Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #7 - How Much Money we Make From the Podcast

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

This episode we talk about how much money the podcast is making, Walker pooping his pants, and Austin getting fully undressed to use the bathroom. Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

I'm like, oh my god! Oh my god! Ah! Welcome back to the Always Laugh Podcast. My name's Austin Lane. My name's AJ. I am Walker the... I'm a stupid piece of shit, man.

Number one podcast you've never heard of. Let's fucking get it. Three for seven. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Three for seven, yeah. Congrats, AJ. it three for seven tell a friend to tell a friend three for seven yeah it's fucking congrats aj you're like uh you're like shack at the free throw line and like his like rookie season thank you and i just want to say right now thank you to all of our subscribers we are at 52 boys let's 52 subscribers um we're we're officially out of friends and family so now i think we're on to

random people speaking of friends and family i want now I think we're on to random people. Speaking of friends and family, I want to give a big shout-out to Grandma Kitty. She is the GOAT. She's our number one supporter, number one fan. She literally comments on every single thing that we post. We post everywhere, often. So shout-out to you. Thanks a lot, Grandma Kitty. Thank you, Grandma Kitty.

We appreciate it. Love you, Grandma Kitty. But especially Kitty. Kitty, you're the best. GOAT. Grandma Kitty is GOATed for sure, you're the best. Goat. Grandma Kitty is goated for sure. So what's up, fellas? How we been?

How we feeling? So damn good. How we feeling, Austin? You good? So good. Oh, yeah. I just chugged like half my tweet. I can tell by the neck vein popping out, dude.

Are you alive, dog? Yeah, I'm straight. Jesus, that motherfucker was pumping blood. Yeah, it's like, yeah. He's got a big old brain up there, you know. It's a lot of back and forth. I have a whole lot of empty space that gets a lot of blood pumped to it.

Hold on one second. You know, when the brain's smooth, it actually requires more blood Sick dude God damn it dude What the fuck was that Get fucked That's what that was

Damn it I'm gonna have to piss Two and a half minutes deep i gotta piss well so i wanted to bring this up before the podcast it's been one of those days where listen i've just been filling up and it's all liquid filling up what and you know i don't i don't want to be nasty but when it comes it comes hard and there's so what's the what's the protocol here what do you i need more highly i need at least one more descriptor do i go to the bathroom do i just like sit here and like shit my pants oh that's what you're talking about you've been having the hershey squirts all day you have to do a do a signal over there.

What's your signal? You have to do a smoke fire cloud flare. No, I think. A smoke fire cloud flare. Yeah, whatever that is, I'll figure out in the moment. I'll whip it out. Whatever it is. I think shitting your pants would be.

It would be like the airport signal. Just go straight towards the bathroom. Hey, what are those things that like they they give him like like rescue packages or whatever? It's like a fucking flare. You need a flare gun. He's going to shoot a fucking flare gun off in here. Where is it? I got a shit.

Walker asked the shit. And we fucked up the shot because of all the smoke in here. But it was worth it for the joke. Fuck it. I'm done, dude. this shit. We fucked up the shot because of all the smoke in here, but it was worth it for the joke. Fuck it. I'm done, dude. Holy shit. So you got to go right now? Oh, no, I'm good right now.

Oh, okay. Okay, that's a bet. You'll be the first to know it, Jay. Thank you. To answer your question, you probably should just not shit on the couch. I mean, that's probably a good rule of thumb. Refrain from shitting on the couch. Make a run that's probably a good rule of thumb. Refrain from shitting on the couch. Make a run for it if need be.

All right. That goes against my base animal nature, but for you guys, I'll keep it together. Much appreciated. Hey, Walker, you were telling me about something at your job that you were proud of today. I think that'd be cool to say your accomplishment. Yeah, yeah. Actually, you know. Say it with your chest, man. That your accomplishment. Yeah, yeah, actually.

Say it with your chest, man. That's some cool-ass shit, bro. This is a goal I've been working towards for a long time. Huh? I'm hyping you up. Oh, fuck, I didn't know what the ad was coming up. Yeah, this is a goal I've been working towards for a long time. Big goal.

Come on. I've always been, you know, interested in programming and coding and stuff like that. He does. I worked a piece of my code, you know. I submitted the pull request on GitHub and it got approved and merged into the master branch. So I'm in there, boys. Are you rich yet? No.

Fuck. No, no, no. no good is all this shit um you know but that's the good thing about this podcast you know we're doing big numbers i saw we got a thousand likes on instagram and it's like a dollar per like right so like we've already made a thousand dollars yeah on youtube we're only like nine million nine hundred and ninety seven thousand views away from monetization when it comes to our short form content so uh you know we're not far from making money real close to another week or two and we'll be there yeah i think we're i think we're getting there we're getting close i just want to say this one thing and you guys i know you guys earlier in the pod um like two minutes ago asked how everyone's day was. My day fucking sucked.

