Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #42 - HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!!

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

This episode we talk about being basic during the holidays and how that is quite alright. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the always laugh podcast. My name is Austin Lane. My name's AJ. I'm a Walker straight of business nowadays. So what's up boys? Nothing man. I've been on a hell of a run lately. It's been tough. It's been taxing. It's been trying. Dude, it's it's been awesome. We FaceTimed yesterday for like an hour and awesome is was truly in a uh a pain state yeah i was not looking fucking miserable oh i was i was contemplating every aspect of my life and that's okay though but that's what happens when you uh you know spend the night hanging out with you know 19 year old girls at ecu can't keep up with these little shits anymore, man. They're also 21, asshole. Yeah, that's true. But one of them is your sister. Yeah.

So you had what are they called? Like the hangover scaries? Yeah, dude. I made it through the scariest part of it. But before I forget, I guess, this week's theme is halloween oh no it's not it's a seasonal seasonal basicness i don't know what that really means this is aj's idea so i'm gonna let him kind of describe what that means yeah so i'm sure you guys can probably tell every week we literally um don't know what to say for the next week for the theme,

and that was something that we just came up with. Oh, don't say we, buddy. Don't drag me under the bus with you. You know, anytime you're collectively brainstorming, out loud thinking, that's just something I threw out there. So what does it mean? Seasonal basicness man like my mine like my my idea on the topic is like i'm tired of the basic seasonal food man like every single year like i need to switch up i need to switch up from the

basic shit like you don't want thanksgiving just to be thanksgiving dinner every year no turkey and we need to throw some different shit in there like let me be surprised on thanksgiving is like what i imagine like doing it with like a schizophrenic person we do it every week yeah yeah and it's uh so it's like hey you know he's like one for 42 one for 42 we just finally gave him one like all right we'll take what you'll we'll take your idea we starting to get sad telling you nothing so seasonal basicness i'm tired of the basic food

you're tired of the basic basic food yes so what i had first was uh in the summer i feel like it's pretty basic to like a darty or go to a darty or talk about it a bunch. I could agree with that, I suppose. That's like the seasonal summer thing. Yeah, what's each season's most basic activity? Like the summer is throwing a darty or that's like the basic thing. Fall, it's probably taking pictures with pumpkins while you wear a wide brimmed hat that's probably good and uh boots that go up to your knees

i really wasn't gonna bring up the pumpkin patch but yes yeah taking pictures with pumpkins um i feel like putting a bunch of filters on your pictures and like you know the trees and stuff like that. I feel like the whole pumpkin patch thing is like, I guess it's like, is that like a cute date idea or something? I feel like it's cool to bring kids to the pumpkin patch, give them that experience, whatever. Well, I mean, I post pictures of pumpkins every year. I'm not in them, but I do post pictures of pumpkins. You just have pictures of pumpkins on your Instagram?

No, but I'll do a little... I'll put my pumpkin carving for the year up there. Okay. Hell yeah. Dude, I'm a... Are you going to carve a pumpkin this year? Hell yeah. Halloween's like three days away. My last three years have been pretty good.

So I'm going to keep the tradition going. What do you do? Do it the day before? I don't know. Yeah, just do it sometime. I really try my best not to talk shit about like the holiday, like spirit type shit. Because I feel like going to the pumpkin patch is kind of like a holiday

spirit thing. Like it's. You're getting into the holiday. You're putting your flannel on. You got your car hard on. You make sure that phone's on 100%. Take all the pictures you need at the pumpkin patch. You know it's too fucking cold to be out there most of the time.

In certain states. Wait, do they have pumpkin patches in North Carolina? Yeah, dude. I think they have pumpkin patches everywhere. I just thought that was like an up north thing. I'm tripping. Shut up. I think they that was like an up north thing. I'm chirping. I think they grow bigger down here. I just could not

imagine, bro. I could not imagine going to a pumpkin patch when it's hot out. Even 70 and I'm at the pumpkin patch. Yeah, I mean in North Carolina there is a valid chance that it's going to be 75 degrees at the pumpkin patch. Don't sit right with me. I don't want to be sweating on my hayride

or whatever the fuck. Just chill out with shorts. you can still do the boots so have you guys done anything uh basic yet for this for this beginning of this holiday season any basic activities yeah dude i uh i got a pair of doc martens and uh i've been breaking them in. I've really like, I made a comment the other day. My wardrobe is like a, like a lesbian's like first wardrobe when she's out of the closet. Like she doesn't really know where she's going with her style, but she knows like, you know, she wants something different. So that's what you're doing, right? Yeah, yeah.

