And That's Why We Drink - E69 The John Wick Effect and Funky Politics

Episode Date: May 27, 2018

Welcome to a special episode full of burned torsos. Em covers the well-documented phenomenon of spontaneous human combustion and treats us to the following joke: “It was lit.” Meanwhile, Christine covers the batsh*t crazy case of Brazilian TV host Wallace Souza, who used his homophobic puppet to get re-elected, despite his murderous tendencies. Text DRINK to 303030 for a FREE trial membership of Beach Body on Demand! Visit Stamps.com/drink for a 4-week trial PLUS postage AND a digital scale without longterm commitments. CanvasPeople.com takes your favorite photo memories and turns them into beautiful artwork for you to enjoy every day. Use promo code DRINK for a free 11x14 canvas (just pay shipping). Ziprecruiter - Our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free by visiting ZipRecruiter.com/drink!Become a Fabletics VIP member and get two pairs of leggings for only $24 at www.fabletics.com/drink!

i like your scrunchie thank you very 90s of you i keep trying and i feel like people keep looking at it and being like what is her problem you're ahead of the curve because the 90s are coming back they're coming back i feel like they are and i so i was like wow this is an excuse for me to wear scrunchie yeah anyway point being i'm really fashionable and if you don't believe me you're wearing my t-shirt right now by the way all right em you don't need to tell everyone visually what's happening you know every time i see you wearing that though i do think damn that's a good shirt i'm kind of pissed i gave that to you but then i'm like yeah i wouldn't wear it let's just do like a sole custody thing between our clothes say we really i feel like we kind of do that

i think so too. I really do like that shirt. I do think we should consider a custody battle. Maybe not a battle, maybe like a handshake. We don't need a battle. We can definitely argue civilly. And not even argue. I'll just say, I don't want these, do you? And then you say yes, and then six months later say

I don't want this, do you want it? And I'll say yes. So weird how that's actually what's happening. It's like joint custody. Yeah. No lawyers. No lawyers, and it's like what you keep trying to propose with geo and that I keep rejecting no because what I'm proposing with geo is that you never have them again oh you have soul I got it okay yeah all of a sudden I understand like why like divorced parents like go through that struggle yeah it's pretty much like what my parents did oh good yeah good. Yeah. Which time? Just the one? Like all of them. I don't know. Yeah. Same here. Ask Renata. She'll tell

you. Oh, dad, are you there? Hi. Um, good times. Uh, yeah. So I don't think it's actually really fair of you to put the shirt through, through such emotional turbulence because it's still growing and it's maturing and it's trying to yeah but he sees that we still love and respect each other oh he yeah are you gendering your shirt i just kind of wanted to i just got that vibe okay that's fine it was i didn't like see a penis on the shirt or something i assume it was a boy i like just got a vibe okay that's fine did the shirt tell you otherwise no i just want to make you feel like i'm winning this argument oh okay and i'm not because it's your shirt but you did give it to

me i did give it to you anyway guys uh it's your last chance to come to our california show i think it might be the only one it is the only one with uh tickets left right the one on father's day is still happening but it's sold out but if you want a chance with us this is the last one with tickets left. Right. The one on Father's Day is still happening, but it's sold out. But if you want a chance with this, this is the last time. And a couple of people have emailed about the June show, and I feel really bad, but we don't have any tickets left. So please come to Irvine. It's not far from L.A.

And this show, it has a huge number of tickets left. And if you guys buy tickets, it determines whether or not we can come. I posted about it. I was like, oh, this show determines whether or not we can go to certain cities. And people are like, come to Boston and Florida. And I'm like, that's the exact point we're trying to make. That's all we want. We want to do that.

Everyone's like, I can't come, but come to Oregon. And it's like, look, this is the determining factor if we can go to Oregon. It's all we want. So you fly here and come to the show and then we'll fly to Oregon and go to another show. Happily. And by the way, it's our birthday show. So we're going to oregon and go to another show happily and by the way it's our birthday show so we're gonna be living it up yeah living it up in irvine and we really want you guys to be there so please come um tickets are available if you check our website and that's why we drink.com

and hit tour our what our tickets are linked there um our first show we had our first show ever we did have our first show good huh i thought it was good we did real good well first of all we got a lot of cool presents we did oh i think their names are page and jade yeah page and jade and they gave us a ouija board pillow yeah i meant to bring that up on the couch we should post a photo of that later christine had a good time um here's the thing they had a cool thing where they would just refill my wine glass whenever it got to a certain point. So in the middle of the show, my wine got to a certain point and this man just runs up on stage and pours more wine and everyone started cheering. And I was like, I've peaked. I've a hundred percent peak. This is, I can't get any better. So anyway, Christine took full advantage of the wine always being full.

I did. And I, by the way, do you realize you literally just left me in the street? Excuse me? Oh yeah. But I yelled out at the window. I didn't hear it. I bang, by the way, do you realize you literally just left me in the street? Excuse me? Oh, yeah. But I yelled out at the window. I didn't hear it. Well, I banged on the window. I didn't hear it.

Well, Blaze was yelling that the Uber was there. I was saying goodbye to someone. And then I turned around and literally your entire family got an Uber. Wait. And then drove off. But your car was still there. I didn't know where my car was. And I, we got, yeah.

You were far away, weren't we? Yes. Oh, I'm sorry. And I didn't remember where we parked was and I we got yeah you were far away weren't we yes oh I'm sorry and I didn't remember where we parked because it had been so many hours you should have called me I don't know if you're gonna answer oh no you're waiting till live live performance to bring this up this is great and this is really great I just remember turning around and be like where's the car and you are gone I was like oh no all I heard was bye christine and i was like bye and i was banging on the window it was like one in the morning in the city streets and allison was like six gin and tonics and and she was like where are by the way it was sunday night so we all had to work in the morning um allison was a trooper she took six she was so proud of you she had six gin and tonics and

she had a triple tequila oh i know and somehow still woke up and went to work yeah i don't know how that happened i was like you're doing way better than me and i've only had a bottle of wine oh the point i wanted to make though was there was another couple of girls who came with shirts one was team wine and one was team milkshake the photo is incredible and then on the front of the shirts it It said, you're doing amazing, sweetie. Like the Kris Jenner. Also, someone brought us, brought you a teddy bear. Yeah, my poo bear.

My Winnie the Pooh. And the thing I wanted to say about the comic book is the girl, I think her name was Erica. I was trying to tell you, but you were having too much fun. And so I told Alex to tell you later

when you sobered up. No, he didn't. He was also not sober. The editor, the person who gave that to us is the editor of the comic book. Oh, I didn't know that. that if you look at the first page it says like editor and then her name i thought you're gonna say it says em and christine here's the thing it's a true crime

paranormal comic no and it's dc it's like legitimate comic holy shit it's paranormal and true crime and the main character uses they them pronouns no that's amazing and so she gave us both a copy of the comic book oh my god yeah that's incredible so we got a whole lot of stuff thank you erica and uh oh also like zach galifianakis opened for us no big deal uh he just like had a piano on stage and the people the manager there was like um should i remove the piano and we were like i mean i guess you can leave it that's not what happened they were like oh zach used the piano and we were like i mean i guess you can leave it that's not what happened they were like oh zach used the piano we were like oh fucking zach is that baggins no zach galifianakis thank you very much also we found out the venue we were in was crazy haunted like actually like actually really haunted to a point where like they tell you

if you're an employee there do not be in there you're not allowed and then the one time the the she was the gm of the whole venue she was telling us that the one time she was in there by herself she ended up having to call the cops because she swore like a like a group of 10 men broke into the house throwing furniture around and uh she didn't know that our podcast was paranormal true crime she asked us to explain it we did and she like freaked out her face this place is so she's like you don't even know and then she was like okay bye and left us in this creepy ass green room and i was like that by the way is absolutely haunted for sure she goes oh i see shadow people all the time okay bye and i was like hold on but it was pretty cool i also want to say that this episode is dedicated to hannah daniels um who's a patreon donor who's been around

for a long time i I think since September. Okay. And this is actually a special episode. Do you know why? Should I know why? Yeah. It's really special. It's episode 69.

Oh my God. I can't stand you. I love me. So you're welcome, Hannah, for that. Yeah. You really stuck it out this whole time just for that. She's like, now I leave. She's like, I'm done.

That's my hint to leave. Also, what's the day that this comes out? May 27th. Okay. And then the next episode's on your birthday. So next week is my birthday, guys. And then the day after is mine, which won't get any recognition because it's the day after. But still, same weekend.

