And That's Why We Drink - E123 The Ignoramus of Nevada and a Poisoned Prune Cake

Episode Date: June 9, 2019

It's birthday week recap time! And don't worry, we baked, smashed, and slumber partied our way into our own personal new years! This week we're bringing you some exciting tales: Em continues their journey into the world of governmental UFO research with a dive into the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program (a follow up to their UFO Navy pilot reports story from last week)! Then Christine covers the nightmarish Giggling Granny of Alabama. We're also submitting Christine for Nailed It! based on the Great Cake Incident of 2019TM... and that's why we drink!Please consider supporting the companies that support us!Get $20 off your Ava order when you go to avawomen.com and enter code DRINKFor $80 off your first month of Hello Fresh go to hellofresh.com/drink80 and enter DRINK80Get 500 high quality, custom business cards from Vista Print for just $9.99 when you go to vistaprint.com and use code DRINKGet 15% off your first ThirdLove order when you go to thirdlove.com/drink

Testing, testing. When in doubt, assuage it out. That's good. Wait a minute. Write that down. Birthday month. Birthday day. Birthday month.

Today is our unofficial birthday where we have combined our days together. Our combo. Our combo deal yeah and uh we had we already had our birthdays earlier this week which were bananas yeah we did like our own thing for our individual birthdays and then today we combined forces uh-huh correct and it got extra bananas it's been a long weird roller coaster of a day so first of all what did you do on your real birthday oh i had actually one of the best birthdays I think ever. I wasn't there. Interesting. Yeah. Well, that's probably why it was so special. Um, so what was I going to say? Oh, so we were, so I went home to Cincinnati for

the fall boy show, which was freaking amazing. Um, I wore a fake nose ring all weekend. I noticed a lot of people were like, what have you done? And your Instagram pictures. I was like, okay, I know. So is that real? I was like, oh God, he's worried about me. Um, yeah, it was super great. I went to Cincinnati and my mom threw together this like cookout with all the people that like family, friends, people hadn't seen in years. And like so many people just dropped their plans and like came over and it was honestly,

it was all these people. It felt like the good old days back when I was a kid and we'd all have like cookouts at the pool and invite everybody over. And it was really special. And I was just like the happiest thing. Oh yeah. And my mom made a cake. It was, so when I was four years old, I mean, this is a whole other thing. I don't think I've ever told anybody told this on the podcast, but when I was four, I brought a cake. My mom made this little marzipan cake with a little gnome on it with little mushrooms and like this full on German or a hazelnut cake. And I brought it to school. Um, but I didn't speak English. And so my teacher told me, you have to say like a sentence

in English or you don't get a piece of your own cake. Yeah. And I didn't say, I was like, so freaked out. I had like severe social anxiety shock. And so I didn't say anything. And I just stared at her like wide eyed, like brimming with tears right and then the principal came in and like into the elementary school and walked over and my teacher was like oh and gave my the principal the piece of cake with the gnome on it and said oh here and uh she's like christina doesn't want a piece of her own cake and the teacher was like no she wanted you to have it and just oh my god give me one and so i just was silent the rest of the day and then i got in the car after school and just burst into tears and my mom was like driving from her restaurant was like covered in flour dropped me off with one of the

waiters drove back to school and the teacher was fired that night good it was like horrifying and then oh my gosh i saw her years later and i was like ready to cry like so you should have said something in english real fast that time been like i know one word bitch i froze up just like i did when i was four anyway so point being my mom surprised me with like that same exact cake and this time i got to eat the little marzipan and that was very special so thank you mama that was really fun very nice and that same week the same night you had your slumber party i did so you were the only one of the only people not in attendance i know it's not sad but i had a very extra and bougie slumber party. I did. So you were the only, one of the only people not in attendance. I know, it's not sad. But I had a very extra

and bougie slumber party. It was a pajama party. It was superhero themed, specifically Avengers themed, as we all know. But it was very extra. All the food was themed. Eva was there.

Eva was there. And we, it was a big sleepover. I think we had about probably 15 people at the party. Yeah. And then around like 12, 10 or 12 people actually slept over it's a lot it was a lot of people i didn't realize um that the last time i had a big sleepover like this we were all little kids so we were all half our size yeah and now it was just like fucking bodies everywhere six foot tall

people just grown men and women just everywhere and uh no but we had a really good time every i was surprised that some of the food that i made i thought would get eaten faster but then the things that i thought were kind of like risks ended up getting eaten like so i made pudding cups like hulk themed putty cups cute and i was like who on earth would ever eat a pudding cup at a party that sounds great dude those were gone in like five minutes but then like the things i thought would for sure go really fast and And I like got extra of those took forever. I was like, Hmm. So I was kind of studying the human behavior of a sleepover as adults. Humanity. Yeah. Well, it was weird the last time that we had a sleepover. I also had like party

favors and everything for people. And I was thinking we all had 10 year old brains and everyone would grab their stuff and like hang on to it. But I had to like give people their favors. Yeah. They were all like, are you sure? And I was like, it's yours. Your name is on it. When were we socialized to be just so like.

It was very weird to have an adult sleepover. That's so fun though. It was fun. We all watched. I think we watched five different Marvel movies. Everyone got really drunk. It's a good time. Oh, that's great.

That is a great slumber party. You can get drunk now and you can eat pudding cups so it's like the best combination booze and also it's co-ed and pudding and also candy it was a good good time so i had a blast and then today christine blew my fucking mind with all of this birthday stuff christine went out of her way i don't know what's going on i feel like i just went through a weird wormhole and came out the other side. But you did everything that I do when it comes to like, abs like going so just out of like out of bounds with like, how unbelievably perfect something could be like the attention to detail. So here's what let me just hang on. Yeah, they're like, what the fuck did she do? Just in case anyone forgot, there is nothing more like attractive

to me and any type of person like regardless of relationship before people think this is a weird thing but like attraction such a weird thing i know but like when i'm trying to think of like if i vibe well with another person there is nothing more attractive to me than the mental effort that goes into gift giving and like you just fucking blew my mind with how much thought went into it and the attention to detail i was just so impressed left and right and so uh i kidnapped you first christine kidnapped me well she also told me two days ago she sent me an evite oh yeah i forgot i like photoshopped photos of you that i found from like 2008 on your Facebook. It was a good time. That was fun. And it's, it said to be at your house at three and to wait and outside and text you. I was like, what the fuck is this girl doing?

God. Foreshadowing. The entire invite was Buffalo plaid. Right. Which I didn't, I did do that. I didn't know that yet. And keep in mind if there's, if there's anything I love more than Buffalo plaid, tell me. Cause I don't know it.

Maybe tie dye, but like, uh, that'll be next year. So also a little insight too, is that one of my, when I had my day job at ISS, one of our, um, one of my coworkers, she was throwing a, like a camp themed party for, um, as she worked at a church and she was in charge of like this uh little group that was going out to camping for the weekend so she was trying to come up with a theme and she came up with this theme called nature cozy oh that's where that comes from so now ever since she came up with that like a year ago it's my total aesthetic eminiva will not shut up about it i have and i never just heard it put that simply before but truly just like nature cozy like nature colors cabin like very cabiny very like also like chic cabiny like cabin chic yes cabin

chic um there's so many stupid words luxurious if you will luxurious oh i love it between the plaids and the flannels like very a fall aesthetic in like a smoky little fireside cabin by the lake that's the most m thing. So anyway, nature cozy. So if there's Buffalo plaid just screams nature cozy to me and we all know I love a good superhero and we all know I love Canada and Christine put all three of those and made the trifecta of the world's best setup. And, uh, so anyway, so she, she put Buffalo plaid on the invite. Very stoked about that.

I show up two days later um i get here and then i'm not supposed to go inside and then she just shows up waving at me from outside of her house and then she says get in my car and that dumb m got in my dumb ass went okay okay and uh and so i got in her car and then she was like we're gonna be late we might be late and i was like late to what and then the whole time Christine is asking me some weird fucking questions and she keeps like looking at my shoes she keeps asking me questions like so basically while we were on tour I was like what do you hate the most and you're like what is wrong with you while we were while we were on tour we came up with a list of our like grievances of things that happened

that like just grievances that's a great word by circumstance you know things weren't always 100 on the tour where like there was like either someone bothered us like in the hotel security wasn't great or like we didn't have a bathroom or just like basic stuff where we were like we need a list some things that just like kind of frustrated us while we were out and so she just started like listing all these things i think to like i was like hey remember that time when um they forgot to feed us and you're like what no remember that time you had to be escorted to the bathroom like just weird like she was saying all these weird things that like she was trying to hype me up to get angry and i was like this is a weird birthday and i was like driving like a maniac putting on mascara like

we're gonna be like she kept looking at my feet being like okay we're good we're good and i was like what the fuck is going on and uh what the is wrong with me and so i found out that she was taking me to an eerily enough like weeks ago i actually said to you yeah i really wish that for one of my birthdays one year i'll have a smash party yeah and for people who don't know that's when like you just get a bunch of shit from a junkyard and just break it and And just like all your angst goes away. Like you just like take a baseball bat to like broken radios and shit. All your grievances, if you will. All your grievances.

So apparently she found a place that like literally their job is they are a smash room. Emma's like, rage ground? What the hell is this? And I was like, that's where we're going. It was called the rage ground. I was like, where the fuck am I? You were like grounds like coffee? And I was like, not quite.

