And That's Why We Drink - E5 The “Creepy Little Thing” and a Journey of Self-Destruction

Episode Date: March 5, 2017

In episode 5, Em and Christine have a casual chat about the poltergeist that tortured the Smurl family back in the 80s and everyone’s favorite killer clown, John Wayne Gacy. Christine not only learns what an incubus is (you don’t want to know), but more importantly learns of Em’s deepest, darkest secret (this one you will want to know). Get ready because this one’s a doozy. And that’s why we drink.

and hike welcome to and that's why we drink a paranormal and true crime podcast hosted by wine and milkshakes yeah that's you said it all that's all there is to say. Good job. How are you? I'm great. I just, before we get going, I want to give a little shout out to everyone who's been involved with us on Twitter and our other social media, Facebook and Instagram. We've gotten a lot of cool, we've made a lot of cool connections, gotten some great suggestions from Twitter users, even gotten some advice. Shout out to Hillbilly Horror Stories. I love it. Yeah, they're a great podcast from Kentucky, which is my neighbor.

I'm from Ohio. Oh, they're my neighbor too. I'm from Virginia. Oh, man. Wow. That's neat. So, thank you guys for giving us some advice and helping us out. We really appreciate it. I also want to announce that I'm the only one excited about this, but we officially

have a listener in Alaska. I've been waiting for that. I'm waiting for Antarctica. That's why I don't want to, I don't want to get my hopes up on the little prize. You know, M has big grand goals for this podcast. I'm looking towards Mars. I'm pretty sure at one point we suggested flying her mother to Antarctica so she could listen to it there

just oh we would we would and she would agree it might have to happen it can you fly to antarctica well i don't were you gonna walk there i mean i'm like jet blue can you just like book okay yeah they have alaskan airlines that's alaska oh i'm god i'm glad that i didn't say that usually i would say that i know well to go intercontinental, you still need a plane. Fair. Whatever. We can put her on like a penguin expedition. I'm still rooting for Mars.

Although I think penguins live on the North Pole, not the South Pole. Thankfully, this is not a geography podcast. I'm pretty sure they're on the South Pole because Santa's at the North Pole. Yeah, but I think... You never see penguins and Santa together. You do on Elf. No, you don't. Okay.

You see narwhals. Please tweet us if you know anything about anything. Because we don't. Because we don't know anything. Also, I'd like to add that we had a listener

named... Her username is AndreaQ underscore Reno and she sent us this wonderful article called 10 Weird and Disgusting Milkshake Flavors. Yummy. And so considering Team M is all about milkshakes, I'm going to... I haven't seen these.

Yeah, I'm going to tell you. I was instructed not to. Here's one. I just want to know if you would drink these. There's a buffalo wing milkshake. Absolutely. That sounds like the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Well, wings are one of my favorite foods.

Yeah, but... Here's what I eat. I eat spicy wings and then I drink milk to get rid of the spice. It's actually kind of smart. It's like putting... Well, I'm not gonna... You're putting chicken in milk. This is so gross.

Okay. I didn't really think about the chicken texture. Yuck. Okay, then the next one is a pancake flavored milkshake yeah 100 that sounds good you put maple syrup on that instead of chocolate sauce okay this is the worst thing i've ever read uh the mcnugget teeny it has chicken nuggets what is it with the chicken what's are you telling me you're not a fan of chicken nuggets? It has a barbecue sauce rimmed martini glass. Oh, firm pass. If it had that McDonald's like extra sugary ketchup, maybe.

That's not the worst thing. I thought this was going to be like toenail milkshakes or something. I feel like dairy mixed with chicken nuggets. Oh, we're back on the chicken thing. And that's not even real chicken, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it's like processed junk. All right, what's the next one? A sweet potato milkshake.

Yeah. That's not bad. Okay. So thank you, Andrea Q for sending that in. How's neat. You can find us at AT WWD podcast. We love to talk to you.

You look to me like I was supposed to finish that sentence and I didn't know we were playing a game. I just lost my train of thought of thought I was like we just love you all very much so thank you we are we're super can I do a shout out too okay I'm gonna mainly I want to say thank you to my sister who has been like our biggest cheerleader so far like she has gotten her whole office to subscribe to us but like she's always finding reasons to brag about me and this one's like the one where she's actively like selling us to everyone she can find that's amazing and then also another shout out to my co-worker Hedda for he's also gotten everyone in our department to add that is wonderful my mom and dad haven't even like paid any attention to this so

i'm glad m's parents and family are they are and we have so many this is by the time this comes out we have over 650 followers that's crazy blowing my mind i'm just gonna say that on that note back to and that's why we drink um today i am drinking a chardonnay and my good friends at Wine and Crime Podcast. They're a podcast similar to ours and it's really fun to listen to. But they just did an episode featuring Kendall Jackson Chardonnay and I mentioned to them that it was my favorite on Twitter before I listened to the episode. And they just shit all over it. They just shit all over Kendall Jackson Chardonnay and how much nobody likes Chardonnay. So in honor of you guys, I love you.

I'm drinking a really nice glass of Chardonnay, but I will add, I cannot afford Kendall Jackson right now. So I have a lovely bottle of McBride Trouvé Chardonnay something or other. So it was $3.99. But thank you for shouting out to my favorite wine, even if you hate it. Sorry. That's fine. But go listen to them because if they're anything like our podcast, they're amazing.

Yes. I feel like they're sort of our soul sisters. I don't know if they feel the same way. They're probably kind of creeped out. But anyway, Emma, what are you drinking today? Oh, I'm drinking a Starbucks Frappuccino. Ooh. You know who

was at starbucks today um was it a celebrity it was who colin farrell oh my god i love him he saw me doing this oh poor colin farrell he didn't talk to me he saw it and then walked away but fun fact he drives a an escalade oh because i watched him walk out i got a picture of him for you but it's just the back of his head dude i fucking love him i expected him to be driving um anything a horse and wagon what's wrong with you you know those days where you sort of feel like you're having a stroke. Yeah, that was called high school. My brain is just not processing vocabulary. Well, no, I saw him today and he got a drink before me and then turned around.