You want to know why my day sucked? Yes. Yeah. Ask me why my hands are all cut the fuck up and why do my fingertips hurt and everything like that. Why are your hands all cut the fuck up and why do your fingertips hurt and shit like that? And why are my hands fucked up?

Why are we asking your rhetorical questions? Because I'm trying to emphasize. Okay. It's emphasized. I'm going to need you guys to subscribe right now to get me out of blue collar work, bro. Dude, if we keep getting likes on Instagram like that, I mean, it's a dollar per like. We're going to be fucking rich soon. I think your math might be hard, buddy. might be a little short, buddy.

I don't know if it's a dollar per... The contract you showed me specifically said... Dude, he showed me the same shit. Right? I fucking signed that fucker too. Is that why you guys keep showing up every week? You guys are fucked. How much money have we been on the podcast so far?

Realistically, zero dollars. We're still negative. You can make one of those TikToks where the real estate agents would be like, guess how much money I made in March, April, May, June. It's all like zero, zero, zero, zero. Red, red, red, red, zero. We're going to be fucking red for six months. That's the thing about a self-starter.

One year. We're going to work one year. Two years. Two and a half. You can't take a salary. Can I get three? You guys thought you were getting paid? Can I get three years?

You guys thought you were getting paid for this? Three years without a salary? So what's the podcast studio going to be when we're homeless? It's going to be literally at the bus stop. I think our studio will be way cooler. We'll just be kind of out there. Under a bridge. We can be in the Impala.

In a box. The Imp the impala dude the back row seats go fully down you can you can get a twin mattress in there walker has a nice four inches between the twin mattress austin knows all about that oh yeah i've taken austin out in the woods many times and fucked him in the ass um i just spit all over the fucking mic jesus how was i not supposed to bring that damn it i just didn't think we were gonna bring it out that early you know guys it's it's a thing guys i walked into the gas station confidently and walked out that bitch with seven twisted teas Tees. No pack of Newports because we don't smoke cigarettes.

Only on certain occasions with certain people. Saturday. The weekend. No, no, I'm lying. We got seven Twisted Tees. We live up to our name. Everyone hold it up. Twisted Tees unite.

Hey, logo's in, though. No free ads. Well, I want them to see this shit. Fucking fuck them. Yeah, there it is. There we go. Good shit, AJ. Thanks for picking up the tweeze this week.

Austin, describe what that tastes like. What does it taste like i would say i would say it tastes like um maybe like kind of like uh old tea mixed with like uh distilled jet fuel beth you are straight up that bitch straight up you know why beth you know why you are respectful or you are a you are respectful you are a respectable young woman you are um you know why we're not going to talk about it yet but you know you know we gotta get the licensing worked out. Yeah, we got it. Oh, yeah. For sure. All right, so who's up first?

But you guys fucking, you guys just disregarded my whole statement. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking AJ. Subscribe now. Please subscribe to get me out of the blue-collar field. I am not cut for this. I'm telling you right now. I'm not cut for it.

AJ, take that beanie off. It's a, it's, we're off to the races. It's not cut for this. I'm telling you right now, I'm not cut for it. AJ, take that beanie off. We're off to the races. It's fucking burnt, buddy. We're not at 10 yet. We're not at 10 yet. 10? Is that what the deal is? The deal's changed like 14 times.

I said episode 10. 10 episodes? 10 episodes, deal. So AJ, I heard you overcame a fear today. No, I really didn't. It was the one I was just bragging about. Like I didn't just fucking almost pussy out. So get on the mic, Kenzie, and tell them.

Yes, please. You tell them. Tell the truth. Her shit ain't working. It's working? I ain't hearing nothing. Tell the truth. What do you mean?

Tell them what happened. So Kenzie, apparently, my fiance, Ken fiance kenzie has been she's right there she's been telling me about these tiktoks that like it's apparently some like uh it's like rejection therapy get off your fucking phone clown shit pod fucking idiot you can't be on the fucking phone while listening to a conversation boring as fuck you are lost my you lost my interest aj you just gonna take that you lost my interest no fire see ya fire drove here for no reason straight up yeah austin seriously like the man drove from in the middle fucking 35 minutes drove from where he lives which is out bumfuck nowhere oh yeah civilization just for us and

you're not even gonna respect him enough to pretend to care about his dumb story are you saying are you saying i should apologize yeah aj i'm sorry that you were telling a shitty story and i got bored austin asked for the story run the clip shit fucking idiot my fault my fault my fault all right get your man that is literally lucy putting down the football charlie brown walking up to kick it and you pulling the football away you just fucking you fucking pulled the rug out for you pulled the rug out pulled the rug buddy hey aj i'm listening you rug pulled that's the nft just up i'll listen i'll listen now i'm ready kenzie was talking to me about some some shit she's seen on tiktok called rejection therapy

is where people like will purposely go in and ask something or do something that they know someone's going to reject them for just to get told no, like on purpose. And I have a big thing with like, I hate, I hate the, I have social anxiety bad and I fucking don't like getting told no in public settings. Like I'll do anything to get told yes, but like when it comes to no, I just won't do it. So fucking, Ken Kenzie fucking, fucking title. He says dumb,

numb, numb, nothing to get said. Yes. It means like he goes into his little turtle shell and social situations and doesn't ask for anything, you know, just tries to not make waves or anything like that.

