And That's Why We Drink - E113 Millennial Pink and Spanish Moss Red Bug Crayons

Episode Date: March 31, 2019

Cover those ankles, ladies! Because you just might end up in St. Augustine's Old Jail! This week we're bringing you the haunted happenings of the old timey jail that is now Flagler College and the wild ride that is the story of Diane Downs. We also dive into the nuances of surrogate Austrian weddings... and that's why we drink!Please consider supporting the companies that support us!Get 10% off your first 3 months of Ritual when you go to ritual.com/drinkGet 15% off your purchase of $100 or more go to modcloth.com and enter code WHY at checkout Get $10 off your first Instacart order when you go to instacart.com or download the mobile app and enter code DRINK at checkoutGet $10 off your first FabFitFun box when you go to fabfitfun.com and use our code DRINK

howdy hey how you doing i'm fine yeah yeah i'm ready to go home now let's go bye bye i can hear geo hey geo's being a little butt he's being a little chatty Cathy downstairs. It's almost through, which means the mail's here. Mail time! There's the mail. Okay, we're not going to do that to you. It always makes Geo want to wag his tail. I mean, yeah, I can't deny. And, like, bite someone's throat out, but...

Oh, he really is such a stereotypical little basic bitch when it comes to being a dog. It's just terrible. He just hates the mailman. What has he ever... What has the mailman ever done to him? I mean, approached him 10 feet away. I don't know. Literally nothing. Oh, well, it looks like I'm also in trouble. Yeah. Apparently. How are you? Oh, I'm good guys. I do have a quick, uh, correction before, like I forget. So a bajillion people have sent this to me. Okay. All right, everybody. Yes, I know that bueno ano means good anus.

And I'm sorry about that. Good anus. That's what they call you. However, I will say, which only Michaela, as far as I could tell, noticed. Oh, okay. Is that. So everyone yelled at me for it. Not yelled at me.

They were like, haha, made fun of me for it. Which it is ridiculous. Yes, correct. And I felt like a dummy but michaela who is from spain noted that uh judy misspelled her own last name so there is no so it's not on there's no tilde on it so i was pronouncing it the way that she wrote it out and put it on her birth certificate or not her birth certificate her so it meant good butthole basically yes cool and rock on Michaela said uh that's why people shouldn't change their name or get tattoos in languages they don't speak and I

think that's a really good point amen so that's why I was confused because it was written everywhere as a n o at the end bueno ono but it's two n's usually right no no it's a tilde on top like I see and so I didn't know whether to give it one because it wasn't spelled that way. I see. But apparently Judy's the one who messed it up. So I didn't mess it up, guys. I'm sorry. While you're at it, why don't you correct this?

I was listening to episode 60 recently and- Stop it! There were some weird sounds going on. Somebody tweeted that yesterday. I saw it. And I just retweeted it. I almost- Not saying anything.

I almost commented on it being like, oh my God, Christine, I've never listened before never listened before what is that sound why is it why did you mess up the audio it sounds like whales did you mean to do that i'm so confused i'm haunted now yeah so i just now i told blaze last night i was like anytime i hear about it i'm just gonna retweet it and see what happens and people seem to be uh be responsive to my retweet so yeah we'll see it's just funny because within 24 hours they always go oh, oh, I figured it out. Yeah. Like, you'll get there. You'll figure it out.

And I'm sorry, but I'm not changing it because I'm too tired, lazy and don't even know how that would be possible. So sure. Sorry, guys. Yeah. So anyway, that's my question for the week. I'm sorry. I said good anus 4000 times. I'm not. the week. I'm sorry I said good anus 4,000 times.

I'm not. Me neither. I'm happy you did it. I'm happy you did it. Why do you drink this week? Why do I drink? If you have a reason. Still coughing.

The coughing really is going on forever, huh? It's almost a full month now, yeah. I think it's just part of your lifestyle now i think it is too because i feel fine but it's just both i can't shake it i think we just need to get used to it sure i think eva needs to get used to it poor eva while editing i think people on planes need to get used to it because i've been on approximately like seven planes with this cough and everyone is like those poor people who are trying to be kind but also they're disgusted by me and so they're like they like cover their mouth or their nose yeah they're like oh allergies and i'm like

she's sure okay to be fair that's just rude it's like i guess whatever you need to hear like yeah allergies allergies allergies allergic to your bullshit everyone's just like throwing claritin at you oh no there actually was uh one woman who i lied and said that it was allergy so she would like not feel so grossed out by being next to me and she gave me benadryl and then she was like just take it please god for god get please stop whatever's coming out of your face stop what's coming out of your face that's what everyone says when they listen to the show for sure that's the tagline actually so um yeah and just i feel fine it's just this won't go away so i'm just annoyed all the time by myself i'm sure allison loves it though she doesn't and she

lets me know so she is over it um that's all i think nice yeah um i guess i'm having a pretty good week that's good i feel like it's always a good thing when we don't have something to drink. I'm always surprised and I'm like, oh, I'm happy. Oh, wow. No major problems in the last seven days? We are going to Milwaukee, Detroit, and Chicago. Yay. I guess when this comes out, we'll already have been in attendance to at least some of them, right? Yeah.

Chicago's tonight, the night that it comes out. Okay. Yeah. And we have like a bunch of shows in April. So just go to nancefuturing.com slash live. Like we won't be sleeping we're just gonna be on planes all the time in april everyone oh my gosh can you believe so um yeah that's all we're up to well do you know why i drink i do okay because it i have a

real reason i usually don't but i do this time okay it is that i'm planning another wedding what unwillingly oh i know about this my father decided to have his own wedding for me and yes a wedding party post wedding party intercontinental it's in austria um he's selling such a rich bitch it's really obnoxious i feel really stupid and he's making me so it's okay so a lot of my my family in Germany and Austria were not able to make it to my actual wedding. So my dad was like really bummed out that majority of his family wasn't able to travel to the States for it. So he's like, we'll just do a European one. And I'm like, I mean, if you want to do this, him. Oh, yeah. Okay. I was like, Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. Oh, boy. However, he is saying, Oh, for example, I was like, I'm dad, I'm busy. i like you can have a party

for your family and like sure i'll show up right just face i may i'll be there i'll be there right but uh he's like great no worries i'll do everything and then i got a call being like i need you to make a save the day and make make it really and then i sent it and he's like no no i want it to be funny so he's so basically you're planning a wedding with your father yeah it's fun uh no so i'm currently sending out save the dates uh via email thank god oh my god um and i went through a couple iterations of said save the date before an acceptable one was created so m watch your inbox um okay but apparently it's happening my dad dad's booking a local Austrian village band, and it's going to be a weird and wild time.

Blaze has never been to Europe, so we're planning that trip too. It'll be fun. How long are you going to be gone for? Two weeks. Okay. Yeah. Well. You'll hear from me in a couple months.

I bet I sure will. Anyway, so I'm just very like suddenly thrown back into all this like is rose gold or gold or silver a better accent color like i just regret i regret even like stepping i feel like like you're almost like a war vet we're like that's i feel like the second that no i'm not comparing myself to a war vet by the way just to be clear in case people for some reason think we're assholes no no no no no uh but no I feel like the second someone tells you what colors should go with other colors and what accessories are best I feel like you should just go right back into the thick of it without even

noticing it is it's like I can't help myself but suddenly care yeah and it's like I don't want to care but like I do and my dad was like well you've done it before and I'm like I guess that's fair but also I don't want to do it again but here here I am. Didn't you hear me bitch about this for like a year and a half? A year and a half. But one wedding. I wrote on the save the date because dad decided one wedding wasn't enough for him. Oh, good. That's the funny part.

So he wanted it to be come to our dungeon. And I was like, that's not funny. Is that like German humor that I don't get? Or it's not funny anywhere. It's not humor that also you don't get no it's uh it's because it's in a castle the party oh I see and so he thinks like if we say come to our dungeon it doesn't sound weird it just sounds funny okay well he's a dad he's probably still listening to this and I'm sorry dad whatever I love you he's fine um yeah so anyway all right

well mazel mazel I guess guess so. Great for you. Help. Just a whole other reason for Allison to stare at me. I wonder why she hasn't gotten a wedding yet, I guess. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Round two. I mean, I'm on my second wedding, so fuck it. Anyway, that sounded really douchey, I know.

I don't mean to be like, I'm planning another wedding. I just, I mean, like, my dad really wants to throw a party for his family, and I'm very excited about it, but he's calling it a wedding party, and I'm like another wedding. I just, I mean, like, my dad really wants to throw a party for his family, and I'm very excited about it. But he's calling it a wedding party, and I'm like, okay. Sure. Sure.

