And That's Why We Drink - E18 An Even Worse Eyeball Story and the Adventures of Captain Midnight

Episode Date: June 4, 2017

DISCLAIMER: this episode is very graphic. And very disturbing.Em must have known Christine was tired of being the bad guy, because she went NEXT LEVEL with her disturbing story. No joke, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN LISTEN TO EPISODE 18. And if you do, at least put some money aside for their future therapy sessions. (Oh and if you’re wondering, this week’s topics are the LaLaurie Mansion and the Craigslist Killer.)

i guess it's go time okay well wait when does this come in when does this it's my birthday no it's my birthday oh wait we air it on the night of my birthday but it comes out on your birthday anyway happy birthday thank you happy birthday to you mean, it's belated, but... We celebrated a whole week ago now. Oh my gosh. So much fun, though. It was the best weekend ever. Em took me to an escape room with all my friends. She surprised me.

I did. I never asked you how you felt about it, because I left, like, right afterwards. It was so fun. Yeah? We got a cool photo with a fake dead guy. Mm-hmm. We solved some clues.

The people we were with were kind of weird, but... They kind of had, had like an attitude problem if you ask me honestly yeah well i felt bad they're never gonna hear this so who cares but i know but i felt so bad for blaze like that poor guy he had the answer to everything okay i didn't notice and he that was i was like the only person he kept looking at me and he was like i said that right and i was like yeah yeah i heard I heard you say that 20 minutes ago. Pissed, not pissed, but he was like, listen, every time he gave an idea of how to get out, everyone ignored him. And then 20 minutes later, they would come up with that one guy would be like, oh, I got it.

And I said that 10 times. Poor Blaze is like, I already said that. I already said that. I already said that. But so basically the bottom line is you're with a good guy because you would get out of a house 20 minutes earlier than we ever did. A house with a cannibal in it. Good. Good.

I feel better about my life. But anyway, it was a great weekend. We had a lot of fun sharing our birthday weekend. We got good presents. If you're a $5 donator or higher. Yeah, I think so. Then you get to listen to a mini episode of us opening our presents for each other although i'm sure it's not actually a mini episode because it's absolutely not but

just like a whole extra episode it's a gift exchange episode and there's a lot of yelling and excitement if you would like to hear it you can donate at our patreon patreon.com and uh yeah we had a good birthday we had a great birthday we had a sleepover yeah we had a sleepover m i'm drinking this week i'm gonna jump ahead because m made me watch this movie called sinister and i knew she was gonna force me to do it so i went to the bathroom and i took i was like i'll be right back and i took a bunch of melatonin yeah she totally betrayed my trust and then was like hi i'm here for the movie and then like it was out cold but i kept waking up and we were watching it with my brother who is by the way traumatized for life and i kept waking up like at weird scenes and just trying to pretending like i'd been awake so i would

comment commentate the whole yeah but him and i both knew the whole time you had been sleeping through it there were a few times where we both like ran past you during the movie to like try and get really open open your eyes. Yeah. We waved in front of your face, and then 10 minutes later, you'd be like, whoa, look at that. I'd be like, wow, look at the lighting in this scene. And you guys were like, what the fuck? We're like, Christine, shut up.

We know you're sleeping. I tried really hard. But honestly, the opening movie of that scene is for a family hanging from a tree. And I was like, nope, I'm out of here. Goodbye. My sister and I saw it together, not knowing what we were going to see gonna see nope and it was actually one of the scarier movies I've ever watched and I don't watch scary movies so Em goes let's watch this together at our sleepover so I wanted someone to be as traumatized as I was at one point he she actually with your brother

yeah she actually wrote my brother into that plan um he chose to sit out there he could have left I bailed and and he had to. But I don't regret a thing. That's my story. So anyway, now we're older than we were. So elderly. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. Okay, guys.

We're here. I told you why I drink. Why do you drink? Oh, I drink because last night I had to go to walmart in the middle of the night because my computer decided to have like this like horrible malware adware problem oh shit and i was trying to research the story and we were meeting today so i was like i have to get this fixed now and so in the middle of the night i had to go to walmart and get an external hard drive okay which was expensive okay pause earlier i know i, Em told me... I know, I'm trash. I know I am.

Earlier, Em told me, you know, I really had to go to Walmart last night because I really wanted some chicken broccoli alfredo. No, that's not how I told you. So I bought a family-style package, and now the story is that she had to research for the podcast. No, no, no, you're jumbling words, man. I don't know.

Okay, so, yes, I had to go to Walmart. While I was there, I had a hankering for Alfredo. Okay. We'll go with that story, then. No, that's the first story. Okay. So, anyway, I had to get an external hard drive. They're expensive.

They are expensive. So, I, like, lost all this money. And... Again, our Patreon page. And I had to take everything off my laptop just in case. Well, actually, the Apple store today went really well. But in case they had to delete everything off my computer, I wanted to take it off ahead of time. And they fixed my computer in like five minutes.

So I was able to do the store. Oh, that's nice. Did they replace the cover? Because on mine, they replaced it. No, they literally just like downloaded some weird software and just killed whatever was going on. They were like, they had to fix mine. I forget what happened, but I probably spilled wine on it but it doesn't matter um but they fixed it and they replaced the whole outside and the screen so it was all it looked brand new and i felt i didn't

get that treatment it was so nice i felt like i had a new computer well i'll be sending in a review to mark at apple but mine was there for three days and i had to drive to that stupid beverly hill center so oh no i live literally within walking distance of an Apple store now. Oh, that's nice. As I triangulate my position in the world. Oh, cool. And my appointment was at 1030, and I was out by like 1050. It was the...

On Memorial Day? It was one of those... What is happening? It was one of those Apple store experiences that they would want to film for a commercial. Maybe they were filming a commercial. It is LA. It was one of those Apple store experiences that they would want to film for a commercial. So like maybe they were filming a commercial. It is LA. Maybe they were filming. I was shocked.

I was like, I'm done now. And he was like, yep, that's it. And I was like, are you sure? There's going to be a commercial that's like real life customers get prime treatment from market Apple. So anyway, I drank because I had to go buy an external hard drive that I actually didn't need. Well, I'm glad that you have it now because it does help. I have had one for many years and I love it.

