And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 15

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

Welcome to Listener Stories: May Edition! Buckle up for a wild ride - this month we've got alien abductions, a possession-turned-murder, an encounter with Jeffrey Dahmer, and more. And that's why we drink!

It's May 1st. Hey! And Em and I have finally conquered our skill of speaking the same thing at the same time. Yeah, one word down. You're welcome. You're welcome. Okay. okay um eva's here oh eva picked our stories today eva did we're very excited one of her perks i'm not gonna call one of her roles perks yeah one of the lucky things she gets to do is read the listeners stories and and help us pick some good ones.

Yeah, if y'all are emailing. Good old Eva's. Eva's your gal. We haven't read these. Nope. This is the first time I've done one where I haven't read the story. That's not true. I picked a couple.

There were a couple episodes where I did it. You're right. You're right. This is the first time neither of us know. Yeah. These were not picked by us. by us so our reactions will be even more genuine than i got and even printed them like just like she literally printed them instead of us having to read them on our dying laptops which is great and she printed them in color i mean come on what gets better than that also she spent all day with us and she hasn't like ripped her own hair out yet

which is amazing i don't. I have a sneaking suspicion. She's. I mean, there's a bald patch in the back of her head, but I just assumed she came here with that. She's texting her boyfriend like, get me out. So she's probably going to get good and drunk tonight after she leaves here because she'll need it. And I condone it.

Even Allison left. She couldn't handle it. Allison was like, goodbye. I'm heading out. Blaze left. Alexander retreated to his room and Eva's. Gio left. Gio and eva is stuck around um before we get into this i do want to do the disclaimer now yeah go ahead so we uh up until now as you know and we've been very passively complaining about is that so pat so passively and subtly so many people have become

patreon donors which is such a good problem to have but when we originally started out the uh reading the reading everyone's name at the end that donates we expected like 10 of you to ever do it and now we are officially over 1 000 people that's a that don't know a lot of names and so we last month they had to when uh blaze and allison and alexander did the episode. There were 900. Before that, it was 700. And we're realizing that reading the names takes like 40 minutes alone. It's been longer than the actual episode. And we've gotten a lot of people saying that they only donate because they want to hear their name. And so we've been trying to respect that.

But at this point, it's just getting out of hand. We've been brainstorming this for months. Like a way to be able to give you something different instead. Yeah. So at the end of this episode, you're not going to hear your names. And I'm sorry, but what we are going to be doing. Oh, no. Deborah just threw her phone against the wall.

She's like, I'm done. This is it. Sorry, Deborah. So if you donate at all to us what is going to now happen is we are going to be posting a list of everyone who has donated that month yes as a thank you and on top of that in replacement of saying your name you can log on to patreon and you will be getting uh every month a new hand-selected story that we won't be reading on the air we will instead it'll be like extra content yeah extra content extra personal stories that you guys

will get to read that others won't get to hear on the show like a monthly selection like om story of the month or christine's or right every month someone else will have picked the story so some months i might pick the story that you guys get. Juniper's itching to pick one. One of the, you know, the cat or Gio might be able to pick a story or Christine will pick a story. Even like maybe Allison, Blaze, Eva, Alexander, our moms, who knows? Who knows? We could get like, we'll have like a guest star pick every now and then. Yeah.

But instead of saying your names, we're just going to give you one good juicy story to read that others don't get to hear yeah um it's just we just it's becoming too much and we think it's a better way to spend like because it takes us probably at least 45 minutes and then i cut it down but it takes like 45 minutes to read all the names which is kind of ridiculous um and i think we were like what this is just such a better way to spend our time and more like entertaining for you guys i think yeah i feel like instead of sitting there for a half an hour waiting to hear your name and if your name is sarah and 30 sarahs have donated not knowing which sarah it is i feel like it's probably more entertaining for you guys to actually get like a story that gives you the chills a bonus story yeah yeah so we hope that's okay with you guys

um if it's not sorry sorry all right we just can't do it and also to everyone that's going to be listening to like the whole year of listeners episodes up until now first and think that we're gonna they're probably gonna be we're probably gonna be getting a few emails no because i think a lot well maybe probably yes but i think a lot of people stop listening as soon as we start with the names because a lot of people have said like you say people's names for 40 minutes okay well unless you're like someone who's in that list you're not gonna listen to that right okay so thank you for all that everyone's done in the last more than a year that got their names spoken and shouted out but

and your name will live on forever in those episodes and you will still see your name and a thank you list that gets posts posted once a month yes your name will be recognized and this this time that we have now this 45 minutes we can put toward doing more for you guys than listing the names. That being said. Let's go. Actually, can I read the story that, so we tried to print it. Yeah. And then Eva was like, just read off the computer because our printer is such.

