And That's Why We Drink - E110 A Pretty Little Monster and a Planetary Enzyme

Episode Date: March 10, 2019

Calling all cool teens! Stop snagging and necking and tune into our horniest episode ever! In episode 110 Em covers the Goatman(person?) of Maryland. It’s unclear whether he’s a genetic experiment gone wrong, a hairy old introvert, or simply an urban legend. What we do know, however, is that he’s 100% axe. But that’s not all! Em gives us a bonus story this week - the Pope Lick Monster! Or as we like to call him, the Pretty Little Monster.  Meanwhile, Christine covers the story of Ira Einhorn, who considers himself Philadelphia’s very own planetary enzyme. However, we know him as a hypocritical, predatory murderer who did NOT invent Earth Day and also smells like a hoagie with onions. Moral of the story: contrary to popular belief, the world could use a little less hugging. And that’s why we drink!   Please consider supporting the companies that support us! Get 15% off and free shipping on your first MeUndies purchase! Go to meundies.com/drink Get 10% off your first order AND free shipping when you use promo code DRINK at Brooklinen.com. Get a special offer from Stamps.com that includes a 4-week trial, free postage and a digital scale! Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone and enter code DRINK Visit ritual.com/DRINK to start your ritual today.

Let me be straight with you. This is a radio commercial for three small business insurance. The policy has no fine print. It's clear what's covered. So while you can't see the following scene, just know that this pet store is protected by three. Joe, did you leave the snake tank open? Look, I don't want to point fingers, but yes. It's biting me. Sorry, sir. I'm calling my lawyer. They're going to need some help with this mess. Luckily, they have three. No fine print, just exceptional coverage. Three is a product of Berkshire Hathaway Direct Insurance Company. Hey guys, we're about to get into the episode, but there's one announcement that I completely forgot to bring up in our intro. And that is that we have a new merch site and we have a lot of new fun stuff, different designs, different styles, much more of a variety on products. We have a tie-dye shirt.

We have a dog bandana, so that should tell you everything you need to know. Mugs, water bottles, sweatshirts, everything, you name it. So if you guys want to check that out, for the next 12 days, you can get 15% off the shop. And that should automatically apply when you go to the site. So go to bit.ly slash and that's why we drink merch all lowercase that's bit.ly slash and that's why we drink merch thanks guys we hope you like what you see hello happy birthday to eva that's beautiful oh my my tinnitus is really bad after that noise

um happy early birthday to eva late birthday now no no it comes out sunday oh my dumb ass has to edit this tomorrow happy early birthday eva yeah so eva's birthday is tomorrow monday and we are so happy she's our favorite pisces and we celebrated currently yes just open a bunch of presents i'm drinking champagne we decorated the whole room the whole studio yep without confetti thank god eva's oh please yes eva's serving me champagne on my fucking birthday. Thank you, Eva. On her fucking birthday.

Sorry. We. This is not about me. Sure. We. Yeah. We decorated the place. Eva came over.

We had good time. We said, happy birthday. And she was like, I'm overwhelmed. And we were like, yeah, that's what we do. That's what we do. Welcome. And we can't stop ourselves. And I'm sorry.

One of the things I'm very proud of getting Evaa is i got her her own dundee award right yes and precious that that's my personal favorite thing that i got her um am i supposed to pick one yeah oh i mean i i found a cool legend of zelda clue game that i felt like she would like a lot because she really likes zelda yeah she's sitting right here i feel weird talking about her in the third person she's such a bitch to be honest though i mean i was i mean i wasn't gonna say it but i saw it in your eyes and i was like feel you feel you dude uh and then she opened and she's like oh and also clue was my favorite game growing up and i was like yeah totally knew that i did not but i feel like i guess well i also feel like our aesthetic

went well i'm very proud of i i got to decorate the place um because i got to christine's before christine did and so uh i decorated and i found this really awesome dinosaur tablecloth and the dinosaurs are all wearing birthday hats it's the cutest thing it's all of our photos yeah look at instagram it's it is it really is like the exact right thing for all of us and we have our sugar bush doll that uh you gave me for my last birthday yeah it's it's birthday sugar bush it has like little balloons and a hat so now eva gets to hold sugar bush today we got a couple cat things for eva but that's you know a little cliche i want a little marble things a couple office yeah yeah very

themed yeah we knew what we were doing we know what we're doing um and we're drinking champagne so that's good that'll do it so that being said uh-huh how's your day going oh outside of that it looks like you had a big announcement no i was just gonna say what how are you doing listen i'm doing really well actually yeah it's very weird i think uh i i found myself today i i got in the car and turned it on and all of a sudden for some reason bare naked ladies started to play was it one week it was not it was uh pinch me but i do love one week one week was the first very fast song i learned all the words too we should do that for no nobody will like that never mind never mind

but yes i did too and i was chicken china the chinese chicken you have it okay okay uh we'll do it another day i said it and then regretted it yeah me too um so yeah and then i started playing and i was like yelling the words in my car and then i was like wow i'm feeling so happy and good and i've been working out and i've been like working on the house skinny i tell christine every day she looks skinny and now she doesn't believe me well yeah it's i feel i don't know and I think I mean I know what it is. I've I started Wellbutrin like six weeks ago and they told me it would take four to six weeks to like really kick in. And you're in your zone now? It's working. All right. It's like really really working.

All right. It's the first one that I've taken where I'm like this is a lifesaver. Anyway. Ringing endorsement. So I'm happy. I'm really. For you really personally i feel really good how are you doing i know you're getting over a cold i am um which was expected i even i predicted it would happen you literally called it yeah i told both of you on the way back from maryland i was like i'll probably have a cold tomorrow and then i got a cold you also did not sleep so well that's deirdre's fault um what what isn't deirdre's fault we went so we had our show in maryland which was great and then uh because i because deirdre was so close i asked if she wanted to have a sleepover in my hotel room and we ended up hanging out and talking all night and did not sleep a single minute i didn't even try to sleep for a single minute you guys just gave up

i think by like 4 30 we were like so this isn't happening right like the sleep isn't gonna happen right um so i was up until like 7 a.m and then we had to go to the airport and then it's a six hour flight so i was like not sleeping plus six hours of like recycled air on my throat is just gonna make me sick yeah and then it didn't there you are but i'm we're we're fine i'm at the i'm at the end the end game if you will the end game the the touchdown i don't never mind uh end game is avengers this is a better thing oh i was like cool yeah sports it's the it's the name of the next big avengers yeah you looked at you i should have known speaking of big movies coming out tonight is also the night of captain marvel and i'm going directly there after recording i'm very excited yeah we're gonna make sure i'm gets out on time well no we're gonna make sure for sure okay um very excited i know you guys are amped this is the last key to any

theories we can make about endgame this is the last movie before i do have a question yeah is there any possibility that like you go and you're kind of like disappointed or is it like you're whatever okay good i'm just checking um so whatever happens you're gonna be there were mixed reviews apparently a lot of people didn't thought it wasn't as great as it was supposed to be. Oh, OK. I don't care. Oh, OK. Because I really I was never a Captain Marvel fan growing up, so I don't know too much about her.