Sure. Listen, there's food and a village band. Are you getting presents? I know. I don't think so. Oh. What if I started a new Zola registry? I was kind of thinking you should.

Just, if they weren't able to come to the last one, maybe they didn't even pay attention to the registry. Maybe I'll just start a honeymoon fund. Listen. And just, like, buy stuff with it i i think you should just kidding guys okay i'm not that bad uh all right well i have no news that uh that beat that out so that cough is pretty top-notch news breaking not breaking news at all lingering forever and ever in our ears yes we'll just always hear about it my story speaking of my cough actually the flu ruda if you will uh because i did have a flu in florida and i think we can both confirm i was just a heavily medicated half conscious person yeah you were not in best shape you're not in fit fighting form i was not in ship shape no no um so because of that i would like to admit now that every show we did in florida i don't

remember someone said something mean on twitter they were like i didn't like the tampa show yeah and i was like well i don't even remember the tampa show so i win so i really liked my story but whatever doesn't matter okay i don't remember what your story was um it was about the lady who said her husband was eaten by alligators i did like that one that was a weird one okay maybe she didn't like my story because i was like groggily like half i don't remember your story uh well you're gonna hear it tonight great so uh because we have been starting the trend of covering stories that do not get recorded at venues. Uh, we did not cover the, or we did not get the stories recovered, recovered. What is wrong with me? Am I still medicated? Oh shit. Um, we're still in Florida. Oh no. The Florida is back in Florida. Uh, so we did not get a, the venue to record our stories at Jacksonville. No, we did.

We did. Oh shit. I'm yeah. I was going to release that one. Are you not? Which one was, which one was the one that didn't get, uh, Tampa, Tampa. Oh, okay. I just have the other notes.

Oh no. I just, I thought it was Jacksonville for some reason. Cause it had Florida man. The Jacksonville one has Florida man. That was like with the Buddha and stuff. Right? No homie. Our last show was Tampa. Our last show was Jacksonville. has Florida man. That was like with the Buddha and stuff. Right? No, homie. Our last show was Tampa?

Our last show was Jacksonville. Oh, yeah. Ramada Inn was Jacksonville. So that's the one that did get recorded. Ramada Inn was... Jacksonville, for sure. Are you sure? Yeah.

Well, then I'm really confused. Tampa was the Buddha, I thought. Maybe you're right. Hold on. Um, hello. tampa was the buddha i thought maybe you're right hold on um hello i was also in a flu rita please just believe me i took whatever m medication m was on and so we did not record jacksonville correct you're right and i didn't know anything i i swear the entire time we were in florida i was on we were both on like very different. Florida was just like, where was that other town we went to where like, I just can't even have, I to this day don't have my bearings of it.

I feel like there was another area we went to. FEMA? No. Maybe. Maryland? San Jose maybe. San Jose? I don't know.

We were somewhere else where like, we were just having an out of body experience the whole time. And I think Florida was like that for me because it was like sponsored by nyquil you are so fucking ill but uh but no i that was the one okay i swapped them out in my head and i'm so sorry that i just went on for 10 minutes no no i like for all i knew you were right somehow i was right which is i am less right and you were the one on medication. Very rare, by the way. Yeah. I mean, no, not really. So anyway, because they did not record at the venue in Jacksonville. That's what it was. This is my story that I did at Jacksonville, which to me is brand new because I was not

in my right mind. And to me it's brand new because I thought I was in Tampa. So I didn't know what city I was in. So unless you were at the Jacksonville show, this is brand new information. I'm excited. Unless you're us. And you're never going to hear it elsewhere because it didn't record. So.

Right. Exactly. So. And then no memory of what you did either, by the way, just to clarify, like. Well, also, if you went to the Jacksonville show, please don't deter you from like skipping through this because I will probably. It'll be a new take. It'll be a whole, a whole new hot take.

So, so this one, shout out to Jack's Jack's Jack's. Uh, so slash Tampa, maybe who slash, uh, Florida in my brain slash Florida.

Um, God damn it. So I feel stupid. You was probably screaming the whole time. Like, no, Christine, God,

no, listen to him. God. So, uh, for those who were in the jacksonville at the jacksonville show i told three different stories which is fun for you maybe or not who cares don't have any who cares not me we care uh i do i don't i think it's more fun because you get like multiple stories oh yeah uh yeah. But so I didn't actually cover Jacksonville proper. I covered a city next to Jacksonville, which is actually supposedly one of the most haunted cities in the world, which is St. Augustine, Florida. Oh, because then I remember being like, oh, St. Augustine Lighthouse, right?

Yep. Okay. Okay. So I've covered the lighthouse before. So that story is not getting covered today. But you are getting three other stories from St. Augustineped yay me too let's see how i did all my notes because by the way definitely did these night these notes the night before right which means i was also heavily medicated when i did those notes yes and then hoped that in my flu state right i would also like be able to read those notes i handled it pretty well i think i think we had we had a great time on stage. Let's find out. Let's find out. So the first story that we're

covering, which I think is probably the main story, because I remember there being two smaller stories and one big one. This is the big one. Okay. So this is the story of the St. Augustine old jail. Okay. Is this called like Gowell? No, I wanted it to be though so badly so um this is the saint augustine i think it's also called the saint john's county old jail okay it's just an old jail it's an old jail okay so the first thing that i have written down which at this point i don't remember why i wrote it down but i think it was from an old ad that i read and i it really hyped me up and so i wanted to read it for you. An ad?

Like a zipper cutter? Some sort of promotional for the, I don't know. Oh, maybe it was an article. And this is how it was like, what the first sentence of the article was. Oh, oh, oh. The first note I have is in quotes and says, ladies, you better cover those ankles. Otherwise, you could land yourself a stay at the St. Augustine's old jail. So I think it was from

an article or maybe i fucking wrote it and i was just no you so i remember you very clarified that you did not write it and then i very clarified that i would be screwed because i was wearing a skirt oh yeah i was wearing a short skirt oh yeah on stage it's all coming back to us it's all coming back that song by the way is my ultra cleaning song celine dion told me this when i clean i listen to it's all coming back to me now and it really it is a good one because it'll like kind of like there's a rhythm up and down there's a rhythm yep um okay god so can you imagine if this was the live show we'd be people would be people would be walking walking away okay ladies you better cover those ankles so there was an original jail apparently that is not this jail so there was an original jail and the

there was a railroad tycoon amongst saint augustine his name was henry flagler and he did not like the location of the original jail got it because his quote high society clientele uh could see it when they were staying at his hotel oh god forbid so he had a hotel his clients were like i can see the jail bleach my eyes please yeah take my eyes take them out and so he was like well that's gotta change and also his hotel was called the ponte de leon hotel fuck okay so privilege abounds yeah and uh it is now actually flagler college oh which i know when i told this story a lot of people were from flagler or went to flagler and so they were very excited i also have a friend who went to flagler flagler college and that place like not kidding when they say that this used to be an old fancy hotel because it looks like a castle.

Is it like really beautiful? It's way beautiful. I remember when because I was looking at colleges when I in like 2009, 2010, because I graduated high school 2010. Right. And so those years, I remember a lot of the colleges that I was looking at. None of them offered like like laundry services like you had to go to a laundromat off campus really yeah but I wasn't looking at great schools um but uh but Flagler I remember them like there was something on their website about their laundry

facilities and I was like wow this is some bougie ass shit Linda was like yes please right you're right I ended up going to a college with fine laundry facilities by the way oh I was way did your college not have laundry this was before i was looking at the school i went to but anyway i remember looking at pictures of that school on its website and it looks like a fucking castle so congratulations to everyone who's made it to flagler i can't even say the word so uh well flagler flagler so uh hen henry flagler was that his name henry so so he asked the city to build a new jail on the outskirts of town so that in his hotel clientele didn't have to watch the jail yeah because they had to watch it all the time they were forced to look out the window and see a jail right um so the city said no the that would be too expensive. And then Flagler himself came in the next week with $10,000 of his own money.

He's like, if you must. If you're going to say it's expensive, then I guess I'll pay the price. Fine. So the construction ended up getting done. They were like, okay, that's enough money. We'll do it. The construction was done by the Polly Company. The Polly Company actually specialized in building prisons, and they actually are most famous for having built alcatraz oh frick which is like the jail that you cannot

escape from so i guess in like jail architecture or jail interior design like the poly company was the one to go to one of the few where people literally pay money to go look at it so you might as well call yourself an expert so flagler had it painted the the new jail on the outskirts of town had it painted a shade of dusty rose to look like a prominent saint augustine home or hotel so it blended in with the area beautiful so no one would know so even if he had to build another hotel next to that jail and everyone had to look at that building at least they wouldn't know it was a jail camouflage it yeah why not yes and dusty rose the ultra camo color that's the one i called it millennial pink and i regretted it so the new

jail was finished in 1891 and was in operation until the 1950s i think 1953 cool and it is now a historic landmark and a museum and houses one of the very first fingerprinting kits in florida oh very fun uh also ghost tours are held here and the jail obviously uh at the time had horrible conditions because it was the 1890s and laws were different so the it had very tiny cells there was no glass in the windows so basically the weather outside determined the weather inside so if it it was Florida heat, it was Florida hot. You have seriously like no protection from the elements. Right, right, right. Oh no.

