An Army of Normal Folks - 70% of Foster Families Quit—And You Can Help Change That (Pt 2)

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

Within 3 years, 70% of foster families stop fostering—not because they don’t care, but often because they’re overwhelmed and unsupported. In this powerful conversation, Joshua Conley shares how Foster Village Memphis is helping keep foster families going through practical support, community, and relationships that change everything. Joshua will show you how your smalls act of support can make all the difference in the world!Support the show: https://www.normalfolks.us/#joinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, everybody. It's Bill Courtney with an Army of Normal folks, and we continue now of part two of our conversation with Joshua Conley, right after these brief messages from our generous sponsors. Experience Harry Styles live in London, England at Wembley Stadium. This is Harry Styles. I-R. Radio wants to send you and a mate across the pond with flights from Virgin Atlantic, hotel from TripCentral.ca, tickets, and 1,000. thousand dollars cash here we gotta download the free iHeart radio app listen to iHeart new music for ten minutes enter to win every day

is another chance to see harry styles very excited to see you with the show kiss all the time disco occasionally available now imagine an olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged it's the enhanced games some call it grotesque others say

it's unleashing human potential either way the podcast superhuman documented it all embedded in games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There are times when the mind becomes a difficult place to live.

This is David Eagleman with the Inner Cosmos podcast, and for Mental Health Awareness Month, we're dedicating a series to understanding the mind when it struggles. I'm joined by doctors, researchers, and those with lived experience. We'll talk with singer-songwriter Jewel about anxiety. I started living in my car, and then my car got stolen. I was shoplifting. I was having panic attacks. I was agoraphobic.

And making it through hardship. To be present is a learned skill, and it's hard to be present. We'll talk with John Nelson about clinical depression and the brain implant that saved his life. What I learned is that procedure made me. happy because I'm disease-free. And we'll talk with leading experts like Judd Brewer about anxiety and John Hirschfield about obsessive-compulsive disorder and the science of how the brain can change. This is a month of deeply personal and honest conversations about what happens when the brain

goes off course and what we can do about it. Listen to Inner Cosmos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Saigon, the story of my family and of the country that shaped us. The United States will not stand by and allow any power, however great, take over another country. From My Heart Podcasts, Saigon. Please allow me to introduce Joseph Sherman. You don't think I'm serious about a free Vietnam?

I should stop talking so much. I like hearing you talk. One city, a divided country, and the war that tore America apart. This is for Vietnam. I've taken a hit from Japanese ground fire. Do you rate me? They're pouring petrol all over him. He's holding matches.

Saigon, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Rob Benedict. Sting here's madness. The world should hear about this. There's a fire coming to this country, and it's going to burn out everything. Listen to Saigon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We've had to turn families away.

because it's such a need. So this year, by quarter three, we will start three more support groups. So across the city in the North Memphis area, one planned in Raleigh-Bartlett, and we're looking at Collierville in Germantown. For those listening, not from Memphis, that's basically north of city center is North Memphis,

White Haven's kind of south of city center. Carriville is a suburb. Cordova would be kind of northwest of city center. And then where's the fifth one? Bartlett-Rolly. Bartlett-Rolly is another kind of suburb to northeast of city center. So really, it's kind of all-encompassing of the city where you're doing these. All-encompassing with the hope to move into surrounding counties and surrounding states that we serve with our welcome packs.

We just don't want anybody to feel alone. And if they know that, hey, I can go similar to recovery meetings. It's been a rough week. I need to catch a meeting that they have five options. Then with our connection as well, we do larger events too. So in a couple weeks, we have a birthday party coming up at Menagerie Farms here in Memphis. Any foster family, any adoptive family, any kinship family can come and celebrate with us. It's free of charge. All of our activities are. But we do these larger events, too, just to create social settings. So last week, we hosted our first foster and adoptive mom's group.

We'll start a more consistent foster and adoptive dad's group here shortly. And so we just try to create social settings because foster parents are normal and they just want to get out. They want to have fun. They want to blow off steam. And they want to know that people are noticing them. And they want a respite. They need a break. Just like we all do.

They just don't have to say, hey, can you? watch my kids. Well, because their kids come with some unique exceptionalities that maybe make their friends who thought they could babysit, say, no, we're not going to do that. Or family doesn't agree with the mixture of what their kiddos look like. And so, no, we're not really for that. So there's a lot of hurdles to just getting some of the basics, like child care for foster families. So we do a lot of connecting events. That's really our bread and butter. Then the last thing we do is we raise awareness.

This is the way we can get so many people involved. And so school here in Memphis did a book drive for us to raise awareness for foster care. A local high school just is doing a documentary on foster care. And they... Which high school? East High School. So really? Yeah, it's fantastic. I know. I guess they won't. There's probably foster kids in East High School. Oh, there are. Yeah, Absolutely. And I guess they did a documentary on immigration, and it was award-winning. And so they wanted to do one about foster care. When I was in high school, I cared about three things, me, myself, and I. That was it. So for these kids to care about the foster care system is incredible. From May to end of July, we host lemonade stands to raise awareness for the children and families going through foster care. So really, if you're a family, If you're a group, if you're a church, if you're a business, you can get involved in raising awareness for foster care. It's very easy.

We would love to connect with you. But we build strategic relationships with the Department of Children's Services. We serve every placement agency in the area because we want there to be lasting change. Because, and I say this often, I don't feel comfortable selling you tickets to the Titanic. like I know what's I know what's happening and so I know what's happening in foster care did you invent that line did you invent that line no I did that's really good I did not but I I know what's happening in foster care I know that what Foster Village Memphis is doing is beneficial and the whole ecosystem here in Memphis is a wonderful foster care ecosystem but I know that like

what you're going to face because I've gone through it. I know the heartbreak you're going to face when a child leaves. I know the questions you're going to have when you don't get responses as quickly as you were told you were. And so unless the system changes, we can't keep promising people that it's a unsinkable ship when 80% of people are jumping overboard. It just doesn't make sense. And so I think like we have to change some things systemically in order for practically more families can stay in this longer. Because if a child takes, let's just say on average, I'm not sure of the average, my daughter took three and a half years to get adopted out of foster care.

Some of my friends, it took seven. Some, it was 18 months. If we can normalize the process, if we can make sure every family has resources, like what Foster Village Memphis offers. If people are just aware and systemic changes are happening for the good of everyone, then I think that we can kind of not only save the foster care system, but we're going to save kids and we're going to save the future of our city. Because right now putting teenagers in apartments with minimal supervision

and expecting them to do anything else, but to live like Lord of the Flies, I think is a little difficult. If you put me in an apartment with other kids at 16 or 17, with minimal oversight, I would have absolutely enjoyed the warmth of the village that I burned down there. Absolutely. And so there's this high expectation on, well, we're going to give kids these responsibilities.

I'm like, y'all, they're 16-year-old. kids. And they're already coming from dysfunction. They can't rent cars. They can't vote. So like why are we putting them in isolation when we don't even trust them to vote for our leaders until they're 18? So to me it's we're putting so much we're traumatizing the children with our the environment they're coming from. We're traumatizing the

children by taking them out of that environment. Then we're putting all the responsibility on them. To me, it's just, it's so backwards. And we got to fix that because dangling children as the reward is not cool. It's not fair. It's not successful. And then blaming children for it is not fair or successful as well. So that's the advocation work. Yes. Yeah. In 2025, Foster Village distributed 97 welcome packs to foster children entering new homes, surf 31 teens through peer sport groups. and equipped 200 caregivers through training and events. That's just one year.

Yeah. What percent of need do you think those big numbers met, even those numbers? Yeah. So there were, and data can be hard to get because it's shrouded in secrecy, right? HIPAA violations and things like that. But my last statistic I have, there were 758 children removed from their homes to be placed into the foster care system. And Shelby County. And Shelby County.

We gave away 97 welcome packs. So that's 12, 13 percent there. I mean, you're killing it with the work you're doing, but it, it, those numbers tell us. It's small. Yeah. We need more. Yep. there's 1,200, there's around, let's just say, 1,200 children in foster care in Shelby County right now.

