An Old Timey Podcast - 117: Did George Washington Wear Wooden Dentures?

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Join us on a perilous journey as Kristin discovers that the presidential fun facts she loves are ALL LIES. In this week’s episode, we’ll examine the myth that George Washington wore wooden dentures. As it turns out, our first president didn’t wake up every day and put wooden dentures into his big wet mouth! The real story is much more horrifying.Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, Kristin pulled from: “George Washington’s Dentures: Disability, Deception and the Republican Body,” by Jennifer Van Horn for Early American Studies“George Washington didn’t have wooden teeth – they were ivory,” by Colin Schultz for Smithsonian Magazine“The private life of George Washington’s slaves,” by Mary V. Thompson for Frontline“Did George Washington have wooden teeth?” by David Emery for Snopes.com“George Washington’s false teeth not wooden,” Associated Press“George Washington and teeth from enslaved people,” mountvernon.org“A history of Washington’s dental troubles,” mountvernon.org“Cherry tree myth,” mountvernon.orgAre you enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Then please leave us a 5-star rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts!Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you’ll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90’s style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes from Kristin’s previous podcast, Let’s Go To Court.

Hear ye, hear ye. You are listening to an old-timey podcast. I'm Kristen Caruso. And I'm Normie C. And on this episode, I'll be talking about George Washington's dentures. Wow. This is going to be horrible. Horrible. You're going to hate it. I guarantee it. Wow, you're like the men's warehouse guy. Yeah, yeah. So why George Washington's dentures? What got you interested in then? I got a whole intro written up. You're going to.

to be roasted thoroughly just so you know prepare yourself me yeah because this is all your fault what did i do uh i have been hurt very badly and i blame you and i i have an agenda today to make the listeners also blame you oh great the haters are coming for you norm appreciate you warning me i can prepare myself mentally uh-huh don't prepare yourself until you see the whites of their eyes is that a george washington reference yeah we're a classy history history history historical podcasts. Well, speaking of classy historical podcasts, which is what we are, how about you guys throw some support our way?

Head on over to patreon.com. Why are you giving me that look? That was so weird. Speaking of classy historical podcasts, why don't you throw some money our way? Yeah, because we are a small, sexy, independent podcast, Chris, and we need the history host support. So head on over to patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. For just $5 a month, you get access to our entire back catalog of bonus episodes with full video, I might add.

And you get into the Discord to chitty chat the dayway. But if you've got money laying around, you don't know what to do with it. You are about to throw in the burn pile. Fear not, for $10 a month, you become a pig butter investor. And there you get early ad-free video episodes of this here ding-dong podcast. Plus, our exclusive segment called The Slop, where we talk about anything and everything. Patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. Well done, Norm.

Thank you. You roasted me in the beginning, so I'm glad I recovered. Oh, uh. But now I'm about to be roasted again. It's a real, real, uh, you know, they have the compliment sandwich. This is the, what would we call this? I'm calling this the twice baked potato. The twice baked potato.

Oh, shit. All right, I'm ready. What do you got? What did I do? Norman, a while back I told the world about one of my great loves, my love of collecting little fun facts about American presidents, a love that began when I was just a girl. And I confided in you about the pain I felt when I learned just a few years ago that, in fact, President William Howard Taft had never gotten stuck in the White House bathtub. Kind of shattered your reality. Mm-hmm. And Norm, in that vulnerable moment, you said,

I bet all the fun facts that you learned about the presidents were like all made up. Excuse me. Excuse me. You farted a whole bunch and we had to cut it. Excuse me. And we nearly passed out. We could barely do the episode. Excuse me.

I do not sound like that. That was a spot on imitation. Absolutely not. In what can only be described as a very brave podcasting moment, I yes ended my way through that horrific attack and said, Oh, darling, it could probably be a whole series. Oh, you're right. And later, just for grins, I googled.

What, until that moment, had always been my second favorite presidential fun fact, one that had recently risen to first place after we threw William Howard taft out with the bathwater and he slid out of the tub just fine. I'm talking, of course, about the fun fact that our very first president, a Mr. George Washington wore wooden dentures. I know that fun fact. I learned that in elementary school. It went into my brain and even as I got older, I didn't for one. second, stop to think critically about the likelihood that George Washington woke up every day and put wooden dentures into his big, wet mouth.

And history hoes, if you're anything like me, you're going to need to brace yourselves. Because in this week's episode, we're doing a deep dive into George Washington's mouth. And I'm going to tell you what his dentures were really made of. You're going to hate hearing about it. You'll never trust another presidential fun fact again. You'll rue the day you ever subscribe to an old-timey podcast. But don't you dare turn this episode off. Mama needs a new yoga mat.

Here we go. How much is a yoga mat? I want an expensive one. That's what I can. Good Lord. Well, wait a minute. We're talking about wood indentures. You know our new rule, Kristen.

What? Every time we talk about wood on this podcast, the hoves and I would like to know what species. of what it is. Well, listen up, hoes. There was no wood involved. What? Yeah.

Do we have dramatic music? Yeah. No wood. You're getting ahead of yourself, though? We're going to start just talking about his teeth. Then we're going to get into the horror show. It's going to be a whole thing. You're going to hate it.

My stomach is in knots just thinking about it. What kind of knots? Like a woodnut, you know? Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. A knot in the wood. Okay. I actually don't know anything about this.

So... Are you lying? I'm not lying. Just for the sake of podcasting magic. I'm not lying just to please my wife and make her feel special. Absolutely not. Why would I do that? Okay.

