An Old Timey Podcast - 23: The Great Emu War!

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Picture it! 1932. Western Australia. Emus were taking over. They were gobbling up and trampling farmers’ wheat, and in turn, destroying their livelihoods. Something had to be done. So, the Australian government came up with a *novel* solution. They’d arm three members of the Royal Australian Artillery with machine guns. They figured those tall, flightless birds would be easy prey. They were wrong.Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, Norm pulled from: Brisbane Telegraph. “Emu Butchery - Machine Gun Offensive.” November 1, 1932.Brisbane Telegraph. “Emu Offensive - Birds More Than Hold Their Own - Setback for Gunners.” November 4, 1932.Brisbane Telegraph. “Emu Slaughter - Machine Guns and Drive.” October 17, 1932.Chisholm, A.H. “This Cruel Slaughter | Other Ways To Deal With Emus | Better Fences.” The Daily Telegraph, November 9, 1932.Cook, Richard, and Srdan Jovanovic. “The Emu Strikes Back: An Inquiry into Australia’s Peculiar Military Action of 1932.” Romanian Journal of Historical Studies II, no. 1 (2019).Crew, Bec. “The Great Emu War: In Which Some Large, Flightless Birds Unwittingly Foiled the Australian Army.” Scientific American. https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/running-ponies/the-great-emu-war-in-which-some-large-flightless-birds-unwittingly-foiled-the-australian-army/.Daily Commercial News. “Charge of the First Australian Emuliers!” November 16, 1932.Daily News. “Emu Chasers Must Outstrip Peter Pan.” November 9, 1932.Daily News. “Gunners on Wild Emu Chase.” November 4, 1932.Newcastle Morning Herald and Miners’ Advocate. “Death to Emus | Campaign in West | Inspector To See Birds Do Not Suffer.” November 9, 1932.Newcastle Morning Herald and Miners’ Advocate. “Destruction of Emus.” December 3, 1932.Newcastle Morning Herald and Miners’ Advocate. “Wary Emus | Evade Machine-Guns | 1000 Rounds Fired.” November 5, 1932.Recorder. “‘Brass Hats’ Assailed | Campion Settlers Complain of Retreat.” November 11, 1932.Robin, Libby, Robert Heinsohn, and Leo Joseph, eds. Boom & Bust: Bird Stories for a Dry Country. CSIRO Publishing, 2009.Singleton Argus. “Shooting of Emus | Thousands of Pounds Saved.” November 18, 1932. https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/article/83438322.Stockton, Richard. “Why The Australian Army Waged The Great Emu War Of 1932 — And Lost.” All That’s Interesting, October 3, 2021. https://allthatsinteresting.com/great-emu-war.The Canberra Times. “Emu War Again | 300 Killed in First Duel | Machine Guns Re-Issued.” November 12, 1932. https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/article/2317086.The Daily Telegraph. “Emu Armistice Resented | Withdrawal of Machine Guns.” November 10, 1932.The Daily Telegraph. “Lewis Guns Against Emus.” October 14, 1932.The Daily Telegraph. “Not Easy to Kill Emus | A Thousand Rounds Fired, 12 Dead.” November 5, 1932.The Daily Telegraph. “The Emu Is a Wily Bird - Gunners Get Only Dozen Victims - Ambush Fails.” November 4, 1932.“The Emu Wars - Only a Little Hilarious | Australia Explained,” December 6, 2021. https://www.australia-explained.com.au/history-shorts/the-emu-wars-only-a-little-hilarious/.The Evening News. “Emu War Still On | Birds Becoming Wary of Lewis Gunners.” November 22, 1932.The Examiner. “The Emu War.” November 8, 1932.The Kyogle Examiner. “Use Aeroplane | Fighting Emu Pest.” November 18, 1932.The News. “Emu War Opens - Gunners Replace Boys on Cycles - Had Long Poles.” November 3, 1932.The News. “Emu War Still On.” November 9, 1932.The News. “Farmers Want Machine Guns to Stamp Out Emus.” October 10, 1932.The News. “More Emus On Way | Big Flocks in Wake of Dead | Killers Busy.” November 8, 1932.The Northern Miner. “The Emu Pest | Queensland Control.” November 23, 1932.The Sun. “First Shot Fired in War on Emu.” November 2, 1932.The Sun. “Herded for the Slaughter - Machine-Gunners Await Emu Flock.” October 16, 1932.The Sun. “Honors With The Emus | Novel ‘War’ In The West.” November 6, 1932.The Sun. “Kaiser Emu II. Wins.” November 11, 1932.The Sun. “On ‘Spot’ - Chicago Methods - War on Emus - Machine Gunners.” October 12, 1932.The Sun. “The Emu War | Pest Being Driven Away.” November 5, 1932.The Sun. “Two Days’ Vigil Brings Heavy Toll of Emus.” November 7, 1932.The Sunday Herald. “New Strategy In a War On The Emu.” July 5, 1953. https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/article/18516559.The Sydney Morning Herald. “Attack on Emus - Lewis-Gunners at Work - Fleeing Mob Struck.” November 3, 1932.The Sydney Morning Herald. “Attack on Emus - With Lewis Guns - Relatively Few Killed.” November 5, 1932.The Sydney Morning Herald. “Timely Rainfall Ends Emu Pest.” October 18, 1932.The West Australian. “Another Phase of the Emu Pest.” November 8, 1932. https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/article/32565197.Western Australia Makes War On Emus, 1933. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1wA0PKeJqc.Western Mail. “Settlers Astonished.” November 17, 1932. https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/article/37767343.Are you enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Then please leave us a 5-star rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts!Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you’ll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90’s style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes from Kristin’s previous podcast, Let’s Go To Court.

Here you, hear ye! You are listening to an old-timey podcast. I'm Norman Caruso. And I'm not just a wife and mother. I'm also a huge bitch. Kristen Caruso! It's not true. Where did you get that from? I made it up. Oh. I thought it be funny. You're brilliant. And on this episode, I'll be talking about the Great Emu War. What the hell is that? Just you wait.

Oh, boy. It better be more interesting. than World War I. Because, I mean, if we're picking wars that I don't give a shit about. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. It's so funny that you just said that. Why? You'll see why. Oh, no. Oh, no. All right. I'll stay tuned, but only because I don't have a choice. That's right. You're stuck in here with me for five hours. This is going to be a meaty boy. Oh, God. Now it won't be. If you're listening to this, you can't turn it off. Don't you dare. And in fact, you should go even harder on this podcast. What do I mean by that?

I mean support us on Patreon, maybe. At the $5 level, you get so many things. First of all, you get all the bonus episodes for my previous podcast, Let's Go to Court, and you get bonus episodes for this podcast that you're listening to right now. Plus, you get video versions of every single episode. Yeah, so you can see our beautiful faces. Uh, sexy is how I identify. Thank you very much. Yes. Uh, and also you get into the discord. And that's all you get at the $5 level.

Wow, you're really selling it, Kristen. Hey, no, that's a lot. I'm just saying I'm kind of running through it in my head. I'm like, yeah, that's pretty much what you get. But the real value is at the $10 level. Oh, I thought you were going to say the friends we made along the way or something. No, because you become a pig butter investor. Because pig butter is going to take off in two years. And you'll, you'll, be on the ground floor of that venture. Yeah, yeah. And you'll get full video versions of every episode of an old-timey podcast early and ad-free, plus 10% off all merch. And we're going to have some merch soon. We put in the order. You won't be able to wear it to work, outside your home, really anywhere. So we're not sure who's going to buy this shirt, but we're making it. We've paid for it. Don't, if you have a basement or attic, that's probably where you need to wear the shirt.

Okay. So yeah, patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. That's the URL. Get there while you can. Pretty soon those pig butter slots are going to fill up. That sounds disgusting. Big butter slots. That sounds worse than just pig butter. But you know those stories about big companies?

And it's like, oh, yeah, they had an original guy and he dropped out before they hit it big. What a sucker. That's you if you're not signing up at the pig butter investor level. Okay. Yeah, you're like the original drummer for the Beatles. Wow. Norm doesn't even know his name, and I think that says it all. I feel like something happened to him and then Ringo took over, and the rest is history.

Norm, I can tell you're excited to tell us about an emu war. I am. But you've got to hold on. Hold on to all your emus. Why? Because we've got a plug. Oh. Hey.

Oh, baby. That sound you made is the appropriate response when I say, I've got a plug. When I say, ooh, that's the right response? Yes. We are here to tell you about a podcast that we know and love. I think not. Yes. I think not is a comedy podcast that walks us through some of the wildest stories covered in our favorite true crime TV shows.

