An Old Timey Podcast - 14: Hitler Goes to Hell! (Part 2)

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

In his final days, Adolf Hitler wallowed in self pity, sent children into war, and held tea parties into the wee hours of the morning. He also threw himself a birthday party. The guest list was a real who’s who of Most Evil Humans! Ultimately, Hitler decided to take his ball and go home. (And by that, we of course mean that he shot himself and went to hell.) Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, Norm pulled from: Daly-Groves, Luke. Hitler’s Death: The Case against Conspiracy. Oxford: Osprey Publishing, 2019.Joachimsthaler, Anton, and Helmut Bögler. The Last Days of Hitler: The Legends, the Evidence, the Truth. London, New York: Arms and Armour Press ; Distributed in the USA by Sterling Pub. Co., 1996.Ohler, Norman, and Shaun Whiteside. Blitzed: Drugs in the Third Reich. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2017.Shirer, William L. The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich: A History of Nazi Germany. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2011.Trevor-Roper, Hugh R. The Last Days of Hitler. Seventh edition. London: Pan Books, 1995.Are you enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Then please leave us a 5-star rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts!Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you’ll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90’s style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes for Kristin’s previous podcast, Let’s Go To Court.

Here you are listening to an old-timey podcast. I'm Norman Caruso. And I've always been proud of my belly button, Kristen Caruso. Really? Yeah. True story. When I was a child, I had a neighbor across the street who had an outy belly button. I didn't know that was a thing. I was horrified. And ever since then, I've been really proud and grateful for my any belly button. That's such a heartwarming story. I wonder what kind of belly button Adolf Hitler had. Maybe we'll find out on today's episode,

the thrilling conclusion of the death of Adolf Hitler. Wait, this is the conclusion of the series, or just he's going to die? Just on his death, yeah. Okay, well, that was a little misleading, and I will criticize you for that. But boy, am I excited for this guy to die. Many people were. Hmm. theorists. You hate conspiracy theories. Some are fun. Some are not so much. This one, not so much. The Hitler

one's not so much. Okay, okay. Norm's pretty sure he didn't make it out of the bunker, folks. But I'm going to, I'm going to listen to these episodes and make a decision for myself. I will present both sides. Oh. Then you be the judge. Great. I got to be honest, we've been getting a lot of signups this past week. People have been coming into the Discord saying they signed up specifically because of your Patreon plug on the last episode. Norman, are you talking about the plug that you made fun of as I was doing it? And you were like, oh, this is cringy and embarrassing and ew? That's the one.

Wow. So, sorry, you wanted me to do another plug? What? We do one every episode. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Hang on. Actually, I'm very sorry. I'm sorry.

This is all a bit. This is some sort of bit. What are you doing? What are you talking about? Go ahead. Do your little bit. I just forgot. I forgot to silence my phone. Hang on.

Let me silence my phone. And then I will do a plug. Yeah, sure. Okay. Oh, shit. Okay, you know what? I'm just going to take this real quick. Oh, yeah.

You're getting a phone call? Who is it, who is it, Kristen? Shh. Don't be rude. I'm about to take a phone call. Okay. Hello? Hi, Dolly Parton?

No, no, Dolly. You're not interrupting anything at all. Oh, oh, what's that? You just wanted to say that our Patreon is really great. Norman, quit rolling your eyes. Dolly Parton's on the phone. This is a real phone call. Oh, oh my gosh, thank you so much. Here you come again talking about how for just $5 a month you get access to our Discord, a monthly bonus episode, plus the video version of that episode. Now, Dolly, did you know that at the $7 level you get all that plus a card and sticker? And you get to join our monthly live stream on

YouTube. This month, we're watching terrible movie trailers. Oh, what? Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, no, no. It's just a live stream. So you can watch that from your Tennessee Mountain Home. Okay, I know that you work nine to five, and I'll always love you for that. And I can understand that you want to save that cash for a coat of many colors, but Dolly, it might be wiser to instead become a pig butter investor for just $10 a month. Norm, don't you agree? Dolly, hang on. I've got Norm right here with me. Norm, don't you agree. Absolutely. Yet, you'll get all the benefits we've already discussed, plus early ad-free episodes,

plus video episodes of an old-timey podcast. Now, in conclusion, that's how I end all my phone calls. This sounds like a real conversation you're having with someone. You know, she doesn't like to talk a lot. She's saving her voice. Dolly, I know that wildflowers don't care where they grow, but you can only help our Patreon grow at patreon. slash old-timey podcast.

Uh-huh. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've got to go too. Okay. Well, talk to you later. All right.

Bye. Oh, sorry for that interruption, gang. I know that was a little unprofessional that I took a phone call in the middle of the... We'll probably cut it. We'll probably cut it. Very, very good, Kristen. Words can't express how devastated I am. Your creativity.

You knew that I was doing a bit from the jump. What was it? Was there a twinkle in my eye? It's your world. class acting skills on display. Well, how dare you insult my acting skills? I just, I've known you for 15 years. 15 long years.

I know when you're up to something. You know my tricks. I know when you're going to start a bit. Okay. Folks, if you found that bit entertaining, you should definitely subscribe to an old-timey podcast on whatever platform you listen to podcasts. And hey, give us a five-star rating. for that incredible conversation Kristen just had with Dolly Parton.

Sorry, I just got bored during your plug because, you know. We're going to have to one-up each other on these. Okay, you know what? This is going to get so obnoxious. You've got a slight edge on me, I'll admit. A slight edge! I got a very real phone call from Dolly Parton. No one's calling you up.

I thought my Patreon plug with the combo meal analogy was pretty good, but that was very creative. Thank you. Great job. Thank you. Do we have any mistakes of shame? Yes, I do. Do you really? I kind of blame you, frankly.

Mistakes of shame. What the hell did you do? Okay, everyone, in last week's episode, you'll recall that Norman set me up. It was very cruel. He asked me to tell everyone what I know about Hitler, so I did my very best. And as part of that rambling summary of Adolf Hitler, I said that he ate carpet. He was a carpet muncher. Turns out, what I have learned.

is that he didn't literally eat carpet, which is devastating. It also wasn't a sexual thing. Apparently, that is a bad translation of German. Do you want to fill the people in? No, this is your mistake. You've got to fill the people in. Well, I don't even halfway remember, but basically it's like the Germans, they've got a word for people who throw temper tantrums,

and it's like rug muncher or something. Those crazy Germans, that's right. And so that's what they called Hitler and people translated it. And they were like, this dude was eaten Berber carpet. And anyhow, that's how it got into my brain that way. I know it's devastating for all of us who were thinking that Hitler was throwing himself on the ground and eating carpet squares. Or carpet muncheon. What do you mean, Norman?

Eaton puss. That's why he shaved his mustache that way. How would that help? Kind of streamline it. it lines it all up. You put the little Hitler stash to the landing strip and you know exactly where to be? It lines it up. Okay, great.

Well, anyway, this has been mistakes of shame. Great job. Thank you. So proud of you. Ew. Are you ready to hear about the death of Adolf Hitler? Oh, yeah. Another trigger warning, suicide.

Just thought I'd throw that out there. Animal harm, animal murder. Animal murder. Animal murder. That's right. Animal murder, that's right. Okay. People don't like hearing about animals getting hurt, you know.

I know. I don't know. Once again, I have to put on my MAGA hat. Not really. I do not own a MAGA hat. It's actually in her closet. Shut up. You want to go get it?

Stop. No, I just, I think a trigger warning is unnecessary when we're literally talking. about Adolf Hitler dying. People know what they're getting into. What if they don't know how he died? Listen. What if they thought he got pancake by a dump truck? Listen, if you're clicking on an Adolf Hitler episode, suicide is the least of your troubles with that episode, don't you think?

Like, you know what you're getting into with an Adolf Hitler. Unless you're like, is he just a guy who sold carpet squares and ate up all his profits by munching on every single one of them? Hitler's rug Emporium. Think of how different this world would be. If you got into the carpet and rug industry. Yeah. It'd be a way different world. Okay.

Anyway, I know we're all itching to hear about Hitler, Dian. I am too, but before we do, let's recap the last episode. Also, apologies for any German words or names that I pronounced wrong. I am a Dumma Americana, as the Germans would say. Dumb American? Dumb American. That's rude. Previously on an old-timey podcast.

Do you think that was sexy? Kind of. Calm down, everyone. By 1944, the walls were closing in on Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany. The Western allies of the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and France were moving in from the West. The Soviet Union pushed in from the East. When asked if he would surrender, Hitler said, nine!

Fun fact, that means no in German. Wow. learning so much. Adolf Hitler was a physical and mental wreck. He had eczema, insomnia, depression, panic attacks, vertigo, a recurrent eye inflammation, high blood pressure, stomach cramps, Parkinson's disease. His physician, Dr. Morel, was administering up to 20 different medications a day, including cocaine, meth, and a heavy dose of anti-gas pills for his constant farting. I was going to be so mad if you didn't mention the farts. I've got to mention the farts. I know. I know. At the end of 1944, Hitler launched a

desperate attack against American troops defending the Ardennes Forest in Belgium and Luxembourg. Hitler used all of his reserve troops in this attack, which became known as the Battle of the bulge. But the Americans noticed the bulge, oo-woo, and turned back the German forces. And now, with no reserve troops, Germany's Eastern Front was very vulnerable. In January of 1945, the Soviet Union launched their greatest offensive of the war. They pushed 300 miles in two weeks all the way to the German border at the Oder River. The German army was in full retreat. Hitler went to the German capital, Berlin, hiding in his Fuhr bunker underneath the chancellery building.

He would never leave the city again. His Nazi buddies and his mistress, Eva Braun, joined him. From the bunker, Hitler commanded the defense of Germany while admonishing everyone around him. They were traitors and cowards. On April 16th, 1945, the Soviet Union began their attack on Berlin. More than two million troops moved to encircle the city, but Hitler wasn't going down without a fight. And now, the thrilling conclusion of the death of Adolf Hitler. Dun, dun, dun!