I'm more interested in the Easter eggs I'm going to figure out that could give me some answers to what I think is going to happen at Endgame. I got you. So it's like it's just a book in a series to me. yeah yeah okay cool very excited i'm excited to hear i'm excited to watch your instagram story later i'm so excited and not call you because uh no that's what we're over here with like mario and legend of zelda you guys are over there with like you guys do we do between eva she really does have exactly half of your interest and half of mine very odd and and the 50 that she has that she shares with you are things i don't care about same and the things that she that we have in common you don't care about it's very weird

she really does buffer us do we have any any mutual thing besides dinosaurs wearing party hats i don't know i think oh bob's burgers the office the office that's a big one our love well obviously that's a given yeah geo okay well i'm just naming things now steak no uh well no that's you guys again right right um so the last thing i wanted to say that like made my week is i um i'm pretended i was like a kindergartner at some point and directly asked a stranger if they wanted to be my friend. And oh, yeah, I love. And they he said yes. And then we went on a friend date. He said yes.

He was my Lyft driver. And he literally came over like, so I have a new friend. And I was like, i talked to you 20 minutes ago we just vibed well i was just like i was like i'm gonna shoot my shot and if if not i love it if he says no then he'll drive away and i'll never see him again and uh he'll drive away into the sunset sunset boulevard uh and ayo and so uh yeah we we vibed well and we were in the car with each other for like 20 minutes so we talked enough that i kind of felt like i got a sense and then i was like he specifically said too that his group of people had recently like kind of withered away people were moving on withered away they were

either like getting married or having kids they went to a nursing home they broke up the band broke up the band broke up i was like well i have a circle of friends and it's like no you don't i don't believe you could be my circle. So we ended up getting lunch the other day and we hit it off. I think we're going to go on another little friend date. I love that very much because it makes me happy. Yeah. Yeah.

Get some more some new blood in here. Some new blood. Yeah. Eva, you're on your way out. I can already tell you're withering away. But yeah. So anyway, also, RJ specifically, I wanted to give an update that he is very excited that so many people were interested in his abs. Oh, God.

At the end of the last. Oh, dear. We did talk a lot about. I mean, the episode was named An Extra Ab. I didn't tell him that the episode was titled after him, but I did tell him on Twitter later. People were like, it's kind of rude that no one is showing us a picture of rj after talking about his body well i have one of him and a cat which i think would really cross over well into all of our listeners just saying and uh but no he's uh he's very aware of the love and appreciative so that's all i have

to say he's a good boy he's a good boy so uh although although we were just talking about RJ and his ab and everything that's nice. Screech! Screech to a giant halt. And we do have an update that's not as happy. We've lured you in with RJ's abs. Just keep thinking about the abs as you hear the rest of the next couple minutes. So, it's been a very sensitive topic yes for many many people including ourselves and we don't really know how to address it so i guess bear with us as we kind

of stumble stumble through this but we're very aware that the facebook group the secret facebook group um has how would you describe it i guess i would describe it as um there's a lot of vitriol and infighting i think it's been for a while it's just the nature of having 20 some thousand people in a group together right and then many different opinions a really stellar group of mods who are trying to like keep the peace which is very difficult when you have 20 some thousand people arguing and you know right and we want people to have opinions and you know from all sorts of sides but there are so many people that have messaged us personally who have been hurt or you know whatever for whatever reason they've been hurt or have had bad experiences that we just don't really feel like it

aligns with our show anymore and we want to be responsible for it since we created it right yeah and um you know the mods who have been very very wonderful they have also been trying on their end to figure out how to kind of alleviate some of the tension that we've heard of and uh we had a couple conversations with them right and we think it is probably just best to kind of put the facebook group right to an end kind of quit while we're ahead because um i think a big thing too is that we don't really feel like we're in control of this at all not at all and as much as it's like well we're out of the group so it's not our fault like our names are still attached to it and it comes down to us i think yeah under our umbrella and it's i think a lot of people are down to us, I think. Yeah. Under our umbrella. And it's. I think a lot of people are looking to us for an answer or.

Yeah. A way to make things better, I guess, in that in the group. But I mean, there's really like Christine said, there's almost 30,000 people in there and we don't really know the best thing to do. Right. And we're aware that there was a survey with a bunch of people having written in and giving suggestions and and although it was all appreciated and it was all read and it was all considered i think that would just be elongating right an issue and i want to also be clear that like the mods did not decide this and it was not you know they didn't look at

your everybody's feedback and say no poor shutting poor shutting it down. They fought to give it all a shot. When we talked to them, truly, they were like, well, I think we have other options and stuff. And so we really did talk those through. And it just ultimately came down to even a big upheaval of the group will probably cause just more drama and craziness. So that was our call. It's an executive decision. Uh, all of a sudden this is no longer a democracy. This is our monarchy. We're trying to just figure out a way to just kind of like make people happy and feel like they are welcome. And before things get to,

before people just decide that if they, there are, there have been people who have associated the Facebook group with our show, is fair fair yeah and so before more people you know start seeing the facebook group as an a perfect reflection of the show and it's so beyond like it's so unwieldy and beyond our control that we don't feel comfortable letting it kind of go and go and snowball yeah and uh so i feel like we're rambling a lot we're trying to feel i feel like we're just we care lot we're trying to feel i feel like we're just we care about everyone we're very open and accepting and yes yep so we are um by the time this comes out we have probably announced hopefully um and we did want to announce we

wanted to give you guys some some time to either right get whatever content you wanted off of the page or if you met people through the page and you want to make sure you have their contact information um we didn't want to just kind of rip it off like a band-aid and have you guys totally blindsided we wanted you guys to be a little prepared that it is coming to an end so hopefully you guys will give it like a week or so for everybody to kind of close up shop um but we also want to add that like the subgroups are also they're staying staying. Yeah. So there's like a Harry Potter that I'm in. It's called, and that's where we drink butter beer, which is just the best. I know Eva's face.

Um, there's like a gardening one. There's like, I mean, there's so many, there's a fitness one there. Just anything you can imagine. There's obviously our Patreon one, which is really fun. Right. So we hope you guys are okay with that. Um, and I guess that's that. Yeah.

That's that. That's not on that. On that. Hopefully you guys are okay with that um and i guess that's that yeah that's that that's not on that on that hopefully you guys are not too mad at us we tried we tried very hard to take everyone into consideration we did so i guess if this makes you happier let's talk about paranormal supernatural stuff yay i don't know how else to segue away from that just say away let's see you oh do you remember when m said segu and that still my favorite wanton sig you into a wanton um cool so yeah i guess let me tell let me hear a ghosty story okay well it's uh a cryptid this time sorry like last time too right was that yeah last time with the i guess so yeah because

it was a beast it's like a mythos a myth mythos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A mythical creature of sorts. So this one, like I said, we just had our show at the University of Maryland. And there I covered the ghosts on the actual campus of University of Maryland. That was a good one. Which I thought was pretty cool. Yeah. Before I ended up covering that story, though, one of the first stories I was thinking about covering for Maryland was this story so okay these are the notes that i planned on doing until

i realized that the campus itself was really haunted and i and you were had the exact audience yeah yeah so um this was my original notes for uh what i was going to do in maryland so yeah this is the story of a cryptid of a girl sorry everyone yells at us for not this is a story of a girl okay get it out of your system guys uh this is the story of the goat man of maryland what have you either of you heard of this no okay because eva's dad uh is an umd alum so he came he and eva's mom came to our show and her sister which was just so fun loved it so anyway i don't know if he knows about it but maybe we'll have to ask we'll have to ask so uh

the goat man uh let me move i know i'm my brand new microphone can you guys hear the mechanical engineering that is us not knowing what we're doing mechanical whirring uh okay so it is what she said it's like the pixar guy when he jumps the lamp it really is we look we currently look like the pixar guy kind of struggling i wish i looked like the little pixar guy okay are we good are you good define good the smooth tunes of us failing with technology mechanical whirring okay i'm good all right so the goat man of maryland so the goat man uh quick description is a half man half goat could you tell goat man wow uh and he apparently or they excuse me wow how dare you Gender ascribe. I'm sorry. It says goat man. So I assumed pronouns.

