And That's Why We Drink - E154 An Opera About Bread and A Fake Monogrammed Private Jet for Dogs

Episode Date: January 12, 2020

Did you know that Charles Dickens is the new Bloody Mary? We're bringing you all kinds of fun facts from our 2019 live show at the Wilbur in Boston! We thought what better way to kick off our 2020 tour than by sharing the live recording of a show that was so near and dear to our hearts... and also happens to be full of food descriptions. Em covers the legendary Omni Parker Hotel, which is just chock full of ghosts and also delicious rolls. Then Christine covers a criminal so brash he masqueraded as everything from a Rockefeller to a European baronet (we're not sure what that is either) but his real name is Christian Gerhartsreiter. Don't miss the first real memory we made together in Boston as actual friends... and that's why we drink! Get your tickets to our 2020 Here for the Boos Tour before they're sold out! https://www.andthatswhywedrink.com/livePlease consider supporting the companies that support us! Go to Rothys.com/DRINK to get your new favorite flats! Go to Thirdlove.com/DRINK now to find your perfect-fitting bra… and get 15% off your first order! Sign up at ZOLA.com/drink today to get your FREE personalized paper sample. Then use code SAVE50 to get 50% off your save the dates! Go to Vistaprint.com and enter promo code DRINK for free shipping on all business cards, any style, any quantity!

Hello everybody. Happy 2020. I hope everyone's having a great day. How you doing? How's your Sunday? Awesome? Cool? Here's the thing guys. Christine and I on our side, we are trying to get a couple things done last minute before we go out on tour next week, which I guess when this comes out it will be this week we're on tour. Anyway, no big deal. So since we are busy on our end we are going to give you guys a live episode this week we are going to be giving y'all um the live show from when we were at Boston which is really special to us um this is probably one of my favorite shows just because Boston is where Christina and I met and you know our little love story you know began right there Eva was just a twinkle in our eye so we're gonna let you guys listen to

that i love that show so much we are coming back to the wilbur this year so if you've not gotten your tickets yet please please do we would love to sell that out again it meant so much that we sold sold out our like hometown venue and it just meant a lot also while i have you we have like almost sold out all of our shows in january already which is bananas and the only one who is uh being a little uncooperative is San Antonio. So San Antonio, I would like to challenge you and make me look good to my fellow Texans, please. I would really appreciate if you guys came out to our San Antonio show, it would mean a lot. It's, you know, it's gonna be a pretty wild show. I'm telling you what, and we're trying

everything we can over here to make sure that it is perfect for you. So please don't miss out. Okay, enjoy our Boston show. Bye, guys. about to give a presentation that he has no idea about. We just flew in from Los Angeles. And boy, are my orange tires. Fun fact, he was a long time. Ooh! Listen, English is my first language. Is camera home? Whoops!

Sassy with me. Sassy the clown. The clown is shy. Ooh! Oh, sweet. Finish your drink. And that's why we dream! Hi, Boston!

Holy shit. Oh, my goodness. This is overwhelming. This is my security blanket. Oh, my gosh. Hi, thank you so much for having us. What the fuck is going on? This is the biggest venue that's ever had us, and we sold the fuck out. I don't know how that happened, but I'm not going to question it.

Thank you so much. And also, we realized yesterday that this month marks four and a half years of knowing each other. Right, yes. Although, like, only two years of being friends. Right, we didn't knowing each other. Right, yes. Although, like, only... Knowing each other. Like, two years of being friends. Right. We didn't like each other before that.

But, no, it's just crazy how much has happened. And we met right here in Boston. We met here. And we love it. This is, like, our hometown show. And I keep saying to Em, this is going to hit us eventually. Yeah. I keep saying, has it hit you yet?

And it's like, I think we're just handling it. Yeah. And then we're going to leave and that like, yeah, I keep saying, has it hit you yet? And it's like, I think we're just maybe handling it. Yeah. And then we're going to leave and be like, Oh my God, I'm going to find you on the airplane and be like, I need to have a moment. I know it was, it's technically our,

our hometown together, but this is also like the first memory we're making here together at the same time. So good, good first memory. How weird. Um, before we start,

wait, I have to, hold on. I have to pull these out of my pants cause they're hurting. What? Oh, your notes. Yeah. Sorry. It, I have to, hold on. I have to pull these out of my pants because they're hurting me. What? Oh, your notes? Yeah, sorry. It's leggings.

Professional as ever. Yeah. We'll watch. No, I'm just kidding. Don't do that. Okay, well, before I say my story, I just want to say one more time, thank you so much, Boston. Yeah, thank you, guys.

Crazy. Crazy. This is never something that ever, ever we thought would happen. That being said, let's crack into it. Okay. I always forget to add that to the drinking game, but just add it now. It always... Wait, wait. A little dramatic flair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah. Very dramatic. Did everyone. Oh, yes. Yeah. Very dramatic. Did everyone love that? Yes. No. This is how things go when we don't edit.

So it's probably just going to get worse from here. We don't know why you're watching the unedited version. It's going to be a mess. Well, I tried very hard for these notes. I say this every time because, of course course I want every show to go well, but at the same time obviously Boston means a little something extra. I

got many requests for this so at least one person hopefully will applaud. That's M's pandering to please applaud. It's like I have anxiety, please applaud. And save that also for when I talk later. Right, right, right, right, right.

Hopefully you enjoy me walking you through the tall tale of the Omni Parker Hotel. Yeah? I did a ghost tour my last day that I lived in Boston with Blaze, and they went past it, and I remember being like, this place is so cool. And I wasn't even friends with you yet. Ayo! Did they talk about it on the tour?

Yeah, but I don't remember it. Good answer. Because this would have not then I wouldn't have had to do this. Okay. So, Omni Parker Hotel. Yes. Dun dun. This is America's oldest continuously operating hotel and is 160 plus years old. I didn't know how much exactly.

Plus. It is a member of the Historic Hotels of America and is being looked at to become one of Boston's landmarks. Okay. Apparently it's not yet, which is pretty shocking, but it's on its way. It's also considered Boston's most haunted hotel. Okay, all right. Let's do it. So it was opened in 1855 on October 8th,

so she's a Libra. That joke didn't play as well when we were in Dallas. They were like, we don't have to do that yet. Yeah, where astrology doesn't matter too much we're so happy to be back with our people so she's a Libra but then it was restored in 1927 on May 12th

so she's a born again Taurus oh oh you're funny. From the 1700s to the 1800s, the site was used to be Boston Latin School. Oh, cool. Sure. We speak Latin. Puella, Cornelia.

Okay. Roman. Un espector es un Puella nomine Cornelia. You guys probably didn't understand that, but it's okay. You guys, tell Mr. Perry at Fredericksburg Academy he's welcome for that. I just spoke fucking Latin on stage in 2019. So the site was used to be Boston Latin School, and it was also the site of an old mansion called the... Oh, fuck.

I was supposed to look up how to pronounce this. Oh, goddammit, Em. Miko. The Miko Mansion? Maiko Mansion? None of us know. So, Miko. Thank God.

You should have just picked one. I was just kind of hoping someone's eyes would be like, Miko. But no one... It's okay. We're just all going to guess together. Okay. Okay. No one, it's okay.

We're just all going to guess together. Okay. So during this era, when it was a mansion, apparently soldiers got into a fight here with some locals who were sledding? Okay. I mean, it's cold and snowy here, so that would make sense. But I hope you had a fun time laughing for the first half of that sentence because it gets really sad. God damn it. So soldiers

are fighting with sledders, right? And then apparently it leads to gunfire where the only people killed are five children. What the fuck? Ooh, 1100 people are shouting, at you, Christine.

You got to do it. No pressure, man. I forgot I play the game, too. Oh, God, this is going to be a rough night. Bye, Christine. Bye. So in 1704, the Miko Mansion was built for a merchant named John Miko or Miko. And when he died, the house got passed

on to his friend Jacob. And in 1829, it was taken over by Nicholas Boylston. And he is the cousin of John Adams. That's casual. Ooh, ah. Amazing. So, Nicholas Boylston, he

converted the mansion into the Boylston Hotel. And at the same time time elsewhere in the world, 20-year-old Harvey Parker was a coachman who, this was the beginning of his story, loved eating lunch at a cafe where he traveled. Sometimes it starts with a good lunch. That's our future biography. They like to eat.

He was a coachman who enjoyed his cafes. And so he loved this cafe so much that in 1832, he decided to buy the cafe and rename it Parker's Hotel. Okay. Parker's Restaurant. Whoa. Eva? I got hotel on the brain.

Sorry. Delete that part. Yeah. Usually that's where Eva would start deleting things immediately. So Parker loved it so much, he bought the cafe and named it Parker's Restaurant. And that was in 1832. So in 1847, he made plans to expand and grow. And instead of managing a restaurant anymore, he wanted to do the whole kit and caboodle. He was like, I want to build a hotel. Sure. So in the 1850s, he purchased the property of Meeko Mansion from Boylston. So it was already Boylston Hotel at this time.

And he bought the property. He demolished it. And then he built his own building on top and called that the Parker House. Oh, okay. After working in the restaurant, his cafe that he purchased, he knew that food and cuisine were going to be really important for the hotel to stay popular. And so he found a chef in France that he loved more than any chef in the world. Oh, my God.

