Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #47 - Works in Progress

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

This episode we talk about different things that we have been working on in our lives. Some good. Some Bad. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

are we rolling right now fuck yeah yeah we're rolling skip the intro dude welcome back to the always laugh podcast my name is austin lane my name's aj i recommend skipping the intro next episode uh my name is walker i'm slipping into sincere addiction smith what's up boys slipping in you've been there for years me too aj keep your little side comments what's the deal to yourself aj how about you uh stop yawning from like three minutes it looks like he's been crying Me too. AJ, keep your little side comments to yourself. What's the deal, everybody? AJ, how about you stop yawning for more than like three minutes? AJ looks like he's been crying. Hope everyone out there is having a great day. I'm having a great day with my buddies.

I hope you guys are with your buddies, you know? It seems so, like, candid. Did you prepare that? That's the only notes AJ made. Everyone just lock in. Whatever you're doing, just lock in on your craft. We're locking in on our craft. Well, it's not our craft yet.

Boys, what's new? What did you guys get up to this week? I've been working on some things, to be honest. And that flaw seamlessly leads into this week's theme. Oh, yeah? Works in progress. Dude, this podcast is a well-oiled machine at this point. Of course.

What do you mean? We're 47 episodes. This is episode number 47. Damn near automated at this point. I can't tell if I can hear anything in these headphones. Our podcast is AI. Watch out for AI. Yeah, do you think we could just

upload... What does AI mean? It means artificial intelligence. I really didn't think you'd get that, dude. Good stuff. Yeah. Do you think if we uploaded all 47 episodes of our podcast and just said

to an AI thing and said, make us an episode. It would make us some something out of what we've done. That's been something in my pipeline is to, uh, basically make, make voice recreations of both of you guys. So I can just,

you know, have you just say whatever I want to ruin our names and no, not ruin your names, but deep fake. Finally, we can, we can do some good riffing on the show. Because I'm just typing in your responses.

You finally know what I mean, you know? All right, let's try it. Walker, hit me with something. Let's see if we can riff. All right. Dude, can you believe the state of AJ's hair today? OMG. I can't believe it.

Dude, fuck the AI. I'm scrapping it. We got everything we need right here. What kind of pipeline you got? Just, like, you know, the stuff I got to do. But, yeah. So, your notes for the day. So, would you be mad if I, like...

So, I've been looking up like advertising rates. Okay. And it's really cheap to advertise in like the Philippines. Okay. So I'm saying I blow, you know, we blow like a grand. Get like 17 billboards in the Philippines for Always Loud podcast. Dude, that'd be sick. Yeah.

And like, you know, we 90 filipino listeners that i'm completely on board all right why are you just now saying this do i have the money now okay cool we can go up go there and set it up ourselves send me a request it's paid buddy i would have put that on a credit card years ago a whole year ago when we started. Dude, 17 billboards. Like, each one can be, like, a different thing. Dude, that would be so cool. You're being dead ass about we got to put them up or they put them up. Yeah, like, I mean, it's not 17 billboards.

But, like, you know, there's, like, a bunch of different packages that you can do for a place like that. I was mostly looking at, like, online and, like, radio sales and that kind of stuff. And, like, you know, comparatively to the stuff around here, of stuff and like you know comparatively to the stuff around here it's crazy cheap comparatively to the philippine comparatively to english speaking countries it's crazy cheap so you want to advertise in the philippines yeah bro i'm like i'm like listen no this we we we brand it as like the American podcast. Like, do you want to figure out what an American alpha male is like? Inside scoop on the life of an American alpha? Yeah, exactly.

Are you? Exactly. American alphas and our little beta cuck that we keep around. Please don't want him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you an average guy in filipino society this is the podcast for you have you never worn closed-toed shoes in your life this is the podcast for you walker bro that's not even racist south asians do not wear closed-toed shoes like they're they're

all like flip-flops and sandals. That's just like a cultural thing there. Just raw dogs. Yeah. Raw toes exposed to the elements. Ten toes down. Ten toes down and about four feet in between each toe. Standing on business. Yeah.

Throwback, dude. Holy fuck. Well-oiled machine, boys. I love it. Hell yeah. So do you guys have anything you've been working on lately? Any works in progress? Yeah, dude.