And I was like, that's definitely Colin Farrell. But his hair is different than I was expecting it to be. It was very, like, 90s spiky. Oh. And I saw him when he decided to leave he went to his car and uh i memorized the license plate which i'm not gonna say but you know you never know when you need that information we might need it to never know to force him to listen to he also keeps a dream catcher in his car and i don't know why you would ever need something in your car that involves you sleeping.

That is a really good question. Something people might want to figure out. I feel like he's probably pretty deep. He looked like a tortured artist. He looked like he had a lot on his mind. He's great. That's the thing about living in LA. It's just cool you see people in the flesh.

One of the reasons I drank today is because I had to go to the doctor and get blood taken this week. But apparently because we live out here, I have the same doctor as a lot of celebrities. Nice. And he was telling me all about Ryan Gosling and Barbra Streisand and all these other people. And I was like, I'm one of your patients and you've got these people. You've touched Ryan Gosling. This needle's also probably been in Ryan's arm. I'm pretty sure.

I hope not, but. Hep C is really nothing. What blood type does he have? I didn't ask that, but I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, so I'm not going to give the actual number. But I did ask how much his life insurance is. Like, how much his life insurance that he pays for costs. And it's a big fucking number. Not surprised.

Tesla. That's the car i meant sorry wow you came out of that stroke really strong that stroke is me really behind anyway welcome to the show we're gonna talk about welcome if you've skipped past everything welcome to the show uh we are gonna tell you a creepy ghost story and a creepy murder story. So yeah, get ready. Get your beverages ready. Oh, wait, I have a fact. Oh, right. And has something fun to tell us first. Yeah, I'll make it quick. All right. Thanks. Just kidding. Okay, so the first one you'll be confused by because I was too. Did you know that there's a fear of wine? What? Called onophobia. Why? Who

on earth? Why? Okay, onophobia is the fear of wine or anxiety related to wine. I mean, which is a real thing, apparently. I wonder who had, like, what triggers that? I don't know, but they didn't really specify what, like, what type of anx anxieties because i thought people drank wine to avoid anxiety well that's what i do i think it's like the build-up anxiety to it like what if you're outside like what if you're out to dinner with people and you say oh let's get this kind of wine and then it ends up sucking and like what it's like the social anxiety you know you're like super privileged you're like i have such anxiety about what kind of wine my life is so hard what if people don't like what i'm drinking fuck no okay i mean i guess there are people who like if you watch the maury show um i guess there are people who have like a legitimate fear of like balloons or pickles yeah they can't i saw the pickle one that girl is

unreal i mean it's they literally chase her around with a pickle it's really just kind of twisted but also like fascinating but like they can't trace that back to any traumatic incident it just is so It's, they literally chase her around with a pickle. It's really just kind of twisted, but also, like, fascinating. But, like, they can't trace that back to any traumatic incident. It just is. So maybe people just have a... I don't know. There's a phobia for everything. There is.

So, anyway. There's also a milkshake fact that's kind of interesting. The Guinness World Record largest milkshake was made in 2000 in New York City. largest milkshake was made in 2000 in New York City and it was 6,000 gallons aka 50,000 normal sized milkshakes oh it was also strawberry flavor did people eat it yeah there was like a whole festival in New York where people just got I guess there must have been a tap on it or something but someone dove in and scooped it out anyway Anyway, there are your facts. Fascinating. Now we can move on. Now we can move on to why we are drinking all these thousands of milkshakes. And wines.

We should keep a running list of how much wine and milkshake is consumed during these. I don't think anyone needs to know that. A barrel has already been done. My parents don't need to know the number. Are you ready for our ghost story? Take it away. Okay. Apparently this is a really famous story? Take it away. Okay. Apparently this is a really famous story and I'd never heard of it before. So it's called the Smurl Haunting.

Like? Like Smurf without an F. That's what I was about to say. And I know. Mm-hmm. I mean, you're not wrong. Is that a name? A last name?

Yeah, it's the last name. To Jack and Janet Smurl. Wow. Of West Pittston, Pennsylvania. The shit always happens in Pennsylvania. This is a doozy, this one. Because, do you know, maybe you should know for reference, do you know what a succubus is? Yes.

What is it? It's like a creepy little thing. No. But A for effort, Christine. It's like a demonic little thing. No. But A for effort, Christine. It's like a demonic thing. Right. Yeah. It's like a creepy little demon.

Right. That's what I said. Okay. So an incubus and a succubus are the same thing, except an incubus is male and a succubus is female. An incubus is also... Because apparently in the paranormal world, gender binaries are also involved. There's no gender fluidity in the paranormal world. You're either one or the other, apparently. but incubus and a succubus are um okay so they're it's

basically ghosts that sexually assault you oh like in american horror story sure that happened okay i saw that and i was like i'm never watching the show again was it a boy or a girl i don't know it was like a creepy thing and and it made her pregnant on the show. Oh, if it made her pregnant, it might have been a guy. By science's standards. All right. I didn't know if science applies here. I mean, who knows?

I didn't know it had a gender at the time. Now I understand that. I don't understand why gender in the paranormal world is important. Anyway, let's crack into it. I realize this is like every episode so far, I have used the phrase, let's crack into it so i have i realize this is like every episode so far i have used the phrase let's crack into it at least once in every episode lord that's your saying that's my catchphrase probably oh lord because i say that i have probably a worse one so i think yours is glug glug glug as all the wine goes down. I hate you. All right, so in 1974, The Smurl Haunting began, which also became a book in 1986 called The Haunted, and it became a movie in 1991.

And it is a true story. The family was Jack and Janet Smurl with two kids and Jack's parents. And they moved to this house and immediately began doing repairs. I guess it was a house that... Fixer-upper? Yep. And right away, activities started beginning. So, originally, it was kind of benign stuff.

Like, tools would go missing or, like, they would reappear later in weird areas. But then, like, after they would paint the walls, like, old... Like, old wall stains would seep through the new paint. And awful smells. And kitchen appliances started catching on fire when they weren't even plugged in. Electricity was a big thing where Jack's dad was an electrician. And so he put all brand new wiring in on his own so there's no reason why anything should have been either malfunctioning or sparking or catching on fucking fire right

um but it did uh the women in the house uh would hear voices that they thought were each other so like they would be in different rooms and hear their name and then be like oh what did you need and they either wouldn't be there or they'd be asleep or didn't say anything. That creeps me out. The mother, the mother-in-law regularly heard Jack and Janet like fighting with each other. And then she would go into the room and be like, what's wrong? And they'd be watching TV. Yuck.