Okay. You really don't know. Seriously, I don't know. I've always heard that fun fact, but I thought, gosh, wood in your mouth. I just don't know if that's something. Right. I was always skeptical. You thought, man, that was pretty dumb of them. They could have used literally anything else. Aren't there other materials we could use here? Okay. First, we're going to start with the context because I know you love it. Oh, context me up, baby. George Washington was born in 1732. At a kind of strange time in the world of dentistry.

Back then, dentistry was a hot new thing. Dental hygiene was too. Until that point, dental care kind of meant just having a tooth pulled. There was no brushing, no flossing, no regular checkups. Just some dude yanked your troublesome tooth out and sent you on your way. By the time George Washington became a young man, that was all starting to change. All of a sudden there was talk of cleaning your teeth. Yeah. Of maintaining your teeth. And then there was that other thing. The fact that looks wise, there was nothing quite like a nice full set of pearly whites. It certainly made. It certainly made, you stand out from the crowd because back then it was very rare to have a full set of teeth let alone a nice looking full set of teeth you'd be de bell of de ball norman yeah i bet you would

look into that camera giving him a big smile i won't i've had i got a little gap in my front teeth that i've always been a little self-conscious about really yeah you're just like the madonna of podcasting norm, I think it's great. That does make me feel better, actually. I thought it would. George Washington valued his teeth. And even though it wasn't considered very manly at the time, he did try to take good care of them. He bought toothbrushes and tooth powders. He bought pasts and scalers. But the tools at the time were really harsh. The field of dentistry was still growing.

There was a lot to be learned. Maybe his preventative measures bought his teeth some time. but they didn't buy him much time. Yeah. And seriously back then, like, even if he was just brushing a couple times a week, that would have been very fancy of him. Absolutely. I'd love to know more about like early toothpaste. Like, what did they use? That is so boring.

What? I'm sorry. What? Boring. I mean. I would find that interesting. Yeah. We would all find it super interesting.

Unfortunately, there's no time for an episode on that. There's just no time. You couldn't have added a sentence about early toothpaste used this, this, this, is this? This story is going to get so bad, so nasty, so horrible. I guess, yeah, I can see why you might wish for something like early toothpaste were made out of baking soda and... Again, I don't sound like that. I know you're imitating me there. Anyway, we're all very disappointed.

We don't know what early toothpaste was like, but continue. Okay. He had his first tooth pulled when he was 24 years old. That would become a common thing for George Washington. His toothaches were nonstop. No matter what he did, he kept having to get his teeth pulled. He confided in John Adams one time that he felt like he lost so many of his teeth because he'd eaten so many walnuts as a boy.

I doubt that. Yeah. Doubt Walnuts were the problem. Historians doubt it too. George Washington's dental trouble can probably be chocked up to two things. They think it's probably just genetics. And also because when he was a boy, he was treated for smallpox. And the medicine they used to treat it likely led to some of his dental troubles later in life.

Oh, interesting. What did they use to treat smallpox? Whatever they used for the toothpaste. So we don't know that either. I'm just curious what was used to make its teeth fall out. Damn it, Norm. Might have been some mercury. Ooh.

More on that later. Oh, shit. Now, getting your teeth pulled back then, I'm guessing there was no, like, numbing cream or whatever. They just yanked it out, huh? They might have gotten you some hard liquor, you know? Yeah. Throw back a couple margaritas and have your tooth yanked out. Really, margaritas.

Yeah. The doctor's prescription for margaritas. Give me one margarita you can take out my tooth. Tell the pharmacist to salt the rim. But you might be wondering, who cares? It was the 1700s. Didn't everybody look like a jack-a-lantern? Well, yeah, a lot of folks did.

But, but everyone judged them for it. Really? Yeah. If you were missing teeth, it probably meant that you were a bad person. What? Stick with me, Norm. Not having teeth meant you maybe ate too many sweets, which meant you lacked discipline. It meant you were gluttonous.

It meant you took no pride in your personal appearance. Yep. Worst of all, not having teeth also meant that you were a gigantic slut. Wait, wait. Wait a second Okay, where does that come from? Okay, back then You know, syphilis was a lot more common

Yeah And they treated syphilis with mercury And you know what mercury causes? Tooth decay Ooh Therefore, tooth decay Plus tooth loss Equals a gluttonous

Undisciplined hoe Not my president I was wondering if there would be some weird religious saying like, yeah, if you're eating pussy, your teeth have fallen out. You know there were some men who tried to say that. Yeah, I don't eat my wife out because it causes my teeth to fall out. Duh. Yeah.

It's just for my health, that's all. In other words, losing teeth didn't just make it harder to chew or more difficult to speak. It didn't just change the way you looked. Losing teeth meant that you were a moral failure. If you wanted people to take you seriously and to think that you were a hot, virtuous person, you needed a clean, hurly white, full set of teeth. And that's definitely what George Washington needed. As the years passed, he emerged as a leader, a public figure.

He needed to look the part. And you know what? For the most part, he certainly did. He was a big strapping boy. He was muscular and tall as all get out. He was six foot two, adjusted for inflation. What would you say? He was 10 feet tall.

There we go. That is enormous for back then. Do you remember we saw his uniform in the Smithsonian? Yeah. And it was like, holy shit, dude. I was like, damn. I'd be impressed by this man today. I can't imagine in the 1700s where everyone was two feet tall.