I've got something. So I've had a Fitbit. I got a Fitbit recently. So, you know, it tracks, like, all this shit. It's been tracking my sleep schedule and, like, my sleep durations. So I'm going to read you my sleep durations over the last two weeks okay four hours 50 minutes three hours 38 minutes five hours 10 so this is nightly each night yeah each night this is the amount of sleep that you yeah your

fitbit has tracked yeah so like five hours 3 30 five hours nine hours that's.30, five hours, nine hours. That's a good one. Ten hours, four hours, four and a half hours, two and a half hours, seven hours, two and a half hours, one hour. One hour was last night. That sounds really bad for your health. Yeah, in the statistics, I'm like 99th percentile for variation in sleep duration. So do you know any correlation between what you do that day and your sleep that night? No. Honestly, no. I don't really know any correlation between anything. I feel like my cognitive function has been stifled so much by this unconventional habits that really I'm not really sure of anything at this point. So do you fall asleep and that's just like what your body thinks you're actually asleep for?

Or are you just straight up not asleep for like any hours of the night? No, I mean like it just, it'll like track like when you wake up and like all that stuff but like like but like is it tracking like when you're actually asleep yes you know what i mean like like when you're getting like real sleep or like you just like passed out in a coma yeah it will track like your rem sleep versus like light sleep versus like you know deep sleep and all that stuff it's actually pretty cool so what are you working on what's the work in progress so my work my work in progress is to see how quickly you can develop Alzheimer's, you know, in young life.

Oh. Because I think that is like a big. You're probably well on your way. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, but I'm trying to work on standardizing my sleep schedule a little bit. You know, just trying to get. I was trying to work like, you know, the 10 to 6. And that's just never gonna happen.

It's 7 to 6, dude. That is... That's absurd. That's absurd. That's what you work, dude. Don't you go in at, like, 7 and get out at, like, 5, 6? You were talking about sleep schedule?

Yeah, I was talking about sleep schedule. Oh, oh. But anyways, you wear that fucker to bed won't that hurt no no so has that has the fitbit helped in your fitness journey at all it's amazing to get the raw data because you know i always knew i had some real fucked up problems when it came to sleep um and you know i've been described as like a homeless person who's on drugs when i'm sleeping it's true you cannot wake this man up yeah it's true if i've had like more than one sip of alcohol it's like you're not waking me up um but yeah it's just interesting to get the raw

date on how really like whack my shit is do you think you're doing anything different because you you know you're wearing that thing you're like oh i'm gonna fudge the numbers so i'm gonna sleep an hour just to throw it off i'm getting a 12 hours today i need to i need to balance out the numbers do you think you're like in your head you know you have that thing on counting you does your fitbit uh create cause you to make better decision or worse decisions i mean looking at the last two weeks better decisions is definitely not it so i would say if anything it's no effect to a bad effect okay so don't buy a fitbit guys yeah having the knowledge of how bad

it is somehow gives me the comfort of knowing. In my deluded mind, that's the same as making an improvement. Just knowing how bad my actions are. Walker, you are sick in the head. I'm going to therapy, dude. I'm happy for you. It's so gay.

You have a real life case study. You know what I'm saying? That's step one, buddy buddy put it on paper she does she wears she she sits in like the lounge back chair right the one that you're supposed to be in i oh you're on the couch so that's like the first thing when you walk into therapy she had three different types of chairs she had like a love seat like a leather seat back and then that's like this lounge back and she was like pick whatever you want. I was like, oh fuck, this is the first test. So I sat there

for like 20 seconds looking over the shit and I picked the love seat. What does each chair mean? Tell about me. I picked the love seat. I wanted to pick the leather back, but I felt like that would put off too much masculine energy. I don't want to give her the love seat.

I don't want her to think I'm this alpha. That's the issue with therapy. Unless you completely open up and black out and spill the beans to your therapist, you're making calculated responses. Dude, and this has been the thing. Every therapist I've lied to. I only get women therapists, and usually they're good looking and, you know,

subconsciously I want to impress them. So I just tell them what I think, you know, what they want to hear. Like, you know, third therapy session. I'm like,

you know what you said about, uh, uh, you know, whatever that really worked, you know? And I've made, I've made no positive change.

If anything, I've gotten worse. You know, you sound like me today at work. I told this dude, I said, yeah, I'm gonna try that, man. That's a good idea. I walked out of change. If anything, I've gotten worse. You sound like me today at work. I told this dude, I said, yeah, I'm going to try that, man. That's a good idea. I walked out of there. I said, fuck that shit.

Walker's walking out of every session like, I don't know what that bitch just said. She is so impressed with me right now. That's awesome. I hope she wants to fuck me now. So this girl, I'm just like, I don't care. You're doing it for real this time. Yeah. But so anyway, she's in this lounge back chair.

She has a skirt on. She's like, oh, look at that. Our time's up. And just like sticks a leg out over here. Just hangs the beaver out for a solid 10 seconds. I'm not kidding you. I was like, I didn't look. Because I'm a gentleman.

