An Old Timey Podcast - 26: The 1904 St. Louis Olympics Sucked (Part 2)

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

America’s first Olympic games were bad. But just how bad were they??? The 1904 St. Louis Olympics were part of a World’s Fair that featured human zoos, a display of premature babies, a racist athletic event called “Anthropology Days,” and more! The actual Olympic competitions were disorganized and featured mostly American athletes. And for the turd on this poo sundae - a marathon event that almost killed competitors.But despite all this, some historians feel the 1904 St. Louis Olympics have been misjudged. Let’s find out!Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, Norm pulled from: AICO. “1904 OLYMPIC GAMES ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI : OFFICIAL MEDALS & BADGES,” n.d. https://aicolympic.org/collectors_library/1904-olympic-games-st-louis-missouri-official-medals-badges/.Boykoff, Jules. Power Games: A Political History of the Olympics. Verso, 2016.DiMeo, Nate. “Olympic-Sized Racism.” Slate, August 21, 2008. https://slate.com/culture/2008/08/remembering-the-anthropology-days-at-the-1904-olympics.html.Holroyd, Steve. “Lacrosse at the 1904 Summer Olympics: Correcting the Record.” Crossecheck (blog), March 16, 2019. https://crossecheck.com/2019/03/16/lacrosse-at-the-1904-summer-olympics-correcting-the-record/.ISOH. “The Evolution of the Early Olympics,” n.d. https://isoh.org/cause-view/the-evolution-of-the-early-olympics/.Johnson, Walter. “The Largest Human Zoo in World History.” Roundtable (blog), April 14, 2020. https://www.laphamsquarterly.org/roundtable/largest-human-zoo-world-history.Kahler, Abbot, and Ellen Wexler. “How the 1904 Marathon Became One of the Weirdest Olympic Events of All Time.” Smithsonian Magazine, August 7, 2012. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/how-the-1904-marathon-became-one-of-the-weirdest-olympic-events-of-all-time-14910747/.Matthews, George R. America’s First Olympics: The St. Louis Games of 1904. University of Missouri Press, 2018.Populous. “Populous Magazine | The Bizarre Tale of the 1904 St. Louis Marathon,” n.d. https://populous.com/article/the-bizarre-tale-of-the-1904-st-louis-marathon.Runner’s World. “The Unbelievable True Story of the Craziest Olympic Marathon,” August 6, 2021. https://www.runnersworld.com/runners-stories/a37039437/1904-olympic-marathon/.Are you enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Then please leave us a 5-star rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts!Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you’ll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90’s style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes from Kristin’s previous podcast, Let’s Go To Court.

Here you, hear ye! You are listening to an old-timey podcast. I'm Normie C. And I'm Kristen Caruso. And if you steal from my contractor's truck, I will look for you on Facebook Marketplace, and I will find you. Oh, we have a story to tell the history hose. And on this week's episode, I'll be talking about the 1904 Olympic Games in St. Louis. I'm so excited! Really? I really am. Yes, yes. It's, okay, it's one of those things.

I didn't know anything about the 1904 St. Louis Olympics. Still don't. But the second you started talking about it, it's everywhere. It's a thing. Kyla says it's because my phone is listening to me. But I just prefer to think that it's been around me this whole time. You think the universe is giving you signs. Yeah, signs to listen to my husband tell me a tale about the 1904.

St. Louis Olympic Games. Actually, I think we want to hear about you threatening people stealing from your contract. I didn't threaten. Okay. Everybody? You got to share this story since you mentioned it. First of all, praise the good lard above. The guys are finished on a brand new bathroom.

Yeah. Woo! Yeah. We have a toilet. We have a shower. We have a sink. We have a little trash bin. Don't brag to the people.

But hey, if you're wondering, geez, Kristen, how do you do with the ADHD and having people work in your home while you're also trying to work from home? Not great. Folks, let me tell you. I don't do great. It's not good. But no, okay, okay. Last week was it? Two weeks ago?

Last Friday. Someone broke in to one of the guys' trucks and they stole some stuff. and you know what? Some hoe, not a history ho, obviously, because the history hoes would never, but some ho then had the nerve to put one of those items up on Facebook Marketplace. Now, we couldn't be totally sure that we had the right hoe. Yeah, we couldn't prove it, but the signs were adding up. Number one, the item stolen looked very, very similar to the one listed on Facebook Marketplace. Number two, the seller couldn't explain where they purchased it, how it worked, or what it did.

Yeah, so also bad at lying. Anyway, I took it upon myself. You know, it's not like anyone was like, Kristen, please save me. But I was like, okay, I'll message this lady. And so I did. I messaged her, asked several questions, asked for more photos, which appeared to have been taken on a motor roll, a razor. In 2008. It looked like the Motorola potato.

It's a less popular cousin. And I tell you what, folks, I had a real moment where it was a real, this is how I die moment if I don't stop. Because I was getting excited talking to this lady. And I was thinking, do I arrange a meetup? And then what do I say? Or do I say to her, oh, okay, great. How about instead of me buying it, you just take it back. to where you stole it from because I know exactly where you stole it from.

Anyway, I decided maybe I just needed to stop. Yeah, you had to calm down because we couldn't conclusively prove that that was the person that stole it. But it was an entertaining time nonetheless. Do you think the guys were surprised that I was so willing to contact the lady? Oh, yeah, they were very interested in the fact that you wanted redemption. You know, you wanted revenge. You wanted to find these crooks.

It's justice. I love justice. Yeah. Although it's also like, okay, if somebody's like breaking into cars and stealing stuff. Yeah. I don't know if that's like worth confronting someone over. I don't know. It can be dangerous.

You have to be careful out there, folks. You said it quite well to me. This is someone with nothing to lose. Yeah. And you're trying to have a confrontation. Yeah, as a non-threatening boy, this is just not worth it. All right. Well, I like to pretend that I am Liam Neeson.

But instead of somebody stealing your child, they stole some random stuff from a truck. A random stuff from a truck. And I didn't like it. And I decided to put it into it. Anyway, support us on Patreon, won't you? Ooh, yeah. What if at the $10 level? Pig butter investor.

Yeah, pig butter investor. What if at that level you not only get $1,000. early ad-free episodes, video episodes to see our lovely faces. And of course, all the other stuff, the Discord access, the bonus episodes, the card and sticker signed by us. Oh, the value. Yeah. What if you also got me messing with people on Facebook marketplace over stolen goods, possibly stolen goods? We are busy enough. I don't think we need to add more stuff to do. Oh, okay. Well, anybody who thought that was a good thing?

idea. Now you know who to blame it on. It's a fantastic idea, but we got to think about our health here too. By the way, if for those of you on the $10 tier watching this video, Kristen, I don't think this sign of yours is very funny. I just noticed it. Everyone. For those listening on the audio version. I have a little sign behind me. And, you know, for a while it said join Kristen's night garden. That was a nice thing on there. And now it says, who farted? and I discovered there's a little arrow I can put up, and so I've got it pointed toward norm. I'm glad you're finally messing with your little sign. It sat in a box for quite a while, but we busted it out, and now we're going to do.

You know what? I was very busy tracking down assholes on Facebook Marketplace, okay? You are just like Liam Neeson. I'm exactly like him in every way. Thank you. Anyway, have you heard that rumor that Liam Neeson has a huge dong? Oh, I believe it, of course. Yeah. I look at that guy, I'm like, yeah.

Yeah, he's got a big dripping hog. Yeah, I'd be shocked if it was small. I'd be like, you're not really Liam Neeson. Yeah. You think you're Liam Neeson? Let me see that dick. No, no, no. That's not how the scenario plays out, Norm.

But anyway, folks, please support us on Patreon. At the $5 level, you get bonus episodes with the videos, okay? So just imagine that. And you get Discord access. It's a good time. It is a fantastic time. Patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. Very good.

Kristen, we have a lot to cover today. Oh, okay. Well, quit messing around. All right. You're the one who brought up Liam Neeson's dick. It's true, I did. I take full responsibility. Let's dive into it.

But first... Previously, on an old-timey podcast. Oh. A French aristocrat named Pierre de Cuperton thought that athletic competition was the key to provide moral and social strength for a nation. break down social and cultural barriers and even help secure world peace. Well, he really just wanted the French people to not look like weenies on the world state, right?

It's true, and so he decided to revive the ancient Greek Olympic Games on a global scale. The first modern Olympic Games took place in Athens, Greece, in 1896, and they were relatively successful. Hot diggity dog! Kubertan believed that the Olympics were very special. They shouldn't be every year. How about every four years? And the country that hosts the game should rotate. That would ensure that the Olympics were truly international.

And so in 1900, the Olympics took place in Coubertone's hometown of Paris, France. Omelet! For those that don't speak French, that means cheese omelette. Oh, thank you. Did you ever see the episode of Dexter's Laboratory? No, I did not. Where all he could say was omelette du famage? It's a classic.

Is that mushroom? Or no, is it framage cheese? Frommage is cheese. Okay, well, very good. And omelet is omelet. Pierre de Coubertan expected a huge turnout in Paris because the Olympics would be a part of an even larger event that was estimated to bring in 50 million plus people,

the 1900 World's Fair. But internal politics and a lack of interest from other French aristocrats forced the Olympics to become a mirrored side show at the fair. It didn't help that the World's Fair organizer got rid of the word Olympics from the program. Instead, the athletic events were called the International Contests of Physical Exercises and of Sport. It was catchy. Cooperton vowed that future Olympics would never be a part of a World's Fair again, and they would take place in nations that actually cared about sports.

And so when a member of the International Olympic Committee suggested that the United States, should host the 1904 games, Cooperton thought it was a great choice. Americans love sports. And soon the International Olympic Committee selected Chicago, Illinois, the windy city to host the 1904 Olympics. But Cooparton encountered some real buttholes along the way. First, there was a guy named James Sullivan. He was in charge of the amateur athletic union, which essentially controlled American athletics at the time. Sullivan saw the Olympics as a threat and scheme to take power from Kuberton. But ultimately, Sullivan failed.

Still, the two men became arch enemies. And then, a Missouri politician named David Francis basically threatened Chicago to give up the Olympics and transfer them to a new city, St. Louis, Missouri. Why? Because St. Louis would be hosting the 1904 World's Fair at the exact same time as the same time. the Chicago Olympics. And to make matters worse, Chicago struggled to get financial backing for the Olympics. Their promise of a brand new 75,000-seat stadium was falling apart. But the final nail in the coffin was when the St. Louis World's Fair announced they would be holding their own athletic competitions with the Amateur Athletic Union, run by Coubertan's nemesis, James

Sullivan. Sounds like someone struggling for power. International Olympic Committee President Pierre de Coubertan hated World's Fairs. He really hated James Sullivan, and he didn't like St. Louis. But Cuberton loved the Olympics, so he did what he had to do. On February 10, 1903, he announced that the 1904 Olympics would now take place in St. Louis, Missouri, instead of Chicago, Illinois. St. Louis World Fair officials had one year to organize everything, and that is where we shall begin our story. Just one year, huh? That's it.

That doesn't seem like enough time. Well, they definitely could have used some more time. Let me tell you. When St. Louis World's Fair President, David Francis, received the news that the Olympic Games were being transferred to St. Louis. He was like... Meanwhile, Chicago was left feeling kind of empty-handed. I mean, they'd put a ton of time and resources to get the Olympics.

