And That's Why We Drink - E7 A Menorah Made of Lava and the Jerry Springer of Germany

Episode Date: March 19, 2017

EPISODE 7 IS HERE. Em tells Christine about the terrifying Eastern State Penitentiary and all its ghostly inhabitants, and Christine tells Em about one of Germany’s most chilling cold cases of all time, the Hinterkaifeck Massacre. Get those drinks ready - you know the drill.

that's really nice that's how the end of the song goes it is we can blend it right in yeah i was trying to sing along thing along welcome hi guys hey guys here we are for episode which one is it seven seven okay i gotta keep track of this okay we gotta write it down yeah we've just got so many episodes oh my gosh oh man life is hard i've started being a celebrity yeah what can i say okay well welcome guys to and that's why we drink we are here to tell you some ghost stories and some murder stories and some stories about why it's hard to be a 20 something or just a human in general just a human yeah it is hard and that's why we drink today i came over to christine's and she texted me and said by the way my place is a disaster. And I said, don't worry. I too am a disaster. So, so all is right with the world and that's why we drink and that's why we drink.

All right. Well, how have you been? I haven't seen you in a million years. I feel like you're a long lost friend. Hey, back in my life. Um, it's been two weeks since we've seen each other and in that span of time i became no longer unemployed yay i'm super happy and i have two jobs and i like both of them yeah now you have more jobs than i do yay i miss having more jobs than you that's how i know you still get paid more than me so like barely but still by like a pinch whatever we'll call it even okay um so i'm drinking for happy reasons honestly because i'm just very happy this week because i'm But still. By like a pinch. Whatever. We'll call it even. Okay. So I'm drinking for happy reasons, honestly, because I'm just very happy this week because I'm actually getting a paycheck. Meanwhile, I wrote notes for all the reasons I'm fucking drinking.

Oh, great. Okay. So that's my... Listen, I'm happy this week. Good. I'm not. All right. You ready? The floor is yours.

Okay. We all know I'm moving. By the way, someone asked on Twitter if my roommate ever found out. Like, I'm just going to leave like a ship in the night. I think we were all hoping you would just kind of leave a note and disappear. Just ghost him? Yeah. And be like, thanks for everything.

Peace. Bye. No, I told him eventually. I actually worked out in his favor. His best friend is taking my spot. Oh, let's see. So I'm moving and I'm moving in the next 48 hours. Oh shit.

No pressure. Also, I have people coming into town that I'm entertaining. Also no pressure. Also, I have to find time to move the big furniture like my mattress. Oh God. No pressure. And I have to do all this before the end of the week because I fly out to Nashville for the weekend.

No fucking pressure. So. Wait. And you're starting a new job on monday which is the biggest one yeah so anyway all this is happening no pressure i'm also doing all this while i'm about to start a new job in the same week right that's fun um also i have another reason to uh oh no i don't oh that's good well i mean it's all just like little like bullet points of that basically. Like, okay, I had to get rid of my lava lamp that I've had. Wait, that's really sad to me. Well, I've had it since I was in fourth grade. Yeah, I got one in fourth grade too and I miss it dearly.

It was like, it was, it just was magical because it's worked up until now. I've never changed the light bulb on it. Like it's like Hanukkah. Like it's just, it's basically up until now. I've never changed the light bulb on it. It's like Hanukkah. It's basically the same thing. It's like a menorah, but made of lava. I've never had to fix it. And then when I got to this apartment, it's gone with me to college and grad school

in Boston and everything. And then I brought it to this place and the light doesn't work anymore and it's so old because the lava lamp i got it in 2001 and so they don't make no lights for it anymore maybe i'll call my mom have her unscrew ours it's too late i already gave it away i know it was a hard parting it's really tragic think toy story when andy's yeah anyway that's like just stupid things like that like i'm just missing inanimate objects that don't miss me back anyway at least it served a long good life it did so

anyway that's why i drink that is real reasons what are you drinking um so listen i don't want anyone to get upset i'm already upset i can look i see what's happening i this is what i'm drinking canned wine i'm just like dropping deeper and deeper into despair first the boxes no no no no it is not canned wine i got it set the record straight um it's a pbr it's a pbr it's a beer because the job i started uh it's like this i I'm not even joking. It's just like a comedy show featuring dogs. It's called two girls, one pup starring, starring Christina and Gio, I'm sure. And if you, if you don't know the reference, please don't look it up. And also I'm not going to explain it to you. My mother's going to text me now and be like, what is this?

My parents are going to be like, let's Google it. Don't please don't. If you don't understand the reference, you don't need to. to and don't don't try to learn what lemon party is either and don't add to this uh anyway so the pbr is one of the sponsors and so i got a bunch of beer from afterward so i'm drinking a pbr gulp it down so switching up a little bit anyway i'll tell you what I'm drinking, Christine. You know what? I never ask. I'm such an asshole.

I know. I'm just, like, so focused on my beer. I literally was just making eyes at you about, like, ask me about my fucking milkshakes. I was just sipping my beer and staring right back at you with a loving gaze. Oh, I just punched your dog in the face. I'm sorry. What is wrong with you? He's good. He's kissing my hand now.

This is, like, a mess of an of an intro just wait till i get to my story it's not well done okay by the way i'm drinking a chocolate milkshake from oh yeah what are you drinking um maybe i can edit it so i no no this is where we are just like cut it out it'll be awkward like so what do you drink i'm drinking a chocolate milkshake no i'm i'm drinking a chocolate milkshake from house of pies which is right across the street listen house of pie don't tell people where i live it's right across the street from you turn right and then look at the door with the stuff there's a green door i like to pretend that people actually care about where i live i'm sure that that they don't. But, you know. Also, there's a lot of places they'd have to find you at, you know.