From I Almost Got Away With It to Southern Fried Homicide and Snapped, and all the way back, to covering every single episode of the Investigation Discovery series disappeared. There's truly something for everyone, Norm. There is. You know, you're really into the true crime docs. I am. I'm kind of a flirty boy fitness with it. I kind of just, you know, teeter on the outside edges.

You dabble. Yeah, but what I love about, I think not, is like they just kind of sum it up for you very well and in a very comedic way. It's awesome. Yeah. They are very funny. If you think that we've got some ADHD on this podcast, You ain't seen nothing yet. They know how to do it up big.

Hosts and real life best friends Ellen Marsh and Joey Taranto, plus all the characters who live inside of their gorgeous heads, walk you through these weekly true stories along with the campy TV shows that cover them. They do such a good job. They're also just wonderful people. So if you haven't listened to, I think not yet, what are you doing with your life? You've got to go check them out and subscribe because new episodes of I Think Not are released every Wednesday with bonus episodes out every Thursday on Patreon.

And Norman, we are patrons of this podcast. You're damn right we are. So we can tell you, folks, it's a damn good podcast. Yeah, I had the pleasure of meeting Ellen and Joey a couple months ago. And you think about what they're like when you're listening and you're just like, I wonder what it's like to meet them in your life. It's just exactly the same. It's exactly the same. Yeah, they are genuinely funny, wonderful people.

And damn, if there's anyone who I want to be recapping my shows for me, it's them. Absolutely. So if you haven't already, check out, I think not on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you like to listen. Just listen to your heart. And I'm sure you'll hear Joey and Ellen in there doing funny voices. What if we pitch to Ellen and Joey? They could do a recap podcast for an old-timey podcast. I mean, it needs to happen.

Some of our episodes are way too long. They could trim it down real fast. They could sum up the Lucille Ball seven-part series in one hour for us. Ellen and Joey, call me. We'll talk about it. An old-timey recap. Very good. I've already got a name for it.

All right. Thanks a lot, Norm. Okay, so emus. That's right, Kristen. You don't know anything about the great emu war? No, it sounds made up, frankly. It is real. Okay.

And it comes from a land down and da. That's right. Have you ever heard that song? I think so. I got rum down and a song. Yeah, I think that sounds good. Beautifully done. Yeah.

That's right, Kristen. We're going international again. Oh, okay. Mr. Worldwide. Here we go again. You ready? Yes. Classic Norm.

I'm going to start off this episode with a Simpsons reference. Oh, boy. Kristen, one of the best running jokes from the Simpsons is when actor Troy McClure recalls his starring roles in movies and TV shows. Yes. Hello, everybody. I'm Troy McClure. Star of such films as P is for Psycho.

And the president's neck is missing. That's so stupid, but I do like it. I love all of those. It's like my favorite segments from The Simpsons. Well, one of my absolute favorites was an educational film called Man versus Nature, The Road to Victory. It's a hilarious joke. The idea that man is waging a actual physical war against nature and also plans to win the war.

Well, we might with global warming and everything. Yeah, I'm just saying. Okay. The idea of physically fighting nature is hilarious to me. I know we're definitely destroying the planet and things are doomed. In 10 years, we'll be hiding in huts because it'll be 140 degrees outside. You know, your Super Soaker episode was really lighthearted. People really like that.

We're really off to a great start here. Yeah. Sorry about that. I actually brought it up. That's right. Well, you know, in the future, you'll be busting out your super sokers to cool each other off because it'll be so hot. I look forward to that very much. You know, it's funny.

If you're at the $10 level, I've got the water pistol on display, the one that shot Kristen. Wow. In the Super Soaker episode. I feel like I'm at Ford's Theater looking at the gun that was. used to kill Abraham Lincoln. That's kind of a vibe I'm going for. Yeah. So yeah, man versus nature, the road to victory.

Very funny joke. But Kristen, what if I told you back in the 1930s? That actually happened. The Australian government declared war on emus. Okay. In Western Australia, farmers who were struggling to make ends meet pleaded with the government to deal with hordes of emus that were eating their crops and trampleased. their fields.

And the government's solution? Send in a squad of machine gunners to mow down as many emos as possible. Oh, geez. This might be the only time in history that an army has fought a war against a non-human combatants. And incredibly, it ended in defeat for the Australian military. Because what they didn't see coming was that the emo's... The emos? The emos?

The very sad teenagers that listen to music. Very sad teenagers who were writing the emus had even bigger machine guns. Joke was on them. Emo's on emos. Well, now I'm imagining. And they had a scoff band. Sorry. Now I'm imagining an emu with like the parted hair.

Oh, yeah. That would be great. If that's not a T-shirt, it should be. Wait, now, okay, describe an emu to me. We'll get into what emu's are. Don't worry. You think I'm not going to tell you what an emu is? I don't know.

The story of the great emu war is pretty wild. And it's retold today as like a hilarious little tidbit in history. We call those titty-bitties. And it's retold through blog posts, YouTube videos, incredible podcasts, such as an old-timey podcast. That's my favorite podcast. There's even a comedy movie that came out last year about... A comedy movie? Are you from this planet, sir?

I'm sorry. You're like J.D. Vance and a donut show. I know. I know. I'm so awkward when I write. I could have just said there's even a comedy. I apologize. Norm, I didn't mean to hurt your already fragile self-esteem. Well, you did. Okay?

And now I'm going to do the episode like this. Tell me more about the comedy movie. A feature film came out last year, and it is in the comedy genre about the emu war. Don't get me wrong, the emu war is definitely funny. Just the idea of mowing down emu's with machine guns is ridiculous. is ridiculous. Also, sad. It is sad, but just it seems comical, right?

But there's a lot more to this story than just emu's getting mowed down by machine guns. So we're going to get into all that today, Kristen. Let's talk about everything. What the hell are emus? Why were they such a menace for farmers in Western Australia? Why on earth did the Australian government think machine guns were the solution? This is the story of the great emu war. Oh, I'm ready to enlist.

Are you going to fight on the emu's side? Well, I don't think I'm really cut out for warfare. Yeah, neither were the emus. Yeah. But they survived. They won, so obviously they were. Let's go back in time. We're back in the early 20th century.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. The pedicons. Oh, the early 1900s. We're in the land down under. Is this a real song? I don't know. It's a real song. It just doesn't really sound like that, which makes it so good. Kristen, we are in Australia, home of Vegemite, Tim Tams, Meat Pies, and Bananas in Pajamas.

You've tried Vegemite. Would you think of it? I thought it was terrible. Ooh. I'm sorry, Australian listeners. No, I don't mean to offend you, Australian listeners. obviously when you grow up with something, you don't know that it's bad. Like for me with cottage cheese, I eat it, I think it's delicious. You didn't realize it was terrible? Deep down, I know it's terrible.

Just like the Norwegians with their salted licorice. They have to know that's the worst thing that's ever happened to this planet. I don't think I've ever tried candy and wanted to vomit as soon as I put it in my mouth. I remember thinking when we tried it, like, well, everybody's eating it here. It can't be as bad as it sounds. Oh, it is. It is as bad as it sounds, folks. But shout out to Norway, beautiful place.

Norway, beautiful country. Wonderful people loved being in Norway. Did not like the salted liquorish. I'm sorry. Do you remember when we went to that pizza restaurant that was like American-style pizza? Yeah, obviously we were with a group of Americans who wanted... This was during my YouTube heyday. We went to a convention in Norway.

Yeah. and all the YouTubers were taken out to dinner and we were taken to this American-style pizza restaurant. I just want for the record for everyone to know. Are you ashamed? I just want everyone to know. My ego cannot handle the idea that people might be thinking that I'm the type of American who goes to another country and is like, I want to taste your version of American food. No, no, no, no, no. Don't give me what you do best.

Give me your version of what's happening in Chicago right now. I want a cheeseburger, damn it. Yeah, it was like this guy from Norway went to Chicago for like a week. Uh-huh. And then he went back to Norway and was like, I'm going to open a pizza restaurant. Yeah. It was not Chicago-style pizza in anyway, but it was fine. It was fine pizza.

Anyway. Yeah, we're in Australia, early 1900s. And, uh-oh, some dude assassinated the Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the throne of Austria, Hungary. You are making this about World War I. World War I is happening, Kristen. I specifically told you I wasn't interested. Australia pledged its support with the rest of the British Empire to fight with the Allies.

