Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #36 - Austin Fights our Guest, Feeling Invincible on Vacation, We Learn How to do Beer Math

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

This episode we talk about feeling invincible on vacation, Austin and Connor fighting in the street, Beer math, and what it feels like to be recognized in public. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of. My name is Walker. Another trip around the Sunsmith. If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. We're here with my boy Connor Doble. Lifelong friends, I would say. I don't know. Something like that. Like quarter of my life. And the rest of it. Like seven years deep or so seven yeah you guys have did we started college seven years ago we're old as shit that is bullshit you guys have known each other for a very long time like i lived with each other for a very long time actually you ain't rocking with the shades pissed me off cool i couldn't see anything see anything. It was too dark. Anyways, what? Y'all lived in Charlotte for how many years? Six, right? Six years. I was... Walker, you locked it.

You looked very zoned out. No, I'm good, dude. I'm here. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, we lived there for like six years, I guess. I took... Yeah, then Asheville. I lived there for one less year than you guys did in Charlotte.

Connor kind of lived in our college frat house like a hobbit. Oh, yeah. In the little basement area. He looked like Harry Potter. We just had like a revolving door of random people sleeping on our basement floor. It was pretty cool. What's the word I'm looking for? At any given time, how many people do you think

we're not on the lease living at you guys's places where you live we had a lease yeah i don't even know if we had a fucking lease we were month to month we were dead out well we signed a month to month for like a year and a half yeah like the lease the first lease was a year and then i just never had to resign anything so we were just month to month we just said the long term squatters i mean austin that's technically what we're doing right now yeah oh yeah shit our lease is up our lease dude we all we everyone has those one friends that they they make their way through life but like they've never actually been on like a fucking like legit like everyone i know is never they're always on like some like yeah like i signed a lease but like you know my boy's paying half and like they don't know and like he has to leave when oh we

had so i think the most people we ever had on the lease was five or i guess we only had one lease so i think there were five people on the lease and i think the most people that ever lived there were like eight yeah we had eight at that one point yeah wasn't it because it was you didn't boozy and Greg Greg seven guys in one bathroom Okay, it was a one bat. Well, is that her had his own bad? Is that including the goat? Outside they had their own bathroom. No. Yeah, the goats weren't using the human toilet actually Yeah, yeah, they would shit on the tables if you brought them inside, though, so that was messy. It was off-limits. It was a cool party trick,

but not cool for that long. Not cool when you have to clean up the shit. It was funny one time. We appreciate you, Connor, for being on our lovely podcast today. Feels good to be here. I've had some good memories with you also, man. We've actually been friends for probably, what,

a couple years, two years now, at least? Yeah, probably something like that. Close to two. We're locked in, so, you know. When did we meet? Was it? Fuck, I don't know. I think you had a helmet on at the time and shit.

You met me during my helmet era? No, it was not the helmet era. Connor and I had a helmet era where we. I have a picture from that night. There's like a two-week stint where we had helmets. Yeah, we can pop up a picture of the helmet era. Connor and I wore a picture from that night. There's like a two-week stint where we had helmets on. Yeah, we can pop up a picture of the helmet era. Connor and I wore helmets for like fucking a week straight for no reason. That also coincided with our Minecraft era.

Not a good look for our life. We had a real degenerate era. Well, our fake life. Our real life was doing amazing. Yeah. I slept more in fake life. Dude, I'm the fucking worst. 180, that's like three minutes.

Bing bong. Connor's fucking great. He gets all drunk and then all of a sudden the helmet comes out. Yeah, he knows. Safety first. It's just muscle memory. It really makes things way less safe He knows safety first. Yeah. I have a funny video. It's just muscle memory to him at this point. It really makes things way less safe because we do way more dangerous shit.

Like, I'd prefer the helmet. Yeah, the helmet's smart, but it ends up getting more violent. It's like, how far can we take you with the helmet on? Should I start a headbutt in the goats? I never won one of those fights. Never once. Doble became one with the goats. Dude, do you remember all those movies where they would have a mentally challenged person

there and it wasn't enough that they would put a bike helmet on them. They would put the bike helmet on them backwards. They really wanted to reinforce it's like everybody needs to know what this person is. That's so fucked up, man.

Is there a certain movie? It's not even a thing. Are you referring to a certain movie? Water Boy comes to mind. It wasn't his football helmet on backwards. Well, I don't think it was him. I think it was another one. Jesus.

Was his football helmet on backwards? I don't know. It was probably. I don't know. It was him. I think it was another one. Jesus. Was his football helmet on backwards? I don't know. It's probably. I don't know. It was bald. I went kayaking like a month ago, and one of the old ladies put her helmet on backward, and I got so giddy. I ran up to her and told her.

It was just watching the embarrassment on her face was so funny. That's hilarious. It just covers more in the back. Yeah. It's got the big forehead because it's normally supposed to cover the back. It's like, yep, you are one of them. Jesus. Helmets are wild. Where'd you go kayaking?

It was whitewater rafting, I guess. Was it scary? Chattanooga. Was it spooky? Yeah, it was good. It was awesome. So you moved to fucking Memphis, bud? Yeah.