That was not good. I guess it depends on whether they define themselves as goat person. Yeah. Person. Kind of rude for people to assume man. So the goat person of Maryland. So. The goat person of Maryland.

Half goat, half person, half humanoid, if you will. And apparently the goat person has been terrorizing maryland since the 1950s specifically in prince george's county shit um it gets worse don't worry okay uh it is probably the best known version of a goat man folklore in the united states because apparently there's a few goat man cryptids in different areas you've done goat man's bridge right yeah i have yeah so i know about at least one more so apparently the goat man of maryland or the goat person of maryland if you will um is the most famous version of a goat man okay um allegedly this might also just be from like a maryland newspaper and they're really trying to push it ev Eva's dad wrote it in college. What is the sound? I don't know.

I will say one of our pipes burst the other day. Eva showed or even M showed up at my house and was like, took a picture and was like, what's happening? Because there were like four people like digging up giant holes in my front yard. Yeah, I thought I was like, do you know your your yard is being destroyed right now? This is when I'm happy that I rent because I'm like, Sherry Helm, our pipe burst. And then like 12 hours later, all these plumbers showed up. So that might be what the noise is. Got it.

So the goat person has been featured in an issue of the X-Files comic book. Also Hellboy comic books. Cool. Also been in an episode of Creepy Canada, which is just my aesthetic. If someone asked what my aesthetic is it'd be creepy canada um also been featured on the podcast called the adventure zone you okay yeah take a breath i just bought the adventure zone book when i bought eva's cat socks the other day in portland look at that that's the mackleroyys so uh has been featured like i said in films and tv but the goat person has also been in two movies in the last couple years called goat man deadly detour

that's my if anyone's asking what my aesthetic is that's what it is deadly detour the goat man murders and legend of the goat man so wow take a take a browse on the internet if you would like that very specific the goat person is described as a seven foot tall humanoid shape with furry goat-like legs wide set eyes horns and greasy fur greasy fur that's gross yeah gross eva gross maybe the birthday girl oh shit eva's dad oh it's all making sense oh wait a minute okay is your dad p gross p gross p gross the greasy gross fur goat person from maryland you kind of look like half a goat man i'm gonna not say anything that was lm i just gotta drop you down a couple pegs before we got your ego too high today yeah we put a lot

of glitter in this room for you and we're gonna fucking knock you down a few pegs so um most stories suggest that the goat person lives in the woods in a cave under an old metal bridge oh i thought you were like damn that does sound like my dad slammed or drank uh goat person is known to make i think you can say you can probably say goat man i'm right i'm on i'm on a roll we we understand the official title is goat man but i'm also doing it great let's be inclusive goat person i just want you to know that i'm not being oh no aggressively like i am forcing you okay good if someone tweets me and is like uh it's called goat man i'd be like uh be more inclusive we don't know that they have not told us their

identity so no uh the goat person oh god lost my spot the goat man makes oh lord goat person makes quote a squealing evil sounding devilish sound cool and is known to attack teenagers near lover lanes. Uh-oh. Slash general wooded areas where teenagers have been seen. Necking. Snogging, if you will. Oh, necking and snogging. My two faves. That's what we do.

I mean, not together. Whoa. Whoa. Okay, I'm sorry. Stop telling them what we do in hotel rooms, Christine. What? Apparently, the goat person can also appear in your dreams as an omen yeah i don't love that so one woman specifically um had a story where she saw the goat person in her dreams uh whenever something bad was about to happen and apparently the goat person would swallow her whole

in one bite what the fuck um one time she woke up from said dream to a man outside of her house who had been stabbed to death. What? Another time when she was in college, she woke up to find someone in her dorm had died by suicide. These are happening in real time. Yeah. She has the dream and then she wakes up to this.

Holy shit. And then a third time she was babysitting her niece and she gave her niece a painkiller for a headache and then went to bed. She was in the middle of the dream and knew what it meant if the goat person got her and so she woke up in the middle of the dream ran to her niece's room so like kind of beat the dream right right right got there and got herself out um ran to her niece's room and her niece was in the middle of having an allergy reaction to the medication fuck yep holy shit So, the goat person has been in the media since 1971 when the first article it was in was the Prince George's County News.

And the news had listed creatures that haunt and roam the woods around Fletchertown. Okay. And two weeks later, another article came in. So, this is the okay um and two weeks later another article came in so this is the second article in two weeks and then they're the first ones that have ever mentioned the goat person right and the article says uh and i'm uh i'm gendering this person because of the newspaper article for accuracy blame them residents fear goat man lives dog found in old bowie so wait don't you killed a dog so in the article the story was about the edwards family that was looking for their missing dog ginger no

um in the same article they found ginger only. Only days later on near Fletchtown Road. So they found Ginger a couple days later near Fletchtown Road. Sorry, decapitated cleanly at the neck. Oh, M. That was a quote from the paper. What the fuck? So the article suggested that the goat person could be responsible okay so the night that ginger disappeared uh local teenagers including the

daughter from the edwards family who owned ginger they had reported strange noises and seeing a large creature in the woods the animal had quote can you believe it? Animal-like features. No. An animal-like creature that walked on its hind legs and was being seen regularly on Fletchertown Road. The residents of Bowie, which I guess is a town nearby, also reported, quote, a creature with the torso of a man, the legs of a goat, horns, and coarse body hair rumbling across the driveways and through

their backyards rumbling rumbling oh my god i don't think i've ever done or have only done well i was about to say it's either something we can't do or something that we only do right or like this truly sounds right rumbling i feel like that's what we do through the house rumble rumble so a month later the washington post picked up the story and wrote about ginger and the goat person and the article said that the men who found the dog their three names were ray john and willie and john ended up getting interviewed later in life in 1987 he was interviewed by a man named mark opsis nick opsis nick And he called himself a goat manologist. Oh, okay.

He actually calls himself, quote, the nation's foremost goat manologist. The one and only foremost. And so he started working for Strange Magazine. And in 1987, he interviewed not only the Edwards family, but also the men who found Ginger. One of them being John. And John said that the animal he and others had seen the night that the dog went missing was about six feet tall, walked on both of his feet. He was very hairy and made a quote, high pitched squeal. That sounds like our go person. Sounds right. April Edwards, the daughter of the family who owned Ginger, said, quote, people came

here and called it folklore, but what I saw was real and I know I'm not crazy. Whatever it was, it killed my dog. How fucking tragic. So those were the main early mentions of it in the media. But here are the rumors even through today on the actual origin of where the goat person came from. Okay. So there are five main ones.

So I'll just list them very quickly. One of the first rumors is that the goat person was an ex-goat herder who wanted revenge on the ancestors of those who killed his goats. Oh. Oh, so like passed away and then got revenge yeah okay um there's also an old hermit who lives this is not my words uh an old hermit who lives in the woods and is just seen walking alone at night and they just call him the goat man even though he just might be a hairy old introvert who just walks around in the woods

oh don't describe me like that. I'm not that hairy. A little sweaty. You're not that introverted, but you are that hairy. The third rumor is that it could be a farmer who back in the 70s, or in the 50s, sorry, sacrificed his goats to gain satanic powers. Oh, dear God. So then the farmer died and has now been resurrected as half demon

and do we know what year that was reported was that during the whole like satanic panic thing maybe they just assume these are just all rumors okay so i think they're just kind of legends at this point yeah okay another one is that uh the goat person is actually a result of Alistair Crowley's successful summoning of the demon Baphomet. Oh, fuck. A.K.A. the devil himself. Yeah. And Baphomet is the goat of Mendes, where if you remember me talking about the Octagon House in Washington, D.C. Yes.

