And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 29

Episode Date: June 1, 2019

IT’S BIRTHDAY MONTH! And we’re celebrating with haunted twins, handsy ghosts, and black-eyed strangers. Is this week’s theme cheese? Sweden? Demonic intervention? Spoiler alert: we still don’t know. But be sure to stay tuned for next week’s theme, CHEESE AND COWBOYS. Please consider supporting the companies that support us! Get 20% off your first custom shampoo/conditioner formula at http://functionofbeauty.com/DRINKTry a better way to get birth control with Simple Health by going to http://simplehealth.com/drink or enter DRINK at checkout.

It's time. Look alive. It's birthday month. Birthday month! June is here and it's our birthdays. Woohoo! So in two days will be my B-Day and in three days will be your B-Day. B-Day, B-Day, B-Day. It's going to be so much fun. I made it out of clay. We haven't even gotten to talk about it. Usually, guys, I think actually some people don't really like when we put out live episodes,

but I would see the saving grace in it in that you haven't had to hear us for months hyping up the fact that our birthday is coming up. Instead, we've bottled it up and we will release it all upon you for the entire month of June. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. That's us bottling it up and exploding. I'm so excited. and we have a special listener story episode and it's special because it's our birthday there's no other reason because we haven't gotten to be selfish and annoying for so long and we're back in la so

we're fucking gonna hit this hard eva sent over um some stories she said they're themed but did not tell us the theme it better be our birthday or else i will literally eva's favorite game is to figure out that there's tell us there's a theme not tell us what the theme is and then halfway through we kind of start guessing or not tell us there's a theme and then we try to wonder whether there's an intentional theme or whether we're just crazy people so eva is also currently not here she is in minnesota or madison madison she's in wisconsin wisconsin uh she's curds and I'm jealous. Well, in the email where she sent us over these stories she said, miss you guys already

but also excited to return to the land of cheese curds. She's like, I don't really miss you already. Her Instagram story is just pictures of cheese curds. I've already checked. Already. We're already missing her more than she ever wants to come back. So anyway, maybe the theme is cheese. Wait, I think it just might be. That's my guess.

If it's either my birthday or cheese, I'll be happy. Nothing in between. Are we placing bets? Are you going to say your birthday? I'm saying I'm saying cheese. I'm saying birthdays. Okay, so let's start it off and see where it'll be. Absolutely zero.

Let's see where Eva takes us. You know, he was listening to this editing like, ah, shit, I didn't do either. A cheesy birthday. Maybe. Oh, that would be cool. All right. So let's see where you go first. if it takes off oh yes okay also these are in case you're wondering and you're like what is going on and where am i you probably already left if you're

that person but if you're here and you don't know what's going on these are our listener stories that you guys send in and then eva picks a handful and we read them for the first time on air and get to react to your cool crazy shit that happens yay so here is the first story this is from deanna hi deanna uh the subject line is of astral projecting twins apparating apparating you definitely didn't read harry potter apparating isn't it yes and missing time okay great so twins gemini love it oh maybe i'm on it wait it's maybe too early to call themes no but so far i didn't see any cheese in that subject not yet uh okay deanna says hey you two crazy cats and eva hey hey hey loved you in vancouver she's a canadian yay that

onesie must have been hot as fuck under those spotlights. It was. It was. Em didn't care. For those who don't know what happened when we did our show in Canada, I spent like $100 on a Canadian costume. And it was very hot. It was quite a costume. Oh, and then we like ran to a bunch of other like much more famous comedians because we're part of a comedy festival and they only saw me in that costume. So they probably will never work with me again.

I walked 20 feet away because I was like i don't even know what to say i understood uh these two stories occurred in a house on vancouver island a lot of strange things happened to many of my family members and a few visitors over the five years we lived there including shadow people even during the day oh god that's that means they're brave that means they're they don't give a fuck they are confident uh footsteps on the stairs objects moving ghostly smells like candles and cigars okay at least it's good smells yeah at least it's not like death yeah but the haunted aspect of the place uh but the haunted aspects of the place are for another day okay my twin sister felicia uh a fellow listener who says, hey, girl. If this is a twin. Did you say that or did they say that? In parentheses.

Oh, funny. A fellow listener. Clever. My twin sister, Felicia. Hi, Felicia. Maybe it's twins. I love twin stories. Okay, sorry.

Go on. And I were in our mid-teens when The Sims came out. Game over. Game over. Game on. Game on. And boy, were we obsessed. We were attending grade 10.

Oh, grade 10. Precious. Not 10th grade. That's fun. Through a correspondence-based program due to health issues, so we could plug days into that game. Very nice. Oh, jealous.

We often stayed up super late taking turns. Taking turns? Yeah, no. The only child in me refuses. The oldest child in me also refuses. Get your own computer in the 90s where they cost a thousand billion dial up please we're not sharing we often stayed up taking turns and watching the other torment their sims don't worry we grew out of it again only child me would

not allow that um i did that shit it's terrible on this particular saturday morning i woke up pretty late i laid in bed for a while likely reveling in my teen angst, as you do, before eventually getting up. My bedroom was across from the bathroom and next to the stairs that led down to the ground floor. Our computer room resided. By the way, talk about a throwback. Kids these days don't even know what a computer room is. They're like, computer room? Any room with my computer, you can make a computer room.

