And That's Why We Drink - E133 A Dumpy Tunnel and Dungeon Lite TM

Episode Date: August 18, 2019

Pardon us, we need a quick turkey intermission... Juniper will fill in for us while we're gone. This week we're leaving the U.S. to cover the hauntings of the entirely too old Dover Castle and a compilation of Austrian murders including Hugo Schenk the Viennese Housemaids Killer, Max Gufler the Austrian Bluebeard, and Oswald Sibrol who just doesn't get a nickname.We're also completely broken hearted by the recent, and all of the previous, mass shootings. If you are looking for a way to contribute to stopping gun violence, here are some suggestions:Everytown - https://everytown.org (https://everytown.org/)The Coalition to Stop Gun Violence - www.csgv.org (https://www.csgv.org/)______________________________Please consider supporting the companies that support us: Visit brumate.com and add code DRINK to get 15% off your first orderHead to warbyparker.com/DRINK to order your free Home Try-On’s todayTry a better way to get birth control with Simple Health by going to simplehealth.com/DRINK or just enter codeDRINK at checkoutJoin Honey for free when you go to joinhoney.com/drink

i am super thankful that you just described my fingers as rats i said you're when christine types and she means it she like it's like very aggressive fast typing and i was like it sounds like a little rat tap dancing yeah it makes it more charming than you calling my hands rats yeah that's what i thought you meant it in a nicer way i did i did how are you listen i'm great was that convincing no are you okay what's going on it's been a tough week i don't mean to dive right into the negative let It's cold and that's why we drink. You're right. This is, uh, I've had a very, I mean, here's the thing. Just so you guys know, Blaze just went to the store, asked if we needed anything.

Well, asked if I needed anything. I said, yeah, can you get some eggs and some bread? And then Em was like, oh, and half a pound of turkey. Yeah. I was not asked. I just jumped in. Well, so obviously Blaze went to get Em half a pound of turkey yeah i was not asked i just jumped in well so obviously blaze went to get me turkey and a half a pound of turkey um and so he's gonna bring it into the room at some point

and so i just want to warn you that while i'm discussing what i'm about to discuss there might be um a turkey intermission is it a is it about how horrible eating meat is how i'm a vegetarian no that would be so that'd be such a dick move of me no no no no all right what are you talking about so i just wanted to put it out there let's see where it goes um i just have had a very hard heart heavy week um and it's just been like on my brain every blank moment um just the the the shootings oh yeah shootings um and it just got to a point where i was like i don't know how to like function like i it felt very paralyzed um and i was in the airport in kansas city and i like went into one of the souvenir shops looking to buy something for m which by the way the way, I got sidetracked.

So I didn't buy you anything. And I'm sounds like it was a good reason to not get me something. Sorry about that. But that was the intention. And then I went in there and there was like this TV that said like most or new shooting in Dayton, Ohio. And I'm like, holy fuck, that's where my mom is. And I mean, it was a Saturday. So I was like, she's maybe up there doing office hours. I don't know her schedule,

but I'm like, it was the first time it's like been super close to home. Yeah, that's where she works. And we have a lot of friends that live there and go to school there. And I mean, I just was like Dayton, Ohio. So of course, like my heart sank into my stomach. And of course, all these other shootings have been very like, traumatic and horrifying. But there's something different when it's suddenly like, hey, is someone I know going to be on the victim list like it's just horrifying um so i just i mean i called my mom and obviously you know she was okay but she hadn't heard from they hadn't released the names of victims yet and so we were waiting for that um you know it wasn't anyone she teaches but there was one right state student that was killed and a professor my mom

knows um their child died and it's just like very i mean it's terrorism and yes it needs to be taken as such and i was like i don't know if i should talk about this but also like we have a platform and i'm like if if i don't say anything i almost feel like that's negligent right a little bit um and i keep hearing from people who've survived these things like i never thought that was something that could happen here which is just a human like you never yeah but you always think for some reason maybe you're probably in a bubble right and it's like a defense mechanism of like oh well that's someone else and i mean you know that's how we cope um but listen nowadays you don't fucking know i mean garlic festival i mean i don't i mean okay to be fair i've been to the garlic festival and i

love going to the garlic festival and i know horrifying i like i could have so easily gone this year a six-year-old at a garlic festival? Seriously? Did you see the video from, I think it was last night in New York City in Times Square? Yes. So there's a video going around that someone's motorcycle backfired in Times Square and everyone thought it was a gunshot. And just everyone in Times Square was just like sprinting, throwing themselves on the floor. It's like our whole country has ptsd like i mean it's traumatizing and my friend so a friend of mine writes she's like this awesome

journalist and we worked in national geographic together and um she wrote her first piece for the new york times this week and it was supposed to be like a really exciting awesome thing that she's writing for new york times so she's from el paso her first story was a front page new york times which is like incredible but also it was a shooting in her hometown so it was like great so the you know my first front page story is about my own shooting yeah yeah it's really horrific um it's affecting a lot more people than you might think or know. Here comes Blaze with the turkey. God, this is so awkward. Domestic terrorism and a turkey sandwich.

Here it is. Sorry, we're talking about... Thank you, Blaze. No problem. Gio thinks he's gonna get some. Oh, great. He's not. Nope.

Go see Daddy. Gio. So, crack open a boar's head. It's Turkey Hill, so. Oh, no, it's Hillshire Farms. Hillshire Farms. It's all good. No, I mean, this, I mean, I think it goes without saying that I'm terrified to go outside now.

It's horrible. I mean, I never, I never know where it's going to be. And I mean, there's this meme going around. It's like everything in our society today seems like dark humor. Meme worthy. Right. But, um, I mean, someone said like, if a Walmart full of Texans couldn't save, couldn't stop a shooter, then like why on earth do you think you'd be able to? I mean, it's true. I mean, everyone was saying like, oh, well it's never happened in an area where there aren't guns or where there's a lot of guns it's like okay well now it's happened so right i mean people are not yeah people are not safe right i talked to blaze's grandpa about it the day before

the date because we just talked about el paso and the garlic festival and he was saying um and he's a former cop and he's like this is too like beyond, I mean, he's very much like opposed to obvious. I mean, I mean, yeah. What I'm saying is he's not like a pro NRA second amendment bullshit nonsense. And he was just trying to like rationalize it. He lives in Missouri and he's like, you know, at our church, we had to set up security. And this is something like 50 years ago ago you would never even have thought about and again like if this can happen in a church in texas like who the hell knows it can happen

in a movie theater the last three movies i've gone to i was terrified especially because like i'm a big like marvel fan like every single marvel on marvel movie on opening night is a box office hit you know there's gonna be a lot of people there. I've wondered at like the last three movies. I was like, am I going to get shot? Because like, why not? It's a big populated area. You're guaranteed a lot of death. Well, and also, I mean, I know it obviously can happen to anyone you know.

But a lot of these shooters too are white supremacists and are going after people of color. And that is a huge fear. And my friend who i just said wrote her name is erin and she wrote for um the new york times this piece and then she wrote another piece recently about um the anxiety around that like people of color experiencing who are just like i feel targeted right i mean i can't imagine at the grocery store i mean without there being math shootings every single literal day yeah i can't imagine. At the grocery store. I mean, without there being mass shootings every single literal day. Yeah.

I can't imagine the anxiety of a daily life of just having to deal with horrible fucking people that judge you for your skin. And like if they're a heightened target by white supremacists, like, I mean, there's no way to know what's going to happen. It's just it's it's it's sheer, pure terrorism. know what's gonna happen it's just it's it's it's sheer pure terrorism um and i was reading an article about the dayton shooter and he said somebody a friend of his said oh but he was such a good guy and i'm like fuck off with that yeah he wasn't also by the way didn't he have a rape list of all the people he wanted to assault at school and shit i don't know about that part probably it was it was sad to say it was one of the three mass shooters last week yeah but one of them they were like oh let's not say his name like don't say the shooter's name which i'm

totally for however someone released his name to be able to talk about like what he was like before people knew him as a shooter right and he had like a hit list and a rape list of all of the people he wanted to attack and never did when he was in school oh my god so it's like don't fucking pretend like you didn't notice that he was shady i mean well at the same time i'm like if you didn't think he was shady whatever but the people who are reporting like well he was such a good guy that's what bothers me it's like well he's not now it's like well that's not what we're focusing on or what we should be focusing on yeah he wasn't a good guy clearly wasn't a great enough guy to not slaughter people this is like the the whatever his name was oh he well he's a

great swimmer okay that's not relevant right right this guy loved pop culture it said and i'm like so the fuck what so did all these people that he just gunned down exactly at a bar anyway all i'm saying is i felt very paralyzed and very in in in just fear and paralysis and i so i went kind of digging and i there are things you can do um like what so i wrote out this lovely little list because i kind of went i was seeking something to do that was not just tweeting because i was like i mean that's good too but there's only so much that you like you know that makes you feel good maybe like oh i retweeted something but i was like i want to find something more impactful um you can check out for example everytown.org uh as well as the coalition to stop gun violence which is at csvg.org um they're both working to create safer gun laws

and end gun violence in america for example, closing the loopholes that, for example, let 19 year olds buy assault rifles and then go kill six year olds. So there's that. Keeping away guns from domestic abusers. Amen. Cracking down on gun trafficking for those who are obtaining guns legally, which I know is another argument. People say like, well, guns are.

Yes, that's part of the problem. But also a 19 year old just bought an assault rifle right right right um and also if you disagree with me on this um and you think that that's you know that should be allowed because of the constitution i have a really uh request of you can you please go write me a one-star review on itunes because i would really appreciate that and make sure you write in full detail about how much you love what's going on right now disagree with with By all... I mean, we haven't discussed this, but by all means, just stop listening to that show.

Just stop. Because we don't care if we sound specifically political. There are some things that I am not going to stay, oh, I'm not in... No, because at a certain point, I mean, it was like Elie Wiesel or somebody who said, at a certain point, not doing anything is making a decision in one way or another. And I, again, like feel like we have a, a platform platform. And so I just want to get the resources out there. Um, coalition stop gun violence.