I know. I'd follow him into battle, for sure. Naked. Oh. He had beautiful blue eyes And contrary to what you may have heard He never wore a wig His hair was thick and luscious baby

When he was younger it was reddish brown And when he got older He did put some powder in it for the fashion But it was all his He never wore a wig? No I didn't know that We're busting fun facts every which way this episode I'm about to bust

Thank you Yeah, his presidential portrait, I just assumed that would be a wig. That was all natural? That's right. Man. Impressed? I am impressed. What a guy.

George Washington had everything, everything except for teeth. Ooh. He, of course, became a hero in the Revolutionary War. And in the portrait that was painted of him, you can see a slight scar on his left cheek. Historians believe that that scar came from an abscess tooth. Now, Norm, I'm going to pull up this portrait of him. Okay. Can I look it up? I'm going to show it to you.

Oh. Okay, Google George Washington, Charles Wilson Peel. Okay. It's the first image that pops up. Portrait of him standing on a cannon. Yes. So you can see the little scar on his left cheek? Yes. I do see the scar.

Do you also see how weird his arms look? I just think it's amazing that historians are like, if you look closely, you can see the scar. Didn't they also look at how weird his arms look and how he should have changed out of those trousers because they make his crotch look so freaking weird? I'm sorry, this is the whole reason I asked you to pull this photo up. Okay.

I mean, his body does look a little out of proportion. Yeah. Yeah. No offense, Charles Wilson, Peel, but we think you did a bad job. You gave him kind of a pinhead. Yeah. I mean, he kind of has like a,

he kind of looks like Jack Skellington from the nightmare before Christmas. He does kind of have that look. That tall, lanky vibe. Uh-huh. Okay, but yeah, I see the scar on his cheek. Does Jack Skellington have that weird crotch thing too? I mean, that is so distracting.

Honestly, I don't know what's going on with Jack Skellington's crue. Crotch. Wow. I don't know if there's anything down there. Did you do anything to prepare for this episode? Clearly not. By the 1780s, George Washington was in his 40s.

He was a prominent figure. He needed a full set of teeth. And by that point, the field of dentistry had come a long way, baby. Dentists were creating fillings and bridges, partial dentures, and full dentures. A lot of dentures fastened on to an existing tooth. or an existing set of teeth. And for a while, those served George Washington just fine. But years went by, and he kept losing teeth and kept losing teeth and kept losing teeth.

It got so bad that by the time he was sworn in to become president in 1789, he was down to just one real tooth. One? Yeah. Oh, man. And that little thing didn't last too long. Soon, the dentist had to pull that one, too. So he's got no teeth.

Yeah, but I do, well, I don't have to tell you this, but I feel compelled to tell you that when the dentist pulled that last one, the dentist was like, so can I keep this? And George Washington was like, yeah, I guess. And the dentist had that tooth put in a gold locket and kept it on his watchfob. Isn't that sweet? I think it's kind of weird. Very weird. Yeah.

Well, I mean, he probably knew this is a big deal. This guy's a big deal. First president. Of course, of course, yeah. Is that tooth still around today? Oh, I'm sure that gold watchfob is still around. Okay. It wasn't donated to Goodwill or something.

I'd like to see that on Antiques Road Show. That would be cool. Mm-hmm. I've seen enough old chairs. I'm ready for an old tooth. Anyway, all this to say that at a time when losing your teeth meant that you were an undisciplined, immoral, hobag, our president, the very first one, was a entirely toothless.

And no one respected them. It was a bad look. This brand new thing we called America was an experiment. We needed people to believe in it. We needed people to respect us. And how could they if our own leader couldn't eat corn on

the cob? A very American dish. And that's how George Washington found himself in a full set of dentures. But much like a beautiful pair of stilettos, he found that they looked good, but they did not feel good.

They were incredibly heavy. It's estimated that George Washington's dentures weighed about a third of a pound. They had to be constantly readjusted. They were held together by coiled springs, meaning that he had to constantly work to keep his mouth shut. Can you imagine? Like, they always want to pop open, so you have to keep that tension in your jaw all the time. Okay, yeah, that would be frustrating.

It'd be awful. It'd be awful. It led observers to note that he seemed remarkably tense. Well, yeah, he's got to keep his mouth shut. Like to work to keep it shut. Yeah, otherwise they'll go, whew! Yeah. Those dentures changed the sound of his voice.

They changed the shape of his face. It's very likely that they played a role in whether or not he spoke. And in that sense, the dentures changed his personality. but he couldn't give him up. America's first president could not be toothless, or at least he couldn't appear to be toothless. But also, he didn't want to appear to be wearing dentures either. Dentures were incredibly expensive back then.

Only the wealthiest people could afford them. But they were the kind of status symbol that you did not want to show off. So I'm considering this like plastic surgery. Only the wealthiest can get that really, really good plastic surgery. But at the same time, they don't really want you to know they got it. They just want you to look at them and be like, wow, how does she do it? Yeah.

Yeah. That's a sign of a good plastic surgeon, right? I personally believe that J-Lo hasn't done Botox surgery, anything. It's just olive oil. Now, what about somebody like, I can't, I'm drawing a blank on a celebrity with plastic surgery? I think they've all had plastic surgery. Okay, well, I look at somebody like Bradley Cooper. Yeah.