What's in your box of wine today? You know, it's a bag filled with goodness. Cabernet or Shiraz? Shiraz. It's a Shirazi kind of day. What about you? There it is. I forgot.

We just gave you the evil eye. So I just found this diner on the way to you, and it had a list of like 50 milkshakes, which means for the next 50 episodes I have somewhere to go. Thank God she'll be here, guys, for the next 49 episodes. And I'm starting with this one. It's the Elvis. So it's chocolate peanut butter banana. Awesome. It's actually surprisingly good. it's chocolate peanut butter banana. Awesome. It's actually surprisingly good.

But didn't he eat pickles on his sandwiches? No, it was bacon. Oh, bacon. That's what it was. Which I wouldn't have been against. If they stuck bacon in there. Sometimes you got to stretch your limits. M's wise quote of the day.

I did want to do a couple little things okay but do them quick because you're gonna have to edit this i know i know now i'm sweating fast i'm sweating with anxiety okay tessa lanae messaged me on twitter us on twitter and she was like told me we just need to give her a little shout out and send some love her way because all i'm gonna say is she was not treated right by a man and i don't want to give all her you know he sounds like a dick he is a dick okay so tessa lanae and also she and her best friend listened to us regularly and she was like thank you for helping me get through she moved out of her boyfriend's place and got her own place and she's living alone for the first time. And she's like, thank you for being there.

I know, and I was like, fuck him. I'll tell you, I was with a girl forever who was just the fucking worst. So I'm totally there with you. It was beyond the worst experience of my entire life. So I got you a thousand percent. He did not treat you right, and we don't support that. Maybe send him this episode where we tell him

he's a piece of shit. Yeah, you're a piece of shit. Okay. Okay. And then next thing is that Tina actually was the one who suggested my last story about the Pompin sisters.

And she messaged me like, oh, hi, that was me. And I was like, oh, shit. So I'm sorry that I didn't give you the proper credit, but she suggested that. And, oh, before I forget, Classic Kevin literally went to the chair. Did you see that? I saw Classic Kevin do exactly what he should have all along.

The death chair, and he touched it. He touched it? No, he has a picture. That is not Classic Kevin. That is unclassic. That is dangerous, Kevin. Kevin, you are living on the edge. I don't support it, to be honest, because they're going to track you back to this episode,

and all of a sudden we're responsible. Oh, no. Well, the thing is, he did promise he wouldn't haunt us, so, well. I don't trust him. He touched the chair. We should probably make him sign something. Okay, well, I'm glad you're not dead yet, chair. We should probably make him sign something. Okay, well, suddenly I'm very... I'm glad you're not dead yet, Kevin.

Well, as far as we know. Suddenly I'm very anxious. All right, Kevin. But he did post photos of it, and it was pretty incredible. Yeah, I definitely saw those pictures. It was pretty awesome. That's awesome. Thank you for doing that for us.

You took our podcast to an interactive level. I mean, literally, yeah, an interactive experience. A 5D version. There was that cleaning lady who accidentally bumped it and died. I know. That's my thought. I was like, she didn't even mean to touch it and she's dead. Exactly.

So the fact that you didn't. And Kevin's physically touching it and taking a photo. So, Kevin. He's got some nerve. Disclaimer. We have nothing to do with that. We're not responsible for you kevin no we're only proud we are a little bit proud and we want to use it to

further our podcast yeah but exploiting you left and right right now we will exploit you but we will not take credit for your death okay cool anyway on that note hey hey hey anything else not that i know of okay i went through that through that. I blew through that. Oh, Gio has something to say. Gio, do you have, do you have something to say? Here's the microphone. Say something. I love Emily. Oh, Gio. Wow. That was incredible. I taught him that. You heard it here first. Well, yeah, during the sleepover, I got to snuggle with Gio and I woke up to his pretty little face right next to mine. It was so sweet. Okay. All right, here we are. You ready to hear something really disturbing and fucked up?

Yes. Okay. Is it worse than sinister? I mean, like, it's part of the story. I'm not going to tell you right away. Oh, it's part of your story. I thought this was, like, some weird... No, I don't just, like, have fucked up things to tell you for no reason at all.

I thought this was just a fun thing we were doing. Oh, my good boy. You're so handsome. Can you imagine if he Could like understand English Like he would be fucked off If he heard us talking About these stories I'm trying to get all my

Bad parenting out With a dog While I can Oh I want to say I didn't mean to Jump on your coattails there I have a fourth Nibbling

Yay High five She was born last night I thought you were going to say You were like pregnant or something And you alarmed me That's probably The last thing I'll ever say I know say you were pregnant or something and you alarmed me. That's probably the last thing I'll ever say. I know, but you were like, speaking of parenting.

It's a mistake. It's not on purpose. It's like, what the fuck? No, I have. I now have a third niece. What's her name? Her name's Piper. Oh, that's right.

Remember? Your favorite name. I told you about that. Actually, that's the reason I drank, because my sister stole my baby name, because she got to have a baby first, so she just got to pick the name. Rude. And then she was like, oh, the baby's name's Piper. And I was like, oh, I hate you.

Oh. So. I have a documentation from 2011. I literally, I showed Christine this weekend, I had that name on a note in my phone for the last, like, three years. Mm-hmm. So anyway, good luck, Piper. Just to tell you, she just rolled her eyes so hard.

There's nothing more petty than when I have a daughter and I'll name her Piper, too. And I'll be like, here's my Piper. She's younger. And she's the daughter of a podcast star. She's the new model. And her godfather's Gio, so you can't win. Aw. Okay.

So anyway, congratulations. I'm glad I have three nieces now instead of two and i do appreciate piper because she is a gemini yay just like us my nephew's also a gemini so now out of the four we got 50 of them as gemini's fab and none are scorpios so listen you're winning I'm going to call that a success. Anyway, let's talk about something really fucked up. Sure. Piper, someday you'll listen back on this episode and you'll think. Piper, I can't wait to emotionally damage you one day. Oh, I've already done a number on my other nieces and nephews, so good luck. I can only imagine.

Okay, so I have never heard of this before, but I'm sure other people have. So sorry if you know all about this, but it took me for a loop because this was my first time experiencing it. It's in New Orleans. It's called the LaLaurie Mansion. Wait. Is this the... I think I almost did this as a murder one this week. Interesting.