Cause I mean, it's hard. You don't know. I don't know. I didn't know how to do that. So you could either donate, they have options to look for volunteer opportunities in your area. Um, and that kind of thing. So all I'm trying to say is it's paralyzing. It's easy to get like just wrapped up in fear.

But this, in my opinion, is something we can fix over time. This does not happen in other countries. This is not something that happens. Literally does not happen even a little bit in other countries. No, it doesn't. And there needs to be something done about it. So I think, you know, as much as social posting on social media, like obviously, you know, raises awareness and it's helpful.

No shade. Um, cause that's, you know, what I do mostly, but it's literally what I, I mean, all I know how to do up until this exact moment where you're telling me there's other options. It was just like, sometimes you don't know what else can I do? Like tweet and wait to vote. Like, yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I think sometimes either putting your money with where your mouth is and like, you know, I was able to do that. Not everyone is able to have expendable income for that. Totally makes sense. Understandable. But there are also volunteer opportunities there. Um, you can call your representatives. There's

all sorts of things. The resources are online. Um, um i'm gonna put those links in the show notes as well um there's also an article that lists five things you can do right now to help stop gun violence um oh and that list is very helpful too it's not all like donating money it's not all you know just one click things like there are things that you can really get involved um to different levels and yeah i mean i, I've just been very, very heavy hearted this week and I'm hurting a little bit and just the thought of finding out, you know, or waiting to see that list or finding, seeing someone's name on that list that you recognize. I mean, the thought, I mean, the second that I realized that there was a shooting in Dayton, I thought that, you know, your mom might be in trouble. It's like she spends most days of the week up there.

And she goes, I mean, I was texting her about it. And she's like, that's where I take my students. Like, that's the bar we go to. Like, it's seconds. And also, one of the victims was someone who was in the area just to celebrate his 30th birthday. Like, it could happen literally to anyone on any day. I mean, a six-year-old was going to the garlic festival with his family. What the fuck

i don't i don't know it's like i mean and i mean the i think the thing that like really got to me my mom sent me a link this woman was interviewed on cnn i believe and she was just in total shock and she said i walked outside and i saw this woman dead on the ground and she five minutes earlier in the women's bathroom or in the bar had said oh my god i love your outfit and i said your shoes are adorable and we said we went on our ways i walked out five minutes later and her body was on the ground and i'm like this is not okay it's not okay it's not in any sense of the word and it's shameful as a country it's shameful i mean uh i think it was was it uganda put us on uruguay put us on the list of of like not safe to travel to countries and i'm like yeah yeah we belong on that list i have friends who only moved here a couple

years ago from other countries and all their friends were telling them don't move here you'll get shot because that's just the time what people imagine happens when you move to america you're just gonna get gunned down because our news is all oh uh by the way um an elementary school just got shot up and a bunch of small children died and not for no reason and not at all to to compare traumas at all but this is like the first week that i'm aware of where this three newsworthy quote they're all newsworthy but three that got mentioned all happened within a week of each other yeah it's a very there were and i think before these there have been 250 mass shootings in the united states more than days in the year nope there's been oh oh oh days so far in the year yes sorry so far in the year

i was like i don't know about that but yes you're right yeah more than there have been days yeah exactly yes which just like and it's so i feel like it's so easy to get just jaded because i mean it's just bombarding us like i mean it really is like i'm just it's so horrible but now i'm starting to get to the point where i'm just like what else is fucking at a certain point just waiting for a shooting to waking up to a shooting is just like okay again you know which is the exact opposite of what should be happening because like totally and the l i mean i remember i was with aaron actually that that woman i was talking about my friend when sandy hook happened and i remember we were at the national geographicographic there was a party I

think it was a Christmas party and like I just went upstairs in the dark office and like sat there for the rest of the night I was like I can't function like how do you enjoy no how do you enjoy your night knowing that so many parents drop their kids off that day yeah yeah and so I mean the point is it's terrorism it needs to be be stopped. If you disagree with me, you need to go read something. Good. I'm not saying you're part of the problem. I'm just not saying you're part of the solution. Yeah.

And also you're part of the problem. And also you're part of the problem. And if you disagree with me, fine. You can write whatever you want about me. And you know how very hard it is for me to say, go write me a one-star review. By all means you by all means by all means tell us that we're not racist and don't want people to die yeah i just uh i just i've been sick over it all week so i wanted to say something i know that i kind of went on but

i wanted to just say like there are things you can do it's kind of the point of my rant and i found some things that and i think that at least for me was a little bit comforting that like in the slightest bit that at least you can put energy toward it. Right. Exactly. Instead of just sitting paralyzed, which is so, which is what I fall into. So anyway, that's a rough way to start, but I just, I wanted to get it out there. Nope. I'm glad you got it out there.

If you were not a vegetarian, I would share my turkey with you for some emotional eating. Thank you. Thank you. Uh, don't worry. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, so I'll be okay. Thank God. Thank God. This poor lady.

Um, anyway, so I know that was dark and heavy, but listen, this is a crime show. I was going to say, it's interesting for us to talk about it because we do make a lot of really dark things light-hearted yeah but i don't want people thinking that we're unaware of things that are not fucking funny like this is atrocious this is not something uh anyone should be glorifying or i mean and at this you know i mean even when i discuss crimes i'm not trying to make them lighthearted glorify them in by any means but um i just think that they're worth discussing and this is so current and so relevant that hand in hand with and sadly will probably be current for a long time unfortunately that's how it seems to be going so hug your loved

ones tight um sign some petitions call some representatives. Donate whatever money you can spare. Take it up from our Patreon. Put it toward gun safety. I'm all about it. Anyway, thanks for listening to my TED. What's the opposite of a TED talk? My Christine talk. Christine chat.

My fireside chat. All right, now listen to this ad while I eat some turkey. Okay. My fireside chat. All right, now listen to this ad while I eat some turkey. Okay. I'm just, like, freaking... Oh, my God. Foul.

I ate the entire box of Hillshore Farms turkey. And was like, I'm going to put the rest downstairs in the fridge. And I was like, okay. And then, like, two seconds later, I was like, so I ate all of it. I couldn't hold back. It was so good. And then we were about to start, like, so I ate all of it. I couldn't hold back. It was so good. And then we were about to start and just this. I just burped.

This noise, this, this vibrating noise came out of Em's body. For like a solid three seconds. Like it was not a burp. It was like a full blown, like buddy, the alpha belch. Like being in the room is one thing. Like, being in the room was one thing. Having headphones on my ears and microphones connected directly into my ear holes is not the way to listen to that. It was the best burp I think I've had in a long time. Em literally shed a tear.

You shed a tear. I was moved. My throat was rumbling. It was a good time. It was like a holy miracle moment. It was like a movie magic burp that your dad makes after he chugs a beer. Yeah. Like a Homer Simpson burp.

But like me eating turkey. But like a turkey burp, which is so foul. Like me eating nine ounces of turkey in like, what, 30 seconds? Oh, dear God. I just shoved it in my face. Okay. Moving on. Is that a nice game changer from earlier?

Yeah. I hope so. Do you like the highs and lows we bring you on that's why we drink an exclusive oh my god all right here's a ghost story okay let's just dive in i'm so excited for ghost story let's just dive in i'm so happy that we get to listen to this before my crime story so speaking of how terrible this country is i decided to just pick a story away from this country me too okay maybe we're subconsciously like leaving in our minds maybe i'm already like filling out the citizenship paperwork somewhere else so where are you moving to canada that's where we're going no we're going

to england we're going to england i'm saying where are you going i'm not spiritually ruined my game spiritually canada presently england got it so okay this is in Kent, England, and this is the story of the Dover Castle. I've heard of that. Have you? Because I'd never heard of it. I've heard of it in a very distant... That makes me feel good because I was, I felt like either I had covered it before and I didn't remember, or maybe I just never heard of it at all. I'm losing my mind. Oh, good. So... Me too. If, uh, if I have covered it before, get all, I'm losing my mind. Oh, good. Me too. If I have covered it before, get ready to hear it again. Great.

So, like I said, it's in Kent, England. It's on England's southeastern coast. It sits on the White Cliffs of Dover. Fun fact, the cliffs are white because they are made of chalk slash salt. NACL. Oh, no. It is one of, so in some places I saw that it was the largest castle. In some places I saw it was one of the largest castles.

So I'm just going to say it's one of the largest. Some have argued the largest. Okay. And as well as one of the oldest defense posts in Britain. Fun fact for you. Very fun. So far, wildly fun. i'm still recovering from your horrible belch but i'm recovering i really wish we recorded that that was like a cartoon you like

it sounded like it wasn't a human being no it didn't and then when you made the noise you immediately looked at the screen to see if we were recording and i was like i was really proud i was like i know what you're doing i'm sure that like doesn't make me seem like I'm all about my manners, but I, that was just like a burp for the century. Like you say, it makes me seem like I'm not all about, as if you are actually all about I am so unbelievably classy. You don't even know. Yeah, we, yeah, they know.

They listen. They know how classy we are. So, uh, it's also the Dover castles also recognized as a, quote, scheduled monument, which I think is England's version of a National Historic Monument or National Historic Place. Okay. It's also recognized as, quote, a nationally important historic building and archaeological site. Cool.

It's also a grade one listed building, which I'm sure is another wonderful rating over there. And it has been deemed an internationally important structure wow a lot of good history going on it's a little showing off does it have a webby award though listen we beat it in comedy podcasts but it's got everything else uh we got that one thing to cling to for the rest of our lives right right right uh so like i said a lot of history and i tried to do the thing again where i was like oh i'll just i'll just do a story really quickly like i'll just research really quickly i think i picked

literally the oldest building in all of the uk because don't tweet us if that's wrong because we know it might be well because i was like oh i'll find something really quick with like a quick history and this is the literally longest history i've ever seen in my life and then i forgot that i wasn't in america so it dates further back than the 1700s it literally shit you not dates back to the anglo-saxon times and iron age i'll let's just so it's old so it's old so it has a lot of history so i had to do a lot of history research when i planned on just quickly doing a story and it ends up not happening again so you just had to do thousands of years of got it just hundreds hundreds thousands some might say years so got it uh before it was a castle it was a fort um or there was a fort on the site during the iron age um excavations over time have suggested

that there was a fort here um during that time because there is an unusual pattern of quote earthworks in the area oh interesting that even predates medieval times oh okay i didn't want to sound dumb so i was gonna ask how medieval times fits into iron age so it's iron age before iron age is like literally before the romans have even invaded wow so incredible uh this is so it's a fortified been a fortified site since the saxon times it's apparently nicknamed the key to england oh sometimes also nicknamed the lock and key of england cute because of its key role in defense over time and its strategic placement on the english Channel. On a lock? Yeah, apparently. That's clever.