Apparently the Freemasons may or may not have drawn out the entire map of D.C. to, I don't know, send good vibes to the goat of Mendes. Sending good vibes. AKA the goat person who might only live a couple miles away from DC in Maryland. Putting moonlight in my crystals for you. Yay. Baphomet. So the fifth rumor I'm going to talk about is the most common rumor. Uh-huh.

Apparently, there was a doctor named Dr. Stephen Fletcher. Mm-hmm. uh-huh um apparently there was a doctor named dr stephen fletcher and dr stephen fletcher did an experiment where he fused goat dna with his own oh dear okay then the creature escaped from the lab now lives in the woods of beltsville and uh he attacks cars with an axe okay all right so that's like the main urban legend where like if you go apparently it's very uh frankenstein monster very much it's like oh definitely half a doctor yeah right half right half a doctor and half a goat and half a creature with 100 of an axe and chases you in the woods um so the lab that this apparently happened in was in Beltsville Agricultural Research Center, which is near where many of the goat person sightings have taken place. Okay. So a lot of people say, oh, it's because it happened in the lab right over there.

Right. The rumor actually got so widespread that Beltsville Agricultural Center had to make an official statement denying that this ever happened in their facility. Okay. So. Wow. They've at least said no. They could also be liars. They've addressed it. Right. One way or another. So most of the sightings are three different places where most of the sightings happen. One is in Hyattsville. There is a. Oh, that's where we stayed. Is it? is it wait no that's where the umd is sorry that's where we did the show oh cool maybe they know about the goat man i quickly realized i was triangulating myself and then i was like well we're not there anymore so go find us i guess

so in hyattsville apparently there's a middle school called saint mark the evangelist okay um and behind the middle school there is a house that people think is the goat person's house so alum from that middle school have said ever since i started at st mark's uh i had heard stories of a goat man during recess kids would dare each other to hop the fence and go into the house no kids would ever do it but as we grew up the goat man turned into kind of a joke so it's just well known in the area. Right. But then teenagers think that they're badasses.

And so they, I'm sorry, teenagers, you are badasses. You're so badass. I wish I was you all over again. Oh my gosh. LMAO. I'm trying to think of a fun abbreviation. I think that we say that. I don't know if they say that anymore.

Also, if they do say it, though, they have us to thank for AOL Instant Messenger for creating that. It's a rafflecopter. Rafflecopter. Rafflecoaster or whatever. Bay. So a lot of teenagers are confused now. Yeah, I mean, me too. The teenagers were so cool.

Sometimes they have actually gone into the house and snuck in in the middle of the night. And they have reported not only seeing a creature that looked like the goat person in there. Oh, dear. But they have also seen on the floors and the walls, bones, knives, saws and leftover food. OK, that just weirdly gave me chills. Bones, knives, saws and leftover food. So either it's the goat person or a murderer, regardless of if it's part goat. Right.

You're right. It's scary. Just a killer. No matter what it is, I'm terrified. So that's the first main place where people report sightings. The second one is called Crybaby Bridge. They named that after me. Well, they actually renamed, they named it Crybaby Bridge because apparently it is a bridge where a hundred years ago, a mother threw her child over.

Okay, well. And so that's its own ghost story, apparently. God damn it, Em. That's its own ghost story, apparently, because people now hear a baby crying in the middle of the night by the bridge. That's fucking terrible. Well, what's more terrible is apparently there are several crybaby bridges in maryland alone what and so a lot of times when people say oh yeah you can hear it at crybaby bridge people go to the wrong bridge they're like oh which one yeah exactly which locate which franchise location

i'll drop a pin um oh no so apparently there are many crybaby bridges and where they all basically have the same story where you can hear a baby crying in the middle of the night yeah and people don't always know which cry baby bridge it is and apparently the correct one is the one on lotsford road okay so everyone in maryland go there the correct one for this story right right oh okay apparently a lot of people report seeing goat people sightings got it okay so the third one i've already mentioned this um the most sightings uh for the go person is fletcher town road got it so uh those are the three hot spots if you're trying to find this thing and uh here are a list of some of the sightings so in 1957 there was a couple that was parked on fletcher town road and the guy heard something in the woods and he went to

investigate because he was an idiot and he did not come back no surprise to me oh boy the next morning the police found his severed head in a tree and his body was never found what correct the fuck so his head is in the tree and what the creepy part is his head was in the tree above the car that he got out of to go look around. So his girlfriend was waiting for her boyfriend to come back. No! And his head was up above her. Wait, was she in the car? She was just waiting in the car this whole time.

Did she just go home without him? I guess so. Oh, fuck. But like, also his head was just hanging out above her car the whole time. What the fuck? Also, the dog was decapitated, remember? Mm-hmm. Oh, no.

Oh, no. her car the whole time the fuck also the dog was decapitated remember oh no oh no in uh 1962 the year that linda was born and all hell broke loose oh um the world has changed forever you know what's funny what linda was born 62 my mom was born 63 i was born 91 you were born 92 it's not funny i thought it was a cool pattern but then i realized there's a there's a romance to it flip-flopped a little bit i like it so also i was born in 92 my mom was born in 62 and like there we all have a two at the end in our family so i think i even said the wrong days that i was born i don't know oh well forget it it's the champagne i don't know what i'm sure i forget when i'm born so in 1962 the year of the linda right 12 children and two adults

were hacked to pieces with an axe for fuck's sake um and the murderer apparently there were some survivors and they reported that the murderer made noises that quote only the devil would make okay police investigated and found half-eaten limbs and a trail of blood that led to a cave in the woods hence the beginning of the legend that it lives in a cave in the woods um also in 1962 there were many hikers that were murdered and the goat person was potentially responsible um survivors claimed that they what they saw before they got attacked was the quote physical manifestation of the devil so a lot of people are associating this with the devil fuck a year later the year of renata um there was what a rough time for the world a couple saw the goat person on zug road and saw um that they were being watched by something at the edge

of the woods that was tall and a ragged humanoid ragged ragged that's a that's what they fucking describe you as very rude yeah it really is um also in 1963 a farmer saw a large man-like figure eating a raw pig carcass near fletcherertown Road. Oh, for fuck's sake. And then it ran away when it saw that it was being observed. This is kind of like Mothman-y. Kind of, yeah. Like sightings and then run away or fly away, I guess. In 1977, there was a couple that was parking.

Hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Kiss, kiss. Lover's Lane. Lover's Lane. Little neck and a little snoggin'. Little snoggin'. They heard scratching outside of their car turned on the lights and actually saw the goat person uh it ran at them hit the car with an axe and then ran off the axe and they still have a scratch on their car or still had i don't know where that car is now but they were able to show

people the scratch later and be like that came from from the X. Like, they couldn't do it. Right. Wow. Wow. Wow. Not at Lover's Lane. They were busy with other things. They were snogging and necking. And the 1980s, there were murders near the middle school that I mentioned and Crybaby Bridge, which caused a media frenzy because those were the hot spots for sightings. Yeah.