Okay. And offered him in the 1850s a $5,000 a year salary. That sounds like a lot. If my inflation calculator is correct. Right. That's $45 million. We know math is your strong suit. Yes, it is.

Math and Latin. God knew if you were good at math, you would be too powerful, I think. So just work with your inflation calculator. Thank you. Thank you. So he found a chef in France that he loved, offered him $5,000 a year, which, by the way, chefs at the time were making around $400 a year. Oh, okay.

So this is like a holy shit amount of money. Yes. $400 a year. Oh, okay. So this is like a holy shit amount of money. Yes. So people love the food in the hotel, and this was a description I found of the food, and it's kind of long, and I was like, it doesn't really have anything to do with ghosts, but one, I have the microphone, and two, I love food. That's the name of the biography. So here is a description of a typical banquet at the Parker House. Okay, I'm so ready. A typical banquet. All right, let's go.

Yeah, I'm settling in. Okay. Let your taste buds do the talking here. Yeah, I'm picturing that I'm there. A typical banquet might include, I don't know, green turtle soup. Okay, maybe I'll be at the doorway. I'll decide in a minute. Maybe you'll be like looking through the window. Right. I'll decide in a minute. Maybe you'll be like looking through the window.

Yeah. I'll decide in a minute. Green turtle soup. Ham and champagne sauce. Ooh, we're curious. We're curious. Oysters. Okay.

All right. A filet of beef with mushrooms. All right. Mongrel goose. Mm. Ma'am's favorite. Mince pie. Okay. Mongrel goose. Mem's favorite. Mince pie.

Okay. I only thought this was a store, but Charlotte Roos. What? Apparently that's food. We're not classy enough to know about that part. No. I'm classy enough to know what the store in the mall is. Right. So not

very. That's sad. And a variety of fruits, nuts, and ice creams. That's where I am. Yeah, yeah. We'll come for dessert. We'll come for dessert. Among their specialties were tomato soup, venison chop soup, delicate mayonnaise, plus

a distinctive method of roasting beef and fowl using a revolving spit over well-stoked coals. Okay. And it gets even more fun with food. You want to know why, Christine? Yes, absolutely I do. Because in 1865, another item on the menu that was created in this kitchen was the very first Boston cream pie. Oh! That's so nice.

So this kitchen knew what was up. Yeah. Some goose and some pie and some, some, I love it. Mongrel pie. Mongrel pie. So it was Boston cream pie is, was invented on this site and ultimately became a Boston staple and as Massachusetts state dessert.

Oh, that's so nice. That's. Aww. That's so nice. That's so nice. That's so nice. So with food this elegant. Yes. That's what Wikipedia said, and that's what I'm saying to you. The hotel was also the first in the country to use the European plan for meals. Oh, yes.

Could you tell I was writing my notes and I was, like, so hungry? Yeah. Because most of this is about food. I'm sorry. The ghosts show up. Hang on. So this was the first place where meals were doing the European plan, which is actually something that I had been curious about because one of the hotels we just stayed at had on their, in their like little hotel booklet, it said, we use the American plan. And I was like, Ooh, what is that? Yeah yeah i found out like i'm not gonna tell you right now where what hotel that was yeah don't ask i'll ask you later um but i was curious about it and then this story fell into my lap and i was like oh i'm gonna learn today okay tell me all about it the american plan fun fact oh god damn

it these are all fun facts you should have drank like 20 times by now. You're leaving us hanging. The American plan in a hotel are meals included in the cost of the room, and they offer specific times of the day. However, a European plan, which is what most hotels have now, is that only the room is paid for, and the meals are paid for separately, but available whenever requested. How do we combine those, though? Like they're free, but they're also anytime you want.

Oh, that's a dream. The Euro-American meals. That's lucid dreaming is what that is. Oh, damn it. So, also another fun fact, also about food. Sorry, I don't know. I didn't realize this until just now. Do you write fun fact into your notes?

I write FF. Wait, do you really? Yeah. God damn it. That's another FF for you. This is why I'm like, every time we send these to be printed, I'm like, they don't read them, right? They don't read them.

Yeah, I really hope you... Because I write weird shit into my notes, too. Yeah. Okay. I wrote born-again Taurus in my notes, by the way. So I really hope no one read that. Oh boy. All right. Moving on. The hotel was also created the word scrawed, which I always thought was a term for fish. And, but apparently it started as a term for the freshest, finest, and youngest white fish of the day. And then the last fun fact i have for you which is food related is uh this hotel

also created the parker house roll what it's have you had them they are delicious parker what parker house roll they're like they're rolls that look folded over they're good if you haven't had them i don't know probably not well apparently apparently one opera composer loved them so much, he actually made up a song about how much he loves them and then used it in his opera. That's us as an opera. For sure. The opera, fun fact, is called Tales of Hoffman, in case you ever want to listen to someone sing about Brad.

Absolutely, I do. So the hotel at this point, the Parker House, was already heard of and being used by many celebrities of the time, including Mark Twain and Charles Dickens, who both temporarily lived there. Oh, that got them good. That got them. That got some intrigue. I heard a little wave. So the hotel became a literary spot in the 1870s to 1880s. The hotel established the Saturday Club. I want to be a part of that. No, maybe.

Who knows? We'll find out. I'll stand in the doorway until I find out what it is. I keep speaking too soon. It's where they eat the turtle soup. Yeah, yeah. I don't want that. The club met on the last Saturday of every month, except July, August, and September.

They had a hiatus. Cool. Cool. And people in attendance were Boston's elite. So, Christine, you think you can fit in? Yes, that's why I'm in the club, too. Right. Cool. And people in attendance were Boston's elite. So, Christine, you think you can fit in? Yes, that's why I'm in the club, too. Right. Yes.

So, it included Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Ralph Waldo Emerson. Who is here tonight. Oh. Hello. Welcome to our show. He said he might not make it. Wow. Oh, Wadsworth.

What a guy. Mark Twain, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Charles Sumner, Charles Dickens, et cetera. Just a bunch of really wonderful geniuses. All the smart people, yeah. And at these meetings, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow actually wrote his first draft of Paul Revere's Ride. Oh my! The Atlantic Monthly Magazine was thought up. It was the very first, its concept was created there.

Cool. Charles Dickens gave his first reading of a christmas carol oh so lots of fun things are happening in the saturday club so i kind of do want to be a part of it yeah me too i would just be like like the outlier of the group we'd be like the ones sweeping the bars right yeah we would start we would start as custodians first and hope they just welcomed us in so here is a quote about what exactly the Saturday Club was. Okay. The Saturday Club's afternoons were often taken up with poetry readings,

impassioned discussions, and book critiques. As important to the group as intellectual pursuit, however, was camaraderie and a hefty dose of birth. Not birth. Wow. Mirth. I'm out as important to the group as intellectual pursuit however was camaraderie and a hefty dose of mirth gossip revelry and here i am seven course meals oh yeah and here you are all washed down with

endless elixirs yeah i'm back in. I'm back in. I'm back. When I was reading it, it really makes me... It's literally just the Finer Things Club from The Office. Yes, correct. But it actually worked. Henry David Thoreau was not a fan of the Saturday Club because it was too

filled with cigar smoke for him to see. Oh, what a baby. But in 1884, there is a poem about the Saturday Club, and it reads. Are you going to read it? Oh, yes. Hell yes. Okay. And I'm going to say it in passion, because everything ends with exclamation points.

Oh, fantastic. Fantastic. Here we go. A short poem by me from 1884. Such guests. What famous names its record boasts, whose owners wander in the mob of ghosts. The end. That's it? You're so talented. I listen. I took a long time to write that. It took even longer to finally read

it out loud. Beautiful. So other guests later after the Saturday Club closed include the, sorry, Ulysses S. Grant, trademarked. The one. You know him. Judy Garland and the Grateful Dead. Oh. Ayo. We found them.

There they are. Yes. Also in 1865, John Wilkes Booth stayed here a week before shooting Lincoln. They turned on us. They love Abe Lincoln, though. You can tell. And not a fun fact, a fucked up fact. Okay.

So he stayed there a week before the assassination, and while staying there, he was remembered being seen at a nearby shooting range practicing with a rifle. Oh, fuck. That's horrifying. Oh, man. Oh, man. at it he was remembered being seen at a nearby shooting range practicing with a rifle oh fuck that's horrifying oh man oh man so don't steal my line in 1867 there was a woman named charlotte cushman who was an actress and i love her because she played both male and female roles in her parts. What a babe. She was iconic for 1867. Yes. While here, she passed away on the third floor,

and they say her ghost is probably one of the most popular ghosts people see. Okay. Also in 1867, Charles Dickens lived here for two years, and the hotel still has the door to his room on display. Ooh, ah. Oh, my. They also have the mirror from his room in the hallway, which he actually used to practice A Christmas Carol,

because although it's also a book, he originally was giving speeches and telling the story himself, so he would stand in front of a mirror and practice it. Oh, that's like us in our... No, it's not. Weston? Standing in front of a mirror?

No. Practicing. Me? Maybe? No, this is our... No, it's not. Weston? Standing in front of a mirror? No. Practicing. Me? Maybe? No, this is the rough draft, guys. Oh. This is us practicing.