I love a pun. Love a good pun. So apparently its, quote, key role in defense and strategic placement has it commanding the shortest sea between England and the continent, and it's prominent to mainland Europe. It's only 22 miles from France. So in times of war, it's been, like, very prominent. Wow, yeah. miles from france so in times of war it's been like very prominent wow yeah um then come the year shit you not 43 and uh sorry 43 the year 43 and not like apostrophe 43 no like just like ad 43 fml that's fucking. The Romans invade.

Ugh. Gotta remember those days. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? What a time. And they were the first people to have a significant presence in this area. They built a lighthouse here. Literally shit you not between the years of 115 and 140.

Oh, wow. Which makes the lighthouse that's still there by the way no makes it the most complete standing roman structure in england the tallest roman structure in britain and only one of three surviving roman era lighthouses in the world wow dude i'm geeking out so it is was also originally built to protect um the shores from pirates but now let's fast forward give or take a thousand years to the year 1066 i feel like i'm a history teacher in like thousands of years from now and i'm where you don't i'm time travel telling the story of like oh just fast forward a couple thousand years i've never been able to say that before and you know so it's great i love it so we went quickly from the year 140 to the year 1066 and yet we're still really far away and yet i've never even heard of that

year in my life as an american so in 1066 the fort apparently i don't i don't know what this means because either i'm not english or i don't know enough about forts or i'm not this old um it could be one of the three this means that i also don't know what it is so apparently the fort was strengthened at that time i think it just means that it was built out to be more heavy duty and last longer the fort was fortified the yes uh-huh i bet you that's where the word comes from truly i mean who's to say we can't ask them they're all in the year 140 or something english is not my first language but sometimes i'm good at guessing bingo bingo bingo so the the fort that was on the site has now been strengthened and the first i don't know what an earthwork is. Do you know what earthwork is?

I think it means like some sort of rocks. I think it means like the structure is made from the earth, like sticks, like the three little pigs. I mean, what I'm picturing is like when you're doing an excavation, you find like base, like stones that have been laid out for groundwork, that kind of like base work. That's what I picture. Sure. But I'm not sure, to be honest. I'm literally thinking like sticks and twigs and hay i mean i think those wouldn't exist anymore from that long ago um true okay you're right you're

right well i don't know if i'm right uh because someone's gonna do sticks last someone's how long how long until a stick is no is just in the air what is the chemical formula for sticks it's actually nacl um earthworks is a company earthworks archaeology hold on i'm so sorry okay yeah that's sort of what i pictured so it's uh artificial changes in land uh typically made from sculpted rocks and soil so it's like when you take the land and like structure it for the building you're about to make so like if you're like leveling land or you're putting rocks down as a foundation okay and so when a lot of times when they excavate they find since even if a building is gone they find the earthwork like they got it yeah i know i got you

okay i hear what's happening great because i couldn't keep talking because it was just going to start sounding dumber and dumber but i'm where you're at got it it. Equally dumb. So we've made it half a stride. So in 1066, the fort was fortified and the first earthwork and timber stock based castle was built there. Cool. That is insane. It went from a fort to becoming a castle. It was built by Duke William of Normandy, a.k.a. William the Conqueror. A.k.a.

Billy. A.k.a. Billy. After the Battle of Hastings A.k.a. Billy. A.k.a. Billy. After the Battle of Hastings. So that was when this happened. Also during this time, a church called the Church of St. Mary and Castro was built next to this lighthouse. It was built in the 10th to 11th century. Also still standing.

Wowza. And now we get to like some deeper facts. So 1179 to 1188 years i've never talked about once in my life until this moment we should start writing them down and do a bingo oh just see if i can hit every year you know what we hit year 43 never thought that shit was gonna happen yeah now we just need zero through 43 and then and then 44 to 2018 or something like are we also including bc because then we can go millions truly yeah so i mean not that not that evolution again is real so the earth really isn't that old no it's just flat i get right a thousand percent and also

vaccines don't work so all the big uh earth work there it is flat planet and uh so in that weird time that i'm never going to discuss again the 1180s let's just call it the castle was then rebuilt into a much heavier duty upgraded castle under the reign of king henry ii got it okay it was built out they built out the entire place including underground tunnels i love underground tunnels built into the cliffs that it was sitting on cool um and the king actually oh my god blaze okay he's angry he was probably hoping you'd save some turkey i was gonna say surprised how much i ate real fast so uh the king actually spent more money on dover castle than any other castle wow and for a long time nobody could figure out why because this wasn't the beginning of his reign. He like, he never really gave a shit about this building. And then all of

a sudden just put so much money into it. So the gossip was. So the gossip was roiling. So I'm going to do what every horrible American does and just skip a total piece of history. Hell yeah. Because, um, I was trying to understand it and I was reading it from multiple sources and I don't even know the people to begin with. I've just pissed off so many historians that I'm not doing the story justice. I'm admitting now I would have not been able to tell the story properly. And so I just I'd rather not butcher it. Got it.

So basically it was like for military reasons. There was some guy i'm sure like in england people are rolling their eyes because maybe he's like this massive important person but in my mind i've never heard of him until today he's a guy named beckett like beckett like bend it like beckham but beckett like the writer samuel beckett no oh. Somehow the king was involved in his murder. Huh. Okay. We're not talking about the same Beckett?

I don't think so. Huh. Let's Google this. Let's Google it. I swear to God, because after NACL, I can't say a goddamn word without sounding like an idiot. Thomas Beckett. Not saying Beckett. Is that who I meant?

Oh, no. Okay okay that's a difference i was like i don't think that's the same um time period either okay no samuel beckett was like this last century so that doesn't make any sense okay so his name's thomas beckett i'm going to truly go off of google like i always do so don't get mad at me but I typed in King Henry II and Thomas Beckett just to see what would come up and see if I could come up with like a very basic understanding of this um it's literally there's a Wikipedia page called the Beckett controversy so I'm glad that it was actually more complex than I'm imagining yeah yeah I mean to be fair like even though there are historians who so graciously listen to us blather

on um I think a lot of people listening also don't necessarily know this. So, sure. You know, we're. I fall on the side of people who don't know anything. A lot of us are on the same page as you, I believe. So the Beckett controversy, or apparently it's also called the Beckett dispute, was a quarrel between Thomas Beckett, who I'm learning right now, was the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Oh. And King Henry II of England. And the controversy culminated with Beckett's murder in 1170. Oh, 1170. Yeah. Samuel Beckett was born in like 1900 something. Oh, yikes. That was never going to be a thing.

Hi, Juniper. So sorry about that. So he also liked salt and chalk. I thought you were serious. Juniper. He also liked salt and chalk. I thought you were serious. Juniper.

So, okay, so I don't know how, but somehow the king was involved in Beckett's murder. Okay, and there was controversy. There was some sort of controversy, and basically the king, one of the reasons for why maybe he poured all this money into this building. Yeah. Is that Juniper? Oh, God, yeah, sorry. He's stepping on my bladder. And now your boobs! Juniper!

He's ripping my headphones off. Sorry, this is literally my cat throwing his body into... He is such a... Do it again! That was Juniper. Do it again, Juniper! Breathing into the mic like a little creep. Really intense, deep breaths. Do it again, do it again. Just huffing it up into the mic. Like a little really intense, deep breath.

Do it again. Do it again. Huffing it up into that mic. Oh, good. Well, now you're going to hear his butthole. So that's good. Super glad for all of you. Is this not the most educational, not entertaining for sure, but educational podcast you've ever listened to?

We're like the PBS of podcasts for sure. Are you going gonna do a little sniffing juniper do a little talking no he just wants featuring dj juni that sniffing noise was loud that was adorable too that was directly his little nose little pink nose moving on okay so there has yet to be a true explanation for why the king threw all this money into a castle he never gave a shit about. But one of the rumors is because he felt incredibly guilty over being involved in Thomas Beckett's murder. Got it.

And so I don't know if he literally murdered the person. I think he ordered knights to do it or some shit like that. But somehow he felt guilty for it. And so this was almost an homage to Beckett's family or Beckett's purpose or how the world changed because of Beckett. There was some guilt involved. Interesting. I feel like a lot of those guys back then did not have guilt, had mostly sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies. Well, also, that's why there's a second rumor of what the reason might be.

Parasitopathy tendencies? Well, also, that's why there's a second rumor of what the reason might be. I do remember this guy because I had to read a book about him for AP European History. Holy shit. Was it the wind? I don't know what the fuck that was. What is going on? Mercury's not in retrograde. I think maybe that's our problem.

Maybe we only function well when Mercury is in retrograde. We're just used to living in chaos, and now we're just fumbling everywhere now that like the universe has settled our chaos has nowhere to go and it just remains in this room makes sense anyway i know nothing about this guy except that i read a book about him once cool and retained nothing i think maybe that was a crash we heard was Was that a crash? It was very loud. I don't know. So, that's because that's a good point that a lot of kings usually did not feel any remorse. Like, if they killed someone and got away with it, they don't really have to build a castle. Especially when they're, like, point-blank telling knights to do it and then, like, taking credit for it.

Right. But so that's why there is a second rumor or a second alleged reason for maybe why he started pouring money into it, which historians apparently argue is the real reason. Okay. That as of 1179, King Louis VII of France traveled to England and came to Dover. And this was apparently the first state visit in all of English history. And so because he came to Dover, I guess because remember France and Dover are so close. That was the first stop in.

