And That's Why We Drink - E446 Erratic Earthquake Cocktails and Ghostly Gay Icons

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

Grab your favorite mocktails and cocktails because episode 446 is here and Detective Schiefer is on the case. This week Em covers the weird and semi-creepy cryptid Sam the Sandown Clown aka All Colors Sam. Then Christine brings us to Germany for the wildly interesting case of the Phantom of Heilbronn aka the Woman Without a Face. And is it time to bring back “having a beef”? Or is it just “beef”? …and that’s why we drink! Photo Links:Sandown Sam BUFORA JournalAll Colors Sam - in color Want to hear more from us? Subscribe to our bonus Yappy Hours on Patreon or Apple Podcasts! http://patreon.com/ATWWDPodcast___________________Sign up for HelloFresh at http://hellofresh.com/DRINK10FM and get 10 free meals with a free item for life. Visit http://cornbreadhemp.com/drink and use code DRINK at checkout for 30% off your first order! To get 6 bottles of wine for $39.99, head to http://NakedWines.com/DRINK and use code DRINK for both the code AND PASSWORD. Go to http://Quince.com/drink for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to http://honeylove.com/drink! #honeylovepod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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at honeylove.com slash drink use our exclusive link to get 20% off honeylove.com slash drink to find your perfect fit after your purchase they ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them we send you experience a new standard in bras and shapewear with honey love before we start this episode we wanted to dedicate it to one of our listeners kathy her husband And Trevor reached out and said that Kathy is going through a hard time right now. And we wanted to let you know that he reached out to us and told us that we're one of the things that brings you a little joy these days. And we're really grateful that we get to be a part of your life. And we're thinking of you. Yeah. And just so you know, Trevor said that you are the love of his life. And just your family loves you. We love you so much. sounds like you bring a lot of light to a lot of people

I also want to add a little shout out to Wyatt and Holden Big hugs Big love Big big big love big hugs And to all of you And this is us sending our love beams your way Yeah we're thinking of you guys

And hope you like the episode Hello, everyone, welcome to, and that's why we drink. Sorry, I want to start talking to, I want to start having an audience. So I'm going to introduce her to the podcast. I want to make sure that we don't get this edited out where you're talking about how great I look. When my style sachets into the room, I've got to get eyeballs on this thing. I've got to get your earballs on this. Listen up.

I was talking about my new linen pants. It's a whole thing. Don't worry about it. You'll hear it in an ad. Sorry. But on that note, we were talking about this fish shirt. And I was about to say to M, well, now that I often drop Leona off at preschool, it's so strange to be, like, amongst millennial moms.

Yeah, what are they wearing? Tell us all of us a child free people. Honestly, one day I went over there and I was wearing, like, bike shorts. thought like is this like I even asked blaze like is this like bad to wear to a preschool and he's like no you're fine it was like with an actually a creeps in crime sweatshirt um and so I was wearing that and uh I got out of the car and this woman who has like the same car as me gets out and she has on bike shorts and like a different good for you TV show and I was like you're right where you belong good for you I was very pleased but then today I literally wore um

I've worn some very strange things, I think, that, like, maybe I, I think sometimes, and because I drop her off so sporadically, because it's typically Blaz's job, and I always look a little confused. I think they probably worry about me, but it's okay. You know, we're all trying our best to get through it. What if that's, like, your meet cute for Leona's best friend's mom one day? Here's what I realize. I would often put a lot of pressure on myself about that kind of thing. And I would say, well, you. you know, like, and then I thought to myself, that kind of thing happens when you're not trying for it to happen, right, and not thinking and trying. So I thought, you know what, why not be as authentically myself as possible, even sometimes if it's embarrassing? And yes, you're right, maybe someday I will show up in a shirt covered in coffee and birthday cake creamer. And someone else will too, and we'll just bond over that, you know, you never know. Maybe that'll be. I'm just saying if the whole thing is like, oh, when you least expect it, well, what are the odds? Both you are just

wearing, like, hoodies and bike shorts and not expecting anything. Oh, no. She was way cooler than she was like really like trendy, trendy. And like, I see. I was like, oh, oh no. Okay. I like, I like, mine was like cute. At the very least. The creeps in crime sweatshirt. But it was like cute and I had like Birkenstocks. But like, ah, you know, she was like clearly doing a look. I just had pajamas on. Well, you know, to keep pressure off yourself from finding like the one that's going to be best friends with you and best friends with you and blah blah blah all my friends listening to this like what the fuck at the very least you can weed through them and go i know it's not that one you know it's like that's yeah with with with what with what um like with oh by saying they're cooler

than me yeah at least you can say like oh no pressure on that one being my best i don't have to do anything today like that one's oh yeah yeah yeah no she's not i mean i think i've i've led my whole life that way like oh that's above my pay grade yeah i i will bow to you you pass Like, pass on by. Sometimes when I like, I go to dinner by myself or like I like go to like my coffee shop or something and I'm like, oh, it'd be cool if someone like walked in and like we became immediate friends. And then someone walks in and I can just tell them like, it's not going to be that person.

Okay. Oh my God. It's like some people just look way too cool. Are you having like speed dating, but in your own mental speed dating with people? Kind of, which like I feel bad that I'm like, I guess in some way ranking people when they walk through the door because I'm like, oh, I would be friends with them. I think maybe I should go like compliment. reading a book by its cover, huh?

I am. But there are some people when they walk in, you're like, I have to be friends with them. So I guess in that way, you're also reading a book by the cover. I don't think I've ever really felt that way. No? Well, I felt like don't look at anybody. Oh. They'll perceive you. No, there are sometimes, like, just now, I was, I was walking Hank and someone walked by and I was like, he looks really cool. I feel like, I feel like he looks really cool, but also like not in a way where we wouldn't run in the same circles. And I was like, I'm going to say something to him. I feel like we would like maybe connect. And he had very fluffy hair.

So I said, your hair looks really good today. The dog or the person? The person. Oh, the person. I said, you really, I like your hair. It's very fluffy. And then he went, thank you. And that was what I was going for.

And I went, well, we are going to be friends. And then I, we, I decided. Don't worry. He didn't know that, but I decided. And so then we walked past each other because I just did like the drive-by compliment. I don't want to overwhelm him. I just said, your hair looks very fluffy today. And then when we were doing the loop and I passed him again.

And I went, your hair. still looks fluffy, don't worry. And he went, your hair looks fluffy too. And then we stopped and talked for like 10 minutes. It's lovely. Whoa. Wow. Meet cute indeed. So sometimes I just I forced the narrative and I'm fine with that. Do you have any idea? I am like sweating my heart, my pulse is racing. Oh social anxiety? Yeah, that just is like, oh God no. Like, oh God, no, don't speak to me ever anybody. Sometimes I mean, sometimes I just decide I want to be a friend, but sometimes I just decide. If somebody said something nice to me, that's great. I'm not. I'm saying like don't say something to me i'm just saying as you i can't i'm i'm in i'm in all of your

of your social bandwidth i think like if i'm walking outside i just hope and pray i don't see a soul to speak to because i'm so tired and i'm so like what if someone like me walked by and was like i really dig your fish shirt that's fucking crazy i love that when you like that would be very nice yeah and then we walk past each other again and then i go don't worry your fish shirt's still looking really cool you know that would be nice and i feel like if it were like we clearly had a similar vibe and that has happened because like but it's usually like people are like oh uh I knew you lived in the area I listened to your podcast and we go to the same coffee shop kind of thing you know so it kind of sets up that meeting sure but yeah I guess if I were on like a I mean no

and I'm not opposed to people saying hi I think for me I just get anxious because I'm like I think I would overthink that to hell and then like make it really weird and then make them think I was like hitting on that I don't know I just I start spinning out like I don't think I think it needs happen more organically where I'm not instigating the scenario, because it'll probably go sideways. Yeah, I don't mind being an investigator. I, yeah, I know that about you. I do. And also, that's why I appreciate the drive-by compliment, because if it's weird, you're already walking away. So, who cares? Fair point. And then you meet each other again in a loop. Yeah, that it's awkward. You say, you know what? Fuck you actually. I can see I'm walking closer.

No, I did. You're like, I've been ruminating on this, and I'm actually really pissed off. I did have to have the confidence to just go up to a random man and go, I really like your hair date. It's very fluffy because what if that was what he was not looking for you know but that's what i'm saying like when you're telling me this my my pulse is racing i'm like you're just going up to be complimenting their hair but not but like complimenting it in a specific way which is nice but also like yeah what if he's like oh i tried to unfrize it all morning you know like i would i guess you can usually read the vibe like you're not like gonna say that somebody i would have also just leaned on the fact like i have fluffy hair and i'd be like oh you know uh talent sees talent you know something

like that like i would have made up some like stupid joke oh just some witty quirky line one liner yeah well this is why i'm not like meant to be in my own harry met sally situation you know i'm just meant to like drunkenly meet somebody and then like text them for a while and be like i guess we're friends now you know that's lovely and now married also yeah great see everything works out the way it's supposed to i yeah nice anyway i don't know how we got here but well i can tell you why i drink which is that sure right just to set sagu right out of that uh again remember when you said oh it looks like it's supposed to say segue but it says i want you to know that by saying sagu and me obviously i know what's happening here but we never talk about it in more detail so i thought i'll never shake that give it a little sprinkle

of reminder sigoo will be the last word that fades from my existence when i die besides want besides wanton i still think about that 28 years okay because sometimes people are like what is lemon or whatever and like those are easy to find out now on reddit but sometimes people ask questions that we don't like really like breaking into wallace where we talked about it like once and then just reference it but if in case you'd ever listen to early episodes you're really missing out because m was reading the word wanton like he was a wanton man and em said what is a wanton man I thought he sold wantons. I thought he was like the wanton, man. Like the guy at the wanton cart.

You know how we all have one of those. And it was in that same room, I remember. So it must have been the same year. You were like on a roll that year, I guess. Yeah. And Segu. That was also the year of Segu. I never knew Segway was spelled Segui.

Two B three, worked. Your earliest attachment to the word was via the branded. Yeah, it was a Segway tour guide. I just thought, oh, that's how it spells. I had no idea it was any other way. Wow. I love this game humbling um left and right no I'm sorry I said to goo and then I went wait this is how it all started when you said it six years ago like I don't want it to become Christine that's

not a word you know you know what hurts is I'm trying to think of something to like banter back with you about something you've done stupid and I can't think of anything stupid remember when you fell asleep while we were recording it up this one of all you didn't even finish the sentence nor take a breath before you suddenly had the inspiration okay it's easily my favorite fucking angel smiled a Hawn to me with that one, okay? It's my favorite thing you've ever done. I said the jig or something's up and you got all. No, you got away with it because now I don't know what the right one is.

Okay. Well, then also I got away with the one that said had a beef or had beef because then everybody got into an argument. Yeah, I did because. You didn't get away with that. That's, no, you're wrong. Let's bring that, though. It's had beef, not had a beef.

No, it is had a, it's both. It's had a beef. You can have a beef with someone. I don't like. what you're saying to me. And remember when I said it and I wasn't sure, now the number of people who have

sent us, tagged us, Merriam-Webster Dictionary Defines... I've magically forgotten everything they ever said to me. It's had beef and that's it as far as I know. I can't tolerate the notion of anything else, actually. Some people just reach their limit of being able to grow

and like learn. Go back to sleep, Christine. Okay. Today, Leona said, we were in the car and I said do you want to she said I want to listen to Elmo songs so I was like listening to Elmo songs and then I said do you want me to turn up the volume and she said I'm sleeping and she said I look around and she was going like this oh and I was like what the fuck and I started laughing and she's like I'm sleeping this is how I sleep and I said that's actually not how you sleep and she goes you're right I sleep with my eyes open what a psychopath I'm so sorry like your kid is going to have a lot to tell you about one day when she can like recall which is going on right now it's really startling but she says i don't i don't i don't close my eyes when i sleep and i'm like okay you weirdo anyway i love that for her but also like i don't want to sleep over in a room next to her because i think she would like i'd find her standing in the corner smiling at night you know the thing is that i watch her on the camera and

she's literally sleeping with her eyes closed in a peaceful position like it's not like oh i'm sitting here in fear wondering if she'll wander like she's not sitting up right in staring blankly at the wall. No, because like I usually am the one doing things like that. And so I would notice if I glanced over and she and I were both, you know, simultaneously. I'm not saying it can't happen. I'm just saying so far, uh, she's been pretty chill. So I don't know what the deal is. But I think it's her way to avoid dream, like, she always says she doesn't dream and she doesn't sleep. She sleeps with her eyes open. It's like the weirdest thing. I wonder if she's scared of dreams. I think she's avoidant. I think she's avoiding it because she doesn't want to talk about it,

which is kind of how I was as a kid. And I always. thought it was because something happened, but now I'm like, maybe it's just she has a similar, like, scared, like. Or maybe she just can't understand why she's in other places and you're not there or something, you know? I know, but usually she's so imaginative and, like, wants to pretend we're on cattern and, like, you know, has all these, like, crazy ideas and wants to be other people and, you know, so I'm like, it's just, when it comes to that, she's so adamant that I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, okay. So I'm wondering if that'll some day turn into something, but, oh, I was, I'm sorry, that was such a sidebar. I've just meant to say that the

reason I drink going off of what we were talking about with like making friends is that two of my close friends here in Cincinnati, Liz and Izzy have both told me they are expecting little girls to be born the week of Leona's birthday. Precious. And they're going to be, of course, four years younger, but I'm like, oh my God, Leonia's going to be their babysitter. That'll always be, like, nice for her to, like, interact with babies. How often does she do that?

I know. And now I have mom friends. I had a few. Now I'm just, the numbers are growing. I know. Parent friends, I'll say.

Because I don't have many parent friends. A lot of them are Blazes friends. Even the women, a lot of them are blazes friends. And so for me,

it's like, I feel like parent friends are hard to come by in your natural circle. If you are of a group of people that aren't like in that space yet, you know what I mean? Like my friends just aren't there.

