And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: April Fools' Day

Episode Date: April 1, 2018

It's April 1st, and that means it's time for us to read your listeners' stories!  HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S.

Are you ready? I'm ready. Hello, hello. Welcome to Listener Stories April edition. And that's why we drink. That's the podcast. That's our podcast. Sure is.

This is our 13th, 14th, 15th Listener's episode. Somewhere between 13 and 20. Yes. Probably. Yes. Let's crack into it. It's been a wild ride so far. Mm-hmm.

All right, let's do it. So. So what kind of story do we have? Well. Huh? Let's see, shall we? So, our first story is from Erica. Hi, Erica.

Hi. Hi, Erica. How you doing? Let's let her say hi first. I assume she does. Erica? No, in, Erica. How are you doing? Let's let her say hi first. I assume she does. Erica? No, in the email. You there?

Erica? Yeah. Okay. Erica says, hi, Em and Christine. Hi, Erica. See? Now we say hi. Oh, hi, Erica.

Hi, Erica. It's nice to meet you. Mm-hmm. I stumbled across your podcast totally by accident two weeks ago. Now we say hi. Oh, hi, Erica. Hi, Erica. It's nice to meet you. I stumbled across your podcast totally by accident two weeks ago. That's how I got into this podcast. Best tumble you ever took. Oh, God. No. What does Erica have to say?

Okay. Erica says, hi, Em and Christine. Hi, Erica. Hello. I stumbled across your podcast totally by accent two weeks ago. I've been listening and felt the need to share about my ghost who has a thing for, if you can believe it, Skittles. I can believe it. Yes, the taste the Rainbow candies.

Have you tasted the rainbow? Wait, does it say that? It does. Oh, I have. Have you? Yeah, many times. Delicious. Good.

Glad to hear it. Okay, so Erica says, In 2009, I was driving home with a friend when we witnessed a horrific traffic accident. A man ran a stop sign and plowed into a small car. The car flipped on its side and ejected the driver. Oh, that sounds terrifying. She was a tiny woman and she flew right through the window shield. Oh, my God.

We were literally the first people on the scene before the police or fire department were there. I rushed to the woman and found her conscious, but in shock, sprawled out on the ground. She had large chunks of glass stuck in her face, neck, and feet. Oh my God. That sounds awful. neck, and feet. Oh my god. That sounds awful. She had lost her shoes in the impact and they were laying some

100 yards or so away from her body. She kept trying to get up and walk around. Every time she got up, you could hear the squish of blood from her feet and see deep red footprints on the asphalt. I eventually got her to lay down until the paramedics

arrived. As I was talking with her, she kept asking me to go into her car and find until the paramedics arrived. As I was talking with her, she kept asking me to go into her car and find her bag of Skittles. Same, honestly. Priorities. I'd be like, ugh, this is rough wearing my Skittles. I need the rainbow to get me through this. I knew she was in shock because no one in their right mind is worried. Oh, there we go. Is worried about freaking Skittles after being in such a serious accident.

Now I feel judged. That's where you're wrong, Erica. Soon after, the paramedics came and took her away. A week later, I was headed to Colorado for a family reunion and booked a flight. I arrived at my hotel and was unpacking my bag when an empty bag of Skittles fell out of a pocket. I don't freaking eat Skittles. I was traveling alone, so there was no way that someone else had put them there. Wait, how long after was this?

This was a week later. Are we sure she didn't just take the woman's Skittles? Stealing evidence from the scene of the crime. I'm going to trust her and say she didn't. We'll see. We'll see. Oh. To be determined.

Okay, we'll see. I was traveling alone, so there was no way that someone else had put them there. That night, I dreamt about the accident. I woke up and the room was freezing. When I turned on the light and I lost my shit because I could clearly hear someone walking through the room. Yikes. When the light came on, there on the floor was a set of bloody footprints leading from my suitcase to the side of the bed I was sleeping on. Don't tell me she came for her skittles.

I grabbed my phone to take a photo and literally I couldn't. Every photo I took showed just a regular room. I did the only logical thing I could think of after that. I went to the vending machine and bought a bag of Skittles and left them in the corner of the room and then checked out of the hotel. Yes. Smart girl. I approve. Smart girl.

That's smart. I still to this day find empty bags of Skittles in mysterious places. At least they're empty. Like she got to them. Oh, I was like, wouldn't it be great if you just went everywhere and found full bags of Skittles? Not if you don't like Skittles. Oh, that's true. I'm saying it's good for the ghost because she's getting her Skittles.

See, I didn't realize she had died. Now I feel kind of bad. I mean, was that ever really determined? I guess it wasn't. I just assumed. Well, it does say ghost. Well. Hopefully it's not.

Yeah. Okay. I don't know. I don't know. We'll live with the mystery. Yeah. Mystery is good. It's what this podcast is all about.

No, it's not. No, it's not no it's not no it's about us obviously oh we are the stars i'm not done with the story oh erica has something left i'm sorry okay uh erica says i still to this day find empty bags of skittles in mysterious places. I still dream of the accident, and on one occasion, very late at night, I physically saw the woman I helped walk through my living room holding a bag of candy. Oh, okay. Oh, see, my reaction was, oh, happy ending. What?

I don't know, that gives me chills. I guess. I'm just glad she's got her candy. Okay, well. Also, I hope she didn't die. Me too. I hope she's alive and her candy. Okay. Well. Also, I hope she didn't die. Me too. I hope she's alive and eating candy. That would have been the real happy ending.

All right. All right. Tell me a story. I have a story from Megan. Megan! The subject is crime story-ish. Well, that sounds right up your alley. Perfect.

It says, hi, M, Christine, and Gio. Oh, hello, Megan. Gio says hi, too. Gio says hi m christine and geo oh hello megan geo says hi too says hi geo i know they didn't introduce me to start here's geo i came i came from outside you know i had to do my business good boy baby g baby so sweet oh so sweet at least they haven't called me a baboo yet, whatever that is. Sweet baboo. Baby Gio. Sweet baboo. Such a handsome boy. Alright. I am Christine and Gio. Hello again!

I just started listening to the podcast a week or so ago, and I'm just about caught up. Which honestly kind of sucks. I'm going to miss binge listening to these. You two are the best. No joke. Thank you. Thank you. That's so nice. I'm going to miss binge listening to these. You two are the best. No joke. Thank you. Thank you. That's so nice. I think she meant us

too. Yeah. Oh. You know, I don't need your approval. It's fine, Megan. Yeah. Megan doesn't like you. We don't like you either, Megan. Oh, crap. Well, the next part says and I'd love to just say team wine all the way. Hey-oh We love you. Well, the next part says, and I'd love to just say, team wine all the way.

Hey-o! So much for that. Team wine! Woo, Megan! So much confusion. You can be in my clique, Megan. There's nothing better than boxed Moscato. Agreed. I keep meaning to share this story from my childhood, but naturally kept forgetting.

So here it is. Do what you'd like with it. I'm going to read it. I'd like to do that. I think that's a good plan. My dad worked at a hospital in Massachusetts back when I was about two years old around 1993

as the head of maintenance. The hospital also had a daycare on the lowest level. I think most hospitals I think most hospitals I think most hospitals Hospital. Thanks, G. I think most hospitals do any who's. Did that throw you off?

Yeah, a little bit. Which was my stomping grounds as a badass two-year-old. My dad would drive to work every day with me, drop me off downstairs, and then head up to the main part of the hospital to do his thing. Since my dad was the head of maintenance, he had a few employees that worked under him. I guess one of those guys was a bit of a nutter and was let go after his third strike of being a not-so-awesome maintenance guy. I think it's safe to assume that the guy was not too happy about that, because a couple weeks after he was let go, he drove his truck into the front entrance of the hospital and decided it would be a good idea to take out a hunting knife and chase after the first person he saw.

You can't trust people with trucks. Is that the moral so far? That's the moral of the story. Have you ever seen a horror movie where someone is driving a minivan? No. That's a good point. The killer's always in a truck. That's a very good point.

No. With a hunting knife. Yep. Just to clarify. Yep. Makes sense. Oh, oh my God. Do you have any guesses who that was, who the person chased?

Yep, me. This man chased Megan around with a hunting knife. Oh, that happened to me once when I was a child. Was she two years old? It's horrible. I was never really a napper as a kid, so one of my daycare teachers took me upstairs to get a cookie from the cafe near the entrance.

We were just leaving the cafe, with my cookie, of course, when he drove his truck into the hospital. My teacher picked up little chubby, cookie-loving me and booked it down the hall to get to the elevator and back down to the daycare. Naturally, the guy set his eyes on us and began chasing after us. I'm assuming I was weighing my teacher down a bit since she was a super petite 23-year-old and she was trying to run all while carrying me. He caught up to us in no time, stabbed my teacher in the stomach a couple

times, and then was about to go for me when my dad's best friend, who also worked at the hospital, got there. He was able to stall the guy and get his attention away from me while we waited for the police to find us. Oh my god. Jesus. My mouth is just aghast. I know it's not the word, but...

