And That's Why We Drink - E23 A Demon Named Adele and Oceans 11:06

Episode Date: July 9, 2017

In episode 23, Christine sees her first ghost (but her second proposal). We also have a special guest…and find out Em is a reverend!Em tells the story of Roland Doe/Robert Mannheim, which inspired the one and only Exorcist. It’s full of demons, priests, and blood, AKA it’s a mess and a half. On the plus side, we learn some Latin! Meanwhile, Christine tells the story of George Joseph Smith, the perpetrator of the infamous Bathtub Brides Murders. Prepare to be mesmerized by his “baby little beady creepy eyes.” And that's why we drink!

It happened because I was, or I found out because I was trying to climb a hill in Greece and I like fell over. As you do. As you do. I fell over and they were like, something's wrong. So, to answer your question, yes, I am anemic. What's up? Okay, today in the studio we have Al Pal, my college roommate, whose name is Allison, but I call her Al Pal. She is a Patreon donator on Team Wine, and she is also here because she was in Tanzania for a while and is doing a cross-country tour of the U.S. to visit friends. And she and I met in San Diego, where neither of us had ever been. And then she came down to L.A. with me. And she's here to tell a fun little story about our time in San Diego that Em has not heard yet.

I have not heard. But I know exactly where they went, because if anyone follows me on Twitter, they saw me have a bit of an anxiety attack about it. A 12-tweet-worth anxiety attack. Okay, so Christine and I met in San Diego, and we were looking up things to do and saw that the Whaley House was in San Diego, so we both got really overexcited. Over, way over. Yeah, as I would have had I been there. Sure. There was some jumping up and down and, you know, general excitement.

Did you guys know it was going to be there at all, or did you just, you stumbled upon it like I did? I also forgot. We were on Google, like, looking stuff up. Okay, okay. We were just Googling. And then what was even more exciting was that that night, they do this once-monthly ghost hunting tour. Oh, tour oh my god like with equipment and everything yeah with the real legit stuff not for the tourists you know i'm so jealous people i'm so jealous so allison was like i'm gonna call and uh see if they have any availability so she calls

and they're like well actually we have a wait list and you're like sixth and sixth party in line and it's been booked for a long time because they sell out right away. So we were all devastated. And then we went to lunch. And it was delicious. What if that was our whole show? I was like, you fuckers. So, well, before you went to lunch, we put our name down. Sure.

My name down on the wait list. And then we went to lunch, we sat down, we ordered tacos, and then I said, Christine, on the way over, I thought of an idea. She's like, my cousin does this thing where she and her husband pretend that they just got engaged to get into places or, like, free stuff.

Right, right, right. Like that Friends episode. So she's like, I was like, well, I have a ring. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's the only ingredient you need basically to pretend to be me. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Did you guys actually think you were dating? Oh my God. Well, what happened was that we both drank a couple drinks at lunch because we were nervous

and hatched a plan. I'm so excited. It went through a lot of stages. What happened? Tell me. It evolved, then it devolved, then it evolved, then it just totally devolved. Well, our first plan was we're going to pretend we just got engaged and we're going to run in and be like, oh my God, we just got engaged.

We really, like, it's our dream to go on this tour. Is there anything you can do? Right. That sounds basically like how it should have gone. Right. So that was the original plan. Okay. engaged we really like it's our dream to go on this tour is there anything you can do right that sounds bait that sounds basically like how it should have gone right so that was the original plan okay it didn't go anything like that so so we're like that's a good idea and then we're just talking and talking and talking and then alice goes what if i proposed right there on the spot shut the fuck up then they have to believe it. Oh my God. Oh,

that's a great idea. Cause your word isn't golden enough. I love it. Right. So then we came up with this entire plan where she was going to propose outside, right. Of the Whaley house and people were going to see it and be like, Oh wow. And then we were going to, I don't know. And they would have to bump you up. Yeah, exactly. I got you. What happened there? That was maybe our best plan. but then for some reason we backed out because it was too scary so we were afraid that we were going to stage this whole proposal and everyone would just kind of walk by on the street like not paying attention oh yeah what a crusher yeah I know I

didn't want me my heart to be broken like that so then we decided that we would take it a step back and that, um, one of us, me would, uh, go in and tell them that I wanted to propose that night. But with this whole backstory about how I just gotten back from being out of the country and I couldn't book the tickets in advance. Um, Oh my God.

And that this place was really special to her, which it is. This is slowly becoming the greatest love story of my entire life this is so cool that's basically our friendship is the greatest love story uh did that happen so then oh my god so we were like oh and i was like that is the best plan yet mostly because i didn't have to do anything so I was like well I have the ring so I was like okay so you go in tell them how much like this means to me whatever so she we had this plan where she was going to go in tell them we had we were on the wait list but it was really important that we get on this tour

and um and that she wanted to propose to me on the ghost tour so then what a great proposal by the way i know that would be an awesome proposal we were so ready for it you're ready to take that next step i'm not joking we spent like six and a half hours just planning we created an entire backstory which was based in reality based in truth as the best lies are yes exactly we met in college we were roommates um she went abroad for a long time. We were long distance. It was all true. It was.

There's just a romantic choice. She had me practice. We held hands all day walking through San Diego. How was that for you? Oh, God. Because the first time we tried to hold hands, it was like, who goes in front? What are we doing? Oh, my gosh.

We tried so hard. And we're like, we can't look like this on the tour. We'll look like fools. So then we planned this elaborate proposal and we're like we can't look like this on the tour we'll look like fools so then we plan this elaborate uh proposal and we were so nervous so we're like okay we got to just do this and if they say yes then we'll plan the actual proposal part right so that wait sorry that didn't stop us from planning the actual proposal part that's Yeah, it was already a solid plan. Oh, we had the whole thing planned out. I was also going to get help from the people there

and say, like, oh, the beginning, the middle, the end. Where do you want it to happen? Will the ghosts be like, congratulations? Or what? We even considered having it go through, like, one of the readers or whatever, like, will you marry me? Oh, my God. There's so many opportunities

for this to have been the greatest proposal alive. I know. So we went through, oh man. The whole day. We spent the whole day doing this. And then we realized,

Allison was like, you know, we haven't actually, we haven't seen each other in years and we haven't actually caught up yet. We've just, we've created an entire backstory. Based on technically a lie. Yeah.

And we haven't even told each other what we've been doing for the last two years we literally were like hi how's it going let's get married um and then i was very concerned that they were gonna like want proof so i downloaded all the pictures of us together that have ever been taken onto my phone you really like took another picture together just in case your alibi is impeccable we worked so hard we did so then we're like let's go and ask so we had we were like we'll finally have to get it over with so we went to the whaley house yes i was like we were both panicking oh my god yeah this is when christine split off and was like good luck bye and i was like sweating and i could feel my face getting all pressures on you my heart was like beating really

fast as if i were about to propose to someone i kept saying use it use the nervousness says the improv actor well so i went in sweating all red and talked to this woman at the desk. And I was like, I know you're booked for tonight. I know this is my fault and I should have planned this better. But I want to tell you that I'm in love. Oh, my God. And I want to propose tonight. And my girlfriend's across the street at the soap store.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Where all the good ones are. And this place is really special to her. This haunted house is really special to her. To what happened? And I was like, I'm going to propose tonight at the end of this tour. That's what I want to do.

And I know that it's full, but I'm wondering if there's any possible way that you can make room for two extra. And I could see the sparkle in her eye oh my god and she she like really i felt really bad because she really felt my pain my imaginary pain and she tried so hard she called her manager over and the manager was some cold-hearted woman who didn't never found love, never got proposed to. And I retold her this story. And this woman I told first was looking at her like, please, like anything we can do. Is there anything we can do?

And the manager is like, no, sorry, we're booked. Oh, my God. So it was heartbreaking. And so you didn't go. Well, we still wanted to go so i was like maybe just a regular tour would be fine so then we just bought regular tickets what a great ending but guess what what i don't know if this is true so i want you to tell it christine saw a ghost ah no way no way no way tell me everything i still don't believe it because i'm just like flabbergasted by the whole I want you to tell it. Christine saw a ghost. Ah! No way, no way, no way!