It's okay. We don't need that because I did it. I did it great. Ooh, that was a very good recap. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Okay. In Nazi Germany, the people are represented by one man. a flatulent, delusional, anti-Semitic, racist, egomaniac, Adolf Hitler. These are the stories from the last 10 days of his life.

Oh, that's beautiful. Friday, April 20th, 1945. It's Adolf Hitler's birthday. Oh. Hitler's birthday. It's Hitler's birthday. It's his birthday, birthday today. Notice I didn't wish him a happy birthday because I actually don't want him to have a happy birthday.

Wow, you're so mean to Hitler. Hitler turned 56 years old, and the Russians even gave Hitler a gift. That morning, long-range artillery pummeled the center of the city, where German residents were shopping. Rubble and bodies littered the streets. Hitler woke up at around 11 a.m. and his Nazi friends threw him a little birthday celebration. What's a Nazi birthday celebration like, Norm? It's like a regular birthday celebration, but with swastikas everywhere, basically. However, it was, as one author described it, more of a wake than a celebration.

One attendee said, no one seemed to know what to say. Hitler accepted the congratulations in a cool, almost hostile manner. Awkward. So they all climbed down into a stinky bunker with like their little jello molds. You know, it wasn't clear if the birthday celebration was in the bunker or if it was in the chancellery building. Okay. But they were all in Berlin, which was a dangerous place to be. I bet they were in the bunker.

I don't know. How amazing would it have been if he'd been murdered at his own birthday party? And his last words would have been, this is the worst birthday I've ever had. He said, ooh, German chocolate cake, my favorite. That was his last word. That's great, because German chocolate cake is quite good. I don't think it's actually German, though, is it? Isn't German chocolate cake like an American thing?

Probably, but it's wonderful. Wonderful. Anyway, who was at this birthday party? First up is Albert Speer. We met him last episode. He was Hitler's architect and the Minister of Armaments. Hitler had ordered him to have Germany's military, industrial, transportation, and communication installations destroyed, which was called the Nero Decree. But unbeknownst to old Adolf, Speer opposed the order.

Wait, you're calling him Schpere this time? You called him Speer last time. I guess the German pronunciation is Speer. Oh, yeah, you'd hate to make those Germans angry. But unbeknownst to old Adolf, Speer opposed the order, and he was slowball in it. Slow ball in it. You mean slow walking it? Slow ball.

Oh, I think I do mean slow walking. You do. Do not correct that in the editing. Let the folks know that you wanted it to be a slow ball. He was slow ball in it. He was slow ball in it. Yeah, that's different than slowball. Walkin.

Sure. Yeah. Next up at the party was Joseph Goebbels. We met him last week as well. He was the minister of propaganda and one of Hitler's most loyal Nazis. He stood five foot five and looked like a little rat weasel. For the past few weeks, he had been reading Hitler bedtime stories and horoscopes to cheer him up. Next up we have Herman Gourin.

He was the commander-in-chief of the Luftwaffe, which was the German Air Force. During the First World War, Guring was a decorated fighter pilot. By the end of the war, he had taken over the Red Baron Squadron, who was famous for his frozen pizzas, of course. He wasn't actually. Thank you for clearing that up. I was about to lead a boycott. I was going to stand next to it. I can't believe people are buying these pizzas.

You're like, oh, great, where's your swastika tattoo? That's what I'd say in the frozen food aisle every time I saw someone pick one up. Yeah, I'm more of a tombstone guy myself. No, you know what frozen pizza is good? Motor City Pizza Company, their Detroit style. That's a good-ass frozen pizza. Just so we're clear, this is not a sponsored thing, nor is just passionate about pizzas. I'm just a slut for frozen pizzas, okay?

After the First World War, Guring joined the Nazi party when he heard Hitler give a speech. And he proved he was dedicated to the cause when he got shot in the groin during the Nazis' attempted coup in 1923. Did it blow his balls off? I don't think so. What did it blow off? I think he still had all of his bits and pieces. I mean, the groin includes your thigh, too, right? Well, then I'd be like, excuse me, everyone.

Hey, ladies, I was shot in the thigh. Don't worry. Everything else is still there fully operational. Gering quickly rose up through the ranks and became Reichs Marshall. He was basically second in command for Nazi Germany. If anything happened to Hitler, Gering would take over. Also attending the party was Martin Bormand. He was Hitler's secretary, advisor, and the head of the Nazi Party chancellery.

Bormon was an extremely power-hungry Nazi. He was basically by Hitler's side 24-7. He controlled the flow of information to Hitler, who could speak with Hitler, and he tried to involve himself in decision-making as much as possible. Bormon also hated Hermann Guring, and Guring hated him. They were competing for him. Hitler's love. Sounds like someone's struggling for power.

Everyone, that's a clip of Gordon Ramsey from Kitchen Nightmares. That's right. Oh, that's so gross to think of these grown-ass Nazi men. I love Hitler. No, I love Hitler. I love him more.

And I'm going to approve it. Hey, hey, Hitler, guess how many people I murdered today? I did it for you. It's all for you. Durfure. All for you. And that's where that song comes from. Incredible.

Pretty fucked up when you think about it. We sing a lot of songs on this podcast. Yeah, people are very blessed. And finally, at the party, there was Heinrich Himla, head of the SS. Again, just a refresher, the SS were the elite guard of the Nazi party. They had a police force, military force, intelligence gathering, and they were also responsible for running the concentration camps. Heinrich Himla was known for his loyalty. to Hitler. He had the nickname

the faithful Heinrich. But by now his relationship with Hitler had deteriorated. Himmler felt Germany could no longer win the war. And I do want to point out that Heinrich Himmler basically looked exactly like Hitler but with glasses. It was kind of weird.

And we're sure that they were in the same place at the same time? Yeah. Yeah. Same mustache. Same style haircut. But Himmler had these little mole glasses. During the birthday festivities, Hitler and his best buddies discussed the current situation. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Do you think in the history of time there has ever been a birthday party filled with more evil people than this? I mean, it's kind of incredible when you think about it. Like, just straight up the most evil people. That's a good observation. The evilest birthday party ever held. I mean, Heinrich Himmler and Adolf Hitler in the same room celebrate. a birthday is a lot. Well, all this...

Those two in particular were very bad. Yeah. The worst of the bunch. Okay. During the birthday festivities, Hitler and his best buddies discussed the current situation. And everyone urged Hitler

to get the fuck out of Berlin while there was still time. In two days, the Russians would most likely cut off the last escape route out of the city. And so they said, Hitler, you should take your plane

to your mountain retreat in Ober Salzburg. which is about 450 miles south of Berlin. But Hitler kind of waffled about. He never gave a firm yes or no answer to what he was going to do. I would hate to ask Hitler where he wanted to go out for dinner. Because he's not decisive. Yeah.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah. So instead of giving a yes or no answer on if he was going to leave Berlin, Hitler just kept saying there's nothing to worry about it. The Russian army is going to be defeated in this battle. He was still believing the fairy tale. Oh, yeah. Wow.

And all of his Nazi buddies looked at each other, and they were probably thinking, well, this is absolutely fucked. Time to save our own asses. So most of them left Berlin that day. What about the real loyal guy? Hang on. Okay. Okay. I'm not going anywhere.

Heinrich Himla, he went to Hohen Lichen. It's about an hour northwest of Berlin. Hermann Guring flew south to the mountain retreat at Oberseusberg. both men would never see Hitler again. Oh, so sad. But, Kristen, as you alluded to earlier, a few people decided to stay and hang out in the bunker with Hitler. Joseph Goebbels was fanatically loyal

and he would never leave Der Fuhrer in his time of need. Okay. Martin Bormann saw this as an opportunity to further prove his loyalty and make moves to grab more power in a Nazi regime. Does he realize... See what's going on here? Everything's about to die.

I'm picturing this Martin fella on the Titanic. The iceberg has hit. She's going down. And what's he doing? No, he's not getting on a lifeboat. He's like, can I upgrade my room right now? You know what? I think I will.

Yeah, I was in the storage deck. Could I get up to first close? You know what? I'm going to treat myself? I'm just going to go ahead and go in there. That really is like parachuting onto the deck of the Titanic. It is. Here I am.

So after his birthday party, Hitler had a little award ceremony in the bombed out garden of the Reich Chancellery. He was handing out medals to members of the Hitler youth, who had showed courage in battle by destroying Russian tanks. Yes, Kristen, children were fighting for Hitler at this point. Oh, God. Germany was scraping the bottom of the barrel for people to fight. A large portion of the German fighting force in Berlin were made up of Hitler youth, and members of the Wokhterm. The Wokhterm was a national militia

that called up any man between the ages of 16 and 60 that was not already in the army. They had little to no training, secondhand weapons, and they were extremely ineffective. Well, yeah, I bet so. And they're just going after

these Russian tanks with slingshots, I assume? No, they have a weapon called a Panzafoust. It was basically a rocket on a stick. It launched the rocket. It was actually a very effective anti-tank weapon, but... Wow. They had no military training, had no training in tactics.

Hitler's little award ceremony was the last time he was ever photographed or filmed. And in the video, you can see his hand behind his back shaking uncontrollably. Was his doctor not around to give him more of those cocaine eye drops or whatever? No, we'll get to him in a little bit. Oh, please, yes. So his hand was shaking behind his back as he congratulated the Hitler Youth Boys. historian Anton Yoakumstala summed up the scene perfectly. The scene was macabre.

Hitler stroking the cheeks of children who had just barely escaped a senseless death only to be sent back to the front so that the battle could go on for a few hours longer. The trusting faces of seduced and misused children to whom he proclaimed that the battle for Berlin had to be won. How horrible. After the ceremony, Hitler went back into his bunker. and that was the last time he ever saw the light of day. Uh-uh. I heard he was in St. Louis eating a hot dog in 1957.