The jail could hold up to 72 male prisoners and only 12 female prisoners. Okay. The men were on the second and third floors and the cells for the 12 women were on the first floor. A lot of women weren't actually jailed at the time usually you were put on house arrest or quote sent away right you were crazy pants sanitarium if you will they called you hysterical hysterical hysterical hysterical i don't know i'm a mess so did you know what hysterical comes from no hysteria it comes from well no i'm saying like what hysteria comes from oh i just never put together that hysterical came from hysteria but i know where hysteria it comes from well no i'm saying like what hysteria comes from oh i just never

put together that hysterical came from hysteria but i know where hysteria came from right yeah the uterus yes yeah okay like hysterectomy right so they wanted to be like oh hysteria it's just one crazy one it's just women being emotional right right right right it's their uterus is control their brain so right well that's to this day. Yep. So nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. We're still crazy. So, uh, four men to a cell versus six women to a cell was the actual like plan of this jail.

So there's room for 72 men. Right. To be imprisoned here. But they still got at least a quarter of a cell. Okay. right to be imprisoned here but they still got at least a quarter of a cell okay but for the 12 women that lived in this jail at a time it was six women to a cell so technically what i'm telling you is there were only two cells for women so they really just crammed all 12 in those two cells yes what the hell and then they just had enough room for more men i guess need less room

i mean i guess so we're so skinny we're so skinny i don't know i assume because women are meant to be frail and tiny there's more room for more women right seen but not heard no not seen who knows all hysterical tucked away into a bunk bed so oh my god so the women were responsible not only for having less space in their cell but they were also responsible for cleaning and cooking for the male prisoners. That sounds like a bad joke. And the sheriff's family. Oh, come on.

Because they were women. Right. Well, obviously. They have no other place. Even in jail, they only have two places to be. Right. Right. As long as they keep those ankles out of sight.

Right. Right. Right. Right. You got it. Oh, God. There's a quote that says, quote quote they would drag women of low reputation here so if you didn't have a good family name or a husband you could be thrown in jail so

oh no you don't even have to be a lawbreaker you'd be a spinster they could just look you and be like you look lonely to jail with you wow so wow yeah i mean i guess it's probably not much better to be sent away to a sanitarium or whatever. Or a convent. I don't know what they expect. Right. A single woman. It's like, oh, you must just be imprisoned.

We have to put you somewhere besides your home. Right. Like, I don't. Whatever. So anyway, they were also expected to cook and clean for the prisoners. Wow. Shocker. Wow. That's disgusting.

That is disgusting. So the maximum security cells were located in the back of the jail, and they also included, quote, support materials such as stocks and a torture cage. Stocks, like where you put your... Like stockades, yeah. Oh, shit. A torture cage and a clear view of the hanging area. So... Great.

My favorite. Prime real estate. So the people at the hotel, God forbid, had to look at a jail. But the people in the jail must look at the hanging area. But they painted it dusty rose. Right. They painted the gallows. It's a rose gold gallow. So you're fine.

A rose gold gallow. So the gallows were custom built for each execution. So if you were on death row, you were put in the cell that looked directly at the hanging area. So you could watch your own gallow being built. Horrible. How fucking twisted, dude. look directly at the hanging area so you could watch your own galloping no horrible how fucking twisted dude they can't even think of how to like put people in a room right but then they're like but we will think of a brilliant way to make them like yeah think of their demise but don't worry this woman who should be freed except she's single so now she's a prisoner is going to give you your

last meal and she'll watch you get hanged what the fuck because she's forced to look out her right non-glass window right right god damn it so prisoners were obviously executed here uh but because back then they were not as humane well you know well we could be political if we wanted to we're gonna skip right past that um you know what we do you know what's happening here so we're just gonna dance around the politics of the death dance around the gallows uh right as their ghosts probably do so uh prisoners who were executed here sometimes ended up taking up to 15 minutes to die god damn it because the uh jail staff did not do proper calculations on the height of the rope versus your height and weight. So they're like custom making

this shit but then they can't even. Custom making it wrong. Wrong. Yes. So basically people who were on death row ended up dying from being strangled and just hanging for 15 minutes. That's terrible. And 8 men are on record for having been hanged here. So. Okay. Including

one man in 1908 who uh this has no reference in the future to these stories but i thought it would be interesting and morbid for the people who showed up at this episode because they wanted to hear something morbid so here you go a fun fact if you will including a man in 1908 heed for, quote, beheading his wife with a straight razor. Ah! So. Oh, I remember that one. That's an intimate way to die.

That is a very. Very horrible. Deeply upsetting. Just awful. Like, that's the kind of person where I'm like, okay, put them in a jail. That's, for me, I'm like, okay, you've proven that you're not entirely. Right. You're.

You should not be maybe loose. A little crackers. In society. Right. But you should also be put next to this single woman because you are equally right criminal here's another woman so uh inmates were also beaten tortured and starved uh there were no blankets or pillows beds were made of spanish moss which means that they were infested with these red bugs literally called red bugs yeah like apparently they're the equivalent of chiggers did you like drawn we used to like draw with them nope what that's the most german childhood thing i've ever

you would draw with red bugs the ones that were on concrete and then you could like smear them around it you need to go this is why i save bugs nowadays they think i have a guilt complex from that makes so much sense there's those tiny ones i'm not like talking about like ants like i would never kill an ant but they were like little tiny baby guys sure i mean apparently they were known to suck your blood and give you horrible hives so i mean i give you permission to have to touch them to smear them in color apparently like a weird sick child oh my god it's the most carrie thing i've ever heard of never fucking wow okay well what's carrie oh carrie yeah well because i was just oh that was so weird because i was just thinking well it was celine's fault

and her family's name is carrie and i'm like well they're the ones that taught me it and then you said it's the most carrie thing and i went how did you what i'm also a psychic and also celine sounds like she needs to go get help with you i know we'll both go together so uh okay so those were infesting you which is fucking terrible yeah because they were they lived in spanish moss and so beds were made of spanish moss which means christine's crayons were in the spanish moss and so while you're sleeping they would like apparently suck your blood and shit no oh god so also the food was horrible can Can you believe it? It consisted of... Even though the ladies were making it? Right.

Well, they were doing what they could with Spanish moss and no husband. Fair. So their food consisted of grits and beans only. Sure. If you wanted more than they expected that you would go hunting for animals like on the premises. What? With what weapons are they giving a prisoner what the

i guess with your bare hands you have to go find a squirrel or like a rat or a red bug i don't know just fry it up and uh but so basically all you got was grits and beans i don't condone killing bugs i regret it i'm just saying we all know you don't condone killing bugs when i literally couldn't handle one being on my straw one time cried on air because you squished one a fruit fly oh yeah see this is how you should remember Tampa that was the one where I found an ant on my script oh that was wild times I thought literally because I was so heavily medicated I thought the fucking words were moving on my paper and I was like I'm literally about to say all this live on a stage and the words are fucking dancing they're just like wiggling and it

was like an ant hood that had crawled onto my notes and then i watched as m smushed it and flicked it and i almost cried on stage and then i was like keep it together i was just relieved that i was going to be able to read and not like pass out okay valid so there was also the sheriff warden who took his job too literally and so to make sure no one escaped even though this was not asked of him he also would bring in dogs teach them them to attack the prisoners, and then keep them behind all corners of the jail. So if anyone tried to escape, the dogs would attack. He'd be screwed. Yeah.

Oh, God. Also, there was solitary confinement and other overtly harsh punishments, and they were all dished out for apparently very minor offenses. There was also no toilet or running water. There was only a bucket for, they had a well, I guess, and they would get a bucket of water, and it was provided one per cell. Oh, my God. And then once that bucket was empty

from you bathing with that same water as the other five people in your cell, then it became an empty bucket, and then you had a toilet. A bathroom. Oh, you make your toilet bathroom oh you make your own toilet you make your own toilet you decide oh do i want water in this bucket today or no i won't bucket or do i want water or my pee oh it's a new it's a new hgtv special right diy

toilet naked and afraid water or pee um so also the prisoners that were sick were kept with the general population so everyone was getting sick. Everyone was pretty much always sick. Many died, especially from dysentery. Of course. Including the sheriff warden's daughter because the sheriff warden's family actually lived on the property with the prisoners. Why did you want to live?