Right. Yeah. Good point. We're just testing it out to see what you think. And then flying away. I'm trying to make them feel like they spent good money on this. Oh, yes. Yes. Hopefully you're having a blast.

Uh-oh. Thank you. All right. So. Don't pander. Don't pander. So, yeah, so they still have the mirror, and it's actually in a hallway now for everyone to look at. Okay.

In the 1940s, Malcolm X worked here as a busboy. Ooh, interesting. And in 1946, JFK was, like, kind of in love with this place because he announced his candidacy for Congress there. He also proposed to his wife in the restaurant. Aww. He also held his bachelor party there. Oh.

That's a swanky bachelor party. In 1949, in room 303, one guest that is very popular now in spirit died by suicide. Oh, no. While mixing whiskey with pills. Oh, no. In 1980, this is another quick fun fact, Emeril Lagasse, the bam. Wait, that guy? Emeril?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. He started as a sous chef there in the kitchen. A lot of stuff going on. That's the most famous fact of all. I think the food part was probably my, I don't know. Yeah. It did the best, I think.

The food part? I don't know. So in 2008, the hotel actually had a $30 million renovation, and now there are 530 guest rooms and 21 deluxe suites. And this is where the ghosts begin. Oh. You guys really held out for a long time, so you deserve it. So Harvey Parker is known to roam the halls,

especially on the 10th floor. Okay. It seems to be his nest. Mm-hmm. And I know what I said. I know. I didn't say anything. I just looked at them sideways a little bit. I didn't say anything.

In 1950, guests started seeing a misty apparition that would walk over to them, stare them down, and then fade away. Uh-oh. Also, Harvey's apparition is always described as a heavyset older man with a black mustache, which confirms that it is him because all pictures are exactly that description. Okay. People also see a man dressed in colonial clothing walking around and sometimes

even telling people don't go into the stairs what? no one knows why he just says it okay but no one knows who that is because no one no one has asked him his name well he just doesn't

match any description of anyone that has famously died there or anything like that. Maybe it's Emeril. Maybe it's Emeril. Bam! Don't go downstairs. Yes. So, guests have also seen the shadow of a man with a stovepipe hat, thinking that he was in the way, stepped aside, but no one was actually there.

But, I mean, if you see someone with a stovepipe, I don't think you really... Yeah, get out of the fucking way. Right. He's got plans. Yeah. So, guests say that they also see bright orbs floating down the hallways in the middle of the night. And there are reports of rocking chairs on the 10th floor that rock nonstop. And they creak and people can't go to bed at night because they can hear them through their rooms.

Why the fuck does a hotel have a rocking chair? Like, get rid of that immediately of that well so then people say like all these rocking chairs in the hallway keep creaking and in other rooms next to us they keep creaking and we we can't fall asleep and then they'll call down to the hotel to complain and the hotel will say we don't have okay fuck that okay forget it that's fucking terrible okay um there are there is a uh an unseen spirit that will tap you on your shoulder and i said this yesterday too for a different story but it same applies tapping on the shoulder tapping on the head and knocking on your headboard when you're trying to sleep yeah i don't love that it's just creepy because it's like right next to your head so like you can

it's very just extra bad yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and uh the lights in the bedroom will flicker on and off and at 3 a.m people of course at 3 a.m people report their necks being pinched and their hair being pulled and people see shadows flying around on the walls and then staying still when you try to approach them. Well, that's horrid. Like it's trying to hide or something. Bathroom sinks will also turn on and off by themselves, sometimes flooding the bathroom. And there are strange noises and groans from the center of guests rooms usually at the foot of the bed

what the fuck yep so in the middle of the night guests have also reported hearing sounds of a rush of rushing water that sounds like a waterfall over their heads just right above their head they just hear a waterfall that never hits them our new okay don't listen to this part so the hotel we're saying right now has like a sound machine. Did you see that? No. And you'd like twist it and it goes like, oh, or it's a ghost. It might be, it might be a waterfall. I'm confused by it. I don't know. Maybe, maybe the Omni Parker also has those machines and people are just like trying to stretch their stories. Maybe it's just a heater and I don't really know how cold weather works anymore.

I think I'm just confused. Okay. We'll figure it out together. So TVs will also change channel on their own. They will turn themselves on and off. They will unplug themselves and the volume will change by itself. Shadow people will walk through walls in front of you. Great.

Some will walk down the hall and turn the corner into a dead end. And if you try to follow them, you will walk into a dead end with no one there. Cool. On the third floor, the elevator doors will open on their own and buttons will press themselves in front of you. Oh. Nah. I'll pass. I'll take the stairs unless that other guy shows up

Emeril does not want you taking the fucking stairs they're chiming up on us it's like you can't do either so in some rooms especially 303 where the guy died by suicide there are complaints of loud boisterous laughter and an overbearing smell of cigars and whiskey.

Thoreau would not be happy about that. No. Too much cigar smoke for him. Some women have also felt a wet, whiskey-scented kiss on their cheek when walking by the room. Literally the most disgusting phrase you've ever uttered. Vomitous. I know. A lot of people are rubbing their faces right now being like, get off me. Ugh. So people actually

complained about the laughter in this room so often that they ended up closing the room from guests and turning it into a storage closet. Okay. Just because people did not want to spend the night in there anymore. And there were also several noise complaints about rooms nearby where the rooms were actually vacant.

So you would say, you know, there's a huge party clearly going on in this room. Right. Get them to shut up, and then no one would be there. Oh, boy. It's a Saturday club. Clearly. The mirror that was once in Charles Dickens' room is also said to be haunted, the one that's now in the hallway. If you look into the mirror,

people will see distorted images of their own faces. They will also see faces of other people behind them when they're alone. Oh, no. And this was vague, but... I saw on many sources only this sentence if you say Charles Dickens three times into the mirror

seriously like Bloody Mary but it doesn't actually tell you it's gonna it just says if you say Charles Dickens three times something strange will happen and it's like well alright after party I need to figure this out

after party Charles dickens mirror see holy shit um something strange will happen apparently so i found like one very obscure youtube video of someone saying that something strange could be a variety of things from the elevator doors opening and no one called it and there's no one on the there or you might feel someone like grab your arm that's apparently anything strange will happen so i see okay it's a choose your own adventure of sorts got it but like with charles dickens and like also you don't you also don't choose it it just happens right right charles dickens is choose your own adventure starring you oh very good yes so um housekeeping has cleaned the mirror,

tried to clean it, but they always end up seeing condensation form as if someone's trying to breathe on it. So apparently only one patch, hot air, will show up very fast and stay there. That's foul. Yeah, it is. Children have had pillows thrown at them

when they're in the room. That's a little funny. According to the sources I found, every time it's happened are when kids are on their phones. So I think that is the Saturday club being like, go outside or something. Read a book. Right.

Lights have gone on and off on their own, and guests have to switch out lamps, so they'll actually call downstairs and be like, it's not the bulb, it's like something in the wiring of this entire fixture is fucked up, can you bring me a whole new lamp? And then, so then people will bring brand new lamps, and the same thing will happen, and like, it's just, none of the lights work, apparently. So, guests have heard the cords to alarm clocks and the lights on their nightstand moving on their own at night. Staff have heard voices, including an angry man screaming, what do you want?

Nah. And several people have witnessed the apparition of a woman in a bathrobe in their room. There's also a man in a suit who is seen in the halls who will give you directions. And then when you turn around to say thanks, he has already disappeared. Do you like ask for directions? I don't know. Maybe he's like over there at the stairs and the other guy goes, no, no, don't. That's what I'm confused.

I don't know. It's Emeril. I don't know. Because I really, I mean, I feel like that's me though in a hallway earlier. I was like, Blaze, I don't know where the elevators are. And he's like, keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. I feel like that's me, though, in a hallway earlier. I was like, Blaze, I don't know where the elevators are. And he's like, keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. I feel like if a man just appeared and said, go that way, I'd be like very thankful. Right.

But I'm also very, very bad at directions. Well, who knows? Maybe this guy can just start following you then. So guests also hear talking and whispering outside their door. And when they look out the peephole to see who's talking, nobody's there. But the talking will continue. One guest woke up to a man in 1800 oh this one's wild get ready um one guest woke up to a man in 1800s clothing smiling at the foot of her bed and she it's supposedly harvey parker himself um and so they just like stared each other down while he was smiling. And then when

apparently he realized she wasn't going to say anything, he said, are you enjoying your stay? Not anymore. And then vanished in front of her. And then she went down to breakfast and had never seen him before, but went down to breakfast and his face was on a portrait on the wall. And was like, who is that guy? And apparently it was Harvey Parker and also someone who stands at your bed. Cool. So across the street, this is the last.

That's it for the hotel, but I wanted to give you a little something extra real quick. So across the street from the Omni Parker Hotel happens to also be the King's Chapel Burial Ground, which is the oldest cemetery in Boston. And it was actually Boston's only burial ground for up to 30 years. It was established in 1630 by Sir Isaac Johnson, who was also the first person to be buried there. Fun fact.