Oh, just you wait. Because I watched a fabulous real show called Hunting Hitler. Just you wait. In the evening on April 20th, Hitler spoke with most of his staff in the bunker. Bodyguards, secretaries, valets, stenographers. Wait, was Eva Braun, Eva Braun at this birthday party? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah, she's chilling. All right. So he told most of his staff that it was time for them to go. The situation was only going to get worse, and they had to get out of Berlin. Hitler also claimed that in the coming days, he would fly south and leave Berlin as well, which seemed to reassure everybody, but in reality, Hitler was not going anywhere. And so for the next three nights, most of Hitler's staff fled Berlin. One plane that left contained the personal belongings of Hitler and his mistress,

Ava Braun, and the plane ended up crashing. The day after the plane crashed, Ava Braun wrote a letter to her sister asking if the plane had arrived because it was long overdue. Right. And she wrote, it would be really terrible if something happened to it. Yes. What a terrible thing. Yeah. I hate for your.

Your dresses to be gone. Yeah. I gotta say, I'm kind of surprised he told his staff to leave. Are you surprised by that? No, these were kind of low-level people who didn't really have a say in how the Nazi party operated or worked. Right, but I mean, he just told a bunch of little kids, hey, get out there and be somebody, keep putting yourselves on the front lines. I'm surprised he didn't tell his staff who's making his life easier to stick around. Well, his idea was these people will go south and they'll continue to run the government and, hey, I'll be right behind you.

Plus, the bunker was getting a little crowded. Okay, that makes way more sense to me. Saturday, April 21st, 1945. Hitler woke up at around 9.30 a.m. And he was pretty grumpy. Why? Some Russian artillery woke him up. He was real loud.

The Soviets had made significant advancements north of Berlin during the night. You're leading Nazi fucking Germany and you're not waking up at like 5 a.m. No. So if you remember from our last episode, he was having trouble falling asleep because he was so paranoid, a bomb was going to come crashing down and blow up his bedroom 28 feet below the ground. Sure, sure. So he would stay up to like 5 a.m. having his little tea parties. Oh, popped up on Earl Grey. And he would usually wake up at like 11. Okay. That afternoon Hitler attended his daily military briefing from a tiny room in his bunker. It had only enough room for it. a table and Hitler sat at the table and he studied a map of the area while his generals just stood around and watched. A single light bulb hung down from a wire to light the room. Pretty grim

little office. Hitler believed that the Russians had pushed in a little too far and the Germans had an opportunity to trap them and win the battle. And so he told his generals that the army group of SS General Felix Steina, which was located north of Berlin, They were to swing south and attack the Soviet Union. And then the German 9th Army, which was south of the city, would swing north, and it would create a pincer movement and it would trap the Russians in Berlin. On paper, this is actually a pretty decent strategy. But Hitler was ignoring the fact that both of those armies did not have men, they didn't have weapons, they didn't have equipment, or morale. So they had nothing.

Basically nothing. I mean, if you don't have people, weapons, or the will to do it, you have nothing. These army groups mostly existed only on paper. Okay. Felix Steiner's forces were made up of a bunch of rag-tag troops from various other divisions that had been decimated, and the 9th Army was currently fighting the Russians south of Berlin. And so Hitler was asking them to disengage and then go meet up with Felix Steiner's group from the north, which was just an impossible task.

But it didn't matter to Hitler. He demanded that the attack go out, and if anyone held back their forces, they would, quote, forfeit his life in five hours. I don't know why he had a five-hour window for that. Okay. Yeah. So throughout the day, Hitler waited for news and updates

about Felix Steiner's attack, but he didn't hear anything. And it was starting to piss him off, quite frankly. Well, that evening, Hitler was sitting alone in his office, acting like a big baby with a poopy dipe. And in popped in his personal physician, the foul-smelling Theodore Morel. Remember him, Kristen?

Who could forget it? The stinkiest doctor in all the land. Yeah, he popped in. And he noticed that Hitler was in a, quote, tired, exhausted, and depressed state. Oh. So Morel said, hey, champ. How about a caffeine injection to give you a little boost?

Well, by now Hitler's paranoia is dialed to 11. Uh-huh. He's like, nice try, murderer. Yeah, well, he was convinced that his inner circle wanted to sedate him and then take him out of Berlin. Like, knock him out and fly him. Yeah, that's probably not. I mean, I know I'm talking about Hitler here, but that's probably not the craziest thing. Hitler's making some good points here.

No, shut up. Direct quote from Kristen. Okay. But that's probably not the craziest thing you could think, right? And so Hitler told him, do you think I am crazy? You probably want to give me morphine. Okay. Well, Dr. Morel was shocked, and he denied he would ever do such a thing.

Hitler then said, do you take me for an imbecile? And then he threatened to have Morel shot. Wow! But instead, Hitler ordered him to leave the bunker and, quote, act as if you had never known me. Hmm. Well, I think a lot of these Nazis are going to do exactly that. I also wonder if Hitler was he didn't want people to know about all the crazy medicine he was taking. And so he didn't want people to know that Dr. Morrell was his physician.

But they, people already knew. I mean, the inner Nazis knew. Well, who else is down there? The public doesn't know. Okay. But who's going to find out? I don't know. Okay.

Well, Dr. Morrell was absolutely devastated by what Hitler told him. He apparently, quote, cried like a baby. Oh, my God. I don't think the mass murderer likes me anymore. You know how I feel. Why would you say that? Like, you put me at such an uncomfortable situation. Like, you know I'm not happy.

You know I'm trying to see if it'll work out here. That's Kim Kardashian. Norm, you're amazing. That's what Dr. Morales said. Yeah, yeah. Norm, do you know what that's from? Keeping up with a Kardashian? Well, of course it is.

Is that when she got a divorce? Yeah, from Chris. Chris Humphreys. Well, Dr. Morel and Hitler were basically having the divorce here. Yeah, yeah, very emotional. So Dr. Morel left the bunker and he got on one of those flights that was taking Hitler staff out of Berlin. And so he went south to the Ober Salzburg Mountain Retreat. Gosh, you'd hate to be on a small plane with him, stinking up the joint.

Sunday, April 22nd, 1945. Hitler was once again awakened by Russian artillery at around 9 a.m. This again! He was pretty grumpy about it, but he's feeling optimistic. He's looking forward to hearing updates on General Felix Steina's counterattack. At 3 p.m., he attended the Daily Military Briefing with his generals in that little conference room. The generals didn't have good news. The Russians had made advancements in the north, east and southern parts of the city.

Berlin was almost completely surrounded. my. But Hitler brushed it off. He was like, it's all good. Felix Steiner's counterattack will save us. Did he not think that maybe it was a bad sign that he'd gotten zero updates from Felix? Well, then he asked where Steiner's army group was. And the generals seemed kind of hesitant to answer him. He got some conflicting answers. We don't really know where Steiner is. He's supposed to be like two or three miles away, tops. And oh, we've got scout planes looking for his position. But Hitler kept demanding to know, where is Felix Steiner?

And finally, the generals confessed they had received no word from Felix Steiner, and he had not launched any counterattack. After the war, when Felix Steiner was asked why he did not attack, he replied, quote, I didn't have anything to attack with. I refused to employ the hastily assembled and experienced units. I did not want to lose soldiers in an operation that was doomed from the outset to fail decisively. Wow. The plan of attack was based on facts that no longer existed in reality, only in the fantasies of the chancellery. Wow. Yeah.

Oh, Kristen. When Hitler heard this news, he flew into a fucking rage. Did he eat carpet? If there was any carpet in that bunker, he probably would have. His face turned red, blue, and purple. All of the best flavors of airheads. No, the white ones are really good, too. Oh, the mystery ones?

Yeah, you never know what's going on there. He yelled at all of those generals standing there. They had, quote, deceived and betrayed him. Ignored his direct orders to attack. Hitler bemoaned about all of the. The lies, corruption, treason, and cowardice. They betrayed me. They didn't keep their promise.

They trick me and I don't care anymore. What is that from? It's from the room. Tommy was so. He talks about being betrayed a lot in that movie. Well, you know. Okay. Have you ever seen that meme online of Hitler going apeshit in a meeting and people add

their own subtitles to it? I don't think so. Really? Should I be looking? Should I be looking for it? Hang on. Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Okay, so that is a scene from a 2004 German film called Downfall, which recounts the final days of Adolf Hitler. So this is what that scene is actually about. Hitler learns that Felix Steiner is not going to attack and he fucking goes berserk. Oh, shit. Okay. That's what the scene's actually about. For any history hoes out there who have not seen downfall, fantastic.

Fantastic film. Highly recommend it. Very accurate. And it's free to watch on YouTube. And it's hilarious. It was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film at the Oscars. Bruno Gons, who played Hitler, he should have won an Oscar. Very good movie. Okay. That might just be me being a little slutty history ho. Well, you're a very slutty history ho. I'll say that. Kristen, after this tirade, Adolf Hitler, for the very first time, admitted it was

over. Oh, really? Despite what Chris Daughtry sings, it was over. Don't you dear. It's not over. So Hitler told his generals he was staying in the furor bunker to command the defense of Berlin and then he would kill himself. And his generals were like, oh no, please, please don't do it, Hitler, we love you, Hitler. Go south and continue the fight. And Hitler replied, what do you mean fight? There's precious little more fighting to be done. And then the general said, well, what if you negotiated for peace? And Hitler waved that off and said, well, Hermann Guring is better at negotiating than I am. He can deal with it.

Keep this in the back of your head. It's there, baby. We're going to come back to it. Okay. After his tirade, Hitler shuffled out of the conference room, like a sad little penguin, looking pale as a ghost. Don't insult penguins. Yeah, sorry to penguins. He was hunched over, dragging his feet as he slowly walked down the hall to his study.

A despair fell over the bunkers. One army officer described it as a, quote, funeral parlor. Everyone saw themselves as living corpses. A major topic in all the conversations was when and how one was supposed to kill oneself. How terribly sad for these fucking Nazis. Yeah, Hitler was sulking in his room about all of these. betrayals. Everybody betray me. I don't have a friend in the world. Betrayed by who, though? His generals. They didn't attack when he said, when he told them to attack. Yeah, but they couldn't.