But I will say, and I've been absolutely throwing all dignity to the wind, but if you want to send me a birthday present. Oh my god. Or Christine a birthday present. Or Christine, I guess. Well, her birthday is the next day, as you know, because you're loyal fans. If you want us to open your presents once a month, we're now doing our gift opening. True, we are doing videos. So if you want to see us...

Oh, sorry. And she just cracked open the box. Sorry. Wow, she's like ripping its whole spine out. I turned into like a velociraptor. You really just tore that apart like your life depended on it. I mean, it does. You were saying? There was like a science and an anger all at the same time my mom

my mama taught me well wait here's the best part christine stop peeing it sounds like i'm peeing sorry continue what was i saying you're saying send me a birthday gift oh yeah because if because we are doing our monthly gift opening so if you want to see us react to an awesome present it will be in the june video i assume right yeah m just wants a birthday i just want birthday presents oh man um m yeah here's the thing i have some news for you do you have any other news before i give you this bombshell is it a good bombshell or a bad bombshell it's a good bombshell um it's a neutral bombshell it's not neutral yeah it's like not good or bad it's like a dud no it's a bombshell um it's a neutral bombshell it's not neutral yeah it's like not good or bad it's like a dud no it's a bombshell because it's like changing perspectives but it's not good or bad

um i guess no i don't have anything okay i have some news about juniper my new kitten so blaze took her to the vet the other day and it turns out she is a pregnant oh she's pregnant she's like seven weeks old i didn't i mean listen you said bombshell she is a he. She's pregnant? Oh. She's pregnant. She's like seven weeks old. I mean, listen, you said bombshell. She's a he? She's a he. No. To her as a boy. Surprise.

I made everyone say she downstairs to not give away the surprise. Oh, wow. Well, so Blaze took her to the vet, and they were like, So these are testicles. Blaze was like, I work in a hospital. Blaze texted me like, if my Ivy League education serves me right, that means she was born a he. And I was like, oh. So we've been misgendering Juniper this entire time.

Or properly gendering her. I guess. So do we call Juniper the guess but so do we do we call juniper they uh what do we do well because now since i just well we thought juniper was a girl and so i always said she but now i found out that he has testicles and was born a boy so i'm like all right i guess it's a he now but i'm not changing his name right juniper his name is juniper juni okay juni boy now instead of juni girl i said juni boy okay and call him gia's little brother but anyway that's all so surprise wow gender reveal party okay how your first instinct is always to go someone's pregnant whatever it is is pregnant it's an infant oh it's

pregnant yep um okay so i'm wrong about the pregnant thing again one day i'm gonna nail it though one day i'm i'm never gonna let you nail it i'm just gonna i'm gonna surprise you so good no i hope i don't want to be pregnant oh i take it back okay but juniper could no juniper is not gonna be pregnant because juniper's could get someone pregnant no because juniper is a young cat strapping lad strapping lad who will probably impregnate a stray cat wow so he's getting neutered soon and he's a boy well until further notice until he realizes that gender is a construct and reminds us that he means nothing, really. Well, my mom goes, well, you bought him all those pink collars.

And I was like, that's because gender is a construct. My mom's like, you thought that Juniper was a girl when you bought those. That's going to be our defense now. Gender is a construct. Always. I'm like, Juniper loves pink. He told me. He is a boy who loves pink, okay?

And my mom's like, you didn't know that he was a boy and i was like he loves pink and also doesn't know what boy or girl means but agrees to both he's our baby he's a baby he's our little baby oh sweet little baby boy baby boy girl girl them okay hey what's up tell me a story um i'm not going to tell you a ghost story. What? And I'm not going to tell you an alien story. I'm going like... Is this another Dante's Inferno literature story?

That was fun. No, but you are going to learn. So I guess in that realm, yeah. Oh, God, thank God I have wine. I will say, I think I'm doing like a hard throwback because if i were to give this a category i would call it eerie in theory oh do you guys know that reference if you don't you're not a true fan all right so here's here's a little eerie in theory story for you i'm ready it's gonna sound like a murder it's not i did not steal anything from you so

before i hear any guff oh god i'm gonna get mad am i it was it's not a it's not a true crime okay this is the case of the cinder woman what cinderella well the original you have the german fairy tale no but i should do a whole story on that one day. That's a good one. This, for those who do not know the code name, which is Cinder Woman. What?

It is a generalized educational lecture from me about spontaneous human combustion. Shut the fuck up! Oh my god, I'm so excited. Yeah?

Dude. Theory and theory. Is that like not the perfect perfection yep you know dude that's fucked up their first episode was on spontaneous human combustion yeah it was so good oh shit no it was a long time goes like over a year ago oh good so you don't remember anything no i don't i remember nothing but also like i'm just nervous now that they definitely probably said a lot no i don't no no no no okay i'm ready so here's what i'm gonna do i'm just gonna read you several stories of spontaneous human combustion then at the end i'm gonna tell you one specific case and then the science behind it oh i'm so excited oh my god okay okay let's start at the very the conception of combustion let's this is the earliest on record uh story it started in the 1600s in milan and there was a knight named polonus

and he was quoted that he had consumed two ladles of strong wine which by the way doesn't even hold a candle two ladles get come on but back then like what's his name patronus polonus whatever uh he had two ladles of strong wine felt nauseous began vomiting fire oh my and then caught on fire from his own vomit fire i mean if you're gonna vomit fire what do you expect so that's the first story ever of a spontaneous combustion of like he vomited fire after some strong wine also from the 1600s i feel like in the game of telephone maybe this isn't what happened are you sure maybe i feel like everything was pretty accurate from back then the also also another story that claims to be the first account is in

1663 in paris where a guy named thomas described how a woman went up in ashes and smoke oh my while she was sleeping and the straw mattress on which she slept on was untouched by the fire oh no okay 10 years later in 1873 also in in France, a guy named Jonas published an entire collection of spontaneous human combustion cases in his work called... Oh, boy. Something in Latin. French. Oh, Latin.

Yep. Fun. Go figure. Say it, say it, say it. Cornelia? Okay. And un pectora es un puella nomine Cornelia. The work is called De Incendis Corporis Humani Spontaneous.

Which, I mean, sounds a lot like... I was going to say, it sounds pretty much like English. Sounds like human combustion. So that was in 1673. But also he wrote multiple... That's crazy, though. He wrote a collection of cases. That means I'm missing a whole lot of stories. And he didn't have the fucking internet. And that was in 1673. But also he wrote multiple. That's crazy, though. He wrote a collection of cases. That means I'm missing a whole lot of stories. And he didn't have the fucking internet.

And that was in 16. Yeah. Where is he hearing all these from in 1673? I mean, he's either making them up. Not going to blame him, but he's either making them up or he's. Well, clearly, if he didn't have the internet and knew a collection of cases before 1673 and I have the internet and could only find two. I mean, who's the who's better

at their stuff clearly didn't read poella cornelia is pictorial he did not read eche romani no you didn't if you couldn't find all these stories you gotta truth you gotta get on it so in 1731 so we're skipping 100 years sure in london there was a countess um who was found by her maid and in her bed she was reduced to ash. With just three fingers and her lower legs left intact. You know. Don't even say how you feel about disembodied feet because I need to let you know now. A lot of disembodied feet are coming into this. You have the disembodied feet.

I have the torsos. Well. I don't like anything. Hang on. Stop it. Em, no no i don't want it i see your fucking glint in your eyes and i don't like it every story involves either a disembodied foot or a torso so it's like our downfall is our nightmare this is our fucking this is the end of the podcast oh no goodbye the beginning or the end depending on how you feel alpha and omega alpha and omega of atw okay romane okay so okay so she all that was left were three fingers and her lower legs left intact and the walls were coated with a greasy

and stinky moisture oh my god the grease had settled on the window panes and the furniture was covered in a moist, moist soot. That's disgusting. The fire was localized to only her body and the bed she was sleeping in was untouched. That is bonkers. Six years. But the walls that were covered? Yeah. Wow.

Six years later, in 1737, a husband almost went to jail for setting his wife on fire. But then after looking at the evidence, he was found innocent due to a potential case of spontaneous human combustion. Oh, my. Where was that? I don't know. It was in 1737. So somewhere on Earth at that time.

