Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #39 - SEASON 2 EPISODE 1, Core Memories

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

Season 2 is here!! This episode we talk about Walker saving his sisters lives, Aj playing weird games as a kid, Austin being a terrible kid, and our hot takes. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I'm Walker and listen, I plan to be even more insufferable this season. I continue, you know, to shamelessly steal stuff from Reddit, you know, passing it is passing it off as my own opinions, you know, but I refuse to give up my sources because true journalists have integrity i respect that welcome back ladies and gentlemen it's freaking season two episode one we're in the new location it's freaking fire dude we're in the stew we're in the new studio it's not it's not finalized we did have to kind of put this together austin put this together so shout out to austin um but yeah this is a new look at the stew yeah we've been working on it um hope you guys like it but uh so we're gonna have a couple little new things it's um new season new vibes new layout a little bit nothing crazy still gonna be the same old us but also now has a notebook in front of at all times i'm prepared for anything he's rebranding as an intellectual i'm prepared for the worst i'm prepared for the best um but yeah we're

gonna have themes we're gonna have a theme for every cat or for every podcast and the theme is just gonna be like an overall theme we're not gonna stick to it too heavily you know we're gonna try to touch back to it here and there throughout but today's theme is uh what was it walker i forgot today's theme was core memories that's what it was yeah yeah in the spirit of inside out oh yeah whatever that means you know what i was thinking about the other day man i was in my backyard one time and i saw these two dogs from like half a mile away just charging at us and it was like me and my two little sisters i was probably like seven at the time and i started freaking the fuck out i was like oh

fuck there's dogs so i like threw one of my sisters like you know into a tree that we climbed and she scampered up and then like i took my other sister to the tree house she started climbing up and i started climbing up and like the dogs were like running into our yard at that time and my hand slipped and i like fell four feet straight on my back. The dogs ran up. And it was literally our neighbor's black labs. I had freaked out. I had Rottweilers running into my neighborhood.

And it was my neighbor's dogs. You turned into Superman? Yeah, Superman. Superman fell straight on his ass and almost bit his tongue off that's a classic superman behavior but it's cute you tried to uh save your sister's lives yeah right from nothing certified good guy over here it's a fucking lab i wanted to actually really if i think about it I wanted to save them from getting any love and take it all for myself. It's like get the fuck out of here.

I need all these all this stuff. I'm done dude. Selfish. I can see where that would be. So you're from what you took what you took away from that was you're just you're selfish. Yes. You're a selfish man. I have another story very similar to that.

Yeah. This is actually, this is a big factor in my life. This really shaped how I turned out. When I was in elementary school, it was maybe like third grade. The lunch line, you know, you go through it and they had like these little like stadium serving dishes. You know, like the little paper joints. Of chicken. Wait, what?

You know, like the little paper serving dishes. You said the paper joints? Yeah, that's my brand now. I have Doc Martens and I say joints. You should have said Johns. It would have been more fun. You know them Johns? Paper Johns?

Yeah, now season two I've gone full jive turkey. John's would have been more fun. You know them John's? Paper John's? Yeah. Now, season two, I've gone full jive turkey. So you have the paper joints? Yeah, no. So the paper serving things had chicken nuggets in them. And each one had four chicken nuggets. And I was hungry one day. So I just took one chicken nugget from another thing,

went and checked out and everything, sat down. The lunch lady straight up stopped everything in the cafeteria, and she was like, who stole a chicken nugget? And she was holding up the paper dish, and I swear to God, I sat there,

and my face just instantly turned bright red. She just stopped everything. She was like looking around She's she like started pulling in like the last like ten people to check out So did you get caught? Or did you make it out of the first? No, I to be honest. I I I turned I was a coward They called me in and I folded and blamed my friend cody and cody was a bad kid who had like been suspended before and he got blamed for it that is fucked up walker but so that's why i can't do anything bad because i immediately feel like i

was like i took one chuck chicken nugget one time and she shut down the whole operation that's why you started interviewing people to find me people are watching me i can't that's why i can't steal bro it's something they're coming i've tried to get walker to steal he just won't do it not even because i'm into stealing just because i want to see him do it because he's you know know, Austin just pulls out these full shopping carts from Target and shit. He's like, bro, come on, just run one out with me. I'm like, listen, dude, I'm sorry. I have a moral code and I got to stick to it.

Bro, just keep walking. Don't look. Don't look back. We forgot it at the bottom, dude. Remember. No, stealing is bad. Don't be a thief. Walker, I'm glad that you learned that in

your early did you get the locking shopping carts dude we're not gonna be able to get this stuff out of here oh fuck um all right let's just roll right in a segment one and this is trivia hold on dude i i was waiting over here oh sorry sorry sorry, it's all about structure this time around. That's kind of where we're tapping into this season. Structure. Yeah, sorry, I just tried to bulldoze my way right through. You did. You got stopped in your tracks.

We want it to be a little bit structured, but flow well for you guys. You're not even going to know their structure because there's so much damn structure. Fucking just the word structure gives it gets me fucking antsy because i think a connor fucking double structuring fucking construction but look construction bro that's one in the same all right look so i was thinking like the fucking thing was core memories and i don't know why i had a fucking core memory that just popped. I didn't have nothing until about five minutes ago when I just heard your fucking story of you getting chased by a fucking dog. And I don't know why.

This has nothing to do with dogs. But when I was a kid, I was an only child. I was an only child as a kid. And I had a trampoline. And my neighbors lived like a mile away my neighbors would come over and we would do this thing on the trampoline called butt wars right i've seen things like this on the internet and i don't i don't think you should talk about have you guys heard of butt wars never i had a trampoline in my backyard as a kid i've never heard of it yeah my we didn't really get down like that as kids.

