An Army of Normal Folks - America Is Running Out of Friends

Episode Date: July 24, 2026

The number of Americans with no close friends has increased fivefold since 1990. But this isn't just a loneliness crisis. It's a community crisis. And the data suggests we may be further from fixing it than we think. In this Shop Talk, Bill dives into a striking report on the collapse of American friendship and reflects on what it reveals about the way we live today. Fewer close friends, shrinking social circles, and young men who are more likely to call their parents than a friend when life gets hard. The numbers are sobering, but the solution might be closer than you think. This one isn't just about what's broken. It's a reminder that community doesn't build itself. But, the good news is that we have the power to start building community today, right where we are. ARMY ACTIONS Subscribe to the podcast and rate & review us! Signup to join the Army, visit NormalFolks.org Follow us on social media @ArmyofNormalFolks Join or start an ANF local service club at https://normalfolks.org/service-clubs/ Take The 10 Level Challenge, "the hero's journey for service" at 10LevelChallenge.orgSupport the show: https://www.normalfolks.us/#joinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody. It's Bill Courtney with an army of normal folks. Welcome into the shop. Hi, Alex. Hello, Bill. Welcome in. 113 years ago. Hold it. This is shop talk number 113. America is running out of friends. I wonder what happened 113 years ago, Alex. Ford introduced the movie. I can I believe you didn't let me intro you. Let me, this thing has a system. All right. Okay. We're trying to wrap it up. We got an interview to go to. Okay. We'll go ahead.

This is going to be a great shop talk. Don't rush it. All right. Ford introduced the moving assembly line. Now, that's interesting. That is interesting. That changed not only automation, but basically manufacturing in general across the world. Yes.

Help create the middle class, all kinds of things. Yeah. Lots. Yeah, it's huge. Oh, it dropped the Model T assembly line time. It dropped from 12 hours to 2 hours and 40 minutes. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. You could make five vehicles in the amount of it took to make one.

Yeah. It increased mass production. I mean, just think about what that meant to being able to fight a war successfully, to being able to make munitions and tanks and planes. Think about what that meant to pharmaceuticals for our health. Think about what that meant to clothing. Think about what that meant to food processing. I mean, it changed the world.

Henry Ford's the man. I'm thinking of his line. You can get the Model T in any color you want as long as it's black. That's right. You can have a metal T any color you want as long as it's black. That's right. It's a car for the common man. It's where the aristocrat and the high class, wealthy, wealthy, wealthy,

transferred to anybody can own a car. There's actually a guy in Oxford who drives around a Model T. Is it really? Yeah, I met him. Is this name, Henry? I forget. should ask. Okay, go ahead. What else is 113 years? That's what we're going to leave it at. So we're going to get rolled? Yeah, plus that's real possible. The other things are a little political

and I don't want to go there. Okay. Not even one of them. I mean, I'll mention it, but we're not going to miss a federal reserve was created. Well, that's not that political. Well, there's all kinds of rabbit holes. You can go down with that. Well, I guess so. The 16th and 17th amendments. So the federal income tax, 16th, 17th, the direct election of senators. The what? Direct election of senators. Right. Well, that changed lots of things. And the, who was the first one he said?

Federal income tax. Oh, well, I think we can all agree. That one sucks. Yeah, we could agree on. I mean,

that's that political. Yeah, sure. All right, here we go. All right, shop number one. You know,

my dad's birthday is April 15th. Is it? So it's not only tax day. Lincoln was assassinated. And the Titanic sunk. And his birthday. What was his birthday?

And my dad, sir, you've talked about Lincoln. Yeah. Huh? No. My dad's, yeah.

Yeah. The Titanic sunk, leaking was assassinated. Tax Day. And your dad was born. Yeah. Well, he was destined for something special, apparently. He didn't get me. Yeah, that's a good point.