At the time, the population of Australia was around 5 million people, and out of those 5 million, about 416,000 men enlisted to fight in the Great War. It's about 10% of the population. And Australians fought everywhere around the world. New Guinea, Europe, the Middle East. Most notable was the 1915 Gallipoli campaign in Turkey. Do you know anything about Gallipoli? Honestly, and I know I'm going to sound stupid.

It's the first time I've heard that word, I'm pretty sure, in my whole life. Well, I'm not going to go into too much detail, but it was a brutal military operation, heavy casualties. About 60,000 Australian troops fought at Gallipoli, and more than half became casualties. Oh, my gosh. And sadly, nothing really became of that campaign. It basically resulted in a stalemate. Future topic. Boy, I'm looking forward to that.

Ellen and Joey can recap my 10-part Gallipoli campaign episode. They'll love it. Their podcast just plummet. Yeah, no one's listening to this. The Gallipoli campaign became very sacred to Australia. It's honored every year on April 25th, the anniversary of when Australians and New Zealanders landed at Gallipoli. It's known as Anzac Day. It's a national day of remembrance. Boy, I feel like a real asshole.

Why? Well, for not knowing anything about it. Although I did start this podcast saying that I'm a raging bitch, so everyone knew what they were getting into. Exactly. You didn't hide who you were. I know. There is a movie starring Mel Gibson from, I think, the 80. called Gallipoli, and it's about this battle.

So maybe you could watch that. Yeah, I'm a huge Mel Gibson fan. That's why I mentioned it. Uh-huh. I love walking into your office and seeing that 24 by 36 poster of Mel Gibson hanging on the wall. Yeah, and it's recent, folks. You're thinking it's Braveheart?

No. Yeah, it's from Daddy's Home 2. Shut up. Out of the 416,000 Australians that fought in World War I, 60,000 died and 156,000 were wounded. To this day, World War I was the costliest war in the history of Australia. Now, knowing you, Kristen, you're probably thinking, who cares about World War I? It's not even as cool as World War II, and I definitely don't care about that.

Okay, that's a gross mischaracterization based on a true story. So just bear with me because this is important to the story. Okay. So after the war, soldiers returned home. And many of them had been traumatized by their experiences. Yeah. And they really struggled to adjust back to civilian life. And so Australians called on the government to help these veterans.

But how could they do that? Well, the government thought about it. PTSD treatment. I mean, they're not going to do, are they going to give them machine guns and tell them to kill emus? Is that the solution? Quit. premature effectually in all over this room, please. I'm sorry.

I will clean it up. I mean, World War I was kind of the beginning of shell shock, where people discovered, oh, yeah, people are getting really messed up going to war and going through these experiences and getting shelled and bombed day after night and not getting sleep. Yeah. Yeah. And it was called shell shock back then. Now it's called post-traumatic stress disorder. Well, the government thought about how they could help these veterans, and they decided, hmm, maybe we could solve two problems at once here.

You know, kill two birds with one stone. Okay. Because Australia had another problem. The majority of its residents lived on the coastline, and that left the interior of the country very underdeveloped. And so the government thought, hey, let's buy up a bunch of land, and we'll just give it to these veterans for farming. And then that way we can develop the interior of the country. We can grow more food for trade. And then we'll be taking care of our war heroes. Did this mean displacing a bunch of indigenous people? Is that where this is headed? Or am I going

on a different way? Australia does have a history of that. I don't know too much about it. But future topic, perhaps. Perhaps. So this is not a radical idea. The United States government did something similar in 1862. It was called the Homestead Act. I love a breakfast place called Homestead, don't you? Yeah. If it's called Homestead, you know it's good. You know it's good. They cook everything in pig butter and slather it on there. That's why you got to get in now on the $10 level. Pig butter investor. Yeah, we will send you an envelope full of hash browns. Sample it. It won't be packaged in a way that's good for food. It's safe for food at all. It's just going to be a soggy envelope full of old hash browns.

You're welcome. You'll know when you get it in the mail. For sure. So yeah, the United States government passed the Homestead Act in 1862. So people could move out west. They could live on land for five years. And as long as they improved the land, it became theirs free of charge. So beginning in the 1920s, Australia started buying up a ton of land and giving it to veterans for farming. In total, about 23,000 veterans took part in this program, living on 24 million acres of land. Australia is fucking huge, by the way. And in the beginning, this program was very successful. Farmers grew mostly wheat, and they raised sheep for their wool, and they were making a pretty good profit.

But then in 1929, this little thing called the Great Depression happened. Oh, I didn't, you know what? That's a selfish American thing of me. I thought that was just us. Oh, I thought that was just all for us. Turns out. You wanted it all for yourself, didn't you? I wanted all the sadness for us.

But it turns out it affected the entire world. Okay, wow. Prices for wheat and wool plummeted. And that wasn't the only problem. Farming was getting more and more difficult for these veterans because of over farming. It was degraded. the soil quality. Also, the weather in the interior of Australia was super unpredictable.

Droughts were common, which made things very, very dry. A drought will do that to you. Drier than a popcorn fart. What? That doesn't even make sense. Are you saying, like, if a popcorn farted or if... Do you not know what a popcorn fart is? No, you just made that up.

That is a real thing, Kristen. No, it's not. History hose way in. What is a popcorn fart? Norman, you tell me right now what a popcorn fart. popcorn fart is. When you fart and it's like a bunch of little dry farts, like, that's a popcorn fart. You know, sometimes you have wet farts.

They're like, and then you have popcorn farts, which are like, that's a popcorn fart. You have made this up. You have Google. Google popcorn fart. You know what? I will wait for this episode to come out, but I guarantee you there are people who are with thinking this is either made up or it should just be made up. You know what?

What if after we record this, I run and I register the domain, PopcornFarts.com, and I make a fake website all about popcorn farts, and then people buy it because they'll Google popcorn farts, and my website will come up first. Great business ideas all around. Kristen, I don't know if you know this, but when it doesn't rain, it's really bad for farming. Because as Luke Bryan once said,

rain is a good thing. Yeah, yeah. Remember when I dragged you to that country concert and you almost off to yourself? Yeah, I'm not a big fan of pop country music. Yeah. Although, Darius Rucker did a cover of Purple Rain that was fantastic. Yeah. And let me tell you folks, the crowd in Missouri. Hated it. Hated it.

I was like the only one. Yeah. You were like, woo! I had my phone out, lit up, and I was waving my hands. I loved it. I hope Darius Rucker noticed me. Oh, I'm sure he did. So as a result of the Great Depression and the volatility of farming, less and less people were signing up for land grants.

And to make matters worse, Australia was now facing a trade deficit. They were importing more stuff than they were exporting. Prime Minister James Scullin stepped in to try and save the day. He started a propaganda campaign called Grow More Wheat. He wanted Australia. to feel like it was their patriotic duty to start a wheat farm. Prime Minister Scullin also promised subsidies for these farmers. Hey, come get free fertilizer to help with wheat growth.

Or do you need some assistance transporting this wheat to market? We got you, buddy. And hey, how about this? Guaranteed prices on wheat. Incredible. I mean, yeah, is it sustainable? The farmers rejoiced. Woo-hoo!

Sounds good, Prime Minister Scullin. Just one problem with all of this. Prime Minister Scullin didn't run any of this by Parliament. Oh, my God. Because this is ridiculous. I mean, how can you make all these promises? Yeah, so Parliament has to approve all of this. And when he introduced the bills to Parliament, they were like,

how in the hell are we going to pay for all of this? We don't have any money. Right. All we have are popcorn farts. That's it, which is a real thing. And the market is so low. Just like a popcorn fart. James Scullin tried to pass the measure twice, and it was rejected both times.

Wheat farmers were livid at the broken promises. Some of them went on strike, and in 1932, Prime Minister James Cullen was voted out of office. New Prime Minister, Joseph Lyons, promised to right the ship, but I don't think he expected what happened next. Farmers in Western Australia complained about a new problem. Their wheat crops were being destroyed, by a large, flightless bird and a national symbol of Australia, the emu. Kristen!

Yeah? Let's learn about emos. But before we do, Australian disclaimer. Oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby. What is that? Is that SpongeBob? That's Rocco from Rocco's modern life. In Australia, the name of this bird is pronounced emu.

Okay. However, we stupid Americans usually pronounce it as emu. Oh. Like a digital, digital cow. Okay. You know. So I'm sorry, Australians. I'm going to say emu.

It took me a second to understand that. Digital cow? Yeah, it took me a minute, but I'm here now and I liked it. I heard that when I was doing research. It was like a comment on an article, and they were like, emu, like a digital cow. And I was like, that's hilarious. The emu is. the second tallest bird in the world.

