And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 70

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

Welcome to Armchair August! We're surprising Em with the theme they demanded and then forgot about. They got a little tangled in their own puppet strings but don't worry, Em's just the puppet master and really the puppets are playing Em. And we were blown away by all of your armchair stories! We hear from folks who saw faceless men who froze to death glaring from their Lay-Z-Boy, had their sheets caught in an armchair full of ghostly withered arms, had yearly lucid dreams of embroidered armchairs and dangerous scarecrow men on Halloween, and even had their lives saved by an outdoor rocking armchair! Should we keep it going with Ottoman Autumn? ...and that's why we drink!Don't forget to get tickets to our 2nd Annual Cryptids Unscripted Poetry Slam and Charity Auction! momenthouse.com/cryptidsunscripted

welcome to september christine what are you eating it's actually august damn it it's august i'm eating goldfish and um i want to tell you that before you hopped on and graced us with your presence even i were going um through like do you know the theme of today m no okay well you will oh okay don't look but you will okay is it is it scorpios no is it snacking is it but it's not september like i thought it that it's not September like I thought it was? It's not September. So you're finally getting on board with that element of this episode. It is still August.

No. So we were talking about the theme and we were trying to like think of like, oh, well, you know, next month is spooky season. The beginning. September is beginning. September, as I like to say um and we have this fun little idea and i think maybe our listeners will know what to do they should submit their stories because i decided our theme for next month for september is spooky scandals oh so anybody got some spooky scandals to send our way anything like like hush hush that your family has kept secret or anything like that any juicy goss you don't need to share your name but we would love to share it in september to this to kick off

spooky season has a has a ghost ever outed you or something oh fun you know i love this is why when people say like oh do you remember when you talked about this and i'm like no because guess what it's july 27th i am not gonna remember on september 1st that uh you've requested spooky scandals which means september 1st mark my words i'm gonna be to be thrilled. I'm going to be so excited. I'm going to be so delighted. I'm going to be like, oh, that's so fun. You're going to give Eva the credit, even though I sat here and told you, hey, let's do spooky scandals.

That's okay, because she deserves it, because she's doing all the work and I'm just the big mouthpiece over here. Just throwing words like spooky scandal out. That's right. So anyway anyway that being said i cannot believe that you don't know the theme because eva literally texted it to us like two days ago um i gotta tell you i it's completely okay i want to go crossing my mind i want to go

first because i don't want you to look at the stories yet okay okay here's the first story this was sent in by irene she her virgo so get the full backstory thank you for that the subject is my armchair haunting oh i swear to god where have you been so excited okay i am so excited the only reason we're doing this is because you created this conundrum, which is that the plan was to do armchair stories during Scorpio season, which was like your idea, I think. And then last month you were like, where are my armchair stories? And Eva was like, well, shit, I guess we got to do it now.

And then we get to August 1st, Armchair August. And then you're like, oh, I don't know the theme. And I'm like, oh my god em i swear to god you everything it's it's i'm so it's it's not a fun trick about me but i don't like you're a puppet master but you're like you got caught in the strings and you just keep pulling and you're like i'm a puppet i'm a puppet master but really it's the puppets that are playing me. Good one. So here we go.

But the subject is my armchair haunting parentheses seriously. So apparently Eva said that people came out in droves with these stories and a lot of them were really good. So. Oh my God. I knew it. I knew y'all had it in you. I knew you did. And if I could suggest armchairs as a theme

there is nothing that can stop us well so this is where we were going because i said what about autumn in october and we were like what should we do spooky season no no autumn and autumn i know but it's i know the month autumn and autumn yeah and yeah i know i yeah i had that thought too but i was like autumn and autumn is good though. I mean. That's pretty. No, but I think I like your October one too. We'll work on it.

