An Army of Normal Folks - The Lost Art of Talking to Strangers

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

53% of Americans ages 18-29 say talking to strangers is exhausting. But small interactions with everyday strangers actually make your life more meaningful. In this Shop Talk, Bill and Alex dig into why everyday human connection has declined and how you can integrate it into your life. This one is a reminder that community isn't always built through grand gestures, it starts with just saying hello. You weren't designed for isolation, you were designed to be in community with others.  ARMY ACTIONS Subscribe to the podcast and rate & review us! Signup to join the Army, visit NormalFolks.org Follow us on social media @ArmyofNormalFolks Join or start an ANF local service club at https://normalfolks.org/service-clubs/ Take The 10 Level Challenge, "the hero's journey for service" at 10LevelChallenge.orgSupport the show: https://www.normalfolks.us/#joinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody. It's Bill Courtney with an army of normal folks and welcome. Are you ready for this? To the shop. Hey, Alex. It's our first time having the shop on camera. Yeah, it is the bell. And I don't, I wish you could see it. But the bell says an army of normal folks on there. And where's the camera? Oh, it's this one right there. Who gave us this? Vita Scott. Vita Scott. Army member. So for those of you who have been only listing. to shop talk and are now watching shop talk. That's true. They can actually see it. Yeah, they can see the bell. That's right.

How are you doing, man? I'm doing a while. Welcome to the shop. You're looking for anything? I don't think there's anything in the shop. All right, everybody. It's Shop talk number 116. Do you think Cassius would let us turn in the studio into a shop?

Maybe we should think about that. Cassius, can we put some stuff up on the walls in here? All right, good. Thanks. ShopTot number 116 is going to be the lost art of talking to strangers. But first, Alex, what happened 116 years ago? First, Bill, what year was 116 years ago? Would have been 1823.

1910. Okay, close. Okay. As I always say, how do you run a company? And you have to feel like you're just screwing with me. I don't know. The Boy Scouts of America was founded. Yeah.

That's pretty cool. They served over $100 million. And now it doesn't exist. now it's just the scouts yes because they serve girls too that's like good boy scouts for girls are on it so we really want to do we don't we're not going there okay we want to go there the death of mark twain what the death of mark twain mark twain died in 1923 1910 but yes that's what i mean yes no kidding yeah a hundred and 16 years ago mark twain died yeah honestly i would not i would have thought it wasn't that long ago that he died more recent I mean because it's

stuff is still current. You know, people still read as stuff like, you know, it's around now. Like you do with great authors. Yeah, something like that, I guess. What else? All right, goofy thing. The first neon lamp was demonstrated paving the way for neon signs. I love neon signs.

Like that one. There's one. Yeah. Can you see it? Yeah, it's right by your head. Yeah, there's the live one. What else? That's it.

The first patent for a modern electric washing machine is granted. Okay, yeah, you're right. That's it. All right, everybody. Shop Talk number 1116, the lost art of talking to strangers right after a brief messages from our generous sponsors. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Craved Netflix and Disney Plus, From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell, connection is everything. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on.

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That's great. I call him Terro Reed. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie. Yeah. Oh, gotcha. I call, I don't, I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachie Sobieski. I don't think she was an American pie, but I still like that.

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On Solita, we share the messy stories of traveling a lot. alone as a woman. Your duolingo is not going to come back to you when a man is inside of you. Oh, no. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, You smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. week, the news gets worse. The world gets crazier and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem. If you come over here to play games, I'm a check you. Okay? If you do some in the news that don't sound good, I'm going to play you. Join Yomeneika Saunders as she breaks down the week's most problematic stories on her new podcast. You're the problem with Yomaniqa. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? New episodes weekly every Wednesday

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Okay, everybody, shop talk number 116. I like Fedidai camera. I like Fedadai camera. It's good. I still don't know what camera I'm supposed to look at. Okay, here we go. The law started talking to strangers shop talk number 116. When was the last time you struck up a conversation with someone you didn't know?

I mean, Alex does it all the time, but he's weird. But, I mean, you do. I do. My kids actually make fun of me for it. Well, I mean, you talk to anybody. It's like they made fun of me yesterday for it. I'm like, it's being nice. I know, but some people are like waiting for you to say, hey, little boy, do you want some candy?

I mean, you just can't talk to everybody. Actually, we were at the Water Valley's watermelon festival. It's your biggest festival of the year this weekend. And you're just talking to people. We were walking back to our car and those guys without a shirt on his porch. Of course, I'm walking by them, but the kids are like, what are you doing? Water Valley has that pharmacy with the great milkshakes, right? Oh, yeah.