Who clearly got something done and he looks totally different now. Yeah. Okay, so you're saying that's what dentures were kind of like back then. Yeah, and I think it's interesting you brought up Bradley Cooper because... Because that's what your dad looks like. Yeah, my dad looks exactly like him. No, I think we are so weird about plastic surgery. And I imagine that people were weird about dentures in kind of the same way.

way where we're judgey of it when it's bad or when the results are kind of goofy and obvious, especially on a man, especially on a man. And so we all, you know, oh, I would never, oh, why didn't they leave their face alone? But if it's good, it's undetectable. And that person gets all the benefits of being a leader with a full set of teeth, for example. Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. So George Washington had to kind of keep up appearances and keep up this idea that the teeth that people saw in his head were his real teeth. And that meant keeping those dentures in for long periods of time, longer than dentists advised. Oh, yeah, he's the president. I'm sure he's meeting a ton of people. And he's having dinners with a lot of people. Yeah. So he spent a lot of time at dinners.

His presidential mansions in New York and Philadelphia had extravagant dining room setups. It's where he did a lot of politics. But you actually weren't supposed to eat with those old-timey dentures. You were supposed to take them out. Oh, so he was supposed to be eating like mashed potatoes and soup. Yeah. He was supposed to be having jamba juice at the table. Okay.

But he's chomping down. He's trying to eat that corn on the cup. Well, here's the thing. Dentists were like, hey, it's totally subtle. Just take them out. It's fine. No one's going to notice, which is like people. A full set of dentures? Of course they're going to see that. It's going to sound different too. Yes. But the logic was like, hey, these things stain easily. They're really delicate. There's the other thing that there's not a lot holding them in place. Yeah, I was going to ask, how were they held in place? Just by being really heavy. Oh, gosh. They sound, I mean, I think it just shows how important it was for him to maintain this look, because they sound incredibly uncomfortable and just like a massive pain in the ass, really. Yeah. Yeah, so they had lead bases.

I mean, they, yeah. Lead? Uh-huh. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Well, everything was made a lead back then. Except for his wooden dentures, right? Hey, I thought it was all a myth.

Yeah. But as we've just talked about, George Washington was president of the United States. He couldn't just take out his dentures. It would break the illusion. He had to look presidential at all times, so he kept them in. And as a result, he didn't eat much in front of other people, which of course weirded people out. And they all kind of noticed him poking at his plate looking kind of sad, because, I mean, how could you not? They pulled Martha Washington aside and said, we think George has an eating disorder.

She had dentures too, so they probably couldn't talk to her about it. She just smiled and nodded. I'm also very concerned. The one thing he could do with the dentures was drink wine. And boy, did he drink wine. George Washington liked really dark red wine. Yes. And we know this because one time he sent a pair of his dentures to his dentist to be readjusted.

And then dentist wrote him a letter back like, dude, what are you doing with these things? They're almost black. Cut it out, man. If you're going to insist on drinking with these things, you've got to get a silly straw or something, man. It'd be funny if George Washington was actually a secret vampire. And he was like, oh, yeah, it's wine.

I just drink a lot of wine. But in reality, he was sucking the blood of his victims. Norm, I think you've uncovered something very real here today. Easy conspiracy theory. I knew it. You're not supposed to call it a conspiracy theory. You're supposed to act like, wow, people are listening to this podcast for a real reason, and it's because we tell the truth.

George Washington was a vampire. All I got to do is say, allegedly, allegedly, George Washington was a vampire. We don't want to be sued by his ghost. That's right. So even though his dentist didn't want him to, George Washington kept drinking with his dentures in. He had to keep up that illusion that he had teeth. but the illusion created changes in his facial structure. Changes brought on by that constant tension

and the structure of the dentures themselves. Is that why he kind of looked like he had an underbite later in life? Norman, I'm so glad you brought this up. Okay, so his jaws and cheeks all of a sudden were much tenser. His gums swelled. His lips swelled. They stuck out. People who knew him well couldn't help but see this change.

It was more than just his lips that protruded. It was also in the area just above and just below his lips. It all puffed out in a way that his actual face never had. Yeah. We know from correspondence with his dentist that George Washington was very self-conscious about the way the dentures changed his face. And if you're wondering what that looked like, just take a look at a $1 bill.

If you look closely at George Washington's mouth, you will notice his bulge. Ooh, notices your bulge. No, it's funny because I always thought there was something kind of interesting about his mouth. And it's his dentures. Yeah, I mean, so it's based on that... It's based on a portrait. That famous portrait, the Athenium portrait?

The one that was saved from the White House, I think, when it was lit on fire. Yeah, his, yeah, you can tell. Yeah, his mouth is a little... It's like he's holding something back. Yeah. It's like he's got an airhead in his mouth. You know what? He's chewing on an airhead.

You know what it reminds me of? My grandpa Pitts used to eat. He would eat so slowly. Yeah. And it was like, but he would have so much food in his mouth. So he'd have it like on both cheeks. And it was almost like the food would get in front of his teeth too. Yeah.

And so it would create this. kind of, hmm. Yeah. And that's how George Washington looks in that $1 bill. Yeah. Anyone who's had dental work, or certainly anyone who is trying to work around a pair of ill-fitting dentures, knows that any change to your mouth can make it hard to speak clearly, never mind to try to speak with presidential authority. We have evidence that at his first inauguration, George Washington spoke well and clearly. But by his second inauguration, he wasn't talking nearly as much. His inauguration speech was less than a page long. In his later presidential years, people noticed how reserved he was. You know, maybe that was his personality.