So my friends just happen to not be parents. But it's happening, slowly. slowly as you make more friends like you i i make less friends like me though like there's oh these are old friends are becoming more like me do you see what i'm saying yeah yeah liz is my brother's friend from high school like we've been close for for years and she got married and now she's having a little baby well i was going to say i was just having this conversation with one of my other child free friends where uh we were saying like does it feel like everyone's apparent all of a sudden

Like, I don't know what happened, but in my perspective of everything, like, it's funny, you know, your perspective is like, oh, like, everyone's finally having kids. In my mind, I'm like, where are the child free people? Like, everyone all of a sudden has children. I think it's because everyone from my childhood now, I think there's only like two left in my friend group that don't have kids. Everyone from my high school, I feel like ended up having kids, but it's a lot of people that, well, not even that actually, no, a lot.

I mean, your friends are like, your friends, my friends are like, you, my brother, Eva, Renee, like all these people are not even in a space where they would consider having a child, right? So it's like, my very close inner circle is just comprised mostly, even within my family of people who and my sister and all that. But yeah, so. That's got to be nice, though, that you can finally talk about that stuff with someone who'll get it. And it's also something where I was never going to, like, pressure them to ask or want, you know, like, if they told me, fine. But I wasn't sure if they ever were, you know, interested in having kids. So I was very excited.

I just, and like, I love a little October. You know, I love my little October baby. I know. I do too. I know. But no, that's got to be nice to now have someone to, like, talk to about the stuff that, like, won't just, like, you could, like, talk to me about it, but I don't get it, you know? No, yeah.

Well, and I think part of it, too, I feel excited that I can be of any sort of help because my friend Izzy is in the same boat as me where she says, none of my, she's, like, in a band. She's very, like, rock and roll, and she's like, none of my, she's like, I am, she says her sister has kids, but, like, that's totally out of her else. which is kind of how I was and I feel like I had to rely on the internet which was terrifying and then my mother which was even more terrifying but then so now to be able to be like oh hey yeah there's this weird thing or like oh don't worry that's just something or explain you know things

that happened or tell my story I don't know it just feels helpful to have somebody to connect with and like share tips and help and know you know what they need and feel like I can be there for them yeah that's awesome it's an exciting feeling but I said that only because you were saying oh meeting friends and i'm like finally my i'm i have some friends that will have kids so at least i can have quote unquote those mom friends even if daycare drop off doesn't go quite as planned even if everyone at daycare is cooler than me no that's i'm very happy for you that's that's got to be nice to just have people in your circle that like are more aligned with whatever you're you're doing you know i'm used to being the one in all the

friend groups who's like shit i can't i can't do that night we we don't have a baby so you know like i'm the one usually who's like kind of that way so yeah it's kind of nice to feel the pressures off a little bit yeah i'm not the only one with the yeah although expect like you said a lot of calls of people being like what do i do so yeah i've gotten some texts and i'm like listen i'm all about a voice memo i'll voice memo you all day nice nice all day well not all night because i'm sleeping um because everyone's having babies sorry Why do I drink? Man.

I don't know. I don't know why I drink. I guess I... I gave about 82 reasons if you want to pick any of them. I'm sure even some of the happy ones were probably reasons to drink for you. I was going to say that my mom is coming into town next week. And so... Did I know that?

Oh, yes, I did. know that maybe maybe i don't know um fun so she's coming into town which i'm excited that she'll be here but this will be my first time kind of going in and out multiple times and like being more spontaneous like with this fucking guy over here with the four legs with the four letter word that shall not be named i i'm nervous about like breaking his routine and like what he's going to do especially since he's like in his like destructive like self uh separation anxiety space yeah so i'm i'm kind of panicking about just like having to plan ahead which i've never had to do before because i'm used to waking up whenever i want and then leaving and not coming back final one too

wow so yeah i'm so glad some of my friends are having kids because man i know well see that's why if i i know i know you are totally fine to hear me complain about this stuff but i'm also like wildly aware that I'm just learning how to handle a dog and you're like, and they're done that with all these living creatures. No, no, no, no. I don't mean like that. But it's kind of like, it's a funny thing to watch people. Because now you're like, oh, shit, now I have this dog.

And I'm like, oh, I remember how that first step, the slippery slope of bringing in living creatures. Yeah. I, uh, no, I just, I don't like having to adjust fun. I don't like doing it. And, uh, so. Having to adjust fun. Is that what you said?

You know what I mean? Like, I just want to be able to, like, get up and go. But now I'm, like, thinking, like, like this is the first time that my mom's going to be here where I might have to like be that person who's like I have to go home and walk the dog in the middle of the day you know like I just is she the type who can just like hang out or like she will but I still like just want to like not have to worry about that and like I don't want to like her to like she'll be accommodating but like I don't even want her to have to deal with being accommodating I just want to go out and do stuff

with her and not have to worry about someone else um I'm sure Tom is will also be on his way over. Oh, on his way. He's just like a hitch a ride in his Tommy Bahama. Yeah, I can see it. They're quite a package deal. So I pretty much. They really are.

Like, you never really know if they're there, but they always appear all of a sudden. It's like. Assume wherever my mom is he is. Tom just shows up. Yeah. Um, no, so I, like, there are things like I want to take the, I, I just, it always irritated me as someone who didn't have a dog and didn't get it. Like, the people who would say, like, oh, I have to leave early to go.

walk my dog. Like I would always like like because I didn't have a dog. I didn't understand like the like I know you have to go like take care of a dog. But I was like man like doesn't that get annoying? Like how are you saying that's like so like it's so just normalized. It's a great way out of plans. And a lot of times people say it. It's true. But it's also like oh good like you know it's been a and now I have a easy way to say okay bye everybody. Yeah. No I I mean I get that now. But I also I also know if I was hanging out with somebody was like let's go to lunch and a movie and they're like oh if i add up the hours that's like a lot of time like things like that and i was always like man like i feel like i i have to like accommodate this like whole dog that doesn't even mind to hang out with you

yeah and uh that's a huge adjustment it's a huge adjustment so now that i'm in that i have like especially i mean i'm lucky because blaze usually handles the pets like i don't even think about it so i'm thinking now like you're right like well and especially if you're the are you hosting you're just toasting alone, right? Because Alex's not back yet. So, like, then, yeah, then you're responsible now for house guests. And it's also like when my, when they're in town, like I want to do as much, I want to pack in as much as I can with them.

But now I have to like, there's going to be so many times we're like, well, let's schedule it so that way we're closer to home at a certain time so I can walk him and it will be as efficient and quick as possible so we can get back out and keep doing things. And it just, it becomes like a little bit of an ordeal versus like, oh, let's end up in Santa Monica all day long and it's like now well my dog has to pee like it's just like it's just very annoying to get used to interesting because I think some maybe this is true for other people too but definitely I think for me I think maybe I built the life around what I think we all do but try to build a life around what we're comfortable with like I would never want to end up all day

in Sanam I don't like the whimsy and spontaneity of that like I would would be like I would like a two hour window and I know I get to go home afterward. I'm just such an introvert. I like I can't just be out all day for. I mean, I could in high school like when I was just wandering and had like no responsibilities. But I think nowadays I'm like I need to go home and like refill my batteries. So I think like the dog thing was an adjustment for sure, especially when it came to like if I had like a day job. But also I think it was also like it just fit my routine. Yeah. So that's different I think. Right. Like yours is a much more, maybe a dis and I'm sure there was a lot of disruption like you know with travel it's so much harder

and blaze and I couldn't just like drive north for an hour and like stay there to do like antiquing all day like stuff like that I feel is is different but yeah like your your comfort level is much more kind of go go go and yeah this is why I didn't want a dog especially like that's why we waited for so long to get that out he can hear you no he's feel he he knows called emotional trauma. I mean, I did want a dog, but the, um, and I'm, I'm happy I have him now and I'm obviously going to make it work, but I was, I'm obviously, I am. I'm not going to like, bitch him, but like, I're in counseling. We're going to make it work. But like, I held off for so long because I was at least acutely aware of the shift in my lifestyle and like, and I didn't want to do that. So this is

just one of those like puppy blues situations where I'm like, I'm happier here, but man, I really would rather just go to Sanamonical all day. Does Wag not work or like Rover walks? I mean, I'm going to probably find somebody. Like, I'll find a solution to it where I'm accommodated best as possible. Because people who go out for work all day are gone like, you know, 10 hours, 8, 10 hours. Yeah. And just do walk walk or find somebody.

I mean, yeah, I mean, when Allison gets home, I figure it'll probably, I'll probably be like, oh, shit, this is so much easier. I'll just hand her the dog and go, my turn. I'm going to be gone for several months. When does that start? When does the change of the guard happen? It was August and now I think it's October. October? Yeah.

Why? It just keeps getting extended. I mean, it's not her fault. It just keeps happening. Is she just going to stay there? Go somewhere else? No, she's still there. Oh, okay.

Sometimes I have to check. That's a fair question. She could be like in Portugal with the baby. I don't know. Sometimes you and I find out the same day. that she's going to the Amazon rainforest, and I go, sure. And some people might think that's, like, weird, but I really, I love that about her. I just not when all of a sudden I have to watch this stupid dog.

I don't, because suddenly she comes back and goes, wow, I almost died 16 times in the Amazon. And I said, I would have fucking told you that. It's shocking what she is capable of doing. And moves in silence with it, too. But now she's just like with babies? Yeah, she's been with the baby since April. Yeah. And so she's, she wants to stay with the baby.

Well, they love each other. They do love each other. Remember when you were like, where are all the child for people now? Allison's like, actually, I would rather be with this baby. Even my own girlfriend is with a baby right now. Yikes. No, they seem to be getting along. There's some delay with like the daycare or something.

So Allison's just going to stay and keep. Oh, I see. Because that does make. Yeah. Anyway, I know I like constantly am like poo-pooing on this dog, but the whole point of and that's why I drink is where we come here and like vent the worst of ourselves. So that's me venting the worst. for ourselves. I promise I do love him. It's just like if you're asking why I drink this week,

it's because he's a headache and he's constantly a headache because having a dog is more of a headache than not having a dog. So that's what they say. I love him and he's very sweet and we get along just fine, but not when I want to go do something and he needs to be prioritized. I don't feel like prioritizing him sometimes. Whoops. Oh my God. You'd be so perfect on teen mom though. I feel like a teen mom. I just got this stupid baby, my deadbeat baby. Baby dad. So, literally, you're like, you're like put him in a laundry basket and be like, mom, can you take care of this baby? I want to go to the club. I would love to put Hank in a laundry basket and make him somebody else's problem.

Before I made these abrupt lifestyle changes, I was like, I got to be somewhere where some lady, my mother, will just show up if I need or two. Like, I was not about to have a baby in. No, it totally makes sense. I totally get it now. Oh, my God. And this is a dog. I'm aware they're apples and oranges, but, like, just a dog. I'm like, I should have moved to Virginia so my mom could watch them all the time.

I mean, maybe she'll move in now. I think that's what's happening. She's going to be like, so Allison's gone until October you say, huh? And she kicks her shoes off. Yeah, yeah. Now she knows. Oh, boy. And Tom's like, well, we're a package deal. And he unpacks his Tommy Bahama duffel bag.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I, uh, wait, I need a drink. I'm so sorry. I'm having one of those weeks where I'm like, I'm pretty sure that, uh, Okay, I saw a car crash yesterday in front of me and I had to call 911 and like it happened at like 8.30 in the morning and then I like went to therapy and I forgot to mention it. And then like I kind of mentioned like, oh, I also saw this guy almost died today and like everyone's alive. Yeah, he was like taken away and on a stretcher, but he was moving. Okay.

It was not as. But like he lit it was so scary because the car hit the gar hit the concrete just out of nowhere like swerved hit the concrete. I don't know if he passed out or something and then instead of hitting the brake like the brake lights weren't going on so I knew so it just kept like smashing over and over and I just saw this guy like kind of I just saw like the head

like a heart attack while driving or something he was fine he was like up and talking so I don't think he was unconscious he was not unconscious when they when they came but I was in my car and guess what M I had left my phone at home for the first time ever since dropping Leona off at preschool I'd left my phone home

Oh, Christine. And I didn't know what to do, but I have this emergency thing. And I thank God. I mean, otherwise, I would have had to flag somebody over because I was the only one who stopped. And then so the fucking, I hit the button and thank God somebody actually answered because I don't know. It always feels like a scam. I'm like, no one's going to answer that thing. I'm like, are they going to charge me $400 for that?

I don't know. It does feel like going on the internet on an old phone. Yes, it does. Where the web, the world, and you're like, hang up before the worldwide web like completes its spin. Anyway, point being, I've had a very disregulating a few days, and I think, like, I have really struggled to ground myself. And so sometimes I just shout, I need a drink, and it's probably not appropriate. But, hey, we're on, and that's why we drink right now. It's absolutely appropriate right now.

Sometimes I need a drink to feel less manic. I don't. That doesn't make sense. But I get that. It is a depressant, I guess. Do you have, I've been asking everybody this. Depression? Yes.

Well, girl, I didn't have to ask that. Well, big. I was going to say, I've been asking everyone of the dog part. What is your... You've been asking everyone you meet, apparently, because you're just striking up fluffy hair. Mr. Fluffy hair is getting this question tomorrow, I'll tell you that. This feels like Mr. Glitter Shoes.

