And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 39

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Happy Day of the Fools! We completely forgot to do anything to fool you... or did we?! Is it too late to get Blaise and Allison to do the episode for us?? We do at least have a wild array of listener stories for you, everything from a murderer sleeping in a listener's bed to a wildly suspicious barn fire to the ultimate walk of shame... and that's why we drink!Please support the companies that support us! Go to felixgrayglasses.com/DRINK for the absolute best quality blue light filtering glasses on the market!Get started with Cleancult today! Go to Cleancult.com/DRINK for 25% off your first kit - but only until May 30th!

Oh look, we're recording. Hello, folks. We should try to harmonize at some point. Not today. That would be super pretty. I think in theory, if anyone else besides us did it, it would. Okay, fair. Well, welcome everyone to our April episode.

It is April Fool's Day and we forgot to fool you once again. God damn it. We really should have made Allison and Blaze do this. Every year we mean to do that one more time because it seemed to go pretty well the first time. Quickly, before we record this, should we just make them do it? Oh my God. Yeah. because it seemed to go pretty well the first time quickly before we record this should we just make them do it oh my god uh yeah uh let me call blaze back from the hospital real quick okay got it he's not he's not doing anything right now i don't think he has anything more important to do than this so we i wish we had thought of something creative to do i wish i

because i my first thought was oh i'll just pretend to be you the whole time. But that won't work. LOL, too late. I guess maybe we'll do something on our social media. Go look there. Eva, can you write down for April 1st, 2021, that we should do something creative? Because I'm embarrassed that the two most creative people in the world have not done something for the second year in a row. A really bold statement to call us the two most creative people in the world but okay um you're welcome by the way also thanks for that and i'm assuming i'm number two right one and a half

my cat is trying to get out the door hold on this is my Fool's. I am the fool. Okay. Let's get out of here. Maybe what we could do is we could read them all but then upload it backwards and then they have to find a way to reverse it to listen to it. Oh god. And then this will be at the end of the episode

and they'll probably fucking hate us by this point. They were the most creative people in the world. Okay. You know, before you said that I was serious, but yeah. Okay.

Nevermind. Um, I don't know. We'll find something. Also, Eva, don't read it for April 1st, write it for like February 1st.

So that next year we have two months to really, uh, get up a notch. Remember? Yeah, exactly. But at this point, all we have for you we are the fools well what else is new yeah uh i'm also going to take this moment to say happy birthday to my mom she uh was supposed to be an april fool's baby but then came late so

last of the fools she just missed missed the cut now she's the the most wise person i ever met yes now she's the post fool anyway that's what they call her oh yeah yeah moving on hello welcome to our listeners episode for april this is our fourth one of the year you see first one we've ever done apart exactly we're a whole quarter a quarter of the year done now oh my well not yet we have to get through this shit first because no because then that'll be a whole third oh we're currently court got it got it got it my math is clearly not on point yeah i'm the smart one can you watch it real quick uh you're the most creative you're the smartest i'm just a big old dumb brick give me five minutes and I'll find a way

to compliment myself again. Oh, I know. So if you are new here, this is our listeners episode. We put one out on the first of every month where you can submit your stories to andthat'swhywedrink.com or you can email them to andthat'swhywedrink at gmail.com and make sure to

write listener story in the subject title. And we read your personal true crime and paranormal stories today we i'm gonna start off with one from someone named jordy who uses she her pronouns and jordy says but well i'll say the the title first a murderer slept in my bed oh okay jordy okay you don't need to be dramatic like that so no jordy i was like sorry i'll tone it down now i'm what am i now i'm i'm dumb a dumb dramatic brick the trifecta i like to call you okay i'm sorry continue no you're good so

jordy says hello eva christine m and the whole and that's why we drink family hello first i want to say that you were amazing at your show in burlington vermont oh aka the very last show we've ever performed that's true um yes uh we thank. I enjoyed my time in Vermont. I did too. That was the last time I traveled. It was one to remember. There was snow there. There was snow there.

One for the books. I was so excited to see you guys. And I got the chance to. And I'm glad I got the chance to before COVID-19 shut you down. Us too. Womp womp. I hope you get a chance to get back on the road again, but I also hope everyone is healthy and safe. I have

been wanting to send you this story for a while, and since you gave us a free-for-all this time around, I figured this was a perfect time. Good. Finally, we're now open-minded to whatever stories come in. Maybe that was my evil fool, so I was like, do whatever you want.