But also, I think maybe he just didn't want to talk a whole lot. Fair. And then all of a sudden, people think you're cool and mysterious and you just lean into it. I get it. Hey, double win for him. Yeah. Look at this cool, mysterious man. leading the country. I like it. So we know that George Washington's teeth were very important to him. And we know that even though old-timey dentures were an absolute pain in the tush,

he felt that they were worth it. But now we need to get to what this whole episode is about, Norman. What his dentures were made of. Yes. We've all been told they've been made of wood. That is completely false. What? That's right. They were real teeth because he was a real vampire.

Mm-hmm. Historians have tried to find the origin of that myth, but they haven't had any luck. But they have determined a few basic reasons as to why that myth might have persisted over the years. For one thing, to a casual observer, it's possible that George Washington's dentures really did look like they were made of wood. I mentioned earlier that George Washington loved to drink really dark red wine. Right. and that the wine stained his dentures. We also know that the teeth in old-timey dentures were usually riddled with fractures,

and that those fractures would have taken on a much darker stain than the rest of the tooth. So that could have looked like wood grain. Okay, sure. So it is possible that someone saw his dentures and just assumed that they were made of wood. It said, ooh, nice dark cherry wood, aged. Is that walnut? Look at the grain in these teeth. Beautiful.

Oh, I'm going to take these teeth, and I'm going to make little coasters out of them. George Washington had approximately six sets of dentures over the course of his life, and a few of them have survived. So that's kind of the funny thing is it's always been very easy to disprove this wooden denture rumor. Yeah, I was just about to say, let's pick up a set of his dentures and examine what they were made of. not wood. One pair, which is on display at Mount Vernon, has bases that are made out of lead, and the lead bases are attached with steel springs,

and the teeth are a mix of cows' teeth, horses' teeth, ivory, human teeth, all of them skillfully reshaped to fit into the president's mouth. What? Okay, now, I'm worried that you're picturing like a genuine full couch. Yeah, yeah. They were reshaped by the dentist. I mean, like, this was... You got these Frankenstein dentures.

Yeah. No, this was truly a science and an art, I think. So, wait a minute, wait a minute. Even if they reshaped them. Yeah. So one tooth reshaped to look like a human tooth, could have been come from a cow or something. Yeah, definitely. Man, that's wild.

Why is that wild? I don't know. I don't really know a lot about teeth, I guess. For some reason, I thought, like, you know, throw them on like a melting pot and you mix it up and then you have like a, you can make a mold and pour yourself a new tooth. I don't know how this works. No, you don't. Okay, my bad. I didn't know if you could melt teeth.

No, you can't melt teeth. As we learned from the Hitler series, teeth survive when you burn a body. Wow. Mm-hmm. Okay. Wow, that's interesting. So he's got genuine animal teeth in his mouth. And human teeth.

Yeah, yeah. Do we know whose teeth he had? Great question. In the early days, the teeth and his dentures were largely made from the tusks of a hippopotamus. Oh. Dentists back then loved using hippotusks for dentures because the tusks were dense. They were stain resistant, really hard to chip. They were built for tough.

Yeah, but I bet they're hard as fuck to get. Okay. Actually, the main thing was that the people who wore the dentures were like, holy shit, this is awful. These things are so heavy. Oh, they're made out of hippo tusks. Well, that explains it. Could you use something lighter, please? Yeah, I mean, hippos are vicious animals. They'll tear you to pieces. They have some tough teeth and tusks and whatever. And heavy ones. George Washington really suffered with the hippo-tesque teeth. They were uncomfortable, heavy. The best thing to use for dentures were, of course, human teeth,

but those were kind of hard to come by. How about a cat? Some cat teeth. I bet those would have looked really stupid. Is these tiny little teeth? Tiny little teeth? Yeah. No.

I'm picturing it. Oh, man. Joe, draw George Washington with cat teeth. Or Photoshop it. Make it happen. So there was a market for human teeth. During that time period, it was very common for people who didn't have a lot of money

to sell their perfectly good teeth, especially the front ones, to wealthy toothless folks. Oh, okay. A whole new industry. Back then, dentists advertised cash for teeth. Hell yes. Many of them specified that they'd buy

teeth from white people or black people, but not enslaved people. And that's because there were legal implications. Did enslaved people really own their own teeth? Oh my God. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. That's gross. And it's at this point in the story norm that we need to mention that George Washington was a big time enslaver. By the time he died in 1799, more than 300 people were enslaved at Mount Vernon, and George Washington was very aware of the teeth of the people he enslaved. We know this for a couple reasons. For one, when enslaved people ran away from Mount Vernon, and many did over the years, it was a terrible place to be, he was relentless in his efforts to capture them. And when he put out notices about enslaved people who'd fled for freedom, he often described them in part by their

teeth. We also know that George Washington, in addition to providing the people he enslaved with minimal food and inadequate housing, also provided dental tools because he cared. Yeah. Why do you think he provided dental tools, Norm? So they could either keep their teeth healthy so he could use them? Yeah, maybe. Yeah. So it could be argued that he saw preventative dental care as a potential cost-saving measure. You know, this was not a guy who, like, provided a ton of food or any of that.

So this was an extra thing he was doing. So maybe it was a cost-saving measure down the road. But it could easily be argued that he saw their teeth as one day becoming his potential teeth. So he's kind of like a, he is kind of like a vampire then. He's like a tooth vampire. He's like the tooth fairy only fucked up. times. Yeah, he's like the

Nosferatu tooth fairy. Nosferat tooth. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes. No. No, that was so stupid. It's worth noting that we can't say for certain that the human teeth that were in George Washington's dentures came from enslaved people. But we do know from records at Mount Vernon that George Washington

did buy teeth from the people he enslaved. In 1784, just a few years before he became president, he purchased nine teeth from the people he enslaved. Wow. Yeah. Well, they had to be for his dentures. Why would you buy teeth? Exactly.