Oh, so Eva failed. Interesting. Noted. I mean. We'll talk about it later when she's not here. It's fine. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

We'll talk about it off air. We'll talk about it off air once Eva talk about it off air once eva is at least 10 miles south no so our printer is a piece of garbage sometimes got it me too a printer that that was the one signifies the start of listener episodes that's our new thing um okay let's go well you got to read the thing off. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. This is from Elise. Hi, Elise. Hey.

Hey. My name is Allie. Oh, and I just started listening to your podcast not too long ago, and now your beautiful voices get me through my long drives. I'm not sure if my story is worth reading. Me neither. Well, we'll find out. There we go.

But here goes. I was born and raised in lomita california and i've been here all my life it's a very small quiet town and nothing big really happens here except this okay this story is about a man named david vienz who owns owned a small restaurant called time cafe t-h-y-m-e nice i had a friend who said time just saying yeah it was funny okay we made a lot of fun of it okay uh which is about a block away from me on uh one day his wife dawn went missing and people started to ask questions he simply said she left him and sent fake text messages to her friends to make it seem like she was still alive oh no nice her

friends and family were suspicious though especially since he got a girlfriend soon after his wife disappeared after eight months of her disappearance, the police decided to start an investigation. They went to his apartment and found blood on his walls that he had tried to clean and mashed it with Dawn's. After he found out the police were going to arrest him, he got in his car with his girlfriend and drove to the Palos Verdes cliffs. Uh-oh.

I don't like that. And began telling her everything. He then got out of the car, jumped off the 80-foot cliff. What? And survived! That's amazing. The police brought him to the hospital. Oh, my God.

And can you imagine being the girlfriend being like, oh, what a lovely view. And he's like, by the way, I killed my wife. And then jump off a cliff. Holy shit. OK. Brought him to the hospital. hospital questioned where the body was he said it was an accident that she died because she was being too noisy i mean it's not a cat what do you mean noisy would she murder a cat for being too noisy no but it's just like that's the thing you say about animals not a person i know no i that

sounded really i know so he tied her up and duct taped her mouth so he could sleep. Oh, my God. He woke... What? He woke up the next morning to find her suffocated to death. Oh, my God. As to what he had done with the body, he cut her into pieces and boiled her in his restaurant. Oh, shut the fuck up.

And fed it to people? Tell me she fed it. He fed it to people. Now, as for how this story involves me. Oh, no. Oh, shit. His house was right across the street from mine. I was younger back when this happened, about 10 to 12.

Me and my other friends would play along the driveway across from his house. Almost every day, we'd see a shirtless or maybe more than shirtless man. Pantsless? Uh-oh. Staring at us from his window, peeking from behind the blinds. We'd all get really uncomfortable and once we even yelled at him to ask why he was staring, he simply said

I like watching you play. No, sir. Later on when my mom told me the man across the street had murdered his wife, I got the chills knowing that he looked at us and knowing that he had killed her so close when I would have been playing or doing my homework right there and I knew nothing. And that's the Lomita murder.

P.S. I just wanted to tell you. Oh boy. I just wanted to let you know that my boyfriend's name is Gio. Oh, he's such a handsome boy. So I find it so funny when you swoon over little baby G. Give him kisses and treats for me. Allie, tea milkshake. Such a... Whoa, Eva just knocked it out of the park in that first story. Allie, that is bananas crazy. Wow.

So, boiled the meat, but then didn't tell us where the meat went. Well, I mean, it sounds like he probably just disposed of it. Oh. I feel like it would have been it. I was wondering if there was like a Sweeney Todd complex going on.

It seems like he probably just was like, get rid of it. I don't it would have been i was wondering if there was like a sweeney todd complex going on it seems like he probably just was like get rid of it i don't know maybe wild that is nuts if a neighbor ever said like oh i just like watching you sleep i'd be like watching you play watching well i guess that's probably not as bad but still i don't know it's all bad it's just all bad it's all bad i need some wine take it away, this one is from Alex with two X's, which makes them extra bad. Extra bad. I always thought anyone whose name had an X in it was just, like, way too cool for school. Alexander? Well, I knew someone in high school named Axel, and I was like...

It's a very German name. Like, you can't be, like... You're just, just like immediately seen as a stronger person if your name is like axel or like atlas maybe it's these a names i feel like are very like sure no okay i've just never met anyone named atlas i knew a dog named atlas when i was little i know a dog named atlas it's a good name for dog it's a strong dog strong dog so alex says hello geo oh wait uh ally your boy your boyfriend is he there alex says hi um hello geo and then hi em and christine with a smiley face all right fine you threw the smiley face and i'll forgive you not gonna lie i found your

podcast probably three weeks ago and i'm completely caught up listener story and all that's amazing because i think about the like year oh yes and several months of episodes that we've done and someone can still actually just listen to all of it in three weeks that must be what it's like to be like an actor who like spends months and months on a tv show and then everyone binges it in a night or they watch the first episode and they're like meh and then it's like wait two years on this and you're like no it's like that one one star review we have on itunes and i'm like we actually have like 38 43 i consider it one because when you look at all the five stars next to it i'm like small potatoes all right fine hear you 40 people, but I also choose to ignore you.

