Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #45 - How Far is Too Far

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

This episode we talk about times that we have gone too, and times that we haven't gone far enough Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

Welcome back to the Always Left Podcast. My name's Austin Lane. My name's AJ. I'm Walker. I'm in love with the Russian Dressing Smith. The Russian Dressing? What's going on? Yeah, have y'all ever had Russian Dressing on like a sandwich or something like that?

I've heard of French. I've heard of Italian. I've heard of... Russian Dressing is what like Thousand Island is based off of. Sounds fire then. That's some fat boy knowledge. You got that Ukrainianrainian twang dog exactly literally anyways today's theme how far is too far

shit how far is too far it's uh usually whoever's going too far doesn't know they're going too far. Because most people just don't have the self-awareness to realize they're going too far in the moment. But then they look back and they're like, yeah, that was a little bit too far. When do you think you guys go too far? Is it like when you're trying to be funny? When you're trying to have too much fun? Usually it's in trying to be funny when you're trying to have too much fun uh usually it's in trying to be funny and uh eating like to give you a perfect example this is my fourth italian ice of the day not of the day of the last 37 minutes yeah 37 minutes whatever it is and uh i've had like 16 drumsticks in the last like week and a

half like i've just been i've been on a nut so is it too far it's too far okay so and i'm i'm telling you five italian ices in an hour period is too much so when was it too like which one was too much two we're not quite at we're only at four at this point he knows he's going he's going too far but he's trying to prove a point i'm not trying to prove a point i'm just there ain't no way that thing is good still you've had so five good bro the thing is he's had five but only went to the fridge twice that's what's crazy about it. He knows what he's about to do. How are you on number five and only went twice?

That means you're grabbing more than two at a time. I know myself. Self-love, all right? Is that what that is? Yeah. Yeah, it's only going to the fridge twice for five Italian ices. I want to list a couple of things, and you tell me whether you guys think they went too far or or not, I guess The Fast and the Furious movie series did they do they go too far too far

They didn't have to do my guy like that over and over again. How many is there since my man has passed? I think there's been like three or four since he passed shit So which one was too far? Where should they have stopped? Six. Okay. I think they should have stopped at five. Five was heat.

Hell, there's still some story to wrap up, but seven, that's where like the Lamborghini started jumping like building and building. I thought six was kind of trash. Ronda Rousey was in there. I thought six was kind of garbage. Six was where he died, right? And they did like the send off. I thought six was kind of trash. Ronda Rousey was in there. I thought six was kind of garbage. Six was where he died, right? And they did like the send-off. I think that might have been seven.

Oh. A flight to Australia takes about 24 hours. Is that too far or are we cool with that? Economy or what? Yeah, you're flying straight econ mode. That's too far. That is terrible. You're going to have one stop. You're going to have one stop.

You're going to have one stop. Let's say you have a stop at the 12-hour mark, and then you're straight back in the shit. That's terrible. I need drugs. So is a 24-hour flight too far? Too far. Okay, we've gone too far. Donald Trump being the President of the United States, did we go too far?

No. I don't think we went? No. I don't think we went far enough. I don't think we went far enough either. I think we can do better. I don't think we went far enough. I think he's going to be back in 2024. And

then he becomes the God King of America. And then we finally get what we deserve. Okay. So we're setting ourselves up for failure. All right. Michael Jackson plastic surgeries and the Kardashians plastic surgeries. Did they go too far?

I think everything about Michael Jackson was too far. The Kardashians, I think, have actually pulled it back. Have you heard they've got all their BBLs removed? They got it removed. Yeah. They went too far. Then they're like, nah, we got actually pulled it back. Have you heard they've got all their BBLs removed? They got it removed. They went too far. Then they're like, nah, we got to tone it back a little bit. They had to retreat a little bit. My favorite Michael Jackson conspiracy is that Joe Jackson got him chemically castrated when he was a kid.

And that's how he retained his high singing voice his whole career. That might have been going too far. All right, Tom Brady's career. Did he play too long might have been going too far all right uh tom brady's career did he play too long did he go too far i think he got out in the nick of time he was about one snap away from serious injury okay tom brady kissing his kids did he go too far too far not far enough um he damn near was making out with his kids's teeth with his tongue. But, like, you know, you got to go for depth is what I'm saying. Jesus Christ. Okay, I think you went too far probably.