And so I think the king was like, oh, well, there's if he's done it once, there's probably a chance of future dignitaries coming to Dover. So we have to make it look as wonderful as possible to make sure our impressions. There are some jewels on those walls. Exactly. Baby. So he wanted to make sure that it would impress people and he poured all this money into it just to give you an idea of how much money

oh god um he spent 6 500 euros on the castle over only a few years and the annual revenue was 10 000 he spent euros what's the dot what's the squiggly sign euros is the is the thing that looks like a cent but the one line yeah what's the other one pound um the is the thing that looks like a cent but the one line yeah what's the other one pound um what's the thing that they used back then it's they used the sign that looks like a squiggly l with a line through it euros is the one that looks like a cent sign with one extra line right uh yes the squiggly l is a pound cool 6500 pounds okay i didn't know they used them for that long ago i guess so according to google they did great um at least that was the symbol that was next to everything perfect i did not put that in there clearly i don't even know what it is so so the 60

i literally recently texted my friend who from the uk to be like please explain this to me didn't work the two lines means is the lira which is similar to the pound but we're talking we're not talking what's the thing that looks like this follow and follow my finger so it has one line in the middle yeah that's a that's a that's a pound okay sorry 6,500 pounds um on the castle over like two or three years and the annual revenue was ten thousand so he was spending like oh let's say he spent thirty thousand sure on everything in three years i mean a fifth of it was going to this castle wait so sorry what was the annual revenue he was making ten thousand but he did it over a span of like three years so i'm assuming like thirty thousand in total and he spent 65 oh total not

per year correct got it got it got it so and also just to give you an idea too during his whole reign um he spent a lot of money on several castles somewhere around 90 castles but a third of all of the expenses he ever put towards castles were for dover wow okay so this was a big so it was like i think it was yeah it was mostly the 1180s and in that time he spent like an absurd amount of money on this castle okay um so this was also the first castle in western europe to have a concentric defense design so it had like larger and larger walls built in a circle from the center. So it got wider and stronger. The castle was also used during the Napoleonic War and prompted a massive rebuild for additional barracks and improved defense systems. So they just started needing to put soldiers there for a long period of time.

So they started building in housing for them. Sure. By the end of the war, the barracks and tunnels ended up being used by customs for a while. Sure. specifically world war ii and the tunnels came uh the tunnels became the this is probably the most fun fact you're going to hear in this whole story during world war ii the tunnels became the nerve command center for operation dynamo aka dunkirk whoa seriously yeah so for those who don't know operation dynamo was when they evacuated um like hundreds of thousands of allied troops yeah from the german army or cut off by the German army. Thank you, Christine, for your service there. I have... Do I even have to make it clear where I stand on this issue?

Maybe in 2019 America I do. Maybe. Listen to the first 40,000 minutes of this episode, where I blather on, you might get an understanding of how I feel about that. So, anyway. of this episode where i blather on you might get an understanding of how i feel about that so anyway anyway so in 1940 uh this was admiral ramsey's headquarters during operation dynamo and he directed the evacuation from these underground barracks got in this castle okay um it became a quote secret underground command center and an air raid shelter and winston churchill when he was prime minister visited um It was like the talk of the military town.

Sure. People knew that this was like a secret command station. Love it. It was also a secret location during the Cold War. A hospital was built in there, along with even more barracks. And two levels of tunnels were added. So the tunnels end up being, nowadays, the tunnels are three miles long and 150 feet below. Oh, Jesus. ended up being nowadays the tunnels are three miles long and 150 feet below oh jesus um and

it accommodated soldiers and a switchboard room for military phones shit so it's just getting more and more fancy uh-huh so the tunnel levels have actually been nicknamed a through e the tunnel a is called annex the uh tunnel b is called bastion the or bastion i think so i don't know i've never i think that's correct uh tunnel c is called cast mate tunnel d is called dumpy i want to live there and tunnel e is called esplanade and 2 000 men were able to live in the barracks wow that's how much space they were able to create they are the only underground barracks to have been built in britain fun fact really there's seven tunnels in total including uh the ones from the great siege of 1216 oh well god remember that don't i ever so the castle was

also at this time armed with new weapons and radar and when the war ended the army remained there until the 1960s when it was then modernized again to serve as the regional head of government shelter seat in case of a nuclear attack whoa so they start turning it out into a bunker they just need to keep switching this place up for new uh new horrible horrible things that are happening i'm telling you at the same time it also was handed over for preservation but they were still allowed to work around that and modernize it i guess okay um just in case there was ever like an atomic fallout someone could literally like our government could go sit there i guess you can fortify the basement if you need to so while the whole complex uh was considered a secret base at some point it remained on the secret undercover classified list

until 1984 when it was abandoned because they realized that because the entire thing was made out of chalk it wouldn't be enough to protect them from radiation during a nuclear attack sorry it was actually made out of chalk literally i thought that was a joke we were making no it was like they're like the white cliffs are made of chalk deposit. Oh, yes. Okay, I do recall this. All right. So, yeah.

They were like, that's not going to help us during a nuclear attack. So, all the money we just put into modernizing this to be a bunker is not going to work. Great. Got it. Super good. So, over the next 400 years, at least another 17,000 pound or pounds? Pounds. Okay. I don't know if they like i don't know you know sometimes you don't say that the s after a pair after what like two pair

two pairs of something oh i thought you meant like the fruit and i was like i think that's pluralized i always thought it was pluralized but sometimes sometimes you don't. So I just checked. Yeah, I don't know. 17,000 pounds was, over the next 400 years at least, another 17,000 pounds was spent on upgrades. And now it is open for tours. The tours also come sometimes with the psychic. Okay. In 2009, the company English Heritage spent 2.45 million pounds on recreating the castle's interior to look exactly like it did when King Henry II was there. Shut up.

That's cool. And the tunnels Annex and Castmate today, aka tunnels A and C, they are open to the public. Tunnel B, Bastion. Mm-hmm. Bastion. I think it's Bastion. It is apparently lost its access, like the door to it collapsed or something.

That means I want to it collapsed or something. That means I want to go there extra bad. Well, then Dumpy, Tunnel D. Where I live. Was the one that was converted into a seat for atomic war. That's now closed and off limits. Because it's my private quarters now. Exactly, because Christine lives there. And Tunnel E, Esplanade, was last used as an air raid shelter in World War II. And I don't think that one's open to the public. Okay. Also, there's a fun rumor that please, I'm going to be so humiliated

if I say this wrong. Sir Gawain, the King Arthur's nephew. I don't know. Okay, he was the Knight of the Round Table. And all the English people in the world are screaming right now. And anyone who's like read a book or is screaming right now. Well, how do you spell-a-w-a-i-n i'm pretty sure it's gawain sir gawain sure it's dwayne gawain dwayne yes sir dwayne actually okay the nephew of king arthur and then a knight of the round table he apparently he this is one of the alleged locations he is buried at gawain okay. Okay, Gawain. Great. Gawain. Okay, let's stop now.

Microsoft, Sam. Gawain. So, there's a rumor that... Gawain. Whatever. I don't know. We're stupid Americans. I think you were right. Gawain?

Yeah. Okay, I don't even know anymore. Now I'm nervous. There's a rumor that Sir Gawain, or Gawain, or Gawain, or Gawain, orawain or gawain or duane g sir g uh oh sergio there is a rumor that he was buried at dover castle okay oh and he's a he's a knight of the round tables yeah and he uh there's apparently many locations that claim to be where he's buried just like the holy girl sure but at some i guess there was at some point a skull that was on display there

and someone said it was him and now they think that's where he is buried. Okay. So anyway, that's all the history, but here are the ghosts. Oh, yes.

So apparently this is one of the most haunted buildings in the UK. I wonder why there's been a site there since before 43 AD. Before M realized time existed. Before M realized time existed. Before time realized time existed.

Before time was a construct. So apparently one of the most haunted buildings in the UK. Some of the many ghosts that people see there is a woman in red. There's always a woman in red, a woman in black, or a woman in white. I mean, they just love to stick to that color scheme. They love the monochromatic with a red pop. There's never like a woman in peach or mean they just they love to stick to that color scheme they love the the monochromatic with a red pop so like a woman in peach or paisley never no bring me a bring me a woman in teal and i'll be i'll be good to go i can't wait maybe a neon camo like your rothy's hashtag drink uh so uh oh the woman in red she is seen in the keep. So a keep is like the tower part.

Oh yeah, sure. Because my stupid brain was like, what the fuck is a keep? So, uh, she's been to the tower of London. Have you? I have. The keep of London. Uh, so a woman in red is often seen in the keep and near the West stairway, um, or by the mural gallery.

Okay. People can never make out her facial features, but they know she's sobbing. Oh, God. Ooh, so you see like a blurry sobbing face. Yes. That seems really... It's like me when I'm just... My makeup is...

Exactly. Yeah. You nailed it. Nailed it. People also say that they see a figure in blue in the mural gallery. They can't tell if it's... Oh, my God.

Teal. I told you. There it is. There it is. They can't tell what the gender is. They just know there's a person in blue walking around there. Okay. I'll take it. I asked for a woman in teal. I'll you. There it is. There it is. They can't tell what the gender is. They just know there's a person in blue walking around there. Okay.

I'll take it. I asked for a woman in teal. I'll take it, too. Listen. People have also seen a knight or a cavalier in the basement. Cool. Who is apparently from the 17th century. He's described as having long, dark, wavy hair, a mustache, and the woman who saw him

reports that he stared at her for 30 seconds and then faded away. Okay, I was hoping it was one of those. He just passed through the wall and then... No. No, no, he stared at you. He saw you like you saw him. Yeah, not good. Apparently, in the tunnels, there is a soldier seen with a blurred face,

which is just terrifying. That keeps happening, huh? It's like wiped away. Apparently, people have been seeing them since, or up until 2013 is the most recent spotting. People have allegedly been chased out of the tunnels by disembodied footsteps running at them. Nope.