Some reach a height of about six feet. That's terrifying. Yeah. Kristen, would you like to guess what the tallest bird in the world is? Ostrich. She's done it! Congratulations. Thank you.

What did I win? Nothing. Oh. How about knowledge on the emu war? No reaction? Not interested? I gave the camera a look. They know.

Okay. You know, this is an audio podcast. Yeah. Well, you know, my silence speaks volumes. It does, actually. The indigenous people of Australia have many names for this bird, depending on the region. Baramal, Murawang, Nuri. But then the British arrived to colonize.

Oh. Gentlemen, I give you Britannia. That's what the British sound like. Okay, very good. And that's when the bird got a new name. Emu, or emu. It comes from the Portuguese word. ema, meaning large bird.

A few weeks after the British landed in Australia, the first emu was shot and cooked up for some food. It was described as, quote, tasting like beef, and the bird quickly became prized for its meat. Sadly, several species of emu quickly became extinct. Notably, ones on islands off the coast of Australia. The poor flightless birds had nowhere to run. Yeah.

But on the mainland, emus were plentiful, and they became a symbol of Australian birds. pride, along with another native animal, the kangaroo. Emus are to Australia what the bald eagle is to the United States. In fact, Australians chose the emu and the kangaroo as the animals for their official coat of arms. Emus eat fruits, flowers, seeds, green shoots of grass, herbs, cottage cheese, shrubs, and insects. Love a healthy queen.

Kristen, if you were to ask an emu... Anyway, how is your sex life? Uh-huh. The emu would say, I'm monogamous. Really? I have a pretty long courtship phase, but I don't sleep around. What's the courtship like? I don't know the details, but apparently it takes a while.

Okay. I wonder if it's like on the Lion King when. Hey, that's too soon. I only recently learned that Nala and Simba were having sex in that scene, okay? That's right. It's really too fresh for me. And emus would also say, I like to have sex in the bushes. I don't have sex out in the open.

I'm not an exhibitionist. Oh, okay. Yes, emu's are monogamous, but once Mama Emu lays five to 15 eggs, which are a beautiful emerald green color, she slunks out. She slunks out? She slunks out, sometimes to find a new partner. Oh, oh, wow. Does the dad stay and raise the...

Daddy stays. Okay, that's enough of that. Daddy's here. Okay. Daddy's home, too, starring Mel Gibson. Oh, great. Papa Emu is here for almost two months. on the eggs to warm them up and protect them until they hatch.

And during this time, Papa Emu won't eat. He won't drink. He doesn't even take a dump. Isn't that crazy? How is that possible? I have no idea. That's amazing. It's a miracle of nature.

Okay. The emu only has a few natural enemies. I mean, doesn't he know he could get away with taking a dump? On the egg? Well, no, you just pop over to the side. Well, you don't need to hold it in. I mean, my God. Do you have some experience with taking dumps?

Okay. You know what? That's a rude thing to say. And also not that shocking. The people know that I'm a human who takes dumps occasionally. Papa emu, take this bag and shitting it. No one will know. Don't worry about those construction workers over there.

They want to see. They're six feet tall, Kristen. They're going to see the emu shitting in a bag. Okay. The emu only has a few natural enemies. One of them is the dingo. Oh. Dingoes have a tough time killing emos, though, because emos are way bigger than dingoes.

And when a dingo tries to attack an adult emu, apparently the emu just jumps in the air and then karate kicks the shit out of the dingo. Oh, dang. Yeah, it's kind of cool. That is amazing. Emus live all over the continent, except in rainforests, big cities, and urban areas. And they love to roam. Scientists have tracked emus living over 300 miles from their original habitat. And emu populations can seemingly appear out of nowhere and grow rapidly as they search the continent for food and water.

And in 1932, that is exactly what happened. 20,000 emus living in the north were struggling to find food and water. And so they headed southwest to a farming town called Campion in Western Australia. Oh my God. Kristen, it was a full-on invasion. I mean, this would be terrifying. 20,000, 6-foot-tall birds who don't even stop to take dumps for months. They're just coming for your wheat.

That's what they wanted. Now, farmers hoped a 100-plus mile-long rabbit-proof fence would stop the emus, or at least slow them down. Describe this rabbit-proof fence to me, please. It's not very tall. It's got barbed wire. Uh-huh. And it's supposed to just keep the rabbits out. And it did keep the rabbits out.

Yeah, rabbits, but not emos. No, the emos just ran right over it. Or even worse, they knocked down the fence completely, which then allowed the rabbits to come in and eat the crops as well. Packs of up to 200 emus appeared on farms across Campion, trampling and eating all the wheat. Farmers reported that their crop output was cut in half. Now, for what it's worth, the Western Australian state government had classified the emu as a vermin about a decade earlier.

So farmers were legally allowed to shoot them on site. But boy, it was pretty difficult to shoot an emu. For a few reasons. The first reason, emus are fucking fast. How fast? They can run up to 40 to 50 miles per hour. Jeez! They're hard to shoot.

I bet they are. That's wild. Yeah. And when a pack of emu's hear a gunshot, they scatter. The second reason, emu's bodies are deceptive. They're shapeshifters? What are you trying to tell me? Kind of.

They have a very large coat of feathers. So it disguises their actual body dimensions, which makes shooting them even more difficult. You could take a shot at them and it'll just go through some feathers. It's like if I wore a giant hoodie, you know? Or a big fur coat. Giant fur coat. me and my buddy were looking at those they're like these giant novelty

baseball hats you can get now uh huh yeah where it's like it's like comically massive you see them sometimes people wear them to baseball games that sounds really fun for the people sitting behind you okay that's why we were looking at them why let's let the history hose weigh in on this okay

okay my buddy went to the can city chief's game and it was the the season opener against the Baltimore Ravens. And people were going crazy at Arrowhead Stadium. And my buddy was standing up, you know, cheering the game on. And the guy behind him apparently kept tapping them and saying, sit down, sit down. I can't see the game.

Sit down. And my buddy was like, it's a football game. Just stand up. Was your friend in like the first row of a section and this guy was in the second row? or was it like multiple rows? I'm not sure. Well, I think that makes all the difference. Also, I want to be clear, my buddy did check and make sure that the person sitting behind him wasn't disabled or anything like they couldn't stand up.

This person was perfectly capable of standing up. Just preferred not to. Yes, just wanted to sit and enjoy the football game. You know, there's a great way to avoid this problem entirely. Watch the game at home? Or not at all. Or just not like it. So what's the protocol there at a football game?

If you're standing up and the person behind you is like, sit down, I want to watch the game, do you have to sit down? Or do you just have to say, hey, buddy, it's a football game. You got to just stand up. I leave this question to the history hose because I have never been to a football game. Don't care to go. So I don't know the rules. What about at a concert? Oh, at a concert, yeah, you're standing.

You just got to stand? Yeah, too bad. Your kid's piano recital. You got to sit down. You have to sit down? You have to sit down. We'll make an exception if you're wanting to get up and get a photo of little Timmy. But...

Then you better get back to your seat. You've got to get back to your seat. Yeah. Take your little Nikon and get back to your seat. Debbie. Debbie with the Nikon. Mm-hmm. Bought in 2007 from Best Buy.

It was state of the art back then. And she's keeping it, baby. It still works. I'm thinking that Debbie is more of a nana now that we're really parsing this out. But anyway, go ahead with the story. Okay. Okay. Wait, so your buddy...

Now I'm putting this together. Yeah. Your buddy was looking at gigantic novelty hats. Yes. So he's going to do a spite move. Oh, my God. The pettiness is real. He wants to buy a giant novelty hat.

Uh-huh. So we were looking at giant baseball hats, a giant foam cowboy hats. This is ridiculous. He found a chef's hat. That is terrible. A Kansas City Chief's chef's hat. And then he also wants to wear a t-shirt that says, stand up, K.C. Shut up.

You know, like he's just. cheering on the team. He's going all out for this guy. You know, I'm glad you have a friend who's as spiteful as you are, Norm. That's a true spite move. Does warm my heart. I honestly don't know the protocol of football games. I used to have season tickets to the Chiefs, but they were so bad back then that everyone just sat down. Like, there was no reason to stand up. It was embarrassing enough to be there. Exactly. Okay. So I've told you, emus are very fast. Their bodies are deceptive. Another reason is, emus are fucking tanks. What do I mean by that? They can take a ton of bullets before going down. Shut up. Because emus bleed very slowly, so one shot usually isn't enough to kill an emu.

