An Army of Normal Folks - You Are No Longer Invited to Dinner

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

In 1975, 42% of Americans hosted friends or family at home at least once a month. Today, that number has collapsed to just 12%. In this Shop Talk, Bill and Alex dig into Derek Thompson’s article on the decline of hosting and what it reveals about disappearing community. The fix is simple, invite someone to dinner this week. ARMY ACTIONS Subscribe to the podcast and rate & review us! Signup to join the Army, visit NormalFolks.org Join or start an ANF local service club at https://normalfolks.org/service-clubs/ Take The 10 Level Challenge, “the hero’s journey for service” at 10LevelChallenge.org Record a testimonial or recommend a guest here - https://army.storytap.com/906/start/anf-listeners?epdescription Follow us on all socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/armyofnormalfolks/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@armyofnormalfolks Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArmyofNormalFolks X: https://x.com/armynormalfolks LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/an-army-of-normal-folks/Support the show: https://www.normalfolks.us/#joinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. In 1986, a man named Scott Macklem was killed in broad daylight. Police quickly found their suspect. Prosecutors convicted him. But now, almost 40 years later, I'm re-examining this case. I really didn't believe any of it was real. And I was like, well, they're going to figure out this is not me.

They're going to do their police job. Has the wrong man been in prison this whole time? Listen to Examined the Backfire Effect on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, it's me, Debbie Kumabelle. This season on my podcast who's with me, I speak with Bruce Lee's daughter, Brandon Lee's sister, and my friend, Shannon Lee. Back to your initial point of stewarding my father's legacy and giving my energy to that, you're lending your life to stewarding somebody else. else's life. Listen to Who's With Me with me with Debbie Kumabelle on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. Detective said he had stalked her before she died. Years later, they said he remained the person they continued to focus on. This is Hunter Gilmore, host of Hunting for Answers a True Crime podcast, shedding light on the silent epidemic of missing and murdered black women and girls, bringing attention to stories that equally deserve to be told and to the questions that still remain. Listen to Hunting for Answers, a true crime podcast from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. If anyone wanted to commit a murder, up here would be the greatest place in the world to hide the body.

But no one will find it. He acted friendly. He talked friendly. He sounded friendly. They all knew that I did the scary boogie stuff. And I said, maybe she'll find out where this girl is. I saw him violent. Backhandler, pow!

Listen to the Devil's Quarry Season 2 in the Bone Valley Feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. From shocking betrayals to carefully planned murders, the Black Effect's new original podcast series, Bloodline Crimes, hosted by me, Morgan Wood, explores the darkest and bizarre cases where family became the most dangerous threat of all. Listen to the Black Effects bloodline crimes every Thursday, starting October 8th, from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Shop Talk number 124, you are no longer invited to dinner.

It's a fact and one that an army of normal folks must change for our own health. and for the survival of our country. We're going to show you how, but first, Alex, what's the problem? So, Bill, this guy, Derek Thompson, wrote an article, and it's titled, You're No Longer Invited to Dinner. Okay. And I just wanted to highlight some of the most devastating data in it. So first, in 1975, 42% of Americans hosted friends or family at their home at least once a month. today just 12% do.

That's 70% collapse. Just hosting friends or family at dinner. Yeah, only 12% of people now do it once a month. I got a question. Seriously. Okay. Back in the 70s, there weren't that many restaurants. Do you think people have replaced hosting people for dinner at their houses with meeting friends out at restaurants and bars?

He says it's something else. Derek's conclusion is, today we have more ways than ever to. entertain ourselves without anybody else. Oh, so they're not replacing dinner at the house with dinner together restaurants. They're just saying, I don't need to interact with anybody else because I'll get my entertainment alone. On Netflix. On Netflix.

Well, I'm just using that as an example. But, okay. Or they could be listening to podcasts. Sure. So he says technology hasn't eliminated our leisure time. It has made other people less necessary. to enjoying it. Wow.