Well, it's haunted and I call it. I know, but is this... What if we had done the same one that would have been so cool we could tag team maybe we would have actually made time on an episode and you won't have to edit so much we do one story you do the crime part and i do the aftermath i think it if you did it and you read the whole thing i'm gonna be so upset no i didn't read the whole thing but it was definitely on my list of like but you haven't looked no okay because some of it is fucked up so this in new orleans is just called the haunted house really yeah it's like the haunted house of new orleans and people know what you're talking about uh it is 1140 royal street in case people want to go

there and lose their minds good also fun fact uh the house is also the inspiration for american horror story for the third season which was coven and they filmed in the house um but not like they only filmed some scenes in the house the majority of the filming was in another house on st louis street which i guess is nearby okay um and the house is like the the bad guy in this story her name is madame la laurie i guess she was known as the cruel mistress of the haunted house according to papers she was born in 1787 um her name was delph, and she was a member of a very large wealthy family. So, like, a lot of her relatives owned slaves. So she grew into that family where she also owned slaves. Fab. In 1800, she married... I forgot about this. She married a man with a very long

Spanish name. Oh, good. Please, tell me what the name was. Am I going to do it? Yes. Okay, if I butcher it, sorry to the actual Spanish speakers. Do you know how many stupid foreign names I'm always picking? Yeah, but I'm going to try to do it in the dialect, but I'm going to fuck it up.

Okay, she married a man named Don Ramon de Lopez y Anguilla Caballero de la Royal de Carlos. That was his whole name? Yeah. Holy Jesus. So Don Ramon. All right, let's go with Don. He was a Spanish officer, and four years later, they went to Spain on a trip, and there's, like, differing accounts of what actually happened,

but somehow he passed away on that trip. That's a long headstone. Like, how did they fit all that on his tombstone don raymond all right that's right but then after he passed away she found out she was pregnant and gave birth to his daughter who has an equally long horrible name which is maria borgia delphine lopez yankuya de Candelaria, and they nicknamed her Burquita. Holy! So we're going to call her Marie. You're good at that. At what? At the accent.

Oh, well, I only work with all Spanish-speaking people. That's true. I'm the only white one at my job, so I kind of have to know what I'm doing. But I also probably fucked it up, so really, who am I to tell? I'm sure it was great. So anyway, when they went back to new orleans from spain she got married to another guy named jean blanc and they had four more children three of which were daughters all three of which she also named marie what the fuck

and one was mary louise the other one was louise mary because i guess you have to change it up and then the third one for safe measure was also mary louise guess you have to change it up. And then the third one, for safe measure, was also Mary Louise. Are you serious? So she had two Mary Louises out of her four Marys. What is her deal? And then she had a son named Jean-Pierre. And that husband also died over time. So once he died, one of the Marie's had like some weird spine issue. And so

they were sending her to a physician who was basically like a chiropractor of the time. And his name was Leonard Louis Nicola LaLaurie. And she fell in love with him, even though he's 20 years younger than her. Wow. And so they got married and they bought the house that ended up being the mansion and so they they stayed well there's different accounts that say that over time they split up or they stayed married like there's i don't know which one's accurate but no matter what they had like a bad marriage like they were fighting all the time and neighbors knew that they were fighting and most of the reports say that lewis moved out okay and so that must be what like drove her crazy like most of the reports said that lewis moved out but there are other reports that say he like

lived in the house but was unaware of what was going on so oh no anyway her neighbors began to suspect that something wasn't right because the slaves in their house were, like, it was very weird how they treated them. Like, every now and then they would just be replaced for no explanation. Oh, my God. Or they would disappear and never be seen of again. And during their entire stay in that house, 35 to 40 of the slaves disappeared or died from unexplained causes, according to the neighbors. Oh, my God. So there was probably more than that.

But according to the neighbors, that was how many they remembered missing holy shit so one day like the thing that really set off that there was an issue in that house was one of the slaves was a 12 year old girl named leah and one of the neighbors across the street saw her screaming with madame la lori chasing her with a whip oh no and i guess the story goes that leah was brushing madame la laurie's hair and like there was a knot so she kind of like yanked on her head by accident and that was enough to like set the the chase on and so uh basically delphine madame la laurie she was chasing her with a whip and then they got to the roof and either the slave was so scared that she just jumped off or she like fell and like either way she died. She was 12?

Yeah. Oh, that's heartbreaking. So after the neighbor witnessed that and people found out that this little girl had died. I guess there was a law at the time that prohibited cruel treatment of slaves. I mean, you could have fucking slaves, but you just can't be mean to them. That was such a kindly law. Yeah, what a half-assed job at being nice. Yeah.

But so I guess the authorities investigated what happened. That's the most subjective law, by the way. You can't be mean to them. I know. I know. You can be horrible, but not mean. Yeah. What the fuck?

So it was investigated and they found out that, like, maybe she wasn't being the nicest to her slaves. So they basically impounded them and sold them off to auction. So she lost all of her slaves. But Madame LaLaurie had an arrangement where all of her friends and family would be at that auction. So they all bought her slaves but um madame la lori had an arrangement where like all of her friends and family would be at that auction so they all bought the slaves so she could buy them back from her friends so she ended up having them anyway she ended up getting them back that's fucked so okay so this is where it gets real neat oh god oh god oh god gut churning my i say oh no okay good thing i had trader joe's mac and cheese um okay so april 10th 1834 so 34 plus 13 is i was gonna try and figure that out 47 so a fire broke out in the house which had, the fire department come and see what was going on. And they found out that a cook, like, intentionally started a fire in the kitchen.

And when they went in to, like, take the fire out, they found out that that cook was chained to the kitchen. Oh, no. Chained to the oven. And the cook, like, ended up cursing them out and was like, why did you do this? I was trying to set the fire to kill us all. And she was like, I'd rather be dead than have to live here for one more day so the firefighters like heard her say that and they started looking around for like the other slaves and they ended up telling madame la lorre we have to go into the attic to check for the embers and she's like super resistant like literally shoving them away from the attic and they like push her away get into the attic oh no oh no oh no just drink

your wine i can't breathe they found more than a dozen slaves chained to the wall oh my god this is nervous laughter this isn't funny i'm totally just like nervous laughing some were strapped to makeshift operating tables are you kidding some were confined in cages made for dogs human body parts were scattered around oh no and heads and human organs were placed haphazardly in buckets haphazardly oh no according to a newspaper at the time uh the victims were naked and the ones that weren't, uh, like, strapped to tables were chained to the wall. You ready? No, but okay, go.