Tell me everything. I still don't believe it, because I'm just, like, flabbergasted by the whole thing. I want to know. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so we're walking through this tour. I've never seen anything, by the way. Like, I admittedly am so fascinated by it, but I'm wholeheartedly... So this was your first ghost? Yeah, or whatever it was.

Ooh. I've never seen anything. Your first, well, your second proposal and your first ghost ghost all in one day allison's not pleased with that um so yeah so we're walking through the whaley house and it's like a really overbooked tour and there's this little kid who's just pissing me off and pissing everyone off he's a little brat and we're walking around and he just keeps like bothering the tour guide while he's trying to like speak and asking stupid questions um and we're at the bottom of the stairs and um we're like he's the tour guide's talking and we're gonna go upstairs and this guy walks by at the top of the stairs kind of glances down and keeps going and um this stupid little kid goes the man is talking trying

to give the tour and he goes who's that and um i literally looked at him i was like it's just another tour and he goes there was a man walking by and i was like i was like i know there's another tour up there because i just thought there was another tour up there because why would there be a man wandering around so then the guy goes oh no there's nobody up there and i'm like no no he just saw another tour go by. He goes, no, no. Like the next tour is not for another half hour or whatever. And I'm like, okay. So we go upstairs and I like start looking around and it's tiny. Like there's two rooms.

It's weirdly a small house for such a big house. You know what I mean? And I'm like, Allison, there's a person, he probably works here and he probably went through one of these doors. The place Christine said he walked through was literally glassed off. Yeah. There's no way you can get in. Oh, that's what it was. The room was literally glassed off yeah there's no way you could get oh that's what it was the room was like glassed off like the bedrooms are like

there's windows so you can look into it but you can't actually go into the room right so he walked through there and i'm like no no there must be a way and the tour guide's like nope there's literally nobody up here i can guarantee it and i'm like the man there was a man who walked by and did you see the man or you're just going by association like you really saw a man no i said there's a man so there's a man that walked by and i'm like oh it's another tour and this kid goes there's a guy upstairs oh so you weren't just like bullshitting the kid like you really thought oh no i i said like oh no that's just another tour i saw it too because he was like i saw a ghost i'm like it's just another tour like you dummy so your first experience

was with a shitty kid with the shit and then we told his dad and his dad's like what and i'm like well what did he see and he goes there was a man and he looked down and he kept walking and i'm like i saw that too and the dad's like really because he for sure didn't believe his son yeah and the tour guide's like what tell me more and i'm like i don't know there was just a man walking around he probably works here he's like he doesn't work here there's nobody up here and i wandered around looking teeny tiny. Nobody was up there. Nobody left.

It was creepy as fuck. I don't know. There was a man. He glanced down at us and then kept walking. Well, good for you. Well, I also say that it was a Yankee gym. Maybe you saw Yankee gym. What if I saw Yankee gym?

Or Thomas Bailey. I didn't see him. It could have been. It was just a tall dude. I don't really know how tall they were. Anyway, that's my story. Oh, there's another part. Meanwhile, through this whole tour, Christine and I are holding hands

because the ghost tour, the ghost hunting tour was right after this and we thought we might still have a shot. Oh my god. So we pretended to be girlfriends the entire tour. So we're holding hands, putting our heads on each other's shoulders like oh my god like smiling at each other because we're like maybe that someone

will drop out right before the tour we tried so hard you really fought for it so we really fought for it we walked out of the whaley house after allison tried another time for like the fifth time i literally made christine take her ring off i was like no one can know we walked to the tour without my ring because we were like, if she proposed to us, it'd look like I didn't know. Yeah. And then we're leaving and we're like, let's get a margarita. And we walked on the street and Allison kneels down on the sidewalk and proposes to me on the sidewalk. And everyone just walks past and ignores us. No way.

Just like we knew would happen if I tried to propose in front of the Whaley house. Those bitches just walked by. I'm like, no one's even going to buy us a margarita. Like, we thought at least we'd get a margarita out of it. You were like,

if I can't have a ghost tour, I might as well get a drink. And you didn't get that either. But you know what? Silver lining. What's that? She said yes. Oh!

That's nice. Aw, that's so sweet. Man, we really, that's why we didn't tell you. There were a lot of dead ends to that story. We were hoping it was going to be that we actually proposed on a ghost tour and got engaged and everyone was like taking photos. And then you, the dream would have been, then you go down to the tour guide and said, I can't believe everyone applauded to the proposal. And they're like, no one was there.

It was empty all along. I would have loved that. Oh, man. Aw. Listen, we tried. My dream is to get proposed to in a haunted house or to propose in a haunted house. I for sure told Allison that 8,000 times that day. Who, that I would want to get proposed in a haunted house?

She's like, is this realistic? I was like, and would 1,000% do this? Well, also, my dream honeymoon is to go, like, explore abandoned amusement parks. Oh, God. So, like, I'm, like, really into weird shit. Like, I really want to just, like, go look at abandoned shit and then, like, have the hotel be, like, a treehouse. Like, just weird stuff.

Slide into her DMs, everybody. Anyone who's interested in not having a normal life, contact me. I'm already sucked in, so I need someone else to take some of the brunt. Aw. So that's that. How are you? I'm good. I didn't get proposed to

and I didn't see a haunted house. We'll make it happen. In due time. What are you drinking, both of you? Nothing now because it looks like

your glasses are empty. Al made it for me. She's just a wonderful house guest. Thank you. I'm drinking a pink gin and tonic. Me too.

Which is just a fancy version of gin and tonic that tastes delicious. It's a gin and tonic me too which is just a fancy version of gin and tonic that tastes delicious it's a gin and tonic with bitters i'm drinking a chocolate milkshake since i thought i just thought i'd be involved in the conversation edit number one by christine schieffer edit number 8 000 already believe me um yeah edit me out it's just me telling the story in like choppy weird phrases and so i and then i and then i'm like okay but you forgot the part where oh no uh okay why do you drink i well i guess you told me i guess that's the reason i'm gonna give you a really brief summary of the real real reason why i fucking drink okay my mom called me crying this

morning and said she had just gotten back from germany last night and she said i just found out you're no longer eligible to be on my health care plan as of today and i was like i have a procedure in two weeks and she goes you need to figure something out you're not on my plan and i'm like what and her plan was like she literally had the platinum plan or whatever just for me because of my so what happened and so i'm no longer on their plan which means that i'm on like medical or something and it's not going to cover any of my thing and it's 36 000 so i'm like good um panic mode so i spent all day like attempting to buy a healthcare. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. So that's why I drink. So no reason I drink is, is bad compared to that. It's fine. I'll figure it out. Oh my God. That's so bad. Are you okay?

I don't know how to help you. Oh, it's all good. I'm fine. Thanks guys. Life is good. I drink not for any reason like that at all. But I did remember that I'm in love with Mara Wilson. Matilda? Matilda. Matilda. As of yesterday, our love has rekindled. Has it?

It's one way. But it's full there. And all day yesterday, I just watched 24 hours worth of youtube videos of her in interviews i just am so obsessed when matilda came out i had a full-blown crush on her and miss honey but oh miss honey was one of my first questions even i had a crush when miss honey did that glasses thing i was done i was like you know when she does the thing with the glasses oh i know i was like whatever miss honey you're not single if you don't want to be. Whatever. So basically I drink because she doesn't love me back.

She will. You have time. But people can always reach out to her on Twitter for me and invite her to your wedding as my plus one. Let's see what happens. Wow. Let's see what happens. Shameless plug. If Mara Wilson shows up to my wedding.

If Mara Wilson shows up to speak to me ever, I will lose my goddamn mind. I love her so much. Anyway, there's that. So, Al, why do you drink? Well, I drink because I never get to marry you. Listen, I'd be an alcoholic, too, if I were you. I drink for that every week, and so does my mother. I think everyone drinks for that same reason.

Okay, go on. That's the true gossip, guys. I'm going gonna stand up at her wedding and go what i thought this was our wedding i'm confused she's gonna be in a big white gown you know and legally blonde when the the guy is in the stands and his boyfriend is like oh i'm not dating him he goes you bitch exactly and i already have threatened to show up up to Christine's wedding in a lot of different kinds of outfits. So I think a big white gown is probably my top choice. There will be a lot of costume changes. I'm currently

fighting for the role of minister. Ministering your wedding. Efficient. I don't know which phrase. Efficient. Well, I know I'm a reverend. So whatever that puts me as. You're a reverend?