I guess we shouldn't be surprised by that. I mean, video games and the quintessential dudes sitting in his grandmother's basement with a computer, but it's true. And so I guess... Yeah, to your point about it's not going to restaurants instead, he points out to something we've talked about a lot. Americans have also experienced double-digit declines in activities, including playing cards. attending sporting events, going to bars, and volunteering. It's so weird that you say that. So I like board games.

So I would make my kids turn off the TV, put up their phone, put up their tablets, whatever, and we would play. Play chess with your? No, spades. Okay. Monopoly, hearts, Tripoli, Parchese. Poker. Huh? Poker.

We do. We do. We do. We play poker. Triple E's got a version of poker. Poker. We also have, we play Pictionary where it's the guys versus the girls. And the guys guests for the guys and the girls guess for the girls.

But, I mean, the whole family can do that. And we got an easel with magic markers and we do it. And it's absolutely hilarious. The whole point is when my kids, friends come over, they don't even know how to play any of it. Yeah. And the thing is when your whole game experience is whatever games up on here, you're not interacting with other people. And so when you say whatever the research was, I guess that makes a ton of sense.

But I do remember my grandparents having dinner parties where they'd invite over a couple of couples. And they would sit around and they'd have a genitonic and then they'd have dinner. but then they'd go in the living room and they'd play games. That was actually part of his article. I didn't include in my notes, but he's like all those like dirty martini dinners that they'd have back in the 60s and 70s. Yeah.

All these drunk people in middle class homes, drinking martinis. Yeah, but they got to know each other at the whole point. And they were connected. I think this also plays into the whole thing that you've brought up a thousand times about membership in the Qantas Club, membership and rotary and all of that it's all the same thing don't you think or or some of the same thing i wonder if in a way this is worse though too because i also think it's like a loss

of self-confidence like we don't we don't want to lead anything we don't want to have people over you know to reach out or have someone on our home to lead a dinner party i mean it's like how f3 our guests you can go listen to that episode they say it's not about the workout group we're trying to rebuild male leadership in our culture. I think that's a part of it too. That's really sad, you know, as well. Like, it's almost easier to go to a rotary where other people are there or one of our service clubs, right?

No, it's true. There is something a little bit more leadership involved with actually hosting something at your home. So the answer to this is starting by people to dinner again. That's right. You're no longer invited to dinner. Well, let's fix that. Who was it that the potlough?

Who was it the guy? Oh, Aaron Hurst. Okay. Perfect example. He did it every other week for a year. You don't have to be that crazy. Just start with one, right? Yeah, but still, it's, it's, it's a thing.

And if we're going to be an army of normal folks, we have to understand each other and actually, actually socialize with one another. And I kind of love the, what was the percentage of drop off? I saw the day. So 42% of people used to do it, hosting friends or family at their home once a month. Now it's 12. So it's 70% collapse. And honestly, with the part I found really shocking is think about that in terms of family, too.

Like how much easier is- That didn't lose family? Yeah. I don't even consider it. Yeah, you're not, it's only 12% are even hosting your family once a lot. I don't know if this is really appropriate to all of this, but I'm going to say it anyway, because. Because that's what we do. Well, yeah.

But I wonder if what I'm saying translates to the home. If I, I'm going to, I'm 58 now. I remember my grandfather saying, well, I'm too old to give a shit. And I always thought, well, that's weird. But now that I'm 58, I kind of am too old to give a shit. If I hurt somebody's feelings or offend them, I just don't really care anymore. You know, you're not there yet, but I promise you'll get too old. I'm already acting that way.

I did that last night to somebody and they weren't happy. Okay. Well, I think I'm too old to give a shit about what I'm about to say. I think that next time I'm in a restaurant and I see a mother and a wife and some kids there and all four of them at dinner on their phones, I'm going to go over and say something horrible to them because I can't deal with it anymore. How do you go out to eat in a communal atmosphere

to share a meal and every single person at the table is doing this like nobody even sitting at the table? That is unrelated, Bill? Now you're just... It drives me and saying, what, hold on. Here's why I'm going with this. It does no good to invite everybody to your house to invite over to dinner and then not put these things away. So not only is it you're not invited to dinner anymore, we've got to reverse that.

