Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #8 - Committing Bottle Return Fraud

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

This episode we talk about Aj being a future criminal, Austin combing his hair with a razor, and creative ways to get drug money.  Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcast

Don't you, don't you say a word, it is my turn to talk. Welcome back to the Always Laugh Podcast, my name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. I am Walker the Simmering and Self Loathing Smith. Simmering and Self Loathing, Self Loathing. This is the number one podcast you've never heard of before. Let's go. Thank God.

I stole that from a- What quantifies that? No, no, no, no, no, no. Million dollars worth of game. Well, probably mostly just that nobody's ever heard of this shit before. Yeah, I was- That's a great point. I can't talk already.

I was thinking about, am I still going to say that when people have heard of us? Maybe it'll have a transitional period. Like, this is the number one podcast you've possibly heard of before. It goes from never. This is the number one podcast you've definitely heard of. Probably. And then definitely. Then definitely.

I'm literally getting a phone call right now. Don't they know we're recording the pod? Dude, this is so unprofessional. Mister, you don't even have the DM not to stir it up. No, no, no, no no no no no you might have to answer that i'm not answering that why would you not why would i they might be important it's fine it's straight moving on all right uh how was everybody's day good bad pretty bad pretty bad and i got can can i just monopolize the conversation for like three or four minutes?

Potentially. Can we chime in like slightly? Yeah, sure. I really got to get something off my chest. All right. AJ, do you mind if I get a little bit disrespectful? Go ahead. Is it towards me?

Yeah. I'm about to get real disrespectful in this mother. Something. No, go ahead alright so two of my dearest friends who are also two members of this podcast

Kenzie and AJ they come to my house you know we have a good time we record the podcast they drink their beer they take their beer cans pass over the recycling bin and throw

them in the trash don't you don't don't you say a word i it is my turn to talk i have an excuse yeah i'm gonna go through this is supposed excuse in 20 years that will legit be a fucking crime, dude. And listen, I'm taking receipts, and I'm going to report you to whatever community-based organization replaces the fucking cops, okay? And the second they fall down, your ass is grass, bro. And here's my problem.

Just because y'all are some cheap fucks and you don't pay for recycling out to the middle of bum fuck doesn't mean you can come to my house and pass over the recycling bin, bro. I got to go into the trash after you guys leave and take your cans out. Yeah. Don't you know that's where Walker stores his McDonald's french fries? Exactly. This week, I witnessed Walker pull out a fucking sleeve of McDonald's french fries out of the trash. They were on top.

Fresh, fresh sack of fries. Well, you didn't witness me pulling them out. OK, OK. I put them in there and I knew they were the only fries in the house. And then next thing I knew, well, Walker and I were about to start drinking. So he's like, I got to get some food in my stomach before we get drunk. I'm like, all right, cool. Sounds good.

Walker's like, I'm going to go make some rice or whatever it was before we get drunk. I'm like, all right, cool. Sounds good. Walker's like, I'm going to go make some rice or whatever it was. He's like, I'm like, all right, straight. So he makes a bag of rice and throws the McDonald's French fries in the rice that he found in the trash. I plead the fifth. But how does that relate to recycling? Oh, because it's fucked up that they're throwing their cans in the trash can that you keep your fries in. Facts. You're trying to taint my fucking fries with alcohol.

Yeah. Let's hear it. What if there's toxic sludge in said beer can? Nah. It still gets recycled? Y'all got a lot of beer cans with toxic sludge in them then what's up aj all right okay i didn't know this was the issue this this may be fucked up and i'm sorry that

i'm just oblivious to this type of shit i didn't even know there was a difference dog i thought the other can was just for overflow. Because you guys are fucking filling that first one up so quick. There's like two cans. Because there's always trash. I feel like there's always trash in both, and there's always cans in both. I literally throw my can in a different one every time. So it's probably just me.

Especially when you're here, there's definitely only cans in the recycling one i didn't know there's a difference i'll just throw it away where are you from i could leave recycling where you're from we take them bitches back to the store yeah up in michigan they return them yeah don't even do that that's a wild hustle 10 cents a cam my baby 10 cents i got a wild story there's someone i know that would steal um steal like 24 packs from the store and then dump them out in the parking lot and go return them and get the money for them and then go buy wheat yeah i know that shit a struggle man oh yeah he struggled that's wild that's the fucking that's a real hustler he's like oh anybody have 20 we can go buy a bag nah but i know how we can get it we can get it quick as

hell go steal a couple 24 racks and then go dump them out in the parking lot and go walk back in the store with the empty cans and return them but just to walk to the cashier to say here's my bottle receipt you might have the other receipt so in the when you return cans in michigan like they have this machine that like crushes all the cans imagine he just said fuck it and just put the full the full can the full 24 ounces or the the full 12 ounce can in the machine and everything the fucking cans are just exploding. That would have been crazy, right? No? Dude, I just need you to elaborate on this culture a little bit for me because, you know, in the South, we pretty much don't do the bottle back program.

