And That's Why We Drink - E226 Poisonous Sharks and the Patchsquatch

Episode Date: June 6, 2021

It's that time of year again... it's our birthdays episode!! And we've come to realize that we are the poisonous sharks that lie in your 30s. Please drink some wine and eat a steak on our behalf. In honor of our twin flames, Em covers a part cryptid, part demon goat creature that's suspiciously similar to Christine, known commonly as America's Hircine Shifter. Then Christine brings us one of the most gruesome and biggest bummers of a story she could have on our birthdays in the Wichita Massacre. We're also already planning our birthdays next year so see you in 365 fucking days because it's going to get weird on Em's 30th... and that's why we drink! Please consider supporting the companies that support us! Go to Canva.me/atwwd to get your FREE 45-day extended trial! If you love great storytelling, find “Strange and Unexplained with Daisy Eagan”wherever you get your podcasts!Go to Curology.com/drink for a free 30-day trial, just pay for shipping and handling!Start feeling better with Feals. Become a member today by going to Feals.com/drink and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping!Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/DRINK to take your quiz and save 20% on yourfirst order!Receive $15 off your first Public Goods order with NO MINIMUM purchase. Just go to publicgoods.com/DRINK or use code DRINK at checkout!

it's like a fucking jump scare attraction hello everybody we are recording our computer just yelled that we're recording apparently zoom now has a new i guess it's a safety feature I don't know but it safety danger like danger beware I'm called the voice bombastic it screams this meeting is now being recorded into your ears it only screams it at the decibel that makes your entire body jump out of its skin that's it does it we were prepared for it and it still like shook us to our core um and the reason I stopped and started after we recorded the ads is that I still don't have a laptop and I still don shook us to our core. And the reason I stopped and started after we recorded the ads is that I still don't have a laptop and I still don't have a video recording

and I was up all night panicking, like how am I going to get this video on YouTube? And then I thought there's only one way and it's that we have to record this entire segment and just upload it straight to YouTube. So there's no editing on this video, okay, Emma? Unscripted. Oh my god. Well, it's always unscripted. But now it's raw, real, unedited. And a lot of ums,

yas, likes, uhs, all the good stuff. Sorry, it's gonna be it's gonna be a real hoot. Because I usually cut out I've actually memorized where M goes, uh, and i've memorized the sound shape of it and so when i'm editing i honored yeah you're welcome and so i cut those out but so this time they're all going to be in there god well good luck i hope there's no p breaks i hope there's there's also just got a role there's also a lot of uh geo uh i'll have to mute myself quite a bit uh because geo didn't get a slot in daycare today, which is just great. Oopsies. So this is some real time on the fly editing. OTF.

OTF. No post. You can't fix anything in post. Great. It feels like when like MTV, like the Jersey Shore, like the season's already ended, but they're bringing back the bonus footage and like but like they didn't have time to put to edit that in post because they were like i don't know they might like it all shitty and like they might just like the raw footage so here we go honestly it's easier to just throw it up there and see what happens yeah free content that's that's exactly right so anyway it's our birthday episode so you know what we might as well make it as just uh i don't know freewheeling as possible

so happy birthday m happy birthday yay happy birthday oh that's so cute i'm very excited to uh wait that's adorable look like m hung up a sign above their head uh the it is your birthday period from um the office and it's hung right above their head and put on a beautiful glow stick crown it's a it's a twofer thank you is it a crown or is it a halo is it a tiara what is it certainly not a halo um on principle um let's just call it um hmm i don't know i don't know a a beautiful oh a trashy classy headband just like i am yeah this is an honor of you christine oh i'm trashy yay okay uh i wanted to really deck out the room but let's just put this way i my notes are very extensive and i stayed up later than i planned on

because the goal was i was going to wake up early, deck out the room for you and then like surprise you with that. But this was all I had time for. So well, it's beautiful. And I was very, very shocked and surprised. I didn't plan anything for you until tomorrow until your actual birthday. I apologize. I feel like this day snuck up on me. I mean, like this recording day snuck up on me somehow. It did too. We planned. I mean, we're recording.

So maybe we should have talked about this earlier. But like the original goal was to open our presents on here together. Mine are supposed to get to you today, but they didn't get there in time. And then I guess vice versa. There was one present that Em requested specifically that I ordered with expedited shipping and it's still not here. That actually might be why Gia's barking because it's slated to arrive today. So I feel very bad. But I will say I ordered it the moment Em told me about it.

So I wasn't like late. I just knew Em wanted this specific gift. I wanted it so much. So I had to order it. And I didn't want to send everything but that. So it's going to be late. I apologize. But I have something set for tomorrow just to make up for it, to be an amuse-bouche.

You know I love when you say amuse-bouche. That was the present right there. That's it. You're welcome. There's a few things I love more than specifically the voice of Christine saying specifically the word amuse-bouche. I don't know why. That's it. That's the combination. It tickles me all the way to my very core um i maybe we'll film we'll film us opening presents and maybe there'll be a patreon thing bonus content okay

perfect i think that's a good idea because i feel like i've been slacking on patreon so this will be a fun like video gif video we uh we did want to say there were we had a few announcements right uh yes we did um first of all it's our birthday so that's the number one announcement middle and last thank you the end i hope everyone wrote that down um i'm turning 30 you're turning 29 so you're still in your 20s white knuckle in it baby yeah i'm trying to embrace it it's hard uh it's difficult for me are you okay because technically while we record this this is your last day in your 20s oh i didn't mean to say it but i know you're gonna say to me next year so it's uh early karma i'll tell you if the water's

warm or like filled with sharks next year i'll be like I mean the water's I already know the filled with poisonous sharks come on in come just it's filled with more wrinkles and more back pain and good luck also honestly at this point my acid reflux back pain and entire body hurting are like already so normalized with this freaking humid in my body that I'm like bring it on world okay bring it on i mean if i old statement to make the day before you turn 30 my friend you're right you are correct i regret it literally looking at your 30s through the veil and saying you won't and then they're like this is no veil there is no no veil no window we're coming straight we are the shark we'll window we're coming straight we are

the shark we'll see you in 24 hours we are the poisonous shark that lies in your 30s um yeah so i'm trying not to panic but you know what it's okay i keep telling myself oh well when i when my child is 30 i'll be 60 like i keep like playing that game my god which is not fun for my psyche so i need to just chill i will tell you that's the exact situation my mother's on the exact and other end of that situation because exactly when she was turning 30 i was i mean also like really right down to the date because you're may and this this one will only be a couple months after you turn 30 or no your birthday your birthday hello i'm so do you already forget my birthday? It's not about you and June. I forgot.

For a moment there, I had a slip. But yeah, I was born only a couple months after my mom turned 30. So like the exact. Oh, that's right. It will be. Yep. And so she's currently panicking that she's about to turn 60. Okay.

Linda's having, honestly though, Linda's had a great time. She won on Let's Make a Deal. She won a trip to Vegas. Like, if that's my future, I'll take it. Peak of her life. Peaking. Peaking at like in her 50s. Listen, I'll take it.

Okay? Okay, fine. The other announcement we had was something we meant to mention last week. Yes. Which is that we were on a podcast called the V Magazine Podcast. It's called V, like letter V. V, you want to know. And it was super fun very fun we had we had

a great time and we meant to mention it last week because um i think the episode is airing and we like totally we were distracted talking about ourselves i think is what happened we really were but you should go check out v magazine we uh we meant to give them a shout out we're very sorry that we're belated but they also seem to understand that it's our birthday month and things just go awry. So I think they don't seem to understand, but we just forced them to listen to it and just accept it for what it was. Look, if anything, peep, look, V Magazine, we're saying it on our birthday episode. So if anything, you know what, more people are going to hear about it now than ever. So we could say or they're just going to skip the beginning because they know what they're in for on the fourth birthday episode of this.

Is this the fourth or the this is a fourth birthday episode. When we first started the podcast, I was turning 25 and you were turning 26. Oh, my God. That's horrifying. Not to freak you out there. Well, that fully freaked me out. Well, I planned on like having like a little cake and everything. And because this is the first year, Christine, where I would have four digits.

That's right. Because usually it's been two. Because I was poor. So I made a two, five, six birthday cake. That was a combination birthday cake for both of us. We shared the two. And based on where you looked on the cake, it looked like either 25 or 26. Listen, number candles are like $4.

So I was like, I'm not buying another next year you only had to buy one more candle because the two and the six got used for me all over again you just had to buy yourself the seven and then i wanted and then you got 278 289 this year is 2930 and it's like whoa you better a lot a lot of candles it's really chaotic i mean at least next year we'll be back to our regular program our usual programming we'll get a new three though because the two is probably like at its nubbin now we probably burnt it down to a crisp she's she's she's man down yeah she's seen better days um but yeah i think anyway imagine there's a cake here here my communal almonds imagine oh that's so nice imagine right here is a little two nine three zero i love your communal almonds

i brought this nice little dark chocolate peanut butter cup we can pretend that this is your cake too that's so nice i'm nuts about you what do you think that about that that's adorable i'm also nuts about you because it says peanut butter because we don't have anything better well okay so i do want to get into the story unless you have any other announcements i don't think so i just want to say happy birthday and i love you and i wish i were there to give you a hug but happy birthday that's all happy birthday it's i'm excited for you that you're still in your 20s i am also very excited for me that i'm still in my 20s for eva during the quarantine we've gotten really close

and i i keep forgetting that we have a little bit of an age difference i keep being like man i'm so terrified of turning 30 and she's like yo like calm down it's honestly like probably pretty rude that we do this i'm so sorry because so sorry, Eva. Because most people are older. Like, I mean, statistically, most people on this planet are older than us. And we're just like bitching around here as if, you know, I don't know. I always forget who I'm around. I just like scream about it. And then I expect that if someone's mad about it, they'll say something.

Yeah. Like what is Eva going to say? Poor Eva's just so nice. Oh, that must be so hard for you, Em, that you're turning 30. It's like. I'm not turning 30. No, I don't. Or whatever. you're turning 29 um i'm sorry but anyway anyway okay so this story this i'm excited i'm embracing it just fyi everybody i'm embracing it so don't worry 30s are supposed to

be fun now nowadays so i'm just gonna try and enjoy it at the end that's great i'll feel that way next year and next year i'm gonna get really wasted since I can't get wasted this year. Wait a minute. I promise to be at your 31st birthday because I need to be dragging you home. I'll have your baby on my goddamn hip and you like over my shoulder on the other side. Just be dragging all of the sheafers home.

Honestly, the big party will be you get a fucking giant 30th and I just get wasted and that'll be my party okay what i mean like it'll be a fun combo deal everyone see you in 365 fucking days because it's gonna we're gonna it's gonna get crazy i think since this week our birthdays are thursday friday i think next year they'll be friday saturday well deserved by the fucking way like that's gonna be perfect good timing on that both our birthdays

good job linda and renata you really nailed it they did it fridays for both our 30s watch everyone be like that's not how the calendar works but i don't know we'll find out next i'm pretty sure that is exactly how it works out i think so so this story um i hadn't okay this one is really wild i hope you're ready to riff a little bit um always so and it is longer so this is one of those situations where if you are on a road trip or something or cleaning i hope you enjoy this also i didn't prepare that i didn't tell christine that so um i'm sorry and i hope you're prepared to sit here. Well, I also didn't prepare Em and tell Em that we're not taking any breaks at all. So this is going to be an interesting ride.