Back then that it was, they weren't, they weren't prisons. They were jail houses. Oh, sure. It was literally half jail, half house. He ran the place and was literally, wow with your family that's crazy yep so one of the daughters got dysentery too because people just died left and right from poor sanitation sad and the inmates also died from abuse and fights with other prisoners right so people are just dying left and right terrible so here are the ghosts they can't even make it to the gallows

no they're all truly like dying in the prison. Yep. Nailed it. Okay. So some of the ghost stories, here we are. People report smelling something really sweet like molasses or others smell rotting sewage. So either you get something really wonderful or something really horrible. It's our other spinoff show. Molasses or trash. syrup or trash um so people also hear someone in the dark humming sweet low sweet

chariot the creepiest thing the spookiest fucking thing you could be humming in the dark and just someone humming it yeah uh people also hear footsteps walking and chains dragging on the ground chains oh god people hear the sound of as we hear geo bark downstairs people hear the sound Ugh. Yeah. People also hear footsteps walking and chains dragging on the ground. Chains. Oh, God. People hear the sound of, as we hear Geo bark downstairs, people hear the sound of dogs barking. Oh, my God. He knew. This is cute.

Oh, BB. BB BB. People also hear voices in the cells and hallways. Apparently someone will angrily whisper to you. Angrily? Angrily. Oh, no. Oh, no.

You know how people do that to you sounds like me at the movies with blaze i don't understand this what's happening what do you mean you ate all the popcorn who is that guy i came here for one thing and one thing only and it was popcorn i snuck my wine in here and and i'm gonna whisper at you about it if all i have left to eat are raisinets i'm gonna lose my mind oh blaze and i do love raisin i love raisin thank you they're my favorite i said that i i pretended to be you and hate them because i was trying to go towards the general demographic of people but i had to admit i love them only that's my go-to that's candy blaze and i always buy raisinets i don't go to a movie unless i have raisinets with me same raisinets and an icy we are probably gross to most people it's fine i'm like i christine's crayons she swish

smushes bugs into the pavement and eats chocolate covered raisins but she's fine but it's fine no chocolate raisins i always get chocolate covered raisins and a coke i always get chocolate raisins and a coke icy i always want to get a coke icy but if i drink a coke icy for too long because it's like fake coke and it's just syrup it starts hurting my throat oh but i used it for a long time that was also my order and then i realized that the ic was too much wow we are the same we are the same how unfortunate for everyone i that's what i'm saying so where were we oh yeah raise nuts so people also hear uh a little girl's voice coming from the sheriff's office which might be his daughter they also hear a woman laughing in the woman's cell area.

People feel a cold hand touching their shoulder. They get their hair tugged on. Oh, no, no, no. And their neck blown on. Oh, these are terrible things. Firm pass. Yeah. Something else likes to grab you really hard, and people have had bruises when they walk out.

Oh, shit. People have also felt themselves get tripped and shoved out of rooms people sense a range of strong emotions when they're in the jail including sadness loneliness and rage oh terrible and people have gotten pictures of a face staring at you orbs and shadow figures and people have seen an apparition of a man sitting on a chair looking at you holy crap okay people have seen a spirit pacing in the kitchen area and people have reported seeing the sheriff warden himself walking around or talking in his office and there has been a spirit scene crouching in the corner oh hell no standing up and then walking through the wall

once you've noticed him oh hell to the no many people have also seen this shadow figure hiding in the corner looking at your group okay and tour guides have been gut punched and had cold hands slide down their back all bad quit please quit one medium talked to a man who was hanging there who apparently told her that he was framed and never actually did it so shocker who knows and there is a spirit there finally at the end of this whole story called the crawler no oh sorry i'm sorry that was so loud who is apparently a humanoid shadow that crawls on the floor and follows you out of the room truly the worst which especially i did not i had not seen the movie us before oh i have not seen it yet oh okay i'm but in the in

the commercial when like the kids crawling around i imagine that's how this thing crawls that's terrible and then you hear laughing from one side of the cell and like humming oh this is nightmare nightmare fuel night fucking mayor so that's all for the old jail which is pretty much enough for me i i'm already fucking tapped out but i already promised two other stories so here we go real quick go for it so these are both super super quick um but one is the uh saint augustine spanish military hospital and the other is the saint augustine huguenot cemetery cool um the spanish military hospital so it is apparently the quote haunted hospital of saint augustine okay and it was originally named our lady of

guadalupe and it was in the it's in the village of the spanish quarter and originally stood from the 1700s to 1821 so that was what the original hospital the original hospital stopped standing in 1821 and this is now an exact replica of the hospital that once stood okay got it so just like how the old jail is not technically the old jail it's technically the new that once stood okay got it so just like how the old jail is not technically the old jail it's technically the new jail right right okay this is like technically the new hospital but anyway but we can pretend we can pretend so in 1821 it had to be replaced hence the exact replica got it um because several water lines were under the hospital that needed to be removed and they needed to rebuild the building on top of it so that's there was a lot of construction necessity i feel like that few times where it's actually necessary

not like a fire burned the whole thing right like it's 99 it's like time it's like oh there's actually someone who made the choice that this place needed to be taken down 600 orphans died in a fire is usually what i'm expecting because it just me too the worst me too all right love a good orphan in a fire story oh there's so many it's terrible when awful well we all know i think we all agree anyway this one was construction based so uh they had to replace several water lines and when they were when the walls were being removed and they started digging under the under the foundation they found quote thousands upon thousands of bones oh there it the foundation they found quote thousands upon

thousands of bones oh there it is so they found a native burial ground oh fuck okay which apparently had not been disturbed despite a house being built on top of it because apparently all the remains were still left left alone right okay but now they're digging it up oh god and now even though this is the exact replica in a weird turn of events, the old military hospital was not at all haunted until the exact brand new modern replica was built. And now it's haunted because now all the native remnants have been disturbed. And you also, well,

there is that whole theory of like when you do renovations of even your house, things that may have never happened. But then if you start renovating, like all of a sudden you're stirring stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So could be double, double whammy. Exactly.

So apparently in the hospital, there is a room called the mourning room where you mourn all the patients, your loved ones who have passed on. So this is where patients are usually moved prior to passing. So people can say goodbye and priests can do their last rites and all that right or at least bless the body right and apparently this is the most haunted room in the net in the new hotel of course or hospital where people hear sounds of crying screaming chatter when you're alone someone will tap your shoulder someone will whisper help me in your ear okay good night to me bye forever forever. Goodbye, cruel world. Give me my last rites, please.

People have seen imprints on the bed as if someone's lying there. And the ward section of the hospital apparently is where many injured soldiers stayed. So this is not the morning room anymore. This is the ward where people were alive but injured. Got it. And people have had a sense of dread. They've sensed cold spots people have gotten pictures of ectoplasm apparently and uh people have heard screams seen objects move across

the room and have seen misty humanoid figures both in pictures and beside you damn gross grotesque um also the hospital beds literally slide across the floor. Nah. People smell sulfur. People have felt and seen the beds and tables vibrate and shake on their own, which is super creepy to me. Yeah. And people have seen apparitions of nurses, men in hospital gowns, and the creepiest thing I've ever heard in my life, apparitions of only amputated limbs. Oh! So no person next to the limb, just the limb itself that's been amputated.

So the ghost of your leg is just, I was like, what could possibly be creepier than the crawling humanoid figure? But I guess limbs are up there for sure. So literally just like a pile of body parts just show up. Like that's all you see. And then you turn and double take and they're gone. And like, how would you even accidentally see? Right. okay anyway so that's the spanish military hospital jesus and this is the huguenot cemetery aka the public burial grounds a great story so yeah yeah so i think i didn't appreciate it enough when i was god we get to share this with the world you're welcome everyone so in 1821 which happens to also be the year that the hospital got all fucking creepy. Right.

Apparently in the same year, this public burial ground was opened and became the only in town final resting place for those who were not Catholic, aka where my ass would have been. Bye. They just after this burial ground opened, I think the original plan was like, okay, so this is where only non-catholics will go and we don't have a lot of people here and obviously we can like we can guess how many people per year will probably die and how much space we'll need sure and this place is going to be wide open for a while this is like just all the space in the world that we need for people

who aren't catholic to be right then like the next year yellow fever broke there it is and wow did this public ground fill up fast. It's like in New Orleans, too. I was thinking about that. They just didn't know what to do with the bodies. You just literally just put bodies there. They're just like stuffing them in temporary graves and stuff. Just shoving them wherever they can.