Agape? Yeah. You're a dog, it's okay. You're agasping with a mouth agape? I'm learning English. But the thing is, the weird part is, when you said that she was weighed down by carrying me, all I could think of was when I was in the Redwoods and my dad had to carry me to the world's tallest tree and how I weighed him down when that happened.

But that's a lot less scary than being chased by a man with a hunting knife. That's true. In a hospital. Blaze still complains about that. At least it's a hospital. Because there, you get stabbed. There's people there to fix it. Your dad works in a hospital, right, Gio? Yeah, but he can't fix people with stab wounds.

Oh, God. He fakes that. I think he can. I have faith. Blaze can do anything. Yeah. Wait, wait. I have faith.

Police can do anything. Yeah. Wait, wait. We get it. When the police got there, my dad's friend grabbed me and immediately took me to the daycare where my dad was waiting. The hospital was on lockdown at this time, so my dad was stuck down there until the lockdown was over. I guess when we left, this upset the man so much that he started going after the police and was ultimately shot down.

No, he did not make it through this whole ordeal. So why does it say crime story-ish when there was a stabbing and a shooting? I mean, that was pretty... This is a very scary story. I mean, there was crime. Lots of crime. Lots of it.

Thanks, Chief. More than one crime, for sure. Since I was only two, all I really remember from this whole thing was being super scared, seeing my teacher's blank face after she was stabbed. Did she make it? Was your teacher okay? After she was stabbed, running down a hallway and dropping my cookie, which made me really upset. I mean, all this and I don't even get to eat my cookie?

Seriously, damn. The police... Sounds like something you can relate to. Jeez. Thanks. Yeah. The police and other hospital staff kept pressuring my parents to have me see a shrink, but they refused.

To them, a two-year-old seeing a shrink was just a waste of money. I wonder how different my life would be if I had seen a shrink. Maybe that's why I drink. Smiley face. This is getting dark. Side note, I remember from one of your episodes, you two had said that you enjoyed getting questions in these emails.

We do. Well, here are two random fun ones. Hopefully you haven't already answered these in a previous episode. We will answer them again. Totally ignore this. No, yeah. What are they? I can guarantee we have not answered these questions.

Shoot. Number one, what scares you the most? I know for myself, I always get super freaked out with small spaces, clowns, and gorillas. I, for one, can say that what scares me the most is running out of wine that makes a lot of sense i can say it's not clowns for me because i used to be a clown and that's about as much as i know about what scares me yeah all right the mailman that sounds about right there we go thanks for the question oh number two oh geo this is for you well actually maybe will geo ever have a little buddy to play with i mean of course apart from you two and everyone else that thinks he's just the most handsome boy ever geo

what do you think geo no i need that whole yard to myself. Okay, there's your answer, Megan. What a little jerk. Gio has spoken. Single child for life. Okay, anyways, thanks so much for being you. No problem. Oh, P.S.

Jesus, this is in the P.S. Okay. Yes, my daycare teacher survived. Oh, thank God. But she did leave the hospital daycare and move to a different state after everything. Can you blame her? I cannot. Megan, you and I were on the same page there.

That was wild. That was wild. I am so glad to hear that the teacher was okay. I'm glad to hear that everyone was okay, except the cookie. That was a bummer. Moment of silence. All right. Okay, next story. Gio has a story for us.

Baby G, my handsome boy. Yes, I now have a voice to finally read a story. The first one, thankfully, is addressed to both myself as handsome baby G, M, and Christine from Candy. In the summer of 2010, my friends and I... Hi, Candy. Oh, yeah. Hello, Candy.

Well, she just wrote dear. Do you say hi after someone says dear? Dear Candy. Yum. Skittles. Candy, do you know anything about the skittle story hungry you hungry she spells it differently she spells it with a k oh that's totally different my mistake my mistake sorry candy forgive me just like when people think my name is spelled geo that's veryO. That's very offensive. Yes. Like geographic. How dare they? Exactly.

Who's named after geography? A lot of people like Paris Hilton. Carolina anybody? Carolina anybody? Dakota Fanning. That's real specific. Dakota Fanning. Oh, yeah. I always forget Dakota is a place because there's the North and the South. Yes. Is there a South Dakota Fanning and a North Dakota Fanning? I'm sure there's a Dakota Fanning that lives south of where Dakota Fanning lives. Is there a city called Fanning in one of the Dakotas?

Because that would be weird. I'd put money on it. I would not. I take that bet. There should be a place called Fanny, though, because you know how much we love the word Fanny. And as I know, it's short for butt. Good old tush. Yep.

Anyway, so Candy's story, Gio. Sorry to interrupt. Candy, we, Gio. Sorry to interrupt. We do say hi. In the summer of 2010, my friends and I became a little obsessed with going to local haunted places because, well, what else is there to do as a teenager in Oklahoma? None of us have had that experience. We're not sure. So when we heard there was an abandoned orphanage in town we jumped right on it smart this sounds like it's shaping up to be a sad story abandoned thing i want to

explore an orphanage yeah what abandoned things would you like to explore abandoned uh chocolate factory that was abandoned a day earlier. Ah, I forget. I couldn't go in there. I can't eat chocolate. That's true. That is a downside. Tragic. You'll have to eat it all for me.

Here's the thing. We didn't find this out until years later, but this orphanage, in quotes, was actually an abandoned mental hospital. Who called it an orphanage? Who tricked you into that? Maybe they were just orphans who had mental disease. That's a very specific location. Which in the 60s meant they probably didn't have mental disease. They were just women.

Or orphans. Or orphans. So maybe it was an orphanage maybe this is hurting my head just go around in circles cool she wrote it in all caps it turns out went to good old saint vincent's home built in 1945 and operated by a religious order called the Brothers of Mercy, who provided care for mentally ill men. Oh, there was... Only men! I guess all the women were tied up in other insane asylums. 1945, that's very, you know, forward thinking.

In 1962, a nurse inexplicably suffocated two patients, but later had charges dropped. In 1968, Reverend Richard Frank Dolan turned the place into a rehab center known as the Main Artery. What? Ew. The what? The Main Artery, in quotes. Is it...

Is that a pun? Yeah. Oklahoma is the heart of the United States. I don't think so. I don't know. It's central. Geographically. And this mental hospital happens to be the artery within Oklahoma.

The main artery. The main. Who was in charge of that branding campaign? Reverend Dolan. I told you. Reverend Frank Dolan. Pay attention. Good thing he went into being a reverend instead of...

You're the worst mother ever. You never listen to me. You gotta drink less wine. In 1988, Reverend Dolan... Oh, he's still alive 20 years later. Was found... Oh, no he wasn't. Was found being the death in his apartment.

Oh, no. was found oh no he wasn't was found being the death in his apartment oh no the investigation into his mysterious death led police to colorado where a friend of the priest stated that he wasn't the that this wasn't the first attack on dolan he had a history of attacks and confrontations including a near fatal attack that happened at the main artery there was an arrest made in his murder however the spot the suspect was released due to inconsistent evidence i have a question about his death was it an attack on his main artery oh wow he was beaten to death so unless it was just really poor planning no i like to think yes they punched him right in that man artery sorry it's not funny death is not funny we're listed in the comedy section guys like this is where i mean not we geo knows a lot about podcasts well you know

team geo is its own thing you guys don't have a team named after yourselves. Oh, he got us there, actually, though. Well, you drink so much wine that you identify as wine. Pretty much. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Whole30 says otherwise. You are what you drink. Is that the thing?

Okay. Sure. Team Milkshake. What does it feel like to be a milkshake? Milky. Ugh. Team milkshake. What does it feel like to be a milkshake? Milky. Ugh. Frothy. Ugh.

I wish I could say I was surprised. Chunky. Wow, it does not sound good. That's like a rotten milkshake. There's no such thing as a chunky milkshake. Ice cream chunks. No. The point of a milkshake is that it's not chunky. Yeah, Ice cream chunks. No. The point of a milkshake

is that it's not chunky. Yeah, you gotta get it smooth. It's not a McFlurry, man. Is that what differentiates a McFlurry and a milkshake? Yes. The chunkiness? Chunkiness.

That is the McDonald's ingredient. They add chunkiness? Okay. Chunkiness. I'll have extra chunky in my McFlurry. Editing. Wine, anyone? Wine?

We good? I need to get a glass. There's only one glass. Because my opposable thumbs make it so easy to drink. To this day, his death remains unsolved what the actual fuck so rewind back to our summer mischief about eight of us all load up and park at a church across the street and walk up to the property church across from the street from the mental hospital i mean it was run by a reverend. So it makes sense.

Easy commute. All right. This does make sense again. All of the windows were boarded up, and upon entering, we see the place is trashed. There's graffiti warnings everywhere, which I think always makes things a little more ominous. Wait. There's graffiti warnings? Like, do not graffiti this place place or like a graffiti that says warning

i figured a graffiti that says warning but it's not clear i don't know is it written artistically what if it's graffiti that says do not graffiti oh that's so meta yeah well Anyways, one of my first sights in this first room on the left where there's a stained bathtub and some medical scrubs. No, thanks. Ew, exactly. No, thanks. She's stealing your lines, Christine. That's okay. Third to share.