Mr. Glitter Shoes. What is your favorite mocktail these days? I feel like, or Cocktail these days, sorry, me mocked. I was like, before anyone starts commenting, I am not pregnant. What are my favorite cocktails? Oh, I'm still, listen, I'm a diehard. Hard Nogroni fan. I love a Nogroni, but I also love an apparel spritz. I'm into a spritz. Approle sprits, yeah. Why do you ask? Well, I asked because the last time my mom was in town,

she went to the bathroom and it was just me, Allison and Tom, and somehow we started placing bets on what my mom's favorite drink is, because we all thought it was a different thing. Oh, interesting. Okay. Because I remember, I mean, I obviously know her the longest out of any of them, and I was like, she had a really weird Cosmo phase for a while back on. Oh, that's the most. Linda drink I've ever heard of because my stepmother also loves a Cosmo and then she occasionally an Appletini but Cosmo is like it and then I said something else which is the one I bet it currently was I think it was I bet it was something like a rum and coke or something because she used to drink that all the time when I was younger um and then Tom first of all they

need to get divorced because his guest was like whiskey or something I was like what the hell but he's such a fucking like he's like such an off what do you call it like uh he just like shows up and you're like what are you doing here i was like what are you saying this for he said whiskey and i was like i know you're wrong like that one's but he was so confident about it and so i was like okay let's all play's bet so alison guessed cosmo i guess the rum and coke and he guessed whiskey and he didn't win surprise um but when she came back from the bathroom you're like what's your favorite cocktail if you get one last cocktail and she's like you're all arguing about her.

You know, her ego had to be sky high. Yeah, as soon as she left, we were all fighting over her. She actually left to go pee just so you had a moment to talk about her. Anyway, Cosmo's her answer. But then ever since then I was asked, I've been asking everyone, like, maybe I don't know this by you, but what's your favorite cocktail? Cosmo is the most stepmom. Well, I mean, I always think of my mom and your mom very similar. April 4th is my stepmom's birthday.

Yours is April 5th, right? Second. Second, sorry. Second and fourth, they're both these intense, loud Aries who drink a lot. Cosmo is where it's where Capri's drink Cosmos like the whole nine yards they really do kind of have a lot in common so I doesn't surprise me I wrote it down so in case you would like to have yourself a Linda later since you apparently need a drink a Cosmo with orange vodka and Contro instead of triple sec okay uh okay I thought for a moment I was going to be so

afraid because I remember the last time she visited and you mentioned that Allison had to kind of remark on the the nature of the beverages Linda was making for everybody as bartender. And apparently there was Splenda in one of the cocktails. Yeah. Instead of sugar. And I really run a high risk of not being happy about it. A Tom move. That was a Tom. He is, what is the word? He's so erratic. He's just coming at us from any angle. He's like whiskey, but let's put

Splenda. And that's what Michael Scott does in the office. Like, what are we doing? We met up with my parents. They were in California. So we, we drove over to them. And they wanted to go of a campfire and, like, bring drinks out. And Tom was like, oh, I'm making a whole batch. And then Alice took us a bit and went, this has like sweet and low or something in it. Like, Stevia, Stevia. And she was like, I, why would you put those in a drink? But I guess they'd love it. He drank it up. He loves it. Like, if you're on, like, on, like, if you're on, like a sugar-free diet for like medical reasons especially or for if you like that fine i'm like allergic to that it closes my throat up but also to me it tastes vile so i don't i think i know a lot of

people like prefer diet coke etc to me like all vile but alison took it like a champ but i remember her making a face and going i was not a way had i known stevia would be an ingredient i would have passed oh my word and whatever she she the whole point was that she was drinking whiskey with my parents and she did it so good for her and your mom was drinking whiskey her favorite drink that's why it must be why maybe he drinks a lot of whiskey when they pour sweet low in it she's like how i like it it's like a diet coke now i like maybe maybe she does like a diet coke right do you she does she actually i think diet coke girl she was like a one of those like diet coke so was my stepmother people with a straw i'm telling you don't get it in their teeth oh my god back when there was

diet coke with lemon and diet coke with lime that was yep the situation um do you know what my cocktail would be if i drank yes a miami vice fun yes you're right okay you know what what i just i am like tartot do you know who tartot is earthquake You're okay, Hankies. Okay, for now we're okay. I knew something was a foot. I think we're okay.

I felt the seismological shift. Hank, are you okay? Is he freaking out? He's okay. Every time your laptop moves now, I'm like, is it after shots? Sorry, I was holding onto the table because I was like getting ready. Emma, are you okay? Is everybody okay? We're fine. Well, I'm more nervous because it's like, probably part of that, like, Hawaii tsunami thing.

Okay, well, that's why, like, literally stop breathing. And I just watched a video about, like, the big one, like, maybe coming, like, today. And I was like, oh, go on. I watched those every day of my life. And I've been trying to tell you people, all of you, get out of there, man. Not all of you. Some of you can stay. Some of you got to get out of there. Come on. Sorry, what did you say about Miami devices? I'm, I totally. So I was saying that I'm a German detective named Tatouette. I was like, please God bring an earthquake in the out of here. No, God was like, oh, babe, I'm way ahead of you. Here we go. There goes a tsunami.

Sorry. Anyway, I remembered it was a Miami Vice, but I didn't remember it until this moment. because recently at a at a beach two sandy show I ordered a Miami vice and I went why do I know whose drink is this and I could not I was like it's and I couldn't really put it together and just now you ask and I went all the pieces oh that's French all the piece I don't know how to do it all the pieces they're all connecting the puzzle pieces fit together I know that your favorite drink would be a Miami vice but I was confused because I'm like M doesn't drink, but then I get it now.

It would be. For Miami advice, I sure would. It was delicious. It was tasty. Thank you. I'm glad you had one for me because I... It's highly alcoholic. Good, good.

Highly. Good. Can I go get a drink now? For 50 minutes? Yeah, you should go get a drink because we haven't started. I'm so upset about the earthquake. You know I am so concerned about all of you. I think how I said earthquake like Hank was going to save my life.

As far I just talked shit about him for 20 minutes. No, you said earthquake. like the time you said, we're at Mile Marker 1.41. Like, you literally handled it in the way that I behave, like, where I go silent because I'm like, brain activate, you know, like, nervous system shut down. Brain activate, right? It's like this whole like, okay, problem solve. And you literally said, earthquake. And I went, oh, my God. And then we were just completely silent. As if all of the future listeners hearing this would solve it for me.

Yeah, it just announced it. Oh my Christ. That would have been crazy if that was my last word, though, and everyone witnessed my death, huh? Go get a drink. Nobody would have witnessed it except me, M. and the police or somebody. Jack would have edited it tastefully.

It would have been fine. I would have been so traumatized. We probably wouldn't have even saved the footage, and everyone would have had to just listen to me, talk about it for the rest of my life. The rubble would have fallen down on me, and then you'd hear us talk about your quince linen pants like an asshole. Do I have an audience yet?

I want to talk about my fashion sense. Just the last thing you hear is me going, 10% off, I promo code drink. Hank, yeah. Hank, run for your life. Save yourself. Yeah, it's not a joke. I'm really worried about this fucking earthquake thing.

I looked at it as a 4.3, apparently. I need a drink. Okay. See ya. breaking hello thank you for making the sound effect so i can tell my breaking news story i made hello fresh last night and it says pecan and crusted chicken and with honey de jean sauce i i have to tell you emmathy it was so delightful that blaze and leona were on the way home and i set their plates out and then i ate mine at the kitchen counter and they walked in and it was mine was

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are applied as a discount on the first box. New subscribers only varies by plan. Christine, have there ever been times in your life where you needed to feel better? No, I'm riding a high that nobody could ever take down, no, that's not true. I am always seeking more peace of mind, M. Thank you for asking. I am constantly under stress, discomfort, and I always eat a little relaxation. I'm constantly sleepless. I felt like a damsel in distress. And then cornbread came along, so. I know what you're thinking. Well, everyone loves cornbread. Well, everyone's going to love this cornbread too, because it's actually cornbread hemp's CBD gummies. They are made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, just needing a little relaxation. I, the,

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cornbread hemp.com slash drink and use code drink at checkout that's cornbread hemp.com slash drink and use code drink Christine I found a first of all how was your pee was it lovely I wasn't getting I wasn't peeing I was getting my much that's right drink I had to pee that's what happened there um did you pee no i'm going to hold it i was like you didn't leave i was gone for five seconds and you pee in your pants i thought i thought about pee if you said yes i was going to go oh dear oh oh no paper towels no i'm going to save it for intermission um okay that'll be your reward okay i fear that that is what's happening um i'm aware as i said it i said i shouldn't joke too close to the sun yeah that was a really personal thing for you to make fun of actually a little too far and i do

apologize. I cannot believe we've been here an hour. Isn't that silly? And we started an hour late. Tell your family, I'm sorry, but you're with me for the day. Bye, bye. I live here now. Okay. I think you're going to like this one because it's really fucking weird. Ooh. And while I was doing the notes, I was like, this is silly. Can I tell you the one I brought today is one of the weirdest ones I've ever done? In a bad way, though? No. And well, like a interesting way. I mean, it's crime, but it's a really interesting case. I love that. And also, I'm very intrigued because I wonder.

Well, for me, it was because we were recording a lot of episodes pretty close together. So I was like, I'm going to do my own research on something separately while searcher works on, like, other upcoming topics. So I went kind of rogue. My own weird tangent. Rogue. I went rogue. Yeah. Is that what you did?

I feel like every weekend for me is a little rogue. That's true. I was going to say, I don't even know what to begin to expect when you say this is a weird one. Usually when I go rogue, it's like a 101 concept or a cryptic. You like find something by accident on the internet and yeah. And that's what happened here. Okay, got it. So, yeah, this is an odd one.

So I encourage your banter. I'm very glad you're drinking. So this is... Hey, can I say something? I am too. Beautiful. This is called... It's a cryptid.

Sam the Sandown Clown. Or he's also known as Sam of all colors. I know Sam the Sandown clown. How? How do you know him? Guess. You should Sandy. I don't know.

No. You met him? Good guess. Are you the... Yeah, he's a close personal friend. Are you the little girl in the story? We dated back in... No.

Astonishing Legends, of course. They always beat you two and I'm sorry. They ruined everything. They did it in like 20... it like four years ago. I, and I almost, actually, I think they did it like 10 years ago and I didn't listen to it for many years because I was like, that sounds, it's so fucked up, but I was like, that sounds dumb. Like, that sounds made up. It does sound dumb. And then I listened to it and I remember being intrigued. I barely remember a single thing. Even if you're lying, I appreciate it.

No, they reference it quite a lot and all I remember is thinking it sounded like it. Yeah. A lot of the articles I read had like a pun at the end about it. Oh, okay. okay so that was basically but that's basically the only kind of connection i remember at all like i don't i still don't think i don't think i've really paid attention i think that was one of the episodes i was like i don't want to listen like i don't really am not that interested in it i think i realized during it like oh this is a lot weirder than i thought it was going to be the backtracking is crazy but my confidence is up now that i have you're implying a fresh slate that is your brain i well because i yeah it's sort of that excitement of I know that one but like don't ask me to speak on it you know what I

mean that's how I feel about a few cases I'm waiting for you to cover I know nothing about them but I know that it will be fascinating. This is not like a Duggers situation I promise okay like right right right right um this okay well I had never heard of this fella um and as I was reading it I was like what the fuck is going on I know him I scream into the microphone phone like a really really insane person he's very this is an odd one and um this is mainly for silly purposes if you were hoping to get scared of this week by my story that's not really going to happen you're just going to sit back and enjoy some people are very scared of clowns and we've already said the word clown a few times cloud okay and also stay for my story at least because it is it's another

weird one actually if you're here after an hour of that nonsense then like i can't imagine you're going anywhere no matter what because you're kind of locked in unless you're duct tape to a chair right now and we're all that you have to entertain yourself with i don't know why you're here but i love you super we're trying our best and also um if you are all the way here uh what was i going to say that you have a tour called beach you sandy that everyone should go see no no no no no if you listen an hour in i was going to say a funny joke i forget it oh well in another world it landed and everyone's laughing. That's probably why I was like so rattled from all the applause I got in that other timeline, you know, stop laughing. Sometimes I do really mean like things like that in my head

where I'm like in another world that fucking kills, you know? Yeah, I mean really. It just like really does make you feel better. It does. I'm like, that person's having a great date. Not me, but maybe them. Not me. Must be nice. But then there are other days where I'm having a great day and I'm like, Oh, I feel bad for the other me's and other worlds. They're, like, not having as good of a day. I know. I'm like, I came out on top, huh? I know.

Okay, so here's Sam the Sandown clown. There's a fucking fly that wants to get in my goddamn eyeball. I actually almost asked if there was a fly because I saw a black shape dart across the screen, and I thought, oh, my God, a ghost. Even Hank, we keep, hem and I are looking at each other, like, do you fucking see this thing? Do you know that Gio, out of all the animals in my house? two cats, one dog. He is almost 100% kill rate on these bugs, on flies. I wish he were here because right now I'm just strapped in.

And we have tall ass ceilings. And like he will literally just wait. And like he will eat them. He will just jump up and eat them. And the cats. That was Hank trying to get it. Maybe he's going to be good at it like geo. He never is.

And also he won't eat them. He catch and releases. What? Yeah. Okay. Gio literally will just like, be like, hmm, a snack. And you know how he's so, oh, I've just figured it out.

He's so devoted to food that to him, it's like, that's a treat. He'll, I mean, dismember it and then let it suffer, but he won't eat it. You know what I mean? That's cool. Like his favorite thing, he loves to eat lizards, but like only the tail part that falls off. Gross. Disgusting. See, but Gio can't catch a lizard.

He did catch a bird once. Okay, anyway, I'm sorry. Two days ago, he caught a butterfly. in his mouth and then I I know and I was like get it out of your mouth and I could see the wings flapping in his mouth and then he just went and opened his mouth and the butter like out of a Pixar movie yeah it's I hate I just commit at this point anyway the anxiety that would give me I'm I had such a fear of butterflies growing up because people would always say the oil in your fingers can kill them and they'll never fly again and I was like way too sensitive

to hear that shit so then I would just sit there and go like uh huh but now I've grown to really love them and uh appreciate them and i've gotten actually in recent weeks like seen them everywhere oh not me you know it's i'm glad that they're but just in life i feel like they've become part of my kind of current journey but not yours i can't stand them i don't want him to eat them but i also can't stand them um okay let's try this again in 1973 the we're in the aisle of white and we're in a beach town there called sand down i'm in my linen pants You're in your linen pants. You can fly as fuck.

