? Me. You were the predator. Yeah, pretty much. I was like, hey, you should come over and smoke some weed. Oh, it's always the fucking. Smoke some weed.

Come at. And then she came over and we smoked some weed and we went up to my room and it was just like the most awkward thing I've ever been through. Oh, I'm sure. It's like, how do we go from friends to... She like went to kiss me in the bed and I didn't know what she was doing so like I like

turned away and like rejected her and then she like just like sat back down all sad and stuff. She fucking shriveled up. It was fire. That is fire. So she made the first work romance. He got caught up in the moment.

He forgot everything. That was pretty much it then. I was really in love with this one guy who worked at Hungry Howies. I mean, my man could throw a pizza. He could spin a pizza on his finger. He made you eat 30 of them that one night. Oh, yeah, man. That was a bad night. How far did your romance go with him?

Walker, are you bisexual? No. Oh. Are you gay? No. So what was this love that you felt for this man? Well, he was a trans man. Oh. Oh.

He still had a pussy. So I was still into it. They used to do that back then? Hell yeah. Back in like 2017. No, this is a 2023 thing. You worked 2017 at Hungry Howie's? No, this was like 2015.

You would be surprised how many work companies that have fucking, like, dude, where I work at. I found out now about like four relationships in the store. Yeah. It's kind of a vibe. Employees going to the fucking mother's room together. This is going to sound bad. You're on camera, boss. In the mother's room together? I had... This is going to sound bad. You're on camera, boss. In the mother's room?

They're taking up fucking mother's room time that where a mother could be at. So y'all have cameras looking at women? No, not in the room. Not in the room, dude. I'm saying outside the room's cameras. They see two associates walking into a fucking one-person room. Little work romance just in the way work romance vibes are fun it's a good vibe you know you're just in there kind of like subtly

flirting everybody like doesn't really yeah i just found out that like i think everyone knows they definitely know but it's like i don't know something feels cool this dude i just found out this dude i'm like he's like yeah me and her like that's my girl i'm like oh y'all play it crazy because i had no clue i had no fucking idea i'm talking about they'd be in the same area together and everything i had no clue i would walk by the salad girl the salad girl station slap her butt a little bit she'd be like austin are you doing? Where was this? We're at work. Freak ass bitch. The salad bar station? Jet's Pizza, my boy. Come in the cooler. Come in the cooler, head ass.

Yeah. No, black beans. What did he say? Austin cut that. You struck a nerve. What? What? Nobody knows what we're talking about except for you and me.

And the person Who is it? No Who is it? You can't I'm not It's just a girl that I worked with You said black meme?

God damn it If we're cutting it Can I explain? No No No We're not cutting it Just shut the fuck up

Who is black meme dog? I can't do it We're not We're not We're not doing that Alright chill out Chill out Chill out

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Chill out. Chill out. Chill out. Chill out. Oh, baby. Oh, you fucks. Oh, God. I love seeing Austin stress. We'll move on to a new topic. You're scared of someone who lives in Michigan who gives a fuck? It's not, buddy. It wasn't Michigan.

I've lived here since I was 12 years old. That's the thing about restaurants. Every person in a restaurant is either fucking each other or on drugs. That's what I'm saying. Or a clean alcoholic. Right, yeah. You're on one side or the other. You're either a fucking addict or a recovering alcoholic. Right, yeah. You're on one side or the other. You're either a fucking addict

or a recovering addict. Yes, AJ? Dude, speaking of alcoholics, bro. There's people at my job fucking lit during the day. You can smell it on them? Reeking. And it's public now.

Everyone knows. He's drunk. Don't worry about him. He he's fine are they drinking on the job how like a flask or something i don't know where or how but they're fucking drunk dude they reek i'm like are they just like stocking and shit or are you sure it's just not from the night before like you know like if i drink heavy for no bro like these are bad the next i mean they're not doing anything like customer facing like that's like dealing with money or anything like that. They're not doing anything wrong. It's just hilarious.