We all walked through the place huddled up in one group as if that would really prevent the supernatural from fucking us up. You know, that's what people don't do in scary movies, and I think you made the right call. We'll find out. I mean, I guess she's writing us this, so. She turned out okay. Yeah. Right? Candy?

Let's hope this isn't a ghost, Candy. Candy, you there? You okay? Hello? Candy? Eventually, we make it all the way through the place without experiencing anything out of the ordinary. Until we make it back to the entryway where there's a fucking Bible on the ground that was not there when we came in. I hate when Bibles are on the ground.

I like the capital fucking Bible fucking bible you like them in your hand well i just like how everything else is like nice and you know tight and then fucking bibles in all caps like when those two words are next to each other that's that's how the the bible is supposed to be mentioned that way with the word fucking in front of it i believe it's actually in the bible yes oh yeah That's how it starts. This is the fucking Bible. The King fucking James Bible. All aboard the train to Nopeville.

Nope? As soon as we saw it, we ran all the way to the car and never looked back. When we got back to the house... Wait, so how does she know it was a Bible? What do you mean? Did they get close enough to read the text? I'm sure it said Bible on the front, like most Bibles do. And, you know, like the gilded letters.

But that means... Holy Bible. They were so Nopeville about it, though, that they got close enough to figure that out. Well, they had to get close to know that it was a Bible in order to arrive at Nopeville. I'm sorry. No, no, no. They left on the train to Nopeville. Oh.

The Bible is not in Nopeville, I believe. In order to board the train to Nopeville, they had to have first seen the Bible. We apologize, Candy, for asking so many questions about your story. It's been very good. The main artery is still a wonderful thing. You did a good job. Good job. We're ruining it, as we do.

We do ruin everything on this podcast, don't we? Hand in life. It's a beautiful fire of garbage. When we got back to the house, my best friend Jamie showed us some video she got, and you can see a white figure quickly moving down the hallway. Although it may have been shitty Blackberry quality, the figure was distinct. Blackberry? What year is this? 2010. So still behind.

Still a little late to have a Blackberry friend of candy. But Brick Breaker. I forgot about Brick Breaker. See? Exactly. I miss those days. See, Brick Breaker is timeless. Too bad they don't have an app for that.

Because I'm a dog and know about apps. Trademark. These days, St. Vincent is privately owned owned so it's hard to get access to the property i'm glad we got a chance to experience it when we did even if we didn't know the full extent of its dark history thanks for letting me share this store fleet this story and hopefully Hopefully it was Christine Gasp, trademark worthy. Keep up the great work, Candy. Thank you so much, Candy. We really love that story.

It's my favorite one that I've ever read. It's my first time reading them, so it's definitely my favorite. That's historic. Historic. Thank you, Gio. Thanks, Gio. That was a good time. Good boy. Thank you, Gio. That was a good time. Good boy. Thank you, guys, and Candy.

You want a treat? Yes. Baby G. Such a handsome boy. Such a handsome boy. Isn't he such a handsome boy? He's a good boy. Oh, he's so good. My sweet baboo.

You guys should do a whole episode of just that. Let's start. Let's do it. Speak it into existence. There's probably a YouTube video somewhere. Of all the clips of us going, sweet boy. Sweet baboo. It's like those Owen Wilson videos.

Where like, they just have. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Sweet baboo It's like those Owen Wilson videos Wow Yeah I really am impressed when he does that It's a great catchphrase That everyone should take part in It's a very Blaze thing to do Also Yeah Blaze would be good at that

Only if you were here If only He's just good at everything. He sure is. Alright. Guess what? What? I got a whole other story for you. Another one? Yeah.

Let's crack into it. Let's do it. Listen up, guys. Are you ready? Yes. You sure? No. Okay okay well you let me know now okay so this story is from ren ren says hello hi ren hi hi ren ren says i just discovered your podcast on a recent road trip it seems to be a theme and i'm in the low tens of your episode count oh ren you've got a long way to go you

haven't even met al yet disappointed oh al she's so great. Isn't she? She's the best. Al Pal. Yeah. My favorite person. Yeah. In the world. She's mine. Don't you love her? Yes.

Don't you think she's pretty? She's the best. Don't you think she's so smart? Of course. So funny. The smartest. What else? Don't worry.

She doesn't listen. Oh, that's right. No, she's okay. Just okay? I know that she was in Tanzania, and then I was like, oh, your roommate is cool. And then I was like into her. And then she came here, and then now we're dating, you know? All right, so, Ren, you know? All right.

So, Ren, you can basically just skip the rest of the episodes and get to present day. That's pretty much all you missed. So, anyway, Ren, welcome to the present. So, you had just discovered our podcast on your road trip. Ren says, I'm not sure if you're still doing listener stories oh we are we are and we're committed and ren says and i'm too lazy to unlock my phone and check the feed it's all right you'll get there wow i like her just who says it's a her i like them thank you it's okay ren hang in there you'll get here eventually

i like them cool so anyway um ren says uh too lazy to unlock my phone and check the feed but either way i think you'll enjoy this we hope so in parentheses team alcoholic milkshake, by the way. Okay, I'll take it. Oh, we have a delivery. Oh, a delivery. Look at this. I'm Blaze. Oh, it's Blaze bringing milkshake for me because I'm drinking a milkshake. Hi, hon.

Give me a kiss i love you this podcast is an abomination take me away from my mother please we're busy right now oh ren has something to say. You guys are idiots. That's something Blaze says all the time. You guys are idiots. Blaze is wrong. Blaze is wrong.

Ren, I am so sorry. Sorry, Ren. So sorry. I'm just going to start back from the beginning because I think we've all lost track of where this first paragraph went. Yes. I have forgotten. How long is a dog's memory? It's supposed to be good, but I'm a smaller dog.

My brain is not quite as large. Poor dumb baby G. No. Be nice to my sweet baby baby it's okay i need you to tell me how handsome i am all the time because i forget no it's impossible because you're so handsome how could you forget my sweet babu so handsome doesn't matter if you're a little dumb a A little dumbo. Okay, so, Ren. Hello again, Ren. Welcome back.

Hello, Ren. Welcome to the podcast. I don't think there's anybody listening anymore. Me neither. It's okay. Chiyo's still here. That's what matters. Okay, Ren says hello.

Hello. Hi, Ren. Can we continue? Ren says, I just discovered your podcast on a recent road trip, and I'm in the low tens of your episode count. I'm not sure if you're still doing listener stories, and I'm too lazy to unlock my phone and check the feed, but either way, I think you'll enjoy this. Team alcoholic milkshake, by the way. What, way what what first of all between the ages of 10 and 13 i was haunted by something my mom called a poltergeist i've been told over the years that it was anything from that wait oh okay i don't know this word. I've been M. I've been told over the years that it was anything from that to a dark fae.

Can I see it? Maybe it's supposed to be faerie? How is it spelled? F-A-E. Listeners, help? Fae. I'm an expert in paranormal things, and I say it's fae. And it's a sprite-like creature that has wings, and I have no idea.

That sounds like a fairy. Sounds an awful lot like a fairy. So I think we'd all be interested in hearing Em's input. Yes. My input is that it's whatever you want it to be. Continue. And that's the moral of this story. You can make it whatever you want to be.

All right. So, Ren says, My first memory of this whole thing is us coming home at night to find the entire house opened up and lit. Every light was switched on. All the cupboard doors were open. The microwave was on and set to run for hours, etc. That's not safe, i don't think i agree we had a ritual before we left where we would go through the house and check all the doors

windows and appliances ren says anxiety runs in the family clearly i mean but also that's wise good job ren and ren's family runs in our family, too. Like, the podcast family. Agreed. So they would always do that before heading out. We knew the front and back doors had definitely been locked, so the chances of a neighbor playing a prank was pretty low. My mom was a little flustered. A little? Wow.

Oh, but played it off as something unexplained, yet safe and funny. So we moved on pretty easily. Props to your mom. Safe and funny. I think I would have come home and just started crying and then set the house on fire. Yes. Yeah. Is that professionally in your professional opinion? Is that the right answer? As I like to say, when in doubt, sage it out. That's one of the catchphrases that I use. Okay, so go for the sage and not just setting the whole thing ablaze. Ablaze like your fiance. Hashtag ablaze. Lamp.

I think it's I love lamp. Set the night ablaze for Christ. Yes. Gio, that's such a good hashtag. Wow, that memory, Gio. That memory is getting good. Christine's brother came up with that one. Oh, there goes your screen.

I broke something. Oh my gosh. How many times have... We've been doing this podcast for so long. We've been... And she still can't figure this out. This microphone screen. It'll be fine. It's fine.

Nope, nope. That's not right. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It goes in the little hole, and then you twist the little thing to make it tight. That's... This is real good podcasting.