Let's just say Europe. Sure. Generally. But also, can you imagine if you could just get away with that of like oh thank god they caught her on spontaneous human combustion i don't have to worry that's not i feel like you could probably just throw that out there back i mean there were like witches and stuff you could be like she's a witch she just caught on fire also in 1737 there was like what evidence did you have that's exactly it um in 1853 charles dickens wrote a book called bleak house which involved an alcoholic who drank too much gin felt his stomach getting warmer than usual and he burst into flames from the inside out

oh that's cute so in that story a lot of people were pissed at charles dickens and criticized him for promoting spontaneous human combustion and he was quoted saying in response there are at least 30 cases so far on record that spontaneous human combustion exists so 30 again i clearly am not getting all the facts because i've only read like six stories and there's 30 how much charles dickens have you read that's the real question you know moby dick did have a weird ending when i read it you read you read the entirety of moby dick no oh oh i see what you're saying it kind of the whale caught on fire yeah oh the blubber that's what's on the walls yes the blubber okay hold on oh so charles dickens is like so wait people are mad

he wrote a book and people were pissed that he even like alluded to the idea that that was possible oh i thought you meant like they were pissed that he promoted it as if like, yeah, smoking is cool. So spontaneous. Can you imagine if he did like a viral ad of like, do you like combusting? So do I. Listen, dare would be all over that shit. Charles Dickens and what's his name? Detective McGruff or whatever.

Yes. Oh, my God. Okay. Got it. Got it. So he was, they were just like like that's not real and he's like um sorry i'm a published author you're not yeah yeah exactly got it got it got so then a year later in the united kingdom a woman's body was found partially destroyed within only two hours

and beneath the body there was a mat so combustible this gets gross the mat was so combustible only because the melted human fat had seeped onto it and ignited the entire thing on fire that holy which okay gross gross gross night we're in the 1900s in 1938 in london there was a 22 year old named phyllis whose dress suddenly caught on fire when she was going down the stairs at a dance. Phyllis! It was lit. I'm sorry. Did you write that in your notes? No, I actually just thought that on my own.

I know you did, but I just like to think that it was bolded. There have been a few times where I wrote a joke and then bolded it on my notes. I did that too. Did you really? And it was very obvious that it was written down and then you were like, Christine, that's not funny. Remember the time at our first actual live show in Nashville when you were like, wow, we flew here.

My arms are so tired. And I was disgusted with you. Nobody thought it was funny. My mom was like, I don't get it. And I was like, okay. That's the funny part. That's the funny part. If my mom goes, I don't get it.

That's funny. And then let me guess. Did she say English wasn't my first language? No, I said it as an excuse to her. She's like, you can't use that against me. So in 1953 in South Carolina, a guy named Wayman, who was 50, was found crisped black. Okay. In the front seat of his closed car, plastic fittings had melted and the windshield glass

had bubbled. my god but all the fire damage was confined to the front seat oh my god the gasoline tank was intact and there was no cause of a fire found yeah the gas wait he literally just 1953 holy he literally just blew up in the front seat of his car and the rest of his car was untouched except for the windshield. That is insane. In 1964 in Pennsylvania, a woman named Helen, who was 51, was babysitting her granddaughter. The neighbors saw fire in their window, called the cops, and found her remains. And the baby was like a baby baby. Like the baby didn't like set on fire.

That was not my question, but. Oh, good. Glad. Like Chauncey. Ha, so far. Ha, so far. I'm on fire. Oh. Good. Glad. Like Chauncey. House of law. House of law. I'm on fire. House of law.

You know how, like, in The Sims, you just fucking combust. I was like, what is that noise? Oh, yes. In The Sims, when you're like, excuse me, I'm on fire. And you're like. And then you, like, gargle. You're like, I'm sorry, I'm really busy feeding the gerbil, the house gerbil. But I'll give back to you in, like, three days.

It's like, I'm really busy being unemployed. And, like, taking the ladder out of the pool like forgetting to get the newspaper and then suddenly there's trash heaps everywhere yeah and then you like there's like the little angry like cloud over his head that he's mad and then there's suddenly an rip grave and you're like whoops forgot to stop your fire on your body oh my god anyway in 1964 helen was babysitting her baby her grandbaby she's a grandma. Okay. And she, okay, so the neighbor who found fire in the window called the cops, went up to find her, found her remains.

Oh. Her upper torso was ash. Total ash. Gross. Her left arm was burned right down to the bone. Oh my God. So that the bracelet was seen on a wrist, on a bone, the wrist bone. No. the bracelet was seen on a wrist on a bone the wrist bone no also so it burned the entire body

but your bracelet's still intact on the bone hello if it's platinum baby oh right yeah yeah um all that was left of her were her legs from the knee down and when examined she had two blisters that were broken on her leg i'm gonna throw up And the fluid in the blisters did not come out. However, they were wet, which for some reason in forensics means that she was alive at the time of the fire. And what the fuck? Her pack of cigarettes next to her was undamaged, meaning she definitely didn't like smoke a cigarette. Seriously? Yeah.

Because they thought like, oh, maybe she like. I mean, it's amazing that the baby survived that too. Like such a big fire to burn your entire fucking body. Well, your entire body, but not the entire room because the sheets that she were lying on were white and spotless. What? With no accelerants in the house. So she was bedridden.

And so she like wasn't getting around to like some people thought maybe it was like a suicide attempt, but she like her cigarettes were untouched. Her lighter was untouched. So it's not like she got up and did something. And also if she did, like the bed should be on fire as well. Science alone should have explained it. And so the time like the start of the fire and the arrival of the fireman was only 20 minutes in between. Oh, my God. So she was a normal person babysitting her grandchild.

And then in 20 minutes was made of ash. And the average human takes seven hours to burn. Horrifying. So they called the firefighters. The neighbors called. The neighbors. Okay, okay. And the baby's just like chilling?

Yep. Oh, my God. And it's reported like the final verdict that the FBI did was that like they said that she was a heavy smoker with careless smoking habits and they could tell by the cigarette burns that were already in her bathrobe from previous times that she like dropped ashes on her bathrobe. But these cigarettes were untouched and like still had the cellophane on them. So it's not like she like, like cigarettes couldn't be be the reason but there wasn't another cigarette she had from like another vince yammy okay i mean either way it doesn't make sense so in 1966 in pennsylvania a guy named

john bentley who was 92 a neighbor saw fire and called for help and smelled something sweet and burning coming from his house oh no which is interesting because humans apparently also taste sweet yeah um so the neighbor i have a burning human in my story that's fun that's fun cute uh the neighbor went in and saw smoke and only john's remains plus a brown but not charred lower leg what still? Still in a slipper. Disembodied fee for M. And it rested next to a hole burnt through the linoleum floor. Oh, so this time the

floor burned too. Yep. But not his leg. But not his legs. What? So the coroner said, this fire was thoroughly investigated and I'm left with the conclusion that this fits into the category of spontaneous human combustion. What? The coroner said that? fits into the category of spontaneous human combustion. What?

The coroner said that? The professional coroner of 25 years. That's crazy. And then he said, for which there is no adequate explanation. Apparently, the fire started on Dr. Bentley for no reason at all, and it's estimated to have burned at 2,500 degrees Fahrenheit. Holy. Which apparently is a common element of supposed cases of human combustion. Like exactly that temperature is at which you start burning.

Which is crazy because like if you set a person on like a body on fire, it's not going to. For the record, a crematorium. Yeah. Goes at 3,000. It's only 500 degrees more. Holy shit. Literally your body is as hot as a as a crematorium that's insane um so what they think happened is that maybe he dropped ashes from his

pipe onto his robe his robe caught on fire so he ran to the bathroom to like rinse it um which ignited flames through the linoleum because linoleum super flammable okay and they think he might have also kept matches in his robe pocket so once his robe was on fire the match is kind of fire smart and then like the whole thing like he just completely blew up okay they're guessing happened but like they don't have any actual right sure um so then in 1967 there was a homeless man named robert bailey and he was found burning in an apartment first responders reported that a blue flame was being forcefully protruded out of his stomach oh like there was a giant slit in his stomach and fire was coming from within oh my god um the fire department

extinguished it by forcing a hose into his abdominal cavity. Oh, what the fuck? There were no external means of ignition where his body was found, and he was a non-smoker. So they think that, they know he was an alcoholic, so they think because he was homeless, he was drinking, it's called denatured? Yeah. Alcohol. Yeah. Because it was free. It's like wood alcohol, basically. And one theory is that the alcohol in his gut somehow

like ignited with something else he put in his system and it was just not able to be yeah oh my god in 1974 in georgia there was a guy named jack who fell asleep in his camper and woke up to his arms and back being covered in burns and but but the clothes he was wearing did not have burns and his whole camper did not have burns and his whole camper did not have burns so his skin had it but not his clothes his body like he took his shirt off and there was a hole burning through his chest so he's one of the only people he survived jack in 1974 he's one of the only people who survived spontaneous human combustion oh my god he looked around and saw that there was no other evidence of fire near him and he the

doctor said that the burns appeared to originate from his left arm and then moved to the rest of his body oh my god that being said later he ended up changing his tune and saying that it happened when he went to go uh fix his water heater pressure and it sprayed on him and so he got third degree burns all over his body oh well that's very different but then he also changed his story later to say i didn't want to say anything but it's actually it was paranormal what so who the hell knows what this guy what's his name george jack jack in georgia though oh okay he was in georgia god damn it jack so in 1980 a guy named henry thomas was 73 and he was sitting in his chair and somehow caught on fire near the top of his body and burnt to death.