I just fucking know. Kenzie said, you're going to walk away and not say, I literally walked away from her when she was talking to me about what I had to do that I didn't want to do, and I literally shut down. I literally was mute. I didn't say anything. But the situation was, so you know our thing.

I made the joke where day number 1,439, you still can't smoke weed legally in North Carolina, but you can walk in the store and buy seven Twisted Teas and a pack of Newports. Right? I made that joke. So today was the day that I had to prove myself to buy seven Twisted Teas. No Newports, but just seven Twisted Teas all at once.

So in my head, I'm like, alright, I'm going to buy three. Kenzie's going to buy three. And I'm going to go out, put them in the car, and come back and buy one. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Dumbest thing I've ever heard. They're not going to recognize you coming back here to buy the other one. It doesn't matter. He wasn't even worried about not being able to carry the shit.

He was just like, what if they tell me I can't do this? What about the social interaction when you get back up to the restaurant? That's why he worries. I'd rather have that interaction with just one in my hand than fucking seven so like you think they're gonna be like nah you can't do that yeah i'm thinking they're gonna be like bro like no there's a limit to this are you sure like it's three per person or type shit like you know how sometimes like you can only get did you have a helicopter parent oh what's that mean? A parent that's super in your business

and in your shit all the time. I think that explains a lot. In my shit. My mom used to drug test me, make me pee in a cup just because she worked at the hospital. I knew she wasn't actually turning that shit in. She was probably dumping it on the toilet.

That's what she was using. I used to come home blasted. My mom knows this toilet. That's what she was using. I used to come home. No, I used to come home blasted. My mom knows this shit. That's fucking hilarious. I used to come home all fucked up. She used it one time and she was like, fuck, never again. He actually is doing drugs.

You got me put on. Come home all stoned and I'd look her dead in the face and be like, I'm not high. I'd be all fucked up. Just fucking smoked out of a pop can fucking two hours ago. Yeah, dude. Cheats. The whole trying to play it off for the parents. 2006.

2006. Circa 2006. The old fart. Smoking weed out of a pop can at fucking Greg's house. Finish your rejection therapy experience. Oh, I handled it. Well, thank God. If they would have sent me in alone,

it would have been over with, bro. I would have not completed the mission. Or I would have went to two separate gas stations. Oh, my God. So, look. So, I walked up there. Kenzie puts her... Kenzie had four in her hand. Three tweeze and a... Why is three okay? That's too many. Three's fine.

They're going to say no. Three's manageable. You should do like one for the gas station. Bro, you're about to get fucking drunk. About to get fucking drunk. Hell no. Tonight we're getting fucked up. You just blew my damn eardrums out.

Those are pussies. I don't even hear shit. No shit. Are yours not working? Can you not? Yeah, the thing is... Walker, take yours off for a second. We got to do a little...

We got to run a little test. Hold on. I just want to know if you can hear. You see how I'm wearing mine, though? Thanks for the heads up, Austin. Hello. Soft. Didn't hear shit.

Dude, I literally blew my own eardrums out Just now I heard it from you Listen You fucks You're not even paying attention This one I have Three quarters of the way on

It's not utterly Covering my ear For a reason Why are you yelling Cause you're fucking yelling Why are you yelling I'm getting aggressive Are you okay

Shout out to blue collar work Cause I'm the tannest I've ever been. I'm a farmer's tan. Bad. Can we see it? No, on my neck. Oh, on your neck?

Ooh, daddy. I'm fucking the whole redneck thing. That's a real. I see where they got that from. That shit's beet red. Holy fuck. I never put that together. Bro, is that a racial slur?

No. They have a fucking store. It's a classic slur. They have a store. I know of a store called Redneck Barbecue. It's a legit store. Yeah, I don't think it's that bad. They got some gas barbecue, no cap.

It's Redneck Barbecue out where we live. You fucked up. Oh. Google search. What city do you live in? You guys live in Benson, North Carolina. But here in Raleigh, it's just the barbecue lab. Because they didn't want that shit in nice-ass North Carolina.

I live in Raleigh, North Carolina. Downtown Raleigh. Find me, pussies. Gosh. You guys are fucking idiots. Find me. It's not that deep. Who cares?

Who wants to get found? Find me. Doors unlocked. Go door knocking and see if you can find my location The door's unlocked I'm not worried about it If you can catch us on a night where it's only me here You can walk in unimpeded

And steal all of our shit Doors are never locked Note that I personally don't live here If you can find AJ and Kenzie's place You're fucking good at... You're good at... You must be like Indiana Jones.