But like cussing each other out and saying like horrible names and all that. Then black masses started forming like black clouds which in my personal experience have witnessed and those things are fucking terrifying what oh yeah like they're like you can see them in front of yeah what are they it's like like a it's like a cloud like a black cloud and it's probably a demonic thing right i mean it doesn't sound like a good thing i've never seen a happy black cloud floating in a room uh they would like you know you know how you see things good to know um so these black masses would form and either float around or would float near them or would like appear near them like kind of like form out of nothing or they would walk into a room and it

would just be like floating like ominously in the corner um and then it started getting weird because uh janet uh the wife started getting molested in her sleep what the fuck and eventually jack uh witnessed it because he woke up to a voice which it was like a woman's voice that he didn't recognize and turned around to see his wife and saw a black shadow figure running its hand up and down her leg. Which, it's a woman. I mean, I guess you can have, like, lesbian ghosts. I'm not really sure. I thought ghosts were, like, specifically...

Apparently, there's only one and two for the gender binary, but you can be whatever sexuality you want. I see. So anyway, after that, Jack was convinced that the place was haunted. I don't know why. After seeing something, like a shadow person, like groping your wife at night. And then I have underlined, it gets worse. Oh, of course it does.

Because molestation isn't bad enough, I guess. It always gets worse. So then people started getting dragged out of their beds like by their feet would get yanked um they would also get lifted out of bed like levitate like six feet up from the bed and then dropped into the bed to like wake up but they wouldn't like other people would see them levitating while they're sleeping and wouldn't know what was going on and then they would get dropped and wake up um they would uh their blankets would get yanked i mean i'm sure if you're blank if you're getting yanked your blankets would be

getting yanked too uh so there was a bolted light fixture in the center of the house that shook every now and then but as tension would rise it would shake more and more and then one day it shook so long and so aggressively that it loosened itself and fell from the ceiling and landed on the daughter she didn't die but like it hit her i'm not gonna lie i thought you said the dog and i got really upset and then you said the daughter and i was like oh that's still pretty bad would it offend you if the next bullet i had was the dog gets thrown across the wall oh emily i didn't mean i mean you said it but the dog ends up getting picked up and thrown across rooms into walls poor baby so then uh janet was picked up

like as she was standing she got picked up and dangled six feet in the air and then thrown across the room like a rag doll apparently like just like how do you even why are they there that's what i'm saying like at this point if you're getting thrown around you're getting molested your dog's getting thrown into walls your child has a like a chandelier fall on her why are you there under a chandelier why are you there someone is literally a ghost is like groping your leg call a priest or get a new house like fucking move move into a cardboard box get you're just not being a good parent at that point no like oh the light fell on my kid anyway okay go to bed by yourself

in the dark where maybe someone might show up in the middle of the night like you're just not molesting you right no uh jack uh all right so then as if that weren't bad enough, um, people kept getting dangled. Electricity was like, things were still catching on fire. Um, people's beds were rattling at night and you could hear like hissing, like hiss laughing. And then Jack, um, was watching a baseball game on TV and saw the shadow person that he saw with his wife that night, he saw that entity walk into the room while he was alone watching TV and it also attacked him. Did it molest him or just physically grab him?

No, it molested him too. Oh. I won't get into the details, but he says he felt everything that, you know, if there were a person there, he experienced all the same stuff. And he couldn't control, like he couldn't get it off him? No, like things were holding him down that he couldn't see. I don't think I even realized ghosts or spirits or whatever could do this. Well, I like to think that like ghosts slash spirits are like good. A different thing from like.

Like totally different than a demon. Demons, right. Demons are like, I don't play with that. No, no, no. than a demon. Demons, right. Demons are like, I don't play with that. No, no, no. So that happened. The neighbors also reported hearing screams from the house when either the family was out or they would hear screams while the family was home, but everyone was either asleep or, like, totally fine. Like, no reason for there to be screams. God.

What else? So then they ended up contacting the warrens from right amityville they'd already done amityville at this time so the warrens are the the experts right they're the husband and wife team and uh so lorraine went in there the mrs warren she went in and said that she had made contact with four different spirits in the house. One was a harmless elderly woman. She's just there. She's just, like, watching all this horrible stuff happen. There's a young, violent girl, as we've heard.

God. There's a man who died in the house after, like, a lot of suffering from an illness. And then there's a demon that was using the three of them to hurt the family. Like, using them as puppets to hurt the family. So after a lot of investigations and prayers and exorcisms, nothing worked to get these people out or to get these spirits out. So they ended up reaching out to the public, just saying, like, if anyone has any idea, like, please. Like, this is a lot of trouble. Like, just move. Just move. Like, get anyone has any idea, like, please. Like, this is a lot of trouble. Like, just move.

Just move. Like, get out. Ugh, it drives me bananas. Honestly, if you can drop a chandelier on someone, like, they can kill you. Like, yeah. I mean, you know you're not wanted. Right. And they're not leaving. If you've already tried, like, exorcisms.

And you're probably just pissing them off. Yeah. You're just giving it energy. Ugh. I don't get it i mean either if someone dropped a light on me and then threw geo across the room i'd be like see you never goodbye well honestly though and i like i get the argument that oh people spend money on houses and it's not easy to move but it's life or death can't you have like a family that can you can stay on their couch or a sister or it says a lot about them not having friends for someone to be like you're getting molested at night come spend the night right like i would literally mean show up at my neighbor's house and be like i'm i would

show up anywhere i don't know what the real question is what are they thinking okay so then after people get win nobody surprisingly can get proof that anything's happening. So anyone that goes in to try to help them, which is the other thing. It's like if something's there and you're regularly saying out loud in that house, like, let's bring people in to prove that this is happening. They're probably not going to show up then. Of course. To be like, oh, we just want to make you look alone. up then of course to be like oh we just want to make you look right alone so i guess now that everyone was looking for proof they weren't going to show it all and so reporters were doing