Well, she kept looking at my shoes because I needed closed-toed shoes, and she never said anything. So she was hoping that I was wearing sneakers. I wear Birkenstocks. I had to dress in sneakers. But we had such a blast. It was wild. We had to dress up in these full-blown construction onesies and helmets and gloves.

Helmets with visors. And then they put you in a room with a bunch of stuff that they have set up for you to break. Like real stuff. They leave like wine glasses and beer bottles and bongs all on the ground. Yeah. And then they like leave you with like a series of lead pipes and baseball bats. There was at one point where they knocked and we were so nervous that we were in trouble.

And then they're like, we forgot to give you a bat. Here you go. And we're like, what the hell is this? And there was like a locker that had been dented in. It looked like a horror movie scene. You could smash everything. Yeah um and then they had and there's like a brick wall so you could throw like wine glasses into it yeah and then they had uh what was the other thing the printer the printer okay so here's the thing we have a printer issue they're right here hate our printer we had got a

new one recently but the first printer that we had oh god as and that's why we drank it was the worst printer back when i was printing all the labels and shipping stuff and like oh god it gave me so much anxiety and we saw the printer there and i was like christine that one's yours middle of the floor we just smashed that thing into a million pieces christine here's a baseball bat whack away see the printer wasn't even a grievance i had thought of you and you hear the glass shatter that was satisfying but everything inside of us told us like oh we can't be here it's really hard to get over the like are we are we sure we're like societally we can't break that it's like your slumber party like i don't think i'm supposed to throw this against the wall but after like two

wine glasses of like playing baseball with the wine glasses we were good we played baseball with them that was fun the only thing we really couldn't touch was there was a a vhs as if like i guess they wanted us to break it in half or something but like as a 90s kid we could not it was tough i could not get through it i was like my mom is gonna be so mad like i just kept thinking that over and over like when you were pulling the tape out of it in my mind i was like think of how expensive a video is but really it's like three cents now i know nobody wants it but anyway but anyway so that was really fun and then christine took me back to the house and there and she had set up this whole nature cozy plus Marvel plus Canada themed thing with like a captain Marvel cutout,

like a life-size captain Marvel. And then there was like Buffalo plaid decorations everywhere. There were straws that looked like little sticks. So like I was like super lumberjack and then there were plates that said happy birthday, lumberjack and little beards and little beards that you could like, like birthday hats with the strings. They had a beard one.

And then, uh, what else? And then there was, like, birthday hats with the strings. They had a beard one. And then, what else? And then there was. I don't even remember. And then there was a little mousse cake topper. And then we, and then I got to open some really awesome presents. Christine created this entire scrapbook that must have taken days upon days upon days. And every single page was a different city that we had our tour in.

I would do it in my bed at night for the last, like, and blaze every morning would wake up and roll over and there'd be like glitter and like letters stickers all over him and i was like blaze is gonna divorce me it was just like the most like wealth i mean i know how annoying a scrapbook can be because i've tried and failed at many of them because i just get fucking annoyed and bored and the fact that you finished one blows my mind and on top of this whole party and on top of thinking about the smash room and let us not forget about the cake debacle well i i call it the the great cake disaster of 2019 is what i've termed it it's uh the the gcd if you will gcd it's been a gcd 19 guys i cried earlier today she cried until she laughed it was so ridiculous

so i'll start and then you finish okay great so there is this cake that i've been looking at for the last year and a half of my life that i've wanted so badly and i've watched youtube videos about it and i've seen pictures on pinterest and i've always wanted it but it just seems so intricate i could never even fathom trying and it's this lumberjack cake where the entire cake itself is based on how you stack different it's like plaid inside sort of. It looks like buffalo plaid based on like you have a red cake, a dark red cake and a black cake. And you put them the right way and cut them up the right way inside.

So when you cut a slice, it looks like perfect buffalo plaid. And I have dreamt of this cake for so long. And then the outside looks like a little tree stump. It's really cool. It looks like you're cutting into a tree and then the slice within is plaid. And I was like, look, plaid and Canada cake. I'm going to put Canada on top. Then she tried to put little Canada flags and a moose on top. That was the plan. Wow. Things went awry. I was overwhelmed. But this is what actually happened instead of me retrieving that cake. Instead of my Pinterest

version that I created in my head. Christine, what happened? Well, what happened was I decided, wow, that's something I can accomplish. I was literally watching Nailed It last night and I was like, I'm too good to be on this show, unfortunately, because I'm going to make a plaid buffalo cake tomorrow. So I was like, this is great. I woke up early. I had all this food coloring. There was a red and a burgundy and a black and you had four layers of cake that I had to bake. And then you cut them out in rings and you're supposed to put the rings inside each other to make the design. And I was like, okay, great. We baked the cakes. It looks good. Like everything's nothing's burned down yet. We're fine. And then

blaze texted me, how's it going at home? How's the cake? And I was like, it's going really well. And then, um, I was like, time for me to stack them. And oh my, I started stacking them and I was like, okay, they're crumbling a little bit like it's okay i'll use frosting and then as i put the fourth layer on the whole thing just went bye-bye and fell into i mean i don't even know how to like i'm gonna just make an entire instagram post with that photo because it's the biggest fail it just looks like like the cake sneezed and it just exploded inside it looks like the cake was one of the objects at the rage ground and we had taken a bat to it and i'm not kidding and so then i was like trying to

keep it together and every time i'd push one side of it up the other side would fall and so i was like trying to glue it with frosting so i just kept sticking like a knife of frosting in it and hacking at it and like the thing just kept falling and then it fell some of it fell on the ground and i just like kind of started crying because i was so frustrated because also like i was a half an hour away you were literally 30 minutes away and i was like this is like the crowning glory of this party and apparently was the like the genesis of it was of your entire creativity briefly a year ago said something like i like oh that cake guys if you ever need to wonder what kind of cake i want it's that and i literally put that in my brain and went okay a, a whole year from now, I'm going to make this cake.

And I have. And then created a whole party around it. I had a Pinterest board about this stupid cake. Like a crazy person. And I went all out. And then I fucking tried. I bought like all these different tools and like spatulas for frosting and like a spinny cake thing. And I was like, I'm going to just nail this.

Nail it it i did not and it just went it nailed you it nailed me hard and i will post a photo it is outrageous you know what to be fair the cake tasted fucking great and then em came in and was like i'll eat it and i was like oh god i was like thanks for all your effort but i'm still gonna eat it and say it's the most delicious thing in the world so you showed up i was half crying and i was like laughing too and i was like this is like literally glitter in your tears there was like oh there some of the food coloring was black i had black food coloring like under my finger i was like this is the most disastrous thing and so then i just had this mousse and i

was like i don't know what to do with this fake mousse and then um so what ended up happening is we instacarted a uh no i did that with my i told my brother instacart an ice cream cake right now because i am driving to rage ground m has no idea that i fucked the cake up so bad just instacart a freaking by the way promo code drink instacart a freaking ice cream cake from carvel and it like showed up while we were on the way to raid he's like okay crisis averted there's a cake i was like okay at least we have a cake you know what all i said to christine is the same thing i'm going to say right now but But like worst case scenario happened. And worst case scenario is that I had two cakes for my birthday. One looked great. One didn't, but they both tasted awesome. One had I put the mousse on the ice cream cake. I was like, I don't know what to do with

this. Anyway, it was quite a debacle. And then and then I got the scrapbook and uh we got a whole bunch of good stuff i know we're going like oh yeah sorry guys it's our birthday we don't care sorry sorry i got a cynthia uh sweatshirt that i just immediately put on and started wearing around cynthia the doll from progress right um what else we got a lot of good stuff i finally got my webby oh my god that's right i wrapped the Webby. It arrived last night or yesterday afternoon. And I was like, this is perfect. And I wrote to M from M because I was like, I can't pretend I gave this to you.

I can't. Well, also, I always thought that like an award show, you go home with an award. No, you have to order the award. And the word they give you on stage is fake. And it's like the same one that they give everyone. And you just have to keep handing it back to them. And that's like the stage award. We're like, oh, but then you have to like order your own.

Yeah. And then it gets sent to you a month later. So yesterday it came in. Yes. And perfect timing because I got here and it was one of my birthday gifts from yourself. From myself. Yeah, it was fun. It's really pretty.

And if you ever look up what a webby award looks like it looks kind of like a slinky and it actually does springs a little bit springs up and down it's really cool very cool it's super cool okay that's it yeah i think so it was bananas anyway happy 28 anyway i'm drinking now because i need it you know i said 27 i said this to you a couple days ago but do you realize that you're 28 and I'm 27 now? And when we started this podcast, we were 24 and 25. Yeah, that is pretty weird, huh? It's like it doesn't seem like it's been that long.

I still had my parents held insurance. I still had no money. Good old days. I mean, I don't have a lot today, but I have more than like the 40 bucks I had. We can like live. Yeah, now that's good. I can like afford an apartment instead of i think was i sleeping on a couch when i met you no you're that was the that was the place before you were

living with that man and the egyptian the egyptian man who put something sets him on fire he put his toaster in the oven he put his toaster in the oven you guys and then uh no he put his toaster in the oven and then he put a bunch of oil in the toaster. I remember that. Yeah. Cause then I was like, why the fuck is this toaster in the oven? And I yanked it out, but he was using it to store hot oil. And then I don't think he knew what a toaster was. That's a grease, the grease fire. Truly. I mean, cause I, the reason I noticed was because I had turned the oven on to preheat. And then I was like, what the hell is that smell? And I opened it up and this massive cloud of fumes came out and it was burning plastic. And I was, I didn't even know what it was.