We could just, we'll do a furniture year and just every month is a different thing. Well, armchairs get the spotlight today because Irene has a story for us. It says, hi, Eva, Christine M. et al. Happy Armature August. I surprisingly do have an armchair haunting to share with you okay it's actually a lazy boy haunting but basically the same thing i grew up in an old house in the suburbs of chicago it was built around 1915 and has a has had its fair share of spooky experiences to name a a few, our Last Supper painting was thrown across the room by an unknown force

and shattered into pieces. Okay, it's the Last Supper. It's a Jesus painting. Yeah, don't love that. That is very bad. Jesus is in the picture and it gets shattered by an unseen force.

Nothing good. Nothing good. No. My mom was locked into a closet that only opened when she started screaming for whoever it was to leave her

alone oh my god and then we have our armchair haunting i'm ready since our house is old the air conditioning doesn't work very well on the second floor so in the summer of probably 2005 my then 13 year old sister was sleeping on the couch in the family room because her room was too hot. She woke up suddenly and looked at the lazy boy across the room and saw a man. This man was wearing work boots, jeans and a flannel shirt, just like our dad always does. So she assumed it was him. She was about to ask what he was doing still up until she saw his face or lack thereof. Absolutely. No no thank you instead of a face she only saw a shadow where his face should have been he was turned just staring at her nothing else she was terrified

so she did the only logical thing put her blanket over her head for protection and hoped he went away yeah he didn't oh he was still there so she spent the night terrified here's where it gets really weird the next day she told us all about it and my mom was very concerned because she knew who the ghost was two owners before us a man who always wore jeans work boots and flannels lived in the house on his own one winter he was in the backyard fell broke his hip and froze to death oh my holy shit the neighbors found him the next day in the exact spot where my sister saw him we just had happened to build an addition to the house over the area he died in oh shut the fuck up that is so scary yeah um wow okay so he but also hang on a second so they built the

addition over where he died and now he's just like vibing in a lazy boy at least like she's like how convenient this lazy boy was placed on my you know this worked out very well like if one day wherever i died like a all-you-can-eat buffet is built on top of it. The Golden Corral, the newest Golden Corral in Burbank, California. I was literally thinking about Golden Corral. I know you were. I don't know what's wrong with me, but man, I love a Golden Corral. Let that be where I die. I'll be fine.

I really hope you don't die at a Golden Corral. We've already had this issue with you and the Maggie's Subs, which is a restaurant. You had your issue. That's true. That would have been what hell is where you think you're in heaven but it's you're just a little off because you're not in the sandwich shop you're in the bathroom of the sandwich i see so at the golden corral put em in the fountain the chocolate

fountain right at the dessert table just leave me there oh okay so we just happened to build an addition to the house over the spot he died in. My sister ended up seeing him many times over the years in different spots, but she said she never felt threatened by him. She never did sleep downstairs alone again, though. My friends are all terrified of my house because of all the stories, but I've always felt safe there. I love a nice old house. Me too, Irene.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story. XOXO, Irene. Well, thank you irene and also it's nice to know that in the afterlife you can enjoy a good lazy boy although i am curious where his face went i feel like he had to make an exchange for the comfort i don't love this that i wonder if it's one of those things where sometimes you see an apparition and not they're not fully formed like you don't see their legs or you don't see like i wonder if that was just too much like to procure to like generate the details maybe maybe but like wow like there's just it's a scary thought and i really there's nothing that freaks me out more i don't care if you're a good ghost

or bad ghost or whatever there's nothing freakier to me than them acknowledging you like yeah for him so okay i had the same thought to lean over and look at you in that case have the fucking consideration to build a face so if i have to look at you and you have to look at me you're staring at me without eyes like we've got a problem it's so it's over the top think about this what if he doesn't know he's dead like what if he's just he doesn't know what happened and he's like where am i who's this person in my house you know what i mean it kind of is like uh that movie the others where it's like who's haunting who like it's like this that's my bumper sticker instead of who saved who it's who's haunting who so cute and it's you and

like a picture of casper it's just me and walt who's haunting who? That's actually our new sitcom idea. Who's haunting who? TM, TM, TM, TM. This season on NBC. Okay, your turn. I actually really don't hate that idea, so let's discuss that later. Who's haunting who? TM, TM. Okay, so this is story number two. This is from Matt, who uses they, them pronouns. I love that they, them. Okay, thank you for love that they, them. Okay.