So only his legs below the knee stayed. Oh, no, Em. No, no, no, no, no. So what was left of his legs still had clothes and socks and trousers on them. And the theory is that he somehow managed to set his hair on fire and then sit down without noticing and then just burnt his whole body he's like but like also can you like that doesn't make sense like that's just the best guess that fbi had but they were like if you caught your body on fucking fire you would put

it out you wouldn't just like sit there and let it burn you alive until it got to your knees and then you went oh man oh whoops crossword puzzle is getting singed by the fire in my... Something smells like burning hair. Dyes. So in 1982 in London, a girl named Jeannie, who was 61, she was sitting at a table with her dad when her torso suddenly caught on fire. Wait, she was 61? She was 61, her dad was 82.

Oh, you said a girl, that's why I was confused. Oh, I mean, we're all girls and boys, really, and in-betweens. Yeah, okay. I mean, it doesn't matter. Age is just a number. Gender is just a construct. Did you forget? I did. So, Jeannie, the 61-year-old girl, was with her 82-year-old boy dad when her torso suddenly caught on fire. The dad says that she was sitting like he thought he saw a spark and looked over and saw her already on fire and she was just sitting there with her

hands in her lap unaware of what was going on yeah i'm not into that i also don't believe it i call bullshit if your stomach just explodes and you're just gonna sit there that seems highly unlikely he apparently yanked her over the sink to try and put her out and ended up getting third degree burns on his hands in the process and genie suffered full thickness burns on her face hands and abdomen which means that the flesh was burned down to the subcutaneous fat oh god subcutaneous subcutaneous fat i don't know blaze blaze um hello apparently she lapsed into a coma fresh thank you she lapsed into a coma and died eight days later no um genie but she just literally she is one of the only cases where in front of someone's eyes she just exploded that's wild

um and then in 1986 in new york there was a guy named George who had a lung illness and was bedridden. And his son went to go check on him. And Blaze is here. I said it. Subcutaneous. I said it right, right? Yeah. Vomitous.

Where is subcutaneous? Oh, literally all the way down. Vomitous. Blaze heard subcutaneous and came running. Yeah. You had like a little radar out, huh? That's what I do. You're like, I heard something medical.

I love rashes. I love rashes. It's not a rash. Do you like third degree burns? Because that's what we're about over here right now. Sure. We're talking, what are your thoughts on spontaneous human combustion? It's a pretty good way to go out.

Why? I don't know. Instant. That was quick. It's a good way to go. Blaze has decided it's a good way to go. I feel like he's probably wrong. Blaze decided that he's going to go through via spontaneous human combustion.

Spontaneous, but also decidedly so. Probably. When he's 93 and like i'm choosing something spontaneous yes and you'll never know i'll plan for it actually christine will be playing chess when we're 93 and i'll go up in flames blaze will be the only person who dies from planned human combustion classic blaze so anyway um george was had a lung illness and was bedridden his son went to go check on him and they found his ashes and holy shit from the fire department they said i've never seen anything like this the man just disintegrated you can see the v-shape of the body in the bed

where the body burned away oh my god all that was left was his lower right leg down from the kneecap and a piece of his skull cap the house itself was unburned except a greasy coating covered every surface gross which is what happened back in the 1600s right so for hundreds of years the same thing is happening oh my god um the water had evaporated from the toilet and the tub was ringed with soot as if someone had gone in the bath after swimming in black paint like it was just what disgusting and the water in the toilet was evaporated that's weird here's the weird part when investigators opened the fridge not only the butter but the plastic butter dish itself had melted inside the fridge and the fridge did not melt what so the fridge that is cooling things on the inside if the fridge is not melted

how are things that are colder on the inside melting and what is happening also an unopened package of hot dogs apparently boiled within its wrapping gross and and also cool but also gross and there were no accelerants found and the ironic part of all this is two things actually george who was found in a pile of ashes in his bed right was a firefighter no and a week prior he was watching an episode of the twilight zone with a friend and said nothing weird like that ever happens to me i wish it would emma stop it you really just upset me because that's what i say every time i watch the twilight zone well now we're gonna find out that your hot dogs boil in a fridge all by themselves super don't want to get caught on fire the two most recent cases that were taken seriously about spontaneous

human combustion were within the last eight years in 2010 oh my god a 76 year old named michael was found burnt to death in his home the fire hadn't spread anywhere no accelerants were found and the couch he was sitting on was totally fine his body was just sitting in a pile of ash what the fuck in 2013 in india a nine-year-old infant no a nine-year-old infant nine day old sorry i even i was like how the fuck no it says it says nine day old i just said nine nine year okay so in 2013 in india a nine-day-old infant was admitted to the hospital for burns that his mother claimed were caused by spontaneous human combustion his mother claimed were caused by spontaneous human combustion. His mother claimed that her son had spontaneously ignited on fire three other times in the last nine days that he'd been alive. What?

And one time his feet supposedly caught on fire while he was in the bathtub. So, like, surrounded by water and he was still catching on fire. Oh my god. Because people don't believe in spontaneous combustion, and i'm not saying this was a bad choice but child protective services took the baby away assuming that the mother had munchausen by proxy sure okay and was burning her own child i mean i would so not say that's a bad idea no i don't think so right so those are all of the stories that i could find and then here's the main one that we're going to talk about, which is the case of the Cinder Woman. Okay.

This is what I'm here for. In 1951, St. Petersburg, Florida. 1951. 1951. Got it. So it starts with a woman named Mary, who is our ultimate victim. Oh, no. Mary had a son that she was hanging out with

the night before so she was last seen like nine or ten at night the night before and then she went to bed but she went to bed sleeping in her she had like basically a lazy boy couch okay um or a lazy boy chair like a recliner yeah and she slept in that because she had a bum leg and she wanted to stretch her leg out. And that was the last time anyone saw her. Oh, God. She was also wearing highly flammable clothing, apparently. Crocs. Maybe.

I'm painting a picture here. Oh, yeah. Just imagine flammable Crocs on a lazy boy. I bet you they're real flammable, though. I probably are. Yeah. Flammable crocs on a lazy boy. I bet you they're real flammable, though. I probably are.

Yeah. So 5 a.m. the next morning, the landlord at Mary's apartment, her name is Pansy Carpenter. What a name. Pansy smelled smoke and assumed it was the water pump. So she went downstairs and turned it off and went back to bed. Okay. I guess they'd been having trouble with the water pump at that point and so she just assumed that you turn it off yeah three hours later pansy carpenter was awakened by a telegraph boy at her door oh my i miss telegraphs me too i never have had one in my whole life i mean i know that um so a telegraph came for Mary. And so she, Mrs. Carpenter grabbed the telegraph and went upstairs to go knock on her door.

Notice that the door was really hot. Like the doorknob was really hot and tried to open the door, but couldn't. And so she got two construction guys from downstairs to help her and they forced the door open. And there was a blast of heat that came from the room and evidence that there was potentially a fire from within shit they found mary's ashes sitting in the chair that she was last seen in oh my god with one slippered foot oh my god that had no signs of charring oh my god so just like the leg just fell over just like stop do you mind how traumatizing that is to open the door and

see that i would stop being a landlord immediately i thought you'd say you'd stop being alive i'm like me too oh whoops um they also found her liver oh are you kidding me which was now fused to a lump of vertebrae oh my god gross and her skull fully intact except shrunk to the size of a teacup what what plastic household objects near the chair had softened and lost shape as if they were pre-melting oh my god and apparently it actually requires three to four hours of temperatures of 3 000 degrees for a body to officially be cremated. So, like, the fact that, like, that one girl, it was, like, 2,500 degrees in her stomach for 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Versus four hours of 3,000 degrees.