But in my, in my flight or fright, I was like, I just have to pull this thing out and just pull it out of the oven. And I grabbed it. It was hot, melted plastic. Fuck. Covering hot metal, which was holding hot hot oil and i just like the satanic version of brave little toaster it's like the thing it's what happens after the brave little toaster yeah it's like when he really goes downhill and needs some therapy he's just holding

oil just swallowing oil and sitting in an oven but i like and i didn't it was one of those weird mind over matter things where i was just so panicked for the place to not catch on fire i fully grabbed something burning hot and i don't have any i didn't have any blisters or anything it was just like i grabbed it and i yanked it but then i didn't know that it was a toaster and i didn't know there was fucking oil in it so when i grabbed it i threw this thing across the kitchen and i just got hot oil over everything in that fucking apartment. And none of it was mine. And I was like, I want to feel bad, but like that I like covered all the shit in oil.

But it's his stuff and it was his oil. Like, I did not do this. I like that. He just thought it was oil storage. I don't. I never asked him either. I was just like, I needed to know. And I wish you had asked.

I just remember it reeking of like burning plastic for the rest of the night. And I was like, I think I'm going to die from inhaling of the shit. I'm so glad I got out of that place. The place before that was a couch in Englewood. So I guess that place wasn't any better. Oh, good times, guys. Anyway. Anyway.

I don't know how we got on that, but. Anyway. Anyway. That's when I met you. Oh, yeah. I was 24 then. Now we're getting old. That's what was happening.

Now we're nearing 30. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was 24 then. Now we're getting old. That's what was happening. Now we're nearing 30. Oh, fuck. Well, okay. It's almost Blaze's 29 and a half birthday. Hmm. So it's the last of his 20s. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Poor boy. Poor boy. So here's my story. Ready? I'm so ready. So I did tell you guys that I would look into a potential two-parter yeah um of the ufo navy incident that recently struck new york times and uh i i ended that story by saying that they had uh sent in a report to the aatip which is Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program. That's great.

Which had apparently been defunct, and yet they were still sending things. They still were functioning despite being defunct. Right, they were defunct, however funked. Defunctioning. Yes, exactly. And so I said if there was a story that I would cover it, and I did find a lot of information about this. Hell yeah.

So this is a two-parter, and I'm sorry I haven't talked about ghosts in a while but this is aliens slash last time was aliens this is more conspiracy theory conspiracy aliens i mean i love this shit also it's my birthday sorry you're wrapped in buffalo plaid holding your webby you can talk about whatever alien the end so uh oh god this is my literally just looked sorry i just glanced at instagram and i you had posted the picture of that cake and i like reposted it on instagram and i just i'm getting so many like you should go on nailed it and i was like i'm like fuck literally last night i was like i would love to be on the show but i feel like i'm like too good at baking well the world showed you anyway sorry go on i'm not gonna look at my phone anymore so the first thing i have to say

about this is a fun fact um this had this I read an article that really didn't serve any information for me that I didn't already learn from a different Web site. Like it. Everything I read at that point, I'd already kind of seen it from somewhere else. And but there was one good takeaway from this article on. Apparently it's called The Cut. Oh, I love The Cut. That's why I got my whole Watcher House. Oh, story. The one in New Jersey. Well, so they The Cut. That's where I got my whole Watcher House story, the one in New Jersey. Well, so The Cut talked about this program. They do really in-depth stories.

Well, apparently all the information they had, I'd already found elsewhere. Oh, never mind. So I'm not saying it wasn't in-depth. I'm just saying I'd already read it. So anyway, The Cut, at the very end of the article, called Earth, they nicknamednamed Earth the resident fuck boy of the Virgo supercluster. And I. Oh, my God. Love it.

Oh, my gosh. I don't know what they had against Earth in that moment. Well, don't get me started. I do. Actually, I do. But I just like that nickname. So if someone wants to put Earth on a shirt and call it the resident fuckboy of the Virgo supercluster, let me know. That is super good.

Okay, so moving on. Don't get sued, though, because they might sue you. Put the cut at the end. TM, TM. TM, TM, TM, TM. That's so good. Moving on. Here is a story of the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program, also known as AATIP.

AATIP? Double A-tip? Double A-tip. So it is a secret investigatory effort funded by the u.s government hell yeah to study ufos hell yeah the program began in 2007 and it was originally pushed to start by former nevada senator harry reed harry reed so harry reed at the time he was a u.S. senator for Nevada. Nevada. Nevada.

Sorry. I just know we're going to get tweets about it. I'm sorry I say Nevada like an ignorant. Nevada. Like an ignoramus. An ignoramus. An ignoramus of Nevada. The Nevada ignoramus.

Also put that on a shirt. And so he very strongly believed in aliens. Harry Reid. Interesting. He also got a lot of backing from the U.S. from alaska and hawaii so intercontinental interest very um no not intercontinental those are part of the united states my friend what am i what am i thinking of intra-continental intra-continental maybe i don't know i'm being stupid i don't know you're the i know what i'm saying but you don't know what i'm saying stupid. I don't know. You're the... I know what I'm saying, but you don't know what I'm saying.

You're the ignoramus of Nevada. I'm the Nevada ignoramus. I know what you're saying. What is... They're the two that are hanging out in the water, you know? Oh, God. Do you want to look at the shapes poster? Just look at that.

What's the one that looks kind of like a trapezoid? Oh, God. Okay, so... Where was I? Harry Reid. that looks kind of like a like a trapezoid oh god okay so uh where was i harry reed so he was largely encouraging that this program gets started by his best friend robert bigelow so harry and his best friend robert they're the two people that are really about this they're both huge believers and aliens love it now that harry has some power and some pull they're like okay let's get this thing off um and so he was the thing that really sold harry to like get this pro this program on the way um is that he spoke to john

glenn at one point oh he was like a very notorious astronaut um he's notorious yeah why what did he do he's like one of the first but notorious means he did something bad uh-uh yeah friend i'm gonna look this up okay i just want to prove you right on the air notorious elevator music no yeah elevator music famous or well known typically for some bad quality damn it that's like infamous that's like the same thing as infamous hmm so he's one of the he's notorious in a good way that's what we're gonna call it he's like big like oh my god bigelow wait a minute conspiracy alert wait wait wait wait notorious bigelow notorious bigelow notorious robert big okay um yeah okay so john glenn sorry yeah so he's what's a different word for

notorious i don't want to use that okay well known cool renowned renowned okay he's that but as an astronaut great god everyone's just ripping their hair out. Including me. I look like Cynthia. That's why I got you the shirt, because I know you're going to turn into that. I literally put it on, and I was like, oh my God, it looks just like you. Well, the best part was during the smash room today, there was a mirror. Christine looked at it at the same time that I hit it, so it shattered into a million pieces. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a good time.

it at the same time that i hit it so it shattered into a million pieces yeah yeah yeah it was a good time so uh yeah so he had spoken to john glenn and john glenn says that after his career in space he believes that the federal government needs to be looking seriously into ufos oh fuck yeah so john glenn is saying it i'm gonna believe it um ditto also the i mean he's so notorious also the pentagon budget uh oh this is some this is to lead into something so uh let me sum up real quick so harry had talked to john glenn after john glenn said that it was kind of like the nail of the coffin of like we have to start a ufo program they're like come on we have to do this like at this point astronauts are telling us that we're stupid for not doing enough sangria theyria. They were like, it's time. Right, right.

And Robert Bigelow, his best friend, who also had a lot of money, was saying we have to do this. Hell yeah. And I mean, they are from Nevada. Yeah. So they're near like Area 51

kind of stuff. They were like, we know about this shit. They've kind of grown up with this interest in aliens. That's fucking great. So the Pentagon budget for classified programs is called black money. Fantastic.

So like, it's like, they don't talk about it on the Senate floor. It's like, oh, we're going to fund this, but we're not debating it. I feel like I always think of that kind of thing, like the secret funding and project as like the 1970s. But the fact that it was from 2007 is so like, holy shit, it's happening right now. Yeah. So the three senators alaska the intercontinentals if you will uh the notorious intercontinentals that's our new band

name wait a minute wait someone put that on a shirt the notorious intercontinentals like god damn how many shirts do i have to make custom ink is going crazy right now uh so the three senators hawaii alaska and nev uh, all their supporters or all their senators were supporting this and they didn't want the project to be debated on the Senate floor. And so luckily they were using black money, so they'd never had to discuss the funding of this project to anyone else. So there are the three, only, only three senators who knew about this at the time. Wow. Um, and Harry Reed even said later, quote, the funding for this was black money. Only we knew about it.