Yeah. There's a lot of, it's not like there's House of Pies and then one house. Well, there's also a Masonic Lodge across the street. Wow, you're really, like, triangulating. Well, no, so I'm saying maybe that's where I live. They don't know what direction I live in. Yeah, maybe you're a Mason. Maybe you're a woman Mason.

Those exist. Those, women can't be those or can they shut up okay i've only had three sips of my pdr let's get moving all right any uh fun facts for us i know i'm drinking beer but yeah let's pretend you're drinking wine so this is relevant it's not hard to pretend I'm drinking wine. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. Okay. One ton of grapes makes about 60 cases of wine. Jeez. One ton is 2,000 pounds? 2,000 pounds of grapes. I thought a ton was 1,000 pounds. No, it is.

It's 2,000. 2,000. How many pounds are in a ton? 2,000. Okay. I believe you. It makes about... You're still checking.

I'm watching you check. Okay. You're right 2 000 pounds of grapes make 60 cases of wine or 720 bottles which is what you probably consume in a year so 2 000 grapes 2 000 pounds of grapes jeez wait so how many bottles are in a case 12 i guess this math is too much why did you ask me to do math right now because i'm trying to spite you okay so but here's the inverse part of it one bottle of wine contains contains 2.8 pounds of grapes holy crap it's so healthy it is sure let's call it that ask a doctor well you're dating one so i guess that yeah he lets me drink all the wine i want good uh okay so i have a milkshake fact too if you're if you're aching for that i'm aching for it okay so the world's most expensive milkshake to date is in a place called cardiff i think it's in the uk yeah okay

so to celebrate um vanilla milkshake day uh the they, in honor of that, they did the most expensive milkshake, which was, I'll just describe the ingredients first. Like gold? Calm down. Calm down. Do you even want me to do this? Okay. It's made from Tahitian vanilla pods, rich Jersey milk,

which I don't know what that means. Whoa. Made from Tahitian vanilla pods, rich Jersey milk, which I don't know what that means. Whoa. Strands of saffron, and that includes sprinkles of 23-count edible gold leaves. Whoa. Shavings of Italian black truffle. Jeez. And then Tuscan chocolate, one of the world's most expensive chocolates. And it cost, do you want to guess how much a glass?

Oh, my God. $800? No. Lord, Jesus. No, it was how much a glass? Oh my god. $800? No. Lord Jesus. No, it was $50 a glass. Oh, sorry. I just totally, we'll get that out. Wow, like not that expensive.

That's why I hate the guessing game, because people always go higher, and then I'm like, oh, now my fact isn't as fun. That's okay. You would have been. I just know that there is that, it's like a dessert in New York City that costs like $2,500. Oh, really? Yeah, and they put like all this gold leaf and shit on it. Oh, I believe it.

And they grate diamonds into it. I'm like, what is wrong with people? Anyway, $50 a glass is the world's most expensive milkshake. That's still the most expensive. Freaking expensive milkshake. We should get you one on our thousandth episode. Okay. Or our 50th episode.

Yeah, because a thousand's a long way away. That's a thousand weeks away maybe we'll do a thousand so that we never actually have to buy the 50th or the 50 milkshake great we'll just put it really far away when we're not doing this podcast anymore okay or when we're rich and famous and can afford it put the beer in your mouth just put the beer in your mouth guys i'm in like a struggle mode i'm loving watching this happen because I feel really like superior. This is the first time that's happened. This is my first work week ever in like nine months.

And so it just totally drained my whole being. Like I don't, I'm not used to it. I've never seen you function this way. I'm not used to getting up at 630 every morning. I'm not. All right. I'm just going to be honest. It's been a while.

Oh, I had something like an update about something I made at work. This was like segueing into, I saw Logan. Oh, I'm seeing it tomorrow. It's really, I made, okay, so this was the, what I want to tell you about my work. We made the Wolverine claws. Yeah. Yeah. So cool.

There's a picture of Em like holding them. So if you see the Wolverine claws, I'm so excited. Ah, I'm going to scream. I saw them first. I'm going to picture of M holding them. So if you see the Wolverine claws, know that. I'm so excited. Ah, I'm going to scream. I saw them first. I'm going to scream. You touched them. I touched them way before Hugh Jackman ever put them in his hands. So now he has your germs on him. He's welcome.

You're welcome, Hugh. Oh, also, do you watch It's Always Sunny? I fucking love that show. Okay, so they just came out with, I wasn't allowed to talk about for a while so i didn't know when i could address it to people but my friend told me it's out now that there's a valentine's day episode that came out oh yeah season okay all those valentine's day cards that's my handwriting oh my god i know oh fuck did you keep one can you yeah i have i have i made extras one of the cards says do you look like a bird? And another one says something like,