Right. So, like, whenever I travel up north. The bottle back program. Shut up. That makes us sound so poor. travel up north the bottle back program shut up that's kind of fire off the dome right that makes it sound so poor probably true that's a free come up bro you're 18 and you okay but you need a couple dollars or if you're 40 you need a couple dollars you got bottles bro you also pay a bottle tax it don't even matter because it seems like free money when you said damn

inflation going up these motherfucking mountains these deuce keys is fucking so whenever i go up north all the homeless people are just stacked out with bottles they could in full shopping carts oh if you go to like a lions game you or like any place where they tailgate there'll be homeless people cleaning up bags of cans bro you. You can make a living doing that. People in New York do that, I think. Dude, that's kind of like some wild reverse psychology. It's like, how do we make sure people, like, pick up litter? You get money for it.

Oh, well, yeah. Dude, that's kind of sick. Yeah. It's to promote recycling because we don't have recycle bins there. Like, it's not a normal thing for you to have a recycle can. Right. I wonder how much the cost differences between, like, recycling infrastructure and paying everybody for bottles and cans.

Probably less. Well, you got to think of the percentage that actually gets returned. I'm sure there's obviously not every bottle gets returned and shit. And then you can even do glass bottles, dude. That's a very ASMR vibe. Yeah, so they definitely have a bottle. Sorry, my fault, my fault, a so they definitely have a they have a bottle tax so like you're paying them like you're just getting your money back and like uh essentially but when you're buying it when you're buying it you don't even care like what the fuck is 10 cents per can on i used to see like it's MI, you know, WC. I think California does like five cents.

That's wild. Michigan does ten. It's free money, bro. Hustling for an empty bottle, man. I'm sorry. Even the rich people do it, bro. Everyone returns bottles, bro. Do you think this twisted tea can says it?

That motherfucker says don't touch. For charities and stuff, like the girl scouts will be like hey who has bottles we'll come and get them thank you hmm interesting um speaking of these damn twisted teas we have a we have a local gas station around the corner from us and uh that's where we go purchase our tweeze before every podcast and i guess we've just had like a rough week because we have bought them out two times in the last seven days we have completely bought out their whole stock and i'm pretty sure we're the only people in the area that actually buy twisted teas from them and this this gas station is like a like when you think of like the like, honestly, I wish I had one by my house that's like this.

Like, they know us by name. Like, you walk in, they're like, hey, how you doing? Like, what's good? You guys are fucking drunks. Yeah, I walk in there with my little sister. They talk shit and everything. I walk in there with my little sister two days ago, and they're like, the girl working behind the counter, she knows me. Like, we're homies.

And she's like, you know your brother's an alcoholic, right? And I'm like, damn. Yeah, she does know that. But what if she didn't? Don't out me like that. That's fucked. That's fucked. Name drop.

That gas station. Sarah, you snitch. That gas station is all of like 30 square feet. It is the smallest gas station I've ever been to. It's hype. The vibes are great there. We know all the people that work there. They even have discounted cigarettes. that's kind of rogue as hell but they they sell cigarettes in that thing

that are on clearance they're like if you want to die grab a pack of these it'll fucking have unfiltered oh yeah it looks like the like the the box of they have like a box with a bunch of boxes of cigarettes in it and like the cigarettes literally look like they're from the early 2000s. The pack isn't even the same as what they're making these days. Some bitches are faded and everything else. They got the soft packs, right? Them motherfuckers got OG cancer in them bitches.

Yeah, they have OG cancer. They have OG cancer. But they're only $2.99, so kind of a steal. Yeah, I feel like I haven't seen many new people with the voice box in their lungs. I feel like that's not that new lung cancer. The OG lung cancer, that would fuck up your lungs. You need that voice box. No, who knows what's about to happen off the vapes, dog.

What kind of voice box? Probably nothing. They're going to give us fucking ipads and shit we gonna be on your tongue crazy i'm calling it now yeah i've been breathing in nothing but aerosol for like the last six years or so we're all fucked well anybody that uses a vape is you study the shit i don't study or you know like the whole f hood. He's not in the medical field. I know how the secondhand smoke goes to other people. I don't know how it affects me, though. Hey, give me some ammo for when I argue with my mom about this shit.

So when my mom was blowing a square in a cigarette every day some days on the way to school when I did get a ride, and then I used to get teased for, AJ, why do you smell like cigarettes? Do you smoke cigarettes? No, I don't fucking smoke cigarettes. My mom does. When she was smoking that cigarette in the car, was I getting affected by it? Oh, yeah.