So people feel their arms here get touched and they hear crying and laughing and see flashes of light. People also see orbs in photos and they've seen misty apparitions walking by them in the in the graveyard people have also seen shadow figures following them and hiding behind gravestones when they think you're looking at them oh ew so they're like self-aware it's like they're aware that you're aware and they don't want you to be so then you watch them try to hide from you that's pretty wild at least they're not crawling at you i guess i feel like i'm so used to the thought of like oh if i see a ghost it's going to attack me that when i see a ghost hide it's extra jarring does the opposite because i'm like oh i didn't know what was going to happen but i definitely didn't think it was that that it didn't want me to see it right

that makes it extra creepy yeah it's like it knows it's a ghost and it knows you shouldn't know about it. Ooh. Anyway, there are two main ghosts at this graveyard. Right. One is a 14-year-old girl who allegedly died during the yellow fever epidemic, but nobody actually knows who she is because her body was found outside of the cemetery. Apparently, she had just been dumped there, maybe by family or friends. Oh, so sad. Because they needed to bury her but didn't know what to do with her. Well, and they didn't know back then how disease spread.

So they probably thought, oh, well, we don't want to infect everyone else. So it's so sad they had no other choice in their minds. So she was a body that was just dumped outside the cemetery and nobody ever claimed her. So the cemetery just buried her. They were like, well, someone clearly brought her here because they wanted us to bury her. So we'll do it. Wow. People apparently see this little girl all over the cemetery just buried her they were like well someone clearly brought her here because they wanted us to bury her so we'll do it wow uh people apparently see this little girl all over the cemetery now you can see her uh you can see through her when you see her sure why not she wears a white dress and she has been seen waving to guests gross oh that's kind of cute like waving

but also like the just turn around it's another self-aware thing where it's yeah unsettling very unsettling i always tell myself that ghosts are residual things and like right they're just repeating their like last couple years of life or something ghost thing that that's why i saw like a whale house where he just walked past like it wasn't like like he's like they're it's less creepy when they're not bothering you they're just reliving an experience right but when they're like waving to you or something, it's like. Especially a child. For hiding or crawling.

Child ghosts are extra. I can guarantee you that ghost that crawls wasn't like crawling in the last five minutes of his life. He's not reliving that. He's intentionally fucking crawling to you. Ooh. Or, well, yeah. Maybe he crawled.

I don't know. No, but no. But no. Sorry. Why would that? No. I don't know. I don't like it. I don't know but no but no sorry why would that no i don't know i don't like it i don't care what it is anyway all the last moment of your life but i don't want you crawling at me just relive your like the moments before that can you just relive the part where you're eating your beans and grits yes whatever so this balloon's coming at you don't be scared sorry i just flew i you said don't be scared but my brain was like too fucking late

I saw it from the corner of my eye and I stopped breathing for sure we turned the fan on and there's a balloon that's been on top of a shelf for a while and I just kept seeing it like almost fall off from the wind and then all of a sudden it came right off and got me good occurred to me way too late but like this would probably frighten the hell out of you as it's like in my peripheral vision you're like don't like, don't be scared. Don't be scared by that thing that's next to you. That's exactly what a killer in my peripheral vision would say. Okay, so anyway, you can see through her. She wears a white dress.

She waves at you. And apparently, which I find ultra creepy, she floats at the tops of trees. At the tops of trees? Like within the branches or above the tree line. Waving. Nope. I forget it. I hate it. If she's underneath the tree,. Waving. Nope. I forget it. I hate it.

If she's underneath the tree, sure. Because that at least makes human sense. But like all of a sudden you just rise to the top. I mean, what? Okay. Why not? I guess. I don't know.

She's also most often seen between midnight and 2 a.m., which of course. And then the final ghost is the ghost of Judge John Stickney, who apparently died in 1882. And years later, his kids decided they were going to have him exhumed and buried in D.C. because that's where they lived and they wanted to visit him. So while exhuming his body from this St. Augustine Cemetery, the gravediggers took a break in the middle. Like apparently exhuming one body was too much so they were like okay gotta go so they went to go like pee or get a gatorade or something in the 80s 1880s neither of those things existed and uh while gone they left the casket open oh what

just because they were like oh we'll get back to them when we're done with our, like, footlong power bar. And the thieves, there were thieves. The thieves? What? What? Yeah. The thieves trademark, right. I see, like, the thieves of Agrabah. Yeah.

Wasn't that, like, the Aladdin sequel? It's not. I think so. Return of the Thieves or something. Return of the Thieves. So, anyway, there were thieves that were apparently watching this whole thing hoping that these grave diggers would like meet a big mac yeah what the fuck then the grave diggers left they luckily left the casket open and the thieves were like this is our time to shine so they ran to the open casket and

apparently stole the judge's teeth because they were gold oh i was like please explain that thank god they're dentists and they want to practice it's so fucking disgusting the dentist thieves so yikes uh so they stole the judge's gold teeth okay then the gravediggers come back realize that this judge now has no teeth in his mouth and they were like oh boy they're his kids are for sure gonna notice that he doesn't have any teeth anymore his mouth his mouth's not shiny anymore. Right. That his mouth is not worth something. Yeah, I guess so. So they literally were like, okay, lock it up. So they literally covered the casket, locked it, and then just like, I guess, gave them

the full casket and kept the body closed. So they never really found out. I think eventually either the gravediggers owned up to it or the kids must have obviously opened up the casket and realized their dad didn't have teeth. Right. I mean, yeah. So one of those things happened. I imagine it wasn't the thieves trademark who admitted for no reason that they did it.

You got us. You got us. So. We just wanted attention. Anyway, since then, he was exhumed and brought to D.C. But the cemetery that used to hold the judge, there is now, ever since this happened, a tall, dark figure that has been seen both in broad daylight and at nighttime. He sits in the trees.

Oh, I don't get the trees thing. One's floating, one's like eating apples in the branches. That's just an extra. And he apparently walks around, crawling around on the grass, looking for something on the ground, which might be his teeth. He's not eating apples and he's not

crawling in a creepy way he's crawling like with a with a purpose see that i'll allow it yeah it's like you clearly look busy that's really sad though yeah can you imagine like you were fine and you were totally well rested and in heaven and then all of a sudden you like fade out of heaven and onto the cemetery ground and you're like what's going on and like now you have to find your teeth to like it sounds like a bad cd-rom like find your teeth before you can get to the next level before you gain access back into uh the pearly gates pajama sam seven the pearly gates your pearly whites for the pearly gates oh there it is there it is that explains everything anyway that is all of my stories those are good ones uh florida 2019 florida st augustine maybe tampa

maybe jacksmill who's to say who's to say except all the documents except eva and everyone else and eva only eva and all the legal paperwork we signed anyway uh your turn what a time man what a time what a trip okay well so then i guess i'll tell you my story so i have a new one for you today okay this is really one of the wildest things i think maybe i've ever covered word it's pretty crazy so i guess let's just go okay okay so this is the story of diane downs uh you have not heard of her have you okay so i had heard the name but i didn't know much about her and then the other day i was on hulu and it was like hey suggestion for you this 2020 special and i was like okay so i watched it i like you at this point you're like the tv knows me better than i do i don't have to pick and decide it's great yeah

um so they recommended it to me on hulu and they were right they do know me very well because it was freaking crazy and incredible and i highly recommend it. So after that, I did my own little research and here's a story of Diane Downs. Oh, okay. And I will say too in the episode, Ann Rule, who's like the inimitable true crime author of all time basically, she wrote a story about Diane Downs and she was actually interviewed in the special. Even though she died in 2015, they like had footage that they put in from their interview with her so that's pretty cool and she's such a badass okay so let's just this starts off very aggressively uh may 19th 1983 a woman drives up to an emergency room in Springfield, Oregon, with a bullet wound on her left arm.

Okay. The hospital staff is horrified to find three children in the backseat covered in blood. All of them have been shot. And I assume dead. You'll find out. Okay. But still, I mean, horrible no matter what. Does it? Yeah, exactly.

It's just like, can you imagine being the nurse of like, uh, but I, yeah, startling. I'd be like oh well i just wanted to like work a shift and then go home and now i've got to deal with now i quit multiple bloody children yes so the woman is soon identified as diane downs and her children are christy age eight cheryl age seven and danny age three oh seven-year-old cheryl was declared dead at the scene um and the other two children were rushed to intensive care with life-threatening injuries. Shit. Okay.