Yeah, well. Humble yourself, you gigantic asshole. Go negotiate for peace. He's not, no, no, not Adolf Hitler. He would never. Of course he would never. I'm just telling this asshole what he should do. You know what he really needs. He needs friends he can trust. I thought you were going to make a joke about frozen pizzas. No, he needs a friend he can trust. And so he called up his little rat weasel friend, Joseph Goebbels, the minister of propaganda. And he asked Goebbels if he and his wife, Magda and their six children would move into the bunker with him. Oh, God.

Slumber party! Goebbels, of course, happily accepted the offer. Not only would he be closer to Der Fuhrer, but. But his own house was badly damaged from bombing, and the bunker would be a much safer place to be. Oh my God. Yeah, bring the kids! They did. They took a few bedrooms in the upper Vor bunker, which were now empty, thanks to all those staff members getting the fuck out of Berlin. Gerbil's six children were aged 12, 11, 9, 8, 6, and 4. You look uneasy.

Yeah. That evening, 60 miles away, head of the SS Heinrich Himla, was on the phone. gossiping about Hitler's little outburst. Oh my God, did you hear what happened today? Well, he would be gossiping about it. I mean. And then he learned that Hitler was planning to stay in Berlin, fight till the last man and then kill himself.

And Himmler commented, Everyone is mad in Berlin. What am I to do? These fuckers. So Himmler's aide suggested he should go back to Berlin immediately and try to talk some sense into Hitler. But Himmler was like, hell no, I'm not going back to Berlin.

No. Instead, Heinrich Himmler decided he would negotiate with the allies himself. Well, they don't want you, dude. They want the top brass. He's top brass. He's head of the SS. They want fucking Hitler. Well, he contacted officials in Sweden, which was a neutral country, about a potential surrender. Monday, April 23rd, 1945. Blum, Monday, you're in my right.

I'm not worth a thing without my way. My swastika. I'm not worth a thing without my cream cheese strudel. There's only about 15 people living in the bunker now. Adolf Hitler, his mistress, Eva Braun, Joseph Goebbels, his wife Magda Goebbels, their six children, and a few bodyguard secretaries, doctors. Martin Bormon, head of the chancellery, was staying in another bunker nearby, but he continued to come into work every day and stay by Hitler's side.

Working nine to five. Don't you dare. Don't you dare use Dolly that way. Dolly, how could you sing that song? Dolly already gave us that amazing, very real plug for our Patreon. Do not besmirch her good name by using it here. Well, golly, I can't believe Martin Bormon kept going to work like that. That's just crazy.

That's not bad, honestly. Martin Bormon's commute was not fun. There was no... Oh, boy, I feel so bad for him. There's no underground passage between Bormons bunker and the Fuhrer bunker, so he had to run above ground and dodge Russian artillery to get to work. Jesus, and you thought your commute was bad. Oh, God. That morning, Hitler ordered his men to empty out his three personal safes and burn everything.

There were letters, notes, memos, and the heart of the ocean necklace. Oh, shut up. Don't tell me to shut up. Don't you wonder what was in those letters and stuff? I do. Like if Hitler's ashamed of it and doesn't want anyone to see it. In his personal safe, yeah, had him all burned. In the afternoon at the Daily Military Briefing, Army General suggested a new plan to save the city.

The German 12th Army, which was defending the Western Front against the Americans, should turn around and haul ass for Berlin. And there they could link up with the 9th Army, which was fighting in the southern part of the city. This plan would hopefully do two things. One, it would let the Americans know that the Germans were no longer interested in fighting them. And then two, the combined forces of the 9th and 12th Army could defeat the Soviet Union and save Berlin. How small do they think the Soviet Union is? They talk about the Soviet Union like there are five people living in Russia. It's delusion land right now.

Okay. We call it Dululu Lemon. Yeah. This was yet another pipe dream, but Hitler was feeling rejuvenated. Perhaps Berlin would be saved after all. Meanwhile, do-l-l-l-l-l-l-do-l-l-oh. Remember yesterday when Hitler said that Hermann Guring was better at negotiating than he was? I do remember. I kept it in the back of my brain. There you go. Well, that information was sent to Guring, who was 450 miles south of Berlin. Oh, he was so flattered. And Gurin wasn't really sure what to do. He was like, is this a suggestion?

Is this an order? He said, quote, if I act now, I may be stamped as a traitor. If I don't act, I'll be accused of having failed to do something in the hour of disaster. So Gurin spoke with his advisors who agreed that by staying in Berlin in the bunker, Hitler was now incapacitated. And that meant Hermann Gurin was in charge. Okay. But Guring was still cautious, and so he sent a message to the bunker. Are you ready to hear his message?

Yes. My viewer! Exclamation point, all caps. Really? Yeah. In view of your decision to remain in the fortress of Berlin, do you agree that I take over at once the total leadership of the Reich? With full freedom of action at home and abroad as your deputy? If no reply is received by 10 o'clock tonight, I shall take it for granted that you have lost.

your freedom of action, and shall consider the conditions of your decree as fulfilled, and shall act for the best interests of our country and our people. You know what I feel for you in this gravest hour of my life. Oh, my God. Words fail me to express myself. May God protect you and speed you quickly here in spite of all, your loyal, Hermann Goring. I think Herman. Herman.

Okay, whatever the fuck. I think Lil Hermon was sobbing as he wrote this, but he also had the biggest boner. Huge boner. That whole, if you don't respond, I'll take that as I am now in charge. Yay, yippee. I'm about to bust. Exactly. Yeah.

So while Hermann Guring was asking permission to take control of Germany, Heinrich Himmler just said, fuck it. I'm going to assume command. he met with Count Folk Bernadotte of Sweden. Sounds made up, but okay. They met in Lubek, Germany. Count Bernadot was a Swedish diplomat and vice chairman of the Swedish Red Cross. He had successfully negotiated with Himmler before for the release of thousands of concentration camp inmates to Sweden.

Wow. Yeah. It's estimated Bernadotte rescued 15,000 people from concentration camps. I completely regret saying he sounds made up, although he does sound kind of like Count Chocula. Himmler told Bernadott that Hitler would be dead in a few days and that he was in charge of Germany now. Woo! Wow.

And he wanted to surrender to the Western Allies and then create a united front and fight the Soviet Union. But, shut the fuck up. Yeah. So Count Bernadot was like, well, I'll try to set something up. But I'm going to need something in writing from you that you're wanting to surrender. And so that night, Heinrich Himmler drafted a surrender agreement by candlelight because British bombs had cut the power to his building and he was hiding in a cellar. Meanwhile, back in the furor bunker.

That message from Hermann Guring arrived. And guess who was the first person to read that message? Oh, that little Martin fella? Goring's rival, Martin Borman. Oh, boy. And this was the moment Bormon had been waiting for. he could finally get rid of Guring. So he took that message to Hitler and he was like,

look at this telegram. Guring is attempting a coup. This is treason. Mind Fure, this man was rock hard when he wrote this. I'm sure of it. He busted everywhere in that mountain retreat. That great wolf lodge will never be the same. So Hitler heard about the message.

He was stunned. He once again flew into a rage. Everybody betray me. I don't have a friend in a world. Gosh, it just makes me so sad. Hitler was like, I always knew Gering was corrupt. Plus, he's a... Sorry.

What? He always knew that Nazi was a bad guy. He always knew he was corrupt, Kristen. Plus, he's a drug addict. Oh, oh. Is he also on the cocaine eyedrops? Actually, Gering was addicted to morphine. But weren't all the Nazis?

I mean, weren't they all on drugs? Wouldn't you have to be? Gering got addicted to morphine after he got shot in the dick during that coup attempt. So it was in the dick and not the thigh? Well, I just say dick, but it was the groin. Okay. I just thought getting shot in the dick is funny. It's true.

Unless it happens to you, and then you're not laughing. That's true. It wouldn't be funny. So he immediately sent a reply back. He told Guring that what he was doing was treasonous, and his punishment. would be death. What?

But because of his long and dedicated service to the Nazi party, he could live if he resigned. And Hitler demanded a yes or no answer, ASAP. Well, Martin Bormon was a little disappointed in that response because he thought Guring was getting off too easily. So behind Hitler's back and under his name, Bormon ordered the SS in Oberstalsburg. to arrest Goering at once, which they did. Martin, you sneaky little bitch. Martin! You know, I'm starting to think that you can't trust these Nazis.

I think you're right. Later that night, Hitler's architect and the Minister of Armaments, Albert Spia, paid his final visit to the Fuhrer bunker. He had come to say goodbye. Hitler was apparently moved by this gesture. And I said, Goodbye to you That's beautiful, Norman

Now remember, after the war was over Speer had always claimed he was the good Nazi Which we history hose knows bullshit So what I'm about to tell you Take this with a heavy dose of skepticism Because this comes from Albert Speer himself He said that he confessed to Hitler That he did not carry out that infamous Nero decree

You know where Hitler had basically ordered him to destroy all means of German production. Right. And Albert Speer expected he would be arrested. But apparently Hitler didn't care. He was too upset about Hermann Goering's message. One historian called this story, quote, pure invention. Yeah.

So who knows if Albert Speer actually confessed all that? I don't think he did. What we do know for sure is he went to the bunker, he said goodbye, and then he pieced out. I guarantee you. It was just, I love you, I miss you. Exactly. Yeah, that's all it was. He sang goodbye to you by Michelle Branch.

That's exactly what he did. Tuesday, April 24th, 1945. At his daily military briefing, Hitler inquired about the 9th and 12th armies, and if they had linked up yet, the generals had bad news. The Russians had completely surrounded the 9th Army south of Berlin. But Hitler was still hopeful that the 12th Army could come in from the West and save the day. How, you absolute nut. In reality, that was not going to happen.

The 12th Army did actually turn around and haul ass toward Berlin, but they didn't make much progress because they were busy helping refugees who were fleeing Berlin. It's estimated the 12th Army fed 250,000 German refugees per day. Wow. And besides that, it was a pretty uneventful day in the fewer bunker. I'm sure Hitler just like farted a whole bunch. Would you say he was a rootin, toot, damn fool? Routin, tutin, shooting damn fool, protecting his chips.