Like, they're fucking hammered at work, dude. Can you tell they're hammered or just smell it? You can just smell it. They're playing it cool, though. I'm sure if you had a conversation with them, you'd probably hear, like, more than, like, a couple words. But, like, i'm down with it i like it yeah bro if you're just stalking shit fucking get blasted yeah dude what are you gonna put the fucking the cereal in the wrong place you might yeah you might you fucking might

man that would be terrible you put the cereal in like the cleaning aisle that would be bad it was funny dude i had a walker are you good no dude what's wrong i don't know talk to us my tism is really coming out tonight i was talking to this dude i met him what's up buddy how are you he's like man i'm just getting in man it was my birthday last night i was on that enj or no i think i asked him i was like what you was drinking he's like he's like man i was on enj i said oh that irking jerk huh i said i said you probably still i was like you probably woke up feeling good huh he's like man i missed my alarm this morning and now i'm here i'm like oh you're fucking hammered i said dude you ain't been to bed yet motherfucker we went we went down to the beach um and my buddy was like i gotta i gotta wake up by seven we gotta leave by 7 30 because

i gotta go to this bachelor party thing we went to sleep at 5 a.m he was like austin you gotta make sure i'm up i was like all right i got you you know we went to the club and drinking all that shit happened so you, you know, alarm goes off at 7 a.m., I looked at it, I turned it off, I said, fuck no. Went straight back to sleep.

He didn't set any alarms. Our other friend woke up at 8, he's like, yo, boys, we gotta go. We're like scrambling around throwing shit in the car. Yeah, didn't sleep much. They thought it was a good idea

to trust you for the alarm bro i'm very reliable when it comes to that type oh i guess yeah you are in work environment yeah and like also like with time and that type of stuff like i i'm solid you actually might be solid alarms like very it's like say we get all fucking plastered the night before we have to wake up early go to the beach i'm up yeah you're up yeah always up but if it's like say we get all fucking plastered the night before and we have to wake up early to go to the beach. I'm up. Yeah, you're up. Yeah, always up. But if it's like a rogue Saturday with nothing to do the next day, yeah.

I'm not up. I'm also not setting an alarm. Yeah, facts. Facts. Not setting an alarm is crazy. What about you, Walker? Are you up? Nah.

No. You're down. Yeah, I'll be hungover for all day. Yeah, you know, if I have to make a flight early in the morning, I'll just take some amphetamines and pull an all-nighter. Good old amphetamines. I'm like, I'm not fucking missing this shit. Are you shitting me?

You shit me. I've missed one flight in my life, and it was like the most, I don't know, ashamed I've ever felt. And I also spent $600 on another flight. That is trash. Yeah. It's fucking garbage. Have you hit platinum status yet for Delta?

Nah, bro. Delta's on some bullshit. I'm only silver through Delta. Damn, you got to hit gold then platinum? How many more flights till you hit gold? Like 20. Yeah. You'll get there.

You'll get there in 20 weeks. Or, no, 10 weeks. Does each flight count? Like, if you have a connection, like, that's two flights? Yeah. That's fire. Yeah, so, like, I just... Like, Pop scheduled me a layover every time.

So, you get four... I go to Minnesota every fucking week, so that's, like, three flights of Pop. Speaking of Minnesota, Walker bought me this fire t-shirt from Minneapolis. Yeah, that's all. Thanks for the shirt, Walk. Yeah, we'll put it right here. Pop it up. It says, win or lose, we still booze.

It's like a Viking shirt. Yeah, it's pretty sick. Just what he needs. Yep. Because the Vikings are the best, worst team in the league. Yeah, you know, you might be right. I met a guy at work that's a fucking Vikings fan. He's from Minnesota. He was rocking the

Stephon Diggs jersey today. Yes, sir. Can I come in and meet him? Oh, I'm about to do the Vikings chant thing next time I see him. Skol Vikings! That's all you're getting, guys. Relax, relax.

I said you're from Minnesota. Hi, buddy. Skol Vikings! honor their name. I love when you and all your family just start breaking out in that chant during Vikings game. Do you? I got to get the fuck out of here. You're just mad because the Carolina Panthers have no fight song. I don't think I'm that mad about that. I just think I don't care.

I don't think they're that good to have. You have to be like a certain level of confidence. Yeah, the Panthers have been around one more year than I have been. Yeah. They're basically nobody's. It's like a confidence thing. Exactly. There's not that many chance for like cheer songs for shitty teams.