I'd say that's, that's what I'm doing right now. Yeah, yeah. I'd say that's what I'm doing right now. Do you like what you've come up with so far? I don't like anything about myself. That's a doozy. Austin, what's your hot take about basic seasonal things? My hot take about basic seasonal things is hoes do get cold. Okay? And, you know, that's like the saying, hoes don't get cold.

But they do get cold. And I'm sick of people saying they don't because they fucking do. They're walking around in their little Halloween costume and they're cold because it's cold outside. You can't tell me they're walking around in their little uh halloween costume and they're cold because it's cold outside you can't tell me they're not yeah but they're not really like showing it yeah they really don't they really thug it out i am proud of um said hoes for uh for really thugging it out and not seeming to be freezing, wearing almost nothing. That is definitely someone who doesn't give a fuck is a girl wearing skimpy clothes in cold weather, keeping a straight face. They don't want to give a fuck. I can't even goddamn walk to the car, let alone stand in a line with no like coat on yeah i think the only time i've seen like a girl shiver is probably like at

the end of the night like three o'clock in the morning waiting for their uber that's the only time they'll let up other than that thugging it out that's the only time you're paying close enough attention i mean three in the morning if men if men had to perform like even like 10 of the things women have to do fashion-wise, our lives would be so much worse. Oh, yeah. It's probably hell. Could you imagine walking in high heels?

I wouldn't want to. No, that would suck. For like six hours, and they just thug it out, dude. It's amazing. It's not worth it to me. I'd rather wear sweatpants than do something like that. One of my pet peeves is when I'm when i'm out and about you know the rare times that that is um and i see you know a woman who's put like a lot of effort into her appearance

yeah and her boyfriend's wearing like you know like a graphic tee and like gym shorts it's like oh this sucks oh dude that would definitely be me definitely be me like when i i can't remember if i've talked about this before but this girl showed up and we were gonna go like just grab some drinks somewhere and she looks at me and looks at what i'm wearing and she was like well now i feel overdressed i feel like you've heard that many times yeah i mean you're known to known to put a little Hawaiian shirt on or something dressy. If I want to. Yeah, if he wants to. But normally you're a big...

Well, if I'm going out, I'll wear jeans or black pants or something and just a solid color shirt. You love wearing them black pants when you go out. Those make me feel good but hey I feel good everyone's got everyone got that one pair like that one shirt buddy they're like fuck yeah does it for me I feel like that's so funny because I mean you know it's true like everyone's got that thing yeah and they got that outfit what's yours walker i really don't have one what shoes are you throwing on like if you're like well

i'm doc martin's now all the time my feet are yeah completely destroyed um i have a lot of respect for uh polly's now you know i was gonna tell you own, my closet vibe is kind of the same as yours. Like half of it's like one vibe and like the other half is like another vibe. Then like the other part is like another vibe. And like, I like all the vibes, like it's like hard to like, cause I want to lock in on like what my vibe is.

And I know right now there's too much none of it like like one day i'm wearing slightly baggy jeans the next day i'm wearing like kind of like slim fit like skinnier jeans and like some of my shit's baggy tighter like lame not lame like a little bit professional like but i just want to be like overall it's like one vibe dude one vibe man that makes a lot of sense i just want to like have one like style you know what i'm saying like what's the style i don't even decide now i don't know how to put a label on it it's describe what it is he wants to be cool he wants to just be like skater dude cool. You want to be skater dude cool. You want to look like skater dude cool.

You have an inverted ass. He wants to be like Ryan Sheckler, bro. Dude, you're going to start wearing your shoelaces as a belt. Doing that shit. Oh, yeah. Doing the Osiris shoes. I've been shoelaced in the belt, though. I believe that.

Walker, what's your hot take? I don't know, man. It's bad. But the people who complain about basicness are worse than the people engaging in the behavior. And I get the irony behind that statement. But, yeah, that's my hot take. You don't like when people complain about people being basic? Yeah, yeah.