It felt like the Olympics were basically stolen from them. Well, that's a little dramatic, but okay. Hmm. Well, I guess St. Louis officials felt kind of bad about the whole situation, so they sent Chicago a check for $6,954.47. Very expensive. It was to compensate them for all the work they had done up to that point. That's a very specific number. Well, adjusted for inflation, that's about $250,000.

today. Yeah, but it's, who gives a shit about adjusting for inflation? How did they arrive at such a specific number for that check? They probably had a kick-ass accountant, Kristen, and they said, this is how much we've spent. All right, fine. Certified CPA, a Chicago public accountant. Okay. Where's my rim shot? No, that does not deserve a... So anyway, there's no time to waste. St. Louis had a ton of work to do to get ready for the World's Fair and the Olympic Games. An International Olympic Committee President Pierre de Coubertan was like, okay, what's the plan? And World's Fair organizers were like, okay, we're going to create an entire physical culture

department for the World's Fair. And they're going to organize all the athletic events. They're going to make sure there's proper accommodations and equipment. We're going to set the rules. We're going to do everything. And don't worry, Mr. Kubartan, because this time we're going to call all the athletic events Olympics. Of course they should. Because if you recall the 1900 Olympics, nothing was called the Olympics. Yeah, we didn't skip the recap. We listened to the whole thing. Oh, yeah, right. Well, Pierre

de Coubertan was ecstatic. He was like, yes, hey, maybe these St. Louis Olympics, they won't be so bad after all. And he was like, amazing. What a great idea. And hey, if you're looking for someone to run the physical culture department, I really think we should talk to Albert G. Spalding. He was the owner of the Spalding Sporting Goods company. Because to Pierre de Coubertan, Albertin was the perfect choice. He was a former professional baseball player. He was the U.S. Commissioner at the 1900 Olympics. He owned one of the biggest sporting good companies in the nation.

Yeah, he had all those balls. So many balls. Wait a minute. Balls! I knew I had a sound for that. So he had connections. And Coobarton trusted that Spalding could run everything smoothly, and he knew that Spalding wanted the Olympics to be successful.

But St. Louis World's Fair Officials were like, well, we were kind of thinking James Sullivan should run the Olympics. No, you are wrong. You know, president of the amateur athletic union. Yeah, but he has demonstrated to the world that he's much like the hoe from Facebook Marketplace. Oh, no. He's not a good ho. We shouldn't even be calling our ho, Kristen. a ho is a term of endearment.

That's right, but not in this case. Anyway, continue. Why do they want James? Probably because he kissed all their butts. Well, Pierre de Coubertone was seething. Yeah. He was like, no, anyone but James fucking Sullivan. Yeah.

But hey, let's set aside their differences for a second. James Sullivan was a good choice. He was the head of the amateur athletic union. He knew how to run athletic events. And with his help, the best American athletes would be at the 1904 Olympics, right? Yeah, but you've got to wonder about somebody with these ego issues. It's like, okay, can we, if we stroke his ego enough, can we get him to do a good job?

Can we kind of keep him under control, or is he going to flip out? Well, and it's not super clear if Pierre de Coubertan let other people know how much he hated James Sullivan. Well, James Sullivan went to all the newspapers and talked all that crap on him. It's true. So I guess, yeah, people did know. Yeah. Well, anyway, the decision became easy for everybody because Albert G. Spalding was like, yeah, I don't want to run the Olympics. Oh, shoot.

He was working on a special baseball commission because he wanted to find out where the sport came from. And this commission led to the myth that Army officer Abner Doubleday invented the game in Cooperstown, New York. That's a myth? Home of the current National Baseball Hall of. fame. Future topic. It is a myth. Wait, where did it really start? How'd they get that so wrong? You know, I don't know how it actually started, but most historians have concluded that Abner Doubleday did not invent baseball in Cooperstown, New York.

Well, he does sound like a made-up man, so... He's a real man. Are you sure? Because I hear that most historians agree with me that he was made up. No. No one agrees with you, Kristen. Damn it. Okay. Well, actually, what if Rudy Giuliani... agreed with you. Oh, God.

I feel like... Why'd you have to bring up Rudy Giuliani? We were having a good day. We were having a nice time. I was just thinking about, let's say you took a position on something. Uh-huh. And then you found out Rudy Giuliani agreed with you on that position. The only one in my corner is Rudy Giuliani.

Do you start to question if you're in the right corner? Yes. I would question a lot of things. So, yeah, Albert G. Spalding was like, I'm out. And so James Sullivan was selected as the chief of the physical culture department and the director of the 1904 Olympic Games. And it was at this point that Pierre de Coubertan said, Everybody betray me. I don't have a friend in the world.

He decided to take his and go home. He abandoned the 1904 Olympics. Okay, this is a thing this guy does. I'm starting to not like Pierre either. Things don't go his way And he takes his balls and he goes home He does He did this at the 1900 Olympics too

You know for somebody who is so into sports Oh sports sports sports sports Yeah He sure does go home when it seems like he's losing Maybe a little bit of a sore loser Yes It's true He made the decision to transfer the games to St. Louis

But if James Sullivan was going to be involved he wanted no part of these Olympic games. So he ceased communication with the World's Fair organizers, and in turn, they stopped sending him updates about the Olympics. Well, yeah, it doesn't stop the Olympics from happening. Yeah. It just stops you from being able to influence them in any way. For what it's worth, James Sullivan seemed perfectly fine with this new arrangement.

Of course he did! He smiled like the Grinch. Okay, but last time Pierre did this, it was a disaster. Why does he want to do this again? Well, there is... You are nothing. Listen, I think it's just a personal animosity. There is some hope.

Again, the World's Fair organizers were super pumped about the Olympics, and they definitely wanted it, and they wanted it to be successful. Yeah. This was really about his beef with James Sullivan. Yes, I understand that. But what I'm saying is he has done this before. When things did not go well with the Olympics in Paris, he was like, F you, F you, F you. I'm gone.

Yeah. And then it was a huge disaster. So did he learn nothing from that that maybe when things aren't going his way, he should still stick it out because he's the one in charge? I guess not. Thank you for answering my question. You're welcome, Kristen. Anyway, on April 30th, 1904, the St. Louis World's Fair officially opened for business.

To honor the opening of the fair, President Theodore Roosevelt, sent a telegram. to be read aloud to the crowd. Oh, wow, okay. A little underwhelming, huh? And Kristen, you might be wondering, why did he send a telegram? Why wasn't he at the World's Fair? Well, there's a busy year for Teddy.

He was running for re-election. Seems like a good event to go to. You know, I agree. But he promised to attend the World's Fair in person once the election was over. Roosevelt's telegram stated, this exposition is primarily intended to show the progress in the end.

industry, the science and the art, not only of the American nation, but of all the other nations in the great and wonderful century, which has just closed. Kristen, when David Francis promised that the St. Louis World's Fair would be the biggest ever, he was not lion. It was the largest World's Fair to date. 1,272 acres of land in beautiful forest park. It was double the size of the 1893. World's Fair in Chicago.

Suck on that. By the way, we had some people in the discord that were very defensive about the city of St. Louis. They did not appreciate your comments, Kristen. Listen, what'd they say, Norm? Well, they said the problem is you didn't go to the city museum, which has all the cool stuff. Okay. No response? Listen, I did feel kind of bad about my comments about San Francisco.

Louis as the episode progressed, you know, at first it was just me shitting on St. Louis. But then other historical figures started to shit on it even harder. And then I felt kind of bad for it. And then I tried to backtrack, but it was too late. It was too late to apologize. But then the St. Louis defenders came out. And boy, are they a boring group. Kristen, you're making things worse.

You got that shovel. I know. I do have the shovel and I am digging. Listen, I'll say something and if we need to cut it, we'll cut it. Let's hear it. But I don't think a city can be one museum trip away from greatness. Well, they had other reasons to. Hey, the St. Louis Zoo.

Remember, we went to the zoo. Yeah. It was pretty cool and it was completely free. How much time are these people who live in St. Louis? I think a few people did live in St. Louis, yeah. Okay, well, you've got to defend where you're from. I can't fault them for that. That's true.

They've got to pretend that St. Louis' take on pizza is delicious when they know deep down it's not. Yeah, that pizza is not good. I'm sorry, St. Louis, folks. I'm not a fan. We're going to have just a hole in our listenership. No, St. Louis. Kristen. I'm going to be hit with toasted raviolis next time I'm out walking around.

round. It's going to come from two angles, too. There's going to be two toasted ravioli shooters. One was on the grassy knoll. Membership in Kristen's Nightgarde is going to plummet after this episode comes out. Come on over to the Norm Troopers, folks. Unless, hear me out. Sure.

The St. Louis defenders will not be in Kristen's Nightgarde. But you know who will? Who? Anyone who has spent more than a three-day weekend. in St. Louis. Kristen. You know I'm right. Listen, the people defending St. Louis, they brought up some cool stuff.

No, there is cool stuff. Maybe we need to go back and check it out. It sounds like you don't want to. There is cool stuff in St. Louis. It's just to me, a city that really doesn't warrant being the site of a world's fair, an Olympics, a week-long vacation. I mean, I think that's what makes the 1904 Olympics so interesting because you hear St. Louis, Missouri just doesn't seem like a place that would host the Olympics. But it was a very different time. It was. It was old-timey times.

That's right. And, Kristen, let me tell you, the city of St. Louis spared no expense when it came to this World's Fair. They added 450 new streetcars to their transit system. Damn. They took passengers to the fairground every 15 minutes. The city rebuilt 70 miles of street. They added 30 miles of new streets. They built a railroad inside the World's Fair so it could take people to all the exhibits.

62 countries, 43 states, had exhibits at this show. And in total, around 20 million people attended the St. Louis World's Fair. This was the OG Epcot. You're not lying. This was a huge World's Fair. It lasted seven months. And there's simply no time to talk about everything. about everything, so we're just going to go over some of the highlights.

Okay. At the heart of the St. Louis World's Fair were 11 monumental palaces, and each one was dedicated to a subject. The Palace of Electricity. The Palace of Fine Arts. The Palace of Horticulture. The Palace of Machinery. People could check out the latest technologies and inventions sweeping the world.

And what do you think, Kristen, was the hottest new craze in 1904? The hottest new craze. The latest, I don't know the word for it. It was like a brilliant achievement that had just happened. Oh gosh, well now you're going to reveal my total lack of knowledge about time and dates. Let me take some guesses. All right. Okay, so we already had electricity because there's the house of electricity.

Electricity was a thing. People are bored by it. When was the telephone invented? 1876. Oh, shit. Old news. Okay. Boring.

How about, okay, okay. All right, 1904, something sweeping the nation. Sweeping the world, baby. Oh. This was world changing. Whoa, giving me some hints, aren't you there, son? Okay, let's see here. It was the...

I don't know. What is it? So you're not going to guess. Oh, come on. I feel like I should guess something, but I'm really drawing a blank. Can you give me a... like a hint. And by like a hint, I mean a hint. Transportation.

A car? Not a car. That's a good guess. Thank you. The hottest new craze was flight. Oh. Because just a few months earlier, the Wright brothers had flown the very first airplane on the beaches of North Carolina. Fun fact, when I was in the marching band in high school, we performed at the 99-year

anniversary ceremony. Wow. Couldn't do the hundred year, huh? Well, I quit marching band for. the 100th year and I missed hearing George Bush speak. Wow. Yeah. Regrets, I've had a few.

That's true. I got tired of performing at football games every Friday and then waking up early and performing in parades on Saturday. So I was like, I am done with marching man, which sucked because I really loved symphonic band. But the rule was you can't be in symphonic band if you didn't do marching band. You know what that means? That means your band teacher knew symphonic band was like the draw.