Okay. All right. Alex says, been having some crazy dreams as well as I find myself being super paranoid, probably from listening to us. You're welcome. Let's crack into my story. I live in Westminster, Colorado. So my junior year of high school, I remember hearing about a young woman getting attacked

at a lake close to my school. A man had attempted to grab her, but she fought him off and escaped. This was so close to the school that they warned us not to go out alone. About a week or two goes by, and that's when it happened. A nine-year-old girl named Jessica Ridgeway never made it to school. She usually met a friend at a park by her house, and they would walk to school together. This launched into a search all over my neighborhood. When her backpack was found with her glasses in it, people really started to get scared.

Police had dogs combing nearby fields and students at my school were coming up with stories about how the man had tried to grab them at the grocery store. I doubt any of them were true, but still. Everyone was definitely shook. Shook. Shook. Shook. Shooketh. Since this was in our community. So a week or so goes by with nothing but items that were hers showing up until a 911 call

came from the mother of my classmate, Austin, who was 17 at the time. He had taken Jessica, dressed her up like a high school cheerleader raped and murdered her what he then chopped her up a lot of chopping up jesus eva are you what is your interest in this keyword did you search chop he then chopped her up hid some of her bits in nearby towns to throw off the police. Stop, stop. But had, I'm sorry, Christine, hidden her torso. You, no! Christine has a thing about torsos, by the way, Eva, so you really nailed it. No. Had hidden her torso and head in his parents' crawl space.

What a psycho! I keep looking at Eva like, can you believe this? She's like, yes, I've read it. But what the actual hell? If you're interested interested you can go online and listen to the full phone call of the mom calling the police to tell them what her son had done it's absolutely heartbreaking do you think she's like she's like i just found a head and a torso in my crawlspace like horrified because she's calling it about her own son oh yeah can you matt no oh my god okay as me, I was the type to talk to everyone, and since Austin hung out by the locked doors in the cafeteria, he would usually open them for me each morning, and I'd kind of just

chat with him. I always just thought he was a shy, goth kid. Never once did I get chills or a bad feeling from him, yet all along, he was fantasizing about doing this. Anyway, thanks for listening to my story also m what do you have against scorpios i know we're a little evil but sagittarius is much worse oh now we're gonna start a war listen i didn't say that sagittarius is our worst i'm gonna stick with my thing about the scorpios so you have an explanation there um my ex was a scorpio and i hate her does that work i mean i think that

everyone can sympathize wow that is heartbreaking and awful oh yeah holy god okay so let's see if three for three there's a chopped up body somewhere let's see um let's read the subjects just read the subjects you're gonna figure out i just want to pick one randomly randomly by the intrigue by the intrigue you get from the title. Yeah. Just randomly the best one that I've read. They're all pretty similar. I'm going to do it randomly by my favorite one.

They're all pretty similar about. Okay. I'm going to pick this one called Listener Story because it's vague. Okay. I like vague. This is from either Angel or Angel. Angel. Angel hell i don't know who knows who knows on hell angel on hell or angel i don't know so let's go with angel dear emma christine first of all i'm team milkshake well thank you clearly thank you so far two of them are team milkshakes i'm into that i picked

wrong you didn't pick at all. I picked just now. Oh, I was like, Eva, pick these. Oh, no. I see what's happening. Yes, you picked vague, vague good ones. Shouldn't have known. Dear Emma and Christine, first of all, I'm team milkshake, but that's mainly because I can't legally drink.

Oh. Aw, why'd you gotta explain it? So who knows if that'll change in the future? It always freaks me out that, like, people who are, like... Yeah are all the minors are like all about me and then as soon as they get old enough they're like team christine yeah i get all the cool adult teens well that was weird i get all the young teens i get like 14 year olds i'd like to start with a sappy and long intro that you can skip oh my about how much i love your podcast i'm a junior high school and as a junior no one i know is as into conspiracies true common paranormal stories etc as me especially no one within the small group of friends i have find

new actually when you get older you'll find your people seriously i don't think it's true i didn't have friends who like were into this stuff when i was in high school oh i did but i was also part of quite the quite the odd bunch so yeah yeah i just was like nobody i was in high school oh i did but i was also part of quite the quite the odd bunch so yeah yeah i just was like nobody i was like all my friends were like the rag tag team so yeah i like two friends uh all my friends were just two people um when i realized spotify has podcasts fitting these categories i was thrilled but as i listened to each one none of them were the right mix or fit for me. Just as I was about to give up and go back to just reading spooky blogs, I found, and

that's where you drink. It's the perfect podcast for me. And you guys make every story you tell way more interesting than if it were Helvetica text against a purple background. Yay. I've never received. What a compliment. Wow.