And I'm going to stop drinking water right this very second. Or we can just make Eva entertain people with her cats as we pee in the middle. That could be true. I will have to go pee downstairs because I don't necessarily need everyone listening to me pee. I'll have to use RJ's bathroom. We'll have to. We really are planning this on the OTF. yeah if you can't tell okay so this story was recommended

by a few people actually during multiple marvel mondays or movie mondays or whatever it is um also shout out follow me on instagram on mondays we do instagram lives um yay but a few people days we do instagram lives um yay but a few people suggested this i never heard of it so let's go this is uh the story of america's her her scene shifter hers is it her scene or her sign apparently it means like goat like her scene oh i have no i i feel like bovine so maybe her sign okay like bovine means cow like i tried looking up pronunciation on youtube and it kept saying her scene oh maybe it is but all of the references were like a video game called the elder scrolls so i don't my brother plays that okay well according to the elder scrolls apparently it's her scene i think okay that sounds right sure okay anyway it's okay America's her scene shifter aka the

anomaly what is that I know I never heard of it I anyway so thank you sounds chilling it is very it's spine tingling if you will so this is a cryptid but also I'll get into it later that there are some arguments about whether it's a cryptid or more of a haunting it's kind of one of those combo deals so oh uh so the hersene shifter america's hersene shifter is a mysterious bipedal creature found most often throughout the east coast but there have been sightings in other patches of the country. So apparently there's a creature like this who's also been seen in Europe, also in Asia Minor of all places. Oh.

Not Europe. Right? Isn't it? Or is that Turkey? Listen, why would you ask me that when we're not editing? Asia Minor is Turkey, I'm pretty sure. Okay. So anyway, so there's one in Europe, hence this being America's cursing shifter.

Got it. Which means there's two of these. We've never heard of it. Oh my god, you're so smart, Em. You're so smart. Am I? Anatolia, also known as Asia Minor, is a large peninsula in Western Asia and the westernmost protrusion of the Asian continent.

It makes up the majority of modern day Turkey. I am a geography expert, actually. I am so impressed. Thank you. Interesting. It has, I think, I'm pretty sure it's german it looks german it has the one in europe so its name is i'm guessing also her scene shifter like go like it says bear with me z gun leak mimic okay, I was impressed a minute ago. I don't know what's happening now. How do you say L-I-C-H-E?

Is leak? Leak. Leak. It means light. Light. Okay, so maybe it's goat. How do you say goat in... Zwiege, I think?

That sounds kind of like how this is spelled. Oh, you did say... Yeah, I think it's Zwiege. Let me check. Zwiege, Zwiege tell me uh sorry okay so goat light mimic okay okay whatever okay i just trust anyway uh it's in europe and it has i think it's and it's called the hersing shifter okay so we think that they might actually be the same creature even though they're it's apparently quite the world traveler. But they think it at least might

be in the same family because the description, whether you're in Europe or the United States, it seems to be similar. Or maybe the one in Europe is the one that like inspired the name for this one. I don't really understand. But anyway, this one is the Americas. And despite the sporadic sightings elsewhere, researchers have actually been tracking the anomaly mainly on the East Coast. So we assume that that's its home in the United States. Okay. The first sightings began in, I saw some things about the late 80s, let's say early 90s, because that's where most of the stories start. When people reported seeing something out in the woods that didn't look or feel human. That when we were born by the way the early 90s oh well there you have it they were

probably like oh a creature has appeared and it's a seagull it's a goat yeah it's a goat and then two gemini's oh so the her her scene means goat like shifter we will talk about that part of it later that actually falls under the conspiracy theory that this thing is paranormal um like shape-shifting so let's worry about the goat thing for now because it it's wonderful so i'm guessing it's because it looks like a goat on its hind legs but without the horns so it's kind of just like it's goat like goat like exactly got it so basically most of the lore suggests that the creature has brown fur is nocturnal since it's probably nocturnal since most of the sightings are at night some cryptozoologists have actually tried to compare the anomaly or the hersene shifter i think they just call it the

shifter i just saw some articles that said shifter so i don't know if even they didn't know how to pronounce her see they probably didn't they have so they suggested that it might actually be related to the chupacabra because a lot of people have said that this thing has brown hair but it's really patchy and so the chupacabra is really patchy but there's another argument to it that it's actually more like a cousin of sasquatch it's all over the fucking place this thing so they suggest that it's related to the chupacabra because some reports say that its fur is patchy at the chupacabra not all accounts report this but some people make mention of it in their descriptions but the big argument is that well chupacabra the remember the um like the main explanation for what chupacabra probably is

it's like a dog with mange yes yeah and so they say that this probably isn't that or it's an advanced version because this creature is bipedal like sasquatch right so it not totally sure. A Sasquatch. A Patchquatch. No, okay. A Patchquatch. But so, or they think it could be Chupacabra just learned to stand on its hind legs, which is its own version of terrifying to me. It is fully terrifying. But this seems to be more on the East Coast. And I guess Chupacabra is normally seen more either on the West coast or not even in the united states so sure they there's a back and forth on that fun fact this argument uh let me make sure that i read this right sorry everybody i know that we're not editing this is the real deal everybody i hope you're enjoying it oh oh here it is okay i i wrote it it was 3am i wrote it wrong so i wanted to make sure i didn't

fuck it up but uh so some people say chupacabra. Some people say it's more like Sasquatch. And the Sasquatch argument pulls more weight because there actually have been sightings of the shifter in the same places where people have seen the Sasquatch. OK. So it just makes more sense that they might share a nest or they. Oh, that's cute. Precious, right? So they might think it's maybe a smaller breed of sasquatch or a younger

sasquatch because sasquatch slash bigfoot slash yeti range between like three to six hundred pounds and this is more goat size it's more it's light it's lighter so luckily uh from the behavior that i guess the local lore when they've talked about like what its characteristics are like nobody has had any accounts where it was aggressive which is nice um so if you end up in the woods and see it at least you're not like super in trouble yeah i mean it's better than those puck wedgies that like try to lead you to your death in the road you know what for all we know this also does that so okay fair i mean we don't know we can't claim it but every time i think of like a dangerous cryptid i don't think of mothman i don't think of sasquatch i think of those puck wedgies because they seem like they're going to

be so cute and then bad things happen you know now that you say that it freaked it because i was about to just get into it so i'm gonna call it the universe speaking out and interrupting me because i was about to get into this one part that i think is really cute about the shifter um so apparently they're uh from what i mean again remember this is all lores people like oh i've seen it and it was doing this so all these accounts are alleged but uh there have been multiple accounts that have said that this the anomaly is actually even though it doesn't seem to be aggressive towards people it's very protective of animals oh that's nice's nice. Isn't that precious? So there was one witness who claims that he and his friends saw the anomaly in the woods with other animals and like the animals who

usually like in the animal kingdom would be rivals. They were all like, nearby the anomaly at the same time. Like, Oh, he's like the peacekeeper yeah like like they all trusted this creature um and in 2015 around 2015 there was um the society for cryptid exploration the sce and they traveled to a patch of the woods where people had had regular sightings and they found signs in this space that they can only explain as the anomaly not only being a peacekeeper for the animals but like luring them in purely for like peace like to befriend them i guess like oh that's nice so this is because they found some unnatural aka man-made habitats for different animals all near each other where they usually would be separate and they also found a lot of food on the floor as if they were safe traps that they had that this thing had built and there were

no signs of any struggle between the animals so it implies that there was there were signs that the animals had been brought in but then nothing bad ever happened to them that's fascinating because the word lure has such negative connotations this like you think you're being lured into the woods like something something bad's going to happen. But no, you just made a new friend. Lure you in for treats on my floor. That's all I've ever wanted to be lured for. That would get me in there.

I got Geo in. That's right quick. Yep. So, oh, and even though they're gentle with animals, I did say that they are not aggressive. They actually seem to be afraid of humans. So when people have tried to get near it, I guess, it will run away. So we only know of very few close contact encounters. And there's more proof that it's very disinterested in people because multiple times now,

enthusiasts and slash researchers, I don't know how serious these researchers are, but they have found areas that they believe were anomaly shifter nests. And they found several sets of waste content that each time it was like about a mile or so out from the shifter's alleged home. And so the contents indicated that there was some sort of illness as if like the food wasn't properly digested so from these from like the samples they had the enthusiasts were able to predict that maybe when the shifter travels too far from its nest it gets anxiety is this like i mean this just feels a little too relatable, right? I just got like, you're right, a spine tingle. Like loves animals, hates people, like vomits at the thought of leaving home. Like, are you kidding me?

Too far away and my bowels can't take it anymore. Yeah. Bring me home. Oh my gosh, this is really hitting, hitting very, very close. Yes. So there is a more realistic explanation for why the food hadn't been digested. And it's because that's like the more fun thing we hear about. Okay.

But the more realistic explanation is that the food hadn't been digested because the anomaly had been or the food that was in its system. It had been digesting food that had massive levels of tannins. Tannins. Tannins. Okay. Which I explain that for people like me who don't know what the fuck that is so from these undigested foods they were able to look at the content and build out this idea of the anomaly's regular diet okay so they were able to take all these samples of undigested food take them to a lab and say like what can you tell us about this stuff they also

were able to just kind of see some of the content in it because they could tell that the diet was mainly berries and like mushrooms that it had foraged which would explain tannins because apparently that's like a big thing on fruits so the diet they assume is vegetarian which also checks if they're like not aggressive towards animal or people they're herb herbivores. Herbivores, exactly. So they found in these particular sets of samples, the SCE was told by researchers that the food was unripe June berries. This is the nutrition lab that is reporting back what they found. Unripe June berries, lingonberries, blueberries, and cranberries.

I had no idea blueberries are in the fucking forest, by the way. Yeah. Fun fact. I looked it up. I was was like this sounds like bullshit blueberries are found in some forests so most of the diet seems to be berries and according to wine mag for people it's literally from fucking wine mag by the way of course it is i had no idea that tannins are like part of alcohol that is why i know what it is i'll be fully honest with you that checks so winemag.com says quote plants have tannins to make themselves unpalatable their purpose in nature is to deter animals from eating a plant's fruit or seeds

before it's ripe that i did not know tannins are responsible for that astringent feeling you get from biting into an unripe fruit and so that makes sense that it was, it kept getting sick because it was eating only unripe food. Oh, nature is fascinating. Right? I gotta say. That's really cool. So they also, I don't know how they found this.

They not just found berries in there. They found lemon rinds, like citrus rinds. Well, I thought you said it wasn't cruel to animals, but it sounds like lemons out if it has one so they also found multiple fermented red plums in the system which one also have tannins but two if they were fermented that means that this thing might have also been getting itself drunk yes and not only was it getting drunk but since it only had nothing else but poisonous unripe fruit in its, that's why it keeps vomiting whenever it leaves its nest. Is it okay? Like, do we need to give it some bread?