Thank you for normalizing pronouns, Matt. The subject is armchair of arms and the banshee. Oh, God. Couldn't begin to tell you how this is going to begin or end. All right. Hi to everyone in the In That's Why We Drink family. I hope you're all doing well and staying safe. Just wanted to say a quick thanks're all doing well and staying safe.

Just wanted to say a quick thanks for all the amazing content you make. I've been listening since the first few episodes, and they always brighten my week. I've been meaning to submit a heap of stories for a while, and after hearing your enthusiasm for some armchair stories, I realized that not only can I submit content for this, but I have two stories. Oh, no way. You know, I should have said armchair like five years ago, just seeing where it took us. It's just that person who spelled amateur wrong

got us really all in a tizzy. That poor person, I hope you don't like lose sleep over it or anything, even though we have really leaned into it as part of our- No, it kicked off such an awesome chapter. It really did. This whole thing wouldn't be without you. You know what i mean

all right one of my great nans had been very much in tune with the paranormal and we would have many discussions about such when i was a kid as i had my fair share of weird encounters many of which happened when visiting her including various ghostly haunted and demonic run-ins but those are for another time i like how like that's the whole point of this and you're like no no we'll do that later today yeah ghostly haunted and demonic but those are not but you asked for a freaking armchair m and here you go i know it when i was about 10 or so my father and i were staying over at hers one night as a midpoint when traveling and after a night of catching up with cousins,

we settled down for the night in her living room. Initially, I tried to get cozy and sleep on the arm chair, but no matter how I tried, I couldn't get comfy and instead shifted to the floor. She had a huge fireplace with a hanging set of pokers and tools, which made things quite cramped in between the ring of sofas and the arm chair.

And my dad was likely already asleep, so I didn't want to try moving anymore and disturb him. I've always been a night owl and was too wired to sleep, and more annoyingly, I couldn't get comfy. I've always found I'd get my covers caught on the tools and would have to shake it free. After a while, I got fed up of this and eventually went to move the tools, only to realize my covers weren't caught on them. Instead, it was an emaciated black arm scrapping about the floor before gripping the cover

from under the fabric trim of the armchair, joining the first withered-looking arm. As I kicked back and scuttled toward the sofa, I noticed another reaching out. What? Out of the armchair? So two arms. Fuck that. In absolute panic, I vaulted the sofa and ran straight into the kitchen, flicking on the lights and refused to move from there until the morning.

When my great nan asked how I slept, I mentioned the arms. How'd you sleep son also i like how you did in fact mention the arms i would have taken that to my grave probably yeah knowing without oh knowing with our talks of the paranormal in the past she took you seriously at which point she grabbed the cushion from the armchair and gave the chair a single smack with it telling it to stop scaring the family before promptly declaring he shouldn't be a bother anymore what man you got some explaining to do seriously man she kept that sofa for many years and she mentioned many occasions of seeing an arm reaching out or if something she had moments ago and missing she'd scold the chair and find it on

the floor again shut the fuck up that means your retainer was grabbed by those creepy little arms creepy arms and then i put it back in my mouth it was scrapping about and it scrapping scrapping about with my retainer whenever i drop like a piece of popcorn down in the crack of the cushion i know a little hand has touched it before i put it back in my mouth having to reach in there oh no oh no oh yeah that's that's straight out of a freddy krueger movie like the remote slips down there you stick your hand down there your whole body goes down that remote's gone for good that was a fear i had as a child and now it is definitely back but absolutely oh God. That's so. It's lame dormant for so long. And the fact that it was grabbing the blanket,

like it wanted attention. Yeah. You were trying to sleep. It wanted them to notice. Ugh. When she passed away, I never found out what happened to the sofa. Oh boy.