You know, it just feels like beating a dead horse at this point. So you hate this week's theme, basically? No. I said I fully recognize the irony. Okay. Are you talking about me? AJ, say something useful for us no say something hey no hold on that shit that does it's like oh you're so cool dude making fun of the people doing normal people shit like you know what i'm saying

like like like in your situation someone you hate people that talk shit about other people doing basic shit they think they're like above it hell yeah dude i think people talking shit in general is just like shut up who cares like we talk a lot of shit on this podcast but it's mostly just to like kind of get a reaction out of people because that's what i like to do i like to see people get all fired up and about something that clearly they care about a lot that i don't i literally on this podcast i just can't believe people take it that deep. People just get so angry. They're literally on the freaking computer or their phone just punching away. Dude, send.

Guys, relax. Take that, bitch. AJ's talking about he released a Miley. Or no, Taylor Swift's statement. And he got some angry comments on it. And honestly, some pretty good ones. Some heat in that comment section. I highly advise you to go check it out. Did AJ do a hot take yet?

I don't think so. AJ, what you got for me, daddy? My hot take? Hold on, man. Great way to be prepared no dude i got the hot take in the so i got a comment hold on from the taylor swift video i think that rolls right in oh i got it i got it i got it i got it chill out chill out my hot take is they need to bring back merry-go-rounds bring them back um do you think they don't exist i think they're banned go to the fair

nah bro you know that i'm talking about the ones oh at the park when you go out there i don't know if you they might have got rid of them by the time you were there but on recess you spin the people you go out there and you get that one friend who doesn't give a fuck you're like bro spin that bitch that's not a merry-go-round. Oh, it's not? That's what they said it was. I literally asked what it was. A merry-go-round is like the horse things that like bounce up and down.

Fucking Kyle. I'm like, yo, what is it? He's like a merry-go-round because I'm like explaining it because we were looking at his son. His son was sitting on a sit and spin. You got him. Bro, he's fucking, he's gripping that bitch spinning him dude he was going so fast like his neck was just you know because i'm comparing it to being on that and your neck just flailing oh dude those

things are the best once you lose control, it's so hard to bring back. But that's how the little kid's head was. He was going so fast. That's the best ride at the fair. The one that just spins you around and flattens you. You're just stuck to the wall. But you guys know. I know exactly what you're talking about.

I just don't know what that thing's called. Yeah, they said they're banned apparently. Yeah, they're super dangerous. Because I can see why. People were flying off them like breaking bones Dude and you can't stop them But just like slipping your arm in there And having it crushed Dude AJ's been answering yes

To like have you ever been on a merry-go-round And it's just like he's been on like Some shitty metal death trap What the fuck is that called I don't know fuck it I don't think it has a name just probably some stupid name spin spin around we'll try to pop a picture of it if we can find out the name but i'm sure if you're what do you think like 26 or younger you probably had one of this like

or no 28 30 and younger you probably had one of these at your own 40 and younger recess only like playground i mean i've been on one before and i'm 25 well i think it's just like they're at schools yeah they're probably banned from school yeah it's mainly what i'm referring to like school or maybe like a park somebody commented on one of our videos and uh they said oh it was aj talking shit about taylor swift i don't even know who these guys are, but they're fixing to get canceled before we get the opportunity to find out. Yeah.

They might be right. And I just thought that was funny. I don't give a fuck. Fuck it, dude. Nobody's ever going to hear this. What are they going to cancel it? They came out and made such a brave statement about Taylor Swift and really just the state of the music industry.

So it makes sense that they're coming for you. That real high-level analysis that you dished out on the last podcast, dude. Yeah. Taylor Swift looks like a chicken carcass. Jesus Christ. Maybe the word carcass wasn't the right Yeah that's terrible things to say About someone

She looks like a lovely lady The shape of the chicken Yeah you meant that joke you fucking stole off Twitter It was Reddit It was Reddit My comment Information's already out there Is probably from the same video.

