An Old Timey Podcast - 93: President Garfield is Shot (Part 5)

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

Charles Guiteau was seething. He’d convinced himself that he deserved a political appointment. When he didn’t get one, he placed the blame squarely on President James Garfield’s shoulders. James Garfield was a liar. A cheat. The country would be better off without him! Over time, Charles convinced himself that God wanted him to assassinate the president. So? He bought a gun. He tracked the president’s movements. He shot the President in cold blood.Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, Kristin pulled from: The book, “Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine, and the Murder of a President,” by Candice MillardThe book, “Dark Horse: The Surprise Election and Political Murder of President James A. Garfield,” by Kenneth D. Ackerman“Murder of a President” documentary and additional resources from PBS.org“‘As a Matter of Fact, I Presume I Shall Live to be President’”: A Brief Biographical Sketch of Garfield’s Assassin” from the National Park Service“Assassination and Insanity in Gilded Age America,” by Winston BowmanAre you enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Then please leave us a 5-star rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts!Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you’ll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90’s style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes from Kristin’s previous podcast, Let’s Go To Court.

Hear ye, hear ye. You are listening to an old-timey podcast. I'm Kristen Caruso. And I'm Norman Caruso. And on this episode, Charles Guto snaps. Part five. Snap, crackle pop, Charles Guto. Oh yeah, that's the exact right tone for this episode, Norm. Keep it fun and happy and positive the whole time, okay? No matter what I say. Toxic positivity through the whole thing. Charles politely shot James Garfield. Spoilers all around. Kristen, can I do my Patreon plug?

Yes, you may. Thank you for asking for permission. You so rarely do. Thank you, Tall Queen. Folks, if you haven't joined our Patreon yet, I'm extremely disappointed in you. Because this month, I, Normie C, presented an incredible story from the American Civil War, where a free black man slaughtered Confederate pirates. In the dead of night, William Tillman snuck up on those scurvy dogs, and bam, he smacked him over the head with a hatchet.

Oh, that, okay, well, you do love to see it, though. He was one of the very first heroes of the American Civil War, and sadly, his story has mostly been forgotten. And you might be thinking, wow, Norman, that does sound really interesting. But I bet it costs a fortune to hear that tale. Who do you think I am, famous author and critical thinker, Dr. Hubert Montgomery, Esquire, Ph.D., Wow, it's like you can read people's minds, Norm. Well, fear not, for just $5 a month, pennies a day. You can support this small, sexy, independent podcast over at patreon.com

slash old-timey podcast. And by the way, that comes with full video of every bonus episode. No one else is doing this, folks. This is exclusive to old-timey podcast. So you can look deep into our eyes and get that tingly feeling whenever you feel the urge. I'm about to bust. And then you can talk about your other words. worldly experience in our Discord chat.

So head on over to patreon.com slash old-timey podcast to sign up. Thank you very much. Norm, I really liked that. You really took us on kind of a journey. You guilted us. Right. You looked deeply into our minds. Mm-hmm.

You talked about things that'll give us tinglies. You really sold it. Yeah. You know, I wonder what Dr. Hubert Montgomery is up to lately. The last we heard from him was he was going on a date with a lady named Wilma Fingerdue. Yeah. Uh-huh. And I'm not sure we haven't heard from them since, so I guess it went well.

I think no news is good news. Yeah, especially with him. Okay, may I start? Or are you going off on a weird tangent that no one asked for? Yeah, please. Do you need a recap? Do you have, how many mistakes do you have this episode? Norman, I have zero mistakes.

Thank you very much. Although people were like, maybe you should look into what the Mormons were up to before you get all funny about the inaugural address. We definitely know that the Mormons aren't spotless. We know they got some problems, which we will cover in future topics. But yeah, give me that previously on voice, please. You got it. Previously on an old-timey podcast. Charles Gatot didn't actually do much to get James Garfield elected president,

but in his mind he'd done it all. And therefore, he deserved a political. appointment. So he became a frequent flyer at the White House, because did you know that in those days you could just walk right up and meet the president? T'was nuts. What? Charles hit up every politician he knew, and several he didn't, to demand that he be appointed minister to Austria. Except nine, scratch that, consul to France. He wasn't remotely qualified for the job, but he was certain he had it in the baguette. Meanwhile, James Garfield got to work being president,

and he really pissed off New York Senator and political boss Roscoe Conkling when he nominated Roscoe's political nemesis as head of the New York Customs House. With Roscoe Conkling on the verge of a major meltdown, James Garfield was in hot water. And then, the first lady, Lucretia Garfield, became sick, deathly sick. James Garfield was beside himself. The love of his life was on her deathbed. And Charles Gatot and Roscoe Conkling were somehow equally devastated? Because yeah, yeah, yeah, the first lady was on the verge of death. But what about Charles Gatow's political appointment? And what about Roscoe Conkling's desire to control every single aspect of the American political system?

On this week's episode, Roscoe Conkling hatches a very stupid plan. Gee, it sure would be funny if it back. Backfired. Meanwhile, Charles Gatot becomes more and more delusional until at long last he snaps. At long last. Kristen, that makes it sound like we've been waiting for him to snap. Oh, I didn't mean that that way. I guess it couldn't mean. Ooh. At last.

No, no, no. Charles Guteau has pulled a gun. No. I do realize that that is how that sound. That is not how I mean it. Finally, someone's going to shoot this president. No, no. Oh, I hate it all. We know what you mean. Don't worry.

Full disclosure, before we get to the bad stuff, we've got a lot of funny stuff. Oh, excellent. So get ready to chuckle and then get ready to be bummed out. It's going to be a wild ride. Okay. Oh, boy, oh boy, things were getting heated. Roscoe Conkling had had it up to here with James Garfield. Roscoe had already been using his political power and specifically his influence in the Senate to be a real

douche canoe to James Garfield. Of the more than 300 nominations that James Garfield sent to the Senate for their approval, Roscoe had helped ensure that they'd only approved his seven cabinet picks. He had to nominate

300 people. Yeah. There's a lot of political appointments. To the victor go, all the spoils, Norm. You know, I did always know that after Garfield, they changed how many folks, need to be nominated by the president.

They reduced it significantly. Norman? What? How quickly the lessons you learn on this show go out. What are you talking about? What? Was it last week when you were like called out by a listener who was like, hey, Norman, let Kristen tell this story.

And you were like, yes, I will be a good boy. And you were a good boy for one episode. Kristen, I'm a butterfly. You got to let me flat. my little wings and be free. Butterfly better get the fuck out of this story. You're a butterfly who reacts to the story. Okay, okay.

I will not share any of my fun facts. No. Keep it to myself. Please share your fun facts, but only share them if it seems reasonable that I am not about to share them as part of this series. Okay. Let me start over. Wow, Kristen.

James Garfield had to nominate 300 people and only seven got through. There's got to be a better way. I hope they change that in the future. But I don't know if they will. I'm on the edge of my seat. In other words, Norman, you sweet little butterfly, things were at a standstill. A lot of important positions were vacant.

And somehow, some way, James Garfield had the gall, the gumption, the utter hutsche to nominate Rosco's political nemesis, William Robertson to control the New York Customs House. Twas a step too far, my friend. It inspired Roscoe. He'd been a douche canoe this whole time, but now, now he was ready to be a douche pontoon.

Ooh, a little upgrade. Very much so. Yeah. And who could stop him? Roscoe was so powerful. Years earlier, he had turned down a seat on the Supreme Court because he didn't feel like taking it. Roscoe Conkling turned down a seat on the Supreme Court.

Can you believe that? A lifetime appointment. He turned that down. Yep. He'd rather be a senator. Apparently so. This guy's not as smart as I thought he was. Okay, I agree.

He is touted as a political genius. I don't know. He spends too much time on that hair. I agree, Norman. That's the problem. And it is time wasted because it looks stupid. We've all agreed. We've all decided.