Bad? Oh, yeah. No wonder I couldn't breathe during basketball. I swear to God, I was in shape, but I couldn't breathe. Oh, I've been a cigarette smoker for a good portion of my life, for sure. Dude, no wonder you were addicted to nicotine. Not firsthand. Yeah.

It was all secondhand. Think that a bitch hand a bitch motherfucker didn't even have a chance i was getting i was getting a good nicotine buzz on the way to school well yeah i bet that's can you get a buzz from it though that's the thing like can you get a buzz from No no if you're smoking Marijuana Legally And you blew it like what's that shit called Second hand high

No like when motherfuckers Be all freaked the fuck out Like all sexual be hitting the weed And then blow it in their partners mouth Shotgunning Yeah shotgun that's what it's called She was doing some freak shit sexual be hitting the weed and then blow it in their partner's mouth shotgunning yeah shotgun that's what it's called she was getting some freak shit yeah i mean that's pretty much the same it's just mixed with mixed with more air like humans are born craving two things

breast milk and sugar and i'm sure with the prevalence of vapes now, nicotine is going to be on that list too more and more. I thought you were about to say sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Well, I'm an academic, so I wouldn't say that. Walker is an academic. He reads a lot of books.

I'm an academic. I dropped out of college. Walker dropped out with a semester left. He was so close. You just said you were going to enroll again. He was so close. Walker is going to be leaving us in five years, he said. It's a five-year plan. Year five, he's gone.

Yeah, always laugh podcast. Has a five-year limit uh 1200 i'm not gonna be there guys i'm sorry well maybe no it's 15 20 it's 52 times five it's like 1700 that's 400 dog 450 oh i was doing a podcast every day. Oh. Jesus Christ. Damn. Is that what the contract said? That's what I read.

Hell no. Do we get different contracts? I might break that fucker. My lawyers didn't even see that bitch. Hey, subscribe to the Patreon to get the podcast that was recorded two nights ago. Oh, fuck. It was camera only. Camera only.

Guys, we are literally. No lights. We're literally fast asleep, so if you're a big fan of me, don't tune in. Yeah, we had a special guest, though. We did have a special guest. If you guys want to see unreleased, crazy-ass shit that we can't put on YouTube, we're about to put it on Patreon because we have podcasts on deck that we filmed that are ready to go. Yeah, like our pod we just filmed in Atlanta with DeMarco.

Oh, yeah, that one. Yeah, that one got a little too wild. It got super fucking wild. We can't do that one. What did I tell y'all? I said when I get my hands on him, it's going to be ugly. You're going to fucking palm his head Like Michael Jordan

God, it was beautiful for us Wait, it's a secret, it's a special guest, we can't name drop Oh yeah, to Marco Don't listen to that Fucking idiot Disregard my whole Facebook post Oh no, this will drop Oh the day we're good we're good shout out marco bro you had a great ass you had a great ass pod marco appreciate it

you're the man bro but still it's supposed to be a secret because they're going to listen to this podcast and they're not going to know like anything we're going to say we have a special guest coming for the next or the next pod special guest on it oh yeah you know it's releasing later fuck it it was fire the 28 people that watch the pod or camera oh blue face baby yeah i Another fatherless child One time One time I um A victim what a system I was uh

Fucking What did he say I'm a church I'm a church with a load of weapons Please push through him Austin I'm fucking trying dude Can't even trust a reverend Thank you AJ

Dude this is quickly devolving Austin Quit getting phone calls dude You got it What the fuck I'm not fucking answering it Do not disturb then bud AJ

I don't have to bro It could be an emergency No it just could save yourself a dog ass headache If you just step out and answer real quick and come back I'm not gonna We're on the podcast for 45 minutes I'm not gonna step out and take a phone call. Everybody freeze.

All right, now Austin leaves, and we'll just cut back into that position, okay? So everyone remember your positions. AJ. You're fucking it up. All right. All right, we're good. Leave whenever, bud.

We'll just cut back that in, you know? Stupid. I know. One time I tried to comb my hair with a, well, one time I had some messy hair. And I was looking for a comb. I was probably about six. And I couldn't find a comb. So I found something that was like, you know, resembled a comb in some ways.

It was my grandfather's razor that he used to shave his face. And I tried to comb my hair on my head with it. Jesus. So I like did one like swoop across like the front and completely shaved a whole ass chunk out of the hair in the front of my head. So like I still had enough hair to kind of like cover it up but then i was at the store i was at walmart with my mom and um she looks at me and she's like what the hell happened to your hair and i was like what nothing what are you talking about she's like you're missing a whole chunk of hair in the front i was like i don't know she like, you're lying to me.

And I'm like, yeah, but I'm not going to tell you that. Did you see his razor blade? And you were like, oh, it's one of those one-tooth combs. My favorite. I have no idea what I was thinking. I just knew it was for hair, so I figured it would work for my hair. I was like, yeah, this should do the trick. He uses it for his hair.