Like, why is it only eating unripe fruit? I literally wrote, so the contents of their diet tell us that either, one, the shifter has social anxiety because it's getting sick away from its home. Two, it's drunk and not eating anything else. So it's on an empty stomach. Or three, it just might have some reckless tendencies. Four, all of the above. This is me. D, all of the above.

That's me. Certainly, you know what? You two would get along very well. I'm like startled at this. This is shocking information. All the way down to the lemon right you wouldn't eat lemon though i wouldn't i mean i would eat maybe lemon's cousin but don't tell them that lime i meant like other lemons that weren't special to me but aha i see so this is not in my iced tea okay fair this is not the only time iced tea. Okay, fair.

This is not the only time that the shifter has shown us that they might be reckless in their decision making. Earlier, I said that their habitat seemed very animal friendly. Fun fact, it was also really plant friendly. Apparently, the SCE, when they found different habitats that are alleged hot spots for sightings, they found that the vegetation was really well kept because there were few broken branches so it was seemed to be kind to plants and that like the places where there should have been a lot of trampled trees and things like that it was keeping a garden maybe i'm not sure that's really nice maybe trying to grow its own unripe fermented yeah that is entirely possible uh but the habitat itself was outside of nature it was

scattered with random items that shouldn't have been on that part of the area's floor to begin with so what apparently this thing is a collector and it found it has a lot of trinkets from all over the area all like piled together as if it was like attaching to these things and keeping them around and none of them have been useful in any way for survival um so okay hang on so it's also collecting random items that and getting attached to them this is like sounding a little too spot on oh my god oh wait so hang on scary let me read that again found trinkets from all over the area that have been useful in no way for survival. Have not been. Yes.

Yeah. That have been useful in zero ways. Fun fact, the SCE did find that some of them were, like, left in containers as if, like, they were the prize possessions. Oh. prize possessions oh and the shifter had been keeping certain trinkets and one which makes no sense at all because it's a forest but they had a turtle shell so wait why does that make no sense aren't turtles like from this ocean no my dude turtles in the forest oh perfect well then that would make sense that makes more sense but there's a turtle shell. So anyway, it's... So although some of these items seem to be really well preserved, some of them were just strewn across a several mile radius of the nest.

So that's what they were able to find. It's their garbage pile. It's their garbage pile. I get it. I get it. I think they were coming into the woods and finding these spots and knowing where this thing probably stays because there was more concentrated garbage in the center.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A trash pile. A trash pile sometimes spreads. It happens to the best of us. I get it.

Jeez. Oh my God. Just got to scoop it all back together. It seems that if the anomaly had been dropping these items when they got distracted or maybe lost on its way back to its home. Wait. Okay. i feel so attached to this thing speaking of being attached to things look people were suggesting this non-stop

and they were like trust me you want to cover this and i was like okay so the sc the sce also found traces of what they thought was blood on everything so they thought maybe this thing had been cut or damaged or maybe finally there was proof that like it was actually eating animals. But when they tested it for DNA, they brought it to a lab and the red liquid, the red liquid was just those berries and fermented plum juice all over the space. They spilled wine all over their belongings.

It had Christine, it had a quote from the SCE. They, the plum juice had, oh shit. I just lost it. you got me all excited oh the plum juice had died into its nests after baking in the sun so like it was just like left it was just all this fucking red juice wine i guess fermented so fermented plums plum wine

yep delicious uh another note in their report was that the areas where the nests had been investigated were also a little too warm and from this the sce theorizes that based on how much fur the anomaly has is constantly overheated and sweating wait are you serious yeah i have sweat i was about to say my palms are sweating just hearing this also remember that it's like german and but it now lives in the United States. This is freaking me out a little bit. Didn't even think about that. Oh, my God.

This is freaking me out. So based on witness reports, the SCE has been able to piece together and notice changes in the anomalies behaviors and connection with like with the weather also so that i mean in theory then based on like star charts like the moons and the tides it makes them wonder if the anomaly is in tune more with that part of nature so it's also potentially a very spiritually connected creature this thing is so sweet i am i'm in love with it i love it so much i mean how cool would that be if like it's chill hangs out with animals apparently spills wine everywhere loves to drink all about like the connection with the moon and the tides i mean i mean come on friend it's my best friend it uh so also from the remember there were scattered items all over who could forget

from the from the tools and the items at these potential nests that the shifter had collected over time, they also found that they had made some of them themselves. So they have determined that another part of its personality is that this creature is very curious and creative and is an excellent problem solver. Because if it didn't have the tool, it wouldn't make it itself. Like a cricket machine. It makes its own diy crafts oh my god it's diys diys christine but it's decoupage on that turtle shell okay but oh my god so uh even with the limited foot tracks that they've been able to go off of because usually obviously cryptos well just want to test prints.

Right. There are very few prints. But the prints have, that the researchers have. A Rothy's shape. They shape like a Rothy. That would be hysterical, actually. And then we would know for sure that it was apparently you. So the limited foot tracks they have found show that when the oh yeah of course

wow it might as well be a fucking rothy shoe oh no they have found some tracks minimal but some tracks to go off of around the nests and they have found that the anomaly has difficulty with its sense of direction and seems to regularly get lost in the woods which also corroborates with it randomly with its randomly scattering like my social security card like your social fucking security card that i've found on the bar floors like eight times in our friendship and i'm like christine you forgot this stop carrying that around there's no need for you to have that on your person also pick up your plum juice or whatever oh my god i am in love with this thing get ready for it if and when the anomaly decides to reproduce local lore says that the baby wouldate cremate wait oh my god you're you're a hundred percent right

cremate and and their teeth do you think your baby is going to have teeth i think my baby is gonna have fangs for sure yeah it sounds like it's part shifter to be clear part shifter i mean she shifter she first what i'm gonna call him why you don't like that no it's just very on the nose like just too too much so speaking speaking of local lord let's talk about shifter and why that name is involved so okay i left this till the end not really to the end but i i didn't mention this yet because despite all the hard work over the years by the SCE, many believe that the entity poses as something else in the woods. Oh.

So complete plot twist. The other side of this story is that maybe it's not as peaceful as we think, and it's actually a demon who is trying to make you feel safe in the woods with it. Oh, whoa. Okay. I don't like that turn of events it's so a lot of there's like there's two different camps between is it a cryptid or a shapeshifter demon many people uh believe that the entity poses as something else in the woods hoping for curious hikers to follow it or feel safe enough to stay in that area i'd be screwed

this well hello you would go up to it and then all of a sudden attachment i would follow it and get attached to it and drink with it and then it would what can't possess me kill me one of these one of those following the oh once those who are interested enough in the anomaly and choose to like get close enough to it the demon will attach and follow them home oh no so it seems like a stretch but many people claim to have experienced the anomaly post being out in the woods and it coming home with them so there are accounts of people there's few accounts of any of the cryptid stuff the sce was basically the one that had most of the information on that but in

terms of demon stuff there are people who have stories to corroborate their experience so let's see where was i so some reports say that the spirit would be found moving filled wine glasses around and when found later the wine would be gone well you can't that's not demonic that's just an over-friendly guest, house guest. Others say that there's an intense wave of the smell of citrus in their home. Stop it. Are you for... Is this like a joke like when I did the Grinch?

Or is this like for real? Others also say that their Rothy shoes mysteriously go missing. Well, nice seeing you i'm glad i was able to be visiting your home i know you'll never invite me back but i think i made the most of my stay and i got plenty of booze and some new shoes uh this phantom has also earned the nickname the dancing demon oh like kermit dance because of their weird motions that its apparition makes when music plays are you making this up for real is this real many recall a sense of dread as the anomaly would dance toward them with the distant sound of fallout boy playing in empty rooms oh shut up is this wait is this a is this a joke i'm telling you i'm reporting what i'm reporting

one victim of the anomaly who wishes to remain anonymous and prefers the discreet name the bad boy of broadcasting claims that this demon attached to him his entire life you are such an idiot oh my god he claims that he has grown up with this demon attached to him by his side of such an idiot i wasn't kidding people say that their rothys just go missing all the time. It's crazy. Oh my God. Actually, while I have you, earlier you mentioned... I'm, like, gonna cry. This is the funniest thing that's ever happened.

I will say that I mentioned earlier that this creature has left some limited footprints. And so here's a picture, actually. It's a part of their files. I am, like, crying. actually it's a part of their files i am like crying what do they look what do they look like oh they're lemon rod these made of recycled plastic water bottles and they're machine washable i'm like gonna cry this is so funny i get it now christine christine so one victim who is the bad boy broadcasting claims he's been attached to this demon his entire life he doesn't know what he's done to deserve this he he's heard music playing

throughout the halls he says there's faint whispers of fallout boy but he can also confirm the tunes of jump five the venga boys s club seven and micah stop it the venga boys this has also been corroborated by the way by others who have come face to face with the anomaly and their hellish dancing moves um one woman who wishes to remain anonymous but prefers the alias stinky witch says that no no no she okay this is a quote from the stinky witch so please be respectful this is a victim we're talking about here so sorry uh stinky witch says she has a unique dance that resembles a puppet on marionette strings attempting of attempting a moderately placed irish jig legend has it she can only be tamed by the sounds of micah mika i'm so how would you know okay because i'm fully attached to this thing now i think i'm it's attached to me and i'm attached

to it and you are one with the world oh my god i cannot deal with this and i'm assuming is that the bad boy podcasting aka xandy schieffer yeah what an idiot i tried to change it up a little bit but it was not worth it oh oh i see okay i didn't know if that was um uh i mean what are you talking about okay so they they're also this is horrifying i you man, I'm slow as hell. There are also claims that this spirit has liminal attachments to alternate realities, which is why they have interests and have been seen in places such as Stonehenge and other ley line towns. The bad boy of podcasting also claims to have had a doll as a child that would laugh demonically, whom he named the cackling spawn.

That's correct correct that does exist and some might believe that the cackling spawn was actually the hersheen shifter manipulating electronics to terrify the young child Emma bad boy as we call him also says his home

once had a piano teacher named Ellis who would go through the family mail but was Ellis really to blame or was it the demon moving around envelopes in an attempt to damage Ellis's career as a musician? But the worst sighting in Shifter history, one alleged witness once saw his Ouija board spell out, I'm always crazy 444. I'm such an idiot.

I was like, how did you not realize how similar they were to me, these goat creatures? The anomaly has sparked enough tension amongst the East Coast and much of the world that even Zach Bagans himself has been mentioned for investigation has been on the scene in one of the unaired episodes of Ghost Inventors called The Maltese Bagans, which you can find on YouTube. I'm going to pee my pants. He didn't seem to encounter the demon himself, although he did have a very few choice words for the audience by the end of the footage. So I would definitely check out.