It must have been a your generation thing. So, look, so. I had one special friend like that. So, living out in the country as a poor kid with friends that lived a mile away that would come over every now and then. We were just boys being boys. We'd do this thing called butt wars where we'd all jump on the trampoline right it'd be like three or three people max maybe maybe two or three two or three three people would get on the trampoline we'd all jump like really fucking

high and we would just launch we'd go up in the air and just get up into a ball and like kind of turn our back so we're like our butt we'd try to slam into each other as hard as we could in the air like butt first like back and butt first like in a ball in the air dude it was like whoever just could take the most pain like one or whoever like, launched off the trampoline? Who's ever asked could take the most punishment? Right. One. Right. So whoever is.

And you were, like, you were, like, you know, gold medal, right? It was my trampoline. I had to win. He's like, I have an ass of steel. This thing is capable of anything. Walker has gorilla tape. It's not working. No, this thing don't.

Dude, move it. You're good. This is natural move it. You're good. This is natural, bro. You're good. Let him do it. But yeah, dude, that just unlocked a fucking core memory of playing butt wars on the trampoline. Just ass-blasting kids in your neighborhood.

Oh, dude, you used to wake up so sore the next day from butt wars. What happened to my ass? That's how it was. Oh, man. He used to be. He's going to. Peter really, really tore me up last night. He's going it was. Oh, man. He's going to – Peter really, really tore me up last night. He's going to school.

Teachers are like, why can't you sit down right? Like, what's wrong with you? Like, we need to tell somebody. I'm sorry. Me and the boys really went after it last night. No, and then like – and then I was – I didn't win all the time. But when I won won i would do a backflip off the trampoline which is like some elite shit and i could only imagine doing that

now dude i'd be scared to even just jump off like jumping real high on trampoline and then jumping off that same height i'd be so scared let alone doing a dang backflip off that thing oh yeah those knees would turn to dust. You'd blow everything out again. What's your core memory, Austin? I know you had a pretty wild childhood. We're going to keep it light. A lot of my core memories, I was realizing today because I did some thoughts. I did some thinking on my core memories as a youngster and a lot of them made me kind of sad. So I decided that I wasn't going to dive too deep into that. I wasn't ready to really unlock those real core, core memories, you know. But I do have a memory.

Tell him when he went viral the first time on YouTube as a kid. As a kid. Your first knockout. No. It's a fire vid. It is a fire vid. We'll get there eventually, someday. I'm not ready for that. It's public. vid it is a fire vid we'll we'll get there eventually someday i'm not ready for that uh public i know it's is it private it's public buddy all right anyway so what's 9-11 never

forget my uh my grandmother worked at this um school this special needs school and um that's just important because they had these massive like tr, tricycles, like bicycle tricycle, you know, but they're like the big ones. You said she was your teacher? Shut up. Yeah, this was your school? No, we used to go. We used to go to the school because we were. Every day to enroll, you know, to go to school.

No, damn it. To go to class. Anyway. So it was like a big wheel. was like the big wheels had like the two little wheels in the back wrong they're all the same size it's a massive tricycle really just like a bicycle size tricycle yeah one in the front two in the back big basket whatever so we would she would take us there because we were younger and we could ride bikes in the hallways at a school like it was sick could you not balance when you were no i was pretty stupid as a kid so well the real problem

was i had my i think it was my sister in the front basket of this massive tricycle i'm flying the school was like you gotta go to class with your sister shut up walker so this is weird why is that weird you got two sisters all right sorry sorry oh sorry i was just waiting on you guys to shut the hell up uh so we were riding in this big circle around the school and i'm flying around the the corner so it was like like there were still like corners but it was a circle shape so like we're flying around the corner lexi's in the basket we take a turn we take a corner too sharp and there's a drinking fountain on the wall There were still corners, but it was a circle shape. So we're flying around the corner. Lexi's in the basket. We take a corner too sharp, and there's a drinking fountain on the wall. And I smoke this drinking fountain.

Rip it off the wall completely. Completely rip the fountain off the wall. The frickin' water starts spraying out of the wall. I don't even know. It was like a pressure washer. Like, it was blasting out of the wall. And, yeah, it flooded the entire hallway. There was about two inches of water in, like, almost the entire school.

And classrooms were flooded. Dude, that's so scary. I was freaking out. I was trying to shove my finger in the hole where the water was coming out of like i was crying i'm like grandma i'm so sorry she it's a weekend she has to call maintenance to like come in and turn off the water so yeah i'm getting anxiety just thinking about it dude i think that was a scary memory if you don't automatically try to if you poke a like if there's water spewing out of a hole,

if you don't try to plug it with your finger, just for the quick second, just even though you know you're not going to do fucking shit, but I think that's everyone's first reaction. There was no chance. Dude, I was trying to put my finger in the hole. I took my hoodie off. I was wrapping my hoodie around the hole because it was like a little hose sticking out. Dude, you're an industrious.

I was trying my best. I was trying. I i was trying to i was doing anything you put like a tourniquet on it i grabbed trash can out of a room and like started filling up trash cans and dumping them outside i was freaking out dude well so like how long were you alone facing this um i would say 30 seconds no i mean probably like a solid two minutes or no maybe a solid minute and a half while like zach and lexi your panic a pure panic i'm like go get grandma now like they're like running to go find her oh it was terrible so that was a core memory she was like listen do not let students in on the weekends. Dude, that actually reminds me.

I was in kindergarten and I was trying to impress this girl. So I did this thing where I jumped and like jumped up on a chair and jumped down. That's not super sick, bro. It was. She was so like, she looked at me. Anyways, the assistant teacher was this like creepy guy who like had a mustache. He ended up living in my neighborhood. He brought me over to the back of the classroom and busted my balls about this for like two hours.