Some of the women had their stomachs sliced open and their insides wrapped around their waists. Huh? What? One woman had her mouth stuffed with animal poop. Huh? And then her lips were sewn shut. Huh? Huh? Huh? Okay, oh my god, I'm gonna have nightmares. Are you being real right now?

Do you wanna read it? This sounds like, I mean, talk about American Horror Story. Like, Christ almighty. The men had, this is where I'm fucked up. Okay, we're not there yet? Okay. Okay, I have a really weird thing about this exact part of my body. So like, it's like, they had their fingernails ripped off. I know. I know, I fingernails ripped off. I know.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Who doesn't have a weird part? Wait, wait, it's worse. It gets worse. It gets worse. Okay. Had their fingernails ripped off. The men also had their eyes poked out.

And, are you kidding? Private parts sliced off. I'm sorry. I'm just so nervous nervous one man hung in shackles this is the fucking worst because it's not funny i just don't know how it's to handle this one man hung was was hanging with i'm just gonna hide i'm like having a heart attack i'm sorry is it the highlighted part i don't even want to look at it it's two bullets okay okay okay okay okay okay okay m's having a full-on anxiety attack about this so i'm gonna read it even though i can't even really breathe one man hung in shackles with a stick protruding

from a hole that had been drilled in the top of his head. It had been used to stir his brains. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I know. Oh my God.

Get it away. I know. Oh my God. I know. I'm sweating. I know. I'm sweating and crying. Okay.

And what the fuck? I just was so uncomfortable to say that. I'm so glad. I was going to do this as a crime story. I'm lightheaded. I'm glad you did this instead because I was not about to read that. Sick protruding from a hole that had been drilled in the top of his head. Okay, why are you reading it again? Because I wanted to prove that I could do it.

It had been used to stir his brains, as you know. I'm gonna throw up. The tortures had been administered, like every single one of the tortures that she did were clearly not to bring quick death. Right. Like, it was like, I'm here to, like, really just give you the

most painful experience possible okay stupid for example here are some additional ways oh my god oh my god oh my god mouths had been pinned shut okay that's my biggest one like you with the fingernails minus the mouth okay but with animal shit in your mouth that's what i mean that's it's like human cat human centipede like that kind of thing makes me want to die. Hands had been sewn to various parts of their own body. What the fuck? So, like, you can't, like, you're stuck. What the fuck?

So, like, you're constricted to your own body. There was one woman whose arms and legs had been removed. Oh, my God. And another who... Was she alive? Yeah. Oh. So, the note that I did have was,

many of them had been dead for quite some time. Others were unconscious. Some cried in pain, begging to be killed and put out of their misery. However, there were a few who still clung to life, such as a woman whose arms and legs had been removed, and another woman who had been forced into a tiny cage with all of her limbs broken, and then set again in odd angles so she oh my god so she looked like a crab i know m so like crack and then they set them in the

wrong spot so she was this is worse than i expected i told you it was really messed up this is like the most how can a person even so their eyes were also removed and their genitalia were castrated um the ones whose limbs were hacked off were also alive still there were mutilated sex change operations um and a woman whose limbs were removed in odd circular pieces of skin were removed to resemble a human caterpillar so like she like like parts of her waist were just totally skinned. So like she looked like she had like ridges. I'm gonna throw up. Um, one had their face removed to resemble a gargoyle.

For fuck's sake. Signed witness statements further proclaim that tongues, noses, and ears were hacked off and sometimes crudely reattached. Some eyes were gadged out and both eyes and mouths were sewn shut. Um, one slave was said to have their intestines removed and then hanging over them like a backpack um and another woman was uh found with her back literally peeled so that you could see the tissue

muscles exposed other people had were covered with honey and then stuck with fire ants. Oh. Okay, that's it. That's all. So is she, like, how can a person. How do you explain that? That's not a person. You can't. How can a human even.

Fuck. I don't even, like, I feel like you don't even remember the things I listed because there are so many of them. And I don't even remember either. When I was reading them, I forgot about half of them. I blacked out. Yeah. I'm trying to remember to breathe.

I can't think of which one's worse to be honest. Every one was worse than the last. Okay. I feel like every person in there like didn't

even wish to be anyone else. No totally. Did she feed them like the ones that were still alive? They were still alive. They had to be eating something. She must have come up there

and fucking fed. It makes me sick. Many of those that survived the treatment only died that day due to the smoke inhalation from the fire it's like they were so close to making it out but i mean at that point even yeah in the 1830s could you really like ever have a life again with no limbs right as a slave no how in the 1830s did you cut someone's limbs off and they survived that's what i'm thinking that's a lot of blood loss or slice someone's back open they didn't get infected and die you know or like cut their face off or then reattach it she must have been just your eyes getting so shut oh my god that in the mouth thing is i almost okay this is not like i not like i'm cool with getting my mouth shut but like if you're to sew your mouth shut or sew your eyelids shut, your eyelids have your eyeballs in them.

If you miss, your eyeball's fucking poked. I know, but she was pulling out people's eyeballs anyway. Oh my god. Which, again, remember how everyone was mad at me about the eyeballs? Now I feel like you're the bad guy. I mean, I don't like myself particularly either. Mine was about two people. Yours at least is about more than a dozen slaves.