Yeah. That I don't like because it is in someone's estate sale. It is at a Goodwill. It is scrapping about in someone else's living room. This is why I'm so scared of getting like things that are like are recycled from somebody else. I'm like, what,

what magic does this have that I'm unaware of? I'm curious if it still had its attachment and if it's with a new owner. Yeah, me too. Me too. For the second story, which is much shorter, this is part of a whole series of weirdness that happened after my high school sweetheart passed away a few years

ago oh no i was home alone whilst my parents were on holiday and enjoyed the peace and quiet to read in the lounge whilst cuddled up in the armchair with a cup of tea. The chair itself was backed into a corner facing a wall and a bay window. While enjoying my book, I heard a slow inhale by my left ear, which was moderately concerning being less than 12 inches from the wall and knowing there could be no one there. Okay. I immediately tensed up and ran cold as a high-pitched feminine scream rang out from the

same side followed by the sound of footsteps as if she was running past me and part way up the stairs what the fuck as soon as i hear that scream it was like both body and soul went cold panicked i fell off the armchair with both my book and tea in hand in horror you'd have expected that i might have screamed back i might have screamed back myself or ran but in true british instinct my first port of call was to make sure i didn't spill the tea i was literally my first thought was i hope that tea didn't spill how sad which was frankly amazing that i hadn't spilled it nor had i damaged the book, which also looked fine. Looking out through the doorway into the dark hall and staircase where the footsteps trailed off, I shouted and berated them for causing me to almost spill my tea.

How dare you? This is like that vine where like the kid got scared and he almost dropped his croissant. That is a classic. This was something that she had a habit of doing. Oh, I'm sorry. so this is not the first this is this is oh yeah it's a series of getting screamed at in the house i don't like that that's like too startling and so close to your ear again it wanted acknowledgement because it could have screamed anywhere else in that house any other armchair yeah yeah this was something she had

a habit of doing when i was reading while visiting her trying to trying her best to make me jump not realizing she had sidled up beside me and would whisper something silly in my ear or give a small shout uh went behind me to make me jump and flail as apparently it was adorable oh so nice to know that that your girlfriend is still or your high school sweetheart is still like, ah, just doing the like jump scare. By the way, like that, that gives me comfort because I like to think, oh, when I'm a ghost, I'm totally going to fuck with people. And it's nice to know someone is just doing that. You can still startle me while I'm reading my book. Thanks a lot.

I'll go back. I'm already annoyed about it. Thankfully, that didn't happen again. However, there had been a wide range of weird situations that happened to myself and her other partners on the day of her passing. And the years after, including myself and our

mutual partner seeing an apparition of her after we finished Christmas dinner. Wow. What? Wow. I'll send more stories of her at a later date, as I reckon you'd both have a field day with them. Hopefully you both enjoyed the stories, and if you're curious about more of the paranormal experiences I've had from and with my high school sweetheart,

including haunted mirrors. You know I love a mirror. I'll definitely send more over in the future. Keep being awesome, Matt. Wow. Two armchair stories. Keep being awesome, Matt. Wow. Two armchair stories. That was a good one. I got a deal.

Double doozy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Matt, maybe you'll be... Thank you, Matt. Maybe you'll have some spooky scandals for September or maybe an ottoman autumn. You're right. Autumn is better. Matt, do me a solid.

For the next month, why don't you just sit on an ottoman while you read and see what happens're right. Autumn is better. Matt, do me a solid. For the next month, why don't you just sit on an ottoman while you read and see what happens? That's a great idea. Make sure to bring an extra full mug of tea and just sit there and wait. And maybe just like sit the brim where like the surface tension means it could spill at any moment because I feel like your partner would be so into that. Just waiting for that moment. Just be like, it's right here, ready to spill. All you gotta do is do something. Yeah, yeah love it love it love it um okay so the next one i have is from sarah and it is called armchair story pretty clear thanks sarah okay so it's a barber chair not an armchair but hey furniture also hi my name is Sarah Sheher, and I've been listening since fall of 2018.