It kind of looks like, Porky Pig's ass on his head. Like the little twirley. Yes. No, I know exactly what you mean and I agree with you completely. Yeah, Joe, if you could Photoshop Porky Pig's ass on Roscoe Conklin's head, we would really appreciate it. You know what's weird is Joe has that on the ready.

He didn't even have to make it. He's like, oh, this old thing, it's my desktop screen screen. He's like, yeah, I've been doing this for fun for a while now. Truth be told, Roscoe could have been a contender for the 1880 presidential nomination. But he'd turn that down too. What's this guy's deal? Does he just love pulling the strings as a senator? I think he does.

I'm making a weird hand gesture. Sorry about that. For those who have the misfortune of being on the $10 level on Patreon, it looked like Norm was pleasuring multiple dudes while talking to me. It was very distracting to us all. This is a great, great honor to be on the $10 tier because you get the privilege of seeing that. Of seeing Norm make strange hands. get people to cancel your $10 pledge. Okay, so Roscoe Conkling thinks he's too cool for the Supreme Court, too cool to be a presidential nominee.

He's going to remain on the Senate and pull the strings. I mean, surely he later regretted not being on the Supreme Court. That's a huge amount of power. But maybe he would feel like he didn't have as much control over the money, specifically the New York Customs House. I bet that was a factor. And then there's something to be said for as president. you take a lot of heat. Maybe as a New York senator,

who's the one kind of actually pulling the strings, you don't take a lot of heat. Mm-hmm. It's all about your heat tolerance, baby. Yeah. When the heat's on you, you got to be ready to leave at a moment's notice. That felt like a reference to something,

and I have no idea what it is, so I'm going to just pass on by. Roscoe had even weathered an insane sex scandal that would have torpedoed the career of any other politician. Sex scandal. Okay, classy listeners, I'm going to need you to skip ahead. You're not going to want to hear it. It's not for your ears.

But if you put the hoe in history ho, stick around. Okay, you might be interested to know that a year earlier, Roscoe Conkling, who was married, by the way, had been having an affair with a fascinating woman named Kate Chase Sprague. Future topic? The button stuck. Oh, my God. There we go. Okay, so Kate was also married.

She was married to a former Rhode Island senator. And legend has it that one day Kate and Roscoe were in bed together and the senator came home, caught them in the act, and went berserk. He grabbed his shotgun. He chased Roscoe Conkling off the property. It was in all the papers. It might have killed another man's career. And it definitely hurt Kate's reputation. But somehow the whole thing only made Roscoe Conkling seem cooler.

Take it away, Kelly Clarkson. Wow. Yeah. Is that what this song's about? That's what this is all about. A lot of people don't know that. See, all the fun facts I've got for you? I'm afraid to ask a question because you might yell at me again.

Oh, oh, poor boy. But can I ask a question? I don't know. Can you? Wasn't Roscoe Conkling? Oh, boy, you're on thin ice. Married to a woman from a pretty powerful political, family who's he married to?

Her name was Julia. I actually didn't look into her background. So if you've got a fun fact, share it now. Can I verify it real quick? Sure. I mean, it wouldn't surprise me. Yes. Okay, Kristen.

Okay. Roscoe Conklin was married to Julia Catherine Seymour. Okay. She was the sister of Horatio Seymour, the 1868 presidential nominee. with the horrible neck beard that we made fun of. Oh, it's all connected. Oh, yeah. What a beautiful life we live, full of neckbeards,

and weird dangly curls that look like porky pigs' butt. You know, Horatio probably saw Rosco's hair. I think you're going to fit right in with my family. I'd like it better if Horatio was like, that guy looks stupid. That guy looks so dumb, and he's combing his neck. Excuse me, let me comb the super. out of my neck.

So yeah, Roscoe Conkling was invincible, baby. But was he really? What Roscoe failed to see was that people were starting to get a little sick of him. He was mean. He was insulting. Other politicians

rarely challenged him, and maybe he took that to mean that they respected him or that they liked him. But the truth was that, well, he did have some friends, a lot of his colleagues secretly despised him. Yeah, well, he's a big baby.

He throws temper tantrums all the time. He's a jerk. He's a really big jerk. They went along with him because they had to. But there was this undercurrent of resentment and bitterness. And that undercurrent grew stronger by the day. And on top of that, these politicians were starting to feel pressure from the American people. James Garfield had only been president for a few months.

He was a member of Roscoe's own part. The Senate had been so unreasonable to him, and the public was catching on. Republican senators felt weird about the whole thing because a lot of them had met with James Garfield. They thought he was a nice, reasonable guy, and they knew that Roscoe Conkling was neither of those things. They didn't want to be stuck between the president and their fellow senator slash boss baby. The boss baby. That's what he makes me think of. I'm sorry, the cute little boss baby.

But they kept holding out, kept delaying the vote. That pleased Daddy Roscoe, but the rest of the country was getting pissed. Well, yeah, we're like, hey, we got our guy in office. Let's move. Let's make progress. And you're holding up the whole show. And everyone knows why. Newspaper editorial boards overwhelmingly backed James Garfield, including New York newspapers, where Roscoe Conkling should have had the most influence.

Oh, yeah. As the days turned to weeks, Roscoe's position of literally never doing anything the president wanted ever, became harder and harder to defend. So he decided to fight dirty. He went to the New York Herald. At the time, it was the most widely read newspaper in the country. And Roscoe gave them one hell of an expose. Are you ready? Oh, okay. He was like James Garfield is weak. He's a liar. He's broken all his campaign promises. He's destroying the Republican Party. Roscoe told the paper that James Garfield Wasn't even really president

What? Yeah, you want to know who was, Norm? Who was the actual president? The son of a bitch secretary of state, James Blaine. He's the one making all the decisions. He's the real president! Yeah. This is, so, that's kind of like when George W. was president,

everyone was like, it's Dick Cheney's the actual president. He's the one calling all the shots. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Scandalous, quite an accusation. When did he say this? Like how soon after Garfield was elected?

I mean, this is all happening in the first couple months, but it's probably kind of late into month too. What a bullshit thing to say when it's like you're not advancing any of his nominees. And he's like, he's not getting anything done. And it's like, well, dude, you're the problem. Well, no, he's trying to stop the bad things from happening. He's a hero, Norm. No, try to pay attention to what a hero of Roscoe Conkling is.

Okay. In that article, Roscoe Conkling confidently predicted that the Senate would humiliate James Garfield by absolutely rejecting his nominee for controller of the New York Customs House. I thought they were going to like deep-pants some or put a whoopee cushion on his seat. We're going to humiliate this man. Honestly, that would be humiliating. Has anyone ever tricked you with a whoopee cushion before? Nope. I have been duped once.

Really? I thought about it the other day. My friend Christina, quite a prankster. I sat down. We were in a group of friends. This was just a couple years ago. And a fart escaped. And I was in the middle of a story.

And I broke to say, that was not my butt. And then I kept talking. Wait a minute. This was a couple years ago. Christina brought a whoopee cushion. Okay. We were on a girl's trip. Yeah.

I know this trip. She found a whoopie cushion out of store. She obviously had to buy it in secret so she could frame me for farting, which is a thing I never do. I mean, at my sister's wedding, I bought, me and my brother bought fake cigarettes. That was a fun thing. To try and freak my mom out. Yeah. Yeah.

She was not fooled. She wasn't. Fake cigarettes, they don't work as well as they used to. I think the old ones had some like asbestos in it and it worked really well. But these new ones, they don't work as well, folks. Well, it's also, I think it becomes less and less believable that two middle-aged men are just going to all of a sudden take up smoking. You know, it's a weird thing to start up. Yeah, yeah.

I honestly, maybe we should have just bought real cigarettes and just tried them, you know. We've been coughing all over the place. Anyway, then it's not a prank anymore. True. That article was mean. It was nasty. And a ton of people read it. But it's kind of funny.

It didn't really hit that hard. Roscoe had envisioned it as an expose, just an explosive thing. But he'd been whining about this stuff for so long that it really did just kind of... Boring. Yeah. Old, yep, you've been saying this shit for a long time. Whatever, we know. To make matters worse, James Garfield didn't back down. The article didn't scare him.