Exactly. They're like, what are you talking about? Aw. As I crossed the hallway to enjoy a morning pee. Oh, don't we all. Good times. I could hear the TV on in the living room. Our mom spent most Saturdays catching up on her tape recorded shows.

Okay, this is a throwback if I've ever heard of it. Oh, maybe this is a 90s theme and we're just. Maybe because we were born in the 90s. So our birthday. We could stretch it to that. Let's do it. I call this a 92, a 91, 92. Theme.

Theme. And I spotted Felicia heading down the stairs i cursed internally that bitch was going to sim it up before me sorry that's so funny that's such a sibling thing i knew i shouldn't have laid in bed for so long yep your angst kept you away so the so felicia's going down the stairs to like use the computer and she can tell she's like fuck i wanted to play but something was off about her okay absolutely not all of a sudden you wish it was really worked up about the sims and i forgot that what the topic of this stupid show is about i left the bathroom and as expected found my mom lounged on the sofa watching murder she wrote or sliders or something i asked if felicia

had just gone downstairs and she would have said, she would have said good morning to our mom. After all, my mom said, no, she's still in bed. Troubled. Obviously. I went down to the hall to my sister's room and opened the door. The sound of the creaking door woke her and she blinked blurry eyes at me. I said, were you just downstairs?

She rubbed her eyes and annoyed to be woken up, said, no, I'm sleeping. But if my twin was still in bed who was that what was that that the peculiarities of her doppelganger surfaced in my mind there was a subtle glow to her skin and hair i have chills and everything was brighter but not from an external source it was internal did she look at you i'm terrified right now the other obvious thing when i reflected on it was that she made no sound those the stairs usually squeak and it was next to impossible to sneak downstairs without them giving you away my theory is that the sim obsession was so deep that even though she was sleeping she

walked wanted to play badly enough that she had astral projected herself to go play she was like you woke me up from my dream where i was playing The Sims. Get it? It's simply the most logical explanation. It's simply a simulation. Oh! My second story also happened in this house. Great. Our friend Katie was staying with us for a few weeks to escape her abusive mother.

Oh my. That was dark. Okay. One night Felicia, Katie, and I decided to play Late Night Hide and Goseek in the bushes. No more Sims? At the nearby elementary school. This is a lot more dangerous to me. You could leave your home after dark? I was not allowed to do that.

Well, yeah, you're... Yep. Parented by Linda. Yeah, exactly. Helicopter mom, we played for a while until my pasty white skin giving me away got too frustrating. Wait, hilarious. And I asked if we could take a break so I could grab my black turtleneck. I would fucking be stealth mode.

I feel like I can hide in the bushes. They agreed and followed me back to the house but waited out front. I went upstairs, dug out my sweater and pulled it on. I could hear cat calls from the pair outside and rolled my eyes. They could see right through my open bedroom window. outside and rolled my eyes uh they could see right through my open bedroom window i flicked off the light and opened the front door to find katie and felicia yelling what the fuck how did you do that i was very confused they explained that they had watched me turn off the light and in half a second open the front door that would be impossible i needed time to walk down the stairs slowly and

quietly to not wake up our parents. And that is not a trip that you can do in half a second, even if you were to jump the two flights of stairs. They had asked me to check the time when I first entered the house, which I called out to them around 1115. Unnerved now, we decided to call in a night. We went inside, and I happened to see the time was around 1145. Huh? in a night we went inside and i happened to see the time was around 11 45 huh and the new and the few minutes it took to go change a sweater we had lost half an hour thank you and then she comes out and someone is still up there changing and turns off the light as if forget it goodbye so i guess

i apparated hope you enjoyed lots of love from your neighbor to the north deanna holy gosh that is scary. That was really unnerving. Like, that stuff unnerves me, the doppelganger stuff. Yeah, I hate doppelganger stuff. It scares me really badly. Because, like, you know what you saw, you know? And there's no, like, control. Like, you don't know what it is.

I don't like it. Anyway. You don't know what you saw. It's like, no. Thanks, kind of, Deanna. Okay, I got one here. Very short one. This is from Henrik who says hello everyone

except lemon well that's thank you very nice i mean not nice well you know what goodbye he's what i say but next you did a bad job hello everyone except lemon god we should have really had you read this one. Oh, well. It would have come off a little meaner. Yeah. Probably for the best that you're reading it. But I got my feelings hurt. My name is Henrik.

Henrik? And I live in Sweden, a few hours away from the vicarage that Em covered in episode 104. Ooh. Right after listening to that episode, I went to dinner with my friend and his dad, and we started talking about ghosts. And I mentioned the episode, and he told me he stayed there a night back in 1971. It was his girlfriend at the time and his best friend and his girlfriend at the time so the two friends two bros and their girlfriends right i can't remember which room they slept in but as he said quote one of the most haunted rooms in the house he was a non-believer and stayed there to prove his girlfriend wrong nice okay but they were laying there just them two while his friend was in the room next to them my friend's dad heard heavy

breathing moving around the room and it even came up right next to his ear. But when he tried to hit whatever was breathing so heavy, he couldn't hit anything. The breathing kept moving around the room until he heard his friend screaming in the yard and ran out to see what was up. Apparently his friend went out to have a smoke and take a leak. But when he was walking back to the house, he felt a hand on his shoulder. That's why he screamed. And when he literally tried to shake it off it moved to his other shoulder absolutely not absolutely not grotesque it's like okay so now it knows that you know it's there it's playing games not even afraid it's just gonna keep exactly with you it's like toying with you