I'm a pre-K teacher, and your podcast gives me a little bit of normalcy during my day. I don't get to talk to adults very often, so it is nice to hear full sentences and coherent words. Well, I don't know. You're asking a lot of us on this podcast. A big jump. You really went to like the least cohesive podcast half coherent half cohesive yeah yeah it's not really either but you know maybe compared to three-year-olds a little bit uh okay a little background for you in the early 60s it was fashionable to have a barber chair in your

home to smoke a cigar in that's so badass no i didn't but i will be ebaying a barber chair to my house extremely badass but i also feel like that would work well for your svt you can lean back in it well it probably doesn't tip you but i honestly just need a room full of different chairs for different uses like i could use like an inversion chair could be next to my barber chair uh-huh maybe i have my own stretcher at this point and just wait there for the ambulance to come um but no i have a barber chair i wonder an ottoman an ottoman i wonder if like barbers were like doctors back in the day and they did house calls so maybe you needed your own chair no maybe well it's the 60s i feel like it wasn't oh yeah i don't know i feel like it was just a fad it must have been a fad, but where would you go for that?

Like a barbershop warehouse supply? I mean, I guess they just made them if they were fashionable. I guess furniture companies just made them. I don't know. Well, I'm going to open up an eBay tab. Handy dandy eBay tab. Wow, they're actually not that expensive. Oh, my God.

There's one. No way. There's one that's only $96. 96 and just look at this this has to be a joke oh it's a metal advertising sign that's why i was like what the fuck okay no there's other ones that are uh okay yeah there's like they're like 400 that makes more sense i was like that doesn't look like an actual real chair but i was like why does it look cgi it's oh it's literally a picture a drawing okay i am gonna end up on ebay in a spiral later though so yeah don't you worry but now see now they sell barber chairs that you have to look like for an antique one you know because these are all like hydraulic recline beauty spa hairstyling you know yeah you gotta find the old rickety rackety ones with the story the ones that like you're a little scared

to sit on because it might fall apart but damn you know you're gonna get a good haircut in it that's true uh or have a good cigar yeah at the very least at the very least all right so in the early 60s it was fashionable to have a barber chair in your home to smoke a cigar in. When my grandparents got married, they asked my great grandparents for a chair, not thinking they were going to get one as they were very expensive. After the wedding, my great grandpa surprised my grandparents with a barber chair. This was not any old chair, though. This chair was the barber chair that my great grandfather hadfather had gotten his haircut in for the last 20 years that's so sweet cool that's very sweet so touching and the chair that my okay i'm gonna cry now and

the chair and the chair that my grandfather father and aunt had all had their first haircuts in oh is that not the sweetest thing ever? That's very sweet. The store that they went to to get their haircut was going out of business and my great grandpa was able to get the chair for cheap. Flash forward a couple years and my grandparents have given the chair to my parents. It now sits in the entryway to our house and

is a great conversation starter when you have nothing to talk about. I love a conversation piece. I just love them. I love a conversation piece. The best. Now for the spooky. When I was younger, I used to play on the chair. Every time I would sit in the chair, I would smell cigar smoke. Shut up. I wonder if it was just so old that you were sitting on the leather and like pressing smell. I literally was like, it's a cloud that comes out of the leather, the upholstery of the leather. You know, when you're on like a gross high school bus and like you can like smell the sweat of children before you sit down and it's like a cloud yeah

yeah i had that same thought i had that same thought now this uh chair has not been smoked in in 25 ish years and has been recovered twice so there should be no smoke smell okay recently i went home for the weekend and got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. When I walked past the chair, I swear someone was looking at me. When I turned around, I saw a younger version of my great-grandfather