And that's how we wanted it. Interesting. So, uh, well, AA tip, uh, was an active program. It had funding of over $22 million. Ooh. And most of the money ended up going to an aerospace research company that was run by Bigelow. So he ended up getting a lot of the money okay that

was being funded into this because he was in charge of an aerospace research company and the company's main goal was to quote modify buildings into storage for mirror for materials recovered from ufos shut up so literal storage facilities storage facilities for ufo remnants much like the toaster full of hot oil. Exactly. Except it glowed and there was a little alien in there. It's, like, way cooler, though. So there was money going into this program, and it was also being used for, like, clearly UFO-based research.

So cool. The researchers on this project also spoke to those specifically in the military who experienced UFO encounters while on duty, which would make sense why the story I told last week, why they were reporting to this. Even though, as far as we know, they shouldn't have been reporting to it because the company or the project should have been defunct by that point. Sure. OK. But it makes sense why the military is reporting to them. Got it. If it is, in fact, functioning.

make sense why the military is reporting to them got it if it is in fact functioning so uh the project also collected testimonies of aircrafts that move at high velocities with no visible signs of propulsion um that hovered with no apparent means of lift oh that was like what they saw which is what they saw holy crap uh they also the project also collects videos of encounters, including footage from a Super Hornet, which it shows an aircraft surrounded by a glowing aura traveling at high speed and rotating on its own. Oh, God. So that was just one of the random collected videos that has been released from them. Oh, my God. So the program began in 2007, like I said, in the U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency on, fun fact, the fifth floor of the Pentagon's C-ring. Okay.

So now we know exactly where it was. So let's all do a meetup. Yep. See you there. Bring the shirts we told you to make. If you can get in, good luck. If you can get in, let us in. If you can get into the Pentagon, let me know.

Let us in, please. Help us. And the program was also run by a guy named Luis Elizondo. Okay. Luis Elizondo. He was a military intelligence official. And two years in, so it started in 2007. By 2009, the program had already made some really extraordinary discoveries.

And Senator Harry Reid argued that it needed to become a restricted special access program. Okay. And that they needed to limit the amount of officials who knew about it and heighten up the rigorous security like oh so they were like lock the shit down there were like shits going on and people cannot know about it so we need to make this really secretive um there's actually this is a whole quote that i'm going to read but this was in a 2009 pentacon briefing summary so this is part of a report that had actually come out from the program's director okay um talking about this exact program and the program director said

quote what was considered science fiction is now science fact and good one and that the united states is incapable of defending itself and the united states is incapable of defending itself against some of the technologies discovered. No. OK, I don't like this anymore. So that's super creepy. Change the subject. So Harry Reid didn't like the limitations placed on the program, thought that they needed to be looking into this more. He they needed to focus more on funding.

They needed to like really crack down on this. Instead of like hiding it away, he was like, no, it needs more. He was like, it needs to be really restricted. But like people also need to be like shoveling money into this. So instead of like hiding it away he was like no it needs more attention. He was like it needs to be really restricted but like people also need to be like shoveling money into this like we need to look into it. Um and he was even quoted saying. Yeah clearly if we're gonna fucking die because we don't have technology. Okay I'm freaking out now. So he was quoted also saying there remains a vital need to a certain capability and intent of these phenomena for the benefit of the armed forces and the nation. But apparently people weren't taking this seriously, regardless of the reason.

They never gave a reason. But apparently the government was thinking, oh, we need to fund other things more. We don't need to pay attention to this. We'll worry about it another day. And so Harry Reid was getting pissed. And apparently Louise, the program director, he thought the same way. He was also pissed. He was like, why aren't people taking care of like, why aren't we not paying attention to this?

And eventually became so frustrated that in 2012, he quit. Louise? Louise. Oh, wow. So the program director that had been there the whole time. Wow. Quit in 2012. Not only did he quit, well, he, let me start here first.

So he quit officially for the reasoning of quote, excessive secrecy and internal opposition to the program. Wow. Which basically meant that he felt the Pentagon wasn't doing enough for the nation's security. Right. Like the office drama. Right. The Pentagon is clearly aware that there's some trouble a-bustling and we're not trying to figure out how in trouble we are. And they're ignoring it, is what he's saying.

They're ignoring it. They're not taking it seriously okay wow not only did he leave the pentagon but he went to the new york times and publicly announced the existence of this agency oh shit so he like basically i don't know if he whistle blew but it sounds like he was the first to ever confirm that this program really existed that's the kind of shit i feel like the men in black are gonna show up and like take you away'm surprised that like, my thought is if you work for a UFO based program, and then you leave the government and then talk about it, when you like get killed immediately or something, I feel like you'd get kidnapped by men in black. And then like, I feel like you got to pull a Snowden and like flee the country and never come back or something. No extradition,

man. So you can flee the country to Alaska. Intercontinental. You know how that is. You know how that is. It's its own place. So he left the Pentagon, went to the New York Times, publicly announced the existence of the agencies. And he also made sure to say that he believes that there is, quote, very compelling evidence that we may not be alone. While he was working there, he heard reports from what he said were mostly highly trained material aeronautic experts.

So people who are like just bred and born to be around these things. And he there's another quote from him saying they described objects that appeared to be intelligently controlled, possessing aerodynamic capabilities that far surpass any currently known aircraft technology. Oh, my God. He also said that he heard reports of UFOs flying at hypersonic speeds. So I'm about to read a huge paragraph, and it is all a quote. I just didn't even want to try to paraphrase it because it really did it justice. So he heard reports of, quote, and then a lot of things I'm going to say are quotes. So he heard reports of, quote, and then a lot of things I'm going to say are quotes.

Louise found reports or heard reports of UFOs flying at hypersonic speeds, which were more than five times the speed of sound. Whoa. Yet there were no signatures that usually accompany aircraft flying at such fast speeds. So there were no sonic booms. There was no like there was no sign. Like trail or anything. Wow. booms there was no like there was no sign trail or anything exactly wow um there were also the ufos were also unexpectedly mobile traveling so fast that they would have experienced g-forces that far exceed the limits of endurance for humans and aircrafts that we know of okay so it went so

fast that even if it was like a remote controlled aircraft the aircrafts we know could not withstand going that fast holy crap whether or not there was even a human pilot in it who would have definitely died right right um sorry my nose says too i'm like there must be dust or something because for some reason there's only one part of my nose yeah that itches like crazy when there's dust around dust in this house impossible uh it's probably fucking like food coloring maybe i don't know what it is particles it's always right here it's like a little to the left on the tip of my nose and it always reaches like crazy i don't know what my deal is blaze blaze help uh so yeah so

they were seeing things that were so fast that humans and as far as we know aircraft also could not withstand. Holy crap. For example, he said, um, the F-16 fighting Falcon, uh, aircraft reaches maximum 18 G's while the human body can withstand about half of that. Wow. Okay. So what he was saying about the UFOs that he saw is that these things were observing, these things that we were observing were pulling four to five hundred g's what even though like so it's literally impossible for like anything not even close yeah not even close if the fastest we know is 18 g's this thing was pulling four to five hundred holy crap he also said they don't have engines or even wings and they are able to seemingly defy the natural effects of earth's gravitational pull so these things are just like fucking bananas fast

there's a moth in here there's a moth and i like became a dog all of a sudden squirrel um but yeah so these things that he's heard reports of are just like impossible to be human um but he does he does give the caveat of that just because we don't know what it is doesn't mean that they're aliens right away. It could be U.S. foreign technology, which is even creepier. I was going to say, honestly, that also creeps me out. I mean, it just means there's like a serious potential threat. Something super secret.

Super secret, super classified, super dangerous that we don't have any knowledge of. That we don't have protection from. So no matter what, it's not looking good. I don't love it. But it doesn't mean that necessarily that it's an alien. Got it. I fucking think it's an alien. Well, it's not looking good. I don't love it. But it doesn't mean that necessarily that it's an alien. Got it. I fucking think it's an alien. Well, it's obviously an alien.

It's obviously an alien. Just don't listen to Louise. So while he was working there, he actually did make a list of the most common UFO traits that... Holy shit. What the fuck is that? Is Juniper getting in a fight or something? It was definitely a cat. Every cat and dog on earth just started fighting at one time like the dogs out in the in the neighborhood are barking i don't

like talking about aliens and then everything kind of goes then all the aliens go haywire okay sorry uh i don't know what that was alarming though let's try it again okay so uh louise while he was working there also made sure that he, and he released this, he made a list of the most common, uh, UFO traits that are reported, uh, that are also taken very seriously. So if it has one of these five or all of these five, it gets taken the most seriously as a report. He calls them, uh, I think, I think I erased it by accident.

He calls it like the five discoverables or something or the five, five observable five observables got it okay um so these are like marks of how these are like the serious it is these are like the most common reports of ufo that are taken actually seriously got it okay so if a ufo has anti-gravity lift meaning flies with no visible means of propulsion and lacks any flight surfaces including wings so if something's flying and doesn't have fucking wings they were going to take that seriously everybody yeah we're done we're done here that's what he says actually to the whole group um number two is uh and also these are all direct quotes too because i didn't want to mess it up and sure so uh instantaneous acceleration that

no human could survive oh great sure that makes sense there is actually one uh incident that i don't want to go too in depth with because it might actually be a good story one day but apparently there was one ufo that's been noticed where it went it went it moved faster than 30 times the speed of sound oh god um so they were like yeah that's something to look into yeah maybe a little speedy for us um so the third thing is hypersonic velocities without any vapor trails or sonic booms i can't imagine why you didn't want to paraphrase that in your own words right exactly i'm not that smart i don't even know what fucking hawaii is so yes you do I know it's part of America.