gross gross gross eva gross eva louise gross maybe that's a theme wait a minute gross just gross eva is this about you all of a sudden it's about you i should have known oh and when he literally tried to shake it off and moved his other shoulder and kept doing so but after a few shakes it put it on his butt poltergropes and then disappeared did you happen to be in dc at a vicarage was this the vicarage in dc that i know so well a swedish vicarage in dc with a your bed and breakfast host deirdre right right um a few shakes put it on his butt and then disappeared my friend's dad said that since then he has been a believer well you gotta be i mean and this is while the breathing was going

on and it kept moving imagine hearing breathing and something touching your butt at the same time and it kept hitting firm pass it was but it's weird that it was in two places at once like it was breathing in his room and then he was outside tapping his friend ew i guess okay is what i guess anyway that's it you didn't even sign the email. Oh, well, thank you for your submission. Good for you. The subject, I'm sorry, is the Vicarage in Borkvatn in 1971. Awesome. Awesome.

Thank you for that. Kind of. Thank you, Henrik. So the next one, the title is, my mom used to yell at ghosts to make situations worse. What? Who is your mom? Renata. Oh, that'll do it.

And this is from Sophie. Oh, hiie sophie says okay redemption hi humans and animals and lemon thank you sophie if even fucking playing that too i bet she knew it was gonna she put them in order we're gonna read them uh here's a little spookies for you love it love it uh when i was about nine my sister was ten and my brother was five so nine ten five got it uh we lived in this house that no one liked it just had this really strange feeling and my sister would sleepwalk and just stand at the end of people's beds and stare at them all night what my brother does children sleepwalking is just as worse as just as bad as children walking in general it's children walking just being next to your bed if a if a

fully conscious child appeared at your bed just staring at me while i slept i'd be like okay you're if any sure possessed any creature in the world were staring at me as i slept i would be very unhappy about a thousand percent yes a thousand percent um anyways my little brother kept saying to my mom that he doesn't like the cowboy who visits him at night. Okay. I'm telling you what. Burn it down. Allison or whoever decides to mother my children, if our child ever says, I don't like the. Nope. Ex.

That visits me. That visits me at night. We're moving. Unless it's like grandma who lives down the hall. This is why I can't buy, like I can't buy a house. I have to be able to rent and leave whenever I want. Because you've seen enough of those shows where they're like, like, I can't buy a house. I have to be able to rent and leave whenever I want. Because you've seen enough of those shows where they're like, well, we can't move. I'm so terrified of getting a mortgage one day because, like, what if that's the most haunted fucking place and I'm trapped?

Then I'm going to bring a reality TV crew over. Well, we might as well monetize off of that for sure. Zach Bagelbites and I will be there soon. The Cowboy Who Visits Him at Night. And my mom just brushed it off and said he was dreaming. Well, your mom is not. Renata, once again. It's not M and their future spouse.

Significant other. Not at all. Me and my wife are going to a thousand percent be ready to rock and roll the second our kid says something like that. Peace out. Yeah. I'm going to have a fucking room ready probably. Just in case I'm coming over.

Even if you don't live in the same country. Oh yeah, I know. I'll text you and be like, I'm on my way. You're like, I'm coming to the Swedish vicarage. Right. Stay there. So this was consistent for months. At this stage, my 10-year-old self had moved my bed into a tent in the backyard because I hated it so much.

Listen, homie, that's the right thing to do. I would have done that, too. There's no judging there. Some months later, the cowboy started to visit my sister in her room four get about it if you didn't have a reason to leave yet one of your three children is sleeping outside the two that are sleeping inside are both seeing the same cowboy literally how renato would handle the situation fine go sleep outside good luck at this stage my 10 year old self had moved to my okay yeah some some months later the cowboy started to visit my sister in her room and she would keep saying to my mom what oh what uh why is uncle

blank like insert name here why is uncle blank in my room watching me sleep it's payback for that sleepwalking this uncle of mine used to wear a cowboy hat no at this stage my mom was getting annoyed so at least we know. Annoyed. I like how it's annoyed. It's not like. At this point, at least we know it's an uncle. Okay.

At least a relative. Sure. One child is in the backyard, two in their rooms, not sleeping. Right. Because they're getting watched, being watched, getting watched. So mom decided to take things into her own hands. She decided to one day, she decided to one day when we were all at school to yell at the ghost.

Great. Good idea? No. That doesn't work in the shows anyway well it didn't work here either because apparently she said in all caps i bet loudly get the fuck out of my house and do not go near my children get out even though it was like the uncle supposedly i guess you never know if it's actually the uncle true i mean there's uh one of my friends who one of the friends that i have that's a medium she has one of the creepiest stories she's ever told me is she i think she was a um she was i guess an apprentice or she was in training to be a child psychologist at the time but as a medium she was also dealing with a lot of kids who were so horrible like talking about people that they were literally seeing and their parents were like oh it's a

phase or it's an imaginary friend mental illness or a mental illness and she had to literally be like no i can see it too but she couldn't say that it was a tough spot you don't want to challenge psychological yeah that's really rough yeah yeah but so one of the people one of the kids that she worked with the kid always talked about this person following him that she also saw. And she would, he would call the guy grandpa. No. And so at some point, I guess during like a parent's psych or psychologist or parent counselor meeting, the parents said in passing that like, oh, he stays with his grandparents a lot. And like, like implied that like neither of his grandfathers were dead.