God, you got some heat compared to me. Is this heat? I don't know. I just wanted to list some things. I don't even want to bring mine up no more. Just to see where your guys' head was at. Cheating on tests. Cheating on schoolwork. Is that going too far or do we allow that i think i think we should 100 i think you're just using your resources if you get caught general not on your

significant other but cheat in general in life you'll probably get ahead than the man that didn't cheat and we'll regret it later i agree um there's no reason not to cheat if it's going to give you a leg up on the opponent. Totally agree. Whether the opponent is your professor or whoever. I'm a big fan of the whole, during board games or stuff like that, cheating is allowed as long as you don't get caught. You can cheat, but once you get caught, you're bad.

But if you can cheat without getting caught, absolutely do it the whole time. I don't cheat when I'm playing board games. Listen. It's two. I once was playing spades with your mom and a couple other people, and I accidentally cheated. And I didn't know what I did because I was still relatively new at spades.

And I got called out by austin's mom and i have never felt so fucking like a piece of shit and also i she looked like she wanted to fight because i just broke a serious rule i'm talking about if you can just picture the room where- Big L, as I call her, does not play with that spade. There's freaking, you know- Yeah, don't fuck with my mom when she's gambling or playing spades. I'm talking about-

She will beat your ass. She loves her gambling. Hell yeah, she does. If I could just paint a picture, we're talking about just like cigarette smoke. Like, I can imagine like black and mild smoke in the air. Like- Who the fuck would smoke in a black and mild? A couple random beers on the table.

Motherfuckers are throwing their cars. Austin's mom's a pimp from the 70s. That's what I'm saying. And that's like the vibe I felt. And then she said, wait, hold up. And I said, oh, fuck. She's looking right at me, man. I fucking, I fucked up.

All right. My last thing was it's drinking related so like drinking until you throw up drinking till you pass out drinking till you black out too far yes yes too far i agree too far why do people do that why did we think that was a good idea back in college like drink till you puke let's just do it every time because motherfuckers every time uh so honestly i think it's because in america where we can't drink till we're 21 so alcohol is seen as this like scary rebellious thing to do so once we get to college and it's readily available the fun thing to do is just fucking crush alcohol when in reality you should just have a couple drinks or drink to whatever you're feeling

like fine and then go for it but it's rebellious to take 14 beer bongs in one night dude it's poor poor like a airplane bottle of whiskey into your beer bong i feel like guys are really bad guys are really bad about it because we have that competitive nature more than like maybe i don't know we just have that competitive nature so it's like who can drink the fucking most yeah you don't see you're pushing ourselves you don't see girls having case races and shit like no the one the two people that were in that was in your fraternity and like every day after school at their place it was beer bongs and they would like pour whiskey into these beer bongs and just take like straight whiskey bongs it was insane these dudes were animals they said

they said every single day after class they would go back to their they would go back to their apartment they would each bong. They would each beer bong two, four locos, and then smoke two blunts every single day. That's insane. That's working on dying. Literally. There's no way they're going to fully recover from that.

One of them is happily married. Successful. What a guy. Really did 180. God dang. Okay. married successful what a guy really did 180 god dang okay uh i personally i think it comes with age like if i throw up now it's because i got fucking drunk but like it wasn't on purpose like it's when i get home and i finally lay down and i had too much tequila and the room starts spinning and my leg is just on the ground trying to contain it. It does help.

Something I've noticed in my own self is I used to be a big drink until I threw up. Like I was a notorious puker. But now that doesn't even happen. I drink until I just forcibly fall asleep wherever I am. Hell yeah. It's like, I can't even get to the point where I'm throwing up now. Cause my body's just like,

shut it down. We haven't been drinking enough liquor though. If we were taking shots, we would get there. That might be true. I don't, yeah, I don't really throw up.

The last time you guys got all fucked up, I heard a table got flipped. Yeah. There's glass involved. Table did get flipped. Wasn't it, wasn't it wasn't the one glass on it it had my phone on it and it completely destroyed my phone yeah so instead of puking your phone looked like you got shot have rage now yeah we graduated to rage you guys have rage well

i was going to talk about freaking it's nothing near as cool as your topics for how far is too far. But I've been seeing a lot of videos on the internet lately of HOAs going too far. Like, I personally live in a neighborhood, but thank goodness we don't have an HOA. Somehow, someway, we don't. And I literally don't know why people would elect to live in a um hoa neighborhood right so what's an example of a hoa going too far like um like your car being too loud on a cold start or like what having to ask your neighbor's permission to like build something in your backyard or like getting three signatures to build something.