lockdowns and priests were coming to like spend the night and like after three or four days of nothing happening the priests were like okay i just wasted my time so they would leave wow and then apparently as soon as they would leave all the shit would happen but who really it's all like it becomes high speculation that nothing was actually happening but i feel like you wouldn't lie about like your dog getting thrown into a wall or you wouldn't be like oh i got groped in the middle yeah that's like something you don't lie about unless the entire family has like issues yeah which i guess it's possible so then they ended up claiming uh when they were alone they would still be terrorized and so eventually they finally moved away and uh in 1989 uh i guess they reported that whatever was at the old house followed them to the new house and then they had

an exorcism at that house and it ended up going away oh okay good i don't know what was so special about that house that like they could get away but maybe the other house had all those spirits and it was more right maybe powerful there and maybe just i don't know yeah i don't know i would feel like out of those four only like the super bad one would follow sure right like if someone died in that house it would make sense why they were there and then they wouldn't follow you to the next one right exactly so anyway since then there's been a lot of scrutiny about whether or not any of this was real but um there is an interview from the warrens after the fact and they were like what did you see and ed warren the husband said that uh there were a lot of spirits that they

ever there were a lot of spirits there that weren't just those four because i guess in the original house it was also an old area for coal mining so a lot of people died there so it could have been something there oh um they said there were a lot more instances of people being levitated or thrown into walls. And he saw chairs shaking that people weren't even sitting in. Or he would try to get some sort of contact from them and the fridge door would swing open. Things happened that they didn't even end up reporting. Right. Because they were so little in comparison to molestation.

Sure. right because they were so little in comparison to like molestation sure but he did say that he vouches that the movie that they made in the 80s in 1986 he vouches that that movie is entirely accurate and that there weren't any hollywood exaggerations to it so was it like a documentary or was it more like a representation like a movie okay but they said that everything that happened in that movie did happen it's pretty accurate so i just have a question how does that work that a demon like do you have to instigate that or is it just there like how does a demon appear to like control the ghost like i get that like a spirit is there because it died or it has right energy but where does the demon come from i don't know where it comes from i don't know

where it comes from but i know like if i know to contact it like if it's already there then instigate it with a bunch of like either religious relics or just piss it off in general or say it doesn't exist and that it'll try to prove it to you like i know what to do to like activate one that's just kind of sitting there activate it i don't know what the real word is like piss it off why would someone do that i don't know i mean they like in order to contact it at all to figure out why it's there got it but how do you know it's there i guess you only you find out once when it's throwing things across the room once it's throwing your dog across the room. Oh, okay. Well, we'll just wait for that day, I guess. But I guess if it's that active and then you decide, oh, I'm going to go in one day and talk to it, then that's how you would kind of get its attention.

Because I've heard of people using Ouija boards and like opening some, like inviting them. Oh, well, obvious things like that will get a demon in. That's what I'm wondering. I just don't know if that's something that can play with a ouija board and you've got yourself a demon i'm looking at my ouija board right now don't touch it around i want to play so bad we're not playing with that we are not playing with that not until we have sage and a priest on either side of us where the hell are we gonna find a priest i'm an ordained minister that doesn't count no okay well that i don't. You just said that you don't want to do it. You're not wrong.

That's true. Okay. So we've got one out of two. I know people who have seen Ouija boards catch on fire. Listen. Like, by themselves. I'm not, I don't play with the devil. I have some rosemary and basil.

I don't have sage. I have tarragon. Does that count? Sure. I don't, I'm not, I'm not touching that thing. Why? Why? I just gave you a whole story about why.

There's no demon here. Yet. What if we want to talk to like. Did you ever watch The Exorcist? That whole thing came out of a Ouija board. I know, but what, aren't there steps where you can do it so that you like protect yourself? Yeah, it's called sage and a million other ingredients we don't have and incense and i have prayer do you have a bible yes no we're not gonna do it all right folks we're

gonna do it the end on that story it's horrible like i remember in the in that previous episode you talked about poltergeist activity and getting quote-unquote bitch slapped by a ghost. But getting molested by a ghost is just a whole... It's so horrible. Oh my god, it's a whole new level. I mean, that's extra scary to me because you can't even see what's happening to you. Right. It gives me the creeps.

I'm so sorry to her. Yeah, it's horrible. And it reminds me, honestly, I remember in that first season, I'm pretty sure to her yeah it's horrible and it reminds me honestly i remember in that first season i'm pretty sure they probably took it from that where the woman was like i mean they took it to a whole new level where she got impregnated by it but it was like a black shadow thing that's like that movie devil's due i don't know what that is the devil pregnates gets a girl pregnant yuck that's like i mean this but the opposite yeah that's exactly it oh that's exactly it i thought i came up with that nope anyway yikes that's a good way to end that story

my intelligence is just making appearances all right anyway the end all right tell me a good story something happy and positive with no murder at all okay great i got just the thing for you i'm gonna tell you all about our favorite guy okay his name is john wayne gacy no way so you know who that is right because i keep well because i keep asking people and they're like yeah totally and i'm like well who was he they're like pogo the clown yeah and they're like oh a serial i'm like you don't know the half of it i've been waiting for this moment my whole life i'm excited okay you tricked me you wrote it on the board earlier you sick bitch look at it oh it says right there on our to-do list but you had already done it i guess i wanted to surprise you surprise you did i should have worn my clown outfit oh you know i'm a professional clown all

right i'm not even kidding i literally don't know what to make of that i'm telling the truth when i was 13 years old i went to clown college i graduated on my 14th birthday um what the i'm not kidding fuck are you talking about i'm dead serious i made my mom burn all the pictures but i am a professional clown um l, can you send me any remains? I know you have. No, don't say that because she owns one and I know she's going to send it to you. Yep. Shit.

I'm going to have. Shit. I don't want this at all. You walked straight into this. No, she really does have one. There's only one picture left and it's somewhere on her iPad. And I've tried every time I see it, I try to delete that picture and she catches me and grabs the iPad from me.

And she will gladly send it to you. And it's the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life. I need it. I, I so don't even want, if you see it, don't even bring it up to me. Please just don't even tell me. I'll just tell everyone on Twitter. It's fine. Um, I can't even cope with what you just told me.

It is all true though. I took like classes, like real classes, like to prepare you for the circus. I have so many questions. I don't know why. I was just on a self journey, I guess. Self discovery, it must have been. Of self destruction. Self destruction.