The cool part. Yeah. And he's like, hmm, got to set up some rules around here. I was not into marching men. And those uniforms smelled horrible. Were they dry clean only? And no one dry clean only. And no one dry cleaned them.

They were like made of wool. Of course they were. Oh, hot and stinky. You performed in North Carolina. Yeah. Oh, gross. Yeah. Maybe someone should put out a candle with that scent.

My God. You know those like Joe Harry Potter jelly beans? I should submit a flavor. Old marching band uniform. Yeah. High school marching band uniform. Yeah. Oh my.

So anyway, to celebrate this crazy new thing called Flight, the St. Louis World's Fair held an aeronautic competition. They set up a course and they offered $100,000 to whoever could fly through the course, the fact. Damn. Adjusted for inflation, I forgot to look this up. That's got to be over a million bucks. Norman, you get on that computer right now. Hang on. And you, dee, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de.

Everyone, can you believe this? Kristen's night guard, I'm over here doing all this stuff. Oh, 3.5 million dollar prize. That's wild. That is. So, pilots from around the world came to participate with their homemade airships and airplanes. but I think World's Fair organizers, they may have overestimated how far flight technology had come because no one was able to complete the course.

Maybe they just didn't want anyone to, they didn't want to give away that kind of money. Yeah, so they made the course like super ridiculous. An American pilot who flew the farthest was given $500. Boy. Ouch. Yeah. History hoes, if you're afraid of heights like myself, the thought of flying in a plane made of tinker toys would make you shit yourself.

But don't worry, there are other things for us to enjoy at the World's Fair. Hey, let's go check out the Palace of Transportation. On display, 140 different types of automobiles. Oh. Some ran on electricity. Oh. Some ran on steam. Pretty cool, huh?

Electric cars in 1904? The only problem? You had to plug him in. Yeah. So you can only go so far with that extension cord. Mm-hmm. I actually don't know how they ran. We have a neighbor that mows his lawn with a plug-in lawnmower.

It's like a 200-foot-long extension cord so he can reach everything. And I'm just like, man, how many times has he run over that extension cord? That's how we tragically lost our hedge trimmers. We had... Oh, that's right. We trimmed off the damn electrical cord. And by we, you mean me. I had in headphones.

All of a sudden I'm like, what the hell happened to the hedge trimmers? These things suck. And then I looked down and realized I had cut the cord. Cut it yourself? Uh-huh. The call's coming from within the house. I'm afraid it was. Uh-huh.

Okay, well maybe you're not into cars, Kristen. No problem. Let's check out the latest inventions in the medical field. Wow. Look at this device that lets you see and sight of people. It's called an X-ray machine. Oh, okay. Now a mainstay in modern hospitals.

You want to know another mainstay in hospitals? Incubators. Oh. The first baby incubators were shown off at the 1904 World's Fair. With babies in them? Oh, Kristen. It was not just a demonstration of the machine. Oh, gross.

For 25 cents, fairgoers could gawk at pre-term immunocompromised babies in incubators. There was even an attached gift shop and cafe. Oh my God. What did they sell at the gift shop? Little teeny tiny babies? You know they did. Maybe I attended the 1904 World's Fair and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. You wish.

I guarantee you they sold itty-bitty babies. And no one was like, this is weird. Maybe a little incubator keychain. So yeah, this was a really stupid idea. In fact, sadly, several babies died at the World's Fair because of the insane amount of germs they were exposed to. They had to put up an additional layer of glass to keep people further away from the babies. Oh, no one was like, let's just remove the babies? No, the solution was not remove the babies.

The solution was put up another layer of glass. This is disgusting. Okay, so maybe visiting that exhibit was a bad idea, Kristen. Let's leave. I don't know if you have an appetite after seeing that. But let's check out the food court. It's got an assortment of new foods to try from all around the world. Ooh, okay.

As one historian wrote, you could have breakfast in France, a mid-morning snack in the Philippines, lunch in Italy, and dinner in Japan. Oh. Ooh, sounds like a cruise ship. Sounds like you're going to have a rough evening. How are the toilets at the 1904 World's Fair. That's what we really need to know. Who, Mondo Dukes. Notable Foods at the 1904 World War's Fair.

World's Fair include hamburgers, hot dogs, the waffle cone, peanut butter, and cotton candy, which was known as Fairy Floss at the time. That is a very cool name. Yeah, I agree. And to wash it all down, how about we try this brand new soda that just came out? They call it Dr. Pepper. Oh, I love it. Are you excited?

You're going to be real excited for this next one. Maybe that soda is a little too sweet for you. It's not. Let's try something a little more refreshing. Kristen, you'll go crazy for this. Here's a nice, tall glass of iced tea. Well, I mean, they had iced tea. What?

Well, this wasn't like a new thing, right? No, it's not like it was invented at the World's Fair, but it was popularized. It was popularized at the World's Fair. And I was thinking, huh, that's interesting. And then I remember, yeah, getting ice was probably really hard back then. Oh, it was. Yes. Oh, my.

My grandma once told the shadiest story. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. So she and her friends were sitting outside. This was back in old timey time, so it's the perfect story to tell. It's not even a tangent really when you think about it like this. And across the street, some rival gals were also sitting outside.

And they were drinking water that had ice in it. And it was kind of a look at us. We've got ice situation. And my grandmother and her friend were a little devastated because they could not compete. But you know what they did? What did they do? They got some lemonade. But it was like warm?

Well, Norm, who cider you on in this story? Luke warm lemonade? Well, you know what they did their best, Norm? It was lukewarm because they didn't have ice. They didn't have ice money, okay? Man, I can't even. I can't imagine a world without ice. I know.

This Crystal Light just wouldn't taste the same. It wouldn't. You'd be drinking lukewarm lemonade trindo. One up the gals next door. Should I talk about my new Crystal Light advertisement that I have sitting behind me? I think you should. We talked about it on the bonus episode, but you should mention it for the people. For you history owes to have the video version of this podcast.

I purchased the very first advertisement for Crystal Light featuring the beautiful Linda Evans. Careful. Hey. And she says on this ad, I believe in crystal light because I believe in me. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that can't possibly be what it says on an ad for crystal light. It's true, though.

I believe in crystal light because I believe in me. It's true. It's all you need to know about crystal light. And it's all you need to know about building self-confidence. By the way, when we bought Crystal Light the other day, the price had shot up. And so I have concluded it is because of an old-timey podcast. Demand for Crystal Light has skyrocketed. You know, I think it's because we all believe in ourselves so much now.

That's great. That's a great reason to listen to this podcast. We're giving people confidence. Get confidence, stupid. That's what we say. So, nice tall glass of iced tea at the World's Fair. But maybe you're thinking, look, I need to get turnt. Oh.

No problem, baby. Let's sample this whiskey. It just won the gold medal at the whiskey competition. Oh, shit. It's made by a fellow from Tennessee named Jack Daniel. Oh. Don't you mean Jack Daniels? No, his name was Jack Daniel.

Oh, and the bottle says Jack Daniels, Tennessee whiskey. Wow. Come on, Kristen. You just witnessed an um-actually person get humbled there. I was really ready to pounce. I did the Uno reverse card. You did. Take that.

One little titty-bitty here. Most, if not all of the foods and drinks that I just mentioned were already invented, but the World's Fair exposed them to a much wider audience, so popularized them. Okay, lunch is over. I just had a bunch of hot dogs. Whole bunch of whiskey. Snacked on some fairy floss, washed it all down with some Dr. Pepper. I'm sipping on my Jack Daniels whiskey.

Gross. Let's go have some fun. What should we do, Kristen? Vom it. Before we vomit, let's check out. Lincoln's childhood cabin. It was transported to the World's Fair from Kentucky and put on display.

Was it really? Wow. Or we could check out one of the most popular attractions at the fair. It's a horse named beautiful Jim Key. This horse was super smart. Apparently it could read,

write, make change. Shut up. That's what they're playing. No, this is two dudes in a horse suit. No, no, it was a real. And the guy in back is like, if you fart one more time, I'm just walking off. No, I think it was a real horse, Kristen. If it was a real horse, that thing did not make change.

It did not read. Here's your change, ma'am. Oh, man. I would have loved to see a horse that could make change. Or one that could even, how do you even write? How did it write? It didn't. They claimed it did.

Why would they lie? For money. To get people to come to their show. show. Okay. You literally just talked about infants dying and rather than taking the infants out of the exhibit, let's just think about that word being used. They put up an extra little glass panel. You're making me think of a pimp my ride hosted by exhibit. Anyway, well, how about in the evening we go to the palace of electricity because they lit it up at night. It was gorgeous. And we can all sing along to the World's Fair theme song.

Please, this is too fast. Okay. Kristen, this song was a chart topper. It was a huge hit 1904. It's terrible. It's so bad. 40 years later, the song became a huge hit again because it was a song from the 1944 film, Meet Me in St. Louis, starring Judy Garland.

And the movie takes place during the 1904 World's Fair. Well, if Judy's singing it, all right, but that fella... Yeah. Meet me in St. Louis. He's doing his best. He's doing his best, Kristen. The technology was not there yet. I had to use a ton of noise removal on that, by the way,

because the original track was just like, probably should have noise removed that voice. But a bunch. The St. Louis World's Fair was full of new and exciting things from all around the world. But remember, Kristen, this World's Fair was also called the Louisiana Purchase Exposition. The 100-year anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase. It was intended to celebrate American imperialism.

As one historian put it, a major theme of the St. Louis World's Fair was to, quote, illustrate the progress of human civilization from barbarism to modern Western culture. Oh, I don't like where this is going. emphasizing the superiority of the latter. Is it barbarism or barbarianism? Barbarism sounds like a guy that cuts my hair. I guess he'll be both, right? And he does it in a barbaric way.

You monster, you gave me a bull cut. I used to have a bull cut. You looked good with it. Yeah. You've got the hair for a bowl cut. If I have the photo handy, I'm going to put it on the video version of my wicked bowl cut when I was a kid. People were going to be like,

ooh, what a cutie pie. The World's Fair wanted to showcase just how much better people thought Western culture was than the rest of the world. So in addition to new inventions, museums, a food court, they had human zoos

featuring people from so-called savage cultures. Oh. No, God! No, God, please no. No! Yeah. I'm with you there.

Sadly, human zoos were not a new thing. They had been at previous World's fairs as well. But the human zoo in St. Louis was the largest in human history. An estimated 10,000 indigenous people from all around the world were on display. Shut up. You only stop talking? No. That is wild.

10,000 people. And their job was to recreate their everyday lives. lives in small villages constructed on the fairgrounds. So were they like in enclosures? Like in a, oh, wow. Among the indigenous groups were the Patagonian giants of South America. The Ainu people of Japan, members of 51 indigenous American nations, including Apache War Chief Geronimo.

You could have your picture taken with him in front of a teepee for a nickel. How much of that nickel did he get? Unclear. Many of the people in the human zoo were professionals who did this for a living. It was a job. Yeah. But World's Fair Officials also traveled the world to purchase people for the Human Zoo. One World's Fair Official went to what is now known as the Democratic Republic of the Congo to purchase native Mbuti people called Pygmies, who were known for their short stature.

One of them was a 20-year-old man. named Otabanga. Banga was purchased from slave traders for some salt and cloth. Oh my God. Otabanga became a huge attraction at the World's Fair because of his teeth.

They had been filed to sharp points. And that was part of a ritual when he was a child. Oh. And Otabanga used this to his advantage. He started charging fairgoers five cents to look at his teeth. Good.