Oh, I'm going to throw up. I hope none of them were children. Maybe that's why that girl ran. She was like, I'd rather jump. She's like, my fucking mom is up there and I'd rather jump off the roof. Oh, I forgot that her mom was probably there. I'm going to kill myself. When trying to rebuild the house later after all of this happened,

officials found numerous human skeletons beneath the house in all sorts of positions and barely covered with soil, shreds of fabric, and clothing was still adhered to their bones. Some of the skulls had holes in them, as if they were earlier experiments of stirring brains. I am, like, cold to my bone right now. That is just sick. So the authorities concluded that the bodies were those of former slaves, their bodies buried to hide the fact that they were killed in there. Many believe, though, here's a possible upside in the world, that the story, most of like the more gruesome versions,

were written about in just one magazine called the new orleans b which in the 1830s was considered to be like a national inquirer so like they're hoping that like for as gruesome as it was hopefully it wasn't true and the national or not the national the new orleans b said that their informant was the next door neighbor who had a crush on madame laurie oh why why would he do that because nobody so nobody knew that she was this fucked up like she was known as like a wealthy slave owner who like just had like a shitty marriage like no one knew anything else sure and so he had a crush on her and then i guess because it was unrequited they think like maybe

he if you were the informant for the new orleans b maybe you were just like trying to get back at her like a revenge. So the hope is that he was just being vengeful and saying horrible things, and this didn't actually happen to anyone. Alright, what's next? I don't believe you that that's it. No, no, that's the grossest stuff that you will hear from me. My skin is crawling. I want to throw up. I have no faith in humanity. Cool. That's how most of us feel these days.

Usually that's how you feel after my stories. I mean, that's how I feel all of 2017. I'm actually pretty pleased that you took this story instead of me, because I have this on my list of potential stories. So in papers after this all came out, Madame LaLaurie was called a monster. She was called a demon in the shape of a woman. And she was called Fury Itself Es shape of a woman. And she was called Fury itself escaped from hell. Wow. So despite like the, that one newspaper that like gave all of the details and they don't

know if they were like being way accurate compared to everyone else or if they were just lying, whatever the truth is, um, that day when the slaves were getting pulled out to like go to the hospital, uh, nearly000 townspeople came to, like, see what was happening. So everyone found out. And out of sheer, like, shock and disgust and, like, betrayal because they all saw her as, like, a good person, they all got pissed. And they started to, like, slowly turn into a mob that night. Uh-oh. Which, like, kind of proud for the 1830s defending slaves like

that i am surprised a little bit kind of hard to believe but at least they kind of had a brain for a minute i mean i guess mob mentality you can kind of switch to any opinion but yeah so the mob chased her out of her house and she was never seen again in the area like she like that night fled and she ended up fleeing to france and she could have moved back before she died or she passed away in paris there's like more evidence showing that she passed away in paris okay um i guess there were like records that like show her like death certificate there okay but um anyway so that's the story of her that's like the history of how she's involved in the house but

are is her are her daughters anywhere or did they were they out they all went to paris with her like she fled with the family okay um so following the civil war the mansion turned into an all-girls school in 1874 so great 40 years later because it had been pretty much vacant since then wow and so um it was only uh an all-girls school for like a year because the white league which is that sounds like the worst thing yeah forced black children to leave oh oh no and uh later even though it then became an all-white school for a while a segregationist school board changed things completely and made the school for only black children okay um this also only lasted for a year because uh the first reports of paranormal activity were showing up because all of the um black children were reporting physical assaults from the same woman who carried a whip oh no so i think it was an all-girls school still

okay but so the young girls were like known to approach all these teachers with like like cuts and scratches on them and people would say who did this to you and they all said that woman and like would describe her oh god so after it was a school for those two short years it was also a music conservatory a bar a furniture store a whole bunch of other things it was apartments for a while but none of them could keep open for very long so like the furniture store um the owner first thought there were like vandals um in the store at night because he was coming back to the store and there was like this like dark smelly liquid everywhere oh ew and he finally waited up one night with a shotgun hoping that they would show up and he literally just turned around and all of a sudden this the like dark

smelly liquid was all over oh i have chills um and so the next day he closed up shop for good no surprise there no other than that anyone who's tried to live in the house has suffered either financially or health-wise with a lot of them dying in there so the the first man who bought the house in the 1840s like right after all this happened like only three years later can you imagine buying a house three years after all that garbage happened like with like the slaves no and having all that juju in there like even if even if you don't believe in any of it just get it blessed like you don't have to be the most religious person on earth but get your house

like blaze is the most straight-laced he would never move into that house yeah just knowing what happened there yeah just on principle so one man bought it um he tried he tried living there for like three months and it didn't work because he kept feeling like people were staring at him and he kept hearing all these weird sounds so he left and tried leasing it to other people and they only stayed like a few days before they moved out like they couldn't handle it either oh geez so that's what ended up keeping the place abandoned for several years uh eventually by like the 1900s there were other people who were living there um one died just days after buying the place oh my god uh another one ended up in an asylum another one ended up in a coma oh my god another guy died

in the house jesus christ um and then come like the 1890s so like still around the right before the 1900s started right um the there was a like that immigrant movement so a bunch of italians moved into new orleans so landlords were like quickly building like putting buildings back together to like try to rent them out to all these people and they had so many families moving into that house and nobody could stay one of the tenants was found brutally murdered oh my god and his belongings were ransacked so i think it could have just been a robbery but also that's like the fifth person to die in that house sure slaves yeah in regards to that murder the cops were interviewing like everyone he knew and his friend said that days before he got murdered the guy was saying he was having problems with the

sprites in his house spirits in his house and his friend claimed that there was a demon in the house who wasn't going to rest until he died. Okay. Pause. Does sprites mean like spirits? Yeah. Is that like an old term? Sprites was spirit back then.

Oh. I thought it meant like little elves. No. What the? Why is that scarier? Because isn't that? No. Isn't that a thing?

Maybe. I don't know. The most famous owner of the house was Nicholas- Hey. An elf or a fairy. I just looked it up. Oh my god. Okay.

I'm just saying I thought there were little elves in his house, which is creepy as fuck. It's not Santa's house. This isn't... Fairies are elves who want to kill him? That sounds pretty scary to me. Okay. Anyway. The most famous owner of all and one of the most recent people to buy the house was in

2009. Nicholas Cage bought the house. Shut the fuck up but get this as soon as he bought it like two years later he ended up losing all of his money went bankrupt so like fucking nicholas cage so like no good luck has come out of that place but he became the worst meme of all time so it's like good luck currently it's either owned by this like energy trader in texas like there's like there's different reports of i don't know how recent these were but he owned it for a while and was using it to entertain friends and he still

could be doing that or it's now been um sent over into like it's like a realtor's office and luxury apartments which i can't imagine people wanting to live no i mean at that point it's like why even try anymore i don't so anyway here are the um the short but sweet list of the manifestations that have happened in this place oh god over time they've got to be bad multiple accounts of tortured screams rattling chains in the kitchen and on the staircase one resident reported that a black man in chains appeared and attacked him on a stairwell some have this is the most fucked up one. Some have witnessed hallucinations of their own pets being butchered in the house. Oh my, oh my, nope, never moving there.