Nospharath tooth. But actually, it might be worse than what you're thinking, Norm. Oh, no. And I'm going to do a quick aside because, you know, just in case anyone's like, well, at least he paid for them, you should know that he paid 122 shillings. for nine teeth, which works out to about 14 shillings per tooth. The going rate for teeth at that time, one local dentist was paying 42 shillings per tooth. So he paid like a third of what they're worth.

I am terrible at math, so I'm going to go with that. Yeah, that's about right. 14, 28, yeah, it's literally a third. Right. And plus, at the risk of being Captain obvious, when the guy who can literally buy and sell, you and literally sell your children down the river, asks if he can buy your tooth, you know, you don't have a lot of choice in the matter. Yeah, you're not going to haggle and negotiate with your enslaver.

Yeah, no, that's not going to work out. Okay, so now we're getting creepier because when George Washington bought those teeth, he was being seen by a French dentist named Jean-Pierre la Majure. Ooh. People love it when I speak French because I'm so good. I do love your friends. Sometimes I have you whisper it to me at night. Omletou Fremorsh.

Cheese omelet, yes. Jean-Pierre was an expert in something called live tooth transplants. Oh, is that exactly how it sounds? What do you think a live tooth transplant is, Norm? You yank an old tooth out and you quickly jam a new one in there. Be more specific. Well, you, somebody's got a, tooth that's fallen out or rotten.

Mm-hmm. And so you, at the same time you yank it out, you take one from somebody else and you jam it in. Mm-hmm. And maybe you, like, you do it so quick that the nerve regrows around that tooth. Norm, you could be a dentist in 1780. That was beautiful. For real? Live tooth transplants were popular in the late 1700s.

People were losing their teeth left, right, and center. And, yeah, dentures existed. but they were really uncomfortable. People wanted a miracle. They wanted to have teeth again all the time fused to their body. And live tooth transplants promised to do exactly that. Dentists in that time period claimed that if two people came into their office, they could take a live tooth out of one person's mouth,

jam it into the other person's gum line and bingo, bango, bongo, that live tooth would fuse into the mouth and become one with that new person. Incredible. When to become one. It was a truly amazing way to spread diseases from one person to another. I was going to say, that sounds very unsanitary. Also totally ineffective. This does not work.

You can't just jam a tooth in. You just take a little ball peen hammer and smack it in. Well, it's in there. I did it. You're welcome. Good dentists tried to get the, word out that this was a hoax, but you know, they were just party poopers. We didn't want to hear from them. Yeah, why don't you shut the hell up and let us keep doing this? This would be such a wonderful

promise, wouldn't it? Absolutely. Now, quick caveat, the modern version of this is called a tooth auto-transplantation, and that's when a dentist takes a tooth that is in your mouth and moves it to another place in your mouth. So a version of this can be done, but it is done using your own teeth. Jean-Pierre performed the transplants on some of George Washington's friends. And we know that George Washington inquired about getting a live-tooth transplant. Of course, there's no record of him having that procedure, but that makes sense for a lot of reasons. Why are you smiling at me, Norm? When you said his friends got live-tooth transplants, I'm imagining this as a pyramid scheme.

It's like, hey, recruit five more of your friends to get a live-tooth transplant. They have like a little living room party to do live tooth transplant. All right, who wants to sign up for your introductory package? Amazing. So why do you think there would be no record of this? No record of him getting a live tooth transplant? Yeah. Well, um, hmm.

And we'll start with, you know, it's possible he didn't get one. Right. So we'll set that aside. Well, it's also possible he did get one. and it didn't work. And so maybe it was all... None of these worked, so... Not according to the dentist I talked to.

Not according to my sources. Well, maybe he was like embarrassed. Sure. Why would you... Yeah. And so he said, you know, delete the files. Yeah. Destroy the computer room kind of deal. Yeah.

Well, not computer. No computers back then, but... Destroy the library of all records of my live tooth transplant. Yeah. So my thought is, for one thing, it's a cosmetic procedure, you know. And I think especially for a man, like that's kind of an added embarrassment. You don't want to be seen as vain. You want to look amazing, but you don't want to be seen as someone who cares a ton, you know.

So you didn't want to be TMZ'd. Sure. Like the Washington tabloids. Yeah. Well, no, it would be like the New York or Philadelphia tabloids. Remember when, like, Us Weekly used to do, like, here's a picture of him in 2012. Here's what his nose looked like now. And we have a cosmetic surgeon who was not her surgeon, but he says you can notice a bump that's been removed.

He analyzed the photos. Yeah. Okay. So could cause a fuss in the tabloids. Also, you know, this was a bullshit cosmetic procedure that didn't work. So there would be embarrassment about, like, yeah, I don't want to admit. Exactly. That I got cement injected into my butt for a BBL, you know?

We've all been there. Absolutely. But another big factor was racism. The fact that wealthy white people had black people's teeth in their mouths, even just as part of a set of dentures, was already controversial back then. It was seen by some dumb racist as mixing the races. Of course it was. And if George Washington had gotten a live tooth transplant,

if the teeth of enslaved people became one with his own mouth hole, that wouldn't have just been a racial mix. It would have been shaken, not stirred, folded, blended, whack it, chop it, to become one. Oh, my. Yeah, I mean, Southerners might be like, you might as well have had sex with a black person putting their, teeth in your mouth.