Yeah, for teams that have not won a Super Bowl, there's no chance for them. Yeah. Go. Touch. Go. Touchdown. That's it. You made me sad. Oh, come on, man. Walker, do you think the Vikings will win a Super Bowl in my lifetime?

No. You are a dick. See, I always used to think that. I was like, oh, my sports team will win a championship in my lifetime. It's like I read some story about this Cubs fan who was born right after they won the championship. It's tough. Lived 82 years, died, and then they won the championship the year after they died. No way.

It was like a diehard Cubs fan. It's like, oh, yeah, no, it's not guaranteed. Dude, it's so funny. My grandpa, he, like, you know, Vikings fan his whole life. Fucking, you know, has gone all out for many years for him and you can just see the hope fading and like it's literally only like me holding it together i'm like grandpa don't give up buddy hang in there we got this we're gonna get one before you fucking kick the bucket old old fuck. I'm just kidding. Love you, Grandpa Mark. He wants to fucking give up so bad. He wants to.

He's like, Austin, let it go. He's like, Austin, just stop now. It'll save you so much time and pain. As he's still actively buying tickets. We're literally going in like a month. Mark walks in the room, and he's got his Vikings cooler with his Vikings koozie, Vikings shirt, Vikings socks. It's like, this is a cult.

And I'm just talking about all NFL fans. Like, the NFL is the religion of America. Yeah. I like it. It's a fucking, like, you said religion, right? It's better than Christianity. And my problem is just, like, NFL games are just boring. No.

Yeah, dude. I think there's a stat out there. It's like an absurd amount of time in a football game that's like dead time, that they're not doing anything. There's like 26 minutes of actual play time. Out of like a three-hour game. Yeah. That's wild.

You got to love the game, dude. You just got to love the game. I think you got to love drinking game dude. You just gotta love the game. I think you gotta love drinking and pizza I like that red and wind a bitch, you know the girl who can throw the plates on her head Yeah, they used if we they would bring her out for halftime. I'd be all in well. That's not football That's the only reason I watch basketball is for red panda. Hmm Have you guys saw that? It's a super old clip, but it was a viral clip of this girl fucking It's a super old clip, but it was a viral clip of this girl fucking throwing this football.

I've seen a lot of viral clips of girls fucking. She was throwing a shirt. It was a viral video of a girl throwing a shirt from the field to the crowd. Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about. And she fucking Tom Brady'd this fucking shirt. She threw it in the upper deck. It was in a basketball game. Oh, was it a basketball game?

She had a fucking slinger. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was just like some cheerleader, and she just cranked this thing up to the second level. It was fucking sick. That's so crazy. Dude, that is so hard. I almost threw my fucking arm out throwing the toy for the dog the other day, dude.

Trying to fucking launch it. Him here threw my back out, dude. Him here threw my back out, dude. There's this really sad subreddit, and it's just a gigantic acronym. It's like a 13-letter acronym, and it stands for upvoted not because it was a girl, but because it was cool. And it's just a bunch of fucking losers who post, like, videos of girls doing stuff. And they're like, oh, I don't like this because, you know, her ass is half out for the entire video of her, you know, squatting. It's because she can squat so well.

Bullshit. Bullshit, man. Bullshit. When you guys are scrolling through social media, do you like videos? No. I was never caught dead. Do you ever hit the like button? Oh, shit. When you guys are scrolling through social media, do you like videos? No. I was never caught dead. Do you ever hit the like button? Oh, yeah.

You don't hit the like button? It's so fucked because I hope everyone likes our posts, but I never like anyone's posts. But if I do like it, it's to remind myself if I ever want to watch that video again so I can track it. Only reason why I like it. I think I either have to really like the video or it's just like, you know, people and people that I know, people that I fuck with that I know, you know. Are you talking like Instagram? Anything.