The temper tantrums didn't intimidate him. It got to the point that most people, including most politicians, could see that Roscoe Conkling was in a losing battle. In fact, it was so obvious that one of Roscoe's friends took him aside one day and gave him some honestly really good advice. Oh, yeah? Yes. He said, shave your head.

He said, listen, slick that thing back, okay? Just accept it. Let the wind blow it where it may. Yeah, here's some lard. That's probably what they used for hair gel back then. Take this lard and run it through your hair. No, the guy was like, hey, you've still got an option ahead of you. It's a good option.

You know, there's some power in humility. Just go ahead and vote for William Robertson. Approve the nomination. And when you do, just make a little speech about how you're doing it for the good of the Republican Party. Yeah. Make it about party unity. Hey, I'm the bigger man here. Everybody, look at me.

Roscoe's friend pointed out, in my view, accurately pointed out that if he did that, It might actually increase Roscoe's power because then he'd essentially be telling everyone in the Senate, hey, you no longer have to choose between me and the president. I, a hero, am taking you out of this uncomfortable position. Yeah, that's good advice. But did Roscoe take that man's advice? No. No.

To the no, no, no. Hell no. You look so upset. Man, this is like the birth of the... the modern politician, this fucking guy. Like, I wish more politicians would be like this. Like Rosco? No, no, no.

Like, the advice he got. Like, hey, have humility. Admit you were wrong. Like, party unity. Like, you know. Well, it's funny because it's good advice. It's also good strategically. Because, yeah, you are going to be the one who takes these other senators out of an

uncomfortable position. Yes. They will feel like they kind of. owe you for that maybe. Yeah, well, and like, if he wants to become president, maybe in the next election, like, this is a great way to, like, you know, raise his, what? Profile. Profile. That's the word.

Profile. But, you know, he did not take that advice. And we know that because we all listened to last week's episode, we know that Roscoe came up with a way better plan. He would resign his Senate seat. And that would create an operational. And he'd quickly be reinstated by his good friends in the New York legislature. He'd be more powerful than ever. He'd show the president who's boss.

Come on, Kelly Clarkson! What doesn't kill you makes you strong. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. This, man, I'm going to add this to my running playlist. Yeah, this is a really stupid plan. Okay. Rude, you haven't even heard how it turns out.

So, with First Lady Lucretia Garfield, still deathly ill in the White House, so many decent people worried about her, Roscoe Conkling plotted what he hoped would be the most dramatic moment of an already very dramatic career. Picture it. May 16th, 1881, the Senate chamber. Oh. T'was a packed house. People sat in the galleries all hot and bothered and ready for some political theater. Oh. After all, it was the day when the Senate would debate William Robertson's nomination. Would you ever want to sit in on a Senate debate?

Oh, God, probably not. Oh, man, I'd love to. Really? Yeah, I think that'd be really cool. I'm sure it's possible. Yeah, I think we can go. It's open to the public, right? It better be.

I mean, I can say boring shit to you for free. Like, you don't have to travel. I don't have to go to D.C. No, I don't know that seems like a cool thing to do. I guess my idea of cool is a little weird. Okay, anyway, continue. This was for all the marble. this would be Roscoe Conkling at his best.

Roscoe Conkling at his showiest, at his turkey godler strutteest. But, huh, where was he? Well, he wasn't there? The Senate was called to order. Vice President Chester Arthur said, kind of nonchalantly that the clerk had an announcement to read. People were really only half paying attention.

Wait, is this when he resigned? After all, people were still settling in, turning on their computers, checking their email. No. in their Starbucks. No. The clerk, poor chap, was no public speaker. He had no showmanship. He had zero flair for the dramatic.

And didn't seem to mind that people weren't really paying a lot of attention to him. He just held up his little sheet of paper and he read aloud. Sir, will you please announce to the Senate that my resignation as senator of the United States from the state of New York has been forwarded to the governor of that state. I have the honor to be with great respect, your obedient servant, Roscoe Conkling. Oh, Roscoe's plan was to have the clerk read it? What a dud. That's not what you do. You show up.

You take part in the debate. And mid-debat, you announce, that's it, I quit. I'm resigning. Yeah, I mean. That's how you do it. This was such a miscalculation. Oh, man. I think he thought it would somehow be more powerful if he didn't even show up.

No. But, I mean, no. No, you're right. Has this guy ever seen a drama? I mean, a play or something. This guy brought all the drama. That's what makes this so funny. Yeah, but like, it needs to be more theatrical.

That's so ble. I think he envisioned that it would be read aloud by someone with a little more showmanship. It's the clerk. I'm so sorry. Sorry. Most of the people in the room didn't even catch what had been said. Yeah. Those who did catch it looked around and, wow, sure enough, huh.

Roscoe wasn't there. Okay. Oh, all right. Hey, you guys want more donuts? Some of the Democrats started laughing. This was truly funny. Thanks to Roscoe Conkling's cool power move, they now had the majority and they hadn't even had to work for it. Holy shit.

Wow, he sure showed us. Yeah, the Democrats were like, hell you. Then Ambrose Burnside, no joke, inventor of the sideburn, proved for a fact that he hadn't been paying any attention at all because he stood up and started reading this super boring report from the committee on foreign relations. General Burnside, Civil War General, not a very good general, but, you know, did have a nice, did have nice facial hair. Finally, someone took control. Did they yell, Republicans, go to the tree. House, no Democrats allowed. Possibly. But what we know for sure is that the Republicans went into secret session. And that's when Vice President Chester A. Arthur let them in on Roscoe Conkling's

very cool plan to save the day. He was headed to Albany, where the New York legislature would definitely reelect him. He'd be back in no time. And this power move would really show James Garfield, who was boss. I'm, I still don't understand what this is proving exactly. No? He quits and then he wants the New York legislature to just assign, make him the senator again. He's gained nothing.

He just wasted a lot of time. Yeah, but he doesn't have to maybe go through the indignity of voting for this guy. He doesn't want to vote for. And maybe, maybe, hold on, maybe people will be so inspired that no one will want to vote for him because Roscoe's so cool. Did you ever think of that norm? I can tell you didn't think of it. Was he hoping for all the newspapers to be like, oh my God, Rosco quit.

Rossco quit. Front page headline. Well, it was front page headlines. So, you know, in that sense, sure. Hmm. Yeah, I think he just, he thought he was more important than he was. And that's funny to say because he was very important. But then he threw it all away.

See, I would put that story below, like, chimp warms the hearts of kids at the hospital or something like that. I think that seems really dangerous. No, it's a friendly chimp. Yeah, so Chester shares this plan. And I've got to say, people were not impressed. No, it's a stupid plan. Okay, right off the bat, they were like, that was stupid. Later, when a Republican senator, by the way, the same guy who had given him the good idea earlier,

he went to the Senate floor that morning, and he wrote a letter to his wife about what had just happened. And in it, he wrote that Roscoe Conkling was, and I quote, a great big baby boo-hooing because he can't have all the cake. He wasn't, yes, he's a big baby. Thank you. He's baby Huey. It was a political miscalculation. A miscalculation so bad that it was frankly kind of funny.

Even James Garfield, who was by his wife's side, still desperately worried about whether she would live or die, took a moment to chuckle. In his diary that night, he wrote that. He laughed. Yeah. He wrote that what Roscoe did was, quote, a very weak attempt at the heroic. Yeah. That's exactly what this is. He wanted this big moment and, oh, I'm leaving and everyone to be like, no, don't go! And no one said that to him. But, you know, Garfield did say the real hero here is that chimp who was entertaining the kids at the hospital. We just hope that the training doesn't wear off.

Norm, I understand that you're a big fan of context. Oh, man, am I? For that reason, it feels only right that I mentioned that Roscoe wasn't the only dude who resigned his Senate seat that day. Oh? A man named Thomas Platt joined him in that bold move. And boy, was Thomas Platt disappointed in how that panned out. Now, what state did he represent? New York.