On the cabana, drinking a martini, Viagmi Vise. Drinking at Miami Vise, right? And so vacationing here on this little beach is a seven-year-old girl named Faye. I don't know if her name's actually Faye. That's the name that we have given her, though. Okay. There is also a boy around the same age as seven.

We don't know his name. Would you like to give him a name? I would love to. Johnny. a bat of all the names because i was thinking fay and i was like what goes well with fay because fay is such a like unique name okay fine i'll try so you picked mr americana johnny johnny apple seed no wonder i like you this is how my mom would respond when i was three and she said pick a name and i said that and she goes really that's what you fucking fake

sigmund freud just resurrected and died again hearing you say no wonder you like yeah that was me i i literally gave him some life for a moment moment there um uh i channel i thought you were gonna like branch you pick leota for your daughter you don't pick johnny i mean for some reason sometimes like a classic name just hits okay fine how about fay and fanny is that better you know what i fey and fatima what's the what's your what's your the guy that to toughen to tacitus excuse me the german guy you are what did you just call me Oh, I'm in Tata to what? Okay, fine.

How about Wolfgang? Is that better? Okay, is he fucking Johnny at this point? Okay. I told you it would be the best one. You had to circle all the way through. There's Faye and Johnny. They're both around seven.

And they're on the Isla White hanging out together, vacationing. And while wandering around, as you do, the two of them hear this wailing siren sound. similar to an ambulance they say okay and it won't stop it's just the most annoying sound on earth similar to an ambulance right like it's not like oh we heard an ambulance siren it's like weird something that's sort of like

a hundred percent 100 percent so they're just hearing it it won't stop they're by themselves so I don't know if they could look around and see other people's take on this but to them it's loud and annoying and they don't know what's due they go looking for this sound

because they're like where the hell is this so we can unplug this thing and the kids are looking they travel for quite some time they actually apparently travel over an entire golf course they go through a marsh

they go through some hedges they find themselves on a bridge and the sound won't stop imagine walking a whole ass golf course and the sound won't stop I would have lost my literal mind at some point by then this is the exact moment

when you want to be able to say hey I got to go let my dog out that's the you have a good time i actually have other plans right now thinking of which think of all of the dogs howling at this thing if they're oh that must be annoying but i what if they can't hear that hear it what year was this again sorry 73 okay okay um so the sound won't end and the kids are looking for it they get to this bridge and the first thing they see they look over the bridge be like, oh, what's, what's that all about? They see a hand under the bridge.

It is attached to a body, but the first thing they see is this person's hand. Bad part to, I mean, worse parts exist to see, but bad part. Well, this hand had three fingers and was in a bright blue glove. Way worse, way worse. Worst thing to see. So it looked like. Three fingers? Like fucking Mickey Mouse?

Yeah. Oh, okay. Yes. But I can do that better. it was actually way too good the first time and I don't want to hear anymore thank you too close too close so it's three big old fingers and in a big bright glove bright blue glove and the hand come they see that so that makes them look even closer like what the hell is down there and surely enough someone walks out from under the bridge and they are watching him he's standing by the water he's holding this book and this guy seems super clumsy and he has this glove does he have gloves on both hands they both three fingered hands with blue gloves and he's holding a book he's holding a book what the fuck and he seems very clumsy is the best way to put it he's holding this book he's standing by the water eventually

he accidentally drops the book in the water and the kids now watch him like trying to wade into the water and splashing around trying to he's like the three stooges kind of yes Hang on. Can you hear him? Every now and then. I'm going to see what he's doing. I'm sorry, because he's out of sorts. Please stand by. We have to step away and go get mine.

Answer the door. Sorry about that. No, you're good. So he drops the book in the water. He's waiting around, like you said, like the three stooges. Oh, I thought you met Hank. I was like, he did what now? I was like, who gave him a book?

I can't even imagine. I got to get back in, back on. Okay, here we go. So he's splashing around. He finally grabs his book. He looks obviously like a little flustered. Probably embarrassed if he knows that somebody's watching. I remember not a fucking millisecond of this.

And it's really actually freaking me out already. Like I'm already a little bit freaked out. Really? It's weird and scary. Welcome. I guess I just believe children. Like I don't go into it going, oh, it's a bunch of kids. I don't believe it.

I just, like, I'm already freaked out by this. Okay, well, I want you to pretend Leona's telling you this story. And then let's see where you stand at the end of this. Okay, me. And then he had big blue fake. No, but if she came home and was, like, genuinely afraid, I'd be like, something was up, like, I don't know. You hear, okay, we'll get into it. I'm so sorry.

Go ahead, go ahead. So he gets out of the water with his book, and he runs off, probably embarrassed. I would also run off. Does he see that? I don't know yet. But he runs off toward his. house, they realize there's a hut nearby, made of metal with no windows. It's the Mickey Mouse Club. Oh, boy. So. Stop. Okay. Stop. Sorry. That was a really aggressive tone. I don't even use

that with Leona. Wow. That's reserved for you that tone. Thank you. Cut it out. Finally, something just for me. So he runs off to his Mousketeer Club. And it's made of metal with no windows so Mickey's got a secret it's made of metal with no windows cool okay spaceship got it so um P yes when he ran away with his book it might have been because he was like soggy from the water but he ran in a really weird way um and the kids described him like a rabbit because his knees would hop up in the air every time he ran so bing bing that's horrible that's like that's like that's like spring heel jack yeah yeah the kids were like what the fuck did we just see and they start wandering away um and then they all of a sudden hear the figure come back out of

the hut and now he they turn around they see him and he's carrying some kind of microphone he's a podcaster he's what he's a podcaster he's a podcast he's about to say oh no hello i didn't think this could get any scarier my god so moments later they see him with his microphone they're like okay let's get out of here they start walking away the siren sound comes back and they realize i think that the sound was this microphone i don't like this they freak out and they start running away to get away from this microphone sound the creature must have seen this happening and realized that the sound was freaking the kids out and he turns the siren off and then the creature lifts up the microphone to its mouth after the kids were starting to run away and when he talks into the microphone

it sounds as if he's right next to them even though he's quite a distance away bye bye and they hear him say hello are you still there i don't think so and i also don't like that you said oh this isn't a scary one because I really am really actually freaked out well the kids actually thought he sounded pretty friendly like he was like are you still there after he got after they got scared which I can imagine I like scare a stray cat and then I'm like are you so there where are you I think that's the vibe they're getting okay I mean listen if that's okay they realized it was trying to talk to them they said it sounded friendly enough that they didn't feel as scared they did walk back to the being Stranger Danger is not a concept here.

Not yet. It hasn't, 80s hasn't hit. Satanic panic. That's exactly right. This is the 70s where even if it's dark out. Anything goes. When they got close enough to this being, they noticed how weird he looked. They didn't notice with the three finger.

Okay. To be fair. That will be the least of your concerns in a second. Oh, no. I will try my best to describe this to you, but then I will be sending you a picture. it's a lot to handle. I genuinely do not recall what the fuck you're about to tell me and I'm getting anxious already. So seven feet tall. Let's start there. No big wrong. Big ass round head. Like basketball head and it's definitely bigger than the rest of its body. And no neck.

Like proportion wise you mean? Yeah. It's not like bigger than the body. No it's like it's like that head should be on a bigger body. Got it got it got it got it. No neck to hold this big. ass head. It's just plopped on the body. Apparently reddish brown hair. Okay. I love that they added hair, whoever they is. I don't know. Um, nothing on his face moved, including his lips. Nothing moved. That's, that's just the Botox Cabana mom, but that's not a beach time. I mean, yeah, it feels like a mask or like a, yeah. Yeah, might be a mask. or when I say there's nothing on his face I mean the features are painted on like a like a mask or like maybe this thing is like a robot or something like it's just a yeah okay okay so flat surface and its features were painted on like a clown oh okay so the eyes were blue triangles the nose was a brown square the mouth was a yellow oval and its skin was pale white and looked paper thin.

This makes me want to throw up. Like this feels, I know that these kids are like comforted or whatever, but like, I think there's a reason this is like such a scary, like, I don't know, man, I don't know. Send me the picture. I'm not done yet. Oh, I was already hoping that was it. This thing, like I said, had three fingers on. each of its hands, which were in blue gloves.

This guy's dogs are out, bare feet, also three-toed on each foot. And no gloves. No gloves, no socks, just raw dogging it on the grass. If his toes weren't out for the world to see, I would have actually probably described his entire body to you as like entirely made of wood. But he seemed to, because his limbs, apparently looked like wooden slats. And on his ankles, wrists, and head, there were wooden antenna.

So I would have thought his whole body was wood, but he's got like human, white, naked, three-toed feet. So they, they said, like, the feet were just feet. Just feet, but three toes each. So they got, so they got the feet right. And then they were like, and the rest is a tree, yeah. And then they, like, outsource the rest of the project and it just went to shit. Like, literally the arms.

The arms looked like. like planks of wood. The legs look like planks of wood. There's wooden antenna, which I would imagine are branches coming out of this whole thing. What the fuck? And then his outfit is... Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. His outfit, yeah. Sorry. I didn't even think.

It's ripped up. Frilly white pants. What? Pointy yellow hat. And the hat is somehow connected to his shirt, which is green and red. This is like out of a children. nightmare i mean it feels like uh i don't like this well between the outfit and the makeup all over the face and i'm saying makeup but like the shapes on his face that are different colors and shapes

paint it painted on paint it on between that and the outfit being a bunch of frilly bright colors it's this that's why this guy is often described as at least parked clown yeah i mean makes sense um the sources that i read described him as a cross between a clown a robot and a an alien so I'm going to send you two pictures now one is like an artist rendering and the the black and white one is what was actually written it was actually drawn for a case report like a UFO case report oh okay it's fucking weird there's a lot of Etsy things about him because he's so weird so if you want to go get some stuff with him on it go to oh my lord in heaven yeah it's so okay I see this one Let me go to the other one.

Ooh. Okay, the one for the UFO report is really scaring me. Like it, because it, it was like they were trying to get every aspect of it as accurately as the kids described it. And it looks absolutely bonkered. Like it looks,

it looks like a creepy clown. You know what is a scarecrow, like a scarecrow clown person. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a, like an anime, like a, like a rough draft of an anime. cartoon or like someone from

Yao Wolf. Like it feels like some artist. Yes, it does feel kind of Miao Wolf. Like this sort of weird fantasy sci-fi

kind of ask like retro. Yeah, it's weird. The microphone and like so it was a microphone right. They knew it was a microphone.

They weren't like, oh, it was something similar to like they knew it was a microphone and they said it was just a it just made a really loud siren sound which honestly makes me think of like remember when we were kids

and they had like those like microphones attached to like a radio or like a tape cassette like a toy so like you could talk into it and there'd be a speaker um do you think that i don't own a million of those yeah at least two of those things maggie maggie our manager sent my daughter microphones on a speaker and i went you are out of your damn mind she said i'm trying to get my next client that's yeah forget it so it seems like it might have been that and in the 70s that might have existed as a toy for kids too so Sure, no, that makes sense. Oh, so it's almost like, oh, look, he he, here I am.

Maybe, yeah. But it also feels like it had magic powers, quote unquote, in that, or like, supernatural powers in that it could, like, throw your voice or like. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I always feel like with these things they're masking, like, oh, they masked it as, like, maybe a kid's toy microphone or something. Maybe, yeah. Instead of some other tool.

I don't know. I'm kind of going off the rails. Sorry, go ahead. No, no, no. Well, despite this being like the craziest. looking thing in the whole world, this being does seem incredibly friendly and incredibly shy. I mean, it also like... That's all it takes.

Aw. Suddenly, I'm like, I'm not that for now. Christine's locked in, yeah. And I have an emotional attachment. I mean, also, now that you're all, like, connected to it in a Pixar kind of way, imagine watching him, like, clumsily, like dropping his book in the river and then getting embarrassed and running away. Well, that, I know.

It feels so, like, human, you know. know? Well, he puts the microphone down and he grabs the book that fell in the water and he tries to write out some words so he can communicate with them. Oh my gosh. He dropped his journal. What a buzzer. Which also makes me think, can he not, I'm confused why he needed the microphone to speak, but then he needed to write something down. But then later in the story, he does talk to them. So he's just trying all avenues here. Okay, but can I say one thing that kind of struck me as odd earlier when you said that his sentence was are you still there to me that was a weird thing to say in that context and my first thought i don't know this isn't this just me completely

riffing but my first thought was that feels like something you would like copy and paste as like you remember on those like um phone remember those websites where you could like prank call somebody and have napoleon dynamite say certain phrases yes like i feel like are you you still there is like such a phrase that you could almost record and project. So I'm, I'm always wondering if the like, are you still there was part of this microphone thing. Yeah. Maybe. Not him talking. Like it was a, like it was a preset on a, or it was something like he was preset to say, but he couldn't like get more specific or I don't know. I know that's a little off the wall, but all of this is a little off the wall. So I mean, there's no wrong guess, you know,

like right, right, right. That does feel like something that is very, I mean, compared to everything else, That's totally right now. Yeah, we're kind of out of logic territory here. So he writes something down in the book. And apparently he wrote the words not in sequential order. And he had to point at each word that he wanted them to read in order. And when he pointed them out and the kids read it out loud, what he had written was, Hello, I am all colors, Sam.

