And That's Why We Drink - E77 A Baptized Wonton and Spiral Notebook-ing

Episode Date: July 22, 2018

Welcome to Flemish Idol! Jump on board our husky ramblings as we tell you the story of the eerie Children of Woolpit and the disturbing case of Jennifer Pan. In the meantime, treat your ears to Em’s “bitchy girlfriend voice” and Christine’s attempt at singing in Flemish. Last but not least, today’s Gio-scope is probably the eeriest, most accurate one yet… And that’s why we drink!

I'm not saying it's cute. I'm just saying it's funny. I'm just saying it's funny. It's like, I'm not mad. I'm just, it's just funny. I'm not mad. I'm just laughing so hard. It's so funny. It's just like the funniest thing. No, no, no, no. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Are you fine? I'm fine. Like we're going to, I'm not even going to bring it up for like another two whole months. And then it's going to be so funny. Don't worry. It's going to be hysterical for both of us christine really likes when i do my bitchy girlfriend uh comment m's like i was in a sorority guys so like i all about it Every time I do it It destroys me inside

It's the funniest fucking thing It's just funny It's just funny It's just funny that's all I'm just gonna think about it later I'm gonna laugh real hard too Cause it's just so funny Anyway guys hello

Welcome to And that's why we drink the husky ramblings of two crazy people the husky ramblings and sometimes like the highest pitched girl voice too but that's just what makes it funny who knows what you're gonna get it's a mixed bag it's always a potluck of emotions and voices over here none of it is really that enjoyable so good luck oh wow hey how are you i'm good i'm still on the edge of my seat you said blaze listen to this up week's episode oh yeah blaze like listen to this week's episode so props to you blades if you're still here i don't know if you gave up after that one. He heard the It's Funny thing and he's out. Oh, you're right. He peaced out.

But he said he listened to the part where my dad guess spoke and I just get a text saying, I would not get kicked out of a waltz class. And I was like, sorry. I like how that's

the takeaway. That's the one thing that he was not happy about. And so I think he and my dad are now on bad terms. So we'll see. Oh, that's, that's good. Only 87 days before the wedding. 87 days, kill me now. Okay. How are you?

What's up? I'm fine. I am fine. We, well. Are you fine? Are you? it's fine no i'm i'm honestly i'm seriously just fine like it's fine i'm not saying i'm great but i'm not saying i'm bad i'm just fine so just think about that i am okay can somebody just take that and make it my new ringtone please thank you oh speaking of ringtones i got an i got an iphone x this week oh hell yeah so i'm feeling bad and bougie do you

have that crazy frog ringtone no i have um the theme song to back to the future and i have the theme song to the avengers so it used to scare the crap out of me when it would go you've got mail and i was like there's a man in my house yeah i used to have the old aol email it was pretty voice as my text tone so it's like you've got me anytime linda called it would go it would be like mom mommy mom it was family guy and it drove me bonkers i mean me too that's why it would force me to answer linda would call like four times in a row and it would just go um sorry linda uh remember the crazy frog ring was that just a thing in germany i remember the crazy thing yeah wow that was fucking annoying as shit man oh a thousand percent that was just killer awful um and i mean oh god don't do it

though the gummy it's called the gummy song gummy oh god like that i don't miss this at all all right sorry take me back to 2018 um i've got some fun news okay do you remember um my episode or my my episode um do you remember my podcast it's called no yeah i remember guest starring at all 70 fucking thousand episodes yeah do you remember the episode the story i did on ed gein yeah yeah remember how at the end of it i mentioned that there was a musical called ed gein the musical is it coming out officially no but you remember right yeah so the screenwriter slash lead slash executive producer of ed gein the musical reached out to us shut the fuck up on facebook his name is dan davies he lives in wisconsin i basically was like oh we'd love to this is what i wrote if you ever do

an ed gein 2.0 let us know we'd love to be there right because i'm like i want to be there and he goes um thanks for getting back to me it's actually a movie and i was like oh i'm an idiot oh no it's a movie that was seen on pbs and retro tv net pbs i know and retro tv network nationally about six to seven years ago i will see if i have a copy of the film and then send it to you oh my god wait hold on i'm creating a stage play version of the film and it will have its theatrical premiere later this year shut the fuck up all right people are we guest starring come on we gotta go i just want to go let's do an ed gein chorus line oh my god so he was like the star of it too and then of course like a day later i get a message

from an email from jordan who's like oh so my friend actually wrote and starred in ed gein the musical i heard you mention it i'm like oh yeah he and i are talking on facebook and she's like damn it and apparently it's a movie and also it's a movie um she basically was like well that little stinker I thought I could surprise him with good news but he already found you I was like yeah so I'm very excited about that um and very proud that he reached out and then I went back and listened because I was like I hope he didn't say anything like weird or rude yeah I went back and listened and it's like literally 10 minutes of us just going how do we get to there how do we do I want to do that and see it like it's like literally 10 minutes of us just going, how do we get to there? How do we do it? I want to do that and see it.

Like, it's just us going like, we need this so badly. Okay, well, good. I guess I'm glad we, in our own verbal resume, really made ourselves look good. Yeah. So I'm just very pumped about this. And I feel honored that he reached out to us. So that was hilarious. Anything else you got?

Yeah. If your name is Carolina and you were in the pasadena target oh i saw your post this weekend um thank you for stopping over and saying hi to me and allison um it was the first time allison had been recognized in public oh that's exciting so how did she feel did it go to her head i wish it would it she was very calm cool and collected how do we become like that i don't know we just freak out every time every time i'm like why are you so humble beginnings i mean no such thing did not provide that it's just me freaking out that you even know who i am that's

true yeah after she walked away i was like beaming for like 10 minutes i was like oh my god someone knew who i was especially i forgot to mention this i was in new york let's just talk about all the times people recognize us m i'm just kidding uh i was in i'm totally kidding i was in new york though and i was like hung over after a wedding there it is i yeah it was and blaze and i were at a wedding in connecticut and um we blaze had to like get a train to grand central in new york which is like an hour and a half, then get another like hour long car thing service to the airport. It was like such a nightmare of a day. And I was so carsick and so hungover. And I get to the airport, I'm finally sitting on my flight. And I see this message on Twitter that's like, Christine, I think I saw you at Grand Central eating lunch. And I was

like, too, I didn't want to approach you. And I was like i was like one oh that's so sweet and two like oh my god i was such a mess and blaze had gone off to like do something and i was like i'm just gonna sit here and eat so i was just fucking eating a giant lox bagel by myself i no bra dirty hair i probably looked like a fucking monster well the thing is i allison and i well i make allison watch um america's next top model and we're watching it from season one and there's about 24 seasons so buckle up allison buckle up don't don't tell her just let her no she knows she knows what's happening good we're currently on season five and there there's a whole exercise where like they have to learn how to look appropriate in public at all times oh because they like because tabloids can make you

look like oh i for sure haven't learned that so yeah well that's what that made me think of it's like oh you have no idea who's watching you or when and you just happen to get noticed when you're the most hungover and braless in the world it's just crazy because it was pride and so i was like just surrounded by like throngs of people and like like no like you know like create like fun colorful feathers and crazy outfits and like bras and like or like no shirt at all or like hot pants. And I'm just like in my leggings in the corner eating a bagel. And I'm like, this is the last place anyone would recognize me. And then I get a freaking tweet.

So whoever you are, you feel honestly good. If you do see us like by an off chance, please say hello. We're always wildly impressed that you even know who we are and we're so confused why you want to meet us but also we're always so grateful i usually get nervous because i'm like what did i do wrong like i just assume if someone's approaching me that i did something terrible yeah well when this girl came up to me and target she was like hi and i was like oh shit like what did i did i steal your shopping yeah and she was like are you m from the podcast and i was

like yes and then she was like and i know you you're allison oh that's really sweet yeah that's me that's so cute i know it was a good well also she definitely caught me like mildly snogging with allison oh for target no wonder you are recognized then she literally was like i didn't want to bother you i felt very uncomfortable i was like oh shit like she definitely caught me like you're a dumbass cuddling up on allison they need an america's next top model about that i know pda it wasn't i was just hugging up on her all right everyone gets it you guys are just so precious when that um woman back in columbus recognized us in the airport she's like yeah i saw And I was like, that looks like I was also hung over from a wedding.

This seems to be a trend. Holy shit. I was like, she's like, I thought it was you. And then I saw who I presume to be Blaze wearing it. And that's why we drink shirt and just like going to the bathroom and you just like sitting down and staring and scarfing a bagel. Yeah, basically, that seems to be the trend. Also, one last thing.

I want to thank Lindsay, who wrote this amazing article on the Odyssey online dot com. Oh.com oh yeah so sweet it was called 10 reasons why you should be listening to the and that's why we drink podcast and it made my day it made our days and a naturally true to form geo made number one on the list number one with a little photo of his birthday oh he's so sweet i posted it to uh the geos trio group which is emmy and uh eva and we all just like gushed over it so thank you lindsey that was really really sweet and just made our whole day so i don't think anyone knew that about our group chat i know but i feel like it needs to be said because i'm gonna say it eventually anyway our group chat between us and eva is geo's trio uh one last thing before we go to not go anywhere go to the stories um before we go to the thing you actually want to hear right we've been

getting so much momentum on itunes which is just amazing i swear every time i click we get new reviews which is really like boosting our visibility and stuff so if you haven't and you are able to rate us on apple podcast that is a huge deal for us and helps us a lot write a review um unless you really don't like us and like maybe just be quiet if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all that's right um or lie through your teeth and say you love us i mean whatever you want to make us happy that's all lying is the key moral of this podcast white lies make everyone happy drinking and then lying lying and drinking the podcast my mom always says um i forget it she does this toast where it's like about like lying, cheating and stealing. And it's like, lie with the one you love.