They'll just keep eating your wheat and eaten and eaten and eaten. It's old country buffet for these emus and the wheat farm. One reporter said that emus are, quote, probably the hardest bird in the world to kill. And finally, there were simply too many emus. One farmer with a rifle just wasn't very effective against the vast amount of emus that were showing up on these farms. Sure. Farmers were getting desperate and they started resorting to more barbaric tactics. Like what? Strangle an emu with their bear hands. Sorry. Son of a bitch. You know, I know you're deathly afraid of snakes. Yes. But I've always envisioned you facing your fear of snakes and you're strangling.

a snake to tell. That's come after you. Only if it's, you know, only if it attacked you, would you strangle it? Let me tell you something, Norm. You're saying like, oh, you wouldn't do anything inhumane to a snake. Is that what you're trying to say? I'm saying you wouldn't, like, if a snake was just chilling, you'd leave it alone, right? I'm saying if the snake came after you.

I would pay to have it killed and it's family killed. Oh, it's family. I'd pay to have like a letter left behind for the snakes. A letter? Yeah, like, you better scram. A threatening letter to the snake family? Yes, get out of here. Dear God. I'm sorry, I'm just not a big fan.

When that family got the telegram from the Snake War Department, it was a terrible day. So yeah, farmers were getting desperate and they started resorting to barbaric tactics. They're going to chase the emus in the field with their cars. Oh, well, yeah, I guess they'd have to. I thought you were just going to say they were going to chase him. I'm like, good luck. No. And when they got close to the emus, somebody riding in the passenger side of their best friend's ride would take out a club and just beat the emu over the head.

That's not going to work. It worked. No way. Yeah. And beating emos was a fun family outing because even the kids got involved. Oh, my God. There is a report that a few boys on bikes chased down emus and beat them with sticks. Now, the only reason they were able to do this was because the emus were so weak from dehydration.

They, like, couldn't run away. Oh, God. But still, the emus showed no signs of slowing down. And it was at that point that a farmer named Mr. T. E. Dixon decided enough was enough. And you see, Mr. Dixon wasn't just known for his cider. Nah. He was the head of the wheat growers union in Campions. Oh, excuse me.

Kind of a big deal on them there, parts. Okay. And he contacted the Australian government and demanded they do something about these damn emus. Now, normally an Australian citizen would contact the Ministry of the Interior if they had a problem with Native Wildlife. But the Ministry of the Interior was the same department that promised those farmers, all those subsidies, and the guaranteed prices on wheat and cottage cheese. for life. And so Mr. Dixon, he didn't trust the Ministry of the Interior. Yeah.

So he contacted another department, the Ministry of Defense, aka the military. This is so ridiculous. On October 10, 1932, Mr. Dixon called up the Minister of Defense, Sir George Pierce. And he said, look here, buddy. I know I got a Southern accent. I live in Australia, but us farmers and campion are dealing with a real emigration problem. Oh, boy. They're coming in, they're eating our pets

Eating our cats and dogs Mass hysteria This is all very real I saw it on television And we know just the thing To take care of these emus Machine guns Sir George Pierce was

A little taken aback by the request He said he had never heard of such a novel idea In his many years with the Defense Department He was probably going to deny the request I'm amazed he even entertained this. This should have started with, oh, sir, yes, I understand why you're calling. Let me redirect your call. And just hang up.

To the Department of the Interior. This is ridiculous. Your call is important to us. Your call has nothing to do with us because we are the military and you've got an emu problem. Well, Sir George Pierce kind of reconsidered. So let's think about this, Kristen. All right. These farmers, many of them veterans, were very, very mad at the Australian government.

There was even talk of secession. It was called the West Australia movement. People in Western Australia thought the government just didn't give a shit about them. The Great Depression had taken a huge toll on these farming communities, and it felt like nothing was being done. So maybe if the government gave the farmer's machine guns, it would quell some of that secession. talk?

Let me get this straight. It's a group of people threatening to secede from the government so you arm them with machine guns. It might calm them down a little bit, you know? Now hang on. It would also show that the government cared about these World War I veterans. Besides, what's the harm? They just want to shoot some emus.

That'll be easy. Plus, it's not like this was a new thing. the government had killed emus before. Back in 1926, they wiped out 131,000 emos. Oh, how'd they do it? They had a bounty program. Basically, they're like, we'll give you money for every emu head you bring us. Okay.

The problem was emus were spreading an invasive plant called the prickly pear cactus. Emus would eat the cactus and then poop out the seeds all over Australia. They were basically giving the cactus a personal miracle grow pot with that turd. So the government offered up a bounty on every emu killed and citizens cashed in. And that's how they took care of that problem in 1926. But now in 1932, these farmers thought, hey, how about we get some machine guns? So he weighed his options and the Minister of Defense, Sir George Pierce. He made a decision.

He was going to give those farmers machine guns to take care of the emigration problem in camping. Okay. But wait, they had to make a few compromises. As you said, Kristen, it'd be kind of crazy to give people machine guns, right? Yes. Yes. The government couldn't just give citizens machine guns. So instead, the Ministry of Defense was going to send in the militia to take care of the emus.

And, eh, times are kind of tough right now, so the government has a very tight budget. We can't pay for anything. What do you mean you can't pay for anything? government couldn't pay for this, this campaign. So you had to volunteer to go shoot emus hundreds of thousands of miles away? The militia is a volunteer unit, yeah. Okay. So the farmers agreed to all pitch in, and they paid for 10,000 rounds of ammunition,

and that's going to cost about $50 redos. That's the Australian currency, as we all know. I'm just kidding. That's not the actual Australian currency, Kristen. It was pounds. 50 pounds. My face went through a real range of emotions there. You laughed and then you're like, oh, I'm sorry, that's actually a real thing.

They do, they do purchase things with dollar-re-dos. I mean, if they're eating that veggie-mite shit, who knows what else they're doing? I should say, I do want to go to Australia one day. This is probably not a great introduction. As soon as you step off the plane, they've got their pitchforks waiting for you, Kristen. Probably not there are machine guns. Adjusted for inflation, the ammunition would cost around $6,000 today. I can't believe I believed in dollar-re-dews.

Oh, this is great. What a great episode. And then the Western Australian state government agreed to cover the cost of getting the militia to Campion. But if the farmers thought the military was sending in a whole battalion of soldiers to take care of the emus, Hell no To the no No No

Yeah the militia squad Had three people That's ridiculous Three soldiers With 10,000 With 10,000 rounds of ammunition And they were armed with two Machine guns

Okay When you said Give them machine guns I was thinking it was going to be But as you said, you can't give citizens machine guns, that'd be crazy. Well, but you're not going to make a dent in it if you're only giving them to two dudes. Well, they're using Lewis machine guns, the preferred machine gun of the Australian Army. It can fire 600 rounds a minute.

Oh, I didn't realize we had a sponsor for this episode. The Lewis Machine Gun Company, I think, is out of business. Oh, well. I think we've come a long way in our machine gun technology. So leading this small militia squad was, Major GPW Meredith of the seventh heavy battery Royal Australian Artillery and in charge of the machine guns was Sergeant McMurray and Gunner O'Halloran. They were described as, quote, the best Lewis gunners in Australia.

An interesting note here that I want to mention. I was doing research for this episode, and I kept seeing newspapers talking about how the Australian government was going to use, quote, Chicago methods on the emus. What does that mean? Yeah, I was curious. What the fuck does that mean? Crime and lawlessness was so bad in Chicago. They referred to criminal or violent acts as Chicago methods. Oh.

So Al Capone really left his mark on that city. I guess so. Ooh, future topic. Anyway, Major Meredith, Sergeant McMurray, and Gunner O'Halloran planned to leave for Campion on Tuesday, October 18, 1932, to quote, commence an offensive against the emu invasion. Meanwhile, farmers and Campion hopped in their cars, their motorcycles, their horses. Well, on their horses.

They didn't hop in their horses. We hope not. And they started driving all the emos to a concentrated area. And they hoped that when the machine gunners arrived, they could just go to that spot where they had driven the emus and just mow them down. Right. But on Monday, October 17, 1932, the day before the militia was supposed to... The post to arrive, heavy rainfall fell on Campion. And that weather scattered all the emus from that concentrated area.

No. So the farmers decided to postpone the operation until further notice. But about two weeks later, the weather cleared up. And guess who's back back again? Emu's back. Tell a friend. So the farmers once again hopped into their vehicles, drove all the emus to that concentrated area. And then they called up the militia and they were like, okay, we're ready now.