Now, what I think he meant. was he was trying to be like like their little kids and he was trying not to scare them and he said like look at all look at all my colors because I'm like a yellow hat and a red and green shirt

like I could see me going up to Leona if I was wearing a bunch of colors and going oh I'm all the colors you know yeah well what did other people think it meant because that's what I think it means uh people think his name is all colors Sam or like oh I see

and other people also think that like maybe he was referring to the kids as Sam and like I'm all colors, Sam. No, I don't. I don't know. There's a whole bunch of theories on, like, what he was saying. I mean, yeah, and I feel like that sentence inherently doesn't make sense.

So it's like, it was probably just a rudimentary way of saying something. And to me, I think you're right. Like, the more likely thing is like, see, I'm rainbow. I'm so, look how, although all colors, Sam is kind of a creepy, like, take on, like, it's like an uncanny valley rainbow. Yes. Instead of saying rainbow, Sam, it's like all the colors, right? That's a rainbow.

to sound like a black-eyed kid trying to say like, I'm a rainbow. Yeah, trying to figure out how to say rainbow. Oh, God. I nominate him as a gay icon, by the way, this all-color Sam. I mean, I do love that for him. Of the cryptids for us to adopt. Well, I don't know what's going to happen yet, so I don't remember what happens. Fair enough. But for now, I'll put that on ice.

Well, when he did speak to them, or after he pointed out his name, he tried speaking to them again, and they realized it was kind of hard to make out what he was saying, because his lips don't move because they're literally painted on. But apparently he could speak a little bit. I guess there was a speaker somewhere. I don't totally understand his anatomy. They asked him why his... You don't totally understand it?

Not actually any at all. Just somewhat. They asked why his clothes were ripped and he said they were the only ones he had. Which like I like that he can say that in a full fucking sentence, but he can't say his name is Sam and he wears all the colors. Also, I love kids more than anything. They're like, hey, what happened to your clothes? not like why the fuck are you look like that you know they're like why are your clothes all torn what

happened did you get hurt like it's just like so human humanizing but then it would be something like really like like socially unacceptable right right after that it'd be like what happened your clothes why are you so fat and ugly like something yeah really awful what happened to your clothes did you eat too much food and bust out of them or something yeah I don't know I feel like a kid can really turn on you quick with those kind of compliments well they asked if he was human next. Good question. And he says, no.

And then they said, are you a ghost? Aw. And Sam said, well, not really, but I am in an odd sort of way. Holy shit. And so then Faye says, well, what are you then? And Sam smiled and said, you know. I want to die. What does that mean?

stop how did he smile i don't know anything more than that he and also how physically did he smile his mouth is painted on that's what i said he did his lips don't move that's not possible okay fine he didn't smile stared at them with he was probably already smiling so i guess maybe technically it's true because he's been smiling the whole time so he actually did nothing and emotionless said you know which is worse i mean also actually no smiling i don't know it's all bad so sam then invites them into his hut You know, the Mickey Mouse Club. Bad. The big metal with no windows.

Mousketeer Club. The kids said yes and they followed have in. And the only way in was to crawl through essentially a doggy door. A small flap. They just crawled through. That should have released some red flags. But I guess not. Oh, yeah.

Now you think now when they're crawling into, they're like, if this were a door, a revolving door, maybe I would have been on board. But a doggy door, I don't think so. The second I have to be on my knees and crawling, forget it. That is a good point. There's something, like, extra, like, degrading in my mind to it. Of, like, there's something just a little too submissive. Not in, like, a dirty way.

But he probably had to crawl in through. Yeah, it doesn't say if he had to crawl. That's a good point. That's a good point. But also, like, I didn't know. And I didn't mean. it like in a degrading way. I just met or it's you know in a way beyond like uh anything yeah yeah above board but I just mean like but they're kids so they're probably like used to crawling around and like

that's not probably as weird for it just felt like an adventure maybe for them it's almost like come to my tree house right and you're like oh you have to crawl in yeah I feel like that's like less of a red flag to a little kid but yeah right like I'd be like actually this is where my dog's really thirsty actually and I have to go home I think also for me if anyone tells me to crawl anywhere I no getting up, I'm going to embarrass myself going, you know, I just don't even going to, we're not even going to go there. We're not that close yet. No, no.

So the kids crawl on in. Apparently he crawls in too. And the kids have described the hut saying that it's two floors. The bottom floor had metal flooring. So the walls and floor, it seems like all of it's just one metal. Tuna fish can. I'm sort of picturing it like bikini bottom pineapple where it's like you crawl in through the little thing.

Yeah. Well, in that case, it'd be Squidward's house if it's all metal, right? Oh, that's his house metal? No, it's a statue. I don't remember. Oh, yeah.

But yeah, it's, it does feel a little SpongeBobby. You crawl in. The first floor is all metal. Okay. And the floor is metal.

The walls have blue and green wallpaper, and they're covered in dials. The second floor had lower ceilings and the, and they pretty much said like everything in there was like there was an electric heater and furniture made of wood he is also made of wood so technically is that like him sitting on his own friends is he made of wood or is it like he's just got wood he's got wood on him it would be like us having like bone furniture I guess I mean we do have that because that's a good point a lot of yeah leather we've got um that's a good point uh bone inlay okay well i stand corrected once inside sam took off his pointy yellow hat i was like took off what

his hand not his not his hat not his pants um and the three of them kept talking right sam drew them a picture and apparently it was a similar looking being to him and he hinted that there were others like him he then said that there was a camp of them nearby but then didn't allow I'd be like, babe speak on that, but apparently that was all he needed to say. There's more of me and they're nearby. I actually would be like, let's not talk about that ever again, actually. I don't want to know about it, and I'd rather not pretend. I would rather pretend it doesn't exist.

I'd be like, am I safe with them or what's happening here? I don't want to know anything actually about them. M, you go find out. I was like, am I being recruited? Yeah, M's like, is it a club? I would love to join. If I get a pin or a badge or like a weekly something, I'll do it. Like a certificate?

Swag, anything? An initiation ritual that I can't discuss with anyone, but I totally will. It's amazing. He also said about his own personality that people scare him, like human beings, scare him, and he's afraid of them hurting him. Yeah, that's a fair. Yeah, that, yes, you should be. But then that could easily twist into a horror movie of like, I'm afraid they'll hurt me when they find out I like to eat children. Right, right, right.

It feels like, it's kind of, I think the reason I keep. getting like hung up on the similarities to other things even though it's really not similar to anything is just because it's kids but I'm thinking like Hansel Gretel vibes like oh come into my hut like in the woods I don't know it's just I mean it is so unsettling first of all it's because you're a mom second of all it's because we grew up on cautionary tales third of all you're right like you are yeah exactly you see every single reason that this these kids should have ran away yeah but I'm also trying to picture it almost from like a kid's perspective like if Leona were telling this story and I'm like yeah she would describe like his clothes were all

ripped up you know just things that it's just interesting to think like that this is from their perspective but also like let's well sure let's pretend that what happened here is this is just like kids imaginations going wild and then telling their parents what they did and during their day it is like very enlightening to be like like, oh, this other thing that's totally not me and I'm not projecting at all. We're just scared of human beings and adults and we feel like they could hurt us. And then we crawled around in a basically a tree house, like you said, in this place with a little flap and we crawled in and it was all made of wood because it's probably a tree.

And then there was this clown and he was so nice to us and he wasn't intimidating at all. And he had all these colors. Like, I don't know. It just sounds like it could very easily just be like meant to be a sweet. story and the way that they're telling it, adults are like, what the fuck are you saying to me? But it's like the details that get like, okay, something is off. Like something is not just imagination. Like it's a little too specific. Yeah. And the fact that there's two of them, part of me is like, are they corroborating each other or are they like gassing each other up and

like really? Well, I don't know. I think, I'm sure this is literally why Astonishing Legends spends hours on every topic. They probably figured that out. I don't remember. They crack the case. so anyway he says he's scared of people he's afraid of them hurting him and then oddly he said if they ever tried to hurt me which i'm afraid of i wouldn't fight back and then he implied that that's what all of the people like him would be like but they wouldn't fight freeze you don't want to hurt you freeze yeah and i was like is it that you're is it a fight flight freeze thing or is it like you physically can't defend yourself or is it that i thought it was like All the people like me, we wouldn't hurt somebody so we don't fight that. That's what I... I wouldn't fight anyone.

I think if a kid is making this up... Like, we're pacifists. Yeah, right. I think if a kid was making this up, that's what they probably meant and just said it in a weird way. Yeah. Or like a little kid would be like, I can't fight back if a big person tried to hurt me. Like, I don't know. He said he has a way...

Okay, this is also like not something a seven-year-old would say, I guess. He tells them how he's been surviving here. And he says he's drinking water and he's... eating berries that he collects but the water is from the river and he has a special way of cleaning it so it's safe to drink he then also says he has no name even though he fucking just said his name of sam or all colors i mean maybe that was how he got them kind of maybe he just but then again if i told leona like look i'm all the colors that doesn't mean that's my name so you would say i well you wouldn't say i'm all colors all colors allan and then be like

just kidding right right maybe sam is his way of like you know how in telegrams like you like the word stop just shows up in between sentences maybe just say sam at the end of sentences he just pointed at the word sam remember because it was all out of order he's like oh i forgot to put sam in there maybe they forgot the order maybe it was like oh no it still doesn't make sense none of it does well so after he says he knows how to clean the water in a certain way he doesn't have a name um he then shows the kids how he eats berries Because remember, his mouth and his face worked differently. He puts one in his ear, a berry.

Then he lunges his neck forward. And then the berry appeared in his eye socket. Hello? After lunging a second time, the berry then showed up in his mouth. Wait, I thought he can't move his mouth or his eyes. And he doesn't have a neck, right? No. So how is it lunging twice?

Also, is it appearing inside his mouth if the mouth can't open? That's what I'm saying. And what do you mean? What's this eye socket? Where did that come from? Yeah, he doesn't. Also, does this, I think he just showed you ways that the berry gets all up in his face. But I still didn't learn how he eats it because this.

Well, he doesn't eat it. He's an alien. And I think the deal here is like, oh, look, why? Watch. Don't you believe me? I eat berries. And then it's like, see? Um, um, um, um, um, watch me eat it. And it's like when dads do the thing that Tim just taught Leon of like the coin behind the ear. Like, watch this. Um, nom, nom. Like I feel like he had another one hiding in the eye socket and then went, right? He's like, I can eat it. See, yum, yum. It gives me energy. Like he's probably an alien that doesn't need fucking berries, but he's just trying to be like human. I don't know. I see. That's a good point. So I was like, I feel like I still don't learn how he eats it because he's not. He's not. chewing it or swallowing it or taking it in yeah you're right you're totally right he's just showing how food moves around like a weirdo so after 30 minutes of being in this house fay and the boy leave all color sam's hut and they wander home they even told a man that they passed on the way home oh we just saw a ghost and the guy laughed and like just kind of

walk away because he said he's sort of a ghost oh my god we just saw a ghost what a wild wow so then obviously the man doesn't believe them he's like oh seven year olds um but four doesn't know what to do with that like right okay have fun um so fay ends up several weeks later telling her family what happened i guess her dad was kind of like something's going on what happened and her father was hesitant at first to believe her and was in denial about that but he went to go investigate himself and he ended up going to the area where they heard the siren they saw the hut and the dad he did not find sam there was no hut in the area there was no disturbed soil where like the hut would have been if it were to have been lifted and left

there were workmen in the area who'd been there for weeks who said that they had never seen anything odd including a fucking clown walking around he probably did not ask he's like anything odd they're like what do you mean by odd and he's like let's not go there you would know you would know um but so he saw nothing and he was like okay kids being kids but his daughter fay was so insistent that if kind of freaked him out and he ended up reaching out to the british UFO research association or for him or bufora which is the british version of mufon mufon bufoura is cute bifora is like fun it's like ooh ooh so here's another reason that her father had originally been in denial or didn't want to believe his daughter

is because of a secret he'd been keeping from his family, which is that for the last... I think this is why he did believe it. For the last few years, he'd been having his own UFO encounters. Yeah, so he was like, I actually know something. Because I was like, most parents would have literally swept this under the rug by now and not fucking contacted it.

So that's interesting. Wow. Oh my God, I'm so freaked out again. So he'd been having his own weird UFO situations. And when, and he had never told anyone in his family, but when his daughter all of a sudden started having experiences, he freaked out that his daughter was now being followed by the same things that follow him. Shit.

And so when he accepted that this was really happening or something was going on because his daughter was so insistent, he decided to contact Bufora. So his situation was that in, was, let me think, three years before, he was, three years before Faye had her thing with Sam. He was driving.

and he saw a big-ass UFO with seven balls of red light hovering in the sky and he actually stopped to watch it for a second like a dad watching a hurricane come in. Okay, but every UFO story, I feel like people say that. Like, we pulled over

and just got out and stared at it. That's your sign to just never do it. If I see something, I just keep it moving. Really? I would for sure pull over. I don't want to get followed by something and that seems to be what happens to everyone who stops and looks. I'll talk to humans on a random man, I don't know. And I'm like, really?

I would absolutely not. And you're like, I would absolutely do something extraterrestrial. I mean, yeah, maybe. Well, so he watched this thing, a hover above the sky. He eventually left. And when he was driving away, he noticed that the craft was now silently following him. And according to some of the sources, these lights and this hovercraft for the next two or three years continued to pop up and follow him over and over. That's my worst nightmare.

So maybe, I feel like I would park the car. I don't think I would get out of the car. If there were a lot of other people getting out of the car, I would get out of the car safety and numbers. I know that's flawed logic, but that's what I would probably think. And so all of you are strapped to different tables in the same hospital in the sky. If I were alone on the road, I'd be like, I didn't see nothing. Don't pull me over. Don't look at me.

Don't perceive me. Do not put me on a table. But if there are a bunch of people stopping, I'm like, odds are they'll pick someone else. Yeah. You know what? You're right. That's like the odds aren't that 100% that I'm going to get abducted. just not zero.