And it's unfollowed immediately. All ones commenting on a superstar. She then tags the Taylor Swift and said, can her whole audience cancel this podcast? So we might have some angry Swifties coming at us. Every part of that is true. Yeah. Sorry. coming at us every part of that is true yeah sorry a bunch of below mid looking guys talking shit about a very attractive woman well only one of us was talking shit i'm not putting that on my name to have travis kelsey like forklift me or something. Bro, how do you – my thing is, how do, like, you – so you can't talk shit on the internet no more?

That's what I'm saying, bro. No, you can. People are just going to have – a lot of people are happy with what we're saying. That's what I'm saying. Apparently people don't like Taylor Swift. Because it's, like, either your upper ass or you're just, like, a fuck. I think she's reached critical mass mass and her fans are kind of annoying and like critical mass with the nfl thing it's just like she's so everywhere now that people

are finally getting sick of her like before you know she was in uh she was mostly like music focus so like her fans would like you know do the music video stuff but like she wasn't really on like the tv all that much yeah and now she's just everywhere she's massive every game the headline taylor swift they cut to her multiple times during the game the headline of the game taylor swift buys a season boot or a season suite freaking at the stadium like she'll be there the whole year like Well, so there's a controversy now because she's in the family booth. And in the family booth is Jackson Mahomes. And, you know, he picked up a rape charge, I think.

Yeah, it was something. I can't remember if it was rape, sexual assault. But either way, yeah. Allegedly, allegedly. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what the uh what the real story is but pressing up on a girl unwontedly i believe which only pretty much people who have a little bit going on do that i don't know dude you don't just casually press

up on somebody without feeling like the wrongness of it yeah well said buddy you know what i'm saying yeah like when i'm on like a like in like a public space like like the airport i was in the airport for like 12 hours today i do my best to move out of people will not even move out of people's way i don't want to touch anybody like i'll do everything my power not to touch somebody so for somebody to like take advantage of like the cramped quarters to like feel someone up is just so like foreign to me yeah i agree i don't know unless they're like a d1 baseball player then you want to be fed up by them. Then I might have to break that rule. Alright, my comment.

And this is literally gold. It's always the chubby guy with a beard having the most to say about what women look like.

That's the first time I've ever been called chubby and honestly it fires me up, dude. It ain't no way. It's this fucking chair. It don't lean back. I can't lean back.

I can't hide the tummy anymore. It's these new angles. I got to work on it. AJ was only working out to look good at the corner of the couch. I know. Now I got to change up my routine or something because now I'm being called out to be a chubby guy with a beard. Someone also said, I wonder what he looks like without all that hair on his face. I said, damn.

Got me there. I want to know what you look like without your beard. It's been a minute, hasn't it? I don't know if I've ever seen you without a beard. I've never been bald with no facial hair put it that way what do you think it looks like a whole thing like an alien bad i gotta at least keep this down you look like a cutie in the picture i saw of you i don't look like that no more dude my face like changed i don't know i saw i think i got fat

get fatter bro you're going to get fatter. I'm getting comfortable, dude. I'm trying to learn how to get my face a little less. I'm going to be straight up with you. This is the least you're going to weigh in the next rest of your life. Bet. You just fucked up. You just created a monster.

No. You just woke an animal, dude. Bro, you hit McDonald's every time you come over here. Not today. Yeah, because hit McDonald's every time you come over here. Not today. Yeah, because you didn't go to work. It's fine when you know you're at home all day and night. He studied me. He knows your schedule.

I guess I went today. Because, you know, I went somewhere. Cookout. No. Where'd you go? Popeye's. Nah, dude. Not in the country, bro.

You went to Chick-fil-a Taco Bell dude Taco Bell Wow Good for you man I'm going there strictly for the blast And then like If I see something decent on the menu

It's like I don't know if they freshen it up I see something I haven't tried before Or something tried true. I'm like, yeah. It's like, oh, yeah, the beefy Frito burrito. That would fucking hit right now. The $2 grilled chicken Chipotle burrito is gas.

Taco Bell, y'all need to keep that for more than three minutes. As long as y'all kept the quesarito and it should have been longer. Who cares, bro? A lot of people. Talk about sucks, Dick. Walker, did you prepare some trivia for us? I did prepare some trivia for us. We skipped over that segment.

Hell yeah. Well, we didn't really skip over it. We just didn't get into it. Yeah, no, I just mean we didn't do that one. Yeah, anyway. Do you want to ask us some trivia? Yeah, dude. All right, question one.