Oh, okay. First of all, everyone immediately made fun of Thomas. In fact, they kind of made fun of him even more than they'd made fun of Roscoe Conkling. Wait a second. What? Both senators from New York resigned. Oh my God. Stupid plan.

The media called Thomas Platt, me too. And not as in Roscoe Conkling did non-consensual sex stuff to me, but as in, oh, Roscoe's doing something? Me too, me too. I'm also here. Look at me. Me too. That stung especially bad because if we want to be technical, Thomas Platt was the person who actually came up with this stupid idea in the first.

place. This was his idea? It was. And I think it says a lot about him that even when everyone and their dog was talking about how this was such a stupid thing for Roscoe and yeah, sure, Tom, to do, Thomas went around angrily reminding people that, hey, this was my dumb idea. It came from my dumb brain and I demand all the credit for it. Oh my God. This is tweedle dumb and tweedle D. Yeah. So his thing was like, basically, he had made multiple promises to multiple people. yes I will vote this guy in no I won't vote him in and so this was his brilliant plan

was that he would be able to keep his promises by just resigning his Senate seat and then getting back in so he also thinks the New York legislature is going to vote him back in this whole dumb plan was his idea give him all the dumb credit please I can't believe Roscoe listened to this guy

Roscoe seems like a way more powerful politician than Thomas Plans He was flying too close to this son. Norm, you just couldn't... Whoa, Icarus, tempting fate again. That's right. Ultimately, William Robertson got confirmed as controller of the New York Customs House. James Garfield got a political victory. The country got a victory.

And Roscoe Conkling. And yes, Thomas Platt, too, me too. Went upstate to enter phase two of their big, dumb idea. Rally the troops in the New York legislature so that they'd get to reclaim their Senate seats. But wow, that ended up being pretty humbling. Rasko showed up and was super friendly and smiley with everyone. And they were all like, bitch, get real because he'd never been friendly to them before. Yeah, you know how many people are waiting in the wings for this Senate seat? And he's like, oh, I resign, but can you vote me back in? Oh my God.

Roscoe held a rally to drive support for his re-election. But way more people showed up to a protest against his reelection. I love that he's campaigning to get his seat back. And it's like, didn't you resign? And it is funny. We're even calling it his seat. That's the folly here. It's not anyone's seat.

It's the Senate seat. You earn it or you don't. Yeah. You earn it or you resign from it. Yeah. To make things even worse, Kate Chase Sprague, his old affair partner was getting divorced. And of course, when reporters wrote about the divorce, they often brought up the fact that Roscoe Conkling had had a lengthy affair with her.

That raised questions about the health of Roscoe's own marriage. Now, Norm, I got to ask you, do you think that, in that dark time, Roscoe apologized to his wife, Julia, for putting her in that situation? Not necessary. No apology needed. No. No. I'll tell you what he did instead.

Instead, he wrote her a letter, basically saying, Julia, the problem is you. You wind to your friends about being hurt, but you should shut up because this is really a private family matter. Okay, so you're making this whole thing worse. You're the reason that the media is writing about this. Oh, okay. Says the guy having the affair. Right. And she responded.

That's a direct quote. That is a direct quote. Yeah. No, she really was like, you're the one who had the affair. Yeah. You're the one who did this. Yes. If you don't like the media coverage, don't do this shit.

It was all very embarrassing. But Roscoe and Lil Thomas Platt had to press forward. They'd gone upstate to get the job done to get the legislature to reinstate them. It was very important that they get a good night's sleep because in just a few days, the legislature... What? Norman, I'm leading to something here. They've got to get a good night's sleep. They got to get their rest, okay?

Yeah, it's very important. I can tell you didn't get your rest because otherwise you would know exactly the importance of this. In a few days, the legislature would have their first vote on the issue. But, uh-oh, uh-oh, something went wrong that night. Oh, did the alarm clock break or something? Just to set the scene, all the important political boys were staying at the Delavan House Hotel. Very swanky hotel. It has burned down. Oh, damn.

That night, a Mrs. Baldwin. showed up. Ooh. Any relation to Alec? I don't believe so. The Baldwin family. I also don't believe that this was her real name. Okay.

She asked for a room. Oh. She got her room. She entered, said room. And then, a guy who worked for the hotel noticed that Thomas Platt went into that woman's room. Is it a whoer? Um, stay tuned. Oh, okay.

You should probably explain that you say, whoer that way because we watched the Panos recently. You know, and I'm half Italian, so that's just how we say it. That's just how it's done, yeah. So that hotel worker went and told Roscoe Conkling and Thomas Platt's political enemies exactly what he'd just seen. OMG, Thomas Platt is in a room with some random woman. And those dudes were like, thank you for this scandalous info about a guy we hate.

We're going to be really mature about this. Okay. I actually hate this next part. I think it's really shitty. Okay. But wow, it's something. Okay, so side note. These were the old timey times before the good lard invented air conditioning.

Yep. So they had those windows above all the hotel room doors to help with airflow. Oh, yeah. I can't remember the name of those things, but I know what you're talking about. Transom? Is that what it's called? A trancem? Yeah.

You're looking at me like I invented a word. I think that's the word. Let's see. A transom window. Oh, suck on that. Yeah. Wow. Okay, I didn't know the term. Well, stick with me, kid.

What do you think these guys did? The Democrats? These are actually mostly members of the same political party. Oh, just Republicans that hate these guys? Yeah. Just civil service reform boys. And I'm sure there were Democrats involved too. Did they get on a little step ladder and open the transom window and listen in?

Listen. Or they watched, they watched Thomas Platt? Uh, yeah. Pound this lady? The dude's got a ladder. Oh my God. And as quietly as they could, they took turns climbing to the top of the ladder and peeking into the room. They were peeping? And boy, did they get an eyeful.

Oh, my God. An eye full of Thomas Platt not banging his wife. By the way, his wife was his cousin. So I don't know if this is a real crime here or what was happening in their home was a real crime. Anyhow, in what feels like something you'd see in a gross 80s movie about a frat house, and not a real story about actual politicians in the 1880s, the dudes grabbed like all their friends. Everybody took a turn on this ladder.

In total, more than 20 people climbed that ladder and watched Thomas Platt and Mrs. Baldwin enjoy one another. This is literally a scene from Porkies. Is it? Yeah, this is like the happening in Porky's. See, I avoided all those movies because this shit is portrayed as like funny. I think it's so gross and so invasive. Also, give me a break.

you all these dudes were cheating on their wives, but boy, were they thrilled to see this. Yeah, but they hadn't been exposed yet. Yeah, exactly. Neither of them knew that they were being watched. When Thomas Platt left the room at around 2 a.m., he thought he'd be able to sneak back, unnoticed into his own hotel room. Instead, he found himself surrounded by his snickering, political enemies. It was a huge violation.

It had to be humiliating, and he had to know that it was about to be used against him. Mm-hmm. That night he woke Roscoe Conkling. He woke Chester Arthur. And they were furious with him for his indiscretion. The next day, Thomas Platt's sex scandal was front-page news. He was a laughing stock. Ouch.

I actually don't think this woman was a sex worker, partly because the news accounts were like, hmm, she was ugly. So I think maybe she was just a woman he was having an affair with. Just a woman he was. Yeah. His, yeah. Which boy, that had to feel good. Oh, all these creepy dudes were watching me. And they find me severe looking. The following day, it was time for the legislature to vote on whether Thomas Platt and Roscoe Conkling would regain their Senate seats.

But when they read Thomas Platt's name allowed for the vote, some of the legislators giggled. And some of them said, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Did moaning sounds? Yes, they did. They did. Oh, my God. Oh, how embarrassing.

So this guy's not getting the Senate seat back, huh? No, and he's humiliated. I think this sucks. Yeah, that sucks. In that first ballot, Thomas Platt and Roscoe Conkling fell behind the other nominees. Not enough to lose definitively, but it certainly seemed like the writing was on the wall. And Thomas Platt was humiliated. He was ready to throw in the towel.