I would stay till the end of that video if you want to check it out um because a very important message was uh relayed to him uh from the other side from the other side did you write all this did you do all this no it was on google what do you think that's a lot of work between the two camps of is this uh the anomaly is it a cryptid or is it a demon so that the sce ran by uh the ceo m schultz are the experts in this field so that's all made up i was like fully on board here uh they so the sce are the experts in the fields on team cryptid but for team demon there are a few solid sources outside of these uh other witness accounts but these two sources in particular are very reliable with their years of research to back up their beliefs one witness who curiously looks like a 16 year old version of the creature and claims

to personally know them uh spoke on the demon's interest and let me know quote i can definitely say that this creature often appears when there is talk about frappuccinos orange soda or bubble tea um she does not miss she does not manifest surprisingly for like a demon it does not manifest in basements or creepy rooms and refuses to go in them um she is often seen wearing a scottish rites masonry sweater and leggings and uh is best known across all local lore across all national lore international lore for spilling food and drink down the front of her shirt so if you've seen a stained garment near you you might be afflicted with this demonic possession you really got me arguably an even stronger candidate for the expert role is one of our key witnesses and uber archivist renee ead oh jesus christ what does she want

she have to say? When asked to comment on the anomaly's known information, I was in under 30 minutes handed a confidential file on the creature. Yeah, she didn't even ask for any identification. I literally, I'm not kidding, in under 30 minutes was handed a confidential file with all the information I could possibly need on this demon. was handed a confidential file with all the information i could possibly need on this demon this file is what i call the smoking gun in defense of the anomaly being demon versus woodland cryptid this is what i got subject america's hercene shifter aka the anomaly aka the dancing demon uh paranormal classification parademon status alive and multiplying oh no

natural form demon-like appearance but can shapeshift into normal human form when necessary first sighting june 4th 1991 most recent sighting june 1st 2021 in cincinnati ohio likes alien ant farm fallout boy no, Frozen Yogurt, Fill of the Future, Snoop Dogg's 19 Crimes Wine, Elephants, The Brothers Grimm starring the late Heath Ledger and Matt Damon, Charleston Shoes, Mike and Ike's Coffee, Zach Bagans. Dislikes, Zach Bagans, Kyle XY, Aspartame, Their Recent Massage in Florence, Kentucky, and early mornings.

Was Renee sitting at our lunch just taking notes? Holy crap. So there are also some field notes here. So it's not just like the stats here. We've also got some like overtime notes. I'm only going to list a few of them because let's just say these were extensive. Oh my God. The anomaly was born in 1991 in Southern Ohio.

The first sign of their paranormal status was the gestation period. You really got me a baby a baby typically takes about 40 weeks but the anomaly refused to leave their human host until week 43 i really hate that this is all true perhaps they waited to ensure that they would be born during the gemini season for the most for the highest compound amount of gem of chaos i suppose demonic demonic chaotic energy the anomaly adopted three animals so again corroborating that they are good to animals god of an idiot the dog is an angel and is unclear though if the cats are actually independent beings or if they are their own alternate forms of demons.

The anomaly one. This is just a fun field note I found, and I think everyone needs to know about it, as I guess this was meant to be a I think Detective Ede was just referencing little things that to look back on later and be like, this was a red flag. The anomaly once ate their lunch off the surface of a parking lot in Burbank, California. Unclear why. Okay. Okay. It was on a plate. It doesn't sound like that, according to reliable sources. Thank you.

The anomaly has had a few human romances, all with adults that lacked a sense of personal hygiene. They do, however, have a human husband who far surpasses the typical human male. The anomaly has tricked him into creating a spawn and the world awaits. Oh my God. When you asked me if my child will have teeth i'm such an idiot if the smoking gun which i call that entire file by the way thank you detective ed for your hard-hitting coverage stop giving her that name she's never gonna stop using it if the smoking gun wasn't enough to convince you let this be the nail in the coffin to do you

win because after obtaining this file we learned that there's a human husband mentioned in detective ed's notes who is still married to the creature and when we asked him for a statement he also sent over some field notes that date back to at least sake to at least october 2018 going off going off of detective ed's notes we think that the demon has in fact tricked this man into marrying the demon so sad because with marital privilege the man legally would never have to testify against their demonic dna that's pretty tragic when people are like is this a demon is this a cryptid just no comment at all times however must have caught him on a privilege most must have caught him on a good day because these field notes got sent to us. And that makes it even more powerful because he legally could have said no comment and not thrown

this person under the bus. So he broke spousal privilege. I got it. So that just makes it all the more hard hitting and that someone who didn't have to say anything and is arguably one of the biggest experts in this field had something to say so rumor has it that he's just ready for the world to know the truth and no more of this back and forth on uh the hersine shifter and basically this i'm so stupid this this star witness by the way seems to be just as certain as detective e that the anomaly does have demonic roots so these are the field notes uh from the desk of mr l oh no one of the defining characteristics of this cryptid is its mouth noises there are there are many unique a distinct noises when they account but particularly when they encounter fruit particularly mummified or

fermented they sound like they are laughing uncontrollably similar to a hyena when surprised they make a distinct gasp and in recent video of it sleeping that mysteriously cannot be located they stuck their tongue out and spit into the air while remaining asleep okay we don't need to talk about that any further please please dear god it is also known for a liking of all pastries, except for a strong dislike of croissants. So I think here was where he was saying, if you're trying to keep away vampires, keep some garlic next to you.

If you're trying to avoid the shifter, throw out some croissants, you'll never see them again. Also, Mr. L states, its origins are unknown, but Bobby Mackey's is a portal to hell from episode 13. And it's very close to the location of the first sighting of this cryptid. So we can just take our guesses from there.

Anyway, despite this horrific evidence from key witnesses, the America's Hearthstone Shifter has... Wait, what? Has built up quite a fan base over the years. So as as a cryptid, there's even been gatherings around the country in hopes for a sighting. Although mysteriously others have said that they have seen

them haunting particularly as of late theaters and comedy clubs. In more recent years, those seem to be people's best chances at witnessing a physical manifestation of the creature. But in most podcasts, or not most, but many podcasts have discussed this creature.

News outlets have done segments on their whereabouts. Everyone is just obsessed with this thing. And there have been a lot of sightings in the last couple of years, especially during the pandemic. Most sightings have been over film, but many are hoping that soon there will be a higher chance last couple years especially during the pandemic most sightings have been over film but there many are hoping that soon there will be a higher chance of running into america's hercene shifter on the

streets and among the fandom there are two in particular that have come forward as relatives to the anomaly that are willing to share their personal experiences despite the local lore they actually claim a completely different story that it has just been sensationalized. The world has been completely gaslit. This is not a demon. They are a pure delight. And also a human who uses she, her pronouns. So we can stop saying they.

Interesting. As far as we know. What a progressive demon, I just might add. Finally. One woman claims to be the anomaly's aunt and says had i not had this is a full quote had i not had the many no no this person says you're a pure delight i mean this the cryptid the demon is a pure delight uh had i not had the many occasions to spot this cryptid i would have i would have not believed such a being truly exists. A non-annoying millennial, a grounded true crime expert,

and a pleasant mother-to-be, a being like the America's Her scene shifter, is Hithero never been found in nature. Probably her most surprising trait is her caring nature, given that she is in, shall we say, quote, the business of show. And we must find a way to clone her so that TV shows, movies, sets, and recording studios become populated with others like her and rid the entertainment world of narcissists and self-centered individuals.

Oh my! That being said, this is a quote, you know, that being said, she is not perfect. The anomaly does not eat meat, has a penchant for creepy memorabilia and is way too hard on herself however these minor flaws are outweighed by the affirmation affirmation positive traits oh yeah and she has great taste in husbands and pets and gives the best gifts ever so in a shocking turn of events someone is out there claiming that this demon is actually wonderful some cuckoo is out there trying to change the narrative, I see. The person with the most to say, and this is where we'll leave it,

is the second source who claims to have given birth to the demon herself 30 years ago this week. Oh. There's a lot going on here. That's a big claim. I'm just going to say that's a strong claim for someone to be making.

Brace yourself because they just went quote she was three weeks late and quite obstinate after she was after she was born she always put her hand out as if saying no to everything spoke full german sentences at 12 months oldided walking was too hard though until she was about 18 months. She always knew what she wanted. You could not trick or force her to do anything she did not want to do. At 22 months, she handed me her pull-up and said they were for the new baby.

When she makes up her mind, including potty training, she gets it done. Oh, good for her. We came from the hospital with her brother and she put her arms around the baby and said, you're my brother. They were inseparable.

She insisted on sleeping in the same room. When he cried as a baby, she always knew what he needed. Often I found her in his crib and that kid questioned everything I said and did. This is a real sight. So imagine your first impression of the Herstein shifter. She wore a bib on her head for many meals. She decided to wear her left shoe on her right and vice versa.

When I said, do not eat the cat food, she had a mouthful. And when she wanted affection, I better give it to her. She's the only person where our cat Plumie, Plumie? Plumie scratched. The only person our cat Plumie scratched

because she wanted to cuddle them and Plumie should have wanted to do so as well. The father of this cryptid, Bernie, liked to reprimand through religion at the time. Oh, we're going there. Okay, that's fun. And she asked for the very last time, explain God. He tried. She got up, huffed, stomped outside in the backyard and screamed if

there is a god show yourself and bring me a lion bernie was deeply impressed she is a philosopher she is so wise and then came the teenage years and he was not so impressed anymore she is fiercely loyal she would stand up for her brother her friends anyone who she thought needs her help she is an extremely hard worker very, and spares no time to a good job. Her own standard is extremely high, but do not ask her to do something she does not like. Like a paper for a teacher she could not stand. She started many assignments the night before they were due. One of them was 12 pages long with a full biography, and she got an A while I was having nervous breakdowns.

Her classmates took three weeks. it took her three hours she's extremely confident and sometimes not that's wow that's a wishy-washy statement right there when she was about two she decided that she was cool okay oh dear god she did not television. I don't know how that happened. She wore her bib on her head again, her sunglasses upside down, refused shoes, put bows in the cat's fur. And when she figured out birthdays, she conned me into making cakes and birthday parties for her stuffed animals. I think Pooh Bear had five birthdays in May as of 1995. I put my foot down and said, only one birthday a year per bear. And she remembered every stuffed animals bear in our house so we partied hard and then there was alice oh god oh it's another demonic entity potentially the sidekick to america's hercene shifter there was alice her

invisible friend alice came to life in January 1995. Alexander started to become a pest at two years old. And to keep him in check, this cryptid got Alice. When he wanted to sit somewhere, they would say, no, Alexander, Alice sits there. She terrorized us. But she is also a great sister and daughter. I had to get a PhD to be able to keep up with her so that is a very long statement from the i don't know the sad sad woman who had to give birth to this thing another victim we might another victim and finally we did reach out to uh the anomalies pets who made it very clear they did not want to comment and uh that is the story of america's her scene shifter aka the anomaly aka an anagram for christine maria schieffer happy happy 30th birthday that was the funnest nicest most

hilarious thing ever um you're gonna make me cry i'm like cry laughing um literally did you do that i didn't go to bed is how that happened oh my god i mean holy that's why i texted you and i was like can we put this off because i i need a little more time and i was like blaze had originally the note about blaze was going to be because he wrote last night he went uh yeah no problem i'll send something to you tonight and he didn't send anything until this morning right when we were about to record because I said I'm about to record and he probably went uh oh but uh

no so he added something last minute and I was like well I have to insert him so um happy 30th I cannot believe you did that wait what I'm such an idiot I'm gonna listen back and just pound my head against a wall when i'm like i love this thing oh my god i get it the best part was like literally in parentheses where i said like oh in the sce they have found some tracks i wrote

show christine rothi's pick because i had a picture ready to send you you were not responsive to my hilarious rothi's joke and then you're like oh my god what is it rothi's and i had a picture ready to send you you were not responsive to my hilarious rothies joke and then you're like oh my god what is it rothies and in my head i was doing some like mental chess of like do i even show her the picture or do i let her keep thinking this is like a weird joke yeah you were really like i could tell i like threw you completely off your flow i was like oops i did not get it like i literally didn't get it until you said fallout boy that's how fucking slow i was i thought you were gonna get it once literally didn't get it until you said Fall Out Boy that's how fucking slow I was I thought you were going to get it once

I thought you were going to get it a lot earlier but specifically the spilling wine everywhere losing all your items and sweating I was like that's fascinating I'm so stupid oh my god next year you're going to have to update it and be like she's really gullible and like pretty

dumb i also asked maggie for a comment she was like i'm not sure i understand the assignment i'm just gonna leave this one alone our poor manager maggie's like this is not in my job description well she was like i haven't had any uh any true, so I'm going to let you just do this on your own, a.k.a. peace. No, thank you. Just left the scene. But anyway. Oh, my God. I thought for sure the name alone, that's why I changed it to the anomaly for a while, because I was like, Herstein Shifter is way too close to Christine Schieffer.