I literally can go by reverend. I've been ordained for almost 10 years now. You can get ordained when you're 15? Okay. Almost eight years now. Oh, I was like, holy shit. Almost eight years. Were you in Bible camp?

I was wasting time when I was 15 by not getting ordained. God, I was in Catholic school and I had no such plans on my mind. No, on my 18th birthday, everyone's like, oh, you should do something that you couldn't do before. And I was like, well, don't smoke. I'm not going to go gamble.

And I didn't really have anything else. And I was like, oh, I'm just going to get ordained just to have to do something. Em and I have been fighting a little bit about who gets to officiate Christine's wedding. If, cause I mean, one of my suggestions was that we do it together. I could do that. I could totally do that, but I'm very competitive and I do kind of, I'm not competitive. You can spotlight,

you can have the total. Okay. True or false. I have the worst performance anxiety ever. Neither of you are making a great case. my point was you could have the spotlight i just want to jump in every now and then what so she's gonna be talking you're just gonna like excuse me i just i just want to be like can confirm it's going great just like a thumbs up every every 10 would recommend i like how you're like i'm i'm ordained at it up but i have horrible performance anxiety and i don't want to speak in front of people. Yeah, I don't really know what I was going with there. I mean, in a crisis situation, I could handle it.

Like, if she passes out, can I be the next in line? M. I'm not exactly planning for my wedding to be a crisis situation. I'm not saying it won't be, but I'm saying I'm not hoping for that and I'm not planning for that but you make a great case otherwise anyway wait was that the reason you drink no that's not it I'm unemployed okay I'm single as fuck same and I

don't have a job or well I already said I'm unemployed but it really counts twice and also have nowhere to live it does count twice I will fucking say that I said it before. You're more than welcome to, like, stay with me. Allison is literally staying in my house, and then Em's like, hey, you can stay in my place.

I'm like, what? Am I that terrible? What actually happened was that I said, hey, Em, do you have a couch? And I said, yes, I have four. Yeah, so basically I drink because everyone's trying to leave me and form friendships on their own. Yeah, that's true.

OK, tell us a story. Let's just get this on the road. I like that you carry that around in your pocket. If you need to tell a story at any time, you're ready. I'm like Steve from Blue's Pose, my handy-dandy notebook. Except it's a folded-up piece of computer paper. My handy-dandy folded piece of computer paper. With size 8 font.

Inkjet printed, might might i add both sides okay this is the story of roland doe slash robert manheim it's the same person but two different aliases throughout time mine have aliases too today yeah wow it's a theme that's our that's our one theme so this story is what inspired The Exorcist. There's also a quote I wanted to start with from one of the exorcists involved. Okay, so the quote was, The first time I prayed for a truly possessed person, I put the crucifix on that person's head,

and they slithered right out of the seat like a snake. Out of the what? Like a snake? Out of the seat. Oh. Just went, like a deflated inflatable tube man so like you basically like me i thought you said out of the sea i was like oh no slithered right out of the sea it's like that's much eerier so um in 1949 is where this story takes place in maryland and it's a 13-old boy who goes by either Roland Doe or Robert Manheim, depending on whichever story you're Googling, like I did. He was described as not very athletic.

He was super studious, like quiet, would never cause trouble. And then after spending a summer with his aunt, the aunt was a very spiritual lady, and she decided to teach him how to play with a Ouija board. Oh, no. So this is honestly my PSA to you about why we can't do that. I'm already mad. So after a few weeks of constantly toying around with the Ouija board, the aunt unexpectedly died. What? Shocker.

Exactly. What the hell? So she died from natural causes but she was also like in her 20s 20s yes like what what natural exactly car accident what is a natural cause in the 40s it could be like just falling over and just having an aneurysm or like just falling asleep out of nowhere and die or something yeah so that was shifty and then the family started to notice all these like weird sounds coming from the house and there was banging on the floor and um the sun was starting to act really weird and there was also like frantic

scratching all over like the walls and the doors like you could like hear it like go to different areas of the house and so they thought oh it might be rats or something so they called pest control and they couldn't find anything and like they tried to debunk it the best they could before um exorcisms ever got involved but uh the noises got louder and more consistent and the um the boy he like just started getting like wildly violent and really creepy. And sometimes he would go into these, like, several hour stances of just, like, staring at people. And so it also got to a point where furniture was getting, like, thrown around by itself.

So, like, the chandelier would swing on its own. The furniture would, like, drag like someone was pulling it but no one was there. like drag like someone was pulling it but no one was there and the boy um even though he was getting really violent he was also getting all these marks and scratches all over himself that he couldn't have caused like they were like in parts where like he couldn't reach and they were showing up for no reason and then one of the scratches ended up on his back and it spelled out hello no what god are you serious that's kind of a polite bleeding though it's like for a day a lot worse hi it could be like satan or 666 but it's like hello hello it's like i'm here in case you didn't know it's like hold still let me finish

the oh hello it's me it was adele what if it said it's me right after that what if the demon's name was adele and they were like it's just me i'm just trying to get my message so sad okay so all the strange activities started to as we can tell began to focus on the boy um and it started allegedly following him to school too oh god where his desk was seen sliding and slamming into other people's desks by itself i feel like i would have heard about that in a newspaper or something i feel like you don't just see that and then don't spread it around town well maybe they thought it was like him doing it or something maybe because it doesn't sound plausible from an outside perspective i agree poor kid oh so uh they the parents tried to take them to shrinks and doctors and all this stuff to see if there's anything maybe cognitively wrong

and they never found out anything wrong medically so they contacted the catholic church and asked look i'm not kidding this is this is the name, Reverend Schultz. Shut the fuck up. I know. Shut up. I know. I know. So they contacted me.

Reverend Schultz was the first one to go monitor the house and see if he could find anything. So he saw a couch move across the house by itself, And he watched the boy's bed shake as he slept. And he heard growls coming from the room. The mom also reportedly saw the boy's bed shaking whenever he slept. So like it was this was like Reverend Schultz pops out and is like, what the fuck's going on? And the mom was like, yeah, this is this is like, that's normal. Poor kid. So definitely thinking this is my ancestor

because that was enough for him and he got out of there and he referred the family to a roman catholic church and where he introduced them to a priest named father hughes so father hughes is the first is the main exorcist got you of this story so father hughes he met the boy and noticed immediately that he had a really dark stare as if he was just like dead behind the eyes. And he wasn't actually looking at you. And that's Christine when she hasn't gotten enough sleep. Or alcohol. Or enough alcohol.

Ha ha. The first one was like ha ha and the second one was like yeah, probably. He also brought a book with him and the boy didn't know where. In theory, the boy shouldn't have known where the Bible was on the priest, but he hid it in a weird spot he had, like, in his sock or something. And just to, like, because he knew. I don't know where I keep my Bible. Well, the reason is because, I guess, at this point,

like, how often is anyone actually really possessed so they did all these tricks to like make sure that he didn't know that's creepy and so he was hiding he was hiding the bible in a different place he held the holy water in a different place and the kid the second they met he would just stare at the parts that he had hidden the real stuff so he's just staring at his foot yeah yes I hope he didn't hide the, no, it's not funny. I was going to say, I hope he didn't hide the holy water, like down his pants. Nope.

That's not funny. Yeah. It's not funny as I laugh. Okay. Delete. So he saw the Bible and the sock, even though he should have not seen that. And the father Hughes notices that he's acting really weird and he's like growling and

looking at his ankle and it's pretty weird he was growling too oh good and so uh you know sorry like a rabid dog and so father hughes tries to ask him what's going on and all of a sudden his chair like father hughes chair starts shaking and levitates with him in it. And then he gets thrown into the wall behind him. Oh, no. So Father Hughes stands up and in Latin says, what is your name? Oh, no. This is already creepy. I love that Father Hughes' reaction is to be like, go to Latin.

Well, the final thing is to be like, no one knows Latin anymore. So, like, if you say something in Latin, you'll know. But the devil knows Latin. Yeah, it's true. That's excellent, like, if you say something in Latin, you'll know. But the devil knows Latin. Yeah. It's true. That's excellent, like, muscle reflex though.

