And That's Why We Drink - E22 Vicious Vices and a "Shaved Off" Shotgun

Episode Date: July 2, 2017

It's Em's Lucky Number 22! And she got judged by a criminal. In this episode we also learn that Em and Christine have no morals - just give 'em a hundred dollars and they'll acquit you. Tune in to hear Em and Christine discuss the Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum and Robert Reldan. Get ready because it's a wild ride.

Ready? Yes. All right. I never start these so I don't know how to do it. So that was perfect. No, no, no, no. That can't be it. That can't be the beginning. Good job. How are you? I'm good. How is your blue slash purple stained lips? Yeah, we got an ice cream cake. Because we hit 100,000 downloads. Whoop, whoop. And purple because Christine's drinking wine. Oh, that's right.

Right. I'm a rainbow of colors. Although it does sound like someone just punched me in the mouth, blue and purple. It does look like a bruise, but like all encompassing your mouth. I'm really beautiful. In honor of us having 100,000 downloads, I know you worked really hard, and I know I worked really hard, and Gio did the brunt of the work. All of it, mostly. I got Gio a present.

What? You can see I'm not wearing my usual baseball cap. No. What am I wearing today? She's wearing her Marty McFly Back to the Future hat. Yes. I wanted to get Gio something so we can match. What?

They didn't have dog hats. So instead I got him this. Where did you find this? It was quite a search. Oh my god, she literally just pulled out a Marty McFly, like, uh... It's lenticular fabric lenticular bow tie it's made from the same material as the hat it's like the hologram like it's the same holy shit it's literally the exact same fabric oh my god it's like that rainbow shiny color i'm

trying to describe it it's if anyone's seen back to the future it's the it's the exact material of the hat but it's this is a unreal. So I got it for him. So next time we go to the park and watch Back to the Future Part 2, he will be fitting. And we have to do this part of our, for our engagement photos, you and Gio can take like matching photos. Well, interesting you say that because I contacted the company that I got that from and they're going to make me a bigger human sized one for your wedding. Whether or not you've decided that i can

wear that i've already decided if i can't wear it at the ceremony i'm gonna wear it at the reception i'm just picturing my stepmom being like she's gonna not is that know what kind of person i am it's gonna be great what is that this is a girl thing in a suit with a lenticular bardy mcfly bow tie oh god, he's gonna look so handsome. He's gonna, I know, I already know. I already know. You already can't deal with how handsome he is now. You're gonna have a freaking anxiety. Well, actually, I have a gift for you too, funny enough.

We do this all the time. It's like, it's like we know, but we don't know, but we know. Oh, you have like, it's like you made a bag with tissue paper and everything. It's from Gio. Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you. Which is hilarious. I got Gio a present and you you he got me a present yeah and we didn't even know about it no that's actually really funny that's because him and i share one soul right

sure yes oh baby geo so sweet i got a key key to Christine's apartment with a little camo leash thing. This means that we've taken our relationship to the next level. You and Gio. Oh, okay. Oh, well, I thought. Just shutting me down. Listen. Just another one of those rejections we can talk about sometime.

I tried to give you a gif and you said it was Gio and you had the same soul, so. It does say Gio on it with a little heart as the dot for the I. So I take it that's for this weekend. Yep. He wants you to come hang out this weekend. Because the reason I drink

is because I will be babysitting Gio this weekend. The reason I drink is that I'll be out of town this weekend having an anxiety attack every five minutes.

Which one of us will lose it first? I'm going to need someone to chaperone both of you at all times. Yeah. But at least I have a key to your apartment

so we can... I can come snuggle in. That'll be great. Hello, baby Gio. of you at all times. Yeah. But at least I have a key to your apartment so we can... I can come snuggle in. That'll be great. Hello, baby Gio. Thank you. Thank you. And you really went the extra mile with the bag. You could have just handed me a key, but...

It's more fun that way. Aw. Okay. Now what? Do we open that? Mm-hmm. Okay, cool. Do you want to announce it?

Sure, yeah. We got our second piece of fan mail to our P.O. box. We got our first box. We got our first package. Let's to our P.O. box. We got our first box. We got our first package, that's right. And it came from New Zealand. Which blows my mind. Like, thank you. Like, someone from New Zealand really cares about us, and it's making a lot of noise.

It is. It's from Jess. Thank you, Jess. Jess. Thank you, Jess. I just repeated you. I know. And it also says, customs declaration, because I have to write what's in it.

It says chocolate comma lollies. Lollies. I know. I got excited about that. Lollies is not an American phrase. They say iced lollies to mean popsicles in England. Iced lollies? Oh, shit. And we almost broke the mic.

Iced lolly. Iced or ice? Iced lolly. Iced lolly. I think. Instead of a popsicle? Yeah. Okay, hang on. Because Instead of a popsicle? Yeah. Okay, hang on.

Because isn't a popsicle a brand name? Is it? I don't know. I've never heard... If someone asked if I wanted an ice lolly, I would not know what the fuck they're talking about. You'd be like, get away from me. I'd be like, no, thank you. Okay, let's open it. All right.

Oh, there's a note. Hey, ladies. Hope you like these kiwi treats. I included some Marmite. Oh, Marmite! Oh, I've never had that. Oh, my God. My friend used to talk about that all the time.

I hear it's horrible. I've never tried it. They eat it on toast. Yeah, yeah. If you're game. Oh, well, we're so game. We're game. Also, some local chocolate and some kiwi tomato sauce, parentheses, ketchup.

Okay. Enjoy. Okay. Jess, a. Okay. Enjoy. Jess, a.k.a. Pody Jess. Is this what all paper looks like in New Zealand? This is beautiful. It's so much nicer than ours. I like how we act like it's some... Also, when I heard kiwi treats, I was not thinking about New Zealand.

I was like, kiwi flavored treats? Oh my god, Em. We got some lolly scramble, obviously. Lolly scramble. This is marmite. Ew. This is tomato sauce. AKA ketchup.

I'm kind of interested in it. NZ's favorite. Instead of US. NZ. I mean, like, I know. How often do you see shit that says new zealand on it stop smelling it i don't know oh i got you a chocolate fish you're welcome thank you what is this oh bigger pack i like how this is called wine gum oh my god there is a wine gum

that's so cute these look way better than the other ones i want to try the marmite but i'm also pretty terrified to try the marmite also it I'm also pretty terrified to try the Marmite. Also, it says Sanitarium at the top. What? That's like the brand, Sanitarium. Ew. Almost looks like Sanatorium. It does. Remember when I said that Sanatorium was actually Sanitarium?