I want to preface this by saying i was not in the bed with the murderer thank god thank god i was usually not home when he would sleep in my bed i want to protect the privacy of everyone involved so i will be using fake names i will attach the news article at the bottom if you want more details in 2015 i was in college and living in a two-bedroom apartment a two-bedroom apartment with two other girls and let's call them a and j surprisingly not a and b um j and i not everyone's the most creative person in the world okay and jesus or the smartest clearly um j and i a bedroom, but I was usually spending the night at my boyfriend's, now fiance's house. Jay worked at a fast food restaurant and I was close friends with a co-worker we will

call Ron. Okay, Ron gets a whole name. Great. Jay and Ron would hang out frequently and Jay would invite Ron to our place a lot, but Ron didn't have consistent housing. So Ron was a nice guy, a little socially awkward, but so was Jay, so I didn't think anything of it. When Ron would come over to hang out, he would spend the night in my bed since I wasn't there and wasn't using it. Only once or twice was I there when he slept over and he would sleep on the couch.

In 2016, we graduated and I moved out and Jay moved into a different apartment, but she continued to have Ron over and stayed in touch with him. I stayed close with Jay and we would hang out every once in a while. In 2017, in late August, I had my friend Jay over for some drinks. She started into the conversation as such. Hey, remember Ron? He's in jail now. Want to guess why? Oh, want to guess why? What a fun game. That is a fun game. I was a little shocked that he was in jail, so my first guess was drugs. Nope, try again. So I tried burglary, and Jay said, very quickly, nope, murder. I was speechless.

My first reaction was, of course, to get all the details as possible. Yes, good job. For Christina and for us. But I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I knew a murderer. Jay told me the story the best she could at the time because details were still sketchy in early 2017 ron and his boyfriend were living in a tent in the middle of the woods ron and his boyfriend had a falling out and at the time jay heard from mon's family members that it was because ron suspected his boyfriend of being a pedophile. What? Oh boy.

In June. Ron shot his boyfriend in the head. In the head. At their campsite. At their campsite. Waited for him to die. And then buried him there. Oh my god. Also if you have to wait for him to die.

That's so fucked. That means you did not shoot him directly in the head or something. I don't know how that works, but I'm not the most medically profound person in the world, unfortunately. But the, well, to be fair in my mind,

when I think of someone like intentionally cold blood murdering someone, there's no waiting for them to die. Like you just, you just kill them instantly. There's a lot of waiting to die because people usually kill people for the first time that's a good point i guess i've just never seen the phrase waited for him to die in writing so that's very deeply disturbing yeah it's just like an extra layer to it um what do you do play solitaire like did you watch yeah yikes um so waited for him to die and then buried

him there he then stole his car and money and drove back to his parents house where he stayed for the next few months before he was caught holy shit wow can you imagine also like as the murderer can you imagine like the the anxiety of waiting to get caught yeah you're cornered basically oh yeah you know someone's gonna come looking for you the boyfriend's family called the cops about a week after his disappearance and started a facebook page to look for him the family immediately blamed ron but they had no proof so ron got away with it for a few months in july my friend jay reached out to ron not knowing any of this happened and invited him to go hang out ron showed up and they just hung out and watched netflix and when jay asked hey i didn't know you had a car ron replied

yeah it's my boyfriend's he's letting me borrow it oh my god oh my god jay of course thought nothing of it and didn't know what that the boyfriend had actually been dead for a few weeks now in august gross in august ron confessed to his sister what happened to his boyfriend and his sister immediately called the cops and texted my old roommate j Jay. When Jay told me all this, I yelled, you had a murderer at your house? He killed someone three weeks ago and then stayed at your house. And her response was, yeah, but I didn't know he was a murderer at the time. And Ron was arrested in August and is now serving 42 to life in jail, plus an additional 15 for grand theft for the car. Whoa.