Yeah. So just like, boom, Latin. Thrown into a wall. Let me shout something in Latin. Let me shoot out my flu in Latin. Well,

because all the masses back then were in Latin, so they all knew Latin. Yeah. Like they spoke Latin. Oh, I see. What time was it again? What year was it?

This was in the 1940s, but Latin is the oldest. In the 1970s is when they changed it to English. What time was it again? What year was it? This was in the 1940s, but Latin is the oldest. In the 1970s is when they changed it to English. Because it was in... My dad used to go to mass in all Latin. So my dad knows a lot of Latin and had to study it. I know a lot of Latin, too. I took Latin in middle school.

It was awful. I never took Latin. Okay. Un espector es un puella nomine Cornelia. Remember we had this one? That's literally... Yes. What?

It means, look, in the picture is a girl named Cornelia. It is I. Back to the climax of the story. Do you think that's what the priest said? It is I. It is I, Cornelia, in the picture. I am a little girl. If the fucking priest was like, un aspectores, un Puella nomine Cornelia, and the devil's

like, mm-hmm, that's true. Agricola. I learned that, too. Iine Cornelia. And the devil's like, mm-hmm, that's true. I learned that, too. I am Cornelia. So he asks, what is your name? And then the boy in Latin said, I am legions.

Uh-uh. But the thing that freaked him out the most, the thing that freaked out the father who's the most wasn't that he spoke back in Latin. When he said, I am legions, that means there were multiple entities in his

body at one time i think that's like from the old testament too they call good the devil's like horde the legions or some shit wonderful creepy wonderful so uh he said that in latin yes i it's i am legions that can't be that hard to say in latin it's true he's like in french it's just sweet legions legions sorry is that so he like shut up say it again say it again say it again me me me legions me me me yeah me me me legions okay i just thought i'd throw that no by all look we all just did all we it in german ich bin legions that was polyglot status we just fucking did that what's none of us are saying legions in any other we're just like throwing the word at the end of i am i can spell it in alphabet french

i don't know what oh god what if nope all right okay so him speaking in latin was kind of a good enough sign that father hughes thought he was possessed sure sure so hughes then said okay let's move him to georgetown university hospital ah that's where i went for the first time i got my crowns flare wow brandon carried me there good times anyway good time sorry connection i never went to oh i went to georgetown university hospital a lot when my mom wanted to get botox that's the same that's the same i used to go to georgetown because um i'm from the dc area so like oh i know okay good glad to know you're like helga pataki you're like don don't worry. We've got it. I know everything.

It's in my binder. Don't worry. But so every year, me and Cole would have a sleepover trip to Georgetown because we would drive with my mom to keep her company in the car to Georgetown, and then she would get Botox, and then Cole and I... She has Botox? Yeah. Wow.

I've never heard of it. She's got a whole lot of it, too. Hey, we hate Georgetown. Absolutely. Oh, I've never heard of him. She's got a whole lot of it, too. Hey, we hate Georgetown. Absolutely. So, Father Hughes had the boy move to Georgetown University Hospital so the exorcism could be monitored by Jesuit brothers.

At the hospital? At the hospital. They have, like, on-staff Jesuit brothers? It's a Catholic hospital, yeah. So, this boy was actually going to be Father Hughes' first exorcism that he would ever perform. Which scares me because... Wow! Mazel tov! That's the wrong religion.

Just trying to, you know, spread out the... My mind is that if my child is possessed, I don't want someone who's never done an exorcism before to get him out. I want, like, the fucking Pope. Okay, so when he was at the hospital, he got physically restrained in straps, and he was

super violent the entire time. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. You did that after you drank something. They had to restrain him with straps? Of course they did. He's a little kid. He's being exercised.

Yeah, what do you think? It's the devil. Pretend it's the devil. It is the devil, isn't it? Actually, his name is pazuzu i'm sorry what what the devil's name i was supposed to tell it later the devil's name is pazuzu shut the fuck and to any of our listeners nobody even bring up pazuzu no one talk about it because i'm gonna do a story on it later and i don't want christine finding out anything by accident oh

so pazuzu gets his own fucking story later on. That sounds so fucking creepy. I'm losing my mind right now. I'm sorry. Pazuzu sounds like a children's cartoon character. Keep in mind, the more we say it, the more he's supposed to show up. So maybe let's just stop. What the fuck? It's like when you look in the mirror and say Bloody Mary.

Bloody Mary? That's it? Three times? Although I almost bought Sage as a joke today. I should have just bought it. As a joke. Please. You almost bought it to bless your apartment. I should have just bought it. As a joke, please. You almost bought it to bless your apartment.

I should have bought it. You should have bought it. Okay, so, um... Anyway, so he's physically restrained. He's, like, shaking and rocking and spitting at the priests, and he's screaming at them, and he's saying, like, really aggressive, sexually vulgar things to them.

Like, he's, like, doing what... Like, if you've ever seen The Exorcist, like, all the stuff that was used in the script is stuff that he was essentially saying like all the things he wanted the clergy to do or he wanted to do to the clergy like just ways to really humiliate and degrade everyone this sounds like me on my period let me degrade all of you spitting i'm swearing i'm degrading everyone around me as allison's former roommate i can confirm all of the above. And you were just like, I'm sorry, can I get you some chocolate?

He's so fucking nice. So Father Hughes recited exorcism prayers for three consecutive nights, and things only kept getting worse. So again, he started doing those calm states where he would just stare at people and then he would go into like these like hissing hissing thrashing like sessions where he just spit at the priest and said horrible things aka he's probably on his period i guess um sure according to allison sorry i shouldn't have brought it there eventually the so this is this is the part that i expect you to gasp so not to like i'm ready oh we're ready okay so eventually he got out of his restraints he got a hand free and he reached under the bed and was strong enough to

physically rip open the mattress and broke a spring out of the bed. And he stabbed the, he stabbed Father Hughes from the wrist all the way to the elbow. Oh, God. Oh, my God. What? The fuck? Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. He ripped, he, with a mattress spring? What? The gash went from the inside of Hughes' wrist all the way to the nook of the elbow when bent. Oh. Was he okay? So his whole, no, he actually, so this is where it gets extra fucked up. At least he's in a hospital, right?

Very, very good. Oh, yeah. That's it. Silver lining. So he was forced to take time away to heal, which meant that no one was looking after the boy, so he returned home. No! What? I know.

Who's going to be like, yes yes let's take you home so you can relax all right son stab a bunch of other people with mattress springs oh no the family yet again went to the church and this time found father bodern and uh he was a senior priest from the st louis diocese okay father bodern decided to approach the situation with caution. Did he? Why? I can't imagine the reason. Why ever would he do that? But he was just sensitive, I guess. Oh, sure. So they moved the boy again, this time

to the Alexian Brothers Hotel. A hotel? By hotel, I mean hospital. Okay. I was like, what hotel is like, yes, bring your children that need exorcisms here that's our thing can you imagine like catholic priests carrying in like a possessed child being like we'll take a queen-size bed and jesus christ the honeymoon suite thank you so it has to have a

balcony if i don't have a view i'm out of here so the hospital was run by an ancient order of catholic monks sure it was that's the exact kind of hotel slash hospital i want monks had i mean i didn't know catholic me either me either until i did this i thought that was buddhist maybe they're just bringing all the religions together maybe everyone's just like holding hands across america because they're just so scared they're like everyone get your get your jews get your catholics holding hands across america that's the dream isn't it that sounds like a charity religious utopia so um if you donate money to patreon you can donate to hands across america our new charity you're gonna have to google that later make sure it's not it probably is a real thing they're sponsoring us now so um again he was restrained to a bed but the room they put him in this time was the

same that a mental patient at the time would be assigned to. Fab. That makes sense, though. Sure. Windows didn't open. The door could not open from the inside, a.k.a. if you are- Smart. Until you're the one performing an exorcism and you can't get out until someone lets you

out. Oh, no. That's my nightmare. So, almost from the start start the boy began forcefully spitting at the priest foaming at the mouth reciting latin demanding they leave basically doing all the same shit as last time but this time he's also pretending that there's no demon inside of him so every now and then he would go into these like pretending he was the scared boy being like mommy like help me so people would get close to him so he could then literally throw them across the room with one hand at what point are you like no sweetie i don't trust you anymore