So even with those numbers, we're serving, we probably serve what I would say, and would feel confident in saying we serve about 10% of the population. I got to believe there's more people begging for your services and you just can't get it. That's one part. That's why we're expanding those services. So we probably have 25 caregivers at a gathering. every gathering with around 35 to 40 kids. So if we can multiply that by five,

we're now at 100 caregivers, 200 children. The problem is there's only 650 registered foster homes in Shelby County. That was my next question against the backdrop of 1,200 kids. How many families are there? Yeah, 650. And I might be overestimating or a little underestimating, but six, Half.

Half. Half. Yeah. So what is that? That are experiencing burnout, at least the 90% that don't have you. Yes. So that number, so on the one hand, the numbers of kids coming through every year continue to climb.

And on the other hand, the number of families to serve them are declining because of burnout. And your organization, if it could scale even more, would be the stop gap to start equalizing those numbers. We would hope so. We say we're a placement to permanency organization. So we walk with families for years. We go from the day that that child is dropped off when they go to foster care. Our volunteers are invited to their adoption stories. But it's one of those things where, you know, if I knew that you were struggling, how would it feel for me to come to you and say, hey, I know you're really struggling. Thank you for what you do.

Can you take three more kids? Right? And it's like, but that's... I know you're drowning. Would you mind holding this hand back? I'm drowning. Can I hand you another baby? Yeah.

And so one of the tough things is that you're having families. Single families have eight, nine children. Now, I'm more power to them for doing that. But is that child... One ninth of you is, I don't know if that's the best thing. Staying with siblings, yes, I understand that. But that child needs a lot of help. But if there's no one else for the state to put them with, what other option is there?

So that's one option. That's option A, I'm just going to keep filling up the beds in the house. Option B is, let's give them their own apartments. Let's put them in juvie, right? So we can do that. Option C is I'm not going to take them. out of the home. And when it hit me the hardest, was right after the pandemic, because I was a teacher in North Memphis, the Frasier area, I had a little girl die at the hands of her parents.

And she was my student, and I just said, like, where was the system? And they had come several times, but they didn't remove her. And my fear is that they're not going to remove because we don't want to put them in juvie. We don't want to put them in the apartments. There's not enough families. So like this really is life and death for kids. And so we really need more families. We also need better options. And we need to support the families we got. And we need to support the families we have, but we also need to support biological families. That's a program we're hoping to do later. It's called Partners in Permanency. Other foster villages do it. But it's where the foster family and the bio family team up as the kiddo's about to go back. So they don't lose everything

again for the third time in going through the foster care system. But it's broken. It's daunting. The families that we serve epitomize an army of normal folks. Foster care is for normal people. We just have a heart to say, I have a bed, I have love to give, you can come here. The challenge with those folks is they just don't know how to say no. And like, we try to teach them that. Hey, you don't need three more kids on top of the five kids that you already have. We need to do a better job of recruiting more families. We'll be right back.

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Enter to win. Every day is another chance to see Harry Styles. Very excited to see you at the show. Kiss all the time, disco occasionally, available now. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential.

Either way, the podcast's Superhuman, documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There are times when the mind becomes a difficult place to live. This is David Eagleman with the Inner Cosmos podcast, and for Mental Health Awareness Month, we're dedicating a series to understanding the mind when it struggles.

I'm joined by doctors, researchers, and those with lived experience. We'll talk with singer-songwriter Jewel about anxiety. I started living in my car, and then my car got stolen. I was shoplifting. I was having panic attacks. I was agoraphobic. And making it through hardship. To be present is a learned skill, and it's hard to be present. We'll talk with John Nelson about clinical depression,

and the brain implant that saved his life. What I learned is that procedure made me happy because I'm disease-free. And we'll talk with leading experts like Judd Brewer about anxiety and John Hirschfield about obsessive-compulsive disorder and the science of how the brain can change. This is a month of deeply personal and honest conversations about what happens when the brain goes off course

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I like hearing you talk. One city, a divided country, and the war that tore America apart. This is for Vietnam. I've taken a hit from Japanese ground fire. Do you rate me? They're pouring petrol all over him. He's holding matches. Free time!

Let's get out! Freedom for Vietnam! Run! Saigon, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Rob Benedict. Sting, here's madness. The world should hear about this. There's a fire coming to this country, and it's going to burn out everything. Listen to Saigon.

Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so FosterVos is pretty cool. Sounds like a full-time, full-time gig. Apart from its executive director, but yeah. Maybe before you move on, two things. Melissa O'Neill, who was past podcast guests, actually worked with a similar group in D.C. Okay. Where she actually used to be a foster parent herself, but she's one of the babysitters for

while the support groups happen. Yeah. So that is a cool way for people to get involved, especially as you stand up, new groups. And I just want to read out loud for listeners to hear this about the other cities in case they want to be involved. So Charlotte, Corpus Christi, Dallas-Fort Worth, North Texas, Houston, Waco, East Tennessee, D.C., Northeast, Kansas, Chicago, Peoria, and Southwest Florida. Those are where all the other foster villages are. So if you live in one of those areas, you can get involved with them right now. Yep.

Okay. Also, welcome to start one if you're interested, too. We're going to say that at the end. We're going to look into that. So apparently that's not enough. You didn't have enough on your plate in Foster Village, Memphis, a wife, adopted daughter. You also have not too long ago, I guess recently decided to work with Care Portal. Adrian Lewis has been on the podcast.

What an amazing guy. What an amazing organization Care Portal is. But I want to ask you this specific question about it. a lot of people want to help that just don't know where to start. How does Care Portal change that from your perspective now that you're, what are you doing with Care Portal in Memphis with Title or whatever it is? So I am the West Tennessee Regional Manager for Care Portal. Okay.

So from the West Tennessee Regional Manager for Care Portal, people need to hear this and not just in Y'all Care Portals across the country. So it doesn't matter if you're West Tennessee or not. What you're about to learn is, available to you anywhere in the United States. So how does Care Portal change the narrative that people want to help? They just don't know how to start. Absolutely.

If you want to help, what Care Portal does is you go to your phone and you download an app. So download the Care Portal app. You register on the platform. And then you can start seeing requests in real time. And these requests are today, there's a, request in Cape Girardo, Missouri for $500. A family needed a vehicle. This is real.

This is real. Okay. I didn't know if this was an example. No, real examples. Today you saw it. This is my care portal tracker. And so. Is it up there right now?

Yeah. $500 for a vehicle. Hey, Porte-D-O-O-Lex. Cape Girardo. It was escalated. If it's still there, we're going to give them $500 while we're doing this interview. Yeah.

Go ahead. Yeah. We just launched in Weekly in Obion, county and a family needed groceries, a family needed beds. Beds are a really big request that we get there. So really all you do is... Which is weird because Sleep in Heavenly Peace is another awesome organization that fixes that. Yeah.

So we're trying to partner. It's weird how you can start while these philanthropic projects so many people don't know about, they can all work together to service one another. Absolutely. You know, there's a saying that says, imagine how much we can accomplish when no one cares. who gets the credit. So, and so what Care Portal really does, and this is what drew me in, was they don't want

the credit. They're a back-end organization that says, we just want to make you aware through our strategic partners, some that you'll never get to meet because it's the Department of Children's Services. It's these confidential agencies who we are training and vetting and building relationships with that are putting needs out there upstream needs to keep families intact. So I don't want this kid to come down the river to foster care. What does a family need to be intact? Well, it's beds, it's clothes, support.

That's it. And so also, conceivably, Foster Village Memphis could have foster parents that have need that could put their needs on Care Portal. And if you just download the app to Care Portal and proves through it once a week, you will be anundated with opportunities to give where you don't even have to get off your apps to make a difference. So I'm an agency on the platform with Foster Village Memphis. We're a responder on the platform. So Foster Village Memphis is providing needs.

I work for Care Portal, right? So I'm a regional ambassador for that. Quick story. another nonprofit in the city who works with foster families. It's a closed closet. Reached out and said, I've been working with this mom for years. They need a microwave and they need two beds.

A foster mom? No, so this is a biological mom. Oh, okay. Reunified with our kids. Which is what we want. Right. Can you put this on care portal? Foster Village Memphis, put it on care portal.