Halfway through it, I was like, I don't even remember his name. I was like like can i go to the bathroom and he was like are you going to use the bathroom are you going in there to cry i was like oh i'm just going to use the bathroom and i went in there and just fucking like silently sobbed my fucking eyes out came back out he he was, why did you think it was okay? That's not all. He walked me out of the school to my mom. And he like tattled on me to my mom without jumping on the chair. She was like, what the fuck is, like, I don't know what she did. I hope she stood up for me. I know we want to get to this trivia segment, but I just had a legit core memory that has to be talked about yes dude this is our therapy oh my god this is no longer season two of

the pod this is uh season one of getting better it's like a two like part story but i'm gonna try i'm gonna try to run through it so um plain and simple i was in fifth grade sitting at a table it was like four people at the table two on that side two on this side facing each other there was a girl sitting next to me and a guy sitting across from me we're writing the guy and i are writing in a notebook and write passing notes back and forth we're like she's mine he's like no she's mine fuck you like cussing at cussing each other out like bad and like the girl's just sitting there the whole time knowing exactly what we're talking about and she's like well i guess we'll see who wins the teacher is like what are you guys doing back there so she comes up and she's like let me see the notebook and i'm like

she's like let me see it now so she reads all this terrible terrible imagine a fifth grader writing to another fifth grader it was just learned how to curse we barely even knew what we were saying but we were saying shit ass fuck bitch yeah yeah it was bad so uh we did that i got written up had to go home it was a friday when i had to go home and get this paper signed with a printout of what all the stuff on the notebook said i waited till sun or i waited till monday morning to get it signed my dad was pissed pissed i was grounded for like two weeks i i never got grounded i was grounded so that all happened i go back to school the next day i was a bad kid i guess looking back on things um we go to like reading time you know we'd go to our reading groups my breath my best friend

um he was in my reading group so obviously we're doing some dumb shit you know things are gonna happen so i take a i take elmer's glue like the liquid you know i take his hand because you know you guys ever do that thing where you put like glue on your hand and peel it off so we were doing that but i was like give me your hand i squirted the entire bottle of glue i was such an asshole just dude i'm sorry buddy that i did this to you i'm really sorry because he cried i think um i put the entire bottle in his hand and put his hand in his pocket like forced him to put his hand in his pocket and the teacher was like he the teacher was like what are you guys doing and he starts crying and snitches on me as he probably should have because i was being a dick and like the teacher is like austin come here you're getting written up and i

was like oh i cannot get written up back to back like on friday and on monday that's terrible so she's like i start crying and she's like go out in the hall now so like we go out in the hall and she was like friends with my grandma that worked at that school because her daughter actually went to that school and she was like give me one good reason that you that i shouldn't write you up right now and i was like because my dad will beat my ass like please don't it's like please don't she was like all right like you're gonna you can i'll let you get away with it this time but any more shit and you're done like you're cooked and i was like okay I will be good. I was really good after that. That's good, dude.

Works me up. I bet. Imagine a kid dropping that on you. It's like, oh, I can't. He really wouldn't have beat my ass. He might have smacked me or spanked me or some weird shit. Spanking. Dude. All right, Walker... A little... A little spanking.

Dude. All right, Walker, hit us with some trivia, buddy. Let's see what you got. I'm sorry, man. But it's... I brought that on myself, for sure. I'm sure you are a fucking dick. Duh, dude, I was a terrible kid.

You have pure... Welcome to the Always Laughed Trivia Show. You peer pressure people now. Now, I don't really know what constitutes a trivia question about core memories, because that's a very personal question, but I did my best here. All right. Really, I just referenced pop culture from our younger years. Oh, yeah.

First question. AJ, you're going to answer first. All right. Whoever gets the question right has to answer first. Okay. In 2004, who famously had their breast exposed by Justin Timberlake at the Super Bowl? Janet Jackson. Beyonce?

AJ's correct. Damn it. That's my era, baby. I probably wouldn't have gotten that right. That's my era, youngin'. But I had to say somebody different. Boy, never seen a titty pop out on live TV. Was it cool or what?

That's inappropriate. Don't answer that. I missed it. I didn't see it live. Damn. I saw it on ReGrow. In the uber popular show, Phil of the Future. Oh, hell yeah.

This is my era, baby. Fuck. Let's get it. What century did they come from? Oh, hell yeah. This is my era, baby. Let's get it. What century did they come from? Oh, shit. Can we get a repeat of the question, please? In the uber popular show, Phil of the Future, what century did they come from?

Phil and his family. AJ? Yeah, you answer first. Fucking Narnia. Yes. Okay. It was either that or the 21st century. I know it ain't the 21st fucking century.

I cannot remember. It's in the song, dude. I know, and I can't. I'm trying to. I can't fucking do that. Dude, the timer's running. Okay. I don't even know i'm going i'm going 20 90 what is it that's pretty close it's the 22nd century how does the song go can you can you give us a little jingle in the 22nd century i don't know

it's something like that you know that's not the b big man thing? I've never heard of that shit. I hope not. I hate that show. We know how Walker feels about that show. All right. Well, okay. In Mean Girls, what were the popular girls known as? Kenzie is going to kill me.

She's only played this movie a hundred times. I don't know. Lindsay Lohan had a special name for them. They were known as something around the school. What was it? This one's not unlocking any core for me. The Bratz Dolls. The Bratz Dolls. That's pretty close.

The Pretty Bitches. This was like a children's movie. The Bad Bitches. The Sexy Sluts. The High School Sluts. The bad bitches. The sexy sluts. The high school sluts. Sexy rat. Dude, come on. The Mean Girls, dude.

That was their name. No, the... The... Fuck, I don't know. The Plastics. Oh my god, that's know. The plastics. Oh my god. That's terrible. The plastics?

That is funny. That's fire. That is funny. That's ridiculous. Alright. Which emotion best represents you from Inside Out?