I guess Charlie in the show, he can't read. So they say something like, I don't even know why I'm writing this. You can't read. But all of that is, if you look at it, all the cards are the same fucking handwriting because I did it. Oh my God. You have the craziest, weirdest job ever. I really never thought this job was even a job. It's really like you're crafting for famous tv shows oh i do what i can okay so i got an update actually before we get into the stories from a twitter user named curious blonde um and she sent us a message um she said hey emin christine and geo oh he also says hi uh she says i'm really enjoying your podcast the demon dog episode actually freaked me out so much i had to get out of the bathtub and call a friend to talk me down she said my

cats would scare away all the potential hellhounds which is totally accurate but truly that black dog shit scares me so much i don't know why it's just so creepy uh since i'm in chicago and i just wanted to share some fun facts about episode five uh a couple years ago the chicago pd opened up a dna case to try and see if they could link some old missing persons cases with dna from john wayne gacy's victims who we talked about in the last oh sorry it was two episodes ago um she says as far as i know this case is ongoing and at least one person they believed to be a victim was exhumed and dna showed he was not the boy that they thought he was and that they had buried him as oh so they don't know who he is uh but they the good part is that the person they thought that

the little boy was was actually found alive in florida and he had like run away from home as a teenager and didn't even know his parents were looking for him for years and years and years so they were reunited and i guess they said like he couldn't stop crying and this was like a really recent story so his family he and his family were reunited he moved back to alabama to be with his uh siblings she said oh final fun fact she has like so much to add to our podcast my grandparents are retired professional clowns and i still kind of want to go to clown college so m may be mortified but she's in good company in that clown car keep up the good work cheers i i really thought we were gonna leave the whole clowning thing in the past episode but

i guess it's gonna haunt me forever it might it's never gonna go so many people tweeted out to me talking to me about being a clown i know it's just and that's why we drink and that's why i drink why do uh other people drink m why don't you tell us a fun story? Well, I'm going to try my best to tell you, but let's get one thing straight away. This is scattered as shit. These notes. I was, because I, a lot of people have been saying really nice things about us and that we're well informed. So I'm glad that people can understand then that when I went to go fact checked on multiple

other websites, I was finding more and more information, and so it's all... That's hard. It's not chronologically sound. Some are a lot harder to, like, keep straight. I'm going to be jumping back and forth. That's fine. Okay. I had not yet done a haunted jail, so I wanted to do that.

So this is the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia. Cool. Which I've been told is well i've been told personally by many websites that it is one of the most haunted places in the world in the world who was that i was just in the world i was just excited because everything else so far has been like in america oh sure or like on the eastern seaboard no nothing was that but maybe okay so the eastern state penitentiary was built in 1829 and ben franklin was involved in its construction i guess up until this point jails weren't really taken seriously like they like they were jails that you could probably easily break out of, or people were only staying

for a little bit of time and then weren't actually learning anything. So this was the first jail where they really emphasized, like, reform, even though they did it in a really fucked up 1800s way. Sounds like the same thing with, like, mental health facilities back then, where... Yeah, like, you're trying, but you're really just making things worse. Yeah, exactly. same thing with like mental health facilities back then where yeah like you're trying but you're really just making things worse exactly so when they constructed this they wanted it to look like a gothic church because back then super religious okay motorcycle that's my friend back then they really wanted like religion to be a part of you you know rebuilding yourself. So they wanted it to look like a church so you could only be alone with God.

And it was the first task they decided to go with is implement solitary confinement. So this is the first jail to ever do solitary confinement. That shit is not cool. No, it's not. When they decided that they were going to do solitary confinement, originally this jail was meant where all of the cells were solitary confinement. Oh, God. So if you went there, you were confined by yourself.

And it was supposed to hold 253 inmates with 253 solitary confinement cells for you to spend in during your entire sentence there. Oh, so it wasn't like, oh, there's like an outdoor field where you can no so they're just like they were out there for a like you had an hour a day where you could go outside but you were in individual cages away from other people what the fuck so you couldn't even see other people and they were so strict about you even talking to anyone like if they were like moving you from your cell to something else um they would it was called bagging and they would put a dark like wool hood over your face so you couldn't see or hear or talk to anyone around you like so you're totally confined no matter where you are what you're doing um i also want to do a fun fact about this and mention that when this jail got built it was the most expensive building to have been created in the u.s like it was really it was 773 000 in the 1800s um so originally solitary

confinement was called the pennsylvania system because they were the only people doing it fucking pennsylvania oh yeah yeah and even though they were the first known prison to do it very quickly other prisons started following suit because they're like oh well if they're gonna be the ones that are really strict and you know they have a really good turnout or like like successful inmates changing we want to do that too so this is what caused solitary confinement everywhere so thanks eastern state yeah fuck you um so they weren't even allowed to interact with each other. They didn't exercise together. They were bagged.

Many killed themselves, obviously. And the others... Wait, how? Like, smashing their heads in the walls? I'll tell you later. Oh my god. So they would... A lot of them drove insane.

Sure. Which is what they still fucking do. Exactly. In places where this is going on um they the the jail ended up lasting until 1971 but even in the early 1900s so many people were going crazy from solitary confinement they actually ended it in 1913 thank god so they only had solitary confinement from 1830s to 1913

which you know is still like 70 years um can I ask like who did they put in was it people who were murderers or so they it was they had different cell blocks for people who committed different things so they had like a whole cell block

just for people who had who did money shit there like a whole cell block just for people who did money shit. There was a whole area for people who burglarized or were carrying weapons. I mean, it was all blocked off, so different inmates were all in the same section. Actually, one of the people that stayed there was Al Capone. Oh. We'll get to him. But he was in cell block eight, cell one.