Yeah, I move around a lot for work. So right now I'm in Memphis, chilling there. I've been there for like a year. I've heard there's some gang violence out there. Ran into any problems yet? No. Any gang activity? A lot of coworkers have had issues.

A lot of stolen cars. But I've been unscathed. You're involved with the gang activities. They're like my next-door neighbors. Do you guys have like the fucking... Connor pays tribute. They protect you. I walked out to go to work one day

and I see six guys walk out of their apartment all wearing red hoodies and red hats. And I'm like, I'm going to pretend I don't know what's going on here. I'm just going to keep looking the other way. Use your white ignorance. Banging bees. But no, I left my keys in my lock one time, and he knocked on my door and said,

Hey, man, you missing something? Oh, man, thanks. Dude, that's happened to me before. It's always in sketchy neighborhoods. I lived in a sketchy neighborhood for a couple years of my life, and I was a fucking degenerate. But I would always leave the keys in the and i'm the number one most paranoid person about locking the door

yeah and somehow i left the keys in the lock like multiple times and my sweet nice old lady used to we'd be fucking in there smoking hot boxing the damn house. What in there? Smoking, drinking, partying. All of a sudden, we hear, banging on the door. And we're like, oh, shit. Like, what the fuck? Like, we're in here. We're in an apartment smoking.

It's my old neighbor. She's like, you forgot your keys. I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm like, god damn it. This is a real story. Multiple times. She would always knock at the worst times. Like, we were all in there getting all fucked up. You're like paranoid as shit. Like is a real story. Multiple times. She would always knock at the worst times. Like, we were always, like, getting all fucked up.

You're like paranoid shit. Like, oh, fuck. The wall of marijuana smoke coming out. Oh, yeah. How you doing? Smoke cloud rolls out. She's like an older lady. Dude, we went golfing yesterday.

Doble's been in town for a couple days now, and we've been doing some fun activities. We went golfing yesterday. Doble's been in town for a couple days now and we've been doing some fun activities. We went golfing yesterday. Doble and I tied. We tied. We don't have to say the real score. You don't want to let the people know that we shot a whopping 120. Combined.

They both shot 12 under par. Not quite. Yeah, I had a 67 on the first nine. Yeah, the front nine was ugly. The front nine was really bad. The back nine was still not great. I made y'all look bad with a 103.

Yeah, Walker whooped our ass. With a 103. With a 103. But on our way home, we're stopped in traffic. I was like, I don't know Why did we do this We were beefing You were being sassy all day

Oh you were mad because I paid for the check Oh yeah I'm driving So we leave the Mexican place And like you know Doblin Austin had a pitcher of margarita And they had an argument over the bill I guess you know there was some bad blood, some tension rising. I'm not going to let the birthday boy pay for it.

Well, I was pissed. I wanted to pay for it. Well, you lost the fight. So, yeah, Doble ends up stealing the check and putting his cash down. Basically throws Austin's card right in his face. Yeah, he did do that. He threw it on the ground.

We get out to the car. They're talking shit. I would have loved to see this. And we get to a stoplight, and they're like, they look at each other, and they just like both unbutton their seatbelts at the exact same time, go to get out of the car. Austin's got the child locks on, so he has to let Connor out of the car. To start fighting in the middle of Glenwood Avenue.

It was busy-ass traffic. I fling my door open. A car almost rips the fucking door off. Oh, I got scared. Walker got really scared, and Connor beat my fucking ass in the street. I think I went a little hard on you, dude. You're like slapboxing. Yeah, dude.

My arm is swollen right here. It hurts like a bitch. You guys are beefed out? Seriously? No, it wasn't real. For like a quick minute? It was for fun. For the bit.

No, I was waiting for him to open the door. For sure, for the bit. Yeah. I was waiting for him to open my door, and I was boiling up. The second he opens the door, I'm coming out swinging. I smacked the shit out of him. He smacked the fuck out of me. We were slap boxing and body boxing kind of at the same time.

Connor's on a vacation high. Like he's acting different because he feels invincible. I know the feeling because when you go on vacation, there's this eerie feeling you get because you're like, I'm somewhere no one knows me. I know you're kind of from the area. No consequences. But still, yeah, there's no consequences.

I get to go home after this. You feel invincible. You're like, I'm never going to see these people again. Who gives a fuck? You feel invincible when you're out of town. We've been acting invincible while I live here. I just don't give a fuck. The transitive effect, you know, it's very powerful.

I'm like, we're on vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He lives three minutes down the street. I get in a strange city and just say a bunch of horrible shit to women on Hinge and Tinder and stuff, and it's like, I'm not going to stay here very long.

It's not my problem, that lasting psychological damage, you know? Ruin a couple girls' self-esteem, but I don't live there, so it's fine. I'm not with him. Okay. What do you say to these women? You know, all kinds of just really nice stuff.