during his stay the numbers range between 20 to 40 people witnessing over 30 exorcisms on the boy it was a six week exorcism day and night non- trying to get this thing out. Is that from when he's in this hotel or the whole time? The whole time. The first one was a week and then this one's I think five weeks. One of the priests recorded in his diary he took like crazy detailed notes about it and said that the blows

from the boy fighting them off were so strong that it was like there's no way that was the strength of an ordinary kid and he was able to like throw men across the room and at one point he even um like shattered one of the priest's nose oh like just went bam okay so um the scratches and welts were getting worse and spelling out different things including the words hell and evil and hello meant to be hell but then they just got maybe it was adele again one of the

legion like fucked up and accidentally added an o it just it was a typo it was supposed to be a smiley face it was an emoji um so at this time uh at this time they discovered the main demon's name was pazuzu and then i even wrote future stories are going to be told about this so listeners don't say anything and ruin it for christine if you really like her gasps don't let but don't let the story out shut the fuck up so they decided um that the best option was to baptize the boy so that he was closest in spiritual power to the catholic church they haven't done that yet i i know okay so when they attempted to force the boy to eat a communion wafer uh it was the that sounds like my first eating eat it i'm like doesn't shove it in your mouth

shove it in your mouth um oh no it was uh it was so that that was the most violent he ever got and that's when he uh shattered the pretty snows Finally, the boy ended up accepting the communion wafer and it only made the demons worse. So basically nothing worked. But then out of nowhere, days later, in the middle of one of his horrible, violent bouts, for the first time, he spoke in his normal voice. Because by the way, the entire time,

this voice was also crazy deep and not his. Sure. So this was the first time his voice was that of the little boy again and it said satan satan i am saint michael and i command you satan and all other evil spirits to leave the body now who said that the little boy the little boy said it as on behalf of saint michael oh my saint michael give me some background i'm not religious in catholic belief saint michael is the chief archangel in heaven, and he's the angel who God gave the power over Satan, and he's also the angel who threw Lucifer from heaven and

exiled him. So he's, like, in charge. He's, like, king of the crop. They brought him down. They were like, excuse me, sir. I know you're busy. Michael, can you do a favor real quick? He's like, I have a moment in six weeks.

I'll be there. Pencil me in for six weeks from now. so that's literally the end of the story that like that gave me goosebumps he shouted michael came in saint michael showed up apparently he said he said satan satan he said satan satan no he said he's like he shouted uh satan's name and then said i am i am saint michael and i command you satan and all other evil spirits slave the body now and after that nothing ever just went away y'all went away can you imagine a little kid yelling like i command satan and all the other especially if that is the least hard thing to him like that's like the nicest part of this whole story he's like can you imagine a little child shattering a priest's nose and spitting at him and, like...

And stabbing a rod through his arm? So anyway... I think speaking in Latin is more impressive than claiming to be St. Michael. That is true. In English. Yeah, I get it. The Latin... Saying anything in Latin is more impressive.

That last part wasn't in Latin. This part was English and in his own voice, so everyone heard it. Not that impressive. I'm not impressed. See? I'm not impressed. See? I'm deeply impressed. So after that he claims he has no recollection of the events

which is also common in possession victims. And the events that unfolded are mostly known from the detailed diaries kept by the priests and information from Reverend Schultz's gossiping. How am I not related to this? And you are probably a thousand percent related. I am absolutely Reverend Schultz. gossiping. How am I not related to this guy? And you are probably a thousand percent related. I am absolutely Reverend Schultz.

I wouldn't be surprised. So it was the inspiration for The Exorcist after the author read a Washington Post article called Priest Frees, a boy reportedly held in devil's grip. You can come up with a better title than that. I would. And many have said that this possession, like the skeptics, when they're like, oh, well, let's analyze him.

And even though at the time the doctors said, oh, there's nothing wrong with him mentally, current skeptics say that the possession was more likely involving something like multiple personality disorder or schizophrenia or Tourette's syndrome. So when I was 12, I went to Johns Hopkins and I was diagnosed with Tourette's. So what I'm thinking is maybe I've just been possessed this whole time. You turn it around. That explains a lot. It's actually not Tourette's at all, Mom. It's just the devil. So Pazuzu.

What? Nope. Pazuzu. Anyway, the end. Lesson learned. Now we all know when this happens. Okay. So I'm going to tell you guys the story of George Joseph Smith.

And I was going to tell you the story of Sylvia Likens, who was murdered in Indiana back in the good old days. Which is still considered Indiana's most horribly gruesome murder tell us that toward one individual tell us that i want our listeners to weigh in on whether it's too much for me to tell the story because i was reading it and i was like it might be too much so i paused my notes and went to a different story so if you guys know about this which i guess the people in i know we have listeners in indiana and if you guys think it's an okay story to cover let me know is it better or worse than laurie mansion it's not better or worse it's just focused on one 16 year old girl so it's just very gotcha fucking upsetting and very twisted and dark so it's a

fascinating story and it's like a fascinating look at people's psychology, but it's also highly upsetting. It's not good. No, it's not good. I listened to LaLaurie and feel like it can't get worse than that. That's my bad. No, that was the worst. That was the fucking worst. Yep.

True. I was, like, near tears. I was driving and was, like, crying. And I just, like, couldn't come back from it. Thanks, guys. That shook me. You come back from it. So thanks guys. That shook me. You're welcome. Hashtag brain stirring.

No, that's not a hashtag that needs to exist. Uh, yeah, it's, it's that level, but on one person. Got it. Okay. If I can say that. Oh no. Okay. Yeah.

Probably a good, good choice. Let's not do it. If that clarifies anything. I understand. Very violent, horrible, awful to a 16-year-old girl. I understand. Okay. Okay.

Fair. On we go. On we go. So instead, I'm going to tell you about George Joseph Smith, who was born in London in 1872. The good old days. I like this year much better. It's farther away. Right?

The farther away, the easier it is to talk about. So this guy's skill, George, his skill was manipulating women. From a Daily Mail article I read, large numbers, apparently this is why this was such a thing. Large numbers of young men were emigrating

from England to the colonies and so they left British females outnumbering men by more than half a million. So there were 500,000 more women in England at this point than there were men. Great. So basically, this guy had a field day. And the newspapers, because we're in 1910, the newspapers were full of stories about women who could not find husbands.

So sad that you're in the newspaper because you can't find a husband well you really don't have a chance no they list them by name they had a list yeah is there like a dear abby section so what this guy george did is he would prowl seafronts and parks in search for in search of lonely and vulnerable females and he would mesmerize them this is from a daily mail article with his deep set gray eyes and this is a quote from a woman who or who had encountered him during those years she said when he looked at you you had the feeling that you were being magnetized they were little eyes that seemed to rob you of your will ew what the fuck i'm like a guy with beady eyes is staring at you at a park and you're like beady eyes in general are things i don't i wouldn't even spend enough time to look into to get mesmerized

spend enough time on tinder and that's how it just sounded appealing all i want is some beady ass eyes and then beady eyes freak me out i think of brats well nobody likes beady eyes nobody said beady until you said beady yeah she said that's what gray also great no this is the quote oh they were little eyes little eyes um but apparently that's what he got the women with so he had baby little beady creepy eyes. Okay, let's move on. Okay. So as a young man, he was in prison for a year for persuading a woman to steal from her employers and using the proceeds to open a bakery. Oh, that's a good idea. No way that happened to me.

Were you the one opening the bakery? I'm 150 years old. I see. I'm so sorry for your loss. In 1898, he married Caroline Beatrice Thornhill under the alias Oliver George Love. Remember, I said he had a bunch of aliases. Right, right, right. And the following year, he married another woman.