Interesting. I had to look deep for that one. See, well-informed and well-researched. I do what I can. Our trademark. So even though they got rid of solitary confinement, they were like, okay, well, we'll just put a bunch of really strict wardens in there. of solitary confinement they were like okay well we'll just put a bunch of really strict wardens in there and there was one warden named warden smith and they called him hard-boiled which i don't i don't understand like an egg yeah okay but you know like porn stash and yeah orange is

new black like he was a dick like this guy like this guy was a dick um not good and so from the 1920s 1930s uh he was in charge and at that time people knew that he was insane like he was just like the strictest person in the world and so only really really bad people went there okay because like they were the only people who deserved it quote sure but uh he was he was really shitty like back then because there wasn't really any laws defending prisoners he got away with a lot of torture yeah so there were five things that he did that were um ultimate punishments if he misbehaved or tried to escape or tried to talk to someone or anything like that. So the first one was he would just starve you, which is the lightest punishment. The next one was, it's called a water bath, where they would only do it during the winter because that's extra shitty.

And they would chain you down to a bench in the bathroom, and then they would drown you in ice cold water and then they would take off all your clothes and leave you in a cold cell overnight so you're just fucking i mean people must have died right oh yeah oh my what the fuck and then there's the other thing called the mad chair where they would strap you to a chair really tightly with leather basically like belts yeah and they would so tight that you couldn't move and they would only um so you were just sitting there in like your feces and urine because they would leave you there for days oh my god and the only time they would unstrap you is when your circulation was cutting off to a point where you almost die so you just can't like you can't move and they're

so tight like even if you move it hurts that's like medieval shit and uh the fourth punishment was called the hole i don't like that and i already don't like it under it was under cell block 14 where they i guess no one ever really used it and so they dug a giant like uh silence of the lambs hole and basically it was rat and roach infested and it was dark and dirty and you were given a cup of water and a piece of bread every other day and you were locked in there for weeks the fifth one is my personal favorite it's called the iron gag now that's medieval that sounds like medieval shit so this is specifically if you talk to other people like if you tried to interact that's it yeah this is this is the worst one and that was like the worst thing you could do there because you're not supposed to talk to anyone you're supposed to

think about what you did and think about god they would put an iron collar around your tongue we would clamp it around your tongue and then that while it was i found a picture of it so we can don't don't show me that oh i'm gonna show our listeners i'll put it on my twitter if you're like i'm gonna change all the passwords first um so they put this iron collar on your tongue which had like a chain attached to it so it's like a horse bridle essentially but it was on your tongue and it had like a razor underneath it and the chains that came out of it would then be the other end of them would be attached to your wrists that were handcuffed behind your back so if you moved at all it would cut through your tongue oh my god who even invented that like if you ever if you try to like move your arms at all it would

tug on the chain which would tug on the razor attached to your tongue. And so a lot of people died from bleeding out from that punishment. Like, who the fuck invented that, even? Who was, like... I'm thinking Warden Hard-Boiled Smith. Hard-Boiled. Hard-Boiled Egg. He sounds like a frickin' asshole.

Yes. Yes. Charles Dickens, for some reason, on his getaway to america he visited in the 1840s uh the jail and he wrote that the prisoners there are in such like crazed torture that they're quote buried alive like they might as well be at this point because like they're not getting out yeah and apparently a lot of people would also intentionally try to talk to other people so that they would get the iron gag so they couldn't make themselves bleed out and i was gonna die so they could kill themselves heartbreaking so a lot of

suicide came from that but most of the murders came from diseases from like freezing them in a cell or starving them or putting them in a dirty roach invested hole what on earth you know so in uh 1929 to 1930 he was only there for eight months but al capone was there a couple people um a couple big people like uh some burglar like slick willie he was oh yeah good old slick willie well he was a he was a big burglar back then. He always had those idiotic names. And if anyone asks, it's Slick Willie. But so Al Capone was there for eight months for carrying a weapon.

Like carrying a concealed weapon. Yeah. For how long? Eight months. Okay. And he had the nicest cell there. And it had paintings on the walls. What? He had a desk. He had a he had the nicest cell there. And it, like, had paintings on the walls. What? He had a desk.

He had a lamp. He had a radio. And he still bitched and moaned. And this is why, though, because the first haunting showed up. While he was there? Yeah, to him. Oh, crazy. So, stepping on your toes, but one day you'll have to tell me what the St. Valentine's Day massacre is.

Ooh. We'll get there so al capone was involved in that massacre and i guess one of the people he killed was named james clark and while he well capone was in the cell for eight months apparently jim clark host like a haunted him like every night oh what the fuck uh also i would like to do the whole skeptic view of it of like he could be losing his mind because he's in sawtark and fireman blah blah blah blah we get it skeptics but also at a radio and like you know like yeah he was least likely to go insane you know what i mean yes totally okay uh can we make that our new intro Yes, totally. Okay. Uh, boop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop, boop-a-doop-a-doop,

boop-a-doop-a-doop. Can we make that our new intro? This is Emily's confused stuff. Well, because the thing is, I kept hearing about it, so I kept writing it down in different places. All right, anyway. Okay.

And we're back! Okay. So, let's pretend there was a commercial in there about, about... about until until we can have an advertisement casper matches are great anyway back to the story um so he was saying that jimmy he called the ghost called himself jimmy apparently but jim clark okay he was haunting him at night calling himself jimmy or at least Al Capone was calling him Jimmy because the guards remember him screaming in the middle of the night, like would wake

up in cold sweats and be like, Jimmy, get away from me, get away from me. Which makes me think that it's not solitary confinement insanity because he was asleep and he was waking up to this. Yeah. Instead of like, he's not just sitting there and all of a sudden starts talking to himself. Like nightmare, like, you know, PTSD nightmares.tsd that's true you know i don't know well i guess he would wake up every night and beg jimmy to leave him alone and he would like apologize for hurting him or something like that creepy so that was the first sign of there being something

paranormal interesting um there ended up just being, uh, like typical screams and laughter. And the creepiest thing is in cell block 12, uh, you can hear not just screams and laughter, but you hear laughter that gets louder and louder as you walk towards it. And you slowly hear the laughter turning into screaming. Ew. Yeah. I thought that was kind of cool. And.