It's not that hard. Yeah. What do you mean? You guys live in the... You want to know why? If you posted your house on Facebook, I found you on Zoom. No, you want to know why? You guys are under the fucking radar.

You can do a quick Google search and figure out who... All right, nobody's finding... A quick edge search? Nobody's finding where we live. Oh, fucking property search and you can figure it out. Nobody's finding shit. You're searching me up, bro? Yeah, you're fucking under the fucking radar, buddy.

You want a boot sandwich? You're literally getting paid under the table. I got a crazy fucking... Yeah, don't ruin my thing, bro. I got a crazy... I got a good thing going right now. I got a crazy... Don't ruin my thing, bro. I got a crazy thing that I did one time. It was when I was younger. You guys ever do anything crazy in 2008? Some wild shit?

You're going to have to give me a minute. Oh, 2008? Yeah, it was roughly 2008. Right before my freshman year Fuck yeah Jesus 2008 was right where you're old as fuck Chill out 2008 I was 10 years old

2008 I was walking the halls Of freshman year buddy 8th grade baby I was fucking hugging in the hallway all that type of shit linking up all right this freshman hall i didn't do anything crazy but i saw this um i saw some crazy shit in 2008 so i was we uh when i was younger my uh cousin and my brother and i would all go out to my um grandpa bob's house r.i.p r.i.p uh g-pop bob rest in peace rest in peace um we'd all go out there and we all like we all wanted to like hunt like that was like our thing like we're gonna

we're gonna learn how to hunt blah blah blah so we all had bb guns we all had our little daisy red riders we're all like 10 i was like 10 cousin was nine brother was like eight we're trying to shoot birds and shit what are you guys talking shit about? Come on What is a daisy red rider dude? Have you ever seen a Christmas story bro? Bro come on It's a BB gun

It's like the most famous BB gun Fucking daisy red rider Never heard of it We use slingshots from Go ahead Anyway That's cause you're like the most city slick Cause you're from the back you said

you use slingshots well i had a slingshot once my cousin tried to shoot birds and i said oh no i can't be associated with the shit and left oh fuck well you're not gonna like this story then you're not gonna like this story at all you look like so one day so what serial killer tendencies so one day i had where he gets we busted the slingshots out. I swear on my life. And we were just shooting. Usually we were just shooting rocks at like stupid shit. Like all the light, like all the street light, light bulbs in the fucking area. We got in a lot of trouble for that.

In Albion? No. We were out in the country, but there were a few like standalone, just like light posts out there. And we would shoot the light bulbs out of them with slingshots. And Grandpa's always like, what the hell happened out here? I'm like, I have no idea, dude. He's like, there's a bunch of fucking holes in the side of the whatever.

So there was this bird up in the very tippity top of this tree one day, and I was like, I'm going to get it. I'm going to hit this bird. So I fucking cocked back my slingshot let it rip and fucking this bird falls like literally fucking falls flat out of this tree hits the ground it's like boom i'm like oh shit god damn it i felt so terrible i was like i'm a i'm a such a piece of shit why did i do that so um i pick it up with this i'm like boys we got to hide the evidence like we got to get rid of this like i feel so bad so we dig this hole we dig this big ass hole i'm like all right we got

to bury it so uh i throw the bird in the hole with the shovel and um what kind of bird was it i'm not i'm not i'm not telling i'm not this is i think well it's 100 no you are a serial killer bro you killed it and then hit it no that's it just needs to be a zoom in of AJ's face. Holy fuck. I feel like it doesn't count as being a serial killer if you have accomplices. You buried it, bro. I didn't tell no one. I did not bury it.

I didn't bury it. I didn't bury it. You said you had to get rid of the evidence. You just threw the shovel in. Yeah, no, I tried to get rid of it. No, no, no, I didn't bury it. I tried to get rid of the evidence. We threw it in the hole And as soon as this fucking

I'm not saying what kind of bird it was Because I think it's illegal to kill these kinds of birds It's probably like a blue jay Did you kill a bald eagle? As soon as the fucking bird hit the bottom of the hole It pops up And fucking flies straight out of the hole I almost shitted on myself

I was like Okay, I didn't kill the bird It lived You just knocked it out of the house It I almost shitted on myself. I was like, okay, I didn't kill the bird. It lived. It literally had a rock stuck in its chest. It was bleeding out of its chest. I threw it in the hole and it popped up and flew away.

You left the bird injured and suffering alive. At least it ended on a... I turned it into a superhero. Yeah, that's... That fucking bird suffering a lot. At least it ended on a... I turned it into a superhero. Yeah, that's... That fucking bird probably died and lived a miserable fucking life. Or it had an evolutionary

advantage now because now it's got a chunk of armor for a fucking chest. Thank you, Walker. It's got a rock, dude. That bird, it can just hunt by flying its chest. Look, I'm not proud of what i did but i'm proud of that fucking bird i'm in the spin zone right now i'm proud of that bird for uh hey what's up playboy

go ahead i can probably say i've never killed a fucking animal and number two i have been a witness to a murder animal murder you've never fished or anything? He's definitely hit something on the side of the road. You piece of shit. 100%. You piece of shit. Dude, that's serial killer tendencies right there. I was trying to feed my family, and you just said, fuck it. Yeah, you were trying to bring home dinner for the fucking family.