It goes out to the 47 churches in Shelby County that are signed up right now. Again, that's a very small percentage of the 1,300 houses of worship here. In three hours, the church in Carrierville, the suburbs provided the beds. Church in the South Wind, so Southeast Memphis area, provided the microwave. They got together, and three church and ministry representatives went and met this mom and these kids at her house, put the beds together. before the kids got home from school,

provided the microwave. And it's really like a movie scene. The kids run in. They run up the stairs. They come back. They double take and say, we got a microwave. And then run upstairs.

We got beds. It's, I mean... And it all happen in a day. No. So the coordinating, for that to be filled, it took three hours. It took three hours.

And then for it to get delivered, working with the mom, her work schedule, it was done within four to seven days. But the point is, if not for CARA portal, yes. Maybe this mom gets desperate and these children are back in the system. If not.

Something is easy as two beds in a microwave. And so there's a law now that was just recently passed that co-sleeping is no longer allowed in the state of Tennessee. Now, I don't know your preference on how you do that. I didn't co-sleep because I'm huge and thought I'd roll over on the kid. I wasn't going to do that, right? But if a mom chooses to co-sleep and for some reason, reason the department comes in and there's not a bed in the home for the family that child can be

removed from the home and put into foster care all over a toddler bed a crib a pack and play and so it's these really we i think what we do and some are rightfully so we narrate we the narrative of kids going into foster care is man they must have had really bad parents most of the time it's the parents are doing the best that they can and the resources that we take for granted like they are struggling to attain and if we can just give them like a break just here and there through this is the this is the proverbial not letting them fall on the river in the first place don't let them fall in the river and to lay down our sense of like i think there's a deep fear of handouts, and I can understand that. But I think what Care Portal does is it's relational throughout

so that you're not trusting the family, and you're not trusting the person on the side of the road with the homeless sign. What you're trusting is that myself as the regional manager has developed a relationship with this agency. And through this agency, they're putting in a request because they have a relationship with the parent. And what we're doing is inviting you in, you and your congregation, because it's a church-based platform, to be a part of building and continuing relationships with that family. Anybody can sign up for Care Portal, but Care Portal cares about the local church making meaningful connections. Here, I'll show you the one of your question real time here. All right. In real time. In real time. Here we go. What is it? Is it $500 for a card? Do you find it? A wizard?

No, I found one here. Okay. If I wanted to hear. Yeah. All right. Well, here. Go ahead and read it. It'll be interesting for you to read it.

It reads out loud. Yeah. There's a reason of the detail. The story. Yeah. DCS became involved due to allegations of physical abuse. Allegations, however, the child did not disclose. And there was no evidence of physical abuse.

However, since the case has been opened, the family was evicted for their home. The mother has since regained housing stability, but needs assistance with attaining toddler beds for her four-year-old and two-year-old. And they asked was for 500, and they still need 430. And the zip code is 38114. That's where I live. Okay. The lead church is by Moral Baptist. It is submitted by the Department of Children's Services, so you know it's legitimate. The urgency is high. The demographic is child-centered request, and it's right here in Memphis. And $430 can be. make this all work for them. So here. Here's my credit card.

Hopefully keep these kids out of the system. Absolutely. Yeah, that's right. And so here's Care Portal at work on the air. Here, do it. So you might say... So we're getting our beds. I know. And it all happened because you mentioned it.

I mean, absolutely. And Balmoral Baptist Church is a new church that said, hey, we just want to continue to get involved in our city. Right? So they as the lead church are going to receive your $430, they're then going to get beds for that family and go make a meaningful connection with them.

So it's not just here's some beds or here's some money. It's here's what you need and here's who we are. Yep. And to follow up. And so in Middle Tennessee, we share a story that a dad, he needed his first month's rent for an apartment. It was $5,000. Oh, God.

Some kind of fees, right? You know, Nashville. I got it. Yeah, it's insane. 14 churches came together to take care of that. So he's in the apartment. The lead church meets him at the apartment to make sure everything's good. And they notice that all he has with his one dad, five boys, is a truck full of stuff,

like a pickup truck. And they were like, can we help you with a furniture or any dishes? He's like, no, this is all we have. No beds. No anything. Well, the church then. said, hey, can we put in another request for furniture? More churches came together, provided this dad with furniture. Well, that dad ends up going to church at the lead church. When he gets there,

the first person he meets is one of his old college football teammates. That college football teammate shows him around, introduces him to the youth minister. The youth minister says, hey, if two of your boys want to come to camp, they can, we'll pay for it. Those are two boys come to camp, they give their lives to Christ, they come back, they have a baptism service, who shows up to the baptism service, biological mom, watches her boys get baptized, and then she gives her life to Christ. And so now there's this like relationship that most of the time, even if I'm honest, if I heard someone say, hey, I need first month's rent, I'm not going to give it to them because then I would say the first question, what about next month's rent? Am I just giving to this

like black hole of never going to have enough. But Care Portal fixes that. Fixes that through relationships and through the vetting process that we do to get those requests on the platform. That's awesome. Did we do it? It's done. It's done?

You did it. No, we did it. That's awesome. I love it. That's very cool. Okay. And we're hoping a lot of the way. My gift is completely anonymous, right?

It can be anonymous. Or you can list your name, so I've made it anonymous for you. You can list your name. Yeah. I just wanted it. I don't, you know. I'm hoping our service clubs will also make many, meet many care portal requests during their giving circle meetings. Yeah, they should.

That would be awesome. If you're on a service club and you're signed and you go to church as well, like getting your church signed up for Care Portal, all of that is free too. Do you know if Second Presbyterian Church is in Care Portal? It is not. Oh, we're going to fix it. It's not. but love Second Prez and the work they're doing. So no, no.

My church does a lot of work in inner city. But Care Portal should absolutely be one. So I'll remind you later. I'll say you. We have to make a, okay. Shout out to Second Prez. We played T-Ball there tomorrow. All right.

So I have one more foster care. I know I'm bouncing. But I have another foster care and adoption question for you before we explore other parts of your story, which are crazy, interesting. And it's about your whole foster care and adoption journey before adopting your daughter journey. Who has been, she was at the kickoff meeting that you were at. You met her, but she's a beautiful girl. She was at our potluck. It's playing in the dirt. I wish that I met her. Thanks, guys. You and your wife made a pretty countercultural decision to adopt before having biological kids.

which is interesting. I've had a few really interesting, like, aha moments interviewing people about foster care. One of them was black parents who adopted white kids. I've always thought about white parents adopting black kids in that dynamic. And my own presuppositions prohibited me. Unfortunately, that's just culture. and I guess whatever, but I never really thought about black parents adopting a white kid. Yeah.

Experiencing some of the same stuff, but maybe even more exacerbated. Yeah. That one, there's a whole show on that's fascinating and I love it. But you're interesting too because you always, again, a preconceived notion is an established mom and dad with a kid or two that say, hey, let's now adopt. less now foster. Yeah. But you made the decision to foster and adopt prior to having your own biological kids. Why? What kind of led to that?

Which is cool. Yeah. It's just different. Yeah. And I'd love to hear it. I think it all comes back to Luke chapter 10. And when the lawyer comes to Jesus to put him to the test and he says, Rabbi, what must I do to inherit eternal life?

And Jesus's response was, well, what does the law say? how do you read it? And I think that open-ended question of like, how do you read it allows for there to be, yeah, we're going to read it in different ways. The lawyer answers and he says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. And Jesus says, you have answered correctly. And so in those times, like if Jesus says, hey, you answered right,

I'm going to follow what that person said because. That sounds like a bell going off. Yeah, it was like, ding, ding. So when I read, intervene on behalf of orphans and widows, the way that I read that is through radical hospitality. I think that there's a shepherding nature to that call. And so to shepherd someone, I think you have to be really intentional and very close in proximity.