Diane herself was obviously treated for her bullet wound. She'd been shot in the arm, but she was well enough to kind of, like, answer detectives' questions. Okay. She told detectives that she had been driving home from a friend's house with her children in the backseat around 9.30 or 10 p.m. and decided to take a detour to do some sightseeing according to a later report uh this is important i know it sounds stupid but hungry like the wolf by duran duran was playing during this time sure um and she said suddenly a shaggy haired man flagged her down so she stopped got out of the car and asked what do you want and he said i want

your car and she said you have got to be kidding which is when he pushed her side and then shot each of her three children before firing one more bullet that hit diane in the left arm oh no she said she had pretended to throw her keys into the bushes but when he was distracted she jumped in the car and drove off driving quote like a lunatic straight to the hospital sure obviously right um so investigators are immediately thrown off by this interview uh because diane's demeanor is very calm and flat despite knowing her daughter had just been murdered um i can't even imagine that kind of adrenaline right and numbness all at the same time that's the thing too and like obviously we know that not everyone grieves in the same way or i mean shock you know is also a factor obviously um so at this point danny who's only three um was paralyzed from the waist down because of the bullet wound and christy uh would

soon suffer a massive stroke so uh she just see it was like okay everyone grieves differently but she seemed very like light and airy um the the surgeon even described it as surreal her uh her response he went to find so the surgeon went to find um diane after working on cheryl and declaring her dead because he wanted to talk to the mother himself the middle one uh yes okay cheryl's the middle one she was seven right um right so he had to declare her dead unfortunately and he went he went to find Diane to kind of pay his respects and tell her how sorry he was, etc. He said he walked in expecting to find a grieving mother, and the first thing she said was, Wow, that really ruined my new car. Okay, everyone grieves differently. No comment.

There you go. No comment. I would have not reacted that way, but okay. Right. So as you can imagine, a manhunt obviously begins immediately for this like bushy haired stranger who just shot up a car. Truly. Truly. There's like full on panic in Oregon. People are like, there's a madman loose in our town and it's kind of like a sleepy town

and they're like, he's willing to shoot children who are just sitting there and sleeping. And also like, so far it sounds like the story he didn't really need much to want to hurt them it didn't make any like it's not like she was putting up a fight all she said was are you kidding me and he just reacted poorly to her attitude right so like the yeah the mental stability the story doesn't sound concrete right i hear you so uh right so this manhunt begins um the only evidence they find at the actual scene of the crime are some casings by the roadside but the gun itself is nowhere to be found um and so at this point cops are like completely flummoxed i guess is the right word

what what is that word flummoxed that's a new one flummoxed i like it it's it's a new one we don't use that very often but I feel like it fits. Okay. Sure. And that's when they decide they're going to do a reenactment with Diane because they're like, well, we want you to recreate what happened so that we can get the forensics right. And like, I need you to explain like, they're basically like, we need you to explain exactly how the movements happen so we can figure out how this guy acted and you know get everything right

so they do a recreation and uh or like a reenactment basically and they show they actually show like the whole reenactment in the episode so it's kind of wild you can like watch her reenact what happened with a police that's crazy they're using like real footage yeah there's a lot of real footage which makes it like super wild episode um so she's showing them like how she throws the keys she has like a cast on her left arm obviously she had just been shot you know and she's still healing um so she kind of like shows throws the keys she's like this is how i threw the keys and then i jumped in the car she jumps in the car and then she bangs her left arm on the side of the door and she shouts ow i just hit my cast and like burst out laughing

and everyone like the guy in the videos just kind of like looks around quietly he's like an investigator it's like okay so they just kind of move on and then she proceeds to joke and laugh like through the whole rest of the video and then at the end she says this is worse than and then just says oh well never mind okay i it. And so police are like, oh my God, she was about to say, this is worse than when I shot myself. So this whole reenactment,

massive red flag. Um, meanwhile, Diane is giving interviews left and right. She's on every TV channel, every TV news station. Um, she's telling her story on every program.

And if you told me at the end of this, that she did all this for publicity, I'm going to my fucking mind this is awful it's wild it's a wild roller coaster um so she is telling her story everywhere people are starting to like question the validity of the story because there are so many details and things where people are like this doesn't add up or like why are you there are certain details where it's like why you know how sometimes they say like the more detail you give, the more likely it is that you're lying. You're overcompensating.

Yeah, exactly. So people are kind of like weird about it and not really understanding her story. And so she starts to sense like a shift away from this bushy haired stranger kind of like to her. And so she's like, Oh, they're looking at me now instead of this guy right so she senses a shift and she says on air ready okay if i had shot my own children would i not have done a good

job of it why would i have taken my kids to the hospital wouldn't i have made sure they were dead and then cried crocodile tears and then the reporter's like i guess it's like i don't know what the right answer is terrible like right is she saying this while she's crying no no no because i actually never cried that was one of the things i said like that she never shed a tear she seems to be laughing a whole lot she does chuckle a lot okay um she also has a like a funny habit of only talking about herself in these interviews funny Funny habit. Uh-huh. She says, when this man shot my daughter, my first reaction was to, I quoted literally the video that they show, my first reaction was to snap back to my childhood, to the pain that had happened to me back then.

What? My marriage, my entrapment by society. So you see your daughter get potentially murdered and it just throws you back into thinking about your marriage. How sad your marriage is and your childhood. Not like my child is dead. Right, right. Not like adrenaline. Okay.

Hey, let's get out of here. Okay. So then she goes on. There's more. This is probably the wildest quote of all. She says, everybody says you sure were lucky were lucky well i don't feel very lucky i couldn't tie my damn shoes for about two months right that's that's the ultimate bad luck you got out of all of this experience it gets worse shut up christine it is very painful it's still painful

the scar is going to be there forever i'm going to remember that night for the rest of my life whether i want to or not i don't think i was very lucky i think my kids were lucky if i had been shot the way they were we all would have died so everyone's like your kids were lucky is that what she literally said i think my kids were lucky also yeah because they don't have to tie their shoes anymore right Right, exactly. And also, like, for you to be saying, like, oh, it's such a painful memory. She really does lure you into thinking, like, of course it's a painful memory. Like, you just watched all three of your children get shot. But she's like, oh, no, it's a painful memory because I have to remember that, like, my arm got injured or whatever. Yeah, those lucky kids at least.

Like, she's always almost there. Yeah, it's like she's on the right track and then just throws you completely off. Right. Yeah. So now in police, police and the public are both like, what the actual fuck? This is something's like very wrong here. So they start investigating Diane. They search her home and find her journals, which explain an affair she was having with a married man named Robert Knickerbocker, a.k.a. Nick.

was having with a married man named robert knickerbocker aka nick uh-huh um she was heartbroken because the man nick had told her he didn't want to be with her because he didn't want children oh let that sink in for a quick moment it's not again it's terrible then um they remembered that after the shooting diane had actually immediately called this man nick from the hospital and when they contacted him he said she had been stalking him and had even offered to kill his wife if it meant being with him forever okay she's guilty it's that's just where i've drawn he was like i don't know i was so happy when she left town like i she was stalking me and my wife and and she was like i'll kill your wife if that's what it takes and then allegedly she probably was like well i'll just kill my kids so i look more attractive so you need right so you'll be with me and like they did have an affair so like they were sleeping together but he said was he made a mistake he

wasn't interested a few mistakes few so they also found a rifle in her home and the bullets inside matched the markings on the shell casings at the crime scene because that's all they had found at the crime scene were like shell casings so they found a gun in her house sure with the bullets that matched the shell casings um they also find more evidence regarding the shooting itself um she said the shooter shot all three of them inside all three of the children inside the car but uh investigators found blood spatter on the outside of the car and so they were like well your story doesn't even line up right the very least and then uh police got an interesting tip called in um so remember how diane had said she raced like a madman to the hospital after a lunatic a lunatic that's what it was after the uh a hysterical lunatic right yeah hysteria within my lunacy lunacy hysteria so she says so she said she had

raced to the hospital like a lunatic sure so this man calls in and he says oh i was actually behind her car that night and she was driving so slowly that my speedometer didn't even register so he had to pass her like so slowly that maybe she was like waiting out for her kids to hopefully die correct disgusting sick great and multiple people after that called in and said yeah i also passed her on that same road and she was driving so slowly and they estimated about five to seven miles per hour so wow that's how quickly she was driving her dead kid at that point she might as well just been fucking parked right just like all right well remember and she's like oh well if i had done it wouldn't i have waited for them to die and brought them to the well she kind of sounds like she was fucking she didn't even cry the fake tears ever um so at this point police are like okay i think we have enough evidence and

this checks out this checks out i think we're fine now i think the story has changed um so they decide to interview uh diane again and in the interview they're like oh you know we have all this stuff against you and she's like well actually i know who did it and it's me yeah yeah they're like i know who did it me like we know we know you know that we know that you know we know you know they know we know yeah but do they know that we know that that is the real question i mean that's to top it all off uh so she says actually there were two guys who killed the children so why wouldn't you have said that before they were like is this something that like why okay keep going right sorry no but you're right like they were like well why the fuck wouldn't you have said that i feel like if someone murdered everything i love i would have given them all