Typical. He and Caroline moved to London, so the first one, where she worked as a maid and stole from her employers because he asked her to. She was caught and sentenced to 12 months of prison. That's it? And went, well because he asked her to she was caught and sentenced to 12 months of prison that's it and went well she yeah she was just stealing she's just stealing shit sure but when she was released she turned her husband in because apparently she couldn't do that until she got out after a whole year and he was in prison for two years and when he was released she fled to canada so he went to his other wife because he had two right you always have a backup sure cleared out her savings and then peaced out in june of 1908 he married a widow

named florence wilson but he left her the following month um on july 3rd but not before taking 30 pounds from her savings account which equates to about 3 000 pounds today okay and selling all her belongings uh later that month he married a woman named edith peglar after she responded to his advertisement seeking a housekeeper is this wife number four now yes good we're on number four during their marriage he would disappear for months at a time claiming that he was traveling for business which he said was selling antiques um and in between other marriages he'd come back to her with money so this whole time he's just like out marrying people sounds like my grandpa different thoughts there i'm like let me know

what it's worth here no my grandpa had a second life with a second wife and a second kid well a third kid that sounds like a poem a second life with a second wife sounds like dr seuss my grandfather was actually dr seuss he was dr seuss at night he was mr seuss he didn't really get that oh so sad um but but uh in october 1909 he married a woman named sarah freeman but he changed his name to George Rose Smith. He left her after clearing out her savings and selling her war bonds and making 400 pounds. Then he married Bessie Munday and Alice Burnham. And then a few years later, he married Alice Reed.

That's the next bullet. Total, you guys, he had seven bigamist marriages between 1908 and 1914. Did he not divorce any of them? No. None of them. Did he kill any of them? Everyone slow down. Okay.

Did he divorce them? No. Okay. That's the answer. That's answer number one. So in, okay, basically in six years, he had seven marriages, essentially. In January of 2015, that's not right. Why did I write 2015?

Yesterday. In January of 2015, that's not right. Why did I write 2015? Yesterday. Hello. In January of not 2015, apparently I meant 1915, Detective Inspector Arthur Neal, who was part of Scotland Yard, which, did you guys ever play that board game?

No, what are you talking about? Okay. My brother's raising his hand. We played that board game. My dad is also a weirdo, so that's probably why. If anyone out there knows what that is, please tell me, because I feel like I've never met anyone who knows what that is. The board game is called Scotland Yard. Scotland Yard. Okay.

I will be Googling that tonight. Great. It's really fun. Okay. So he worked for Scotland Yard, and he received a letter from a man named Joseph Crossley, who was a landlord of a boarding house in blackpool lancashire i think that's right because it's in a beatle song he was smith's landlord so he was this bdi dude's landlord another fucking bdi no same guy oh okay same bdis i'm saying that's how i'm because he had so many aliases i don't know what to call him so smith is like let's call him bdi that i did i know

let's just keep it going okay bdi's bdi smith he was his landlord the letter included two pieces of paper the first one was a coroner's report about a woman named alice smith who had died suddenly in a boarding house in a seaside resort in her bathtub and she was found by her husband george smith uh she had saved some, so he got that when she died, and he had also taken out a life insurance policy on her worth 500 pounds, which today is worth about 44,000 pounds. And then the second paper that he included in the letter was a newspaper clipping from a newspaper called News of the World about the death of a woman named Margaret Elizabeth Lloyd,

News of the World about the death of a woman named Margaret Elizabeth Lloyd, who was 38 and had died in her home in London and found in her bathtub by her husband and their landlady. He had changed his name, but the landlord and his wife noticed the similarity between this story and the last story and sent the police these two articles and wanted them to investigate further. So the detective went to the home on Bismarck Road where Margaret Elizabeth Lloyd had died in her bathtub. So the detective inspected the bathtub where Margaret Elizabeth Lloyd had died and found it hard to believe that an adult

could have drowned in such a small bathtub. It was only three quarters full when she was found. And he interviewed the coroner who said there had been no signs of violence when he inspected her body aside from a tiny bruise above her left elbow okay so further inspection revealed that was it like maybe a mattress spring that got jammed in there at some point she was performing an exorcism right on a young man her name was cornelia and she lived in a photograph. Anyway.

Further inspection revealed that a will had been made three hours before she I'm sorry. Yes. Three hours? Three days. I think I meant to write days. Maybe it was in 2015. I don't know what year it was. I don't know what time is. A will had been made

three days before Margaret Lloyd had died, and the sole beneficiary was her husband. Surprise. She had also withdrawn all her savings on the day that she had died. About a month later, the coroner called the detective, Neal. He said the insurance company had called and inquired as to her death because she happened to have taken a life insurance policy out right before her death and john john lloyd was the sole beneficiary so the insurance company called the coroner and was like can we like look into this and the detective decided to um

okay it turns out the late mrs smith had also taken out a life insurance policy and made a will right before her death um and apparently, according to records, she was only able to move into her new lodgings once her husband had inspected the bathtub. So that was one of the reports. So the detective is like, something's going on here. insurance company that something fishy was going on and to reject the insurance claim because he knew that smith would go to his lawyer once he didn't get the money so then they went and set up surveillance around the lawyer's office because they were like he's gonna show up there it's like they didn't have telephones or anything so he's gonna show up at this lawyer's office and we can corner him makes sense right so they were like give him the, tell the insurance company not to

give him the money and then we'll like stake out the lawyer's office. A nice little heist. Exactly. Sounds like a movie, dude. It's like Ocean's Eleven. Yes. Just like that. But Ocean's Seven Wives. I don't know. I don't. BDI'd. BDI'd

Ocean's. The BDI'd heist. Ocean's 11-06 because that's what fucking time it is. Oh godI. B.D.I. Oceans. The B.D.I. Heist. Oceans 1106, because that's what fucking time it is. Oh, God, help me. So they set up surveillance at the lawyer's offices, hoping to catch him. Lo and behold, he appeared on February 1st. Neil, like, jumped in and introduced himself and asked him whether he was john lloyd he said yes i'm john lloyd and so neil asked him whether he was also george smith he's like no i'm not george smith and so he said well we're gonna take you in for questioning um on suspicion of

bigamy so he finally was like yes i am george what's the difference between bigamy and polygamy bigamy i'm you know pretty sure is when the other people don't know that you're marrying okay cool my grandpa was a bigamist yes i learned something i think polygamy is part of our religious process i think it's more like a right polygamy everyone's aware and accepting and consent right i believe that would be it i'm not positive bigamy is the dishonest version bigamy is when you're just like collecting them okay without their knowledge so am i like a bigamist of back to the future collectibles sure it's just thinking where is this going okay where's my uh oh you're a bigamist of wine i would say all my wines know how i feel

you're definitely a polygamist with the wine. Absolutely. Right, you're equally fair to all of the boxes. Oh, yes. I would never cheat on any of them. So they told him he was going to be taken in for questioning on suspicion of bigamy, and he finally admitted that he was also George Smith. So then he was arrested.

Because they were like, well, you're the same name for both of these deaths. So enter pathologist bernard spillsbury who was asked to determine how the pillsbury is that where we're going it sounds like you fucked up making pillsbury i wrote down spillsbury and then i wrote i wrote it for a minute and then i deleted it it said m pillsbury and then i deleted it you're just gonna start making predictions in your notes of the shit i'm gonna say i should because i knew i was waiting for you to say i should start doing that with my notes where i make a prediction of how many glasses of wine you've gotten to by the time i say that bullet you don't know because she starts before you get here oh that's a good point

good point good point you saved her there so bernard was asked to determine how the women died um they exhumed Margaret Lloyd's body. She had already been buried. And after examining her, he found that the evidence of drowning was not very extensive. There were no signs of heart disease. The death seemed like it had been almost instantaneous, as if she had died of a sudden stroke. They tested for poison, found nothing. So it was really unclear as to how she had died.

They tested for poison, found nothing. So it was really unclear as to how she had died. So then they decided to run some experiments in the bathtub in which he had died. The specific bathtub. Firm pass. This sounds like a medical examiner being like, let's have some fun. Yeah. This sounds like an episode of Bones where you watch and go, that would never happen in real life.