Yeah, it's actually a label for Marmite. Whoops. How do they say it? Marmite. How do they say it? Marmite. You know what I learned? That was awful.

You know how, like like if something gets lowered or something gets risen up yeah if you say rise up like rising up say that rise up and then say um oh like rollerblades say blades oh rise of blades razor blades and rise of blades oh my god that's amazing now i can't unhear it what does it actually say now i feel like i'm just saying rise oh rise up blades rise up blades rise of blades oh but now it sounds like razor blades all right well thank you you are such a sweetheart thank you snack through, we just, we got ice cream cake. We got bow ties and candy. Oh, my God.

Oh, we got lollies. Oh, yeah. Ice lollies. They're not called, are they called candies there? Yeah. Are they called sweets? Maybe sweets. I'm going to try one of these.

What is that? They're milkshakes. Oh, shit. You have a wine one and I have a milkshake one. How did I not get that? How did we not even notice we were saying rise up lights this whole time oh that's why oh man oh man this is the best day of my life dude i like how we don't even care if there might be like anthrax in here

it's literally called milkshakes oh my god wait candy is called milkshakes you guys these wine gums are actually amazing it tastes like wine it's like gummy bears oh really that's what i was saying i don't think these have wine flavors man just you just made our day wow thank you i don't know how i'm gonna tell a story when i've got this thing in my mouth i know i just want to keep eating i keep chewing into the microphone as if anyone wants to hear that it's just proof that we actually ate the food now anybody who's listening knows that they can mail something and we will definitely eat it so i feel like people are going to try and poison us i mean we're gonna eventually let's do a blooper reel we'll have marmite i was gonna say the same thing

let's make that a patreon that would be fun you can watch us hate ourselves oh we can do it like a youtube or a facebook live or something we can do like a i feel like our facial reactions have to be part of it that's true we can do like a, I feel like our facial reactions have to be part of it. That's true. We can do like a video series. If you would like to send us candy or disgusting foods to eat, our address you can send us things to is, and that's why we drink, at 1920 Hillhurst Avenue, number 1064, Los Angeles, California, 90027. United States. USA, where we don't have

Superior candy Like you do In New Zealand Alright Scare me I'm trying I think I scared myself Because I can't find my notes

Oh they're in my wallet They're in your wallet Well I knew I would Lose them otherwise Except you lose your wallet All the time That's true Yeah that could have

Turned out really bad okay also i do want to make a point i was i was gonna try and call my mom during this and oh god i'm not going to now calm down because i texted her and said are you near your phone she hasn't answered so we're just gonna go with her original response okay but i this is our 22nd episode and 22 is my lucky number that's right therefore this is super meaningful and what, and 22 is my lucky number. That's right. Therefore, this is super meaningful, and what are the odds I get ice cream cake and candy and Gio at my feet on our 22nd episode? Oh my god.

So I texted my mom yesterday saying, we're recording episode 22, anything you'd like to contribute? Any wise words? But I think what she read was, any motivational tips or anything you want to tell me personally? No carbs after 10 PM. Yeah. So she ended up, it was kind of ominous.

Oh, uh, every time I see the number 22, I think of you when I'm gone, when I'm gone and visit you from beyond, you will know it's me because the 22 will show up whenever I'm near. Keep in mind, that's not like a new thing that's why like 22 that's why 22 is a big thing in our family because your mom's dead and is haunting you no because anyone who's um passed away in our family beforehand understands that 22 is like the sign that we'll know you're around

and so when they pass away like we've already made the agreement when they were alive, so anytime we see a 22, it's, like, reassurance at their own. Aw. So she really just stated the obvious. I was like, that's not... Yeah, that's, like, that's the reason I texted you. It's like, yeah, why don't you tell me A is the first letter of the alphabet. Okay. Thanks, Linda.

Thanks for the information I knew. You guys, whenever you see a 22, Linda is near. Okay, so I also got i one last thing that is involved with this so you can't edit it out we have a listener that um wrote in to me she slid into my dms she said hi hello i just wanted to let you know that you're amazing and very inspiring to me and i hope you have a wonderful day. Sorry, I'm hella awkward, but you're my dude. Aw! And I wanted to let you know you're my ultimate dude. And then she said, okay, cool, have a wonderful life. Wait, what? She said, hey, hey, what's up? Hello. Yeah, and then she said,

see ya. And her name's Kyler. So I, uh, responded and asked her, like well tell me about yourself and she said um fun fact i used to be in theater and we had to do a monologue on a historical event and i'm hella fucked up and uh my parents were worried i was a serial killer so i wrote a monologue as a girl with schizophrenia and she walked in on people getting waterboarded and it's like apparently a real story it's like and then she said one thing led to another and she ended up bringing up that she also did a in that monologue she was talking about the trans allegheny lunatic asylum yeah and so because we had that whole conversation i was like hmm and so that's what my story is about awesome so thank you kyler for telling me about your weird monologue and i'm a little confused

so wait the girl with schizophrenia was not her right no she wrote it was a monologue about oh she wrote the monologue i don't really know it was it had to do with the i didn't i should have asked no no i somehow the girl was in was in trans allegheny and also had schizophrenia. Oh, so she did a monologue as a girl from the Looney Tunes. So those were two connected. Okay, I get it. So, that's what I'm doing. Thanks, Kyler. I'm a little pissed, but I'll get over it.

Why? She slid into your DMs and not mine. Well, she's also LGBT. I get all of them. I'm an ally. Said the white privilege in the room. As I pour wine into my glass. Oh, yeah. What are you drinking? Should we? It's really

bad. It's garbage wine. As I continue to drink it. Okay, and I'm not drinking a milkshake because I'm eating ice cream cake. And milkshake candies. And I'm eating milkshake candies. And I'm eating wine gums and drinking, I don't want to say what it is because it's not great. It was like six bucks. I like. Oh, there's your problem.

Doubled my budget for it. Oh. I'm a cheap bastard. Okay. Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. In Weston, West Virginia. Ooh. West Virginia is a creepy place.