Welcome back to Walker's Trivia. I won last week. What year did Starbucks first come out with pumpkin spice drinks? 2004, obviously. AJ? I was going to say 2010. It's 2003.

Fuck! That's pretty good. How did you know? I didn't. It pulled that straight out of my ass. I like the confidence. I was swinging. 2003, huh? How much business does Honey Baked Hams do from Thanksgiving to Christmas?

Or, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. How much ham does Honey Baked Hams sell between Thanksgiving? So how many whole hams? You talking about the restaurant? In pounds. Yes, the restaurant. Honey Baked Ham, the restaurant? Yes. So how much ham does Honey? You're talking about the restaurant? Yes, the restaurant. Honey baked ham, the restaurant? Yes.

So how much ham does honey baked hams sell between Thanksgiving and Christmas? In pounds? By pounds. In pounds. Okay. Oh, shit. I was really jumbled up. Wowee.

So I did some research on them they have like 55 000 customers a week in like the off season which seems just absurdly high as a yeah that is a company well no no like i i don't know what the fuck branch you talking about i've never seen a car outside of that place unless it's no i've been there for lunch i've been there we gotta go yeah i do want to try it their chocolate chip cookie gas that they give you um i'm thinking so a couple months span holiday span uh 500 million pounds okay that's ridiculous. 10 million pounds. 10 million pounds of ham. Okay.

AJ? Okay. Oh, I was about to go billion, baby. There's some hungry fuckers during the holidays. 450,000. 18 million. Oh. So your second answer was so much better.

Way closer. Dude, this reminds me. How much does each chicken weigh? Or ham, I thought. Well, it's a pig, so fucking pretty big. Me and Austin went to our friend's lake house house and we were out on the boat with his parents and i don't know we were just doing like i don't know like random shit we were talking about i wonder how much water is in this lake and so we all started guessing and i think i guessed like

500 trillion gallons of water oh my my god, it was so much more than it was. It ended up being like 5 billion gallons. I think mine was like the same volume as the moon in water.

I was trying to compare it to a gallon of milk. Alright, one gallon of milk is this big. How many of these can I fit in this lake? It's like you just lay them all out. You multiply it. And then you just go down. You just multiply it down.

What the fuck, dude? So, AJ, if you had to measure a lake, how would you do it? And you can't use technology. Like measure. But you can use anything. What thought process? You have like green lantern shit. Like you can create whatever you want.

So Austin, he creates six billion jugs of milk. Yep. Lays them out. Stacks them up. That's where I went with it. What do you do? I would... I know there...

What are you trying to find? Density or whatever? Just gallons. How many gallons? How many gallons? There has to be an equation for that. I mean, yeah. I guess there is an equation for that.

The length times the width times the height. Yeah, but how are you going to find out the length? You can't find that out. I'll fucking stack rocks on top of each other or some shit. Like, what do we got? We got iPhones? So, AJ stacks rocks on top of each other. He doesn't know how big the rocks are, but they are stacked, making them even bigger

and making even more not know what they are. What the fuck are rocks? What do you have, like, ruler-sized rocks? I'm saying I would chisel. You didn't give me a chance to say it with all this. I would chisel the rocks down to, like, a 12-inch rock. How would you know what 12 inches is? I'd fucking just.

See, he has something. He just makes it up here. So it's your thumb. Your thumb is 12 inches long. No'd fucking just. See, he has something. He just makes it up here. So it's your thumb. Your thumb is 12 inches long. No, an inch, buddy. Your thumb is an inch. 12 thumbs. 12 thumbs.

Wow. And then fucking. And then fucking. A lot of stuff about your house makes sense now. You know, nothing in my house is level. That's it. No, that's a funny sick joke I have on myself that i'm such a bad diy person all right let's do some more crazy numbers how many pumpkins are grown in the u.s in a year

500 000 500,000. 7 billion. Hang on, hang on, hang on. No, a million, a million. So you think honey-baked ham sells 10 million pounds of ham in a two-month period, but the U.S. only grows 500,000 pumpkins a year? That's it? I'm thinking 50 states, 100,000 states 100 100 000 pumpkins oh no math was off i'm at 5 million i think oh no he just went from thousands to millions my math i was off uh i was off but yeah but we'll stick with my original math still off dude no it's not 50 times

100 000 is 5 million yeah i'm right my guess is 57 million yeah i. I'm right. My guess is 57 million. Yeah, I'm right. You are right. You motherfucker. But your math's way off. What do you mean? My guess is off? AJ, what's your guess?