I don't know what that means. This is all very professional. It's actually more like shouting into the void than speaking into a microphone. There's nobody on the other end of this anymore. Jesus, okay. Let's continue. Anyway, so the entire house was opened up and everything was on, including the microwave. And it sounds very dangerous, but your mom was super cool about it.

So, Ren says, After that, things would start moving around the house, and it eventually progressed to dishes, chairs, and cabinets being tossed, dragged, or slammed. Yikes. By this time, my mother and I had named whatever was doing it George. Oh, that's nice. That's a nice name. That's a, like a nice...

Neighborly. What's the word I'm looking for? Friendly? Sure. Unassuming. Like Curious George. Yeah, like the monkey. But he got high on ether that one time.

One of the stories, he got high on ether. He's a wild monkey. Oh. You didn't know that? You didn't read that one? No. It's a good one. So maybe it didn't know that? You didn't read that one? No. It's a good one. So maybe it was George doing this.

Curious George. High on ether. It's possible. Is it? No. Oh, thank you for your expertise. So my mother and I had named whatever was doing it George, and we treated these instances as minor annoyances rather than something scary, probably due to being absolutely desensitized to the point that most of our dishes were plastic.

Smart. That's why we didn't move, by the way, since you often ask this. It's amazing what a person can get used to. Not me. Nope. Nope. Thank you. used to not me nope nope thank you one day george slid my mom's coffee mug off the table and she shouted something along the lines of george there are better ways to get attention stop being a bad guest don't fuck with my coffee cup wait that's my number one rule. No, that's just me. Yeah, but do you yell at the poltergeist? Yes!

I say George! Is that just going to incite them? That's a very good point. I say, turn on all the lights, turn on the microwave, risk burning the house down, that's all fine. But do not slide my coffee cup off the table. Was there coffee in it?

I assume so. Yes, we will say there was. We'll say there was. We'll say that George made a mess and wasted perfectly good coffee. And mom was in the right. I agree. I approve of that decision.

Okay. So this is probably when you're both expecting things to get worse. How did you know? But I'm happy to report that they got better. Yay! Nothing like a mom stepping up and taking charge and, like, shutting that shit down.

Sometimes it's all that's needed, you know? George went from messing with our shit to doing things like enforcing bedtime. Hey-oh! Parenting! Sorry, I'm interjecting here into Ren's story here into just like linda like the sex talk what is george doing for parenting enforcing bedtime oh i thought there was that there was a comma after enforcing bedtime and then parenting because i know all about English stuff. Punctuation?

Yeah, we're going to start over. Editing, editing. Hello. Elevator music. So, George went from messing with our shit to doing things like enforcing my bedtime. I had a tendency to stay up too late reading oh me too ren you and our little nerds and he would turn off my light when he decided it was time for me to sleep if i turned the light back on and kept reading after a while he'd get serious and turn my radio on full blast and play static oh Ugh, so annoying. That's so creepy.

After that, I usually went ahead and went to bed. Oh, okay. All right. I guess static can be soothing. For some reason, I was convinced George lived in my closet and would sometimes go in there and read and hang out with him. At that point, I sort of felt like he was part of the family because he chased my mom's boyfriend, who I really didn't like, out of the house.

All right, George. Nice. I like that. I'd been lying in my bed, which shared a wall with the TV, trying to get to sleep while the two of them watched a comedy and laughed and were generally super annoying to a sleepy, cranky kid. I remember being mostly asleep, coherent enough to think, ugh, shut up. I remember being mostly asleep, coherent enough to think, ugh, shut up. Seconds later, I heard a loud thud and mom's boyfriend yelling, what the fuck? That sounds familiar.

But then the TV turned off, so I went to bed instead of checking to see what happened. Like you do when you live with a poltergeist. Yep. Familiar. The next morning, mom told me that the painting over the TV had flown off the wall across the living room and slammed down on his toes. Oh my god. George did not like him. Sounds like he deserved it, too.

Needless to say, he got out of there and didn't come back. What a boyfriend. Yeah, George. Yikes. Nice. Yeah, George. Whoa. That was a twist. I could have used one of those as a preteen. I was wondering.

She's like, I didn't like him. And then all of a sudden, shit happens to him. Like, to be fair, all he was doing was watching a movie and shit just started happening. We don't know why she didn't like him. Ren has powers. Ren is scary now. We gotta be nice to her from now on.

Or him. Or him. We need to be nice to them. Them. Him or her or them. Ren. Ren. Uh, I lost my place.

Oh, subconscious manifestation by buried preteen rage. How did I lose that? I'm pretty sure this wasn't the case, though, because we moved a year after that incident for work, not because of George. And I am sad to report that George didn't come with us. Oh, that's so sad. Well, it might help you to know that maybe he's supporting some other

angsty preteen out there. Yeah, that's true. Getting rid of boyfriends and stuff. Good job, George. So, story's not quite over yet. Well, dot, dot, dot. He might have, depending on what you believe George is.

But I'll explain that in a different email. What? What a tease. Cliffhanger. And just end this by telling you that no more dishes, furniture, or bad men were harmed after our relocation. I also stopped reading in closets, much to my mother's relief. That was a nice story. I like that.

Oh, we're not quite done yet. Oh, I still, I like it as it continues. All right, one more sentence. Thanks so much for blending what I thought were two very different interests into an amazing podcast. Aw, you're so welcome. You're very welcome, Ren, and thank you for writing in your amazing story. All right. That's what you guys do.

You guys just blend these stories every week. All the time. How do we do this? Never stop. We're so good at this. Amazing. It's because of all the practice we've had doing this over the year and a couple months. The days and days of practice and spitballing off each other.

Oh, yeah. You know, this chemistry we've got going. Oh, a thousand percent. A thousand percent. Did you know that we weren't friends before this podcast? I don't know if anyone's heard that before. I had no idea. But apparently that's a thing.

Tell me about it. Well, we actually weren't friends before this podcast. Weren't we? Not quite. We went to, we did the same program in grad school, and then we both moved to the same city. And then I was all like, hey, you want to do a podcast? And you were like, sure. And then we became friends through the podcast, basically.

What was our first friend date um oh we went to a fair and we're in a maze with a lot of mud yeah yes that was a good time it was a great time i had so much fun i'm glad you remember it i have a great memory not like geo noia wasn't there. I was scared of you because you're so tall. Yeah, that's right. But now you're my baby boy, my handsome baby boy. Now they're best friends.

Yeah. We are best friends. You're so sweet. Okay. So. Next story. Tell me a story. The story is from Lindsay.

The subject is, it happened what happened lindsey let's find let's pregnant there's no pregnancies here no pregnancies okay lindsey hello m and christine uh! Hi. Gio, you can't say hi. Nope. Lindsay doesn't know about you, I guess. Ooh, that's awkward, man. Okay. Here's a fun little ditty for you. I'm ready. Until now, whenever I

listen to your podcast, specifically the listener stories, I have to admit I was always weirdly jealous of all the people who had ghost encounters. It's okay. It happens. Me too. I'm not because I've had many. Not me. Because I was a weirdly jealous of all the people who had ghost encounters. It's okay. It happens. Me too. I'm not because I've had many. Not me. Because I was a paranormal investigator.

I just have the one in the Whaley house and then the one that lives in my cellar. Yes. Actually, there are two in this house. That's what I meant. Do you know that? Yes. I saw one. I live here.

Don't I? Yeah, but I saw one like the other night. Last night. two nights ago. What were you doing here? I was recording our podcast with you. Oh, right. We were recording an episode. Forgot about that.

Oh, wait, no. What were we doing? No, we were recording something. Probably. And I saw a ghost girl run out of Christine's Amazing Brothers bathroom. The Brothers Amazing, not the bathroom. Right. They're both pretty amazing. They're both pretty amazing. Yeah, they do recall.

But he's pretty amazing. He's the most amazing. But there's no proof that that's a different ghost than the cellar ghost. I mean, she was, like, young and sweet. You could tell, you know? Are you sure she's not my brother's girlfriend? Ghostly girlfriend?

Yeah, he's a very lonely guy. So I hear. If you'd like his phone number, email us at andthat'swhywedrink.com. That's our email address. Yep. Good job. Alex Schieffer. Lonely and ready to mingle.

What a good sister. Wow, you really care about him. I can tell. If you're on Tinder, keep an eye out. Yep. Just keep scrolling. Gio's obviously never used Tinder before.

Scrolling. I have no testicles. What do I need Tinder for? Back to Lindsay. Hi, Lindsay. Tell us your story. We're ready. So, I was always weirdly jealous of all the people who had ghost encounters.

It might be sick and twisted. I think it's pretty weird. But whatever. I was. We're ready. I lived in a cute little house with my parents, little sister, and baby brother. I shared a room with my little sister, and we had bunk beds. When I was around six years old, my sister was four, my parents said that they would often hear me chatting to myself in my room. They said every once in a while when they would go into the room, they would find me sitting cross-legged on the floor, talking animatedly to the corner as if to a friend. There was never anything in the corner. My parents said that this sight

creeped them out, but they just let it be. They had three kids and a fourth on the way. They were busy. A little after this odd discovery, my four-year-old sister started having night terrors. She slept in the bottom bunk, and in the middle of the night would start screaming and start running around the room as if something was chasing her.