Oh, no. Oh, no. So, in theory, if she were to have been cremated by sitting there for four hours with 3000 degrees Fahrenheit in that room, the whole apartment would have burnt down. Yeah. Um, but it's suspected that Mary is just a victim of spontaneous human combustion because they have no proof that that was the case. And I feel like if a room is 3000 degrees for four hours, someone next door would have noticed, like, you know how you have that annoying fucking neighbor who's like too loud. you would be like um yeah the room is literally 3 000 degrees over there and i can feel it through my fucking wall i'm like my upstairs neighbor is playing a trumpet at 9 p.m

yeah if his room was 3 000 degrees so my left there's a screaming baby and to my right the it's on fire i would notice i would too uh wow okay so um it was suspected that she was a victim of suspense spontaneous human combustion oh my god it's like a um what should i call it song a school a school uh around what should we move on no i got it what is it a schoolhouse rock song oh yeah no spontaneous human combustion oh i bet that is that not a song it should be i'm saying it sounded like you were really going for it's like conjunction junction but it's combustion junction wow that's what's function burning up ladies in their lazy boy recliners um so there were proof that it also like wasn't like a random fire that happened there were other certain anomalies that remained within the house including a pile of newspapers right next to where her body was were completely

untorched oh my but like a newspaper right next to something on fire would absolutely sound fire 3 000 degrees at 3 000 degrees also the only portion of the apartment that was burned was the corner that she was sitting in and the chair was now only made of its coil springs the entire chair itself had burnt gross and the remainder of the apartment showed all signs of heat damage including walls that were covered with the greasy soot. A mirror had cracked because the heat was so intense. And plastic switches and outlets had melted, including two candles on her dresser. And the two candles, for fun fact, the wicks had never been lit. They were brand new candles and they were totally burnt away.

So in case someone says like, oh, maybe she lit a candle and something happened i can't get over the shrunken skull are we going to talk about that again yeah oh my god um there was no damage on the lower part of the room after four feet so up to like four feet of a room everything on the ground was untouched what but four feet and up towards the ceiling was that greasy soot crap but like basically like an exact level line throughout the entire house nothing was touched nothing was touched um the only thing that was touched was that corner where the chair was and there was a plastic wall outlet that had melted and it stopped her clock at exactly 4 20 a.m so they assume that that's when the clock stopped working right which it means it's the estimated time of when the fire started happening.

Whoa. So they assume it was around 420, which was about 45 minutes before Ms. Carpenter smelt something and went to go turn the water heater off. So it would make sense. The FBI tested a carpet sample for gasoline and other accelerants, and there wasn't any. for gasoline and other accelerants, and there wasn't any. And one of the fire investigators who had been with the team for like 30 years said of the skull,

The head is not ever left complete in burning cases, but it also does not shrivel or reduce in size. In the presence of heat sufficient to destroy soft tissues like this one the skull should literally have exploded into many pieces there is no exception to this rule so not only is it totally intact but it also should have never shriveled it should be in a million pieces what then he also says of all the fire deaths that he's ever seen, because he's a fire investigator, I cannot conceive of such complete cremation without more burning of the apartment. As in, like, why the fuck isn't the entire place on fire?

This doesn't make sense, yeah. He said, in fact, the apartment and everything in it should have been consumed. I regard this as the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Were we living in the Middle Ages, I would mutter something about black magic. Whoa. And that's from a professional 30 year fire investigator in the modern day in the 50s at least well sure more modern than the

17th yeah you're right so the chief of the team sent boxes of evidence to a lab in dc for chemical analysis and it was like a portion of the rug some of the ash and pieces of the chair. And with the evidence, they even wrote a note saying, we request any information or theories that could possibly explain how a human body could be so destroyed with the fire that was confined to such a small area and did such little damage to the structure of the building or furniture in the room that did not even scorch or get damaged by smoke. Like they said, we can't think of anything. Please tell us how on earth this could have happened to a human and not damage the rest. So the official police report is that Mary, uh, it's cited that it was a cigarette that caused the death,

which ignited her highly flammable nightgown and burnt the sleeping woman to ash. Oh my. Even though there are there's no evidence of any accelerants there were no um evidence of her cigarettes um and also like the fbi even said unofficially it's not that we believe that that's what actually happened but we had to put out an official report so that a burial could take place and to close the investigation so even they don't

believe it they just needed to say something they're not even saying like yep that's what we believe and they're not even hiding that they don't believe it they're just like we needed to release something the fuck um so the main details that really confused people as you can probably guess were the complete destruction of only the victim's torso, the localized nature of the fire, and the victim's apparent lack of ability to escape or call for help. Oh my god. One of the theories about the skull is that it wasn't actually a shrunken skull. It was actually a charred knot of muscle from the back and neck that turned into a hard ball and it was mistaken for bone. What?

hard ball and it was mistaken for bone what but it is assumed at the very least that the victim was destroyed pretty instantly and that the fire must have started within the body what and that leads me to the science of the spontaneous tell me tell me everything i'm so curious so what is spontaneous human combustion you ask what if What if by now I was like, I don't understand. Please tell me what it is. It is described as alleged cases of the burning of a living human body without an apparent external source of ignition. You forgot to say. Merriam-Webster defines. Oh, I'm sorry.

Google defines. So, there are supposedly at least 200 official cases within the last 300 years and most cases involve a lack of thorough investigation or heavily or heavily rely on hearsay so that's like sure even though there's 200 cases at least half of them like probably aren't spontaneous human combustion some of them were 300 years ago exactly yeah so um like even like experts say like even if i believe in human combustion most of them are just because someone said they saw something makes sense um the consistent pattern between all the victims is that they are usually inside their home there is a sweet smoky smell in the room their extremities are often intact and the room around the person shows

little or no signs of fire aside from greasy residue on the walls oh my god so and and i'm almost done in 1995 there was a book called a blaze i really wish blaze walked in. Just give it a second. No, it was called a blaze. The mysterious fires of spontaneous human combustion. So it was place would love that. He would literally ironically burn the book. So it was written by a guy named something Arnold. I don't remember his first name.

Okay. This guy sounds like a fucking quack. Oh, but he's the only one who's written like lengthy cases and like tried to figure out the theories of like what causes human combustion i mean his name is something arnold he also um like it even describes him as someone who has, like, a passion for, like, mechanical engineering and shit like that. But he's a bus driver. Like, he's actually a bus driver. Oh. So, like, all of his stuff is, like, his best guess.

Hold on. He has a passion for science. Like, I have a passion for, like, quantum physics. Me too. But at the same time. Let me write a book about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

So, he says that these cases have no natural explanation however if he were to try to think of something he would say that extreme stress causes the trigger oh then i'm screwed he's like okay well then why am i not on fire for the last 20 years or he says that you could have preternatural combustibility where apparently his theory is that a body's cells could just reach a heightened susceptibility to be ignited by an outside spark. I mean, I guess with that infant child, like. Yeah. But apparently he thinks like your cells just decide one day, oh, I'm more flammable than

normal. I mean. And then your whole body just catches on fire. He doesn't have an interest in science, so I don't know why we don't believe him. Oh, wait, it gets better. Oh, good. He created his own subatomic particle. I'm sorry.

Hold on. He did. What? He decided that there's a subatomic particle called pyrotrons. Hold on. And pyrotrons ignite when they collide with body tissues. He just decided that that's what happens, and then you combust. He also thought that other theories might be ignition of methane gas inside the intestines,

or just a nerve malfunction that produces a large electrical current. So like your nerves can just whoops, just like turn on a fire. What? So those were all of his theories. Pyrotrons. Here's the thing about all of his theories. Pyrotrons. Here's the thing about all three of those. Pyrotrons don't exist. Methane in human intestines has no ignition source and also can't burn without oxygen.

Okay. And the human nervous system cannot produce a voltage high enough to literally just set you on fire. A 3,000 degree fire. Also, humans are two-thirds water, so we're pretty resistant to burning. Fair. Especially from the inside out. Right. Right, right, right, right.

However, there is actually a medical condition called Stevens-Johnson syndrome, which can be mistaken for spontaneous human combustion because it's a skin disease that comes from a toxic reaction to medications that causes burns and blisters. So there have been people with that and thought oh my god i'm catching on fire fair point um anyway so the fbi's best thought on like what happened to mary they do know that she had been recently taking new sleeping pills oh and so they assume that like one of their big things was how could she not just escape or get away or like try to pet out the fire. Sure.

They assume that she was either already dead from maybe overdosing on sleeping pills or she was just drugged on the sleeping pills so well that she slept through catching on fire. Holy shit. Which those are some good fucking sleeping pills. Seriously. So their main theory is that Mary fell unconscious in the middle of smoking a cigarette. Okay. And set her own nightgown on fire, which was made of like rayon acetate or something really flammable. 50s. Yeah.