And now there's a series of murders happening next to the spots. What year was that? This was the 80s okay um many there were a lot of goat person sightings reported after that and it encouraged the rumors that the goat person could be out there so um a favorite story that i found out of all this that witnessed the that witnessed a goat person was a little boy who was playing catch um when the baseball rolled into the woods oh no and he walked into the woods some sandlot shit right he walked into the woods to get the ball he screamed and ran and when someone asked what he was screaming at he said

that he saw the dark thing that stands in the corner of his room every night stop it what the fuck could or could not be the goat person no whatever it is it's wrong it's all bad it's all bad um in 2007 a cameraman claims to have accidentally captured footage of the goat person during a golf tournament oh more interesting than the golf tournament to me by the way is footage of impossible nothing's more interesting than a golf tournament right dad right and uh in 2014 uh there was a man driving home and he saw quote a man with large horns run across the road and into the woods oh no um there were also multiple reports around then that were sent into a local station called wbal tv um and wblt sure no wbal tv okay so oh baltimore oh there it is got it now what um so they apparently got a lot of tips sent in about people seeing the goat person sure and then in 2015 they kept riding that train and there was an influx of sightings of the goat person causing hashtag goat man to trend on Twitter.

Really? Yep. Wow. He's made it. He's made it. Dave made it. We haven't we haven't even fucking trended. No.

Hell no. Guys, we got to get there. Team Lemon. Get it going. What? No, I'm going to fucking kill me. I will. I will do something.

I will hack my car with an ax at the very least. i will do something you'll hack my car with an ax at the very least uh so another goat so that's the end of the goat person story okay but apparently the goat person in that area is often confused with another local legend in the nearby areas um the quote goat man in maryland is often confused with another monster or beast or cryptid or whatever in areas like Kentucky called the Pope Lick Monster. I've never heard of that. So bonus round. I'm going to tell you about the Pope Lick Monster.

Oh, cool. Okay. So Kentucky and Maryland both get a little shout out today. Great. So the name does not come from like a pope licking anything i was wondering um it comes from the railroad trestle over pope lick creek okay where the monster is most often seen so sightings have been all over so and that's one of the things that differentiates it from the goat man because apparently that's mainly maryland um but the public monster is florida

texas alabama arkansas california indiana kentucky michigan and washington wow so this one's a globe trotter notice we missed ohio in that whole like we went from kentucky to michigan which by the way ohio is right in between so apparently we don't give a fuck about this he flies direct over that right he's like fuck this place um also they wow rude of me if i mean rude of you yeah so the here are some of the similarities between the goat person and the um the public monster sorry i abbreviated it to be plm and so i but in my mind i thought uh pretty little liars and so so I like how Eva goes, yeah, me too. So I almost said here are the similarities between the goat person and the pretty little

monster. The pretty little monster. All right. The pretty little monster, which maybe that's what they would rather be called. I kind of like it, though. It's a very nice compliment. It's better than a ragged creature. Right.

They call it greasy fur. Greasy, ragged creature. Or the pretty little monster. It's precious um so that's what i call allison so they are both goat-like humanoids who live by on or under a bridge okay and they are known to threaten and or kill teenagers with an axe what is the axe thing god damn it so they both have the similarity of where they live right their murder weapon and what they look like so a lot of people and they're within the similarity of where they live. Right. Their murder weapon and what they look like.

So a lot of people and they're within the same area. So it does sound like clue. People do confuse them in Kentucky with the conservatory with his greasy fur. Professor Plum. So P.L. No, that's wrong. P.L. U.M.

P.L. P.L. U.M. Just the little U. Fucking P.L. U.M. pretty little monster pretty little you monster so oh my for people who are listening for the first time to this episode i'm so sorry they've already gone don't worry they're gone so they both also have the same potential origin of

a farmer sacrificing his goats for power oh shit. And both have satanic groups worshiping them as if they are the reincarnate of Baphomet, a.k.a. the goat of Mendes. Ew! In the 1970s, satanic panic, a cult began performing rituals in the Popelik area, specifically on Four Winds Farm, and they worshipped the pretty little monster. Me too. who doesn't uh and through the 90s uh there were still reports of drum beatings and chantings on the farm in the middle of the night grotesque um vomitous apparently these are the powers of the pretty little monster besides beauty besides prettiness besides being petite um uh they can hypnotize victims by

sounding like their loved ones oh no and luring them out onto the railroad tracks right before a train comes oh my god not so pretty anymore no pretty little bitch is what she sounds like sounds like pretty little megan is what pretty little megan. PLM. PLM. Pretty little Megan. Just like a Megan. Classic Megan. Yeah. So hypnotize, hypnotize the victims by sounding like their loved ones and usually sounds like their loved ones in trouble saying help, help, help. Oh, fuck.

Then you go up there. You're hypnotized. You're not even paying attention to the sound of the train coming. And then it runs you over. Jesus. So. of the train coming and then it runs you over so uh it apparently they are said to look like quote a sasquatch with horns um also they have the head and legs of a goat with a human body so apparently very similar in appearance yikes um like the goat person uh the plm lives under the

bridge of a norfolk southern railroad trestlele over Floyd's Fork Creek in Louisville. Okay. Louisville. Louisville. Louisville. I'm never going to get it right. So the local teenagers there who are equally as cool as the Marylanders. Well, yes, all very cool.

They dare each other to cross the bridge at night. So cool. a bridge at night so cool and the pretty little monster will supposedly reach up between the tracks grab your ankles good and hold them in place until a train shows up holy god that's a horror movie right there so here is the horror story so we were just talking about professor plum we were professor plm by the way and now we're going to talk about colonel oh i was just saying how i learned how to pronounce colonel colonel yep from clue yep perfect so apparently this colonel is not colonel mustard but colonel beauregard shield next well jesus okay so a little harder to pronounce chill out your parents beauregard tell them to fucking calm down well apparently he did not live the best life or i

think maybe he thought he was he was an asshole to everyone else though okay so colonel dick um good one he was they i think it's pronounced colino where was i lost my spot okay so uh colonel bovergore bovergard child's necked jesus was the Jesus. Was the... Was an ass, for sure. Okay. He was a ringmaster of a traveling circus, but he was also a liar, cheat, and mistreated his performers, even tortured them. Well, okay, never mind. Fuck this guy. Told ya. Yeah. So he imprisoned all of his performers in cages. Fucking A.

Beat them, malnourished them tortured them and he specifically hated um one performer who grew up to hate mankind can you believe it oh shocker while traveling apparently the a train got hit by lightning the train derailed and this one was the this performer was the only survivor and escaped into the woods. Oh, shit. Okay. So I think that might be the beginning of the PLM. Got it.

Some say that there were other survivors on the train, but the PLM, quote, tore the survivors to shreds in bloody revenge. Okay. And then another version of the story is that this performer was actually half child, half goat, and he was recruited into the circus as a freak show. Right. As part of the freak show. And then like tortured and raised to hate humanity. So then he would grow up to be half adult, half goat. Right.