That's so creepy. Cell block six. Someone will cackle. Like you can hear like an evil cackle coming from like a rumbling. Is that happening now? Like people are. Yeah. Oh, wow.

So people it's a. People going towards now. Oh, wow. But. People have heard a cackling coming from cell block six and if you ignore it it'll scream your name to get your attention so you can keep listening to a cackling wait it'll scream your name like it'll go ah i can't do a fucking cackle let's hear you cackle i fucking know i don't know like what's a witch i don't know but if you try to ignore it

it'll scream your name or you'll hear it in your head you'll hear it scream your name so that you have to pay attention to it yuck like it wants you to know um oh god other people have said that there's extreme temperature fluctuations uh there's shadows on footage like they've gotten shadow people walking around um there's the sense everywhere of like feeling dread or being watched in the room where they used to do the water bath torture apparently everyone always is really cold when they go in there which is super sad yeah it is sad uh there is i think ghost adventures i was about to say i guarantee you one of the shows one of the shows went there zach baggins he blocked me on twitter

one time i heard that story. We'll talk about that another day. That makes you sound so much more famous than we are. No. It's like we got into a little spat. Yeah. No, I was just behaving inappropriately. God.

So someone did an EVP, which is electrical voice phenomena. And they caught on tape someone in one of the cells saying i'm lonely which is super sad that's really sad i know so uh in the 40s after capone has left uh there's also shadowy figures that turn corners when you try to approach it it's like it's almost like if you try to chase it it'll like turn a corner and then you turn the corner too and there's nothing there uh there's dark figures of guards that got murdered there um but the dark figures they're like in the towers where only the cops could go uh because i guess i read somewhere that two murderers are two murderers jesus two guards were murdered at least by inmates by each other yeah i don't know uh and then uh a bunch of i think it was like it said something like two guards were murdered tens of inmates were murdered by violence and then hundreds were

mur and hundreds of inmates were murdered by uh disease oh probably from all the torture um but in the 40s uh shadowy figures and dark figures were a big thing you could hear the evil cackling even then um shadows would slide down the walls ew i don't know what that means but i don't want to find out doesn't sound good and a face and cell block four faces would just appear in front of you like you would blink and there'd be a face there and then you'd blink again it's gone and there was typical door banging talking talking, footsteps, keys jingling, insane screaming, you know, the usual. The big thing that happened that everyone still talks about, I guess, on the tour is that there was a locksmith named Gary Johnson who he went there to remove a lock that was over a hundred years old on a cell that hadn't been opened in a long time and I guess when he unlocked it they say that he

essentially opened a gateway or something because by since that lock had been there for so long by the time he unlocked it he in some way released all the spirits that were locked in there like that had never been unlocked out of it before yikes and he had an out-of-body experience that to this day he will not talk about like he'll say it in like chunks to people so people have kind of gathered his story that way but he's still around and he won't talk about it like he had the the experience as he unlocked like as he unlocked it he said like as soon as it unclicked his hand was on the key and then he said he couldn't move he couldn't speak he was just frozen and he could feel like this overwhelming like dark matter on him and uh he said all these

faces showed up around him like started looking at him uh he saw like the wall he said the walls looked like they were melting because there were so many dark shadows like moving across it that it looked like the walls were moving um one of the dark shadows was a full figure in front of him that screamed come to me and then the dark shadow like flew at him and then vanished right in front of him he said he could see it happening to him and he was also having an out-of-body experience where he could watch it happening to him and he was also having an out-of-body experience where he could watch it happening to him and neither one of them could move or do anything about it which freaks me out that his astral projection also didn't have control he was like oh we're screwed um and then while this was all happening he could hear all the i guess dark entities or

dark spirits saying shit to him and he could also hear whispers from like a hundred people and he could hear giggling and laughing and screaming and crying and like every, every type of emotion he could hear everyone that's ever been in there. He could hear them doing all of it at once. I hope he's in therapy. I bet he is. That sounds horrible. And,

uh, basically it was just like he said he had unexplained visions and hallucinations, and he just still to this day can't explain it, and he gets really nervous talking about it now. But all of the people screaming your name and the evil cackling and all that stuff, visitors, staff, guards, and inmates from the time all corroborate that those happen. Yikes. It's called the Eastern State Penitentiary for anyone who wants to look it up. Let's go there.

Nah. Nah. All right. How do you feel about that? Do you want to talk about murder? Yes. Do you want to talk about that? So I don't know if you've heard about this one.

A couple podcasts have covered it, but it's like a really, really good story. It's called the... Okay. Also, full disclosure, my first language is German. podcasts have covered it but it's like a really really good story it's called the okay also full disclosure my first language is german so i'm gonna say it in like the german way because i don't know how else to say it i'm already i mean i'm impressed every time you speak german around me i'm always like whoa all right it's not it's not that impressive oh wait hold on can i read it can i read it first and say the really chopped up oh way? Oh, that's a fun idea. Okay. So you can laugh at me? It's the first word.

Let me hear. Oh, okay. I can see it. Okay. Oh, that definitely says Hinterkaifeck. Close. Oh. Yeah.