If you've ever wanted to listen to the greatest hip-hop song ever written, as told you by Norman Caruso, a very white man. It's called Ghetto Cowboy by Bone Thugs in Harmony. It's probably one of my favorite hip-hop songs ever made. Please give it a listen. Wednesday, April 25th, 1945. At noon, Russian forces from the north linked up with Ukrainian soldiers from the south in Ketsun, a small suburb west of Berlin. And with that, the Soviet Union had completed their encirclement of Berlin.

And despite this news, Hitler still believed the 9th and 12th Army would come to his rescue. He even said, tonight I am going to bed a little more at ease and wish only to be away. if there is a Russian tank outside my sleeping cabin so that I have time to prepare myself. I say that every night before I go to bed. If there's a Russian tank outside the house. I'm going to go to sleep now? I'm feeling pretty at ease. Just let me know if there's a Russian tank outside. And you'd also fart like Hitler. Wow. I mean, it is true, though.

Yeah. So again, this is all in Hitler's head. The 9th and 12th Army could do nothing. The 9th Army was not only surrounded but split up. And the 12th Army was, was continuing to assist refugees fleeing Berlin. The general of the 12th Army, Walter Wenk, told his soldiers, it's not about Berlin anymore. It's not about the Reich anymore. Wow. Thursday, April 26th, 1945.

As Soviet troops moved into the inner part of Berlin, fierce fighting broke out. A German general described the situation as catastrophic. There was little to no ammo left. And Kristen, you're not going to believe this. Those poorly trained, ill-equipped Volkstrom units, they were deserting. No. They were running away. Good for them.

At his daily military briefing, Hitler's general suggested breaking out of the city with their remaining forces, also known as Cheezing it. Cheezing it. Cheezing it. Get the fuck out of there. Is that something you made up or am I clueless? I think it's from Futurama. Oh, okay. Bender would always say, cheese it, and they'd run away. Okay.

But Hitler refused to cheese it. He said he wouldn't want to be caught in the woods as a runaway. That evening, new guests arrived at the Fjur bunker. New guests! How is he able to convince people to come to this nasty bunker? Oh. Kristen, it was two of Hitler's top eight friends on Minespace. Oh, shut up.

Hannah Reich and General Ritter von Grime. Hannah Reich was a test pilot for the Lueh Uthwaffe. The Nazis used her in a ton of propaganda. She was petite, blonde, blue eyes, big smile, and a pretty fanatical Nazi. Oh. The previous year, Reich had pitched an idea to Hitler called Operation Suicide. Oh. So pilots would fly gliders that had V-1 rockets attached to them, and then they would crash into targets. And this idea was so radical that even Hitler was like, uh.

I don't know about that. Well, isn't that just kamikaze pilot? Japanese would call it a kamikaze pilot. Okay. Yeah. General Ritter von Grime. Gosh, I would love to know more about the ladies of the Reich. Yeah.

Oh, she's got a memoir. Read all about it. Does she? No, yeah. What's she said? Do you know anything about the memoir? I'll tell you later. Okay.

Don't worry. General Ritter von Grime was a high-ranking officer in the Luftwaffe, you know, the German Air Force. Ryshe and Von Grime had been summoned to the furor bunker by Hitler himself. They flew into Berlin in a little recon plane, and on their way to the bunker, their plane was struck by Russian anti-air shrapnel, which tore through Von Grimes' foot. Incredibly, Risch was able to land the plane on a makeshift air strip near the chancellery building, and they got to the bunker. It was a super dangerous, crazy journey, as von Grime was. patched up in the medical office in the bunker, Adolf Hitler appeared. And he said, Everybody betrayed me. I fed up with his world. Listen, this guy just had his foot blown off.

Can you not make it about you, Hitler? Well, he said, Hermann Guring has betrayed us all. General Richard von Grime, you are now the new commander of the Luftwaffe. Wow. And von Grime was like, why did I have to come into the bunker for you to tell me this? Right. Couldn't you like send me a letter or something? Or maybe a phone call? This meeting should have been an email. It should have been an email. Exactly. Yes.

Hannah Reich was oo-ooing at Hitler the whole time, and then she begged him to leave the bunker. And she even offered, I will personally fly you out of here. And she said, quote, you must live so that Germany can live. The people demand it. But Hitler replied, no, if I die, it is for the honor of our country. It is because as a soldier, I must obey my own command that I would defend Berlin to the last. Yeah, it's not that he's just a big piss baby who doesn't want to face consequences. Meanwhile.

Dooloo. Actually, no Dooloo. We're still in the bunker. Oh, okay. Excuse me. There was a guy working in the bunker who decided it was time to get the fudge out of there. Yeah. He was SS officer Herman Fageline. Is everyone named Herman?

Two people. There's been three at least. Just two. All right. Hermon Fageline. was the liaison officer between Heinrich Himmler, head of the SS, and Adolf Hitler. Historians describe Hermann Fageline as an opportunist. He did whatever he had to do in order to advance his career,

and he moved up quickly through the SS ranks. In 1944, Fageline courted and married Ava Braun's sister, Greta, in an effort to get closer to Hitler's inner circle. Gross, okay. Greta was now pregnant with his child, and she was due in the next few weeks. Fageline was also known for being a playboy. He had multiple affairs. One colleague said all Fageline cared about was, quote, his career in a life full of fun.

And that's why he joined the Nazi party. Of course you got to join the Nazi party. There were even rumblings and rumors that Fageline and Ava Braun were banging. which I might believe. Why do you say that? Well, Ava Braun was not banging Adolf Hitler. They were not banging at all. How do you know that?

There's something called historical sources and evidence. Okay, tell me more. Hitler just never, ever, ever talked about women in that way. There was no indication he ever had sex or was interested in sex. Ava Braun complained that she wasn't getting banged. Oh. To friends. I mean, Ava Braun was young woman.

Yeah. Even here in 1945, she's 32. Right. Right. Right. She loved to party. She loved to dance. So did Hermann Fageline.

He was a partier. So, yeah, there were rumors that they were. Or eat, or eat, or eat. You know? Yeah. So Hermon Fageline had been working in the furor bunker and he was a little turned off by all the doom and gloom attitude. Everyone was talking about how they were going to kill themselves and they were talking

about how they were going to do it. And Fageline wanted no part of it. Plus, he knew that Heinrich Himmler was secretly negotiating with the allies. And so, he slunked out. He slunked out? He slunked out. He left a blow-up doll in his place in the bed. Oh, there's Fageline.

He's still slunked out. outside of Berlin, Fageline's boss, Heinrich Himmler, received word back from the Western Allies on his surrender offer. Guess what they said, Kristen? Did they say you're not the top guy? Get out of here? No. They just said, no thanks. Uh-huh. The Allies would only accept an unconditional surrender if it was to everybody, including the Soviet Union. Okay. Himmler was a total numb nuts to think that would work. But then, again. He's a Nazi. Yeah.

Friday, April 27th, 1945. Hitler once again woke up to Soviet artillery. Oh, God damn. What will that ever stop? And he complained that he wasn't getting much sleep. He said, if one really does

fall asleep, then the shelling starts. Sir, you murdered millions of people. I'm so sorry that one of the consequences is that you don't get a full eight hours. Yeah, also, you know your city is currently in a battle right now, right? And you're like in the middle of it. It's so annoying.

Soviet troops were pushing toward the center of the city. Any attempts by the German army to repel the Russians had failed? Martin Bormann was getting a little nervous now. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. But he had to be strong for Der Fuhrer. He wrote in his diary, We will stand and fall with the furor, faithful until death. Later in the day, Hitler was shuffling around the bunker,

and he was looking for Herman Fageline, the SS liaison officer, who had secretly cheesed it yesterday. He'd pop his head into rooms. Hey, where's Fageline? Hey, you seen Fageline? But no one knew where Fageline was. Yep.

So that made Hitler super suspicious. And he said, why would anyone want to leave this awesome, fart-filled bunker? So he sent out an SS squad to go find Hermann Fageline, and they found him in his apartment, wearing civilian clothes, drunk as a fucking skunk. Really? He was getting ready to flee to either Sweden or Switzerland.

He was in a pair of cargo shorts, Tommy Bahamah Top. Flip-flops, straw hat. Just drunk off my towel. That's right. So the SS squad took him back to the chancellery, and they threw him into a makeshift jail. So after they found Fageline, Hitler's suspicions only grew. Hmm, why did Fageline leave? And, you know, on that note, I haven't really heard from his boss either, Heinrich Himmler. What the hell is he up to? Saturday, April 28, 1945, Hitler was delusionally still hoping the 9th and 12th Army could save Burlington.

Man. Dude, it's not happening. Do you think he subscribed to like the weird positive thinking? I know it's weird to say positive thinking. The power of positive thinking. But it just, it does seem like kind of that mindset of, nope, the idea that this will go poorly for me, I'm just not thinking it. Nope, nope, nope, nope. He actually read the secret.

And so he like put up a picture of a beautiful picture of Berlin and he woke up and looked at it every morning. He's like, this is what I want. It's his vision board, yeah. Early in the morning, a message went out to the military high command. The Fuhr expects most urgent help. There are only 48 hours left. If no help has arrived by then, it will be too late. The Fuhrer asked me to repeat that again, triple exclamation point.

Okay, that's just desperate. You got to slow down on the exclamation points. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to sound too desperate. If Hitler is on Tinder, chill out, dude. So Martin Bormann, he was in particular very concerned about being rescued. He commented, instead of urging the troops forward to our rescue, the men in authority are silent. Treachery seems to have replaced loyalty.

They must prove their loyalty to D'erfureur by coming to D'Refuror's aid as soon as possible. Bormon was only trying to save himself. He may have talked a big game about being faithful to Hitler, but inside he was a skierer little dipey boy. Ew. I just put myself. In the afternoon, the Fuhrer bunker heard a BBC report from London. Bebe, beep, beep, de, d.

Yes, by this point, radio communication in the bunker had broken down so much that Hitler had resorted to getting updates from the BBC. Wow, I didn't even think about what that meant. Yes. The BBC was reporting that the head of the SS, Heinrich Himmler, had attempted to negotiate a surrender with the allies. Hitler couldn't believe it. He had always referred to Himmler as his faithful Heinrich. And then he goes and does something like this.