Why wouldn't it work for mine that's one of the cutest things I've ever heard so fucking idiot so stupid fucking idiot I bet you were still getting it off though

Austin Austin sometimes likes to play like he wears a lot of a hat a lot of the time especially now his hair's long and he's like

oh dude my hair looks disgusting Austin's hair looks the exact same at all times no it doesn't and I'd imagine with a giant Wolver now there's hairs long and he's like oh dude my hair looks disgusting austin's hair looks the exact same at all times no it doesn't i'd imagine with a giant wolverine there's there's a little crispiness that comes out on your left side when you're uh hung over and haven't taken a shower in about 18 to 26 hours but other than that it looks the exact same but you've got a helmet no i don't let's see let's pull this shit off and see what we're working with oh my fire god that's fucking mess it's a mess you look it's also

been in a hat for most of your hair is the shit swept dude you have like you look like a velociraptor you have a rock star aj always says i look like a fucking velociraptor. What does that mean? Expand. I don't know, dude. I don't know. You look like a brachiosaurus. Didn't we already make that joke? No, you literally look like you are a fucking...

No, I think the word I'm looking for is you look like an avatar. When your hair slicks back like that, you look like a blue avatar. Jesus. God. Thank Thank you Jesus Christ I'm putting my hat back on I'm self conscious Dude please What notes did y'all bring this week None of your damn business

AJ you're the only one that takes notes And has to like refer to them as the notes for this week. My notes for that, AJ is a future criminal. I just held my hand like this for so long. Y'all didn't look at it. Yeah, no shit. Damn it. I was trying to get when he fucked.

What's that? Something we did in middle school? No, it's like the fucking, everyone looks at it. Yeah, everybody looks at it, bro. Y'all didn't even look at it I held it there for like Three minutes And no one looked at it Now it just looks stupid

It's embarrassing Hell yeah Hell yeah I try to do some stupid shit Good shit Appreciate that That's fire dude Um no

You look like an avatar What were you about to ask me Somebody What was your question Notes Do y'all have notes Or no Y'all don't give a fuck

Apparently Bro I keep I just take mental fucking notes, man. Yeah, me too, and I forgot all of them. All right. Pull your phone out, I guess. Y'all ready? Yeah. Yeah.

Here's my note. What's your note? I want to bring up a subject. Oh, yeah. And that is anecdotal observations okay my anecdotal observation of the week is that if you are if you have a handicap sign on your license plate mm-hmm you are not allowed to drive above the speed limit or even at the speed limit. If you are behind someone with the handicap sign in their license plate,

they will be minimum two miles per hour below. That's my anecdotal observation. You get mad because they aren't going the speed limit. You're going to get mad regardless. No. I'm not really a – I try not to rage out when i'm driving it does frustrate me quite a lot though we'll say you just fucking you uh stress hit your vape over and over again yeah you know it's like any other time in my life what's yours austin i need more time to think my anecdotal observation is that um

i was about to say something really mean never mind it wasn't it wasn't um offensive well it was offensive towards one person in the room but um my it was stupid it didn't make any damn sense and it was just mean for no reason. And I'm trying to be nice from now on. Because AJ has told me that I hurt his feelings on the podcast too often. And I don't want to do that anymore. No, I don't want to hear that shit. I ain't going to get mad. I promise.

I ain't going to get mad. No, it's okay. I ain't going to get mad. No, I'm pissed. You just pissed me off. Sorry, man. All right, that's a bet. You don't get to know my secret.

All right, go ahead. What's your anecdotal observation? You didn't even say shit. You asshole. What do you mean? I need more time. You said, I got one. No, I don't want to be mean. Okay, AJ, what's yours?

Yeah, I don't want to be mean. Did you miss that whole part? Yeah, get another one. Say it then. Oh, another one. What is this, A fucking Patreon pod? Say it. AJ, what is wrong with you?

Say it. Say it with your chest. Mean it. I want you to mean it. Don't fucking walk on eggshells. Anytime that I hang out with anybody over the height of 6'1", my quality of life diminishes. That's true with every person I know that you hang out with. Yeah.

I only hang out with one person that's over 6'1", to be honest. Well, maybe two, but we're not going to talk about the other one. Yeah, I don't want to get caught again. Who's the other one? Nunya. Never to get caught again who's the other one none you never heard of them none you beeswax you ever heard of them hey jay you ever heard of d's no never i think that's my cousin actually for d's yeah yeah you want to hear my fucking anecd you said? Anecdotal observation. Anecdotal whatever? Observation.