Yep. But Roscoe wasn't. Roscoe was mad. More mad than ever before. He wanted to fight for his seat. It was his. They couldn't give it to anybody else. It was a gigantic political mess.

And Charles Gautot, the little man with the big idea of becoming the consul to France, had followed all of it with great interest. Oh, he was following along to this. Oh, of course. A lot of people were. Is he going to be like, I could be the senator from New York? Norm, he wants to be consul to France, okay? Okay.

And also, Roscoe Conkling is his good personal friend. He'd hate to steal that from him. Yeah, that's right. That's right. We're best friends. We talk all the time. Mostly when he tells me to go away. A lot of people had disregarded the expose that Roscoe Conkling had given to the New York Herald, but not Charles.

To Charles, what Roscoe Conkling said rang true. James Garfield was a liar. He had broken campaign promises. He had turned on all the men who'd helped get him into the White House. Charles took comfort in knowing that the men he considered his political allies, men like Chester A. Arthur, Ulysses S. Grant, and Roscoe Conkling, all hated James Garfield. Yeah, Charles was like, yeah, me too. Uh-huh.

By mid-May, right around the time that Roscoe Conkling resigned from the Senate, Charles Gautau still clung to the idea that he might still get that appointment. After all, he'd been visiting Secretary of State James Blaine nearly every day. Oh, my God, every day. And James Blaine had been giving him a polite brush off. He said something true, which was that the Senate was in a deadlock. None of these political appointments are getting through. It was a very obvious brush off.

Charles Gattot didn't have a shot in hell at getting any kind of a... political appointment, let alone consult of France. But Charles had taken James Blaine seriously. And when the deadlock ended, he went to visit James Blaine for what felt like probably the millionth time to James. And on that millionth time, James Blaine did what no other politician had done. Told his ass off. He snapped.

Yep. He yelled, never speak to me again on the subject. of the Paris consulship. Charles Guteau was stunned. Stunned, but indignant. Charles responded, I'm going to see the president about this. I think I can get the president to remove Mr. Walker,

and then I can get the appointment. James, it's me your good buddy Charles. Don't yell at me like this. What happened next is interesting. In Charles Guteau's mind, James Blaine then looked at him with compassion and said, Well, if he will, which Charles took to mean that if the president gave him that consulship, then James Blaine would not stand in the way. What did James Blaine mean?

Okay. In James Blaine's mind, when he said, well, if he will, it was kind of sarcastic to underscore how ridiculous it was that the president would give such an important position to Charles Gutot, who no one had ever heard of. Yep. That's what perception is all about. Oh, boy. Well, if he will. Yeah. Later that day, Charles wrote a letter to his good pal, President James Garfield. Yep. About how mean James Blaine had been to him. And later, he wrote another letter. In the second letter, he told James Garfield that he should ask for James Blaine's immediate resignation. Then he warned the president. Quote, I have been trying to be your friend. I do not know whether you. you appreciate it or not. Ooh. Yeah, he'd been writing all these stupid letters.

Like, oh, hey, I'm reading about all this, these problems you're having with Roscoe Conkling and stuff. I'm good friends with him. If you want me to, you know, put in a good word for you. Yeah, yeah. Give me a break. Part of the delusion is Charles Gatot thinks that James Garfield is going to read these letters. Right. Yeah.

I mean, most of these are probably going through Garfield's secretary and he's tossing them in the bin. Very interesting that you should bring that up. Charles Guteau planned to visit the White House. But what he didn't know was that by that point, the president's private secretary, Joe Stanley Brown, had flagged him. It's so funny you mentioned this. Red flag. He had put Charles Guteau in what was called the eccentric file. It was.

Apply named. Here's where the weirdos go. At 23 years old, Joe Stanley Brown was the youngest person. in the nation's history to hold that position. He came from humble beginnings. He was smart, and he was an excellent judge of character. Unlike a lot of the other people who thought that Charles Guteau was just an odd guy who meant well, Joe Stanley Brown thought that Charles Gautau needed to be kept away from the president.

So he put him on a list. If Joe had anything to say about it, Charles Gattot would never meet with James Garfield ever again. Good. It probably goes without saying that James Garfield's first three months in the White House had been pretty rough. Members of his own party had spent most of the time working against him. In fact, his own vice president had often led the charge. Hundreds of people hounded him every workday for political appointments. His wife, the love of his life, had nearly died.

But on May 31, 1881, oh, things were looking up. That day, Lucretia's doctors announced that she was well again. She still needed to take it easy, but her health was no longer in immediate danger. And also that day, Roscoe Conkling, and yes, Thomas Platt too, officially lost their Senate seats. Oh, man, if only I had the Benny Hill theme. Oh, that would have been great. Give me that trombone.

Oh, okay, I can do that. The New York Times wrote about it saying that. that Roscoe Conkling had, quote, thrown away his power and destroyed his own influence, all because he'd been mortified by his inability to control the president. That is a perfect description of what happened. He smashed that self-destruct button. Who, James Garfield was riding high.

He'd proven that he was his own man. He wasn't under anyone else's control. And with so many of his political appointments now approved, he had more time to focus on the aspects of his job that truly mattered. But what he didn't know was that Charles Gatot, that strange, demanding, oddly entitled man, had become angry, very angry. By that point, Charles understood that he wasn't going to get the political appointment

that he was so certain he deserved. And he placed the blame for that failure squarely on the president's shoulders. In fact, it had been roughly one week earlier that Charles Gatot had been lying in bed in a room that he wouldn't pay for when God gave him an idea. Oh. If the president was out of the way, everything would go better. That idea came to him again the next morning. Charles claimed that he was horrified by the idea, but it wasn't his idea.

It was God's idea. And it kept pestering him, kept coming back to him. It came back to him because God wanted it to and because it made so much sense. James Garfield was clearly bad for the country. He was terrible for the Republican Party. Just look at what he'd done to poor Roscoe Conkling. Look at how mad he'd made his own vice president, Chester Arthur. And look who he'd appointed Secretary of State.

That awful man, James Blaine, that man who'd snapped at Charles. He needed to be removed. Charles began collecting newspaper articles, reading anything negative he could about James Garfield, anything that backed up his belief that James Garfield was bad. So he's in the echo chamber now. Yeah. Yeah. There were plenty of articles to choose from, of course.

Including roughly a dozen of them that circled around the idea that perhaps James Garfield was such a bad president that he might single-handedly kill the Republican Party forever. Wow. days passed. Charles prayed to God that if the message was wrong, that if God didn't want him to kill the president, that God should show him a sign, a sign that he was on the wrong path. But God didn't give him a sign. So Charles became more assured, assured that he was on the right track, assured that there was a sort of divine logic to his plan. He later wrote, the president's nomination was an act of God. His election was an act of God. His removal is an act. act of God. On June 1st, 1881, Charles Gautau made up his mind. He was going to kill the president. For all his talk about how horrified he was about the idea initially, though, boy, he

started to find it very exciting. After all, everyone would know his name. He'd be famous. People would want to know all about him. He'd be an American hero. Yeah, I was going to say, does he think about the consequences of killing James Garfield? Why do you ask? Well, you know, he's really obsessed with getting this political appointment.

But it's like, okay, if you kill the president, you're going to be arrested. So does he, oh, does he think he's going to get pardoned? Because Chester Arthur, my good friend Chester Arthur. See, you're thinking like him, yeah. Is going to pardon me because I got Garfield out of the way. And now Chester is the president. He's going to pardon me. He's so grateful.

Yeah. And the American people will be so grateful. Like, oh, finally. We didn't want to say it out loud, but, you know. With all this in mind, Charles thought back to the book he'd self-published years earlier. The book he'd so boldly titled The Truth, a Companion to the Bible. By the way, you can buy that book on Amazon. Can you really?