Of course. Yeah, of course. Do you know how hard it is to focus on how much of a victim I can make myself when the therapist is hanging that thing out? I'm trying to make myself. I'm trying to better myself. I'm trying to make it seem like I am not in i'm not the cause for any of my problems you know everything is a butterfly effect for my childhood or something like that and then she's like check this thing out though and she's like smell this

you ever seen that beaver hang cuz yeah i don't know cuz the beaver is wild i've got a hot take guys okay so i don't think people should be held responsible for anything until age 30 wow that is a bold ass statement because like you know we're all works in progress okay i like that yeah i don't know if that's a good thing to say to a person like me let him go he stopped murdering at 29 i think walker you went viral for a clip that said men should start in jail and have to work their way out yeah and now you think that we shouldn't be held accountable until the age of 30 well i said people oh yeah but people include oh we're not people no we are a substandard subhuman uh yeah no we're not people we don't fall into the raid to jail okay and i'm actually i'm revising that i'm thinking the second puberty hits i remember i don't know if y'all remember i had a friend who got a dick hair way early you know and he would

like whip it out because you know yeah i was a late i was a late bloomer i was a way late bloomer when it came to that you know a large member part of like guys childhood at least mine was just like pulling our dicks out and like showing them to people to it well not to people to each other to your buddies yeah your boys yeah yeah like would y'all did y'all ever do like the the the group jerks or anything like that not when you're a kid right yeah that was later on in life no group jerks there was actually a guy believe it or not uh speaking of whipping their freaking dicks out there was a guy at my store the other day whipping his fucking dick out you have to talk to him no you didn't see it he was only doing it his two hispanic women too oh he had a type he was targeting he was just flashing hispanic women dude and then we found out he goes to a

high school around locally he goes to a high he's a high school kid yes yes and yes shot him out i don't know you pull him up on the camera? I said, buddy got some balls. Got him on the AK. Literally fucking just dong out in the store. Can you zoom in on his ball sack crease? Zoom in. What's with the seam, you know, right down the middle?

It's where they grew together, I guess. It's where they sewed it in. I feel like that's more of the whole whipping your dick out thing. Is that where the surgeon did the bottom surgery? You got to have some serious guy friends. You know what I'm saying? This is, you know, Steve-O? Yeah.

The man himself. He sucks now, dude. Yeah, he's different. He's all sober and shit. I respect his grind. I respect you, Steve-O, for what you've done and stuff. I watched his, I paid for his bucket tour thing. Like, his, like, thing.

His special. You have to pay through, like, a paywall. That shit is wild. He filmed his whole vasectomy. Like, you can see how a vasectomy is done. Oh, this was, like, his, like, faux comedy special where he would just tell stories and then just do jackass stuff. But stuff that could never be aired on television. Really?

It was disgusting. It made me queasy. I'm not kidding. Wow. You should watch it. I still have it for like 25 more days. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Let's run it.

It made me queasy. AJ, what are you doing tonight? You don't have a pregnant fiance to go to or anything? five more days. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Let's run it. It made me queasy. AJ, what are you doing tonight? It made me queasy. You don't have a pregnant fiance to go to or anything. I do have a scurry home. But it made me queasy when Steve will do it and 6ix9ine got their freaking dick injections. That shit. They got their dick injections.

Yeah, they got dick injections. Like Botox. Like Botox in their wiener. Why? To make their wiener. Why? To make their wieners bigger. Why not? What do you mean why? What kind of question is that? Does that, like, fuck your dick up? Probably. Like, it's

not making it, like, bigger. It's just... Doesn't Botox fuck anything up long-term? Isn't it just turning you into, like, a shower? I don't know. Fine with me. Yeah. I want a dick that's larger when it's soft than when it's big

it shrivels up when it's hard well I mean when you think about it it's like water when it turns into ice is smaller

than when it's smaller it's true you know yeah things that are soft are usually bigger and then they compress and become harder

that makes sense wow so I'm gonna have a three inch soft penis and a two inch hard yeah exactly welcome to cock in this fantasy world where i suddenly grow sorry ladies and gentlemen um our whole family list is yeah really not sorry ladies and gentlemen sorry family it's just the way it had to be. Here's another thing I'm working on. I want to start bullying more.

Really? You know, I went into, like, this whole, like, real, like, you know, no judgment, you know, be a good person, you know, do no harm, you know, if it doesn't bother you. You went pretty soft. I've seen, I watched the thing happen. I'm bringing back, I just want to be a real catty bitch now. You know, I want to pull. Well, you never really lost the catty bitch part. That's true.