Holy shit. How? 15 for grand theft for the car whoa holy shit told jay that i don't trust her judgment of character and now i'm very hesitant to meet any of her friends that i don't know personally i know this isn't necessarily fair but it's really jarring to think of at think of all the times ron was at our house or in my bed and the whole time he was capable of doing what he did i'm still friends with jay and we don't talk about ron very much i'm sorry this was long but thank you for reading it and then uh every sunday you make my week oh my god that is just creepy wow creepy creepy that's my boyfriend's car oh he's letting me borrow it it's always wild i mean not that like i don't think i have any i hope i don't have any friends

that are murderers i can't think of a time where i personally was in that situation but yeah it must be weird to like think you know somebody and they just have a totally double life like you would have no idea the type of person they are yeah they're like that good at covering something up oh spooky yikes oh thank you jordy and also sorry thank you jordy hope you're doing okay well this next story is from let's see ayla ayla says it's like kayla without the k and i use she her pronouns oh hi ayla ayla says i'm a long-time listener and have been waiting forever for an excuse to share this story you guys don't need an excuse. Send it. We love it. Send it on in.

Send it on in. This is your excuse right now. This is me giving you an excuse. Welcome. Welcome to your excuse. I think my, okay. The day of the fool. The day of the fool is the time I finally shine.

Okay. So that was me, not Ayla, to be clear. Okay. Ayla says, I have been waiting for an excuse to share the story. So here we go. not ayla to be clear okay ayla says i have been waiting for an excuse to share the story so here we go i think my neighbor murdered his son and now his ghost haunts my neighborhood okay but let's start from the beginning okay okay in 2014 i was living with my mom in a house in the country next door lived an older man his wife and their 35 year old son there a whole bunch of backstory, but basically they were a really broken family,

and the son lived in the barn and did work for his parents. All the time we heard screaming and fighting from next door, and at one point the dad was missing a front tooth, presumably from a fight. One morning my mom went out to feed the horses and came running back in, screaming that the barn next door was on fire. Apparently there had been a fight the night before, and the son had fallen asleep drinking and smoking we went to try and help until the fire department came but there wasn't much we could do oh my gosh after they arrived we stood with the dad watching the flames in complete and shocked silence at this point it became clear that

the son had passed on oh my god yikes my mom turned to the dad and said i'm so sorry i'm so sorry he turned and looked her in the eye and verbatim said it was a simple solution to our very difficult problems what what did the dad murder his son i mean she said in the first line i think my dad my neighbor murdered his son i know but like i know but hearing this like i kind of didn't want to believe it and now that's like some very clear evidence to me no you're right i mean i just got i got chills and then she says i still get chills when i think about it so fucking scary uh okay just so if in case you missed that uh this the dad turned to her mom and said it was a simple solution to our very difficult problems yikes as his son died in a fire okay um there was never a

formal investigation and it was ruled an accident within a few months they sold the house and a super kick-ass lady and her daughters moved in however it seems that not everyone moved out okay spirit of the sun lingers in the barn which is now my neighbor's glass studio and often creeps over to my house oh boy yikes you can't talk about the accident while in the barn without something turning on or off feeling something stand right behind you or tap your shoulder some of the things that have been experienced at my house at my house are the heat constantly being set to 66 degrees parentheses we live in oregon so this one is extra annoying oh yeah yeah that sucks my friend and i were once planning a birthday party for her and she made a joke about accidentally setting the house on fire after that every single lighter we'd gotten a new pack just for the party, except for the pink one. Her favorite color stopped working.

Oh, no. Like it was trying to prevent another fire happening. This is like serious goose cam story right now. Wow. I love that he let her keep her favorite color. Yeah. He was like, okay, I'm going to take a few of these away, but you do what you need to. Yeah.

Like a chaperone. Okay. of these away but you do what you need to yeah like a chaperone okay the friend the same friend ended up living at the house for a while and once woke up from a nightmare to find every single cupboard and drawer in the house open and every light turned on absolutely not that that that's some poltergeist shit yep he's done a mountain of weird shit and always seems to be the most active when there's a lot of activity going on in the house but i've never felt scared of him i think he just likes being a part of all the ruckus sorry this was so long i hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for all the giggles and gasps you provided me wow thank you ayla that was short and terrifying just how we like it oh my gosh and also like still