It's literally, some company takes, like, public domain books and just prints them in a book form. But, yeah, you can buy a copy on Amazon if you'd like to read it. No. Well, and technically, he'd plagiarized most of John Humphrey. Noises book. Yeah, yeah. It's a complete rip-off. I do think it's funny, though. Charles ripped off the text of the book, which is really the most important part, the hardest part. But he gave it a much snappier title. Okay. So, you know, it's got some talent here. Charles figured that assassinating the president would put himself and his book in the spotlight.

So he began revising it. He knew it would be a bestseller soon, and he wanted it to be ready. Yeah, yeah. This is so gross. After a few days of editing, Charles moved on to his next step in the plan. Finding a gun. That seems important if you'd like to shoot somebody. He'd never actually owned a gun, though. But on June 6th, he walked to a local store and inquired about a few different revolvers.

He left without buying one. A few days later, he tracked down a man named George Maynard. Technically, he'd actually tracked George down when he first arrived in Washington, D.C., several months. earlier. The two did not know each other well at all. In fact, they hadn't seen each other in like 20 years. They'd met when Charles had stayed at George's mom's boarding house in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Weird connection. Oh, yeah. But, you know, Charles has burned all the bridges he's ever had, and so sometimes you've got to go backaways. And when he'd shown up in Washington, D.C., he'd looked George up and asked if he could borrow 10 bucks. And George took pity on him and was like,

sure. Here's $10. And he's going to use that money to buy a gun. Oh, that money is long gone, Norm. He got that months ago. Yeah. Okay. Now, three months later, Charles Gatot was back again. Back with a convoluted story.

Oh, oh, he'd been planning to pay him back the $10 a while ago. But now he actually needed another $15, please. Don't worry, he had a check coming in the mail, a big one, 500 smackeroonies. Can we pause? Sure. I have to use the bathroom. Okay. Sorry.

That's okay. Be right back. Seems like kind of an emergency. Kind of it. Folks, I apologize for... Oh, we're not cutting that? I apologize for the sudden bathroom break. Let me tell you, on recording days...

My goodness. Folks, you're about to get a lot of information. Listen, when Kristen is finishing up her script, sometimes I like to say, hey, you know, what do you want for lunch? Let me get you your favorite food so, you know, she can focus on her script. Well, today Kristen wanted the loaded fries with carneasada from the local takaria. And boy, they are delicious. Uh-huh.

But I'm afraid today they may have attacked you. Attacked you? From the inside out? This script, there's, I hate to tell you, there's a lot more to it. Okay. I'm okay now. I'm okay. We can continue.

If we need to get an adult diaper so you can just suffer through this, we will do what we have to do. Okay. That's the sound it would make in the diaper. Okay, Kristen, the last we left off after my incident. You mean before your incident. I'm sorry. Before my incident, Charles Gatot was asking a very distant old friend for $15. Friend might be a generous term.

Acquaintance. Yeah. Person he knows. Before your explosion, Charles had told the man, hey, I've got $500 coming my way. As soon as that money comes in, I will give you your full $25 right back, baby. Oh, it's $25 he wants. Well, yeah, because he already borrowed the 10. Yeah.

Now he's asking for 15. Ah, he's adding, okay. Okay. George knew that Charles was never going to pay him back, but he felt kind of sorry for Charles. In his mind, Charles was odd, but not bad. And he looked so hungry. The next day, Charles went back to the gun store. He studied two different revolvers.

One had a wooden handle, and the other had an ivory handle. The ivory handled revolver. was a little more expensive than the wooden one. But Charles sprung for it anyway. Oh, my God. He decided that if he was going to use it to shoot the president, it would likely one day end up in the Smithsonian. So it made sense to get the nicer gun.

Okay, yeah. This is for attention. It's so gross. Was it a colt revolver? I don't believe so. I'll be honest. One of the books I read went into great detail, and I don't know gun stuff.

So my mind just went, blah, blah, blah, blah. But if the guy had said Colt Revolver, I would have remembered that. Also, Colt Revolver, which is a different thing entirely. And I would have said, this guy really doesn't know guns. Revolver. Yeah, I was just hoping I could reference my good friend, Samuel Colt. We're good friends. Oh, good friend, huh?

Well, you know how you have, like, parisocial relationships with, like, content creators? Yeah, and you have ones with bad guys from history? Well, historical figures. Okay. Samuel, bad guy, you know, let's tap the brakes on that. A little shitty, yeah. Just a little bit, you know. But yeah, sometimes, you know, my good friend Abraham Lincoln, Robert Smalls, you know.

So it wasn't a colt revolver, but it had a fancy ivory handle. Yeah. Charles hadn't told anyone about his plans to assassinate the president, but he had told the shop owner that he'd never owned a gun before. So the man advised him to go outside city limits out to the Potomac and try firing. it. And that's what Charles did. He fired the revolver. He got used to it. Comfortable even. It felt good. His plan, sorry, God's plan was coming together. Of course, Charles understood that by killing the president, he would face some consequences. He'd likely be taken to jail. And that scared him. Likely. He would definitely be going to jail. Yeah. He'd been to jail a few times over the course of his

life, and he knew that some jails were better than others. So one weekend, he took a little trip to the district jail. He went to the warden's office and asked for a tour. He wanted a tour of the jail? Here's the weirdest part. The warden told him no, but only because they didn't do tours on Saturdays. Oh, just because it's Saturday. Yeah, that was the weirdest part to me.

Come back Monday. Literally. Yeah, they did tours on Mondays. What? You could take tours of the jail? You know what, though? In high school, we took a field trip. to a prison.

Like an old-timey one? No, a real prison. An operating? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Scared me straight. Yeah.

What did you do, Kristen? Why did they take you on that tour? No. What did you do in high school? It was just a sociology class. Okay. We learned a lot that day. We were all very charmed by a guy who was in there for creating a lot of meth.

You were charmed by the meth guy? I got to say, I was not, but it was a real lesson in how. vulnerable people can be to someone who is charming and smart. Hmm. Okay. People were like, we gotta get this guy out of here. Let's bust them out. We love you, meth guys. So Charles was disappointed that he couldn't tour the jail that day, but he had looked around enough to decide that it was a very excellent jail,

and that is a quote. Did he go to the jail gift shop? Well, he still had some money on him, so maybe he could have. Charles tried not to get too preoccupied with the potential negative consequences he might face. After all, with James Garfield removed from office, as Norm already pointed out, his good friend, Chester A. Arthur would become president. Chester would pardon him.

He'd be out of jail in no time. Yeah. He'd be a hero. So with the gun in hand, his book revised and a reassuring trip to the jail behind him, the only thing he had left to do was kill. He decided not to kill the president at home. There were too many people in the White House. No, he figured it'd be best to kill.

James Garfield at church? At church? Yeah. Charles... A man of God, so-called man of God, wants to kill someone at church. Yeah. He felt really good about that. In fact, he thought that a church was the best place to kill a person. Plus, it'd be easy. James Garfield was a creature of habit.

He'd been attending the Vermont Avenue Christian Church every Sunday for nearly 20 years. And sure enough, the following Sunday on June 12, 1881, James Garfield was already at church when Charles Gatot arrived late. Revolver in his pocket. Charles spotted James at the end of a pew near an open window. Charles was relieved by the simplicity. He could stand outside that open window, fire inside, and shoot the president in the head. But that day, he just couldn't quite do it. Charles stayed in his seat. He listened to the whole sermon. At one point he even shouted,

What think ye of Christ? It was kind of weird. In fact, it was so weird that James Garfield wrote about it in his diary that night. He wrote that the preacher had delivered, quote, a very stupid sermon on a very great subject and that, quote, a dull young man with a loud voice had tried to, quote, pound noise into the question. Wow. Garfield wrote about it. Yeah, because it was weird. That's fascinating. Charles was disappointed. He'd choked.

But that was okay. There was always next Sunday. For the next few days, he stuck to his plan. He'd kill the president on Sunday at church. But on Thursday, he read a newspaper article that threw his plans out the window. The president and first lady were planning a trip to Long Branch, New Jersey. Lucretia's doctors had advised her to go to the shore and get some air. Jersey Shore?