Cut the shit. You're a lover boy. I know you're a little fucking sweet talking ass. I'm going to Boston for two weeks, and I'm trying to find me one of those girls with those thick ass Boston accents. Dude, there was a girl on tiktok that my old lady used to listen to she used to say you know like mark jacobs like the designer or whatever she's like

mac jacobs that she used to have me cracking up have you ever seen the fighter with mark walvo mac yes i want amy ad Adams in that movie as a wife. Okay. Amy Adams. Hit his line. No, not Amy Adams. Like, I need a small town girl, you know? Oh, you don't want Amy Adams. She's too much pomp and circumstance.

You want an Amy Adams. I get it. I want her character from The Fighter. Does that make? Makes perfect sense. I want some dirty fucking Irish heritage thick accent girl to sweep me off my feet. It'd be great, dude. That's really why I need to lose weight.

I just want to be swept off my feet, like carried around like a little baby. You either need to lose weight or find a bigger woman. I think it needs to be a combination. Can we check his fucking clam scale 1 through 10? I'm not very nervous,

but I'm normally sweating. Are your fucking pits? I'm shaking because you keep it at 63 degrees in this place. I had to ask Austin for a sweatshirt 10 minutes ago. The riffs are too hot. His fucking... It was like, can I get a hoodie? Like, it's cold as shit.

Yeah, it's the middle of summer. I thought I didn't have to bring a hoodie on my vacation. But I get in this house and I'm like, I'm shivering in the daytime. I mean, it's September. It's not really the middle of summer. You know, it's still 85. Yeah, that is true. We's not really the middle of summer. It's still 85. That is true. We do live in the south.

I'm the number one person asking Austin for a fucking hoodie. I've seen him wear this for years. I was excited to put it on. He just got it. You did too. You just get the fucking hoodie about a year ago. I did see the Under Armour one. For Christmas from Grandma Kitty.

Yeah, buddy. I know. Grandma Kitty puts me on. I know your fucking life, dude. Grandma Kitty puts me on, dog. I get all my fresh shit from her. Shout out to Grandma Kitty. Stop saying the F word.

Why? Grandma Kitty's going to be disappointed. Grandma Kitty can happily watch us say the F word. I'm sorry, Grandma. I'm not saying it. Love you, Grandma. I can't be censored, buddy. I don't want to be censored.

Yeah. Connor, so... You know, Austin's crazy hot takes on society and culture will not be censored. Yes. That is correct. And that comes with a fair amount of F-bombs. Yes. Now, what type? That's what we're going to find out. We'll see. And that comes with a fair amount of F-bombs. Yes. Now what type?

That's what we're going to find out. We'll see. What kind of work do you do, Connor? Construction. But I'm not sitting in the wall. I do construction management. So I like point and make people do things. I'm not getting dirty. Do you want to shout out your company so you can get fired right now?

I don't think I'm going to get fired for what I'll say. He hasn't said anything bad yet. They don't have the balls to fire me. Damn. That's going to be quoted when they fire me. That'll be so funny. What I'm going to do, fire myself? Fast forward.

Anything crazy happen on the site lately? Like any bad OSHA violations or anything? I don't know if I can talk about OSHA violations, but we've had some slight injuries. Some people getting fired for being drunk. I mean, that's just normal everyday construction. Are you able to tell about that

story you were saying about the dude that fell off the roof? Not detailed. I mean, yeah, we had a dude get hurt. He's fine now. What happened, I guess? Yeah, he slipped through a hole in the roof and fell like 30 feet he's lucky he got he's actually like all things considered really lucky yeah you said he fell and like rode a piece of plywood down yeah and landed like on some pointy ass shit

what are these the details I'm looking at him I go yeah I probably can't tell details and then you're asking me all the details I was trying to see how far we could go nah he's good we can always cut when we don't want we always have to cut out AJ's

racial slurs shut the fuck up in Memphis in Memphis is there so like you know okay Facial slurs. Dude, shut the fuck up. Dude, is it... In Memphis... That word went out the window. In Memphis, is there... So, like, you know, okay. Usually, when you see construction crews, it's predominantly Hispanic. Is it like that in Memphis?

Yeah. Like it is here? Well, I wouldn't say predominantly. It's a lot of just good old country boys out there. There's a lot of Hispanic, but I've never been to Memphis. Yeah. Shit. I don't think I've been to Memphis, have I?

Nope. Connor knows everywhere I've ever been. That's why I asked. You've driven around Memphis. Yeah, we've been there. Yeah. How far away were we from Memphis when we drove all the way across the country? We were like three hours north of it when we

drove by it, and then about six hours south of it when we drove by it again. Is that in Kentucky? Memphis? Memphis. Three hours north of Memphis. I'm not a geography major. Interesting. Maybe. Yeah, probably. Question retracted. More than likely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I wish I had all your answers.

No, it's okay. Okay. Y'all want to know something that pisses me off? Yeah, please let me know. Yeah, I've got one or two things. Go ahead. No, you go. So this is just random, but I was just thinking, like,

because I've been irritated over this shit lately. When I get on the Internet, when I get on the Internet and I see a video and the person in the video is like you know they're like you know uh blah blah like look what i just got in the mail like i forgot i ordered this like i i literally had no idea what it was i totally forgot i ordered this like look what i ordered that shit pisses me off because like, how do you forget? Yeah.