And there are so many sightings that apparently the staff have a protocol. The visitor operations manager named Christine. Heyo. She resides. Living in Dumpy. She resides in dumpy level dumpy level dumpy uh christina said quote about once a month we will have a report of a figure whatever it is sure we have a process where we close down the system evacuate visitors and a team of staff will sweep through the tunnels. It can be very frustrating for visitors. I fucking bet. I bet for the employees, too.

Yeah. No one wants this happening. No. No. My favorite story in this is that on a field trip, children were in the tunnels. Oh, bad idea. Coloring. Coloring?

And a boy wrote on his paper. No. In quotation marks, where is Helen? And someone said, what does that mean he said that he saw a man in the tunnel dressed in a green jumper brown trousers who said that he was looking for helen and then they looked around for this man he was not there what the fuck that'd be wild you know how we're both gonna react if our child's like, oh, you know, Helen. Yeah, where's Helen? Found her.

You know, the man with no arms. Right, the one with the blurred face. Who's sobbing all over me. Who lives in Dumpy? He lives in Dumpy looking for Helen. It's a whole thing. So another tour group says that they saw a door slam and a trolley on display move along the corridor as if someone was shoving it oh terrifying very not good apparently in the lighthouse and the church

which are from forever ago sure apparently there you can see the ghosts of a monk and a roman soldier that's cool those are way cool romans that would be such a cool apparition imagine if the only ghost you ever saw was a Roman from the year 43. I was listening. I know. I was listening to Jim Harrell's campfire and somebody said they were in a really old part of like a former whatever Roman. Empire?

Battlefield. I don't know. And they said they, somebody crossed the street and right in the woods and it just walked across the street. Full Roman get up. No way. And then just like vanished. And I was like, what a wild thing to see. Like see like truly not just like a lady in white a lady and whatever

like a full-blown roman like wowza anyway during the napoleonic wars uh during sorry during the napoleonic war there was a uh drummer boy apparently named sean flynn from what we have gathered via psychic oh um but there was a 15 year old drummer boy who was murdered either in the tunnels or nearby the tunnels depending on the story i found um he was murdered during some sort of either a money exchange or he was on an errand and happened to have a lot of money and got robbed oh boy but he was apparently allegedly decapitated fuck his 15 his kappa was detated don't do that to a 15 year old kid don't do that to anyone let's be clear but well they only think that he was decapitated because the ghost does not have a head. However, the apparition of the headless drummer boy does play the drums.

Oh my god. And sometimes when you're by yourself, you can hear the drums banging elsewhere. And then you're like, oh, a little, oh god. Yeah, you can't, yep. So also in the underground tunnels, which apparently were called Hellfire Corner during the World War Two. That seems safe. What is going on? People are texting me left and right.

Oh. Oh, you're so popular. Oh, no. Actually, Allison ordered Postmates and it got sent to my phone. LOL. Nice to know she will be having Indian food tonight by herself. That sounds great. We should do that.

We should get Indian food, too. Yeah, let's do that. So. Is there a to hook it up to allison's email so that she gets emails that'd be wonderful uh so the underground tunnels apparently during world war ii were called hellfire corner which is what i should just start calling the place in my apartment i hate the least oh i thought you meant this room where we're literally so hot that we can't breathe wait a minute let's just call this Hellfire Corner for now. I mean, it really, I think we've set it up to be that way. So in the tunnels, many people have seen World War II soldiers performing their duties.

Wow. There have even been, there was once a couple who heard screams and cries next to them so loudly and realistically, they swear that they were either sound effects to the speakers or a reenactment happening in the room next door but nobody else was there that's that is so scary and the staff was like we don't have that especially to hear screaming yeah oh god that's so screaming so loudly and realistically that you're nervous and praying it's an actor or and you're like can you please turn down the volume right i mean what really bothers me or like unnerves me about that is like is that just leftover energy or is that someone trying to get your attention or someone's still in pain that's what i fear like they're stuck i don't know that stuff really freaks me

out when they're like in still in such horrific bright situations and still have no head and still have no head and still drum how are you screaming without your head drumming around so just drumming around so apparently people also hear whispers voices they see and or mainly hear doors opening and closing and there are sudden drops in temperature there are two people on tv that were at the keep and apparently they heard a scream from above and it again sounded so realistic they didn't even think that it was a ghost. They didn't think that it was even sound effects. They thought that they were in the process of watching a suicide happening. Sorry, wait, you said they were on TV?

It was like two TV researchers. I think they were going to report about it. Oh, like they were filming. Yeah. And so they were at the keep and then they heard a scream from above that sounded like someone flung themselves oh fuck okay so they literally braced themselves to see a body begin plummeting down uh and nothing nobody was ever there oh my god but they swear they heard was it on film i don't know it just said two tv researchers i couldn't even tell you the show

maybe they were just there maybe they weren't filming at that point i don't know i don't know. It just said two TV researchers. I couldn't even tell you the show. Maybe they were just there. Maybe they weren't filming at that point. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I just stuck with what I knew. It's like that time when we were recording, but we didn't record your burp because we had paused the audio. A time wasted. I'll call that.

What a loss. What a loss. But yeah, they definitely thought that they were about to see a death happen. It's very scary. I mean, that's traumatizing. Truly. Also, there's a ghost in the king's bedroom. Apparently, instead of being Sean Flynn with only no head, this spirit doesn't even have the upper half of its body at all.

It's just the lower half of a man walking through the doorway and vanishing. I mean, I always find that slightly comical. I know it wouldn't be if you actually saw it. it is just like legs walking i mean the upper half is the scarier part truly it can look at you it can look at you it can judge you the feet are just like what the it's like okay run off it's like are you okay what are you gonna do kick me so but don't maybe kick me but don't kick me don't kick me go the other way yeah yeah so there is a tv show called most haunted that had a medium on named derrick and he was the one that apparently spoke to sean and apparently the drummer boy and sean said that he was a proud brave 15 year old drummer boy but he missed his mom and on the show derrick was able to help sean go to the light oh my god and

ever since then the drumming has not been heard oh my god but this is the stuff when i hear like oh i'm i'm stuck i miss my mom like yeah i'm so glad that somebody can fix it it certainly isn't me but so i'm glad someone else can do it i think nobody expected that it would be either of us to be clear but wow that's really crazy okay so uh there's also the sighting of a 17th century soldier wearing a helmet um down the tunnels apparently he's carrying a pike which i guess is a small gun and he it's also a type of fish so that could be fun oh that is fun he just a ghost holding a fish you never know uh he's wearing a helmet and carrying a pike and he walks into the guard room

through one wall, through the room and then out the other wall. See, that's the kind of thing I feel more comfortable seeing. Cause it's like, it's like a residual almost. Right. Well, yeah. So what's interesting about that is they say based on his attire, he's from the 17th century, but the door he's walking through is from the 18th century.

So he is walking through an area that had not yet been created when he was still alive. so he is walking through an area that had not yet been created when he was still alive so it makes it seem it confirms the belief that the ghost is walking on its own blueprint from its own time because it's walking through the wall as if there was oh so you're saying there was a door when he was alive like he's walking through a wall that wasn't there sorry i think i said door back but he's walking through a wall that was built after he was oh yeah you did say door and i was like well you could still walk through a door i was built after he was oh yeah you did say door and i was like well you could still walk through a door yeah i get no i get it i know you're not i get it i get it i get it but yeah so it confirms the blueprint theory of like they're walking in their

own space from their own time which means it's residual not intelligent so it can't hurt you and is hopefully not stuck in like an endless nightmare of yeah let's hope not fingers crossed uh apparently that was only seen one time and since then there are no other reports of him doing that hey fun fact that's interesting there's also a male apparition dressed in a blue cloak and he's seen walking around the tunnels and some think he might also be the same figure in blue in the keep okay okay makes sense and the most common sound apparently throughout the entire place according to the staff is quote heavy wooden doors being slammed shut just all the time you hear doors being incredibly annoying super annoying better than the drumming

all the time true uh there is also a military man that regularly walks through a metal door an actual door okay not a wall and in 1990 there was a story written by a guy named neil stevens of his time there and he said that while he was driving down the road with his family he was driving on the road leading towards the castle and him and his parents both saw a tall figure run up the hill towards the car oh with its legs and arms flailing oh and passed them past the car as if it was traveling the same hill towards the car with its legs and arms flailing and passed them past the car as if it was traveling the same speed as the car and then faded into the dark and it was wearing a long cloak and a wide brimmed hat and everyone in the car apparently saw it how terrifying that is just the stuff of nightmares to see something as fast as your car moving towards

you with its legs and arms flailing forget it and then fades into the darkness no thanks in 1991 a guy named uh or a girl i'm sorry that's wrong of me this is a gender neutral uh safe space a person a person an individual named robin lawrence in 1991 was writing about this place and said that there were at least six spirits that had been documented um and the two most active areas were the keep and the tunnels which seems to check out and so he decided sorry wow what the fuck

is wrong with me they decided they were going to are you just doing that because you don't know whether Robin like no I'm just trying to say they just be like a but you didn't say that for like Sean or Dave or any of them that's true is it just the Rob we don't know if it's I guess so yeah it's like But you didn't say that for like Sean or Dave or any of them. That's true. Is it just the Rob?

We don't know if it's. I guess so. Yeah. It's like a gender neutral name. Right. I don't know. So there was an investigation that Robin was leading and there were 16 people and the 16 people split up into two groups of eight people. Okay.