I always, I do. I have a habit of firing shots across the bow. You could say. Yeah. But I remember I used to be friends with like this really like shrimpy guy and I would tickle him until he cried when we were kids. And I was like, I felt so bad and like so remorseful about it for so many years but i'm thinking back on i'm like that is sick i want to start doing that more dude tickling people until they cry i'm bringing that back

walker no it i i don't think i think you need a new therapist is that rude to say because this woman enabling this woman is teaching me things about myself it's unlocking your trauma I think you need a new therapist. Is that rude to say? No, dude. She's enabling me. This woman is teaching me things about myself I've never done. It's unlocking your trauma from your childhood, and you're like, well, maybe we should run that back. Yeah. There's no way you're expressing yourself in there. Oh, I absolutely am. You're still lying.

No. You're going all in? Mostly. You're getting your money's worth. You can't give her all the beans you're actually paying with your own money oh bro that's the fucked up thing so this bitch

this woman is like she's not on insurance I Venmo her what? are you sure she's a therapist? oh yeah she's like a licensed social worker you know she's got like a NC license number and like a ein and like so like dude i have a fucking ein

yes you know she's legit she's legit bro have your people talk to my but um she went to nc.gov so here's what happens all right i go to therapy i leave i don't venmo her for like three days and then she'll text me and i'll venmo her ran off and then she doesn't send me a receipt until i ask her so it could be weeks later so i'll be like hey can i get that receipt so then i have to submit the receipt to my insurance and it counts against like my deductible how do you get a receipt you just print off the venmo transaction it's's like an invoice. She sends me a Word document that says, therapy, $300. What the fuck?

Walker. Dude, I have a feeling the IRS is not going to be kind to me this coming year. They're going to be like, this is complete bullshit. You took out $13,000 from your HSA for therapy. That's not how it works. Son of a bitch. That's funny. But she's like, so we're doing four sessions a month.

I'm like, no. I do not have $1,200 to spend on therapy a fucking month. Like, this is out of pocket, you know? Ask, like, are two on the buy one get one free? Like, what are we doing? Straight up, like. Like, I need help. Will you hook me up?

Just, like, come to her, like, real serious. Like, I need you. I can't go on without you. Like, these therapy sessions are saving my life. I got out of a ticket that way one time, dude. Really? I got pulled over. My registration registration was out by like six months and this classic this cop pulled me over and you know i like started like shaking and i had like the voice going i was like i'm so sorry you know i was it sincere no you were just bullshit oh yeah i was like i'm i'm dead broke you know i had to choose between registration and insurance, and I figured insurance is better.

Probably. He was like, okay, you know, that's fine. Can you show me your insurance? And I show him. He's like, do you have a place to stay the night? And I was like, yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to the shelter.

He's like, okay. Get there safe. Like, I hope everything works out. And I just, like, drove just drove away, rubbing my head. Got his ass. Got his fucking bitch ass. That's what you get for believing. That's what you get for going to school and getting a job to be a fucking narc.

Dude, I love. They don't go to school for that shit. I mean, they're academy. I love lying to the police. Is that fucked up? I'm like, all right, let me see if I can get out. I've gotten out of I love lying to the police. Is that fucked up? I'm like, all right, let me see if I can get out. I've gotten out of some shit lying to the police. Real quick, before we dive into that.

AJ, you have to train more hours as a cosmetology student than you do as a police officer. Austin, what's your best lie for the police? Oh, shit. Okay, so when I was in high school, I got caught. I didn't get caught. I was smoking marijuana on the high school practice field at about 10 p.m. at night. And we're pulling out. I was there with a couple people pulling out of the parking lot.

This cop pulls up behind me. And this is, like, probably the third time i'd ever smoked weed maybe maybe i don't maybe maybe the third time something like that so i was fried out of my mind not good at speaking i'm freaking out this cop pulls up behind me i'm like guys is there weed in the car like are we good they're like yeah oh yeah we're good there's nothing in the car. Oh, yeah. We're solid. So the police officer comes up to the one comes up on each side, points the lights in the windows. There's a girl sitting next to me. She's, like, freaking out.

Dude comes up to the window, and he's like, hey, you guys know we've gotten calls. Like, you know you're trespassing, right? I was like oh my god like i'm so sorry like i used to play football here like i'm about to go to college i'm coming back to see the the football field one last time before i go to school like that's my bad and he's like yeah okay just go straight home i was freaking out you know that feeling like when you like almost get into a car accident and like, you're like, oh shit, that almost just happened. Two miles.

You just don't move. Your heart's just like racing and you're like this. Yeah, that was me. Dude, that is super scary. It's terrifying. It's pretty sick though. It was awesome. When I got home, I was like, I'm the fucking man.