How do you forget you ordered something? Like you just, you just ordered a common thing so much. No, like people start their video. Like I totally forgot I ordered this. It just shut this random package just showed up at my house. No idea where it came from.

Oh my God. Totally forgot. I ordered this. I hate that shit i think it's because people like drunk shop and don't know they buy things because like i don't do that and like every time i buy something you don't check your email when i buy something i'm waiting by the door for three days right like that's what i'm saying i'm what states it in maybe they order a lot of stuff. Bro, bullshit.

There's apps for that that track it automatically, that get notifications. You know what pisses me off? What pisses you off? I find it's kind of like a Zoomer trend. It's when they're filming something, in the middle of the video, flipping the camera around to their face looking shocked or going like,

and then flipping the camera around to their face looking shocked or going like, and then flipping the camera back around, they just have to reinforce that they're the fucking main character. It's like, there's no fucking need to show your own stupid face. That's what pisses me off. As we're currently on a video podcast. Can we all do reactions?

Yeah. We're pissing him off right now, watch out. Let me see your best soy face, Connor. Soy? I don't even know what that means. Soiled? I don't know what a soy face is. What is a soy jack?

What's a soy face? You guys aren't turning me on. I know what a soy jack is. What does that mean? It's just like Mr. Beast's stupid face he makes for videos. Like thumbnails. That's just like thumbnail face. That's just a thumbnail face.

Yeah, it's... Austin, you do it perfect. That's why he's a YouTuber. It sells. I mean, it sells. I'm not going to click on a video that people don't look excited. Dude, David Dobrik would just use the same cutout face on every video and just put it on the thumbnail. And look where I got him.

What's he up to now? He's just living life, dude. Posting on Snapchat. That's it. Dobrik? What a life. Dobrik. Fucking A. He's a clown. He's a clown, dude. He's a bad person. That's what I've heard. I don't know enough about

him. Fuck you, David Dobrik, you little bitch. I'm really mad that I can't think about what I didn't say before the pod. Now I can't think of what it was. You had something. Oh, you were going to. Yeah. Sorry, dude. What the fuck, man?

Oh, yeah. Language. Pull your notes out, bro. Stop saying that. No, we're good, dude. So, Connor, I don't know. You know us, them two at least, very well. You know me pretty well.

We've stayed the night. We've partied. We've partied. We fucking have did everything, right? I've fucking woken up in the middle of the night to you fucking railing, you and Austin railing girls. That's never happened. I'm a virgin, among other things. I am a virgin.

But anyways, we did get you a gift. The gift was last minute, right? You guys are like, I can't tell you're fucking with me. We got you a fucking gift, and every time someone... Hey, come in real quick. Every time we have a fucking... It's one of those hookers you talk about so much.

Y'all are scaring me. Trust me, dude. It's not going to impress you. I promise. I'm going to cherish it. I was heavily involved in this, so I hope you like it. I'm a real sentimental guy. The party pet.

The party pet. A six-pack of Pernies. I ripped some of these up on Friday night. Yeah. By some, I mean about seven of them, and they did the job. Dude, those things are dangerous. They're a good ton. So shout out to Pernicious, man.

They fully, fully support us. are dangerous they're a good time so shout out to pernicious man they uh they fully fully we are they support us so we support them yeah 100 the parody that's a little thank you for being on the podcast i underestimated ipas like i always forget how how much they are oh yeah they'll do it because it's like you try to do like the beer math like, they're 7.3%. So they're like... Two beers. Yeah, it's like a little bit less than two beers. But then you're drinking them just as fast as you would drink a 4% beer. So then you just get even more exponentially fucked up.

Yeah, we were slammed on Friday night. And we had four of them. And I'm looking down. I'm like, after four beers, I'm normally not drunk. And I look down. I'm like, I'm kind of getting drunk. I'm getting drunk. Yeah.

It's fucking wild that like like just like okay think about it drinking in general like a lot of people drink like to for one main goal right to get drunk right a lot of people that's why we drink to get drunk but then once we get drunk we're like what the fuck i'm'm fucking drunk. Like, I'm pissed. Just surprised. It's like, what happened? What the fuck? I'm drunk.

Like, I'm fucking drunk, dude. I need to chill out. Like, why did we do this? I swear to God. How did this happen? As he's buying fucking a 30 rack. Like, oh, no shit, dude. You didn't think you were going to get fucked up? Like, no, it's just, like, funny. You're like, damn, dude. Like, fuck, dude shit, dude. You didn't think you were going to get fucked up? Like, no, it's just, like, funny.

You're like, damn, dude, like, fuck, dude. We got fucked up. Like, you know, like, saying it, like, in a bad way. But, like, as we're fucking pounding, shotgunning beers and shit. Yeah, six shots of tequila. It's like, bro, the room's spinning. What the fuck? Like, we fucked up, dude.

It's like, yeah. Yeah. Did it to yourself? Yo, AJ's blackoutout how'd he get like that it's like yeah i got i got a couple dude aj's fucking face down on the ground in the basement bro what is what happened somebody get their man as he fucking dude the worst of the next day looking back when you're like, how'd I get so drunk? And then you start going, oh, I had four beers

and then three shots and then a Four Loko. Yeah. It all adds up. Connor was the Four Loko king in college. I was going to say, Connor still actively drinks Four Loko. You drink them casually.