You can come out. It was time to deal with the emigration problem. The date, Wednesday, November 2nd, 1932. The time. Noon. High noon, some might say. Major Meredith, Sergeant McMurray, and Gunner O'Halloran arrived in Campion to a hero's welcome.

Woo-hoo! You're here. Thank you. The militia thought this operation would be a piece of cake. They thought they'd only be there for like three or four days. They even brought along a film crew to document their little expedition. Oh, this is going to be wonderful. More evidence that this was possibly just a propaganda tactic for the government.

By the way, this video is available on YouTube. You could watch machine gunners mow down emus. Wow. Well, you don't see them actually dying, but... How were the emus contained into this area? More rabbit fencing? Well, emus kind of hang out in packs. Yeah, but then machine guns start popping off, so they're not going to stay there.

Yeah, but their idea is like we're going to try to kill as many as possible in one go, you know. So they got all three men to do that. Okay, great. Cool. Continue, please. Major Meredith bragged to reporters that the army was going to pay him to collect emu feathers, because the cavalry wore them in their hats as part of their uniform. He couldn't wait.

Well, after their glorious arrival, the militia and the farmers were in a field discussing the plans of the operation. When suddenly, 40 emus appeared in the nearby field. The militia was caught off guard, Kristen. Sergeant McMurray panicked. He quickly ran to his Lewis machine gun, and he started opening fire. It seems like... Look, I didn't want to use actual gun sounds. Okay, okay.

So I found these funny gun sounds, okay? All right. But his shots, they didn't go far enough. The bullets were kicking up dust in front of the emus. And as shots rang out, the emus bolted for cover in some nearby forest. Sergeant McMurray adjusted his aim, and he opened fire again. I feel like I'm really there. This time, the bullets hit, and Sergeant McMurray was able to kill six emus.

Oh, boy. First blood had been. spilled. Okay. The Great Emu War was on. But from this first engagement, you can't help but wonder if Major Meredith got a feeling that maybe this wasn't going to be a walk in the park. The next day, on Thursday, November 3rd, 1932, the militia officially started their campaign

to wipe out the emus, and it did not start off well. If you recall, the farmers had driven the emus to a concentrated area. Right. But that morning, the militia discovered the emus were no longer there. They had broken up into smaller groups. It was almost as if they had heard about what happened yesterday. So the militia had to change their strategy. They went from farm to farm looking for packs of emus to take out.

Oh, Lord. And they never found a large group of them. At the most, they found maybe 30 to 40 emus. And even then, they couldn't get close to the emus. So it made the machine gunfire extremely ineffective. Throughout the day, the countryside echoed with gunfire. And as the machine gunners poured it on the emus, they watched in amazement as the birds were hit by multiple bullets, yet still managed to run away. They described them as hardy birds.

One member of the militia commented, There's only one way to kill an emu. Shoot him through the back of the head. Sorry, how are you going to arrange that? Or through the front of his mouth when his mouth is open. That's how hard it is. Okay. Yeah, that's a good point, Chris.

How the hell are they even going to get close enough to the emu? Now, everybody sit down, okay? All right, that's enough emu. Grab them by the neck and... Had any of these three fellas ever killed an emu before? I don't think so. Yeah. Maybe they should have gotten the hardy boys to do some investigating into these hardy birds on how to best murder them.

Brilliant. Also how to put the tea on the end of the word best, which I did not do there. Brilliant. Commentary, Kristen. Thank you. Thank you. Apparently the militia found one emu who had finally died from his wounds. He had 10 bullets in his body.

That is incredible. In the evening, Major Meredith appeared frustrating. by the day's events. They had only managed to kill 20 emus. It was time to change their strategy. Instead of traveling from farm to farm, looking for the emus, what if they could get the emus to come to them? So they set up an ambush near a dam.

You know, the emos were looking for water, so surely they'd come for a drink, right? Right. Did one of the guys dress up as like a sexy emu? Kind of like, you know, Elmer fuds. Yeah. Like an emu siren. Youhoo. I mean, I've watched cartoons.

I know how to do this. Come on. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. No, they didn't do that. They hid in some bushes near a dam and waited for the emus to come drink. And when they got close, they could open fire and wipe them out. So the militia waited in some bushes for the emu, and after like a couple hours, nothing.

And it was near the end of the day, and they were getting ready to call it a day. And then a farmer ran up with some news. Emus had been spotted a mom. while away. Yehah! Let's go get them, boys! So the militia jumped in their vehicles, and they drove to that area, and sure enough, they spotted a pack of 30 emus. Sergeant McMurray and Gunner O'Halloran, open fire! But the emus sprinted off into the woods! The militia fired 150 rounds, and they didn't kill a single emu. They're going to kill a human at this point, with all these bullets whizzing through the air, all willy-nilly, they're going to kill a human. They're

going to hit a farmer? Well, they didn't. Okay. But this was going to be a long war. At daybreak, Major Meredith split his machine gunners and the farmers into two groups. Each group was going to take up a position near a dam and continue to wait for the emus. They wanted to cover as many water sources as possible. So Major Meredith and Sergeant McMurray were in one group and Gunner O'Halloran was in another group.

And almost immediately, it seemed like the militia's strategy was. going to pay off. Gunner O'Halloran's group saw a huge pack of emus coming, like a thousand of them. Oh my God. They were coming out of the woods and they were making their way towards the dam. The emus walked slowly. They were very cautious. As they reached the water, they halted in a long line. This is the closest the gunners had ever been. This was it. Gunner O'Halloran, open fire! Moos panicked! They scattered! Huge clouds of dust kicked up, making it hard. for Gunner O'Halloran to even see his targets. And then to make matters worse, his gun jammed.

Uh-oh. Oh, my God. When the dust settled, Gunner O'Halloran and the farmers counted up the casualties. Out of those 1,000 emus, they killed about a dozen. I'm sorry. I was worried once I started to get a flavor for what this story was about that I'd be really upset about animal cruelty and stuff. This is just plain funny. I'm glad you think so, Chris.

Meanwhile, Major Meredith and Sergeant McMurray's group also encountered a pack of emus looking for water. And they opened fire. But the emu seemed to absorb the bullets like it was nothing. Major Meredith said to a reporter, quote, If I had a division of men who could carry bullets like they do, I would take on any Army Corps in the world. Wow. It's possible Major Meredith was becoming a little delusional about the whole. situation. He was now convinced that the emus had recruited leaders in each pack to like be on the

lookout for the machine guns. This is fascinating to me. He went into this thing just a few days ago, completely underestimating the emus. Now he thinks that they have full communities and that they are experts at spotting machine guns. Yes. Incredible. Here's what he told a newspaper. quote, a big black plumed bird which stands six feet high keeps watch while his mates carry out their work of destruction and warns them of our approach. You know what really sealed it for him? What? After the emu scattered, he looked to the ground and you know what he saw? A copy of the Emu Daily Gazette.

Oh. And he read the article. Yep. Saw his own picture in it. Have you seen this man? Stay away from him. Over the weekend, the militia's strategy remained the same. The only hope of making a kill is to lie and ambush overnight at drinking places

and await the birds coming with the dawn. On Sunday, November 6, 1932, the militia had their best day yet. They killed 50 emus, but the farmers were not impressed. I bet they weren't. They were beginning to feel a little dismayed by the situation, and then they heard reports that more emus were on the way. reinforcements With emu reinforcements on the way

Major Meredith decided to meet them out in the open in the field of battle before they could even get to Campion so the militia would mount their machine guns onto vehicles and fire on the emus while farmers could chase them down and beat them so on Monday November 7th 1932 everyone loaded up and headed toward the rendezvous point and sure enough they spotted flocks

flocks of emus. So the car sped up to catch the running emus. But the terrain, it was so rough. The gunners, they couldn't stabilize their mounted machine guns. It was not accurate at all. And then tragedy struck. An

emu got caught underneath the wheel of one of the cars. Its body was entangled into the steering gear. It caused the car to swerve off the road and crash into a fence. That brave emu made the ultimate sacrifice. Because after that happened, they called off the whole operation.

Wow. It was a humiliating defeat for the militia. Meanwhile, news of the Great Emu War was spreading through newspapers across Australia and how it wasn't going well at all. Politicians started asking questions. One politician asked, who was responsible for, quote, the farce of hunting emos with government machine guns in Western Australia. Australian citizens were struggling from the Great Depression. Why on earth were they wasting resources to machine gun emus?