of the true details immediately go get them right so then they ask well why wouldn't you say that and she goes well because i because it's a conspiracy they know they said my name they know who i am and so they were like wait so you're trying to like hide the story and so they were like wait so you're trying to like hide the story basically her new thing is like oh it's a conspiracy against me and um i was too scared to tell you the truth and it's like that's just bullshit sure so um they know diane is lying obviously but they just can't like crack her like they can't figure out the best way in and she won't admit to it so fortunately right around this time christy wakes up yay i know so fucking good but she is terrified of course will not speak and so they're like you know i mean in my mind currently i'm imagining oh of course she doesn't want to speak in front of her mother

who shot her right she's probably terrified i mean can you imagine like you wake up and you're like that's the last thing i like yeah god so she's obviously like petrified to speak um so she has this therapist who asks her to write down on a piece of paper who shot her and then they will burn it in the fireplace and they repeat this process over and over and over again until she's finally like okay you can now read the paper so she's like done this process over and over and finally she says okay like here you can look at it before we burn it the therapist opens it and it says my mom so diane's arrested because they're like we have a literal eyewitness right the victim so diane's arrested charged with one count of murder two counts of attempted murder and two counts of criminal assault um the arrest occurs in february 1984 which was

nine months after the shooting and then the trial was scheduled for that may so diane shows up to the trial in may and she is heavily pregnant oh no the story just goes all over the place it really does like the best 2020 episode i've ever seen i was like what like oh fucking time wiki wiki what um yeah no wonder nobody likes being in the living room with me when i watch tv love it um oxen and ally were like drinking beers outside it was like a sunday and they're like come out and sit with us and you know i'm not one to go turn down a beer right and you're like i'm busy forget it i'm watching this lady who murdered her children so don't worry i'm fine um so i don't think i've mentioned this yet but diane was a postal worker so she worked for the USPS. This is how she got pregnant, essentially, they figured out.

She had picked a man along her postal route that had good bone structure. Shut up. And was intelligent. Had shown up at his house with whiskey and marijuana and had seduced him. And she told a reporter later that she, and the reporter's interviewed on 2020, but she told the reporter she knew her cycle so well that she knew how easy it would be to get pregnant, like, on that specific day. Oh, my God. So she had tracked her cycle.

I mean, this guy is just like, okay, sure. Like, he doesn't know what's going on. So she has sex one time and is impregnated. Bingo, bingo. Bingo, bingo she do there's a line where she literally says it's so easy to conceive like on air and it's like what the okay frick apparently for you oh yeah um right exactly it's like fuck off on many levels right with that bullshit so right so she gets pregnant obviously now she's not still on the news because she just loves to

share her story publicity yeah she loves the attention um and in an interview when they asked like why why literally just why why the fuck um she says quote you can't and she's like very she's a very beautiful lady and she's like you can't replace children but you can replace the effect that they give you and they give me love they give me satisfaction they give me stability then they have a clip from uh ann rule who wrote this book about her and she basically says she didn't have babies so she could love them she had babies so they could love her ah there it is okay so she shows up to her trial she is heavily pregnant like nine months pregnant

prosecutors argued that downs shot her children to be free of them so she could continue her affair with nick based on the journal entries based on his testimony and he had let her know very clearly he did not want to be a father he said i like kids but i don't want to be a father and she's like okay I know what to do. So prosecutors were worried, however, that a jury would not convict a heavily pregnant woman. So they were like, it's kind of an uphill battle for them because it's, you know, you need to sway the jury on multiple levels. And the pregnancy thing obviously works in her favor. Right. favor right so during the trial however the jury whether they were swayed before are now swayed in the opposite direction when uh they played the song hungry hungry like the wolf oh and diane

begins dancing in her seat tapping along to the music kind of humming and tapping her foot and the jury's watching this like holy shit because they had just said in the trial that that was a song playing when this guy came and shot all three of her children so you'd think maybe you would have some sort of ptsd something or just not you have bad memories she would associate poor things with it that maybe you wouldn't consider it the bop that you used to the bop it doesn't slap like it used to when my brother was in a car accident in uh back in cincinnati he was listening to um phil collins and after he got out of the hospital he would not listen to phil collins for like years because he was really i just can't he was like but that's a perfect example though right it was like a really bad accident so you'd think

murdering your you know your children being murdered by a stranger maybe would have that effect but obviously apparently not it's just such a good song you know duran duran um so anyway after all the evidence was introduced against diane by the prosecution they brought out their star witness aka diane's daughter christy who had recently turned nine okay so nobody knew at this point like is she gonna speak are they gonna bring her out are they just gonna like read a testimony of hers and then they walk out this nine-year-old girl they sit her down in the witness box and one of the people at the trial later said like she was so tiny that her head like barely came above the little stand they had to lower the microphone it's very

heartbreaking so it took months of physical and mental therapy but christy was able to take the stand and when asked do you know who shot cheryl so that was her younger the middle sister do you know who shot cheryl she quietly responded yes uh the prosecutor could apparently barely keep his own composure was like almost at the point of breaking down and he asked who and she responded my mom oh when asked how do you know that christy she's burst into sobs and says i watched oh my god it's like the most fucking upsetting thing yeah okay it's terrible so then they asked her to explain what happened she said they were all asleep in the back seat. Then mom stopped the car on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.

Got out. Got something from the trunk. Came back. Knelt down in the front seat. Shot Cheryl. Then Danny. Then me. So she had watched literally one, two, three.

So she had watched literally one, two, three. Diane is diagnosed with three personality disorders, histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial personality disorder. She is a sociopath. Shocker. She does not feel empathy. Shocker. No regret. Shocker.

So needless to say, after a six-week trial, Diane is found guilty and sentenced to life plus 50 years in the Oregon Women's Correctional Center in Salem. Ten days after her conviction, she goes into labor as she was heavily pregnant. A caseworker arrived to take the child hours after birth, and that was the last Diane ever saw of her child. But she apparently showed no emotion when they took the baby they she just kind of handed it over um and she was back in jail in a few hours so the baby's then brought to her new family they're called the babcocks and they name her rebecca um and just basically their goal is to just give her a normal life essentially yeah now the craziest thing so diane surviving chill well the craziest thing is all of it but Well, the craziest thing is all of it.

But one of the crazy things is that Christy and Danny. So Danny survived as well. OK. It's not made clear whether he can walk. Right. Whether the paralysis lasted. The doctors apparently said he was never going to walk again. But obviously, I'm sure we've all heard stories where that's not the case.

So who knows? Right. So it's not clear but christy and danny are both uh survivors and they are then adopted by the prosecutor fred hugie and his wife joanne wow because they were just so affected by this whole case that they took the children in and adopted them which sounds like an episode of svu like it truly does i mean literally marsh kharargete on svu adopted a baby in a case she was so attached to exactly and so this is literally it happened so anyway yeah so they adopted the children which is like kind of the best i think just awesome um so everything

sorted out everyone's kind of like where they're supposed to be until they're not. What the hell else happens? It gets crazier. On July 11, 1987, Diane Downs escapes from prison. God! What? Such a nut job. Okay. This isn't Noelle Catraz created by those fancy millennium pink jailers.

Not created by Rose Gold. Not sponsored by. Not millennial millennium pink jailers. Not created by Rose gold, not sponsored by, not sponsored by NyQuil like me. Alcatraz. Alcatraz. Okay. So she escapes from prison. Essentially what she had done is thrown her jacket onto the barbed wire,

then climbed a 16 foot fence, like climbed over the jacket on the barbed wire and had jumped down 16 feet somehow and had hidden under a car uh until i don't know nightfall or until someone came to pick her up i'm not sure but so she probably not till nightfall i'm sure they would have noticed that she was missing by then maybe um but so they found her actual jacket underneath the car so that's how they know she was down there. So she escapes and an APB goes out. She obviously is a convicted child killer and three of her children are still alive. So they're like, oh, my God, who knows if she's going to go after them.

Right. Or what? Or the family that adopted the kids. Exactly. Like the family try to take the children. Like, who knows? So the prosecutor, the guy,red hugie who'd like adopted the two kids is obviously petrified um and he apparently sleeps in a rocking chair by the front

door for days with a loaded rifle just like waiting in case something happens oh no and the babcock so like rebecca's adopted parents were forced to reveal the identity of Rebecca as Diane Downs' daughter to like nursery staff. And she was like two or three at this point. So they weren't planning on like, obviously they were planning on keeping her identity private and secret from the public. But now they had to reveal it because they wanted to make sure that the nursery didn't give Rebecca up to someone they didn't recognize.