What? This is the fourth and final question. What does that question mean? This is a personal question. Which emotion? Have you ever seen Inside Out? No.

Inside Out is a, let me give you a brief background. Inside Out is a popular Disney movie trying to teach kids about emotions. And basically people are run by like these five or six emotions. It's like anger, sadness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Happiness, all that stuff stuff which one of those emotions represents you the most so like there's no right and wrong yeah right well there is a right and wrong i have the right the right answer oh for each of us yes so you have the answer so this is like you're the judge of whether or not we're right or wrong. Yes. AJ. So what emotion... What emotion?

It's only out of them five, or I can go rogue with it. Yeah, it's only out of those five. Can you say the emotions one more time? Well, no, you can go rogue. Okay. I can't say the emotions. Oh, is that...

I have no idea. Oh, okay. We'll say anxiety, happiness, sadness, anger, hope, and I think there's one more. Like melancholy. All right. I have no idea what you would say for me. Winging it.

That's my emotion. That's my emotion. We're going to go. Well, you'll both have to answer. Oh. Well, should he both have to answer. Oh. Well, should he guess first? AJ is winging it. What's the closest one to this?

Should we both guess for each other? No. Just for yourselves. This is an introspection time. Okay. Okay. My bad. Yeah.

My fault. We are doing a little therapy session. I forgot. Exactly. I feel like there are a couple that you could say for me, and I don't know which one you have written down. Well, let's hear it. I'm just going to go with one that has been prevalent in my lifetime

and say anger. Gotcha. All right. Well, you were both wrong. God damn it. I knew you were going to say anger. I feel like I know what the answer is. Maybe.

So. Sad. The emotions I feel that represent you best. AJ, it's cowardice. Fuck. Austin, it's alcoholism. I didn't know that was. Those are two emotions that are not featured in the film,

but I think they got cut in the writer's room. I know what their intention was. Damn it, Walker. You played me. I played you guys. I got you guys really good. I'm a freaking coward. I fucking got you guys.

I'm an alcoholic? Yeah, bro. You've been fucking dodging our boxing match, bitch. I've been weaning. You're the one who canceled it at first. Really? He canceled it. Really? He canceled it. Really?

Motherfucker's been out of town for fucking three weeks. Yeah, bro. I was hanging with business. I can't believe you played me like that. I'm sorry, dude. It was worth it, though. I've been working on my... Shut up, you drunk.

I've been working on my drink. As he just cracked a fucking... You forced me. Dude, lean into it, you know? Don f this bs i'm sorry we're going straight into freaking hot take baby you guys what do you guys got some hot takes mine i've got a pretty you know mine actually kind of does relate to my core memories and i don't think i like the reason that my hot take is what it is, but I think it is the reason that it is what it is. All right, let's do you second.

Let's do the smartest guy in the room, AJ first. Fuck you. All right, smarty pants. What's your hot take? He makes the most money. He bosses around the most people. He is big shit these days he uh moves the most product of all kinds baby hit him up my um my hot take is kind of it kind of it it does actually relate

to like kind of some childhood stuff but lately it's been very relevant in my life um it's it's really pissing me off. I know my mom is probably going to watch this. I've said this out loud before to her. I just freaking hate it. My hot take is... I'm trying to think of the best way to explain this.

When you're a kid... Make it clippable. When you're a kid... Really, that's all the podcast so we care about say a cool ass word in the beginning right now when you're a kid and your parents save all your stuff i'm talking about like every test like do you guys parents save that like do you have boxes filled well you moved a thousand times way too many times oh yeah she's still got like artwork from like preschool that's what i'm saying if you were lucky enough to live in a

household or most households that stayed in the same spot didn't really have moving around or like didn't have some crazy house fire or like didn't really have uh calm down there hulk like moving house to house to house and shit just gets lost. And if you just stayed in the same... Your parents probably saved every assignment, every coloring book, every picture, every... Everything, right? They saved it in these boxes, right? Well, now...

Especially if your parents are a hoarder. Yep. Or if they love dealing. Yeah. Imagine. So, look. So, now that I'm older, right? I'm older. I live on my own. I have my own life, my own family. Right. And my mom's like, Hey, you know, I need to make room or not necessarily. I just, I need to make room. I want to send you all your stuff. And I'm like, I don't want it. You kept that. I didn't want it. I don't want that. But, like, so she sends it and I'm like, okay, I can't.

I can throw it away, but I feel like shit because she's held on to it for 29 years. Is it all paper products? It's everything from, like. I'm going to the recycling center soon. You can just drop it off at my house. Dude, there's like 30 trophies. There's every paper I've ever did. There's everything.

There's literally... Dude, actually... Everything. Dude, I actually... I'm going to make this a problem. I got letters... I'm going to create a bot version of you using all of your school time materials.

Dude, I got letters from my dad from the penitentiary. Damn. Yeah. That's wild. That is wild. Yeah. Talking about... Have you read them recently?

Yeah, they're fucking wild. That is crazy. They're just like... Ramblings? No, it was just like jail talk. Did he say he loved you of course i mean any dad that wants to see their son after that's not with the baby mama is gonna be like yeah tell him i love him like that's wild that's what he said in the letter yo tell him i

love him but so like dude there's so much there's so much shit so like i'm at the point now where like i don't want i just i don't want it i don't have room for it i got a baby coming i don't got room for it i don't want it i can't send it back i really want to throw it away i don't want it but like you just like that's my that's my hot take like don't parents do not send your kid that shit like they don't want it you keep it keep it they didn't ask you to keep that shit. They don't want it. Keep it. Keep it. They didn't ask you to keep that shit. No, I mean. Keep it.