I'll drink one a year just to reminisce. We were at the store buying beer over the weekend, and he's like, bro, I think I might want to have a Four Loko tonight. I was like, run it, dude. I was capping. Yeah. I do do like one a year just to re-up and remember the feeling of it. Just to humble yourself.

Remember where you came from. I'm scared of the new Four Locos. We used to crush some bitches in high school. The old ones are worse. Years ago. The old ones actually had caffeine in them.

Really? We had this roommate who had a nasty ass habit to punish himself when he woke up the next day after a night of drinking. Bro, we had this roommate who had a nasty-ass habit to punish himself when he woke up the next day after, like, a night of drinking. If he had any unfinished beers, the next day he would walk around and finish them. That's fucking gross. You don't know what's in them beer.

Who asked their cig? Somebody smoked a cig in it. That just hurt my feelings. That was not me Not duple baby Not duple No no I'm cheap but I'm not that cheap

If I didn't drink it I didn't drink it What did you just say? Oh he shares a name with me That was like my brother Oh I guess he doesn't share your name Do you have any siblings? I have one older brother.

Shout out Justin. He just got engaged. Hey, congratulations, Justin. Congratulations. I'm getting married soon, hopefully. All right. Congratulations, AJ. Yeah, congrats, AJ.

Shotgun wedding. Dude, Walker and I just, well, it's a first for me. I've never had a... All right. Walker and I just, well, it's the first for me. I've never had a... All right. Call him out like that. Well, we've joked about it before. The shotgun wedding.

I mean, they were engaged before they, you know, long before they got pregnant. So it's kind of a fake shotgun wedding. I've never been invited to a wedding as an adult, and Walker and I got our first wedding invitations in the mail. Dude, it's up on the fridge. We got a magnet in there. It's pretty sick. You guys are going to get fucking hammered.

Probably kicked out also. Potentially. Based on whose wedding it is, I could see it getting a little bit rowdy. Yeah, dude. Austin, I'm fucking black nah i'll keep it casual this is awesome ruin the big he's looking at your face talking to the groom's mother like i am black he's like i'm fucked up dude talking to the yeah talking to the bride's mom like i'm trash it no it's dude i'm fucking drunk

those three words or no four words dude i'm fucking drunk is like my favorite thing to do at a wedding drink like that is just corner well what i used to do when i was a kid is i would just corner a bridesmaid and like make her dance with me you know i'm like 12 the 12 year old walks up to you and says like oh let's dance it's like they're not gonna say no right yeah they're like why is this grimy little 12 year old want to touch me i was crying a little you know i was a little like a little fucking i had like long ass hair like down to shoulders nasty. I was you're nasty I will say little kids wanted one of them to fall in love with me

But it never happened little kids at weddings have the most fun ever Run around underneath the table. No, no the wedding like reception reception the reception wedding receptions are sick Kids have more fun than the adults dude. The ceremony of weddings kind of blows. Oh, it's boring as hell. Weddings are fucking lame. Everybody's vows suck. I actually don't think I've ever been to an actual reception me please. When's the reception? I went to an Indian wedding and it was a three-day event and they served a shit ton of food and it was a lot of fun.

Dude, Indian weddings are sick. It was fucking dope. They go all out. They get down. Needless to say, I got fucking drunk. I learned Are we still talking about weddings? Because I'm about to go rogue. Feel free to go rogue.

So, I fucking was at work today and my co-worker who is I think she's Mexican, I think. I don't know. I really don't. I've never asked her. Hispanic of some descent. But anyways, she's studying to get citizenship, right?

Right. Yeah. That's going to be tough. I never knew people who are not U.S. citizens have to take a legit test. Yeah. And some of the questions, there's a study guide. It's hard. She has a full-blown study guide.

Like American history shit. Yes. We probably wouldn't even pass. Austin, what is the 17th Amendment right now? No fucking idea. He don't know. Yeah, you don't get a citizen's permission. Listen. See, I don't even know if you're wrong. I don't know. Yeah, you don't guess. Prohibition. Listen.

See, I don't even know if you're wrong. I don't know. I was looking at this study guide. Prohibition was on 13th. I was like, oh my God. Some of the answers were like, one of the answers was like. It was an amendment. For the people. Struck down.

Like, that was the answer. For the people. Like, there's like weird answers like that. Like. The hell? Like, or like, what's the land of the, what's the law of the land? What the hell is the law of the land Exactly It's like the constitution

That's the law of the land Yeah the real constitution The articles are great Sorry was I being political I don't even know Let's get political But I was just saying The test I gotta take is unreal

None of us would pass it And it's fucked I know a lot about american history i don't know anything actually that's not true i know a few things but i'm imagining they're not gonna like bring up questions about like the bad things america's done so that's that's why i was like this is so wild but like who knows? Yeah, they're just going to completely not mention slavery was a thing. They're not admitting to that in the question. Not to get in. Yeah.