It's like he was like, this land will do. And then he went first. Put me in it. Some other people that are buried there are William Dawes, who was the companion of Paul Revere. John Winthrop, the Massachusetts first governor. Mary Chilton. I'm sorry if I'm fucking up these names. History is not my first governor. Mary Chilton. I'm sorry if I'm fucking up these names.

History is not my first subject. Mary Chilton was the first English woman to step foot onto New England. And Elizabeth Payne, her headstone was actually the inspiration for Hester Prinsgrave and Scarlet Letter. Oh. Also, I filmed

a video in there once. I did, too! Really? Yeah! Oh, nice. We went to a communications school. Yeah. We had film projects.

We had to do film projects in the public of Boston, and I'm sorry about that, Boston, because, wow. You had to see some weird stuff. Other people who are allegedly buried there are Captain Kidd and also John Cotton, who was a very powerful religious guy in the 17th century. He sounds great. So there's two other bodies that are in this graveyard, and they have some pretty interesting stories. So there is one man who is buried there who was allegedly buried alive. Okay.

So there is one man who is buried there who is allegedly buried alive. Okay. But we don't know because by the time they dug him back up, he was definitely dead. Well, okay. Jesus. And then there was a second body that was a woman's body whose grave was too short. They paid for a shorter coffin than, I guess they didn't have a lot of space. I don't like where this is going.

You're really not gonna. They were like, well, we already bought the coffin so we're gonna bury her in it. Too late. So they were like, well, what should we do? I'm so sorry to end on this note. I regret to inform you that the gravediggers cut off her head and placed it between her legs so the body would fit.

Sorry, they couldn't be like, we'll just cut off the feet part. Or like, she'll bend. Or just like put her legs this way. Right. Well, fuck that. That's fucking terrible. Thanks, Sam. You're welcome.

So everyone, if you were, I know a lot of people were like hoping to go home and have like a nightmare prepared for the night. I hope I didn't upstage you. You're welcome. But now you've all got something like as a backup. Thanks. You're welcome. But now you've all got something like as a backup. So in 1810, many of the headstones and markers were moved around.

And many have said that they have seen a ghost and heard their voice while visiting the graveyard. Less than half of the bodies that are buried there currently have headstones. So they said less than 500 and there's at least a thousand bodies there. So they think that it's just haunted because people don't, you know, it's not a proper burial. So they will see people walking around in the graveyard and then you'll turn around and you're actually the only person in the graveyard. Also there are orbs and strange lights that will flash in your face. They will also show up in pictures and video recordings and also if you try to take pictures on a phone, they will erase themselves. And voices are known to whisper to you. Sounds of footsteps are following you when you walk around, and soft cries are heard.

Okay. And last, but definitely creepiest, shadow figures will run by you past trees or hide behind graves as you walk by. Okay. And that is the story of the Omni Parker Hotel slash burial ground. You know, I still... They liked it, I think. Yeah, thank you guys. As you were telling it, I was like, you know, I was listening very carefully, don't worry,

but I also started thinking about this pen that I have. And it says Omni Parker Hotel on it. And I was like, where did I get that? And then I remembered my dad stayed there one time. And I said, I need to go look at that mirror. And he was like, nope. Oh. He was like, no.

Like, you don't need to. Like, no, I don't want to get kicked out of the hotel because you're wandering around trying to, like, meet Charles Dickens. My first thought, this is really fucked up to say in front of everyone, but my first thought was, like, you don't need to look in a mirror because, like, you don't. No, that was you. That's what you said to me. That's what you said to me. I was like, just stay away from me. My dad's a little bit nicer, but, yeah, no.

Fun fact. So, yeah, my dad stayed there and didn't tell me anything and was not very nice about it, so. Oh, yikes. Wow. Well. Well. Well, yikes. Wow. Well. Well. Well, anyway, that is my story. Yes.

So. Don't clap a second time. You already got claps. I guess it's Christine's turn. Is it? Yeah. Christine has been practicing a form of meditation lately that Eva and I have now become accustomed to. It's not really meditation.

Well, we can call it that. Sure. Christine has been practicing lucid dreaming. And so one of the things, if I'm doing this, if I'm explaining it correctly. We'll see. I don't know. Apparently, when you're learning to lucid dream, one of the things that you try to do it's a reality check a reality check to see if you're actually sleeping or not as you press on the palm of your hand to see if you are lucid dreaming your

finger will actually go through your hand you can be like i'll put my finger through my hand and if it doesn't work you're fucking still stuck in this reality. But so if it goes through. Because now Eva and I are always around Christine. We're always like doing this. Always making sure that like we're okay. Oh my God. Are we on? Oh my God.

Oh my God. What's happening? I mean, I have actually had a lucid dream where I did this and my finger went through and I was like, I'm going to go flying. And I ended up at the mall. So it wasn't that exciting. Although now when I can tell when I'm starting to like piss off Christine because when I start annoying her all of a sudden she'll start doing this and she's like I can tell

in her brain she's like can I fly away from here get me out I need to I need to go unfortunately I'm still in this reality with you all so hello with me hello I have a story for you, and it is bananas and it's very long, and I'm sorry, so buckle up. All right. Guys, this is crazy. Okay. Now. What's up, Christine? I want to apologize, which I feel like I start most shows with that.

Right, right, right. I'd like to apologize because this story, it was listed in like a Boston's crazy, some listicle, you know. And so I went with it and I did all the notes and I was super amped. And then I was like, wait, where does Boston come into this entire story? And it does show up eventually. Oh, boy. So here's a random story featuring Boston. It's there.

But it was so good that I didn't want to get rid of it. So we're going to do it anyway. And you're just going to have to deal with it. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. What's it called? It is the story of Christian Gerhardt's writer.

Okay. And I'm just going to say it like that because he's from Germany, and I'm not going to play that. Come on. Nope. Give the people what they want. Come on. You're going to do it so good. Nope. Give the people what they want. Come on. You're going to do it so good. Okay.

Okay, fine. We love you. We love you. This is the story of Christian Gerhard's writer. Woo! I'm never saying it like that again, so. I'm so proud of you. You're welcome, world.

Thank you. Speaking your first language. So good at it. Okay. So Christian, I'm going to speak English now. Christian was born in 1961 and grew up as some, oh, no. One bullet in. Here we go.

He grew up as somewhat of an awkward teen in Germany. I don't know what that's like, so don't ask me. Right. Christine, you can't relate to that? No, not even a little bit. But every documentary I watched made a very certain point of telling me how awkward he was as a teen.

And I was like, I hope no one ever makes a movie about me. And that's like definitely in every highlight reel. Terrible. Terrible. When he was 17, he was hitchhiking in Germany when an American couple named the Kellens picked him up and he introduced himself and they gave him a ride because they were like, oh, he's a nice teen.

They were from California. He's kind of awkward. Yeah, a little awkward teen. Like it's not a big deal. We'll give him a ride. So they learned, so he learned that they were from California and he was immediately entranced. He kept talking about all the Hollywood movies he loved. He was talking about how obsessed he was with the USA and Hollywood culture and how badly he wanted to get out of his hometown. So in 1978, a year later, when he turned 18, Christian decides it's finally his time to head to America, and he lies on his immigration form saying he has been invited to stay

with an American family called the Kellons. So just full circle, that is how he got himself into America, by meeting this family while hitchhiking, saving their name in his memory, and then lying on his immigration forms. Got it. So he makes it to America. Good for him.

We're that much closer to Boston now, at least. From Germany, America. I told you, we're getting there eventually. So his ultimate plan, don't say Tom Brady to me. Don't, don't. I said don't. No. Absolutely not.

I don't know anything about sports. Get out. Get out. Okay. Everyone keeps being like, are you here for the big game? And we're like, yes. That seems to be, just so you know, that does, when we're checking into every city for some reason, it's kind of better because so many people, they're like, oh, what are you in town for?

We're like, oh. The game. Yeah, we just said the game. And everyone's like, oh, okay. Because at this point, we're like, oh, for work. Oh, what do you do for work? Oh, shit. We tell ghost shit. Yeah.

We tell ghost stories. No. But it's good. It's good. We're doing okay. You just say the game, and people are like, cool, you can go through them. Exactly. You can enter our city.

I just always assume a game is happening everywhere. It is. And it really does save us. So thank you, games. Yes. But also, don't talk about Tom Brady anymore. Okay. Yes.

But also, don't talk about Tom Brady anymore. Okay. So, anyway, Christian's ultimate plan was, as can be expected, to head to Hollywood. Because he had this whole idea that he wanted to be a movie star. Right. But he makes his first stop in Meriden, Connecticut. Yes. Oh, okay.

Yes. I hear it's just beautiful. I say that about every city where people cheer. I'm just like, yes, we love it there. It's so good. Everyone there is so beautiful. It's a great town. Yada, yada, yada.

So he goes to Meriden, Connecticut, and he convinces a local family named the Savios that he is an exchange student that needs a place to live. And to do that, he put an ad in the newspaper. And they were like, okay, and just went along with it. All right. Sounds – what year is this again? an ad in the newspaper and they were like okay and just went along with it all right sounds what year is this again um we're in the 70s so that sounds about right yeah that checks out yes um so the savias have their own teenage son named ed and christian joins him as an exchange student at berlin high school um yes here's the thing i i asked blaze about this because listen blaze is from connecticut and i was like what's berlin high school and all i get is back is a text that says fuck berlin high school and i was like

okay good that's a good reaction i don't know if people like actually all think that but now yeah they do we fucking hate them. And then he said something about sports and I was like, okay, I'm not going to listen anymore. But, um. The first answer will do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did say, he did say a lot of things.