It is. That was where Harper's Ferry was too. Oh, my car got broke down there one time. Oh, by a ghost? I'm sorry. Am I interrupting your story? No. No, by no gas, and it was terrifying.

I want to tell you another story, but we don't have time. Okay. Do you want to? I do. Just tell it. I'll edit. So, on the way here, speaking of of the 22 that's how you can edit into this very segue ishly great um so because my family always believes in like 22 following us

right anytime i see a 22 i just do like a cross oh but so i just do like a little like a thing just to say like oh i i recognize you seeing me i saw one while i was driving here and it was like the highway sign yeah 22 so i did it and then this cop car with people arrested in the back was driving next to me and they looked at me like they watched me doing the cross and the guy that's arrested is staring at me through the window like i'm the weirdest person on earth and i'm like you're arrested like you're literally going to jail and you're judging me. Yeah. That's like our stories combining like the criminal.

I know. That is the, that's the true crime and the paranormal. This is you like acknowledging the spirits. He was literally, he looked at me and he was looking straight at me. There was no denying that he was judging me entirely. And I was like,

you're on your way to prison right now. Like I'm not the one that's to be judged. That is so creepy. Anyway, there's that story love it okay the trans allegheny lunatic asylum which i'm going to lovingly call tala t-a-l-a it's really lovingly well that's apparently what some people actually call it oh i'm not just making it up okay fun fact it is the largest hand-cut stone masonry building in america sure and the second largest in the world next to the kremlin wow there you go that's your fun fact so fun um in 1990 it became a national historic landmark and it is over 240 000 square feet

over 1300 feet long has 920 windows and over 900 doors the walls are two and a half feet thick dense enough to muffle the screams okay so in tallah no one can hear you okay so uh it wasn't until the 1770s that facilities actually started um to house the quote insane um before that people were just like hiding their family members up in attics and pretending that they didn't exist what year was that the 1770s okay was like the beginning of facilities actually housing um so but even then the first places were kind of used to hide people from society, not try to rehabilitate them. No, I get it. They all pretended that being insane was not curable or treated.

They just thought it was impossible and we're going to hide them. Like quarantine them somewhere. Yes. So in the 1800s, there was this huge movement for enlightenment and how to treat people. So like Dorothea Dix was a big person involved in this. And by the end of it, there was basically all these laws being created for more humane care for people that were institutionalized. And Tala began construction in 1858 under the supervision of a guy named Kirkbride, Tom Kirkbride, who was a humanist. And he was also, I think, the first doctor to believe that whether or not you could cure it, you could at least treat mental illness.

Oh, wow. So he was very ahead of his time. And so he was quoted saying that those who are afflicted are not disabled from appreciating books or physical comforts. So he was the first people being he was the first one being like people deserve respect no matter what their state they're still people yeah exactly so he started helping build this institution but he um he had all these different ways of instead of what he had seen before people being chained in solitary cells

or just being held down and shit like that it's not hard to go far from there he was like okay i'm gonna build this big open space everything's gonna be a comfortable living situation and he made this specific architecture layout in his building with staggered walls so it was basically like a giant hall but the way that the walls were built all the sunlight kept going farther and farther in so everyone got sunlight no matter what room you were in damn like it was very ahead of its time it's nicer than most apartments i've lived in yeah they started building it in 1858 and then construction stopped halfway through because of the civil war oh and uh half the asylum was built and half of it wasn't so it was still still kind of, like, not actually prepared to be anything.

But it also became the barracks for Union soldiers. So you can imagine that there is some version of soldier hauntings as well because... Which is kind of so creepy to me when it's, like, the old-timey soldiers in their uniforms. So in 1864, the first patients were admitted admitted but construction continued for another almost 20 years and um originally it was designed to house only 250 people and so like in theory it was going to be this great livable area for institutionalized people and they had like 250 rooms right but it ended up being massively overcrowded and carrying 10 times its capacity. And the hospital held 2,600 people by the 1950s. 10 times its capacity.

Oh, shit. Over 10 times its capacity. And at the time, because even though this guy, Tom Kirkbride, Bride? You have such a hard time with names. I don't know why I can't figure out his name. Kirkbride. Even though at the time he was considered revolutionary for helping with, like,

patients have more humane treatment and all that, it was still... The 1800s. The 1800s. Right, right. And mental illness was still basically a non-existent concept at this point. So everything, everything, everything was considered mentally insane. So anyone could be admitted for any reason at all didn't people drop off their wives because they were like just you could literally just like

just drop them off had like pms or just too much to handle funny you say that because i have a whole list here called reasons for admission oh shit sorry i will just read some of them off because i'm telling you there's a hundred reasons oh i, I'm sure it goes on and on. I will read you my favorite ones. Great. So basically I'm going to be institutionalized. A thousand percent. We would both have been. We'd be goners.

No, I'm not. I'll just read the ones that we would have done. Okay. Imaginary female trouble. Check. Immoral life. Check. Laziness.

Oh, double check. Menstrual deranged oh mental excitement just you know being excited mental excitement over action of the mind overtaxing mental powers what the fuck periodical fits the loss of a lawsuit the loss of a lawsuit listen they get weird one of them is bad whiskey which i don't know what it is but you'd be institutionalized for it and another one is uh bad company which i'm sure i am we'd both be screwed business nerves i don't know what that means um these are not real things it gets worse i'm just reading it gets worse i'm reading the white ones right now because i want a specific conversation to happen when I tell you the other ones. Oh, good.

One is fighting fire. What? I don't even know what that means. The war. Like, can I do that today with the election? Can I just? I need to be admitted right now. I feel like everyone needs to be admitted right now i feel like everyone

needs to be admitted um time of life whatever that fucking means also if you get old maybe i don't know or just your your it's it's your time this is your insane time of life um i don't know what uterine derangement is as opposed to menstrual derangement it sounds horrible they're both different things vicious vices christine's got those that's me um superstition i would be put away oh absolutely um the vices and the superstition we'd be done for i don't know what salvation army means but i guess if you're part of it you go like the salvation army where you drop off your clothes? Also fell from horse. That's like Lifeline back then.

Like, oh, I can't get up. You know what? I knew a guy named Carl. Speaking of crazy Carl. He was Chinese and his name was Carl. He didn't speak English, but I watched him fall off a horse one time. Okay. In China.