You got to be here for a couple years. America's so fucked. They're like, yeah, we ain't bringing up that until about five years in. We'll let you know. It's like a bad, bad relationship. It's like they withhold crucial information dude it's like every relationship be upfront about your red flags bro the beginning of a relationship is hilarious like the girl always thinks you're just like the sweetest person on

planet earth you could never do any wrong then you get about six months probably less than that deep and you're like the like you just don't give as many fucks. They all haven't had sex in about four months. Yeah. Then the truth comes out, and they're like, you're a real piece of shit. Yeah, first date. Or maybe that's just me. Maybe that's just my experiences. First date, everyone's just lying about their body count.

Six months in, the truth comes out, and you're like, I'm dating a whore. Jesus. I don't know nothing about that. If a girl asked me that, I'd just be like, just don't. Yeah. Just don't. You're not going to like it. You want to know what my new...

What's the worst question a potential relationship could ask you? A relationship candidate? What is the worst thing they could ask me? What do you do for work? That's always a tough one. i don't like that question i don't really care anymore but like it's just like this i hate explaining that question in general to people it's fucking annoying and i've done it so many times because everybody asks and everybody's curious no it's like interesting and like glorified so i feel like it'd go it'd help you out more than you

you don't understand like Austin knows he he like makes like he supports himself and makes a good living from it but other people just don't understand the the process I think he's just a fucking idiot yeah I'm just a fuck boy well Austin just hates the the stigma behind it too you hate being called an influencer and I don't like it I wouldn wouldn't either. It's very awkward. We're fucking podcast hosts, dude. Someone got recognized. I do. Oh, shit.

Yeah. You got recognized recently? Bro, a shit ton of kids. I was at Food Lion. Fucking good for you, bud. I'm standing there checking out. He's hungover off a four-day bender. Probably.

Currently drunk. I was putting stuff on the you know the conveyor belt the line or whatever buying 30 racks and this kid comes up and just like just like stares at me he's like are you austin like yeah and then like nine more kids come out of the woodworks it's like a whole damn meet and greet we're having we're taking pictures i'm still trying to put the shit on the thing all the adults like all the cashiers were like who the hell are you like what is going on that's gotta send your ego sky high it made me really made me sweat a lot my face got really red he came out to my house we couldn't even get mcdonald's without him getting fucking flagged down that time that girl recognized

me i was on cloud nine for about a week and a half yeah doble and i got recognized yeah she was like she mentioned me by name and i was like i know the feeling because the last time i went to your house for uh i think it was your sister's birthday or something one of your sister your sister's boyfriend was like this is like when we first started the pod he was like are you on the podcast with them i was like my guy yeah but it was like we have like eight subs you know what i'm saying like it was yeah but that was fire though i i got that still felt good i got that feeling i was like shit i'm famous he knows me from the pod i'm being watched yeah that's wild yeah it is a weird it's a weird thing i don't know if i

necessarily like it or not why not it's a good feeling you like it but it's like i'm being watched bro like i never know when somebody's gonna come up to me and be like austin it's it's it's scary what if i'm doing some fuck shit well there's a story about michael jackson like rented out an entire like uh grocery store so he could just like shop around like a normal person there's like a video of him just like walking down the aisles and like picking shit out he like hired actors or something to like i think i think did he i don't know that'd be hilarious that sounds right he did yeah hired actors to pretend to be normal people in the store. His level of fame was next level. No one's ever gotten close to reaching it.

He would go to basketball games, and they'd have to stop the game. Get off your fucking phone, bitch. What'd they stop the game for? I'm locked in, bro. Shut the fuck up. Wait, who'd you guys say Michael Jackson yeah

he like got invited to some basketball game by like you know Michael Jordan or something this was the post racial transition he was like

oh I don't know if I can go and like they were like yeah come on man they convinced him to go the second he walked in the stadium

like they had to shut down the game like everyone was just getting out of their seats to run over there do you think Michael Jackson is the most famous person of all? No.

Fuck no. Fuck. Maybe. At one point. Hitler's probably the most famous person of all time. Dead ass. Probably not. You don't think so?

Gandhi? I mean, I think the word for that is infamous. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Infamous. Maybe. He might be the most infamous person of all time. He might be the most famous, too.

Or not the most famous, but he's definitely famous. I think Beyonce's got Hitler beat. Because there's people that like him and people that don't like him but if you know him he's either infamous or famous based on your views on what on his uh stuff on his material gladly uh there's a lot of people that hate him yeah compared to the people that like him yeah he was pumping out some pretty shitty content back in the day. That's what he was, just a really bad influencer. Yeah. Like, actually, yeah, he was a bad influence, for sure.

That's for sure. Yeah. That's a good take by you, Connor. Hitler was a bad influence. Revolutionary idea. Glad you could see it that way. Oh, yeah, baby yeah baby oh get them dogs

i got hit up on instagram by a page one time i was gonna say they're aggressive too they're aggressive they will slide so they slide into our dms and they're like yo can i can i buy his feet pics if the check the check is right, I don't give a damn. I'll let you know. It's my foot. I'll keep you posted if we get any inquiries. Them things have worked 40 hours a week for a long time. You gotta wiggle the toes a little bit.