And then when we hung out today, I was like, when we hung out, like he's my husband, I guess, but. When we were just shooting the shit, you know. We grabbed a drink, you know. No, when we were, were uh earlier today i mentioned it uh and he was like well they were just like we're much better at sports than me and i was like that's that's what it was that's what it was so it's actually that like they're really good maybe yeah they're good at things okay no they're terrible we hate them right yes right berlin

so berlin high school screw those guys is what he said. Okay, anyway, it's at this point that Christian begins to reinvent himself entirely. He tells the Savios all about the wealthy family that he had left behind in Germany. He describes the maids and butlers they had back home and the immense wealth that he was bringing with him to the United States. And everyone was like, this guy's a little bit weird, but I guess he's fine so he can stay. Sure, sure. It was little bit weird, but I guess he's fine, so he can stay. Sure, sure. It was the 70s, remember.

He apparently was obsessed with American TV, particularly Gilligan's Island. Yep, same. And he adopts the accent of the wealthy New Englander on the show named Thurston Howell III. Oh dear, so here's where I did a thing. I wrote in my notes. I wrote in my notes. What? You know how you write FF?

Well, I wrote, his host brother describes his voice as follows. And then I just put a quote and I'm supposed to remember how he described his voice. I don't know. Oh. It's up to your, your, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it anyway. His host brother described his voice as follows. Hello. Wait, wait, I got it. Hold on. Hello. How are you doing? I'm Christian. Oh, so like he's trying to sound like, like he's like he's a millionaire from America. I hear Christian. So he's trying to sound like he's cooler than life. Like he's a millionaire from

America. I hear you. You know what I sounded like. I knew the voice, yeah. I sounded like a millionaire from America. So, anyway, pretty soon the Savios start getting sick of him. Shocker. He's super showy, presumptuous. He never picks up after himself and he's

constantly in the living room watching Gilligan's Island. Like the worst house guest of all time. That's the wife. Yeah. So in 1980, they finally kick him out when apparently he refused to let his host brother's little sister back into the house. She was like eight years old, and it was like eight degrees out, and she was stuck outside. And he said he was too tired to get up from the couch, so he left her out there for like three hours. And so they were like, you have to actually go now. This is too far to get up from the couch. So he left her out there for like three hours.

And so they were like, you have to actually go now. This is too far. It's like, yeah, that was the line. We were wondering when you'd cross it. It's the 70s, but there is a line somewhere. Right, right, right. Right, so they find this line. He finally leaves. And he decides he's going to head west toward California again.

So I promise that we're, I know we're going away now. I talked about food for like 45 minutes. We're okay. That's true. We're locked and loaded now. Thank you. It's too late. I have a microphone and it's too cold outside for you to leave early.

So, okay. You're warm here. We've trapped you in this warm, warm building. Okay. So he starts heading west toward California. And on the road, he changes his name to Christopher Kenneth Gerhard. Because, sure.

Okay, sure. And somehow he manages to vote for Ronald Reagan. Despite not being a citizen. He's sneaky enough to do it. He found a way. He had that accent, though, that like, hello, I'm Christian, you know. Yeah, and someone was like, that's a millionaire. He's gotta come in and... We gotta let a way. He had that accent, though, that like, hello, I'm Christian, you know. Yeah, and someone was like, that's a millionaire. He's got to come in and –

We got to let him vote. We got to get him to vote. Yeah. So he claims he showed up to the polls with his driver's license, told them he wanted to vote, and when they asked, where's that accent from? He said, oh, it's from Massachusetts. And they were like, oh, okay, that makes sense. Look, at least your stereotype is you're all

rich as hell so all right you're weird germans uh weird rich germans i guess um yeah yay can't relate um anyway let's see where are we i don't know i'll find it give me a minute this is usually where we have eva edit yes but you guys paid to hear it unscripted, so here it is. We didn't make you do shit. We don't know why you're here either. Okay. So from Connecticut, he heads to Milwaukee so he can stay. So, nope, rewind.

From there, he heads to Milwaukee. Okay. Cool. Step one. From there, he heads to Milwaukee. Okay. Cool. Step one.

And then he bluffs his way into the film program at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee because he knows if he's a student, he can stay in the U.S. longer. But he also knew that that wouldn't last forever, so he needed a more permanent solution. And that's when he finds 22-year-old Amy Dunkey. Aw. And he convinces her to get married by claiming that if he is sent back to Germany, he will have to join the army and be sent to fight in the front lines of the Cold War.

Okay. Right, so let's take a brief minute to think about that. Yes. Okay. Now, history's not my first language either, but I will say I know a little thing about the Cold War and there were no front lines on the Russian Federation.

So that was a big fat lie, but also it was the seventies. There was no Google. So you can't blame Amy. So he, Amy's like, wow, I would never want you to get sent to the front lines of Russia.

Right, right, right, right. I guess we'll get married. And it worked. And they didn't even have just like a courthouse wedding. They had like an actual big wedding celebration and a whole thing, invited friends.

Apparently his best man was a guy from his film noir class that he had had a few beers with. And he was like, you can be my best man. All right. They interviewed the guy in the Investigation Discovery documentary and he was like yeah I thought it was weird but like I don't know he bought me a few beers so

it's all it takes. He did his part. So they have this big wedding yada yada the next day he fucking just ditches Amy and heads to California with his green card because yikes. Yeah. Deuces. He's out. Deuces. The next day, he fucking just ditches Amy and heads to California with his green card. Yikes.

Yeah. Deuces. He's out. Deuces. Yes. He finally makes his way to Hollywood, California. What a guy. He makes his way to L.A. with nothing but his car and barely enough money for food.

Although, he immediately moves into the neighborhood of San Marino, which is just east of L.A. And is also one of the most exclusive and wealthy communities in the nation. With a median home price of $2.3 million. Casual. Yeah. Well, Massachusetts can afford it. Yeah. Apparently.

Apparently, with all your accents and stuff. So he shows up with his car in like $20. And he shows up in San Marino and is like cool I'm gonna live here now and he did guys how I'll tell you oh I'm glad you asked I'm so glad you asked in order to fit in he joins a local church and starts introducing himself as just buckle up for this he introduces himself as Christopher Chichester the 13th Baronet. Shut up. That's so great of him.

Good. Yeah. Fabulous. Sounds very regal. Yes. The 13th. Anyway. Wow.

So he even went to, I guess, like Staples and had little like calling cards made. And he would just hand them out to people at the church and be like, oh, yes, I'm a baron. And people just bought it because why not? I guess. Again, there's no Google. The world before the Internet was a scary place. Like no one's like can't Facebook a baron. I would have been screwed, man.

I would have believed everything. So the craziest part is that Poople believed him. He was so convincing and charming that no one doubted his story, that he was this, like, English aristocrat who had just moved to California for fun. He lived like this for two years, living off of all the wealthy people in the neighborhood, until he learned of an empty guest room in one of the wealthy women's homes, and her name was Dee Dee Sohouse, and she had once been a glamorous socialite

who had flown her own plane. Oh, I like that. Fun fact. An actually fun fact. But who was now a frail, isolated, eccentric yikes. A.K.A. Christian's perfect

target. Right. Yes. So six months, so he moves into her guest house and six months into living there. DeeDee's son, John and his wife, Linda move in. And John is like, why is this weird man with a calling card living in our house? Mom.

Right. And she's like, don't worry. He's a baronet. Whatever that is. I mean, it sounds like clarinet and baron i'm listen yeah i also don't know what a charlotte ruse is so i don't i'm not really qualified that

was like the most airheaded moment of my life where i was like oh my god that's like a food i was like i was like that for sure is just a store. And I should have Googled it. It's a dessert? Thank you. God. Me and my researching, you know. Just let people shout things at me. All right.

We're good at this. I mean, apparently. I'll give you a pep talk later. Okay. Right. So anyway, Dee Dee's son is like, who the fuck is this weird weird man living in our house and dd's like don't worry he's a baronet and uh it goes without saying things started to get a little bit tense and uh dd's son and his new wife are like we don't really love that this guy's

just kind of living here he's a stranger um and he kind of gets the feeling that like maybe this guy's trying to take his mom's money got it older and she's she's very wealthy and so she's on it she's like kind of picking up on things no the son is oh he's kind of picking yes yes yes i mean you know we don't gender type usually right they lord i'm the i don't know wow it's just a guy named john okay i think sure sure so john is like wow mom i think maybe this guy's uh taking advantage of you and she's like no no he's a baron don't worry about it he's super wealthy and then all of a sudden in february 1985 john and linda abruptly vanish oh no and christian slash christopher uh tells dd don't worry they moved to europe for a top secret government job shut up oh my god so stupid and she was like well why

can't i know about it i need more information and he said no no no one is allowed to know about it except me chris chichester the third 13th sorryteenth! Thirteenth! Sorry. How dare I? So he's like, no one's allowed to know about it except me. And she's like, um, okay, but no. So she files a missing persons report. Then a postcard arrives.