If you search Otabanga teeth, you'll see what I'm talking about. You can kind of see. Oh, yeah. I think there's even a few pictures from the World's Fair with him. Yeah, I'm looking at them right now. He's cute. His life story is incredible, but also tragic.

Yeah, I mean, I do think there's something to be said for the people who are like, okay, I'm in this situation. I'm going to make the best of it. And that means I'm going to charge people for what they want to see. I'm going to benefit in some way, too. Yeah, and a lot of the people in the humans who caught on to that, and they racked up some money. Good.

Charging people to gock at them, you know. Good. Do you want to hear a brief summary of Otabanga's life? Yeah. Okay. This will be a future topic because I wrote it down. Okay. But brief summary.

After the World's Fair, Otabanga was put on display at the Bronx Zoo. Oh, my God. He had to live with the chimpanzees and the monkeys and orangutans. And then he was given up to an orphan asylum. And he was taught England. Wasn't he like an adult? Yeah. Okay.

He was taught English. He was given traditional Western clothing. They put caps on all of his teeth. And then he got a job at a tobacco factory. But eventually he decided he wanted to go home to the Congo in Africa. But Bango was unable to because of World War I. And he ended up killing himself. Oh.

It was sad. Yeah, I can't imagine. Crazy. live in that life. Future topic for sure. Great. I'm really... That'll be a hoot.

A real hootnanny. What does hootnanny mean? I have no idea. The biggest part of the human zoo was the Philippine Reservation. It took up 47 acres and calling it a reservation was no accident. The United States had recently conquered the Philippines and literally shipped people to the world's fair. So to me, this sounds like people are not in enclosures, which at first I was like, that'd be terrible. But now I'm wondering, gosh, is it even worse if you're being, if you're in

direct contact with people who are gawking at you? What do you mean they're not in enclosures? Well, I mean, like, if I'm on display and you're a fair goer, is there something, is there glass between? No, not glass. It's like a little fence. Okay. Like hip height from the pictures I looked at anyway. And you could just go up and look and again, they had to recreate their everyday lives in this 47 acres. Gotcha. Future President William Howard Taft, who was the U.S. military governor of the Philippines,

said that the World's Fair would exert, quote, a very great influence on completing the pacification of the Philippines. What the fuck does that mean? Basically, we're going to expose these Filipinos to the way things are done in the West, and then they'll get rid of their savage ways. Oh, God. One Filipino tribe at the fair, the Igarots, were known for eating dogs. This was not part of their regular diet.

It was more for rituals and ceremony. I've been doing it for hundreds and thousands of years. But the World's Fair basically forced the Igarats to perform these sacred ceremonies every day for fairgoers. It's estimated they ate up to 20 dogs per week. And it started this terrible rumor that still exists today that, oh, Filipino people, they all eat dogs. Wow. In conclusion, the human zoo was gross and awful. I also want to say the thing about eating dogs.

Yeah. If you eat cows, if you eat chicken, if you eat pigs, like let's not judge people for what they're eating. Like if you're also a meat eater, how about you back off? I'm a meat eater. Make you work hard. Make you sweat hard. Put more barbaraque sauce on my plate. As long as you don't start nibbling on my forearm.

I think we're fine. Hey, you know what else is gross and awful? What? Segregation. No, God! No, God! Please, no! No! This episode has taken such a dark turn.

We were talking about fairy, floss a minute ago. Mm-hmm. I want you to experience the highest of highs. Yeah. Like ice tea and cotton candy. And the lowest of lows like human zoos. Oh.

Racism was alive and well at the St. Louis World's Fair. Well, obviously. Hey, black people were allowed to attend the fair, but things like bathrooms, restaurants, totally segregated. And discrimination was rampant. There were apparently plans for a Negro day where, prominent black leaders, including Booker T. Washington, planned to go to the World's Fair and give speeches. But discrimination at the fair was so bad, basically everybody withdrew from the event in protest.

For example, the 8th Illinois Infantry, an all-black volunteer military unit. They planned to march in the Negro Day parade. Yeah. But they weren't allowed to stay in the military barracks on the fairgrounds. They had to set up their own tents elsewhere. This is so shitty. But hey, wait a minute, Kristen. Let's hear both sides.

No. Because the World's Fair organizers, they denied any discrimination. Of course they did. These reports were preposterous. In fact, we love black people here at the World's Fair. We even have an exhibit for them. It's called the Old Plantation. Oh.

Black actors sang songs. They worked in fields, and they staged a fake religious revival. Great. Interested in attending? No. Checking it out? I went to Colonial Williamsburg. That was close enough.

That was enough. Oh, man. I'll never forget going to Colonial Williamsburg. I want to talk about places that suck. Colonial Williamsburg sucks. I just remember. I was reading like a historical marker or something. Yeah, hopefully this has changed.

We went in like 2010. Yeah. And the marker was like, the U.S. was a brand new nation, blah, blah, blah. And during this time, agricultural specialist worked to the fields. And I was like, huh, that is quite a twist on the word enslaved people. Yeah. So I remember at first, like, not even understanding. Yeah.

Because, like, that's not a term that we use. Agricultural specialists? No. No. Anyway, they dressed up slavery. And that was fun. The other thing that I thought was kind of weird was, like, they had kids take, like, axes. And they could, like, throw them at, like, cardboard cutouts of British soldiers.

And I was just like, this is weird. Like, training them to be soldiers at this amusement park. I don't know. And then, like, there was nothing original there. It was all, like, rebuilt. Some of it was original, but you couldn't go in it. There was, like, one building. Oh, and that was also where we saw that 10-year-old child, like, making out with his mom's arm.

Yeah, we were on a tour. And to be fair to the kid, it was boring, but I didn't lick anybody's arm. He was like tongue kissing his mom's arm. I don't know what was going on there. Nothing good. I'll tell you that. Nothing. That boy was a forearm specialist.

And I remember his mom was like, what are you doing? Stop it. And then he stopped. Do you remember that? I remember it perfectly norm. Even his mom was like, what the fuck? What has Colonial Williamsburg done to my son? The only thing weirder would have been if she didn't say anything.

You just let it happen. It's true. Oh, boy, this episode's disturbing. Kristen, taking place among all the new inventions, the food courts, the human zoos, the racism, the discrimination was another little event called the 1904 Olympics. The Olympic Games officially kicked off on May 14th, 1904, and opening the games was a very special guest. It was Secretary of State. John Hay! Hey!

Hey! Fun little titty-bitty. Wow. Which is what I'm calling fun facts now. I've officially trademarked the word titty-bitty. I don't think you have, but go on. John Hay served as Abraham Lincoln's private secretary. You know, I think we've got to raise the bar for what constitutes a fun fact, okay?

I think that's cool. Okay. He was still serving in the government in 1904. Oh, God, he must have been old as hell. Yeah, he was old. Put him on display. Oh, put him in an incubator. Old people.

Well, he had to be ancient. Put on Matlock. Just watch an old guy watching Matlock. Fun fact, Mattlock wasn't invented for the World's Fair, but it was popularized by the World's Fair. Yes, because people just gawked it. Also, Werther's Originals. Where there's its melody. Wow.

Okay. I do love some Wothers. Shout out to Wothers. I'd love a little jar of Wothers right here on my recording desk. You know what? I'm going to make a bet. And then I could be like, so. Oh, it would be disgusting.

But don't you think that as far as people in this world whose names are Norman, don't you think you're kind of an outlier for not having a little dish for those originals in your home? Fun fact. 95% of people named Norman have a dish of Wurthers in their house somewhere. And a gently used Kleenex in their pocket. It's still good. I don't have one of those. Well, you got some stuff to do.

Your father likes to do that. Oh, my God. Both my parents do it. It's disgusting. They should be publicly shamed, which is what I'm doing now. Your parents are disgusting. So, yeah, the Olympics are a-happinen. Fairgoers open their Olympic program books to check out the up.

coming events and, wow, these Olympics sure are long. They take place from May to November. That's the entire world's fair. Hmm, looks like they added some new Olympic events, too. Here's one I think you might love, Kristen, the Missouri High School track and field championships. Why, why just Missouri high school? That's not Olympics. Kristen, are you asking yourself what the fuck is going on? Yes, that's not the Olympics. Allow Normy C. to explain. Okay. If you recall, one of the major problems with the 1900 Olympics in Paris was that literally

none of the athletic events were called the Olympics. They were called the International Contests of Physical Exercise and of Sport. Norm, we don't have time for you to keep saying that whole name. We can't be here all night. It takes me 30 seconds to say that every time. And as a result, many competitors didn't even know if they were competing in the Olympics. the International Olympic Committee had to go back and sort through

every athletic event and determine if it was Olympic or not. Some athletes found out years later they had won an Olympic competition. It was a mess. Yeah. So this time around, Pierre de Coubertan was insistent. If there is an athletic event at the 1904 World's Fair,

you have to call it the Olympics. Okay, but he fucked off and went back to France. He did. Who's in charge now? James Sullivan. Mm-hmm. And he took that request literally. Every single athletic event at the World's Fair was listed under the Olympic Games, and that included Missouri State High School competitions. Wait, so did they get Olympic medals?

YMCA basketball. Shut up. College baseball and football championships. The amateur athletic union championships. Literally, if there is an athletic event, it was under the Olympic Games title. And if you're wondering, gee, I sure wish this was more confusing. Don't worry, it is. Because during one week of that seven-month schedule, there is a series of competitions called the Olympic Games.

Okay. James Sullivan considered these the track and field events. So they have the same problem as the last Olympics. At the 1900 games, nothing was named the Olympics, so no one knew what was Olympics and what was not. Right. At the 1904 games, everything is called the Olympics. So no one knows what's Olympic and what's not. This is a perfect example of the sort of chaotic operation of the early Olympic games.

There's no rules or standards yet. And years later, to no one's surprise, the International Olympic Committee once again had to go back through all of the events at the 1904 Olympics and determine what was Olympic and what was not. And here is how they did it. An Olympic event must have the following. Number one, the event must be open to international competition. So yeah, the Missouri High School track and field championships does not count. Not an Olympic event. Number two, no handicapped events.

Oh. I know, I know what you're thinking. Are they talking about like Paralympics? Yeah. That's actually not what they're talking about. Back then, a handicapped event was competition between athletes, of any skill level. And the less talented athletes were given advantages.

So, for example, they got a head start in a race, or they got distance added to, like, their hammer throw. Okay. The physical culture department of the St. Louis World's Fair thought handicapped events were a great way to introduce new people to athletic competition. Sure. They also gave veteran competitors a chance to kind of warm up for the main events. It's like if I raced Usain Bolt

Honestly it sounds pretty funny Yeah I would actually love to see normal everyday people compete in the Olympics It would be amazing I would watch the shit out of that Okay there is a wonderful Wonderful segment

Gosh what was her name Katie Nolan She's a sports reporter For TV She went through Twitter I'm still calling it Twitter Yes And found people

who during NFL games are like, oh, I can't believe this guy missed the field goal. I could have made that field goal. Uh-huh. She found a couple of these guys, flew them into the studio, took them to a practice field with a field goal,

and they're like, okay, you said you could make this field goal. Yeah. We're going to set up the ball the same distance. I love it. And we want to see if you can actually make this field goal. I love it. Is this on YouTube? It is on YouTube.

Okay. I have to watch it. By the way, no crowd. There's no 300-pound men running at you trying to tackle you. Yes. They have perfect concentration to make the field goal. And guess what? None of them could make the field goal.