It really is like take your trash cans in by 1 o'clock. No, literally. You can't have your trash can visible on the side of your house. It has to have a little fence around it. That's real. That's just standard HOA community, not nothing high end. Dude, it's made up of a board, and it's just you know retirees that were you know hall monitors yeah 100 they're just like and you have to you have to pay money for

this like why would you want to pay money to have all these rules i don't understand extreme rule followers like where like is it just they believe that society will be better if everybody just followed the rules is that where that stems from because i think those rule followers go too far i saw this video this dude he was pissed at this man for riding his motorcycle down the street he got out he stopped the man like basically made the dude crash his motorcycle and took his keys and like he was like you're not riding your motorcycle on my damn street like what is wrong with people? It's entitlement. Why do people... Bro, it's not your street.

Just mind your own fucking business. That is rising to an all-time high. People cannot just mind their own business now. Entitlement. Is it entitlement? Yes. What are they entitled to? These people think that it's their shit.

It all boils down to the fucking... i don't know what they're classified as but the fucking older ass white people boomers predominantly damn boomers you know what i say get their shit sorry that's pissing me off they dead ass think they own like everything it's fucked up fuck the boomers. That's my opinion on that. Old ass bitches. They fucking, if they have to stand in a line for more than like two minutes, they're like about to die. Like it is the worst thing ever. That's me though, to be honest.

But bro. I straight up don't stay in lines. Like if I go to like a restaurant and there's a line. That's how impatient we are now. A restaurant is different. You're in line to get your groceries, and you don't want to use self-checkout. You want to have someone.

I get you. Oh, you can't stand in a line? No, I'll just leave my cart and walk out. That's a little extreme. I've got $300 worth of Sam's groceries. You just did all that shopping to leave over a five-minute line. They have to throw it straight away. So I'm just thinking I camp out by the dumpster.

And when they come out for the night, I get all my groceries. They might be slightly spoiled, but it's bad. That's a steal. Yeah. I just got 14 pounds of chuck for the small cost of a salmonella or whatever the fuck beef-borne parasite is. Walker, do you have an example of a time that you think you've gone too far? Yeah, yeah.

So when I was in my younger years, we went to this, like, pool and tennis club. And it had, like, a little, like, it had, like, a restaurant in there. So we were eating there, and I walked up to the salad bar because they just had, like, fire-ass ranch dressing. So I'd always go up and get, like little like mini salad bowl just fill it up full of ranch and you know just like dunk like entire cheeseburgers into it it was awesome um anyways there's this uh guy up there and he had his baby and his baby was probably like i don't know six months old and they had like a little birth defect on their head. And I'm probably like six or seven.

And, you know, I'm at that age where I am just like staring hard as fuck at this. At this baby. This poor baby. You're like, well, what's wrong with this child? So I'm up there and I'm getting my ranch. And the dad walks up and he starts getting a salad. And I start talking to him, and I'm like, hi, so what's on your baby's head? And he was like, oh, you know, it's like nothing.

It's just like a birth defect. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's crazy. I thought it was something bad, like a tumor or something like that. And his face just completely turned and he walked away and went back to his table and said something to his wife and his wife just gave me a death glare. So for the rest of the lunch, I'm just sitting there at my table

twiddling my thumbs like not eating not dipping anything in ranch they fucked up your ranch day dude i fucked up there they're probably i don't know entire week i don't know you were six years old man i don't think you went too far i think you were a curious child that wanted to know what the fuck was up with that baby's dome i'm glad it was not a tumor. Fuck. Dude, if some fucking six-year-old... If 100% was a tumor... I would punt that six-year-old, okay?

That 100%... I went too far. I went way too far. Walker just told me some very depressing news today. He will not be attending my baby shower. That's fucked up, Walker. What do you... I went too far.

I have some prearranged engagements that i just can't get out of and they were made before i knew it for someone who you've only known for a fucking month it doesn't matter who how long have we been locked in longer than a fucking month yeah it doesn't matter that doesn't matter no new friends bro you forget the fucking motto i had these plans like three weeks ago before i got the RSVP. Damn. Are the Mottlins, the Mottlins are shutting down sometime soon? When you're living a high-flying

jet-setting lifestyle, dude. They shut them down. Ask us some trivia. Please. Go ahead. I'm starting to sweat. Yeah, you should sweat. We're putting those gloves on after the podcast I'm heating up

what is the fastest possible speed something with matter can travel at light speed terminal velocity the speed of light ow that hurt technically if it's a small enough matter The speed of light. Ow! That hurt.

Technically, if it's a small enough matter, the terminal velocity is the speed of light. That is the correct answer, right? What is the world record for the highest free fall distance? Highest free fall distance? And that's the distance fallen before opening your parachute. 32,000 feet. 38,000 feet. 38,000 feet. 35,000 feet.