who died before I was born smoking in the chair. Shut up. That's cool. That was goose cam alert. Goose cam for sure. That was a was a that's a this is a bumpy ride over here he smiled and disappeared that is amazing that's amazing she says it was a definite what the hell moment but super cool because i had only seen pictures of him thanks for the podcast

and i really loved your boston show this past march stay spooky sarah smiley face sarah that's quite a tale i don't know if you can see yeah you are getting i'm bumping it up wow that that's super spooky oh my god wow and also that means that like you're you know it's just another good confirmation that people that are in your family stay and watch after you and all that yeah absolutely i got i gotta admit though like that's one of my fears is that i'm just casually walking in the dark to get a glass of water or something from the fridge and they're just like a person it's just one of my fears i don't know that is a fear but it's also more fearful if you don't know the person well right and the thing is i don't think it would be someone i know in my house can you imagine being irene and it's someone without a face like no thanks exactly i don't i don't love that well in my uh at my house the last time my

cousin stayed the night um she was walking back up the stairs from getting a cup of water it's like they only want to show up when we're thirsty and uh she was walking up the stairs and someone was walking up behind her which is like the worst fear because it's like nope that's the thing he likes you up the stairs do the all fours crawl up the stairs oh yeah um but it was my grandpa the one that i'd seen in the house before and he was following her up the stairs just to like make sure she got to bed i guess he's like oh shoo shoo go back to bed he's like you're taking away from my time down here yeah and interestingly she said that he looked um like his normal age any everyone that has seen him says that he's a different age so i wonder if he just shows up at a time that makes you feel safest or that you recognize him the best yeah yeah but

he also had two legs and when we knew him he had had one amputated so he's like watch me walk up these stairs he was like you're not gonna forget this yeah yeah i'm showing off now look what i can do so interesting that he could like almost that makes it there's such like a a cool element to that but then it gets really sinister really quickly of like oh so they can just shape shift into anything they want that's a great point it's like it's like thank you for picking two-legged age that we recognize you by but it could be mr no face in which case like if you have the ability to shift then why are you not picking the face what's happening there maybe it's just your own perception that changes like from person to person not the actual spirits doing it intentionally maybe it's just the way you perceive them or maybe the the better

you know them the more energy you can give to the shape shift i don't know i don't know either i don't know i'm just getting really i'm having a a little if only i had a joint i'm sure i'd have a real appreciation for this conversation because our mailbox is gonna get full and i don't know if i want you smoking anything i don't know if i want a federal crime committed with a bunch of joints in our mailbox yeah i'm not so sure about that either um okay this story is the armchairs back to the armchairs this is from casey uh and casey's a she her pronouns pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And this is plain and simple.

Armchair related listener story. And fantastic. Hello to the entire lovely, and that's why we drink family and beyond. My name is Casey. I live in St. Louis and use she, her pronouns. I was listening to June's listener stories. And when Em said they wanted armchair related stories, oh boy, I remembered one of those in my family. My dad is not big into the paranormal, but he always tells one family story about a spooky occurrence.

Apparently, we had a great uncle, as in grand, not a fantastic uncle. I like how your great uncle had to be kind of not amazing for you to have to tell us that. To specify. Like it could have just been great either way, but you're like, no, no, no, only in one definition. No, only in the one, the very technical definition. Yeah. So we had a great uncle who had a large chair that he retired to each night. chair that he retired to each night once in a rare while when he would get up to head to bed he would feel two hands upon his chest that would push him back into the chair oh after that push he would be able to get up again so like he just needed to he has to sit back down just to get back

up oh that's rude that's just called sleepiness i feel those hands all the time yeah that's why i'm always lying down i'm like but but you know the sleepy angel is just holding me down saying angel just wants me to be horizontal so while this is creepy on its own every time this occurred he would wake up the next day to find out that a member of the family had died oh shit oh so this wasn't happening every time he got out of the chair oh wait you literally said it was a rare thing i think oh yeah choosing to ignore that oh i often wonder horrible i often wonder what those two hands were meant to signal and how it was a consistent phenomenon but it was stuck with but it has stuck with me till this day thanks for all the stories spooks and laughs love