This is amazing. It's one of my favorite things I've ever seen. Yeah, Katie Nolan. Well, you know my favorite part of a Royals game. What's that? Oh, the hot dog race. Everyone, boy, if you want to experience true joy, in your life. I'm sorry. I noticed you looked at the time. Are we running way over? Am I being ridiculous?

Don't worry about what I'm looking at. I am the technology. He's just looking at Linda Evans. I'm the technology boy of this podcast. I glance at the time every now and then. Okay. Well, let me tell you something, folks. You haven't lived until you have seen at Kaufman Stadium. They don't do this all the time, which is a huge mistake. They need to do this every game. Usually it's three dudes. That's my favorite. One is dressed up. in a ketchup costume, one in a mustard costume, and one in a relish costume. Are these costumes big and cumbersome? Yes, that's half the fun. And then the three of them race. And here's my perfect scenario. What I need in a hot dog race is I need all three of these fellas to be about

10 years outside high school. So 28, 29? That's ideal. 28, 29. That's ideal. 28, 29. Late 20s, yeah. They're not old enough yet to have been humbled by their bodies yet. Okay. They are just close enough to high school to feel like somehow, even though they haven't played a sport in years, they still got it. I could have gone pro. Could have gone pro, but oh, I hurt my knee. Yeah.

So now I'm running in the hot dog race. Yes. At the Royals game. And what I'm looking for in these three fellas, again, 28 years old, ideally, I really need them to not be very self-aware. I need them to not look at those costumes and think, oh, this is a little funny. Or, oh, this is, you know, there are no stakes here. You know, it's just a good time to make people giggle. No, I want them to take this very seriously.

which is why ideally for me, the three guys have to be white guys. They just have to be. I've seen a lot of these races. When it's three like 28-year-old white guys, no one takes it more seriously. And therefore, the looks on their faces when they start to fall behind, when the mustard costume gets in their eyes, when they see their buddy taken off way faster,

oh, it's an incredible thing to see. It's better than actual baseball, I think. Well, how jealous are you that the last Royals game I attended? They had not one, not two, not three, but four hot dog races. Oh, that makes it less special, actually. Oh, you only want one per game? Yeah, I want the pressure to be on these fellas. Well, it was like a tournament.

Oh. You know. How old were the guys? It was a combination of guys and gals. Uh-huh. Okay. Varing ages. But here's what was stupid.

They had a former professional soccer player in the race. And of course he won the whole thing. No, I don't want to see that. It just wasn't that much fun. No. We need the late 20s dudes. Late 20s, amateurs, not a speck of self-awareness, but a lot of heart. Okay, continue.

Just imagine if they had hot dog races at the Olympic Games. That'd be amazing. But no professional athletes. None. No. It's all people who showed up to watch the Olympic Games. Surprise, you're competing. Yes.

Okay, so let's just a brief recap because we went on that hot dog race tangent. Number one, the event has to be open to international competition. Number two, no handicapped events. Okay. Number three, there can be no restrictions on age, religion, national origin, or competence. If you qualified for the Olympics, you belong there. Oh, so no, like, I know the old ones, it was like, only white men, please, and only men who've never worked with their hands before. Yeah, so this is later when they were going back through the events and trying to determine.

So, yeah, at the 2024 Olympics, so what if Raygun received zero votes for her break dancing? She qualified? She belonged there. Number four, amateur athletes only. This is no longer a rule, but it did exist back then. So there you have it, Kristen. That's how the International Olympic Committee was able to sift through and figure out what were actual Olympic events. Fun titty-bitty. Wow.

Even though a lot of these competitions were not considered Olympic, winners still received medals that said Olympic Games on them. That's amazing. Can you imagine you won the St. Louis High School basketball championships and you received a medal that said the Olympic Games on it? I mean, the funny thing is, with so many things being labeled Olympics, you probably wouldn't know at that time exactly how cool that was or how ridiculous it was. It wouldn't be until like decades later that you're going through Grandpa's closet and you find an Olympic medal. and Grandpa was five foot eight So you're wondering how the hell that happened

Grandpa won a medal at the Olympics for For playing the jug Doot do do do Now The Olympic Committee says those medals are not actual Olympic medals And the people that competed in that week long

Olympic games Those are the real Olympic medals But I don't know man Man if these things pop up on eBay I did try to find some. Did you? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you got to. It's just wild. Can you imagine going through an estate sale? It's some like old barn in like Bumville, Missouri. And it's like, yeah, this is Grand Pappy's

Olympic medal when he won the curling event. Uh-huh. For his high school. That's wild. I don't know. Okay. So yeah, there are, there were a lot of athletic events at the 1904 World's Fair. And there's no way I can cover them all, Kristen. It would be coop. coup bananas. So we're just going to go over the most notable events. But before we do, there is one more athletic event I'd like to talk about that technically was not listed under the Olympic Games program. However, it was referred to among World's Fair officials as the quote, special Olympics. Okay. It was called Anthropology Days. Oh, no. Are you getting a bad feeling? Yes, because of the stupid smirk on your face. You're reading my tell. Be terrible at poker.

Remember all those indigenous people that were part of the human zoo exhibit at the World's Fair? I do. Okay, here's an idea. What if we gathered them all up and we had them compete in sports that they have never played before? For science. How is that science? No, God! God, please no! No! No! Is that a new permanent addition? to the soundboard. I mean, you could just have people from the Philippines if they wanted to compete in the Olympics represent the Philippines. But no, we can't do that.

They're savages, Kristen. They don't deserve to be in the Olympics. Okay. However, there were exceptions to that. More on that later. Okay, so whose idea was this? Give you a hint. It was two old white guys.

The first was Dr. W.J. McGee. He was head of the anthropology department at the World's Fair. And as an anthropologist, Dr. McGee wanted to collect data about the athletic prowess of indigenous people from around the world. Would you like to take a guess who the other old white guy was? I mean, how am I going to just? Kristen. Okay. You've heard part one of this episode.

We're in part two. Who's a big douchebag? The freaking James. What's his face? James fucking Sullivan. Okay. President of the Amateur Athletic Union, head of the World's Fair Physical Culture Department.

James Sullivan believed there was a racial hierarchy in the world. In fact, he was sick and tired of people thinking that indigenous people were more naturally athletic than the white man. He was sick of it. So let's test their athletic prowess. It's going to be a scientific test of speed, strength, and stamina, of so-called savages. And James Sullivan hoped that with the data they collected,

it would prove once and for all that the white athlete was the superior athlete. That's how a white man plays guitar. This is wonderful. No, it's not. This is terrible. Why is this wonderful? Because he wants to prove something that is just not true.

Well, James Sullivan and Dr. McGee had to find indigenous people at these human zoos who would compete in the Anthropology Days event. And when they asked, many of them refused. Yeah. They were at the world's fair to be in a human zoo and make money. They weren't there to compete in athletic events that they'd never even heard of. Right. Right. You're setting us up to be humiliated.

Exactly. They know. But eventually, McGee and Sullivan managed to convince. or perhaps coerce enough people to participate. On August 16th, 1904, the first day of anthropology days began. The St. Louis Post Dispatch headline read, Barbarians Meet in Athletic Games. Oh, my God.

On the first day, competitors were introduced to European-style sports, things like the shot put, high jump, long jump, the mile run, the javelin toss, tug of war. Rules were only briefly explained, plus there's an obvious language barrier. Plus, you want them to do badly. You want to establish white people are better at this. So it's not to your advantage to, like, explain rules or like pick the most athletic-looking people. Yeah.

Let's really influence these results. Competitors were given little to no practice either. And the results were not surprising. For example, during a race, a few competitors, they didn't understand they had to run through the banner at the finish line. Many of them just waited there for their teammates to catch up. Sure. It was a sign of sportsmanship. Well, also, like, I don't know if you see a barrier, your natural thought is not, oh, they want me to run through this and destroy this barrier.

James Sullivan was not amused. They aren't taking this seriously. What are they doing? He was pissed, Kristen. Well, I'm devastated to hear that. And so the next day, indigenous people competed in, quote, savage friendly events. There was a tree climbing contest, mud throwing, greased pole climbing, spear throwing, and the winner of each competition received, not a medal, an American flag. Okay.

Anthropology Days was poorly attended. It was racist. It was demeaning. Even in 1904, it was rightfully condemned by the public. Really? Supposedly, because I could not find the actual source, but I will mention it. Okay. Missouri icon Mark Twain refused to attend the 1904 World's Fair because of Anthropology Days.

Good for him. Let's assume it's true. When International Olympic Committee President Pierre de Cuberton heard about anthropology days, He was appalled. He called them embarrassing, inhumane, flawed, a mistake. And this is coming from a guy who had his own recipe for spicy, problematic stew. But Dr. McGee and James Sullivan were big fans of anthropology days, because as far as they were concerned, it proved that savages were no match for civilized men.

Just look at how terrible they were at sports. Okay. James Sullivan wrote, quote, the whole meeting proves conclusively that the savage has been a very much overrated man from an athletic point of view. Lecturers and authors will, in the future, please omit all reference to the natural athletic ability of the savage. Oh. From henceforth, please stop saying that other people are better than me at stuff. Please delete.

That's how a white man plays guitar. So, okay, I am glad to hear that Pierre spoke out against this. but this is also the kind of thing that if you want to be in charge of something, you stick with it so that you can try to stop it in real time. Yes. Now, I will say Pierre de Coubertan wrote that many years later. He didn't write it at the time. Okay.

Just figured I'd note that. No, that does reveal something about it. And it, you know, you talked about his own racism and it's like, yeah, maybe he waited until it was truly out of fashion. Oh, yeah. And then he spoke out. But again, I stand by my earlier point. If you really are disgusted by this, that's why you stick around.

The Olympic Games are forever linked to Anthropology Days and all the other terrible shit that happened at the World's Fair. Yeah. But anyway, let's move on. Let's highlight some actual Olympic events. The 1904 games contained a couple of notable firsts in Olympic history. Kristen, for the very first time, winners were given gold medals for first,

silver medals for second, and bronze medals for third. Just as God intended. A tradition still happening today. This was also the first time the Olympics had boxing, freestyle wrestling, weightlifting, soccer, lacrosse. Unfortunately, it seemed like participation

in the 1904 Olympics. It kind of took a step back. Why? 650 athletes competed at the 1904 Olympic Games. That was about half as many from the previous Olympics. Again, why? I'm getting to it. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm excited. Keep your britches on. I'm keeping them on. Out of those 650 athletes, 525 of them were American. 81% of the athletes were from the United States. or they were competing for the United States. Okay.

Because many of them were not born in the United States, but they lived there. Mm-hmm. Less than half of the Olympic events had athletes from other countries. In fact, only 15 countries sent athletes to St. Louis. What gives? Well, back in 1904, there were no national teams. Athletes had to figure out for themselves how they were going to get to the Olympics and accommodations, too.

Find a hotel room. Airbnb, set up a little tent. The trip to St. Louis, Missouri was long and expensive. Not to mention, the Russo-Japanese War had just kicked off. So it kind of made travel a little harder for anyone living in that hemisphere. The International Society of Olympic Historians described the 1904 Olympics as, quote, very much an American college competition. And the numbers certainly back that up.

Most events were held at the beautiful World's Fair Stadium, a brand new facility that could hold around 19,000 spectators. Who! Plaque Alert, kind of. Okay. I'm using the plaque alert sound, but it's more like building alert thing. Okay. Kristen, the World's Fair Stadium is still around today. Oh, really?

It is called Francis Olympic Field. Okay, I got to look it up. It was named after World's Fair President, David R. Francis, and it is now part of Washington University in St. Louis. Oh, cool. Okay. Did anyone at the time note the irony of, oh, we don't have any international people here, but like we've brought in all these people from other countries and forced them to be on display?