So how is he seeing this thing that he was calling grandpa? And the thing like introduce, like wants to present itself as grandpa. And when she finally saw this thing that he had been calling grandpa, it was a like black mass shadow figure. Not at all. A grandpa, grandpa figure. Super creepy. I'm going to throw up on you. So I feel I'm home alone tonight by the way

this always happens like everyone's out of town i'm home alone to edit literally this stuff well so anyway i'm telling you like he could she could be saying uncle and not be an uncle that's what i'm thinking so she said get the fuck out of my house do not go near my children then all the clocks ticked to zero zero the digital clocks not phones it was the year 2002 okay uh and the bedroom cupboards all began to shake this is like the tv shows so my mom just unplugged all the clocks and took the doors off all the cupboards and then yelled and then yelled what are you gonna do now no no no no no no no no anyways so after an eventful day all the kids got home i was laying on my bed when all the cupboards and then yelled and then yelled what are you gonna do now no no no no no no no no no anyways so after an eventful day all the kids got home i was laying on my bed when all the cupboards were like the hinges can you imagine coming home and all the dishes actually kind of i feel like that is some shit that would have happened in my childhood i was laying on my bed

when all of a sudden my care bear easel lifted off the ground and flew at me forget about it i started screaming and ran out to my mom at this point mom was in the kitchen so i ran in there to where mom was putting ice into a glass and all the ice flew off the bench into us god then all the scream then after all it was quiet that night when mom was in bed she woke up and there was a cowboy breathing on her face okay i am i quit when she opened her eyes she quickly closed them from fear and got the courage to open them again and he was gone a few years later when mom was at work she served a customer and read his address on the computer and said oh i used to live at that address to which the man replied did you see

the cowboy get out yuck yeah this is when i tell you i have goosebumps i'm not kidding both like all these stories so far have really gotten me good i don't i don't like it it was hard for me to pick between this one and the doppelganger story uh the doppelganger who used to pretend to be me and my ex in our house fun times wait oh so oh this is a different yeah that's a different story that like is not here she so sophie was like it's hard to pick between one well i was about to say this and doppelgangers are not good for me i don't like this sophie then says tour australia we're so ready for you all the love all the way from down under i also want to hear more doppelganger stories guys because sophie please email us again please do and also they scare me so badly i honestly something about doppelganger stuff scares me so badly that was

unreal that was such a good one that was freaking terrifying oh like that's not even like a oh maybe it's a ghost it's like that's a fucking demon. Did you see the cowboy? I don't like this one fucking bit. The fact that like, like it clearly wasn't trying to bother the mom until the mom got in space and then she woke up to it breathing on her. You know, it's oh, in her face. You know what I don't like is that it was like going from one child to the next. Like, yeah, start with one and then visit.

OK, I've successfully scared that one. Let's move on to the next one. I like how homie was like, no one child to the next like yeah start with one and then it's like okay i've successfully scared that one let's move on to the next one i like how homie was like no no i'm outside you can come and get me outside i was about to ask why she didn't get and then i'm like right she's in a tent she literally was like i'm gonna leave before anyone tells me fucking smart sophie you're smart oh boy oh no no no no no no no okay here we go this is from sheridan okay hi sheridan helpful irish ghosts i love that what is the theme what is the we've lost the thread i think cowboys one was a cowboy one was is an irishman siblings one was a twin maybe no is it siblings there's no siblings in everyone swedish one that was there was no siblings it siblings there's no siblings in everyone swedish one that

was there was no siblings in that there were no siblings in that shoulder is the theme ghosts is the theme that like even sorry that's my birth control arm oh is the theme simplehealth.com slash drink is the theme that um the theme is not cheese i'll tell you that the theme is that giving up that she just told us there was a theme to fuck with us and we're just gonna sit here well maybe that is the theme there's no theme is the theme metaphorically speaking that is the theme because in all of them there people are being fucked with this is true so maybe the theme is that we are also being fucked with i see and eva's behind it all yep gross eva gross okay i do not know what else this could possibly be okay the theme as far as i'm concerned but

maybe we'll get even we figured it out it's that you're fucking with us eva you're fired okay just kidding this is from sheridan hi i'm in christine i come from a quintessential irish catholic family meaning that over the years many secrets have slowly emerged after years of being swept under the rug. Love Catholics. Listen, if there's one thing I love, it's a good Catholic. Yeah. Thank you. Oh my God.

That's the nicest thing you've ever said. Said the Jew. Yep. One of the secrets involves the fact that my dad recently received a letter in the mail revealing that he has a half sister he knew nothing about. Heyo. Turns out my grandmother gave the baby up for adoption as she was conceived out of wedlock. Both my grandmother and grandfather took the secret to the grave. that's wild wow hashtag catholic hashtag catholic but my still living great aunt confirmed this truth after the letter arrived when my family confronted her not

only did she confirm it but acted as if we were at fault for speaking of this dark family secret how dare you how dare you ask about this mysterious letter saying you have a sibling and how dare you? How dare you ask about this mysterious letter saying you have a sibling? How dare you have a relative and know about it? How dare you? It's not the Catholic way. No, no. Really hoping to change up this fucked up Irish Catholic family dynamic with my generation. Yes, please.