And I've tried mentoring. I've done some stuff, college ministry and coaching. but if I was only there for a couple hours, like that impact, I think, could have been huge, but also was minimal in its time and proximity. It's true. So we really said, like, we wanted our family to be built on our theology

and not our biology. We wanted as what we believe is, that we're adopted children of the Lord, that we wanted to live out that adoption here in real time. I don't think there's a, better way to live out your faith than through foster care and adoption. When I read 2nd Corinthians chapter 5, he who knew no sin became sin on our behalf so that we could be reconciled to God. Jesus who didn't do anything wrong. He says the day after Easter, go ahead. Jesus who doesn't do

anything wrong gets hurt for us to have our relationship with our father fixed. Foster parents choose to get hurt in the process of fixing relationships. And so for me... Wow. That is a great explanation of foster care. What's trademark it right here? Well, I mean, it's in effect being Christ-like. I think so.

And so we just said, yeah. And then it was my wife because I wanted the attractive thing to do at the time was to do international adoption. So from your poorer countries because what was happening is there was this narrative of, you know, there are kids. Like we're poor in the states, but nowhere, no way as close to poor as Uganda, Haiti, Romania. Romania, right? Russia, those places. And that's very true.

But I never would want anyone to build their family based on the level of suffering a child is facing. Oh, this child's, you know, you don't go to the, maybe you do go to the pound and say, well, this dog is going to be put down in two days. This one has two weeks. Let's take the two-day dog. Children shouldn't be shopped like that. And so we were living in West Montgomery, part of Christian community development. So we moved into inner city Montgomery. We were doing ministry there, doing work there. And my wife just said, what about the kids here who need homes? And I said, No, that's not what I'm called to do. It's a broken system I don't want to be a part of. And what I came to realize is I immediately had a terrible case of the twos. I was too afraid of what was going to happen. I was too worried about myself and that when a kid left, it was going to be too heartbreaking for me. And I just thought it was going to be too difficult.

So out of fear, I said no. And then we compromised. we did foster care. Some of you will get that joke as you listen and on your way home. So we compromised. We went to the classes. By the end of the classes, I said there's no reason we shouldn't do this. We'll be right back. Harry Styles live in London, England at Wembley Stadium. This is Harry Styles. I-Hard Radio wants to send you in a mate across the pond with flights from Virgin Atlantic, hotel from tripcentral.ca. Tickets. $1,000 cash.

Here we got it! Download the free IHart Radio app. Listen to IHart new music for 10 minutes. Enter to win. Every day is another chance to see Harry Stiles. Very excited to see you at the show. Kiss all the time, disco occasionally available now. Imagine an Olympics where

doping is not only legal, but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's superhuman documented it all. embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds.

I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There are times when the mind becomes a difficult place to live. This is David Eagleman with the Inner Cosmos podcast, and for Mental Health Awareness Month, we're dedicating a series to understanding the mind when it struggles. I'm joined by doctors, researchers, and those with lived experience. We'll talk with singer-songwriter Jewel about anxiety. I started living in my car, and then my car got stolen.

I was shoplifting. I was having panic attacks. I was agoraphobic. And making it through hardship. To be present is a learned skill, and it's hard to be present. We'll talk with John Nelson about clinical depression and the brain implant that saved his life. What I learned is that procedure. made me happy because I'm disease-free.

And we'll talk with leading experts like Judd Brewer about anxiety and John Hirschfield about obsessive-compulsive disorder and the science of how the brain can change. This is a month of deeply personal and honest conversations about what happens when the brain goes off course and what we can do about it. Listen to Inner Cosmos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is Saigon, the story of my family and of the country that shaped us. The United States will not stand by and allow any power, however great, take over another country. From My Heart Podcasts, Saigon. Please allow me to introduce Joseph Sherman. You don't think I'm serious about a free Vietnam? I should stop talking so much. I like hearing you talk. One city, a divided country, and the war that tore America apart.

This is for Vietnam. I've taken a hit from Japanese. These ground fire, do you rate me? They're pouring petrol all over him. He's holding matches. Four free, die. Saigon, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Rob Benedict. Sting, here's madness.

The world should hear about this. There's a fire coming to this country, and it's going to burn out everything. Listen to Saigon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So basically, your wife was smarter than you, and you finally listened. I think that, you know, the least smart decision she's ever made is marrying me. I get it. But other than that, she's always the smarter one. I got one like that.

But no, she, you know, I could easily resent her for the heartbreak, foster care has caused me. But because of her, we have entertained 11 angels without knowing it. And I, like, my life is radically blessed. and just full, I am rich because of the kids we've had in our home. So I can't do anything but thank her for that. Incredible. All right. So, maybe before moving on, I love your line.

I was asked you earlier when you were talking about how you see it everywhere. Yeah. But talking about Harry Potter. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So there's a line I say that if you're a Harry Potter fan, I have more horrocks than Voldemort running around because I have 11 pieces of my soul. all across the country.

It's amazing. All right. So we're going to go backwards now to your childhood. Just kind of bounce along your childhood and points of your life and close our conversation with your family intention of living in a challenging neighborhood in Memphis. But this is, man, when I read what I'm about to say to you, it is, I've never said it the way you said it, but it is exactly the way I've always felt about my own parent.

Yeah. Most people simplify their parents into heroes and villains, and you refuse to do that because you see them as both often, which only makes sense because we're all failed. I mean, except for me, I know my children think I'm perfect. Yeah. I spent Easter with... They haven't stopped calling during this whole time, just to tell him that.

I spent all Easter Sunday last night with my phone off and my four kids, which are now 29, 28, 27, 26. So it's pseudo-adults. I don't think they're adults at all, but whatever. Yeah. I mean, that's all Lisa's fault. But the older I get, the more I realize, you know, just how fortunate I am that my children are not dead or in jail or horrible people because I screwed so much up. And despite me, they're these wonderful human beings.

But most people simply how their parents and heroes and villains and you refuse to do that. So with that context, tell us about your childhood and how that really led to you intentionally living in a more challenging neighborhood in Memphis and why. And I know that's a bunch, but I think it all ties together. Sure. Do you agree that that all ties together? Absolutely. Yeah, and I would say that there's always, with the foster care, going back to that,

people will say to us, you know, we can't have kids this way, so we want to foster, or, you know, we think we could have one more. And you can tell that their motives there aren't just for the child, right? They don't maybe have the experience that or the language behind it. But I never stop somebody for doing things just simply based. on a false view of motives. Because I know that sometimes it's even with the wrong motives to start that, like, radical things can happen.

And so I think about that, like, I think my parents, what I saw growing up were the, were the most generous people I've ever met. But with that, I think there wasn't. ever a generosity out of an overflow. It seemed to be a generosity out of inconvenience and have to, or a sense of earning something from it, an expectation from it. There's this funny episode in the office where Dwight walks around with bagels

and gives them out freely, and then he says, you owe me one, you owe me one, and no one can pick up on it, but he's trying to get favors back. And so, you know, the tough thing about, like, us living in the inner city is we did choose it because we believe in it. But there were some negative motives behind it, too. God, if I do this, you know, will you pay me back? Will you notice? People will notice.

But that's just what I grew up with. Do you know the turkey person story? No. I'm not going to bore our. listeners with it again because anybody's listened to me but I'm gonna do it real fast you ready my first year at Manassas I arrived at a team that was four wins and 95 losses my first year we were three and three midway through the season now I think three and three is pretty average but we won four games and ten years so

the whole team was buying into football I was also trying to coach character commitment integrity valuable tenants and characteristics and while the whole team was buying the football. Only half the team was buying the important stuff. And it was frustrating. So I went to my guy and I said, hey, man, how come I can't get that half the team to buy an important stuff like your half team? Your ball, bind in yes or no sort of football. Only half of you bounding the important stuff. And he looked at me kind of dismissively. And he didn't want to tell me what was up. And I'm like, come on, man, real talk. He's like, I don't want to hurt your feelings. So just tell me what's up. He said, they're trying to figure out

if you're a turkey person or not. And I said, man, I got no idea what you were talking about. And he said, man, every Christmas and Thanksgiving people come in our neighborhoods and they gives us gifts and hams and turkeys, we take them because we ain't got none. But then they leave and we never see them again. Makes you wonder if they're doing that because they care about us or they're doing that to make themselves feel good. Yeah. And it taught me a very valuable lesson, which is if you're giving away turkeys or serving in soup kitchens, it's a beautiful thing. That's not the problem. What is your motive? Yeah. Are you motivated by the size of the subject? simple edification of helping somebody's not as blessed as you, or are you motivated by the way

it exalts you among your friends, your peers, your community, your church, or how you feel, or the bargaining chip, i.e. the bagels that you get from it. So when I hear what you're saying by turkey person lesson very much agrees with that sentiment, I think. Coach, that's how I live my entire life. But it was, it was doing. That sounds like that's how you're raised. That's how I was raised. But it's, but it's also how I felt. So I felt like your kids at Manassas my entire life of just trying to find someone that cared about me and that authentically knew me enough that they wouldn't leave. And where I had consistency in presence, not tangible gifts, but like people being in my life, I never felt like anyone knew me or took the time to care for me.