I'm just being stupid. You're no ignoramus. The Nevada ignoramus. The Nevada ignoramus. The fourth one is low observability or cloaking entirely. Oh, the cloaking. That's creepy. A lot of people have said that they'll see something and all of a sudden it just fades into invisibility.

Oh, crazy. Or like what you said, just fucking leave. So like all of a sudden it's visible and then it's not i don't like this cloaking thing so that's another thing taken seriously i don't even know if they're just fucking hovering around and we just don't see what could be in this room and it stop it it's that i'm kidding that was flying around oh oh my god mothman at its smallest moth baby mothman baby moth moth baby hypic speeds. And then the last one is transmedium travel. So moving between different environments such as from space to earth to water.

Okay. Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense. If it's coming from space, I don't really know. It's able to be an aircraft and then like a submarine all in one. Oh, God. Oh. And so those are the five main things that they check for. Okay.

And so he's coming out with all this information. And in response the department of defense said something okay they came forward and said that the program did exist because i think they were trying to cover their tracks saying okay it did exist but it was terminated and it's been defunct since 2012 bullshit so louise has been saying, okay. Allegedly. Don't sue me. Louise has been saying this exists, this is it, this is good. And the DOD was like, yeah, I did. But, but, but. It's done now.

Hear me out. Like we gave it a shot, but now. It didn't mean anything. It wasn't even worth it. I didn't even think, but it didn't even mean anything. That's not what it looks like. So an anonymous former congressional staff member. Okay.

So an anonymous former congressional staff member said, quote, and defending why they decided to terminate the program. After a while, the consensus was that we really couldn't find anything of substance. There was really nothing there that we could find. It all pretty much dissolved from the reason alone that the interest level was losing steam, and we only did it for a couple of years. So they're backing out of it being like, yeah, but we didn't find any UFOs. So like, if you were scared that we have a program that's doing UFO research, don't worry, we didn't find anything. No reason to be afraid. It's over now. And then there is also a spokesman from the Pentagon talking about the Department of Defense saying it was determined that there were other higher priority issues that merited funding, and it was in the best interest of the Department of Defense to make a change.

So that was their reasoning for why the program was terminated. I mean, I do understand that there are like high priority things in this country that need funding. I do understand that. However, I don't like like, oh, no, there's no aliens, but there are supersonic cloaking mechanism. What's interesting about that, though, is louise and harry reed have both said away separate from this conversation they're like oh well we didn't we didn't like this program anymore and we left it because they weren't taking it seriously and they weren't giving us funding yeah so like away from this right we're already saying that and now this kind of confirms that

storyline of like oh well we didn't want to fund it because we had other priorities not taking it seriously i'm like that right exactly so that kind of makes things add up it makes their argument a little more valid it's like oh well they weren't taking it seriously and they weren't funding it just like you said this makes sense so officials say that the program ended in 2012 however louise has said that the only thing that ended was the government funding uh so technically they're like technically so it it ended because we didn't fund it anymore. It's not being funded by the government, but it could still be open. I see. And be doing current research.

De-functioning. Mm-hmm. That's exactly it. So Louise said that the program continued after he quit. When he quit, it's not like they said, oh, well, you we're gonna terminate this entire program that didn't happen he's saying that after he quit the program continued and he even had a successor but he declined to say who it was okay good i was like he probably he didn't shout him out right that would be pretty rough throwing him under the bus new york times would be on his doorstep in a second later the department of

defense made an even bolder public statement okay Okay. And this was a spokesman named Christopher Sherwood. And Christopher Sherwood said, quote, The Department of Defense is always concerned about maintaining positive identification of all aircraft in our operating environment, as well as identifying any foreign capability that order to ensure defense of the homeland and protection against strategic surprise by our nation's adversaries. So what he's basically saying in that quote is that the Pentagon admits that it does currently investigate reports of alien spacecraft. So they're continuing to investigate. Right. So he's not only saying that it did exist, but he's also going against the conversation of like, oh, well, it's terminated.

He came out and said, well, we're still doing it. Yeah. Cause he said we didn't find anything. So it's over, but like, right. Not really. But now this new guy is saying, well, we're continuing. We're still researching Christopher short, which sounds like the most fake made up name. Right. Creeping me out. I'm sure like if they actually publicly let someone from the Pentagon speak, it was not his real name. So basically it the pentagon saying oh yeah we do research alien spacecraft so it freaked people out all over again sure and that statement has actually been called by other journalists a bombshell revelation and they've even the some journalists have said quote previous official statements were ambiguous and left the door open to the

possibility that this program was simply concerned with next generation aviation threats. Holy shit. But this new admission makes it clear that they really did study what the public would call UFOs. This is the first official evidence released by the U.S. government that can be rightfully designated as credible, authentic that ufos are real wow because if they're researching them if they are real so researching something they're researching something and there's a lot of reports that they consider an unidentified flying object so this is

it was considered a bombshell because at this point it's pretty much confirming that ufos are allegedly real whether or not that means aliens are involved, there are unidentified flying objects and enough of them that millions of dollars are going into a project that is classified and investigated. And being taken seriously enough by the Department of Defense that it's being funded. So in 2019. That's right now. That's right now. Oh my God.

I went there. Oh, I've been there. In response to the freedom of information act request the defense intelligence agency released a list of 38 projects that the aatip worked on oh my god while it was quote functioning how many 30 38 38 just and that's just some of them but they released a list of 38 holy shit um some of of the topics were. Oh, my God. These are some of the things that they literally had projects happening and they were. Like officially.

Official classified projects. I'm freaked out. That are now declassified. Yeah. The topics were. Oh, God. Traversable wormholes, stargates, and negative energy. Everybody stop.

I'm already freaked out. Holy shit. Are you serious? That's all one project. Traversable wormholes, stargates, and negative energy. Sorry. I thought those were three. That's one?

That's one. Oh my god. Okay, wow. Wormholes. Traversable wormholes, stargates, and negative energy. Another one is warp drive, dark energy, and the manipulation of extra dimensions. Dude. Dude!

And then the third one was invisibility cloaking. No. Which was led by Dr. Leon Hart, who is a theoretical quantum optics expert. Oh, hell yeah. Who even in 2006, he himself theoretically on a board with a bunch of math formulas found a way to create an invisible hole in space inside which objects can be hidden. No. hidden no so he has mathematically figured out a way that invisible invisibility cloaking actually exists and he was leading the program or the project under aatip holy shit did you ever see that movie what the bleep do we know no it's like about quantum physics it's the most i watched when

i was like 15 and i've just been like blew your mind concept ever yeah it's amazing the things i learned at 15 seemed to have existentially always resonated with me i need to be careful with my future kids like like all here at 15 patrick stump never fall boy never went away yep quantum physics is the other thing well when i was 15 i wanted to like one day be a professor of quantum physics and really yeah and then i took uh physic i my like senior sem in high school i went to like a college prep school. So we had to do senior sem and all that. And mine was I had to explain. I wish I had it somewhere because it was really fucking good. But at 17, I had figured out in a very layman's term essay.

It was like the longest essay I'd written at that time. I had been able to explain very basically how teleportation could possibly happen. So you're just like this Leonhardt guy. I'm exactly one of the same. But I was really proud of myself. And now I'm saying it out loud. And I'm like, I did not figure out fucking teleportation. But at the same time, like whatever the most current science was, I had been able to break

it down so anyone could understand it. And I was very proud of myself. That's awesome. Well, that's literally the shit that I was always googling at that age yeah i was like we were meant to be friends someday that was at 15 was when i decided that everything's already been created by the government completely yep you guys need to watch that movie if you have not it's fascinating was it called again what the bleep do we know i'm gonna go watch it parallel you know it's so interesting parallel fuck that's my jam. Let's go. It's unbelievable. So anyway, those are three of the 38 projects that they were working on.

Okay. Holy shit. None of the results of the studies are publicly known, but there is now also a publicly unissued 490-page report that documents alleged worldwide UFO sightings over several decades. Holy crap. So a lot of information to unpack there 490 pages yeah of reports worldwide of ufos in several decades okay so uh it just a lot of stuff was going on and even though it's not technically funded that doesn't mean it's not happening and christopher sure would fucking confirm that christopher sure would drop the bomb so few months later a few months later which was this may the new york

times reported that in 2014 and 2015 u.s navy pilots fully briefed the aatip about encounters they had with ufos which is the story i told last week right okay cool and that makes sense why now they were reporting back to a company i see and to a program that for the last two years as far as we knew was defunct but they knew to keep sending reports over to them okay because you yeah you were like i don't know how it's still operating but like clearly it is i was like that doesn't sound right that they're reporting back to something that's been closed for two years right totally but apparently it's been around well enough that the navy knew to send a report over there got it okay so the government it's

like one of those little secrets where they're like oh yeah it's defunct as far as we know but also send a report sorry the door olive just pushed the door open it scared the crap out of me hold on oh no it's judy oh little crazy cat jk that was my cat being a little asshole oh little baby juniper is so handsome okay sorry oh god geo's face just stuck into the door frame. Is that a happy kitty? You guys are killing me. Wait, Juniper's being nice to me. This never happens. Hang on. I'm just gonna

stand right here. I'm gonna pretend that I'm not aware of Juniper being cute. You're just gonna ruin it. I know. Oh. Yep, it's done. Nope, he's coming. Oh. I'm gonna pretend I don't notice. I'm gonna pretend I don't notice that Yep, it's done. Nope, he's coming. Oh, I'm going to pretend I don't notice.