Okay. The Hinterkaifeck murders. Say it again slowly. Hinterkaifeck. Yeah, girl. All right. Good for you and your languages. Actually, this was suggested to me by a Twitter user named Tappelsauce. You didn't say that in German. No, I didn't. Um, thanks Tappelsauce. Thanks Tappelsauce.

So my parents, um, are both from Germany and my mom actually grew up a couple hours from where this happened. Um, and when I was living in berlin i read like a novel based on this story but i didn't know that it was i was like god this book was really good but like a little dramatic and turns out it's real like it actually happened it's based on a true story i didn't even know god you were just like i was like this is a little dramatic you're being so dramatic right now it's like it's even happened to you turns out it was not fictional that's sad all right let's hear about it all right happened to you turns out it was not fictional that's sad all right let's hear about it all right so this murder takes place in 1922 uh the gruber family lived on a farm 60 miles north of munich

but i thought i think i might know this story i don't know all the information though it's a good one you probably do i mean a lot of podcasts have covered it but it's i think tumblr is where i got it from oh maybe okay anyway i've only if i've seen it it's like a meme picture it's like made its rounds a little bit okay lay it on me preferably in english all right i'll try my best um so it took place about 60 miles north of munich in 1922 um the father of the gruber family andreas oh shut up it was not was not there's a lot of i'm i apologize i'm stoked i apologize if answers a lot of weird ass german names so how do you say that in english andreas yeah andreas i think like the andreas yeah exactly okay was not well liked um by his neighbors he was described as an unfriendly loner who beat his wife and was abusive to his children.

And actually, only one of his children ended up surviving his abuse. And the daughter who did survive his abuse was actually, he was infatuated with her and obsessed with her. And they had an incestual relationship. Yucko. I know. And it was rumored in town that Victoria, who was his daughter, that her son was actually the product of her father and her incestuous relationship. Nope. I know. Was she cool with it?

I don't think. Well, I mean, she was really young and I think he kept her under his like really strict control. He refused to let her to marry. She probably didn't know better. Yeah. So it was apparently they were just a very miserable family and sounds like it unhappy and he was a violent father um so leading up to these murders there were some strange incidents that happened uh that nobody can figure out how they're all connected but i can tell me all about them m is going to crack the case that's what we do we solve 100 year old unsolved mysteries um okay so the maid that they've had they had for a long time suddenly quit her job and left immediately she said she'd been hearing strange voices and noises in and around the house and was too afraid to stay any longer she said she was convinced the house was haunted um and when she

said her goodbyes people reported that she was white-faced and emaciated um so the groomers did not know what to do they were like she just took off so they were like they chalked it up to her being quote mentally disturbed and let it be i could chalk myself up to mentally disturbed i know that explains away a lot of my behavior um so six months later andreas noted footprints in the snow coming from the woods leading up to their house but none leading back so he was really freaked out and he thought there was an intruder so he did a thorough search of the house did a thorough search of the property all the barns everything found nothing um and so just you know let it be that night he heard footsteps coming from the attic again, checked it out.

Nothing. Couldn't figure out what was going on. Uh, the next morning, the family awoke to find an unfamiliar newspaper on the kitchen table that none of them had shot or ordered. And a few, a few days after that, a set of house keys went missing and, um, everyone was looking for them, didn't know where they were. And while he was going to the barn, he noticed the father, he noticed that the lock had scratch marks on it as if someone was trying to pick the lock. And he didn't report these things to police, but he confided in his neighbors about them.

So people later were like, oh, he was telling us all these crazy things were happening. about them so people later were like oh he was telling us all these crazy things were happening um and the day after these discoveries the new maid maria baumgartner good for you i'm just gonna say it the real way no maria baumgartner it's better to not butcher it i guess so the day after these discoveries the new maid maria baumgartner arrived um unfortunately maria's first day on the job would also be her last that was fun they've thrown some foreshadowing in there good i guess it's not foreshadowing if i'm it's very direct actually telling you she's about to die i'm not gonna tell you she's dead but she's dead she wasn't living anyway so anyway um on april 4th 1922 people in town started to get nervous they were wondering what was going on they hadn't seen the family in a while uh the children were not attending school

victoria the the mother or you know the uh she hadn't been attending choir practice and the mailman noticed that they hadn't been picking up their mail so a group of concerned neighbors went to check on the farm um they did not notice anything like unusual about anything surrounding the farm so they opened up the barn and found the bodies of andreas his wife his daughter victoria and the elder daughter cizilia lying in a pool of blood stranger their bodies had been carefully stacked upon one another and like a cake yeah i like how your first thought is i have food i have priorities yeah wow so anyway so they've been who was that like was it like like heaviest on the bottom do we know the like the order um no i just think it'd be a

little more sick if they put the smallest child at the bottom well actually i'll tell you what happened to the smallest child i know so okay they were stacked on top of each other and covered in hay um so the search party was obviously horrified they went frantically looking for the rest of the family um and found them in the farmhouse so So the youngest grandson, Yosef, who was two years old, was found dead in his cot. He'd been bludgeoned to death. I know. The new housemaid, Maria, that we just discussed, was found murdered in her bed chambers. So there were six people, the five members of the family, and the maid, who had been just brutally murdered.

Oh, and they were killed with a pickaxe, by the way. Oh, that's like the worst first date ever yeah it's like this job we complain about our jobs but like that job sucks yeah um do we know like who died first or anything well this is what so they call the police and um they showed up within from munich within a couple hours and determined that the victims had been killed with a pickaxe by blows to the head. What they could make of it was that Andreas Tetsilia Victoria and the little Tetsilia, so his...