So was everything transactional? Everything. Still difficult today. I'm 40 years old and it's taken me 40 years to say like you can't keep doing things in a transactional way. I've seen a lot of success with that at Foster Village Memphis because it is a village, right? And it's reciprocal.

But man, living in the inner city and it was like, okay, I'll have a slumber party for the kids at my house or at our organization and didn't make them sign contracts. But contractually meant that when Monday came around, you were going to be on your best behavior in the after school program. And if your little tail acted up, I would then use the slumber party as a manipulative kind of, you know. Which, as we both know, was not love. No. It was my, my, the transactional nature on how I grew up, I think is one of the biggest plagues that I've carried with me anywhere that I've went. So as you said about your kiddos, like in spite of all the ways you've messed up, they've turned out to be great kids. There are just

times when I look back and say, man, what if I, what have I had just healthy relationships that taught me? It's not about what you do. It's not about what you do. It's not about what? what you get. Like, you got to be okay with yourself. And so I just, I never was. I don't know why it was. I envy my brother in that. He's just the coolest dude, you know, just cool, calm, collected. Stuff rolls off his shoulders, right? And he's got four of the best kids. Like, just, he just doesn't care in the best ways. Me, I always cared. So, like, one bad grade. I got sent to, you said you had some skirmishes. I got sent to the principal's office one time.

And I cried so much because I was going to disappoint my parents that they were like, yeah, he's fine. He's not going to do it. But it was just high perfectionism, any mistake I couldn't take, all transactional relationships, which then just led it led me to a lot of negative choices. Because when everything's transactional, you're trying to get the biggest bag. And when you go after the biggest bag, that can often cause you to, you know, do things that you're not proud of. Hurt people in the process.

Shame other people so that, you know, you feel bigger than them. But even then, like, it was. And be transactional manipulative in your own right, which is. Yeah. I mean, monkey C. Monkey, do you? Yeah. So my parents were present, hardworking Midwesterners. I mean, my uncle owns a dairy farm in central Nebraska.

But both of them came from some challenging homes. They met in Nebraska because of Air Force community. So they were not in the Air Force, but we were there because of the Air Force. Yeah, I did not see healthy family relationships with their siblings. I didn't see a healthy marriage. You know, I read a story recently that, like, different sleeping arrangements is coming back in style. And I was like, oh, great.

Well, my parents were cool, I guess. But it was not cool then. And so I can say this. Like, at five years old, I started, like, I had some struggles with attachment to wear fantasy. and escaping my reality became the way that I coped with emotions that I didn't want. When I was six years old, I got a girl in second grade, I got a girl a plastic ring out of the vending machine,

gave it to her on the playground. And second grade teacher pulls me to the front of the class, throws the ring away, it says you're too young to have these feelings. I don't ever want to see that from you again. She just shame me in front of everybody, right? The fact that at 40, you remember that is telling. Yeah.

Yeah. Third grade, get introduced to pornography. Oh, gosh. And so, yeah. And so that was, so all of it. And with pornography comes, don't tell this to anybody. So older siblings of friends, a person who introduced me to pornography, don't tell this to your mom. I think people will get who said that.

But in bids for connection, I now started to say, like, oh, I'm connecting with this adult male. This is my dad. So I'm connecting with my dad in this. Don't tell your mom. But he's making a bid for connection. So this must be okay. It's not okay. And so keeping secrets are okay too.

Keeping secrets are okay. Doing things that, like, are going to drive shame, right? You don't keep secrets about things if you're okay. with it. So there's some shame component behind it. Ironically, then around fourth grade is the time when I started. So also at third grade, I went on my first starvation diet to make weight for football. So I was the only kid who had to walk home from recess every day. I had to eat this nasty cabbage soup that I couldn't eat and then walk back to school to make weight for the football team. I wanted to play for.

And those jerks, they made me try to make weight, but then they also made me sell candy bars on the side. So I would not eat all day and then just pound candy bars. So I was like the best salesperson and my number one customer. I was always like, mom, can I borrow $5? And she's like, why? So didn't make weight, had to move up in an age group. So I'm an eight, nine year old playing with 10 and 11 year olds now.

Just getting my butt kicked. But it was then that I said, okay, like my feelings aren't okay, second grade teacher. The way I look is not okay, football. And the only way I can cope with things is through fantasy, images, and in secret. And so for a long time, unhealthy relationships has plagued me and all that I've been through. and then just I think the secrets also extended to abuse that you experience physical abuse. When I started going to therapy, my therapist said, like, that was your normal growing up, but that was not normal.

And so again, shout out to my wife because she's been. That was my next question. Where did you begin the road to getting all the way? that killed up. Yeah, it wasn't an easy one. I would say it was the road that started at rock bottom. And so I think that we tried everything that we knew we could to, you know, I became a Christian in college. Sports allowed me to go to college in Louisiana. So went 15 hours away to school. Thought I could reinvent myself. But when I got there and couldn't understand a word anybody said, I was just right back into doing my own thing.

Met a group in college, became a Christian through that. But Christianity can be difficult for someone like me in that I need to do these things. Okay. Like, I'll do and then have that transactional expectation. So when faith becomes transactional, it's also a farce. Yeah. It's a wonderful book I'd recommend called When God Becomes a Drug. and it's just that idea of like,

I'm now using the relationship of religion and my relationship with God to continue the same pattern of relationships I've had. So, yeah, we tried everything. Deeds don't trump grace, do they? No, no. You can never earn enough. And you always make mistakes, right?

The deeds only work if perfectionism through your own efforts is what gets you there. Because I could be perfect, right? But like the standard is, like, I can't ever be perfect and I need grace. But grace, you have to acknowledge the weakness. And that's not as a perfectionist. Like, that's, I get allergic to that.

So, yeah, I think just learning to be okay with myself started in May of 2023 when I went to an intensive to work on some stuff. that's just been decades old in my life. And it was the first time that someone actively diagnosed me with my problem. And through that time, I've had relationships and community with people that were my road to recovery. I found sobriety in that program for almost three years now. I realize that I can use food as a coping mechanism. I can use drink as a coping mechanism.

I can use a lot of things. So what I'm learning to do is to just be okay with myself, which was something that from five years old was never the case for me. And what my wife has done so well is I can look at her. And even though it was the worst decision she's ever made, I can say there was something about me that she had appreciated. And so I can even lean into her to say, you know, what did you notice?

and then I just have to believe her. We'll be right back. Diles, live in London, England at Wembley Stadium. Harry Stiles. IHart Radio wants to send you in a mate across the pond with flights from Virgin Atlantic, hotel from TripCentral.C.A., tickets, and $1,000 cash. Here we got to!

Download the free IHart Radio app. Listen to IHart new music for 10 minutes. Enter to win. Every day is another chance to see Harry Stiles. Very excited to see you at the show. Kiss all the time. Disco occasionally available now. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games.

Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the I-Hard Radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

There are times when the mind becomes a difficult place to live. This is David Eagleman with the Inner Cosmos podcast, and for Mental Health Awareness Month, we're dedicating a series to understanding the mind when it struggles. I'm joined by doctors, researchers, and those with lived experience. We'll talk with singer-songwriter Jewel about anxiety. I started living in my car, and then my car got stolen. I was shoplifting, I was having panic attacks, I was agoraphobic.