And so she probably took a cigarette, was sitting on the chair in her nightgown, fell asleep because of the sleeping pills. It fell into her nightclothes. And then something called the Wick effect happened. The John Wick effect? Okay, sorry. The Wick effect. What is it? What's the Wick effect?

What is the Wick effect? The Wick effect is when, and it gets gross, get ready. Oh, well, I didn't, you made me ask about this. This is the most legitimate explanation for every spontaneous human combustion case. Shut up. Okay, I'm ready. Oh, wait, can I guess it? Sure.

Is it like a wick, like your body fat is the candle or something? Yeah. Ooh. So. And then Keanu Reeves is there too. Yeah. oh he actually created this oh that's what i thought so they they think that her body fat provided the fuel and fatty tissues were highly combustible especially fun fact fatty tissue is heavily just in case you know sure fatty tissue is heavily combust just in case you didn't know. Sure. Fatty tissue is heavily combustible. Oh, I know. You heard my guess. Especially in heavier people.

And Mary was a robust 170 pounds, which by the way. Hold on. Then I'm the size of a mountain. I'm also very robust. Wait, now I'm afraid I'm going to fall asleep and catch on fire. Fun fact also, she was 170 pounds and in ash she was 10. She was 170 pounds and in ash, she was 10. Also, fun fact, women, if the wick effect is accurate, which is the most accurate thing we've discovered so far.

Sure. Is women burn faster and more intensely because women have higher fat content. Sure. Okay. Makes sense. It's a fun fact. I mean, it's not makes sense that if you're 170, you're a robust human, but. Robust.

I mean, Jesus Christ. Seriously. 1950, maybe, I guess. So if people are like, okay, what the hell is the wick effect? Yeah. What the hell is the wick effect? I'm glad you asked. It's when an initial burn breaks your skin.

Oh. And breaks it so deep that you get down to the fatty tissue. And when fatty tissue gets heated up, it begins to liquefy. And so, okay, so you have a break in your skin, and it burns all the way down to the thigh tissue. The fatty tissue melts and is able to leak out and seep onto your clothing. Oh, my God. melts and is able to leak out and seep onto your clothing oh my god so let's say like maybe she was like slumped over or something and it like burnt into like her arm or burnt into like her stomach and i like and then the fatty tissue literally melted like because of how she was lying it could have like dripped out of her body on her robe onto her robe and her clothes oh my god and kind of gross but the

best way to describe it is a body is like an inside out candle right because on a candle the wick is on the inside and the fat is on the outside the wax is on the outside oh so instead of the wax being on the outside and the wick being on the inside a human is wearing clothes which is essentially the wick on the outside and their fat is on the inside. So if you have fat leaking out of you. Oh, my God. And then seeping your clothes. That's horrifying. You're giving the wick, your clothing, fuel because your very flammable fatty tissue is now covered in your clothing.

Oh, my God. So Mary's body had become a large candle and the melting fat coming out of her soaked into her clothing, which acted as a wick. And although this made a small flame, it burned at such a hot temperature because it was so condensed. Even though it was a small flame, it was a really condensed heat. It continued. The flame continued to stay there as long as it took the melted fat to finish fueling the clothing. So when you mix the wick effect with an ability to stoke the flame that has been created, you have a long-lasting fire.

So two of the things that they noticed when they found Mary's apartment is that she had, well, one thing, but she had two fans pointed at her. Oh. Because it was really hot. And so. She had, or like it was hot before there was a fire on inside of her. Right. Like it was like she just had two fans going.

But so. She was hot before she caught on fire. But so they think she lit a cigarette, fell asleep from the sleeping pills. It went into her clothing. Her sleeping pills worked hard enough that she ended up burning through her own skin oh my god fatty tissue poured out and went all over her flammable clothing the cigarette kept igniting it and basically the clothing around her caught on fire which is what the wick effect is and then the two fans that were on were like doing the chimney effect of like fueling, keeping the fire alive, fanning the fire.

And basically, if the body's oils drip onto an ignition source, it will continue to fuel flames and then eventually seep onto other combustible surroundings, which was her couch. So that's why only the coils were there. Oh, my God. so that's why only the coils were there oh my god um in 2001 to prove the wick effect exists the journal of forensic science actually tested the wick effect by burning a pig carcass in clothing and the pig fat melted into the cloth and formed a localized wick which burned basically for several hours until they turned it off because they had already proven their point. Like they had to manually take out the flame. What? But that part of the pig was just burning for hours and hours until that part of the pig actually became ash.

What? And because it was such a localized part of the body, parts of the pig were completely turned into ash, but other parts of the body were totally undamaged. Oh my god. Interesting. And so that makes sense why a lot of times there's extremities that are hanging out because if only a part of you is burning and then the flame ends up going away, there's undamaged parts of your body that weren't close enough to the localized flame to start catching the fuel. That's really mean that they did that to that pig, though. It was a pig carcass. Yeah, well, they had to kill the pig first. That's really mean that they did that to that pig, though. I'm not... It was a pig carcass.

Yeah, well, they had to kill the pig first. I don't like it. I hope it was donated to science. I think he was an organ donor. There's no fucking way. It was on his ID. So Mary likely died almost instantly from inhaling the smoke, the toxic smoke.

So not just the sleeping pills, but the toxic smoke inhalation. Wow. And then the wick effect um caused overnight stoking until the flame died out in her body and since heat rises no damage was done to the lower parts of the room but only the upper parts which would explain why only the top parts of her house had like that weird like oily grease oh my god and they think that that um like moist soot yeah is the mix of human skin oils and the actual like toxic flame coming together and it's like the reason it's wet is because it's like your human oils gross also since heat rises and goes upwards

instead of outwards that's why during a lot of cases of spontaneous human combustion, extremities are found undamaged because in her case, how she was sitting on the couch because her leg was stretched out. Yeah. So that's why they found her leg because it was far enough away from the source that the rest of her body burnt. And then once the flame kind of went out on its own, the leg was still too far away that it never got touched. Hyper localized fire yeah so um so also since heat rises and goes upwards instead of outwards that's why there was a lot of heat damage to areas near where she was burned but like the newspaper next to her was totally fine that is crazy so that's supposedly how spontaneous human combustion happens. It's not actually combusting and it's not actually very spontaneous. Most cases have something to do with ashes getting sprinkled on you by accident or someone's pipe or cigarette landing on you and you don't realize that a flame has started on your clothing.

And you don't realize it because you're somehow drugged or incapacitated. clothing and you don't realize it because you're somehow drugged or incapacitated i mean and so it burns into you until the wick effect pours your own fatty tissue out onto your clothes and then you burn alive it's not actually you combusting from the inside it's external sources burning you without you realizing it that isn't that is insane boom science boom hashtag bill nye was here that was the most education i've had to teach myself in a 24-hour period do you feel exhausted yeah i feel like i did every day in college before a test i was like oh i gotta teach myself this really quick wow anyway wow i feel like i learned a lot um also that's horrifying yes and when i was little i read about human combustion

spontaneous human combustion when i was probably 10 or 12 and for like weeks i was convinced i was just gonna fucking blow up catch on fire because i was like reading some book that was like yep you never know when it'll happen and then you'll die and you can't do anything about it and so in my head i was like well that's what's gonna happen to me well if this is right none of it's actually internal it's all like controlled areas that are not being controlled properly it seems like it's a lot of older people too yeah i wonder why that is maybe because they're like falling asleep while they're maybe smoking and stuff i feel like it's a common i mean they're all the age that smoking was common and normal and healthy and and they're all tired and sleeping

you fall asleep and you're lazy and they're all medicated they're all older so they're all tired and sleeping. You fall asleep and you're lazy. And they're all medicated. They're all older. So taking a lot of medications. They're all medicated. Woohoo. You know. Anyway, so there's that. Not that I'm not lazy and medicated, but. I mean, we are all that. We're just not old yet.

Although we will be next week. Yay. All right. Stop telling people to give you birthday stuff. Christine, you're going to be 27. Stop telling everyone how old. Oh my God. It's not that old. I have a story for you well it's good that you do because i mean this is a show where you should have brought a story i try to remember

what this show is about but sometimes i forget can you imagine if one day we were recording and you're like oh fuck i forgot to do i was like okay bye and you're like wait hold on i'd be like i'll be downstairs you let me know when you're done with the story. How many hours do you think does it take you a week to do a whole story? If you were to add up all the time you put into one story. Like a work day? That's fair. That's what this was. This was like seven hours.

It depends. This one took me like less time because it was, it depends. Like if I do fucking Ted Bundy, then yeah, it's going to take me many, many hours. But this like was very condensed amount of information. so many notes because there was so much information. Right. But there are other days where it takes me seven hours just to find information. Because sometimes the story is so short, but so many people have asked for the story. It's like, oh, well, fuck, I got to do the story. But there's like not enough.