That's right, baby. Get crazy. Get wild. And that gave Charles a new idea. The Garfields would depart from the Baltimore and Potomac Railroad Station on Saturday. He could assassinate the president at the train station. So, that Saturday, he woke up early. He practiced his shooting.

He went to the train station. He waited. And sure enough, the president and first lady arrived, unguarded. This was his moment. But, oh, no. Lucretia still looked so ill. thin. Charles later wrote, quote, she clung so tenderly to the president's arm that I did not have the heart to fire upon him. He left the train station that day with a new plan. He wouldn't kill the

president with the first lady right there. He would kill the president when the president was alone. He thought it would be too much for the first lady to witness her husband's assassination. But interestingly, he told himself that if she wasn't present for it, that it wouldn't be that big of a deal to her. Oh my God, this guy is... He's disturbed. Something's very wrong with him. Yeah.

I'm talking about his life up to this point. It was like funny in a way, the stuff he went through. Yes and no. I mean, he victimized a lot of people. Well, specifically, I'm thinking about how no one wanted to bang him at the free love colony. That is funny. And how he was a lawyer one time in court and he jumped in the jury box, like, comical stuff there. Yeah.

But this is disturbing. Yeah. He later wrote, quote, it will be no worse for Mrs. Garfield to part with her husband this way than by natural death. He's liable to go at any time anyway. James Garfield came back to Washington, D.C. the following Monday. Lucretia and their teenage daughter, Molly, were still at the shore. June was nearly over.

and the Garfields had so much ahead of them. The two youngest boys were going to Ohio for the summer. The rest of the family had planned a tour of New England. James would take their two oldest boys to Massachusetts, where they'd meet up with Lucretia and their daughter Molly, and together they'd all attend his 25-year reunion at Williams College. They'd spend time together, time with friends, and then they'd reunite as a family in Ohio.

Life was good. In fact, life was great. He was a week out from summer. vacation. In that week, James Garfield got done what he needed to and planned for the fall. He'd agreed to give the address at the centennial celebration of the Battle of Yorktown, and he was planning to do it up big. In that speech, he'd lay out his plans for civil rights. He'd lay the groundwork for black people to vote freely, for everyone's vote to count. He'd lay out plans for how the United States could become truly united again. It was kind of thrilling.

It seemed like the bullshit was behind him. It seemed like his real work could begin. But he didn't know that he was being stalked. Stocked at church. Stocked at the train station. Stocked with his two youngest sons. Stocked when he entered a carriage with his teenage son? James Garfield may not have felt uneasy, but Charles Gatot sure did.

He knew from all the newspaper articles that James Garfield was preparing to leave for most of the summer. If he wanted to kill the president, he needed to act fast. In what would prove to be one of James Garfield's final days as a healthy man, he had a meeting with his secretary of war, Robert Todd Lincoln. I was waiting for you to mention this. I'm so glad you let me mention it. I was holding back, Kristen. Norm, let me give you a gift.

Who was Robert Todd Lincoln, Norm? He was the son of Abraham Lincoln. His oldest son. His only surviving. son. Yeah, that's right. In that meeting, just as they were about to wrap up, he asked Robert Todd Lincoln a strange question. He said, I've always heard that before your dad was assassinated, he had a dream about dying. Is that true? Would you tell me about it? Robert confirmed that it was true, and he told James Garfield about that dream. In it, his father had dreamt that he was walking

through the White House, when he heard sobbing. He spotted a coffin. There were soldiers guarding it. He walked up to one of them and asked, Who is dead in the White House? And the soldier responded, Don't you know? The president has been assassinated. It was odd that James Garfield had asked about that dream. Odd timing. He didn't explain why he'd asked about it, only that he wanted to know. But those closest to him knew that James Garfield always had a feeling that he wouldn't make it to old age. Those worries often came to him at night. And maybe it was because he was alone in the White House with Lucretia out at the shore. But death, the death of a president, was apparently on his mind.

On the evening of July 1st, James had dinner with a friend. And afterward, not quite ready to go to bed, he decided to walk to James Blaine's house. He left the White House, unguarded. He didn't know that Charles Gatot was watching him. He'd been sitting on a bench in Lafayette Park, facing the White House. Charles followed James that night, his revolver in his pocket. He watched James Garfield knock on James Blaine's door. James Blaine's wife, Harriet, answered it immediately.

A few moments later, James Garfield and James Blaine left the home. They walked together that night, arm in arm, back to the white. White House, not knowing that Charles Gatot was trailing behind them, not knowing that Charles Gatot was seething, watching them. These men, he'd decided, were so bad. The next day, July 2nd, James Garfield woke up in a great mood. He burst into the room that his two youngest boys shared. They were already awake, already roughhousing, so he joined in the fun. He sang a little song, he grabbed each of them out of bed, he lifted him, each one in his arm. He was 49. He was years old, big and strong and excellent health. He got some work done that morning, ate breakfast,

and at around 9 a.m. it was time for James Garfield to start his family vacation. His two oldest boys got into one carriage, and he got into another with James Blaine. The two carriages headed toward the train station. Charles Gatot had also gotten up early that morning, and he was also in a great mood. He'd spent the night at the Riggs House, the fancy hotel frequented by politicians, the place where he'd spent so many of his days trying to talk to people. He'd never actually stayed there because he couldn't afford it, but his plot to kill the president had given him financial leeway. The bill wouldn't be due for a couple days, and by that point... He'd be in jail.

Oddly, that day, both Charles Gautau and James Gauton, Garfield appeared in the newspaper together. The woman who previously rented Charles a room was livid. He hadn't paid his bill. He kept ducking the payment. So in a fit of exasperation, on what would turn out to be a very big day, she posted an ad in the newspaper reading, Wanted, Charles Gautot of Illinois, who gives the president and secretary Blaine as reference to call at 924 14th Street and pay his board bill. Holy moly. Right?

Yeah. That is weird. Is that address still? Oh, I don't know. I didn't even think to look it up. It's very near the White House. Yeah, of course it is. It's like two blocks from the White House.

Yeah. Yeah. Charles was unbothered by the ad. And probably unaware of it. He had more pressing matters at hand. Today was the day that he would kill the president. This time, he had all of his papers in order. He had a copy of his book.

The truth. In it, he'd placed a letter to the New York Herald. It read in part, You can print this entire book if you wish to. I would suggest that it be printed in sections, i.e. one or two a day. I intend to have it handsomely printed by some first-class New York publisher, but the Herald can have the first glance at it. He'd also written to General William Tecumseh Sherman. It read in part... He wrote to Sherman. What does that mean, Norm? Who was he? Tell us. I sounds like you don't want me to say anything. No, no, I'm giving you free reign.

Give us the context. Oh. We need to know how bold and ridiculous this was to write to William Tecumseh Sherman. Civil War hero, Union General, famous for his march to the sea in the south where he burned a path all the way through Georgia and Atlanta. Yeah. Good pals with Ulysses S. Grant. Yeah, who Charles also thinks that he. he is, well, he didn't think he was friends with Ulysses S. Grant, but he envisioned himself to be a big

supporter. Yeah. And a big help to him. So what the hell did he write to William Sherman? I'm glad you asked. That letter read in part, to General Sherman. I have just shot the president. I shot him several times as I wish him to go as easily as possible. His death was a political necessity. I am a lawyer, theologian, and politician. I was willing. with General Grant and the rest of our men in New York during the canvas. I am going to the jail. Please order out your troops and take possession of the jail at once. Charles Gatot.

Oh, my God. Uh-huh. I don't even know what to say to that. Hold on, Norman. Are you saying this guy doesn't make any sense? Yeah, he's not making any sense right now. Hold on just a minute. Wait a second.