On your way then. On your way. On your way, it sounds like. That said, I have a ghostly story to share with you involving the same secret burying clan. I was like, what are we going? Okay. with you involving the same secret berry secret burying clan i was like what are we going okay to preface this story my paternal secret keeping irish grandmother passed away before my sister and i were born and my grandfather who was straight off the boat from ireland passed away

in 99 1999 90s 90s oh it's totally 90s i don't know that last one said like oh it was in 2002 oh you're right like the clock maybe it was like a retro theme, like the clocks. We didn't have phones. It's like our age, like our era of growing up. Yeah. Like we didn't have phones yet, she said. Like we had only digital. And then we talked about The Sims.

Yeah. That could be it. Just our child. Just a child. The time where we were growing up, I guess. Maybe. Okay. And Cowboys.

And Cowboys version. Okay. Sorry. So 1999. Okay. were growing up i guess maybe and cowboys and cowboys first um okay sorry so 1999 okay so when i was 13 my family was road tripping from connecticut to cape cod for a summer vacation we were about a mile away from the hotel when a drunk driver hit us head-on totaling our car holy shit holy shit luckily we were in a volvo which has but to be fair volvos were the safest car they were they were like the family car. My mom had a Volvo. Yeah, mine did not. Oh. Isn't Volvo German?

I just imagine Renata would have a Volvo. We had a Volkswagen. That's German. Oh, we both have Vos. I think Volvo's like Swedish? Is that the theme? Swedes? Okay. Da-da-da-da-da.

Sorry, this is not about me. This is about you and your terrible car accident okay here we go luckily we were in a volvo which has approximately 4 000 airbags so the worst injury amongst the four of us was a concussion sustained by my younger sister that is so scary dude truly nightmare my sister was on a family vacation nightmare anyway my sister was taken to the hospital by ambulance with my mom accompanying her leaving my dad and me behind to speak with the police before joining them. When my dad and I arrived at the hospital, we stepped off the elevator and we were immediately approached by an older doctor with a thick Irish brogue who said, right this way. I can't do the Irish.

Right this way. I don't know. That sounds not like a thick Irish brogue. That sounds like a leprechaun. Right this way. I don't know. Leprechaun. I think that's relatively closer than an American accent. Sure. Maybe. I don't know leprechaun i think that's relatively closer than an american accent sure

maybe i don't know who said right this way danny caitlin is in room 206 he ushered us to the room and promptly left now i'm not a doctor nor am i in the medical field but looking back on this interaction i realized how odd it was that a white coat white coat donning doctor knew the exact room that my sister was in and took the time to take us to her not to mention the even stranger fact that we overlooked in our state of panic following the accident which was that my dad's first name Oh, weird. As John. Ooh, and he said right this way, Danny. Yeah. As John was my grandfather's name.

He most definitely would have been referred to as John on any forms regarding my sister i have chills again luckily my sister was stable but still needed to be kept overnight for observation my mom stayed at the hospital with her and my dad and i retreated to the hotel when we returned the next morning my mom looked shook more so than someone who had just spent the night sleeping on a reclining chair in a hospital we asked her what was wrong and she said that there had been a nurse who had come in all evening checking my sister's vitals, etc. Caitlin had mentioned that Carol the nurse was very nice, spent time coloring with her, and let her try on her fun cat eye glasses. Upon hearing how sweet this nurse had been to my sister, my mom had gone to the nurse's station I'm freaking out.

I already don't like this. and asked to thank Carol, the night nurse with the cat eye glasses the nurses racked their brains but didn't know of any colleague by the name carol nor one that fit that description who had worked the previous evening oddly enough my grandmother's name was carol and she was known for her signature cat eye glasses no way my sister would not have recognized her given that she passed away before we got a chance to meet her my sister made a full recovery and we got the fuck out of Cape Cod, but my family still talks about the time when both of my grandparents showed up just when we needed them the most.

Keep your eyes peeled for secretive but helpful ghosts, Sheridan. That's so sweet. Oh my freaking God. Wait, I love that. Wait, I think that's one of my favorite stories we've done. Me too. This is a really good series. Wait, that was a really good one.

That like really was with the grandpa being like right this way danny and he's pretending to be a doctor and then the grandma's pretending to be a nurse and like you would never know that they were not real people like they just wanted to fit in that way like you wouldn't that way the family wouldn't be scared yeah i'm gonna cry oh wait a minute that was so cute that's the last one? I don't know. Let's see. I just love the last line. Keep your eyes peeled for secretive but helpful ghosts.

No, there's more. Oh, my gosh. Wow. That really racked me. Okay. Holy smokes. Lord Almighty. I like that a lot.

I loved that. Job well done. Job well done. I have gotten chills on every single story so far. I'm not kidding. This is getting me good, Eva. Evaa you're doing a good job reading i like to think that somewhere she's eating cheese curds and got like a little like i like to think she's got a little a little at least one goose bump a little goose bump one's individual so this a goose bump nope goose bump that is still the singular that is still a one goose bump. You know about English and me. Oh, yeah. This is from Hannah.

Hi, Hannah. Hannah's title is Listener Stories. Grandma tried to take me to the other side. Is it grandparent? Uncles? Wait a minute. Wait, no, but the relatives. The Swedish one didn't have it.