So I'm like. It's fun to go digging. Deep diving. Yeah. Try and find all of it. That was more like this one. Which is the case of Wallace Souza. So. I feel like I know the name Souza i feel like souza wasn't that like a

baseball player oh maybe that's what i'm thinking of i mean i'm not into sports and i don't know much about murder like he was famous souza i mean it is a baseball player i don't nope it's it's definitely like a current baseball player so it's not what i was i was saying sammy sosa i don't know i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about um let's pretend i knew about this cool i don't know so wallace souza is a brazilian man he uh was the host of a tv show in brazil called canal livre which means i don't know carnal life it uh it was a tv show in brazil that premiered in 1989 and uh wallace souza was a former police officer and politician and he hosted the show okay so basically the show uh was a variety show and it had music interviews comedy etc but it was also a news program about

crime so like so like what you would have done in brazil podcast oh i thought you know a variety show with music and comedy oh i mean yeah i mean that's us now we're just like the the epilogue to that that's that show yeah yeah so i feel like i mean and their slogan was quote investigative journalism aimed at fighting crime and social injustice wow okay so it's the christine story is what this whole thing has got it christine moves to brazil um no so basically this guy was a former politician. And while he was hosting the show, it actually was so popular that it helped him get elected to political office three separate times. Oh, that's awesome. So it was huge down there.

And he was a big public figure. And it really aided his campaigns. And so he was able to kind of leverage that for his own life um and one of the things that okay this is so weird so i researched the show itself even though the story is about the host but i was like oh let's see what i can find out about this show it's real weird yeah okay so apparently one of the things that made the show even more successful was gill a stage entertainer and sifa seller and sifa is a an arabic pie like dish who suffered constant bullying and was called gay slurs regularly oh wow leading him to fight with a puppet named gallerito hmm a lot to unpack there good listen i looked at like four sites to try and understand what the hell that meant and that

was what i could gather that was the best paraphrasing you could get that was the best because a lot of it was like translated into english from portuguese and it wasn't clear what it meant and so this was like the most clear translation i could procure um essentially there was a puppet that called him like gay slurs all the time and this guy would just dance around and then he'd get mad that he was being called gay slurs and would beat the shit out of this puppet i mean that sounds like a movie coming out soon called the happy time murders what's that um it's starring melissa mccarthy oh my god i worked on the movie yeah yeah we know i read the script and it's fine melissa mccarthy is a police officer and her partner is a muppet

he's still bragging about reading the script yeah it was a good script well anyways that's kind of what it sounds like hopefully there's no gay slurs involved i mean there'll probably be something offensive somewhere but also it's melissa mccarthy so i think it'll be like family loving offense i don't know i feel like this was pretty extreme okay it's like just saying it's like after hours after film like i guess one of the episodes the puppet like so they always called him like really effeminate and they called him like faggot and stuff and in one of the episodes i guess the puppet was like i'm gonna buy you a panty lingerie set and then the guy like turned around and beat

the shit out of this puppet oh my god what the hell i'm telling you i can't understand it and i can't explain it okay i mean it's one of those things where like I'm grossed out, but also need to watch a little bit of it. I tried to watch it, but it's all in Portuguese and I don't know what the fuck is going on. Okay. That's fair. I just was staring at it like, this is so strange. And then it was kind of awful because they had like, like men dressed as women with a

bunch of makeup and they were like making fun of them. Like it was just really fucking horrifying. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. And like, what year was this though um like 2000 oh so recent enough that we can't like no it is not okay i was gonna say like can we say oh it was 50 years ago and they didn't know better absolutely not so it was it premiered in 89 but it went on for several decades so this was just like kind of what they did um anyway so that

was just me trying to explain what the fuck was going on in the show great does that i'm sorry so you're telling me that this boosted his political career yes it sounds like really questionable on all fronts but this guy would basically years of a muppet pronouncing gay slurs. No, many years. Many, many years. Oh, many, many years of gay slurs. No, three. Decades? Three campaigns. Three campaigns.

Yeah. So he was a host for 20 years. So politics are a funky game. Funky indeed. This is called Funky Politics with Em and Christine. Wow. Anyway, so that's me just trying to be like, this is the show he hosted, to give you an idea. So aside from this, like, insensitive puppet, there was also a crime element, which was like the main part of the show.

So basically what they would do is they would send camera crews out to crime scenes, specifically murder scenes, to get graphic footage and info before the police got there. So it's very much like nightcrawler-y. Like, you know, he would like hear the police scanner and go find. It also sounds like, honestly, it doesn't sound like anything I know. I'm just trying to figure out how to describe it. So it's a racist, homophobic Muppet that's still for some reason a vigilante yeah yeah you know like that melissa mccarthy movie that's coming out oh yeah i forgot i forgot about that oh yeah that's the show it just it sounds it sounds like it doesn't make sense because you would think a horrible person like that would not be like oh justice no no the puppet is a separate thing i'm telling you it's a variety show a variety show it's not running for congress i

don't know what no no i know this guy who hosted the puppet was co-hosting the searches across murder cases no the puppet is like his own variety okay i hear you now it was like a weird sketch that went viral i thought i didn't think of a variety show like multiple sketches. I thought a variety show like the same consistent characters doing a variety of things. Like, oh, he's racist and he solves crime. No, the host does everything. The Susan dude. Gotcha. Who's also like a politician.

I think my story is better. I think my show would really fly. Well, it obviously is. No one's questioning whether it's better. I'm just saying don't give him the credit of creating this Mppet crime show the muppet is separate the muppet crime solving is not something he invented it's something you just came up with uh sorry melissa mccarthy uh trademark that thank you uh so wallace souza the host would broadcast exclusive coverage of the crimes so this was like a very graphic, like it reminds me of cops,

like they would follow the crime, follow the action, and you would see like what was happening on the scene and he would kind of narrate it. One example that the crime show reported on involved a reporter walking through a forest to examine a burning corpse. And he told viewers,

it smells like a barbecue. It is a man. It has the smell of burning meat the impression is that it was in the early hours and it was an execution and then he walked up to a burning fucking corpse before the police could even get there so clearly they were like not fucking around with the drama they're like yeah we have puppets but also we're gonna show you burning corpses we have puppets and carcasses you're the one laughing man how the fuck is anyone gonna beat that though i mean you really you can't say you don't have everything on the show talk about a spectrum homophobic muppets actual dead bodies homophobic muppets the variety show it It's wild. Oh, wow.

Wow. So, I mean, I'm telling you, this is how this guy kept getting reelected. I guess so, because they were like, let's see what else this guy can fucking do. Like, give him more money, man. We're really entertained. Like, if that's the diversity he can find without being political, let's let him get political. I mean, I guess, right?

Like, it's not like we're any different up here in the u.s we're like give him more money well yeah oh the apprentice how about the country yeah kardashian just sit back and watch it burn okay but chris jenner would do wonders with this fucking country watch it fucking burn okay moving on so the show also aired police raids and arrests with presenters often following police chases in helicopters. So again, like sort of like cops, they would just follow. They had their own helicopters and they would follow the police around. In 2009, after 20 years on air.

So this is two decades later of this guy hosting the show that he created. Police started to get suspicious. They started wondering how Wallace Souza's crews knew where to go before the police did so they began to look into him and his show uh what they found out is that souza was orchestrating murders in order to boost his ratings shut up that's amazing i mean it's horrible but it's evil genius in october 2009 he was accused of hiring hitmen to kill five people to increase the ratings of Canal Livre. Amazing. Several of his former employees had tipped off police.