You have to come to dinner and put your social media device or whatever that interferes with interpersonal actions in a basket at the front door and don't get it until you leave. because it's all the same thing, I think. There's two more things I want to mention before we wrap. His article also talked about from 2003 to 2022, the average amount of time Americans spent at home increased by almost two hours per day. The average American spent at home, two hours more every single day. And just think if you're only awake 12 hours of a day or 14 hours of a day, or 14 hours a day, what a percentage of a day that is.

Yeah. It's huge. And then hosting may increasingly be a luxury good. What? Hosting may increasingly be a luxury good. How can hosting be a good? I don't understand. A luxury good.

39% of Americans without a college degree said they hadn't entertained anyone in their home during the previous year. Wow. So there's higher rates of people doing it among people with college degrees. I guess that would make sense. sense, but that's also actually kind of speaks to the social capital that gets lost. Yep. Right.

And a lot of, probably a lot of us, frankly, too. Like, Arthur Brooks talks about, like, who are your real friends? Yeah. A lot of us are also hosting people who are, like, work friends or social friends that can benefit us in some way. That's probably, there's probably some of that going on to. I say what you're saying. The only way you can benefit me is if you bring a couple of good stories, know how to play,

game and make me laugh. I don't care about the rest of it. But honestly, it is true. We don't do the dinner parties and stuff as much as we need. And it's all part of the same thing. How do you grow an army of normal folks? Well, hell, you got to engage with each other. So you are no longer invited to dinner. So like Miriam talks about the longest table, you have to create for other people what you need for yourself, which is such a profound line. And that's another I was thinking about driving up here too it's not just the dinners you know it's the longest table you could do a hush hush a nomadic cafe you could do a block party all these things that are pop up yeah all these things that are getting at the same idea and learn how to play triply it's fun it's so much fun you know how to play

oh you're a loser you got to learn how to play jack call number 124 you're not invited to dinner anymore but we've got to change that if you enjoyed this episode uh share it with friends on on social rate it review it join the army and normal folks dot org Let's see, join a service club or start one, take the 10 level challenge, buy our merch, subscribe wherever you're listening or watching. If you really want to critique me, but more importantly, if you have ideas for guests or shop talks, go to A&F Video.org. Good job, Bill.

Thank you very much. And upload it there and we'll watch it. And if you're not too mean, I might respond to it and we might do something else, but if you say about me, I'm too old to give a shit and we might respond. We'll see you next week. Do it each game. In 1986, a man named Scott Macklam was killed in broad daylight.

Police quickly found their suspect. Prosecutors convicted him. But now, almost 40 years later, I'm re-examining this case. I really didn't believe any of it was real. And I was like, well, they're going to figure out this is not me. They're going to do their police job. Has the wrong man been in prison this whole case? time? Listen to

examine the backfire effect on the IHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, it's me, Debbie Kamavel. This season on my podcast who's with me, I speak with Bruce Lee's daughter, Brandon Lee's sister, and my friend, Shannon

Lee. Back to your initial point of stewarding my father's legacy and giving my energy to that, you're lending your life to stewarding somebody else's life. Listen to Who's With Me with me with Debbie Kumabelle on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Detective said he had stalked her before she died.

Years later, they said he remained the person they continued to focus on. This is Hunter Gilmore, host of Hunting for Answers a True Crime podcast, shedding light on the silent epidemic of missing and murdered black women and girls, bringing attention to stories that equally deserve to be told and to the questions that still remain. Listen to Hunting for Answers, a true crime podcast from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. If anyone wanted to commit a murder, up here would be the greatest place in the world to hide the body. But no one will find it. He acted friendly. He talked friendly. He sounded friendly. They all knew that I did the scary boogie stuff, and I said, maybe she'll find out where this girl is. I saw him violent.

Backhanded a pow! Listen to the Devil's Quarry Season 2 in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. From shocking betrayals to carefully planned murders, the Black of X new original podcast series, Bloodline Crimes, hosted by me, Morgan Wood, explores the darkest and bizarre cases

where family became the most dangerous three, of all. Listen to the Black Effects bloodline crimes every Thursday, starting October 8th. From the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.