I the whole time was like, that's so weird. But I was like, I guess Shifter, like, I almost said how creepy that it's called the Shifter. Well, you did. You said something creepy that it's called the shifter. Well, you did. You said something about how it was, like, super creepy. And also, like, I didn't even add. I said something about, like, you said, like, oh, it sounds like it could be one of those things that, like, just, like, without even thinking about, just, like, you follow into traffic. And I was, like, um. What is wrong with me?

I was, like, that's's kind of that's very true em i'm like it sounds nice but it's really dangerous and might kill you em i cannot believe i did not figure it out for so long i was yours i was so fucking invested in your story i was like this is amazing i've never heard of this thing i hope you realize how much i just trust you wholeheartedly, blindly. I would follow you anywhere. I forgot to add that personality trait into this. But like, wow, you really do just blindly.

I just follow you right into traffic. And that was the funniest thing ever. I cannot believe. I mean, Jesus. I was trying to think of a way to give you a birthday present that could actually get to you in time. I was totally, think of a way to give you a birthday present that could actually get to you in time. So I was totally I was totally, totally blindsided. I mean, when you were like, everyone's requesting this. I was like, wow, I can't believe I've never heard of it.

Like from the very beginning, I was like, oh, it's German. And then I mentioned Asia Minor because Zandy said that was like a home reference. I was like biting my tongue because I was like, that was an inside joke with me and my brother and my friends. But then I was like, it's not a good story. I don't need to share that on the podcast. This really was a complete experiment with how people's brains work because I gave them a very vague task and everyone came to me with different responses. That's fascinating. Your mom just shared childhood stories.

My mom was like, this is how she was born. Lisa just complimented the shit out of you. Your brother just literally sent me. A list of the most weird facts. About your childhood. Like Ellis the piano teacher going through your mail. I'm amazed that he didn't mention. The fact that I locked Ellis in our elevator.

That would have been so good. As the paranormal thing of like Ellis even got got locked in yeah because that i i did that once i turned the power off i we had this like creepy old elevator um because a priest used to live in our house of course and uh we were going i was like oh ellis i want to show you the the elevator and then i like hit the emergency stop button and he started you really are a demon i know like ellis like couldn't catch a fucking break in that house okay ellis read my mail all right i caught ellis reading my mail that is not my problem oh oh my god i like can't even believe this anyway uh also

i did not get a uh quote from eva because eva was i frantically went to her place last minute yesterday and I was like you gotta help map this out I have no idea what I'm doing poor Eva poor Eva because she was like I had I wanted to go do errands and I went oh my god she ended up doing them earlier so I could come over but I definitely rerouted her whole day because I was like I need I need you to help me here and for the longest time time, we were like, when are we going to name this thing? And I was like, I have no fucking clue. I think this is the best. I went to an anagram maker and just typed in Christine Schieffer.

And then immediately I saw the word shifter. And I went, oh, absolutely. Shifter is so good. But then there weren't enough letters to fill out anything else. So I threw Maria in there and I got America's shifter. And I went, oh, hell got america's shifter and i went oh hell yeah and then shifter and the only word left was the letters that made her scene i like frantically was doing like word scrabble cheat puzzles to try to figure out what the and the only word that came out that had every letter of the leftover letters in your name was her scene

and i was like how the fuck am i gonna make this happen i have never i wouldn't i was totally just following you blindly i had zero clue zero clue literally until you said the words follow boy i was like every time i said oh is this real i expected you to be like yes please shut up christina let me tell the story well you kept saying is this real and then i would like keep going with my notes but i think you thought i was making a joke because then i was like oh like and then they keep mysteriously losing their rothies and you're like ha ha ha and I was like in my head I was like that's literally in my notes you should have gotten it by now I really it took me clearly way too long I mean add gullible as hell to your notes that was probably the nicest 30th birthday present ever in all of history I tried to include

as many things about you as I could. I need I'm I'm not trying to like to toot my own horn here. But do you know how hard it is to take everything you've ever done? I thought it'd be easy because we always say like, oh, you're basically a cryptid. You're basically a demon or like a lot of times I'll mention something and you're like, oh, I do that. And so stupid me. I was like, I don't even have to do research this time. It's going to take me an hour tops to just like insert creepy things christine does she's super sweaty but to make like this massive narrative where like there was like a like research society is following you was a real challenge i don't know how you did that i mean i don't know how you did that i really don't i never

want to do it again but it was a lot of fucking work i'm very proud of it i'm glad you liked it and i'm glad it makes me happy that you didn't catch on right away because like the the joke lingered long my god it was long it must have been half the story if at least it was i was definitely on the second page wow i'm so slow you guys i mean i wonder if anybody else figured it out way quicker than i did probably probably i probably i don't know but anyway happy birthday oh my god and Em, that was so fun. I was like crying. I had to keep covering my face because I was crying so hard. You are my favorite cryptid demon. I mean, even when you said it dances weirdly, I was like, that's crazy.

You were like Kermit the Frog and I was like, yes, like Kermit the Frog. Exactly, almost. Wow. And Kermit and their teeth. I can't. I'm can't i'm so slow i'm gonna listen to this again and just pound my head against a wall it's so embarrassing oh my god that was so sweet m i feel like i was at like a party and you were like reading a nice little speech about me oh by the way i will be reciting these notes verbatim at your eulogy one day if you go before me the funeral yeah i'll be like and through this cemetery oh originally we like eva was like maybe we shouldn't I will be reciting these notes verbatim at your eulogy one day if you go before me. I was going to say the funeral, yeah. I'd be like, and through this cemetery. Oh, originally Eva was like, maybe we shouldn't make it a cryptid.

Maybe we should just make it fully a ghost. Because then you can say that people often see them ever since they've been growing up in a cemetery. And it was so perfect. There's a lot of weird connections. It was so perfect that you grew up next to a cemetery. I'm mad at myself. I didn't find a way to insert that factoid. But whatever. I probably would have figured it out if you said I grew up next to a cemetery i'm mad at myself i didn't find a way to insert that factoid but whatever i probably would have figured it out if you said it grew up next to a cemetery i probably would have been like wait wait wait wait that's way too specific anyway that is hilarious um i just wow i can somebody please i hesitate to ask this

generally because it's just a lot but if somebody could illustrate this for me this this cryptid i would be so if you would be so if you would be so bold would you just send christine a picture of herself yeah okay fair yeah this doesn't need to be illustrated i'm looking that's why i didn't describe it very well i was like brown hair and then i know that i almost asked you in like about 10 minutes and i was almost like wait what does it look like again i almost asked you and i kept i really leaned into like the some reports even say that it might be the chupacabra because it's known to be have to be patchy like have bald spots i was like oh my god i am so slow and also you like how you collect items and they found it in a turtle shell i was talking about your like your louis like your your tortoise bat your turtle purse my my tortoise my large what was it my my

large tortoise oh my god yeah oh my god anyway enjoy finding all those little easter eggs later i'm gonna have to go listen to that again and just be so embarrassed oh my gosh you just made my day and you know what i know i said we can't have a pee break but you just made me literally almost pee my like actual in all seriousness practically pee my pants um so i'm gonna mute my microphone and go pee perfect and everyone can just look at this nice little um patrick stump figurine that blaze got me for my birthday perfect perfect now you can go also scream at blaze uh and be like how what the hell is the matter with you also he didn't send you that video did he no but i but it would be i really would like it i literally made him pinky swear to me that he

would not send it to anyone i really need it so he took a video of me sleeping the other day and my tongue was out and i was just like spitting everywhere okay we don't need to talk about okay but like it's my birthday also so i would like the video maybe for your 30th that will be your gift no okay okay i will be very quick i promise oh my god i'm just so i cannot believe that um you really got me good there i'm gonna have to facetime you later and just be like wait what the hell was that i'm not kidding renee really did send me something and i'm not like all of that the hell was that? I'm not kidding. Renee really did send me something. And I'm not like all of that. The whole legend that is Christine Schieffer, it was like within 20 minutes,

she was like, please hold and just wrote it up. Like she's been waiting for this moment her whole life. Because I was like, I saw her yesterday and she like referenced things that I told her yesterday. So clearly she was writing this on the fly. Dislikes, Kyle XY, as aspartame massages in florida's kentucky well that is its own horror story that i'll share on another episode but wow yeah that that lady made me watch kyle xy well anyway there you have it wow um you just got me really good there i was totally

flabbergasted oh my god um i really wish that i had like something super fun and awesome that's okay genius to share but like i don't because it would have been very weird if we were both if we were able to pull that off at the same and then everybody was like why are you both texting me these weird questions about each other yeah i clearly did not prepare like i said for our birthday episode and i assume you didn't either but clearly you did so i apologize uh i have a story of a literal massacre today so it's it's wholeheartedly the opposite of a fun birthday story okay um yeah I had these notes ready in advance and I didn't really plan when they were going to be aired. And you went ding, ding, ding. This is the perfect time.

This is the one. Oh, I will give you a fun fact, which is that I forgot to tell you at the beginning, which is that the baby is currently the size of a classic Game Boy and a packet of astronaut ice cream. Oh, that does make it fun when you make your baby sound like ice cream yeah 80s and 90s i finally figured out how to access the 80s and 90s fun facts so uh astronaut ice cream and is it the size of the pack of the ice cream or the ice cream itself because those are very different sizes the pack oh the container yes baby i know it's also the size of a maltese puppy and a spaghetti squash

and an ear of corn there's i have a lot of apps um does it have all of its body parts now is it just like swimming around in there has all of its body parts and it's somersaulting and kicking my butt it wakes up at 1 a.m so that's it it i don't know it but it wakes up at 1 a.m., so that's it. I don't know why I call it it, but it wakes up at 1 in the morning and decides it's time to do somersaults. That just sounds so not fun. Happy 30th, by the way. Thank you so much, Em. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be sober on that day.