Heinrich Himmler was now number one on Hitler's list of top five worst betrayals. They betrayed me. They didn't keep their promise. They tricked me and I don't care anymore. Hermann Fagelines attempted to, escape from Berlin was now making a lot more sense, and now Fageline would be punished for it. Oh. What happened next isn't quite clear. We have multiple accounts.

So one account says that Hitler ordered Fageline to be shot. Ava Braun begged Hitler to spare her brother-in-law's life, but he said... Hell no. Another account says that Army High Command looked Fageline in the eye and said, Let's go to court? Let's go to court. What? Who has time? I know. Fageline was court-martialed for treason.

Okay. But during his trial, he apparently... Wait, they had a trial? They had a court-martial. But during the trial, he apparently cried, vomited, and pissed on the floor. Oh, no. And the generals felt he was in no condition to stay in trial, so they turned him back over to the SS, and then the SS just killed him. Oh.

Either way, we know for sure that... that Hermann Fageline was dead. Next time I get in trouble, I'm doing this. Crying, pissing myself, vomiting everywhere. Those three combined will get you out of any situation. I bet they would, honestly. Because it's like, well, this is a mess. And also, we better just leave this lady alone.

If we were about to record an episode of this podcast, and I was crying, pissing on the floor, and vomiting. I'd say, you'd get your ass in front of that microphone, I'd say. And I'd say, You know how I feel. Why would you say that? Like, you put me at such an uncomfortable. situation like you know I'm not happy you know I'm trying to see the work out here do you love that

I added that to this I love it it's so unexpected it feels like a gift just for me it was for you baby also have you seen Kim Kardashian try to cry yes I watched a like a 10 minute compilation of Kim Kardashian crying it's incredible and that's where I pulled this so yes hermann fageline was dead but Hitler was not satisfied because now he wanted Heinrich Himmler arrested. So Hitler went to his little buddies that had flown into the bunker a few days ago, Hannah Reich and General Ritter von Grime, and he ordered them to fly out of Berlin and go arrest Heinrich Himmler. Wow. Reich and Von Grime were pretty bummed about it because they wanted to kill themselves in the bunker with Hitler.

Are you making us leave? They wanted like the prestige of, okay. Hannah Reich would later write, It was the blackest day when we could not die at our furor side. Wait, so her memoir is like, yeah, I was a Nazi, and I know it. No, this was during her interrogation, she said that. Oh, okay. I think you're going to look into this lady when you're done.

I think I am, too. I'm pretty fascinated. She was a legit test pilot. She had many flying records. She was the first woman to pilot a helicopter. Ever? Ever. Wow.

Yeah. Very accomplished pilot. Uh-huh. But also a fucking Nazi. Yeah. Yeah. At his afternoon military briefing, Hitler learned that the Soviets were only a few blocks away from the chancellery.

German troops could hold out for maybe a day. Two days tops. The end was near. Sunday, April 29th, 1945. At around midnight, Hannah Reich and General Ritter von Grime somehow took off in another plane and they made it out of Berlin. Apparently Russian troops spotted the little plane and were convinced it was Hitler flying out of the city, but they were unable to shoot it down. So rumors started spreading that Hitler had escaped Berlin. Yeah.

General Ritter von Grime and Hannah Reich flew out of Berlin and they found Heinrich Himmler. And they were supposed to arrest them, remember? Right. But according to Himmler, all they did was just say, I'm very disappointed in you. Okay. So, yeah. What do you make of that? I think at that point, they're like, what's the point of arresting him?

Like, the war is literally about to end. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And again, Heinrich Himmler was a major dude in the Nazi party. Yeah, you're not just going to go arrest him. Yes. He was the head of the SS.

Right. Million-man paramilitary group. If you arrest him, you have the entire SS. Potentially coming after you. Yeah. After Hannah Reich and Ritter von Grime left the bunker, Hitler's next order of business was to make an honest woman of Ava Braun. Oh, my God.

At around 1 a.m., they got married. Ew. Hitler had always shunned marriage in the past. But, hey, now that things were basically over, it was time. Plus, he was touched that Braun was so loyal to him. That'll happen when you groom a kid.

Meet them when they're 17 and you're 40-something. Groom, groom, groom, got to get that groom, groom, groom. Yeah, after last week's episode, I did look into Ava Braun a little bit. There's really not much out there about her. No. Well, again, no one even knew about her until she was dead already. Yeah. You're going to cover her future episode?

Well, I don't know if there's not much about her. Well, we have declared July Nazi month on an old-time podcast, so you better cover Ava Braun. So yeah, they got married. Minister of Propaganda, Joseph Goebbels, and head of the chancellary, Martin Borman. They served as witnesses, and they were Hitler's best men. Wow. I wonder what little tuxedos they were wearing. I bet you they were in their Nazi uniforms.

They were. So they had to make the ceremony official, but they needed a notary to fill out and sign the marriage certificate. And there was no notary in the bunker. So they literally found one fighting in the streets with a Volkssterm unit. He was in that national militia. Are you serious? They pulled him from the streets and brought him to the furor bunker. Did they shout, is anyone a notary?

Hey. Does I have notary out here? Yeah. Wow. Hitler and Ava swore that they were of Aryan descent and that they had, quote, no hereditary disease to exclude their marriage. Does that mean? I don't really know. And I tried to find an explanation.

Okay. Disease free, apparently. Hmm. Well, that made it official. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you for the first time. Mr. and Mrs. Hitler. Oh, God. Ava Braun initially signed the marriage certificate as Ava Braun, but then crossed it out.

and put Ava Hitler. Adorable. Then that notary left and he went back to fighting in the streets. He died the next day, shot in the head. Wow. Yeah. Over a wedding breakfast and champagne, Hitler, his new bride and the other Nazis talked about the good old days.

Wait, I thought Hitler didn't drink. Well, he probably didn't have champagne, but everyone else did. Okay, okay. Heard you say, what happened to the good old days? Where they long gone. Just a bunch of Nazis reminiscing. they were long gone, Hitler admitted that national socialism was dead. Thanks to all of those betrayals. Everybody betrayed me. I fed up with his world. He said that killing himself was the only

way out now. After the ceremony, Hitler and one of his secretaries went into his private study, where he would dictate his last will and testament. And boy, was it a doozy, Kristen. Okay. Want to hear some of the highlights? Absolutely. So here's his first bold claim. He never wanted a war to begin with. Motherfucker, what?

It is untrue that I or anybody else in Germany wanted war in 1939. It was wanted and provoked exclusively by those international statesmen who either were of Jewish origin or worked for Jewish interests. Hmm. They blame the Jews for starting World War II. Okay, that's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Hitler actually wanted a peaceful solution to every country. A peaceful solution, but the final solution is we kill all the Jews.

Yeah. Okay. But he said his offer was rejected because, quote, the ruling clique in England wanted war, partly for commercial reasons, partly because it was influenced by propaganda put out by the international jury. Wow. It's a long, ridiculous stream of bullshit. Yeah. Basically, Hitler blamed the Jews for everything, including their own genocide. It's disgusting last will and testament.

And then he declared he was going to die in Berlin. I shall not fall in the hands of the enemy who require a new spectacle presented by the Jews to divert their hysterical masses. I have therefore decided to remain in Berlin and there to choose death voluntarily at that moment when I believe that the position of the furor and the chancellery itself can no longer be maintained. I'm taking my ball and going home. And it's because everyone else is unfair and cheating. Also, Hitler kicked Hermann Gurring and Heinrich Himmler out of the Nazi party. Take that! He wrote, apart altogether from their disloyalty to me,

Gurin and Himmler have brought irreparable shame on the whole nation by secretly negotiating with the enemy without my knowledge and against my will, and also by illegally attempting to seize control of the state. It's basically, you're not in the club anymore. Get out. This is kind of like Godzilla saying to a town, as punishment, I am leaving now. That's right. I hope this teaches you a valuable lesson. Finally, at the end of his last Will and Testament, Hitler appointed his successors.

Successors to what? The Nazi party. It's going to keep going, baby. Well, sadly it's not. Okay. Who we got? Some guy named Herman? Martin Bormon, who is head of the chancellery, he was getting. Getting promoted, he was now head of the entire Nazi party.

Wow. Little Rat Weasel, Minister of Propaganda, Joseph Goebbels, he would be the new Chancellor of Germany. Woo! What an honor. And finally, it's the moment we've all been waiting for, folks. The new president and supreme commander of the armed forces of Germany. Who's it going to be, boy?

Who is it, Kristen? Who? Grand Admiral Carl Dunitz. Who's that? That's what I just wrote. Who the fuck is Carl Dunitz? Okay. It was kind of a left field selection.

Okay. It's like... Keep the people guessing. So Hitler felt the army had betrayed him. He thought the Air Force had betrayed him. But you know who didn't betray him? The Navy. Carl Dunitz was the guy in charge of the German Navy.

And so Hitler put him in charge of everything. Had Hitler just not really been... paying attention to the Navy and that's why he thought that that Navy guy had done? No, he was paying attention to the Navy, but the German Navy was tiny. Yeah. But they'd done a bang up job. Hitler ordered his successors to set up a new government outside of Berlin to keep the Nazi dream alive. He finished his last Will and Testament around 4 a.m. and then he went to bed. Messengers were sent out of the bunker to deliver copies of the document to all the various

new men in charge. Martin Bormon was feeling relieved. Ooh, not only did he get a promotion, but Hitler was telling him to leave Berlin. He's like, sweet. Yeah. But he wouldn't get promoted until Hitler was dead. So he had to wait until Hitler died.