Oh, don't worry. Okay. We're going to get to that. All right. Okay. Let's highlight some of the incredible. achievements at the 1904 St. Louis Olympics. It's the only sound that makes sense to me.

First up, we have gymnastics. There were actually two separate gymnastics competitions. They were both considered Olympic. We're going to talk about them both. Up first, the International Turner's Championship. When I was researching this, my immediate question was, what does Turner's mean? Yeah. It's an old-timey word for members of German-American gymnastics clubs.

They were called Turners, because you know, you turn your body and stuff. Okay. Competing in this event were athletes from the United States, Switzerland, Germany, and Austria. Athletes had to perform on the horizontal bar. Parallel bars, the side horse, the long horse, as well as the long jump. The shot put, the 100-yard dash? Okay. What the hell? Yeah, the International Turner's Championship also included some.

tracking field events. Why not? Sure. There's no rules right now. Let's just do whatever the fuck we want. Each athlete had all of their scores combined, and the winner was Julius Lenhart of Austria. Congrats to Lenhart, but I really want to talk about another athlete that competed in this event. He's an American named George Iser.

Izer kind of stood out from the other competitors because he had a wooden leg. Oh my gosh. It's unclear how Izer lost his last. leg. Newspapers were very vague about it. It was an injury, an accident. Wikipedia says he was run over by a train, but the source provides no evidence of that. But that's not important.

What is important is that Icer was the very first Olympic athlete to compete with an artificial leg, and he was the only one to do it until 2008. Wow. At the International Turner's Championship, George Iser finished 10th out of 118 athletes in the apparatus competitions. That's very impressive. Yeah. However, he understandably finished dead last in the track and field events. Yeah.

And since all the scores were combined, he didn't do very well overall. But George Iser would get another chance because there was a second gymnastics event, the Amateur Athletic Union Championship. This time there were no track and field events, just the apparatus competitions, and each apparatus was an individual event, so they didn't combine scores anymore. And George Iser brought his A-game baby because he did way better this time around. Kristen, he placed first in the parallel bars, first in the long horse, first in the rope climb. Damn. Second in the combined exercise, second on the side horse, third on the horse.

third on the horizontal bar. He took home six medals. That is so cool. It was a spectacular performance. Next up we have lacrosse, where the world's best will compete for Olympic glory. Oh, maybe not. Only four teams competed in the lacrosse event.

Okay. They were the Brooklyn Crescent, the St. Louis Amateur Athletic Association, The Winnipeg Shamrocks And the Mohawk Indians of Ontario A team made up entirely of people from the Mohawk nation Oh cool That's kind of a cool moment because

La Crosse was literally invented by indigenous Americans Oh The Mohawks called it Tiwara ton Forgive me if I pronounce that word wrong I will not Okay And the Mohawk Indians of Ontario Lacrosse team were some of the first

Indigenous Americans to compete in the Olympics So why did only four teams compete? Apparently the organization of this event was just really, really bad. Many teams pulled out of the event because they were like, what's going on? Are we doing this or not? And they just like, fuck it, we're not going. Well, and it's so different when it's a team sport because you've got to get a certain number of people who are all on board to go to go to go. And yeah, if even just a few people drop out, then it's not worth it for everyone to go.

Yeah, so there's a severe lack of teams. In fact, one of those four teams, the Mohawk Indians of Ontario, they were already at the St. Louis World's Fair because they were part of an exhibit on indigenous sport. Oh. Each member of the team was given a racist pseudonym. For example, one member of the team whose actual name was Freeman Joseph Isaacs, he was called Man Afraid of Soap. That's so gross. It's like so bizarre reading about this stuff that was considered like totally normal back then. Well, but it wasn't.

Maybe not normal, but like maybe didn't think twice about it. Yeah. Interest in the lacrosse competition was so bad that the organizers went to the Mohawk team and were like, hey, do you want to compete in the Olympics? And they were like, yeah. In the first round, the Mohawk Indians fell to the St. Louis Amateur Athletic Association. Meanwhile, the Winnipeg Shamrocks were up against the Brooklyn Crescents, and the Brooklyn team didn't show up. Oh. The Brooklyn Crescents were considered America's team.

They were like the Dallas Cowboys of the lacrosse world in 1904. But they just didn't show up to compete in the Olympics. And it's a little unclear why. So some sources say they were afraid of losing to the Canadian teams. Oh. Another source says they were just embarrassed that like no teams were going to compete in this thing. And so they're just like, I'm not going to play then. Well, anyway, in the finals, the Winnipeg Shamrocks defeated the St. Louis Amateur Athletic Association and they took home the gold.

And because there are only three teams that actually played, everybody got a medal. Yay! So St. Louis got the silver and the Mohawk Indians of Ontario got the bronze. Up next, Kristen. It's the swimming competition. Were these events held in a pool? No. How about outside in a man-made lake?

Oh, okay. And these 1904 Olympics, they featured a one-of-a-kind competition. It was called Plunge for Distance. Race for the Cure. Okay, so what the hell is plunge for distance? Swimmers stood on a platform, and they dove into the water, and then without using their body, they had to glide as far as possible underwater,

kind of like a little sperm. Okay. Or a fish, Norman. I was thinking sperm. All right. And then wherever the diver's head popped up, that was the distance recorded. Okay, but how do you know someone's not doing a little kicking down there? Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe they got little judges down there with goggles. Yeah, little goggles. Yeah, it wasn't a very popular event. Only five people competed. Oh. They were all Americans. Uh-huh.

And the winner was Billy Dickie. Congrats, Billy. Well, now we know why you had sperm on the brain. I think you're right. I'm about to bust. The Olympics have not featured the Plunge for Distance event ever since. And that is a shame. But if you want some real drama, Kristen, look no further than the diving competition.

So only two nations competed in the diving event. Germany and the United States. Okay. in each country had very different ideas on what made a good dive. Oh. So the Germans were all about complex maneuvers while they're in the air. They didn't really give a shit how you hit the water. So you could belly flop, fall on your back, you could go.

It's just do something cool while you're up at the air. Just jump off the diving board, do some cool shit in the air and land in the water, okay. You know what? I admire it. That's the technique I used as a child. Me too. Watch me do this! I was so afraid of diving. Yeah.

I just could not do it. No. My brother tried to teach me. My brother was a great swimmer. I'm sure he still is. But he just could not teach me how to dive. I just couldn't do it. I was so afraid.

I don't know what I thought would happen in me. Well, you know, threatened boy, you're threatened by everything. Mm-hmm. Including diving. Yeah. Okay, so the Germans were just like, jump off the board, do a bunch of cool shit, and then laying in the water. The Americans emphasized gracefully entering the water. It wasn't so much about doing stuff in the air.

Yeah. And the Germans were considered the heavy favorites to win. They had a history of winning these diving competitions, but in a shocking upset. Well, were all the judges American? George Sheldon of the United States won. And yes, Kristen, all the judges were American. And the Germans were furious. And you don't want to make the Germans angry, Kristen.

Norman? They declared the only reason George Sheldon won. was because the judges of the competition were all-American. They didn't score the German techniques properly. And then a German Olympic commissioner, he had donated the trophy prize for this event. He refused to give it to George Sheldon. He was like, nine!

However, the Olympic Committee dismissed their protest. George Sheldon got his little trophy. The final medal count for the swimming events. Germany won four gold medals. The United States won three. Hungary won two. Shout out to Hungary, where half of my family is from. That's right.

Why do you think I'm so pasty white? Now let's move on to the archery competition. And I'm mentioning this one because it was the only event to feature women. Okay. Six women, to be precise. Dominating the women's competition was Lita Howell of the Cincinnati Archers team. Howell was like the Michael Jordan of Archery. Hmm

What? I feel like I should name a superstar female athlete instead of Michael Jordan. Simone Biles. Or maybe you just want to name another Michael, Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. She was the Michael Douglas of archery. Lita Hell was the Michael Douglas of Archery. She had won the national championship 17 times.

Oh, wow. At the age of 45, she took home three gold medals at the 190. for Olympics. And hey, archery ran in her family because her father, Thomas Scott, also competed in the men's archery competition at the age of 71. Oh, my God. You know, they say he was the Mike Myers of archery. Like the comedian or the Halloween stabby guy. We're not sure. Thomas Scott is one of the oldest Olympic athletes ever. He placed 17th. Wow. And now the moment you've been waiting for, Kristen, it's time to talk about those track and field events, or as James Sullivan called them, the Olympic Games.

I love this. This was considered the main event. 124 athletes from 10 different countries competed in 26 track and field events. And here are some notable winners. First up, we have Ray Uri of the New York Athletic Club. Uri had survived polio in Aslo. as a child and ended up becoming quite an accomplished jumper. At the 1900 Olympics in Paris, he easily won the standing long jump, standing high jump, and standing triple jump.

He earned the nickname the Human Frog. Oh. And at the 1904 Olympics in St. Louis, he repeated all of those medals. And then four years later, he won the gold in the standing long jump and the high jump again. So in total, Ray Uri won a gold medal in little. Literally every single event he ever competed in for the Olympics. He has a 100% win rate. Wow.

Extremely rare in the Olympics. Well, I bet. And then there was Archie Hahn of the Milwaukee Athletic Club, one of the most decorated sprinters of the early 20th century. He smoked the competition and won three gold medals in the 60 meter, 100 meter, and 200 meter race. And then finally, Kristen, I want to talk about George Pogue. of the Milwaukee Athletic Club.

Pogue had been a standout athlete at the University of Wisconsin, and now in St. Louis, he was the very first African-American to compete in the Olympics. And at the same Olympics, he became the first African-American to win a medal at the Olympics. Nice. He won the bronze in the 200-meter hurdle and the 400-meter hurdle. George Pogue stopped competing after the St. Louis Olympics.

He worked as a teacher, a coach. He moved to Chicago and became a postal clerk for 30 years. He died in 1962. He never married. He had no children. Pogue's nephew revealed that George Pogue had been a closeted gay man his whole life. Plack Alert. In 2016, the town of La Crosse, Wisconsin, where Pogue used to live, put up a statue of George Pogue in Pogue Park.

Okay. Tell me about this statue. Did they do it right or no? It looks good. Okay. It's a statue of him hurtling. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And it's not one of these like three-fourth size dealies? It's a good size? No, that's pretty good. Okay. It's pretty good size. Okay, I don't like it when they're a little too small. Kristen, I have saved the best event for last. Because not only was it considered the premier competition at the Olympics,

it was without a doubt the most bat-shit wild thing to happen at the 1904 Olympic Games. Marathon? It was the Marathon. Okay, when I said that stuff keeps popping up, it's always marathon related. So I have to know what the hell happened. The marathon was a new competition invented specifically for the modern Olympics. The International Olympic Committee was wanting an event that would really take the world by storm, something only the greatest athletes could compete in. And that's when they came up with the idea of the marathon. It was based on the Greek tale of Fidipides. During the Battle of Marathon in 490 BC,

Fidipides ran 24 miles to Athens to tell the Greeks they had defeated the Persians, and then he died from exhaustion. Yes. So, how about an Olympic event where athletes race 24 miles? International Olympic Committee President Pierre de Cuperton thought the marathon was pretty extreme,

but he loved the symbolism of it all. Why only 24? Isn't the modern marathon 26.2? It is, but back then... Okay. 24 was pretty standard. Okay. So Kubartan loved the symbolism. What a wonderful way to honor the Greeks.