Yeah, and you're just like, fuck it. Sniping birds. You swerved off the side of the road. Austin was trying to bring home the avian flu. No, you guys. No, speaking of animals getting like fucked up, you guys want to hear some fucked up shit? Sure.

Are you guys down? Yeah. No, listen. It's not fucked up. Just say it quietly. Kenzie doesn't have headphones. Listen. So I was standing down at the bus stop one morning getting ready for school

or waiting for the school bus to pick me up. And I'm sitting there, and the neighbor's cat, the neighbor across the street, so, like, I'm at the end of my road, and there's a house directly across the street, and they had a whole bunch of, like, random, like, stray cats running around. And there was a cat in the driveway. It was, like, a teenager cat. Like, not cat in the driveway. It was like a teenager cat. Not a kitten, but not a grown cat. Teenager cat.

Alright. So, naturally, as a young adult, I was probably in middle... I was definitely in middle school. I'm like... Try to fuck. I'm like...

I'm like... Kitty, kitty. Come over here. Kitty, kitty. Come come on I get the cat come across street right cats it's what it's one of them aggressive cats like we're like there's raising up its tails popped up they're aggressively like he was trying to catch a teenage pussy if you touch the cat is a pussycat you're going too far if you touch the cat gross dude it's a pussy cat you're going too far if you touch the cat they get like aggressively like wanting more like affection like they're like overly annoying like they might bite you because you stop petting them and shit type shit like one of them type of

cat so it ran over when i was like we're like okay come over here that's gonna be my new like text home It comes over here I pet it for like 10 minutes It goes back across the street As it walks past the street A fucking One of them big trucks you don't like A little awesome Fucking kitty's walking back to his home

Fucking Runs it the fuck over back to his home. Fucking runs it the fuck over. The cat's fucking flopping in the middle of the street. I'm like standing there like, no. I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god. The cat's flopping. I'm standing at the bus stop waiting

to go to school. It's like six in the morning. killed that cat i told the cat to come over here it got sent back got so look yeah and i'm a serial killer i didn't do a fucking thing so fucked up like a walker sad so yeah you fucking murdered a cat the bus broad daylight the bus wasn't about it was about like 10 minutes away the bus was coming like 10 minutes so i'm like oh my god like this i can't have a dead cat like right outside my bus stop like fuck no the cat was like fucking fucked up no shit i grabbed that motherfucker and fucking carried it to the driveway and left it at the end of the driveway, dog.

They lived on a hill, so they had to drive down the hill to get to the street. I don't like this story anymore. Can we move on? I laid it to rest at the end of the driveway, bro. You picked up a mangled, bloody cat and laid it down on the end of the driveway. I had to. Then I had to get on the bus and go to school. It was fucked.

You're fucked. That whole bus ride, I thought about some wild shit. I was damn near about to off myself. Explains a lot about you, AJ. I went through some shit, bro. You make me nervous. How? I witnessed a cat get fucking rammed by an F-150, bro.

And that's why trucks should be banned. It couldn't see it. So you said you put it at the end of the driveway. Yeah. Do you think the owners finished the job? Oh, that cat was done for. It suffered for a quick second, but it was done. It got fucking wrecked by an F-150, bro.

But that shit traumatized me to this day, bro. I watched the cat get fucking rammed bro hey let's take a quick dog leg on this conversation sorry thank christ not a person you got anything someone tell a happy story uh one time i was in the backyard at my house and uh like we were hey i'm once again with my brother and my cousin and we're we all had to pee real bad and we're like yeah we're gonna pee outside obviously and uh and drink out of the hose and um my cousin he's pissing it's really windy this day and um he's like holding he's just like holding his pants down and he like and the wind's blowing, and fucking piss is flying everywhere.

And he lets go of his pants, so his pee goes straight up in the air, and the wind blows it directly in his face. He's literally at this point, hands free, pissing straight up into the air in his own face. He's smoking dick. It was one of the funniest fucking things. Who was it? My cousin Kyle.

Big K-Bob. I was in elementary school one time. Probably third or fourth grade, and I'm not going to lie. I was one of the kids who would pee with his pants around his ankles. I didn't know that wasn't okay. I fucking knew it. That was just like, why would I not? You were fucking cheeks out

You were ass out on the urinal You were uncomfortable with my underwear tucked under my tiny balls Like no I'm just taking it all off But this kid comes in one time So I'm you know pants on the floor Peeing in the urinal He steps up to the urinal beside me Starts peeing

And he looks over at me and he's like you want to see something cool Oh no that's never what you want to hear at the urinal. And this dude, without continuous stream, backs up all the way across the bathroom and he's peeing. I'm not kidding you. It's arcing like a solid 15 feet and he was nailing it, dude.