I'm going to pretend I don't notice that he's on my arm. I'm looking at you, not him. I don't want to spook him. He's already bored. Juniper. Oh, he's being... Oh, he's so... Wait, wait, wait.

Christine, Christine, Christine. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my goodness. He loves you. Remember when he used to hang out on my neck? Just sit on your shoulder. Like a little parrot.

I'm so sorry about my animals. Anyway, that explains that. Is what I'm trying to say. From like a week ago, there's your answer. It makes a lot of sense now. So in 2017, two years ago, Oh, sorry, Junie just climbed into my lap to knock his head directly into my microphone.

What a happy kitty. Okay. Sorry. Okay. So in 2017, Louise announced that he had now, since he's left the AATIP, and he's left the Pentagon, he announced that he created a new company dedicated to aerospace, science, paranormal, and entertainment. All of our fucking

hold on wait that's literally everything it's called and that's why drink our names are really louise and notorious bigelow yeah exactly that's me uh i'm the nevada ignoramus uh and so the company that he opened is called to the stars academy which i don't remember what story i recently covered but i used a lot of information from To The Stars. That sounds like a preschool, To The Stars Academy. It sounds like a literal preschool. Whatever the last alien story I covered before these two, I remember so many times seeing To The Stars, To The Stars.

I was like, what the fuck is this company? But that, again, that answers that. Wow. Okay. If you go back, if you're one of those people who listens backwards, you'll eventually hear To The Stars come out of my mouth, and now you know what that is. If if you go back, if you're one of those people who listens backwards, you'll eventually hear to the stars come out of my mouth. And now you know what that is. You're listening backwards. It's going to be very confusing to do a two part episode. But OK, this is the one time where that might actually work in some way. But I guess you're right.

Well, whatever. And one of the people who actually joined or helped co-found to the Stars academy was uh christopher mellon who was the former deputy assistant secretary of defense for intelligence when louise was also working at the pentagon so they both left and are now and now opened this company together oh god now olive's here i'm so sorry hi happy i opened a literal wormhole and they all just crawl. A traversable wormhole. A traversable wormhole. And so they created this company together. And and now the funds from to the Stars Academy goes directly towards researching UFOs and basically doing all the work that they were hoping the Pentagon would have done. Now they're just doing it themselves. Amazing.

So thank you for that. Applause, applause, applause, applause, applause. Amazing. So thank you for that. Applause, applause. Applause, applause, applause. In the New York Times, Harry Reid has been reported or has been interviewed asking, like, you know, how this all panned out. Are you proud of it?

What, you know, what's your takeaway? And Harry Reid has said, quote, I think this is one of the good things I did in my congressional service. I've done something no one has done before. Yeah, dude. Very cool. And in the Washington Post in the same year, in 2017 i'm so sorry she's so loud juni keeps biting the cord of my headphones i'm like you're gonna break it also in 2017 uh in the washington post louise was responsible uh during he said in this in this interview in the washington post that he was responsible during his official confirmation of the existence of this program.

Remember, he left in 2012, went to the New York Times, said that this program was real. So at the same time that he officially confirmed the AIT-TIP's existence, he also publicly released footage from a U.S. fighter jet showing UFOs flying nearby. Ooh. So he not only said that, hey, this is real, but he also showed, he released videos publicly of this. Wow. And that footage is evidence from the USS Princeton aerial object incident, which is also known as the USS Nimitz UFO incident, which is also known as the Tic Tac UFO. And that is the story i will cover next

week no m no i need to know wait i can't i love that it's just called an incident like yeah it's like my cake incident it's just like the great cake disaster of 2019 the incident the the cake incident god oh my god that is wild dude so this might be a three-parter oh geez i say this is a story i'll cover next week but i really do have to if it may not be i have to look into this and see if it's really like got enough it'll meet to it but if so this will be my first we shall discuss it sometime yes either way yes so don't panic that is bananas dude banana grams banana grams anyway i'm sorry that was so long i'm very scared now well. Well. Aliens scare me more than ghosts.

Is this one of those nights where you're by yourself tonight? Alexander's here, but I think he's mad because I got food coloring all over the kitchen. So technically you are alone. Yeah, so I'm alone. All alone. Wow. That alien stuff freaks me out. Just like what I was saying in that listener episode about like doppelgangers and aliens

are like the two things where I'm like i don't feel safe well it freaks me out is that like few but enough of the people involved in the program have all said we need to be paying attention to this something bad will happen to us either it's a foreign adversary that's going to just nuke us in a fucking second exactly or it's an alien for sure like there's something going on war of the world shit orson welles no matter what it's apocalyptic and we need to be okay. We need to think about it. We need to build our bomb shelter.

Yeah. Let's do it. Anyway, there you go. Wowza. The ATWD plunger bomb shelter. There it is. Hello, everyone. Hello, teacher.

Fresh. Teach us something special. Oh. Teacher. Fresh. Teach us something special. Well, you already taught us to react specifically to that sound. Have love. Every time we've ever heard it. Well, kids, I have quite a story for you today. Yeah? This is the story of the giggling granny.

Wait a minute. I know this one. How do I know this? I told this in Huntsville which listen i was gonna prepare a whole story a my computer died last night love it almost irreparably it's back but it struggled yep then uh i was like this scrapbook is not done and also uh just let's all i know you guys don't can't see it but the scrapbook that christine made it really like every second of it there was such thought and love put into it so like if you had to skip doing notes to work on that, it definitely showed at least.

Thank you for thank you for giving me a pass today. For once. For once. So this is my Huntsville story. It's an Alabama story. We didn't have that many people at our Huntsville show anyway, so I figure it's OK if I share it. Sure. And we didn't record it, so it's not going to be released live.

So this is the story of Nanny Doss, the Giggling Granny. I truly don't remember this much myself. And I remember this is one that people have requested for a long time. I remember Granny because the Granny Ripper is what I'm thinking of. Oh, right, yes. Because that was another story that you requested. I requested that story from you. And now every time I hear granny, I always think it's Granny Ripper.

I mean, it's very few and far between granny murders. So I just associate all of them with Granny Ripper. Yeah. Well, Nanny Doss is probably friends with her. Cool. So Nanny Doss, she's born Nancy Hazel in 1905 in Blue Mountain, Alabama. Woo-hoo! Ow-ow!

Which is now part of Calhoun county oh my uh her childhood well let's just get started yeehaw her childhood was pretty tough um instead of going to school nanny and her four siblings stayed at home to work on household chores and tend to the farm her father was also very physically abusive toward uh her mother and all the kids um at age seven while the family was taking a train to visit relatives in southern Alabama, the train stopped suddenly and she hit her head on a metal bar very hard on the seat in front of her, which we know about frontal lobe injury. We sure do. The beginning of the end.

Sociopathy incoming. Right. For years after, she suffered severe headaches blackouts depression mental instability that the doctors believed all related from that head injury so it was very bad um by the time she was a teenager nanny was obsessed with romance she dreamed of getting married someday and living an idyllic life with her husband she was just very like you know goo goo ga ga over like the idea of getting married and having a family and right um you know the things that all women should do oh care about

only only women cooking pot roast also right oh god i love a good pot roast allison are you listening hello uh pineapple quesadilla um so she dreamed of getting married she was like she would read these like romance magazines about dreaming you know dream boats and uh she basically it was kind of people now attribute it to like wanting to escape her childhood life you know with her father basically um so it was supposed supposedly an escape um speaking of her father he forbade all four of his daughters from wearing makeup or attractive clothing so like obviously with that pressure she wanted even more right and dreamed of it even more and it was like suddenly you know if you take it if you make it a forbidden fruit then all of a sudden they want it

more exactly parents are you listening parents i'm not a parent but i'm gonna tell you how to parent let's do a parenting podcast oh i can't wait we have a lot to teach you i'll just tell you everything linda did wrong one we already do that one business suits on fucking water sprinklers in hotels that's step one that's step one that i wouldn't say that's parenting and except like a we could do a whole do as i say not as i do maybe that's a great one yeah that's a great one she loves she loves parenting through that also don't pepper spray through events so that everyone in the hotel gets pepper sprayed oh no do it oh do that yeah that's the one you do i think oh i see so you okay i don't know you know better than i do fold it we'll just put linda on we'll just put

a microphone in her face and be like how do you parent and then finally days finally you give me my chance oh um okay so sorry so she was like dreaming of getting married yada yada at age 16 nanny finally got her wish when she met a man named charlie braggs and within four months they were married okay she's 16 settled down locked him in right away um they had four daughters together but their marriage began to fall apart one problem uh was that charlie's mother uh who lived with them had similar abusive tendencies as nanny's father so she was still back in like the parental abuse situation and she was still a child i mean she was 16 and so her mother-in-law who lived with them is like still abusing her the way her father did so she and this sounds like a time and lifestyle where she as his wife is also his property