And the marathon made its debut at the very first modern Olympics, the 1896 games in Athens, Greece. And it quickly became the most prestigious event at the Olympic Games. So in St. Louis, spectators were super pumped for the marathon. But this marathon was no ordinary marathon, Kristen. So the St. Louis Olympic Marathon was 24.85 miles long. So that was a pretty standard distance at the time. But the course was anything but standard. It was mostly on dirt roads.

Oh. It had seven hills varying from 100 feet high to 300 feet high. Oh, God. The course made its way through St. Louis. suburbs. Runners had to dodge people, dogs, trolley cars, railroad trains, wagons, cars. One observer described it as, quote, the most difficult course a human being was ever asked to run over. Not only that, but the marathon was going to start at 3 p.m. Oh no. The hottest part of the day. No. And boy, was it hot that day. It was 90 degrees. Oh, gosh.

God, did they have water stations along the way and like food stations? We'll get to that. Okay. It was so hot. Chickens were laying omelets. Okay. Kristen, you've run in a marathon. Yes.

What do you think? What if they're like, yep, it's starting at 3 p.m. And yeah, it looks like it's going to be 90 degrees. Okay. So first of all, I am a big weenie about waking up early. So I know there would be a point. part of me that's like, oh, actually, that's great. But no, in reality, that's terrible. I don't think I could do 90 degrees. Well, I know I couldn't do it right now because I'm not

training, but like... How about I add to it? Humidity was at 90%. Disgusting. They were basically running in soup, which we all know is not a meal. It's a delicious meal. But hey, as long as people stay hydrated, everyone should be okay. Well, I don't know. I mean, 90% humidity, 90 degree heat. I don't know that everyone will be okay. Well, they also had problems with hydrating people. Uh-huh. Are you ready for the big, stinky turd on top of this shit Sunday?

I think I am. In this marathon course, 24.85 miles long, there was one water station, one, about 12 miles in. Now, Kristen. Oh, my God. You might be asking yourself right now. Well, you just can't do that. You can't do that. Oh, sure you can. No, you can't.

Yes, you can. If you're James Sullivan, the director of the Olympic Games. Did he run in this thing? No. Okay. But he designed the course and set up the water stations. The water station. One, yes, water station. James Sullivan was really interested in this new theory that was taking the athletic world by storm.

purposeful dehydration. Oh my God. The thinking was eating or drinking while running would just upset your stomach. So James Sullivan thought, ooh, this Olympic marathon would be a great time to test out this idea. This guy is such an asshole. Test it on yourself first. How about that? He's busy running things.

Uh-huh. Okay? He has to run the Olympics, Kristen. He can't compete as well. I'm not telling him to compete as well. He's going to get anthropology days going. Listen. He has to prove the white man played guitar.

What I'm saying is if he's so interested in this theory, why doesn't he go for a 25-mile run with one water break? He's not a young pup anymore, okay? Mm-hmm. So this marathon, it wasn't really a race. It was more like a death trap. Yeah. On Tuesday, August 30th, 1904, at mid-afternoon, 10,000 spectators flooded into the World's Fair Stadium to watch 32. athletes compete in the marathon.

There were men from the United States, France, Greece, Canada, and more. I want to mention a few notable contestants. A Cuban mailman named Felix Carvajal. Carvajal was excited to be competing in the Olympics. He was also very lucky to be competing. He had raised money to get to the Olympics by running the entire length of Cuba. Oh, wow. When Carvajal arrived in the United States in New Orleans,

he apparently gambled away all of his money. Oh shit. And then he had to hitchhike all the way to St. Louis. When he arrived for the race, Carvajal was wearing a long white-sleeve shirt, long dark pants, a beret, and street shoes. And another competitor found some scissors and cut his pants at the knees so he could let those gams breathe a little bit. Two other notable participants were Jan Masiani and Len Tons. They were two members of the Suana tribe of South Africa. They were at the World's Fair as part of the Boer War exhibit.

So they performed battle reenactments twice daily. Okay. This was the very first time black Africans ever competed in the Olympics. And astonishingly, the only black South Africans to compete until 1990 when apartheid ended. Wow. Pretty wild. Even more wild, Len Tonian was going to run the marathon barefoot.

Okay. At 3 p.m., the runners took their positions on the track. The president of the World's Fair, David Francis, raised his starter pistol and fired. And they're off. First, they ran five laps around the track at the World's Fair Stadium as the audience cheered. Okay. And then the runners exited the stadium and turned onto a while. what is now Forsyth Boulevard.

Leading the pack in the beginning was an American named Michael Spring. He had won the 1904 Boston Marathon earlier that year. Then things got bad. That's pretty quick. I know. About half a mile down Forsyth Boulevard, American runner John Lorden, who won the 1903 Boston Marathon, he fell to his knees and started vomiting uncontrollably. Oh.

He quit the first. race. Okay, probably for the best. The runners made their way into Clayton, Missouri, a suburb of St. Louis. And as they ran, cars drove up and down the roads, kicking up huge clouds of dust. Oh my God. And the dust was constant because race officials were also using a car to keep track of the marathon. Jesus Christ. Soon, marathon leader Michael Spring started having cramps and he fell behind. He also eventually quit. Soon after, another runner started cramping. It was an American named Fred Lours. Lors was an interesting fella. By day, he was a brick layer. By night, a marathon runner. He had placed top five in the past two Boston marathons. But there was no way he could finish this one.

All that dust, no water, it was just too much. So at the nine mile mark, he quit. It's funny, like, you're saying no water, but if these guys are experienced marathon runners, I'm sure they also knew like, well, we also need some salt in our system. We do need some food. But was that not allowed? No, it was. Okay. We'll get to that later. Okay.

So Fred Lourns quits, and he decides to hop into a car and just take a ride back to the stadium. Sure. He's like, ooh, fuck this. Yeah, absolutely. At the 13 mile mark, three Americans led the way. Samuel Mellar was in first place. Arthur Newton was in second place, and Thomas Hicks was in third place. Not far behind in fifth place was the Cuban mailman, Felix Carvajal.

Hell yeah. What made this even more amazing was that Felix Carvajal didn't seem to take the race very seriously. He frequently stopped and talked with spectators. I love it. At one point, he grabbed some peaches and he just ate him as he ran. Honestly, that's the smartest thing you can do in a situation like this. Yeah, he was having a blast. Might as well.

The dude kicked ass at running. Probably because while everyone else is running through literal soup, he is stopping and resting and chit-chatting and eating. Peaches. I'm guessing very juicy peaches. The juiciest the runners pushed on. The heat was unbearable. The dust was suffocating.

The runner in first place, Samuel Miller. He could not take it anymore, Kristen. He cramped up big time. He slowed down to a walk. And finally, he also gave up. Then another runner, American William Garcia, collapsed on the side of the road. Race officials rushed over in a car and took him to the hospital. And it's a good thing they did.

William Garcia had swallowed a ton of dust. It was basically rubbing his stomach raw. He had suffered a severe hemorrhage in his stomach, and if he had not gotten help right away, he would have bled to death. Oh, my God. Runners were dropping like flies. And the runner, currently in second place, American Thomas Hicks, he saw this as an opportunity to take the lead.

Thomas Hicks was determined to win this marathon. Earlier that year, he had placed second at the Boston Marathon. And he thought, I'm going to redeem myself and win the Olympic Marathon. What miles he at when he's thinking this? Maybe about halfway through. So Thomas Hicks, he picked up his pace. And soon enough, he was in first place, Kristen. But Kristen, he used a lot of energy to get into first place.

And he kind of paid the price for it. Uh-oh. He was in a state of exhaustion. He was about to collapse. Yeah. But luckily for Hicks, during this time, athletes could have coaches by their side during the marathon. Mm-hmm.

Unluckily for Hicks, his coaches also believed in purposeful dehydration. Oh, my God. So when Thomas Hicks asked for water, his coaches were like, no. But here's a moist sponge you can put in your mouth. What, like he's on hospice? Yes. Oh, my God. Exactly.

And when Hicks needed energy, they gave him one egg white and a dose of strychnine. What's strychnine? Fun titty-bitty. Wow. Wow. If you recall from our Hitler's Last Days episode, Hitler took strychnine for his constant farting. So what's it supposed to do for this guy? It's apparently a stimulant.

Okay. It's also a common ingredient in rat poison. Oh. And it is a banned substance at the same thing. the Olympics today. Uh-huh. Because it's too delicious. Exactly.

Kristen, you're not going to believe this, but the combination of a wet sponge, an egg white, and rat poison, it didn't make Thomas Hicks feel much better. That's just weakness leaving the body. That's right. He wanted to lay down. And his coaches were like, you are not going to lay down. But you know what? You've got a pretty decent lead.

Just walk for a little bit. Well, he's not going to be able to start running again. So he slowed down to a walk. Not long after he started walking, a runner zoomed by him. Was it Felix? Who was it? It was Bricklayer Fred Lores. Wait a minute.

Didn't he quit the race earlier and hitch a ride back to the stadium? What the hell was he doing running on the course? Oh, uh-uh. So race officials saw this and they drove up to Fred Lourge and they were like, uh, what are you doing? Get off the course. Yeah. But Fred Lours was like, Hey, that car I was in it broke down, so I'm just running back to the stadium.

Bullshit! Well, race officials believed them. They were like, okay. Oh, I'm just running back to the stadium, but I happen to be on the exact path of the marathon? Yeah, I figured I'd just finish, you know. I'm not trying to claim medals or anything. I'm just trying to get back to the stadium. Mm-hmm.

About three hours after the start of the race, the spectators at World's Fair Stadium eagerly anticipated who they would see enter the stadium first. complete the last quarter mile around the track and break through the finish line. And the first runner to enter the stadium was Fred Lors. Well, yeah. The crowd had no idea he had quit the race. Of course they didn't. They thought he was still in it. And they cheered and cheered.

They were like, wow, he looks great. Wow, he's so sexy. What a great time he ran. I don't think they were saying. Well, maybe they did think he was sexy. I'm just saying like. He was also an American. USA.

USA. Fred Lores seemed to enjoy the attention because, you know, he claimed he was just going back to the stadium. But when he got to the stadium, he didn't just sit down. He completed the final lap. Sure. And broke through the finish line. Wow.

And after this little stunt, race officials were convinced Fred Lores was trying to cheat. Well, of course he was. He broke through the tape. I've just a feeling. I think he's cheating. So they had to quickly announce to the crowd, attention. Fred Lours actually dropped out of the marriage. Yeah, he did not win the race.

Please take your applause back. Yeah, so then the crowd started booing. He was like, what, what, what? They didn't really boo him. They did boo him. Oh, good. Yeah. The real leader of the marathon was still Thomas Hicks.

Miraculously, still going. He was about four miles from the stadium. But at this point, he was barely alive, Kristen. Yeah. He had no color in his face. His eyes were dull. He could barely lift his leg. As he chugged along, his coaches gave him a sponge bath to keep him hydrated.

Because, you know, it'd be bad for him to drink water. He could get a belly ache. I mean, it's true. You want to be really careful about how much you drink and what you drink and when and what you eat. How about zero water? Yeah, no, that's a terrible idea. Thomas Hicks was also hungry. He begged for food.

Yeah. So his coaches whipped him up something special. Oh, gross. What? More rat poison? Two egg whites? another dose of strychnine and hey how about a shot of brandy

what what a shot of brandy oh water would be terrible for you right now we couldn't give you water but how about alcohol the cause of and solution to life's problems

about 20 minutes later the crowd anxiously awaited the next marathon runner to enter the stadium and then suddenly a press car zoomed into the stadium, and a reporter stood up and yelled to the crowd, it's Hicks, it's Hicks! And the crowd roared, yeah,

Thomas Hicks! And sure enough, Thomas Hicks, quote, staggered into the grounds. Oh my God. He tooteled the last quarter mile around the stadium. He barely broke the finish line tape, and then he collapsed. Was he okay?