Highest, highest compliment. Just blown away. I could go on forever. Please do. Don't stop. But I'll wrap this part up no no thank you so much for making such an amazing what a kind what a kind junior from high school thank you for that nice heartwarming yes intro now on to the good stuff or at least i

think it's good stuff as a small child i lived in a small apartment on a not so good and pretty old side of town people had obviously died in these buildings obviously as they'd been around for a long time and it didn't matter whether it was of old age or a drug deal gone wrong or anything in between just a few months after my parents had moved into this apartment my dad woke up in the middle of the night because he felt like he was being watched he turned his head to look at the clock and immediately jumped at what he saw on the wall the bed was against, there was a translucent face sticking out, its eyes staring straight at my dad. Nope.

He freaked out, obviously, and turned to wake my mother. When he turned back, the face was gone, and we all believed him because while he goofs around a lot, he's dead serious when he tells that story. We also believe him because of the persistent problem involving my imaginary friend. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Here we go. Who appeared around the same or who appeared around the time I was two.

My room in this apartment was always freezing and my mom at first wrote it off as just a maintenance problem of some sort. As I got older and could talk more and more, though, my mom grew wary of some sort of supernatural force being at play. Oh, no. I would spend hours upon hours in my room playing with my imaginary friend even very late at night my mom says she woke up around 3 a.m multiple times to hear me talking and when she went to check on me i would be sitting straight up in bed in the dark talking to the open closet she was sure had been closed oh my here we go looking

through old childhood diaries and scouring my memories, I remember that my imaginary friend was a tall man. Oh, my. Who I called Joe. Oh, God. This is upsetting. Most of the drawings I made of us showed me in a very tall, dark male figure with no distinct facial features. Sounds very Slenderman-y.

It does, doesn't it? Yikes. That's when my mom started to really freak out, since I would always insist Joe was my friend in the closet. Ugh! LOL. Lol. Yeah my friend in the closet. LOL. Lol. Yeah. Friend in the closet.

Lol. I used to be that friend. I have a friend in the closet. That's funny. And that he didn't want her and my dad to know about him. Jesus. Jeez. Can you imagine your kid being like, my friend in the closet doesn't want you to know he

exists. He's a tall man with no facial features. Oh my God. I'd be like, we're leaving this house. I would burn the whole house down like it was. And then the kid would be like, that's why he doesn't want you to know.

You've set his demonic spirit free. I'm sorry. With the eternal flame, I give you life. You are reborn. Oh my. Yep. This this got real i just watched the infinity war so that's why that happened because i was re-watching thor oh but you made that up i was like jesus no i'm not a fucking poet i thought you got real like edgar allen powell on me there for a second no but all i mean you should have let me believe that oh it's fun i mean no one else would have believed it.

We would have had emails being like, okay, nice try. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Here we go. Throughout my life, we've moved several times, but no matter what, I've always felt like someone was watching me and near me. Every house we move to, my bedroom will always be colder than the rest of the house. No. And I never stopped talking about Joe.

Oh, my God. Even when we moved out of the apartment apartment my mom was always worried about this and around my seventh birthday decided to ask our old building manager about the apartment as he'd been looking after it since the late 80s the manager confirmed her fears that yes a man had died in that apartment from either a bloody suicide or a well-planned murder they couldn't tell he had been found slumped in the closet of what oh no was later my bedroom and his name had been joseph no no no oh my god what i'm just glad that she asked that after they moved oh yeah for sure understandably my mom freaked out yet again because she hadn't mentioned i called my imaginary friend joe and when she got back home she began a rigorous routine of constantly saging the house and making me wear special charms and bracelets to ward off.

Fair. That's you and me as parents. To ward off spirits and the like. Make a necklace out of a Bible. Just hanging around your neck. Just carry it everywhere. Especially because of the crazy, overwhelming feelings and panic attacks i would get when i would wake up from dreams where joe had been towering over me as i lay in my bed the charms

and sage seemed to work because joe kind of faded away around the time i turned nine but to this day my room is freezing even with the heat blasting throughout the house and i'll wake up every so often to the terrifying feeling of eyes staring at me in the darkness from my closet no i know that was super long but i hope you enjoyed it even a little bit p.s i loved your episode involving the menger hotel that i'm called the menger hotel which i mean that wasn't planned can you tell i live in san antonio and the ghost city plus demon tours there are super fun and spooky angel slash on hell slash menger menger yeah who knows wowza you know i will say that like for the

people who have like really cold rooms like during the summer that's awesome like even when it's like really hot i was like okay but i'm jealous so i've got the ghost to cover it it's fine my place is always a little chilly awesome until at nighttime you're like there's something staring at me and it's really cold even though it's i mean there's something staring at me and it's really cold. Yeah. Even though it's summertime. I mean, that's not the fun part. And you have no explanation. Right.

You're, yes. Okay. I'm pumped for yours now. Are you? Yeah. Is there a reason? No. Oh, you're just.

I just love this. Like, cause usually I give you the story, so I know it already and I pretend to react. Well, now everyone knows that secret. So. Everyone already knew that cause we've said that. Okay. Here is one from Maddie. Addy or Maddie?