Did you go get one? No, we've done it before. I've heard their, like, what's the name of it? Do you know? You're putting me out a turnage drugstore. Yeah. Actually, it's really beautiful about it. So the New York Times for our national audience,

they actually wrote a beautiful article about the town of Water Valley. Yeah, I knew that. And people reviving it. But like the, what do you call it? But like the wood for the drugstore. Like, you know, where they actually serve like the soda fountain and like the big piece of wood countertop was around from like 1900, like some really beautiful. I cannot believe I haven't gone down there,

gotten a milk, I've heard about the milkshakes at the pharmacy down there. I'm going to get it. So anyway, we haven't gotten two lines into our shop talk. So, let's go. So when was the last time you struck up a conversation with someone you did know, like Alex does and his kids get weirded out? Not really because you had to, not because you were asking for direction, but just because they happened to be standing next to you for a growing number of Americans that question

is becoming surprisingly difficult. A new survey from the Center on American Life found that 53% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 29 say talking to people they don't know is exhausting and uncomfortable. I get the uncomfortable, Paul, but exhausting. Yeah. If you're an introvert. 53% of the United States are introverts that find talking to someone they don't know

exhausting. Well, Bill, we're about to go in the reason why. You know what? I find exhausting. here texting and emailing. It's so much easier just to have a conversation. We're about to go into why on the next part of shop talk. That's why, but no, it's probably not the real reason. So among Americans over 65, the number is just 24%. I'm not over 65, but I am definitely one that doesn't find it exhausting, but sometimes uncomfortable. You sure do look like it. Nice.

At first glance, it may be tempting to chalk up to this generational difference. Maybe younger people are just more introverted. But Daniel Cox, who led the research, argues that's not what's going on. He writes, trend isn't just about personality. It's about how we've redesigned modern life. Think about how many interactions we've quietly removed from our everyday routines. We order dinner without speaking to anybody on the phone. We check ourselves out at the grocery store. We work from home. many stream churches instead of gathering in person. We shop online instead of walking through stores. We spend hours socializing through algorithms instead of on sidewalks.

We've optimized convenience, but in the process, we've accidentally outsourced something much more valuable, the everyday practice of being human together. Cox observes the institutions that once made interoperable, interacting with strangers feel normal, schools, workplaces, civic organizations, neighborhoods, places of worships, stores, and everything else that you would socialize that, have weakened. Without those shared spaces and social norms, every new interaction can feel almost risky and more emotionally taxing. That line stuck with me. Talking to strangers didn't become harder because people changed. It became harder because we just stopped practicing.

Here's the irony. Researchers have repeatedly found that people consistently underestimate how enjoyable conversations with strangers can be. Just as Alex, he apparently enjoys them all the time. We expect them to be awkward. We imagine we'll bother someone. We assume they want to be left alone. Then we actually have the conversation.

and what we find out afterwards. Both people usually walk away happier than they expected. That's because human beings weren't designed to live as isolated consumers moving from one private space to another. We were designed for community. Not just friendships. Community. There's a difference. Friendships are chosen.

Communities are discovered. A community is the cashier who knows your name. And honestly, when you walk in a place that you frequent, with your dollars and someone says instead of how may I help you they say hey Bill good to see you it does it feels better it feels more human it brightens your day it's a neighbor walking our dog every morning that says hi it's the older gentleman you always wave to while getting the mail it's the family you see every Saturday at the farmer's market they're not necessarily your friends but over time they become familiar faces and familiarity becomes true

trust. Trust becomes belonging. Belonging becomes the kind of community that helps people flourish. Seth Kaplan, who's been on the podcast and is the author of the book, Fragile Neighborhoods, made an observation that I'll never forget. He wrote, we've optimized convenience, but we've unintentionally outsourced every human connection. That's dead nuts, spot on the things that. that make neighborhoods strong aren't usually dramatic. They're ordinary, wonderfully ordinary, a conversation while mowing the lawn. I'll never forget in Lisa and I, when we bought our first four-bedroom house,

a guy who remains a very dear friend of mine today, Matt Cunningham. You talked about him on a recent shop talk. I never met him before. He walked up the sidewalk. I was cutting, literally cutting grass, four rug grass. running around cutting grass he walks up and he says you look hot i said yeah he said you drink water or beer i said both he said what would you prefer i said beer he pulled a beer out of one pocket of bottle water or the other handed me the beer and twisted the cap off the water and we sat there and we were

strangers and we are now best buddies but that's the point is neighborhood neighbors just walking up and talking to each other kids riding bikes together boy that's something you don't see in the neighborhoods as much as you used to, barring a ladder, returning the ladder with a plate of cookies to your neighbor. None of these moments change the world. But together, they create something we've been losing. They create neighborhoods where strangers slowly become neighbors, the hood, neighborhood, neighbors. And neighbors slowly become the kind of people who show up when life gets hard. Maybe that's why I love one of Seth Kaplan's final observation. about this research so much. He said, strong neighborhoods aren't built because everyone is a friend.