It's been great. Thanks. Honestly, I think you really made up for it with that story i'm like i want to make everyone on my birthday let's sit down and listen to the episode as like a they're probably all going to because i asked for comments from each of them they all want to hear themselves uh in the show so your sister really was the first one to get back and just roasted you immediately i was like this is this is the energy i'm going for and then she went yeah well she just spilled a bunch of milk tea in my car so this let's consider this revenge I did do that I did did do that all over her brand it's

not a brand new car but it's a new car she just got her driver's license so oops my bad um anyways I uh if your sister is listening thank you for being so timely because everyone else waited a little bit longer but you came right at me you were prepared to say something so i like how my mom's probably listening going well she had a lot of homework and a lot of other your mom i was your mom was a trooper i said like hey can you just give me some like i asked everyone like oh what are some physical characteristics behaviors interests, interests? Like, what in your personal experience interacting with this cryptid, what have you noticed? And then she literally went like, oh, give me your email. And I got this huge email back with all this stuff. She wrote a dissertation once.

So she decides that everything is a new dissertation. It was very sweet. I do love that she has a great ability to roast and compliment someone at the same time by being like, sweet i thought she's a great sense of she has a great ability to roast and uh compliment someone at the same time by being like she really thought she was cool but i guess she's nice she's a sister also she's a great sister but also she terrorized us and also i love her very very much but she's confident but not but she's kind of sucks sometimes no it was very i did i did appreciate that there were at least some nice ones to like end on otherwise i was just gonna awkwardly be like and that's everyone roasting you that's the

roast um i mean i wouldn't have been surprised it's okay well i did like that geo said no comment i was like okay that's not surprising to me at all yeah he's probably like talk to my representation and i tried and maggie said, I don't. I'm also not interested. Gio and I are not interested in discussing this. We would like to take ourselves out of the narrative. Thank you. Oh, my gosh.

OK. Well, you guys, I wish I had a fun, sweet story. I don't. So this is the story of the Wichita Massacre. And it's really brutal and horrible. And just a downer and a half so god great okay i apologize if you have anything joyful to say during it and please let me know oh okay i'll try i'll try very hard to find something nice to say and joyful during a

massacre story yeah yeah so there i mean i know we don't necessarily do trigger warnings but i guess maybe i should try doing them i don't know i don't know i still don't know where to stand on this but because all the stories are just horrible and you don't want to pick and choose like yeah like do a blanket all of them should have a blanket statement exactly warning yeah um but there is sexual assault and gore okay uh some some kind of gore so if you're like eating maybe or something i don't know um it's nothing like the sylvia lichens like and not as graphic as that so oh that's good so at least there's that um okay so this takes place in wichita kansas it's the early hours of december 15th 2000 and it's 10 days until christmas there's a couple who have their Christmas lights up and

they are awakened by urgent knocking on the door. So they open the door and they see a woman there and she's completely naked, even though it's like 15 degrees out in Kansas in the wintertime. And on top of all this, she has a severe head wound and she's bleeding from her head. Oh my God. So according to the Oxygen documentary on this story, the couple invites her inside where she sobs and says, I need to tell you my story before I die. Oh my god. Wow. Happy birthday. It's your birthday. Happy birthday to you. Oh my gosh. Wow. Let's all just like remember the time when like there was a cryptid in the woods losing all of their favorite collections.

Like I if I play this actually for someone to listen on my birthday, I'm going to be like hard stop right at the end of the story. We're not going any further. Yeah. So the night before December 14, 2000, this woman, 25 year old teacher known as Holly G on court records, 25-year-old teacher known as Holly G on court records had gone to spend the night with her boyfriend, 26-year-old Jason Bayford. I'm not really sure how to pronounce it. And he was an Augusta High School science teacher and a coach. And he lived at 12727 East Birchwood Drive. So Holly goes to visit Jason, her boyfriend, and she's going to spend the night there. Jason had two housemates bradley haka who was a 27 year old financial analyst and aaron sander a 29 year old student of the priesthood i don't know if there's a better way to say that but that one sounds fancy

student of the priesthood so like in like ministry school or something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like presumably on the path to becoming a priest so holly which is interesting because we mentioned his ex-girlfriend comes over later so i i like wonder if it's because he's now like i'm celibate now uh-huh yeah yeah or late a late bloomer into the gospel maybe as they say as they say a late bible bloomer you know how they are only bible bloomer that's fun um i like that so so he lives wait a minute wait a minute belated bible bloomer wait yeah yes belated bible bloomer what did you what did we say the we a late bible bloomer i wanted the alliteration i got it belated bible bloomer that's pretty good that's

pretty good um i thought when you yelled wait a minute that you're gonna be like is this about me and i was gonna be like no i'm sorry am i a student of the priesthood wait a minute i asked linda anything that she could tell me and she said m's pretty much a priest yeah it checks out very religious i am a saint very saintly religious oh my god okay so holly and her schnauzer nikki got to the house at 8 30 p.m although her boyfriend wasn't home yet um he was still coaching basketball so she chilled out with bradley and aaron and they were soon joined by aaron's former girlfriend heather mueller a 25 year old wichita wichita state university graduate and church preschool teacher so i thought that was interesting they were in a relationship and then split up but they're clearly still friends and she teaches church preschool

and he teaches like sunday school i guess and he he's becoming a priest got it i don't know interesting interesting dynamic there i imagine so at around 9 p.m., Holly went down to her boyfriend's room to grade papers and watch ER. Very sweet. Yes. As she waited for Jason to arrive. And he did so at 9.15. So Holly went to bed around 10 and Jason went, pulled a Christine, went to all the doors

and windows to do the classic, like, just lock check, make sure everything's closed. And the whole house except jason headed to sleep with aaron sleeping on the sofa his former girlfriend heather taking his bed in the second floor and bradley heading to his room in the basement so the only person awake was jason who had just gotten home at 9 15 okay so a little after 11 holly remembers seeing the porch lights turn on and then she hears shouting she could hear jason's voice accompanied by two unknown voices and as the screaming got closer to the door of jason's bedroom where holly was sleeping she heard it being forced open by two men who had a hold of jason oh shit this is a very dark story. Oh, my God. Yes.

It would later be revealed that the two men were Jonathan and Reginald Carr. They were brothers, and they had recently moved to Wichita. And as one of the men pulled the covers off the bed to reveal Holly, the other left the room and returned, bringing Aaron Sander at gunpoint. So the brothers demanded the group tell them who else was in the house, and Holly revealed that Bradley and Heather were also in the house as well. One of the intruders went off and grabbed Bradley and Heather out of their bedrooms and dragged them so they were all together in the same room. Then the five hostages were stripped of their clothing and ordered to give over any money or valuables they had. They didn't have much. I mean, they were like young. They had like mostly used credit cards. They didn't have much cash or many valuables on them but they handed over what they had and were then okay well i'll get to where they were placed in a moment but holly remembers they were just

shouting and very demanding one of the men asked have any atm cards and we all raised our hands so now they've kind of told the intruders like we don't have valuables on us but we do have basically cash out of atms that you can access so with that the car brothers threw the five hostages into the bedroom closet all together before pulling them out one by one or in pairs to force them to perform sexual acts on each other at gunpoint and in in between that they would beat them with a golf club oh my god oopsies oh my god story for this week i'm so sorry this is really in a uh quite a roller coaster of yeah experiences it just gets worse and worse so the gunman then put the victims back

into the closet and the plan soon became apparent that reginald would take the victims out one by one to drive to an atm and take out each person's cash so reginald took bradley first to a nearby atm and during this time jonathan took holly out of the closet and raped her and when bradley returned jason was next to go off to the atm and during this time jonathan raped heather oh my god it's so bad it's so bad it's so bad it's so bad so as bradley was now in the closet having been to the atm holly and aaron were like basically whispering to him being like what should we do like what he took you to the atm and he's about to take us like what what should we do what's the plan like should we and uh apparently bradley was so traumatized that he was just silent and like shaking and just

couldn't even answer did any um assault sexual assault happen to him um not directly only like that they were being forced to perform it on each other sure but the but the the two brothers weren't doing they did not no guys okay just holly and heather okay so when reginald returned with jason holly was next to go with reginald and as they were leaving the house he only allowed her to put on a sweater like no underwear no pants nothing just a sweater and she drove the car to a bank during which he told her not to look at him as he crouched in the back seat and she would later testify i asked him if he was going to hurt us and he said no i said do you promise you're not going to kill us and he said yes all i'm going to say is he's a big

fat liar wow so after getting the money from ATM, apparently Reginald said to her that he wished we could have met under different circumstances. He said I was cute and we probably would have hit it off. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. OK. Disgusting.

Wow. That's horrific. Yeah. Yeah. This is like next level horrific. So when they returned, the Carr brothers had accumulated $1,600 from each of their hostages, which I assume is probably like the limit on the ATM or something. Ah, okay.

Because it's a very specific number. Yeah. Then Holly and Heather were both raped again repeatedly by Reginald and Jonathan. And after this, the Carr brothers turned over the house looking for money and anything of value. And they did find in a coffee can an engagement ring that was hidden there okay that's awful that's just beyond um I hate it sorry I'm muting for a moment I think maybe M's birthday gift has arrived what wonderful timing oh my gosh finally I needed an up because yeah talk about a deflation of my of my emotions of your birthday happiness yeah i really uh didn't plan this through and i apologize uh

oh my gosh and how this was in 2000 this whole thing yes 2000 wow just beyond just beyond horrid um so i'm gonna keep just uh going here folks so i'm sorry if your dog is upset by geo's barking but um don't show biz baby right we both say stupid cliches oh my god um okay so they found an engagement ring in a coffee can and it turns out jason had been planning to propose to holly the following week and that was the engagement ring in a coffee can and it turns out jason had been planning to propose to holly the following week and that was the engagement ring he had bought for her and when the ring was discovered holly remembered jason leaning over to her and saying that's for you i was going to ask you to marry me oh my god i know that part makes me cry wow whoa and, I'll figure it out. On the way, I was going to ask a question, but I have a hunch I'm going to figure it out. It's okay.

I'll probably tell you, but if not, let me know. So around 2 a.m., the Carr brothers led the five victims outside into the 17 degree temperature, which in Celsius is negative eight for anyone who uses the proper measurement of temperatures. And it was snowing. They were all naked apart from the women who were allowed to wear a sweater each. In Aaron's Honda and Jason's truck, the group drove off into the night, eventually pulling up an empty striker soccer complex, which basically at this point was just an empty snowy soccer field in the middle of the night. OK.

So the group was told to line up, turn away, and kneel. Oh, my God. Fuck. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. So as they did as they were told, Holly, who was kneeling next to her, oh, hi, Gio, are you done down there?