Eight of the people went to the keep and eight people went to the tunnels. Did Robin abandon one of the groups? Uh-oh. I'd like to think Robin was either in one of the groups or just wrote about this later. Oh, okay. Got it. But so these are the things that... So in the keep, the cavalier from the 17th century, the woman in red, the figure in blue,

and the lower half of a man's body are the things that are most seen in the keep yikes and the tunnels is the 17th century pike soldier a man in a blue cloak and then all of the sounds of like doors banging and footsteps and stuff happen in the tunnels so they split up and went into these two areas um they heard apparently they've also been told by staff that there are footsteps that you can hear in the stairwell specifically and people have even seen feet walking up the staircase oh all these feet so many feet disembodied feet m's favorite uh and there are apparently are regular sounds of a creaking doorway where a door used to be but no longer is that is

interesting because that's even the door is a ghost doesn't that that wow the whole world is open to us at this point um that's interesting because that's not you can't be like oh it's the wind oh it's a faulty screw like it's like oh that sounds exactly like a door that's not there anymore wow that is interesting okay apparently the um whatever the organization that's doing this is called the asap the association for the scientific study of animalis phenomenon sure just wanted just wanted to give them a little shout out cool and one thing i liked about this they didn't ever talk about it being an investigation they called it a vigil which i was like okay that's so much nicer that is though instead of like

prodding and like yeah it's like going to just discuss with them right right or to like they feel so much nicer like respect them rather than like just harass them yeah so it's just an overnight vigil of being near the spirits i really like that and uh the results that they found between the two groups was that there were heavy um doors slamming shut loud bangs from the stairwell apparently the doors were shaking vigorously after you would hear a door slam the doors would be like vibrating oh boy um apparently they saw a shadow figure slowly moving down the stairwell at the end of the hall and when they called to it it turned around and ran up the stairs forget about it absolutely not goodbye they also sm smelt perfume that was really strong. They heard loud thuds in the basement that were caught on tape.

And finally, when they played back a tape recorder, or they went to go look at a tape recorder that they had left running in a room by itself, and it had turned itself off. Oh, no. And the wind guard on the microphone had been pulled off. Whoa. Whoa. Okay. And when they played the tape back, you can hear the recorder and the microphone being messed with oh oh creepy so like let you hear that it was messing with it wasn't like it

died of the batteries died it was like it yeah well also like the whole like it's like this thing getting like yeah like got placed somewhere else physically ripped off and turned off yeah that's spooky anyway that's the story of the dover castle. Holy shit. We should go there. Yeah, let's just go to England. Sure. I mean, let's go. Why not? Anyway, I'm sorry that was lengthy. Anyway.

It wasn't. I feel like you say that every week. I do. I'm always paranoid. Well, cool. Yeah, you definitely haven't told that. I don't remember that. Well, I'm not the one to ask if you've covered a story, but I don't think you've ever covered

that one. Oh, good. That would be fun if you did fingers crossed i did not um okay oh no i'm belching oh no i love a good burp do it right into the microphone for me it's too late listen we missed yours equal equal opportunity yeah if you're not burping into the mic i gotta no one can gotta hold back that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying so i'm really excited about this which always comes off strangely when i'm doing a crime story i don't you know what i mean i know what you mean okay um i thrown down yeah so last week so i want to also clarify that we are recording this two weeks in advance because I'm leaving town for a couple weeks.

So even with my rant in the beginning, people are going to be like, that happened like two weeks ago. So to be clear, we're... I like to think they could pick it up. I would think so. And be like, oh, this was clearly pre-recorded. I would hope so. And who knows what the hell shootings have happened since then.

So at this point, it's hopefully still relevant. But well, hopefully it's not relevant. Well, fingers crossed that was the last shooting have happened since then so at this point right right right it's hopefully still relevant but well hopefully it's not relevant well fingers crossed that was the last shooting that happened ever but probably not um so last week when we recorded the last two episodes um i like you did uh tatsubo we got some really fun fan art of that we didn't even ask for that it just happened i was thrilled um just like the time we got all that fan art for goat ghost yes also so good all these weird cryptids um and so i had mentioned oh i'm also gonna do an austrian murderer yes or crime story and that was the plan and then i went went to look in and i was like oh wait there's this really famous guy and yada yada um his name was jack ontovega oh yeah i already did that guy yeah yeah so i was like oh shit because that's

such a good story it would have been so good i hate don't you hate when you've already done one that you like still really want to talk about yes i would love to redo the amityville there's is there guys can you help us find a way like maybe like i don't know i want to talk about some of these again but it's like i know i feel like i already wait like there are some stories that i did so early on before i was doing as totally depth of research oh where now i'm like i probably missed out on so much information that would be so interesting totally and like with the stuff like with robert durst there's like so many updates that have happened that like i really wish i could do it now with all the new information.

Anyway, it's OK. So I did Jack Ontoviga already and he was just to refresh everyone's memory. He was a journalist who murdered sex workers in Los Angeles. He's from Austria. Murdered sex workers in Los Angeles was hired to report on crime in Los Angeles and reported on his own murders. Yep. Like just the wildest thing ever. And if you want to listen to that, which I had a really fun time with that.

You did a really good story that week, too. I forget what it was. Thanks. But it was episode 34, which then was called A 200-lb Rat and the Dollar Store Plunger, which I think was the introduction of Plunger from Plunger Fort. I think so, too. And also, was that literally 100 episodes ago? Oh, my God. oh my god this is 134 is it or 133 i'm probably wrong it's almost 100 episodes to no it's 133 we're so close though i should have done this for next week

100th anniversary well we tried um yeah we're close uh but yeah so if you want to go listen to that i'm too afraid to listen because i don't want to hear myself a butcher it say wrong things and make insensitive comments and also probably miss gender m so i try not to listen to anything like episode 132 no um okay let's go what's up came up with a new plan was it totzelworm's murder it's the crimes of totzelworm um no i decided to do so i went on to the murderpedia.org and you can search by country so i'm like a austria click on it there are six entries six the fuck i feel like that's not as many as i was expecting but also good for austria to not have that many horrible stories that's so few six murderers i mean we literally just talked about how there were three this week that were in america like mass shootings like austria

good for you for now and by the way they clarify like on wikipedia like non-war crime related because obviously when we get into that territory crime runs extremely rampant in that part of the world and but other than that six civilian crimes six crimes that are kind of out of the uh mass murder category uh job well done austria yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah also it's a very tiny ass country so i guess it makes sense so i have like a little collection for you of three three short stories oh i love little ones horrific crime stories so you're literally going to tell me half of the crimes in austria in one episode exactly and we'll cover the other three tomorrow world war ii next week no the other hundreds of thousands next week no um so i'm going to cover hugo schenck the viennese

housemaid's killer max guffler the austrian bluebeard and then oswald siebrol with no cool name. His name is Oswald, which I guess is cool enough. Love it. I like Oswald. I remember that octopus show. Love that show. I remember that little bitchy penguin.

Yeah, that thing was annoying. He wanted a certain amount of marshmallows and his hot chocolate. He's like, no more, no less. And I was like, that's probably me once I've retired. It's literally you now. It's literally you at Starbucksbucks going i need mashed up strawberries in my tea which is a specific request exactly which now i also do so we're just fucking trash monsters okay uh hugo schenck the viennese housemaids killer let's start with him born in the

austrian empire so this is a very early on one uh february 11th 1849 he was born into a relatively prosperous middle-class family but developed a penchant for crime at an early age don't we all didn't start well he began thieving oh just thieving around we're saving just even at an early age but his specialty turned out to be marriage swindling oh that sounds like a niche category it is huh how do you steal a marriage so you gotta swindle it really oh i love a good swindling it's not thieving it's not stealing it's swindling so what he would do is he would offer his hand in marriage to women uh in order to steal their dowries oh so he was caught and tried for this found guilty sentenced to five years in prison but after two years he was released and um when he got out he

was not reformed what a surprise because prison works wonders on reforming sure psychopathic killers and he continued his fraudulent activities um he was 32 when he was once again convicted of marital fraud marriage swindling and sentenced to two years in what they called a heavy dungeon oh not a light one nah no not dungeon light tm tm tm tm light l-i-t and like a done like light dungeons and light dragons zero calories zero sugar okay uh zero fun i'll tell you that zero fun this is a heavy dungeon um and it was at the stein prison okay it was in said prison that he met a new pal named carl carl schlosserich carl with a k carl with a k yep crazy carl they always are classic carl who was serving time for theft thievery even even they became partners um and i wrote that

out and then i realized oh in 2019 that sounds really nice and progressive they became partners no no they became companion comrades crime partners got it thieve and swindling sidekicks sidekicks to each other correct uh not the fun kind of partner so he let's see fast forward january 1883 shank had served his two years he was out at the age of 34 he was working as a railway engineer which seems to be a common uh job for the time and i want to add real quick that when i was for the longest time when i was little so my dad's an engineer and for the longest time i thought that meant he was like a train like that's what i would think like a conductor as a kid like i thought it was like a train engineer and then when i was like 10 i found out he has nothing to do with trains the truth and oh i was devastated i always thought

engineer meant a conductor yeah like a train conductor train conductor. Me too. And I was like, that's awesome, dad. You're like, toot toot, daddy. Hell yeah. And then I went to his office in suburban Ohio. You're like, where's the train, man? I met BJ, who taught me about price forms and metallurgy. And I said, well, I'm not joining the family business. Sorry, dad.

Around this time, he met 34 year old josephine tamal who worked as a maid in vienna shank swept josephine off her feet and proposed marriage she apparently he was very charming uh she was taken by his charm and decided to take him up on the offer so she quit her job she packed up all her things, and she drove with him to Poland where he had promised her a romantic honeymoon together. It's what we all want. That didn't happen. Oh. Unfortunately.

Before they got to their destination, Schenck pulled over for a secluded romantic picnic together. Great. Great. And guess who showed up? His partner. Crazy Carl! Yep. Carl Schlossericher shows up things don't go well

from here shank subdued josephine raped her then schlosser gagged her tied her up shank took all of her valuables off her then they tied a boulder to her feet and threw her into a nearby body of water oh my god yeah okay um some accounts said that his victims were killed first and then thrown into the lake most said they were thrown into the lake before being killed oh yeah and he preferred drowning as his method of murder so yikes you know if you're having a tough day let's just go with the other story sure maybe they weren't tied to a boulder and drowned maybe maybe it wasn't such a neither option's great maybe it wasn't such a mentally torturous death yeah yeah i mean it's all not it's all bad there's no there's never a redemption

there's a less bad let's hope it's that one. Let's hope. So then Shank realized, huh, Josephine's aunt, uh, Katarina, I don't know, uh, Katarina, uh, might realize that she's missing. So we got to take care of that. Oh shit. Yeah. So he wrote her a letter to tell her that he and Josephine had gotten married and she

should come visit them at their beautiful estate. Stop on by. Stop on by for a romantic picnic with me and my partner carl on june 21st 1883 he picked katarina up from the station drove her to a place called krumnosbaum there it is someone on twitter was like oh i love when christine says german things and i immediately like it was a german person i got this immediate panic of like oh god i love when you say german listening i'm immediately like it was a German person. I got this immediate panic of like, I love when you say German things. I'm going to say it wrong. If I had it my way, you would only speak German.