Like scrolling through TikTok, scrolling through. I was, I guess in my head I was mostly thinking about like Instagram reels or TikToks or YouTube shorts, like shit like that. Commenting is crazy though. I don't go on reels or shorts. I know you're off the. I'd be liking hella YouTube videos though Yeah use a thumbs up

I want a big thumbs up My algorithm it's fucked right now Yeah I guess I do like things like on TikTok To hopefully get more of those things When it's like a bad bitch shaking that ass She's like one more please Hey Kenzie you ever want to see some shit Go into AJ saved on Instagram

Yeah you're just gonna see You're to see above ground pool landscaping and fucking cargo pants TikTok. Walker, do you think the fuck is that? I'm trying to find new clothes, bro. Cargo pants TikTok? Just like new white places to get new clothes at. Walker, do you think- Chill out. Do you think Kenzie will, like, do you think Kenzie will legitimately get mad about, like, us joking about this?

Absolutely. Okay, let's take Kenzie out of the equation. She does actually watch the podcast. I know she does. Now, now that she's stopped coming, she watches. She has to double, she has to check in. Our views have declined since she stopped coming. I know. Y'all know that, right?

Yeah, and that's completely on her, so tell her to get her ass back in here. They miss the person not talking to the mic while it lays in their lap. Yeah, they miss the distant sound of Kenzie screaming from across the room like this. All right, take Kenzie out of it. Do you think people actually get mad when you joke about stuff like that? Because I think it's funny to joke about shit. Like what? Like you and I, like, yeah, AJ's out here trying to fuck sluts blah blah blah you think kenzie's like

of course at home like oh my god is are they are they serious like why would they even joke about that that's not even funny absolutely she's like i wish they wouldn't joke about but like is it like i wish they wouldn't joke about that or is it like but is he low-key doing that like why would they even say that if it's not partially true? Well, Kenzie might be very insecure in herself and her relationship with AJ. Take Kenzie out of it. Oh. You fucking don't do that. Don't do what?

Say those words that's not very nice to say. I think you're insecure. I am insecure. I'm staying up for my wife. I said Kenzie may be insecure in herself or her relationship with you. You see why. And if she was, she might get mad at it. You see why Aide covered your ass.

I think that's where he was going, but you cut him off. I think, yeah. Ayo, don't do that. Hey, bro. Don't say that. I'm on my manager shit. I remember I called Kenzie a bitch one time, and AJ was like, hey, bro, no, we're not going to do that.

Do you wipe her ass too? Hey, bro, we're not doing that. I'm on AJ's side about that. Take it back. Because I feel like most of the time people are not willing to stand up for themselves, you know? Most people. Most people are pussies.

Put it like this, though. And they're enabled by their partners. Put it like this. Well, yes. Hypothetically speaking. Okay. Think of this. We're at the bar.

Yep. Someone does something to her, and I have to step in. I'm not. There's two ways it's going to go. I'm fucking flooring his ass or I'm scared to go to jail. Right? Right. There's two options.

The only thing changing that is how many shots of tequila you had before the incident occurred. I know there's inhibitions. You either have to floor them or you just got to peacefully leave the situation. You got to leave. You got to leave the area. Yeah, and obviously it depends on, like, the severity of the situation. I'm too scared.

I can't go to jail, bro. I feel like I got three strikes. All right, so, like, somebody walks up to you. You guys can both answer this. Somebody walks up to your girl and, like, you're at a bar. You guys are chilling. He walks up. Or, you know,'re at a bar. You guys are chilling. He walks up. Or, you know, he doesn't realize that you guys are together.

Walks up and he's like, you're a bitch. You're a dumb, ugly bitch. I want to clarify real quick. No, that's wild. I did not call Kenzie a bitch in that context. I said, you're sick too, bitch. That would not happen, first off. But second off, if that did

happen... What about some dude comes up and slaps your girl's ass in the club? Yeah, let's go with that. That's better. You know what I'd do? Slapping the ass is crazy. I'd walk up to him, I'd grab his face, and I'd start aggressively making out with him. He'd try to push himself away, and I'm just sticking my tongue so far down his fucking throat.

And I finally pull him away, and I'm just holding his head like this in my hands. And I finally pull him away, and I'm just holding his head like this in my hands. And I spit on him. And you're like, how does it feel to have something done to you that you didn't ask for, bitch? I'm writing that down. Fuck yeah.

I'm going to do that next time. That's a wild scenario. I honestly have no fucking clue. I'm guessing you wouldn't make out with a dude if he slapped Kenzie's ass. I think I'd hit him with the, no, we not doing that. And then I'm fucking. I feel like if you were ever going to floor someone, it's after they smack your girl's ass.