Steph Curry from Free Shop. I swear to God. And I'm sitting there, pants around my ankles. I literally was like, oh my God, that's awesome. Buddy had a fucking shot on him, didn't he? I want to know what that guy's up to. He did great things. I know that.

Oh, for sure. Great things. If he's doing that at that young age, imagine what he's doing in high school. The world is your oyster. Oh, yeah. College. He's fucking pissing on you. doing that at that young age imagine what he's doing like high school is your college oh yeah sure college he's fucking i would take all this and when i had to when i was taking a number two i would uh i would take every article every article of clothing off when i was taking a shit not my socks everything until i was about 10 years old i'm at i'm at school in the school bathroom Butt ass naked

I swear on my life I'm in the stall hanging up Hanging up my clothes So nobody saw them on the floor You could Wait to see that little hanger In the back of the door This guy word sucks

I swear to God. Dude, I'm barefoot in the fucking... Bitch had an athlete's foot like a motherfucker. So, like, my parents knew that I... Oh, my God. I get butt naked at the crib, but not in a public joint. School bathrooms. My parents knew...

Kids are smearing shit on the wall. It's like, it's time to get naked in here. My parents knew. They were smearing shit on the wall. It's time to get naked in here. My parents always knew that I did it. They were like, fucking fuck you, bitch, written on the wall. Fucking suck my dick, stupid bitch. Austin's like, this is my environment. Hell yeah.

When my parents found out that I was still doing that at age 10, they were like, oh. You're done. Fuck, we got to have a talk. Do your brothers know about this? My brothers? How many brothers do you think I have? Your brother, my father.

Your brother, Lexian. Kyle did the same thing. Oh, my. Oh, hell yeah. I knew I wasn't alone. Fucking Kyle, Bob. I do that at the house. Or I don't do it anymore.

But I used to get all the way naked. What's the inside joke? Leak him. Leak him. Leak him. Leak him. I got to take a piss. That used to be the vibe, though.

Back in the day, you get butt-ass naked, take your shit, and then put everything back on. We feel like it's a new day. All right, so I'm not alone on this thank god at the house bro not at the public I'll be in a motherfucking Applebee's doing that shit

if you oh my god how many how often are you in Applebee's bathrooms fully naked listen to this shit I can guarantee you

more than twice listen to this shit I'm calling I don't know who I can call for this I gotta call somebody call somebody Call somebody Call my dad

You ain't even got his number We're on a texting basis You don't even got his number Hit up daddy see what he has to say Walker guess what You were there no you weren't there The second day on that ski trip When I went out with the boys

And the girls. Yeah, no, I wasn't there. I was so drunk at the bar. I was like, if the camera can zoom in on this, I was like this close to throwing up. Like that close to throwing up. And listen, I went to the bathroom thinking I was about to throw up. I was done. I was fucking to throw up. I was done. I was fucking done at the bar.

Cooked. Cooked. Fried. Fucking seared. Oh, there's a great video of AJ stumbling, and he has sunglasses on, and you can just tell. He doesn't, like, you don't even need to see his eyes. Oh, that was in Detroit. Oh, that was in Detroit.

That was in the deep baby hey put it in there anyway but listen though i was this close to throwing up i walked in the bathroom and took the fucking biggest dump of my fucking life and i was just in there just chill like after i took the dump i was like i was good we had multiple people go check on me. Like, dude, people could smell me outside of the fucking door. The first one was Grandma Sue. Grandma Sue, I think, poked her head in and was like, you good? I was like, yeah, don't come in. I don't recommend it.

Dog, on that ski trip. And she fucking smelled me, dude. I was straight after that. That actually, that's wild that you, on the second day of the ski trip, me, Lexi, and Jacob all go up to like the top bar and we're using the bathroom. You know, Lexi goes in, Jacob goes in. I never did see that bar up top. Jacob comes out.

I go in. I'm like, it's game time. So, you know. It's over for these motherfuckers. You know, I'm in my ski boots, fully in my ski gear. Oh, you're uncomfortable. Oh, uncomfortable. Wet.

I'm in there for like a solid. Your fucking butt crack's wet. You're smearing toilet paper everywhere. You can't get a piece wet. Jesus Christ. You don't need to use such vivid imagery. My fault. My fault.

I'm telling the story here, pal, okay? Everyone out there has fucking wiped the wet ass. No, no, no. AJ, stop. That shit is not. No. So I am sitting there in a full sweat. I've been in this bathroom for like 10 minutes.

I hear Jacob knocking on the door. He's like, Walker, are you okay? In the most concerning voice. In the most concerning voice. Walker, are you okay in there? That's a pretty good Jacob, honestly. No, no, no. Hold on.