um is that yeah does that come up at some point i don't know it just sounds like there's like no running from it i mean to be fair it was like right when women could barely even vote so yeah so probably so regardless of if it's in the story like 1920 so like yeah contextually yeah she's actually speaking sure she's property of the state um okay so but she so her mother-in-law was similarly abusive like her father um she began to drink and smoke heavily as a coping mechanism and both nanny and charlie cheated on one another regularly in 1927 two of charlie and nanny's daughters died suddenly at the breakfast table oh my god yeah their deaths were attributed to food poisoning and then charlie's mother so her mother-in-law died shortly after after charlie received an anonymous warning not

to eat any food his wife prepared oh which i like don't i'm like i looked everywhere like what do you mean an anonymous letter like who the fuck is writing it could be only one of some people right like who the hell is writing this anonymous letter whatever oh it's probably christopher sherman sherwood absolutely it is i think so absolutely department of it's an alien actually it's one of the aliens from the sky he's just cloaking he's just cloaking um so he got an anonymous note saying don't eat your wife's food so he and his oldest daughter melvina what a name what a name they fled and they left nan they left nanny at home with their newborn named florine wow they were

like fuck you florine i guess you'll figure it out fucking survival of the fittest florine poor baby uh they were officially divorced in 1928 and uh charlie brought melvina back to alabama so she could be with her mother and sister like closer to her mother and sister after the divorce um and that's when nanny met her second husband his name was frank harrelson uh she met him through a lonely hearts newspaper column love it love it back when you would like that's how we met oh right right right tinder via newspaper yes the old school the old school we are now almost 30 you know true true uh he wooed her with poetry and she responded with quote randy letters and a photo oh my she's like fuck your poetry look at my boobs although you're right. Back then it was.

Nanny knew how to do it. I feel like. Was this all in the newspaper, though? Like where like public eyes could watch their correspondence? I think it was like they met that way and then they would mail shit to each other. Oh, OK. I was like, wow, they're really brave out there. However, I feel like a Randy photo in the 20s is like an ankle bone or something like an ankle.

This is a question I'm putting you on the spot for, but I don't think you will actually know this. But one of our grandparents would. But if you meet someone through the newspaper, at some point, the only way you can contact each other is through the newspaper, right? Until you give your address, but you'd have to do it through the paper. That's a good point. So do you just hope that nobody also sees your address and just comes and kills you? I don't think maybe like the newspaper has the information. Okay.

I don't know. Like the third, they're like the mediary. Sure. Or maybe you put your phone number and hope nobody calls you. I don't know. I'm just wondering. I just, I don't know. That's a really good question.

I don't know. Because you're right. Like, how would you break that? I mean, the last time I used a newspaper was 10 years ago to look at movie times before the internet. Oh, yeah. really started getting wild on movie times. I remember one time I was reading a newspaper. I was like five or six. Not reading a newspaper.

That makes me sound like. Looking at the movie times. I was like upside down looking at a newspaper. And I was like five years old or something. And I found this. And I knew my dad was like looking to buy a new car or something. And I found this page that had like it said like 0% financing or like zero dollars down so i like cut it out for my dad and i was like i found you a car that cost zero dollars and i like wow gave it to him as like now you can have a car for zero dollars

and my dad was like no that's not how this works but i mean the only thing i remember from newspapers that like i will still i would still love to see are classifieds. Those are the best. Those are the best, but nobody ever uses it that way anymore. It's like a single man looking for, you know, M seeking W. Well, I also, I like the obituaries. I know that sounds like, no, I do too, but they're really fascinating. You read about a whole person's life and exactly. Um, anyway, so yeah, yeah, whatever.

They met through lonely hearts newspaper, although it looks like the newspaper was like specifically for singles. So maybe there was some system in place. Sure. I don't know. I would hope so. I would really hope so. Um, so anyway, so she sent him Randy letters and a photo.

Uh, they married in 1929, but the marriage became rocky, largely due to Frank's alcoholism and his violent temper. Uh oh. Yep. Uh, despite their issues issues their marriage lasted 16 years though um nanny's oldest daughter melvina she gave birth to a baby in 1943 which made nanny a grandmother got it uh then melvina gave birth to a second baby two years later but the baby died shortly after birth um just be aware that what i'm about to say is upsetting everybody. Oh, okay. Just, and it's about a baby, so.

Great. Maybe I won't say it. You should just say it. It's really bad. Okay. This is Florine, the baby? No, no, no, no, no. This is Melvina's.

No, Melvina's baby. Daughter's baby. Yeah. Got it. So her second baby. So Nanny's granddaughter. Yes, yes, yes. The grandson.

Grandson. The youngest, yeah. Grandson. Grandson. So the youngest baby grandson um so the youngest baby died shortly after birth and melvina swore she saw her mother standing over the crib it's really bad sticking a pin through its head through its head wow i'm sorry that's really traumatizing i didn't say this at the live show

because i was like i'm not gonna say this at the live show because I was like, I'm not going to say this at a live show. Yeah. I don't remember you saying that. Wow. I wrote doing something to the baby. Hmm. Oh, no, you're right. It was a girl shortly before she was announced dead, but she just assumed like she had been

on, you know, some sort of drugs for the birth. And like, she's like, that's that doesn't make any sense that she was she would be hurting my child. Right. And the baby, I guess right um and the baby i guess died almost the baby died instantly and um fuck she was like i swore i saw my mother standing over the crib but like maybe i imagined it and everyone else was like no why would you know right remember the time you and your father fled because you couldn't be trusted to eat her food valid valid

maybe look back on that maybe um and oh she had been prescribed ether so she was like okay i'm on ether like maybe i just don't know what i'm thinking um so because of the tragedy melvina and her husband struggled uh in their relationship she began dating a soldier um they separated nanny did not like this soldier after a nasty fight with her mother melvina went and stayed with her father leaving her older son son Robert to stay with his grandmother. And that night, the boy died under Nanny's care. Shit. Mysteriously.

And then Nanny collected on the $500 life insurance policy she had taken out on her grandson. That sounds right. Nobody knew about. Great. In 1945, Nanny's husband Frank was out celebrating the end of World War II and got shwasted. As you would. As you would. I mean, if there's any time to get shwasted.

That's the time. However, he did the opposite of what you should do and he attacked her. Uh-oh. The next day, Nanny was out in her rose garden when she discovered Robert's, her husband's, corn whiskey jar hidden in the dirt. So she took the jar, filled it with rat poison, and put it back. Oh, my God. And that night, he was dead. His last words were, it must have been the coffee.

Sure, yeah. Or the whiskey. It must have been the stuff you were stirring in your coffee. Or the dirt whiskey in the ground. Right. So anyway, just like Nanny's daughters back in 27, Robert's death was attributed to food poisoning. Nanny met her third husband, Arlie Lanning, when he responded to Nanny's classified ad in a Lonely Hearts column. So she's just like meeting them left and right.

They got married three days after meeting through the newspaper. There it is. There it is. I guess you could just write like, meet me at the courthouse. You don't need to give your address right right right uh she played the doting wife in their relationship until one day when she was like i'm gonna put poison in arlie's food uh because he was a heavy drinker doctors attributed his death to an alcohol-induced heart attack so once again it was not made clear that nanny was doing this soon after arlie's death their house mysteriously burned down and nanny collected on that insurance money as well after

the house burned down she went to live with her sister dovie nanny and dovie okay uh for a while and surprise surprise dovie who was bedridden died pretty much immediately after nanny arrived at the house uh then nanny was like i need another husband so she who doesn't i know same jk mood 2019 oh god okay so she decided she needed another husband so she joined a dating service called the diamond circle club oh very very elite it seems that sounds like the most 80s like it sounds like something my grandparents were so excited to join on the cruise ship or something florida yeah like wearing polo shirts yeah um the diamond what say again diamond circle club absolutely jackal and miriam glickman was in

the diamond club parenting 101 parenting 101 correct if there was shuffleboard jackie was there oh my god shuffleboard and a martini. I'm in. So she joined this dating service and she met Richard L. Morton and the two of them got married, moved in together. And surprisingly, not surprisingly, I mean, unsurprisingly, their relationship was not good. He cheated on her all the time. Nanny ignored his adultery for the time being because she was focused on her mother,isa who'd recently fallen sick after a bad fall and needed a caretaker so nanny was like i'll take care of you hmm uh-oh um so super generous on her part uh louisa came to live with

nanny and richard so that nanny could take care of her mother shortly after louisa's arrival she died suddenly and without warning well that does not surprise me at all what a shock after her mother had died nanny turned her attention back to richard and his adultery and was like okay now that that's out of the way and my mother is dead one out of two done back to the shuffleboard at the diamond circle exactly um so nanny was like okay now i'm gonna turn back to you rich, and focus on your cheating. So within three months, he was dead as well. After drinking a thermos full of coffee that Nanny had spiked with arsenic, which I'm now thinking after the last husband was like, it must have been the coffee.

She was like, oh, that's a great idea for the next time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gave her her new inspiration. Right? It's like domino effect. Interesting. So then the next one was like, it must have been He gave her her new inspiration. Right? It's like domino effect. Interesting. So then the next one was like, it must have been in the tea. The pudding.