So he was sticking around for now. Joseph Goebbels didn't seem very happy about his promotion. It's kind of sad. He didn't want to leave Hitler's side. He wrote in his diary, The Fuhrer has ordered me to leave Berlin. for the first time in my life, I must categorically refuse

to obey an order from Dürfjurer. My wife and children join me in this refusal. Oh, wow. I don't think his kids gave two fucks about his little promotion. Joseph Goebbels' plan was to stay in the bunker for as long as possible,

and then he was going to kill himself, his wife, and his six children. Oh, God. In the afternoon, Hitler had his dad, daily military briefing with his generals, and they reported that the Soviets had launched an all-out assault on the city center, and they were about a quarter of a mile from the chancellery. They had received no word from the 9th or 12th Army. Hitler was now calm, soft-spoken. After the military briefing, the bunker received a news report that Hitler's best buddy from

Italy, Benito Mussolini, was dead. For those history who's who's don't know, he was the dictator of Italy. Mm-hmm. Inspired Hitler in many ways when he was forming the Nazi party. Wow. Yeah, Mussolini was like the OG fascist. Okay. Italian partisans had caught Mussolini and his mistress trying to flee to Switzerland.

They were both shot. Their bodies were strung up to the roof of a gas station, and people pelted their bodies with stones. Wow, what a way to go. Hitler was more than likely terrified of suffering a similar fate when he heard this news. And so he was now meeting with some doctors in the bunker and discussed the various ways he could kill himself. And the doctor suggested a cyanide capsule because it worked quickly and it was painless. To test the effectiveness of the cyanide, Hitler ordered them to use a capsule on his best friend, his German Shepherd dog, Blondie.

Hitler left the room, the doctors forced open Blondie's mouth, crushed a capsule inside with a pair of pliers, and Blondie died instantly. The doctors brought Hitler back in to show him how quick and painless it was. Hitler looked at Blondie, laying motionless on the floor. He said nothing, and then he shuffled into his bedroom. Ava Braun's Scottish Terriers, Niggis and Katushka, were both shot and killed. Not enough cyanide to go around? I guess not. Before midnight, Hitler received final confirmation.

The 9th and 12th Army were now in a defensive position. they could no longer be counted on to relieve Berlin, the end had finally come. Monday, April 30th, 1945. At around 2.30 a.m., Hitler met with everyone still remaining in the bunker. He wanted to say goodbye. He met with each person, shook their hand, and mumbled a few words. Hitler then released everyone from their loyalty oath to Der Fuhrer and encouraged them to escape Berlin and surrender to the Americans or the British.

and then he went to bed. After this little goodbye ceremony, a party broke out. Woo! Yeah! Really? As one historian put it, now that the furor's strict control of their lives was over,

they would seek pleasure where and how they could find it. People were dancing, drinking, they were blasting music, and it got so rowdy that Hitler had to come out from his bedroom and asked them to quiet down. Mm. Hmm. Guys, it's like four in the morning,

and I'm going to kill myself in a few hours. Could you keep it down? That is a weird vibe. Right? Yeah, that's strange. Hitler woke up. He only got about three hours of sleep that night, thanks to that party. Gosh.

The Soviet artillery was still going on. Geez. At noon, Hitler attended his daily military briefing. Man, this guy loves his job, doesn't he? Mm-hmm. No quiet quitting here. You love to see it. He got the same old bad news.

The Russians were just a block away from the chancellery. Oh. A block away. Well. Hitler was, as the notorious B.I.G. once said, ready to die and nobody can save me. After the military briefing, Hitler ordered one of his aides to gather as much gas as possible, because after he and Ava Braun were going to commit suicide, he wanted their bodies to be cremated. So the Soviets couldn't parade their corpses around, like Benito Mussolini and his mistress. At 2 p.m., Hitler ate lunch with his secretaries and his cook in complete silence.

Awkward. Ava Braun apparently did not join them for lunch. She was not hungry. After lunch, at around 3.30 p.m., Hitler and Ava Braun said their final goodbyes, and they went into Hitler's room, and everyone waited outside the door. Soon they heard a single shot. When they opened the door, they saw the scene. Eva Braun was dead on the sofa, sitting comfortably. She had taken a cyanide capsule because she wanted to be a, quote, beautiful corpse. Ew.

Hitler sat next to her on the sofa, blood dripping down his face. He had decided not to use poison and instead took the soldiers' way out. He shot himself with a pistol in his right temple. Both bodies were taken up to the chancellery garden for their cremation. Hitler was kind of a mess. His body was wrapped in a blanket. They had to wait a few minutes because the Russians were shelling the area. And during a break in the action, they threw their bodies into a crater, poured gas over them, and lit them on fire.

Everyone around gave a Nazi salute, but that got interrupted because the Russians started firing artillery again, so everyone ran back inside the bunker. Adolf Hitler, one of the evilest men in history, was dead. And now it was time to bring in the new. Nazi staff. The succession plan is underway. This is ridiculous. Hitler's new successor, Grand Admiral Karl Dunitz. He had still not heard that he was now in charge.

The messengers were having a little trouble getting out of Berlin. I bet they were. Yeah. So Martin Bormon sent Dunitz a message over the radio. In place of the former Reich Marshal Gurin, the Fuhrer appoints you as his successor. Written authority is on its way. You will immediately take all such measures as the situation requires. When Dunitz got the message, he was like, what the fuck?

He had literally zero interest in running Germany, and he had never been given so much as a hint that Hitler wanted him to take over. Right. He was a career military man. He had assumed Himmler or Gering would run the country. Yeah. But he wasn't one to disobey an order. So he was like, all right, I guess I'm in charge now. I'm the new president of Germany.

Oh, my God. Joseph Goebbels was now the chancellor of Germany. Martin Bormon was the head of the Nazi party. And the two of them sat in the bunker mourning the loss of their old pal Edolf. Bormon was ready to leave and to try to keep running the government. But it's kind of dangerous to leave Berlin. Joseph Gerbils had decided he was going to kill himself and his family. But at the very last minute, the two men came up with a last-ditch effort idea to save everyone.

Tuesday, May 1st, 1945. Are you ready for their great idea? Yeah, it's to go to Brazil or something, right? They were going to try and negotiate a surrender with the Soviet Union. Oh. Okay. Those folks out west didn't want to. How about you guys?

That's right. Okay. We're heading east. Now, keep this in mind, Kristen. They're completely surrounded. They have no hope of winning the battle. Soviet troops are a block away. Right.

Their leverage is zero. Yep. They have no leverage, okay? At around 3.30 a.m. General Hans Crapes, the chief of staff of the German Army High Command, met with Soviet General Vasili Chukal. He was the commander of the Soviet troops in Berlin. And they sent General Hans Crabes because he spoke Russian.

Okay. Goebbels and Bormon requested a safe passage to leave Berlin and keep running the government. Shut up. What? Yeah. That is so ridiculous. Hmm. But wait till you hear what the Soviets get in return. You're going to love this.

Oh, I'd love to hear it. In return, the Soviets can have Berlin. What do you think? No. They could have all of Germany at this point. Hell no. I mean, seriously, couldn't they just be like, no, we're taking everything? Well, let's see how it goes.

Okay. General Krebs started the negotiation with some flattery. No. He said, today is the 1st of May. A great holiday for our two nations. For those unaware, the 1st of May is National Labor Day. Oh, okay. I did not know. Big fucking deal in the Soviet Union.

All right. Chukov replied, we have a great holiday today. How things are with you over there, it's hard to say. Ooh. Yeah, I'm doing well. You look like shit. Fun fact about National Labor Day.

The Nazis actually implemented Labor Day in like the 30s, and it was kind of a way to appease the Social Democrats. So the Nazis were anti-union, all that shit. Sure. And so they're like, well, what if we? gave you National Labor Day. And that was enough to get some social Democrats to be on the Nazi side. I'm sure it was. A day off?

Yeah. You get a day off. Yeah. Oof. So. Got to read the fine print. Yeah. Side effects.

Side effects include we murder everyone. Yeah. So yeah, General Chukov just busted Krebbs' ass right there. Mm-hmm. Crabes dropped some bombshell news on Chukov. He said, Hitler and his. wife had killed themselves in the bunker.

And when he heard this news, General Chukov just stared back with a blank expression. But internally, he was like, holy shit. Okay. For multiple reasons. One, he had no idea Hitler was married. Yeah, you're right. Okay. Two, he had no idea there was a bunker underneath the chancellery.

Oh. Three, he thought Hitler had escaped Berlin in that little plane. Right. He didn't know he was dead. So Chukov wanted to remain in a position of power in this negotiation. So he simply lied and said, yeah, we know all that. He should play poker. He should not.

He should continue doing exactly what he's doing right now. And then he simply refused the Germans offer of surrender. Chukov demanded the unconditional surrender of all German troops fighting in Berlin, as well as everyone in that smelly fart-filled bunker. How do you think you would do in a negotiation like this? Whose side am I on? Well, God, who's do you think? The Russians?

Yeah, put yourself in that. Oh, man. If I heard that Hitler was dead, I'd be like, oh, shit. And he was married. What? I'd be contacting fucking TMZ immediately. I am very impressed by anyone who can take in shocking information without having their face go, what? Yeah, Vasili Chukov was a badass.

I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure he'd been drinking vodka since he was three months old. He's just, like, living life. Well, and you got to understand, they had been at war with the Germans since 1941. Germans have killed millions and millions and millions of Soviets. Yeah. Tons of atrocities.

He was fucking done with the Germans. Yeah. The fact that he even had this meeting is, like, you know, insane. Okay. So General Krebs slunked back to the bunker. You bully. And he told Gerbil's and Borrm on the news, and that was that. That evening, Joseph Gerbil's six children were playing in the bunker, and their mother, Magda, came into their room and said they had to take some medicine to stay healthy.

A doctor came in gave all the kids injections. It was morphine, which made them drowsy and knocked them out. Then cyanide capsules were crushed into their mouths. killing all the children. Joseph and Magda Goebbels then went into the Reich Chancellery Garden and committed suicide. Some say it was by gunshot. Others say they took cyanide capsules. Their bodies were thrown into a crater and burned. At around 9 p.m., the bunker underneath the chancelary was set on fire and everyone left,

including Martin Bormann. He was cheeszing it to try and escape Berlin. At around 10 p.m., German radio finally announced that our furor, Adolf Hitler, fighting to the last breath against Bolshevism, fell for Germany in his operational headquarters in the Reich Chancellery, or did he? On the next episode of an old-timey podcast,

we'll explore the various conspiracy theories that Hitler was able to escape Berlin alive. But before we go, I'd like to do a brief, where are they now segment? They're all dead. Most of them are. But I'd like to kind of tell you what happened to everybody. Okay. Let's start with Hermann Gurin.