You are the fucking man. AJ, I feel like you would have some good lying to the cop stories like based on your vernacular so give it to us based on my what god damn it vernacular yeah all right i do actually i only have one main one that comes to mind and that was when and i'm not proud of this by any means but i was a little bit, I was leaving a family member's house. And we had been, some drinks, some drinks were involved. Yeah, you would have blown a blow a.08. You're probably straight.

Yeah, I mean, I would have blew something. I wasn't drunk. But, you know, when you have like, say you have four beers, like you're going to blow over the limit. But like you're fine. You know what you have four beers like you're gonna blow over the limit but like you're fine you know what i'm saying like you're good it's just like legally you're gonna blow over the limit like it's not that deep but um you could literally blow over the limit with like three beers yeah but anyways i got my freaking you know we're drinking a little bit. We're smoking a lot of weed. Just there's a, um, there's a dab rig involved.

I had my torch with me. I had my whole rig with me. We're on the go with it. You know what I'm saying? So when we left this place, you know, I had to bring it all back with me. So I grabbed my rig,

grabbed my torch, got paraphernalia, got my wax, you know, for, for my rig, had some weed on me. And, um, and I was a Got my wax, you know, for my rig. Had some weed on me. And I was a little bit buzzing, you know.

Quick little midnight drive home after a little hangout session. And we get pulled over because I swerved a pothole. If you know anything about Michigan, there is a ton of potholes. Yes. So I swerved a pothole. And the cop thought I was drunk, right? Rightfully so. I'm swerving.

Right. Because I just messed up my tire a couple weeks ago and had to buy a new tire. Because my man's on Saturn. Bro. So look, he comes up to me. Normally you expect a cop to be like all right you know like license registration insurance he walks up to me my side of the car and the first thing he says how much weed is in the car i must have we must have reeked because we just were in a house that

people were just hot boxing blunts after blunts ripping rigs all that shit and i looked him dead in his face and i said none it just happened so quick i didn't even have a chance to think about the lie he just said how much weeds in the car i said none and then um that quickly led to me getting stepped pulled out of the car he's like all right step out of the car. He's like, all right, step out of the car. Meanwhile, I won't name drop, but I was with someone in the car who I'm still with. But so I got yelled at for saying her name. But yeah, they pulled me out the car and they start doing the whole sobriety thing. So like,

you know, when they do this, have y'all did it before? No, I've never done it. Holy shit, dude. They put that flashlight literally like this close to your face,

dude. They're like beaming you. And I'm just looking at them. Just blew out. I've been, i've been i've been ripping dabs all night i'm a little bit drunk and i'm trying to act like i ain't like a little bit stoned you know what i'm saying a little bit so i'm looking at that and shit trying not to just bust up laughing he he talking about wash the pen so i'm like watching the pen or whatever. Dude, I swear to you, I'm sure everyone that this happens to feels like this, but it lasted forever.

I swear to God, we went back and forth about 20 times, dude. And in my head, I'm just like, bro, don't move your head. Do not move your head. Just like lock in, lock in. I'm like, just lock in. Because at this point, it's life or death. You're either going to jail or you're going home. you know what i'm saying i'm like i gotta go home so the whole time i didn't even say this the whole time we get pulled over i'm shoving wax down my

pants oh it's just in your pants at this point it's in my waistband because like you know wax is um it's considered a uh i don't know the word for it. Is it uncontrolled substance or controlled substance? Because you can't, like, right then and there, you can't, like, verify what it is, right? So it's similar to, like, meth or, like, it's like hard drugs, you know what I'm saying? Because you can't, like, they have to, like, test it, right, or whatever. So, like, that's serious shit. You get pulled over a waxling.

It's, like, way worse than weed. test it right or whatever so like that's serious shit you get pulled over a waxling it's like way worse than weed so i got the wax in my pants this whole time as i'm doing and there's weed in the car he already says there any weed in the car i said no he he said all right um go stand on my hood or like go like lean up against my hood i going to search your car because it reeks. And he's like, are you sure there's no weed in the car? I'm like, no. He's searching it, right?

He tells me, oh, fuck. You can bleep that out. He tells the other person to get out of the car. Stand next to me on the hood. Stop saying her fucking name. I bleep that out.