And the next one's the tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a fun. It must have been in my Diamond Circle Club champagne. It must have been in my shuffleboard puck. It must have been in the mahjong pieces. That I put in my mouth. Oh my god. This is like an Agatha christie doll that's just

really bad like a knockoff agatha christie no anyway okay um so she spiked his coffee with arsenic he died next up nanny married another man um named samuel doss of tulsa oklahoma in 1953 uh he had lost his entire family to a tornado back in Arkansas. Oh, my God. So he was like just out of sorts. Let's say also like I think that's the first tornado death you've covered at all in all of our episodes. Yeah. Wow.

No, you're totally right. One off the list. Someone's going to email like, no, there were four episodes. Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. We're such assholes. I think you're right. Yeah.

I don't think we should have like, you know, like the dumb ways to die thing. We should like try to check off every single one of them at some point. Not that a tornado is a dumb way to die. Well, no, I was just thinking like, like a long streaming list of ways that I haven't covered. Right. Well, so I will say real quick, because it's something I've actually been meaning to talk about.

There was a really bad tornado in Ohio a couple weeks ago. And Dayton is like demolished. Oh, oh shit a tree went through my mother's office and destroyed all her books and stuff it was like really bad oh my god and so i've been meaning to say a lot of uh charities are accepting like food uh donations and money donations and that kind of thing um so just if you are interested in helping out ohio a little bit jeez it's it was really bad fuck yeah so anyway well it was really bad. Fuck. Yeah. So anyway, well, it was scary. Cause I woke up to all these tweets, like, is your family okay? And I was like, you know, it's so weird.

Something happened in Virginia recently. And I got a bunch of tweets of people being like, is your family okay? And I was like, it was a shooting. Yes. And Virginia beach. Yep. And so like, I woke up to like, is your family okay? And of course my heart is just like, oh my God, what?

Like, is my family? I don't know. And I didn't know there was a tornado at all. And I like, I woke up to, like, is your family okay? And, of course, my heart is just like, oh, my God, what? Like, is my family? I don't know. And I didn't know there was a tornado at all. And I, like, okay. Anyway, that's the point I'm making. Anyway, Dayton needs your help if you're willing to. So, anyway, this guy Samuel had lost his family to a tornado. And so this is where Nanny gets her last name.

She finally decides to take her husband's name, becomes Nanny Doss. Samuel Doss was a Nazarene minister who disapproved of nanny's love of romance novels and stories he told her she was only allowed to read magazines or watch tv shows that had an educational purpose okay so if anyone was like property right by now it's this he was the most quote traditional correct i see this is the most madman like 50s like you may only read magazines that i approve of you um saying he was getting on her nerves nanny left him as a form of protest and wouldn't come back until he put her name on his bank account and took out two life insurance policies with her as a beneficiary oh my god she was like i'm leaving and i won't come back until

you sign me up as your beneficiary of two life insurance policies. Jeez. I don't know how he didn't know what was coming together, but OK. So Nanny did the only rational thing. She laced a prune cake with poison. It must have been the prune cake. I'm telling you, prune like without poison in it is already like going to just put me out of my misery. The Glickmans at the Diamond Club are eating prune cake. No, they're not.

We have good taste. You don't eat prune cake? Listen, I'm telling you, if someone gave me a prune cake, it would not... You have good taste. You're like, you don't even eat anchovy pizza. Well, amen. That's further proof. If someone said eat prune cake and I was like, I'd rather die, they'd be like, don't worry,

there's poison in it. So you will. You get both. You get both. You get both. Oh my God. Okay. So she laced a prune cake with poison. He spent a month recovering in the hospital

and was diagnosed with a severe digestive tract infection. Been there, homie. But he survived. Nanny did not give up though. Turns out she was in a rush to collect on the two life insurance policies she had taken out. So she was like, oh yeah, this prune cake will die and then i'll get the money but since he was in the hospital for a month and didn't die she was like shit this prune cake will die what did you say

this prune cake will die did i say that i think you did and in my head i was like well if i ate it i would die i'm so glad you caught that that's awful it's fine no let's keep it everyone's hitting the back 15 seconds. Or they're like, no, we all heard it. I thought you were calling him a prune cake. And I was like, is it like a snowflake or something? Prune cake. Snowflake is out. Prune cake is in.

Yeah, there it is. Twitter, come on. Don't be a prune cake. Don't be such a prune cake. So, right. She was like, the prune cake will kill him, is what I was trying to say. Got it, got it, got it. So she was like, but when it didn't, a month later, and he came home again, she was like the prune cake will kill him is what i was trying to say um so she was like but when it didn't a month later and he came home again she was like shit well that didn't work

so she put her favorite trick to use put arsenic in his coffee yep and he just immediately go back to basics right so after that whole month in the hospital recovering he goes home and immediately is poisoned so terrible but this time um she fucked up because when he was in the hospital for this month long recovery, the doctor started to grow suspicious of like how he had ended up there and had started to look into it. So then when Doss went home and died within days, the doctor was like, OK, no, something is up. Right. And immediately ordered an autopsy, which revealed, surprise, surprise, a massive amount of arsenic in a system so the doctor was like i knew something was going on so the doctor alerted police and nanny dos was arrested um with this new information authorities exhumed some of nanny's previous victims like pretty much all her family members and found

extraordinary amounts of arsenic or rat poison in all of them oh no uh nanny confessed to killing four of her husbands her mother her sister her grandson and her mother-in-law oh my god so she was she had murdered the baby however how how she did it is unclear but maybe she fed him prune cake like unpoisoned and he was just a regular prune cake yeah uh however alabama law enforcement officials believe she killed as many as 12 people. Fuck. Yeah, really bad. And they were mostly her family and children and grandchildren.

That's awful. And babies. It's really fucked up. Her case incited a new law that requires all individuals who die without being attended by a physician to receive an examination by a medical examiner. Nanny blamed her murderous tendencies on her brain injury. So which... Okay. Sure. by a medical examiner um nanny blamed her murderous tendencies on her brain injury so which okay uh sure uh meanwhile journalists gave her the nickname giggling granny because every time she would tell the story of how she killed her late husbands she laughed and like all so there's

all these photos in the newspaper back then um where she's just like grinning and like they're interviewing her about how she murdered her grandson and like a baby and stuff and she's just like giggling oh no it's fucked up so uh she was also called the jolly black widow but giggling granny is someone that caught on i think um she loved the attention she was like basically romanticized it like she did everything else uh she always smiled for reporters and kind of did like flirty faces. Love the camera. Love the camera. She was thrilled because Life magazine bought the rights to her life story. And so she was like such a ham about that.

Such a ham. Such a ham. I've been saying that a lot lately. I don't really know why. When police asked why she killed her husband's, her primary motive was surprisingly not insurance money. She actually said in her own words that uh her romance magazines had a profound effect on her psyche she said quote i was searching for the perfect mate the real romance in life and then when she felt one of her husbands got on her

nerves and wasn't living up to her romantic expectations she simply killed him off and moved on to the next man well matt makes sense total total sense doesn't explain anything about your child your grandchild or your mother-in-law uh so nanny pled guilty may 17th 1955 and was sentenced to life in prison uh she was 50 years old so she had killed 12 people by then um upon receiving her life sentence uh nanny actually seemed thrilled at the prospect of life in prison and was like, great, let's do it. I don't know why. She seemed excited. Maybe she also romanticized prison. New chapter, new me.

New year, new me. New prison, new me. She was a model prisoner. She was known for always being jolly, lighthearted, despite the fact that two years into her sentence, she said she wished she had just been put to death. But she remained cheerful she often joked about her case especially when she was interviewed all the way up until her death in 1965 of leukemia shortly before her death she told a visiting reporter quote when they get shorthanded in the kitchen here i always offer to help out but they never do let me wow i wonder why they don't want you near the coffee or the prune cakes. And that is the story of Giggling Granny. Wow.

What a psychopath. What a psychopath. I don't know. Well, I don't know if our psychopaths are going to get mad if they hear that. I hope not, because they might find me. I did put my address in the classified. Did you really? Yeah, today. Next to the zero dollar car me. Okay. I did put my address in the classified. Did you really?

Yeah. Today. Next to the car. Zero dollar car ads. God. Eva, take out that part where we're questioning it. No, it's funny. Okay.

Okay. I didn't put my address anywhere, guys. Okay, good. Okay. Oh, Gio has something to say. He's going to say my address. Be quiet. Thanks, guys.

Thank you so much for listening. Sorry we talked about our birthdays for eight years but also it's our birthday so you'll hear about it again in 2020 don't worry they're already looking forward to next year right uh thank you guys if you want to listen to more you can find us on spotify you can find us on all listening areas i just choose spotify that's the one i use listening areas indeed listening areas places where your ears wander um you can also find our website and that's where you drink.com you can also find our uh email and that's where we drink at gmail.com where you can submit your personal listener story or your personal true crime and paranormal stories yeah there is a chance of them

being read aloud on our listeners episodes that we put on the first of every month. I think our last live show gets announced tomorrow when this comes out. Ooh. Yeah, this comes out the 9th. On the 10th, we are releasing our last live show. Of the year. So please buy your tickets. We would love that. And there's still New Orleans.

It still has a few tickets available. Awesome. Yay. And you can also find our social media at ATWBD Podcast. All kinds of good stuff. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you, guys.

Thanks, guys. And we'll see you in 2020 for our birthdays. And this is the psycho part of me talking. Right. The normal us. We'll see you next week. Anyway. And that's why we drink.