Just wait until your mom starts sending you shit. It's like, no, you need to keep it in your house. I don't want it in my house. There's no Austin's mom type of bullshit. No, she might have like. Check that attic. Lori, pull that attic out. She probably has like very, very specific things,

but my mom's not not a holder on her. Well, you also have three kids. My mom had one, so I was everything. Your mom obviously is a good ass. Your mom has lived in the same house. My mom moved 30 times. We moved once and moved back. My bad.

But anyways, that's my hot take. Do not. I don't want it. I don't want it. I'm not flexing my fucking skateboard trophy i got when i was 12 i don't know the prison letters are kind of sick though there's like two he loved that two times letters dude i mean it's kind of cool though i got everything dude i got fucking jump rope for heart certificates i got everything everything, dude. I don't want it. All right. So what?

I'm just flexing, sorry. Yeah. I'm done with your shit. So simple question. Are you a cat or a dog person? Real quick. No. Well, okay, fine.

Real quick because you're going to interrupt me in a second. So let's get it. What do you need? I'm not. What do you want? I've got discipline. You said I go second. AJ, whenever we do a prompt like that, your answer is always so niche and esoteric.

Like four people get it. Who's like parents are sending them like boxes of their former test? I guarantee there's so many kids. I'm 29 years old, right? I'm just about to have my first kid. I am getting married like eventually like i'm becoming a real ass adult and um i guarantee i'm not the only one whose parents wants to send them their shit because they're like either running out of room or just

they think you just need it because you like this all started when she found out i was having a kid so she's like oh my god flooding with all his kids shit to for like the baby like yeah yeah like i got you i got you i i retract my whatever my bullshit so fuck right off so i'd say personality wise i'm i'm probably a dog person yeah all right so cat or dog person i guess dog cat or dog person aj both so you're a cat and a dog person no you can't do that you gotta pick one i like them both it's cat or dog not cat and dog no he can do both well i'm doing both then if i can all right you guys are both that's perfect so you're you're a cat and a dog person you're a cat and a dog person i have both i literally own both. I'm neither. I think cats and dogs both kind of suck.

And I'm going to get a lot of hate for that. And I am done living my life trying to convince myself that I need to be a pet person because I'm just not. I'm simply not. I love the ones that I love. I love my dog, Lucy. That's my mom's dog. I loved our cat, Smella, before she passed away. I like Jack. He's all right. Molly's a dick, but she's cool. So yeah, I'm just, I don't, I think cats and dogs

both suck. They don't bring much to the table. They, I mean like they smell bad. You have to take care of them nonstop. They can't take care of themselves. Like they just, I don't need to pet every dog I see. Like, I don't know. They just don't do it for themselves. Like, they just, I don't need to pet every dog I see. Like, I don't know. They just don't do it for me. And I can understand how they might do it for others. They bring that warm, fuzzy feeling. I just don't get it.

I don't get that feeling. They represent some deeper thing than yourself that scares you. Potentially. I think it might actually go back to my core. My dad was just a piece of shit to animals. Have you ever wanted to hurt animals? No. Not like that. Have you ever trapped animals in your backyard?

Well, yeah. Didn't we all do experiments on them? Didn't we all do that? Well, yeah, but how many? Have you ever dissected a dead animal on the side of the road? I poked it with a stick. In a non-scientific context. Poked it with a stick, that's it.

But yeah, no, that's me. That's my hot take. I think cats and dogs both are mid. They're mid. They don't suck. They're just mid. Dude, I have a blazing take that I just thought of based on. Well, not really.

I stole it from Redditor. Walker's blazing takes. I just like thought of based on well not really I stole it from reddit walkers blazing takes based on your thing what's your blazing take that you stole from reddit it is better for a dog to be put down than live in an apartment where the owner goes to work every day oh god that's gonna resonate with

yeah I could agree with that I could like because that's just such a miserable some of our viewers. Yeah, I could agree with that. Because that's just such a miserable life for the dog. They're trapped in a small space. Every time their owner leaves, they think they're abandoned for good, and that happens every single day. And what happens when their owner comes home? They get walked out to one singular patch of dead grass, and all the other 40 dogs in the complex are pissed off.

So that's the big difference that's the big difference it's not like the apartment itself it's that they don't have anywhere to go outside afterwards to like really just have their own space to run free they get yard time like in prison like what if that what if the pet owners are like really good and take them to like dog parks and like let them get wild but even then, that's like, what, 30% of the day? Maybe. That dog lives in a constant panic. I think I'm like,

am I like squeaking my S's? I sound like the old guy from Family Guy. I think you're slurring your words. I am slurring. So pretty much, if you leave your dog, what if they're crated? So the apartment's irrelevant. If you leave your dog anywhere so the apartments are relevant if you leave your dog crated in an apartment

I think it is a big I think it's mostly apartment houses you know wow house house house different this house is the size of an apartment no it's not yes it is dude I'm talking like bro this house is like 1200 square feet yeah but like I'm talking like you know a one bedroom living room apartment you know like like a

studio apartment. They just let their dog shit on the patio. That pisses me off. That pisses me off. When people just let their dog out on the turf little patio to shit and piss. I'm like, bro. Dude, it's so depressing. It's unbelievable. You guys are so bad.

So pretty much, if you leave your dog at home, crated or not crated, you're a piece of shit. Your dog literally feels like it's in prison. It gets a little 15 minutes a yard time and then has to go right back. And it's lucky if it is on good behavior, it might go to the dog park, which is literally like prison. If you're good in prison, you can go get a little job. You can be out. You can make 18 cents an hour doing basically slave labor for the U.S. government.

All right. I've got a whole new hot take that wasn't even in my notes. Okay. Hit us with it, buddy. But I just forgot it. Okay. So don't hit us with it, buddy. Oh, okay.