Children have been attacked by a phantom with a whip, just like when there was a school. People just passing the building or on a tour have felt incredibly nauseous. They've heard screaming. They've heard sobs. tour have felt incredibly nauseous they've heard screaming they've heard sobs um children have immediately heard um like moans and groans and smelled burning flesh jesus christ children children are like mommy i smell burning flesh mommy i think i know that smell um there have been scratches on the floorboards that people have heard and then turned around and they're what like were actual scratches one tenant was going up the stairs and was blocked by this giant man,

who he thought was a real man. He tried to push the figure out of his way because he felt intimidated, and his hand went through him, and then the man dissolved in front of him. There's also been reports of a pale, black-haired woman that chokes people while they're sleeping. Who's that? I don't know. But there's another shadow person that follows the one that chokes you and he stops her from really

yeah that's wild like a superhero ghost a superhero shadow person yeah um so shadow figures have also chased people with like bull whips jeez um there have been terribly maimed translucent apparitions who will show up when you're sleeping to show you their scars oh my god pretty fucked up that is so fucked up like a ghost without legs or arms just like bobbing towards you like it's fucked up um fuck you one woman saw a female spirit that looked a lot like madame la lori who in the the spirit was bent over and like talking to her baby like the woman's baby was watching the woman was watching a ghost talk to her baby oh no don't get the fuck away from her baby dude throughout the years neighbors have reported the mansion's windows opening and closing by themselves the front door opening by itself and people um have also reported

getting their bags yanked off of them or their hair yanked behind them uh one time a guide uh was like standing under a bunch of street lamps that had been burnt out and as soon as she said the little slave girl leah as soon as she said leah's name all the lights in the whole neighborhood went on oh and when she said leah's name again they shut down again jesus people wake up in the middle of the night to see uh madame la lorre staring at them while they sleep that is my nightmare and the same that same figure will stare at uh people who pass by the house at night. Some have even seen the reenactment of the young girl jumping off the roof to her death.

Like, have seen a little girl falling off the roof and then reported it later. Like, called people to say a girl fell off the roof. Oh, shit. And they're like, no, that's just what happens. Oh, my God. And then at night you can hear the little girl sobbing especially near the courtyard fountain where she died where she like landed when she fell oh i've i've had chills through this whole story so that's that uh i think this is probably the first time in podcast history that uh your story was more fucked up than mine yay not to say i'm are you tweeting at me no i really am not

um not to say that my story is not fucked up because it is fucked up assuredly but yours was pretty fucked up it was it was pretty darn fucked up anyways it was pushing the boundaries of like is yours not fucked up what's happening i want to know all about it i just said mine's fucked up anyway it was pushing the boundaries of like is yours not fucked up what's happening i want to know all about it i just said mine's fucked up but yours was pushing the boundaries of being unmanageable for me almost woohoo so here we go let's just get hold on i need to refill this are you ready yeah i'm ready to be rumbled yes i am okay i have a story for you about philip markoff okay i don't know who that is good my goal now someone uh left us a review that was like your stories are too everyone knows about the people you cover so i was like well fine well i'll try harder um so i'm fuck you and like tweeting me

i'm not tweeting you asked if i was tweeting you and says i'm not tweeting you and then i have a tweet on my phone that says m schultz x teen sheepherd now i'm tweeting you that's not entire that was okay okay so phil markoff was born on February 12th, 1986. Okay. To a normal, upstanding family in New York State. Okay. His father was a dentist. Okay.

Very seemingly normal. He was a member of the National Honor Society, the History Club, the youth court, the school golf team, and the school bowling team, which I forgot to tell you, I also founded at my high school. God. Because I was cool was cool well you were something i had a bowling ball and um i had it custom made oh wait i had a custom made bowling ball too really i'm not kidding what was yours named the bowling ball oh well mine had a name you named your bowling ball what like it's a pet rock his name was captain midnight why why not i don't know a single sport where people name the ball well now you do all right i didn't name mine

i just had a custom fine you're so cool okay remember how i said i founded a scrabble squad at my school i also founded a bowling team there's nothing cool about anything you've ever done but it's all at least one of a kind. I'll give you that. Thank you. You're definitely unique. There's nothing cool about running a true crime paranormal podcast on my living room. I'm not sitting here pretending I'm better than you. I'm just saying drinking boxed wine. So it's not like, you know, I'm trying to be anyone I'm not, but okay. That's my only association with this guy just gonna you know cool give you that a little fun fact okay um after graduating high school philip attended i don't know how you say it

suny yeah suny suny albany oh my aunt went there really maybe they knew each other he went for pre-med and he graduated in 07 then he he started med school at Boston University. Oh, no. I like how I said that. So excited. Well, finally, we're talking about our own alum. BU. In 2005, when he was still at SUNY Albany, he met Megan McAllister, who was a young woman who worked, who volunteered with him at the Albany Medical Center Hospital ER.

Mm-hmm. volunteered with him at the albany medical center hospital er um a few years later when they lived in boston together uh they a few years later they were living together in boston and they were engaged to be married on august 14 2009 oh and megan was planning on starting med school that fall as well okay what are you doing over there i wanted to find my bowling ball no i wanted to find the bowling ball this was it and then the other side you're like holy shit he's like chasing him through the cheese that's actually really great i know where'd you get that i was on the cartoon network bowling league how is that a thing how how is your scrabble squad a thing we all have something weird all right fair swig your wine at least my name uh okay so they were uh engaged to

be married in august 14 2009 and megan was planning on starting med school as well and the way megan described their relationship was as loving and close um she said they were happy but a little bit lonely uh she said they didn't have many friends um he had a couple friends at bu but they didn't hang out with people that much because they didn't have money to go out so they were at home most of the time because they were living dollar to dollar so he was in med school and they were basically living off student loans um so they really didn't have a lot of money to like spend on extracurriculars and stuff like that. Maybe they went to Tasty Burger and Cornwalls like we did. Oh, I miss Cornwalls.