They're built because repeated interactions and a common sense of belonging make everyone feel part of a single team. That's it. That's that's kind of exactly right. The goal isn't to become best friends with everyone on your street. Obviously, not everyone wants to be Alex's best friend. It's to know a ton of a people to know them well enough to smile and wave and say, hey, how you doing? And celebrate their wins and care when they're hurting and bring a casserole over if it's needed, not because they're hungry, but just because you're saying, I care. That's enough to make a neighborhood feel like a home. And maybe that's the invitation for all of us this week is we're not going to solve loneliness and we're not going to fix America by being neighborly.

It's just a practice saying hello again. Talk to a stranger. Talk to the cash air instead of staring at your phone. Introduce yourself to the neighbor you've waved up for three years and tell them your name. Invite another family over for dinner, God forbid. Start a walking group. Host a block party. Join a local service project or club.

One of our six local service clubs would be a great place start or explore starting. one because every thriving community starts the exact same way with one ordinary person deciding that the stranger standing next to them isn't really a stranger anymore. You never know what kind of community might begin with a five-second conversation. The lost art of talking to a stranger is more than the art of talking to a stranger. It's the lost art of becoming a community. What you think? What hits me most is the little inner.

interactions that really make life meaningful. Even just yesterday, we bought this trampoline park in Oxford. Of course you do. You get unlimited visits to the trampoline. A bunch of strangers jumping. Yeah. But I probably saw two or three people I know. And you just have these short interactions with them.

And it just feels really good. It does. It's not my best friend. We probably will never be. But it just feels really good to be in this community where you know a ton of people. And it really does enrich your life. When you think about the old show cheers, right? and the song, where you go, where everybody knows your name.

I mean, it really, I don't want to be the old fuddy-dutty, nostalgic guy, but I really did used to know all my neighbor's names. And I used to have known my neighbor's kids' names because they were riding bikes up, and if my kids skin their knee in front of our house or needed something, they would run right up to the door knock and say, Mr. Courtney, I need this or that. and it would be my honor and pleasure to interact. And I just think we're losing that because you're right. We order our food online.

We pay for our stuff at a computer and don't even engage with the cashier. We do so much stuff that does add convenience, but completely destroys our ability to interact. act and when the data says that the act of talking to a stranger is what was the word they used it was exhausting exhausting a majority of americans that's scary it should not be exhausting it should be exhausting it should be enlightening and fun and interesting and so i think it's incumbent upon a army of normal folks to talk to a stranger have conversations and make an effort to just be sociable because that is what ultimately builds a neighborhood and builds community.

And I think we're largely making the point to it's just we're out of practice. We just need to practice it more. And I'm not perfect at it, but I'll probably two or three times a year, just like I have a neighborhood happy hour at my house. And it's just, yeah, I've developed these good relationships where my neighbor actually does message me, hey, do you have any sugar? Good. One other fire alarm kept going off the other day and her husband was out of town,

so she came over and asked for help. Like, but that's not happening in a lot of America, but they literally don't know their neighbors and can't make those asks of each other. Needs to happen. So the law started talking to strangers. Don't be exhausted. Be engaged. Build a community. All right, everybody.

That's shop talk number 116. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends on social. Rate and review us. Join the army at normalfolks. Us. What else, Alex? Dot org now. The new website. What?

Dot org now. The new website. Oh, go buy merch. We don't make any money on it. Try to start a service club. Take the 10 level challenge. Take the new level challenge. All the things.

All the things that will help us grow in Army and normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. This shop talk number 116. We'll see you next week. Summer blockbusters are back. The Odyssey and Spider-Man brand new day have taken over cinemas and Raiders of the Lost Podcast. has all the coverage you need, including our interview with director Destin Daniel Cretton.

What surprised you about Tom Holland? He shows up to every meeting early. He's the first one on set. Aside from learning all of his lines, is also able to memorize everybody's name on set. Download the free IHeart Radio app. Search Raiders of The Lost Podcast and listen now. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their career. by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show's famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller, Danny McBride, Riz Ahmed, and Mary Steenberg. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

Your duolingo is not going to come back to you when a man is inside. of you. Oh no. I'm Julie Pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Titoro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, the longest yard, or Spike Lease Black Klansman. And on my new podcast delivering happiness with Nick Titoro, I'd deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins.

What are you doing my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness. Delivering Happiness. And many, many more. Open your free High Heart Radio app.

Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Tutro. And listen now.