Cheat a moment for yourself and steal a kiss or some shit like that. And then there's drinking. She doesn't have you and Target. You and Target with Allison. Yeah. Okay. I get it. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. So just living out my mom's toast that I've heard my entire life. Like, I can't remember. Mine's just like, lie to me and tell me I'm so pretty. Cheat on my diet and what's the other thing and steal a couple office supplies from work because I need a new stapler okay I mean you could it's up for interpretation um also real quick uh before we head into our stories guys um I just wanted to say make sure you check out our facebook live event coming out at the end

of the month i think it's the 22nd second is that true yes it's actually this upcoming weekend oh wait it's the day after this it's the day this it comes out it's a sunday yeah it's this sunday jesus once again we don't know what we're doing on this show okay so it's just gonna be a surprise if you guys are watching our facebook live later today you are going to see that it is so hot that we have decided we are going to do this month's facebook live in christine's pool inside a pool on my brand new waterproof iphone x yes that's correct and so sorry if the sound is horrible but also it's so but also we it's so blindingly hot over here that we don't have room to care.

3pm Pacific Standard Time today. Catch us in our skimpies. Yep. Mmm, yum. Oh yeah. Also, Em has to talk about ghosts now. Oh, there's a cat! Holy shit. The cat scared the crap out of me. How did he get in here? God.

The cat just climbed right up. Hi. Hi, up. Hi. Hi, baby. Hi, handsome. It's a baby, baby juniper. Baby sweets. Also, last thing before we get to the ghost stories. We have a lot of live shows coming up, and they're on our tour page on our website, and

that's where you drink.com. Buy your tickets. Okay, bye. Now, tell a story. Do you have anything to say, juniper? Junie's here, too. Oh, he's purring. Wait junie's here too oh she he's oh he's purring in the microphone you're stealing his limelight junie keep talking

okay everyone's like tell a fucking story it's like i'm already done okay so this story um has intrigued me for a long long time since middle school one might say really or at least high school since i lived at home this is a story that deirdre told me on a whim one time okay and i've always remembered it i don't know if she even remembers it but it is an urban legend and it it is the Green Children of Woolpit. Oh my god, what? I've never heard of this. Okay. I just like to picture Deirdre being like,

The Green Children. Oh, she was like, have you ever heard of this? You should just look it up and just see what you think about that. Oh, bye. Okay. Hi, Juniper. Oh, man. This is not your moment right now.

He's making it as a moment. Hi sweet. Oh the kitty kitty. He loves me. Okay. He's so good at giving kisses. Okay. Goodbye. So. The green children of Wolpett.

So it's from the 12th. Oh. And he's back. Oh for God's sakes all right i'm sorry oh my god he's coming okay so um i don't know what you thought was gonna happen i'm getting he really really nails in that time i mean you were literally pretending you were, like, a creature to be attacked. He went all the way, he broke skin in a lot of places just now.

Honey, okay, go find your big brother, okay? Oh, and now Gio's here! Baby Gio, wow, that's so special. Oh, God, I sat down in the chair and there's just sweat on it. That's disgusting. Eva, do you miss us? Okay, so. Okay, for comedic relief, you throw as much of that in there as you want, Eva.

Oh god. So, alright. So, The Green Children of Woolpit. This is from the 12th century during the reign of either king stephen or king henry the second okay what was that sound i don't know actually i think it was a bat i think it was a car like skidding oh where is he he's right here oh and he's sitting right next to me in the air conditioning what a weird coincidence okay okay sorry 12th century 12th century so this is in a

town called saint mary's of the wolf pits or also nicknamed lovingly as wool pit wool pit in suffolk england okay um one night i know the story oh it just hit me it's my favorite i like don't know your favorite yeah not remember it no but i didn't know. Is it your favorite? Yeah. To not remember it. No, but I didn't know. I thought since Deirdre told me, I thought it was like a local urban legend or something. But now I know what you mean now. I just had to say intercontinental and you lost your mind.

Is that what you said? I said Suffolk, England. Oh, yeah. Same difference. I remember now, but in the 1700 thing, I don't know very well, but I know of it. Super cool. Sorry. All right. Okay. Well, sorry now. and the 1700 thing i don't know very well but i know of it super cool sorry all right um okay well sorry no just no like you've never heard no no i don't know much about it i just like know of

it okay so i'm very excited so one night uh field workers found two children in wolf pits and these wolf pits were deep ditches that were excavated around the area to trap wolves that were living in the area at the time they were just like holes yeah they're like giant holes that basically they would like just fall into and then they were too tall oh my god climb out it was also the 12th the 12th century so like they're like pita wasn't around to tell them that that wasn't they weren't i don't think so maybe like one person who thought it was kind of rude but medieval pita was one guy he was just one guy he's like this seems a little mean he's like that's wrong and everyone's like

okay well let's not do you want your mutton or not so yeah so anyway that was the name they named the village after the wolf pits and sure it makes sense a little bit so these holes were at least as twice as tall as the children and a couple hundred square feet wide oh shit so when these two children fell into them or somehow got in there that was why they couldn't get out so field workers ended up finding them in in these wolf pits the children they were a boy and a girl and they were found in the hole and they were speaking a language nobody had ever heard. Wearing clothes, quote, of a strange color made from unfamiliar materials.

Oh, my God. And they had green skin. So they were brought to a knight named Sir Richard de Caine and he gave them a home and food. Nice. Which is very nice. Very kind. If I saw someone that was green and did not speak a language I had ever heard of and was wearing clothes I'd never seen, I would not bring them into my house. And that's why you're not a knight. I'm not noble.

There's no Sir M around here. And so the children, although they were offered food, refused to eat anything anyone tried to feed them. They would take no food, no matter how delicious or how much of it was available to them no mutton no mutton can you believe it maybe they were pita maybe they were early pita supporters they were like no no i don't do that i i eat organically based i eat vegan bean sprouts yeah yeah yeah well interesting that you bring that up because well not the vegan part oh but uh so the one thing that they were willing to eat were beans. Oh, see?

I knew. So, maybe they were vegan. Who knows? It could be. So, as options got slimmer and slimmer and they were like, what the hell do we give these kids? Which, by the way, that was not me. I was willing to eat everything under the sun when I was a child.

Oh, for sure. And still. And still. To this day, I'm like, oh, I am a garbage disposal. Got it. Sir Richard's servants offered them raw beanstalks and when handed the beanstalks they clearly didn't know what to do they knew that there were beans somewhere in there but they were just eating the beanstalks raw because they didn't know how to get to the pods what when they were shown how to get the beans out they got like i guess very evidently

excited oh boy and it was clear that this was a familiar food to them and it was all that they ate for months so the only thing they ate were raw beans how creepy and raw beans that's so gross and nothing else sorry harpern stop eating so many raw beans so the boy of of the children he refused to ever learn to eat anything else and so he only ate the beans he never developed the new language nothing like that he actually eventually died from malnutrition oh how sad um the however, welcomed new foods into her diet, and she slowly started learning English, and she lost her green skin. Whoa. And so when she learned to speak English,

she started learning to speak it fluently, and she took her, she said she didn't have a name before, and she took the name of Agnes Barr. I mean, that's the name i would take i mean if it's available you take it oh for sure and so she was baptized which at the time meant that she was um committed to a good moral standing in that society at that time but she was known by neighbors to quote be rather reckless and wanton in her in her conduct do you say wanton like the food yeah well it's spelled like wanton wanton it's not spelled like the food yeah huh w-a-n-t-o-n how's the food spelled w-o-n-t-o-n you're right fuck whatever she was a wanton she was a wanton

i thought it was wanton it is wanton i thought it was wanton yeah i know you thought it is i know you thought it was here's the thing even i knew that that probably couldn't be right so i went on like youtube and went and typed it in and did pronunciation and it sounded like wanton and i was like all right well i guess that's how it is wanton maybe like wanton but then i was like now that's all right it's wanton whatever the girl that was a wanton is the title of this episode like a wanton let's be real i mean i mean some people liked her some people didn't i mean come on that's exactly correct that's exactly what a wanton is that's what it all boils down to in that case though let's just

put let's just be real. You're a writer at Nickelodeon. Why don't you have a wanton wanton story going? I mean, I do now. A reckless Chinese food. Eva, write that down. Escape the kitchen. All right, who works at Nickelodeon, you or me?