There you go. I just wiggle enough. You gotta tease them. You just made $10,000 and walkers are getting really queasy over here. Get a little squirmy. The worst part is I got a little hole in my sock. here. Getting a little squirmy. The worst part is I got a little hole in my sock. It's like a little peep show. Yeah, I got a little peep show going on.

That is a lot. You're going to be popular with the boys. With the boys. Damn. We got a lot of dead air in this pod, boys. What do you mean? I disagree. I like the dead air, honestly.

I know it feels like time's ticking, honestly it's i know it feels i don't think that's true like time's ticking but it's like half a second dude i'm just like silence you know there's nothing wrong with this silence but uh i wanted to tell you guys this and i wanted to get your opinion on it you want like i've been doing this new thing at work right we're like yeah so like i'm a manager in my area. So which is a first? No, it's a first. So I'm like,

I'm winging it. I'm winging it. Right. And like, so where I work at, if your employees just like show up, like you're just like, fuck.

Yeah, dude. Like you're here. I don't care if you're an hour late. Like you just, you're excited to there because there's also like the, so many I don't care if you're an hour late. You just came. You're just excited they're there. Because there's also so many people that called in. You're like, fucking just thank you for coming.

I don't care what you have on. I don't care if you don't make dress code. I'm glad you're here. Go get on that fucking register. I feel the same way. We'll be behind on part of building the ciders or something, and they just won't show up. And I'm like, we're already behind.

You have to come here. And then someday they show up, and they're like, oh, we only got a half crew. And I'm like, I don't care. As long as you're here. You can do something. So my new thing is I've been scaring the shit out of them. Look, I'll come up to them.

I'm like, hey, when you get a second, will you come to my office? I got to talk to you for a second. And, like, I'm saying it in the most neutral, like, hey. Like, I have no idea what. I got to come holler at you real quick. Like, come to my office real quick. When you get a second.

Like, all right. So they come in. I got three other managers in there with me. Oh, shit. Two other managers in there with me. two two other managers in there with me i'm like go ahead have a seat they have a seat i'm like i sit down i'm like so how are you they're like you know they're like i'm good i'm good i'm good like you're just and like dude like obviously like i'm a fucking idiot

but like i i fucking just i i all you're flexing the first managerial power you've ever had. It's wild because the hierarchy is real. But look, I'm like, so how are you? They're like, I'm good. I'm like, so you know why you're in here? They're like, it's a mind fuck. Kenzie said I'm not supposed to be doing this because it's like a brain fuck. But I'm like, you know why you're in here?

They're like, no. I'm like, yeah. So they've been watching the cameras and shit, you know. So you still don't know why you're in here? They're like, no, dude. I'm like, I just want to tell you, dude, you've been doing really good. I really appreciate you, man. I'm just like, I just want to say thank you, bro, for being a good employee and shit.

And they're like, fuck, dude. I thought I was fucking kidding. I'm like, so what have you been doing then? That's fucked up because you're going to accidentally have somebody snitch on themselves. Nah, dude. I wouldn't even care dude If they said If they said like Oh I've been stealing

You'd be like Shut the fuck up Don't say that again Keep that to yourself I'm like bro That's how you I was just saying Good job bro

Bro that's how you But no dude It's been hilarious No it's It's really a good feeling though Cause I had one girl Be like I've never had any job

Tell me that before. And I'm like, yeah. So you're boosting the morale. Yeah, dude. I fuck with them, and they fuck with me heavy, dude. Heavy. Sounds like you're doing a good job as a manager. I'm fucking killing it, bro.

Hell yeah. I'm killing it. No, I'm dead ass. No, I'm dead ass. I take my job serious now, and I'm going to be great at my fucking job, dude. Good. I'm a fucking fire ass manager. I'm the manager people wish they had.

I love that. I still don't know how to delegate shit. I do it myself. I know whenever I have managers, I love when they very, you know, intimidatingly invited me into their office and leave me out on the leash, and I don't know whether I'm in trouble or not. Just for them to give me a half-hearted compliment at the end. Fuck no, it ain't half-hearted. That's the best manager. It's me looking you dead in your fucking face

and it's something you're gonna remember compared to just like me seeing you and passing like, hey man, thank you. They're gonna do something wrong and you're gonna have to call them in. No, I know, but it ain't like, oh, you're just fucking with me again. Yeah, you're like Pavloving them. They're going to start salivating for a little while.

Because I've also had to call people in on bullshit. And it's still the same conversation. It just doesn't end the same way. It's just like, do you know why you're here? Okay, this is why you're fucking here. And we're going to fucking handle it. I just think it's funny you take time out of your day to pull somebody into the office.

My good employees, yes. Because they need to hear that they're appreciated. Why has your productivity been low this month? Well, I've just been fucking with my employees a lot. We don't prank in the employees. I spend 30 minutes per employee. Productivity is high, bud. Yeah, you're getting that place.

In tip-top shape. Oiled machine. Oiled fucking machine. It was running good before I even got there. I'm pretty much in the way. That's a different phrase. Running like what? Oiled machine, man.