Yeah, there you go. What pisses me off? I thought you needed more time to think of one. I need like a lot more time because nothing really pisses me off. I'm a good dude. All right, keep it in the back. I'm a happy guy, you know? Keep it in the back of your head. great guy no oh aj aj let's talk about

this real quick the fucking 80 year old mariachi band out front pissed me off really because i didn't know what the fuck bro do you remember when we when you came here the other day to uh edit the podcast and we were walking to crispy cream we were walking down the street and both of us at the exact same time look over and there's a police officer coming down the road he's like he turns the corner we're both like oh shit because i don't i don't even know why we weren't doing anything wrong he's just like he's just walking down the street to see a police work oh shit tighten up yeah like we it was nine o'clock in the morning we're stone cold sober nothing to worry about we're like oh shit and then we're like oh we're good but like the the police officer turned into the Krispy Kreme donut place and AJ and I at the same time we're like

now that's how you can get the cops off of you like if you're ever getting chased by the cops just drive past the donut place and they'll fucking pull in guaranteed wow it was like because look that's what we see I'll file that one away we've seen the police like behind a car we've seen the police behind a car And uh We're like I literally was like Oh that dude's probably tripping

Yeah Like bad He's probably stressed the fuck out Police behind him And he drives by the Krispy Kreme And the police Pulls into the Krispy Kreme Like got off his ass

And pulled in And we're like Damn We're like damn He should Watch this Yeah No like his lights weren't on or We're like, damn. We're like, damn. I'll watch this? Yeah.

No, his lights weren't on or nothing, but he just was behind him, which is a sketchy moment because my first thing, I had insurance for years. I'm finally legal. I finally don't get stressed out. I mean, I do get stressed out even though I'm fully legal, but I've been not legal for so long that it's instilled. You know how it's stressful when the police are behind you and you're like, oh shit, I hope I

don't do anything wrong. Well, this dude just had to drive by a donut place and the fucker just pulled in. Very like classic. Oh yeah, Krispy Kreme is not recommended for coffee. It is one of the worst things. It's like just even a cop in the vicinity of you makes you

on edge. On edge. You're supposed to feel safe and shit. I feel something wrong and, you know, that's looking like I do. I couldn't imagine being a woman or a minority or anything like that.

Right. You're fucked. Yeah. It's fucked. Yeah. Yep. Cops are... Fuck.

Fuck 12. Fuck the police. Fuck 12, bro. Coming straight from the underground. Hey, fuck all you bitch-ass motherfuckers that I know that turned into a flag. Cops are... Fuck 12. Fuck the police. Fuck 12, bro. Coming straight from the underground. Hey, fuck all you bitch ass motherfuckers that I know that turned into a flag. The next line's not for me. Kenzie, what you got for us?

Yeah, say something cool. Should I tell a cop statement? Yeah. I went to school, like college with a dude who was a cop. Oh, no. That might be kinda dark That's kinda dark It is kinda dark Oh shit

He just killed his girlfriend And killed himself Ha ha We have no idea What you just said Cause AJ's Moaning into the mic A dude I know

Who graduated school And became a cop Just killed his girlfriend And then killed himself Uh that's fucked Like we said Um fuck 12 That's

I also I also had a cop behind me today. When? And ran a yellow. And he stopped. Ran a yellow. You're allowed to do that. I was like right on the cusp. I think I was good.

So you know what the actual law regarding the yellow light is? North Carolina has no traffic laws. What do you mean? Oh, we got two. Yield to pedestrians. And you have to be under the light when it turns red. So technically, if you run a red light and you're like halfway through the intersection and it turns red, they can pull you for that.

Yeah. I'm not going to lie. I've did some ballsy-ass intersection moves in North Carolina specifically. Never in Michigan, but North Carolina for sure. Well, so I want to tell you all about something I've been going. We out. Yeah. So past 2 a.m., red lights are suggestions. Oh.

Treat them as such. You're trying to get flicked. Dude, like. Well, like you stop. You just treat it like a stop sign more than a red light. That's fair. That's fair. I'll come to a stop.

Yeah. And then you're like, eh. Well, I'll start coming like a stop sign more than a red light. That's fair. That's fair. I'll come to a stop. Yeah, and then you're like, eh. Well, I'll start coming to a stop. But normally, I just blow right through it, dude. Oh, I've ran so many red lights. Because the lights, especially around here, the lights are ass. They're just their timer. You're just sitting there for an hour or a fucking minute and a half for no reason. You're like, all right, fuck this.

I'm out. If I can see all the three roads around me, I'm running it. You're not scared of the red light camera? Well, you know where they are. Yeah, yeah. That's mostly downtown. You want to hear some funny ass shit? I mean, I got popped with that a couple months ago. I tried to beat a light and I got popped.

Maybe don't take advice from Walker on this subject. You get that little thing in the mail. You're like, shit. My strange roommate sent me an over text. And I was like, oh, fuck, they got my ass. You want to hear something funny? Got it. Speaking of rolling stops, Austin, fucking, what year was that? Kenzie, you're the one that's good with years.