I have very deep seated anxiety about saying things in German and I really am dreading this trip. Anyway, we'll talk about that another time. Are you going to have how much German are you going to speak? You're going to have to, you know, the whole time. I mean, the good news is Blaze and Allie ally are coming so we have the excuse to english speakers if we want them to understand we got to speak english so it's a good excuse got it but uh yeah there'll be a lot um so he drove her to krumnospau where he overpowered her and killed her along the banks of the danube um and schlosser rock was there too surprise

surprise uh they took her valuables and then they also sank her into the danube with a boulder shit so now that tanta katarina was taken care of uh he went back to his old ways of marriage swindling well go back to what you know you know what you're good at stick to what you're good at. Stick to what you're good at. Yep. Except don't if you're a murderer. And not good at it. Yeah. Also not great at it. So what he would do is he would meet women through advertisements in the local Austrian papers. And he would tell them when they met up that he was a Polish count named Wynopolsky who had immeasurable amounts of gold and wealth. Okay.

But he said he had uncles in america who would never have accepted his marriage to a servant so he was meeting all these quote-unquote housemaids is what they were called and they would you know they would have they would come from like i don't know middle class family they don't really have that same system but like they would come from some semi well-off family so they had things that he could steal, but they were considered servants or housemaids or whatever. That's who he targeted. So he told them what he would do is he would say, oh, my uncles, my wealthy uncles in America would never allow me to marry a servant, but I just love you so much. We should have a clandestine marriage. And that's how he would lure them out of town secretly without telling anyone

oh my gosh and uh they would leave town and he would drive the woman to a secluded spot for a romantic picnic en route to their destination uh where carl would always be waiting sounds right fucking carl crazy carl crazy classic carl and uh then uh as was his mo shank would rape and murder the woman before stealing all of her valuables truly terrible and throwing her into a river um so i couldn't find all the names of his victims uh there were a number and there were also a number of potential victims so it wasn't totally clear i do have a couple so one woman was a housemaid named rosa forenzi whom he also threw into the danube before stealing every penny that she had another victim was a cook named theresia kettle and this murder oh my god was different than the others uh just bad in a different way okay according. According to Britannica.com, during their romantic picnic phase of his plan, he decided to mix things up and get a little creative.

Get more violent? Um, maybe less violent, but more fucked up. Oh, God. Well, you know, it's all pretty equal. He told Theresia he'd teach her how to play a fun game called Russian Roulette. Oh, no. Obviously with an empty gun. Oh, okay.

He would never give his beautiful new wife a loaded gun to play with. God forbid. So he told Theresia to give it a try. What could go wrong? He's like, no, it's fun. She shot herself in the head. Oh, my God. He had loaded the gun, pretended it wasn't loaded, had playfully told her to try it out.

She killed herself. Why are... Oh my god. Unintentionally. He fucking lured her into it. It's horrifying. So, after he disposed of that body, shortly after that, Schenck was finally arrested on January 10th, 1884. And Carl, classic Carl, was arrested a day later, thank god.

January 10th, 1884. And Carl, classic Carl, was arrested a day later. Thank God. During their investigation, police uncovered correspondence between Schenck and more than 50 other women whom Schenck admitted were his future victims. He also admitted that he actually had five murders planned for that very week that they arrested him. Wow. He had a busy schedule ahead of him. Correct. A lot picnics he was very prolific um during the trial a witness was brought to the stand and it was the only woman who had survived shank's murderous plans okay so i found this in there's an article in the new york

times and i was like oh good the new york times did a write-up on this and it was like 1884. And I was like, great, half of this is A, super fucked up and insensitive and the other half I can't read because they write eight paragraph sentences. So this is one of the sentences that I could gather information from. The principal witness against Hugo Schenck will be his sweetheart, Emily Höchstmann, whom he first enticed like his other victims. But finding her poor yet attractive spared her life. Uh-huh. Great.

And even spent upon her much of the money obtained by his terrible crimes. So essentially he kept her in the dark, was like, she's too poor to kill, but she's still attractive so i want us to like sleep with her and oh my god so he like kind of kept her around and then would fucking murder his victims and come back and then like go on a date with her or some shit and bring like money and jewelry like spend from that he stole from like look what i look what i bought for you it's like really look what i just mur look what i just murdered before i threw her into the lake right like bracelets necklaces money money on dinners and um so shank and schlosser were found guilty and were hanged for their crimes on april 22nd 1884 uh oddly enough after hugo shank's death his head was autopsied and neurologically examined by a famous viennese neurologist who at the time very controversially postulated that there was that there were specific differences

between normal and criminal brains oh i think it's a very progressive way to look at psychology and you know whatever at the time is very controversial but um so his head was his brain was studied unfortunately none of that information is to be found apparently on the internet wonderful so not helpful to our case but very interesting nonetheless um so unclear what was up with hugo's head but what i do know about his head is that you can go visit it so his skull this sounds like a car commercial for the low low price for just $19.99 for four months in a row for $6.99 shipping and handling yeah exactly monthly for the rest of your life you can go visit Hugo's head at uh his skull is currently housed at the Vienna Crime Museum well there you have it so are you regretting not coming

on my trip I am that took you a long time to get to. I am. Sure. Okay. Once you said, it never even crossed my mind that I'd be like one of the only English speakers there. Well, I guess everyone gets it. Nah. You know what I mean? Everyone. I would just, but honestly, now I am kind of bummed purely on that I won't get to watch you speak German.

Oh, I know. This is your only shot. Seriously. I mean, Lisa's coming. I know. Blaze, Alexander, Allie. You would have been among a good crowd. It would have been a party for sure.

Oh, it will be a party for sure. No would have. Listen, I'm just not going to be there. So the star will be gone. Trust me. I know. The star at your second wedding will be gone. Once again, I'd be the star of the wedding.

Let's just put that out there once again m needs to uh needs to what needs to what nothing let's move on oh superstar that's me central look they call me superstar yeah they call me they do they do okay next up is max guffler the austrian bluebeard oh I love a good bluebeard. Love a good bluebeard. So he was born January 5th, 1918 in Lower Austria. We don't know too much about his childhood, but what we do know is at the age of nine, he suffered a traumatic head injury.

Well, there you have it. That manifested throughout his childhood in bouts of unpredictable violence. So clearly this had a very strong effect on his psychology and on his behavior throughout his life color me shocked color me shocked we all know how uh brain and head injuries are tied to sociopathy yes not good not good um after serving as an ambulance driver in world war two where he suffered another head injury by the way uh guffler worked as a bookseller until he met and married the daughter of a local tobacconist in 1951 love a good tobacconist he began working in his father-in-law's

tobacco kiosk which makes you think of those mall kiosks that's what i thought i was like where what else is going on i guess now they're just like vape shops vape kiosks yeah it still exists max double head injury tobacconist vape shop in the mall there it is vape shop in the mall say what vape shop in the mall vape shop in the mall okay it's out of my system for now so he began working in his father-in-law's tobacco kiosk where he offered customers banned pornographic photos. Hoo hoo hoo hoo. Eventually leading to his arrest. Yeehaw.

After released from custody in 1952 at the age of 34, Guffler killed his first known victim. Her name was Emily Maestrick. She was a sex worker whose body was found in a hotel in Vienna's Red Light District with a broken skull. Shit. Yes. Bad, bad, bad. At this point, he was working as a traveling salesman selling vacuum cleaners door to door don't answer your door ever i i don't know

i'm sure you've seen the meme but or like even just like the general comedy bits now where like if someone knocks on your door like 30 years ago it was like a party everyone was like oh someone's at the door oh Oh, my God. And now people knock on the door. Everyone's like, don't fucking go near the door. I literally, someone rang the doorbell. I was home alone. And I just instinctively grabbed a pair of scissors.

I'm like, what am I doing? Like, the door is locked. Like, no one just shows up anymore. It's 2 in the afternoon. Anyway. But, yeah. So, don't answer the door. I guess if you're ordering postmates that's maybe a different

story if you're allison getting indian food right now you gotta get you gotta get the postmates at the door there are some exceptions delivery food is one of them uh okay so he after his murder of emily he developed a new habit that somehow is an austrian pastime i didn't know about he became a marriage swindler i mean sorry how is this is this a theist i don't know was this like before like memes happened is this how trends happen maybe they're like six criminals in austria they're all marriage swindling but also like raping and murdering people like it's not like a light-hearted crime it's like part of their horrific plan plan but like what a specific thing to do and this was also like decades later like this wasn't like he was operating at the same time but i mean i guess newspapers you could kind of connect with people without too much of a trace i don't know so he did

the same thing he would find women through the newspaper what are the odds crazy right it's weird he would promise marriage to these women then he would invite them on a honeymoon, where he, so he had a different MO at this point. He splits off. Oh, okay. He also didn't have a Carl. Oh, sad. Well, that's what happens when you don't have a partner in life.