It just had that creepy. The Swedish one keeps throwing me off. It just had that. Maybe that was a red herring. Maybe. Maybe it's other countries. No, there was nothing else. Okay, sorry. I don't know. Look, it's other countries. No, there was nothing else. Okay.

Sorry. I don't know. Look, it's not our birthday. Eva. Rude. By the way, we're still angry about it. By the way. By the way.

Happy birthday to us. We'll talk later. We will absolutely talk later. Okay. So grandma tried to take me to the other side from Hannah. Hannah says, hi, I'm Christine and Eva and company. At all. At all uh and greetings from finland oh hello hello so swedish finland ireland canada wait a minute and then the sims oh no that

was canada too oh wait maybe they're all from different countries are they wait no oh and then the oh yeah well the vicarage one that that was Sweden. Yeah. Volvo, Swedish. Oh, wait, yeah, but this one's just about... Oh, Irish Catholic, right. This one's from Finland. Okay. I think we are onto something. I think we are.

Oh, wait, what about the one about... Oh, a rural town in Australia is where they grew up. These are all international stories. I see. Eva, god damn. Eva, you sneaky, sneaky witch. I guarantee everyone listening is like, you guys are literally so dumb. We all figured

this out. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not cowboys and cheese is not the theme. Which I really wish. It should be. Eva, can next month's be cowboys and cheese? Actually, if you guys have cowboys also really freak me out and I don't know why. I think it's because my mom like. Really? Which is so weird because I like know in my heart of hearts one of my past lives I was a cowboy. Really?

Yeah. Well, don't fucking haunt me because I'm scared of cowboys it really freaks me out i don't know why i think i was a fucking good cowboy too clearly not great since i died but you know clearly well yeah i like to think it was in like a like a bank heist i like to think you died at ripe old age with all your secrets carrying all your secrets to the grave that you made it through all of it but you didn't share like a good irish catholic i think it looked really good in a bandana that's where i think that's really what it all boils down to i'm not kidding okay well i know you're not that's the sad part i literally also i'm such an idiot because when i went to get my custom suit that i can't shut up about um they were trying to like pick out different ties and stuff that

would work and they kept saying like oh do you you know, we should get one that's paisley. And I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. I kept calling it bandana. Um, come on. Seriously? Yeah. You know way more about like patterns and shit than I do. Usually I do.

But also like, I will still keep calling it bandana. It made me feel Western. Anyway, I have a bandana tie now. I don't love, I really don't like paisley, but bandana makes it sound feel western anyway i have a bandana tie now i don't love you know i really don't like paisley but bandana makes it sound better that's what i'm saying i will say um yeah if you guys have cowboy or doppelganger stories please send them because i am dying to hear them uh greetings from finland loved your episode on lake bottom murders bodum murders bottom not bottom but dom nope like bodum but dom got it incorrect i have to tell you uh listening to your podcast has given me life while absent from work struggling

with my mental health i discovered it a couple weeks ago and i've been binging episodes every day to catch up to present day and i'm now on the 100th yay holy smokes oh you really are catching up uh i spend most of my time alone since i currently have severe social anxiety so sorry we're so sorry but your voices and laughter makes me feel like i'm among friends this has truly been a blessing that's sweet stop hyping us up and talk about your grandma now anyway guys i have a ghost grandma but she's not the heartwarming kind oh my oh i know i heard the subject and i went i hope that this is not right but it is okay so my grandmother kaya passed away uh almost exactly a year before i was born when my mother was only 17 oh no my mom doesn't talk about her

a lot and she describes her as unpredictable which i have now discovered meant she also struggled with mental health and alcoholism oh shit okay keeping it in the in the family. That's how it is on my side, too. That's why I don't drink, because I'm like, okay, I've seen what several generations have done. Very genetic. I'm just going to put a halt to it. After Kaya's passing, my mother has had some seriously messed up nightmares about Grandma, but here's a scary one, including me. I was just born only a week old and in my cot in the corner of my parents' bedroom while they slept.

My mother dreamt that Grandma Kaya walked into the bedroom wearing a long, white, old-school-style nightdress. No, thank you. She walked slowly to my cot, looked at me, her first grandchild, for a while. Then she suddenly reached her arm out, grabbed me by my tiny leg and started to lift me up oh no my mom woke up that second in a panic and rushed to check on me i guess she was fearing uh for my death or something well yeah i would yeah agreed uh fortunately i was sleeping soundly and in perfect health and i was her firstborn so my hysteric mother didn't let me sleep uh in the cot for months after that,

and instead I slept on her chest inside her shirt, like just kangaroo style. You can't take her from me. However, ever since the incident, I have had this weird dent on my shin. Get out. Kind of like a dimple, but on my leg, allegedly where the ghost of my grandma touched me. Just two weeks ago, my mom told me Kaya and all firstborn women in the family for generations also had foresight and predicted herself falling ill and dying. Oh, my.