blown away that like a potential murder happened like how bad must it be with your kid to be like like what difficult problems are you having that murder is the only solution you can say well i mean even if it wasn't intentional to be so cold-hearted to just be like well that was easy it's like yeah like at least fake cry like geez you're not even good at right faking it oh that's so sad so sad oh yeah okay well moving on to our do i give specific instructions okay i guess i did just tell everyone that this is their excuse to send whatever they want so uh but also he does seem like he's a chill ghost he would have fit into like last month's uh category that's true and that's true

good point so this one is from rachel rachel's title is my grandpa was held at gunpoint during a nuclear bomb scare holy shit what oh i should also add sorry i forgot to say a list subject it's true crime and paranormal double whammy oh well yes yes it was both of our both of our elements anyway sorry go ahead so uh rachel says sup eva m christine fur babies and petrified fruits my name is my name is rachel she her pronouns thank you for normalizing pronouns rachel and i have a grandparent story that's a bit late to christine's request but i felt like it was good enough to send anyways i love grandparent stories i am from northeast michigan as my parents as are my grandparents and back in the late 1900s i don't recall the decade i think it was between the 60s

and 80s my grandpa pat worked at a base for airplanes up here he was a janitor and had a pass to go into the basement of the base to clean the floors and whatnot. The basement apparently had top secret things in it. And unbeknownst to my grandpa, in the basement, there was a commotion going on above ground. During the time, there had been tension with the Russian military, as Russian planes would fly over the base to see if anything suspicious was going on. At the time, nuclear bomb information slash evidence had been hidden in the basement and it was an active base for the u.s military so i don't know how first of all how pat got clearance to even sweep the floors down there but good for you grandpa pat uh so back

to pat he was down in the basement cleaning when the scare happened the base had gone on lockdown because if i remember correctly either an unknown plane had flown over or there was a threat out on the base itself troops swarmed the whole place and my grandpa and his mop were kept in the basement at gunpoint so the lockdown was over probably a couple hours he later came home with a big old pat story to my mom which she ended up telling me later that's pretty much the end so thank you for reading and much love to the old and that's why we drink gang i sadly cannot come to your tour this year actually well neither can any neither can wait however thank you for making the content you do it makes me incredibly happy and interested in new things every episode love rachel that is

bonkers let's talk about a grandparent story like oh let me tell you about the time the time i was it was during a nuclear bomb scare on base when i was sweeping and then held at gun point and here we are complaining that we can't leave our houses and we have to drink beer at home like guys life is so hard for me right now i know i i just have to i have to wear my sweat pants and look at pictures of dogs it's terrible yes um our poor grandchildren okay thank you rachel this next one is from sarah she her and the subject is brothers play pranks even in the afterlife oh the subject or i'm sorry the story says hi i'm christine eva and sweet baby g geo and olive and lemon i just started listening to your podcast at the suggestion of my coworker before the show you did last year in Albany.

I love the listener stories and wanted to share one of my own with you, so let's crack into it. I grew up in a big family with two brothers and a sister. When I was 16, my older brother Kevin unexpectedly passed away in a motorcycle accident. Oh, no. We had been through a lot as a family, but nothing like this. Despite everything we had been through, we would always play pranks on each other as a way to keep our spirits up. After the funeral, my parents, siblings, and myself were sitting at the kitchen table reflecting about the services and how we were all waiting for a sign from Kevin

telling us he was okay. Two nights later, I was laying in bed before going to sleep and thought about how I was cold and turned off my ceiling fan before going to bed. I woke up at 2 a.m. that night freezing my ass off because my ceiling fan was turned on full blast. Now it's summer in upstate New York, so it was easily 90 degrees outside. I stumbled to the switch and turned the fan off and went back to sleep. An hour later, I woke up with my ceiling fan on again. This continued the entire night when i woke up that morning i immediately knew it was kevin playing a prank on me that night when my dad got

home from work i was excited to tell him that kevin really was okay my dad gave me a confused look and told me his tv would turn on with full volume and blast over and over all night i called my other brother to tell him about mine and my dad's experience, and he said his iPod battery, this was before iPhones, kept dying even when it was fully charged. That next night, the light in my sister's bedroom wouldn't turn on. We tried flipping the switch a few times with no luck. We went to the basement to get a new bulb, and when we got back upstairs, the light was on. There is no doubt in my mind this was my brother telling us that he was okay and would still be pulling pranks on us even in the afterlife. Oh, and you're probably wondering why he didn't do anything to our mom the answer is simple growing