18. 2018. Austin's pulled up with his little girl friend. What the fuck are you trying to say? At my house. And Austin drove my Jeep back in 2018. Oh, shit. In Jackson, America.

Uh-huh. And listen, this motherfucker, I had like a bust down ass Jeep, like a shitter. A shitter. Wait, a cop's dream to pull over. Violation after violation fucking austin it's in jackson you do you do not do a motherfucking roll and stop because there's not enough people for the cops

to like be overwhelmed like are like how they are here like in north carolina there's so many people to worry about they're not worried about like they're not uh what's the word i'm looking for like they're not selecting out an individual car that's just like blatantly the only car on the road type shit that's my fillet word type shit so austin austin drives my jeep it's late at night on new year's eve new year's eve this motherfucker's doing rolling stops we're like bro main intersection we're like bro no what are you doing stop that is asking for it you cannot do that i was i was like in north carolina though it's no i i was like 19 years old the only sober one in the car i was like fuck, fuck this. Don't tell me how to drive.

We're driving like we're in Raleigh, bro. I swear to God, I was so nervous. I thought we were going to get flicked. He's doing rolling stops. The fucking cops will pull you over for swerving a pothole or some shit. It wasn't even that deep. It was deep. You guys were all drunk and tripping.

It was deep. We've all been pulled over for a rolling stop. That's what I'm saying. They literally freaked out on me. I was like, holy shit. Did I just kill someone? You freaked the on me. I was like, holy shit. Did I just like kill someone? Oh, bro, you cannot do that. So when I was in Anchorage,

they take the red light as a suggestion to heart. I saw more car accidents in Anchorage in a week. Alaska? Yeah, in Alaska than I've seen in my entire life. Because like the roads... Yeah, dude. The roads are roads are just basically a solid sheet of ice.

It's snow. And people just go for it and they can't stop and they just hit each other. Did people have chains on their tires and all that shit up there? Did you ever see a car be- Dude, the homeless people up there? No way. Swear to God. How? I don't know.

They're sleeping on sidewalks that have like, you know, two to like six inches of ice on it. That makes no sense. They lay cardboard down and like, I don't know. You want to hear something crazy that you probably wouldn't think of before? There's legit black people in Alaska. Did y'all know that? Fucking idiot. No.

I saw. No, I seen. I saw all two or three of them. I saw a YouTube video, bro. I think there's a fourth I missed. I saw like a Vice video, and it was like, welcome to Alaska's most dangerous neighborhoods or like some crazy shit. And they were just going around showing, and not necessarily dangerous neighborhoods,

but like, welcome to whatever. Alaska's, you know, they always frame that as, they only show those neighborhoods as like. But the people on there were like, yeah, motherfuckers didn't think it was black people. It's the gang and it's bitch. And it's like, they in fucking full-on fucking coats like fucking multiple layers i'm like you know you motherfuckers are too cold to be gay right

what the fuck you cannot trust a gangbanger they were fucking repping full eskimo suit it was like it was like one of them gangland uh uh vice fucking shows and they were repping their gang and shit and i'm like damn bro how do you rep your gang in a full Eskimo suit? Right, bro. If you're repping blood in a full Eskimo suit. I'm repping this igloo, bro. You are different, bro. Tell me what igloo your mom's at.

Ah, shoot your shit up right now. Drive by the igloo. I'll snowball your shit up, bro. Hey, we on the pond. I'll drive by your dumb ass on the boat. Bro, let me catch you ice fishing out there tomorrow. It's over for your ass.

You're the one who's been to Alaska. What's it like out that way? Dude, it's wild. It's really like a whole different... You see a moose? Oh, yeah. You did? Yeah. What about an elk? The same thing. The wildest thing Not the same thing. The wildest thing were the mountain goats.

They were literally just like chilling on the sheer face, like I guess licking salt off the rocks. Alaska's really cool because I was in Anchorage, and that's literally like one-third the population of Alaska, I think, is in Anchorage. But you get an hour outside, and it is the boonies like there's no there's nothing there you got to get your dogs to pull you on the sleds you see that legit there are legit did you see sled dog teams out there or like sled dogs at all i saw one when

we were out uh snowmobiling that's fucking sick and the cool thing it's like we were snowmobiling like probably like four or five miles out yeah and we were just passing all these little cabins and i asked my cousin i'm like what are those people just like pull up on the side of the road take their snowmobiles out snowmobile out in the woods and stay at their cabins with like no water electricity for the weekend that's wild that's just like a whole different lifestyle just rough whole different lifestyle did imagine if we saw Austin lives in fucking us Where's Alaska what country I was taking a hike on a trail and there was these two like crispy lines there in the way

And I was like that looks so satisfying so I'd like go over and step on a little bit and would, like, go over and step on it a little bit and come back over and go on it and step on it a little bit and come back over. And it turns out it was for the cross-country skiers, and I told my cousin that, and he was like, tell me you didn't step on it. And I was like, oh, yeah, I stepped on it.