She was still asleep. That's what I do. That's terrifying. She was still asleep, though, because when my mom tried to wake her up and talk to her, she wouldn't acknowledge my mom. She would keep on... What? That's one of the things that scares me the most is sleepwalkers. Oh, I used to sleepwalk.

That's terrifying. Yeah, I went in my underwear and went outside to go sledding in the middle of winter. And I shouldn't have been doing that because it was cold. For a lot of reasons. Yeah. One of which was that it was cold. Please never fall asleep near me. Okay. Okay. So of which was that it was cold. Please never fall asleep near me.

Okay. Okay. So much for our sleepover. Nobody sleeps at a sleepover. Oh, that's true. You got me there. Anyway. Anyway, she would keep running, keep on running and screaming with her eyes shut.

I remember this happening, but what my parents told us happened next, I struggled to recall to memory. According to my parents, I would yell down from the top bunk, Hey, leave her alone! And my sister would stop running and drop to the ground, but she would still be asleep and still be screaming. What? I'm like trying to picture this. How is that better? I don't know. I don't know.

According to my mom, the only thing that would stop her from screaming was me coming down from my bunk bed and hugging her. That's kind of sweet and kind of terrifying. She said that as soon as I wrapped my arms around her, her body would go completely limp and she would be fast asleep as if nothing happened. That's either a very dedicated sibling or a very sleepy sibling. Yeah. We're both. We're both. My parents said this happened a few times. Before, during, and after this time, I would still often be found chatting to the same empty corner.

Then once my youngest brother was born and my family moved to a new house, I never was known to talk to empty space again. What a relief. I thought maybe you were still talking to empty corners. again. What a relief. I thought maybe you were still talking to Empty Corners. It's interesting hearing the story now and only realizing or only really remembering a few details of it, but my parents

swear that this all happened. Thank you so much for your podcast and all of the hard work you put into it. You're so welcome. You are so welcome. You guys are the real ones that make this happen. You're like the real heroes and you're like why we do this so thank you so much oh my god you guys oh you guys make my morning commute

awesome i seriously love and i'm inspired by your work we are an inspiration we sure are oh my god how do we do it i'm not really sure how but sure i'll take it. Stay spooky. Lindsay from Oakland, California. Thank you, Lindsay. We will stay spooky. Not sure we have a choice here. No, we do not. Well, it depends on this next story, how spooky it is. Ooh, Baby G.

Coming from Baby G. Baby G. What do you have for us, Baby G? Handsome boy. The last story of this episode. Hi, Christine and Em. Hello. Who are we talking to?

It's not for you. Yeah, no. That's awkward. I mean, I'm the guest host, but yes. So they didn't know. It's Shannon. It is Shannon. Hi, Shannon.

Ooh. That was insane. Look at that chemistry. You know, we got this. Because we spend so much time together. Team Milkshake, because I tried team wine and no one wanted that. Yes. Okay, but also relatable?

I feel like that's the story I want to read, but it's probably not what I'm about to read. But anyways. First of all, I found you on Spotify Spotify and let me tell you how much my life has become consumed by your stories. Tell us. It's all I talk about and listen to because I'm desperately trying to catch up. Episode 36. Episode 36.

Nice job. We are all consuming. I'm not even sure what episode we're actually on. We are on episode, I have no idea. I'm sure you're close. 55 or actually on We are on episode I have no idea 55 or 5 This next line is a little concerning My kid says why don't you listen to music anymore mom Which clearly means

She listens Her kid can hear her listening to this And we say curse words Well you guys Children gotta learn sometime Yeah I eat eat little shit. That's what my dad calls me. People catch me laughing at work or come up behind me and I jump

out of my chair. Needless to say, I look like a lunatic. Em, your laugh is amazing. Give us a good laugh, Em. Okay. Em laugh. I need something funny. Come on.

You can do it. You don't need it. That sounds pretty accurate. I have a cold. It sounded pretty accurate. I'm a little sick. That's the only reason why it's not a normal Em laugh. Is that why your voice sounds different today? Yeah. I have a cold. It sounded pretty accurate. I'm a little sick. That's the only reason why it's not a normal M laugh. Oh, is that why your voice sounds different today?

Yeah, I have a cold. I'm sorry, everyone. M, your laugh is amazing, and I completely know how you feel when laughing at uncomfortable situations. Don't we all? Like right now. Like this very moment. Also, I totally sweat like Christine when I get anxious. I adore you both.

Show them your sweat. Can't you hear it dripping out of my armpits and off of my forehead? I can. Listeners, can you hear it? You're anxious right now? Every minute of every day. Every minute. So here's one of my stories.

As long as I can remember, I've had reoccurring dreams. Two of them came to me in real life. Okay. I'm just ready to see where this is going. What was that? Two of these have... As long as I can remember, I've had reoccurring dreams. Two of them came to me in real life.

Oh, I misheard that. Okay. I used to have reoccurring dreams that I was chain-smoking cigarettes. That's so lame. I know. And I've never smoked, and then I would start getting cravings during the day. What? It was a weird time.

You've never smoked, though? Like, you never tried it? No. Because maybe that's a key. No. Maybe it's your, like, body or your soul telling you something. You need to try cigarettes. Past life regression.

I'm afraid. Yeah. Because in these dreams, I would, and when I say chain smoke, I mean there would be literally a cigarette in each hand. And every single inhale would be like a feet. You're like double fisting cigarettes? I would double fist cigarettes. Wow.

Don't smoke, kids. Yeah not that i know anything about that because again i've never smoked a cigarette but but do you have lung cancer no you do not well now i'm not so sure should i go check yes okay i'll go check this is the one that makes me believe in so much more than this life as a child oh this is the one that makes me believe in so much more than this life as a child i would dream about driving i was so small i couldn't see over the steering wheel most of the time i had all of my sisters and cousins in the car i would drive as fast as possible to get to our parents who were for some reason in trouble then i would crash into a tree distinctive by a twist in the trunk and everyone would disappear i then got out of the car and

would be in an empty cow field i would frant i would be frantically searching for my family as I knew I was dying. I could feel myself getting incredibly weak. I pray, not sure whom I was praying, to get another chance to talk to my family. I needed to be there

for them and would wake up in a sweaty panic. Fast forward to the age of 20, where I could see over the steering wheel, LOL. Oh, good. That's good to hear. I was on my way home from work, and I was probably driving way too fast. Probably, or you were.

She was. Let's have a talk, Shannon, about safe driving practices. practices i'm a dog and i know all about driving so drive safely you heard it straight from geo's mouth drive safely kids you can see me in the videos telling my mother to drive safely from the back seat it's true i had an automatic strap and not a lap belt on i heard a loud crack my axle snapped my car took a sharp turn into a tree this is the tree from my dream no now i feel bad because it was like the axle. It wasn't really Shannon's fault.

No, it wasn't Shannon's fault. We're sorry, Shannon. I'm sorry. You drive safe. I bet you're great. I bet you were going the speed limit. But if she was driving slower, would the axle have broke? I don't know anything about cars.

Shannon's probably alive. So maybe if Shannon had driven faster later or just slower for longer it would have been even worse. You know? Yes. That's math I can't do. You think I'm doing math right now? I'm not doing math.

Do you know what this tree was next to? A cow barn. Wait, a field. A cow field. Yeah, right next to a cow field that usually had cattle on it. Driving by every day for some reason, I never noticed it.

I crashed into the tree and blacked out. I saw a bright light so warm and embracing. I remember saying I need to talk to my family and tell them how much they mean to me. I don't remember anyone telling me anything, just someone who smiled at me. I'm still not sure if it was male or female. Or neither. That's true.

That's true. I mean, the title of this, by the way, was Angels Exist Too. So I assume this is the angel. Angels don't have to have a gender. To my knowledge. As far as I know, angels exist too. So I assume this is the angel. Angels don't have to have a gender. To my knowledge. As far as I know, they don't. I was drawn as a cherub once. You personally?

Yes, me personally. Seems accurate. Someone was staring at me while I was at a square downtown. That's not normal. Of a city. while I was at a square downtown. That's not normal. Of a city.

And he came up to me with a drawing, and it was me, but I was like a cherub, like a chubby baby. And I paid him $5 because I didn't know what else to do. And I said, thank you, it's amazing. And I kept it. I guess what else would you do in that situation? I've seen it in his room. It's beautiful.

Okay, we're gonna need to get a picture of that and put it up on our Facebook page. It'll be on a mug soon enough. This is really gonna make your Tinder page go crazy. You can find us at and that's why we drinked up

bigcartel.com to see the cherub drawing. Yes. Soon, but not yet. Keep your expectations low. Where were we, Gio? Old baby G? I'm still not sure

if it was male or female. This is when I felt someone... Or neither. Or neither. This is when I felt... That's kind of like me. I don't have testicles. I'm a neither.