And he's looking through the car. I'm like, I'm fucked like i'm fucked i'm fucked i'm i just lied to him straight in his face and then this dude asked bleep i just say her name because i'm gonna have to bleep it no no no i'm gonna bleep them all he asked who was with me she told him where the weed was i said i'm through i said i'm going to jail bro i just lied to this man straight up and she told him where it was as he was searching my car i reached in my pants i said you think he's looking at me you think he's looking at me she's like or she just said something she's like what

i'm like boom i threw the wax because i had it in some tinfoil threw the wax off to the side right scary shit in my life because I don't know if he got a dash cam rolling. I don't know. I don't know if he's looking at me. It's dark out. I threw it because, you know,

if you go to jail with something on you that you didn't disclose, that's felony, off rip. Like, boop, felony. You took narcotics into jail. Threw it. He didn't see it. He tells me, get back in the car.

He ends up just, I don't know how, he ends up taking the weed. He didn't touch none of my rig stuff. There's a whole torch in the back seat. That's illegal. You were making creme brulee. He writes a ticket. He gives a ticket to my passenger, right, because she owned up to it. I feel bad to this day.

I feel bad to this day. She got a ticket. I got a whole new respect. But it's funny, though, because, yeah, she took the charge. But it's funny, though. The next day, I'm like, bro, we got to go back and get that wax, bro. We went back and got the wax. That was going to be one of my questions.

I was going to ask if you got it that night. Oh, that was too sketchy. I was still faded. He just had to go home and go to bed. I knew exactly whose driveway it was in because we had to pull off on a residential street. Once those sober thoughts started, they're like, get that fucking wax. Get that fucking wax. But listen, though.

There's like, okay, probably like two years goes by my passenger never heard anything about the case right she's calling she's doing everything checking on it every couple months like just because you can see like public records to see if she got like a warrant two years it goes by nothing happened we're like what the heck like did it get like Two years goes by, nothing happened. We're like, what the heck? Like, did it get, like, lost in transit? Or, like, what happened? She checks it one day, like, two years plus later. She has a freaking, like, a warrant or some shit. And she ends up going to court for it.

And, like, at this point, it's almost been, like, three years. By this time, weed is completely legal in Michigan. She has her medical marijuana card, everything. And she ends up getting the case. It dropped. Damn. That's lucky as hell. She got it dismissed.

We all went to court thinking she was going to get in trouble. The judge was like, yeah, you're good. This was two years ago. It's legal now. It's legal. You're done. But it all came from that one night, man. It got me a little quarter.

You know what I'm saying? I was going to go home and get stoned. Man, I was such a dumbass in high school. Just like getting grams and ace one after another. Big gram guy. Oh, huge. Huge dime bag digger guy. All right, trivia, folks.

On the theme of works in progress, how many people as a percent complete their New Year's resolution? Like. 10.5%. 10 percent nine percent really what nine percent what'd you say i said 0.5 nobody nobody does that shit dubs i took a dub on that w in the chat that means that's a dub what age is commonly thought that the brain is done developing at? 25. I was going to say 25. I believe it's 26.

Fuck. Shit. Close enough. Close enough. We'll take it. I got another year of development. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good.

You got another couple months. Yeah, I got a few months. I'm done. I should. I maxed out. I should really. I'm going to go cold. I'm going cold turkey until I'm done I'm maxed out I'm going cold turkey until I'm developed you can bring it back

these are going to be my most influential developmental months of my life too late for that bud what age was Van Gogh when he painted the starry night I should know this because I went to the Van Gogh when he painted the Starry Night? I should know this because I went to the Van Gogh Museum. 42.

Actually, 16. 17. Fuck. 36. Damn. The Van Gogh story is crazy. I meant like, you know, works in progress. You can do incredible things past the age that I'm at right now. Hell yeah.

So we're still a work in progress. We have a chance. We got... Once you get in your late 20s, you start having to reassure yourself that other people have did sweet shit past the late 20s. Yeah, like Colonel Sanders or whatever.

Yeah. He was like 67. Perfect example. 67 when he did the whole fried chicken thing. Yeah. They say most people don't become like the whole millionaire thing. The 11 herbs and spices. The secret mix.

Motherfucker was 67. Busting out fat loads of Indian spices. Bro, Americans are fat fuck asses. We weren't even fat back then. He was like, oh, I got something for y'all. Motto, sodium glutamate, bitch. I got something from China for y'all. It's going to blow the fucking doors off y'all bitch asses.

You know what I'm saying? Colonel Sanders put together those 13 herbs and spices. Or 17, I don't know how many. I don't know how many. But it was a lot. And it worked. And man, it made him rich my boy popped off but kfc sucks now straight up i haven't had it in forever although the

mashed potato bowl will always hold a special place in my heart pause that famous bowl gas second off don't walk run and get the spicy chicken fresh from kfc fire no you can't was just an ad read. You can walk or just not go at all. Yeah. We are not sponsored by KFC. KFC blows. Shout out to Beth.