And he was like, whoever passed that fucking hated you. And if they had found you, they would have said something. Damn. Like, that's, like, a big thing. Oh, that's, a big thing oh that's like a huge it's literally just like half of the trail is cross-country tracks that's wild dude imagine if we're sitting here in raleigh north carolina and we just saw like a dog sled team just go down the fucking middle of the road that's just their normal everyday life up there dog rollerblade team hey does alaska have football they play football out that way i'm

sure no idea outside you're a smoking dick they are not playing football outside you're fucking no idea what if you're you'd imagine if alaska have a call imagine being in high school and your gym teacher's like all right we're going outside to run a mile. Imagine if Alaska got an NFL football team. That'd be fucking dope. They would be one of the... Imagine trying to recruit to Alaska. You're fucked. I mean, they recruit to Hawaii, which makes sense

because people might actually want to go live in Hawaii. The island. Oh, yeah. I would love to live in Hawaii. It might be tough to convince people to go up to... The only people on the Alaskan college football team is people that live in Alaska. Do they have a college in Alaska? I'm sure.

Alaska State University type shit? Like, this is civilization, you know. I'm saying it's just colder than shit. Like, do they have enough people to have a university? Yes. Oh, yeah, dude. I mean, Alaskans are, like, over a million people. Shit, they got a university

in Albion, Michigan. Fuck are you talking about? Yeah, and they only have 8,000 people. And that motherfucker 50 grand a year. Makes no sense. To live in that shithole.

Fuck Albion College. Whoa. I got reasons behind that. Don't talk shit about my hometown. Fuck them. It's fucked up. Fuck their shitty-ass basketball team, too.

Have you guys ever seen Alaskan State Troopers? Oh, that shit's fake. No, it's not. It's cops, but it's Alaska. Oh, that shit. I know it's cool as fuck. I like the Ice Road Truckers. They're all drunk.

Same vibe. Ice Road Truckers is fire. Every call Alaskan State Troopers get called to is a drunk domestic. Every single one. They're all hammered. Oh, yeah there's nothing they have to my my cousins had a uh a sunlight replicator in their living room because you know the the schedule is a sunlight replicate literally wait you said your cousins yeah my cousin you got cousins in alaska yeah. That's how I showed up there. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, dude. So we got a plug when we go there.

Oh, yeah. We can do the pod on a motherfucking... On the side of a mountain with a moose in the background. Like Denali, baby. And a bunch of fucking dog sleds going by.

Into snow. Into whiteness. Today's Walker's Reading Rainbow segment comes from CoStar. When it comes to how you go after what you want, it's clear that you and Jewel King are both on the same page.

You both take a practical approach to achieving your goals, and you trust in each other's competence. Jewel King relates to your reasons for protecting your own interest. They admire your intuitive sense, and they want to provide a wheat stone for you to sharpen yourself against. Thank you, Walker. That was a beautiful segment this week. You made it through one.

First one you made it through. That was fire. First one I made it through. I fucked with that. You were on the ball this week. I'm really on the ball this week. That was a beautiful passage. Thank you for sharing that.

Hey, guess what? It's just been a really rough couple weeks guys It just means so much That I get to have you guys here Every week We're always here for you So thank you Walker's legitimately tearing up

That's fucking sick Great bit guys On to the next one Walker's legitimately tearing up. That's fucking sick. Oh, yeah, dude. It's all a joke. That was a bit. Great bit, guys. On to the next one. Holy shit. All I got to do is think of someone fake dying, and I'll start crying. You got a friend in me. Hey.

You got a friend in me. We're going to get demonetized, boys. Chill out. Don't give a fuck. We're not. How can we get demonetized? We've never been monetized. What are we, 9999912?

Yeah. Something like that. Whatever I said last podcast, minus like fucking 50. We're doing all right. All right, listen. We got big things coming. Just know. Like what?

Like what? Just know. Like what? Like what? Just know. When you guys see this podcast, we are going to be coming off a fucking shit show. When you guys see this, it's fucking over. Just know we had a time of our lives. We're recording next Tuesday, boys. Oh, that's going to hurt.

It'll be set up when you get back what day are we good we're gonna be like two weeks we don't need what day do we get back we get back on monday right i don't fucking know yeah we're going it's the only one that won't be ready to go he's gonna have his hood up for like two days straight he's gonna be fucking m.i.a why can't everybody just hop off my dangling well? Well, we're not trying to hop on your dangling. You don't handle. You have a history of not handling benders well. Austin has a bit of a refractory period when it comes to hangovers and drinking.