up she would have none of our pranks apparently being a spirit doesn't stop you from being scared shitless of a pissed off mom anyways that's my story thanks for listening can't wait to see you live again sarah oh oh my gosh that's precious and also an inspiration for like the things i'm gonna do when i die before you thanks i'm gonna ruin your life i cannot wait there i'm so sorry for your loss that's tragic and um i'm glad you found some comfort yeah i'm a ceiling fan that kept you super cold all night i mean it's also it's very adorable that obviously in my opinion he wants to like let everyone know that he's still there and also he hasn't changed he's literally like i'm still here to piss everyone off it's fine don't worry about me yeah i love that i love that

um anyway yeah thank you for your story thank you so this one my next one is from Laura. She, her pronouns and the subject title is my personal favorite cat possessed by American jazz legend. Oh my. Where is the story going, Laura? I truly have no idea. So Laura writes, uh, hi everyone for background. My husband, Nick is both brilliant and has always been a big old nerd. So one of his many areas of expertise is music.

And when we were in high school, his mom took in a little street kitten and Nick named him Mingus after the famous American jazz musician, Charles Mingus. Mingus was kind of a little asshole, but he was very cute and incredible and cute and incredibly something. But the word was not typed uh and took and took to peeing in the human toilet by himself one day okay mingus oh what do you think

it was incredibly like incredibly took to incredibly i i want to say incredibly weird and took to peeing in the human toilet. Maybe they're calling it like, oh, and incredibly the cat peed in the toilet. Maybe that is what it is. Maybe I'm just reading English wrong. Nick says that Mingus would just creep into the bathroom when you were, when you were peeing, watch you like cats do, and then eventually seemed to think it was his turn or it was a good idea to try for himself. That is incredible. I'm sorry. That's crazy.

We were all impressed with this genius cat and began to heavily judge the other two less proactive cats in the house so other music nerds might know where i'm going with this but years later after mingus the cat was a fully established member of the family nick learned a quirky fact about charles mingus charles mingus aside from writing music was that he also authored a short manual entitled the charles mingus cat along for toilet training your cat what that's fucking wild catalog catalog my catalog but cat a log catalog okay i'm sorry this person sounds like m i absolutely would write a manual for how to

toilet train your animals um not a manual cat okay never mind a catalog this is why i'm not writing it charles mingus catalog for training toilet training your cat uh if you want a very specific connection what the fuck and for your cat to like, I imagine, not know this, if you can believe it, no one had any knowledge about this when naming Mingus the cat. And positively, no one trained the cat to use the toilet.

It was all a really weird coincidence. I've heard that occasionally cats will learn to do this on their own, but I like to imagine Charles Mingus, the meowsician, was pleased to have a namesake cat and decided to step in and lend a paw. Anyway, so there actually is charlesmingus.com slash Mingus slash cat dash training dash program in case anyone wants to check it out. Thanks for an amazing, inclusive show from laura ps uh while i uh ps while i know a lot of people still try to train their cats to use the toilet

turns out it's generally not a good idea cat shit is not great for plumbing systems and said shit can contain a parasite which is toxic to humans and which most wastewater treatments was most wastewater treatment systems aren't equipped to remove interesting because i have heard that that people have told me to try and train juni to do that so i guess i shouldn't well now you know unless you're charles mingus i wouldn't i guess i'm not though huh that cat is so what a bummer anyway thank you thank you laura for your story what a weirdly weirdly specific. It's bananas. Crazy.

Because I know you can train your cat. I didn't know like cats just did it automatically without being trained. Oh, here comes my dumb cat. He clearly had taken the Charles Mingus class. Junie. Junie's scratching the shit out of my armchair. Okay. This is a story from Abigail Sheher.

Subject is April Fool's. not true crime or paranormal but pretty hilarious so okay you're saving our butts um abigail says hello all i hope everything is going well and you aren't going crazy with being stuck at home i've been listening to your podcast for about a year random episodes in no order oh don't do this to me abigail oh poor poor abigail you don't know anything and yet you know everything you know too much somehow you know too much but you don't know the timeline that's right which makes it so much more chaotic i think um but i began binge listening from the beginning when i went out of the country for spring break i have now been in self-quarantine for about a week and y'all are the only thing that

has gotten me through i just finished listening to your 2019 april fools listener episode and eva had picked out a story that was neither true crime nor paranormal so i thought so i thought it would be appropriate to share this story last year during finals my friend and i went to starbucks to do some last minute studying during lunch because it is right across from our high school we had been there for a bit on the comfy chairs when three old men walked in. They sat on the other comfy chairs next to us and began talking about a funeral they had just come from. Side note, there's also a funeral home walking distance from our Starbucks that my family actually owns. And while we've had no paranormal experiences, my grandpa has some wild stories from running the place. Okay, that's for your grandpa.