And making it through hardship. To be present is a learned skill, and it's hard to be present. We'll talk with John Nelson about clinical depression and the brain implant that saved his life. What I learned is that procedure made me happy because I'm disease-free. And we'll talk with leading experts like Judd Brewer about anxiety, and John Hirschfield about obsessive-compulsive disorder. and the science of how the brain can change. This is a month of deeply personal and honest conversations

about what happens when the brain goes off course and what we can do about it. Listen to Inner Cosmos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Saigon, the story of my family and of the country that shaped us. The United States will not stand by and allow any power, however great,

take over a child. another country. From My Heart Podcasts, Saigon. Please allow me to introduce Joseph Sherman. You don't think I'm serious about a free Vietnam? I should stop talking so much. I like hearing you talk. One city, a divided country, and the war that tore America apart.

This is for Vietnam. I've taken a hit from Japanese ground fire. Do you rate me? They're pouring petrol all over him. He's holding matches. I'm on a land. For free time. Let's get out.

Freedom for Vietnam. Run! Saigon, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Rob Benedict. Sting, here's madness. The world should hear about this. There's a fire coming to this country, and it's going to burn out everything. Listen to Saigon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, I'm kind of, maybe I'm saying it wrong, but your childhood and we all, there's not a person on the face of the planet that suffers, that doesn't suffer.

type of weird thing. We carry stuff with us, right? But there was some intentionality in your approach. Do you feel like all of that had a hand in that intentionality? Yeah, so I would say my parents were, we were, our small town was very diverse. I know most people won't think Nebraska is like a diverse place. I would have been Lily White. Yeah.

And it can be their generosity that went across. socioeconomics, race, they're allowing friends to be in our home. I just saw those things. And so, like, for me, engaging cross-culturally was never, never a struggle. Sports does that as well. So that's kind of the, I mean, like you say, the hero, villain thing. Absolutely. They gave me a way to connect, and they taught me how to connect.

And with that, then the idea of. introduced to Christian community development. So leave college in Louisiana. While in college, Katrina happens. Yeah, I wanted to ask about that. So go. So Katrina happens. I'm a junior in college.

For me, it was just like a really big time to party. We didn't have school. We went and visited friends. About 50,000 people left New Orleans and moved to Lafayette. A lot of them stayed in our parking lots. And Lafayette's what an hour north of. No, it's about two hours. Two hours west.

So Lafayette's getting to like the Texas border. Okay. And so. So you were in Louisiana, Lafayette, I guess. Yeah, Rage and Cajuns. Rage and Cajuns. Let's go. Shout out to the Teague, best baseball stadium in the country. But so we, our group, Christians, we didn't do anything for them.

Like we were just there. And the students that were there, like, We'd invite them to Bible studies. We would do discipleship stuff. But it was with the goal that, like, they're going to leave soon. So, like, let's cover them in Jesus, send them back, like, and hope that they carry Jesus with that. But the tangible, it was just not a part of my faith then. So moved to Montgomery, Alabama, after that.

A few things happened. I start working at Alabama State University. Which is weird because Alabama State University is an HBCU. Which, if you're seeing this, you know that I am not. And so I would get a... You're a white dude from Nebraska. Yeah. I would get a minority scholarship at Alabama State.

But I... And you're going to be... You're also, like you're a pastor or something? Yep. So college minister there. But I go to a... A white dude as a college minister at Alabama State. Yep.

Going to a reformed Presbyterian church. Oh, for good sakes. And so we're just stacking the deck. How that work? Well, I got involved with a college ministry, and the leader of that was named Byron Johnson. And the campuses that we were on at the time were Huntington College, Auburn University of Montgomery, two traditional colleges, Tuskegee University and Alabama State. So your HBCUs. And I just said to him one time, I said, I feel like if we care about diversity, our staff should be diverse.

So could I go to staff, be on staff at Alabama State? Another rule breaker, because when you think diverse, you think bringing black folks into white organizations. White settings, yep. Rather than you're going to go be a college minister at an HBC. Yep. From reformed theological seminary background. Yeah. And so it was such a success.

There goes the neighborhood. It was awesome. I loved it. And I loved being there. Volunteered as a baseball coach, got listed on the program as, you know, volunteer coach. But just, yeah, so I took the, I really just invested in those guys. And so I see, like, Coach Barlow, who now was coaching the defenders in the, in the, in the NFL league.

Like, he was my football coach at the time there. And so seeing these guys, connecting these guys, like, was just awesome. I'm also a Seahawks fan. Tavares Jackson played at Alabama State. He played for the Seahawks. He's passed away. But what I would do at football practice is I'd be working at football practice. I look across the street and there were housing projects. And some of the kids would walk to those housing projects to come to school. And I just said, like, what is that? And there was a pastor there. So I just started picking his brain. And he was like, yeah, this is part of CCDA. Christian community development. And so started learning about that. And there was an organization called Common Ground Montgomery, which, guess this, a white guy went into the neighborhood to coach football. He was a quarterback coach at Carver High School in Montgomery.

He also coached the baseball team there. And he and his family and another family said, we're going to move into the community. We're going to be neighbors. We're going to learn from the community what we can bring. ring in order to, you know, bring some life. There's already things happening. And so when I saw that and got connected, I started going to the football dinners on Thursday nights, serving with the kids, going to baseball practices.

And I told him, I said, what if we started a college ministry where instead of just focusing on the campus, we got college students to come into the neighborhood. And so we did that. And he allowed me to do that and to start that. So I moved into a house in the neighborhood. I brought my college students with me. Some of them lived with me, but we were doing all of our stuff there. And then I said, hey, a part of this ministry is we're going to go tutor in after-school programs.

And it was a success. And it was great. Through that, we had a college internship. My wife was working at a church in Oklahoma at the time. She's from Norman, Oklahoma. Her grandfather, best friends with Barry Switzer. So we have some OU football background there. And so her church came to do a mission trip with us.

She came back to do the internship. And that's when she fell in love with me, just head over heels. I'm sure that's how that happened. Yeah, she just couldn't get enough. She said, the Lord is my shepherd. I see what I want. And that was me. And that was me.

Foster care started there. Yeah. But then we said, We love living in the neighborhood. You burn out fast. We started a youth entrepreneurship program. And we said to those kids very much what you said to your kids, that you have something valuable to offer.

We don't think that we're going to give you these skills. We think we're just going to kind of release them as you do the hard work. So let's go to different places and you serve and you give back. So inner city kids from West Montgomery went and rebuilt homes in more Oklahoma. after tornadoes, went to inner city St. Louis and served the homeless population there at the St. Louis Dream Center, went down to New Orleans and, like, read to the elderly and worked in post-Katrina relief efforts there. And then we came to Memphis to do serve 901. And so we served at New Hope Christian Academy. We lived at Mount Moriah East Baptist Church. And it was there that I heard David Montague

talk about Memphis teacher residency. David Monew is one of the best on the face of the planet. Best on the face of the planet. And his daughter and my daughter were best friends in high school. Okay. The best leader I've ever been under. And so when we heard about MTR, it was, we're teaching kids entrepreneurship and these skills for two hours.

And we're living in the community. What if we could be teachers in high need schools and live in the community as well? And so it was just super attractive to us. 2016, we moved up here, did MTR, taught in Fraser for four years. Yeah, Frazier what? High school? No, next door. So Frazier Corning, I'll say this.

My school changed. My school had three different principals, three different superintendents, and three different name changes in the four years I taught there. And what was the name? Frazier Corning Achievement Elementary School. So we were part of the Achievement School District, bottom 10% of schools. Tough for those, again, not from Memphis. This is the elementary version of what Manassas was.