Okay, everybody, when we get back, shot talk number 113, America is running out of friends. I'm Ruby Carr, the host of the podcast, Encore. Check out our brand new episodes featuring music from the show that everyone is reheating as we speak. Heated rivalry. Join me as I go behind the songs that brought Shane and Elia together. I'll tell you the stories of Fice, My Moon, My Man, Wolf forades, I'll believe in anything, and tattoos all the things she said, and how they all became a part of this global phenomenon. Stream encore on IHeart Radio, Crave, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Welcome back Shop Talk. Number 113, America is running out of friends. I'm going to read you an article by Daniel A. Cox that's titled, Men's Social Circles are shrinking. And then we'll reflect on it. It was published on June 29, 2021. And thus, some of the COVID-area references that you'll hear. so understand it's five years old. But it's still appropriate today.

As Americans venture back out to reclaim their social lives, a new report reveals a profound change in the nature of American friendships. One of the most important changes revealed by May American Perspectives survey is the decline of close friendships. In the past three decades, American friendship groups have become smaller, and the number of Americans without any close friends or any close confidants has risen sharply. But these changes have not affected Americans equally. Men appear to have suffered a far steeper decline than women.

30 years ago, majority of men, 55 percent, reported having at least six close friends. Today, that number has been cut in half, slightly more than one in four, 27 percent of men, say they have six or more close friends today. 15% of men have no friendships at all, a five-fold increase since only 1990. Women have witnessed a friendship decline to, but it's been far less pronounced. In 1990, roughly four in ten,

41% of women say they add six or more close friends compared to 24% today. 10% of women report having no close friends. And while having 10 close friends might seem let's call it unmanageable for some. The size of our social circles appears to matter a great deal. Americans with only one close friend are not any less lonely than those with none, while those with a few are only in marginally better shape.

For Americans with three or fewer close friends, loneliness and isolation are fairly common experiences. More than half say they have felt that way at least once in the people. past seven days. In contrast, only one in three Americans with 10 or more close friends report feeling lonely in the past seven days. This trend is particularly concerning for young people. Boy, this is where social media comes in my mind, but anyway, as we note in our recent report, young adults and singles are unique to the extent that they rely on friends for emotional and personal support, but young men today are four or more reliant on the

their parents than they are their friends. This is a remarkable change in social support. In 1990, nearly half, 45% of young men reported that when facing a personal problem, they would reach out to their first, to their best friends. Today, only 22%, one in five of young men lean on their friends in tough times. Thirty-six percent say their first call is to their parents. Unfortunately, this due survey is consistent with a growing body of research. A major national survey of American social networks conducted last year revealed that American social circles were contracting. Nearly one in five Americans reporting having no close social connections, a double-digit increase from only 2013. And young men are faring worse than most.

more than one and four, 28% men under the age of 30, reporting having no close social connections. A survey conducted by the Associated Press recently found that 18% of the public had no more than one person outside their immediate household they could turn to for help. As the pandemic recedes, and it has receded, the American economy is recovering. Most businesses will adapt, evolve, and ultimately thrive. the future of American social life looks much bleaker. Our social circles are smaller and friendship groups are depleted. The social recovery will take much longer, or it may not happen at all.

That is sobering, and it is also sad as hell. And once again, it is why an Army and normal folks matters. It is why the social clubs matter. is why I'm getting involved. Matters because your life gets better when you have more people in it that you can share with, celebrate with, suffer with, and rely on. Actually, I was going to share with another club update along these lines. So the Memphis Club this last weekend did one of the Alex's lemonade stands. Yeah. And they did at the Memphis Zoo. Did they? Yeah, they raised around $800. So the zoo let them set up a stand right in front of the entrance. It was pretty cool.

That's nice. But Lydia was in the hospital. with one of her kids and Mike Hume stepped up and like took care of a lot of it and obviously other army members showed up and actually helped that day but yeah you just build this tribe of people I mean they're living it out right there um yeah Mike you know as you know posted one of the potlucks at his house but it gives people an opportunity to to engage with each other and build these relationships and they have a relationship now that they didn't have you know before the club you know I have a very good friend named Matt Cunningham when Lisa and I had small children We moved into a neighborhood out in Cariville, which is a suburb of Memphis, everyone.

And he was one of the first people I met, and he has two girls, and we had four kids, and they were all the same age. And then we just became family friends. Went on a couple of trips together, maybe three, actually. But as the kids have gotten married and moved on, and Lisa and I've moved 25 miles away from that neighborhood and all, A lot of times those kind of friendships, while they're still, if you bump into somebody, you know, it's renewed. There's no animosity at all, no animus.