It does. it sounds like medical examiners got drunk during the weekend and are just playing with like a kid science kit yep basically like let's give it a whirl so newspaper so they set up the bathtub in the police station they literally brought it and set it up you just like uncocked it from the wall and just carried a big fucking porcelain bath in yes okay newspapers started calling this the deaths the brides in the bath so they started calling it the bride in the bat brides in the baths murders and that will be uh the title of one of your engagement pictures i'm sure yeah let's get a picture of you sitting in a bath of wine and we'll just call it hashtag i love lamp

bride in the bath that's me pouring her bottle of wine into the glass no it'll be a bathtub it's like recycling the wine so it's just oh i don't want to bathe in my wine well you're not gonna like gulp it you also you'll sip it yeah it's just with a little stinky straw lap at it like a dog okay anyway brides in the bath um and when a police of Hearn Bay, which is a small seaside resort in Kent, saw the reports and contacted Neil about another death in his area, they found that it was strikingly similar to the other two. So there was a third victim. It turns out a man named Henry Williams had rented a house with no bath in 80 high street for himself and his wife, Bessie Monday.

A few weeks later, he visited an iron monger. Cause that was a thing. And asked the price of a cast iron bath, which he was told would cost two pounds. Two days later, he sent his wife, Bessie to shop with instructions to haggle for a two shilling discount on

the bathtub. But she was unaware that she was purchasing the bathtub that she would die in oh that's so sad that's my biggest fear is that i'll purchase my that you'll purchase the bathtub that you'll die in sometimes i'm specifically sometimes i go to goodwill and i'm like is this my murder weapon you're like i'm buying a spatula will i die from it yep i think that all the time I listen to this podcast too much. This one? This one.

Oh, sorry. I'm like, which one? Ay yi yi. So he took his, then, next step, he took his wife to the local doctor saying she had epileptic fits, even though she had only complained of headaches. And then he woke the doctor up a few weeks later saying that she had had another epileptic fits even though she had only complained of headaches um and then he woke the doctor up a few weeks later saying that she had had another epileptic fit he checked on her said she seemed fine and that she he would come back in the morning to check on her again but when he came the husband said oh no i found her dead in the bathtub oh casual so the doctor went up found

her in the tub still in the the bathtub. Her head was underwater. Her legs were stretched out straight and her feet were protruding out from the water. There was no sign of violence or struggle. So the doctor determined that she had drowned due to epilepsy because she had visited him several times for epilepsy, according to her husband. Her husband was awarded the equivalent of 230,000 pounds in today's money, as stipulated by the will that she had made a couple days before her death. So, despite his newfound money, he spent barely anything on the funeral. He chose the cheapest coffin available and buried her in a common grave. What a bastard.

He even returned the bath to the ironmonger and got a full refund. What a cheapo! I know. That's awful. He made his wife haggle for her own... the bathtub she would die in and then returned it for a full refund

after he buried her in a common grave. So, obviously, he had disposed of the murder weapon. So it seemed he'd gotten away with a perfect crime, but he had overlooked one thing. Apparently, Bessie was holding a bar of soap in her right hand when she died, and the doctor had noted that her fingers were clamped tightly around it. And since he had said that she had died of an epileptic fit, it seems unlikely that she would have been, like, tightly grasping something when she died. So all three deaths had the following similarities. A lack of violence, seemingly instantaneous death, little evidence of drowning, and no traces of poison. So they shipped that bathtub to London as well.

Expensive. Yes. And all three... Yes. So that guy, Bernard Sp bernard spillsbury pillsbury uh the pathologist spent weeks pondering over the bathtubs uh trying to figure out the cause of death so he went with the epileptic theory and he said the first stage consists of a stiffening and extension of the entire body but she was five foot seven and the bathtub was only five feet so if that had happened

she would have pushed her head out of the water. Right, right, right. And wouldn't have drowned. Right. Makes sense. So her head would have been far above the level of the water. The second stage consists of violent spasms of the limbs, which were drawn up to the body and then flung outward. So no one of her size would have been able to get underwater even when the muscles were

relaxed and in the third stage the tub was simply too small so there was no way he said that that was the cause of death um so the way that they the final determination of how she died was that smith would have seized her by the feet suddenly pulled them up toward himself sliding the upper part of her body underwater and the sudden flood of water into her nose and throat would cause shock and sudden loss of consciousness. Nope. And she would have gone unconscious and then drowned while unconscious. Nah. And wouldn't have been able to fight back.

I'm never taking a bath again. Yes. Yowza! So to prove this theory, Neil hired several experienced female divers of the same size and build as the victims. He tried to push them underwater by force, but there would always be signs of a struggle because your body just innately struggles

if you're being drowned, obviously. Uh-huh. Then, because we're back in the good old days, Neil decided to unexpectedly pull the feet of one of the divers. Her head glided underwater before she knew what happened. Suddenly, she was no longer moving. They pulled her out of the tub. It took him and a doctor over half an hour to revive her

because she had gone unconscious. And when she came to, she related that the only thing she remembered was the rush of water before she lost consciousness. I'm sorry. I assume these divers were wearing, like, oxygen masks or snorkel masks or something. No, they were just... What the fuck? They were divers back then.

So did I. How far could you really dive if you had nothing to help you? Well, they were doing it as, like, an experiment to see how your body would react. Excuse me, ma'am can i hire you to pretend to kill you this is no who says yes to that to be honest that's probably a stunt actor the thing hollywood now well true but the thing is like this is the 1800s nowadays if someone drowned you by accident you could see the shit out of them like oh yeah i thought you were gonna say this is the 1800s it was hard for women to find work well also that but i'm sure they weren't

paid for this shit i doubt it i doubt it too well no well right but i would also not do that shit for anything if they were gonna fucking drown me in a bathtub but yeah so basically he's like let's see what happens if i yank on her legs and then they she went unconscious they were like oh shit and he had to revive her it's not even like they called paramedics but so she was able to be like this is exactly what happened on my end so they figured out yeah so she goes i went so she's the she's the unsung hero of the story oh yeah well no she's the reason that they cracked the case because she was well not really cracked the case they knew it was him but she's the reason that they came up with this theory yeah confirmed his theory but there's still lingering questions

as to what actually happened because it's not it's still a theory it's not like completely sure but that is it's it's also one of those things of like how did he do that so swiftly with three people that he was able to just like happen to pull them so that they drowned before they could fight like it's just bizarre i don't know i mean the more you practice the better you get at it he probably had a touch yeah but i mean all three of them were just instantaneously killed you take a bath tonight and see what happens when i yank your legs up i'm gonna kick you right in the nose i would never i love you too much as if um okay so apparently modern science gives us some credibility the rushing of water down the throat apparently puts pressure on the vagus which is one of the main nerves in the neck which causes a rapid

slowing down of the heart rate and an instant faint so you immediately pass out no but most people suffering from vagal inhibition don't die and they recover really quickly so it was just strange that like they all happen to drown before anything happened one of the most intriguing theories is that smith hypnotized his victims before drowning them by pulling on their feet with his what beady gray beady gray eyes? Mm-hmm. Well. That won't do it. Or like a pocket watch. There was a man who actually did persuade more than 100 women to marry him by means of hypnosis and then robbed them of their life savings.

This is what you seem to do. Well, you just need to read Georges Jamarié's best-selling novel, Trilby. Published. Hopefully they have it on iBooks. Published in 1894 probably not um basically it's a man who just taught you how to manipulate women so anyway so the point is that a lot of people if you do suffer from that like quick

rushing right of your vegas nerves in the neck, you usually recover really quickly. So it was kind of confusing as to how that happened. Some people said that he, you know, he hypnotized his wives before he drowned them so that they wouldn't fight back. But there are some problems with the theory. Hypnotists say it is not possible to persuade a subject to do something that will harm them. Hypnotists say it is not possible to persuade a subject to do something that will harm them. And Bessie Money's grip on the soap seems inconsistent with the idea that she had been relaxed into a trance because she was just clawing at it so hard. In February 1915, George Joseph Smith was arrested and formally charged with the murders of Bessie Williams, Alice Smith, and Margaret Lloyd.