He just walked up and stared at me like, hey. He could sense my tension through the computer he was like jesus i'll go up here fine he probably was like i just did a great thing and barked for 10 minutes aren't you proud of me m's birthday gift is here thank you geo you did great well he looks pretty damn proud of himself so uh okay sorry so they were forced to the soccer complex they were told to kneel and turn away from the two brothers as they did as they were told holly was kneeling next to her boyfriend and she heard the first gunshot she then heard a second that was closer and a third

next to her and then they shot her in the head and she essentially they were all shot in the head execution style so she remembered later i felt the bullet hit the back of my head it went kind of gray with white like stars i wasn't knocked unconscious i didn't fall forward then someone kicked me and i had fallen forward i was playing dead i didn't move i didn't want them to shoot me again holly lay in the snow as the gunman hopped back into one of the cars drove over the bodies and then drove off wow holly survived this like like forever or only until they got to forever wow so she's she's with us still whoa my god that moment of like no i can't imagine that moment of like okay

i've been shot in the head and i need to pretend to be dead now well it's like at any moment i'm gonna die now like like i would imagine i there's i wouldn't even think like oh you made it i would think oh this is just what death is like it's just gonna happen i'm in the process right exactly oh my god and um oh horrible horrible so uh according to an article in mental floss medical personnel later determined that the metal barrette in holly's hair had deflected the bullet's impact and had saved her life wow her hair clip it's so fucking weird every time you talk about someone surviving a wild horrible experience it's always the tiniest time you talk about someone surviving a wild, horrible experience, it's always the tiniest thing that is like all of a sudden bulletproof for that moment.

Yeah. Or something wild that like ends up. Was it the Night Stalker recently you did? And like it was like his phone or something. She like put up her hand or something. And was it her phone? Yeah, it was something. Or car keys.

Her car keys. Her car keys. car keys her car keys are you fucking kidding like what in the world i'm just trying to think i'm like maybe i should just run around wearing like 85 accessories at all times i was like i just want to go to claire's and buy a thousand hair clips and just put them all over me oh my god like can you imagine like i would to know that you were that like you were literally hair clipped close to death completely and I mean I hate when they say this in shows like I've been watching a lot of SVU and it drives me crazy when like some a survivor of something like this is in the hospital and they

say you're one very lucky person and it's like okay right like I'm lucky that my breath saved me but I'm not lucky that i've been shot in the head you know it's like right yeah i'm in what i'm very lucky in a very specific way but all the other ways i am not clearly having a good day like yeah this isn't something to applaud uh yeah i don't know why that always read me the wrong way maybe it's just me being overly sensitive it's entirely possible but um i hesitate to say she was very lucky because it's like no she was she was very lucky at the very bitter end and like yeah like one moment of this terribly unlucky experience maybe was very lucky but in a sea of bad luck and a sea of horrible experiences yes

you had a silver exactly i think maybe that's like a more succinct way or a more overarching way of putting it so i mean i guess at the end of the day you are still alive but also like now you're alive with this horrific trauma for the rest of your life something that could have just been totally avoided yeah if two people hadn't done this to you yeah so this is kind of where it's a little bit gory um so holly said i waited until i couldn't hear anymore then i turned and then i turned my head and saw lights going. I looked at everyone. Everyone was face down.

Jason was next to me. I rolled him over. There was blood squirting everywhere. So I took my sweater off and tied it around his head to try and stop it. He had blood coming out of his eyes. Oh my God. So, and remember she was only allowed to wear a sweater. So she took off the one piece of clothing she had tied it around him.

Right. And then she said, I needed to get help and fast. So arguably the last conversation they ever had was him saying, I was going to give you Yes. I mean, it's like it's horrible. You can't make this shit up. It's like out of a movie. So she obviously knew she needed to get help stat.

She wearing nothing and with a literal bullet wound through her head uh walked for a mile across the field a pond and a construction site towards shit yeah in the in 16 degree weather toward the christmas lights she saw in the distance so that's why i mentioned earlier that this couple who had christmas lights up heard knocking on their door because she like from a mile followed Christmas lights she saw in the distance and was able to get to this house to call for help wow that was probably like a beacon like you imagine like otherwise not knowing where you are and just going in the wrong direction and dying like completely like wandering into the woods who

knows I mean you're on a soccer field she had to walk through a pond and a construction site. Like, there's no lights or people there. So, yeah, thank God she saw something. So after a long trek in the snow, literally over a mile, she eventually arrived at this couple's house and told them her story. And she only let them call the police after she finished the story. I think she just wanted to make sure everything was out before they got paramedics. And I don't know. It was just very important to her that apparently when he first started calling 911, she grabbed the phone and said, I just need to tell you my story before I die.

Wow. She was like, I probably don't have a lot of time. Like, don't waste your time on an ambulance. Just let me tell you what happened first. Exactly. So she told them what happened. And it was only after she finished that she let them call the police i read the 9-1-1 transcript um you can find it online it's pretty hidden

somebody it's not available anymore but somebody had copy and pasted it into like a google groups forum or something somewhere um it's really upsetting obviously and it's you know the operator basically just asking a bunch of questions and it sounds frustrating because or feels frustrating because you're reading it and going she has a bullet wound in her head like get an ambulance but like they had already called the ambulance but the operator needs to get as much information right so the operator's going like how tall was he the guy's like yeah and he has a bullet wound i totally get both sides of like totally trained to stay calm but like also this guy is like yo like you better haul ass right now

is naked on my couch and she's dying and she's bleeding and so they'll be like so what happened and she screamed like they shot me in the head and she's like i know or the operator's like i know the ambulance should be there any second and it was there like within moments so it wasn't like you know but it's just like why are you so calm there's so much chaos happening it's so it's so like when you're not in the situation nice to know that someone will remain calm but when it's happening it's like can you fucking like read the room my guy like we are in danger and like you have to probably have such a head on your shoulders to be able to be that person to say can you just tell me how tall he was like who you saw what address it was and she was answering all these questions she's like it

was 127 27 east whatever drive um and she was answering all the questions but like to be that operator to be like okay i know you were shot in the head but tell me i mean the poor dispatch probably went home later and took a stiff drink that's what i think is like you must have a cool head and then have to be able to like let that go somewhere else completely i mean that's a lot that's a lot of pressure so anyway so they uh so she lets them call the police um she then asked them to call her mother, her boyfriend's parents. And then she started to wonder and worry about the kids that she taught at school, saying, who's going to take care of the kids? And they're like, please do not worry about that now. Further proof, by the way, that teachers are definitely not paid well.

Definitely not paid enough. No, teachers deserve the world. And thank you also to 911 dispatchers. yes yes oh my gosh um so as part of the so sorry the police arrived they questioned her briefly uh which included asking information to help find jason's truck and she literally was like it's a two-door silver honda like she was with it like she was on top of it and so she probably also thought like i'm about to die like yes the adrenaline was probably out of sight being i can't imagine even if you're in pain like be as alert as possible right now because this is your only shot yeah the only

indication during that whole thing was she said like my head hurts and i'm like yeah girl it's like i sure bet so like etc doesn't fix in this one oh my god yeah so i just was so impressed at everybody's everybody in this situation even the couple who basically like sat her down and were my god handling this in the middle of the night but so they asked um her for information and they were able to help find jason's truck uh she was then rushed to the hospital and as part of the investigation into the quadruple murder police discovered that the brothers had returned to the first crime scene so the house ransacked the home for valuables and as documented by the investigator conducting the

autopsy they killed holly's dog i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i mean i'm not surprised but it really didn't have to happen at all i know it's just it's just terrible um especially and holly is the one that's alive right exactly yeah so like you're like hopefully i at least have to go i have my dog to go home too after this nope um yeah and i want to have a really awful birthday this is you just have to picture em saying that with their glow sticks on their head looking down it's the saddest thing i've ever seen em i owe you the world oh my god i owe you the fucking world this is horrible it's okay this is horrible oh fuck me okay um so at seven so well while we're in it i'm just gonna tell you another horrible thing that happened so

so i read the 911 transcript and that was where i learned this information which is that holly said when she she was talking to the operator through the guy at the house and she said um my boyfriend was alive when i left someone needs to go check on him so like when she checked and put the sweater on him and she was like he was still breathing um and he didn't for the record he did not survive but just that moment of like maybe he made because it reminded me of when you said like hey maybe the dog survived like well even still like like she probably had a hunch he wasn't gonna make it but there is that hope and also like i can't imagine the moral struggle i or i don't know like leaving him behind of leaving him behind being like if i don't leave i can't get us

help but if i leave and you're alone and scared and alive then like exactly that must just have been like to want to be there traumatic to be there in case he did die and you don't want him to die alone but also you need to go save yourself but there's like that choice you have to make and then and potentially save him too if you get help right um so yeah it must have just been horrific so unfortunately she was the only one who survived but i mean fortunately she did survive so at 7 30 that morning the truck was reported to have been spotted outside a downtown apartment building the police moved in to seal off the area and two officers knocked on the door to the apartment and after several

minutes stephanie donnelly who was reginald's girlfriend opened the door police caught reginald as he tried to slip out a window and with him he had heather's watch in his pocket along with jason's credit card and nearly a thousand dollars in cash so like caught red-handed and through his girlfriend stephanie police were able to find jonathan by tracking his car a plymouth fury and after a short chase he was arrested at 12 p.m jon Jonathan's leather jacket was found with a diamond ring in one of its pockets, which was reportedly similar to the one Jason had bought to propose to Holly. And remember, she hadn't even seen it yet. So like.

Right. She couldn't confirm that was the one. Has she now seen it? I assume so. Because it was part of evidence. I can't imagine seeing it for the first time and knowing like the person who's supposed to give this to me is dead it's like it's completely different memory is now attached to this one thing completely it's just i mean it's just bad it's so bad there's not even

like words to it it's just so bad so let's go to reginald and jonathan they are brothers last name car they're aged 22 and 20 they had recently moved from Dodge City, Kansas to Wichita, and this was not even the first of their crimes since moving here. They'd actually started a week earlier on December 8th when 23-year-old Andrew Schreiber, a Wichita State University baseball player, was getting gas at a convenience store. And as he was returning to his car, the Carr brothers forced themselves into it and ordered him to drive to various ATMs to withdraw money and once the card finally began to be rejected they forced him to drive to a field where they dragged him out of his car pistol whipped him shot out his

tires and then sped away in their own car so they left him alive and when they described this in the documentary i watched they were saying that he they were saying that he was sitting there on his knees similar to how the other group later died um and he heard a gunshot and he was obviously his first assumption is i've been shot but it turns out they just shot out his tires oh so that must have just been so traumatic the trauma wow so he was left alive four days later on the 11th of december the carr brothers had attempted to hijack an suv that belonged to 55 year old linda walenta um she had noticed a car following her so when the driver approached she was suspicious he was seemingly asking for help so she rolled her window down just a crack but she was suspicious.

But don't even do that, folks, because he stuck a gun sideways into the opening and shot her several times as she tried to drive away. She was a librarian and a cellist in the Wichita Symphony Orchestra and a mother. She at first survived the shooting but was paralyzed from the waist down, and she was able to help police in the investigation, but she died of her wounds three weeks later. Oh my god. Wow. These are just true monsters. Monsters. Monsters. And it's fascinating to hear their backstory because the way that this kind of developed between the brothers is like fascinating too.