Not quite sure that's the definition, but okay. I used the same joke twice. This is when I felt someone lift me like a cradled... Lift me like a cradled position. I was then gently placed on the ground. When I woke up, my car was upside down, a helicopter was landing, and my family was standing outside a fence. They were called because I had an old-fashioned phone book, LOL had ice on my dad uh by my dad that's right people ice in case of emergency put it in your phone so first responders know who to call this is a psa i know what that

was but like ice but so she had a phone book though that said ice maybe it's an address like the page was marked oh like a little black book but it says a phone book like a big i don't understand like a like a planner but you keep people's phone numbers and addresses in there like what you did before you had a cell phone come on guys you'll have to send us an email to clarify what this phone book looks like i'm telling you what it looks like like it's's like a book. We don't ever trust you, Christine. Am I 10 years older than everyone else here? Yes.

I'm definitely a lot older than Gio, that's for sure. You're older than me, too. By a year. Yep. You should know. You know that movie, Little Black Book, with some blonde actress? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little Black Phone Book.

But it's like an address book. So we're not talking about the yellow pages? I know what those are. We're not talking about the yellow pages. I don't think... What about the white pages? I don't think she had a full yellow pages phone book in the car with her, with her dad highlighted that said Ice next to it.

I'm going to be totally honest. That's what I thought of at first. I mean, me too. But then I came around to the whole person. Brittany Murphy. Oh. And Ron Livingston. What do you mean?

I didn't look anything up. I just know this. You know, my dad used to work at Blockbuster. He would probably know that off the top of his head. Blaze? Blaze. Blaze? Blaze? Blaze? Clink your glass.

He's watching cartoons downstairs. Blaze? I don't hear him running. No, I think he's abandoned us. Maybe he went to work. Because I had an old-fashioned phone book, LOL, and I had ice by my dad. The police called him, and the description of me, he thought, was my cousin. Then they called my uncle.

Anyways, they were standing there. I'm glad they came. That was good that the uncle was there when they called. Sorry, we're ruining your story, Shannon. The police made a statement about how it was hard for them to understand how I was alive. As the car crashed into the tree, I was flung out of the driver's side window. According to the reports, they said the car rolled three times and once right over my body. Oh my God. And yet I only had and once right over my body.

Oh my God. And yet I only had a small cut on my leg. Are you a superhero? Oh, I'm sorry. This is an angel story. Angels exist too. Yeah, the angel. Wow.

The driver's side tire was smashed into the floor of my car. They stated that if I had my lap belt on, I would have lost my legs. Okay, but also everyone should be wearing a seatbelt. Yes, unless you're in that Shannon situation. Unless you are Shannon. Unless you're damn sure your guardian angel's coming for you. Even now, as I write this out, I realize how crazy it sounds to be alive. And an angel carried me to safety. We're glad you are.

And an angel carried me to safety. We're glad that happened to you. Yeah, that's crazy. Wow. Since then, this tree has been removed for a freeway. Oh, pardon nature. I like to pee on trees. Don't like to pee on freeways.

But every time I drive by this place i feel a warm feeling inside anyway love you tons keep being amazing xo shannon we will love you shannon thanks she sent this from an iphone by the way so shannon so she she lost the phone book she's come a long way she's come a long way from her phone book And typing that whole thing on her iPhone That's amazing I know that's impressive Yellow pages

I can barely type a two sentence text on my iPhone I can barely have an iPhone Without losing it at the airport Oh you did that didn't you That's right Sure did Dad was very angry when he came home after that. We know.

Yeah. We know. We're all still feeling it. To be fair, I heard it was stolen. Oh, yeah. I heard that, too. Do you know what time it is? I think I do, because it is time to read some names.

Names. Names. Thanks, G. Wow. What names are we going to read, you may ask? Tell us. You tell us. What are we not supposed to say?

Patreon donators? Is that the bad one donators which grammatically i think makes more sense than donors but we'll say whatever we want how about patrons i like patronators patronators let's do patronators all right let's read off our patronators but first i don't know why that makes me uncomfortable, that word. You just physically shrank when you heard it. I did. You suggested it. Patronators.

It sounds like the patriarchy. That's why I'm so sick of the patriarchy. It's the anti-patriarchy, actually. Oh, it is? Oh, then maybe that's why I shr it. It's like the Terminators coming for the patriarchy. And there are patronators. Sounds like the New England Patriots, which are the most shiver-inducing NFL franchise. Don't bring sports into this.

Wait. This is a historic moment. Sports have been brought up on this podcast. Delete. Delete. Delete. Future Christine, edit it out. Do we... before that happens. Yeah, tell me. I'd really like to pay tribute to Gio and thank him for being on this episode, this listener's episode.

Do we have a geoscope? Oh, yeah, let's do that first. Well, as much as I love geoscopes, I mean, they tell me my horoscopes all the time. So, I wanted to honor the most important person in my life. Me. Almost. Em. Me.

I'm sorry, Em. Yes, you are the most important. That's what I thought. But we're going to honor Blaze. Who? He deserves some respect. The man who just doesn't get his time through this podcast. He gets no recognition. There's no hashtag Team Blaze.

So in honor of him, we're going to do a hashtag Team Blaze, Blaze-escope. Or as my mother said, a horro-blaze. You heard it here first. Hashtag team blaze. Blaze-a-scope. Or horro-blaze. Horro-blaze. I prefer horro-blaze.

I do too, for some reason. It sounds horrible, but that's why I like it. This is a paranormal slash horror slash true crime podcast. So Horroblaze is what we shall do. Buckle up, because we're going for a wild ride. The Horroblaze for April. How about letting a few of these sweet feelings slip out?

Yeah, Blaze. Put your reserve aside and get a little mushy. Get mushy. If you're coupled up, renew and reinvigorate the romance by reiterating why it is you're involved. I'm winking. If you've got a crush,

well, you're not going to realize you're interested by sheer Oh, excuse me. If you've got a crush, well, they're not going to realize you're interested by sheer... Oh, excuse me. If you've got a crush, well, they're not going to realize you're interested by sheer intuition. You're going to have to tell me. My mom tells me that that's what happened

when she met my dad. That she just stared at him from across a bar, hoping that he would notice her. That's nice and creepy. Something like that. Ask some in-depth questions about them And express how fascinated you are By their answers

Tell me how fascinated you are by me And by them in general The end of the blaze-a-scope That was a good one Yeah that was That horror blaze is probably one of the best horror blazes I've ever heard They should just all be that was that horror blaze is probably one of the best horror blazes I've ever heard. They should probably

all be horoscopes for blaze. I get enough recognition behind every podcast host. There's a man named Blaze. Is there M? There is behind me, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nobody else yeah? Yeah.

Nobody else. Nobody else. Nobody else that might be supporting you every day and loving you and telling you how great you are. I do. Other than Gio. Yes, that's right. Other than Gio and Blaze. Well, Christine's brother is pretty cool.

He's helpful in that he's really great that's very helpful he's very good at chase yes he never wins exactly that's why he's so good i think we should all take a moment and you know talk about the real unsung hero the uh the Al Pals of the world. Or specifically the original Al Pal. Yeah, who was that? Tell me more. Thought you would know. Oh. Thought you would like to say a nice thing or two.

Yes. Al Pal. Oh! Her! Yeah, she's pretty great. You better hope she edits that out okay al pal will be pleased thanks thanks very much no problem okay so now for all our patron eaters all our patron eaters out there hello, hello. Hope you're still here. You're probably not because I wouldn't be either. Whoa. Is it a ghost? It's a ghost.

Which ghost? Probably the bad one because that was a loud noise and it was also my phone so it was hurting my property so probably an evil ghost. Probably Cellar Girl. Don't speak evil into existence like that. Cellar Girl has done nothing bad to us

that you know of all right do we all have our phones in safe places and we're ready to really appreciate yes me and my phone are ready good Good to hear it. All right. So we will start with our $25 patrons. Patronators. Patronators. To all you people out there, you cool cats who donate and that's why we drink. Cool cats who donate and that's why we drink. We'd like to thank you by using our jazz radio voices to read out your names. And here we go.

We have... I got this. All right. I got this. Abram Cruz, Elena, Tiaisha, Antonia, Classic Kevin, Maddie, Alex K, Mel, Hunter, Kat, Abby, Mansi, Madison, Parker, Julian, Letty's mom. Good job, Letty's mom. Sarah, Laura, Liz A., Ashley, Marissa, Riley, Emma, Tara, Marlon, and Doug. Hi, Doug. Did you just say Marlin?

I did. Haven't we got? I did because I was I was just reading the first and then I saw. Oh, it's Marilyn and Doug. Oh, my gosh. Marilyn and Doug. I like Doug. Thanks, G.

Brady, Emma. V for Victoria. Sarah J. Brady. Emma. V for Victoria. Sarah J. Jenna. And Delia. Deli. Thanks, Deli. Colette.