Okay. And then he bought a back scratcher from a flea market and made us all like scratches sounds like a weird tale that like a troll would tell under a bridge he fell off a horse and my stepmom and i burst out laughing and then we were like oh that's not good he was fine let's talk about masturbation perfect segue perfect oh by the way my father said he's just now starting to listen to our episode so my dad this is a perfect one to start on. Almost in tears and was like, you've really disappointed me. Well, sorry, Mr. Schieffer.

Get ready to buckle up. He's never going to get to this point. No, no. Okay, so here are all the different ways you can masturbate to get admitted into an institution back then. Oh, there's certain ways. Masturbation and syphilis. So the combo deal. Oh, man. Mast masturbation for 30 years does that mean like at a time like all at once one session like who logged that like oh still going okay 16 years to go like my this is day 30 of my wife

or year 30 oh my god we've hit the year 30 okay so um that um tobacco and masturbation so are you doing them at the same time or just like separately or smoking a pipe suppressed masturbation so either you can totally masturbate or not at all and you're still going to go for 30 years or not at all or never and no matter what you'll still end up in the same place sad i mean it's just a it's a very weird um oh there was another one of uh it was like epileptic fits during masturbation it's like first of all why aren't you just being hospitalized for epilepsy why do we got to bring masturbation because it's probably like if a woman ever had an orgasm they were like oh it's like hysteria they're like oh that's not normal by the

way men that's how you know it's real. If it looks like she's having an actual seizure. Anyway. You're doing a good job. Hi, mom. Okay, so... Oops. Oh, hi, mom, too. Oops.

And that's why we drank. Okay, so anyway, those were all the reasons. There were several more. We'll post the picture because it's just ridiculous, the shit that you could get. So there's an actual photo of... Reasons for Admission 1864- 1889 trans-alegheny lunatic asylum that's nuts go ahead and google image it if you want to read along guys that's i'll put it in the show notes all right so um some of the ways that people um some of the ways that

they took care of these people quote aka the a.k.a. their attempts at helping them. Right. Aversion therapy was used to save homosexuals. So they would just, it was suggestive therapy where they would essentially poison you in a small dose. And then. Make you look at like. Yeah, they would make you. Same sex.

They would make you look at gay shit while you're poisoned and feel horrible. That way you would associate the pain and sickness with the gay things that you're attracted to. That way one day, if you did it enough, you'd be conditioned to not be attracted to that stuff because you'd feel sick. Like Pavlov? That's so fucked up. Well, they still do that in some places. Well, I was about to say, we've obviously come real far in the... Yeah, because there's still, like, straight camps where they make you look at gay porn and then you have to drink EpiCac. And, like, hurt you, yeah.

Yeah, 2017. Okay, so aversion therapy, chemical castration. No! Yeah, for not masturbating, by the way. Hydrotherapy, so ice baths or spraying you with ice water and then leaving you in a cold room. Still doing that shit. Electroshock therapy. My favorite is the transorbital lobotomies, a.k.a. the ice pick operation.

Yep, yep, yep. Where a sharp pronged device was driven through the orbital socket of the eye so firmly that it would take a sharp blow into the brain, causing permanent damage. However, relieving some of your more severe symptoms of your non-hysteria or the war. They'd like stir your brain around to make sure it was... Essentially, but with a knife through your eye. A knife pick. Well, dude, that's fucked up.

Did an episode on lobotomies and I listened to two minutes and was like, this is the only episode I'm never going to listen to. So Dr. Freeman at the hospital, he performed 228 lobotomies per week. Ooh. Imagine having literally done nothing wrong and they're like, oh, we're gonna stab you in the eyes now until your brain gets stabbed. Hold still, they just open your eyeballs. Ooh!

That's some clockwork orange shit. Reports of patients killing each other, no surprise, because there's ten times too many people and everyone's got an illness. Uh-huh. In one instance, two patients hung another patient named Dean, and they did it using a set of bed sheets but when his neck wouldn't snap the right way they cut him down and they lied him on the ground and lifted a metal bed frame and placed one of the legs on his head and then jumped on the bed until his head was crushed so they essentially curb stomped him using a bed no what the fuck

female patients were sexually assaulted by male prisoners, which is a very light way of saying aggressively molested. Standard. Sometimes even by the guards. Patients were stabbed by each other. Some hung themselves. One patient got stabbed 17 times and then lied out in the hallway just so the other people who stabbed him could watch someone die.

They just wanted to know what it would look like. What? Former employees have also been intact uh there was one nurse who went missing and her body was found two months later at the bottom of an unused staircase how unused is this fucking staircase that two months go by and no one noticed a dead body or its smell there's thousands of people in this place and they don't notice a dead body so the hospital was closed at the end of the 20th century because of another movement um and of uh because of another enlightenment movement uh where they refused to tolerate and or fund the overcrowding and cruelty of the asylum so it was abandoned until 2007 and then like every other asylum it was saved and the proceeds of ghost tours go to restore standard

um okay so that's all the history i'm just going to tell you the ghost stuff now yay so there's four floors to this thing and i thought it'd just be easier if i went by floor oh sure um so the first floor was known as a civil war wing and it was the oldest part of the hospital okay oh that's it oh fun fact no no i was just like giving you an idea of what the floor was oh it's sorry this floor oh sorry the second floor jesus that was the second floor the first floor we'll get you we're not gonna do this in order by the way i'm just gonna do it by four nobody said we were gonna go one through four stop expecting they're being numberist honestly yeah we didn't promise

you anything um okay so the second floor was the Civil War wing. Jesus Christ. And ghost soldiers were seen walking through. You can see shadow people crawling around. Okay. Like crawling. Like army crawling, but ghosts. Why is that so much worse? Because it's even less humanoid.

Yeah, that's probably why. Lights and orbs, unexplained breezes and cold spots in the middle of a very open area where it should all be cold full body apparitions of past patients um along a hallway on this floor was a patient named oh this was the first floor so now we're going downstairs um literally just tell me what's the second floor yeah the second floor was a civil war oh and then the first floor there was a ghost named ruth who at the when she was alive she was really aggressive towards men and is still aggressive towards men. So if she sees a guy on a tour, she'll throw things at them. Oh, she'll tug on their shirt or grab their leg.