I'll do it. No, no, no. Walker, is everything good in there? That's a pretty good Jacob, honestly. No, no, no. Hold on. I'll do it. No, no, no. Walker, is everything good in there? So I'm like, I flushed toilet. You know, pull my pants up. I'm not done, but I'm just like, we've made it far enough. Wash my hands. I open the door.

There's a 20 person line outside of the men's bathroom. You've been in there just chilling. And the guy at the front of the line literally made Jacob go and check. He was like, dude, is that your friend in there? Can you go knock on the door? You just have to put your head down and keep it pushing.

Dude, I have never run in ski boots so fast. I was like, guys, we gotta get back out there. And I was cruising. You're like, I'm not going back in that fucking bathroom. Oh, absolutely not. I'm not going back in that fucking bathroom. Oh, absolutely not. I'm not going back to that ski slope after that. Y'all remember when Kenzie had that thing?

Oh, my God. I was just about to bring it up. Kenzie had the iconic toilet paper tail hanging from her shoe. I was going to spare her, but I think. And got caught in a picture. I did picture she noticed that shit in a picture can we please pull it kenzie can we can we please pull up this picture it's the funniest fucking picture let's go please no i never stepped outside of the bathroom with it okay i found that one bud yeah we we see a picture kenzie standing in the mirror she takes a mirror selfie with like my sister and my mom at a at a sporting event and she has a

fucking piece of toilet paper hanging between her legs on her ass thank god that bitch was dangling hey i walked out of that fucking gas station in Okemos fucking with my worst nightmare attached to my foot. I couldn't believe it. Walker's reading Rainbow this week. We're reading Lost City of the Monkey God. Following the slash leaves and vines like breadcrumbs, I retrace the trail to the center of camp where I gracefully recognize Juan Carlos' hammock.

Thrilled to be safely back in camp, I circled the hammock, Thank you, Walker. Another beautiful excerpt from your... What was the context of that? You were going too fast. What was the concept of that? Well, so I couldn't even get to it. You didn't even get to it. You fucked up. You started too early. Cut me off. I got to big snake.

And nobody even knows what the fuck it took him. Come on, bro. I agree. No, dude. Let me read it. Hey, hey. I grant this. No, dude. I'm on it. He fucked it. Let me read it. I fucked it, dude.

Let me read it. No, no, no. Bro, we already... What the fuck are you reading? Black Snake Bone? Motherfucker. My Lost City of the Monkey God. It's a great book.

I know you wouldn't read because you don't really read. I do read. I read books I'm interested in. You've read four books. Four. Actually, five. I think it was five. Tequila Mockingbird.

No, mine was five. His was four. No, mine was seven. Tequila Mockingbird. No, mine was five. His was four. No, mine was seven. Tequila Mockingbird, two Malcolm Gladwell books, and the Agri-Pyrosophy of Gucci. Fire combo right there, dude. Your proportion of Malcolm Gladwell books is way too high. Fire. No, they're fire.

They're fire, bro. I know. Have you ever listened to him, though? He's kind of a crackpot. He's smoking though? He's kind of a crack potty. He's smoking crack. He's kind of a kook. You smoke crack, don't you? I don't know if that's a racial slur. I say kook all the time. I don't think it's a racial slur.

No, kook is not. Just don't say anything like similar to that. Well, yeah, obviously. Can we research? Because if it's bad, I'll stop saying it, and we can keep it from the podcast. Yep. All right. Kenzie.

Kenzie, the mic. Kenzie, you are buzzing us the fuck out. She's literally buzzed and buzzing. Oh, Walker, I have a question for you. Do you have to shit bad? Because I have to pee bad, and I want to... If you have to shit and I have to pee at the same time, I will pee between your legs. No, guys.

Go off. I'll take the reins for a little while Hey I'm feeling good I'm not going to the bathroom Besides having to piss Oh no I feel fucking amazing I feel freaking swell What did y'all think about

To bring to the pod I already talked about a couple of them What were they My cousin pissing on his own face So Kyle fucking drinking his own face yeah so kyle fucking drinking his own piss you can literally who kyle manti shout out to um i want to do shout outs real quick i got a lot of people i want to shout out you ready not really but just let me do go quick let me do four go quick hurry shout out beth shout out marco shout out grandma

kitty hell yeah shout out rob if you know you. Shout out Rob, if you know, you know. Shout out Perry, if you know, you know. And then shout out you fucks. Shout out us? Yeah. Let's fucking go. Shout out you. Hey, shout out you, buddy.

Fuck yeah. We made it. Hey, you hit me up. Good shit, boys. That was nice. That gave me the effect of a fist bump. I tried to make the sound effect

it did hold on was there anyone else want to shout out nope that's it fuck the rest I want to say

shout out no hell no they don't deserve a shout out fuck em fuck em fuck em what'd you prepare

this week did you already talk about it yeah you got your notes bring your notes up baby you didn't talk

about any of it hold on now hold on now can I talk about any of it? Hold on now. Hold on now. Oh. Can I talk about something that makes me fucking cringe? Yes. Hell yeah. When guys call servers or when guys.