Come on, relax. I think it's about to be me when I pitch that. I'm pitching a movie tomorrow, and I'm about to scrap my whole idea. Let's talk about how we could segue into a wanton wanton on a segue wait also hold on everybody please pause because a bunch of people were like it's actually not from the French it's from the Italian and I was like M thought it was a segue with a W so don't bitch me out for saying it's it's okay everyone's gonna see something that wanton is in chinese so we're gonna get a whole new week of it um sorry eva chinese well a wanton is oh that oh okay anyway so listen we don't know what we're talking about i don't know why anyone let's get back to agnes bar can we just talk about agnes and how she's

such a wanton will you guys stop derailing this conversation you guys please honestly your voices are so loud i can't we're trying to educate you and and eva's just trying to fucking edit and she clearly will not be able to do it she's having a hard time all right well everyone can laugh at me for another word i apparently did not know and just how badly the education system failed hold on no i wouldn't have said anything except that it was wanton which just made me laugh so much because it's like wontons i was so excited to talk about it because i was like oh yeah wonton oh well i like the wonton on a segue though let's just maybe someone can just start keeping a tally of the words that i don't know at 26 maybe let's not do that because i feel like that'll just get sad just like a little bit and that's why we'll drink so agnes agnes agnes um all right anyway she was baptized but apparently

is also a wanton so right all right right um so she's chinese too yeah she actually became chinese after the green skin went away wild yeah so she married richard barr who was a medieval judge and an ambassador who worked for kings henry ii and richard i nice um although that fact has actually been disputed saying that there's no way that she would have married richard barr because richard bear richard barr was also a former archdeacon and he later retired as a canon so he probably never married to celebrate or whatever that's what they saw oh okay so why did she have the last name well they don't know for sure all of this is like oh and also it's like was it 1700s or the 1100s 1100s okay no wonder yeah um there's my ride please to the to the planet of the wanton children okay but that also did you

see the incredibles uh two yeah no not yet because speaking of wanton children the oh the uh short in front you know how like pixar has a short yeah it's literally a wanton no way it's a dumpling child but it's a child that's a dumpling and then the mom ends up eating the fucking child oh my god wait what yeah that's what everyone sounded like in the theater no wonder you thought this was a wonton child that's what i'm saying anyway pixar is really disrupting our youth education pixar is actually stealing our notes and then making movies 14 years in advance about them you know what pixar we're gonna sue with our with our one dollar lots of dollars even write that down sue pixar um all right so so she potentially married richard bar um when so anyway so now she can speak fluent english and when she finally was able to speak

english well enough to communicate she ended up telling her story of how the fuck she had green skin and all that um she said that her and her brother came from a world under the ground called saint martin's land the fuck and say we've got an audience should we close the window no it's so hot just listen to all the ambient sounds of Los Angeles. Okay, we're back so saint martin which is the name yeah town uh saint martin some people say saint martin and other reports at saint martin's land okay um i'm just gonna go with saint martin it was apparently constantly under twilight there was never a lot of sun and there it was never sunny outside it was always twilight so it was always really dark and shady underground yeah under the

ground which would make sense because if it's under our ground it's not getting to the sun you know do you think it was under the ground sorry i'm so freaked out okay go on so apparently there's a whole town called saint martin's land or saint martin where there's a whole town called St. Martin's Land or St. Martin where there's a whole community of people and everyone is green. And apparently there is another beautiful land that sits across their town. But the towns are divided by a very, very, very large river. Okay. They apparently, her and her brother decided to wander around and found themselves in a cave under the ground. And they ended up finding themselves on Earth's surface. brother decided to wander around and found themselves in a cave under the ground and they

ended up finding themselves on earth's surface like they'd climbed through the cave up to earth oh shit and then they got up there and because they could see like a hole at the end of the tunnel and like light was like coming through and they'd never seen the sun before oh my god they were kind of walking towards it but also it was blinding them because they'd never seen anything that bright before and once they had hit earth's surface they got really scared of the light and tried to run away but they got lost and uh then they were found by the field workers and they like fell in a hole probably or they like i'm imagining yeah something like that either they fell in a hole or maybe the hole was like the entrance from the other end of the cave or

something like that and then they like i don't know wouldn't they go back in the cave there's multiple there's multiple reports okay there's a lot of things but i'm on i'm on your page where like they got scared and ran and fell into a pit right so apparently that's their story but that particular this whole thing the whole green children of wool pit um there's two original sources that the story came from one was from a man named william of newberg he wrote the history of english affairs which was a history of england from the late 10 hundreds to the late 11 hundreds that's its entire history so a brief history he so that's his uh apparently he wrote about it in that and then there's also another guy named ralph of coggs hall and he had heard the story directly from richard decain

himself oh the night that took them in right so cool apparently richard took them in and then once the brother died and uh agnes was still alive right agnes became his servant for many years oh do we know what how early the boy died was like pretty quickly because within months okay so william newberg the one who wrote the brief history of english right um he was originally a skeptic about this story but by the time he wrote um his book he had believed the story because quote of the weight of so many and such competent witnesses oh shit so he was changed apparently and interesting enough uh there was no mention of the green children in the anglo-saxon chronicles which was a popular work that

dealt with uh english history up until the death of king stephen and it supposedly included many of the quote wonders popular at the time so it should have talked about weird so like that's kind of one of the things disputing that this ever even happened because it would have been brought up it would have been in that book sure um ralph of coggs hall, one of the guys who first wrote about the Green Children, his story, because they both have kind of similar but different accounts of what happened. So Ralph, who seems to be more of the actual reliable person because he actually knew the knight. Right. that the girl's point of view was that her and her brother were watching over their father's flock of animals when they heard sounds of bells coming from inside of a cave oh boy so they followed the sounds and walked through the dark until they found the other end of the cave their senses were

so overwhelmed by the blinding light of the sun that they ended up walking all the way out to the cave not really knowing where they were going and they ended up in the wolf pit okay and they were scared and tried to go back into the cave but they were so scared and running around that they had the dirt that they were kicking up from running around covered up the hole so they got they were trying to they couldn't figure out the entrance back into and they were probably blinded by the sun and stuff right okay um william the guy who was changed by everyone else's opinion he says that her account was that she said they were basically had he had more description about the town because all of the witnesses he had talked

to had all slowly given him more detail of what she had said so his story is more like her account of the town and so he says that she called the town saint martin's land named after their patron saint and the place had many churches and a lot of the residents were christians i love how it's just so like the same but also they just are randomly green and speak a different language. Yeah. But also they have patron saints. Yeah. And Catholicism. Okay. And apparently what happened was, like she had said in other accounts, that St. Martin's Land has never had any sunlight.

It's only twilight. And there's a giant river that they can never cross. But after one night, her and her brother finally deciding that they're going to cross the river they did cross the river and they ended up walking through a dark forest instead of a cave oh and they ended up finding themselves at wool pit and then couldn't find their way back through the right part of the forest to get home oh okay so those are two different stories but basically turner brother wandered off and they couldn't find themselves sure um also in both accounts they heard bells and that's what decided, like, they were just

like transfixed by these bells and they had to go find out where the sound was. Oh. So, I don't know if you know the answer to this or if you're going to talk about it, but like, do you think they ever were like, please take us home, like to our families or were they just like, this is our life now? They tried, but they couldn't speak English. And then by the time they were able to speak English, they had already like acclimated to the town. And I think they were also so young they like kind of forgot

oh kind of depressing because there are stories that say that she tried to give her account but as she got older she couldn't remember much of the town so she was a little kid yeah this is where all the theories come in because the main question is like why the fuck are you green i mean i do want to know the theory yeah i have very many questions so some think there's a lot of theories by the way so i'm just gonna run them off sure some thought that the children suffered from green sickness which plagued unmarried victorian women yeah me too fuck but then a lot of people disputed first of all that doesn't fucking make sense and second of all he's like the brother who's not an unmarried victorian woman uh also had green skin so also that's not a thing so what the fuck are you talking about well apparently it is a thing

which i will explain later hang on so another theory the this is also one of the more wild I'm pouring more wine um oh why a more wild they're great I'm ready can't wait so some thought that the children and by some I mean this one guy named Robert Burton this one guy that's like the most that's like reddit like for the record look at my bullets though it says some thought and then it said Robert Burton I was like I mixed up my bullets oh my god so robert burton wrote a book called the anatomy of melancholy which can i get a copy of that book and can my therapist too that's our autobiography apparently the children just fell from heaven just fell from heaven just green children sure i'm not even gonna go there so what it did though

was it caused the stir that implied that they could have been from another world. Aliens. Aliens. Okay, let's go back. I said let's not go there, but now I want to go there. So in 1996, an astronomer named Duncan Lunan. Oh my God. Yeah.

That sounds like a fake guy. He said that the children, this was was his theory they accidentally teleported to earth from another planet most likely venus or mars me too um fuck they may have originated from a planet that one side is always light and the other side is always dark with a twilight zone in the middle and they lived in the middle they lived in the middle of this planet the river that they mentioned in their story could have been quote a huge canal that encircled the entire planet for thermoregulatory purposes this guy sounds duncan duncan so he's got quite a specific view um he also if that wasn't enough claims that their accidental teleportation trip was basically they were trying to come to Earth in a, quote, Star Trek style transporter that malfunctioned.

So he's recent then. Yeah. Because I'm thinking he's from like 1200. And I'm like, how does he know about Star Trek? No, this this was from 1996. Oh, so he's just an alien, dude. Yeah. OK, got it.

And then his the green skin, he just shrugs off with a side effect from consuming the genetically modified alien plants duh duh so genetically hold on obviously duncan is a man of only wisdom oh that's exactly what i was gonna say yeah so so far duncan's runner-up wisdom runs the theories yes um another to be fair if he said all this to me i'd probably be like fascinating i'd be like tell me every fact i would jump we'd jump on board so fast i'd be like and where am i duncan where did i come from how do i get there and teleport myself so that's one theory is that they're aliens in a very specific way okay another is that they're children that just fell from heaven heaven another is that they are unmarried victorian

spinsters and that's my favorite theory another theory is that the green show this one's the most realistic okay okay so far that they were abandoned at a young age in the woods and raised by wolves so they lived in they could have lived in caves away from the sunlight. So they also probably had a very poor diet. And they could have had chlorosis. That's like eating plants? Chlorophyll, sort of? I don't know. It sounds like chlorophyll, like eating plants.