He'd also written a letter addressed to the White House. It read in part, the president's tragic death was a sad necessity, but it will unite the Republican Party and save the Republic. Life is a fleeting dream, and it matters little when one goes. I presume the president was a Christian and that he will be happier in paradise than here. In another letter, which he addressed to the American people, he wrote in part, In the president's madness, he has wrecked the once grand old Republican Party, and for this he died. I had no ill will to the president. This is not murder. It is political necessity. It will make my friend Arthur

president and save the republic. I have sacrificed only one. I shot the president as I would a rebel if I saw him pulling down the American flag. I leave my justification to God and the American people. I expect President Arthur and Senator Conkling will give the nation the finest administration it has ever had. They are honest and have plenty of brains and experience. Man. So he really does think, he's writing full confessions to multiple people, and he really does think he will be hailed as a hero. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. You know a lot more about the Lincoln assassination. Ooh. Did John Wilkes Booth think he would be a hero, or did he know, oh, I'm going down for this. I got to run. I mean, obviously he ran immediately afterward.

Yeah, he thought he would be a hero to the South. Right. To the Confederacy, he thought it would revive the Confederacy. Didn't work out for him. No, it sure didn't. Nope. Let's see what happens to this fella. Should have stuck to acting, Mr. Booth.

No kidding. Charles Gatot arrived at the Baltimore and Potomac Station about 30 minutes before James Garfield arrived. He had prepared for the moments to come. He had his shoes shined. Soon everyone's eyes would be on him. and he wanted to look good. He thought about his getaway plans. He went to a line of carriage drivers,

and he asked one of them how much he'd charged to go to congressional cemetery, which was right by the jail. The man said, $2. And of course Charles didn't have $2, but once again, he figured that wouldn't matter. Yeah, he's used to this.

He went to a newsstand. He asked the man behind the counter if he could leave his packages there for a few minutes. And the man said, of course. And that was that. Charles was ready. He had his gun. He had an escape plan. And he'd placed his letters where he knew they would be found. He steeled himself. He went to the bathroom. He looked at his gun. He left the bathroom. He waited. He wandered in and out of the waiting area. He waited some more. Sweating. Nervous. And then James Garfield and James Blaine entered the train station. followed by James Garfield's two oldest sons. They walked with confidence, unbothered, unworied. The train station wasn't too busy that morning, but there were plenty of people there.

Robert Todd Lincoln was there. He'd come to wish the president well on his trip. The president didn't notice Charles Gatot, of course. But Charles noticed him. When James Garfield was not three feet in front of him, Charles grabbed the gun from his pocket. He raised it. He clenched his teeth.

He fired. Later, witnesses said that they thought the sound, that piercing clap of a sound, was a firecracker. But James Garfield, brigadier general James Garfield, the man who'd seen war, who knew the sounds of a battlefield, he knew instantly what he'd heard. He'd heard gunfire. The bullet grazed his right arm. He turned, he shouted, my God, what is this? He turned further in the direction of his attacker. And then, Charles Gautau fired again. This time he wasn't calm. His eyes were wild. He was jumpy.

The bullet hit James Garfield in the back. The president fell forward, hard. The effect of that second shot was immediate. He vomited and vomited and vomited on the train station floor. In an instant, his suit jacket was soaked in blood. In an instant, the atmosphere changed. The clap, clap of the two gunshots startled people. They startled people into silence.

but now, now with the president vomiting and bleeding and dying, with his two sons right there, people screamed in horror. They screamed and screamed and Charles Gautot, that little shit, ran. He ran away. Soon orders broke out above the screams. Catch him! Catch that man! Catch that man! He shot the president. There he goes. There he goes. Get him! Get him! James Blaine stood.

He watched, horrified at the little man running away. that little man, that strength, my God, he knew exactly who it was. In next week's episode, the fight to save the president's life begins. Chilling, Kristen. Horrible. It's so upsetting. I forgot the detail that his sons were there. It's awful.

It's awful that his sons were there. I think it's so sad to me that Robert Todd Lincoln was there, too. Robert Todd Lincoln was cursed to witness presidential assassinations. And, you know, I just, Charles Gautau, like I get this anger, but at the same time, I also know that this guy wasn't right. I mean, as president, he should have had more protection. He should have had literally any protection. It is wild to me that even after the Lincoln assassination, that. that, you know, presidents were, didn't really have a lot of protection.

And I think it's sad because it's like Garfield had this belief that like, yeah, the chances of me being assassinated are like nothing. Right. And so he felt safe and confident to like be among the people. And he liked being among the people. Yeah, but I do, I do find it interesting that he asked Robert Todd Lincoln about that dream. because to me that says he's not entirely unconcerned. I think an interesting detail is that, you know,

Abraham Lincoln really believed in the power of dreams and he wanted to analyze his dreams. James Scarfield was not like that. Yeah. He was kind of like my mom. Don't tell me about your dream. It didn't actually happen. Please do not talk to me about your dreams.

So I do find it interesting, though, that he asked Lincoln's son about that. Yeah. knowing this is probably an uncomfortable thing to ask him. But, you know, it had to have been weighing on his mind on some level. Absolutely. Yeah, there's a reason you would ask that. Yeah. That's when you really think about, like, higher power coming into play with that.

And not the one talking to Charles Gautil being like, okay, I think you should shoot the president now. I'm talking like, yeah, something made James Garfield ask Robert Todd Lincoln about. his father's dream. And you do wonder, you know, that could kind of come from almost anywhere. Even like, okay, he didn't consciously know that he was being stalked. Right. Maybe on some level he sensed that something was off. Yes.

I think on some level he did sense something. That detail of Charles stalking. Yeah. James Garfield and Blaine when they were just like walking, having a nice evening. That's creepy. You wonder if he might have gone. gotten away with it. Surely not. I mean, surely the streets of Washington, D.C., had enough people that that couldn't have happened, but they were out alone at night. Yeah, you wonder.

But then again, as I say that, Charles Gatot didn't want to go unnoticed. He wanted to be caught, and he wanted. Well, yeah, that's his plan. He wants Chester Arthur to pardon him, you know, and General Sherman to send his troops to capture the jail. Oh, my gosh. One thing I wondered today, as I was looking at this stuff is like, you know, I do think some stuff just can't be prevented. If someone is this disturbed, this unwell, some stuff probably can't be prevented. But you do have to wonder about small things. Like, what if he hadn't gotten the money to buy the gun? Yeah.

Would he have found a way? Would he have stolen it? Or would he not have been able to do that in time? Would James Garfield had gone off for vacation? and then Charles Gatot hopefully finds some new weird fascination over the summer. Mm-hmm. I don't know. The whole sliding doors of it all.

That's right. Which is a movie, a very rare movie that I have not seen. But I have. Has seen. I mean, the number of movies that fall into that category, it's just sliding doors. It's one movie. I think it is just sliding doors. Yeah.

Yeah, those little things. Okay Next week Yeah Well you know what Nope I'm not I'm not gonna say anything Oh are you gonna tell people what's gonna happen norm

Nope I wonder what will happen I'm curious myself What would you do if I started telling the story next week And I got details incorrect Details you knew were incorrect There's a little steam lines I know I know you would

Slowly lose your mind No no Kristen, should we wrap up this fantastic episode of an old-timey podcast? Yes, we shall. Kristen, you know what they say about history hoes. We always cite our sources. That's right. For this episode, I got my information from the book, Destiny of the Republic,

a tale of madness, medicine, and the murder of a president by Candace Millard. The book, Dark Horse, the surprise election and political murder of President James A. Garfield by Kenneth D. Ackerman. Plus reporting from PBS and the New York Times. check the show notes for a full list of our sources. That's all for this episode. Thank you for listening to an old-timey podcast. Please give us a five-star review wherever you listen to podcasts. And while you're at it, subscribe.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com slash old-timey podcast. Join the Reddit community, R-slash-old-timey podcast. Follow us on Facebook and YouTube and Instagram at Old Timey Podcast. You can also follow us individually on Instagram. I'm at Kristen Pitts-Karuso and he's at Gaming History. And until next time, Tooteloo, Tata, and Cheerio. Bye. Bye!

See ya! See ya! See ya!