Riz. Auna. I hope I said that right. And Priscilla. Lauren. Lara. Anna. Kimberly.

Chris. Heather. Nicole with an H, Kestrel, Amanda, Scotty Joe, Clinton, Jessica, Megan June, Sabrina, at Christian Spicer, Sierra, H Funkhauser, Spicer, Sierra, H, Funkhauser, Ravioli Senpai, Natalie, Mio, Monica, Daniel, Elaine, Stephanie H, Justin W, Sarah S, Ashley, Samantha, Hannah, Chloe, Aaron, Liv, Tristan, Drea, Desiree, Blaze. He's the best. Hashtag I love lamp. Hashtag set the night ablaze for Christ. Tessa, Eric, Jennifer, and Lisa G. Yay.

We only have like 800 more at least. First, we'd like to say thank you to all of our donors. We appreciate you. I can say as someone who directly benefits from your donations, we appreciate every single donation, no matter how large or small. I sure do. I sure do. I sure do. Pays for all my wine. Let me read some more.

All right. So we're down to the $10 donors, $10 patronators. Patronators. How many do I read? Do I just keep going? Tell us what the $10 level is. I don't know. I believe it's...

It says $10. I believe it's Team Sassy the Clown or Team Geo. I don't know. It's a team! It's a team! Good job, team people who give $10 and get all of the above

tier rewards, plus other things. Alright. Thank you to emily dana karen andrew julia michelle john mckenzie i don't even know where to start mary. Mary? Oh. Okay. Oh, shoot. I'm bad at this. How was Mary hard to say? It's spelled M-A-I-R-E. Mary? Mary? It's a weird spelling of Mary.

It's an interesting, unique, and beautiful spelling. We see you, Mary. Or other name, and we appreciate you. Sinan? Sinan? Oh, shoot. I'm sorry. Oh, Nicole. Well, I don't know. I know.

I cheated. That was a cheat. Sarah. Sarah. There are two Sarahs in a row. Natalie. Dakiana. Avon.

Why do you... Your names were so much more like... I'm better at talking than you. That's true. Alexis, Megan, Tiffany, Aaliyah, Maddie, Ems, Ashley, Craftosaurus. See, I get that one though. Miranda, who lit Toph on fire? Good question. Good question. Tana Hillary Heather Chelsea Kelsey Brandy Amelia

Ian Christy Erica Melissa Kaylin Nicole Jessica Memo

Taylor Florian Jennifer Emmy Jenny not Jenny from Forrest Gump Oh Jenny

Not Jenny I can't do it Jenny It's fine It's fine. It's fine. You want to try? Jenny.

Jenny. Jenny. From Forrest Gump. Tammy. Savannah. Shana. Jeremy. Chelsea.

Kelsey. Theron. Jesse. Stephanie. The Lost Kitty. Tyler. Taylor. Deanna.

Diana. You're doing great. Diana, I was on a roll. Ash, Emma, Mad Max, Lauren, Mallory, Stephanie, Joshua, Ashley, Madison, Tim, Aya, Aja, Griffin, Lisa from Canada, Em, Keychain, Brooke, Aaron, Nicole, Evie, Abby, Jennifer, Kelly, Summer, Elizabeth, Alyssa, Claire, Allie, Amber, Rebecca, Angelica, Selena, Robert, Mandy, Tessa, Casey Lee, Renee, Amber, Siviqua, Courtney, Kirsten. Oh, Kirsten. I i mean i don't know kirsten because i'm m uh molly vicky jen emily joe ye fang chris britney t bones sarah definitely not a superhero superhero superhero, Sophia G. Andrea, Beepo. Beep-boop-bop. Wait, that's your thing.

Beep-boop-bop-boop. Nadia, Abby, Alexi, Tanya, Jojo, oh, this one, she gave a pronunciation key. Kaya.

Because it says pronounced like papaya. Oh, I was going to say, why did it take you so long to say kaya because it said i had to read how it was pronounced desiree chessie chloe kayla lynn hayley hayley lion sorry lion is that like a lot i don't know that's like one word sky sierra lexi rin shred weezer in tokyo adrian adriana kelsey julia jasmine becky michelle brianna carissa lillian amy ariana ariana audrey jen white collar crimes podcast suzy summer megan Susie, Summer, Megan, Kendall, Jackie, Jamie, Ankiara, Stephanie, Leah, Orlia, Alyssa, Athey, Emily, SpookyDelight, Samantha, Hazel, Thao, Ashley, Brittany, Courtney, Noelle, all the Sarahs left after the first Sarah. You Sarah, you're a gem. after the first Sarah. You, Sarah. You're a gem. All the Sarahs left after that. Love it.

Jenna, Lindsay, Erica, Lori, Clara, Ricky, Cynthia, Carolina, Becca, Carolyn, Kim, AK, Carissa, oh, Rissa, I mean, Lissa, Lissy, Sarah, Eve, Eduardo, Zoe, Corinne, Dijo, Kelsey, Benny. I'm sweating so much right now. Are you sweating or is that a name? No, it's me. Hillary, Alyssa, aka Flip Wizard McKay. Oh, Flip Wizard.

Hi. Flip Wizard McKay. Amanda, Lily, Keely, Nanelle, Katrina, Stephanie, Katie, Stella, Kim, Ruben, Sam, Melanie, Karina, Jillian, Teresa, Kaz, Kara, Jessica, Brittany, Katie, Charlotte, Honor, Alexandra, Sydney, Charlotte, Ruth, Chelsea, Rachel, Dolores, Mary, Megan, Constance, Kat, Beth, Zara, Alicia, Devin, Laura, Michelle, Marissa, Anita, Lisa, Megan, Hector, Riley, Holly, Betsy, Jackie, Taylor, Jamie, Eva, Patty, Julia, Heather, Iris, Allison, Erin, Megan, Shannon, Batman, Beatrice, James, Kyle, Stephanie, Lindsay, Addie, Jessica, Jacqueline, Stephanie, Lindsay, Addie, Jessica, Jacqueline, Zephyr, Zozo, Abby, Jackie, Leah, Callie, Jessica, Claire, Maddie, Marie, Amy, Hillary, Viviana, Erin, Heather, Julia, David, Diane, Morgan, Amanda, Sarah, Leslie, Taylor, LB, Kylie, Amy, Yaneli, Katie, Nicole, Rachel, Kaylee, how many Kaylee's? Sydney, David, Jessica, Hillary, Christina, Steph, Aida, Jocelyn, Sarah, Elena, Aaron, Sarah, Beth, Nikki, Emily, Teresa, Sarah, Caitlin, Wendy, Rose, Lauren, and Jess, Aaron, Justin, Chloe, Carolyn, Erica, Tuna, Lita, Courtney, Haley, Nicole, Christina, Mia, Shannon, Tara, Adriana, Miranda, Jenny Lee, Morgan, Kayla, Emily, Libby, Carrie, Mish, Danielle, Brandy, Don, Haley, Kit, Caden, Nicole, Sarah, Chelsea, Catherine, Shannon, Rosalie, Becky, Jack, Laura, Jackie, Danielle, Ina, Velvet, Alex, Ashley, Sydney, Carrie, Janie, Happy, Kayla, Tracy, Tammy, Justin, Raeann, Nicole, Rachel, Jordan, Lisa, Rochelle, Allison, Colin, Erica, Lakshya, Carrie, Rachel, Beth, Angela, Lisa, Jessica, Judah, Kate, Sarah, Jordan, Wendy, Carrie, Ryan, Amber, Macy, Emma, Alexa, Aaron from Canada, Crystal, Kirby, Anna, Serenity, Michelle, Jessica, Jay, Sierra, Mary, Carolyn, Christy, Brittany, Caleb, Andrea, Aaron, Michelle, Zhao, Ashley, Danielle, Elena, Molly, Erica, Willow, Julia, MCF,

Laura, Dobby, Kia, Aaron, Tiana, Ashton, Linda, Elise, Marisol, Rachel, Cecilia, Johnny, Renata. I'm amazed. Oh, my God, that hurts so much. You're getting so good at that. Although I felt like you were about to throw up the whole time Yeah I don't feel well You pronounced Renata very well I don't know how I did that

You know I've heard of that name before You must have a little German in ya It's almost like she was your professor at one time I also forgot to comment about Linda being my mom Hi Linda Mom I mean You also forgot to comment about Linda being my mom. Hi, Linda, mom. You also forgot to comment about Allison being your girlfriend.

Were you in there? I mean, was Allison in there? Was my girlfriend in there? Al Pal, my best friend. Your best friend, I mean. Slash your girlfriend. Slash Gio's favorite.

Gio's not favorite. Second favorite. Second favorite after me. No, third favorite after his uncle. Gio, are you going to read some names for us? Are you a good boy? I am here for the $5 rewards. We'll see if I get through it.