But, you know, those kind of friendships end up evolving into other friendships and just become old friends, right? Matt has not let that happen. He always texts. He always emails. He's always saying, hey, let's go play golf. He works at maintaining. my friendship. And when I'm overwhelmed with everything I have going on,

I'm really just so thankful just to see a text to him from him that says, hey, man, we have to go get a beer, we have to go catch up, we have to go play golf. You know, he doesn't say, because, you know, we're friends, and, you know, you're supposed to stay in touch your friend. He didn't say that. He doesn't put that on me. He just says, you know, he's just kind of, he works.

He has worked for 15 years at maintaining that friend. not because he wants anything for me, but just because he cares, because he's a good friend. And I'm going to tell you something. If the shit hit the fan today, he would be one of the people I called. Because I'd know his heart. I know he's a friend. And I do have some other friends like that. And I think how, as I'm reading this, I was thinking, who's my friends in my brain?

And I'm thinking against the backdrop of these data, how, I guess, fortunate I am that I do have probably a, to 10 of those type of friends and how lonely it must be if you don't. Yeah. And the other type, we should actually do a shop talk on this. Arthur Brooks has been kind of making the point recently. Like so many of us have these business relationships with people that aren't like really friends. Like we need to go make friends that can't do anything for us.

That's right. Business relationships can be friends. But oftentimes those are associates. Those are, you know. friends are this is supposed to go spend friendships should have nothing to do with money or how somebody can help you advance or whatever it's just people you interact with that you share common goals with but most importantly but we can share your your problems with and your successes with that will legitimately be happy for you zig ziggler said this go back and listen to our shop talk

on zigzegler yeah go back he said this he said outside your closest group of friends with everybody in the world, share your give up goals with everyone, and share your go-up goals with no one. And what that means is, use the human condition to help yourself. If you share your give-up goals with everyone, I'm going to quit drinking, I'm going to stop coffee, I'm going to give up sweets, I'm going to quit smoking, whatever you're going to give up, share them with everyone, because here's why. The minute those people see you eat a sweet or have a beer or whatever it is you're trying to give up, their human condition will come out. They will be very quick to remind you.

Oh, I thought you were going to quit. You know, that's not a friend, right? A friend would be supportive. And then he said, share your go-up goals with nobody. If you want to get ahead in your business, if you want to get the next promotion, if you want to make more money, if those are goals, don't share them with anyone. outside of your family in your very tight close circle because here's the thing. Other people will be jealous and other people might do in your business, might do what they can do to keep you from getting there because that's what they also want.

Or remind you that they've not reached it. Or they step on your mind. So you share your give up goals with everyone. You share your go-up goals with no one outside of your close circle friends. So here's a good parameter. If someone is worthy of knowing your go-up goals and would support you in it, they're probably worthy of being your friend. If there's someone who might not aid in that, well, then that's an associate.

Yeah. A good way to think about it. I think my final thing, and then we should wrap. But I was thinking about this the other day, and then I thought about it when you were talking, Bob Mosikowski had a really good line. And he's like, when you do some good with somebody, and he was talking about the West Side Little League, you've built the largest inner city little league in the country.

he's like in chicago yeah and he's like when you see them again just out in public it's a different kind of handshake yeah and often it's a different kind of hug really like we that's interesting we did some good together it's not just somebody you saw like we actually did some like and i feel the same thing with people we do the bed building with like we did some good together and it's a different type of relationship bob is one of the most unique human beings on the face of the planet you haven't heard the episode you got to listen oh my gosh if there is an episode you want if you want to laugh and be inspired, go back and listen to that episode. He's hilarious.

Okay, guys, we got to go. So here's the deal. If you like this episode, for gosh sakes, share it with somebody. Share it with your friends on social. Subscribe to the podcast, rate it, review it. Join the army at normalfokes.org. Join or start one of our local service clubs. Go to our website and take the 10-level challenge and buy some merch.

do any of this, do any of this stuff that will help us grow an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. Until next time, do it you can. This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse. The world gets crazier and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men.

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