Right. They wanted them to take it seriously. give Rebecca up to someone they didn't recognize. Right. And they wanted them to take it seriously. So they search her cell one more time and they find a clipboard, this time with blank stationery on it. But if you hold the stationery up to the light, you can see like slight indents from writing from the paper that was on it before.

And it was a map. Like this literally sounds like a fucking made for tv movie that's truly a lifetime yeah truly like so absurd that you'd be like this can't this is so cheesy like it can't actually happen perfect um so it was a map to a house only a few blocks away from the jail literally wow a couple blocks um and it was the home of wayne cipher no wayne cipher the husband of a fellow inmate okay so she had shown up on his doorstep had taken her clothes off and then asked if she could stay with him and he was like okay way to sell it yep uh so thankfully police show up uh she is literally in his boxers when they show up she's in his bedroom walks out in his

boxers and t-shirt and they arrest her without incident she just kind of like just saunters on out just wandered away crazy crazy pants um so obviously because of the escape she received an additional sentence of five years um after her recapture the prosecutor fred hugie requested that diane be now housed elsewhere like not in oregon because he's like fair i don't want her near my kids now like that she might think are her kids right i want her away so she's moved to the new jersey department of corrections clinton correctional facility for women and she's there for a long time as for diane so and it's also like much more um higher security prison oh like mac not maximum like moderate security i think maximum i don't know okay i don't know it just said a higher secure or more secure facility all right um okay so as for diane's daughter rebecca uh aka becky is what she goes

by uh she after this was revealed when she was like three she didn't know for a long time who her mother was um she just knew that her mother had gone to jail that's all her parents told her okay but so she tricked when she was 11 she tricked her babysitter into revealing the name of her mother damn she's sneaky very sneaky and then by kind of saying i know like by acting like she knew oh and was like talking about it really casually and then the babysitter like said oh you know who diane downs is and so she took that name went to barnes and noble found anroll's book which had like photos and like descriptions oh my gosh huge fucking book and she starts reading it in the bookstore and is 11 so she's like can you imagine no the

heartbreak and the yeah i wouldn't even know how to swallow that information at 11 i'd be like oh well that's not that can't possibly be the how yeah you see pictures of the kids that the daughter that died and you're like she murdered my mom sister that's my sister and my mother murdered her yeah it's just beyond me so she's obviously like very she said after this basically her life went went in a downward spiral um she was angry hurt wondered whether she was kind of destined to be like her mother you know she thought like nature versus nurture like maybe i'm worthless like maybe that's what i'm gonna become too um so she moved out of her parents house she began living with like her boyfriend had her first child chris at age 17 um in 06 she became pregnant with her second child but after breaking up with the baby's

father she was forced into a homeless shelter because she couldn't care for herself and she and the baby both children and she um made what she called the hardest decision of her life and put the baby up for adoption oh um and she basically said like this is kind of what made me think like look i am my mother like i gave up my baby both of them didn't have their children with them yeah i see because she yeah because she was adopted put up for adoption and now she's like i'm doing the same thing to my child and but they're so different right i mean sure i get where she thought that way i know and so she at this point goes well maybe i will reach out to my birth mother diane because i want to see if this is what she felt like when she put

me up for adoption and she said she just felt very alone very lost and she's like i thought maybe i could find a connection there sure yeah so she decides to write her a letter and immediately gets a response and oh no the first couple letters are very like light and positive they're like great to hear from you, yada yada. She said very quickly things spiraled. Diane began writing about conspiracy theories, telling Becky that people have been watching her her whole life and she was in danger.

She wrote a 12-page rant about how she was innocent and then ultimately accused Becky of being part of the conspiracy against her. She began to threaten her and her child and chris the baby or the kid and then finally becky was like no more like i'm cutting off communication this makes sense now yeah yeah right like i regret this right right i made a bad move so she cut off communication um it's pretty wild like because she is telling this story now like in 2019 right on air so it's really pretty crazy how old is she now um oh god so she was born in 86 something like that so 33 yeah i believe so oh she's eva's age oh no oh no oh no

now i'm just imagining this all happening no don't do that oh no if i said eva on 2020 i'd be believing i'd be like girl we gotta text we gotta talk who allowed this eva where's our cut right um and also why didn't you wear our t-shirt on there honestly rude honestly what the fuck honestly it's homophobic so honestly it's really fucking mean and i'm taking it seriously and you're fired so anyway oh sorry you had to hear this through the recording you though by the way um she can't even defend herself uh just the way we like it so i think i think 86 she might have been a couple years later i'm not sure um oh wait no 84 i'm sorry so okay so 30 yeah going on 35 this year sure yes yes i think born in june so gemini um so anyway she this lady is just like obviously a badass like she's been through a whole hell of a lot she has her son chris um who seems honestly like the

sweetest like the kids on there too. And he seems super sweet. He was born when she was 17, so I'm not going to do the math on that. 35 minus 17. He's 14? No. 22? I don't know. He's not 22.

18? How much is it? 18. 18 plus 17 is 35. Yes, 18. So he's like a high schooler. But so he's super sweet. He seems very loving uh so becky did say she actually did reach out to christy and danny her half siblings

did they write back yeah so she said she heard back from christy uh via facebook so that's an interesting little twist sure but she said uh after a couple like back and forth christy was kind of like i'm sorry i just i'm trying to like distance myself from the trauma of this and like sure i don't think i want to be part of the storyline and stuff and that's rough yeah it's terrible and so becky was like i totally like respect that she wants her own private life without the stigma of being attached to right diane dance um so actually chris or no not chris uh christy and danny have never actually spoken publicly have kept themselves out of the media and so as one

reporter said it it's quite dignified the way they've handled it as far as we know christy has children of her own it's been married for a long time uh is allegedly a very good mother um apparently she and danny are both just like awesome people oh nice very loving very just good all around um so that's kind of a cool like well at least something something good came out of this so there actually was speaking of lifetime like a tv movie made back in the i think late 80s um based off the ann rules book small sacrifice is what the book is called and uh the show or the the tv movie starred farrah fawcett in her really yeah and so that's cool they play clips of that next to like clips of the actual trial and stuff oh wow you can see farrah fawcett like you really like found the ultra 2020 experience

it was the best no wonder Hulu was like just watch this right sit down grab your hard kombucha and watch your hard kombucha so yeah so the Farrah Fawcett is really interesting and they play a lot of Duran Duran in this 2020 episode and I think it's because they probably bought the rights to that probably they were like we might as well get some use out of it. Sure. So they play it through like a whole freaking episode. So Diane Downs herself, now 63 years old. Her first two applications for parole in 2008 and 2010 were both rejected. Thank God.

She will next be eligible for parole in 2020. Speaking of 2020. Let's see if they, thanks for that. I was like, oh, clever. They'll probably revisit it. I wonder if they'll thanks for that. I was like, oh, clever. They'll probably revisit it. I wonder if they'll make a pun. Maybe. We'll see.

Maybe it's in bad taste. Welcome to our show's year. Yeah. Yeah, finally. They made it all the way. Right. So she will be eligible for parole next year at age 65. So we'll see what happens.

And that is the story of Diane Down downs it is a wild time but i highly recommend that episode of 2020 if you can't tell i loved it oh yeah we can tell it was just crazy um i did do a quick like florida what is it called fluoroscope fluoroscope it's a little unsettling because i put her birthday in and the first link I saw was this headline. Okay. Florida woman takes maternity photo with alligator. I was like, Christ. Okay.

Can't escape it. Can't escape her crazy. No, it's all alligators. All alligators. Alligator man. And maternity. She just can't stop with the maternity stuff. Gross.

So anyway, that's the story of Diane Downs. Pretty crazy lady. Pretty gross. Yes. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

I don't know how to come back from that. Well, alligators maybe. Uh, nope. Still don't know. Still bad. Well,

thank you guys for listening. Um, I know that that was just upsetting and I'm sorry. I know I really like downed your vibe but hope you wanted that to happen anyway hit next and listen to the next episode i'm sure it'll be happier oh my gosh well yeah thank you guys i guess and sorry all at the same time yes thanks for uh stepping into our world our our fluidian world fluidian fucked up world. Uh, all right. Well, find us at, Oh yeah.

I want to hear you do it. No God. Uh, okay. So you can find our website and then that's why we drink.com. Um, you can listen to us on any podcast platform. Uh, you can find us on social media. Our handle is ATWWD podcast. Um, you can also send in your listener stories toa and that's why we drink at gmail.com

we have a patreon atwd podcast we have uh what's the other one we have march which is bit.ly slash and that's why we drink merch all right yeah yeah and we have some new stuff on there including dog band-aids. Yay! Woo-hoo! And not alligators. No, no gators. All right, well, I guess that's it then. Yeah. Thanks for listening, guys.

And that's why we drink. Woo-hoo!