It arrives from Paris, and it says, Dear Mom, talk soon. And that's it. That's just the laziest fake message I've ever heard of. And Chris. Might as well have just been like, stop. It says, you up? Nope. So this postcard arrives.

And Dee Dee is like, thanks, but like, no, I still don't love this story, how my son, who doesn't work for the government, just got a top secret government job and moved to Europe, but okay, so she files a missing persons report. Four months later, Christian is like, well, I don't love that she's not believing my story, so I'm going to leave town, so it's probably no coincidence that around this time, police had begun to grow suspicious of him because Dee Dee had filed that missing persons report and because they believed he was setting up a scam to inherit her money.

So Christian, or Chris Chichester, there's a lot of names that are going to happen, so just buckle up. Just go with me. Chris Chichester the 4,000th left town. Sure. I don't remember. But not only did he leave town, he also happened to leave in John's new pickup truck.

So that's awkward. Yeah. And that's the guy who went missing, by the way, in case anyone forgot. Got it. All this time, he is staying in touch. Now, okay, we're going to rewind. He's staying in touch with the Kellens, the people that he had met. The family that he had hitchhiked.

Got it. Yes. And he had written them down on the immigration forms. Right. So he had been staying in touch with them family that he had hitchhiked. Got it. Yes. And he had written them down on the immigration forms. Right. So he had been staying in touch with them to make sure they didn't, like, report him to the government as, like, no, we didn't ask him to live here. Got it. So he'd been keeping in touch. He stops by their house in L.A. to say goodbye and that he's leaving California.

Saying goodbye, the Kellons' son, Wayne, happens to walk past this pickup truck, looks into the cab, and makes direct eye contact with a woman who has clearly been crying heavily and has locked the door. So she is inside the car. And just remember that. Oh, I'm not going to forget it. Okay, cool. Cool. Just a very weird thing.

And he didn't really know what was going on. He didn't know who she was. So a random woman is, like, heavily crying in this car. Inside. In the truck. Yeah, Christian's car that he stole from John know what was going on. He didn't know who she was. So a random woman is like heavily crying in this car. Inside. In the truck. Yeah, Christian's car that he stole from John. Got it. Yes.

We're there. Are you guys still here? Oh, God. Sorry. It made a lot more sense on Investigation Discovery. Okay. Shocker. So in 1985, Christian skips town finally, moves to Greenwich, Connecticut.

Well, I will say I asked Blaze, well, what to Greenwich, Connecticut Well, I will say I asked Blaze Well, what about Greenwich, Connecticut? And he said, rich people But he didn't say fuck Greenwich He just said fuck Berlin So I don't know All I got was rich people Okay, cool So he moves to Greenwich, Connecticut

He rents a room in the back of a mansion So, okay, maybe Blaze wasn't totally wrong I don't know He rents a room in the back of a mansion. So, okay, maybe Blaze wasn't totally wrong. I don't know. He rents a room in the back of a mansion, and because Christian's dream of becoming a Hollywood star had failed, sound familiar? Yeah, a thousand percent. He decided to try a new angle at reaching wealth and status,

and that was by getting a job on Wall Street. Does not sound familiar no that part i haven't even attempted that one not yet anyway we're learning no wall street no numbers no math uh-uh maybe latin uh we'll see i already mastered that one i already said on a stage you're right you're right let's leave that where it is. So he went to Wall Street and he was like, cool, I'm going to get a job here now. Just buckle up. Okay. He shows up. He has changed his name, not from Christian Gerhardt's writer or even Baron Chichester. He shows up with the name Chris Crow. He's got to at least be committed to the name. He's going too many ways with this. Yeah, it's all over the place.

He claims he's a television producer from L.A. who worked on the 1980s remake of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, which actually was his favorite show. So he's just fucking lazy. He's like, yeah, sure, I worked on this movie, this show. So he says he's a famous producer. He shows up at Wall Street. He says he comes from two royal families of Germany because they didn't want to pick one.

He's like, yeah, I'm from both. That's more believable. Yeah. His former colleagues remember him wearing every piece of clothing that he wore was monogrammed with the initial CCC. For, you know, Chris Crow. Who knows what his middle name was. Yeah. Apparently even his slippers and his pajamas, literally his undershirts,

everything had CCC monogrammed onto them. He really like committed. I mean, yeah, he finally did the job. He finally committed. Good for him. One time. What did you do? I already hear something. Should I tell it or no? mean yeah come on now you have to fuck so one time i was at this bar okay i was at a bar and this guy walks up and

he's like can i buy you beer and i was like sure listen i didn't know you place sorry yeah okay so this guy's like i'll buy you beer and i was like okay and he's like I'm from uh he's like oh I was like oh hi nice to meet you who are you and he's like oh I'm from um an Austrian noble family okay and I was like interesting and I was like oh my god wow what's that like and he was like he's like yeah it's tough but I'm here in Ohio right on a top secret government job right yes yes and I was like oh boy um and I was like this is fun so I was like oh buy me another beer so he bought me another beer and then I was like tell me more about this like cool Austrian nobility you have going on and I was like well do you speak German and he was like yeah and I was like, well, do you speak German? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, wow.

And so then, like, I spoke German to him. Oh, no. And he goes, oh, well, you probably wouldn't know my dialect. And I was like, Blaze beat out that guy? Crazy. Crazy. crazy I just remember being like really like gotcha

that's your fucking thing and then I said I said oh well I'll like like say something and I'll see and he literally started going like

like he made noises out of his mouth to his credit he never backed down he just kept saying no no you just don't know my dialect I did get like He made noises out of his mouth. To his credit, he never backed down. He just kept saying, no, no, you just don't know my dialect. I did get a couple of Bud Light Platinums out of him, though, so it's fine. You should have just been like, wow, great German.

How about another beer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very effective. Not really, though. So anyway, apparently this guy's not the only one to ever pretend he was like Austrian nobility. Gotcha. Apparently it's a common swindling trick. What a terrible... Look out, everyone. What a terribly stupid, stupid thing to do.

Okay. Anyway, where are we? I don't. I just derailed really hard. Sorry, guys. Oh, CCC. The monogramming. You know him. Right. So Christopher Crowe, CCC, he shows up at a brokerage firm and he convinces them that as a member of the European aristocracy, he'd be able to bring in a certain high class clientele. So they should hire him.

Love it. And it worked. He's not even gotten a college degree. Like there's nothing that he's less qualified for than working on wall street right which maybe says something but i'm not gonna say it so maybe you think about it okay uh right no comment so he gets hired as vice president of corporate bonds there's nothing he can't do no so as So as I said, he knows jack shit about finance. They realize this when he starts asking very basic questions like, so how do bonds work? Oh, no.

He literally asked his coworker, well, so how do bonds work? And they were like, uh-oh. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Funny joke. That's funny. Hilarious joke. A year later, Dee Dee Sohouse, you know her, boy. Funny joke. That's funny of you. Hilarious joke. A year later, Dee Dee Sohouse, you know her, right?

The pilot. Yes, the pilot. Yes. What a gem. So she actually passes away in San Marino. Her son and his wife are still missing without a trace at this point. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Several weeks later, an alert pings on the police database that someone is trying to buy John's pickup truck. And it pings because it had been associated with the missing persons case that DeeDee had filed. And since Christian took the truck to Connecticut when he tried to sell it, it pinged on the radar. So they're able to track the truck to CCC in New York, whom they immediately recognize, of course, as the great old 13th Baron. Right. Where were we? California? I don't know.

I don't know anymore. Yeah. I don't know where we are right now either. We never really know where we are anymore. It's very overwhelming. Right, Boston. Just kidding. Okay.

By now, everyone had kind of realized that they had fucked up in hiring him on Wall Street. They'd noticed that he had no clue what he was doing. Shocker. And that he was probably not a wealthy aristocrat despite his, quote, fancy looks. And voice. Apparently. Oh, his voice, too.

Yeah. His socks apparently were, like, super fancy. And so a lot of people thought. I'm serious. A lot of people. How many people yeah his socks apparently were like super fancy and so a lot of people thought i'm serious a lot of people how many people saw his socks well you know when they sit down and they go like this and it's like oh i wear fun socks i don't know if like his toes were monogrammed and everyone was like those are some nice fucking socks they probably were i don't know ccc i think maybe they were let's go with that it's more fun fun. Okay. Okay. So he had fancy socks. Anyway, when the police showed up and start looking into him, they realized that Christian,

guys, Christian had provided Wall Street officials with a fake social security number. When they ran the number, it belonged to a certain someone named David Berkowitz, a.k.a. the son of Sam. Wow. That one got me good no way so like clearly these fucking wall street gems and a half didn't run his social security number because they were like well he's a wealthy aristocrat we don't need to run his social and he had given them the fucking son of sam's social security number yeah was not checked this was a year by the way, so they just never ran it.

Oh, my gosh. Even when they were like, oh, this guy, a weekend, doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Never background checked him, never looked into it. Cool. That's fun. Great. Makes me feel really good about everything. Okay.