I freaked out when my mom told me this because for some reason, I've always had a feeling that I will die in a traffic accident on a highway riding shotgun. And then she's like, sorry, I have social anxiety. I'm like, yeah, me fucking too. I would. I would. Yeah. Understandably, I have had I've been very hesitant to let anyone else drive i don't blame you for one freaking second dude and when i do i make sure the driver follows speed limits and keeps

both hands on the wheel at all times how scary can you imagine no i'm like freaked out i don't know how you do it i don't either anyway i do feel my grandma around sometimes especially when i'm depressed and or struggling with sobriety. I've asked if any of my four siblings have ever seen or felt her around, but apparently grandma's only interested in me. And I do feel this strange connection to her, even though I've obviously never met her alive, at least. Maybe because we've struggled with the same issues. Or maybe I have issues because of her ghost stalking me. Well, could be both. Who knows? ghosts stalking me well could be both who knows in our world it could be both my mom has always seen uh some spooky shit in her time for example

her childhood best friend lived in a house full of wandering ghosts of nazi soldiers well okay but she doesn't want to talk about these things for some reason really oh my god i also have a few cool stories about my female ancestors and their sights and predictions but maybe i'll write about them some other time once again thanks for the podcast and uh and give hugs to geo and juni best regards hannah hashtag team vegan milkshake hashtag scorpios have feelings too oh honey scorpios have a lot of feelings that's that's the problem come on psm if you're looking for spooky places to cover check out oh i don't know how to pronounce that lake bottom again the bottom of the lake um it's a i'm gonna mispronounce it

but it's a freaking creepy island full of hanging old dolls oh yeah pavaglia island is that the one anyway whatever well i'll figure it out what does it say isla de muñecas oh that sounds right i don't to me uh or a haunted forest in romania woof woofaroo all right well thank you so much anna that what is going on i'm getting really freaked out today dude bananas i don't love it bananas i mean i love i love it but i don't love it also so only one left huh uh-huh okay here we go freaky encounter on so these are all ghosty huh yeah never murder guys come on i'm with it actually i just requested literally cowboy ghost stories so right i'm screwed okay freaky encountered no freaky encounter on the school run hi everyone this is from sarah

hi everyone i've been debating sending in a listener story for a while now but this morning something happened this morning something happened that freaked me out so much that i decided today was the day oh the universe was like do it do it i was walking home from dropping my son off at school and i ended up taking a detour because my partner asked me to go to the post office so i was walking on a busier road than I normally do and was passing a lot of people. No big deal until I got to this one man. Okay, I don't like this already. No.

I'm really scared. Like, I haven't even gotten halfway through. All you hear after, like, the society we live in today, you just heard man, and you're like, ah! I'm like, oh, no, nothing can go well from here. Please don't run into them again. I encountered a man. Okay, that's the end of the horror story. Jake, hey, guys.

Don't be mad at me. Not all men. Henrik, don't be mad at me. You're Em's friend since you like lemon, or you hate lemon so much. Okay. I was walking home, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

He gave me a weird vibe from the second I saw him coming the other way, and I immediately felt on edge for no real reason we got closer and i realized he was staring at me i felt this weird sense of dread but i had my daughter with me in her push chair parentheses stroller thank you thank you we thought it was just a chair that you push her and why can't i have one of those i want a push chair i like that very much um my daughter with me in her push care push chair or stroller so i decided so i tried to focus on talking to her and ignoring my weird freak out when i got level with this guy i looked up to see he was still staring at me and i kid you not his eyes were black get the fuck out of here

i don't like that very much maybe he had contacts in i have never been so freaked out in my life and hightailed it out of there especially because my daughter likes to say hi to everyone. Oh, good night. And everyone she sees. And I did not need that in my life. Can you imagine? She's like, hello. And he's like, you've invited me.

Right. Exactly. No, no. Maybe that's how his rules work. Maybe. Oh, fuck that. And while I was still coming down from my panic, this lady on a scooter came sprinting up behind me and I nearly had a heart attack thinking it was the guy. Moral of the story, I'm never doing favors for my partner again. Truly. Yeah, this is why Emma and I don't do anything for Alice in a Blaze. No, not even a little bit. We're afraid of

the world. I mean, that part's true. Anyway, I just needed to share because even the non-skeptics in my life wouldn't appreciate this story, but I knew you would. Plus, if I'm really lucky, maybe this will actually get read on June 1st, which is my birthday. Wait a minute. Hey! Happy B-Day. Happy B-Day. Look, this is why you were meant to stare that guy down with the black eyes.

God, Sarah, the universe literally was like, send this in now. Wait a minute. I'm serious. I don't know why that had to scare you so- That's some divine intervention. Or demonic, probably. Demonic intervention. That's what this show is all about. That's the theme. Demonic intervention. That's what this show is all about. That's the theme.

Demonic intervention. Maybe this will get read on June 1st, which is my birthday. Happy birthday to you too, by the way. Almost birthday twins. And it would make my little heart happy. I hope we made your little heart happy. Yeah. And scared.

Yeah. Thank you for a great podcast and congrats on your webby. Lots of love, Sarah. Yay. Holy cannoli. I don't like the not the black eye thing. I don't like it. Not even a little bit.

And the fact that like she already got creeped out far away. Yeah. Then got closer. You could already be impending doom. And the person's staring directly at you. No. Four. Get it.

One of the scariest moments I ever had as a kid, which now like looking back, it wasn't anything that crazy, but I was at, we were at a town in like this small town salamanca where my stepdad lives or is from and we were at this like little side dinky uh convenience store and like we went to buy like candy or something and i went up to the counter and the girl looked up for me and she had those cat contacts and it scared me if you don't expect it so badly if you don't expect it you think that the person is like half a goat and there she just stared right at me hates goats purely because of their eyes their eyes are very it was like that creepy cat eye yeah yeah um and it scared me so badly and i like didn't know what context like i was a child but it scared me and i like didn't know what to do and like truly

for days i was freaked i was on edge about it i do have a little bit of a true crime story if you want to hear it. No. Okay. Anyway, bye. No. Okay. What is it? So I don't know. I don't know if I can say her name.