They prepared you for circuses birthday parties and like hospital visitations i'm the youngest um licensed clown on the east coast so you have a license yeah to thrill i can't talk to you right now that's where i learned how to juggle and i can do like clown makeup and balloon animals and that's why i drink trust me i've been drinking for that for like a decade that is the only reason from now on i can't cope i cannot i can't believe i told my biggest secret on i was so excited about john way gacy i blacked out and just told you blacked out i just told you every true thing about me well now i feel really weird talking about this story i didn't kill anyone that's like the only good thing that came that's good

and now we have like 700 listeners they all know this is the greatest day of my life this is my doomsday i feel like the world has just opened up before me they opened up a black portal at the bottom of the ground okay so uh just just know that John Wayne Gacy has nothing to do with M because John Wayne Gacy is a murder mofo. He's one of my favorite murderers. Don't advertise that considering you're a licensed clown. Since we're full disclosure at this point, do you want to know one of my clown names? Stop.

Because I had multiple characters. Stop. With multiple different types of makeup. I want all of them now. One of them dressed in all green. And her name was Patty O'Furniture. What the? What?

What? That's not a lie. Did you make that up? Oh, yeah. Isn't that what? Doesn't that sound like a made up fucking name? Did you stand on tables? What is the furniture? That was just my name. Patty.

Oh, furniture. Okay, I'm not going to ask any more questions. What's the next name? One of them's name was Sassy. But that wasn't even my choosing that was my like graduation name they like they give you a name like deem you like a licensed name so from now on i'm gonna say hosted by sassy the clown i will fucking murder you we'll turn into pogo real quick don't you joke about john wayne gacy let's just please get on with this.

Oh my God. I got to talk about this. I know. I feel really weird about myself and life right now. Oh guys. Okay. So let me tell you about this fricking killer clown. Um,

so John Wayne Gacy, uh, his based on his childhood, it wasn't that terrible. He had an abusive father who was an alcoholic, but it wasn't, uh, you know, like it was something that multiple people have, but it wasn't, you know.

Like, it was something that multiple people have gone through that didn't become murderers. Like, it was something that you hear about that's not totally abnormal. His father was an alcoholic, beat his mom. Some people say he beat his children, too. But again, this was in the 40s, so it's, back then it wasn't, you know, as outrageous as it is now. Another weird thing that happened to him as a kid he hit his head on a swing at age 11 and apparently got a blood clot that they didn't discover until he was 16 which put him in the hospital but i'm just wondering like how when he was 16 and he had this blood clot that they were like it must have been from the

time you hit your head on a swing right five years ago i fall a lot if i got like if someone told me i have a blood clot now i would not be able to tell you where i got it exactly i've had some pretty gnarly collisions with my head and an inanimate object exactly so we're bound to die of a blood clot any day now probably um so he didn't stay close with his father, but he stayed close with his mother and sisters, um, was considered a good Catholic, uh, well-liked by the community. But in high school, um, he attended four high schools senior year and dropped out of high school and moved to Las Vegas where he worked part-time as a janitor in a funeral home. Casual.

He became depressed. I can't imagine why. Right. All my coworkers are dead people. Yeah can't imagine why. Right. All my co-workers are dead people. Yeah, that's fine. So he moved back to Chicago to be with his family and enrolled in business college. And he realized he was a good salesman, became really successful, and excelled at his job at the Nunn Bush Shoe Company in Chicago, which sounds like the most 40s place I've ever heard of. So after this, so we're in the 50s at this point.

I'm sorry, early 60s. Okay. So soon after he moved back, he married into a wealthy family. He and his new wife moved to Waterloo, Illinois. People described him as well-liked, upstanding member of the community. However, in 1968, two young male employees, employees aged 16 and 15 accused him of sexually assaulting them he claimed he was innocent but later that year he hired another teen he knew to beat up the boy one of the boys who had accused him so the guy's kind of a bitch move yeah like

come on like oh these 15 year olds are hurting my feelings. Go do it yourself. Yeah. Guy. Okay. So he, so the youth that he sent to beat the youth. The youth. I don't know why I said that. What a 40s thing to say. I feel like I'm transported in time. So the hooligan was caught. And he.

The rabble rouser. We're good at that. Oh yeah, we're really good. He confessed and said, you you know gacy sent me to beat these guys up so gacy was arrested convicted of sodomy which is just what they said back then right and sentenced to 10 years in jail um at this point he had two infant children with his wife so his wife was just sad yeah it was really sad she was just devastated filed for divorce he was pissed that she filed for divorce and said he never wanted to see her again, never

wanted to see his children again, and would from now on consider them dead. Sounds like he's projecting. Yeah. It's like, you're the one in jail for molesting a 15-year-old. It's like, I molested 15-year-olds, and now I'm mad that you took my kids away. And so mad that I never want to see them again. Yeah. It's not even that you took them away. It's like, I'm mad you divorced me, so I and so mad that i never want to see them yeah it's not even

that you took them away it's like i'm mad you divorced me so i don't want anything to do with our kids it's just it's just twisted i don't know i mean it's probably good i mean that's already a red flag that he's not all there yeah and he was in jail for 10 years so it's like okay guy yeah what a threat anyway actually i was wrong after 18 months he was paroled because that's what happened back then. Moved back to Chicago to work in construction. So we're in 1971 at this point. His mom helped him buy a house, which happened to have a four-foot-deep crawl space under the floor.