you all best casey wow What do you think that is? I don't know, but I would be terrified if I felt those hands. I'd be like, I better fucking call everyone and say my goodbyes. Like, I'd be like, who could have possibly? And also, like, do you have to be in a certain, like, at a certain tier of I love you and I care about you to be recognized? Like, what if, like, it didn't happen and, like, grandma died, you know? Like, yeah, that's so wild to think about. What if like it didn't happen and like grandma died, you know, like. Yeah, that's so wild to think about.

How many times do you think it happened before he realized the pattern, you know? And then did he have to go back and say like, wait, did it happen that day that so-and-so died? Like, wow. Yeah. How many times have people died in your family for him to pick up on that? That's really creepy. Wow. I think I'd almost rather not not have a not no like like i don't want to be involved yeah i don't i feel like maybe the hands are like a

like a take a moment kind of thing of like a sit and reflect on people you love and then he's like nope and he's like i'm trying to go to bed excuse me wow i would be so scared every time i felt those hands me too me too i wonder if when it's his turn if he felt particularly strong hands oh no he he feels the hands the other way like pushing him out of the chair get up i wonder if everyone else feels hands when it's his turn oh interesting little inverse situation yeah well i mean to be fair it sounds like he did already pass right because she said we had a great uncle who was not grand he or no who was grand he just wasn't that girl oh okay wow super creepy casey oh yikes casey maybe maybe i don't know if you knew that about someone that

sits on that couch would you go sit on the couch nah me either not for me not today i think i'd be scared like i don't know i guess maybe that would just be like it happened to be a day where nobody cared about past the next day i would have to sit on it like every night until someone died to see if it actually worked for me which like you know yeah i don't want to test that out you know i don't want to invite that energy into my life yeah i agree uh okay so the next one i have is from kendall she her and the subject is paranormal armchair story all righty hi hello i've listened for a few years and even got to meet you once early on. Me and my friend had the,

you're doing amazing sweetie shirts on at one of your first shows in LA. Oh yeah. I remember that. I think I took a picture of them on my phone. We probably do have photos. There are some people. Oh, I was gonna say,

there are some people when they wear a shirt at the meet and greet that just like particularly gets me going. I asked them if I could take a picture with my phone and I always feel awkward because I don't think they see that coming. And it's like usually up their chest because it's on their shirt. Yeah, I feel weird about that too. But some people just have some real doozies. It's like, it's really worth it. People come up with all sorts of stuff. Someone had a picture of us or something was going on i felt they'll know who they are i think i think it was in texas i really don't know but we've gone there multiple times now

to this venue and they had a shirt of us or something and then i made them take a picture i liked it so much that i wanted to take a picture with them with the shirt and then they came to another show and had that a picture on the shirt of us with them on their shirt and then they came to another show and had that picture on the shirt of us with them on their shirt and then we took a picture yeah it was it was they then took that picture put it on a shirt and then i needed a picture with that it was that was like so fun i still think about that oh my god um and i'm excited I have a story that fits perfectly for your recent armchair request. A few years ago, I lived in a different apartment complex. It was a really nice place, just a bit far from work.

It was a fairly new build, so it honestly was not the sort of place you would expect spoopy things to happen in. Nevertheless, I would regularly have things disappear and then reappear in unlikely areas. That's one of my favorite topics in the paranormal. and then reappear in unlikely areas. That's one of my favorite topics in the paranormal. Once a friend lost her sunglasses, and then later that night, we saw them in the dead center of the living room.

They're always in the center. What does it mean? I wonder if that's like a rule that you have to follow in the afterlife, or if everyone's just like, I don't know. I don't know. If they've all just thought that was like a creative prank.