Different than that, though. Because in the eyes of some people back then, that would have made George Washington kind of black. It would have been a part of his body. Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. So I read this fascinating article by this woman.

And I'll do the shout out at the end. But she did all this research on it. And one of the things she brought up that was so interesting to me was back then it was, back then it was common for enslaved black women to have to nurse white enslavers children. Right. And some white people judged the enslavers because they were like, science says that if a black woman nurses your white child, it will make your child look blacker and act blacker.

Wow. Incredible scientific research happening. Yes, in this house, we believe in science. That is fascinating. Personally, I think it's very likely. that George Washington bought those nine teeth for the purpose of a live tooth transplant performed by Dr. Jean-Pierre. And that that procedure was obviously unsuccessful.

For what it's worth, though, the folks who run Mount Vernon take real issue with anyone saying that George Washington purchased those nine teeth for the purpose of a live tooth transplant. Do they admit he could have used them for dentures? Oh, yeah, I think that can't totally be proven either. Yeah, I think at the very least, they were used for dentures. Why would you buy somebody's teeth? Well, let me tell you what Mount Vernon says, but I am with you. I think that he used enslaved people's teeth in probably a bunch of his dentures,

and I think he used enslaved people's teeth for a live tooth transplant. That's what I think. You think he tried the live tooth transplant? Of course. Of course. Well, I think he is a tooth vampire known as Nosphorus tooth, and he goes into enslaved people's cabins at night and pulls their teeth out. Well, we've got a lot of good theories on this podcast. Well, allegedly.

Allegedly. Some people say, I've talked to the people at Mount Vernon about this. Oh, have you? They won't return my calls or my emails. I've talked to them and they won't return my calls. That's right. one way conversation so here's what they say

on their website they say essentially that the financial records indicate that the teeth did go to Dr. Jean-Pierre and if George Washington had wanted those teeth for himself then the dentist would not be mentioned in the accounting records

they go on to say that at that time the dentist was temporarily staying in the Mount Vernon area advertising his ability to do these tooth transplants, and like many of his contemporaries, probably would have been in the market to purchase teeth. Therefore, George Washington did buy those teeth, but they weren't for himself. They were for his friend slash dentist, a guy who specialized in live tooth transplants and making dentures. Right. Not for me. At this point, I have to say, Mount Vernon, put down the copium

you've had enough. I think that is so silly. because even when we look at that, in the most flattering light toward George Washington, then he is at best buying teeth from people he has enslaved, paying them like a third of what the teeth are worth, and then turning around and selling those same teeth to his dentist for a very small profit.

Right. A profit that would make no real difference in his bottom line, but would make a huge difference in the lives of the people he enslaved. I mean, there's no way that this looks good. Yeah, it seems like a really stupid side hustle for the first president of the United States. And one that he absolutely did not do. Right. Okay.

So are you leaning more towards Nosphorat tooth or live tooth transplant? I think that I'm leaning toward live tooth transplant. Fair, fair. In other words. I think that the reason that so many of us have been taught to believe that George Washington's dentures were made of wood is because the truth is just horrifying. We can't say with absolute certainty that the human teeth and his dentures came from the people he enslaved, but common sense and plenty of circumstantial evidence tell us that they did.

And common sense and circumstantial evidence point to the idea that he may have had a live tooth transplant before he became president using the teeth of people he enslaved. And that is all terrible. There's a reason we weren't taught this version of history. We want to believe that our founding fathers, but especially our boy George, we're all special, that they were filled to the brim with charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent,

not to mention tough guy, macho energy, and that even as children, they stood out as being above reproach. And on that note, I'd like to wrap up with two other George Washington myths, ones that are refreshingly not horrifying, but nonetheless, show our big American appetites for George Washington propaganda.

Okay. You know the one I'm about to tell, right? Cherry tree? Oh, yeah. Okay. Tell me what you know about the cherry tree. He was a kid, and he chopped down a cherry tree, and his dad was like, who the fuck chopped down my cherry tree? cherry tree. And George Washington was like, I cannot tell a lie, father. It was I who chopped

down the cherry tree. Yeah. That's, so what's the deal with that? Okay. So, yeah, story goes like this. When George Washington was just six years old, someone gave him a hatchet as a gift. Great idea for a six-year-old. Yep, great gift. Little George was so thrilled with the hatchet that he went outside and started hacking away at the cherry tree. Later, when his father discovered that hack job, He confronted little George. And itsy, bitsy, teeny weeny, George Washington said, through tears, I cannot tell a lie. I did cut it with my hatchet.

And dad was like, I know, you're still holding the hatchet right by the cherry chair. I know it was you. George's father was overcome with pride. And he said to his son, your honesty is worth more than a thousand trees. And then they embraced. Wow. I don't mean to shock anybody because this story sounds so very. Very real, but yeah, it is made up.

It was fabricated by a traveling minister and writer named Mason Locke Weems. Mason Weems wrote one of the first biographies about George Washington. And it seems that Mason never let the facts get in the way of a good story. Yep. And who cares? I mean, people loved the story about the cherry tree. It got told and retold. It got printed in school books.