M-m-m-m-maddie. M-m-m-m-maddie. You want to say hi to Maddie? Nope. Okay. Hey, Maddie. She says hi. I'm Maddie, and I just started watching your show.

Watching? Okay, Mom. My stepmom called and goes, night and goes you know it seems like your blog is really good i was like it was like in the when we first started our podcast your mom was like i can only get audio i don't understand i can't see it i can't see it um okay i'm maddie and i just started watching your show about two months ago. Show me how you do that so I can do it next time, Maddie. You're doing it right now, Em. I never liked podcasts until I found yours.

Aww. That's so sweet. I actually found your podcast when I had the flu and it was the only thing I could stand listening to. She's like, I'm going to vomit and I have a fever, but this will do. You both are wonderful and I want to hang out with you guys. Oh, wow okay that was wild did you see that what the fuck

god that shit always happens to us every time we record walt wants a drink that's all you guys guys the wine bottle literally just uncorked itself in front of us and the cork rolled away just flew out of the wine bottle i hope we got that little sound snippet the pop the literally popped out of the bottle by itself popped out of the bottle and it was like it was in there it was in there i put it in there i'm gonna hold my wine he was like stay he was like i've never had a ghost experience. Okay, that, I literally watched a cork fly out of a bottle by itself. That has never happened. That was weird.

I think it's because you said, I want to hang out with you. And Walt was like, cheers, I'm down. Walt, if that was you, can you make this cork pop out? No, no more. If it did. Stop it, Em. I'd be like, let's fucking sage the place. Okay.

Em, I mean, Walt, you can hang out with us all you want well i mean walt doesn't like wine though he likes gin wall said he drinks okay anyway you both are wonderful now wow wonderful so wow okay you both are wonderful and i want to hang out with you guys let's just skip over that all yeah don't say it again so i'm from wisconsin and i feel like we are really known for cheese beer and serial killers yeah let's say so i mean that's a trifecta really i have a quick story not overly exciting but interesting um about the famous jeffrey dahmer not exciting i'm sure i love when people like it's not a great it's not that great i great. I just helped a murderer. It's fine. Okay.

My grandpa lived in Milwaukee and he was driving one day when he saw a man who seemed lost in the side of the road. He pulled over and the man asked him for directions. My grandpa gave him directions and then left. A while later, when watching the news, he saw a picture of Jeffrey Dahmer and it was the man he had given directions to. Gives me chills because that man was fucked up. Oh, yes.

I haven't done him yet. No. I should do. I mean, I will eventually. Okay, I have two more short ghost stories as well. So one happened to me when I was around eight years old. I slept at my grandma's house and I always slept on a classy pull-out couch in the living room. One day a cork flew out of the wine bottle on the living room table.

I had woken up and looked over by the patio doors there was a black shadowy figure standing in the door almost like my grandma had gotten up to let the dogs out i sat up a bit more and realized it wasn't my grandma i quickly hid under the covers of course when i looked up it was gone and i ran to my grandma's room she was sound asleep i never slept over again oh that, that's after that. I'm pretty sure it was the ghost of my great grandma who had died there. Oh, maybe my sister saw the same figure a couple years later. Okay. Last story. Sorry.

This is so long. Okay. This is so much shorter compared to the other stuff we get. So you're fine. It's not long. My last one happened just a couple months ago in my grandma's house. Again, my mom has been cleaning my grandma's house out because my grandma moved out that's fair um she was there once out checks out good alibi all right she was there one

day cleaning out her sister's room who had passed away before i was alive she found aunt terry's jewelry box and wound it up to hear the music she tried winding it up and it wouldn't make any noise she waited a good five minutes and nothing then she decided to clean another part of the house. After another couple minutes, she heard a song playing through the house from the jewelry box. It was playing a song with the words, I love you, playing nonstop. At that time, she felt like someone was with her. My mom just said, I love you too, and the feeling went away. When she told me that, I said i would have ran away but thought

it was her sister talking to her and really treasured that those are my stories i'm definitely team wine shake love you guys and you should come to wisconsin sometime i'll buy you beer and cheese hell yeah thank you maddie it just takes that thank you maddie uh my friend celine has a story about a music box that's so fucking cool you Oh, you've said it before to me. I don't know if you've said it on the show, though. I think it was just to you on one of those late night talks. Say it. I don't really remember.

I need her to send it in. I'm going to ask her to send it in. Essentially, what happened was there was this music box in her house for like 12 years that never did anything. And one day she got home and I'm going to butcher it. I don't really know. But something weird. She just felt really weird.