Yeah, but that's what it sounds. But I'm going to actually get to that later. I put it definitely in my notes. But they could have had chlorosis from the poor diet. And also suggesting that they were raised by wolves. Some reports say that both children, whenever they would see food, they would howl at the moon. And then they would run on all fours for the rest of the night. Em and me do that, too.

I don't always say Em and me. Em and I do that, too. But, Mike, can I can i have a am i allowed to ask a question about that though because my thought is why do they speak a different language like if they were raised by wolves they wouldn't speak a language like they would just be like maybe they just like did a lot of grunting maybe they invented their own you know how twins do i guess yeah maybe they're their own little like but is being raised by wolves really a thing or is that like. Because Mowgli did it. I know there's.

Because like Romulus and like it's like a. Right. Well, no. A myth. Well, there has been. I know there was. There's a few stories of people who were actually raised by wolves. Truly.

Really? Truly. Wow. There's one girl. I know you can find it on YouTube, but they interviewed her. They're like, what was it like to be raised by wolves?'s wild they don't eat her i guess not um we're gonna get emails but i mean we're gonna get emails because i'm gonna google it the second this episode's over i'm gonna find out all about it we're gonna have all the information before you've even emailed

and then you're gonna email us and i'm gonna be like i googled it i know. But I will Google it. But that's fascinating. Yeah. So. That's bonkers. There's also a man, Harold T. Wilkins, and he wrote a book called Mysteries Solved and Unsolved. Love him. In the 50s. He said that the green children may have entered our world from a parallel dimension. That seems reasonable, I think. By accidentally passing through some form of of window that bridged the two worlds

okay all right i'm in i'm down others say that they came from an underground world that was linked to our above ground world by a labyrinth of interconnecting tunnels what which inhabit a race of advanced humanoids but wouldn't we know that from like metal detectors i feel like we yeah all the metal in our brain i have a metal detector i know i know i know i know i i feel like i just wanted to say that for all the people who like go like into swamp like sewers and all that shit like someone would have found a world or just someone like right someone would have found a green person we have like sonar detectors we would have figured that shit out by now i mean they've looked for atlantis and haven't found it.

I don't think if they were literally under our feet. This is Atlantis, actually. Maybe it is Atlantis. Seriously, I don't know. I'm surprised that that's not one of the theories. That's what I thought you were going to say, because that makes sense to me. So here, those are all the like, uh-huh, sure theories, but there are two main theories. Like, what do you

call them? Academic theories? Or like more like um not really academic because the next word i'm gonna say is fairy um but okay okay academic i mean the school of witchcraft and wizardry thought that you're in okay so so in the 12th century this was a time when pagan beliefs and stories were still intertwined with Christian teachings. Sure, sure. So there is a theory that they were fairies. Oh, dear.

Speaking purely on a story analysis, the color green often means that fairies are nearby. It also means nature. And in Celtic mythology, it means death. Oh, boy. celtic mythology it means death oh boy um in celtic folklore they believe that the boundaries between the physical world and the fairy realms are there and exist always but fairies often will not cross certain bodies of water really such as the giant river they were talking about that they have natural boundaries that very often they wander away from. They also believe that fairies are very particular in the foods that they are offered. Oh.

Green is also a regular color on fairy beings. So the skin would make sense with how the fairies could have like. I got this from one website about fairies. So I don't know. I don't want to like make fun of anyone who like believes in that stuff like so i i'm just reading straight off of this but it says this is very in line with how fairies could have humanoid qualities yet look inhuman okay which makes sense to me it does make sense i never thought of fairies as green but apparently that's actually a common thing and

tinkerbell wore green she wore green but she wasn't green well also they said like how robin hood apparently lived in like a world with like some mythical creatures he wore green peter pan wore green oh interesting so like they said they're like green they were always in nature like the forest and stuff yeah and they're always like flying or they have some sort of skill or something i mean i know that mythology goes like way way way way back yeah yeah but apparently in more like celtic folklore it's like their skin can be green interesting okay especially if they're elves oh skin is apparently green i know i'm probably i'm i have the most basic knowledge of this so please do not send

in a million emails correcting me i'm going to figure it out i'm going to look it up but from what i gathered yeah yeah elves are the most green-skinned so they thought maybe these kids are elves okay um so even the land that they described as saint martin's land apparently resembles what a lot of land like the land of fairy looks like sure um in traditional folklore and in the story they like beans but apparently in celtic tradition beans is the food of the dead so then there's also a story that maybe they are fairy ghosts oh i like that theory and then there's another twist that maybe they're elvish ghosts okay and then maybe they're fairy elvish ghosts i it could go in a million directions maybe they're alive ghosts that just like beans. Who knows? Or maybe they're just green skin humans.

Who the fuck knows? So Celtic people also believe that sunrise, sunset happen to be the two times where the fairy world and the human world overlap the best. Like the witching hour basically at 3 a.m. Sure, okay. So there's a chance since they showed up in the middle of the night that, you know, maybe the world's overlapped. And that's how they kind of like transported into this world by accident stuck or something got stuck and couldn't get back and like the land had like solidified or something sure no listen i'm falling i'm into it okay cool yeah uh fairies apparently are intoxicated which is a quote oh me too they

are intoxicated no intoxicated by bells and otherworldly music oh i see nevermind compelling them to join humans in the human world so maybe they heard on to it oh my god that's wild and then were desperate to cross the natural boundary of the river that they usually don't cross especially because they were like young maybe they were during the hour where our worlds would have overlapped that's interesting and then they just showed up and couldn't come back. Holy shit. And they spoke a different language and they wore clothes no one had ever seen. That is that.

I forgot about the clothes. That's pretty weird. Because again, like wolf children. But then like, where did they get these weird clothes that no one had ever seen? So, I mean, that's a very realistic theory that they were fairies and that a lot of people think this might just be like an urban legend that started in celtic folklore where they warned you about the green children right they like drew you drew from the the folklore yeah that makes sense so if this were to be a reality and something that really really really happened then people go with the next theory i'm going to tell you and that's the researcher paul harris okay so paul harris

says that the children could have been flemish immigrants who fled from fornham st martin to wool pit oh okay okay so they could have been english another theory that he had is that they could have been english and had their unique um villages dialect and because nobody ever traveled to other villages um nobody recognized what they were saying sure they also could have traveled through the mines through the thetford forest to escape persecution from king henry ii um that would explain why they spoke in a different language and the sun could have been blocked by all the tall trees in the forest so maybe they they're just used to living in the shade and kind of in the dark yeah so the So the town is now called Fornham All Saints.

But at the time it was called Fornham St. Martin. Oh. So when they said they were from St. Martin's land, maybe they meant Fornham St. Martin were just too little or didn't know the language well enough that they couldn't explain themselves. Well, it makes sense, too, that it was like 1100s, 1200s. Yeah. And that they were like, oh oh we don't recognize this language but it's not like they had google or like new foreign languages necessarily in a small village so that's interesting so chances are that either they were flemish and so nobody knew the flemish language

or that they came from a small english town and nobody recognized the dialect that they could have been trying to run from persecution from king henry ii and they were hiding through the mines and hiding through the forest poor little children and so maybe when people said where are you from they said saint martin thinking oh fornham saint martin but they didn't know they didn't remember that last part makes sense and the church nearby where they would have been running around and hiding has bells that would have been heard. Oh, shit. Sorry, Gio, I had to sneeze.

Bless you. Okay. Also, right next to the Thetford Forest that they would have been running through is Lark River that runs through St. Martin and has an area nearby that has several underground passageways that used to be old mines so people think okay they were running around through the mines and they saw a river and then they crossed it to get to hear the bells and oh how creepy and they didn't they had a weird language because they never left that part of the town before do you think like the green skin was just kind of like a it became exaggerated as people told the story maybe well the green skin could have been two different things okay according to what he has what harris has to say sure so it could have been chlorosis like i

said which is a form of anemia oh caused by a lack of nutrition and it reduces the delivery of healthy red blood cells to tissues which gives your skin a green tinge okay so don't email me about how i said it was about chlorophyll please well i thought like plants are green and this can be green i'm learning but so it could be chlorosis so it could just be from anemia um which also the green skin was actually common at the time for ill-fed overworked girls before iron supplements came out oh so anemia like same thing so it could be from chlorosis or the green skid could have come from because the kids were found by themselves they could have been abandoned by their parents or their parents could have been more abusive than that and fed them arsenic and left them for dead in the woods oh because apparently it was

quite a common practice oh my god for parents to kill off their children to collect inheritance on them because they were trying to run from persecution and needed money and they didn't want to have to carry the children dude how fucked up is that so it could have been that their parents tried to feed them arsenic which was used in green dyes and gave the skin a green rash no and it would make sense why hers went away after yeah yeah yep and they're like i said their unknown language could have just been from a distant town and it could have also further been an even harder language to understand because they would have because of the effects of the arsenic poisoning they could have been like really loopy and not making any sense on top of having a weird dialect wow but that's disputed because people say the arsenic poisoning since

it causes so many side effects like green rashes and vomiting and signs of illness at a time where medieval people were so superstitious nobody would have taken in those children sure okay fair point but there could also just be like a really nice person the noble knight the noble knight who just brings them in yeah so basically the green skin could have been from being poisoned from arsenic or being abandoned and having chlorosis holy crap so uh this story has inspired several books including the green child in 1934 strange destinies in 1965 and The Girl Green as Elderflower in 1980. The Girl Green as Elderflower. Also, Woolpit is still a place and they have a church there where various relics are there to talk about the history of the Green Children.