Um, a lot of guys feel like they get poked or pushed against walls. Some have heard, um, someone hissing at them. Oh, Oh, that's creepy. Um, so there's that. Um, I like, it's like, she's really aggressive towards men. Sometimes she pokes them. Like, you know, like on the playground. Sometimes she shoves them against walls, but, you know, she really likes you.

She's just poking you. Pulling your hair. You can also hear metallic sounds of invisible gurneys still being pushed down the hall. Oh, that's creepy. On the second floor, which was the Civil War floor. Going upstairs again. Oh, okay. I'm trying to visualize it you know the two there were two patients who committed suicide by hanging themselves in curtain

rods and you can still see their shadows hanging where the tub was um many hear their names getting called out even if no one's actually said their name on the tour which means like they have that internal innate knowledge of you that's fucked up um and then dean the one who got his head curb stomped oh fuck he people will hear him crying no in the room that he got stop it uh so the third floor is where all the isolation cells were because i thought this place was yeah where everyone goes to live comfortably but i guess not i mean they still use those so i guess that was progressive at the time so in the isolation shell cells um there are still shackles on the floor um there's original chain or there were originally chains and later on they became leather um i don't know what you call them leather handcuffs leather blinds leather handcuffs who Belinda blinked um

so on the on that floor on the third floor the nurses quarters the doors will close by themselves and a nurse named

Elizabeth who died in the hospital uh can sometimes be seen doing clerical work which has to fucking suck where even in the afterlife

you're stuck at work she's like I can't get out of here um she'll also be seen running between rooms as if she's like like, running between operations. Oh, God. And some people, this is the creepy part, some people have walked around and turned the corner and she'll be standing right fucking there staring at you.

No. On the fourth floor, there is an operation called the Creeper, which is just a solid black mass that will like slink and glide through the hallway like through doors and then up the door like around the wall like we'll literally just like like um you know alex mac no like the nickelodeon show no she turned into like this silver goop i just blew your mind well it was alex mac but instead of Silver Goop, it was, like, Black. Jet Black. That's so creepy. Jet Black, Alex Mack. Boom. We're going to create a spinoff series, Nickelodeon, if you're listening.

Cool. Okay, so there were also isolation cells on the fourth floor, and people have gone in and gotten EVPs of someone saying, get out, and you can hear another guy saying, calm down, which is exactly what the guards say, the people in there who are freaking out. That's so sad. One group, oh, this is really cool. One group, they were trying to follow the creeper on the fourth floor, and they kept trying to take pictures, and they finally saw the giant black mass.

And when they asked, they had a spirit box with them and they said what are you and the spirit box said demon oh also on the fourth floor is lily's room which uh is probably one of the creepier hallways because there's a girl there who again i watched the videos i will give you the links to it but so there was a little girl there's a bunch of different stories about how she actually showed up some people think she was born in the hospital and died as a kid some people think she was abandoned by her parents there um but basically she's the friendliest nicest ghost there and everyone is really protective of her and she's absolutely willing to talk to people so she really really likes the flashlight game yeah and she likes playing um catch like she'll roll the ball to you. But it's like the same one I talked about last week where they'll jump around the room and show you, like, the floor isn't uneven.

That's crazy. And there's a video I watched where the ball didn't move for a good five minutes and they were trying to get her to move the ball. And all of a sudden it just starts kind of, like, going back and forth. Like, someone's, like, playing, like, shifting it from hand to hand. That's creepy. And there are other people who have left snacks for her so like one girl left cracker jack uh in the room but like left it in the box and then she was walking down the hallway to go downstairs and she could hear someone playing with

the box and shaking it and so she went back and the box was open and then she left candy there too and the candy was unwrapped and when she went to go she left a recorder in there to see if she could pick up any noises and later she went back and she heard an evp that said thanks for the snacks what that would be me as a me as a ghost yeah please bring a snack it's like thanks for the snacks i've been starving for hundreds of years that's me in real life like we're sitting here eating people's snacks that they send us uh so um that's her she like she'll also she remembers people that have already visited and she'll favor certain ones so she'll do the same things with them like that is so weird there's some guides who know her

because they'll she'll tug on their shirt but some people she'll like hold hands with that's like kind of sad it's actually very heartbreaking she's like alone there there's also been evps of a little girl saying mommy or i want my mommy or stop i know sad shit like that um okay you can also hear quote crazy screams as in like like deranged deranged screams that's terrifying unexplained lights flashing and the guides say that those are two spirits named Frank and Larry. Apparently, they're just, like, turning on lights. Frank and Larry. I feel like we'd be the Frank and Larry of that story. A thousand percent.

You can hear footsteps of someone running towards you. Good. You can feel spirits tugging on your clothes. One person heard a woman scream, and then it was confirmed on an EVP later. You could re-hear it. You can smell vomit. Oh, God. You can...

Oh. Some see a figure walking down the hall behind two chairs that are sitting out there. It'll stop, turn around, and then appear to hide behind the chair and then peek out at you. Like a full-blown grown man shadow. You can watch him get behind a chair and stare at you. That just freaked me out. One guy saw a shadow figure running out of a room and crossed the hallway and down to the day room

where the patients used to sit, like the lobby, I guess. Right. So someone saw a shadow figure walk out of a room and then turn the corner to go into that room after he was just trying to he was trying to i guess get some sort of activity and so he was saying things that might provoke the ghost to do something and so he said there are patients downstairs waiting for you and then all of a sudden he saw a ghost turn the corners to head down to the lobby where the patient used to sit and his spirit box got him uh recorded him saying i'm here um also uh groups have seen a shadow figure pacing in the hall and then the spirit box has said no exit

um there's also they've gotten a lot of evps and spirit box readings talking about murder asylums and the paranormal great and one person didn't really believe it he did a tour on his own like left the group and started walking around and he heard people come downstairs so to himself he was like i guess everyone's going to the bathroom and then the spirit box after not working all night said urine urine as in like going to the bathroom and then the spirit box after not working all night said urine urine as in like going to the bathroom and then he goes like i know this one and then a bat flew through and so the guy ducked and the spirit box said fly what the fuck and so he was like what the hell and so he started like tapping on it like he started hitting it to try and like see if it's actually working or

not and the next thing the um the spirit box said was gentle try and, like, see if it's actually working or not. And the next thing the spirit box said was, Gentle, slower, and thumb. Like, because he was, like, tapping on it so hard. Oh my god! And then you can see shadow figures peeking out at you and then running away when you call them out. And then there's been EVPs of people saying, Shut up. Fuck you. Hi. I'm here.