Tetsilia Jr.? Yeah, there was a Tetsilia Jr. Good for her. I know. Oh, feminism at its best. I know. It's just such a random story. So they were somehow lured to the barn one by one and slaughtered one by one.

So whoever murdered them would lure one to the barn and kill them. Then the next, then the next. So they either had to know the person or they were like, this is horrible, but like the BTK killer. Do you know about them? Vaguely. You got to do that one eventually. That's a good one.

I mean, it's really fucked up. Right on the board. BTK stands for like bind torture kill or something like that but i mean if they if he tied them all up and just brought each of them in one by one well it the way it looked was that they would come into the barn by to check out whatever was going on or and then he would just immediately attack them so it was more of like a surprise attack as far as they could tell. This is another one of those, like basically breaking in. I was going to say,

you're not going to like this one. Victoria, the daughter had signs of strangulation also, but that wasn't what killed her. The blows to the head killer. Um, so the odd, this is the worst part.

Um, okay. The autopsies revealed that the little Tetsilia, age seven, had survived the attack at first and laid next to her dead family in the barn for several hours. She had torn out tufts of her hair as she laid there and finally, hours later, succumbed to her wounds. Oh my God. Because her parents and grandparents had all been killed and then she was.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I know. She really just died of a broken heart. She was seven. Well, she also had her head split open, but she was like... It's just awful. The listeners can't see me right now, but my face is buried in my hands.

I know. It's awful. This part really just... That fucks me up. I mean, I'm not seven, and I can't imagine what it'd be like lying next to my dead parents. No. And grandparents. Imagine being seven and no one's there to explain it to you, and you're't imagine what it'd be like lying next to my dead parents. No. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Imagine being seven, and no one's there to explain it to you, and you're hurt. Well, while you're dying. And you probably don't know what dying is. Oh, my God. And she's, like, gravely injured. I mean, two hours later, she's dead, you know, so. Anyway, the other weird thing was that all the bodies were also covered in some way, so the bodies in the barn were covered with hay. Hey, what's a gay horse eat? Hey. gonna say hey hey hey i was i needed to light up the mood i

couldn't handle it this is how m uh deals with uh i'm an only child and i'm a child of divorce so i just handle things the chandler bing way and i just i just laugh about things i can't handle it oh it's okay we'll forgive you um the maid was covered with bed sheets and the little boy was covered with one of his mother's skirts and his cot so that whoever did it covered their bodies which i think is indicative of like he doesn't want to see them yeah um so the murder obviously like it was in a small rural town it shook the german people to their core it was hugely sensational um it was brutal but also it was just strange um one of the other things that happened was the it looked like the murderer had stuck around for several days at the farm after he had killed everyone like either food and everything too he or she i guess ate food from

the kitchen fed the cattle took care of the farm oh good the fucking cows are safe i know you set a fire in the fireplace because neighbors all reported seeing chimney smoke while they were working so they thought the family was okay um but they hadn't seen them in a while so they went to check they were all dead um but for three or four days this guy stayed around uh the even let the dog out yeah took care of the dog he didn't kill the dog oh jesus this story would be over i would be crying we'd be holding each other not the dog um so at first the police thought the motive might have been burglary because you know vandals and that kind of thing right or vagrants i mean and that kind of thing

but a significant amount of gold coins and jewelry had been untouched in the house. And if someone had stayed there for several days, they would have seen all the valuables. You know, I mean, and oh, and one of the beds had been slept in, in one of the bedrooms. Like Goldilocks. Basically. Like a really sick and twisted Goldilocks. But yeah, so they kind of moved past the burglary theory because nothing was taken. But yeah, so they kind of moved past the burglary theory because nothing was taken.

Another odd detail is that Victoria had emptied her bank account a few weeks prior. She left a 700 gold mark donation to her church for, quote, missionary work, but the rest of her money was unaccounted for and just kind of had vanished. So that was one thing that the police didn't know how to tie to it or whether it even had anything to do with it. But it was just another odd part of this story. They questioned more than 100 suspects all the way until 1986. Could never figure out who did it. Their biggest culprit was this guy named Schlittenbauer. I can't even imagine what that looks like.

What a name. Who had been one of Victoria's suitors. And Victoria always claimed that her son, Joseph, the two-year-old, was Schlittenbauer's child. But, you know, everyone assumed he was actually the child she bore with her father. Right. So some people believe that he had lashed out in a fit a fit of rage oh because his girl was cheating on him with her dad yeah and his son wasn't his son um germany meets jerry springer yeah and and like stephen king yeah uh fair and another theory is that he wanted to escape alimony payments because

he was still paying alimony but and the woman he had remarried and had a child with another woman but his child died and so some people think maybe he was bitter that he was paying alimony for a child that he wasn't even sure was his right right but again there was no way to connect him to that really and he brutally murdered like a two-year-old so who know i mean i definitely remember hearing about this on tumblr but like i said it was a picture with like a caption at the bottom so i just told you the gist i did not know any of this actual information it's pretty crazy well well here's another thing another reason people think that this guy was involved is that he was a member of the original search party when they went looking for the family and the dog apparently reacted really viciously toward him when they went in the

barn and wouldn't like couldn't deal being around him but nobody like nobody else because if you die gia's gonna freak the fuck out around me and they're gonna think that's your thought right now oh you better not die because everyone's gonna think i well my thought was like what dog actually really hates anyone i was like your dog hurts me it's like oh maybe if you die i should stay party. If I die, everyone will be a suspect, probably. Or, yeah. That's Gio's best alibi, probably. Yeah, probably.