Wow. Including their nearby welcome sign into the town, their banner and a scroll inside the church all talk about the story of the green children crazy well the crazy thing to me is that 800 years later this is still discussed and like wondered about isn't it 800 years 1200 well 1100 yeah basically yeah basically yeah i mean enough time it's like 800 years it just blows my mind that like it's still even a thing do you want to hear me speak flemish thing do you want to hear me speak flemish yeah do you want to hear me sing flemish yeah huh okay this part's french hold on flemish idol this is so embarrassing but you asked to do this i know but i might make you delete it we'll see

zander leave the farmer leave the way to win the summer zander leave the farmer leave the vent is a the grace is a what does it mean? I don't know. Wait, let me see. Is that French now? Yeah, it switches back and forth. What song is that? It's I, Marique, Marique by Jacques Brel. Oh, right. Yeah, I know that one.

Jacques Brel is alive and well and living in Paris. Zander, Liefde, Varme de... Varma? Yeah, Varme, Liefde. Oh, yeah. Liefde varma Yeah, varma liefte. Oh yeah, liefte. It's a great song. It is a great song though. I mean, it sounds I mean, you really nailed it.

It sounds great. I'm going to have all these people being like that is not how you say French words. I don't care. Christine's single is dropping at the end

of the year. In Flemish. In Flemish. Listen, Flemish isn't my first language so I don't really want to be English isn't either though so you're probably nailing Flemish

compared to English Debris Jagan and then it ends with he's just yelling like Debris Jagan and I'm like why is he I think you're gonna also be

drunkenly screaming that on a street corner one day y'all it's such a good song okay I used to play on the piano anyway it doesn't matter let's talk about something else jesus okay well you're welcome you said flemish and i couldn't

tough act to follow i guess i couldn't get it out of my head tough act for me to follow my own fucking terrible singing with the story all right let's let's hear it all right so i got a wild one for you today okay like a like bananas like a bananas one okay this is the story of jennifer pan i don't know her okay this has been covered on a few a few podcasts um i heard it on case file a long time ago and it like blew my mind uh my favorite murder did an episode and um also blew my mind and then today i went and like full dive researched it even more blew my mind so i feel like i hope i at least did you at least blow my mind one time i hope so and it's hard because sometimes i like i i do stories that have been covered by like big big podcasts and i'm like i hope i do it justice but i i really i did my own research

so i'm hoping i at least have a take that's different so i do want to credit both of those though for like piquing my interest and giving me some information like the case pop episode is like two hours long and he oh shit does oh and it include okay i'll tell you more as we go but it was incredible oh and i got a lot of of this information also from an article in Toronto Life magazine or newspaper, newspaper, I think, which was written by a woman named Karen K. Ho, who was friends with Jennifer Pan in high school. So she did like a huge expose.

Oh, cool. Like having known her in high school. So that was where a lot of this information came from. Okay, I'm just going to dive right in. Ready? I would hope you do. It's the evening of November 8th, 2010. Scorpio season.

Oh, no. Three days after Gio's birthday. He's just a twinkle in my eye. Oh, and mine too. Before we ever knew each other, we both had a Gio twinkle in our eye. Oh, sweet baby boy. And drink some wine.

Hold on. It's the baby baby. I forgot he was in here. here i know he's being so sweet so november 8th 2010 27 year old jennifer pan is watching gossip girl naturally me too and john and kate plus eight okay more like him yeah uh in her childhood bedroom and her mother bick had just gotten home from line dancing class and her father, Han, had just gone to bed when she hears a noise from downstairs. Three men had just stormed into the house with guns.

One of the men grabbed Jennifer, tied her to the banister with shoelaces and demanded money. She told him where to find $2,500 that she had saved up and stashed in her room. Meanwhile, the other two men ordered her parents, Han and Bic, downstairs. So they woke up Han with a gun to his face and said, come with us. The other one grabbed Bic, her mother, brought them downstairs into the basement the entire time demanding money. The intruders were screaming, yelling at them and then telling them to shut up and stop talking. Then one of them shot Han twice. Oh, no. Once in the shoulder and then telling them to shut up and stop talking then one of them shot han twice

oh no once in the shoulder and then right in the face through his eye oh my god yeah bick saw this her husband being shot started screaming so they shot her three times in the head killing her instantly so at this point jennifer is still tied to the banister upstairs she has managed to get her phone out from her pocket and called 9-1-1 and on the case file episode literally the first thing you hear is the 9-1-1 call oh my god and it is chilling and it is crazy like it is i highly recommend the episode for like a really in-depth look at this but it is chilling so she calls 9-1-1 you hear the phone call so she's screaming help i heard bangs i'm i'm tied up i don't i don't know where my parents are i'm hearing banging i don't know what it is it's like gunshots then about 34

seconds and you can hear a groaning noise and uh it's her father and he's woken up oh no yeah after being shot in the eye and in the shoulder. Sees his wife dead. Has dragged his body upstairs from the basement and has managed to leave the house. So you can hear this on the call. You can hear him like groaning and like dragging himself outside. Open the door. Go outside.

He starts screaming wildly. He sees his neighbor in his driveway. The neighbor obviously calls 911 immediately paramedics arrive they took han and jennifer to the hospital unfortunately bick had been killed instantly on being shot um han was severely injured the bullet had grazed his carotid artery so it had like just barely missed his carotid artery it had shattered a bone near his eye lodged bullet fragments in his face It had shattered a bone near his eye, lodged bullet fragments in his face, and had shattered a bone in his neck.

So he was put into a medically induced coma, and they didn't know if he would make it. So they brought Jennifer in too, and around 3 a.m., police interviewed her. She was... By the way, that's also on the Case Files episode. Oh my god. It is crazy.

Police interviewed Jennifer around 3 a..m the night of the attack she explained what had happened and was sent home two days later she was brought back for more questioning and was asked to explain the scene so it's an interesting tactic that they do where they ask you to explain what happened then they ask you to come back and explain what happened as if you were looking at it from the ceiling like it's like a right it's like an aerial view yeah it's like a questioning tactic or a third person yeah exactly and it kind of makes you look at it from a different way so you might see things that you wouldn't have seen otherwise and also it helps police kind of like match up your your story from first person to like your story from third person right so it's like a kind of an interesting

excuse me technique so they were they asked her to do it from that third party view um and then she was also asked to show how she had contorted her body to get her phone out of her waistband while she was tied to the banister so they were kind of just asking her like details of what had happened that day um and here's the thing police were starting to get slightly suspicious of Jennifer's story. What? So there were some holes that they couldn't quite explain. For one thing, the keys to Jennifer's father's Lexus were in plain view by the front door.

The car could easily have been stolen if this was a simple home invasion. Additionally, they hadn't come prepared with any bags to stuff items in. They hadn't brought zip ties or anything to restrain the victims, explaining the shoelaces right and above all else why would they kill two witnesses and leave the third upstairs unharmed so obviously jennifer was extremely rattled by this attack she was compliant with police um giving them everything they needed to know that is until they asked if

they could look through her recent phone records oh no at this she suddenly had a lot of questions um she asked what would they be looking for what could they possibly access uh how long back would they need to search how much would they find out and by november 22nd during jennifer's third interview police realized jennifer was not telling them the whole truth and when they began to dig into her past they learned why that's my dramatic writing i used there right yeah yeah you're such a professional writer and then i drew a big line yeah i see it what was that for that's like they learned why dot dot and then it's like act one is over act one is over now we're going jennifer pan was born in 1986 to vietnamese so now we act one is over now we're going jennifer pan was

born in 1986 to vietnamese so now we're we're doing the hey i'm jennifer pan you're probably wondering how i got myself here and then like yes the reversal sound rewind to like some like punk 90s but i'm just a kid something like that don't get that up in my head then i'm gonna be all distracted but yes exactly that like you're probably wondering don't get that up in my head. Then I'm going to be all distracted. But yes, exactly that. You're probably wondering how I ended up here. I mean, that would be the music that played when you're reversing through my life back to middle school. Fucking a thousand percent. So,

rewind, we're back in 1986. So Jennifer Pan, so they were like, something's going on here and they start digging into her past, basically. And this is kind of what they find out. Jennifer Pan was born in 1986 to Vietnamese-born immigrants who had moved to Toronto, Canada as refugees in 1979. Don't do that to Canada.

By the way, this is also a Canadian story. Her parents, Bich Ha and Hue Han Pan, you know, I can't. The good Canadians in this story. Yeah, Bich Ha and Hue Han Pan. You know, I can't. The good Canadians in this tribe. Yeah, Bik Ha and Hui Han Pan. Okay. Worked hard to give their children opportunities that they themselves didn't have. Again, their... Jeez, sorry.