And then the last two I'm gonna say are they tried figuring out what happened to dean the guy that got his head smashed in and they said what happened to you and the ghost box picked up the word murdered and then when they said do you need help crossing over the ghost box picked up perhaps that's so sad em so that's that that's the worst part i feel like they're all stuck there yeah oh oh and you can also i forgot to mention this but in the on the floor with the soldiers you can see soldiers um charging at you something that is the worst so yeah oh it's a that was a long one i'm sorry but i had to i had to uh get back in the groove because the story I was going to tell you, I could not find any information. I ended up wasting like two hours researching.

That's the worst. So then I was like, I have to make this good. So there you go. What was the one you were going to do? It was an amusement park. Oh, okay. That was creepy, creepy, creepy. Are you ready to tell me a good murder?

I am. Super good good out in the streets they call it murder you're such an idiot that's one of my favorite songs by the way i like that song it's a good one wait let's do it again out in the streets they call it murder okay that was pretty good sounds like the original i'm basically bob marley basically we can also call we can also sing i feel like phil collins at that effect you know there's a lot of songs we could be a lot of like 80s and beyond what's one of the phil collins songs um i can hear it crawling in the air tonight okay that was beautiful i did that while eating another milkshake candy i feel like everyone's gonna be like whoa when did they get phil collins to guest on their podcast and bob marley wow from

beyond the grave i mean if anyone's gonna do it, we're gonna do it. You're not wrong. All right. What? I was gonna say, this is, like, perfect for, like, teeth indent. Oh, like the retainer or whatever? Uh-huh. Oh, God, that's gross. Like, that's exactly, if I died right now, you'd have my tooth imprint.

I don't want that. If you died right now, I'd have your teeth, so I don't really see the... One time my mom was fucking eating lunch, and her goddamn tooth fell out. Ugh! But, like, she was eating something mild, like soup. And all of a sudden she's like, there's something in my mouth. And then she pulled it out, and she was like, that's weird, and put it on the table and kept eating. And I was like, are you white trash?

That is so foul. One time I found a collection of teeth in my mom's cabinet, and she's like, I kept these. They're your baby teeth. And I'm like, you're such a fucking creep. I have my teeth, too, though. My mom has them in a... Are you supposed to throw your teeth away? She put them in a jewelry box in her drawer.

That's what I have. It's so creepy. Why? Same with my wisdom teeth. I have my wisdom teeth. Which, by the way, are fucking big. I kept them purely for science. They showed me a photo of them, and I was like, I don't want those.

I felt like a saber-toothed tiger. That's so gross. Okay. Can you please, please just tell me a story that doesn't involve murder today? I'm not really feeling it. It's your lucky day. I don't believe you. Well, you'd be right to not believe me.

You ready? Wow me. Wow. Really bring something to the table this time all right first you wanted no murder and now you want me to wow you so i don't know if you're gonna do it do it right all right gonna dive right in you mean crack into it all right yes i'm going to crack right into it there we go okay i'm gonna tell you the story of robert r reldon i don't know him sweet he's a pretty crazy dude okay so uh some of this information i got from uh michael newton's an encyclopedia of modern serial killers

which i already added to my amazon wish list and you might get that october 2018 what if i put that on my wedding registry which by the way is the official date now can we say? Yeah October 2018. You want to say the date? I aggressively got my venue sorted out already. 10-13 hashtag I love lamp. 10-13 2018. I wish there was like a number like a conspiracy thing. I thought I know my mom goes why is it on Friday the 13th? I'm like it's not on Friday the 13th. She just doesn't know how to look at a family member. No, Renata and I want the same things.

I feel like still 13 as a symbolically unlucky member to have it the same month as Halloween. You're not really smart. Em, shut up. Okay. So, fine.

I'm having my wedding on 10-13, whether Em likes it or not. And also... I love Lamp. I love Lamp. And also, buy me Michael Newton's an encyclopedia

of modern serial killers if you want to donate to our patreon page what if i just added my wedding registry like to the patreon page buy me this blender please oh i would like this uh kate spade Kate Spade cut reset. Thank you. Okay. As I was saying, on August 14th, 1974, the bodies of 17-year-old Mary Pryor and 16-year-old Lorraine Kelly were recovered from a wooded area

near Montvale, New Jersey. They'd been raped and smothered to death. No. I know. It's a really bad story. I'm sorry. They'd last been seen

four days earlier when they left home to go shopping together. Police believed they'd been hitchhiking when they met whoever had killed them. A few months later, on December 13, 1974, 14-year-old Doreen Carlucci and 15-year-old Joanne Delardo vanished from a church youth center in Woodbridge, New Jersey. Their bodies were discovered two weeks later, beaten and strangled. One victim was completely nude and the other was dressed in only shoes and a sweater. Oh, no.

Oh, Christine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. See, everyone's fun is done now. The killer had used an extension cord to strangle Doreen. God damn it. I'm sorry.

It just keeps getting worse and worse. I know. The following year, a 26-year-old woman named Susan Raines disappeared from her home. Eight days later, 22-year-old Susan Reeve vanished without a trace on her walk home from the bus stop after work. Both were still missing when 15-year-olds Denise Evans and Carolyn Hedgepeth disappeared from their home in Wilmington delaware their bodies were found shot execution style no in salem county new jersey the next day what the fuck christine i know i know you really brought it today huh i know i feel like we're

just like hitting fuck hitting hard why did you do this i don't know next thing i know you're gonna tell me i'm 25 and you're 26 it's gonna be a real what what are you talking about i know i'm just trying to try to make shit up for the blooper reel honestly i could tell you're starting to lose it so i just want to like throw shit out and see what you do with it next thing you know you're gonna tell me my birthday's in june oh my god next thing i know you're gonna tell me that i have student loans from boston university for the rest of my life i'm never gonna talk about that okay good don't make me realize it's real listen stop bringing this entire podcast down okay well tell me more

about execution style murder sin right back to it on october 27th and 28th the remains of victims susan rains and susan reeve were found seven miles apart in the woods of rockland county new york just north of new jersey searchers were led to susan reeve's body by an arrow that was scratched on a highway embankment above the name reeve so he wrote their her last name and then scratched an arrow into it no the autops has revealed they'd both been strangled no speaking of halloween on october 31st 1975 police arrested 35 year old robert reldon in clausther new jersey on a charge of attempted burglary he'd been convicted of raping a woman in 1967 so uh eight years prior in his hometown of teaneck new jersey and he had served three years for that crime before being paroled.