Gurin was put under arrest by SS troops under orders from Martin Bormon, and he was supposed to be executed. But after the news broke that Hitler was dead, everyone was kind of like, eh, whatever. And Goring was free. They just let him go. Okay. Goring then surrendered to American troops. He was put on trial at Nuremberg and charged with conspiracy, waging a war of aggression, crimes against humanity,

and the murder and enslavement of civilians. He was found guilty on all counts and sentenced to death. Guring requested a death by firing squad, but he was denied. He bit down on a cyanide capsule and killed himself, avoiding his execution. Wow. Yeah. How did they want him to die, if not by firing squad? Hang on. Okay.

Heinrich Himla. After his failed surrender offer to the Americans, Heinrich Himmler went into hiding. He disguised himself as a sergeant in the German army named Heinrich Hisinger. He didn't change his first name, which I thought was weird. Yeah, that's a real lack of confidence that you can't, you know, pick a new one. On May 23rd, 1945, a few weeks after Germany's surrender, Himmler was stopped at a checkpoint and detained. British intelligence were able to determine who he actually was. During a medical examination, Himmler bit down on a cyanide capsule and killed himself.

Wow. Albert Spia. Hitler's architect and minister of armaments was arrested by the Allies and stood trial at Nuremberg. He was found guilty of war crimes and crimes against humanity, but he only received a 20-year sentence. Why? He had been very very very, convincing on the stand that I'm just an architect. I was just following orders. I was the good Nazi. Did he? I tried to kill Hitler. Did he tell a lot of stories on other Nazis? Like was cooperative? Oh yeah. Very cooperative. There you go. That's it. After his release in 1966, he published several books about his time in the Nazi regime. Oh, go to hell. Perpetuating that good Nazi myth, he died in 1981 at the age of 76.

Theodore Morel. Dr. Morel. He was last seen sobbing, leaving the bunker after Hitler yelled at him. He fled south to the Obosalesburg Mountain Retreat. Morel was eventually arrested by the Allies. His interrogators were reportedly disgusted by his obesity and lack of hygiene. Why were they so mad that he was fat? Like, who cares?

I don't know. Okay. All right. They wrote it down, though. this man is disgusting he was never charged with any crimes he died on May 26th 1948 in poor health

General Ritter von Grime His new position As the commander of the Luftwaffe was very short-lived American troops took him prisoner In Austria on May 24th He committed suicide in prison with a cyanide capsule God damn

And now we get to Hannah Reich Hanna Reich Hannah Reich would also be captured by the Allies and imprisoned for 18 months. I think I should mention this story because I heard about it and I was like Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. During this time when she was arrested, Hannah Reich's family was taking refuge in Salzburg, Germany, and her father heard a rumor that the Americans were going to deport them back to their hometown in Poland, which was under Soviet control.

Okay. And I guess that scared the hell out of Hannah's father. So he killed Hannah's mother, Hannah's sister, and her sister's three children before killing himself. Oh, my God. Killed everybody. After her release from prison, Hannah Reich continued to pilot aircraft and set flying records. She also wrote a memoir, surprise, surprise. She denied ever knowing anything about the Holocaust and believed when she heard about it, it was Allied Propheaval.

She died in 1979 of a heart attack at the age of 67. Wow. Mm-hmm. Hearing these dates, you just realized that this didn't. This was not long ago at all. Yeah, so her memoir is about how she got into flying, all of her setting all those flying records. She talks about... There's like a footnote about, and I was also a Nazi.

No, there's a good section on the Nazi stuff too. Okay. But it's a lot of denial. And a lot of it, like, oh, I didn't know. I just loved Germany. I loved my country. I think it'd be hard to lie about not knowing about concentration camps when you're flying all over the place. Buzz, buzz.

Wouldn't you look down and see some stuff? Yeah. So she had heard about the concentration camps and she asked Hermann Guring about it. And he was like, oh, that's just British propaganda trying to make Germany look bad. Bullshit. And she said she believed him. Yeah. Martin Borman.

He had joined a breakout group with other high-ranking Nazi officials to try and escape Berlin. They headed south and they made it to a railway station across the Spree River. And one member of their group, his name was Arthur X-Men or Artur X-Men. He was the head of the Hitler youth. And he decided he was going to split off and go his own way. Go his own way. But Axman quickly realized that was a bad idea. He was spotted by Soviet troops and he ran back to his group.

And when he got back, he noticed Martin Bormon was now dead, laying near the railway. But Axman kept running because he was running away from Soviet troops. Right. So he didn't have time to check to see how Bormon died. I'm guessing cyanide capsule. Interesting. That's a really good guess. Well, that's how all these fuckers are dying.

After the war, the Soviet Union never claimed to have found Martin Bormon. And so rumors swirled for almost 30 years that Bormon had escaped Berlin and was living in South America. Yeah, hunting Bormon. We've all seen the show. That's right. The West German government offered a reward of 100,000 marks, which is $270,000 today for the capture of Martin Bormon. In 1963, a postal worker came forward and claimed that the Soviets had asked him to bury some bodies near that railway station. And he believed one of the bodies he buried was Martin Bormons. But excavations failed to uncover any bodies.

Nine years later, in 1972, construction workers were working at the railway station, uncovered human remains. And they were confirmed to be Martin Bormon. They found his body 39 feet from where the postal worker claimed he buried the bodies. Wow. Autopsy showed Martin Bormon had taken a cyanide capsule and killed himself. Very good, Kristen. But why would the Soviet Union deny having buried him or deny having found his dead body? Excellent question. I'm going to get into that in the next episode.

Are you cliffhanging me? Yes. Okay, I'm just a curious history, ho. Yeah, it is very interesting. Now let's talk about Carl Dunitz. Yeah. He served as the president of the new German Reich for about three weeks. Okay.

He knew there was no point in further resistance. On May 7, 1945, he authorized Germany's unconditional surrender to the Allies officially ending the war in Europe. Yep. Dunitz was arrested on May 23rd, 1945, by the British, and stood trial at Nuremberg. He was found guilty of crimes against peace and war crimes. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison.

That's it. Surprise, surprise. He wrote a memoir in 1958. He maintained he did nothing wrong and he did everything out of the duty to his nation. But make no mistake, Dunitz was a hardcore Nazi and had unwavering support for Adolf Hitler. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Here's a little side story about Dunitz, which I thought was interesting. In the 1970s, a neo-Nazi conspiracy theorist named Manfred Roder believed that Caro Dunitz was still legally the president of Germany, and he actually got in contact with Dunitz. But Dunitz said, that is a ridiculous idea, and he basically brushed the guy off. Right. So Roder was like, well, I guess he resigned, so I'm going to deconial. declare myself the new leader of Germany. What?

Roder would later be arrested and imprisoned for terrorist attacks in Germany. For how long? 13 years. How did I know it would be for longer than this other asshole? Longer than the actual Nazi. Yeah. Carl Dunitz died of a heart attack on Christmas Eve in 1980. He was 89 years old.

Good God. This is amazing to me how little time. some of these people did. I guess being in America where, you know, we lock people up for pot. But yeah, it just doesn't feel like that long ago, huh? It wasn't that long ago. No. Well, there you know, Kristen.

Now you know about the death of Adolf Hitler and his final 10 days in the bunker. Wait, so were his and Ava's bodies burned? We're going to get into it in the next episode. Okay. You're kind of a sneaky little snake. Because you had the gasoline on the... This is how the conspiracy theories, it's all part of those conspiracy theories and what the Soviets were presenting to people after the war. Right.

A lot of fucking lies and deceit and. Lies and deceit, huh? Double lies. And dishonesty, too. Yeah. I can't get over the couple murdering their own children and then killing themselves. Yeah. I read one source that said the eldest daughter who was 12, she fought back.

Yeah. She was super suspicious of that injection and she didn't want to take it. They had to hold her down and give it to her. What a horrible, horrible, but very interesting story. Well, actually, I just made all of that up because Hitler actually escaped from Berlin and he went to South America. Norm, you tricky little trickster. Got them. So next week, we're going to dive into some conspiracy theories.

I'm thinking we're going to make some little tinfoil hats and wear them. We should. Yeah. We should. Oh, my gosh. So is it just going to be a three-parter or are you thinking four? So next week we're going to do the conspiracy theories. Okay.

And then if there's enough interest, I'm going to kind of gauge how people are feeling. Mm-hmm. I want to go into the actual official investigations into Adolf Hitler's death that the Russians did, the British did, and the Americans did. Okay. Because there was a lot of mystery around it. Mm-hmm. As you alluded to, you were wondering, well, their bodies were burned? Did they find the bodies?

What happened? I was just being a curious history, ho. Well, there were a lot of curious history hoes back then, too. Okay. Are you trying to tell me I'm not special? You are not special in any way. Wow! I know how I feel.

Stop it. Shall we wrap it up? You know what? I think we should. You know what they say about history hoes? We always cite our sources. You're damn right. And for this episode, I got my information from

The Last Days of Hitler, the Legends, The Evidence, the Truth by Anton Yoakumstala. The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shire, The Last Days of Hitler by Hugh Trevor Roper, and Hitler's death, the case Against Conspiracy by Luke Daly Groves. Against conspiracy. That's right. That's all for this episode. Thank you for listening to an old-timey podcast.

Please give us a five-star review wherever you listen to podcasts. And while you're at it, subscribe. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. Dolly Parton would tell you to do the same. Yes, she did, like two hours ago. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Old Timey Podcast. We have a subreddit now, Kristen. Yes.

Okay, someone started a subreddit for us. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That was so sweet. I appreciate it so much. These hoes are loyal. And follow us individually on Instagram. She is at Kristen Pitts-Keruso. I am at Gaming Historian.

And until next time, T-D-Loo. Tata. And cheerie. Bye. Bye.