I don't even know if you're there yet, Abigail, but we asked for grandpa stories. Grandpa, write in. Yeah. Abigail but we asked for grandpa stories grandpa right in yeah so these men began talking about the guy who died and my friend and I kind of ignored them until they get up got to the part about how he died so the story goes like this this guy let's call him Bob had to come home to check on some things with their house while his wife stayed in Florida for a couple more weeks but Bob wasn't really checking on the house he He was having an affair. Oh, no. Bob.

God damn it. Keep in mind, Bob is like 70 to 80. He was having an affair with this woman. Let's call her Joan. And they were, quote, reliving their youth. Or as Em says, doing things we shouldn't talk about on this podcast. Okay. I think we should talk about it. I think, you know, it doesn't matter if you're 70 or 80.

You can still be morally uncouth i think that sounds not like something m would say but i'm sure you've said it but nowadays m would say no let's talk about it right now now now that i've been told we shouldn't i want to that's right now that your past self has told you not to now okay uh this caused bob to then have a heart attack oh oh boy away oh this took a turn as quickly huh but as those old men said at least he died while getting it oh dear god if he died in the middle oh poor joan poor joan can you imagine no then to make matters also go joan sorry go joan for what killing him sounds like they were having great time great way to go yeah it sounds like he was uh having a little too much fun then to make matters worse joan realized that there were no phones in the house why i don't know so joan had to do the ultimate walk of shame to the neighbors to explain the situation.

By the way, the neighbors. OK, sorry. She literally says that. So I'm not going to say it myself. The neighbors to explain the situation called the police neighbors, by the way, who knew that Joan was not Bob's wife. Oh, no. Joan and the wife both went to Bob's funeral. Sadly, my friend and I had to leave to get our next exam in time. both went to Bob's funeral. Sadly, my friend and I had to leave to get our next exam in times. Damn it. So we aren't sure how that turned out.

But as a couple of 16 year olds in the middle of finals, that was the most interesting part of our week. Sorry, it was a bit long. I don't expect something this random to make it on the show, but thank you for reading it, Eva. You are all amazing, Abigail.

Oh my God, that was so good. Abigail, we both know i love the drama but also like i bet joe i bet bob's wife is probably like well suits him well like if you're gonna cheat on me you might like no wonder like karma would kick you right like right away like immediately damn well that is quite a story and i'm i'm very sorry about Bob's loss but like what a way to go out like you said I mean yeah with a bang with a bang oh boy anyway well thank you everyone for sending your stories in

those were a delight for me yes thank you so much happy April Fool's Day sounds like Bob was the ultimate fool that's the moral of this entire episode the ultimate walk of shame. Other than that, I guess enjoy your April Fool's Day. Hopefully some of us

are feeling healthy and better and mentally okay. I hope no one uses the coronavirus to do April Fool's jokes. I don't want that. Oh my goodness. If you thought about doing it, take this as your sign to not do that. I don't do um but hopefully everyone's healthy if we're all still quarantined which I'm pretty sure we still will be uh just stay snuggled up and and have a good day we love you

and um I don't have a May story because I think things are so chaotic right now that um maybe you can't really combine maybe the theme can be chaos i guess so i was gonna say i can't confine this all to one little box um however i do i don't necessarily want to wish uh upon eva an inbox full of chaos but i guess it kind of already is that i don't know you guys just take it upon yourselves yeah this is your excuse send in whatever you want this is your this is your fuck it we're all isolated and the world is burning so i'm just gonna send a story that's the theme good idea and put the subject if you want in the subject line that makes it easier um as emma always says for eva to pick stories out so yes anyway thanks everyone um and we love

you and happy april fool's day and from two of the biggest fools in the world yes and that's why we drink woo do it sun is world and we're all just living

in it