Beth is the one who put me on. Yeah, you get a hot chicken sandwich. It's great. Spicy chicken sandwich. You know what the odds of you getting a fresh anything from KFC are? You can't be scared to ask. Likefcr you can't be scared to ask two percent can't be scared to ask see that doesn't make any sense knowing everything i know about you like you have to ask your girl to like you know yeah but he's behind for like a side of range he has the he has

like the um i don't know the speaker he has the speaker i know you tell your girl to ask no no no i don't even ask i just pray you gotta pray dude but anyways i was giving the benefit of the doubt he's talking to the speaker not a person can we talk about kfc real quick i am built to live in this environment that has the kfc x taco bells because there is nothing like getting that blast mixed in with that kFC spicy chicken sandwich. Unreal. They don't do that up north. They're straight up Taco Bells or KFC. I've got some serious question marks about your palate.

And I don't know, man. That's inhuman. That's not something that's supposed to be put together. That's a life hack, man. That's a life hack, man. That's a life hack. A Baja Blast and a spicy chicken sandwich is more like sugar than like a medieval peasant would have in their entire life. There ain't even no sugar in the sandwich, dude.

There is 100% sugar in that motherfucking sandwich, bro. It's KFC. There's sugar in everything. You guys want to know a work in progress for me? Yes. I want to learn how to spell. I've always wanted to know how to spell. And I've never learned how to spell. I've always wanted to know how to spell. And I've never learned how to spell. Don't look at me like that.

How do you spell nutrition? N-U-T-R-I-T-I-O-N. Oh, dude. This is... We just unlocked a whole new... Is that how you spell it? This is what's going to take our podcast to the next level. Is it C-I-O-N or something? You spelling words.

How do you spell... Yeah, dude. You nailed it. How do you spell license? L-I-C-E-N-O-N or something? You spelling words. How do you spell? Yeah, dude, you nailed it. How do you spell license? L-I-C-E-N-S-E. You got it. That was hanging me up today. That fucks me up.

How do you spell Wednesday? W-E-D-N-E-S-D-A-Y. Oh, yeah. Wait. Am I nailing them? Have I got them all? Wednesday. Have I got them all?

Hell, yeah. Hit me with like two more. Two more. Elephant. Aplomb. What? Aplomb with like two more. Aplomb. What? Aplomb. Aplomb? Aplomb. Aplomb? A-P-L-A-U-M.

Gatorade. I don't even know what that word means. Gatorade. You fucking nailed it though. I think it's an O actually. Gatorade. G-A-T-A-R I mean O-R-A-D-E Chick-fil-A. C-H-T-A-R. I mean O-R-A-D-E. Chick-fil-A. C-H-I-C-F-I-L-A.

I always put the C at the end of chick. Dude, that's sick. I thought I was going to hang you up, bro. You're fucking too smart for that. All right, fuck it. Never mind. That's not a work in progress. I just nailed that shit.

Dude, we do one of these on the end of the podcast every week. Dude, should we have Austin Spelling Practice or Austin Spelling Bee every segment? You have to vow to not misspell shit to be funny. I swear to God, I just nailed those ones. I want to look smart. You think I want to look stupid on camera? Hell no. I want to look like I know what I'm talking about.

All right, fuck it. Never mind. It's not a work in progress, but we will do my spelling bee every week. I won a spelling bee as a kid, actually. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you fucking didn't. I'm talking about. All right, fuck it. Never mind. It's not a work in progress, but we will do my spelling bee every week. I won a spelling bee as a kid, actually. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you fucking did. I was in one.

You've never done anything with an academic achievement. Jump rope for heart, asshole. That's not academic, but that is sick. Dude, it was at school. It was at school. What a fucking memory. The four heart shit. I used to do the hoops for heart shit.

That's crazy. I was a dog at jump roping. I could do the thing over and over again. That's so sick. I also had this sit-up record at my school. I remember I missed half of the next class. I wouldn't stop. Do your bones crunch when you do subs?

No. Probably now when I was a kid. I would figure it would be worse then. Maybe. My work in progress is something stupid. Can you put in a skeleton sound? Right here. Yeah, I can try.

Who did that? That was pretty good. What's your work in progress, AJ? Trying to finesse my way into a higher job off of already finessing my way into my current job. I'm using it as leverage. I mean, you might as well. You made it this far. I'm trying to leverage my way into an even better job, like more like sustainable like work from like not necessarily work completely

from home but like predominantly just give me more available time where i'm not locked in a building somewhere for 10 plus hours for sure um so right now i'm currently automating as many professional certificates as i can through quizlet check Chegg, ChatGBT. I did a seven-month course yesterday. Dude, that's sick. It took me six hours to do a seven. No, not even that. It took me four hours to do a seven-month course, and I didn't read a fucking thing.