Your microphone farted. Excuse me. Their immigrants, their refugees, they just wanted to build a better life for their kids, basically. So after years of hard work and being thrifty, they were able to buy a large house with a two-car garage in an area called Markham, which had a large Asian population. So they were among friends and family and people who had similar culture. Exactly. Had similar backgrounds. And they were basically making it

in canada and they were well that's what everyone does in canada i imagine making it making it i mean that's what the second i moved to canada i'm gonna be making it and until then no no never but the second you hit it um so basically what they wanted as a lot of parents do they wanted to do the best for their kids and this unfortunately came with somewhat of a caveat. So they set extremely high standards for their kids. There was a lot of pressure. They expected them to excel at every turn. Jennifer was the oldest child. She had a brother named Felix who was three years younger than her. And Jennifer started taking piano and figure skating when she was four years old she would train almost every day of the week in addition to her schoolwork so sometimes in elementary school like as a small child she

would get home at 10 p.m from figure skating and have to do all her homework for the next morning jeez so it was just a lot i wouldn't come home from figure skating and and just do my homework starting at 10 because i was just a horrible student oh no but like they were like they were forcing this they were like this is your like, no. But they were forcing this. They were like, this is your life. Like pressing. Yeah. They were like, you're going to be training to be basically an Olympic athlete. My mom knew there was no chance for me.

Oh, me too. Me too. Exactly. But that's what's kind of scary about this is that, well, you'll see. So she's doing piano figure skating classes. She trained every day of the week. She would literally get home at 10 p.m from training and then have to do her homework for the next day uh she was hoping to become an olympic figure

skating champion at least that's what her parents wanted for her um and then unfortunately she tore a ligament in her knee so those dreams were dashed uh so she started playing flute in the school band and according to her high school friend karen k ho who i mentioned who later wrote this this big expose on this whole story according to karen ho jennifer's dad han was seen as quote the classic tiger dad and bick was his quote reluctant accomplice so basically they monitored jennifer's extracurriculars extremely carefully they forbade her from dating attending school dances, prom, friends parties, hanging out anywhere outside of school unless it was for an extracurricular for fear that it would distract her from her academic commitments. So when she graduated

eighth grade and wasn't valedictorian and received no awards, nothing, and it rocked her world. It was unacceptable in her family. It was one of those things where her family was like well this is not who you are and she just felt like she couldn't live up to what was expected of her so unfortunately she started self-harming as a young girl because she felt so out of place and like she couldn't live up to what her family wanted which is just really heartbreaking she was like 13 and she was already hurting herself. So in high school, halfway through her freshman year of high school, she was getting like straight C's. And this was, again, not acceptable in her family. So what she did was she would forge her report cards. She basically found a way to like old school way of getting like the paper and then like white out and like

copy paste and right the whole the whole nine yards of like just fooling your parents into thinking you're getting a's which i feel like is funny looking back with some families like with my mom i'm like oh yeah i like lied to you about like this assignment you know like right right and stuff but with this it was very much like it was a survival thing like she needed to prove to her parents she was getting a's so it's a little bit darker um and so she was convincing her parents this whole time that she was fine she was getting a's her you know band practice was going great um so high school goes by her senior year of high school she's set to go to ryerson university um and she had actually received

early admission and her parents were like fine with it they actually they wanted her to go to university of toronto to study pharmacology okay but she got early admission to ryerson and they were like i guess we'll take it so they weren't thrilled but they were fine with it. Okay. Unfortunately, senior year Jennifer failed calculus. So her early admission was rescinded. Oh, boy. And she couldn't bear to tell her parents. So she didn't tell them, nor did she tell anyone. Oh, so she just left to go to campus and then just never actually went into the building?

She just went to college without going to college. a campus and then just never actually went into the building she just went to college without going to college so as though nothing was wrong she basically told her parents i'm starting school and when the school year began she would go to her quote college classes but instead she'd go sit in cafes teach piano to kids to make some money and work as a server in a restaurant she told her parents she'd received scholarships so they didn't have to worry about the financial aspect of it all she even she didn't just say i got scholarships she forged documents saying that she got financial aid and scholarships from wow from the country or from the state and then that she got scholarships from the university itself um and instead of leaving it that Jennifer just kind of piled on to the lies,

like it almost like escalated just because she was so far in that she couldn't stop it. Right. So, like I said, her father had always dreamed that she'd go to pharmacology at the university of Toronto. So two years into her quote, college career that these this entire

time, she's not going to college all her dad one day goes. So whatever happened to like, this plant? Oh, she had told her dad, I'm going to Ryerson for two years, because she wanted to please them. So she said, when she was originally admitted to Ryerson, she's like, I'm only going for two years, and then I'm going to transfer to University of Toronto to do pharmacology like you want. So two years into not actually being at Ryerson, her father asks, you know, how's it going? What's the deal with like, are you going to go transfer? And she says, Oh, yes, I've been accepted into University of Toronto's pharmacology program. And they were thrilled. And wow. Yeah, she went as far as to purchase textbooks. and she literally took notebooks

watched videos and read books in the library filled out notebooks of notes about pharmacology just so she could go home and say oh yeah these are my notes for today crazy like she went that far like she literally filled out notebook after spiraled yeah spiraled spiral notebook oh my god i'm sorry yeah she she like took it really far like she was this lie was like consuming her basically and um because she was so quote busy at school uh jennifer requested permission from her parents to move closer to campus and live with a friend she had named topaz okay so this friend happened to be um oh i miswrote this sorry the name is not topaz it's opal wrong gemstone god damn it no no sorry so this friend um named topaz was actually a friend

of hers but she wasn't actually moving in to live with topaz she was moving in to live with her secret boyfriend named topaz daniel wong daniel wong daniel wong got it topaz was a real friend of hers got it she said i'm moving in with topaz got it got it got it but in reality she was moving with her boyfriend so her boyfriend's name was daniel wong and i'm going to tell you how they met okay sit back for the epic love story that is about to begin i'm ready let me shuffle my butt okay butt is shuffled so this is how they met he played trumpet in the school band remember she played flute right in high school their relationship was platonic until a band trip to europe in 2003 and after a performance

in a concert hall filled with smokers jennifer suffered a bad asthma attack and she like couldn't breathe and daniel came to her rescue noble night took her outside another night in this these stories yes took her outside helped her breathe and basically she later said he pretty much saved my life in that everything so that summer they started dating so this was in high school now she's several years into like fake college right you know how it is and daniel's still with her knowing that she has fake been going to college this whole time yep okay but he's also known her family since she gets it because when she um she describes it in the case file podcast episode like she describes you can hear her talking to the investigator and she's basically he's asking her about her relationship with daniel and she's like yeah my parents wouldn't allow me

to have a boyfriend when i was like 18 and we had to like skirt the rules constantly like we were always right so they were used to basically like lying to her parents and stuff so she explained basically like i mean he knew he's like your dad would kill you if he knew what was going on so he just was kind of on board um so years go by and jennifer is still pretending she's in college for pharmacology and by the time there's only problem because by the time her graduation rolls around she's got to graduate right right right and so uh this is what happened she and daniel decide to hire someone online to create a fake transcript to show to her parents to prove that she graduated so they hire on like craigslist or whatever

someone to create this like transcript that has all a's on it and when her parents were like we want to go to your graduation ceremony she made up a lie that every student only got one ticket and she didn't think her parents would want to go without the other parent so she gave it away to a friend because she didn't want one of her parents to feel left out so it's just getting a little like shady all of a sudden what do you mean you get one ticket at university of toronto to go to the like it just doesn't make sense right yeah so please hold for the ambulance that decided to fly through our story oh my god the ambulance on ambience the ambient on the ambient ambulance the ambient ambulance oh jesus christ that's loud the ambient ambulance ambient ambulance. Oh, Jesus Christ, that's loud. The ambient ambulance.

The ambient ambulance. So, like I said, things started to unravel here, and her parents started to get a little bit like, hold on, you're really, like, not behaving normally. So, basically, after she, quote unquote, graduated, Jennifer told her parents that she had started volunteering at a prestigious hospital for sick children called sick kids in toronto and her parents soon realized something was off because she didn't have a badge she didn't have a uniform and yet she was going every day to this like job she had and was just acting really fishy about it so one day bick and han insisted on dropping jennifer off at work so they drop her off and she enters the hospital and then han her father tells bick follow her so bick gets out of the car follows

jennifer into the hospital and jennifer realizes her mother's tailing her so she hides in the waiting room like she hides out for hours until they leave and the next morning they called jennifer's friend topaz to be like is she living with you because we have doubts about this and topaz apparently was like no she doesn't she's never lived with that's not a real friend i she didn't even know she was just like i have no idea what you're talking about like Like, no. So I, no. Have you ever seen that, that meme? Not the meme, but it's like a screenshot of like a guy decided to text his girlfriend's friends to be like, like acting like he was the girlfriend. Texted all of her friends saying, was I with you last night?