Okay. So have you noticed that, like, I don't know, makeup's phasing out and outfits are phasing back in? I have not noticed. I don't know much about the makeup scene, but I have noticed that people are very, very worried about fashion these days. Impressive take. I have some stuff to go on. To do another way, have you noticed like restaurants are less about, you know,

these elegant dishes than they are about something visual, you know, like pouring the milk over the chocolate and melting it. Like it's all about making a scene now. And that's because like Instagram is kind of phased out. Like Instagram promoted

these beautiful pictures that's why makeup was so important it was like a close-up image of someone's face right a close-up image of a plate of food phone eats first TikTok has pulled away from the face it now shows the whole body so now that's why outfits are becoming more important than like makeup. TikTok is video based and not picture based. That's why doing like a show at a restaurant is so much more impactful than just having like a good looking dish. That is, I've never thought that deeply about that.

That's a fire ass take dude. A hundred percent. I think that that's like a, that's like a, that might've been the best shit you've ever said it's like a cold take that's a freezing cold take or something i don't know what you would call it because like i feel like the way you described it people should agree with that because it makes perfect sense listen i was in the tiktok mines you know i was grinding it out walker was in there for months dude i would like

it was unbelievable i couldn't hand it was like heroin to me. I would sit on TikTok for like four hours a day. Bro, I checked my screen time one time. Four hours, that's it? It was nine hours, seven of which were TikTok. And I would just like sit, bro, I would sit in the bathroom for like three hours on TikTok. Buddy, I did four hours today on TikTok and worked 12 hours. Yeah, but that's not sitting in your room and you haven't taken a shower that day. What do you think I'm about to go home and do?

Because all you can do is sit there and watch TikToks. I'd be on it right now if I called out. AJ's mid-pod just scrolling. Shit's whack. Oh, AJ pisses me off. It really is a sick drug it's bad like people that just like don't even know they're doing it they're scrolling and complete like they're still responding to you like i'm like what i just said no idea hey but anyway anyways

though the whole makeup thing like kenzie used to watch like youtube makeup people and they ain't even on the screen no more for real like they're not even popping up like more yeah you look at instagram but the get readies with me's and shit like the the let's put some shit put some shit on with me and go to the gym or like that type of like put some outfit of the day dude instagram's like and you know anecdotally just like looking at you know girls posts on instagram you know like five years ago it was so much closer and now it's like you know they're all doing like 0.5 image like pictures you know they've got their foot covering like half the camera like it's like so much like more of like the whole set instead of just the face i'm so far out of the game when it comes to the photography instagram like i was never in that

game like the stuff people do to get these fire ass instagram pictures and like shit that they post on their grid and shit it's just un-fucking-real and even the camera angles on videos are getting out of control like i cannot the average person cannot keep up with you fuckers and i saw a video the other day that really resonated with me or not with me but it was just funny i was like yeah he's right for sure he was pretty much like he was like he was like y'all bitches are not famous like it is okay to be normal he's like because like you get on instagram and all you see is like someone with 10 000 followers thinking they got paparazzi waiting for them when they leave the fucking gym and shit like he's like it is fucking okay to be a normal person like why does everyone think they're

fucking celebrities like on social media like as far as like like the whole like dude it's the byproduct of like western advance towards individualism you know it's us we i was raised on i can do whatever i want viral whatever i set my mind to the only limit that was really put on me was my dad told me you probably can't play in the NBA. Giving everything about our family history, it's unlikely. But he was like, you know, run for president. That's fucked up that your dad said that to you. Well, it's just like it enforces a belief that like we're all capable of these extraordinary things.

And it's not true. I'm a very normal person that's only capable of, like, I don't know, barely above mediocre things. And I was led to believe I could be an astronaut. And we'll get more into that next week, won't we, Walk? Can I say my next hot take? All right. Has multiple hot takes.

Well, yeah, I just came up with that last one. So I also think there's been a rising tide of immaturity in our society. And one discourse that really represents it is like the Margot Robbie is mid discourse. It's like that is such an insane childish take that it's like not even worth giving. And like people are like legitimately parroting like Margot Robbie is mid I think Margot Robbie is mid and I think one one of the One of the root causes for this is that We are living in a advanced state of adolescence now for longer. I'm just kidding

I do not think Margot Robbie is mid like Because we're exposed to these these forms of media that are particularly like focused around young people and how young people like make content like tiktok it's like stopping people's emotional development in like their teenage years so now like stuff that i don't know a 40 year old used to care about now 40 year olds are like caring about their likes on tiktok what is your hot take i'm i'm fucking lost as hell right now what is your overall point uh margot robbie is mid got it the rise in adolescence is due to social media and media in general being more like young the rise in adolescence yeah i think there's like a rise in adolescence. Like, you know, people are like less mature now.

The rise in adolescence. Oh, like the age of adolescence is older now? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's a good way to put it. You got 40, 50, 60-year-olds seeing damn near the same content we're seeing. Right. 40, 50, 60-year-olds arguing on MSN all day. Dude, it's fire.

And I sit there and watch them. And these people are insane. Walker was looking through MSN comments. We're not going to get all into that. But those comments are crazy. I can't read these on the pod. Let's get into our favorite comments. So we're going to

tell you guys some of our favorite comments. It's either going to be a favorite comment that somebody commented on the video. It could be least favorite, you know, something that stood out to us. So these are all comments on videos or, like, short film clips, any video we've put out. And we've had a couple go pretty viral, so there's a lot of comments. Yeah, some of the comments get a little rowdy. So I don't know what these boys are going to say.

I'm interested to see. So what you boys got? Do we have to name the video or just like – No, I mean if it's important. Yeah, a little context. So my comment was on a video. We had a guest, and this guest ended up playing some little junior college football, right? Oh, God.

And he graduated. He graduated from junior college. I think what is that? Associate's degree. No, he ended up getting his bachelor's degree somehow or whatever it is. Whatever. He got his bachelor's. He was in college, right?