Copied and pasted the whole thing. What are you certified in? Oh, dude, it? Google IT Solutions. Oh yeah. That's relevant to the floor. I fucking was typing. I was command prompt. He's moving up.

AJ's doing Python projects when he's talking to cashiers. Big command prompt guy. Linux. There's nothing I love using the command prompt guy oh yeah dude linux bro i'm a bitch there's nothing i love using the command prompt it gives my fucking dick hard you pull the command prompt out on a person who's over 40 and they think you're a magician yeah like oh my god he's in the back he's in the back door of this computer right now i'm a big i'm a big help desk guy. He's Neo. Yeah. My hot take is want to be happy?

Care less. Don't work hard for anything. You'll never be disappointed. Dude, I like that. You know? Don't have any works in progress. If you don't start anything, you can't not complete it. Yeah.

You don't miss 100% of the shots you don't start anything, you can't not complete it. Yeah. You don't miss 100% of the shots you don't take. You can never fail if you never try. Spot the lie. I think. On to something. We need to update the Gentleman's Handbook, I think. I think so, too. The Gentleman's Handbook?

What the fuck? The Damaged Man's Handbook? That's what it is. Oh, we need an episode where we describe some of our rules. Yeah, we got to bring Connor back on for that. Yeah, probably. Connor. AJ, what are you doing over there?

I was going to show you my certificate. Jesus. Oh, yeah, we need to see your Google Workspaces certificate. I'm fired up on that. You guys have anything you want to say to wrap up this podcast? Yeah, I got a question. Can we answer a question real quick? I feel like this would be a good outro.

Yeah, sure. What the fuck's up with seagulls hanging out in mall parking lots? Lots of french fries, dog. Lots of fast food, just chilling. That's a northern thing. Yeah. Like, seagulls in Michigan are different. Like, they're just chilling in the Walmart parking lot.

I feel like you don't see that here. Are they lost, though? Unless you're near the beach. Probably. So, like, seagulls here, only at the beach. They're like normal-sized birds. Everyone hates them. I've been in California recently.

Bro. birds everyone hates them i've been in california recently bro the eagles are the the seagulls in san francisco are the biggest fucking birds i've ever seen in my entire life they're like they're like eagle sized damn like i've got a picture i'll show y'all they're unbelievable like there's a video of a uh of a um dude i feel like that's how they are in Michigan, too. One of these seagulls, like, just swallowing, like, a squirrel. Damn. Oh, yeah, you showed me that video. That video was wild.

I feel like that's how they are in Michigan, because, like, you know, there's, like, the Great Lakes surrounding Michigan, so maybe they are lost. Like, they're just trying to... They think they're at the beach. Yeah, they're, like, trying to fly from lake to lake, and they just get all fucked up. Saltwater here sucks.

They end up in... They're in Jackson, America. here sucks they end up they're in jackson america yeah they end up in jackson michigan in a fucking walmart parking bro shout out jackson it's been like 20 episodes shout out i'm trying to move on jackson america i'm trying to get for you it's time it's time to let it go they started a facebook group in your honor yet no i actually dude man jackson's a shitty place i thought once you got to like age i'd say age 28 to 30 maybe even 32 about 30 you're like past like getting killed by gun violence yeah i just had another freaking uh guy i knew get killed uh two days ago or

yesterday actually and he was like 35 dude like I'm like damn I thought the threshold was like 30 they're like 20 like you And he didn't even live there if he was just back home visiting ain't that a bitch RIP rest in peace Yeah, yeah, well, I mean it's not like my good friend, but so I used to work at full locker and shit Well, it's fucked up. It's fucked up Football, I mean, that's a bond that lasts. The Foot Locker bond, I know, dude. Longer than most marriages, you know.

Lifelong friends, man. Yeah. Good. Well, not anymore, but. So next week, look forward to Austin Spelling Bee. And next week's theme is keeping it real. I didn't really run that by you guys, but that's just what I wrote down, and we forgot to come up with another one. Way to keep it real, bro. So we're keeping it real. I didn't really run that by you guys, but that's just what I wrote down and we forgot to come up with another one.

Way to keep it real, bro. So we're keeping it real next week. We're just going to hit them with some real shit. Sound good? I'll be on drugs. Sounds good. More than I am right now. Sounds perfect.

Thanks for listening to another episode of the Always Laugh Podcast. Make sure you subscribe to our stuff. Find us on Apple, Spotify, YouTube. We're everywhere. Thanks for listening my name is austin lane my name is aj i'm walker we out love you everyone