He'd probably pull it off. Yeah, so anyway. So he, the dog reacted viciously to him, wouldn't stop barking anytime he was near. And the biggest thing is that this guy, Schlittenbauer, seemed remarkably unperturbed, as a neighbor said, by all the bodies, even though his son was supposedly one of the dead bodies. He was able to unstack all of the bodies. Then they were in a lot of blood because they had been bludgeoned by a pickaxe. But so apparently he was able to move the bodies around without even flinching. And everybody else was just i mean it's their

neighbors and they're seeing right their bloody bodies and we're my big thought is it would make the most sense because if he didn't drag them out which i guess he would have seen drag marks in the snow like if he if they were walking out with him it would have to be someone they all knew if what do you mean it had to be someone they all knew for them to follow him out to the barn without people because it was i think it was in the middle of the night. So people think maybe there was a noise or like something that got them out of the house to go to the bar. Cause why else would they one by one? But also, no, I mean, I get that.

But if I were in a house with my dad, my mom and my older siblings, and if I heard a noise, my dad went out and never came back. And then my mom went out and never came back. I'm not fucking going in that barn. Yeah, that's fair. Also the two year old, like what did he like?

I imagine the two year old went last, like he killed everyone, then went inside and grabbed the baby. Unless he killed him in his car. No, they killed him in his car. Oh wow. That's fire.

And then he killed the maid in her bed chambers. But yeah, nobody knows because at least the maid knew, like, it's not my fucking job to go check outside. I'm just the maid in her bed chambers but yeah nobody knows because at least the maid knew like it's not my fucking job to go check outside i'm just the maid yeah i know she was like i'm hiding in my bed chambers i don't know it's just very weird nobody can figure it out um but so when they were moving the bodies they were like why are you touching the bodies like the police aren't here and he's like i'm looking for my son but i guess he said it really calmly and just not right like he just didn't seem very detached perturbed about it so who knows but

they really couldn't ever figure out a concrete way to pin it to him uh the only other suspect they had was victoria's ex-husband who had supposedly been killed in the french trenches during world war one the french's the french french trenches i'm really just like i'm uncomfortable i'm just trying i'm just trying to pull anything she can i was a clown guys yeah your clown is showing again all right so supposedly he had been killed in the war but nobody ever found his body um and two people came forward claiming to have met a russian soldier after world war ii who had himself claimed to be the Hinterkaifeck killer. But soldiers that he had been with claimed they saw him die in the war. So it's unclear whether, but they think maybe he came back

and realized she had been sleeping with this one guy and had a baby and freaked out and murdered everyone. But again, the weird part about this too is that the maid who heard the noises, that was six months before the murders even happened. So either this person was like living in their home somehow undetected for six months before he... That's definitely your dog.

Sorry. Before he murdered everyone. Like nobody knows what the hell who... And then he stayed there for three days. Yeah. So it's like hard to imagine who on earth, you know? have just been a crazy person but he covered his tracks really well but that's the thing is like they could not find you know somehow it was like done so and obviously nowadays like if a guy had slept there for a week yeah exactly everywhere and so recently the police

academy or two students uh in 2007 of the police academy decided to reopen the case and see if they could figure anything out. But they said it just was so long ago that everything was so primitive back then that. Right. Evidence was hard to find. Witnesses had died and basically they closed it again and said it'll probably stay unsolved forever. Until we create some technology we don't even know about. Exactly. Yeah. Well, that's great great a time travel machine or something well so that's a good way to run my night thanks sad sad anyway and that's why we drink guys and that's why we drink so another

heavy episode yeah it's getting harder and harder to title these things when there's nothing funny about them you know we can use your lava lamp statement. I'm a norm made of lava. That has nothing to do with either story. Exactly. They have to not be about the murder because then it's just sad. Anyway, thank you guys for listening to yet another segment of us falling apart as human beings. What did I say?

Oh, we're all a disaster. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. What did I say? Oh, we're all a disaster. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. Um, thank you to PBR and, uh, house of pies for fueling our drinking problems. Neither sponsoring us yet. Um, also we do want to say thank you guys for all everyone sending in stories. Uh, we have another listeners episode coming up April 1st. It'll be out. Um do request, though, and we need everyone's ears to perk up for this. We need you to send your stories to our email.

And that's why we drink at gmail.com. Because we have just been getting so many stories. But if you've sent something to us and you really want us to talk about it, copy and paste whatever you already sent us and send it in. Well, I've everything I've gotten so far. I've like categorized and organized. God, you're so well. No, but I didn't want to lame. Well, that's the hard thing is like people send me messages and it's been like weeks

and I don't want to lose them and not get, you know what I mean? So we really, we really, really care about all this. Like I, right. I don't want to leave people out just because we lost it in the twitter world but so until for further notice please please email us because we don't want to fuck up your stories and we don't want to think you we don't want you to think that we like didn't like it or forgot about it right just everything please send all of your stories to and that's why we drink at gmail.com we will love so much. We will appreciate you listening to our instructions. We are very strict.

She speaks German. Yes. Everything sounds strict. I should say it in German and then everyone will do it. I don't, I wouldn't even know what you mean. Nobody. I'm not going to do that. Okay.

All right. How do you say it? And that's why we drink in German. It's not like a joking thing. I want to know how we say it for our international followers. The whole one that lives in Germanyany and deswegen trinken wir we all have to teach me that one i'll slow this podcast down we'll just do like the 0.5 playback and say it really slow yeah cool all right thanks guys thank you hit us up on twitter facebook instagram email we love you all thank you for listening goodbye and that's why we drink peace