I love it. So that's some sort of foreshadowing. Uh-huh. uh-huh um on february 12th of 71 gacy was charged with this orderly conduct when a teenage boy claimed that gacy picked him up and tried to force him to have sex with him but it's pretty gay c of him what god you're so good i'm gonna be such a good dad one day your clown is showing shut the fuck up so anyway the kid never showed up to court so the charges were dropped uh the following year gacy was arrested and charged with battery after a young man said that gacy flashed a sheriff's badge lured him into his car and forced him to have sex with

him but the charges were dropped again that same month he married a lovely woman named carol carol run bitch run i don't know what carol was thinking uh she knew him from his teenage years and at this point he was hiding his criminal record from everyone because in the 70s i guess you could move away and nobody would know that you were oh yeah oh my grandfather was a con artist um he that was his thing and it's pretty dope he like would run away in the middle of the night in like the 60s and 70s and he would just change his social security number and just start a whole new life you could like change your name and just have another family and that's literally what my grandfather did that's how that's how he ended up getting his other wife and new child oh for fuck's sake um oh boy so gacy soon became known as a sharp businessman and the way that he would undercut his rivals was by hiring teenagers

who were in high school because they were cheaper so he would save costs nice so that's not sketchy at all but it's smart business i mean it is if you're not a pedophile valid so one of his really fun hobbies that he did was that he would host parties uh dressed he would host children's parties dressed as a clown uh pogo the clown was his name love it and he would entertain children at local hospitals uh so that i actually have a photo of that and i can't even look at it because it i can bring it is the most upsetting thing i've ever seen i want to see here it is oops okay that's him at a children's party that's interesting he's all i mean he looks like a clown he looks like a no he looks like a murderer i He looks like a... No, he looks like a murderer. I mean, in hindsight, yeah. Well, this photo creeps the...

If that thing showed up to my birthday party... I mean, okay. In my professional clown makeup class, I would tell you that you're not a clown without a nose. And he has a human fucking nose. There's no red bulb. I will also say from my clown makeup class that he is doing a white face clown. Which means... Who knew that this knowledge would fucking come in handy?

I can't believe we're evaluating John Wayne Gacy's makeup right now. It's actually, funny enough, the three stooges were written as the three different types of characters. Like, the three main type of clown personalities you're supposed to have, more so in a circus. All three of them have a different um like purpose in the show and that's what the three stooges were based off of well i feel like john wayne gacy he would like he went his own way he ruined clowns for everyone yeah i don't i mean i'm gonna be honest i know you're a clown but like clowns are not a thing that i enjoy typically me either i don't know what the fuck i was thinking. Okay, good. As long as we're both on the same page. I was 13 and hormonal.

You took your hormones and went a weird way. I took a sharp left turn. I took my hormones and listened to Evanescence. You know, some people do drugs. Some people become clowns. You're welcome, Mom. Some people wear Converse to school and think they're badass. That may or may not be me.

Okay. So anyway, he was a clown at children's parties. Everyone loved him because they were stupid. He was also a Democratic precinct captain in his community. He would organize the annual Polish Constitution Day Parade, which... Oh, he's Polish. The funnest day of the year. Besides Flag Day. Besides.

Right. They're tied for first. Right. He even had his picture taken with First Lady Rosalyn Carter at the time, and she signed it for him. And I just imagine that someone probably has spent, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars to have that photo. I don't know.

Oh, yeah. I imagine that. Someone that has a podcast kind of like ours. A crazy person must have spent a lot of money on that. So, in July of 1975, one of Gacy's employees named John Buckovich disappeared. He had left work after an argument over pay he was owed, and his family asked the police to go look after Gacy because they knew that they were having trouble at work. Right.

But the police refused to go check him out, so the case went unsolved. Um, his second wife shortly after divorced him in March of 76 because she felt she couldn't cope with a, her husband's unpredictable moods and, and B his bizarre obsession with homosexual magazines. So that kind of his bizarre obsession or him just being gay. I mean, she said that he would have a lot of pornographic magazines sent to the house and she just couldn't. And they were all gay porn. Yes. At that point, don't you just kind of like wonder if he's gay i mean i think you're just like

oh he's got a quirky habit i think she knew but she didn't she was like i can't well this was the 70s too right yeah 60s 70s okay and so she also was finding wallets with ids of young men lying around the house so she just thought I want to get out of here. Okay, yeah. She's not an idiot. She probably, I don't know. I don't know if she thought that he was sleeping with people, like with young men. I imagine if she thought he was murdering these people that she would.

I don't think he thought he was murdering. Yeah. I feel like she, like she said. I mean, she has enough evidence to think that he's sleeping with them. Right. Exactly. So I think she just wanted to get out. And then the following year in December, another one of gacy's employees vanished his name is gregory god sick and gacy was the last person to have spoken to him so his family asked the police

again to check him out and surprise they did not go to his house they didn't even check his criminal record to i mean if they had they would have seen that he had been imprisoned for sodomy of a teenage boy they did not even look um so then the next year uh oh i'm sorry a month later john sick an acquaintance of the first two that went missing who also worked with gacy uh disappeared as well so at this point um this is just so bizarre but reports indicate that gacy was tired of digging holes in his crawl space and he wanted space that was available at all times. So he hired one of his employees, a teenager named David Cram, to make more space. So Cram stayed with Gacy at his house, had a room at the house. I know.

his house had a room at the house i know uh and one night he came home from work and reportedly found gacy drunk and in his clown costume which i just can't even imagine um i would literally be like you look like you've had a day and i would like back walk out of there i'm gonna leave you like you look like you need some alone time apparently they had a few drinks together and then gacy tricked him into putting on handcuffs as like a magic trick then started growling and spinning him around the room screaming i'm going to rape you i know it's like that oh my god made my stomach drop wow but somehow crea managed to push gacy down escaped to his room with the key to the handcuffs and just was like he had a rough day i'm not gonna do anything about

it what so he like just went to bed yeah he was just in the house he just was like let me lock the door people are so stupid i know if i ever met anyone who even hinted at saying something like that i'd be like hey christine what are you doing tonight i'm coming to your house for the rest of my life but um anyway, so a few months. Okay. So this guy was just like, whatever. It's fine. He's a drunk clown.

Just a drunk clown who threatens sexual assault. Yeah. Who wants to rape me? So in March of the following year, which would be 78 at this point, Gacy lures a teen named Jeffrey Rignall into his car. He chloroformed him classic uh took him back to his house raped and tortured him then dumped him in lincoln park in chicago kind of torture so he's dumped so he used uh wooden boards and ropes to torture his victims and eventually kill

them and syringes that just all sounds bad and often he would wear his clown outfit doing it. There's a video of him, like, showing the cops what he did with rope. Like, how to tighten it so that you can perfectly choke and strangle someone. I can't. We'll post it on our social media. Maybe. We'll see. Aw, hey, Gio.

You're upsetting my puppy. It's not like a graphic video. It's just like he shows you how he would do it. Like he wraps it around his arm or something. Yeah, but then you think about how many people he did that to. Ugh. I mean, that wasn't a trick I learned. They didn't teach you that in clown school? They didn't teach me that rope trick.