So, obviously, this is very ballsy, and the police are like, well, this is a little bit red flaggy. Right, right. You know. police are like well this is a little bit red flaggy right right um so police uncovered one major clue at this point which is that the fingerprints they so he did give them fingerprints too because he social security number fingerprints etc so they ran his fingerprints and they realized that his fingerprints matched those of a german teenager who came to america 10 years earlier oh so now we're finally finally putting the pieces together.

And that's when they learn that Crow, Chichester, and Gerhardt's writer were the same person. So for weeks, police were trying to pin him down in New York, but he continues to evade them. And when I was reading this, it was like, so police kept asking him to meet up. And he was like, sure. And then like, wouldn't show up.

And I was like, that doesn't seem like how police should work right like ghosting the police it's like you're pretending to be the son of sam and you're just like not meeting us for lunch he's like yeah yeah i'll get there i'll get there yeah yeah i'm really busy yeah on wall street right i don't know it's just bananas so apparently he just ghosted them for like two weeks and they couldn't figure out where he was. And so around this time, a newcomer arrives on New York's art scene.

Believe me, this goes somewhere, I promise. I didn't just put the wrong notes in here. It sounds like I did. It does sound. For a minute, I had a little spike in blood pressure, but this is the right notes. Okay, so a newcomer arrives on New York's art scene, and his name is James Frederick Mills Clark Rockefeller. Except it's not, because it's just Christian again.

I mean, I'm not surprised. Let me say that again. James Frederick Mills Clark Rockefeller. So rather than run to a different country or city, or even city, literally could have just right moved out of new york but no he moved a few blocks away um he developed an entirely new persona uh in which he claimed he was a rockefeller i can't handle it it's really overwhelming i know i'm sorry he's just so ballsy yeah i'm throwing a lot in everybody's face. Sorry. He presents himself as an eccentric millionaire and a generous patron of the arts, just like me. Okay.

It's not real. It's not real. Get me out. Okay. His name, obviously, is a Rockefeller. People are, like, automatically very impressed and think that he's telling the truth for whatever God knows what reason. and think that he's telling the truth for whatever, God knows what reason. He tells everyone that he was an orphan prodigy

who went to Yale at the age of 14. He said he also had a private jet with which he would take his dog to Maine sometimes. I mean, well, that we should vision board. I feel like if that guy at the bar in Ohio had said, I have a jet and I take my dog to Maine, maybe Blaze and I wouldn't even be married. But instead, I'm just kidding, I love you.

I don't know where you are, but oh God. Oh yeah, Blaze is here, by the way. Shit, God. Oh, yeah, Blaze is here, by the way. Shit. Okay. Blaze was like, are you going to say on stage that I'm here? Because you do that all the time. And Christine was like, no, I don't. And then I saved her this time. I did it.

Sorry, Blaze. See, they're cheering for you. I didn't do anything wrong. Okay. So, I don't know where we are now. I'm just sweating a lot. Okay. Oh, Orphan Prodigy.

Oh, yes. Orphan Prodigy. There's a lot of twists and turns on this roller coaster. Yeah. We're in a weird place, all of us. Okay. So, he went to Yale at age 14. And he flew to Maine with his dog.

Okay. He didn't even have a dog. So he was full of shit. Okay. That's the worst of them all. That's the worst lie. It's a big fat lie is what it is. So in reality, he was actually living off the last of his Wall Street earnings because

remember he had worked for a year on Wall Street making like the salary of an executive and then had just fucking peaced out with all that money. Gotcha. So he was living off the last of his earnings renting a small apartment in an expensive neighborhood and as he he went by clark rockefeller because you know eight names is a little much a little mouthful he did that to himself yeah well yes exactly poor guy so he went by clark rockefeller um and around this time he marries high profile senior executive sand Boss, which I was like, that sounds fake.

But no, her name is literally Boss, Sandra Boss. She's a high-powered exec. And she just happens to earn millions of dollars a year. So he just happened to find the right lady to take to the altar. Great. take to the altar. So he and Sandra Boss get married and he earns her sympathy by telling her all about the trauma of his parents' deaths. Let me find the next page.

Uh-oh. It's an awkward bullet to go halfsies on. Right. And? And I'm leaving you in suspense. So he tells her all about the abduction of his parents when they were abducted in either Japan or Pakistan. Depending on the day.

Yeah. He told both stories, so nobody really knew which one he was going to stick with. Why wouldn't you at least clarify with yourself which story you're going to stick with? Yeah. Like, I've got between all four or five of them, I've got like 15 names and two locations that my fake parents were fake abducted while I'm at fake Yale because I'm a fake prodigy. And I'm going to fake marry this person. And I'm a fake dog at a jet in the middle of the sky and it's monogrammed. CCC Airways. Yes. So he's full of shit essentially. Right. So Japan or Pakistan, who knows? He said that because they were abducted in japan or pakistan uh he was mute

for 10 years oh my god come on i need to take a drink oh shit say something funny for a second cool love that that was for for those like 10 seconds my propranolol was like, fuck you. You're on your own. And I was like, oh, my God. Was that good for you? Was that funny? Good. If it makes you feel any better, that got more laughs than any joke I've made in the last 25 minutes.

Maybe I should do the whole thing without anti-anxiety meds. We could all just laugh all night. Thank God we're so full of jokes. I know. Guys, this guy was mute. Why are you laughing? He was mute for a whole decade because his parents were abducted in a foreign country

that he couldn't decide on. Right. So, by the way, his actual parents are alive and well and, like, living in Germany. So there was not actually... I hope they find out, like, the stunts he was pulling later. They did eventually, actually. Yes.

But I never heard their opinion, which I really wanted to know. Well, I think we all would. Well, I think we can all probably guess. Yeah. Yeah. I'm guessing it wasn't, like, a treasured feeling. So, anyway, they're very much alive. So he tells his new wife, oh, my goodness, I was mute for 10 years because my parents were abducted, you know, in Japan or Pakistan.

And this part, I think they also included in the documentary for the same reason that I'm going to include it, which is just that it's so fucking stupid that it has nothing to do with the story but I just need to tell you because if I had to read it, you had to read it. And that is that he was mute. He said he was mute for 10 years and the first words he uttered in 10 years were after witnessing a dog.

Which I was like, fair. So far it's fair, yeah. And the word that he said was wolfness and he's trying to be whether or not that's a word is I guess besides the point but it's like he was shooting for charming and it just kind of went like a little to the left it was like yeah yeah he's like that's what Americans say, right? Woofness? Yeah. He could have just ended it with, like, I finally had it in me to speak once I saw a puppy. And that'd be kind of cool. End of story, right.

Like, that broke it. Exactly. But then he had to add the woofness thing. He made up a word. I mean, I don't know. They just casually said that in a very intense documentary, and I had to rewind it six times to be like... said that in a very intense documentary and I had to rewind it six times to be like and I put on the little closed captions and I guess the person writing the closed captions also was confused because they put it in like quotations and I was like I don't think any of

us four question marks like maybe they did like the sp question mark spelling I don't know very confusing so anyway they get married she's like wow that's amazing they get married uh and they have a daughter named ray okay uh he and his daughter are apparently inseparable and this is kind of the first person he's ever had in his life where he's like actually deeply connected to sure um meanwhile back in san marino deedy's house you remember deedy yeah the pilot right the pilot yes deedy her house is sold to a new owner and they happen to decide to put in a pool in the backyard. Yeah. And then they had a great party and nothing happened. Nope.

Bad, bad things happen. They find a box buried in the backyard. Yes. The box contains plastic bags filled with the remains of a human body. And the body belonged to John Sohouse, Dee Dee's son. Yikes.

One of the plastic bags containing John's remains happened to be from the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee. So that's a weird coincidence. So then police go interview the Kellons, the family that I knew there was a reason I included them again. Well, here we are.

Here we are. Police go back to the Kellens, the family in L.A., and show them a picture of Linda and John. And John's wife says, holy shit, that is the woman I saw crying in the car. Oh, no. That belonged to John that Christian happened to be driving back to Connecticut. Oh, no. And they were like, okay, let's call Interpol. Finally, we're taking things seriously. Yes, yes, yes. So the FBI and Interpol get involved, and they're all looking for Christian. I guess they don't realize he's a Rockefeller yet, so they'll find that out. They'll find that out soon.

Meanwhile, Clark Rockefeller is kind of following this news, and so he has a breakdown. Okay. Sorry. So sorry for you, Clark. Right. He heads to New Hampshire with his wife, Sandra, and they buy... We like her so far. I hear it's so beautiful there.

I love it. Oh, I thought we were talking about Sandra. No! I mean, Sandra, I'm sure, is beautiful too. Okay. He hits New Hampshire, which is the most beautiful place I've ever heard of. He and Sandra... Damn, I should have known that would play so well. I would have really amped

that part up. I mean... We love pandering, by the way. So he and Sandra buy a mansion called Doveridge, and Christian buys an old police car and paints Doveridge security on the side of it. It's the most dad thing I've ever heard. It is. So he decides he's going to buy this mansion

and hide out from the rest of the world and become a hermit, kind of. And he paints this car, diverts security, and just parks it in front of the driveway so people think that his house is secure and they can't approach. Got it. Meanwhile, shocker, Christian and Sandra's marriage goes south. Apparently Christian just became kind of a terrible terrible fucking person uh surprise he started controlling her every move and she was the only one making money because at this point he wasn't working he was just being a rockefeller um so she was making the money and he would he took over her whole bank account controlled all her money and even started

restricting her from eating so that's oh no yeah yeah so he's super good that's the worst thing that happened on this podcast ever don't take away anyone's food especially mine i would never take away your charlotte ruse right um so at this point obviously he's still going to great lengths to hide his true identity. Um, this is actually very creepy. So at the point, so he was living in this neighborhood and he has a daughter. So they're, you know, he's meeting other families, but anytime somebody takes a photo, um, he like covers his face.