The way that this kind of developed between the brothers is like fascinating too that they had like loving parents and everything. But then they had a little sister who died of leukemia and I guess it like really traumatized them both in different ways. And then their parents became really distant when their sister died and that caused more developmental issues. They started drinking at like age 11 or something like really young and started smoking and drinking and doing drugs and like to the point that it hindered their development and it's just it's just a tragic story all around but the police were able to link the attack on mrs walenta the shooting of schreiber's tires and the murder of holly's friends once they found the gun and it was a 380 caliber semi-automatic handgun found in a field along route 96 the brothers were both arrested on december 16 2000 and holly andrew schreiber and linda walenter of walenta all

identified them in a line so the car trial was set to begin on September 9th, 2001, but was delayed by defense maneuvering because the defense launched a poll in Sedgwick County, which revealed that 74% of county residents thought that the cars were, quote, definitely guilty or probably guilty. And the defense argued that the cars would not be able to get a fair trial. But the judge overruled this and the trial was set to continue and then because each of the brothers had their own lawyer the defense urged separate urge for separate trials saying like well each brother's lawyer is just going to try to pin it on the other brother okay but according to an article by steven webster prosecutor nola fulston pointed out that many people accused of committing crimes

together are tried together and since the trial is expected to last a month and involve 70 witnesses two trials was out of the question it would be too much expense too inconvenient we're going to keep both brothers in one trial also a question i don't know if you'll know this at all probably not but go for it in terms of trials when they like find out like that the demographic is that they wouldn't that someone wouldn't get a fair trial why does that matter like if you're caught red-handed and like like like ted bundy or something or like you know like a some sort of notorious murderer like like charles manson like there's a i have a hunch he would have quote not had a fair trial because most people thought he was right. That's part of the that ends up being a problem a lot of times because of the media and because in a trial they want you like certain evidence admissible, certain evidence is not supposed to be considered by the jury.

So best case scenario is that the jury doesn't know much, if at all, about what happened so that they can only take the facts given to them and make a decision based on that. But obviously with high profile cases like Ted Bundy, that becomes more difficult. because a lot of times in like a small town where everybody knows what happened or he has heard on the media that they know that you know what happened they will move the case to a different county or a different city got it okay try and find like a i was gonna ask like what how do you avoid that they move the trial typically got it okay to try and find a less biased area i mean even like when blaze was in that murder trial uh as a as a juror not like yeah you know mr l was discussing the shifter a little too crazy alexander loves to make that joke like yeah anyway but so when blaze was a juror on that murder trial he was describing it later as like they asked you if they asked the jurors everything from you know

questions about their opinions on race about sex workers about like anything that might be pertinent and if you have like a skewed perspective or a really strong opinion about police or sex workers or you know things like that they yeah they can argue to kick you off the jury because they're like this person's already biased right and so anyway that's that's all i know about it is that they try to find people who know less about the case so anyway they decided to do the trial both of them together so either way they decided even if the lawyers did try to blame the other's clients what would essentially happen is that at least the jury would get more information from both sides and learn about their criminal records.

So they just decided to keep it that way. In reference to the Department of Correction website and blog True Crime Discussions, quote, Jonathan did not appear to have a past criminal history or at least not one that had sent him to actual prison. Reginald, however however had two prior convictions one was in 95 for theft and assault and another was in 96 for possession of drugs and he had been released that year in 2000 for those crimes and when you hear about their relationship jonathan is kind of the one that follows the leader so to speak and reginald is kind of like the boss in that way the alpha and. And Jonathan is the one who decided to let the soccer player live. Uh-huh. Schreiber, Andrew Schreiber.

Right. Decided to kind of let him survive because he just had more of a moral struggle with this whole thing, I guess. So the trial began on October 7th and lasted just short of a month and by november 4th the jury returned after a 14-hour deliberation reginald carr 24 who was in shackles after reportedly threatening deputies and jonathan carr the younger one who was 22 were with their attorneys as the verdicts were read as guilty so each brother faced the same 47 counts for the nine-day crime spree reginald faced an additional three counts for being possession in possession of a firearm and finally on november 15th the carr brothers were sentenced to death okay got it but it was

not as simple as that because there had been an ongoing deliberate of course it's not um an ongoing deliberation because there had been a lot of ruling surrounding the Kansas death penalty law. And it had gotten all the way to like high court as far as death penalty cases. And in 2004, the Kansas Supreme Court overturned the state's death penalty law. But then it was appealed and went to the U.S. Supreme Court and they reinstated the death penalty. and went to the u.s supreme court and they reinstated the death penalty so people on death row were kind of being put on and off death row this entire time depending on supreme court rulings it was like just back and forth back and forth okay so according to kansas.com on july 24th 2014 the kansas supreme court announced it had overturned the death sentences of the carr brothers

they said they did so because the original trial judge hadn't separated the proceedings for each defendant. So now the the sixth justice majority who voted to to overturn the death sentence said like they really should have gotten separate trials. Even though that was like out of the question originally. So the judge who originally presided over the case had decided to do them together but now the kansas uh supreme court was like several years later was like that was not the way to go and the judge had passed by this point so there was no way to like there's no retrial bring him into the situation um no since the verdict had already been made so they said they should have been separated.

And they unanimously reversed three of each of the defendants for capital convictions because apparently they also believe the jury didn't get enough instruction on sex crime based capital murder charges. Oh, whatever that means. So essentially they were saying the jury didn't get enough guidance on how to deal with this kind of a case. And so we're just throwing it out. So Sarah Ellen Johnson, an attorney representing Jonathan Carr, called the original proceedings filled with errors to the point that it wasn't a fair trial. That being said, she's his attorney, so she's probably going to say that. And the high court upheld most of the convictions against each of the brothers, despite all these quote unquote errors. Basically, they said that the reason the brothers should have gotten separate trials is because they had a difference in moral culpability. Because one didn't want them to die and one did right like essentially they're saying two people even if they commit crimes

together typically have different levels of involvement different levels of like passion yeah exactly like like involvement with a crime or commitment to the crime and so they basically said like they're not the same person they should have gotten two separate trials which i think does make sense yeah um for example they were also saying that if you put the defendants together in one trial this sometimes can cause a jury to show mercy to one while refusing to show mercy to the other and that could be problematic because then like one of them becomes the perpetrator and then the other one kind of it lessens the culpability on that person. Yeah. Anyway, they were still already sentenced to serve at least 70 to 80 years in prison.

So it was more of a matter of death penalty than they were going to get out of jail, if that makes sense. Right. according to a USA Today article, the United States Supreme Court in an eight to one ruling reinstated the death sentence, overturning the Kansas Supreme Court ruling that neither the jury instructions or the combined sentencing proceedings were violating the Constitution back on death row. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Yeah. And the most talk about an emotional roller coaster all over the story. Bananas. And the most recent article was from a week ago like literally may 25th oh my gosh it's like holy shit what's the new what's the what's the 411 here's the 411 uh on may 5th 25th 2021 um on kansas.com the article explains that the case is now back in the kansas high court

in an effort to appeal the death sentence i see so they've gone back and forth back and forth back and forth and now the their attorneys are trying to get them back off of death row wow but they're there for now at least as of a week ago they are still on death row i want to briefly touch on there's only a little bit left here but i want to touch on the kind of racial issues that surround this case which are pretty major so according to a blog called true crime discussions there were white people who were angry that the carr brothers who by the way were black were not charged with hate crimes because their victims were white oh fuck off okay yeah that deserves all of the um oy vey eye roll face palm yeah fucking all of it sit down uh reactions so they're i mean sorry like they don't deserve to be defended no no no most ways but also like that's not what this is

but that's not a fair and we'll get into that even a little bit more here because uh years after the crimes the wichita eagle made a striking comment about how the deaths of four young black people who had been murdered eight days before the Carr brother Wichita massacre received notably less media coverage. So there had been a massacre. That's what they're calling this one, a massacre eight days earlier of four black people in the area. And that got no press, you know, virtually. And so it's kind of like you can't just say it's a hate crime to like they're they're in j i mean they've been punished for this crime it's heinous nobody's defending them on that front but like still a massacre like you already

won in terms of like yes hating them you don't have to like turn it into something else if it's not exactly like that's not what this issue is so uh this was in reference to the horrible crimes of 19 year old cornelius oliver um who was black himself who had killed his girlfriend 18 year old rayshonda wheaton her roommate 17 year old dessa ford 19 year old germaine levy and 18 year old quincy williams he had shot the group in the back of their heads while they sat on the couch so again just a full-on execution style massacre and this happened eight days before and fucking nothing yeah nothing cornelius oliver is serving a life sentence after being convicted of the four murders and although the nature is that the crimes were different in that like the carr brothers were choosing random victims and in the Oliver case he knew

the victims the fact that and also the I will say too the Oliver case didn't have the elements of torture or rape that the Carr brothers case had it was still a very similar situation in terms of like four people had been executed sure so the four so Wheaton Ford Levy and Williams have been dubbed the forgotten four because of how their case fell under the radar and according to the true crime discussions blog black people noticed that the car case received more attention because it was a black on white crime and that the white victims were held to a higher esteem is what has been theorized right for obvious reasons and uh the cut this is a pretty sad note candace reed who was dessa and quincy's

cousin who were two of the forgotten four victims she commented quote i talked to one member of city council who had lived in wichita for 33 years and didn't know what i was talking about but the minute i mentioned the carr brothers he knew about that so it's just like you know it just adds another element of like fucking a it's just like on know it just adds another element of like fucking a it's just like on top of everything else it makes you just want to go like really yeah and it's just so yeah really exactly i do have one like positive note at the end here which is that um holly g and i don't want to share her last name because on most court records it's not revealed sure yeah um She's the only.

She's been through enough. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. Enough for many, many lifetimes. Yes. She's going to come back as a saint. I was about to say.

A queen. I don't know. A queen and have everyone serve her for the rest of her next 10 lives. Oh, my gosh. I sure hope so. So Holly G, the only survivor of the massacre and andrew schreiber the baseball player who had been left out in the field by the carr brothers they connected during the trial and got married in 2004 wow i know and now they're married and i did some light stalking i'm not going to

tell anyone out of access or anything and the profile is private but um from what i can tell on her instagram they have two children together oh so that's nice wow well i'm i'm glad and like so much dark like so much darkness at least something you know came through yeah exactly but still that's wow happy birthday it's your birthday i i don't have any as geo said earlier no comment so no comment i'm so sorry i uh none of my stories were ever fun really that one wasn't particularly brutal but that one was like painfully rough yeah that one yeah i understand why you struggled with whether or not there should be a content warning uh yeah you know it's just like especially after especially in comparison to what you had just done i was like oh dear okay they were definitely two very different genres weren't they yeah probably the most two most different genres that you could imagine yeah

i am very excited for you to go back and listen to uh the first half my story yeah and i would like to like a live texting of you realizing oh it'll happen okay perfect oh well thank you everyone for coming to our birthday extravaganza i hope you're as depressed as we are now you're gonna need to add more addendums to my story, to your story of me. Like she just likes to put everyone in a foul mood. Yeah. And that's why we drink. Why do you drink?

It was because it's my birthday. And now it's like, because this was my birthday. This was your birthday present. This was the gift. What a, what a, can I return it? Where's the receipt? I forgot. I lost the gift receipt in the woods on my way to my nest.

All right. Well, thank you, everybody. And please, since it's our birthday week and the beginning of our birthday month, please go celebrate and have fun and think of us while you get ice and drunk. Please drink on my behalf. I want to drink vicariously. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And we'll talk to you next week. That's... Why? We why we celebrate our birthdays. Drink! Yay!