Five months after that crime, in 1971, he had pulled a knife on a woman in a hospital parking lot just minutes after his latest therapy session. God damn it. He was convicted a second time for that assault and entered Raway Prison's rehabilitation program for sex offenders. He was considered a, quote, model graduate, and authorities were so impressed with his progress that they chose him for a tv interview with david frost who's this english journalist and television host who's pretty famous which aired shortly

before his parole in may of 1975 he was held without bond on the burglary charge and he was questioned about the murders of susan reeve and susan rains but homicide detectives publicly announced that he was not considered a subject not considered a suspect wrong word he is quite a subject considering he's yours right now he's definitely the subject of the hour um nine years later detectives changed their minds oh never mind nine years but it was another year before he was indicted on two counts of murder in january 1977 four months later on april 21st reldon was charged while in jail with plotting to arrange the deaths of his wealthy aunt and her boyfriend to get her inheritance of course a detective po the way this is the way they caught him um a detective poses a hitman and visited reldon at the state prison and would secretly record their conversations as evidence so he visited him multiple times in prison recorded

their conversations and that's how they they indicted him while he was in jail is that legal sure okay but to convict him of it? Yeah, I guess so. Um, yeah. So he's convicted of conspiracy and was sentenced to 20 to 55, or 20 to 50 years in prison, which is kind of shocking that like you can rape somebody or like murder somebody and be in for less than that. But if you like plot to kill somebody, it's disgusting.

If you think about, you can also, also you know buy a very small amount of weed and be in jail for just as long as a murderer or rapist and he didn't even kill well he did kill a lot of people but at that point in that regard he was innocent like the longest time he was in prison at this point was because he plotted to kill somebody gross and he had already murdered several people um his first murder trial ended with a hung jury in June 1979, and a retrial was scheduled for that October. During his trial that October, Reldon used a smuggled key to unlock his handcuffs, sprayed his guards with chemical mace, and escaped from the Hackensack, New Jersey courthouse. Hackensack. Hackensack, New Jersey.

Well, that's terrifying. They captured him hours later at a hospital in Tuxedo, New York, after he crashed a stolen car into a ditch. Aw. Almost got away. So close. He also mailed $100 bribes to several of the jurors on his case, but the trial resumed the next day anyway.

How much money did this guy have? $100 bribes. $100. They said a hundred million dollars like fine you'd be like you're innocent you are you are the least guilty person i've ever met i feel like i did it yeah give me the money just to show everyone where my morals lie no hundred dollar bribes to several jurors although he was i believe a multi-millionaire so beside the point oh okay well then he technically could have done it. He could have.

Um, but the cheap bastard, but the trial resumed the next day anyway. And he was convicted of the two murders on October 17th. So he was convicted anyway. Right. A hundred dollars. Wasn't going to do it.

Two years later, Reldon tried to escape again from the St. Francis medical center where he had his girlfriend waiting in the hospital lobby with a shaved off shotgun. I'm sorry sawed off shotgun all right in a shop shaved shaved off god help me it was razor cut clean it was really smooth um with a sawed off shotgun in a shopping bag and he was caught that time as well then in 1993 so this this is several decades later, Robert decided to change his name to Howard B. Jr. while serving time at the state prison in Trenton, New Jersey. And in New Jersey, I guess it's common law where prisoners are allowed to decide on whatever name they want to be called. And they're allowed to get that legally changed for themselves.

Really? As long as there's no like you know reason why not right but in this case it turns out the prison's warden was named howard byer so he wanted to name himself howard byer jr turns out the prison's warden was named howard l byer but but reldon said that this had nothing to do with his desire to change his name by the way i'm changing my name to Christine Schieffer Jr. Yeah, exactly. But that means nothing to you, right?

I was going to do that before I met you. It's fine. Right, yeah, okay. His request was rejected, which they think is the first time that's ever happened because people change their name. All the time. Yeah, I guess when they go to prison. I don't know.

I guess I can't blame them. But I guess it's the first time where they were like, no, this is not a good idea. So unless a challenger proves that there is fraudulent intent with the name change. So that's exactly what happened. The Bergen County prosecutor in the state attorney general's office argued that the new name could help him in hatching another escape plot. Some lawyers even said that mail to the warden could be diverted to him by accident um and a law professor at ruckers suggested that um like if the if uh reldon had purchased something like an expensive suit or whatever that the bill

might be directed to the prison warden nice and he could like divert expenses that way nice um and then ed martoni ed martone executive director of the aclu state office in newark said if he wanted to change his name to mickey mouse he might have an easier time of it so basically this was just like there was no precedent to this they were like we just won't allow it but that's the first time they were like you can't change your name to your prison warden's name please um so i was reading this new york times article about this and it said the the last line of it said it was written in 1993 but parole will be a long time coming. Whatever his name, the man also known as the Susan Strangler will not be eligible for parole until the year 2010. And I was like, 2010?

Oh my god. I was like, that won't be for a long time. Nope. So that's... Did he get paroled? I, like, immediately looked it up. He's still in prison. Okay, good.

As of last year. Good. Reldon remains a suspect in six other homicides, although no other charges have been filed. So he murdered Susan. So he was convicted of both of the Susans murders, and that's why he's called the Susan killer. Oh, okay. Found out he also has a little sister named Susan. Hmm.

Not a great connection. Says something about him, I think. A little bit weird. But the story does not end there. Remember that aunt he plotted to kill for her money? Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. something about him i think a little bit weird but the story does not end there um remember that aunt he plotted to kill for her money oh yeah well she died in 2007 at the age of 92 uh hey girl i know she made it leaving an estate valued at 200 million dollars uh she left nearly nine million dollars to robert reldon nine million nine million despite his plot to kill her years earlier can you

imagine being so shitty that you're willing to kill someone and they still leave you almost 10 million dollars can you imagine if he was a good nephew oh my god can you imagine the comfort level you must be at if you're like well i'm at yeah you must really trust your aunt to be like i'm gonna kill her but she'll be cool with it it's fine if i get caught like i'll just wait an extra 20 years and yeah i'll still get the money. So actually, the people who challenged the payout was the family of Susan Reeves, who he had murdered. So her family challenged the payout and was like, you can't give this guy $9 million. He murdered our daughter.