I don't have permission. But one of my friends, I recently just became new friends with someone and we got on the topic of true crime and ghosts because that's all my brain ever does. Only what we talk about. And she had a really wild story. She is kind of well-known in New York. And I guess she has had. It's Hillary Clinton, guys.

It's Hillary Clinton. And I don't know if she wants me to say this out loud. Why is that the first person that came to my head? Because it's who it is. I was like, Hill, what do you want? What do you want to talk about? Hill, I'm tired of your stories. Every day with you, Hillary.

With your emails. God damn it. Classic Clinton. Sending us emails. Get it with you, Hillary. With your emails. God damn it. Classic Clinton. Sending us emails. Get it? No. Okay. Sorry.

Stupid as hell. So she is well known in New York and she does have a little bit of a following. And so I think the way we got into this topic was I was asking her about if she'd had any wild stories. Encounters with people. Any stalker encounters. had any wild stories of people any stalker encounters um she one of the stories that she said was that uh right when she was kind of getting bigger uh people were aware of where she lived that's what we did at the beginning too right it's like mail stuff to me at my house

so she's very uh attuned to what we have gone through uh but so people kind of knew where she was and so she was starting to get a little more wary of people knowing where she lived and at the time i guess she was in her early 20s and this was probably like i think she said that was like five or ten years ago and she was walking home and i guess in front of her uh apartment building there was a big gate but of course like in the scariest way half those gates don't really do anything except be decorative they don't actually lock and so hers didn't really close right but on her way there she's on her way up to the building she saw a guy that was

in a sweatshirt with the hood over leaning against the fence and she couldn't see his face and because it was especially five or ten years ago before fuck politeness In a sweatshirt with the hood over, leaning against the fence, and she couldn't see his face. And because it was especially five or ten years ago before fuck politeness. I think she was. Thanks, MFM. Yeah. I think she was afraid of, like, you know, making assumptions because. Which still is hard.

Still, you don't want to be an asshole. Yeah. But so she kind of got the heebie-jeebies and was like i'm just gonna ignore it so she like went in and uh god i'm already freaked out and then kind of in the corner of her eye saw him move now and what ended up happening was apparently he was following her she didn't know that so she to get into the apartment building you to go through the gate and then walk up to the door and then unlock the the big door to the building so she's walking and unlocking the door um the front door and she notices that the she didn't hear the gate closed behind her wait what do you mean so she

had to walk through the gate oh he was on the outside of the gate he was leaning on the outside of the gate he was inside okay he was like leaning like on the sidewalk street got it and then she went in through her gate forget about it saw something in the corner of her eye and when she was unlocking the front door she realized she didn't hear the gate close behind her so she was like okay he's following me and so she unlocked the door and then something in her she has had that like guardian angel moment where something said fucking run no and so she just bolted and she had like three flights of stairs by the way i'd be dead as shit if i had we'd run four feet and then go wow take me universe goodbye so she was she was running

and she once she got up to like a second flight of stairs she also didn't hear the front door closed behind her and then she heard like no no no no like footsteps chasing her no no no and so she like ran ran ran unlocked her door slammed the door shut locked it and she heard the running go all the way up to her front door and stop and then that was it and then she burned down the building and moved to another country well apparently then she was like she stayed in her building for like several days like and made like people like bring her food and shit oh yeah obviously traumatized but i mean the fact that if she were only a second later maybe he could have barged down the door that freaking scene in movies and shows where you run to your door and try to get it open before that literally happened truly and you can hear

the footsteps running up the terror and you're like it's and then what do you do they corner you in your room and like god damn it i don't like that anyway it was i don't want to say who it was just in case they don't want that but for obvious reasons it was like a fan or no just like a rando so to this day i didn't ask um but i'm assuming she wouldn't know because she didn't even see her face but that just happened to be a story that got brought up when i asked like oh have you had any imagine looking through the people andhole and the person? She intentionally didn't, I think, because if you look, if the guy were to see that someone was on the other side. Well, because she lives in New York and has some more badass skills than I do when it comes to survival, she was afraid to look through the peephole because that would be where someone might put a gun.

Like, knowing that you would look through the peephole. Supa dupa. So apparently she took a picture of the people with her phone and like went to see if anyone was there and couldn't see anything so he must have already left can you imagine you hold your phone up it gets shot oh my god yeah and then like lose your only like form of communication forget about all of it forever but also imagine if you took a picture through it through the people and you saw a person there see like this it's terrifying absolutely not why the hell am i here alone tonight i hate you right anywhere there's your seventh story i'm so pissed off right now your bonus bonus crime story and i got it you got it anyway anyway that's the lightness i guess thank

you guys everyone sending in your stories if you would like to send in your own personal stories uh to potentially be a next month's listener episode you can send them to the less important july episode yeah yeah you can send them to and that's why we drink at gmail.com uh tell me if they're about cowboys and if they're about cowboys or cheese put them in your subject or doppelgangers or doppelgangers or all three ideally or yep exactly okay all right and that's why we drink and that's why we drink bye