57 million. The answer is 2 billion. Bullshit. Hell yeah, dude. That came from a good book. I was thinking of carving just pumpkins to carve. I forgot about

eating them too. That's where I went wrong. Gording them up. All the gourds. Forgot about all those. We got to get something to sit on our porch. We got to carve pumpkins soon. I'm going to be gone for the weekend and Halloween is...

Well, I guess we can do it when I get back. Sunday. Or tonight. You guys have to do it when I get back. Sunday. Cool. Or tonight. You guys have to do it tonight, pretty much. You have to go steal a pumpkin. Yeah, that's the only way to acquire a pumpkin tonight is to go steal one. I'm sure that's not going to be hard for your ass.

What does that mean? Well, you're the klepto who's stealing, you know. You are a professional thief. Yeah, Walker and I don't steal and i got caught and learned my lesson now i'm reformed no you work at rent a center oh that's like a professional thief bro a repo man is a professional they didn't hold up their part of their end of the bargain because the bargain's bullshit the bargain's bullshit and it's a decent fucking what are you guys gonna be for halloween What are you guys going to be for Halloween?

Pay your bills and spay and neuter your fucking pets. I'm going as Kelso and a Jackie and Kelso. You didn't want to be Hyde? Which one? Was he the one with the beard? He was the one that... The rapist. That did the bad stuff.

Danny Mashen's a bad guy. Yeah, he is. What are you going to be for Halloween? He likes to press upon people. Sick bitch. A little couple's costume. What's your couple going to be? Kelso and Donna.

What's her name? Jackie. Jackie. Jackie. Yeah. Damn, Jackie. I can't control the weather. That's so stupid, dude.

What are you going to be? I haven't, dude. I know it's a bullshit answer, but I don't even know. We haven't even talked about it yet. It's mainly like, what's our dog about to be? Yeah, that makes sense. That's fire. Yeah, like, where am I going?

Dude, were we here? What was going on last? We'll talk about it later. I'm going to be Peter Pan, and my friend is going to be Tinkerbell. And my friend is a male, so it's going to be cute watching him walk around in a skimpy-ass dress for two days. How about Twinkerbell? Peter Pan and Twinkerbell, I think, would be better. That's fire.

Like the name change. I do like the name. And I love how Connor is going to be the little twink fairy. He's just got like a... How long is the beard right now? I mean... Is it out of control? The man looks like Bob Ross. He does have a full beard. Does he really?

Yeah, and like when the hair's shaggy. Oh, daddy. That's wild. Let me find out. He came back with that shit. You guys got anything important to say or are we just freaking uh talking about next week's theme now um yeah no more emotions for me only business walkers just standing on business now i'm wheeling and dealing and that leads me perfectly into what next week's theme is going to be i was in anaheim bro so i was in anaheim. Bro, so I was in Anaheim. Sorry to... No, you're good.

I went to a conference for the first time. And there was a protest outside of the hotel. And when it was, like, going on, it was pretty sick. They were, like, they had, like, the... What was it for? It was, like, the, I don't know, like a certain chapter strike for hotel workers. Oh. Um, and they had like the horns that they like blow at South American soccer

games. And they had like the, uh, microphones and like, they were playing like police sirens on it, like banging pots and pans. And they were there from like four 30 till like eight at night. It was,

it was rowdy. I like the stamina. to like 8 at night. It was sick. They were getting rowdy. I like the stamina. I was really impressed by it. It was awesome. That says a lot about people, a person, a group of people. People are fed up. They're sick of this shit. And I respect that.

They're fighting back. I hope their protest goes well for them as long as they're standing for a good cause. I'm sure they were. I hope so. next week's theme standing on bidness and we'll explain more about what that is when the time is right um thank you guys for listening to another episode of the always laugh podcast my name is austin lane my name's Austin Lane my name's AJ we out