Then I'm a good boy. Is this Team Gio? I better be higher than five dollars that's all i know team five dollars tiffany jody brianna josh parker christy shannon emily chrissy maddie zelly juliana or julianne pippa manda tanya Tanya, Stevie, Rachel, Catherine, Paula, Alyssa, Ginger, Laura, Sarah, Courtney, Stacey, Chelsea, Dr. Pizza, Alex, Brittany, April, Gianna Lee, Jordan, Renee, Crystal, Emily, Kimberly, Amber, Stephen, Heather, Andrea, Tiffany, Maria, Ziggy, Callie, Dale, Cheryl, Faith, Becky, Kayla, Danette, Hannah, Kristen, Nicole, Lindsay, Abigail, Maggie, Anika, Lizzie, Allison, Andrea, Air Bear, Erica,

Erica, Janelle, or Jelena, Christine, Vinicious, Raya, Megan, Shauna, Emily, Liz, Jess, Amber, Rose, Christine, Danielle, Alyson, Allison, Anthony, Andreaonse, Sammy, Alice, Megan, Shelby, Jamie, Caitlin, Sarah, Linny, Jessica, Liz, DeeDee, Carolyn, Michelle, Dakota, Bianca, Meg, Winter, Maria, Mariah, Eric, Julia, Jessica, Rachel, Crystal, Quebec, Lori, Andrizzle, Lizzie, Benita, Sarah Shackleton, Emily, Emily. So Emily Shackleton, Emily Chapman. Thanks, Emily's. Lucky gals. Shannon, Brett, Sarah, Jocelyn, Becca, Paul, Xavier, Lori, Judith, Shamblefest, Laura, Megan, Kayleen, shamble fest laura megan kayleen hashley amber amanda sumit bella alice alissa alissa smith justine vanessa melissa sydney Allie, Allie, okay, Allie, A-L-I, Allie, A-L-L-I-E, Emma, Joss, Camille, Sarah, Mariah, Stephanie, Danny, Brittany, Danielle, Hillbilly Horror Stories, Eric, Chelsea, Coral, Wynema, Rebecca, Jennifer, oh, and Uncle Alex Schieffer.

What a handsome man he is Thank you, handsome boy Thank you, you're such a good boy Anytime Good baby Gio can do no wrong Oh, wow How do you know which one's team wine? Is this it? Because it says Christine?

I don't know how this works at all i'm fairly sure you're the one that's supposed to be organized in this group right that's not how this dynamic works you're the organized one i come without notes and everything yep that's pretty much how it goes yeah so you tell me all right i think i've got the right list here so team wine hello my people hope you're drunk by now unless you're driving in which case hope you're not drunk at all shannon looking at you shannon everybody drives safe okay team wine here we are ruthie poo tempest jason erica oh erica ks lindsey kim db hayley rissa kelly lindsey becca sophia shalia maureen, Crystal, Zelly, Aja, Joe, Ned, Bethany, Maggie, Eliza, Poe, 2387, Ainsley, Jenna, Logan, Jenna, Riley, Loreny, Ashley, it takes three, Brielle, Kelly, Darcy, Carol, Nora, Heidi, Lindsay, Rachel, or Rachel. Not sure which one. Sarah, Shauna, Wendy, Leanne, Jessica, Valerie, Maria, Amy, Ginny, Catherine, Lydia, Chelsea,

Rebecca, Jacqueline, Cassandra, Amy, Emily, Samantha, Crystal, Rachel, Erin, Alaysia, That's KC, Annette, Lorelia, Lorelia, Lorelia, Samantha, Lauren, Anna, Venny, Lessie, Katie, Gus, Xander, Tess, Rolly, Lisa, Chelsea, Rachel, Ozge, Bird. Are those two separate names? Oh, it's one word. O-Z-G-E. Cool. That's all I'm going to say.

You thought you might have a guess. Absolutely not. Jessica, Mimi, Nicole, Amy, Paige, Serena, Haley, Taylor, Aubrey, Christiana, Robin. Thanks, guys. Crystal. That's it for Team Wine. Thanks, guys. Wow, that's all? Excuse me? These are my people. I'm just kidding.

I love every one of you. Is this Team Milkshake, then? Sure is. Oh, you know why? Because it starts with my main man, Bernhard. Bernhard. Bernhard. Yep, he's all about those slag pots and uh

steel that's what we know about him yep that's all i know about him followed by my other people elizabeth jail there's a jail giant hi i think you're right i don't know i said it then it didn't sound right because a jail is a jail. Oh, shit. Let's just continue. Allie, Emily, Whitney, Alexandra, Kaylee, Anna, Mary, Chloe, Rebecca, Elena, Boshra, Angie, Kaylee, Kendall, Sam, Elizabeth, Toronolulu, Casey. That was pretty good. I'm sorry. I just nailed that. The one before Casey. Toronolulu.

How do you know you nailed it? Because I know. I just know. Toronolulu? Yeah. Toronolulu. How else would you say that? Are you listening?

Tell us if we got it right. Hello? Anybody? Oh, my God. Hello? There's nobody there. And then you say, oh god hello there we go jesus casey jennifer trying here jennifer melissa madison ashley mandolin emma lauren megan caitlin the flatwoods monster you will oh shit you will leo maggie julia Oh, Mr. Nowak, Emily, Hallie, Regina, Justine, Kelly, Danny, Sierra, Bronwyn, Brittany, Rui, Michelle, Michael, Alex, it's a little different, Amanda, Kesha, Jessica, Brie,

Jean-Marie, Bang, Lael, Ayal, shoot, Carolette, Lael, is that an, Lail, I-L, shoot, Carol, Lail, is that an, it could be a lowercase L or it could be an uppercase I, but the last name is lowercase, so I'm going to say Lail. Okay. Mr. or Miss Gasser. Let's do that. Oh, shoot, I accidentally clicked on it. Oh, crap. Oh, here we go. Laura, Bobby, at Wolfton, Sam, Carly, Shayla, Bonnie, Sam,

Bianca, at Fionak1990, Lisa, Jessica, Andrea, Sue, Andy, Kirk, Patricia, CrimeCrazy, Emily, Jerry, oh, is it Gary or Jerry? Gary. Where's, like, Derek, Zachary.

And that's all my milkshake people. Thank you very much. Woo! Thanks, Team Milkshake. And the true heroes who donate without any reward. Amanda. Amanda. Okay, we're going to start over. Amanda Wartick.

Amanda Trivet. Manna. Lauren. Hinda. Mazzy. Jesse Lee. Macy. Lauren. Shannon. Karen. Brett. And that is all of the Patreon names.

So we'd like to say, as we always do, thank you so much. No matter how much you donate, it really does make a difference. Please donate more. If you can. If you can't. We appreciate anything and everything and every single one of you. Even if you don't donate, thank you so much for listening. Yes. But double thank you if you don't donate. Thank you so much for listening. Yes. But double

thank you if you donate. Yes. And I'm going to tell you where you can find us. Tell us. You can find us on Facebook. Facebook. Do any of you remember that? And that's why we drink podcast, I assume. Instagram

is ATWWDpodcast, right? Sure. And then, uh, Twitter, probably that same thing. ATWWD podcast.

Most likely, uh, our email is, you can email us listener stories with listener stories in the subject. I think, is that a thing? Whatever you want in the subject. At,

um, ATWWD podcast at gmail.com. Absolutely not. It's, and that's why we drink at gmail.com. That not. It's andthat'swhywedrink at gmail.com. That's what I meant to say. Our website is andthat'swhywedrink at gmail.com. Andthat'swhywedrink.com?

I have no idea. Nope. It's andthat'swhywedrink.com. I'm pretty sure. And then you can find our shop at andthat'swhywedrink.bigcartel.com. I know that one. All right. We got one there.

We're using the internet to find out what our website is? Yeah, and that's why we drink.com is the website. Isn't that what I said? No. Oh. It's okay. Are you sure? Yeah.

It is what he said. Yeah. I was wrong. You said... I was wrong. I said that though. All right, all right. You said it.

Oh, look. A profile all about me. You said it. Uh, Oh look, a profile all about me and about me. Yep. Um, what else is there? Oh, you can listen to us wherever you're listening to us right now. How about that?

Yep. Just keep on doing what you do and you're doing it right. Uh, I also want to say that if you happen to be in Los Angeles on May 20th, we will be having a live show. We'll both be sweating a lot, so try not to sit in the front row. Yeah, we do.

I'm into that. Tickets to be determined. Keep an eye on all of our social media for tickets whenever they do show up. Yeah. And CrimeCon is still coming up in a month about from now. Yeah. That's May 2nd or so.

2nd, something like that. And you can get 10% off your tickets, I believe, if you use the code ATWWD when you order. And I think you should because everyone will be there, including Christine's brother, who's really cool. Although if you want to meet Al Pal, she will not be coming, unfortunately, because she has a job that she can't just leave. Excuse me. I mean, excuse. You think that Christine's brother has a job that he could just he's just he he makes sacrifices.

Hmm. Mm hmm. He makes sacrifices. Big ones. Big ones big ones the biggest all right well thank you so much for listening thank you very much by the way last thing i want to say is happy april fool's day oh yeah and that's why we drink that's why we drink happy april fools bye