Just to see what they would say to cover for her. Right. And they all covered her beautifully. One was like, like yeah you left your jacket in my car like that's the kind of friends i was like bitch you got so drunk on my couch yeah i saw that it was pretty funny i was like that's such a gem of a friend i gotta hand it to all my hometown friends they they went down sure every single one of them would lie on the spot for me i feel like all my friends would just be like i a thousand percent would lie for you but i don't

think you would lie for me i think you would want to no but here's the thing i think i would go what the fuck this is an m like i'd be like hold on what's happening here like i wouldn't lie i'd be like no no i'm gonna call you out on whatever whatever's happening here because i would know 100 if i feel like if anyone texts me from your phone saying was i with you last night i'd be like a thousand percent like hands down i feel like if someone did that to me i'd be like who the fuck is this like don't yeah but that's not helping me you're just making you're making it obvious that you yeah but it's also calling out like you have a fucking abusive crazy partner like sorry i don't you know i don't know that's my thought like i'm sorry i don't i would lie for you thank you i would

lie for you if it were like beneficial but i feel like if you had a crazy abusive partner who was like fucking harassing me about shit that you were doing i'd be like no i'm gonna call you out on it i would just lie either way all right well i don't know i guess i don't know all right i would lie for you if it were beneficial for you for sure right yeah it wouldn't matter to me either way i would just be like yeah you were with me yeah but if i was like oh your partner is texting me crazy shit i would tell you yeah i don't know whatever it doesn't matter okay um so topaz wakes up in the like they call her like six in the morning they're like is she there and she's like no what like no she's not here they're like she said she's living with you and she's like no like i don't really know her very

well like they're she just like made up a lie and right this girl's just like i don't know what you're talking about um so that so then that morning han confronts jennifer and is like what the fuck is going on and jennifer has a complete breakdown and admits everything she's like i haven't been in college i've lied for like the last five years i've been just like going to live with my boyfriend daniel who they by the way did not approve of got it the whole thing she admits the whole thing was a lie so obviously han her dad is completely shocked at this revelation he wants to throw her out of the house um but her mother bick convinces him like just let her stay let her be at home we'll figure it out so he lets her stay but they started to get super strict with her. Stricter than usual.

So they took her cell phone. They took her laptop. They only permitted her to use them if she was in her parents' presence. So she could only use her phone or laptop if she was around one of her parents. Weird. She had to endure surprise checks of her messages. So they would occasionally just go through her phone to make sure everything was like normal by the way she's 24 at this point so yeah she's a she's a grown adult they forbade her from seeing daniel they ordered her to quit all of her jobs except

the piano teaching one and they began tracking the odometer on her car so she's 24 like i said she'd never finished high school so at this point she got to work completing her high school degree by finishing that calculus class that she had failed um and at this point her parents are encouraging her to apply to university for real this time um but they forbid her from leaving the house to go anywhere but her piano teaching job so they're just like basically she's on lockdown right basically um so jennifer still is madly and madly in love with daniel and she's extremely lonely because she's so restricted and is not allowed to speak to him is not allowed to be with him um and because of this stress on

the relationship daniel basically tells jennifer like i can't do this maybe if this is figured out on your end someday i can handle it but right now like i'm just not i can't do it so he breaks up with her and jennifer is obviously heartbroken and actually attempted suicide oh boy yeah and then she finds out daniel is seeing a new girl oh boy named christine okay oh boy boy boy christine shever christine um so in a christine just has no love in this story ready in an attempt to win back his attention and discredit christine jennifer concocts a bizarre story she tells daniel that a man had knocked on her door had flashed a police badge and then when she opened the door a group of men rushed in overpowered her and gang raped her in the foyer of her house what the fuck

and then a few days later she received a bullet in an envelope in her mailbox that she said was from christine the new girlfriend what and then insinuated that christine had set up the gang rape and had mailed her the bullet as what as a threat fuck so it worked it worked daniel left christine and went back to jennifer even though the whole thing was made up she made up the whole thing she was never gang raped it was none of it was real so he dumps christine goes back to jennifer and around this time um so they're back together around this time jennifer reconnects with a friend from elementary school named andrew montemayor who had supposedly boasted about robbing people at knife point in the park near his home what which later he denied but apparently that's what

kind of drew jennifer to him because she told him about her awful relationship with her parents and he confessed that he'd once considered killing his own father so this kind of got into jennifer's head and she started to imagine how great it would be to get out from under her dad's thumb and live without him in her life so she starts talking to daniel her boyfriend and they begin to hatch a plan and together after a few weeks the two of them realize that jennifer's parents have a life insurance policy that would leave her half a million dollars but i also want to add here that daniel so far has just been the nice guy who helped who played trumpet and helped her recover from her asthma attack but i do want to

add that he wasn't all that perfect himself he'd actually he'd been uh expelled from a school he'd gotten in trouble for with the law a few times once for trafficking a pound of marijuana um and he also had some less than savory friends let's put it that way uh and that's why her parents didn't like him um no her parents just her dad just didn't want her to date anyone because she was like still in high school when they met and so he was like you're not allowed to date him and then i don't think they even knew about him at all to be honest it just happened to be that he wasn't got it the greatest influence but um yeah they just refused to let her date anyone and so of course the one she latches on to happens to be kind of not the greatest guy got it um so he had some like i said less than savory friends and one of these friends was a man named lenford crawford

otherwise known as homeboy oh okay sure daniel. Daniel and Jennifer decided they'd have Crawford execute her parents so they could collect the life insurance money and live together without the threat of her parents constantly looming over them. And they asked Crawford what his going rate was, and he said it was usually $20,000, but for a pal like Daniel, he'd make it $10,000. Oh, wow. Great. Lenford's a great guy.

What a deal. Half off. Half off sale. Bogo. Bogo. Buy one, get one. Oh, that's fucked up. It's like Payless.

She's sort of buy one, get one. Pogo. Payless. Don't sue us. Don't sue us. Oh, God. Okay. I just said Pogo.

Like, Pogo the Clown. Help me. Okay. Oh, I thought Pogo Stick. Oh, I thought Pogo, like, John Wayne Gacy. Whoops. We're fucked up. Okay.

After, so, okay. So he's like, I'll make it 10K because you guys are such great friends. So after several weeks of back and forth, and she actually, so Jennifer got a SIM card for a Samsung flip phone, like she had an iphone but then she got a samsung flip phone with a sim card that she would like take the sim card out of to like make sure it wasn't on her iphone right um especially because her parents were always like checking her phone to make sure so after several weeks of back and forth um finally on the on the morning of november 8th the group finally all agreed that today was the day.

And there was actually a time in between there where Daniel broke up with her and went back to Christine. Oh, boy. And was like, I'm in love with her and I don't want anything to do with this. And then she goes, okay, well, if you're going to be with her, then let's cancel this whole thing. And he was like, but I thought you wanted this for you. And she was like, but then i have nowhere to go so i don't right i don't want to do it if you're not involved so apparently there was just like all this sort of drama no you do it no you do it like i only want to do it if you want to do it

it's like where you want to go to where you want to get food literally i want to go to cheesecake factory but only if you want to go to cheesecake factory exactly i want to kill my parents but only if you do yeah i want you to be there for me. And then afterwards, if you kill them, I'll pick where we go for dinner afterwards. Deal? Deal. Yeah. I think that's very fair.

Yes. So basically, it took weeks for them to finally land on a time that it would actually work. So November 8th, finally, they agreed that that was the day that night the contract killers that jennifer pan had hired to kill her parents showed up and shot both of them in cold blood it's so fucked up the only problem was um so remember how i said like her dad han was in a like a induced coma because he had been shot in like near the graze, the carotid artery and all that good stuff. Right. Well, three days later, he wakes up from his coma.

Oh, my God. And guess what else? What? He remembers everything. Oh, my God. He says he saw he tells police he saw his daughter chatting softly quote like a friend with one of the intruders in the hallway he says her arms were not tied behind her back while she was being led around the house so on november 22nd during her third interview with police jennifer breaks

down in sobs and begins to admit everything that happened. She explains that while her parents were settling in for the night, she went downstairs, unlocked the front door, she went into the study, switched the light on, which was a signal for the intruders that it was go time, basically. So she switched the light, which meant it was go time. And then they came in and basically followed her instructions of shooting her parents and pretending it was an invasion a home invasion um and so after her confession it took so over a period of four hours almost four hours jennifer spun out this absurd story of what happened she

said first that the attack had been an elaborate plan to commit suicide what she said she had given up on life but she couldn't manage to kill herself so she hired homeboy and claimed she didn't know his real name uh to do it for her uh then she realized in september that her relationship with her father had improved so she she decided to call off the hit but wires got crossed so the men came in and did it anyway, even though she didn't want them to. So sort of taking her own blame. Police arrested Jennifer on the spot after that. In the spring of 2011, remember they said they were like, oh, we're going to look at your phone. And she was like, hold up.

What are you gonna find so uh in lieu of looking at her phone and analyzing all her calls and texts they arrested daniel and the other three men and charged all five of them including jennifer with first degree murder attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder wow so the trial began i mean it was easy enough it was as easy as going to her phone and literally pulling texts because she had been texting all of them. Like, is today a good day? Is today a good day? Yeah, like really stupid. There was actually a clip in the case of episode where they're like, well, where's the SIM card of this, this phone, this flip phone? She's like, I don't know. I don't know where I put it. And they're like, where did you put it? And she's like, in a pocket. And they're like, what pocket? And she's like, a jacket? I don't know where i put it and they're like where did you put it and she's like in a pocket and they're like what pocket and she's like a jacket i don't know and it's like they're gonna find it like oh my god she just like couldn't she knew she was fucked basically yeah yeah it's pretty trippy to hear someone like knowing they're fucking screwed like in there yeah i can't imagine what that sounds like it's shiver inducing So the trial began on March 19, 2014, in Newmarket, and they thought it would last about six months.

It ended up lasting 10 months. Jennifer, for the charge of first-degree murder, ended up receiving an automatic life sentence with no chance of parole for 25 years. For the attempted murder of her father, she received another sentence of life daniel and the other two men each received the same sentence so life no chance of parole for 25 years han and felix both wrote so han was her father felix was her

little brother right right they both wrote victim impact statements, which are just heartbreaking. Her father basically, this is what he said in his statement. Quote, when I lost my wife, I lost my daughter at the same time. I don't feel like I have a family anymore. Some say I should feel lucky to be alive, but I feel like I am dead too. That's so sad. It's really sad. He's actually now unable to work due to his injuries.