And when police searched his house, they found weapons, ammunition, and cash. And he was subsequently charged with murder, drug trafficking, intimidation of witnesses, illegal carrying of arms arms and formation of a criminal gang okay but also those are some brave fucking employees that tipped off the cops because you know you're risking being the next target bad news bears anyway there's that he had like a whole fucking gang so i mean yeah bad news was it a muppets a gang of muppets nothing scarier i was gonna say honestly that's probably more frightening yeah can you imagine if you wake up and there's like a muppet that isn't yours at the foot of the bed a muppet that's not yours it's not it's not your muppet and also talks and murders what do you mean

it's a muppet that's not yours like you know how sometimes you might like wake up and something's kind of creepy and a muppet that is yours is at the foot of the bed maybe you put it there but if you don't own it you're like why the fuck is it all right how okay i'm tired whatever yes mysterious muppets so essentially uh suza could not be arrested because he was a state congressman remember he had been elected so he had political immunity so even though he was suspected of murdering many people he uh had parliamentary immunity and they were like well nothing we can do too bad but once they started investigating him um the charges were so serious that the state decided to do something rare which was to break the immunity and kick him

out of the state assembly so they could arrest him wow yeah so they arrested him uh they put out an arrest they alleged that the crime show didn't have enough material uh so suza and his son would order a hitman to execute someone and then alert their camera crew as to where the execution had taken place so that they could get there before the police did i feel like only two episodes in the camera crew should be like how do they know no the camera crew knew they were they were all in on it on this like gang yeah which is why former employees had tipped off police because they had been like i see you like kicked out of the group or whatever thought the camera guys were just like poor pas being like oh my god no definitely not um and

basically it turns out what he was doing is he was executing competing drug traffickers. So he was getting rid of rivals and also boosting his ratings by getting fucking murder on his show. Well, I mean, two birds, one stone. If you're that sick, it really was. It was like he was setting people on fire for a show, but also they happened to be his competitors. Right. Yeah. So after so after Susan's arrest warrant was issued, he disappeared.

A team of 60 investigators began a manhunt for him. And meanwhile, Sousa's son, Rafael, was put in jail on charges of homicide, drug trafficking, and illegal gun possession. Three days later, on October 9, 2009, Sousa finally gave himself up to police, but he still proclaimed his innocence. He said the allegations were absurd and insisted that he and his son were being set up by political enemies and drug dealers who couldn't handle his years of relentless crime coverage on TV. Ego. Yep. He claimed that he was the one who was fighting against organized crime, corruption, drug trafficking, and pedophilia.

I am Batman. I am Muppet. I am Muppet Gangster Batman. I am Homophobic Muppet Man. I mean, is he not? Is he or is he not the embodiment of Homophobic Muppet Man? But also a vigilante at the same time by killing intentionally fighting off pedophilia i'm fighting it off by committing murders that you don't know about that i can report with my homophobic muffet

yes also i am batman and a congressman oh yeah and it's political and there's that too however his own bodyguard testified against him. So that's not a good look. Yikes. But his bodyguard had also been accused of like nine murders in the past. So they were like, well, is he reliable? Who knows? And I'm like, who are all these fucking murderers? I like how everyone in this town is like, probably not reliable. But one's bound to be right.

He didn't hit double digits with the fucking murder. So who knows? Nearly. So when Sousa was sent to jail, jail his brother who happened to be the vice mayor because they were running this town um asked for suza to be placed in solitary confinement because he was worried that um the other inmates in the jail would have been people that had been jailed because of their show oh shit so he was like please don't put him in a jail cell with like other inmates because they'll fucking kill him because he put him there so they of course

gave him his own you know solitary it would be the series finale though as if they filmed him getting beaten up by all of the inmates he put in jail that's what i'm saying that's why they took him out i know but that'd be like the ultimate thing to film oh yeah the series finale since life is not fair they were like okay this guy's money so we'll get him his own jail cell so unfortunately we did not get that happy ending um yes so he got his own jail cell he did not get attacked by his the people he put there first um vanessa lee who was the former producer of the program was arrested two months later in December of 2009 and put in jail for being complicit. And then in July of 2010, so Wallace Sousa had chronic liver disease. In July of 2010, he was 51 years old and he suffered a heart attack and died while awaiting trial.

So he passed away pretty quickly after being jailed. And the mystery continues and unfortunately he will never see justice and we will never find out the true details of what happened i know you don't want me to talk about the muppets anymore but i got two things i don't and i got two things to say i feel like you're taking away from the fact that he murdered a bunch of people i mean i'm not saying i i you. But here's my thought. One, how was that hard for you to find information on? Because with a story like that, like a TV show like that, and like, like that seems like something that you would easily be able to find on like a page about like things that are like really fucked up or like things that we should probably know about.

No, only one person has ever suggested this to me. It's a very small. It was very small. It was big in Brazil in like the part of the Amazon that. That's crazy. It just sounds like something that we would all know about as like some weird fucked up story from the past. Nope.

But I feel like a lot of times those like, it sounds so crazy, but like this guy was a huge kingpin in the area and was in politics and in entertainment and happened to be drug trafficking and i feel like that's not that absurd that like somebody so high profile was involved in drug trafficking was able to get away with shit i wonder if people outside of his gang like kind of knew that some shady shit was happening like like like people who were fans of like the show or like who knew about like him like going and finding crimes like there

had to be someone watching that show on their tv being like something shady's up like how was he seeing this before like how was he getting tipped i guess but it was like the only show like that i mean you know you watch it sounds like too good of a show i would have probably watched the hell out of that show exactly and you're not you know i mean and also like he only did it near the end five times like for five episodes or whatever like it was just the end when he was like running out of ideas did you ever watch cops were you like a fan yeah i love cops i there's a cops episode that was in my dad's town and my dad's town is super small and so i didn't see like the name at first like i'll tell you like the city that it's happening in and i saw the episode after they showed where the location was and i was like

that looks really familiar no i was like oh no shit is happening right next to me. There was a show really briefly called Police Women of Cincinnati. Really? And I watched the first. My friend was like, Christine, please turn on the show. I turn on. They're like driving past my house, like my child. No way. And I was like, oh, no, like on my fucking street, which I mean, I've told you we got

like six break-ins, but they're just like casually. Proof in the pudding. Walking past. And I'm like, oh, my God, this this is mortifying did they say anything like this is a shitty part of town and like they're walking past your childhood window definitely implied because they were like hey it's the pilot episode and we're solving crimes it's got to be good on this fucking street well in lieu of male or female or in between juniper should we do a junoscope oh sure as in our horoscope oh yeah i thought you meant a june scope okay oh well we should do both so now what i don't want to do feeling narcissistic listen i don't want to do a horoscope for every fucking

star sign there's pices there's just us oh We're what's important. Okay. This is our fucking month. It is. Ready to raise some eyebrows, Gemini? Well, when aren't you? Your curious, playful nature makes it perpetually easy for you to try something new, no matter what it is or who you were before you might have refused. new no matter what it is or who you were before you might have refused the good news is that you're operating with a nice solid safety net and being allowed to dream at the same time is great fun what's the problem get busy making those dreams reality what have you always wanted to do so make a vision board is what that whole thing meant it's like this is your vision board what the fuck do you want to do this is your empty canvas of a vision board draw upon it oh my god what

should we put on it i don't know but i think we should do a birthday vision board together fuck yeah okay let's do it at our sleepover yes okay good hold on hold on i'm sorry i just clicked monthly horoscope and i just read the last paragraph this is what it says one last notable mercury transit is when it enters your sign on the 29th so it's what 24th so this comes out on the 27th so okay in two days it will allow you to end the month on a high note you really love puns and wordplay and you're an excellent flirt well they're right about all of that well that's the most accurate description of myself i ever did see it's easy for you to talk people into doing favors for you fair we're like give us gifts now oh man you guys gemini's hello hello fresh anyway that's all how are you feeling

kind of gross me too this was an icky i felt like this was an icky episode yeah like homophobia and like fucking catching on fire from your cigarettes in your bathrobe and like fucking like body grease on the walls like it's very icky we unpacked a lot i feel like we partially unpacked a lot and then we just kind of were like okay step back and leave it you guys unpacked yeah you figured out we don't have time for this shit and then we told you we're great at flirting and that was kind of that was actually the moral of all of the stories. Did you not pick up on that? Like, enough about them. Enough about fires and grease and homophobia.

We're flirts. Wink. Give us presents. Thank you. Give us gifts and we'll flirt with you. Oh. You guys better come to our birthday show. We're going to have so much fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Birthday week is coming up fast. I don't even know when you and I plan on doing anything for our birthday show that we're going to have so much fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Birthday week is coming up fast. I don't even know when you and I plan on doing anything for our birthday. I don't either, but it's going to happen. We're going to force it. Yes. Tell them the spiel. You can find us at Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, at ATWWD Podcast.

You can also find our website, andthat'swhywedrink.com. You can also find our shop at andthat's why we drink, dot com. You can also find our shop at, and that's why we drink, dot bigcar tall dot com. You can also find our email at, and that's why we drink, at gmail dot com, where you can send in your personal true crime and paranormal stories, because we put out a listeners episode at the first of every month. Yeah, we do. You can also please buy tickets to our Irvine show, because it is the last show we have on the West Coast currently until further notice. And just please come see us because it's also our birthdays.

I did not plan on being blacked out on propranolol on my birthday. But that's how I'm going to ring in 26. Hey, hey, hey. And that's why we drink. Cheers.