It is tough, tough, tough. Very much so. But loved it and love the kids there, love the parents there. Started athletics there, city champions in flag football. Thank you very much. You know, we were trying to feed the kids to you at Manas. NASA if you were still there. But started a tutoring program with the high school where high school kids came and

tutored our kids. And you would think, like, what did kids at MLK prep, which is no longer a school, they're rebuilding, what do they have to offer? Well, one girl who came to tutor is now a biomedical engineer at Vanderbilt. And so, like, I mean, there are great things happening in inner cities. Here's what I would say. As a faith component, there were two. things that drove me. There's a proverb that says that it's God's job to hide things and it's

man's job to seek them out. So I think, in a lot of times, like, God is playing this game of hide and seek. I'm going to hide my glory in things that to the outside world look foolish and ugly and useless, but it's going to be there. Very much, you know, Raiders of the Lost Ark and the Holy Grail is the ugliest cup out of all the cups you could pick. But then there's a passage in Corinthians where Paul says, I become all things to all people, and it's to save as many as possible. And as a white guy, I have to be careful of that,

to save as many people as possible. Because you can, and I learn this very valuable lesson. You can end up being paternalist. Absolutely. Which is toxic philanthropy. But if you, and if you stop reading there, you're on your road to paternalism. If you keep reading, he says,

I become all things to all people so that together we may share in the blessings of the gospel. And I just think that like there are so many gospel blessings in those communities. And I want to experience them. And so I'm going to keep living in those tough places because my experience has been one of amazing, just richness from the neighbors that I have to the experiences that we go through, through the struggles. Obviously, there are some. But when you're a neighbor and when they're referring to you as coach and not mister, there's a different, there's just a different, there's a reciprocal nature to those relationships that I really value. So when we talk about where people choose to live largely

based on safety and comfort, you're choosing where to live based on one. Most of the children that we have are children of color. We want to live in a neighborhood that represents them. We're intentional about that. We want them to have. We don't just want them to see the only kids that look like them are kids who are experiencing foster care. So we want older neighbors to invest in our kiddos. And so our daughter drives her bike over to our neighbor's house every day to speak to them through their security cameras. Right. Like so they'll just. Just be having a conversation, right? Where do you live now? We live in South Memphis. Right on, so north of us is Cooper Young, to the west or the east of us is Orange Mound, south is Alci Ball, and to the west is like your Lamar district. Or for everybody listening, again, that is, wow, actually, originally in Memphis,

that would have been a blue-collar white neighborhood, which became more of a black, neighborhood. But when he says Orange Mound, you are talking about one of the historically black, very proud neighborhoods where Melrose High School is, which has also been an historically very, very proud black school. And so when you're talking living in that area in today's world, you're immersed in the inner city. Yeah. With a number of very proud black institutions around it. Absolutely. Yeah, that we take pride in and we have an Airbnb in the back of our property.

And so we get people to come here too. And so the narrative is if you look at our reviews, safe and quiet, safe and quiet. Well, it's not because we insulated the backyard from all the things that are happening, but it's because, like, that neighborhood is a quality neighborhood that you would never have to experience. and because you don't have to experience, you just receive narratives about it. One of our neighbors was a part of the sanitation worker strike.

Like, I want my daughter to talk with him, right? So he's historic. Like, he's a part of the history that defines our city. And so we live our lives in a normal way there, but just with an intentionality to say, like, just as we would be neighbors in your neighborhood, we want to be neighbors here. We'll be right back.

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Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the I-Hard radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

podcasts. There are times when the mind becomes a difficult place to live. This is David Eagleman with the Inner Cosmos podcast, and for Mental Health Awareness Month, we're dedicating a series to understanding the mind when it struggles. I'm joined by doctors, researchers, and those with lived experience. We'll talk with singer-songwriter Jewel about anxiety. I started living in my car, and then my car got stolen. I was shoplifting. I was having panic attacks. I was agoraphobic. And making it through hardship. To be present is a learned skill.

And it's hard to be present. We'll talk with John Nelson about clinical depression and the brain implant that saved his life. What I learned is that procedure made me happy because I'm disease-free. And we'll talk with leading experts like Judd Brewer about anxiety and John Hirschfield about obsessive-compulsive disorder and the science of how the brain can change. This is a month of deeply personal and honest conversations about what happens when the brain goes off course and what we can do about it. Listen to Inner Cosmos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple

podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Saigon, the story of my family and of the country that shaped us. The United States will not stand by and allow any power, however great, take over another country. From My Heart Podcast, Saigon. Please allow me to introduce Joseph Sherman. You don't think I'm serious about a free Vietnam? I should stop talking so much. I like hearing you talk.

One city, a divided country, and the war that tore America apart. This is for Vietnam. I've taken a hit from Japanese ground fire. Do you rate me? They're pouring petrol all over him. He's holding matches. I'm on a landmine. For free time.

Let's get out. Freedom from Vietnam. Saigon, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Rob Benedict. Sting, here's madness. The world should hear about this. There's a fire coming to this country, and it's going to burn out everything. Listen to Saigon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So I have to ask this question.

Way off prop. So you just sit over there and shut up. Talking to Alex, not yet. Well, I mean, it's all encompassing. No, I'm talking to Alex. Just pull the curtain. Yeah. All right.

I mean, you're the executive director of Foster Villages, Memphis, and all of what, at the top of this conversation, we explored, you're the something for care portal. What's it called? The West Tennessee, whatever. Regional manager. Sorry, I'm horrible. It's right there on the sheet.

That's okay. It's literally right. Oh, there it is. You're the West Tennessee regional manager for care of port. That's right. You're a husband. You're an adoptive dad to one child. You've fostered 11 kids.

because of the intentionality that you believe in, you've immersed yourself into a neighborhood that support your way of life and your daughter, all just a normal dude from Nebraska who had to overcome his own demons to get where you are now. So listening to that whole story now to ball it up, what do you want the army of normal folks to hear from your story? I want anybody listening, the army of normal folks, to know that you're probably walking around, if you're like me, you're probably walking around with some negative messages about yourself that are holding you back from what you could be doing.

for me it was I'm a bad person and deserve bad things. I'm not good enough and I can't be good enough. And that if anybody really knew who I was, they would abandon me. So those are those three core messages that I'm either doing things to try to get those to quiet or I'm rejecting things because I don't have anything to offer. And as a white guy who spent a lot of time in cross-cultural ministry, and opportunities and being intentional in that is that I would just want to say that, like, you do have something to offer despite the external circumstances that say you don't

or the internal narratives that are going off in your head. You can foster children. It is extremely hard. You can have an impact on foster children, whether it's foster care or not. You can go into these communities and have an impact. that's not only authentic, but it's reciprocal. And so what I would want you to hear is take some time to identify the messages that might be holding you back. If they're external, there are so many ways we can get past those.

And that's through experience. If they're internal, give me a call and let's talk through them, because I would love to give you some truth and some hope that those messages that you were given and that you've just adopted or not the truth. Because I've seen someone like myself, and as you admitted, make a ton of mistakes, but the outcomes from those mistakes are incredibly beneficial, not just to individuals, but to the greater community. And then the last thing I would say is to the, there's a young Joshua out there

that looks like he has it all together. But on the inside, like, he's battling with suicidal ideations in the fourth grade because he doesn't think he has any value. So I would just say, like, if you can be intentional with one, you can have an impact on many. And so find a way to be intentional with one person. With one child, it might be your own. But be intentional.

because our kiddos are at stake. Have you figured out where your passion for this comes from? I think it's because I would say that I could have seen myself in foster care. I think that there was all the things that leads to someone when I read stories about kids coming into care. I'm like, yeah, I have all of those things. And so I think my passion comes from, it's me as a loving parent now, trying to give back to little Joshua who needed those things when he was a kid. Boy, do I get that. I did that with my own kids.

You said people can call you, how do people find out about care portal? How do people find out about foster village of Memphis? And how do people contact Joshua Conley? We're about to get a bunch of information on contact. Absolutely. Yeah. So if you reach out to any of those organizations, so care portal.org, you can reach out there. I would download the app. It's very easy to do that. So download the app. Yeah, and we just made a $430 thing on somebody while we were talking. It's that easy. I did it to illustrate. It literally is that easy. I think I saw on there too. I guess I didn't fully realize this too, Josh. If you can't afford the $430, you can still meet part of it.

You can meet part of it. You can meet like $50 of it. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to. meet it all. In fact, the ask was 500. It was down to $4.30. So some people had made $15 or $20 things. We just- Don't have to meet at all. And you also, like, you may not have the money, but you could provide. So you might have an extra bed in your house that you're looking to get rid of and you can provide it on there. Or cook a casserole. Or cook a casserole. Like you said. Yep. So care portal.org. Okay. What if you want specifically, because care portal is nationwide.