She was home alone. The music box started playing from her bedroom. And she was like, that's bizarre. So she got freaked out, went out in the back and saw two men walking down the hill. We were next to our neighbors and we had this big like wooded hill behind us. And our tree house was at the top. And she said two men were just walking down the hill like towards her yard. And she just ran to the neighbors and uh stayed with her like they

had been in the house playing the music box no it was like they were coming from the hill like down towards oh weird it was just very creepy i have to ask her to tell it was almost like the music box was warning her something yeah maybe like if oh i didn't even think of that like they were intruding yeah because like they were going to try to break into her house and the music box warned her to leave because that's why we were always so confused. Because I was like, because I mean, we did have break-ins growing up. We weren't in a great area. So the two dudes walking down the hill were like, she was like, yeah, they looked like burglars.

Like they were coming down the hill. I don't know what they were doing. They were not supposed to be there. Maybe the music box was like, I know this will freak you out if it plays. And also that house had been in her family for like generations so who knows oh maybe your family member was warning her yeah that's a really good point i should talk to her about that i think she listened to that podcast now so i'm like i need to stop just like making up i'm always like this happened to my friend i don't really know and then i tell it and she's like that's sort of what happened and i'm like

that's kind of right that's embarrassing okay one more from you then one more from me okay that's how this works oh these both of these subjects are so good okay let me read this one podcast champagne two dogs one cat no sex and chill question mark oh sure yes is my answer hey guys so i recently got hooked on the ATWWD podcast. Actually, a couple days ago. Christine, in the past couple days, you've inspired me to drink a bunch of wine. That's been your life goal this whole time, though. Congratulations, Christine.

I've become my mother. You influence others around you. And my stepmother. Uh-oh. Good for me. And binge ATWWD, kind of like podcast and chill all right but i drink champagne with my dogs oh i've got a bougie podcast listener here oh yeah alexandra i drink champagne with my dogs my cat likes to listen too and there's no sex involved well that's good because if the

only people there are your dog and your cat maybe no sex involved well that's good because if the only people there are your dog and your cat maybe no sex should happen so glad you specified i guess i mean that was my first thought i was like sounds like they're having a lot of sex those pets those drunk champagne drunk champagne so kind of like podcast champagne, two dogs. Okay, we're going to say the subject again. Two dogs, one cat, no sex and chill? It's like I drink champagne with my dog, but don't worry. There's no sex happening. Don't worry.

It's like, whew, that was what we were. Oh, my God. Okay. And you're inspiring as well. Oh, boy. Your stories give me creepy butterflies. Well, you're welcome. I like boy your stories give me creepy butterflies well you're welcome i like it you're welcome especially i i just so it's all out there like i don't endorse sex with your

champagne drunk dogs just so you know so it's a good it's good that that's happening that it's not happening happening okay i've got i've got two stories that i feel you both might find interesting the first oh sounds like a lot of stories we might find interesting the first is about a ranch that my aunt used to live at in a small town outside of dallas texas she used to tell me about a woman that she would see on the porch looking into her bedroom oh okay she was dressed in a white dress similar to an old-timey lace wedding dress. My aunt had many encounters with this woman. She was never violent with her, but seemed to be quite distressed and angry.

She would throw things. That seems pretty fucking violent to me. That's violent enough. She would throw things and stare at her with hate in her eyes. My aunt called her Matilda. I'd call her Miss Trunchbull, but... But, um... I guess throwing things?

I don't know. Is she throwing them with her mind? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. One night, my cousin was in town, and we decided that we wanted to spend the night with my aunt at the ranch.

So just to give you a mental picture, the house was set up to where you walked in the front door, and directly to your right, there's the dining room. On the other side of the dining room, there's the kitchen. Directly in front of the front door, there's the stairs that lead down to a room that has a bar and a pool table. Nice. On the other side of the room, the wall that the bar sat on, was a living room with a TV. That night, it was just my cousin, my aunt, and myself.

After cooking dinner, the doorbell started ringing repeatedly. When my aunt would go to see who was at the front door dot dot dot no one was there not a good time we blamed it on the neighbor's kids fair it was a ranch dot dot remember question yes i did not forget remember remember i don't have sex with my dogs i'm sorry we're really butchering those we know you don't i just feel like there's like she's just drinking champagne like remember i don't have sex with my dogs i'm sorry we're really butchering those we know you don't i just feel like there's like she's just drinking champagne like remember i'm like winky face it's a ranch do you remember no i know what she means like we thought it was the kids because it's a ranch remember yes yes i understand the neighbors were at least five miles away but okay okay so it's a ranch so there's nobody around right this is very the strangers yes it's creeping me out

which is i think why we keep forcing it to be funny uh-huh anyways after about 30 minutes the doorbell ringing calmed down oh so it was like insistently ringing okay the doorbell ringing calmed down for a bit and we sat down to watch tv after a few minutes of sitting down we heard a loud glass shattering noise oh jesus then we heard another and another then we heard the sound of multiple glasses shattering all at once. Oh, my God. My aunt hesitantly walked to the bar on the other side of the wall and all the bottles were shattered on the floor.