I loved Cornwalls. That was a great. That's where I met Danielle. Oh, really? That's where you met her? I thought you guys met in class. So once a month, once or twice a month, they went to Foxwoods Resort Casino in Connecticut, which, by the way, I've been to many times because Blazes on Lisa, who is a comedian,

performs every year for Christmas. She does like a christmas show there lisa lampanelli um but so anyway they ever once or twice a month they'd go to foxwoods resort um and he would play blackjack and she would watch and she said he wasn't a heavy gambler but like if uh he was up he'd keep playing and if he lost money he would stop so he also apparently seldom went to class um and instead he would read his professor's lecture notes online um and she said i mean we're in the apartment 24 7 he doesn't have a life because he's in medical school okay unfortunately he did have a life she just didn't know about it hey bam you got it okay i thought i might she didn't know that he had another side to him at least that's what i wrote but yours was better

in april of 2009 megan went home to new jersey to plan the wedding and the two of them talked every night on the phone uh later that month she returned and on April 20th, they were driving down to Foxwoods Casino, as they did, on I-95 South, when they were pulled over, and Phillip was arrested. Why, though? Why? It turns out that while she was gone, on April 10th, 2009, Phillip contacted an escort named- Wait, April 10th? Uh-huh. That's the same date that the fire was. For the Laurie Mansion.

What? Wow. Happy anniversary. How creepy. Okay, anyway, go. that the fire was for the laurie mansion what wow happy anniversary how creepy okay anyway go well on april 10 2009 philip contacted an escort named tricia leffler through craigslist and when they met at the westin copley place which is copley which is where my dad stayed when he visited me so turning that into a nice little moment that shouldn't exist. Oh, wow. I can relate to this story. Good.

He bound, gagged, and robbed her there. Holy shit. Four days later, he murdered Julissa Brissman, who had posted an ad on Craigslist offering erotic massage services in the Copley Marriott. Two days later, on April 16, 2009, he attempted to rob Corinne Stout, who had offered lap dance services on Craigslist at a holiday Inn Express in Warwick, Rhode Island. And law enforcement figured out the three crimes were related. Uh, they tracked emails he had sent, uh, Brisbane, who was the woman who was murdered, to his apartment in Quincy, Massachusetts. Aww. And one of his victims had identified him from a picture.

Quincy, Massachusetts. And one of his victims had identified him from a picture. When police took him in for questioning that day, he was wearing the shoes he wore the night of Brisman's killing and her blood was spattered on the shoes. Yikes. There's a photo of the shoes online and you can see literal blood spatter on the shoes. And I'm like, why would you wear those again after there's blood on them? I know. Burn them. What's wrong with you?

Burn them. Buy new shoes. So he pled guilty. I'm sorry. He pled not guilty to all charges. His friends and his fiancee, Megan, jumped to his defense immediately. She was like, he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's beautiful inside and out.

His friends and family even made a Facebook page defending him. Oh, wow. he's beautiful inside and out his friends and family even made a facebook page defending him oh wow um and then the evidence started to pile up and megan realized what her fiancee was up to yeah it was really up to it was really alarming because nobody expected this um so there was a book written by a woman named linda fairstein called killer charm and in the in the expert i read in the expert in the excerpt i read um she said that investigators found a stash of women's underwear yummy from his victims in the springs of the bed that he shared with his fiancee um he detectives also found zip ties like the kind that robbery victims were usually bound with and a semi-automatic gun in a hollowed out copy of Grey's anatomy, which is like

what students it's like their Bible basically. Right. Um, so he had a gun hidden. Not the movie, not the show. It was Grey's. Wait, what? I was just kind of totally rocked with that and i was like yeah i saw i did see a little bit of your face being like what okay gray's anatomy is a really old medical

book really it's spelled g-r-a-y gray's anatomy and it's like an anatomy book from a bajillion years ago i thought this was like you were talking about like the show he had a dvd collection i was wondering why you just skimmed over that without cracking a joke i was like no when i when i murder i carry around sex in the city no so there's this guy named henry get gray and he wrote a book called gray's anatomy and it's like the basic i mean truly it's called like the bible for med students and then does he have one great yeah oh and it's called it's basically the gray's so gray's anatomy was written and shonda rhymes named her meredith gray with an e so it was like a play on gray's anatomy and gray's

anatomy shonda is a wise girl listen i'm taking uh an on like a master class from her online as a wise girl listen i'm taking uh an on like a master class from her online she is is she your instructor yeah she does like um video to like does she actually like email you back uh you can like submit questions and things like that and submit your work and she'll like look at it it's pretty fucking dope okay so he had a gun in a hollowed out copy of his Grey's Anatomy book basically um on April 29th um Megan's attorney so she had her own attorney his fiance uh accompanied her to visit her fiance in jail and said that the couple's wedding plans were quote dismantled uh she visited him again on June 11 2009 and um toldip her fiance that she was going to med school and said it would be a long period of time if ever before she would ever see him again

i believe it yep uh actually the creepy thing is that i looked into this and their wedding you know how people have like wedding websites right their wedding site people took screenshots and so their wedding site, people took screenshots. And so their wedding site is obviously like not still up, but you can still look through it and see like. Oh, no. It's so sad. Oh, no. Like, oh, how we met and how he proposed. It was like a little quiz.

And it's online. You can find it. Yeah. Photos of it. Not the actual site, but they were registered at Macy's, Williams-Sonoma and Pottery Barn, in case you were wondering. I was. I totally was. I know you were.

Apparently, while he was in prison, Philip had made several apparent suicide attempts. The first thing that happened was that jail officials found shoelace marks around his neck on April 23, 2009, three days after his arrest, so they placed him under suicide watch okay in the psychiatric unit uh the second incident was on the night that his fiance broke up with him uh he attempted to slice his wrist with the spoon that he had sharpened to a point shit using concrete in his cell oh my god and then he was taken off suicide watch a few days later uh in the third incident which was august 14th 2009 the day his wedding had been scheduled to take place he was found to have stashed medication and was taken to a medical facility that sucks on april 21st, 2009, he was transported from Boston Police Headquarters to the National Street Jail.