Fine-tuned fucking locomotive. Running like an oiled-up machine. Like an oiled-up machine. So what am I doing? Is it fucked up or. Like an oiled up machine. So what am I doing? Is it fucked up or what? No, you're doing the right thing. You know what thug shaking is, Connor? Yeah.

You want me to demonstrate? Yes. Wait, what? Do you know what thug shaking is? No. What is it? I don't like the way you're pronouncing the G. I feel like it should be thug shaken.

Thug shaken? Yeah. What is thug shaking? No, you pronounce the first G're pronouncing the G. I feel like it should be Thug Shakin'. Thug Shakin'? Yeah. What is Thug Shakin'? No, you pronounce the first G, not the second G. Thug Shakin' is a sub, you know, it's a niche community on the internet. You know what it is, Connor? Yeah. Okay.

It's basically... It's a dance move, I guess. Yeah, yeah. There's like a whole... Is that like crip walking? There's a whole brand of porn, which is like these gay guys. It's porn? I don't know this part of it.

I thought it was a dance move. No. I had no idea that it was the porn part of it. Do the thug shaker. Shake that. Oh, you just offered it. It's also known as the helicopter dick. It's very similar.

Oh, we were thinking of it. I think we're in different camps here. Because they're on different pages. So thug shaking. I bet we're in different camps here So thug shake It's pretty people on the internet what they do is like they'll just have like a regular video and what in the fuck Compilation videos and like One of the slides will be like an oiled up black guy like twerking and then it'll just like go right back to the video. Oh, it's like one of those videos where like the

there's something weird in there. Yeah. Is that that big black dude with like the freaking... He's involved. He's sometimes in there. What's his name again? OG Mudbone? That's the one. I don't think so. I don't think that... Was that that guy? Tyrone?

Oh yeah. Put up a picture of OG Mudbone in the one. I don't think so. I don't think that was that, that guy Tyrone. Oh yeah. That's put up a, put up a picture. OG mud bone in the pod. Put up the picture. Um, but like, there's like a whole genre of porn,

which is a gay guys like finding this straight guy. It's basically, you know, like, you know, they bang the straight guy. I'm so mad. I said,

I knew what you were talking about. Yeah. And then you offered, you know, exactly what what i'm talking about i found it in his browser history the other day you tried to demonstrate it on the pod dude i saw one well i didn't see one but i saw one the other day and it was like they told the guy hey uh we got some we got some pussy over here like we can go and like they took him to like a roof and they're like alright there's no pussy

but you are gonna suck our dicks Jesus that's extortion yeah I don't think this is like it's a porno it's fake yeah

but it's just weird as fuck they're paid actors you need to stay off the internet a little bit yeah you watch that one start to finish yeah of course

like literally start to finish yeah three or four times yeah one session geez that's awesome yeah dude you know it takes me i'm like sting he's a man of conviction he knows he wants that tantric stuff you know i'm saying relentless i have no idea what you're saying actually i have zero percent sting sting fucks for like six hours straight that's a lot well the musical artist yes dang you're doing better than mel fucking tucker whacking off and getting fired from his job from michigan state fucking did that happen yeah he got caught like whacking off the phone sex and got fired and he had the biggest the biggest contracts ever in college football. It's getting ugly, boys.

When did that happen? Was he doing it in a public location? I don't know the logistics. All I know is they said he was whacking off via phone sex. He was on a children's playground. That's why he got fired. That's what the issue was. Michigan State's head coach.

Boys, you guys want to make any final thoughts or statements to wrap things up today? I know you guys don't know what this is, but I'm going to throw up the Shadoor Sanders. All right. Nice. I won't be throwing up one of those. I've already got caught up pretending to know what I know about.

OG Mudbone or whatever. Connor, thanks for coming to hang out with us this weekend and on the podcast. AJ, thanks for outfitting me like Pete Sampras. I'm going to get out there on the court soon, bro. No idea what Walker's talking about again. Oh, yeah. What the fuck? I got you dressed, buddy.

Hell yeah. Good shit. Fuck yeah. Connor, safe travels home, dude. We appreciate you pulling up. You fucking... I'll be safe. I know you're coming off a fucking bendy with these fuckers, but...

It's been pretty tame, honestly. Has it? Yeah. We've been up till 5 a.m., man. You seem to be here to get better than Austin, so... But it's just been lack of sleep. That's all it is. That's really what's fucking me up.

We'll stay up till 5 in the morning playing GTA like we're in high school. Yeah. We're getting hella cash. That's pretty sick. Hella cash. Hella strippers. Hella cash. Hella strippers. Hella cash strippers. All right, guys.

It's been fun. Hell yeah. Thanks for listening to another episode of the Always Laugh. Let's go out here. We got missions to play, Connor. Yeah, I gotta get back to the TTA.

I guess I'll just go fuck myself. Yeah, you didn't let me say something. Have Connor end it. Fucking go ahead and run it, buddy. No, that's okay. Okay. Thanks for listening to another episode

of the Always Laugh podcast. My name's Austin Lane lane my name is aj i'm walker special guest connor doble we out love you people