Oh, jeez. Okay. So anyway, so this guy escapes alive. Probably really fucking traumatized yeah but alive uh so a few months later a teenager named robert peaced p-i-e-s-t uh who worked at the dust plains pharmacy p.s i looked up how to say that because i was gonna say de plains like des moines uh-huh but it's Des Plaines. Oh, really? I didn't want anyone yelling at me about it. Who worked at the Des Plaines Pharmacy disappeared.

Just before he vanished, he told a co-worker that he was going down the street to a house to talk to, quote, some contractor about a job. Gacy had been at the pharmacy that same day discussing a remodeling job with the owner of the pharmacy but said he never talked to peaced when uh the police called him so finally the police were like maybe we should check this out so they ran a background check and were surprised to discover that he had served time for sodomy on a teenage boy oh yeah after how many freaking victims right so they obtained a warrant to search his house uh they found some creepy shit they found a 1975 high school class ring that did not belong to him they found um handcuffs driver's licenses of other people a two by four with holes drilled in the ends a syringe clothing that didn't belong to him and yeah and a receipt from the pharmacy where the kid worked uh that's enough detectives noticed an offensive odor coming from the crawl space

beneath the house but said oh we think it's sewage so they just left and didn't didn't even check to see if it was sewage they said oh it's probably a sewer line so they found this ring and they realized it belonged to one of the teenage boys that had gone missing a year earlier so they were like oh wait this might be he might be linked to several cases which he was literally the three people that disappeared worked for him so i don't know how they only are now discovering this right right fuck okay so they obtain a second search warrant and they're like okay we're gonna actually like check this out and that's when gacy realized he was screwed they were gonna go they said we've

got all this evidence we're gonna go down and like fully search your house and he went ahead and confessed to police that he had murdered 33 young men he He just threw that number out? Yep. Like, he kept track of all of that? Over a period of seven years. What did he do? Was he like, wait, wait, okay, well, let's talk before you go check. He just... I kind of killed 33 people. Like, did he say it casually?

Did he... I mean, they brought him in for questioning, and he realized he was... Strapped. Yeah. He even actually... I i mean remember you were just talking about how he demonstrated his rope technique he drew a map of where all the bodies were buried uh most of them were 28 shallow graves under his house and garage and then he dumped the rest of them in the des plains river oh no yeah so he actually during his interview during his interview, this might speak to what you just asked, he told

investigators that there are four Johns. So his name was John. He said there are four Johns. I imagine this is some sort of disassociative identity disorder. I don't know. He said there was John the contractor, John the clown, John the politician, and the fourth John went by Jack Han hanley and he was the one that did all the evil things all the evil things as in raping torturing and murdering young

boys he said that was not him that was the other john that was jack usually if you have like multiple personalities you name them different things that's weird john the clown i mean wouldn't he go by pogo i don't know so he had this like i think what's it called it's multiple personality but i guess now it's technically supposed to be called disassociative identity yeah did so i have a psychology degree i remember one thing from psych 101 that's it um you're world. So the jury took two hours of deliberation before they all decided he was guilty of all 33 murders. On March 13th of 1980, Gacy was sentenced to death. However, he wasn't executed for over 14 years. So he stayed in prison for 14 years.

And he actually did a phone interview right before his execution. And he told a reporter at the Night Tribune that this is a direct quote. There's been 11 hardback books on me, 31 paperbacks, two screenplays, one movie, one off Broadway play, five songs, and over 5,000 articles. What can I say about it? But then he quickly said, I have no ego for any of this garbage. So clearly when he's admitting all these murders and drawing maps, I think it was sort of like a, look what I've done. I mean, like a narcissist kind of.

Right. Or look what Jack Hanley has done. Right, right, right. I don't know. But so that's kind of creepy. And then the only thing I know about him, like for sure, is when, like his last meal request wait oh okay i was just gonna say i know what it is because i always thought same like if i had to have a last meal it's exactly the same meal that's so funny because i was about to read his last meal and i'm like

i was gonna say i think you will appreciate his last oh yeah read it read it read it all right his last meal consisted of a dozen deep fried shrimp i don't eat shrimp but anything else fried will do and we'll have some deep fried pickles fried pickles are so good that that is good a bucket of original recipe chicken from kfc which actually he was a manager at a kfc franchise one point. Oh. A pound of fresh strawberries. Yes. An entire pound. Yes.

And french fries. So that sounds... What would your last meal be? I'm just curious. Oh, easy. That. I know. Well, fried chicken is one of them.

Like a collection of southern food. Yeah. And then a big old steak. A steak would be great. I love, love steak. I would want a Domino's pizza and a glass of wine with a bunch of Valium just ground up in there. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, I would want to, I would definitely want to, if I could sneak drugs in there first.

See, wouldn't that be nice? Yeah. You just, you just take a, I i would take a trade oh i would request can you request alcohol i thought i don't see why not anything but i don't think you can take alcohol because if they're about to murder inject you it might like the alcohol might mess up like i mean if you're already gonna die it's like what's the worst that's gonna happen you're gonna overdose yeah i wouldn't see why not i would get a trader joe's box of shiraz jesus i know like your last

i would kind of part of me would be vindictive to be like if this is my last meal and they have to pay for it i would get the most expensive shit you're right i would get a kendall jackson chardonnay that's the most fucking expensive why would you get like what's that what's that stuff that like um what's that one like don, don't parent y'all. Yeah. I would get some champagne up in that bitch and I would ground some Klonopin in there and I would go on a high, celebrate. I mean, I hope I'm never in that scenario. No. You know what's funny?

When I first started working at the company that I work at, the first question I ever asked them was, if you were on death row, what would you eat as a last meal? Like, what was your last meal request? Wait, so this was in an interview and they're like, oh, okay. Not in the interview. No, when I first started working there. Oh, I thought this was, I was like, Em, that's not what they mean when they ask you if you have any questions. Whatever, I got the job. Yeah, I was wondering where the fuck you're working.

No, no, but when we first started like kind of jiving and I realized like, oh, I can ask really fucked up questions here. That was the first thing I asked them. See, I just asked you that. I feel like it's such a good sign of like. Yeah. One of them said chicken fettuccine. I was like, that's a good answer. Ooh, fettuccine.