Thomas Hicks' official marathon time was three hours, 28 minutes, 53 seconds. About 30 minutes slower than the winner of the 1900 Olympics. But considering the conditions he was running in, not bad at all.

Thomas Hicks was in no condition to accept his gold medal. He was taken to the hospital. Oh, my gosh. Before the race, Thomas Hicks weighed 133 pounds. By the end of the marathon, he weighed 125 pounds. He had lost eight pounds during the race. Oh, my gosh. He said,

in my life have I run such a tough course? The terrible hills simply tear a man to pieces. It was a miracle he finished. It was a miracle. Anyone finished that race? Out of the 32 athletes who ran the Olympic marathon, only 14 were able to complete it. It's a miracle no one died. I agree, especially the guy who was bleeding internally. Well, I just, that's so irresponsible. I You already didn't like that James fella. Now you really don't like it. It wasn't Anthropology Days. You thought that was a wonderful idea, actually.

Direct quote, people. No. She doesn't care about World War II, and she thought Anthropology Days was, quote, wonderful. Lentanyan, the South African runner who ran barefoot, finished in ninth place. And this was despite being chased a mile off course by a dog. Oh, my God. His friend Jan Masiani finished in. 12th place. And what about that Cuban mailman, Felix Carval? Yeah. Kristen, he spent the marathon

eating peaches, chitty-chatting the day away. He finished in fourth place. I love him. He's quite a character. I'm going to just a little brief aside on him. Yeah. So he would go on to compete in the 1906 Olympics, which were like a little side Olympics that aren't actually considered Olympics anymore. But anyway, that's another topic. And those took place in Athens, Greece. Okay. And so Cuba was like, Felix, you're going to Athens. And he stopped in Italy.

And apparently he disappeared. And he never showed up at the Olympics. Okay. And the Cuban newspapers were just like, well, I guess he died. So they printed his obituary in the papers. And then a couple months later, he turned back up in Havana, Cuba. And he was like, oh, hey, what's up? So what was he doing?

Never said. I mean, he's just an interesting thought of. Yeah, okay, okay. And he continued running throughout his whole life. Sure. Yeah. But anyway, the 1904 Olympic Marathon was a disaster, Kristen. After the event, James Sullivan wondered what went wrong?

Everything, literally everything. Maybe this marathon, it's just too dangerous. Maybe we should remove it from the Olympic Games. Um, hello. Are you fucking stupid? No, James Sullivan. It was bad because of your... your bullshit dehydration science and that terrible course you designed.

Well, and also, cars? No, have people on bicycles? I mean, there are so many... How about wild dogs chasing you? Yeah, ridiculous. And then when James Sullivan heard about Fred Lores and his little antics, he banned him from the amateur athletic union. Okay.

But Fred Lores was like, I'm innocent. I was never going to accept that medal, even if I did fool people, it was just a prank, bro. Uh-huh. Fred Lour somehow was able to convince enough people, and he was reinstated to the amateur athletic union. The next year in 1905,

Fred Lores won the Boston Marathon. Oh, Kristen, these Olympics have been a hoot. But they're coming to a close. The festivities ended on November 23rd, 1904. In those days, there were no closing ceremonies that wouldn't come until the 1924 games. Three days after the end of the Olympics, President of the United States,

an honorary president of the Olympics. Theodore Roosevelt arrived at the World's Fair. He had just won his re-election campaign for the presidency. Although he missed the Olympics, he did manage to catch a football game between two residential boarding schools for indigenous Americans, Carlisle of Pennsylvania versus Haskell. Oh.

Located in Lawrence, Kansas, near West, Kristen. So, what do we make of the 1904 Olympics? Most historians consider it a disaster. Yes. For a very good reason. They were a disorganized mess with no standardized rules or regulations. They attracted less athletes than the previous games in 1900. And let's not forget, they were part of a world's fair, which flexed the imperialist might

of the United States and had human fucking zoos. Yeah. International Olympic Committee President Pierre de Cuberton agreed that the 1904 Olympics were shit. In his memoirs written in 1931, he declared the games a failure, despite not actually attending the games. Well, I didn't attend them either, and I'm declaring them a failure. True. Cooperton thought that the 1904 games were, once again, a mere sideshow.

of a stupid world's fair, and they undermined the seriousness of the Olympics. And then there was that anthropology days thing. What an embarrassment. Pierre de Coubertan deflected his role in it all. Now, if you recall from part one, he was the guy who ultimately transferred the games from Chicago to St. Louis.

But in his memoir, Kubartan claimed it was actually President Roosevelt who made that decision. Oh, shut up. Theodore Roosevelt died in 1919. so he couldn't exactly refute this claim. However, there is zero evidence. Theodore Roosevelt made that decision.

Yeah, it seems clear, at least to me, that Theodore Roosevelt didn't really give a shit. Yeah. He didn't even show up until after he'd been reelected. Yeah, and after the games were over. Yes. However, Kristen, there is evidence that Pierre de Coubertan thought the 1904 Olympics were actually a great success.

After the World's Fair ended, he wrote a letter to James Mother Fudgeon Sullivan praising the success of the Olympics In fact he even sent Sullivan a special gold medal for running everything so well But Kristen have the 1904 Olympics been misjudged Sure they were part of a problematic world's fair Sure they were poorly organized

And so what if that marathon almost killed people The press had nothing but great things to say about those Olympics events were well attended and think of all the historic moments the first use of gold, silver, and bronze medals, the first African American to compete in the Olympics.

The only Olympics to feature the plunge for distance diving competition which we all know and love and wish they would bring back to the Olympics. Oh, absolutely. So what do you think, Kristen, were the 1904 Olympics misjudged?

Were they actually really good? Or was it a complete shit show? Your thoughts? I mean, I think it's it's what you always say. Multiple things can be true at once. Do I quote? I made up that phrase.

Very good. I mean, there were some very good things that happened. Sure. Gold, silver, bronze, we love it. It had staying power. Some cool, inspiring things. And who knows, maybe having all those people watch the events, got people more excited for Olympics in the future

and gave it long. But no, overall, I think it sucked. Yeah, I agree. I'm going to go with shit show. Yeah, a big racist shit show with no water, only water sponges. There's something about having 81% of the competitors be from the United States. Doesn't really feel Olympic? No.

Having it be associated with things like anthropology days and human zoos and like weird imperialist themes of a world's fair. It's icky. The fact that... You heard of here first. It's icky. Seems a little icky. I don't know if I'm going to attend. Just like Mark Twain.

I'm going to put down a maybe on this. Yeah. Facebook invite. Maybe. The number one reason, it was a shit show, in my opinion. Winners of the Missouri High School track and field championships got Olympic medals. Oh, leave the kids alone. It just is so funny to me.

Yeah. That is just so funny. I laughed for like five minutes when I read about that. Norman. Four years later, the Olympics were held in London, England. And once again, they were a part of a World's Fair. Ugh, these damn World's Fairs, will they ever end? Yes, they will.

We still have them today. Well, the Olympics are a separate event. That's what you mean. True. Probably more popular than World's Fairs now. Probably, of course, more popular. What do you mean? aren't we going to the next world's fair in Kalamazoo, Michigan?

Honestly, if that were happening, we probably would go. But this time around, the Olympic events and London, England, were clearly defined in the program. In 1912, Pierre de Cuperton finally got what he always wanted. The Olympics were their own thing in Stockholm, Sweden. The competitions lasted on. two months, and guess what? They were a huge hit. Wow. From there, the Olympics only grew and grew and became more and more legitimate. In 1920, they got the iconic five-ring logo. In 1924, official closing ceremonies. And today, the Olympics are a global phenomenon where the best

athletes meet to compete for Olympic glory. And because we have both summer and winter Olympics, the event happens every two years now. The upcoming 2028 Olympics will take place in beautiful sunny Los Angeles, California. It will be the city's third time hosting the Olympics. And the ninth time

the United States has hosted and hopefully it goes a lot better than America's first Olympics. The 1904 games in St. Louis. And that, my sexy wife, is the end of my story. That was so good. Thank y'all.

That was very good. That was very interesting. I told you it was wild and crazy. That, yes. That really was. That was a lot of info to cover. But we did it, folks. Are you exhausted?

Would you like a wet sponge and some egg whites? Please go get me a scrub daddy and soak it in water and place it in my mouth. Oh, well done, well told. That was ridiculous. I can't believe that's a true story. I can never watch the Olympics. same way again. Yeah.

I will always think of the damn 1904 Olympics. Does it make you more into the Olympics? It makes me more interested in the behind the scene stuff. Yeah. You know, because the International Olympic Committee is still a thing. Well, sure. They're still running things. Uh-huh.

And so it's like, man, just like how that has evolved over time. Yeah. The whole thing about amateur athletes and like the whole thing where it's like, oh, if you perform manual labor, you're. not an amateur. That is like cuckoo bananas. No, it's not. No, it's not. It makes perfect sense if what your goal is is to establish white men as the dominant dudes. Like an aristocratic white men at that. I'm just wondering, like, because when they pitch that, I would just be like, that's weird. And their justification, I know their intention behind it, but their justification was, you'll

You'll grow big old sexy muscles by lifting bags of sand. And so you'll have an advantage over people. Mm-hmm. That just seems ridiculous. I can't leave people fell for that. Well, it's not a matter of falling for it. I fell for it. No, if, Norman.

Yes. If I'm inventing the rules. Yeah. And I say to you, we're having a smartest person contest. We're judging everyone in this room. get out and you have to get out that's not you accepting it that's me just being in a position of power and setting the rules and then oh look at that i'm the smartest person in the room i won the contest okay fine christin you made your point thank you okay well what are we covering next

um do you want to give us a little hint oh oh do i give a little hint i gave you a hint on the greatest invention in 1904 Okay, okay. So you've got to give me a hint. I am covering something that changed the world. That's vague. Sliced bread. Much more harmful than that.

Oh, good. And by that, I mean, like, way, way more harmful. Okay, much more harmful than sliced bread. Yeah, you know how harmful sliced bread is. Yeah. Especially when it's been out for a while. It gets so hard. Anyway, we should probably wrap up.

Yeah. Do you have any fun reviews to read for us? Oh, I only did that last week as like a special thing. Did you want me to do that again? I think we should pick out one every week. I thought that was very entertaining. Oh, okay. Well, I'm very sorry.

Okay. Well, we'll skip it this week, folks. But we do appreciate the reviews. They're wonderful and we love hearing for new history holes. Very magical. You know what they say about history hose, Norm? We always cite our sources. That's right, for this episode, I got my information from The Books, America's First Olympics,

the St. Louis Games of 1904 by George R. Matthews, Power Games, a political history of the Olympics by Jules Boycough. And from Runner's World magazine, the unbelievable true story of the craziest Olympic Marathon by Ushwin Rodriguez. Check the show notes for additional sources. That's all for this episode. Thank you for listening to an old-timey podcast. Please give us a five-star review wherever you listen to podcast. And while you're at it, subscribe.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok at Old-Timey podcast. Join the Reddit community, R slash Old-Timey podcast. And you can follow us individually on Instagram. She is the lovely Kristen Pitts-Keruso. I am gaming historian. And until next time, Tudaloo, Tata! and cheerio.

Bye-bye.