And so they started showing all these photos that he was in where he would like cover his own face. It's very creepy. Oh, no. Like, you know, pictures. Polaroids? Kodaks? You know, yeah, sure.

Disposable physical pictures. The ones that you would get printed. Oh, no. That's a Kodak moment. Yeah, it's a Kodak moment. And all the photos that they had printed out, he was like covering his face. Or they said, or he, which is even arguably worse, instead of covering his face, he would, like, make, like, a really grotesque face. So, like, he wouldn't look like.

So he would, like, change his appearance, quote, unquote. I do that without trying. Yeah. No, Em, you always look like that. True. It's okay. Don't look in a mirror. Isn't that what you said to me earlier?

Yeah. So we're even. Ha's okay. Don't look in a mirror. Isn't that what you said to me earlier? Yeah. So we're even. Ha ha. Right. So anyway, there's a bunch of photos where like during this time period, he was still trying to hide from cameras or being recognized by anybody. So in 2007, oh, here we go, guys. Get ready.

In 2007, Sandra convinces Christian to move to Boston. I told you. We found it. And she says, we have to move to Boston for our daughter's sake. So sorry, New Hampshire, but they had to go to Boston. Cool. So they moved to Boston, and they buy a $2 million townhouse, which I'm sure you guys can all relate to.

Classic Boston. Same. It's like all our memories of boston right so sandra at this point is like super freaked out and you know convinced him to move back to the city was like i don't know what this guy's deal is so she hires a private investigator to take a look at a good old clark rockefeller and figure out what the fuck is going on with him. Um, it turns out shockingly that he is not who he claims to be. Um, I know, I know you didn't expect it, but I know shocking. I'll give you a minute cause I lost where I am. Okay. Nope. Found it. Um, she divorces him,

gains sole custody of their daughter because actually what she said was, if you give me sole custody of our daughter, I will not like report all your weird got it little shit so she got full custody of their daughter and took her to London changed her name changed her daughter's name to her own last name got it was like bye so they moved to London yeah finally something good happens Christian was given three supervised visitations with his daughter per year. So on July 26, 2008, Ray, who's now seven, comes to Boston for her visitation with her father. Christian was walking down the street at Boston Common with his daughter and the social worker who had to supervise the visit. When an SUV approached, Christian suddenly whacked a social worker in the

back of the head grabbed his daughter and jumped into the car oh no the social worker hung on to the back of the suv and fucking like was like, no, no. And grabbed onto the back of the SUV. Like, obviously, the guy, you know, kicked her off, but she immediately called the police, was able to, like, give them the full description and everything. A warrant was issued for his arrest, and a massive search ensued. People all over the country, from Connecticut to California to New York, New Hampshire, even Milwaukee, et cetera,

everyone is looking, like, New Hampshire, even Milwaukee, etc. Everyone is looking, like, calling in being like, I was watching TV and I saw my pal from Berlin High School or whatever. Like, people just start recognizing him from all over the United States. And so suddenly the FBI is realizing, like, oh, this guy was also, you know, the guy we're looking for in California who maybe murdered John. Right, right, right, right. So this is all, like, coming together at one point. So now they're even more worried for Ray, obviously the daughter.

And on August 2nd, 2008, after a week-long search, Christian was finally found in Baltimore, Maryland, where he was living. Sure. Damn. I forget how close all the states are here. Right. We're just in like one massive back in california it's like it's all the same so he's living in baltimore and we're uh under the name get ready he's living under the name chip smith so he finally figured out what Americans are called. Okay.

He had purchased, within the last two weeks, an apartment and a boat. Why not? The FBI decided to lure him out of the apartment. Apparently it's very easy. They lured him out of the apartment by telling him, oh, no, his boat is sinking. So the guy walks. So Chip walks out of the apartment chip the sailor yeah god what a douchebag right so he walks out of the apartment uh and as he left the apartment obviously the SWAT team like rushed into the apartment and grabbed the grabbed his daughter ray and she

was safe and perfectly fine. Thank God. Yeah. When the SWAT team arrested Chip slash Christian, they asked him, where are you going? And he says, I'm just going to get a sandwich. He's very good at lying. Yes. Obviously, this is a media sensation, especially when people are like, holy shit, he's a Rockefeller. And a baron.

And a 13th baron of England. You know. So when the FBI interrogates him, he denies any connection to Germany, insisting that he grew up in New York. And it's very weird because you watch the interview and he still very much has a German accent. And as someone with German parents I'm like that doesn't go away ever but he's like no no I grew up in New York my father would take me to the Statue of Liberty and they were like no you're full of shit um so they contact his brother back in Germany and he he's like, yeah, that's my brother. He's super weird.

And his parents are still alive here in Germany. I like how the brother doesn't try to save him at all. No. Oh, no. That's him. Yeah. Did he give you like 16,000 names for himself? That's him.

Yeah. He's like, he never became that Hollywood movie star. What a shocker. Wow. He really wanted that out of life. He never became that Hollywood movie star? What a shocker. Wow.

He really wanted that out of life. So he still is, to this day, by the way, holds this story up that he was born in New York and has no idea about Germany, has never been there. So just a nut job. So his lawyer's pleadance... I wrote something stupid. Okay. Do you want to hear it?

Yeah. Duh. Sometimes I write jokes into my notes god damn it god damn it christine also has this habit of forgetting that the microphone is in her face and so she'll start muttering shit about my story and be like i don't think so and it's like right i'm like i like hear it coming from the ceiling i'm like what the fuck okay i wrote this thing i'm gonna say really fast because it's so stupid okay i wrote you can still hear his accent i guess he's still pretending it's from massachusetts okay oopsies okay uh hey man i was Oopsies. Okay. Hey, man. I was drinking a lot of wine when I wrote these notes, I think.

Okay. So you'd think I'd be in the right headspace, but apparently. So Christian's lawyers plead insanity for obvious reasons, but psychiatrists disagreed. In fact, they believed he knew exactly what he was doing, and Christian was diagnosed with delusional disorder, which that's cool. I didn't know that was a thing. Delusional disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, which does not shock me very much about this guy. Right.

In 2011, a jury found Christian Gerhardsreiter guilty of the kidnapping of his daughter. He was sentenced to five years in jail, and two years later, in 2013, Gerhardsreiter was tried and convicted of the first-degree murder of John Sohaus. Yeah, which was crazy. Justice, finally.

Yeah, and it was crazy because they didn't have any hard evidence. It was just that that plastic bag had been in the ground with the body from Milwaukee. And the fact that it was all very, like, circumstantial evidence, but the jury was like, no, we fucking know he did it. And so they convicted him which was they did not expect that to happen but it did uh he was given the maximum sentence of 27 years uh yes and unfortunately linda so house's whereabouts are unknown to this day so they're still trying to figure out where she is uh with good behavior uh christian will be eligible for parole in September 2030 at the age of 69

which is not that far away yikes and that is the story guys of our lovely friend Christian thank you thank you aww thanks guys

I know that was a lot I know that was a lot. I know it was a lot. It was like a whole page longer than usual, but I just had a lot to say. I do have a quick horoscope for you guys for Christian. So for those of you who have been dragged here unwillingly and don't know why you're still here and want to go home, a horoscope is where I give unsolicited astrological advice to people who have already died and don't want to you're still here and want to go home, a horoscope is where I give unsolicited astrological advice

to people who have already died and don't want to hear it. Right. Yes, so you're welcome for that. This is for all the Pisces out there. I always know at least one-twelfth of the audience will be excited. Right. So Christian was a Pisces, and so for him and for you guys, please listen up.

Pisces, this is an exceptional period for learning where your imagination ends and realism begins. Accurate. Sounds about right. Please find a healthy balance between the two. right. Please find a healthy balance between the two. This will help stabilize your hectic social life. Lucky you. Under this planetary arrangement, you could get exactly what you want. But if you don't, make sure to use the proper channels to get your way rather than creating your own path and potentially hurting innocent bystanders. And finally, that is the story of Christian Gerhardt. Love it.

Thank you, Boston. I'll take these for you. Thank you. I can stick them in my pants again. They're in mine now. Okay. Thank you guys so, so much, Boston. Thank you guys oh my god thank you boston we love you listening to our stories thank you so much boston thank you thank you thank you

thank you Sorry. I feel like a kid that's about to give a presentation that he has no idea about. We just flew in from Los Angeles. And boy are my arms tired. Fun fact, he was a long time. Listen, English is my first language. Is camera home? Sassy with me. Sassy the clown?

The clown is shy. Oh, sweet. Finish your drink. And that's why we drink!