It's not a great look. Agreed. When new Prime Minister Joseph Lyons was pressed on the issue, he replied, I don't have all the information. But he assured everyone the military was not responsible for paying for this. So calm down. Okay. On Tuesday, November 8, 1932, a visitor

showed up to join the militia in Campion. It was Inspector Arthur Austin of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. He was there to make sure the emus were being slaughtered humanely. Oh yeah, did you hear about the one that got driven over and got caught in the machinery? We call that runover. Oh.

I'm also not from this planet. Yeah, that's okay. We're both out of sorts. tonight, aren't we? Well, yeah, we both had our first showers. Is that it? It might be. We had euphoric showers?

Everyone, well, calm down. We have a working shower now. Yeah, it's not, the bathroom's not done, but the contractor said, you can take a shower now. And boy, are we feeling like brand new people? I got the stank clean off me. Yep. I got that high pressure nozzle going on the shower head. It was just falling off, all the stank.

It was like a pressure washing video on me. Oh, God. Anyway, thank you for your thoughts and concerns, thoughts and prayers. Yes, the shower ordeal has been quite a time. It's been our own emu war when you think about it. Basically. So, yeah, the militia needed to ensure that the wounded emus were not suffering. Major Meredith could only laugh.

He asked Arthur Austin, quote, at what speed can you run? You'll have to be better than Peter Pan if you want to catch wounded emus that make for the scrub. I didn't know Peter Pan could run very fast. I didn't either. I guess he can fly.

This guy is losing it. Yeah, I think he's losing his mind. Yeah. I don't think he ever anticipated in his wildest dreams that this would be so humiliating for him. Major Meredith assured Inspector Austin that they were doing everything they could

to kill emus as quickly and as humanely as possible. In fact, when they came across a wounded emu, they would beat it over the head with a wadi. What's a wadi? It's an Australian term. It's basically like a heavy wooden club. Meanwhile, in parliament, politicians continue to speak out against the emu war. One politician commented, quote,

Has the attention of the prime minister been drawn to the report published in the press that emus are being hunted by machine guns mounted on lorries? which I guess is an Australian term for a car. If so, will he... It was actually Lori Loughlin. She was running around with... Mounted on Lori Loughlin? Yep, that's true. She's been involved in a lot of scandals, hasn't she?

Yeah, yeah. This was just the first one of many. Wow. If so, will he inform me who is responsible for this farce? And the Australian press was having a field day with the Emu War as well. The Daily Telegraph wrote an opinion piece that farmers were, of course, entitled to protect their crops. But why use machine guns on Australia's national bird? Yeah. Couldn't the government help the farmers just build bigger fences?

I mean, honestly, yeah. Why didn't they think of that? I don't know. Maybe machine guns were just the, they thought this will be quick and easy, and it wasn't. Maybe they could try to migrate the birds to another area. Well, eventually all this public discourse, It became too much. So that night, Minister of Defense, Sir George Pierce, sent a telegram to the militia in Campion. They must withdraw. On the afternoon of Wednesday, November 9, 1932,

the militia received the telegram from Sir George Pierce. They were ordered to withdraw immediately. No reason was given. Well, the reason was obvious. Oh, they don't want to hurt the militia's feelings, okay. Hey, this has been really embarrassing. Major Meredith, Sergeant McMurray, and Gunner O'Halloran packed up their Lewis machine guns and headed home.

At that point, they had fired 1,870 rounds and killed a total of 300 emus. It was an embarrassment. One newspaper, The Sun, wrote up the headline, Kaiser Emu II wins. That's fabulous. Yeah, absolutely roasted. Man, I'm always jealous of anyone who can write a good headline. Were you good at writing headlines when you were a reporter? The worst.

Also, bad at captions. Anything short and snappy, I don't got it. Really? Yeah. I feel like I'd be good at writing headlines. You are good at writing headlines as evidenced by the fact that almost every single title of an episode of an old-timey podcast is written by you. Oh, wow. I always come up with one that's very dumb, and then you're like, what about this one?

and there's a little halo over your head. Ding. Yeah. Yeah. I'm an idea guy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I hate to take your advice on anything because you wear shorts so often.

I'm wearing shorts right now. I know. I don't want to stand up. Because you're going to turn everybody on or you're going to lose your authority, which which was? Both. Okay. Two things can be true, Kristen. That is true.

I'm horny and I'm questioning your power. I'm horny and questioning your authority. Yes, right. So the militia has been recalled. And the farmers were furious. Sure. Emus weren't being killed as fast as they had hoped. But they were making progress.

Not really. They just needed more time. No, they didn't. They needed a whole new tactic, dudes. And once again, the freaking government had turned their backs on them. Well, these farmers weren't going to stand for this. They contacted their local representative, Mr. George Lambert, and they wrote him a message. Gunners withdrawn.

Imperative they should stay. Emu's beginning to reappear in large numbers. Can you do anything? George Lambert couldn't believe it. How dare the government treat these farmers and World War I veterans this way? He attacked the politicians who ordered the operation to halt, calling them, quote, sterilized in thought, word, and action. Oh! The brass hats in Melbourne have killed an attempt to do something useful with military equipment.

Apparently, they think it should be held sacred to less worthy purposes. Okay. And then the head of the government in Western Australia, James Mitchell, he also put pressure on the military to send those machine gunners back to Campion. So what do you think happened, Kristen? I think they went back, even though that should not have been the solution. The solution should be, okay, we've got a problem, we acknowledge there's a problem, we've got to figure out what to do about it. But obviously, you fucked up and you called the military when this is not a military problem. do the big reveal.

What do we got? On Saturday, November 12th, 1932, three days after they had left, Major Meredith, Sergeant McMurray, and Gunner O'Halloran were ordered back to Campion. This is so stupid.

This is ridiculous. The farmers demanded it, Kristen. Okay. Were they just bored and were they kind of having fun, getting together and talking and beating up emails? Oh, that's an interesting theory.

And you know, I would believe that. I believe that 100%. It's a very remote area of Australia. Not a lot of people there. And I bet they're having a blast. You're bonding over a common enemy, even if the common enemy is a gigantic bird. It's way faster than you and seems like maybe smarter than you. We don't know.

I could see that. I think maybe these farmers were having a good time. Hanging with the boys. Shoot NEMUs. And they felt like at least they were doing something. Yeah. Hanging out in bushes. I can see that for sure.

Sure. So for the next month, the militia gunned down emus. And their strategy stayed pretty much the same. Wait near the dams. The emus come drink. They open fire. Norm, I have to interrupt you to say how sweet I think this is. What? Well, because you have used real gunfire in your scripts before and someone reached out and said that they'd found that kind of traumatizing and jar. Yeah. And I definitely could understand that. And so now you're doing this really sweet, funny thing. And I just think it's great. Oh, thank you.

Well, I thought, you know what? This gets my point and idea across. Uh-huh. And also conveys how ridiculous it is. Yes. That's my favorite one, the chicken. Now, that's not to say that the militia didn't consider other ideas. A local pilot came to them and suggested he could fly his plane over Campion and detect the emus from the air and then tell the militia where to go.

Yeah, sure. But the militia didn't do that. Oh, okay. I thought that was a good idea, too, actually. Yeah, it's a great idea. During this month, the Parliament of Australia continued to debate the emu war, and they even cracked jokes about it. One politician asked if these machine gunners were getting medals for bravery. Another politician jokingly replied that the medals should really go to the emus, who have, quote, won every round so far.

and the Australian newspapers continued to report on the war almost every day. Citizens wrote up more opinion pieces questioning everything. This whole emu war was ridiculous. Australians proudly boasted abroad about their national

bird the emu, but they were butchering it at home. The same military that proudly wore the emu on their coat of arms and put emu feathers in their hats were now slotted. them at will. And what the government should really do is create a protected wildlife sanctuary for the emus. The Daily Commercial wrote, the spectacle of a military party rushing to the front with machine guns,

cartridges, rifles, in order to deal out death to the most harmless of the world's few remaining wingless birds is so comical that the public are apt to forget the tragedy behind it all. It made Australia look, quote, supremely ridiculous. I mean, yes. But the farmers and campion disagree with you, Kristen. They were very grateful for the help. They wrote letters to the Minister of Defense, Sir George Pierce, claiming that these machine guns were saving hundreds of pounds of wheat.

And other Australians supported the war as well. In an opinion piece printed in the Newcastle Morning Herald, a farmer from another part of Australia sympathized with the farmers in Campion. He said he only had to deal with maybe 12 to 14 emus at a time. He couldn't imagine if 200 emus showed up on his farm. Sure. He wrote, quote,

I shudder to think what the poor chaps in Campion have to contend with. Finally, on Saturday, December 10, 1932, Major Meredith and his machine gun crew were ordered to withdraw for the final time. They had run out of ammunition. In total, the militia had fired 9,650 rounds and killed 986 emus. Oh my God.