Soon, millions of people knew that story to be true. And it was such a good one. It taught us two valuable lessons that our very first president was basically a freaking saint and that honesty is important. Which is a lesson that Mason Weems taught us by lying to us about a cherry tree. I mean, that is funny. Isn't that kind of funny? Our final George Washington myth is one that I personally had not heard before,

but I guess this was big at one point in time. Okay. So George Washington, big stud of a man, right? We know this. Okay. Yeah. Everybody gird your loins. This story might get you steamed up. This story goes like this. George Washington was so athletic that at one time at Mount Vernon, he was standing on the bank of the Potomac River, and he took a silver dollar, and he just, boom, flung it all the way across the river. Oh my God, the coin sailed through the air for more than a mile before it finally landed on the other side of the river. Bullshit. Norman. I've never heard that. Norman. There's no way.

You're just jealous of him. You're jealous because you could never throw a silver dollar for over a mile. No, no one could. Except for George Washington, because he did it. My cousins saw him do it. I will ask any currently playing Major League Baseball players to do the same thing. They won't be able to do it. Apparently, like, that story came from that same biographer.

God damn it. Mason, get out of here. Mr. Weems. So common sense tells us that that story is false. But another way to know that it's made up, and this is just funny, is that during the time period when George Washington apparently flung that silver dollar, the silver dollar hadn't been invented yet. Aha. Gotcha. So, as we wrap up here today, I'd like to finish with a fun fact that brings George Washington.

and his dentures together at last. And although we know that two wrongs do not make a right, I submit that if you put two untrue fun facts together, then they can once again become a fun fact. Here's my proof. Did you know that for a while there, students were taught not just that the cherry tree story was true, and not just that George Washington's dentures were made out of wood,

But that George Washington's dentures were made out of the wood from the cherry tree. He nearly chopped down as a boy. Dear God. No. And that is the story of George Washington's teeth. Fascinating stuff, Kristen. But I do want to get back to if he had wooden dentures, which he didn't. What species of wood would it be, Kristen?

I don't know and don't care. I think to me this story. No, and I don't care. This story was really horrifying to me. Yeah, when you learn more about how they made dentures and live tooth transplants and buying teeth from his enslaved people. Oh, my God. I did not know that. And ripping them off, too.

So I didn't, I didn't know a lot about, first of all, I guess what I'm learning is that I don't actually know that much about George Washington. but kind of as a side quest in this story, I did do some research into what he was like as an enslaver, and it was horrifying, which obviously it would be horrifying for anyone. But, I mean, some of the stuff he did, it's stuff we don't want to know because we want to have our heroes, I guess. Yeah, I mean, history's complicated.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the whole wood indenture thing, it is funny when you... It's so silly. When you think more about it, you're like, wooden teeth. Like, those wouldn't last at all. Well, yeah, and it makes you think, like, were they stupid? No, we are stupid because we believed that, that they would ever do that. Well, it was, that was very interesting.

I'm loving these presidential fun fact deep dives. Okay. We're better educating our hos who were lied to like us by the public school system and private, I guess. Yeah, stay tuned for next week or don't. I've got another presidential fun fact that I'm busting, that I'm unhappy to bust again. And I haven't decided if I want to make it the bonus episode and ruin the patrons day or if I want to put it on the main feed. And in that sense, ruin the patrons day and the main feeds day, you know, just ruin. everything. So we'll see how I'm feeling. Well, you heard of here first, folks. Kristen's

night guard loves to ruin people's days. Again, this is all your fault. I can't emphasize it enough. Hey, if it means more presidential fun fact episodes, then I think I did a great job and I should be commended. You know what? For that reason, we'll give you that Presidential Fitness Award you've had your eye on. Hey, I got it. A, uh, A loyal history ho sent this to me. It's stolen valor. I did not earn this. Thank you very much.

Thank you, Amy. Well, on that note, Kristen, I think it's time we got into our slop segment. And this week, in honor of George Washington's wooden teeth that never existed, we thought we would share stories about going to the dentist. Our dental care woes. Yay. Yay. If you'd like to hear this for yourself, join us at the pig butter investor tier at patreon.com slash old-timey podcast.

Folks, thank you for listening to this segment of the slop. We just talked about our teeth and our dentist stories. That's kind of fun, actually. It got weird, yeah. Yeah, I had a good time. Well, Kristen, great episode. Thank you for sharing. Thank you.

All about George Washington's teeth, or the teeth he, took from other people. Yeah. And animals, apparently. Yeah. Hippos and horses and cows and allegedly a cat or his little cat teeth. Uh, Norm, you're the only one alleging that. Um, uh, Joe agrees with me. Okay. Great. He showed us that photo. Yeah. Well, on that note, should we wrap it up? Let's wrap it up. Kristen, you know what they say about history hoes? We always cite our sources. That's right. For this episode, I got my information from the article George Washington's dentures. Disability, Deception, and the Republican

Body by Jennifer Van Horn for Early American Studies, plus articles from PBS, Mount Vernon.org, Smithsonian Magazine, and Snopes. Check the show notes for a full list of our sources. That's all for this episode. Thank you for listening to an old-timey

podcast. Please give us a five-star review wherever you listen to podcasts. And while you're at it, subscribe. Support us on Patreon. at patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. Join the Reddit community, R slash old-timey podcast. Follow us on Facebook and YouTube

and Instagram at Old Timey Podcast. You can also follow us individually on Instagram. I'm at Kristen Pitts-Karuso, and he's at Gaming Historian. And until next time, Tootoo, Tata, and Cheerio. Bye. Bye.

See ya.