That's what happens when your life partner Carl just isn't around. So what he would do is he would offer them cherry liqueur that he had spiked with barbatoric acid, which wouldn't kill them, but it would knock them unconscious liqueur that he had spiked with barbatoric acid which wouldn't kill them but it would knock them unconscious and then he loops right back after which he would drown the women in lakes did he think this was an original thought or was he copycatting i mean i mean they're not from the same time right they're the early 1800s but not at the same time no this guy's from this is the 50s now oh you know traveling vacuum salesman era yes yes yes yes you're right he was born in 1918 but while he was this his first murder was in 1952 and then

this other guy was 1883 so i mean maybe he read about him and was like that seems like a good idea maybe let's make like enough time has passed no one would know yeah and it seemed to work well no it didn't it didn't really seem to work until it didn't work maybe that's why he added the cherry liqueur and got rid of carl got it he replaced carl with the cherry liqueur i mean who wouldn't i mean to be fair no offense liqueur with a k classic liqueur love it okay uh yeah my partner liqueur That actually has a better ring to it. It's like LaCroix, but, you know. LaCroix and LaCroix. LaCroix, LaCroix. They go together.

Like Hugo and Carl. Okay, sorry, we're back. Like me and turkey. Like you and a half pound of turkey. So he would poison that, or he would poison it with barbatoric acid. Then they would be unconscious. And then he would drown them to make it look,

in an attempt to make it look in an attempt to make it look like a suicide in september of 1958 the body of 47 year old maria robos so we don't actually know at this point how many i mean we'll talk about it but basically where this all ended was in 1958 the body of 47 year old maria robos was discovered and police were finally onto him guffler was arrested and charged with seven murders though only four murders and two attempted murders were proven during the trial but he was charged with seven so that was what they were confident in still just horrifying but even the four murders that he was actually proven of are deeply upsetting

yes during the trial it was revealed that while searching his rooms police found piles of ladies bags suitcases and other articles that they established belonged to numerous women who had mysteriously disappeared over the course of the last six years oh shit so there's any number of victims some they could connect to victims some of the articles they didn't know who they belonged to. Despite the defense's argument, they used the severe brain trauma that he had experienced as their defense.

However, Guffler was sentenced to life imprisonment in May of 1961. He died five years later at the age of 48. I don't know of what he perished. Of what he perished. Why did I say it like that? I don't know know but keep doing it who's to say he died in stein prison the same one what's that's a weird full circle are you sure

you're not doing the same story and i'm not different time i'm not sure of that at all um the same prison where hugo met carl ah it wasn't even the one where he ended it was like one of the three that hugo had been in but it was the one where he met carl 80 years 80 years before so like it's just very weird coincidence um i mean again it's a small country but still it's just a weird part of the same mo and yeah anyway maybe australia only has one jail well but the other guy was in three different ones that's true i should i think they probably have more than one i'd like to think they only have one but uh one heavy dungeon is that what it's heavy and one light they hadn't introduced uh dungeon light yet oh yeah that's it yeah that's like when tab came out right it was like suddenly the crazy

light dungeon light coke zero we'll get dungeon zero it's yeah yeah they're just a little behind the trend um so right he died in stein prison the same prison where hugo met carl 80 years before today uh we're not sure of his total victim count but it stands at 4 to 18 plus so 4 to who knows so serial killer extreme extraordinary yeah not light heavy worst case scenario he killed four people or best case scenario that's right best case scenario he killed four people i mean best case scenario he just handed out some pornographic images at the vape shop but fingers crossed things got a little out of hand geez so this is the last one um this one is still fucked up but it's much shorter i couldn't find much information on it

um this is a story of oswald siebel oh the octopus oswald i like to call him oswald so i like i said used murderpedia to find these guys but um the source they used for this so murderpedia is like a collection of different articles so like the one i just did two stories ago was new york times wikipedia got it different sources uh they just put them all into one which is why it's so helpful um even though it has a fucked up name but speaking of fucked up names the source they used for this story was called the wacky world of murder oh shit don't love that don't love the name don't think it's really appropriate um but the info was helpful and i tried looking

up wacky world of murder nothing can't find it love it don't know where the hell the story came from but i'm gonna tell it to you anyway super duper so this is very much one of the stories kind of like you tell of like we think this happened sometimes where it's like a legend all potentially alleged yeah yeah but also very specific with names. So I'm like, it came from somewhere. Hopefully alleged. Yeah. Let's just actually, yeah, that's probably a good point. That should have been the title of our show.

Hopefully alleged. Spinoff. Oh boy. Oh, this, this way we can reuse all their old stories. We'll just say them again, but say, uh, they're not real. The wacky world of murder. Okay. So summer of 1983. So thisy world of murder. Okay. So, summer of 1983.

So, this is much more recent. Right. The only information I could find, which is, again, why it's surprising in the 80s that I couldn't find more news articles about this, but who knows? Maybe because that was... Cold War? Oh, yeah. I don't know. There's a lot of other things going on at that time.

There's some stuff happening, I think, over there. Some fortification of some forts. Oh, yeah. That's the one. There's a lot of tunnels and stuff., I think, over there. Some fortification of some forts. Oh, yeah. That's the one. There's a lot of tunnels and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Oswald, he, in Vienna, Austria, was seeking a new way to make some money. He's like, I don't want to really do a job.

Which, like, feel you on that. But also, you can't go murdering people. Can't. But he did. Did. Did. He went another direction. He go murdering people can't but he did did did he uh he went another direction he began murdering elderly women sick sick his first known murder took place on december 31st 1983 when oswald broke into the home of an elderly elderly woman beating her so badly that her neighbor found her lifeless body the next morning. Shit. Took all of her belongings.

On April 18th, 1984, Oswald broke into the home of 80-year-old Franziska Spengler, which Franziska is my sister's name. So for the rest of this story, I am not going to say Franziska because that makes this way more disturbing to me personally. So I'm going to call her Mrs. Spengler. Sure. Spengler. I don't know. So know so yeah it was like francisca's body was found and i was like absolutely not no no no no no no um okay so

broken to the home of 80 year old francisca spengler i'm gonna say a spengler mrs spengler was in bed when oswald broke in he grabbed a pair of scissors, walked into her bedroom, and stabbed her in the chest. Shit. Then retreated to the kitchen where he found a carving knife. Oh no. Came back and stabbed her again

to ensure she was dead. I guess after this he was exhausted because instead of leaving, he simply pushed the body to one side of the bed and then lay down. Ew. In the blood and shit?

In the fucking bed that he just stabbed someone. Wow. Rolled her over. And then what? You wake up and look over and there's the corpse that you created?

Correct. Congratulations. Congratulations, Oswald. Your mother would be proud. So he rolled her over, took a nap, but apparently he was so tired he woke up the next day. And in a panic, he obviously is like, oh, wait, like you said, there's the corpse I created. So in a panic, he rushed out and the police were not far behind. So they finally figured out that Francisca had been killed.

Sorry, Mrs. Spancesca had been killed uh sorry mrs spengler had been killed um so when they found the crime scene they were surprised to see that the killer hadn't taken much from the apartment because he had left in a hurry he didn't have time to like steal shit for example a very large sum of money was in a drawer next to mrs spengler's bed and the murderer seemingly hadn't taken anything from her but but he had left something behind. On the floor next to the bed, the police found a wallet containing the ID of one Oswald C. Broll. Interesting. Interesting.

Good for him. Shortly after, Oswald was picked up after trying to steal an elderly woman's handbag. Once in police custody, he admitted to the two murders and a series of muggings of elderly women great there could be more murders we're not clear on that um now this is where i guess i was wrong and this is wacky indeed okay it gets wild at his trial oswald explained why he had carried out the murders okay you see it wasn't his fault really really. It never was. I mean, obviously, we all know that. That's for sure. In fact, his grandfather was to blame. Oh, yep.

His dead grandfather. Always. Oswald insisted that his grandfather's spirit had called out to him. Here we go. To quote, send him a few old ladies to enjoy himself with. Christ. In the afterlife. That is foul.

So Oswald was just following directions christ yeah okay wow that's a new one i gotta say it is a new after how many stories i it's good to hear a new one it makes you it makes you want to scream all over again completely even at this point i was thinking oh his grandfather's spirit like inhabited his body and took over no it was weirder than that i definitely thought possession but no it was just a message from beyond the grave we got we've gotten a lot of oh jesus told me i mean but grandpa wanted to horny grandpa is reaching out in the middle of the night you can't say no to horny gramps you're just the the what is the afterlife booty call middleman you are you're the wingman. Disgusting.

So fucked. So anyway, this excuse, quote unquote, didn't go over well with the jury. What a shock. And Oswald was sentenced to 20 years in jail on June 14th, 1985. So he would have been out in 05, but I have not heard anything about the story since then. Sure. So let's hope he's just still in there. I don't know. Maybe he's still in the heavy dungeon so let's hope he's just still in there i don't know

maybe he's still in the heavy dungeon let's hope we'll hope but that is the story of three austrian murderers wow half of the austrian murderers half of all of the crime in austria got it job well done all the many wars aside job well done thank you very much i thought that was a a weird one but here we are yeah well i mean i don't expect anything less it's a wacky if you will a wacky one yeah yeah yeah oh my goodness anyway thanks for listening to that nonsense we still have to do a whole other episode oh gosh lord almighty we gotta order some food i know and make someone else open the door we're gonna go uh check out postmates um by the way this is definitely gonna come out way later but for us

recording right now do you realize like a month from right now we'll be in atlanta oh talk about a heart attack because i haven't even gone to austria give me a minute i stopped breathing for a second my friend who i'm meeting up with in atlanta just said uh oh i'll see you in a month and i was like i hate when people do that i mean i love it because i'm excited but also i'm like you gave me an anxiety i'm like i literally can't breathe now uh-huh oh my goodness anyway if you're coming to new orleans or atlanta that is in less than a month from right now and it's much closer by the time this comes out right no big deal just zen breathing in the corner while i hold myself yeah this comes out the 18th so yeah and like oh wow so we'll also be back from salt lake no not yet that's in september oh right no yeah this sorry this comes out august 18th

when are we back from september like when is the what is the salt lake show the 20 i always forget all right so we're nearing a month towards uh salt lake too oh i see what you're saying yes all terrifying the 19th doesn't matter you'll be there right if you're not there i'll be screaming on stage you'll hear it we'll be screaming all right well thank you guys so much thank you thank you this has been fun and disturbing all at once all at once we'll be right back and that's why we drink