Good. Good. And apparently, Aunt Lillian. Give me the money. Yeah, they're like, we'll take it. Apparently, Aunt Lillian didn't believe that he had wanted her dead and remained supportive throughout his whole trial. Okay, so she's in denial. Got it. Sure.

In 2010, Reeves' family settled the lawsuit they'd filed against him, and the $10 million payout went to a scholarship in Susan's name at Hollins University in Roanoke, Virginia, which was her alma mater. All my friends went to Hollins. Really? Yeah. Well, that was her alma mater, and so the $10 million went there instead of instead of maybe is it like an annual thing now i don't know or is it was just like a one-time thing that's just that heartwarming end to my story okay okay that the money didn't go to the murder i went to no that's super nice university um and then there was a book called the charmer written by former two former bergen county prosecutors in 2012 about him

which is supposedly i haven't read it but it's supposedly really fascinating and it takes a look at like his background and how it was he was very like well off and very quote-unquote normal and how the psychology behind like how he did what he did oh cool yeah so that's the story of robert ralden oh good i feel like i do that every time you end a horrible story i'm like i'm good it's like am i how do i smile frown i feel like i blew through that sorry no you're fine um if you had to get a scholarship sure from a serial killer who would it be oh my what a question like who would you feel do you like would you do it purely based on like were they paying for it out of their pocket like this this exact situation where like they ended up not getting the money so it went to

your scholarship oh would you want it to be like like, a really interesting serial killer? Or would you want it to be... Who would you be least unguilty about? Because, like, if it was someone who was really fucking horrible and killed a lot of people, I don't know if I could take the money. Yeah, but the money's going away from him. So, like, they took it from him, you know? I know, but it would still feel dirty. It would still feel like he was involved somehow.

Sure, sure. Like, there's that psychology... I should fucking know there's this uh way that we think about like how we'll judge even basic objects if it's related to something to someone with a bad with a bad impression really so like let's say like a serial killer like wore wore a shirt and then killed someone and then went to jail would you ever wear that shirt would you even touch it the association of yeah so it's like i feel like that would be me with the scholarship money i'd be like i don't know like this was yours well you know some people

believe that people actually do leave like bad energy on things so i don't know i mean hashtag debit box seriously i feel like it might be. I was just reading something about psychics who are like every like object has some sort of energy. And if you put bad energy into it, like, so I don't know. But I don't know if that's real or not. Blaze would say, oh, my God, please stop talking. Well, I know Gia has some really good energy. That's for sure.

I've never put bad energy into him. He's such a good boy. I hope I'm sorry. I didn't answer your question. I don't know. that's for sure yo i've never put bad energy into him he's such a good boy i hope i i'm sorry i didn't answer your question um i don't know i mean i would take literally if someone's giving me money i'd be like sure i'll take it i'm sorry i wish i could say otherwise but if someone was giving me a scholarship looking at my student honestly when i think about it yeah when i think about if someone were willing to pay me my student loans right now i'd be like okay okay here's a

different question if a serial killer somehow roundabout you ended up with their money what would you buy guilt-free oh as almost not just in like a not just like a normal million dollars where you would do it guilt-free but then like a an extra guilt-free because like a fuck you yeah wait so what it's a million dollars say let's do nine million since that's what he was gonna get nine million okay um someone gave you nine million dollars what would you do right now guilt-free i feel like i would adopt like a dog shelter is that weird oh you would do something like philanthropic yeah i feel like i'd be like inclined to to be like well to like balance it out better the world you know right that's like doing something exactly he wouldn't want exactly so i feel like in that case i like if he was a mass

like a serial rapist or something right i would want to put all the money into like a battered woman shelter yes exactly just to be like fuck you yeah exactly i think that would be the same thing with me which is why i find this kind of like at least the money went to her fund instead of no that feels that's a good nail in the coffin i also wanted to add that today and yesterday i went on itunes and holy crap we got a bunch of new reviews and they were all so kind and thank you guys i read all of them and just get so happy um so thank you for your kind words they mean a lot and the reviews really help us um a lot of them have clown emojis. Honestly, rude.

You don't know me like that. Okay? A lot of them talk about Gio. Oh, weedy, bitty baby Gio. Thought that might balance it out for you. So many people, when they actually see Gio, they're like, I did not expect him to look like that at all. Oh, really? Yeah. What did they expect him to look like?

First of all, bigger. Oh, yeah. Second of all, someone yeah second of all someone thought he looked like a golden retriever oh and then they were like what the fuck dog is this and i was like that's my baby we don't know he's just a random he's so handsome he's like an alien dog little baby geo someone said i found you guys rather fortuitously when i was making a twitter account for my own podcast and the name stood out to me. A lot of people say that. They're like, I saw the name.

We picked a good name. Thank God it's not Urien Theory anymore. I think if it were Urien Theory, we would have not picked up. Never. I think it's truly the name. I think our guardian angels were like, God damn it, guys. We give you one task.

I know. God damn it. So anyway, thank you guys. We appreciate you. We really do. You can find us everywhere. If you've made it this far into our podcast, God bless you. God bless you.

I don't have anything else to say. I don't really either. H-E-W-W-D podcast. Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. You can follow our personal Twitters. You can follow our personal Instagrams. You can follow our podcast Instagrams you can follow our podcast instagrams and twitters you can follow geo at geo sheifer you can i have nothing to do with that once you

really just like have such a weird curmudgeon-y opinion of it because i'm also not gonna change because all you do is sit on it and like berate me through i mean i do it anyway yeah i just needed like a journal like a live journal like a zanga you know oh fuck what if we created a zanga and that's why we drink.zanga.com what if we created one and brought it back i'm not kidding we could do that that would be awesome what if geo had a live journal that was my next one what if we had a myspace a live journal and a zanga i'm not kidding i would i mean oh man well i would have like one follower but worth it two you and me okay what more do we need anyway thank you guys thanks guys uh if you're a patreon supporter merch is on its way it is on its way it's on its way it's on its

way right now sorry we we're really trying to streamline no we're good we it's coming we're good we got ship station ready to go okay all right peeps we love you all and that's why we drink and was staring at me like come on come on god i'm a mess