I don't think I would swing. I would definitely be like. I would definitely be like. I think I'd be very up close and personal. And then depending on what happened after that. I'm a pacifist now so I don't know how I would react. I'd turn to my girl and be like did you like it better than

when I slap your ass? And if she says no, we're good. If she says yes, I'm going to beat that guy's ass. You're trying. Oh god. Yeah, that's such a fucking wild like, okay then boom boom, you go to jail. Sick. Yeah, that's such a fucking wild, like, okay, then boom, boom, you go to jail. Sick.

I love that picture. Some dude posted a picture of a professional bodybuilder, and they're like, this dude comes and slaps your girl's ass. What are you doing? And the bodybuilder responded, and he was like, I would never slap someone's ass in public that I didn't know. My mother raised me right, and he, like, posted a picture of him and his mom, and he was like, flashed a thumbs up. Who is it? Fucking Joey Swole?

Who the fuck is that? He fucking sick. Who was it? Larry Wheels? Dude, he's sick. Joey Swole is a dude on a fucking tape. He's been around for fucking years. But he, like, reacts to unethical gym behavior, and, like, it'll be, like, a video of, like, just to unethical gym behavior.

And, like, it'll be, like, a video of, like, just, like, bad gym behavior. And, like, he'll stitch it and be like, yeah, so this is what we don't do. Like, that type of shit. Bro, have you seen Bradley Martin is trying to fight Mighty Mouse? Oh, my God. Demetrius Johnson? Yeah. Demetrius Johnson is 5'3 and 135 pounds.

And he's going to run Bradley Martin shit. I would love to see that. I think that would be so funny. But if Bradley Martin grabs him, he might be really fucked. I don't think so. You don't think so? Bro, Demetrius Johnson was like a flyweight champion. He's beat up people that are over 200 pounds before.

Bradley Martin does not know how to fight at all. No. Bro. He's as strong as fuck. Demetrius Johnson's going to climb him like a tree and put him in a rear naked. It's going to be awesome. But isn't he just like a boxer?

No, he still fights MMA over in like one championship. But he's like mainly boxing now or something? I don't know shit about him, to be honest. Nah, he fights over in Thailand now, and he's still like MMA. Ah. There's a guy going viral right now on TikTok that fucking can 275 bench press and clap. What?

That is disgusting. Bro, he throws that shit up and hits a clap and catches it. That's just stupid because if he doesn't catch it, he's fucking dead. He's fucking yacked, dude. Imagine it lands's fucking dead. He's fucking yacked. Imagine it lands on his neck he's dead. I'm saying he can fucking handle that shit. Probably. He's throwing it up dude it's wild.

It's wild seeing that shit. I saw this video of Shaq and what's his name? Charles Barkley. Chuck. San Antonio big old women. Bench pressing? They are strong as shit. Who shit who do you think stronger who do you think can bench 225 more chuck chuck really yeah shack's got them long ass arms bro he's gotta move the weight like six feet i'm saying but he was barely he was like chuck is a

bitch i hate chuck dude what i like shack more dude bro you are crazy shack is one of like the Chuck is a bitch. I hate Chuck, dude. What? I like Shaq more, dude. Diesel, man. Bro, you are crazy. Shaq is one of the most insecure superstars we've ever had. Chuck is one of the coolest dudes. Bro. Dude, Chuck gets roasted on TV by Shaq. And he's a good sport about it. Every time someone says some shit about Shaq, he throws a fucking tantrum.

I don't like Shaq that much. I don't like his whole vibe. He's also a cop. So is fucking Ronnie Coleman. I don't like that guy either. Dude, imagine Ronnie. Bang, bang, bang. I'm lying.

He did a lot of cocaine. They all do so much cocaine. Dude, imagine Ronnie Coleman pulling you over. He can barely move. Oh my god, yeah. Imagine you get pulled over. He can barely move. Oh, my God, yeah. Imagine you get pulled over. He's wearing a 4XL shirt, and it's all muscle. Dude, fuck that.