College student. Is that the only thing that's important here? No, no. He was a college student. Yeah. football yes and he ended up leaving football right and kind of just is just doing him now or doing what he loves to do i don't think it's involving football yeah he's entering the workforce pretty much because that's what people do after they leave college right this comment said and i quote enjoy managing an enterprise rental car place the rest of your life god dang and they're doing him like that and this really That's definitely not even what he's doing. No, no, no. That comment's fucked up. No, no. This made me laugh so hard because when I was going through my work phase, like trying to get a better job, and I worked in retail, like somewhat management, like keyholder management.

And once I got some experience under my belt you know you're on indeed looking for jobs and shit and i knew always knew a lot of people that worked at enterprise like normal people like me i have more experience and i'm like i need to work at enterprise like they seem to pay well this and that and on their website it literally they will not hire you for anything but to wash the cars in the parking lot if you want to be any sort of inside position. You have to have a bachelor's degree. What? You have to.

Enterprise freaking car rental. You have to have it. What are they paying inside? This was years ago ago probably like 13 bucks an hour tops enterprise was tripping this was years ago right enterprises so look smoke so i used to have the biggest like hatred because i would apply so many times and just think my my because you know usually it's bachelor's degree or equivalent experience. Yeah.

I had the experience part. They literally will be like, no, no degree. That's why you non-degree. So you're like, this dude went D1. And it's so true, because if you go to your local enterprise and ask them how many played a college sport or how many were super popular in high school. That's why I go from Hertz. Because I walk into Enterprise and whenever I get helped at the desk, it is always some 6'4 Adonis black guy that makes me the most insecure I've ever been in my life. We're done on enterprise.

Thanks for the, thanks for the shit, AJ. Quick shout out to the boys. I just show up and do the podcast. My input is very minimal. These guys actually like grind and you know, like make clips and post them on social media.

It's very impressive. Thank you, Walker. They posted a recent clip of me saying something about prison and it got a comment and it was this dude telling me, you know, basically that was a simp and honestly he fucking nailed me um but so i replied back to him and i was like yeah dude you got me you know that was pretty funny and he was like have you ever been incarcerated so i said back does your bedroom count and he said back to me you remind me of a nice kid who was set up

and flown out from the yard for being beat close to death with a lock sock his avi was a pepe with trump hair I don't think this person's ever been to prison

and I don't think they've's ever been to prison. I don't think they've ever watched someone get beat close to death with a lock sock. Yeah, that guy was not being very nice to you. That's like the definition of like, get the fuck out of your mom's basement, you skid, touch grass, you keyboard warrior. That's the people. There's like a new guy who works at the gas station up the street. What do you call it? Avi? An Avi?

No idea. He got your real face on there, buddy. Avatar. You fuck. Yeah, you tell him, baby. Austin, what you got for us? I got, so this comment's just funny as hell to me because my uncle commented it. Oh, the best uh so walker told a story a little while back about

a friend of his pissing from 15 feet across the room into a urinal and walker said it was one of the coolest things he's ever seen in his life walker's walker started the story kind of by saying or like his friend was like hey bro check this out and we're like oh I don't know if that's ever what you want to hear when you're at the urinal next to someone. So my uncle comments on that video and he says, so you reminded me in one of your segments of an experience at the urinal in a bar. This guy told me and my best bud that he wanted to show us something.

He said, go in the bathroom. Mind you, this is a big Harley biker guy and he whipped out his dick he whipped his dick out and it had a tattoo on it that said long he said no shit we were speechless lmfao dude you have to be a different breed to get a long tattoo on your penis. No shit. Dude, anything just like pierced, tatted on your wiener is just like gnarly as fuck.

Do y'all like Vice documentaries? I have no idea. One of my favorite Vice documentaries, it's about these like gay dudes in like Portugal. And it's all these like old, like 50 plus year olds who have gotten basically plastic surgery on their dicks. They've gotten like these penis enlargement surgeries. And, you know, it's all like super cheap shit. So they're basically just pumping their dicks like full of saline. So these guys have like 11 inch penises that just stay hard all the time and they don't work. Like they just like, you know, they just sit there. They just don't work. But they just like walk around the time and they don't work like they just like you know they just

sit there they just don't work but they just like walk around the beach sounds like walker's paradise yeah um i uh i call that a uh good friday night yeah buddy let's uh at the beach let's hop into some q a baby this is the final segment q a let's get it. Let's go. What do we got? All right. So these are some questions that have been given to us by some of our viewers. So we're going to try. We're going to make this kind of quick, boys.

Don't go too crazy, okay? So these are some core memory type of questions, I guess I would say. How are you guys taught to tie your shoes does that uh do anything for you um a normal way i was not taught i figured it out and i did the bunny ears until i learned how to be a man okay i was kai you the tv the children's tv show taught me how to do it and i did it bunny ears my mom and i still do it bunny ears to this day i don't even know what bunny ears is my mom just it's a weak mentality you're gonna be uh you're gonna be hunted down from society when I take over I will die live and die by the side of Caillou I don't give a shit hey that's uh I have a lot of connection with Caillou that was one of

the uh one of the choicest terms used to bully me. That one would really hurt my feelings. I don't do bunny ears, by the way. I just remember what bunny ears are. And if you do bunny ears, you're a fucking idiot. Okay, thank you. So have you ever eaten at the Kmart food court? The answer for me is no.

Yes. I didn't even know they had a food court. That's pretty wild. Kmart was kind of far away from my house. We used to, well, there was a Kmart next to, like, the batting cages, and it was so sick. Was it good food? Um, I, I think it was just, like, fast food. Have you guys ever been in a lunchroom food fight?