That's probably not right. No, that's wrong. That's wrong. Like 100,000 feet. I'm going 100,000. Final answer. 180,000 feet. 123,000 feet. 123,000 feet.

Damn. Because people have like fucking jumped out of space, didn't he? Yeah. Okay. Fucker, are you angry? Yes. Why? Because I was very disrespectful.

You fucking piece of shit. Get it out I want that cut you guys are being real pussies right now get it out there's nothing get out you were just a fucking bad friend why

what did he say ask shit about a person I care about that shit cracked me up dog god damn cut i support it i'm with you fuck the baby shower go ahead and miss it nah fuck you i'll tell you all about it i'll tell my daughter i'm like see that man i'm staying out of this because it's not it's not my see that man over there he might change don't you be careful and i'll let her pick. You know, I'll let her make her own decision. But he might switch. He didn't say anything disrespectful about her.

Silence is great. Love this, guys. How many bee stings can the average person sustain before going into anaphylactic shock? 25. Hundreds. It is hundreds. God damn it. The average person can sustain about 10 stings per pound of body weight.

Hmm. Okay. So I can do like a good amount. Good amount. That's pretty sweet. I can do like 500 000 beekeepers get stung like so many times when they fuck with that shit if they don't i mean they still have their things on but they can take it um what country consumes the most calories on a daily basis china usa the answer is austria at 3769 what the hell second place is america at 3764

how big is austria uh width wise pretty big well damn who's the longest time someone has hiccuped for? The rest of their life. That's probably a good answer. Five years. In 1922, Charles Osborne had an accident involving a hog and started hiccuping. He then hiccuped for the next 68 years. Over the course of his life, he had two wives, eight children.

He stopped hiccuping when he was 96, lived one more year, and then died. That sounds miserable. I was just told about someone recently who had something going on with him, and he just hiccuped. He can't stop hiccuping. And they asked the nurse, like, will this ever stop? And she's like, he's gonna hiccup

till the day he dies unfortunately that sucks that would be very miserable um I have a hot take for you guys okay sound good are you guys just gonna be fucking beefed out for the rest of this shit god damn it

great um he's still in my um pin messages this is something that i think has gone too far and it's probably a hot take the war on drugs has gone too far it's costing too many taxpayer dollars just trying to stop people from having a good time and that's my opinion on that thoughts i like it it's funny you bring that up because i just read uh like a headline just just a headline i don't read too deep into it that they just approved some fucking hundred and some billion thing to israel and ukraine that we're sending anyway yeah the uh war on the war on drugs just needs to stop dude it's like we're spending all this damn money to not get anywhere with it like nothing's being stopped it's just a waste

of time and energy people are going to get their drugs no matter what clearly let them do them they are losing the war on drugs they've been taking l year after year on this war on drugs. Yeah, why are we letting the CIA pick which drug dealers win? Bring back crack addicts. Let them do it on merit. Too many people are dying from fentanyl. Bring back crack addicts. That's a good point.

We just need clean drugs. If they were smart, they would just frickin' have clean drugs for us, you know? Like, oh, you want to do cocaine? Just go to the cocaine store. You're going to pay a little extra probably because that's how it works. It's going to be taxed. And you're going to get drugs that aren't going to kill you. They would make so much more money.

I think we're wasting time here. The thing is, though, people don't have any self-control like even if it was super expensive if it was like free reign imagine if they were just slinging mushrooms and like fucking your local what'd you what were you just saying crack or cocaine people would be strung the fuck out like That's fine. Because it's, like, so accessible. It's fine. I guess. I mean, like, people, just let people do what they want.

Tell them what the possibilities and side effects are. If you can't handle it, don't do drugs. Don't do drugs. Don't let the drugs do you. As my friend has once told me. Because he can't handle fucking his little smoking weed. If you can't handle it,

don't do it. Don't hit the joint if you can't handle it, dude. Facts. Period. You guys have anything else to say? I do. Thank God.

What, you're getting nervous? Yeah, you guys are fucking creeping me out. Shit's been going too far lately, man's too far like what there's a fucking there's some sort of championship league inside the basket like basketball now that's like have you heard about that no i just heard about it like in the nba there's like a tournament going on that's like a that determines determines the regular season games or some shit. Too far.

Why are we doing another tournament besides the NBA championship tournament? Too far. Yeah, that's weird. Victor Wimbinyama, too far. How the fuck is he even allowed to do that shit? He's going to be the fucking greatest player of all time, dude. Dude's a fucking dog. You think so?