Okay. There have actually been confirmed deaths. Wow. That this is actually one of the only cryptids in America that has indirectly been responsible for multiple deaths. So they can't say like, oh, was the monster that did this. But because people were intentionally looking for the monster and then died. I see. It's one of the correlation is there somehow.

and then died i see it's one correlation is there somehow yeah it's one of the only monsters that actually has like wow that people give reasoning to for why they were even out there to begin with got it got it in 1986 there was a 19 year old named david who died of injuries from dodging an oncoming train when he was looking for the monster oh no in 1987 there was a 17 year old named jc who was struck by a train while crossing the bridge oh fuck um and apparently i don't know if it's changed since 87 it probably has but at one point maybe currently um jc we love and miss you is spray painted on the base of the bridge oh that's heartbreaking so if you've seen that in the area i know why it's really sad um also in uh 2000 there was another 19 year old named nicholas who fell

to his death when a train passed and he tried to hang off the side of the tracks and fell and died of injuries and then the most recent death was in 2016 when a couple from ohio oh boy uh went looking for the monster and they a train was coming but the boy was able to actually successfully hang off the side of the tracks the girlfriend did not was not as lucky and tried to hang off the tracks but didn't figure it out in time and the train ran her over and then the boyfriend climbed back up onto the track to see if she was okay and she had that oh my god um so those are both the stories of the goat person and the pretty little monster yikes that was dark at the end there yeah usually i usually don't get dark and really fucking hopefully your son's happy this time we'll do a little role reversal wrong

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group and uh the birthday etc and so i'm going to cover a story that i did uh in november in philly oh nice which um i hope that's okay with everybody but if not too bad we've said it before and i'll say it again i have no idea what the hell story you're about to tell i don't remember it either so we're gonna have a really good adventure now perfect um and i'm telling you the stories that we've done live like we really like so it's fun to cover them for episodes like but not enough to remember well i mean i don't remember anything we've ever covered to be quite honest with you uh okay this is the story of ira einhorn the unicorn killer i don't even remember that name. And that sounds fun.

Eva's like, yeah, I remember. And I'm like, neither was. You're saying unicorn killer. And I feel like that should like strike a memory. You'd think so. Doesn't at all. OK. Surprise, everybody. Teach me again.

Once more. The only people who've heard this are the ones who went to this Philly show. But it's probably going to be a different experience anyway. So it is because I'm about to say I might actually say everything just as I did the last time but i won't even not scripted who's to say all right ira samuel einhorn was born may 15 1940 into a middle-class jewish family he studied at the university of pennsylvania where he became active in ecological groups and was part of the counterculture, anti-establishment, and anti-war movements of the 60s and 70s. Love it. A.K.A. he was a hippie.

I love it. Love it. According to Time Magazine, while teaching at his alma mater, University of Pennsylvania, he once reportedly broke out the joints, stripped naked, and danced in the classroom. He sounds like me as a teacher. Sure. I don't know. Nope. Maybe the Jewish barb, that's about it. danced in the classroom he sounds like me as a teacher sure i don't know nope maybe the jewish

barb that's about it you don't think i would strip naked in a class and smoke weed no not really you're right i would do neither of those i just wanted to seem cool did it show listen you're a teen just like all these cool teens all right okay you're a cool teen got it got it got it does that what you want to hear go find a bridge or something and the goat person great okay uh yeah so he basically literally as a professor like smoked weed with his students like went nude and uh danced around naked like he's basically the stereo extreme stereotype of a hippie essentially right um at harvard university uh he once said quote a little more hugging could do harvard a lot of good all right i mean we say that all the time though true but

also not while we're naked and it definitely seems like someone should arrest him like imagine a naked man being like more hugging is good and it'd be like not today not in 2019 oh my god oh yeah nope no more hugging please you're right just zero amount of hugging is the exact amount of hugging that i want exactly right less hugging please for from everybody especially if you're nude uh people often called ira philadelphia's head hippie. I'm surprised there. But he gave himself some names, too. Of course. Right.

Because, you know, a guy like this doesn't go without his own nickname. No, he doesn't go by a society's name. No, exactly. He called himself the guru of peace and love. As well as the prince of flower power. Stop it. And my personal favorite, he once decided to run for mayor promoting himself to the people as quote what a planetary enzyme that's it he was smoking more than he was doing more than weed. I think there that's a, it's an acid trip or something.

Love it. Planetary enzyme. That's what I like to call you. Yeah. Emzyme. Emzyme. There it is. Precious.

Einhorn participated in the first Earth Day event in Philadelphia in 1970 and later claimed to have been instrumental in creating and launching Earth Day. Although other Earth Day organizers dispute his account. This is the guy who basically said he founded Earth Day. I hear you. Is kind of the gist of this whole story. Actually, though, the founding of Earth Day is credited to a man named Gaylord Nelson, who was a former U.S. Senator and governor of Wisconsin. So I wanted like give a little

credit sure where credit is due uh apparently according to the project director of earth day in 1998 quote einhorn given a small role on the stage at earth day in 1970 grabbed the microphone and refused to give up the podium for 30 minutes thinking he would get some free television publicity oh then he spent the rest of his life claiming he invented earth day so that was kind of like okay his uh instigating event sure i don't know if he was nude i think he probably wasn't i i hope he was a little bit let's pretend that that's more fun you can't create earth day without being really proud of like what mother nature is totally giving you you can't really be a planetary enzyme unless you're that's what i'm saying just like whipping it out you heard you heard my thoughts exactly yes i i we're on the

same brainwave flush show um so einhorn developed a relationship with a woman named holly maddox who was originally from tyler texas but had recently graduated from britain uh one article i read said she was allured by Ira, the exotic Jewish male. That's what they call me. That's what they call me. The planetary enzyme. The exotic Jewish planetary enzyme. I call Allison a pretty little monster and she calls me an exotic Jew.

Yeah. That sounds exotic. Wait, what did I say? That's how we dirty talk. Gross. Fucking disgusting. The exotic Jewish planetary enzyme sounds... I know I said this last time, but like the exotic Marish planetary enzyme sounds i know i said this last time but

like the exotic marigold hotel remember i feel like i said that last week i think you i can't stop saying it but it really sounds like that sure i mean you're probably right i just my memory is gone okay um although ira was a renowned advocate of peace and non-violence he had a habit of treating his girlfriends poorly oh god yeah here we go overcompensating that enzyme that's what he was doing overcompensating that enzyme flower power whipping it out oh he once smashed a soft drink bottle on one of his girlfriend's heads and attempted to strangle another one of his girlfriends holly's younger sister so that's holly maddox it's the girl that he's the woman that he's dating at this point so holly's younger sister remembers one weekend when holly brought

ira to their home in texas to meet her parents at dinner on saturday ira swung his leg onto the table to scratch poison ivy sores and then baited her mildly conservative father on politics and the war in vietnam oh my after dinner he demanded that holly comb his hair get out at the table like ragged greasy fur oh shit oh finally we've covered the same story circle in one episode um so he demanded that holly comb his hair which uh he was known as being very unkempt so right ragged greasy hair kind of kind of nasty and also like demanding that she comb his hair is like obviously some sort of weird power trip because like yeah he didn't really take care of his own hygiene so it was like he's just trying to get her to do this

in front of her parents yeah very fucked up very fucked up um he rarely bathed uh and his acquaintances said he emitted an unpleasant odor that one friend described as, quote, a hoagie with onions. I know the exact smell, though. So nasty. I mean, it's very descriptive. Foul. Okay. During the same visit to Holly's parents' house, he also made moves on the two youngest girls in the family who were nine years old and 12 years old.

Good night. Is he not the most fucking horrible person? Hmm. Jesus. I just. Okay. In 1977, after five years together, Holly finally said enough is enough. That's right, girl.

That's right. She moved to New York City, got together with a guy named Saul Lapidus. Woo. And I don't know how exotic and Jewish he was, but sounds very exotic. Sounds very, and sounds like a potentially Jewish Saul, Saul. Yeah. Fucking swing up from fucking step up from this guy. So I don't even care. Uh, once there, once in New York with Saul, she called Ira to break off their relationship. He shockingly flew into a temper and commanded she come back to Philadelphia. Commanded.