That man used to deadlift 800 pounds for reps. That's stupid. Bro, you get pulled over for speeding. You look over. It's Ronnie Coleman's buff ass. He's like, I'm going to move you over a little bit, and just pushes your car closer to the curb. So when we finally go big time, we're not going to be able to get big time guests because by the time we get to that point, we're going to have shit on every fucking person that we would want.

We need to keep a master list. Of who we want or who we've shit on. Who we've shit on. So Bradley Martins, he's out. Shaquille O'Neal, gone. Shaq's gone. Chuck's still good. I don't know.

Fuck Chuck. He's gone. Fuck. Chuck was one of the greatest players of his generation. He played. That's not a fucking lie. What are you talking about? Was he called the fucking mailman or whatever the fuck? That's Carl Malone, the guy who rapes 13-year-olds.

No, this is Charles Barkley. Damn. Dude, they still bring him to, like, games in Utah, and it's like, oh, yeah, just forget he impregnated a 13-year-old when he was 20. Yeah, I forgot about that Karl Malone shit. People just let that slide, man. Bro, Chuck was one of the greatest players of his generation.

He was the power forward for the Dream Team. Never won a championship, and he goes on TV and people... for the dream team never won a championship and he goes on tv and lost me i never won a championship aj what in your life have you done that's equivalent to anything dude name anyone anyone ever who's talked about sports if you could use that argument what have you done nothing yeah but i'm not trying to know what do you think i'm talking about it i'm not trying to know what do you think i'm talking about it i'm not trying to dump on people dude bring people up he goes on tv he gets made shit up like made fun of yeah and he just takes it like a like it's like water on a dude when i just love

when he'll say something like sus and then you'll see shack over there like they do have like the best relationship. Like chuckle to say so. I will say Shaq is funny, but he's also just kind of like a little bitch about stuff. Like he just acts like he's better than everybody. Dude, the fact he's still like making fun of Dwight Howard 14 years later.

It's like, bro, like, come on, but no one wants to. JaVale McGee literally like wrote Shaq a letter and he was like, can you stop like bullying me Every week on the fucking air He had a whole segment about

JaVale McGee Cause he has JaVale's dumbest shit He's ever He's done some dumb shit It's like me out there I'd be all Shaq and the fool Oh yeah

With those giraffe legs you run down the court You'd be a dude toq in the pool for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah, with those giraffe legs you run down the court. You'd be a dude to trip running down a basketball court. Real quick, to end the podcast and to end the NBA segment, can we just talk about how – can Dwight Howard just come out as liking men already? Why, dude? Have you saw, like, compilations of the shit he's gotten caught on camera doing to his teammates and shit? Have you ever seen that video of Anthony Davis?

Oh, I knew you were going to fucking say that. Everyone just wants to slide that under the rug. He's naked and his teammates are running up and slapping his ass while he lays on the ground and like rolls around like giggling. It's one of the most homoerotic things I've ever seen. It's awesome. That's tough. That's a of the most homoerotic things I've ever seen. It's awesome. That's tough. That's a tough look. I never understood.

Bro, just shave the unibrow. What are we doing here? Right. You know you see it there. No, at this point, you can't. I know it's like his whole brand. It's his image now. Still looks like garbage.

Boy-os. Can I say that looking like this? It's been good. It's been great. You guys have anything to say to wrap her up today? No. I'm disappointed in the Hornets bringing back a felony domestic abuser. That's tough.

After one year. That's a bad look. What are you talking about, Miles Bridges? Bro, they cut him last year. They were like, all right, everyone forgot about him. Then brought him back this year. Fuck it. Hey, have you heard?

No, hold on. Have y'all heard Miles Bridges rap in his music videos? They're fired. No, he's the best rapper in the NBA. Oh, Dame Lillard, all time cornball. All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's been a great it's been a great time. Buddy has to swallow your pride. But thank you all for listening to another episode of the Always Laugh podcast.

Make sure you find us on all platforms, literally all platforms. Check out the Discord in the description. Bingo. Thank you, Walker. Discord. We're about to pop out with our Discord shit. I'll be on the voice chat all day at work. Yeah, buddy.

So come say hello. That's fire. That's fire. Yeah, thanks for listening to another episode. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I'm Walker. We out.

Love you, people.