That's fine. I'll have such a good story to tell on the podcast if I ever make it off that. Christine, with love, I hope you get abducted. No, no. So in such a detailed way where nothing can't, hang on, fucking relax while I wish this upon you. First of all. I hope nothing bad happens to you, but I wish for you to be abducted by someone who you

end up getting emotionally attached to because they're also emotionally attached to you and both of you were just friends. and then they just show you the whole UFO. And they go, and this is the cafeteria. This is our menu. And then you bring a copy of it to the podcast so I know what they eat. Okay. This is what I want.

And this is all for you. And you can't stop me. That's the thing. Oh, I can't, can I? And then they even say, this is our drink. This is glorp fizz. We want you to drink glorp fizz. So you can tell the world how great glorp fizz is.

And then you bring me a sample. There is so much stevia in it. You will love it. And then I just want you to describe them to me. I want to know what their eyes look like, with their little tummies look like, everything. Yeah. Taste the fit.

Taste the glorp. But that was translated. See, that's why they need you. So you can translate it for them because they can't do it on their own. PR consultant. Don't you kind of wish that too? And then they leave you alone forever after they drop you off. And your clothes stay on the whole time unless you don't want them to be on the old time.

Okay. He takes off his hat, his pointy yellow hat. He saw his pointy hat, not his freely white pants. And they say he has sandy brown hair, reddish brown hair. So I'm, just correct me from wrong. You don't want that or you do want that? I don't want to be abducted by lands. If the scenario I'm laying out happened, I would sign up for that.

Nope. It's just, it's just, it's just going to be a phone. It's too many loose ends. I need to see a contract. I need to see that you will not follow me. I will need to see that you will not. This doesn't mean. And then later, your daughter will also have to experience.

Like, I don't want to be. signing on some line that I can't read the fine print. If I knew we would never see each other again, and I got five minutes to just sit with them and try some Gorpfiz, and everyone's clothes suit on, I'm going. I'm going. If you had five minutes, what?

Five minutes with them. Okay, but that wasn't part of the contract you laid out. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? Like, I need more guardrails intact. I need to know that this is a one time, like, never repeating, like, I'll be on some neck,

that won't make me scared. I have an idea. It doesn't have to be today, but eventually a future Patreon idea is that we write the ideal contract if you were, and I'll write one too. Like, in an imaginary world,

if I'm... Okay, let's do it on Yappy Hour then. Fine. Let's do it on Yampi hour. Yes. Okay. So anyway, this dad, the dad of Faye,

who experienced all this stuff, he had those lights following him for like years. And then later on, a second situation happened where he, was by the water again because the last time happened by the water too and all of a sudden the tide is really weird it's starting to billow he is almost getting caught up in the water

and then he looks down into the waves and sees the same glowing lights that he was seeing in the sky that were red he now sees them yellow glowing under the water rising up to him my god okay both of these instances totally freak him out um he kept them from his family but after hearing his daughter insisting that she also had weird experiences, albeit incredibly different experiences, he wondered if there was some sort of connection and reached out to one of the UFO researchers in the area who then said, you should go report it to Bufora. So Bufora, they have a publication called the Bufora Journal, and they covered this case in volume two, number five.

And Sam was on the cover. That's the picture I showed you. That's Sam, the drawing. the drawing okay and uh the caption black and white one yes okay and the caption of this issue of the before a journal said report extra ghost or spaceman 73 oh and so they reported this as a very mysterious case with no evidence other than the kids saying that it happened they threw around theories like is this an alien is this a ghost is this interesting like some sort of fay and the girl's name was fate and they that was her pseudonym that they gave her it's like what are the odds um is it a hoax

is it a hallucination is it some sort of shared psychosis after a trauma that they maybe both went through is it just a creepy fucking human who like lured them into his house and then let them go or is it just the kids having an imagination um my best guess is that this is just the kid's imagination and that their dad projected his own encounters onto his kid and was like they're this must mean something we've both had weird things happen to us um the dad uh especially because he was the one reporting it when it seemed and he reported it um five years after it happened so this came out in the 1978 issue when the the all colors sam's story happened in 73 but do you think that's just like when they got around to publishing it or you think that was when he reported it the

I don't know the answer but I do know the source of as I looked at, they were like, it's kind of fishy that it took five years. So whatever happened there. And the fact that in those five years when it was being reported and published, Faye, or Faye never came forward and said anything.

The boy never came forward and said anything. It was just like, the dad who leaned into this. And he was like, there's the story that a couple years ago my kid told me about. Okay. But it does feel like a classic,

like, dad moved to be hung up on something and like. I mean, but it also like clearly caught on. Like people were clearly like. Yeah. freaked out enough to feel like it might be something um a lot of people say it's odd i don't know if it's not odd there's a million different circumstances that could be leading to this but it's odd that the kids never came forward to say it's their story because i say like they could have just been over it at that point they probably didn't want to talk about it maybe they were embarrassed

if they were kids had made something up maybe they it just wasn't a big deal to them maybe nothing else ever happened i mean who knows what the story is yeah or maybe they're traumatized and they don't want to talk about it you know um and even though there is there no evidence was found of sam or the hut um pha's dad was like really insistent even though he also never saw sam or the hut or any evidence of it when he went to go check himself but he still told people this is a quote from him i get the impression that fay was somehow taken into a bubble of alien reality well created by sam like he's i think he's just like really leaned into this in a way that's well that's the idea of like like, oh, like a, um, a screen memory.

Like, oh, they created a false pretense for what actually, like, the aliens made it seem like you were just doing this when in reality, they're just masking over what really happened. Right. You know what I mean, like a screen memory. And maybe, you know what I just, oh, sorry, go ahead. Go ahead. Okay, I had a realization because I'm looking, the thing about I am all color, Sam was kind of

throwing me off and I'm like, looking at pictures. and then I was like, what about Sam I Am? And I Googled Sam I Am, and he is the exact same colors as Sam I Am? Dr. Seuss's Sam I Am? Yeah, like yellow with red and green. Like, I don't know, it just is a little strange. Oh, that is, yeah. Like the hat is a different color, but it's still a hat.

And I haven't thought about this guy in a long time. Well, yeah, that could be it. And that came out, uh, a long, like, uh, 1960. So that would have been, like, 13 years. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. That's a good point. I mean, um, it could have been, I'm just subconsciously talking about things they already

know. Or like it could have been an alien being like. Or it could have been a glitch in the matrix. Yeah. It could have been. It could have been an alien being like, this is a thing for kids. I am Sam. Yeah.

like I mean you've said that before that can't you tell who I am you've said that before of like trying to mask his other things to make you feel safer yeah like Terry Lovelace saw you know dancing monkeys and he's like and it was scary but looking back I think they were trying to make me like be like entertained they thought like what do kids like circus monkeys and like that's what they connected it back to this too because it's like oh a clown circus monkeys like some people have reported with abduction seeing like like creepy like toys that are supposed to make you feel like comforted, but really it's even scarier, you know, like they don't realize it's scarier. Um, so it almost to me is like, I am Sam, can't you see all my colors? I don't know.

I just feel like it, it, unless, I don't know, I'm always like I fucking want to believe that this is real, but I would like to. It feels like if it's, if it is not real,

incredible imagination. It's a great story. Yeah. Also, even if it was real, though, we only have a retoucher. of a retailing of a retailing because we have like fay who told her dad who told the

journalist who then reported it based on whatever he thought was useful to the to the case um the report yeah i i do think it's weird that like it sounds like nobody ever like reached out to fay or the boy to get actual details like if they were really gone for a half an hour in the hut like we have no idea what most of the conversation was and nobody asked you know like that's kind of weird to me feels like shoddy reporting Yeah, I, like, wonder if only a few people were interested enough to care, you know? Like, it's not like a bunch of people would be like, oh, let me get this, crack this case wide open. Like, I feel like it probably just, I don't know.

I don't know. Well, with the minimal evidence we have, all we have is, like, their story, which we never even really heard about more than from what the bad knows. Wow. Before, uh, these are some of the reasons why people say. that it was just the kid's imagination. Other than their story, before it did not get any reports of UFO sightings in the area at that time.

The hut was seemingly never there. The workmen didn't notice a clown in the woods. And Sam also didn't show them anything non-human. I mean, he showed them wooden furniture. He showed them maybe metal flooring in his fucking feet were the weirdest things about him. Well, it was like weird microphone, I guess. Yeah.

But it was also, it looked like a normal microphone. I guess it could have just been like had a speaker somewhere something um plus the kids never claimed he was an alien they called him a ghost and they that's true and they said he looked like a clown the only person who kept calling it an alien was their dad um my favorite reason that only one source pointed out which i thought was really interesting they were very team this is the kid's imagination but they said all color sam sounds like if you say it fast ala kazam and sam i am all color zam al-a-zam all-color sam well and then the weirdest thing that sam did show them was a disappearing reappearing berry which is a magic trick so yeah abracadabra al-a-sam yeah okay so anyway it most likely

the three the three options are either that it's like some weird-ass alien that was trying to like mask or it was a creepy man luring them into their house and then letting them go or two kids telling a story that dad took too far um but wow yeah that's all color sam i mean i'm telling you that it still creeps me out even like if my kid came home and had this like really and was like really insistent that this really happened i'd believe i'd be freaked out well i'd probably think something happened like somebody did something you know what i'd be freaked out that like they just didn't understand i would at the very least believe that like a man in the woods let you come into his house something happened like if you were really really convinced

you know, that you both saw something and experienced something. Oh my God, M. What a story. Okay. Wow. Well, um, you have to pee. I have to pee. I do have to pee. I forgot I had to pee. Yeah, I remembered. Thanks. Okay. Well, I'll go pee. See you soon. I, um, I couldn't decide on an item to discuss from Quince today. Um, and then I went into my orders on their website and I thought, Oh dear. Oh, dear. I have so many options to pick from. What should I choose? I think I'm going to choose the linen pants because the linen pants. They're one of their best sellers and I was kind of skeptical for a while. I wear linen pants now every day and I look like a beachy, breezy, like elevated, sophisticated style, you know? 100%. It's the cool. And they're like, I have some with like chambre stripe. And they're great for travel to, but they look so classy. And Quince, that's the best part. They're not charging an arm and a leg for this kind of thing. Okay. Everything with Quince. Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

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today. As I said, I went down kind of a rabbit hole. This is a story I heard about years ago on what is that show called? Things you should know. Things you should know. The podcast. And so I re-listened to that episode and found a few other sources. And I'm going to tell you about the phantom of Heilbronn. Sorry, it's a German story. A.k.a. the woman without a face. Fish, what? Okay. I can't wait. Okay. Can I be excited?

You can be excited. It's our podcast. I know, but if it's like she doesn't have a face because something really traumatic happens to her, then I'm like... Oh my God. No. Okay. Then I'm stoked. This starts, well, it's kind of all over the place. The timeline is a little wacky. So hold on tight. April 25th, 2007, in Heilbrun, Germany, around 2 p.m. We do start heavy, we start dark, okay?

Officer Michel Kesevetta and her partner, Officer Martin A, surname withheld, stopped their marked BMW 5-series patrol car in a corner of a large parking lot for lunch. And as they sat down for lunch, two gunmen approached from behind the vehicle, shot both officers in the head with a pistol. Kizaveta, who was seated in the driver's seat, was fatally wounded, died at the scene, and Officer Martin A was critically injured, was in a coma for a while, survived,

but he was a very, very young guy who had just joined the force, and so, like, and especially to be, like, just on your lunch break, you know, it just was very, it basically upended his whole life. So at arrival, responding officers found both victims lying on the ground next to their car, the assailants had stolen each officer's pistol and handcuffs.

So this was like a really alarming event and especially, you know, I mean, it would be alarming in the U.S., but imagine in a place where like, you know, gun fatalities are just not common, right? And so this, this is just like kind of an alarming thing to happen. now investigators this is the this is 2007 so by this point DNA evidence is definitely like mainstream so they collected DNA evidence from the car's headdressed and dashboard and here I kind of want to add a point that by this point it was 2007 okay and DNA evidence was definitely a standard part of collecting evidence and you know testing

crime scene evidence. I have a brief intermission here. We've briefly touched on this before, but I'm going to talk about DNA forensics real quick. Yes. So it wasn't actually until the mid-1980s that DNA was first used to solve a criminal case. And that is when British geneticist Alex Jeffries helped convict a man using what he called DNA fingerprinting. And that man was Colin Pitchfork, the man who had been convicted. He was convicted of rape and murder in 1986 of children. And that was the first time DNA was used to convict somebody. He had raped and murdered two girls, Linda Mann and Don Ashworth in the 80s. They were 15 years old. And so when DNA came in and this conviction happened, like DNA came hot on the scene, right? Like it made a grand entrance. They

were like, holy shit, this is groundbreaking. You know, by the 2000s, we have CSI. We have all these things where people are like oh DNA is like it you know the the new the new thing and it became king it was seen as a gold standard right like if you have DNA you will what was that movie remember that movie about like that guy trying to not leave DNA anywhere anyway oh that's just the movie I play in my head every day when I wonder if I could like escape murdering somebody wow okay it's a sci-fi movie we had to watch in biology whatever anyway you don't ever do that you don't think could I get away with it you don't ever in my head every day I'm like how could I get away with it who are you killing like people it's some amorphous blob of a thing oh well I mean like

occasionally if I'm like thinking about it but I'm not like constantly like what we're wondering I don't know I think I I played the game too often and now it's just a regular thing in my head where I'm like hey that's comforting I'm like oh I wouldn't get away with it this time because I left this time yeah every day I start over I'm like oh but but I'm like wow you should write like a choose your own adventure or something yeah but in every adventure I fail and go to jail because I yeah every single the only time I it's kind of like I'm so sorry to do this to everybody you know the game yeah when you lose unfortunately um we all just lost it's it's it's kind of like it's kind of like that where I only ever think about it now in a circumstance

where like I'm leaving my DNA everywhere like if I'm like just touching everything and then I go I wouldn't save somebody or I wouldn't have gotten away with it. It sort of like pops into mind when you're like, like when I'm doing this and my hair falls out everywhere. And I'm like, oopsie. You got it. Yeah. So, okay. So DNA was like what we're talking about.