No. Yes. I was an athlete. I couldn't get in trouble. Yes. Was was an athlete. I couldn't get in trouble. Yes. Was it fun? Yeah. I never really have.

I mean, me and my friends probably threw some shit at each other at the table. Nothing crazy. Nothing cool. It wasn't like the movies. What would your first interaction with a cop make it brief? You don't have to say it if you don't want uh i think i'm pretty sure it was one of my buddies and i'm getting an mip uh minor that means piss getting minor in possession minor in possession i'm thinking y'all call it something different here in michigan they callI.P., minor in possession, but we got pulled over.

Got busted. And the cop actually let him drive home somehow. Interesting. Yeah. Anything good, Walker? The first real interaction, I got put in handcuffs. Some cop came into my typing class when I was in middle school, and he put me in handcuffs, and then he put this black kid in

handcuffs and I yeah that's all I really remember that's very weird yeah he just like put me in handcuffs for like 45 seconds took him off and then put this black kid in handcuffs and then I think just left yeah that's really strange it It was a typing class. My first interaction was me and the neighborhood kids were messing with the street signs. The lady called the cops on us. We walked up. The cop came up, and I was like, oh, no, it was crooked. I was just straightening it out. And he was like, stop touching the street signs.

I just stopped. What did you guys do? Like, what happened at your first sleepover? What did you do at your first sleepover? You can go. I had a seizure and it started me down a long path of epilepsy recovery. But yeah, I had a seizure and like the woman, the mom of this guy, my friend freaked out, you know, called the ambulance, called my mom. It was my first seizure

ever. I wasn't allowed to have another sleepover for six years. It wasn't even your fault. I went home crying because I was scared to be not at home. My second sleepover, I pissed in my friend's bed. AJ, what about you? I can only assume we just

freaking... It was probably at one of my rich kids rich friends houses um and we probably just drank Mountain Dews and had pizza all night that sounds like canned Mountain Dew canned Mountain Dew as many as we wanted out the fridge in the garage oh the fridge in the garage is different that that was a rich friend thing the the full-size fridge in the garage is different when you just come off playing street ball in the driveway crack open a fresh do and there's 30 like do cans lined up of half drink dues and then the mom gets mad like all right guys let's make sure we finish our drinks it's like so aj i'm sure i'm sure like in your younger adult years you lived in probably like a a house that might have resembled a frat house yes or no like with the boys ever anything

like that no there's always parents involved oh never mind then i've never lived the question was what's the grossest thing that was in your frat house like what do you think the grossest thing because walker and i kind of lived in a frat house in college for a couple years so kind of lived in a frat house all right we pretty much straight yeah we straight up brought me in as the black sheep i was never in a frat i'm too cool they lived in a frat house with no frat anyway what's the grossest thing that was in there hit on the sorority girls um so one of the sorority girls, the aforementioned sorority girls, she was drunk and walking down our hallway

and just let loose a torrent of vomit all over the hallway to the point where it was just covered. You couldn't get to the bathroom. Nobody was moving past this. Roadblock. So I went out back and I got a flathead shovel. And I scooped all the vomit into, like, one corner and then, like, brought a bucket in and, like, scooped it into the bucket.

And it was one of the grossest things I've ever done that was terrible and did you do it while you were blacked out drunk no I was really I'd like gotten home from work like I was relatively sober she was black out and like sitting next to me like I'm so sorry

I fucked up while I'm just like shoveling in my living room like fucking vomit dude it was so bad that is disgusting I can't remember that I mean

that was in my house too so I'll take that as the most disgusting shit I've ever heard bringing the goats in at the party and them shitting all over the place

that was easy though that was pellets that's sweep up not fucking shovel the story is gross yeah disgusting fat turd um one time austin dragged me and austin had like a full-on wrestling match for like two hours because he dragged in like a 10 foot tree into our living room because we had a fire going and just put like one end into like the fireplace. And like we had so much smoke damage outside of the fireplace the next day.

There was like this. We didn't have any logs left. We had to do. He will do anything to keep the fire start going. We were using our roommate's fan to get the fire going. And Austin kept going to the fan and trying to throw it in the fire. And I go out and grab the fan out. I'm like,

Austin, what the fuck is wrong with you? And we like full on fight. I go to the bathroom, come back, fans gone. He said, where's Austin is still never copped.

I don't know. I haven't seen it. It's so crazy, dude. It's so crazy. But yeah, that was a Q&A segment. So we need you guys to send us Q&A questions. Next week's theme, what is it?

If you thought this one was therapy-based, wait until our Life Goals and Failure So Far segment, our theme next week for next week's pod. Life Goals and Failure So Far, that's our theme next week for next week's pod. Life goals and failures so far. That's next week's theme for next week's pod. You guys need to be looking forward to that. Send us some questions. We need questions.

We want to do Q&A with our supporters, our people that watch the videos, whatever. So, yeah, send it in. We're counting on you guys. If you want to see Walker's feet pics, just ask. Right. He might say yes one of these times. We're trying to talk him into it. I will send you shirtless pics if you're a dude and you'll tell me I look nice.

Dude, that's a step in the right direction. Something to consider. That I believe. Boys. You can ask this guy, you know, what he eats for breakfast. Literally. Ask me any question you want, and I promise I'll give you a straight answer. If you don't want to know, don't ask.

Ask him his body count. Don't ask, and I won't tell. It's in the hundreds. Of thousands. All right, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, gentlemen and gentlemen, we good to go? What's up? I think we hit it all, baby.

I'm signing off. This is our temporary slash new location where we're good. It's pretty set in stone. There's going to be slight changes. You'll see it change. You'll see it change. Slight tweaks, but that's it. Yeah, thanks for listening to another episode of the Always Laugh Podcast.

My name's Austin Lane. My name's AJ. I'm Walker. You guys are great. We out. Love you, everyone. See ya.