Shut the fuck up. Parentheses. I didn't realize then, but what a fucking waste. Remember? But like, God, I would be pissed. God. I would be freaked out but mostly pissed like seriously yeah i'd be like you couldn't break something else and break the glasses you had to break all

the bottles yeah not okay we spent the next two hours cleaning up those broken bottles this is its own paragraph my aunt moved that's it oh that's the end of the story okay but there's one more about a ufo but wow that was the end of the story. Okay, but there's one more about a UFO. But wow, that was the end of that story. Okay, that's a wild story. The doorbell kept ringing and they threw all the bottles of booze on the floor. That's not nice. What a mean ghost.

And if it's that same old woman, she's a bitch. Oh, Jesus, I forgot about the old woman. She's just a bitch. Maybe she was like a prohibition. Maybe she was like super, super religious and was like do not drink it's the devil's play things you know that's probably what she said i mean she was screaming it via doorbell remember right remember oh my god that's funny okay alexander you're giving us quite a laugh here is it alexander alexandra alexandra okay the other story is about a ufo

my ufo your own are you an alien can you drive it jesus drive it over here i want to see it no i don't drive it to pasadena i don't want to see it okay never mind you show him my ufo that may be my friends or maybe tracking me who knows lol nope what does this mean prequel this is really funny also she's a lot of dot dot dots which just like cracks me it makes me think that she's a mom because every mom doesn't understand that you can just press i feel like that's what i think she may be an alien oh right you know she's like one of those humanoids like trying to trying to be very human. Dot, dot, dot.

I am a human. I love human things, like drinking water. Like random, like you think you're doing well as a human, but you're kind of just not really hitting it. You're just doing dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Remember? Prequel. Dot, dot, dot.

When I was about three years old, my mom, a single mother, swore that I was implanted with trackers by aliens. Okay. Your mom and you are interesting people dear one night my mom and i were sleeping together i hated sleeping on my own and she suddenly woke up in the middle of the night as she woke she saw a dark tall figure touching my nose and ears oh for fuck's sake she quickly realized that she was paralyzed she tried to scream but no sound came out after minutes of her internally panicking the dark figures left as soon as they were gone she had so much adrenaline that she physically ran out of the bed and into the wall uh-uh yep into the wall

she had a bruise on her face oh my oh no she then spent the next couple of months taking me into doctors saying that i needed to be examined to make sure that there are no implants in my nose and ears side note can we just talk about the look she probably got from all the doctors haha either way they never found anything haha also my my thought though is like if an alien did put an implant in you they obviously have technology that we don't it's probably like so minuscule we wouldn't be able to catch it or it's invisible to our eye but can you imagine the fear of like your little baby you're like a single mom and like there's these creatures touching your baby i mean yeah that's horrible and you can't move and then you're like something you know what's wild like think of all the ghost stories that we get like all the listener stories yeah like that one um the one that we always talk about

where she found her son in the hallway with the table up sound he's three years old imagine like 15 years when he's telling like he's the product of the story yeah like imagine hearing it from his end she's like she's probably when she used to be a kid didn't know that she'd have to tell that story no no no how creepy imagine like being on your first date and you're like well you know i have like an alien implant in my nose. I think Alexander. It's like two truths and a lie, like at a sorority. Like, okay, say something you don't think we would know.

It's like, oh my God, that would be the best two truths and a lie. Because everyone would be like, you're bad at this game. And you'd be like, nope, that's actually true. Also, she's probably just drinking champagne with her dog. So I feel like she's such a gem i mean she's made it anyway she's clearly living a great life okay fast forward to when we were in high school my friend and i were hanging out on her driveway of her parents house we were there for hours having multiple people stop by to hang out while out there we noticed a bright star that was moving up and down side to side it also appeared to be blinking as well dot dot dot it was not a

star oh you need to write a screenplay alexandra at about 3 a.m the light we'll call it a light now was getting closer and closer being super smart my friend and i walked out into the middle of the driveway and stood directly under the light all of a sudden it flew directly down and hovered over the driveway for about 30 seconds before quickly flying away may i mention while hovering we noticed it was the size of at least a football field most are like in a lot of stories they say that a ufo is like the size of a football field that big yeah holy shit the sound was as if a helicopter was flying less than 50 feet away from us however there was no wind again we're super smart my friend and i probably m and christine quickly grabbed our phones and got into her car we obviously had

to chase it as soon as we got into the car my mother we obviously had to tweet about it we obviously facebook live the whole thing as soon as we got in the car my mother called me at 3 a.m and said she had a terrible feeling and wanted me to get home immediately oh no oh my god i told her what was going on and she begged me not to not follow the flying object and come home that's so crazy i told her i couldn't come home and dot dot dot we followed it anyways come on alexandra listen to your mama I feel like that's enough evidence to listen to your mom at least this one time. How creepy, right? At least this one time. However, nothing was to be found.