It was all over. People were talking about it. It was such a, I mean, imagine. Like it was such a groundbreaking idea. And now it could put away child rapists and murderers. I mean, it was like huge. And so DNA came hot under the scene. became king became gold standard um and people just trusted it right like if you have a jury and you

say like oh there's DNA here um and it was this person's DNA was found at the scene odds are the jury is going to be like yeah that sounds right that sounds like he did it so now i want to tell you um what happened when they ran this evidence uh it's 2007 they get this evidence from this murder of one police officer and their partner who, not partner, but attempted murder of the partner who was badly injured. And they get this evidence and run it through the amorphous system, whatever that is called. And they find out that this DNA signature is in the system as having been hanged at several locations, in several crime scenes.

Uh-oh. But it's nobody named, nobody in their system that they've apprehended yet, and it's a woman. Interesting. I didn't even know that there could be DNA in a system. Oh, sorry, I'm understanding now. DNA in the system where they had collected evidence and... Correct. Gotcha.

I thought someone voluntarily gave their fingerprints with another name. Sorry. No, no. So, yeah. So basically the DNA collected at other cold... Cases suddenly pinged when they ran this sort of DNA from this really brutal crime scene. So this is hinting at someone like being involved in a series of crimes. Correct.

Correct. And so that was really alarming to investigators. The first cold case that this woman, this mystery woman's DNA actually appeared at was back in 1993. Okay. Now, remember, this is 2007. So basically, this DNA that they collected at this crime went all the way back to 1993 when it was collected. And at the time, they collected evidence. They didn't run the evidence from this cold case until 2001 that when I'm about to tell you. Okay. But it occurred in 1993. So this means that this person, whoever this is, has been at the early, at the latest started. in 1993 at this one crime scene and now in 2007 is still active is what this is implying right because they're showing up at all these crime scenes so i'm going to really quickly tell you about these cold cases because when these two police officers were shot in broad daylight in their put like basically in their patrol cars this became sensational news it wasn't

common knowledge until that point that there was already this pattern being established behind the scenes where a couple cold cases had featured the same DNA of this woman and they were trying to figure it out and then the cop slaying happened it sort of like blew up in the media and people really started to keep an eye on this and try to figure out what the hell was going on got it so quick story that takes us back to 1993 all right this woman named leiselotta Lisa Lottes Schlanger And she was 62 At

1993 She's supposed to have a friend over for tea And her friend stops by And knocks in the door No answer Police check in They unfortunately find

The deceased body Of Mrs Schlanger Someone had strangled her To death Using wire from her own floral bouquet in her sitting room. It's like, it's like a monk or something, you know?

It's like, yeah, that feels bizarre. Really, but doesn't make, I don't know, do I need to analyze this one? You can, you can analyze all you want because this is one of the weirdest things I've ever covered. I was going to say the, to have wire from a, first of all, it feels like then it was a crime of passion in some way where like yeah because like otherwise you would have brought something else surely um to feel so comfortable to like meticulously go through someone's stuff and like let them rip a part a bouquet just for that like it all feels very intimate or personal it does it really does and so the you know this is like horrifying this is 1993 they collect all the evidence um and

they they kind of they ask around of course they do their due diligence and and ask everyone they can of nobody saw anything nobody has any clues what happened um it's kind of like they have to put that evidence on ice until 2001 when DNA is a much more common sure commonly used tool in the crime solving toolbox and fast forward to 2001 they open up this evidence again they decide to run things again and run evidence uh through you know DNA testing and they find a clue finally on the teacup a coffee cup in fraus schlanger's home there is a trace amount of DNA and it is of a random woman future future homegirl who's everywhere right we don't know this yet but looking back this is the first instance that the phantom of halberon has shown up oh wow okay

okay so now the next instance this was that was that was was 2000 that was 1993 that that took place now in 2001 also in germany a victim named joseph waltzenbach age 61 was strangled in his shop with some nearby garden twine oh also feels opportune yeah and the phantom's DNA was also found at the scene Wow. Okay. And these are all happening within a similar area. This is like Germany, a bit of Austria, I believe, just kind of similar like Central European. One weird fact that they mention on things you should know or something you should know. What's it called?

Things you should know. I also listen to something was wrong and I think my brain gets them mixed up. I mix it up with how stuff works, I think. Oh, that too. Yeah. Something. Things you should know. Yeah. they mentioned that they put the closed whoever did the committed the crime and murdered this man put the clothes sign on the shop front like turned up to close like you what implies intent for sure yeah right or like did it afterward I think but like did it to just it's just extra like gross sorry clothes for the day you know um so they did find the phantom's DNA on a kitchen drawer handle And so that was the second cold case, looking back from 2007, realizing that this is such a pattern.

Now, another wild one was that in October 2001 near Gerostein, Germany, a child stepped on a discarded heroin syringe recovered in the woods. Thankfully, the child ended up okay. But when they tested the needle, they found the phantoms DNA on the syringe barrel. Wow. Where the, who is this just like a world traveler? Like, what's going on? It's like evil Carmen San Diego. You know what I mean?

It's like, where in the world? You know, there was forever ago on YouTube, like back when we were in like high school, someone made a trailer to a horror themed Where's Waldo? And I feel like it's all coming back now. Yeah, so, like, feels like, Aldo, yeah. It's like, where will they pop up next, you know? And so she's showing up in all these places. And then it's like, wait a minute, she does heroin?

Yeah. She's getting away with decades of crime and is also in heroin. We're learning way too much. We're learning way too much about her, except who she is. But it's also, like, how could you be so adept at crime if you're addicted to heroin? Do you know what I mean? Like, is she this mastermind or, like, is she looking for a fix, right? Like, is it like the M.O.

Oh, she just wants enough cash to, like, buy drugs? Or is it like, oh, there's this bigger picture. Yeah. And she also does heroin on the side. It almost feels like she had like a hit list or something or that she's like. Interesting. Or that she's like a very intentional kind of. Well, because like, why is she going around doing this so many times?

You would think if it was, first of all, it for all the opportune situations we're talking about, it feels like most of them are like things she didn't mean to do in which case it would be accidental in which case you wouldn't be doing this so many fucking times so it right so it feels accidental i don't know about sorry yeah that's the wrong word like like not planned like not preemptive like heat of the moment type thing yeah so yeah then then maybe that kind of explains like drugs would do that or like i guess that's fair point a mental health thing yeah that's a fair point. But yeah, it feels like what, what did all these people do? Like, are you just that hot headed, you know? Yeah. Or is this like a ring of people that all happened to like just be

tricking the masses by placing the same DNA in every spot? Okay. So this is like by 2007 people, well, mostly the police, but then when this starts to like become worldwide news or at least international news people within Europe, people are saying like, uh-oh, like this is this phantom like murderer and who knows where she's going to strike next and like clearly um very good at this because she hasn't been caught um and so once so once the 2007 uh murder happens of the police officer and the um attempted murder on the other police officer uh this is when this blows up into huge news and it becomes um this full pattern they're seeing this is now the fourth time that this has shown up now i'm going to

go back and tell you all the other times throughout aside from these three cold cases that I mentioned that this woman's DNA has shown up on crime scenes, okay? Because they're starting to pieces together, they're building a task force, they're thinking like how the fuck do we stop this

clearly serial killer who's under our noses and here are just some of the because if I spent enough detail on all of these, we would be here for more hours than we somehow already are. are. So I'm going to tell you it's the first one here that I have in addition to the ones I've already covered October 24th, 2001 in Budenheim, Germany. There was a forced entry burglary of a trailer. Cookie crumbs were recovered at the scene and they found the phantoms DNA on the cookie

crumbs. Mood. Got it. Mood. In 2004, in I don't know how to say it, Arbois, France, there was a crime of armed robbery of Vietnamese gemstone traders and on the toy pistol used to hold up these traders traders with a D the phantom's DNA was discovered so now they're like oh my god she's a gem thief like real Carmen san diego evil Carmen san diego vibes you know like it's kind of it's also a little it's now becoming more of a wishbone situation where it's like you wear many hats like yeah yes and and and that's why what they were thinking like how is this like a syndicate you know like is this like does she have like a hitman with her like or not a him but like a partner in crime so that was 2001 2004

and um these are these are ones that kind of went out of the norm so the first three that I mentioned obviously are very similar the cold cases they're um I mean not the not the heroin but the the ones that happened with the the twine and the well the twine and the two different types of twine. Those were very, very clear homicides. Now we have forced entry burglary. We have gem theft. And now we have this in, this is so wild.

In 2005, in, it's spelled worms, but it's Worms, this town. Which every time I listen to a podcast and they're like, worms, Germany. I'm like, oh, here we go. Wams, the incident was a sibling dispute that, escalated to gunfire, and on one of the spent bullet casings, it had the phantom's DNA. What the fuck is going on? I know.

And so now we're, fast forward again, 2006 to 2007, we have, in Zabrucken, we have a burglary, and there's this window smash with a stone, and they find the DNA of the phantom woman on the stone that broke the window. This is, like, becoming, it's like, and the fact that it's almost, like you said, it's, it's, it's like, it's like it doesn't make sense because you're killing these people almost in a crime of passion and then all of a sudden you're just like I guess I'll steal a few emeralds and then you're like I kind of want to check into this trailer and see what's going on and eat some cookies you know like it's like what the fuck is going on I know this can't as of today be a valid explanation but it feels like time travel

like it feels yeah like leaving cookie crumbs literally at the scene well also like for someone who is willing to kill this many people or do this kind of damage and like isn't even afraid of leaving evidence because at this point like it's giving narcissists because like evidence because DNA evidence is like widely known I mean I talked about like CSI was the big thing like everybody knew DNA evidence was where it's at it's either narcissism or it's some sort of mental health drug situation because like there's no way that you're doing it this many times so brazenly so brazenly and like leaving evidence every time and knowing DNA is out there and not really caring and still getting away with it so it's only feeding into this like it's yes something's

happened and it's like twins could it be twins twins oh interesting twins of different DNA just now I did say evil twin just now I did say evil twin I think twins different DNA though don't they or identical DNA they don't I don't know keep going I have a friend with twins and I don't want to answer because I will probably be wrong okay I think they are identical twins have identical DNA, fraternal twins do not. Okay, it doesn't matter. Keep going. Sorry.

Cool, cool, cool, cool. So then my friend's twins could probably pull off some sort of heist, I think. Cool. They are identical. So remember that the cop murder happened in 2007. And all these kind of random sporadic incidents that I'm listing, they're starting to piece together that this woman's DNA has been at all these scenes. And, of course, they're varying levels.

We have murders. We have, like, random small-time burglary. We have big heist energy of, like, a gemstone dealer, you know, like, just a, we have a heroin needle in the woods, like, quite an array of situations happening here. And this is what they're kind of putting together in 2007 and what's becoming public knowledge now. So people are like, holy shit, this is, this is like a pattern. so we've got the burglary with the stone and now in March 2007 it man this story of all stories to pick I love this I can you do more stories like this this is so fun it's it's it's a doozy I was

like of all stories today I want to do that one that I heard a long time ago anyway this is whatever the energy is here I'm sure someone's partner is in the car stuck listening to us and it just wants us to be over but like I I'm loving it. I need everyone to know that you got to buckle the fuck up. Okay. March 2007 in Galois-Kirche in Austria. Well done.

There's a crime. There's a break-in at an optician shop. And there is DNA found on the glass display case. Mm-hmm. In April 2007 in Heilbrunn, that is when the murder of the officer happened and the attempted murder happened. that is when all of this blew to the front page and they said we've not only got what they had been calling the woman without a face, but we've now got the phantom of Heilbrun because somebody just shot these officers in cold blood and we found out that this woman of all things

has been causing, creating, I don't even know what the word is committing crimes for many, many years murdering people for many many years and burglarizing them how many crimes had been committed before the announcement of DNA existing and being used because there could have been like one in like 93 where she was like oh shit I didn't even think that went through I think you're right 93 was the one that got figured out in 2000 that was tested in 2001 and everything else seems to have been 2001 on that could be that could be only because they were testing like cold cases specifically like retesting for evidence so i don't know i don't know if it like became standard in 2001 and that's when they really started like clocking it sure because

it is interesting if it's not a mental health situation or drugs and this i'm assuming this person is quote sound of mind um you would think damn i really am so lucky i got away with that 93 i got to get it together. Right. Got to keep it. Yeah. And then also another theory that I'm just going to throw out there see how you feel about it. Maybe they're part of some sort of like ritual shit and not in a witchy way, but in maybe like

a, like a some sort of satanic panic kind of way or like culty way. Like there's... Like a foe, like a Manson type way? Yes. Yes. That's exactly right. Earthquake. Just kidding. That's not something. because why else would they be in so many places with so many random people that they had this vendetta against it's almost like they're the person that's like cleaning up after

other people have done something and so all it's all very dexter but like only their traces or less San Diego I don't know it's it's it's just and where's Waldo it's like a very weird like murderous fairy tale like it just feels like what is going on here it's like a dark twist on a yeah I don't know I don't know, on a fantastical story. Agreed. So, yeah. So, okay, so we have the evidence.

We have now another one in 2007 of this opticians shop. Now we've got the Heilbrun Phantom, and that's what she becomes known as. Okay. Now, just to kind of recap here, from 2003 to 2007 in Germany and Austria, we've got over 20 burglaries and motor vehicle thefts across Hesse, Baden-Wurtenberg, Zeyland, Tyrol, Austria, and Upper Austria, all bearing the same DNA profile of this mystery woman. 20 burglaries and motor vehicle thefts. She doesn't sleep. No.