It's because I do the fucking most. Listen, man, I'm not saying it disparagingly, but you need a good two or three days recovery. I build that into my- You don't sleep enough. That's your problem. Yeah, I'll say like three days and fucking three hours a day. When he drinks, he gets like four hours of sleep a night.

Mind your business. That's why you get fucked up like that. I'm fine with it. I'm good all throughout the- Look, I'm not one of those little pussies that's going like why they gotta be a pussy bitch because i said so that's why that's gonna bitch out like halfway through the trip like oh austin's down bad like he has to lay in bed for this whole day fuck no like i am up and active i'll be up i'll be going i'll go to bed at four o'clock in the morning and wake up at seven o'clock in the morning and ready to fucking go handle business. But by that fifth day, you're going to be down bad.

It doesn't matter. Fifth day, I'm at home laying on the couch sleeping, sweating out my demons. It's about sustainability. I don't care about sustainability. I've sustained it so far. So what are you going to not, when we come back on that Monday and then do the pod Tuesday, you're not going to drink your tweet on Tuesday? Of course I am. What are you talking about?

He's just going to have to keep drinking. The pod tweet doesn't count also. I already mentioned that. We made a deal with God and it doesn't affect us. This is for the podcast. I'm not drinking tonight. This is a sober night for me. This is going to be on my tides right off next year.

When we leave you're not going to consume no alcohol, huh? Well, drinking tonight doesn't count. Yeah. So, like. Hold on. Can I say this one thing? All right.

No. Whenever we, whenever Austin and us go on trips, Austin usually stays the night before the trip and then rides with us to where if we're catching a flight or like whatever he'll just leave his car at our house so like usually that that night before is dangerous we get absolutely fucking drunk yes the night before and then wake up off like a couple hours of sleep and like go do whatever we gotta do. Speak for yourself. I really don't even drink that heavy. You guys are the problems in this relationship.

The thing is, if you come over, we're getting as Walker was saying, fucked up. Walker, is that what you say? I don't know. You're getting fucked up. Hey, we're getting fucked up. It's bad Tell the

Tell the DC story What'd I do The rousing The troops to go to DC Huh I don't remember Didn't you stay over

At their house Yeah Alright cut this part Okay Cut now No we're not cutting Let's just Figure it out

Um Yeah you you had to like wake up and you had to wake up y'all got a whole video from it of aj waking up at like 8 30 no that was fucking that was the night before dc aj's hammered on the couch the night before he's hammered on the couch and we're like when are you gonna pack and he's like 5 a.m we're like bruh we we leave motherfucking didn't have a shit pack the night before i had to leave at like 5 a.m we're like bruh we we leave shit packed the night before i had to leave at like 6 a.m and we're like yeah no fucking hammered the night before it doesn't give a fuck we go get it done regardless no the morning's always good i woke i woke up and uh shaved my head bro yeah the morning's always straight dude like we get up we get up, we're all, like, a little bit groggy,

and, like, we just put ourselves together and hop in the car and handle business. And don't say, oh, it was easy for you to say, Austin, because you never drive. Motherfucker, I drove to D.C. all the way. Because we forced you for the first time. You didn't force me. You said, it's your turn. I said, all right, bet. Wait, was it?

When did we? Oh, no, that was a Michigan trip. Fucking shout out to Addison ray man she's the shit what the fuck where'd that come from nobody cares about addison ray i haven't even heard about her in the media well you ever heard her new nickname it's called addy ray i've heard it i've heard of uh uh all right all right still get with her mom i hope so no i just actually listened to the young gravy and uh impulsive episode with logan paul and all them young gravy young gravy is a vibe bro he's a vibe his voice is honestly fucking his voice is the only reason he's famous

damn attractive all right ladies and gentlemen um today is Tuesday. Yeah, I couldn't name a song. Yeah, today is – this podcast is dropping on Tuesday, what, March 7th? We just got back from Atlanta yesterday. We filmed a podcast with our little special guest. And, yeah, that one's going to come out next week, so look forward to that. Freaking subscribe to our YouTube channel. Listen to us on Spotify, Apple. Do all that. Hold on.

Let me just do this shit, bro. Like, comment, subscribe on our YouTube. Please follow us on Instagram. We post all the behind the scenes on Snapchat. We'll have that link down below. And also, hit my line on Facebook, bro. Facebook has slept on. Hit my LinkedIn. Hell yeah. All right, ladies and g, bro. Facebook is slept on. Hit my LinkedIn.

Hell yeah. All right, ladies and gents, my name is Austin Lane. My name is AJ. Wants to go to Australia, Allen. That was fucking stupid as fuck. Walker, nothing. We out. Walker, nothing. We out. Love you guys.