He suffers anxiety attacks insomnia and when he can sleep obviously nightmares he is constantly in pain he's given up his hobbies including gardening working on cars listening to music because he says they bring him no more joy oh my god um he can't bear to be in his own house anymore so he lives with relatives and felix her younger brother moved to the east coast to find work and escape the stigma of being a member of the pan family because he just couldn't handle being a part of all that he also suffers from depression he's become closed off this is also all from karen ho's article because she knows the family and she knows the right right town and so

she wrote this whole thing about the entire timeline um han her father is desperate to sell their house their family house but no one will buy it after all these years um and so at the end of the statement that he made in court the victim impact statement han addressed jennifer his daughter and he said i hope my daughter jennifer thinks about what has happened to her family and can become a good, honest person someday. Jesus. And that is the story of Jennifer Pan, and she is now in jail full life. How old is she now?

She's born in... 86? I think 87. 87. Okay, so she's four years older than you. Yeah. 30? Yeah.

Oh, 31. 31. She's literally 31. She's in prison for the rest of her life isn't that horrifying i wonder if she feels guilty so apparently when the jury like announced the verdict she didn't react but the second the press left she had like a full-on breakdown like she held herself together in front of like right cameras and then the second they left she had like a full-on breakdown like she held herself together in front of like right cameras and then the second they left she just had like a full-on breakdown and i guess there was even an article i think it was washington post that was like jennifer pan has like emotional

react it's just funny because you see articles that are like so-and-so expresses no emotion at trial or they do express emotion like there's literal articles about like murders and how they react to yeah but so apparently she went oh every time apparently when her mother was killed when her mother was shot um her mother was like just don't hurt my daughter just don't hurt my daughter oh my god and so i guess when they talked about that she had a full-on like heartbreaking meltdown and her mother was the one who was always on her side and like yeah she was like um deferent to her father but was also yeah it's such a tragedy it was really it's really sad and so she she apparently

was very emotionally affected by that right but like it she planned for months and so then there's that big argument of like well you know are are her parents at fault for like basically emotionally abusing her for so long like it's it's just such a right it's just such a mess but i mean she literally had her parents murdered in cold blood and planned it you know it's yeah and lied about it like it's not good like she done fucked up big time sorry that's my wine i mean she definitely uh yeah i would i would think they they maybe deserved a lot but they didn't deserve to get brutally murdered in cold blood no exactly exactly and it's just so heartbreaking that the father survived and now has to live like just such a sad life heartbreaking joyless life

without his kids and his wife and his home i mean they deserved like a good talking to from a shrink and like yeah they're better they needed they needed a conversation about like agreed the effects they were causing on their child but i don't think anyone was like oh you're causing them to want to kill you there are better ways to go about it. And again, it's like, and then it gets to the point of like, well, how, if she was raised that way since she was a child, like, does she know any better? So it's one of those very controversial ones, but it's either way, it didn't end well,

and it's extremely heartbreaking. Jeez. So, yeah. Good way to end this. Well, no, I'm not going to end it like that. Is there a geoscope? Of course there is. There always is.

Gio, there's a little geoscope. I got it. Ready? Gio, listen up. Look at that face. Are you so excited? Oh, man. Look at that sweet little face.

It's so hot. Is this going to be so fun? Biddy, biddy, biddy, biddy, biddy. All right. This is your Scorpioscope. Somebody earlier said it should be a Scorpioscope, and I thought that was quite eloquent. This is just like a raging helicopter night, huh? Sometimes there's car chases or holdups at gas stations, and so helicopters just love

to just hang out here. Yeah, there's a 7-Eleven that's been held up like three times is it the one on the way back to my house like next to the highway no it's like right it's like a two minute it's like right here oh the one that we went to for your yeah exactly oh good place to take money from oh i go there all the time oh my god okay this is anyway geo scorpio scope okay scorpio scope i don't know someone threw that out like scorpio scorpio someone threw that on scorpio scope scorpio scope scorpio horoscope listen i just tried to go with it ready geo scorpio that's you. Oh. Stop complaining.

We're all entitled to our place in the spotlight every now and then. It's now officially your turn. Well, yeah. Gio, you were number one on the listicle today. It's now officially his turn. Not that it hasn't been his fucking turn. It's been his turn for almost three years now. Day one of his life.

Oh, baby, baby. He's already asleep. All right. He literally fell asleep. He was wide awake at the beginning of that. And now we're reading his thing. And a sentence later, he's unconscious. Of course he falls asleep as we compliment him.

He's like, I know, I know. It's now officially your turn. If you really must have some privacy, possibly due to the attention of a certain someone. Emma. Oh, my God. you really must have some privacy possibly due to the attention of a certain someone oh my god this is made for you possibly due to the attention of a certain someone parentheses attention you'd rather not share with the masses he perked up. Look at him. He's so happy. With the masses. With the masses. Did someone go on to fucking astrology.com and write an actual geoscope for us? Gio, this is you and me all the way.

Possibly due to the attention of a certain someone. Attention you'd rather not share with the masses. Well, isn't there some kind of excuse you can make up to explain your untimely exit? Wow, that's rude. It's abras it's abrasive geo sure there is don't you have to feed the cat whoa this is so what is going on don't you have to feed the cat that is wild maybe geo do we have to go feed your baby brother no because he eats all of juniper's food oh maybe he eats it so i'll have the excuse oh my god don't you have to go it all makes sense feed the cat wink wink since i ate all the food wink wink hold

on that is weird that was a weird one i like how you weren't involved at all i mean i kind of like it i'm like i just sit in the background you guys have your dramatic moments gee that was so nice that was so special i think christ Christine hates when I do that. No, I love it. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. Every time I see Gia, I'm going, well, is that so nice? Is that so special? Apparently, Blaze started our episode the other day, the last one where he was told

he couldn't waltz or whatever. He played it on the Alexa and I guess, so I was at work and he said, oh no, I've done a bad thing. And he said, like, Alexa, play. And that's why we drink podcast. And it starts with you going, oh, that's so nice. And I guess you like flip the fuck out, looked in every room of the house for you.

Like, baby, baby couldn't find you was like so worked up. And I really messed up by playing this on the speakers. And I'm like, I i mean come on blaze such a stinky babe so i felt terrible he was at home looking for us all day but that's heartbreaking yeah i realized today at work that i was gonna get to see my little baby baby baby today and i was so excited he loves you we always have a big old hug when we see each other and then we go outside we have so many fun toys. He always knows when you're here before I do. Like he just has this

like stance where he's like, I'm ready. It's like, I don't know why, but I am ready. He's like, I can't even sit still. I think he's recognized the sound of my car when I lock it. That must be it because I swear to God it's before I ever even see you that he knows you're here. Rachel? Is that so nice?

Baby, baby. Look at that smile. Are you hot's like god yeah i am he's like why are you locking me in this room geo you can be in our facebook live and we can go swimming together that'd be so fun okay he's like kill me okay if you want to follow him i've recently reactivated his instagram account at geo underscore takes underscore LA. That is correct. Geo. It's actually really fun because I can just post pictures of Geo all day without feeling like weird about just posting pictures of my dog.

Tell us. Tell the people the story. You can find us at Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon, where you can donut. Please donate. You can donut. Freudian slip. You can send us donuts where you can donut, please donate. You can donut. Freudian slip. You can send us donuts. You can donut and wonton.

And at ATWWD Podcast, you can also find our website, and that's whywedrink.com. You can also find our merch at andthat'swhywedrink.bigcartel.com. We got some new stuff there. You can also find our email, and that's whywedrink at gmail.com,

where you can send in your personal true crime and paranormal stories. We put out new listeners episodes at the first of every month um you can also mail us goodies and see us open them in our monthly uh fan mail videos we gotta get some stuff from the post office because we're doing this sunday we got it um at oh man i always forget don't nope i gotta do it 1920 hillhurst avenue correct uh number 265 yes los angeles california 90027 oh man baby you got it um you can also find us on our personals at vm schultz and at x teen schieffer and at geo underscore takes underscore la and at atw podcast i know you've at geo underscore takes underscore LA and at ATWW podcast

I know you've said that already in my mind and you can also go follow Eva she deserves it yeah what's her handle Eva Gross

EW Gross Ew Gross oh fuck I dropped her twitter is at Ew Gross it's pretty funny EW alright Ew Gross

with three S's that's such a clever name though love it um I think that's it also please come see us for our live shows.

We have our next ones are August 3rd and August 4th in Nashville at Zany's. And we're sold out of VIP tickets, but we do have a limited number of general admissions. So please come see us. We're so pumped for our Nashville shows. There's two of them in a row. And by the way, a lot of people have asked, we do different story for each show. So don't feel like if you saw us once, you're going to see the same thing. We do a different story for each

show. Also, we have another live show at the Hollywood Improv September 23rd, which is a Sunday guys. Yes. So please start buying tickets for that. And that one has VIP tickets available. So if you want to start selling merch guys too. At the shows. If you want to meet us, buy vfp ticket so we can hang out those are still available

and also we i do we still have tickets available for dc yes on november 5th only one of them one sold out but november i meant only one ticket everyone fight to the death no you're right november 5th is still available november 6th is not. But running low. Yes. They just released a low ticket warning for November 5th. So get on it, baby. And that's why. Drink. Facebook Live today.

All right. I'm here. 3 p.m. Pacific. Okay, bye. Bye.