I will say, Walker is the first person I know to know about Wemby before his NBA shit. Before he was a prospect in the NBA, right? I don't know. Walker can maybe speak on the year. You've been talking about him for a while. You act like a stupid one if I heard of Victor Wambayama. But yeah, he fucking...

He's going too far. That motherfucker is too good. He's too good for the NBA. He needs to sit out. He needs to sit out. He's pulling up threes while bringing the ball down the court. He's fucking 7'3". How? Some people are just dogs, dude.

Some people are athletes. Yeah, I don't think he's gone far enough. I'm the type of person that loves like just seeing people break records like even if it's against like my team i just like seeing records broken like i would love to see somebody just be the best of all time you know what i mean your boy dude you can fucking josh dobbs what about him is this where is this what you're talking about no he's what did he do one use some fucking games yeah he's an animal what fuck it man sports are sports are too far as well like the shit american people do for sports like if you just really sit back and

think about it it's too much people or we've talked about this before like sports are just like america's religion not even just america like soccer is so huge in the world like it's insane how much people like people would give up their entire lives for their team it's kind of crazy it's pretty nuts i've never been to a soccer game walker do you have a hot take or anything for us they look boring um attorney leaves the only one that matters paternity leave is fucking stupid i didn't even know paternity paternity leave was a thing like oh yeah speaking of i'm about to get 12 weeks you get paternity leave yeah dead what paid 12 weeks and

i'm taking all 12 might not go back you get like dead ass you get 12 weeks of paid paternity leave yeah what the fuck i get more than kenzie what the fuck that it's no it's stupid different employers but her employer's fucking her and i'm getting shown love so you're straight up not going to be working for 12 weeks straight 12 whole weeks yeah and i don't have to use any of my pto and this starts the day that this child's born yeah what the fuck dude yeah that's insane how's that crazy what are you gonna do with those 12 weeks Other than raise a child Bond with my newborn AJ's going to be learning how to fucking Strap in a car seat

Dude I cannot wait for you to have this child I'm going to be learning how to swaddle I've been watching swaddle videos They said you're going to feel like You should call CPS on yourself Your first swaddle It's kind of like aggressive dude like i mean like just like really tucking them in there it's like this one dude made a

video and he the shit he was like he did a demonstration on his kid and he's like you're gonna like think you have to call cps like it's kind of like babies are like insanely like durable low-key i mean other than like their heads and necks when they're, like, born. But, like, I've heard that babies are kind of durable. So, if, like, you heard a baby, then, like, you know you did something. I'm freaking scared. You know you did something fucked up. Because, like, their bones are, like, rubber when they're born.

Yeah. I don't know if I'm, like, necessarily scared. It's just, like, the excitement of, like, the unknown. Like, I've never held a kid for real. It's going to be funny when you're, a month in and you're just like a pro. Like AJ's just walking around in bad mode with a fucking baby in his hand. I'm so fired up. I got one of them front holder things.

I can't wait to strap up and like go to the store or some shit. You're going to be walking around with your baby? Fuck yeah. That's pretty sick. But hopefully I don't have any sensory issues you have a hot take or did you already say something my hot take right now is ocho cinco should have did some research before he talked about keith lee i know you guys probably don't i don't know i know austin doesn't know about keith i know who

keith lee is but what did he say about him so i don't know. I know Austin doesn't know about Keith Lee. I know who Keith Lee is, but what did he say about him? So, I don't know if you know, but it's honestly a really good, really, really good podcast. I don't know. But Shannon Sharp now has a podcast with Ocho Cinco. Do they even still call him that? Yeah. Okay, well, Ocho.

And Ocho was pretty much just like he was mad about all Keith Lee's reviews in Atlanta because he was just talking about how hard it is to start up a restaurant, especially for the black community, to get going in the restaurant industry and that he shouldn't be giving people bad reviews like that because it can really destroy a business because he has that much power like power as far as like social media and he just sounded like complete he was just

being soft he just was saying like he's never gotten bad service because like yeah chad johnson because you're a celebrity right when keith goes to a store he he doesn't want it that's his big thing like he wants to be treated like a normal person right not a celebrity like like don't just offer me a table immediately when you just tell my mom there's an hour wait right you know i'm saying and chad johnson was just like that's bullshit like i've never had bad service like well yeah no shit you haven't because you're a celebrity chad all right um i'm wrapping this shit up. Fucking next week's theme, grateful or ungrateful. We're getting into the Thanksgiving spirit.

Yeah, so grateful or ungrateful, that will be next week's theme. You guys have anything you want to say to wrap it up? Please say no. Nope. All right. Walker. Thanks for listening to another episode of the always laugh podcast my name's austin lane my name's aj i'm walker we out