Yeah. I'm going to add that to my pizza. Yeah. And garlic bread. Well, the crust is the garlic bread. Oh, fuck. I know. Someone put me on death row.

All right. Well, good. So the garlic bread. Oh, fuck. I know. Someone put me on death row. All right. Well, good. So he had a great, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I read the last meal and I'm like, come on, guy, you could have done better. I like the guy who wanted, it was, I think the Oklahoma bomber. He got, it was two pints of mint chocolate, green mint chip ice cream. That was great. And the green mint chip is the best.

For some reason, you can taste the green. This, we are not being endorsed, but the best mint chocolate chip is turkey hill no the best mint chocolate chip is graders ice cream what graders yeah what the hell is that are you fucking serious is this like an ohio thing yeah but they also sell it here no i've never heard of that all right well you're about to get a lesson. Okay. But you'll try Turkey Hill if I try this one. Yes. Okay. Anyway. All right.

The end. Back to the task at hand. So prison officials later said that Gacy's demeanor before his execution was chatty and he was talking up a storm. So he seemed to be in a good mood, which I guess if you're eating prison food for 15 years and then you're like, oh, I get some fried chicken. I mean, I'd be in a good mood which i guess if you're eating prison food for 15 years and then you're like oh i get some fried chicken i mean i'd be in a good mood too um but he was executed just after midnight on may 10th 1994 by lethal injection which midnight seems like a weirdly ominous late time to do that you know people are coming to watch it you know how they have those viewing rooms yeah i guess the viewing rooms these days are like the new hanging sites right like the execution like you like but you have to be someone specific you have

to you don't get to just be like a townspeople yeah because you know people would for sure go there and watch if they let it open to the public yeah i guess you have to be like a court ordered like approved someone right um so let's talk about how when they tried to kill him the chemicals unexpectedly solidified in the tube uh prevented any further passage they had to cover the window they had to close the blinds because they fucked up um oh no i know they had to replace the tube. It took 10 minutes. Uh, and then they, the execution resumed. Uh, yeah, it took 18 minutes to actually get it right. So I just, I cannot, I feel like by like minute three, it was like, I wish I was fricking dead.

Just like, I'm like, this is worse. So full of chicken. Just kill me. Yeah. That's what he's thinking. Anyway. Um, so fuck, it's horrible okay so guess let's talk about his last words let's talk about it do you want to know what his last words were what is it

they were kiss my ass which is just so great it's like it's like i was thinking there was some murderer in france or not France. Why am I thinking? Oh, because his last name was French. He wasn't French. He wasn't French. But his last name was French. And his and he got electrocuted.

Uh-huh. And his last words were French fries. Like, oh, that's so punny. Like French fries. Dude, I love a good pun. Yeah. Especially in the electric chair. What the hell is wrong with you? I don don't know i think that's really clever if i if i've ever executed after my wine and valium cocktail i would say something really punny i'll let you

know what it is well if you have like 20 years on death row to think about it you better be a good one-liner you at least kiss my ass is a good one kiss my ass yeah apparently so anyway after his execution they actually removed his brain uh to study it neat yeah just for fun neat just for they were like man let's take it out yep so they gave it to dr helen morrison um who had actually interviewed him and other serial killer killers she was looking for personality traits that were common between serial killers and violent sociopaths uh however when she examined gacy's brain after his execution the examination done by frontal lobe fucked up the what was it there's so many words the uh examination done by forensic psychiatrists revealed that there

were no abnormality abnormalities in his brain. I thought for sure his frontal lobe would be tiny. That's why they were looking. They were like, he probably has a similar brain structure as other violent psychiatrists. Well, the frontal lobe is your decision-making. Right. So usually, like, your impulsiveness and all that. Well, the interesting thing is that his defense tried to argue that he was insane that

he had you know issues of i mean and he had this weird thing where he said there were four versions of himself i don't know but they found they said his brain was perfectly normal you could compare it to any other regular non-sociopath and non-serial killer and it would have matched so it's a little extra creepiness to add to the whole clown killer clown yeah for there to be no abnormalities is kind of weird right i expected something i don't know maybe he was normal then something happened when he was younger for him to just for his thoughts and his the way he grew up to just maybe i mean it goes to show you it wasn't it wasn't nature it was nurture well yeah and well the things, too, was that when he was young, I guess, he realized he was gay.

And it was, you know, the 40s. And he had a really hard time, like, obviously coping with that and adjusting to that. And I know his dad, he had a heart condition, too. And his dad always called him weak and frail. And so, you know, that was one thing. But at the same time, like, people go through a lot worse and don't murder 15-year-olds and so you know that was one thing but at the same time like people go through a lot worse and don't murder 15 year olds and sodomize them i guess if you repress being gay that much and your dad's always kind of mocking you for not being a man essentially i could see him like

hooking up with these gay guys and then being so angry with himself afterwards that he like tries to show that he's a man and attacks them right that's your oven my boyfriend's making his turkey burgers what a good guy i don't deserve him i don't have a girlfriend so i'm just dating him too that's just how this works m's dating me and i'm dating blaze so by extension perfect now now my grandmother's gonna call me and ask if i'm actually dating you and it's gonna be really weird my stepmom's gonna call and be like are you really gay no just me I did not approve this I'm just a big old gay it's fine whatever anyway I feel really twisted about everything we just talked about none of it felt good all my cheap chardonnay is down my gullet it's hitting him right now my my shake has been gone oh i think i almost like up chucked half of it when i realized the the embarrassing stuff that you used to be a clown that exact thing

actually all right guys thank you for listening thanks guys i'm emotionally drained if you're still listening and you didn't sign off after you heard i'm a professional clown linda i need the picture she'll do anything to get famous too she's like if that's the price i have to pay she's like this is my ticket to fame i always knew it oh god all right anyway thanks for listening to us guys thanks guys we love you all please rate subscribe please rate subscribe you don't know how important that is tweet us about anything that you have a problem with or want us to talk about yeah or if you just want to let us know we're lunatics and should be institutionalized we already know yeah surprise also uh give us reasons to drink because we we don't need more but we want more yeah on that note and that's why we drink bye