That's about 10 bullets per emu. The Great Emu War was finally over. It was disastrous, costly, and embarrassing. But hey, look at the brights. side, Major Meredith reported that his squad suffered no casualties in the war. I am not joking about that either. Really? Yeah.

Okay. They all survived, Kristen. Great success. Yeah. All right. So, what happened afterwards? What were the ramifications of this great emu war? The following year in 1933, residents of Western Australia voted to secede.

from Australia. Oh. With 66% of the vote. Wow. However, British Parliament ruled the measure was invalid. Okay, well, yeah, of course they're going to rule that. Yeah. I couldn't find a lot of details on that, and I'm sure there's a lot more to it, but figured it's worth mentioning, right? Okay, yeah. Emus continued to be a problem for farmers, and the farmers continued to ask for help, but the government was not going to send out machine guns again. The great emu war had been a national embarrassment. Yeah. So instead, they reinstituted a bounty on emos.

Right. I mean, that makes way more sense. Yeah. And it was successful. In 1934, it was reported that farmers had killed 57,000 emus. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's a lot in one year.

Ten years later, in 1943, the emu problem was part of, particularly bad, and farmers had a new request. Could the military use airplanes and bomb the emus? Good news. Yeah. They wanted to bomb them. That request was denied. Well, thank God.

This was during World War II as well. Jeez. Yeah. No resources for that. So 10 years after that, in 1953, the Western Australian government approved the construction of a five-foot-tall chain-linked barbed wire fence that would keep the emus out. It would stretch 135 miles

and cost 52,000 pounds, aka dollar-re-dews. Adjusted for inflation, about $2 million today. That seems like a bargain. Not bad. In the meantime, the bounty system was still in place. Between 1945

and 1960, Western Australians racked up 285,000 dead emus. But over time, researchers learned more about emus and how they roam and how they migrate. And today I'm happy to report that just like the kangaroo, the emu is now protected wildlife throughout all of Australia. And their population is estimated to be about 600 to 700,000. When it comes to extinction risk, emus are classified as of least concern. Okay.

Plack alert. So the town of Campion, it no longer exists. But in the area where it once stood near a wheat field is a sign commemorating the emu war. Oh my God. Amazing. The sign was put up by a local resident named Ralph English, who said his father was one of those farmers who helped the militia shoot the emus. And when asked why he put up the sign, he simply said, for people that are interested when they drive through here. Yeah.

Why do you, why did you put up the sign? Why do you think you put up a sign? Yeah. Who doesn't love a good plaque? Yes. As someone who loves plaques. Uh-huh. Thank you, Ralph English.

It's a little sign and it has two emus on it. In the middle, it just says, the emu war, 1932. Oh, that's it? That's it. Okay, well, you know what? He did it himself. I'm not going to critique it. He did it himself. It's fine.

In nature, the emu is tenacious, tough, and resilient. I was hoping for another T word. Terrific. Tenacious tough, terrific bird. And you know what? The emu backed up all of those claims during the Great Emu War. I think the Sunday Herald newspaper

summed it all up perfectly back in 1953, when they wrote the following. Even if some degree of victory over the emu is obtained soon for the long-suffering farmers, it will be by no means a complete or final victory

for the tough, busy beak and the large, heavy tread of the emu, carry with them all the heartiness of the cruel, sparse environment of the emu's origin, the Australian sandplanes. And the emu, so gangling and comical, yet now so much feared by farmers, has been part of the country for unknown eons past. And that is the story of when man literally fought nature in the great emu war. Wow. That was really interesting and really weird. I loved how weird that was. Thank you. A little stunned that offense wasn't brought up as a possibility a little sooner. I think it was about cost. This is during the Great Depression.

Okay. The Australian government was very, very hyper aware of what things cost and what they were spending money on because when I was doing research on this, it was just like, well, how much are the bullet's going to cost. How much is it going to cost to drive the militia to Campion? Okay. They were considering even the most minute things. Okay. Every dollar-e-do counts. That's right. Every dollar-e-do counts. And so, yeah, building a 100-plus mile fence is a good idea, but it would be very expensive. And they just didn't have that money. Okay. All right. And so You got a murder a bunch of emuons were the answer, apparently. Wow.

Now, with this story, again, like I said in the beginning, a lot of people cover it like this wacky, hilarious thing. But I do want to say that, like, I get why the farmers wanted help. Oh, of course. It's their livelihood. Yeah. I mean, these emos were legit a problem. And to add insult to injury, a lot of the emus were taller than the farmers. Oh, yeah, definitely.

And have bigger dongs probably. Imagine seeing an emu on Tinder? Oh. Six foot. I bet. Papa emu, I take care of my kids. Mom ran off. Single dead.

I got 15 kids. I haven't shat in two months. That's just to show you my dedication. Just had my first shit after two months. Felt good. I'm ready to be hurt again. Uh-huh. My wife ran off some other emu.

I did think it was interesting that like, Emus are monogamous, but once mom lays the eggs, she's like, I can go find someone else now. Mm-hmm. That was interesting. It is kind of interesting. Yeah. Well done, Normie C. These emos get around.

I mean, they seem a little conservative, frankly. Only fudging in the bushes, one at a time, fellas, okay. I like their style. Yeah. I'm into it, yeah. Daddy raises the kids? Sure. I did enjoy learning about it.

the emus or emus. That's a whole thing online. Really? I wondered why you went into such detail there. Is that a sensitive subject? Yeah, because that it's like, the emu is very important to them. And so if people around the world are saying the word wrong, yeah, no, it would be annoying. They would be annoying. And also always telling the story in this like, ha, ha, ha, way that doesn't. Yeah, and I definitely did, but I feel like, hopefully I presented enough context around why they were, machine-gunning even. No, I think we can understand that, like, yeah, this is your livelihood.

You want to be able to earn a living. And also, you don't want to have your ass handed to you by a six-foot-tall bird. We get that. Get it. It's embarrassing. What's also embarrassing is bringing machine guns out to your farm and trying to mow them down. And being unsuccessful. And not doing a very good job at it.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, the part where, like, a. thousand emus appeared and he started firing in the gun jams. I was just like, it was like fate. Yeah. It's like God was saying, no, this is not how you get rid of the e-us. Yeah, this is not happening. Yeah. Anyway, I'm sorry Australians for saying emu and not emu, but that is just how I've said emu. That's how most people say emu around here, I feel like, right? I agree. Okay. And Australians, I'm sorry for hating vegemite and also for thinking that you go into, to a store to buy the Vegemite with dollarie deuce.

Well, sir, should we wrap this thing up? Yeah. Shout out to Tim Tams, by the way. Those are delicious. What are Tim Tams again? Like the little chocolate-y, chocolate-covered cookies. Oh, yeah, yeah. Man, those are good.

If we have any Australian history hoes, I wouldn't be opposed to you sending me Tim Tams. Oh, wow. A big box of Tim Tams. You know, you could probably buy that yourself, Norm. I could. They're at World Market. Yeah. don't get the hose to do this, do your dirty work.

Okay. History hose, please do not send me boxes of Tim Thames. Don't do it. Okay. Reverse psychology. Yeah, you're brilliant. Should we wrap this up? Let's wrap it up. You know what they say about history hose? We always cite our sources.

That's right. For this episode, I got my information from The Book, Boom and Bust, Bird Stories for a Dry Country. by Libby Robin, Robert Heinzahn, and Leo Joseph. What? Sorry. It's an academic book. Okay. The journal article, The Emu Strikes Back, an inquiry into Australia's peculiar military action of 1932 by Richard Cook and Sir Don Yovanovick.

And many, many clippings from newspapers.com, check the show notes for a complete list of sources. I can just tell you that's going to be like a CVS receipt. Oh, yeah. I think I have 50 plus. Oh, great. That's all for this episode. Thank you for listening to an old-timey podcast.

Please give us a five-star review wherever you listen to podcasts. And while you're at it, subscribe. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok at Old-Timey Podcast. You could also follow us individually on Instagram. She is the beautiful Kristen Pitts-Carruso. I am the average gaming. historian and until next time to-de-loo,

ta-ta, and cheerio. Bye. Bye. You don't have to say it. I have the sound. I like to say it with her. All right. Ready?

One, two, three. Bye. Wow, that was perfect.