To get her belongings. Love being commanded. Nothing I love more. Nothing I love more. So she, he said, come back to Philadelphia, get your belongings or I will throw them out on the street with the trash. So on September 9th, 1977 holly returned to the apartment to collect her stuff she had a lot of stuff and they were together for five years so she had a lot of stuff

there that she won't did not want to go out in the trash and he was so angry that she was like well he's gonna literally throw my shit away if i don't get it right so she goes back to philadelphia uh september 9th 77 unfortunately uh holly maddox 30 years old, was never seen alive again. Yikes. Several weeks later, the Philadelphia police questioned Einhorn about Holly's disappearance. He claimed that she had shown up to get her stuff, then stepped out to the neighborhood co-op to buy some tofu and sprouts. Well, if that ain't an enzyme, I don't know what is. That's right.

It really is. It's also the most fucking L.A. thing I yeah i feel like yes i just like how people in la could do well in the 60s with the hippies absolutely we all eat the same thing i just like that uh he told the police the excuse of she's buying tofu and sprouts like right like he really played into that hippie character. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The planetary enzyme. I'm sorry. Sure. So Einhorn's alibi came into question when his alibi of that she was fucking buying sprouts came into question when his neighbors began complaining about a foul smell coming from his apartment. Oh, Lord.

And it was not the hoagie smell, I guess. It was different and worse than onions. I think so. And it's hard to be worse i think than body odor that smells like a hoagie with onions but that's how you know it was bad but he did it if the neighbors are used to the current smell right it must be bad um so his neighbors began complaining about a foul smell coming from his apartment which in turn aroused the suspicion of authorities 18 months later investigators were finally able to get a search warrant to search

ira's apartment. In the closet, they found a steamer trunk filled with newspaper, styrofoam, three air fresheners, and Holly's body. After finding the body, a police officer reportedly said to Ira, it looks like we found Holly, to which he reportedly replied, well, you found what you found. Well, I'm not going to sit here and deny it. I'm not going to sit here and deny it. Yeah. I'm just going to sit here. You did what you did. That's that on that.

Yep, yep, yep. The public soon nicknamed Ira the Unicorn Killer because his last name, Einhorn, means unicorn in German. Okay. So that's where that comes from. I hear you. Einhorn, however, it literally means one horn, by the way. So, like, literally unicorn. Ooh.

however it literally means one horn by the way so like literally unicorn uh einhorn however claimed holly's death was a setup organized by sinister forces due to his anti-war and peace activism good night goodbye he said it was either the kgb the cia or possibly both joining forces who's to say who's to say on that oh my god what an asshole oh it's just beyond me um einhorn's bail was reduced to forty thousand dollars at the request of his attorney he was released from custody before his trial by paying ten percent of the bond value which was four thousand dollars um and actually that payment was not paid by him it was paid by a socialite named barbara bronfman one of the many people einhorn had convinced to support him financially so he basically this woman was kind of like this wealthy socialite from this wealthy family and um he with all his activism and public you know

nakedness i guess oh yeah somehow who could forget who could forget got kind of like more you know liberal eccentric like uh people with money to kind of be on his side. And he was very charming. And so he had he had talked a lot of people into supporting him financially. And so when he did end up in jail, this woman, this socialite with quite a bit of money, Barbara Bronfen, paid his bail. So the bail is paid. And just days before his trial, einhorn fucking skips town peace yikes nobody even realized he's gone until two acquaintances spot him walking along a beach in

nova scotia canada and telephone the police in philadelphia asking why einhorn happened to be in canada when they knew there was a trial quick question just like super quick how did he get there just like a faq right a frequently asked question why is he walking along the beach in canada uh so the police are like well fuck yeah is that what they said in the phone yes in the 70s they swore a lot i guess uh they were like fuck we lost him um so they were like well we got to try and capture him so they try to get him in canada but before they can he flees to europe where he manages to hide out for the next 17 years wow yes job well done yeah he did a good fucking job at that um which you'd think it'd be easy to spot him with all that nudeness and the smell of onions

the nudity the onions the hoagie smell. Imagine a naked man that smells like onions telling you that we need to hug more. It's the worst. It's the worst. Oh, and then also he's like potentially, probably exactly a killer. He's a fucking misogynist, like abuser.

And his name is Mr. Unicorn. Fuck. This is the worst comic strip ever invented. It's just the worst okay um terrible so i lost my spot surprise surprise um okay so he's in europe sure back in pennsylvania as einhorn had already been arraigned the state convicted him in absentia for maddox's murder in 1996 um and that i actually asked renee because she's in law school and basically that means that they uh they indicted him on this despite him not being there got it so like

whether if he came back he'd have to pay for the crime but they uh convicted him of it without him being there um einhorn was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole but of course he wasn't there so justice had not quite been served yet uh his whereabouts were not known until a certain woman socialite named barbara bronfman the woman who had paid his bail and later admitted to regularly sending him money during the first few years of his disappearance to Europe. Sorry, I got really excited and then I lost my place. Right. So she finally got up.

So this woman, Barbara Bronfen, finally got up the courage to call the police and say, hey, I finally understood that this is all fucked up and he's a terrible person. I know where he is oh boy okay so basically this whole time she had been sending him money to like support himself abroad thinking like oh i'm just helping him he's innocent and yada yada and then finally a few years into it she's like okay i've fucked up big time like so she finally tells police where ira is hiding out it turns out he had spent a few years in Dublin using the name Ben Moore, which is like the name of the paint brand. Right. Yeah.

I was wondering. I was like, how do I know that name? I wrote that down in here because I think I thought I would maybe forget. But yeah, it's a paint brand. Got it. Then he moved to Stockholm, Sweden, where he met a Swedish heiress named Annika Floden and they got married. Yeah. He charmed yet another person.

Well, that seems to be his thing. It's that, it's that. Oh. Naked, naked wiggliness. You can't see Christine doing a dance right now, but that was what I saw. It did say he danced around naked in the classroom. I can only imagine. He and his wife, Annika, moved to France soon after that.

And a few years later, authorities finally arrested him in France, living under the name Eugene Malone. Okay. Malone. I don't know. Malone. Okay. But despite him having been on the run from the law and having been found guilty of Holly's murder, authorities had an extremely hard time extraditing him back to the U.S. So France and the U.S. have an agreement that either country can refuse extradition under

certain circumstances. So it was just very, like, politically and legally speaking, hard to get him, got it, from France back to the United States after he had been living there for several years. Even though Einhorn was not sentenced to death in that first hearing in the U.S. where he was just sentenced to life in prison. His attorneys argued that if he were to return to the U.S. from France, he would face the death penalty. Because France has abolished the death penalty as a rule, they don't extradite defendants to jurisdictions that retain the death penalty. Got it. So unless it's clear that the death penalty won't apply. So

basically, if they're saying, oh, he would be facing the death penalty if he were extradited france is like well then we're not going to extradite him because i see we don't support the death penalty sure so that was the big hold up there um pennsylvania authorities fought back on that pointing out that when the murder occurred the state did not practice a death penalty and so einhorn could not be excused because the state and federal constitutions forbid it i don't even understand that sentence. What does that mean? Pennsylvania authorities fought back pointing out that when the murder occurred,

the state did not practice a death penalty. So Einhorn couldn't be excused because the state and federal constitutions forbid it. Hmm. Does anyone understand what that means? Write your answers in, write your answers in. Write your answers in. SOS?