The trial was extremely sensationalized. It was one of the biggest, most sensationalized cases of the 20th century. People were so fascinated with the crime. He was even featured in Madame Tussauds' Chamber of Horrors for a long time. In August 1915, Smith was hanged at Maidstone Prison. He protested his innocence to the end, and he took with him the secret of how he actually killed the three women, because it was never actually proved. There were several theories,

and no one actually knows how he managed to render them completely unconscious and drowning. Without signs of drowning. Right. They literally studied them, and they were like, they didn't classically drown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was also no sign of violence. There were no... Oh my god. It was really weird. There was no poison, nothing. like they didn't like technically drown yeah but there was also no sign of violence there were no oh my god it was really weird there was no poison nothing so they don't know what he

did and he did it three times in a row without any like flaws or anything he didn't do this to other women he had married um yes so uh this is the saddest thing i was reading this daily mail article and it was like he died taking with him the secret of how he killed three innocent women who were desperate for love, but were met instead with cruel and untimely deaths. So that's the end of that story. He's dead. And so were they. Well, yes.

Did he have any last words that you know of? So I did read an article called, it's from the St. Albans Review. It's like St. Albans Sanatorium. Oh, but this is in England. Wasn't that in the U.S. or was that also in England? St. Albans was in Virginia. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So this is probably the same St. Albans. I sure. Yeah, I'm sure it's the same. I'm thinking Albans is St. everywhere you go. Probably. So on the morning of his execution, apparently he was a wreck, which does surprise me. Because, I mean, I guess he's about to die, so maybe that's why. But I'm sure it wasn't of guilt.

So he was led quickly and shakily to the scaffold and positioned onto the trap door where the hood was placed over his head, which... Horrifying. Fucking creeps me out. He probably deserves it. I know. Just the thought of a hood with a rope. It's ugh. As Hangman Ellis placed the noose around his neck. They know who the hangman was? Yeah. Isn't it supposed to be

a secret? It's supposed to be confidential who kills you. Really? You're supposed to, like, so you don't have to, I don't know. I really you're supposed to like like so you don't have to i don't know i guess you're gonna die imagine if you had wait who are you in the scenario imagine if you were the hangman and the person you hanged had like fans and they were like oh someone named ellis hanged him i'm gonna go find him yeah but kill members of his family but think about probably crazy too but think about the judge or the jury or the lawyers like you know all those people who actually sent that's true i think it's more for the exit maybe for the executioner's guilt later

to be like they knew who i was i feel like to be an executioner you can't really have guilt you'd have to have two hangmans at the same time like pulling something and then they would be like we didn't know who it was that's how firing squads work right yeah they would all shoot at the same time because you didn't know whose bullet killed him yeah that's a good point that's a good point uh but anyway this guy's name is ellis at least he didn't give his last name i don't know or maybe that is his last name uh apparently smith cried out loudly i'm innocent a moment later a crew this is a quote i'm not making this up this is from the article a moment later a cruel calculating man who had deceived for gain and murdered three innocents with his bare hands was dispatched. Dispatched.

So dramatic. I want to be a journalist. But his last words were, I'm innocent. You could come up with something better. Yeah, that's super original, even for back then. I would hope you would come up with something more fucking original's super original even for back then i would hope you would come up with like more fucking french fries a classic or here's no he said here's this for a headline french fries yeah yeah you can't beat that though no once french fries happens

you're like well might as well shout i'm innocent it's like my wedding hashtag it's like i don't have a cool fucking name sorry why are you pointing at me we came up with some more hashtags for christine's wedding this is the best one does it beat i love lamp tell me i don't remember it hashtag blazantine empire that's what it was shut the fuck up that's so good get it yes oh my god that's so good and then there was um this one yeah you did it right that's how he wrote it yeah sell a blaze that's the one that's the one that's the one but what was it was it just sell a blaze we we couldn't decide what to add to that oh okay we were like

sell a blaze but you can follow it up with something to do with my brother said absolutely do not do that because originally he had the idea of uh like set the world ablaze or some shit like that set the night ablaze that's a night ablaze there are just so many puns of blazes and then a new phase for christine and blaze that was the other one oh right oh no that was that was almost mine because my mine was it ain't no phase no that was mine and you said that was too depressing, so then I deleted it. Oh, no, it was Christine and Blaze. It's not just a phase or some shit like that.

We did go over that a couple times. That's depressing. So thanks for listening to our episode. Thanks, guys. Remember how you used to like us? Well, remember when Christine used to like us? Sorry I ruined that for everyone. Anyway. Anyway, good luck, Christine.

You guys are awesome. We love you so much. A lot of cool shit is happening. We've mailed your merch. It's on the way for all you Patreon donators. Your shirts are coming. They're on the way. And then our listeners episode just came out. And the next one is august 1st holy crap

i know every time we say the next listener episode it seems like i know so far away i know and we by the time this comes out we will have hit 200 000 downloads okay what i feel like you're pushing it no i'm not'm not. We're at 160 right now. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. I'll download it 40,000 times. So everybody downloaded it 10 times and then. I'm your biggest fan. So happy 200,000 in advance.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's wild. Yeah. Holy shit. It's always crazy.

444. Listen, that was my AAM username in middle school and M likes to bring it up. Let's always crazy 444. Listen. That was my AAM username in middle school. And M likes to bring it up. Let's not talk about it. It's you're always crazy 444. I'm always crazy 444. Always with a Z. All right.

Let's move on. I had a freakishly similar username. No, you didn't. I'm always wild 444. No. Crazy girl. We would have been best friends. away messages would have totally been like petty comments on each other they were probably exactly the same as christine i'm sure fall out boy lyrics yes that's exactly right how we know

we're meant to be friends we're the same human. No. I'm just hanging out with them. I love everybody who listens to this podcast. I love everybody who is at this table. Thank you. Is at this table. I love everyone who lives on the Earth and... Oh. That makes me feel a lot less special. What about the astronauts? They're not on

fucking Earth. So? Where's their permanent address? Is it on the moon? I don't think so did you know that all the american flags that are currently on the moon are completely whited out from the radiation of the sun shut the fuck up so really it's like who put that flag there it's white someone's forfeiting someone's surrendering the moon is surrendering oh no it's like i give up someone's giving away someone's giving away our moon's giving away our moon. Wait, what? Are you serious? Yeah.

That's fucking awful. And apparently the first gay flag has been put on the moon. Wait, are you serious? If it's white, that's so depressing. Oh, they were going to turn extra fucked up.

That's fucked up. Wait, are you serious? I'm pretty darn sure. Who put that there? I don't know. Are you sure you didn't just read that on Twitter? I probably, I for sure would have seen that in real life.

If that were actually news, I feel like an astronaut didn't put. Something about Pride Month. Look it up. The moon is gay. It's a secret the moon's been keeping for years. For eras. For epochs, might I say.

It's finally time for the moon to come out and show its true colors. Tell me it's true. No. Well. Come on. No, it's not true. Okay, but what if i went to space and brought six different colored aerosol spray cans and used one of the white you could do that or

or you could just bring a rainbow flag you don't really need to spray paint a flag but can you imagine spray painting in space it everything would be in slow motion it would just like hit you in the face imagine tagging like graffiti tagging but in the outer space it would just, like, hit you in the face. Imagine tagging, like, graffiti tagging, but in the outer space. It would just say. Hashtag the gays. What? Is that not what you've been saying? I mean, the gays trademarked, but.

Oh, trademarked, sorry. Would you hashtag the gays in space? Space gays. Hashtag space gays. We'll figure it out. Space gays is good. They're up there. I think I found a wedding theme.

We all know it. Space gays. good. They're up there. I think I found a wedding theme. We all know it. Space gays. Also, apparently, BBC says that last year there was a gay pride flag that was on a mission

and it was on a... On its way to the moon. No, it was not. It was in space. It was on a balloon. What kind of balloon? One of the ones that go into space? A high altitude balloon. Okay. To of balloon one of the ones that go into space a high altitude balloon okay to spread peace it was like aliens from milwaukee wisconsin i was gonna ask where it's from but it's not russia the rainbow gay flag on the moon was made up so god damn it sorry

i'm one day soon enough that's my that's why you're in training to be an astronaut that's exactly it that's why you're an astrophysicist. That's exactly it. That's why you're an astrophysicist. Ah. Let's just say. And that's why we drink. Ready? Can I join? Yeah. You ready? Am I going to ruin it for everyone?

And that's why we drink. Oh, that's probably better than any other ones we've ever done. Yes, that's true. You're welcome. All right, guys. If you want to check us out on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, do it. If you want to email us, and that's what you drink at gmail.com Do it. See you later.

Bye. Bye.