And then we've already got these. Okay, sorry. So that's 2003, 2007. Plus the murders, of course. Now in January 30th, 2008, we've got another really, really, really high profile crime. Three Georgian nationals. were found shot to death in their parked car in Hepenheim, Germany. And this was January of 2008.

And when they collected evidence at the scene, they found the phantom woman's DNA inside the vehicle. I'm so over this. At what point do you think there was like an Olivia Benson who's just fucking done? Like there can't be one more that goes by where we don't have this solved. There has to be. We'll get to it. We'll get to the one where they're like, this is enough.

I was going to say there's got to be some cop. There's an angry cop who's like throwing their papers everywhere going, come on. Like where the fuck is this girl? There's a tipping point. Okay. So of course this like triple homicide is shocking because it's like, well, this is a woman. Keep in mind. She's clearly like whether she's on heroin now or not or whatever, it's possible she is.

But how on earth did she kill three men and leave their bodies in a car and disappear? She must be working with someone. She must be part of some syndicate. She's a spy. She must be some sort of secret spy. There must be like a whole group of people involved and she has all these people. But the wild part is like nobody ever talks, right? So even if they find someone else's DNA or they're like, you know, they have a suspect

in mind. Every time they talk to someone, they go quiet. There's no naming this person. And it is pissing off the cops because they're like, nobody is this fucking good, like except Carmen San Diego. So March through April 2008, we're back in Germany, and we've got four separate home invasions. This is in a month, four separate home invasions and one apartment break in on April 9th. Phantom DNA on entry tools and doorknobs of all these places.

So now we're doing like lock picking. And it's like you just murdered three men and now you're just like lock picking apartments. This person has ADHD. too. Like they're, well, I'm sorry, but the hyperfixation really comes in full effect when you need many skills. Like, I know there was a middle of the night situation where they needed to learn how to pick a lock and all of a sudden now that's what they're doing. At one point, they got really into- YouTube was out by 2008. They got really into gems at three in the morning and all of a sudden they need gems. They got a rock tumbler from National Geographic Toys and

they needed to figure it out. I'm telling you, like they're, I know it's like not actually like serious to this, but if I needed to diagnose them, if I were like the B.D. Wong in this situation, I would, I would flirt with ADHD. You'd be like, that's actually the first layer. Like, that's like the shallowest layer. Like, there's a lot we've got to dive into. If you're interviewing someone and they happen to say they need to stop the interview to go take Adderall, I would jot that down. Like they, maybe it's worth a mention. Let's, let's keep them on the roster. Yeah. I think, uh, I think so because they find these. four home invasions and apartment break-in within a month and we've got DNA on all of them from

this woman. Now we're going to May the following month, 2008 in Zahutsbach, Germany. We've got a crime of armed robbery of a woman in a clubhouse, like a kind of, I think like a cabana clubhouse type thing. And they found the DNA of the woman on a drinking glass. Now we're fast-forwarding a couple months, but again, this is like escalating. You know, we had 1993. Now we're in 2008, and it's like monthly or weekly almost. And we've got the case of Diana Pavlenko. Unfortunately, this is another really rough one.

So Diana Pavlenko was 45 years old in Weinspec, Germany. She worked as an auxiliary nurse. And she was found next to her car on the ground dying of a gunshot wound. And, um, of course, seemingly unrelated, but of course they found the phantom DNA's evidence inside this woman's vehicle. Insane. 2009, this is the moment. Okay. It's gone, it's gone too far.

It's gone too far for everyone. Okay. And I know folks that in the past, people have complained that my stories have gotten too short. This one's short on purpose because, well, not on purpose, but it is just kind of one of those cases where it's like it just kind of more bullet points. And also, we've been here two and a half hours. So I hope it's okay that this is a little shorter than usual. The best part about it being short is that they're never short. Uh, when, when we're in the room. No, we, yeah, your experience isn't short. Yeah. Yeah. You're trapped no matter what, uh, no matter how long I

talk. But so we're in late 2008. We've had this, uh, Diana Pavlenko. Now, we hit early 2009. And this is when everything unravels, okay? So there is this asylum seeker, this male asylum seeker, and this man, he is found dead. And when they go back to look through his asylum paperwork and find his fingerprints, they find the phantom's DNA on his fingerprint application. like ink fingerprint application and they said that's all right

like this has been ridiculous but like that's impossible this is a they test it again none of none of the phantoms DNA I can't imagine okay just keep going there are also some issues where people who are witnesses of these crimes have described what they saw, and they saw someone with apparently a really ugly goatee.

Okay. Oxymoron. Just kidding. Wait, no. Is that an oxymoron? No, I meant the opposite. To me, it's an exact perfect description. I meant, what's the word where you say?

It's like redundant, redundant. There you go. Okay. Well, whatever. Sexy goatees. no so they literally saw a goate and so now I mean seriously they're thinking like is this a trans man is this a woman pretending to be a man and that's how she's getting away with this fake facial hair is it right is it like a disguise you know is it like a conspirator you know we don't know and so the police are losing their shit this is years and years and years they have spent overtime so much money on this and then a newspaper and aspiring journalist comes out with an angle that the police weren't quite ready to admit yet, but would soon be kind of splashed all over headlines worldwide.

The DNA was ultimately traced to the cotton swab manufacturing plant where an employee, a grandmother, I believe she's a 71 year old or 61 year old grandmother her DNA as she packaged up these little cotton swabs was getting trace amounts on there and when the police

bought these in bulk and started using them her DNA occasionally would get picked up okay so was this little lady It was this little old lady Did she have like PCOS or something

That gave her facial hair Or like what was the Do we know anything about it? What? I'm confused, what tell me There was never a phantom lady Wait It was her factory

A factory employee Just this little old grandma They were buying these swabs That already had some old lady's DNA on them because first of all they blamed the manufacturer and then the manufacturer said we expressly do not sell these for DNA testing like this is not forensic grade cotton swabs like there was not the the company was like we do not fucking say we're we're at a like level for DNA testing like we don't claim that at all um yeah m this was all literally this was all literally this

random ladies' DNA showing up at completely. So she was just like, there was no person doing a string of things. There was no link whatsoever except that they bought this cotton swabs from that. Which means that all of those like murders were still like now brand new open cases, right? Well, not quite because they did have, well, they were still open because they thought this was just some random lady. but they had already arrested several people in connection with a lot of these crimes. But like I said, every time they interrogated them and said, who was the woman with you? They were like, imagine?

And they thought, oh, they're protecting this woman. And it's like, there literally was no woman. They're just like, what are you talking about? Imagine her at Bingo the next day. You, her book club, they got nothing done. I'll tell you that. My God. My God, oh, my God.

You know, every time she touched a Mahjong, tile that go oh oh oh DNA lookout like they would rip her oh you know she was just like the butt of the joke and i hope she was in on it i hope so too i don't know i think she was just a polish grandma i've no idea that poor old lady too imagine like i don't know how i would feel i'd be like i'd feel yeah like my first initial joke is like to joke about it but also i'm like oh no most sources have been very like cautious of name like not to name her and stuff because it's not you know relevant and she didn't do anything she was just doing her job that it is like such a wild story because it's like oh oh i want to give you some facts here

sure i want to give you the aftermath okay yeah so i was going to say all this all i'm thinking about right now is like how she just she just wins every icebreaker at this point oh yeah she wins icebreaker she's kind of out of the picture now but the cost of this error uh please can i guess yeah sorry i don't mean to keep no okay i would like you to guess uh how many overtime hours um in this period of time i mean it's years of work but uh how many overtime hours and how many million euro well sorry i just ruined it two million euro sorry how many i would have guessed a million dollars um i would have guessed a million dollars and i would have said uh well i'm trying to think i don't even know how many cops were on the case but overnight for years i know that's why it's

Let's say, 10,000? 16,000 or more, overtime hours, yep. Two million euro cost of error for the error and dozens of diverted investigations and man hours just spent on like. Chasing a ghost, literal phantom. A ghost, a phantom. Is that way it's called a phantom or was that? Yeah.

Wow. Well, no, they actually called her the phantom before because they were like, she just disappears and it was a literally non-existent villain. the collective sigh everyone had to have made in that police department just going I know I know and apparently some of the police some of the investigators had already said like they were working on the angle and the other cops were like why the fuck didn't you tell us like you already had this in mind but like they kept it quiet because they were like we don't want that getting out like we've just been duped by our own lab results and whatever I mean it is bonkers and now in addition to that uh there's now a international standard for DNA-free forensic consumable. So when they send these swabs, they are testing them to make sure there's not pre-existing DNA. Remember even in the John Bennett case where there was DNA found in her underwear and people claim like it could have been in a factory because this happens. Like that DNA in a factory, if you're just buying random cotton swabs, yeah, there might be trace evidence of DNA on them.

I wonder, like, was there something about her DNA specific? that was sticking on to like it's because they bought that batch or whatever like they okay okay they just happened to buy from this location and this plant and this whatever and whatever batch she was working on happened to be the one that they were using you know it reminds me of like that the Tylenol thing where like random people were just all dying and like I think they thought they were all connected to each other but it was just that they were all buying this like watched thing of Tylenol like it's like it tampered tampered yeah Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just really wild. And it's like they looked like fools, right? Like, they spent millions of euros they spent. Yeah. But how would you know? Like, I don't even really blame them. Like, how would you, this whole time I was making guesses, I never fucking thought that, you know? Okay. So every time I hear this story on like, somewhere and the other person doesn't really know it, it's like, they always say, don't feel bad. It literally took the police like over a decade to figure out, like,

Don't feel bad that, like, you didn't. Because it feels like it's some sort of, like, weird, like, Robin Hood, D.B. Cooper, like, mystery agent, Carmen San Diego, fantastical thing. But then you hear these horrible, like, actual crimes, and you're like, and then the first two being those, or the first two I mentioned, being those, like, both twine that was found on the scene and, you know, like, elderly people. And it felt like, is it intentionally elderly people? But then all of a sudden, it diverts.

So these are all different crimes, not all of them, but. I want to give a little bit of context here. A few of the crimes, actually several of the crimes have already been solved. And so I do want to give an update on the case of the police officers who were shot. Because in 2014, that murder was officially attributed to the National Socialist Underground, the NSU, which is a neo-Nazi terror cell. and apparently these two guys I don't even want to say their names

I'm not even getting, give them that but they fired the shots and this was actually part of a greater terror spree they were on a terror attacks and they also left the letters NSU sprayed on a nearby wall but that hadn't been really clocked or like connected at the time and then when they found this woman's DNA

I mean they were really on like this rabbit chase or goose wild goose chase that obviously um did not get them where they needed to go and you know all those people who got away with it for years were like we fucking made it like bandits made out like few i will say a lot of them they did have the person who did it but they thought this woman was involved right so they would be like they would like have somebody in jail and go like who is your accomplice and they'd be like i'm not speaking to you and they'd be like wow she's really got a hold on these people you know And meanwhile, I would have, I guess if I was one of those criminals, I would have been

just shouting out random women's names every day just to keep them, keep them guessing. Yes, it was Heidi. Yeah, you know, Heidi. I don't have to say anything else. You go find Heidi and you tell me, you know what I'm talking about. She's in hiding. Well done. It wasn't that good.

But thank you. So that's the case. I know it's very, speaking of manic, it's kind of all over the place, but. That's why I loved it. I just thought it was one of the wildest, like... It was on par in terms of one of my favorite recent stories you've covered. The other one's sadder. But it was on par mystery kept me guessing-wise as the guy who was in the hotel room and

ended up getting shot. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Those were... Those like seemingly impossible cases where you're like, this just feels more impossible than it. Yeah. stranger than fiction almost.

But the whole time I'm just like, what the fuck happened? Yeah, that, I really like those. So like, I, I think this story is wild too because it also gives so much, it gives like a little bit of clarity to, I think, or maybe like, you know, in the way that you say, take this with a grain of salt. Like it adds a little nuance and context because like I said, back then, people were saying DNA is everything. If your DNA is there, you did it.

And like one example I wanted to bring up was this cab driver. I don't know what city it was. I believe it, this is in the U.S., I think, but they found his DNA under this woman's fingernails who was killed, and he went to prison, and eventually was exonerated because they figured out she had just happened to be in his cab, and that's how little it takes for DNA to transfer, that she had some under her fingernails just from being in his cab, and suddenly he sent to prison. And so I think it gave a lot of people, like, pause, like to say, okay, maybe DNA is not like the end-all-be-all answer to everything.

You know, DNA can accidentally end up somewhere, obviously. I was going to say, it's just like how every time a new technology comes up, even today, it's like, oh, well, this is the lawless land era. Totally. What's going to have to happen for things to get regulated? Yeah. And I mean, even DNA had that situation, DNA analysis. Yeah, and it was like, of course it's easy for a jury to hear, hey, his DNA was under her fingernails,

and he admitted she was in her. cat his cab that night yeah that's pretty fucking convincing unfortunately if a lawyer spins it right and then it's like what do you do yeah a lot of innocent people probably had to go to jail in the first uh round of DNA analysis before just people start figuring out the like it's just a factor not the whole truth but the good part is that also it's exonerated so many people you know yeah so it has it's it has plenty of upsides um great story christine thank you and you know now i think they're a little more careful with um their supplies with with their bulk uh cotton swab supplies boy well that was a great story christine oh well thank you

i know it's a little chaotic but um do do more of those those were neat um i like being confused see that's as my therapist would like to hear it that's why i like you because you keep me on my toes so because i am a tornado yeah um well if you've got it in you christian we've got a yappy hour to do we okay come join us uh we will be at patreon.com slash at t wbwd podcast and i think we're going to be setting up some um pretty clear instructions for the extraterrestrials as to how to make my experience most comfortable and enjoyable um aboard their rocket ship i can't wait christine can probably but i cannot and that's why we drink