We later found out that we were not the only people that saw the object fly down. No one ever accounted for the object hovering above them for an extended amount of time, though, except for us. I hope you enjoyed. Love y'all. Keep being awesome. Alexandra. P.S. I drink because my pet's hair is constantly in my champagne glass well yeah that's why you drank not because you're like part

fucking alien got some weird priorities there girl abducted it can be quite frustrating maybe this is a sign i should just drink directly from the bottle something to contemplate heart sounds ideal alexandra i feel like i want to hang out with you you seem alexandra although wait is she the one who when we said no that was the other one when the other the last one we said i want to hang out with you and then the cork popped out that was the other one that was maddie god this is a wild ride okay this is the last one this is the last one there's a second page no it's oh promise okay this is from jess what do you say always love you mean it love you mean it makes

me laugh love your hair hate your guts and it's really funny okay i was in a sorority guys love to love you okay so i was not i was really not so uh this is from jess hi jess she starts with i'm a fucking idiot yes and hit send early oh whoops oh because if you look at the very top just says hi i'm in christine comma it literally just says hi i'm in christine i think that would have made it on the show regardless yeah actually. Actually, we already had this planned. You just really helped yourself along. You just added to it. Okay. So the first email.

Hi, I'm in Christine. Hi. Second email. I'm a fucking idiot and hit send early. Anyway, I've got a story for you. My grandparents both passed away at home. Oh, no. My grandpa went first and afterward, nobody would go into his room.

It just felt like you were intruding. He was a very private guy with a bit of sketchy history. So it makes sense. He wouldn't want us prying through his stuff. Only my, quote, eccentric uncle felt comfortable in the room and would even sleep in the bed where my grandpa died. Eccentric, indeed. I think the quoted word you were looking for is brave. Yes, fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. Anyways, when my grandmother passed away, my mother and I found it impossible to go into the house alone.

Most of our family didn't seem to notice it, but we were there constantly. We agreed that there was a very dark feeling in the house and it felt like you were being watched. Well, after neighbors reported seeing people moving in the house and dark figures on my porch, my weird uncle, we've moved from eccentric to weird, by the way. Oh, no. My weird uncle decided to stay in the house to keep strangers away. He stayed there alone for weeks while his eventually ex-wife and children stay at home. So he was living there by himself while his family was at a different house. Oh, my God.

He was never the same. He went from being goofy and weird to sullen, paranoid with a very quick temper. His wife left and took the kids fast forward about five years he's living two states away after having finally finished with a very ugly divorce suddenly we get a call that my aunt who's his ex has been found dead no police ended up saying it was natural causes due to a heart murmur her doctor said that he found that unlikely as she just had her checkup and was in very good health oh my god that was one of a one of a few things that made the family and neighbors question the official ruling i'd get into the details but on the off chance my

family listens to this podcast i'm gonna keep it big the off chance we're very popular excuse you we are a-list celebrities jess i'm sorry this is me like just feeling so i'm doing the m christine's drunk and i'm just i'm just feeding into it wrong i'm just pulling an m and trying to make this funny when it's like upsetting me deeply uh okay so here's what's going on with the aunt she had a wound and had clearly moved after quite a bit she had a wound and had clearly moved around quite a bit after having received it there was blood in a room other than the one she was found in what heart murmur i asked several pages of her journals had been torn out the most questionable thing though my uncle who lived

far away was only a few towns away for no reason he just wanted to take a drive do people literally i mean you watch tv and you're like well that guy's clearly gonna get caught and now it's like real life and she says i don't know if he killed her but i know we never saw him again he took my cousins and completely cut off all ties with his entire family i also know to this day i have reoccurring nightmares about my grandmother's house and no one has lived in it for a very long time after we sold it well there's my story love the podcast found it when i was driving alone through backwoods georgia for three hours y'all keep me awake for the drive or kept me awake from the drive and the next couple of nights all the best jess oh my god woof people have had people have led

lives man yeah oh yeah we just tell them you guys live it we just say it we just eat lollipops and drink some wine woof and eva just sits there and watches our reactions to her her uh choosing listen she reads through all of these well first of all bravo uh eva not just and maybe just well bravo just to bravo all of you for your lives bravo eva for reading these thank you for helping us do this this was probably my favorite so far such a doozy yeah my favorite so far all right guys thank you for listening um and you will hear another listeners episode june 1st oh my god that's two days away from our birthdays yeah which means it's gonna be in oh god you're gonna hear a lot of nonsense in the ass that month that we i don't know if you remember last year around june oh my

we were so fucking annoying we get ready it's gonna happen again we're gemini twins we are we're twin twins yes yes yes yes and we are nightmares it's about to be a real raucous month and raucous indeed i'm just we know we're gonna be annoying so like we don't need the emails we know we'd like you to just know in advance that we know we're very excited about the whole thing and if you're not then you can just step away until july just step away see you there step back um and that's it that's all i have uh also today our wine and crime crossover episode was released so listen for that it was so much fun it's a really great episode we do a wine themed

murder slash ghosts yes it's all wine themed episode it's a good time it's really fun and that's all i got too and that's why we drink and that's why we drink bye