If you go to care portal.org, that's it. Yep. Not everywhere yet. Oh, It's a lot of, you probably have the latest number of the me, but it's a lot of places. Like it's not in Oxford yet, so we still need to bring it to more communities across the country. What if I'm specifically in Care Portal, Dallas, do you go to Care Portal still and then you highlight? Yeah, so if you sign up for CarePortle.org, download the app. You can actually filter request to your zip code that you want to see. You can go as a la carte as I only want to serve kiddos who are aging out of foster care. In Dallas.

In Dallas. So, and that's, and within a 10-mile radius of where I live. I mean, literally it's going to get it to you. So you can do all of those things. So, Cleoporta.org will take you wherever you want to be. Yep. And you can filter it based on what you're passionate about or what you're interested in geographically or need-based. Yep.

Incredible. All right. And then Foster Village. Mephestreements.org. It's our website. And there you will find ways to support all these families doing this work that certainly guys like you and me believe in the human idealistic social impact part of that. But even if that doesn't strike you that much,

there's a pragmatic reason if you care about your community to help there. It's an army of normal folks taking care of an army of normal folks fostering. That's it. That's it. And then you threw it out. How do people get in touch with you? Yeah. 337-501.

Oh, you're nuts. 0-966. Okay, do it again. I thought I was going to get an email. 337-501-966 or Joshua at foster village, Memphis.org is, you know, that's the way for you to get in contact with me. Because I would love to, I would love to listen. And I think a lot of people, one of the things I've learned from our families, children want to be listened to, families want to be listened to, caseworkers want to be

listened to, I definitely want to be listened to. So if you need someone to listen, love to get you connected or to do that myself. And if Care Portal doesn't exist in your neighborhood or a foster village doesn't exist in your city, Josh would be a conduit to help you to do the work to start that in your own community. Absolutely. I love starting new things. And while Care Portal is across, it's 40 states now, as Alex said, we need them in. We would love to see Care Portals in Tipton, Fayette counties started. If a Care Portal, so Care Portal is in every county in Florida. And I think they've reduced their foster care population by 30%.

Say that again. There's, there it is. Yeah. So Care Portal is in every county in Florida. and they've reduced their foster care population by 30%. There's the anecdote for the country. Yep. And with Care Portal, if we can get it across every county in Tennessee,

imagine what we can do to keep kids out of foster care. That gives more resources to our state and our local organizations to invest back into families. Can you imagine a state, just Tennessee, for instance, but you can Xerox this copy over every state in the country, but just since we're talking Tennessee, if you had a care portal in every county in the state of Tennessee

and you had a foster village in, we have one of Memphis, but if you had a foster village in Jackson, Nashville, Knoxville, Chattanooga, and maybe somewhere like Murphysboro, and then maybe Union City. Yeah.

Call it those six or seven cities. If you had those two things, care portal in every county, and a fostering, village and your larger municipalities across the state, you probably really could reduce the foster care system by half. And if you take the demographics and the data that we gave you at the top of this interview against the backdrop of those possibilities, you empty the jails. You clean up unhoused folks on the streets. You break down so much of what plagues us with drugs.

and traffic children. Yeah. And we're always talking about what's the answer, and it's right in front of us. If we just do it. Grab the app. The app is, and it's,

you know, a lot of times when we need an answer for something, we say, hey, Google. But if you grab your phone, get on the Care Portal app, grab your phone, follow Foster Village Memphis on our socials

at Facebook and Instagram. And just by sharing, reposting, it infinitely spreads awareness. And it's going to hit that one family who needs something. And it's going to hit that one church that wants to get involved and that one person who wants to make a difference. And lives are going to be changed generationally because of one small act. $430 is not small.

Like it's not a minimal amount. But in $430, it's right. Alex is really going to pay for that. Yeah, I saw you write that down. Staying together. So I ain't paying for it. I owe you. I'm just, yeah.

That's right. I'm just kidding. So in $430 scope of the next five years that those kids use those beds, like that's a small amount for a huge impact. And I think that's a really cool way. When we think about ROI, return on investment, yeah, I think that caring for people in relational ways can be costly, but it has the best return. And that's where we need to focus.

Before we close, Alex, you get anything else? There's one thing I could ask, but it would be too much of deviation, so we should just rock here. Let's shoot it. Good. We'll last call flying because it's probably goofy. All right, shut his curtain before we close. And Joshua, what a cool story. And I thank you for being so transparent.

Yeah. Oh, one thing, bears in the hood. What's up with that? What's that? A pack of bears running in the hood. Have a little fun before we close. What are we talking about? So when I was teaching in Frazier, first year I taught, a tornado went through the school around Memorial Day.

So the school that had the tornado throw a tree through the school, they moved into our building. And so I had 37 second graders, one class. One class. And so the only thing we learned that year was going to the bathroom in under five minutes. That was it. And that was a feat. but we get a text from our principal. And she says,

recess is canceled for the day. I'll update you later on why. Well, canceling recess with 37 second graders, like, I'm pissed. You know, like, that's my time. Yeah, that's the only way you keep your mind straight. That's right. And so I said,

hey, I need to know, like, why is recess canceled? And she said, there's a pack of bears spotted in Frazier near our playground. That's like saying there's a pack of bears in South Central L.A. I know. But they said there's a pack of bears and we have to cancel recess. And people had pictures of the bears. Are you kidding me? That's funny because Treasvent High School's up there and they're the Treasvent Bears.

So apparently there was a large bear population and they're still around. I'm guessing from Shelby Forest. Must have come over. But bears, bears got recess canceled. We were out of school for HVAC. plumbing. One day we had to walk kids home because there were gentlemen dressed up as clowns who were like trying to scare them as they walked home. I mean, it was the, it was, yeah. If you ever get a chance, Google the day that Ford Deer Big Bucks ran down Bill Street. Okay. Boy, that looked like a

seen out of a movie. That was scattered everybody. I can imagine it was the, in Netflix on the, what's the football show. Last chance you. When the cows run on the field. They're like, whoa. So, yeah. It's what it is. Josh, thanks for all you do. Thanks for sharing your story.

Thanks for being so transparent, candid, and giving all the information. And I genuinely hope people will be inspired and motivated to get involved in some of this stuff after hearing this story. You're a cool dude. And I'm glad to call you a fellow Memphean. Yeah. Everyone can do something. That's right.

And it takes normal people to do it. So I'm thankful to be a part of the army of normal folks who just happens to do that through foster care. I love it. Thanks, buddy. Yeah. And thank you for joining us this week. If Joshua has inspired you in general,

or better yet to take action by fostering or adopting, meeting a need on care portal, getting involved with Foster Village, Memphis, living in a challenged area, or something else entirely. Let me know. I really want to hear about it. You can write me anytime at Bill at normalfolks.com. And if you enjoyed this episode, share it with friends and on social.

Subscribe to the podcast. Rate it, review it. Join the Army at NormalFolks. Any and all of these things that will help us grow, an Army of Normal Folks. I'm Bill Courtney. Until next time, do it you can. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only. legal but encouraged.

It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the I-Hard Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Saigon, the story of my family and of the country that shaped us. From IHeart Podcasts, Saigon. You don't think I'm serious about a free Vietnam? One city, a divided country, and the war that tore America apart. This is for Vietnam. They're pouring patriots all over here.

Freedom for Vietnam! There's a fire coming to this country and it's going to burn out everything. Listen to Saigon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There are times when the mind becomes a dead. difficult place to live. This is David Eagleman with the Inner Cosmos podcast, and for Mental Health Awareness Month, we'll talk with singer-songwriter Jewel about anxiety. I started living in my car, and then my car got stolen. I was having panic attacks. I was agoraphobic. This is a month of deeply personal and honest conversations about what happens when the brain goes off course. Listen to Inner Cosmos

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Talent is defined by what people can do, not where they learn to do it. So by stopping at the education section of a resume, you might throw away the perfect hire. Skills first hiring helps you see talent others miss, like more than 70 million stars, skilled through alternative roots. Let their story unfold and gain a competitive advantage because hiring managers who start with skills are 60% more likely to find a successful hire. Higher Skills First. Learn why at tear the paper ceiling.org. Brought to you by Opportunity at Work and the Ad Council.