He stuffed wads of toilet paper down his pants, telling detectives, I might need this later. Okay. I mean, that's true. We all need toilet paper later. They were like, okay okay you might have to like oh you're savvy and practical sure sure you had burritos for breakfast we get it um so when he actually oh god okay so on the one year anniversary of what was supposed to have been his wedding with Megan, Philip wrote his ex-fiance's name Megan in blood on the wall of his cell and killed himself.

Oh my. He used her name. At least her name wasn't like Elizabeth, like a long fucking name. You mean like the Spanish name that you read earlier? Oh, yeah. Delphine, blah, blah uh so what he did was he used an object shaved into a razor to slash major arteries in his ankles legs and neck oh my god wrote megan in blood wrapped his wounds in plastic covered his head with a plastic bag stuffed toilet paper down his throat so that jail authorities could not resuscitate him then covered himself head to toe with a blanket oh my god

so jail authorities saw the blanket not moving for many hours and they went to do like a live and well check on him and he was gone um he had also written something that looked to be like the word pocket they weren't sure what it read but it looked like it was the word pocket uh in blood as part of his elaborate suicide um the it was just very awful for his victim's family because they were hoping to have the trial and confront him about her last moments and what really happened. But he killed himself and never gave them that opportunity to know what happened and never get any sort of resolution or closure. and never get any sort of resolution or closure um and his as far as i know um megan and she did go to med school um and well good one good thing i know i think she actually student loans yeah what i read was that she went to med school in the caribbean because oh must be nice to go well

because she needed to get away from um right it was like a hugely publicized case so she went to med school in the caribbean and as far as i know she now has her med degree and is like off the grid trying to good for her stay away from um all the but i mean can you imagine being she was and they actually have the police transcripts, like the interrogation transcripts, and you can read them. And it is, I mean, she's like, what is going on? Like, should I be scared? Yeah. Did he do something?

Like, she was so shocked and stunned, and his family had no idea. And so he's been, he's been, I'm losing my words compared wow related stroke number three seriously so many strokes he's been um compared to ted bundy because i mean he's been classified as a psychopath um but well also he could be compared to ted money because you said that he was raised by like an actual normal family exactly and nobody had any i mean a lot of times like with um psychopaths and sociopaths it's like at the very least they showed some signs but with him it was like he had this whole facade and right out of the blue his fiance was like we're so happy and had no idea yeah that he was storing underwear in in their

mattress and it wasn't a thing and it was what i read was like sure they were in denial but at the same time it was like she honest on a conscious level truly had no idea what was going on um so it's very dark and sad um but yeah so he is known as the craigslist killer okay um and it it is kind of disturbing because he was described as handsome and all-american and how can you do this and it's like okay but being handsome doesn't equate to like you're innocent right right sure but um so vanity yeah so it was kind of an interesting case that he was, I mean. Bad news bears. He was arrested, but he didn't really give anyone a chance to punish him.

So who knows? But poor Megan, I hope she's doing well. I tried to look her up and she's like off the grid. I don't blame her. I don't either. I'd be the same way. I'm glad for her, honestly. Well, good.

That one didn't disturb me nearly as much as the oh yeah yours no yours was that that one took us all for a ride i think wow we wow we went dark places dark dark places do you have a geohoroscope yep i know you don't i know you don't yes i do okay i got one okay geo listen up this is important this is for you daily horoscope scorpio what did i call it that one time horoscorpio i was ready to say it again a geoscope or a horoscorpio god damn it geo he's such a brat spoken like a true scorpio hey handsome man come here can you come here can you sit okay listen up okay some real heat has been growing between you and another person yes but it might not be exactly the kind you were

hoping for it's platonic. Be open to all possibilities because you still have a lot to gain from building this relationship. It's true. I'll help you. Being more flexible about your expectations is a good idea because polarity in your life is going to force you to go back and forth between disparate tasks or people. Gio, I love you. Is it disparate or disparate? Disparate.

Disparate. I don't know what to do with that, Gio, but it's right about one thing. I love you more than anything on earth. You're so handsome. Jesus Christ. Oh, you know what I should do is read the Gemini Scorpio. Oh, yeah! But that also relates to both of us

and Gio, which is just gonna be so fucked up. We're gonna take it in two very different ways. Aw, baby Gio, it's okay. Let me see that face. You're so handsome. Well, let's not read the sexual compatibility. Aw, baby Gio, it's okay. Let me see that face. You're so handsome. Well, let's not read the sexual compatibility. Yikes! Gio, no thank you. But I will give you so many kisses.

This is just like the never-ending... Aw, his head did that little doggy ear tilt thing. I know, he doesn't like it. Gio, it's okay. Honey, come here. Have a french fry. Can you imagine if every instance that we were even slightly nervous about,

someone just handed us a french fry? Oh, it would be great. I feel like, wow. I would live in, like, despair on purpose. I feel like I'm paranoid. Feed me always. Everything upsets me. Yeah, so that's that.

So we're not going to do the... Probably for the best, if we just don't even know my compatibility. Oh, it's all about sexuality, the ones I keep reading, so... Yikes! I don't want to read that about you and Gio. Thanks, anyway. I don't either. Okay, good.

Thank you guys for listening. Thank you. So we... Now that it is June, you have listened to our most recent listener's story, which means the next one comes out July 1st. Yay. Um. God.

I know. I don't know how it feels like it, it goes so fast. I know. So anyway, uh, that also means that the next deadline to, uh, get merchandise for the next shipment is July 1st. Yay! So if you want to become a donator and get some nice merchandise from us, you can find us at our Patreon. You can find us on our website, and that's whywedrink.com.

We're getting our next round of shipments ready to go. Yep. Let us know. That's it so far. I think keep sending in your stories, please. We love your listener stories we will get to all of them just so many good ones takes a matter of time

and thank you all for just being you because I know I keep being so emotional but you guys are just so great I can't you guys are being way nice to us I mean it's beyond anything I ever expected so that's that we love you all and that's why we drink okay you said it love you all and that's why we drink okay you said it

so somberly and that's why we drink i don't know that's very odd okay bye