No, no. I don't really care. It's one in particular. Sweetheart. Yeah. Fucking makes me cringe. I don't fuck with anything. It never sounds good.

It just sounds super deme demeaning it's like oh thanks for that degrading heart like yeah you can't say that without sounding like it's like you're trying like they think they're sounding nice but they're just do you guys ever see those memes where maybe or maybe they're being assholes they're being assholes i i am a meme essentially if the waiter or waitress brings back my food wrong that the kitchen fucked up I'll just eat it but I'll be like Kenzie fuck they forgot my

ranch or something and she's like excuse me I'm like but you asked her so she would do it for you no she just at this point in the relationship she just overrides everything she knows what I ordered so if I didn't get what I ordered, she's just off rip. And I'm like, I'm not wearing headphones again.

Ever again. Come on. I'm not mean to anyone. No, you're not mean. You're not mean. You work in the service industry, and that's not where it comes out of that. She doesn't have the social anxiety that AJ has. I would just literally eat whatever they put in front

of me. If it's wrong, it's wrong. I don't care. I'm eating it. Kenzie's talking. Bring that back. Have them make a new one. Shit. They're going to spit in our food. You know what the worst thing people would do was?

I don't even care about it. I won't even do it at a drive-thru. The order was wrong, anything like that. When I would go up at the end of the meal and be like, how was everything? And they're like, it was not great. Oh, yeah, that's the fucking worst. They're looking to get that Bill Koff, baby.

And that would just destroy me inside. You didn't cook it. I know, but still, it's like I'm responsible for their experience. What are you gaining by saying that? Everything. You're looking to get your bill comped by expressing yourself like that. That's fair. I just think it's funny.

It has to be. I hate when people say shit like that. People using dickishness to get free shit. Some people just really are like, if I'm a big enough bitch, they will give me whatever I want. Customers, right? Some people really stretch that. How bad do you want that review? I'll destroy you on Yelp right now.

They'll never come back. Y'all guys got any work horror stories? Yeah. I've worked in retail for like 10 years. Fucking lay one on me. i don't have one off top but i can get you some though when i used to work at the same restaurant that you used to work at oh i shouldn't tell this to this just sounds really i had a lady throw a pos system at me i got another one the thing you swipe your card on she picked that bitch up threw it at me and

she pushed my monitor she said bitch gratis pos machines bitch come over and let's connect him she could not believe the footlocker prices she was like this is that t-mobile they're like you fucked up my contract t-mobile oh dude every day i got a horror story at t-mobile what do you mean no one's happy to pay A reoccurring bill They're like How much is it It'll be $84 What the fuck

It's not Shut the fuck Shut your bitch ass up Dude I was busting tables At the clean one time Broke ass We used to Oh fuck

I was busting tables At this restaurant one time And we used to use like Like squirt bottles And then we used like A damp rag on the tables And I walked up to this one table and i put like you know i squirted the table down put the squirt bottle on the back of the chair started to wipe the table down somehow the squirt bottle disengaged from the squirt bottle top and fell, you know, the four feet, just landed straight on the ground and fucking exploded.

That's tough. Completely covering the woman who was sitting next to it and her food. Oh, fuck. With, like, sanitizer solution and everything. It wasn't just, like, water. Like, she looked at me and like if the if looks could kill i would not be here today like it was bad you made it through the storm though so i just ran out and i went up to their server and i was like kevin i completely fucked that and i'm not going back in

that room for the rest of the night i'm really sorry oh dude there's been times where like someone's phone is messed up and i've had to be the one to tell them, like, yeah, you know that phone that you thought you had? Well, there's no longer any information on it. You're done. People's phones are their lives, bro. Oh, for sure. Like all the text messages and photos.

Every contact picture, you're done. See you on accident or some shit. Or, like, if I make them reset their phone and they can't remember their passwords and shit, they're done see ya on accident or some shit or like if I make them reset their phone and they can't remember their password and shit they're done I'll come back with some stories bro we'll put a pin in that for next week hell yeah

don't touch my leg like that fuck you gonna do about it you can touch my leg like that oh oh okay no more that was a lot alright Fuck you gonna do about it You can touch my leg like Ah Oh Oh Ow Okay no more This is getting weird Yeah that was a lot

Alright Ladies and gentlemen Thank you for listening to podcast number Seven Let's go boys We're fucking We're cruising Three more episodes

Till the hat comes off Alright Please Listen to us on all platforms Like subscribe Do that shit Don't shave till then Oh

Um Yeah Shave what My name's Austin Lane to us on all platforms. Like, subscribe, do that shit. Don't shave till then. Oh. Yeah. Shave what? My name's Austin Lane. My name's AJ. Number one podcast you've never heard of. Fuck bitches get money. If the bitch can't swim,

she just gonna drown. Fuck it. Sorry. Nothing. We out. Love you guys.