I think what I'm saying is that when the murder was committed, Pennsylvania also didn't support the death penalty? That's what I think it means. That's what it sounds like, right? And so basically they were saying, well, just because France, well, I don't know. Maybe I'll just delete that line. That doesn't make any sense. All right. So Pennsylvania authorities fought back like crazy um prosecutors in the u.s needed a new tactic so that 35 members of congress decided to send a letter to french president jacques

chirac to ask for einhorn's extradition but even that didn't work so literally congress wrote a letter to the president and they were like, nah. What did the other people say? What did the police say? Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

That's what France said. Oh, je fuck. I don't know. Forget it. Okay. Je fuck. You realize it means I fuck. Yes, I do.

Okay. No, I did not. I did not. Oops. Okay. Yikes. I'm glad my parents don't listen to this. So I guess even though they wrote the president, it didn't work because apparently the president by law is not allowed to intervene in extradition issues. So he was like, well, this is not my problem. Yeah. So finally, I washed my hands from this. Yes. I washed my hands. I'm trying to fix it it's not

working no it worked you do it so finally uh authorities in the u.s take the only logical remaining step and they decide to create a whole new law okay because they're like well if that's not gonna work we'll just make a new law uh that's called the einhorn law. Oh. Otherwise known as the unicorn law. Oh. Which allows defendants convicted in absentia to request another trial. Got it. So basically, because he had been already convicted and they weren't able to get him back on that charge, they were like, we'll start over because he wasn't here. And we'll start a whole new trial and I'll send him back so we can put him under trial. Got it. Once again, start from fresh so after two decades of evading the law in europe uh ira was finally

brought back to the u.s authorities were finally allowed to bring him back to the states while he was awaiting the trip back and living under house arrest einhorn oh dear i forgot about this einhorn slit his own throat oh my god in front of reporters oh my god in a very dramatic attempt to take his life oh my god quite i mean people question that because it was in front of reporters right they don't know if he was really trying to do it got it but either way it was horrific right so uh right he slid his own throat in front of reporters in an attempt to take his life but he received treatment and survived his injuries also shortly before his extradition in 2001 the philadelphia daily news put up a billboard with his photo on it inviting readers to bring their rotten tomatoes and throw

them at the billboard and they did oh my gosh so a bunch of people in philadelphia uh decided to hurl all their rotten produce at this billboard with a giant picture. Got it. Of Ira Einhorn, which I'm like, that's pretty dope. I'm into it. Yeah, yeah. I like it. It should also be mentioned that some articles describe hating Einhorn as one of Philadelphia's favorite sports.

Oh. And they have a lot of sports there. They have a lot of sports, so have a lot of sports so they must be pretty athletic the people who just hate einhorn there they do have that swinging arm from those tomatoes right at the billboard um unfortunately this is sad holly's parents passed away before einhorn was actually caught um holly's father died by suicide in 1988 um saying he had said he just couldn't recuperate from his oldest daughter's death and only two years later Holly's mother died of emphysema that had allegedly

worsened due to the stress of her daughter's murder and then her husband's suicide but all along Holly's three siblings had been campaigning alongside prosecutors to get Einhorn extradited so they were like hands on the whole time the 20 years that it took to get him back and finally that had been accomplished.

So at least they were right around for that. In 2002, Ira Einhorn was convicted again of murdering his former girlfriend, Holly Maddox, 25 years earlier, and he was given a life sentence without the possibility of parole for ending her life. So Ira Einhorn will now spend the rest of his days celebrating earth day from behind bars i see how you what you did there look at that the uh and that's why we draw for that was earth day in prison so so apparently love it really twisted that one into a nice little game uh so einhorn spent 16 years in hootsdale prison hoots hootsdale i think that's how you say it sounds like a hoot

it sounds like the opposite right right right a two the opposite of hoot two oh like the backwards yeah uh well it's spelled h-o-u-t-z so it'd be like oh well never mind i don't know how you would even say that uh the two right and this i'm i don't like myself either at least that makes both of us now right uh he spent 16 years in hoosdale prison and in april 2018 so last year like almost exactly a year ago was moved to a minimum security prison with units for terminally ill and geriatric inmates. The spokeswoman for the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections declined to give a reason of why they moved him to a minimum security prison due to privacy concerns.

But the police superintendent who discovered Holly's body back in the 70s was interviewed, actually, and he's the one who found the steamer trunk oh with her body in it in the air fresheners etc he was quoted as saying they moved a convicted murderer he must be dying i haven't heard a word about him at all since then but i'm not on his christmas or hanukkah card list so who knows who knows he basically was like i haven't heard much about him but i guess i would not be the one to hear about him. Right, right, right. So he's probably dying. That's his assessment.

Yeah. Sure. Is that he's in this new minimum security for geriatric inmates because he's right. On his way out. On his way out. So there have not been any updates since April. As far as I know, since November when I did this the first time. Right.

I have not seen anything. Okay. And by the way, my Google search history looks, I think it would probably come up in my like yahoo news articles uh if something had happened but i will keep an eye on it just in case um and that is the story of holly maddox's murder by the unicorn killer love it okay so i do have a little horror scope for our good friend unicorn man love it our good friend our good greasy friend what if i was gonna say what an elaborate uh an elaborate way to say we hate him an elaborate lie so he's a taurus which actually fits a lot with the horns of the goat man this is very weird huh the bull and the goat all the same this is what happens when em and i spend a lot of time together

we twist everything into like even if it doesn't actually sync up with anything a normal person would think our brains have already kind of melted into one another yeah yeah it's like oh yeah that makes sense to us and no one else right but let's also broadcast as a goat man it makes sense it makes sense follow us so eva's dad's a goat man and maybe eva's mom's the unicorn i don't Wow. Follow us into this hole, this black hole. Also, being a Taurus, bull, and then goat man, goat, and then unicorn. And they've all got horns. Listen, see? Listen. Look at where we are.

What a horny episode. There it is. There it is. Well, at least we both hate ourselves together. Eva, can you just title this the horniest episode ever? I mean, again, I'm titling it, so. Oh, yeah. Christine, can you just title it the horniest episode ever i mean again i'm i'm titling it so oh yeah christine can you just title it the horniest i've done the horniest birthday ever i'm drinking a lot of champagne and we're saying horny a lot so odds are just just sweet horny no

this is stupid i love it okay uh right so he is a horny tourist so uh here we go i will just read this to you uh ira einhorn although you have an intense internal drive you sometimes have trouble respecting authority shocker learning to be flexible and go with the flow can be an advantage your personal appeal is compelling even if it's slightly understated at the moment in march 2019 oh my god it's march 2019 what the fuck what's going on in march 2019 uranus will return in the horniest way possible march 2019 we're children we're cool teens uh in march 2019 uranus will return i wrote lol in my notes i'm such a fucking child to your sign for a more consistent stay lasting approximately seven

years oh but for now if someone offers you a ride out of town don't let yourself be left behind in the dust and hop on that ride oh i guess he did do that i guess he did he did follow this is the one time they actually followed the directions i know um yeah that's the story of the fucking unicorn man wow murderer what a bad guy three horny beasts solid one what three horny beasts what an asshole that he's like oh i'm so i love the planet peace and love now let me smash this glass bottle over my girlfriend's head. Yeah, I mean, he clearly was not. He was specifically talking about Earth.

Narcissist. Yeah. Yowza. We did it. Thank you guys for listening. For those of you who would like to check us out on social media, you can find our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram at ATWWD podcast. You can also look up our website and that's why we drink podcast you can also uh look up our website

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Yeah. So I forgot to mention the merch, but it is bit.ly slash. And that's why we drink merch, all lowercase. And that should be ready for you guys to check out and we have a lot of new stuff including a dog bandana so yay very exciting so thank you guys for listening and that's it right that's it and that's that's that's it and that's why we drink happy birthday eva