Like, do they all think they're original? Like, if you're a ghost at this point, hide it like on the ceiling or something like i don't know i don't know they've all just thought that was like a creative prank like do they all think they're original like if you're a ghost at this point hide it like on the ceiling or something and make it real creepy don't do that to me if you're don't you dare don't even suggest it i was just trying to think of something new never mind i don't want that just please keep it in the center please don't touch it ever that too this happened with various cords keys other small objects i also once found my only stuffed animal a manatee placed by my cat's food dish as if it was eating shut up what the fuck ew ew funny funny it is funny in a creepy way it'd be funny if a toddler did it not i feel like it

might have been a little kid right yeah wait here none of it ever felt sinister just mischievous like a little boy was playing pranks okay i called him jeremy giving it a name just made me less nervous and for the most part it was easy to brush off and he never hid things for too long so we mostly coexisted in peace and i was able to kind of brush things off as misplaced however this is one i cannot brush off oh jeremy one morning i woke up and went to turn my lamp on and it didn't work huh weird i tried the other lamp also nothing i got up and the overhead light was fine so not a power outage i went out to the living room and guys there was a little what there was a little pile of three or four light bulbs on my fucking armchair no that's all no you're wrong kendall're wrong. I can't cope with this story.

This is so bad. That is... Honestly, Jeremy's taking it too far. Jeremy needs to sit the fuck down. Jeremy, step it back a little bit. Yeah. I don't love this at all. So the light, the lamps didn't work.

That's weird. Go out in the living room and the fucking light bulbs from the lamps by your bed. Yeah. By the way. That's an extra firm pass for god to it'd be one thing if it was in a room and all of that happened away from you but to be so close to your unconscious face yes and it's one of those things we've talked about this before but how does it get there does it unscrew it do would if you were to open your eyes would it just kind of like float away? Right. Do you see it? Does it just reappear? In a little invisible hand? Like what happens? Okay, there's more here. I went around the apartment and sure enough, each of the light bulbs from various lamps had been unscrewed and placed in the armchair. I didn't mention this, but I am a huge klutz. Is it technically possible I did it while sleeping? I guess.

But to be honest, I cannot see myself as having that kind of dexterity and successfully tilting all the lamps, unscrewing the bulbs and placing them on the far end of my apartment without knocking anything over, tripping, etc. My friends agree that it's not possible. Anyway, that's my armchair story. Hope you had fun, Kendall. Fun? fun i don't know kendall fun is not the right word fear had that definitely freaked out oh my god i especially like for it to be from light bulbs from multiple rooms it was like now you know he's it's like in in the world of the blueprint theory like he is able to access all of your rooms yeah you know that's super freaky to me like it'd be one thing if it was if it stayed in one spot yeah but he is fine all over roman oh yeah yeah yeah okay well thank you kendall um this next one is from jacqu who uses she, her pronouns. Thank you for not using pronouns. And is a Capricorn.

Oh, I like a Cap. And the subject line is armchair, amateur, armature. You got it. Okay, all three. I like how this starts because immediately it says preamble. Thank you for getting me and my adhd brain through a pandemic with your cognitive dissonance alleviating tales offering just the right level of what the fuck to explain to my brain all the emotions and cortisol pumping through my veins on any

given day did that make sense boy song it sounds like it that was just one title to a song yeah uh did that make sense hope not love you both love all that you do uh could gush endlessly but let's get into it let's crack into it come on let's crack into it come on jacqueline first off i had no idea that armature was a word synonyms include skeleton and carcass so i think it's safe to say your spooky ghouls gals and babies are here for it i don't think i knew that i don't think i did either i used to have lucid dreams as a child so lucid that i often confuse those dreams with memories now now enter the armchair from age two from ages two to eight i had the same lucid dream every halloween what october 31st 1992 to y2k baby so uh like clockwork in my dream it was halloween and i was dressed as a

little witch and it was time to trick or treat i would tell i could tell because the covered porch was covered in windows and it was dusk a warm but uncannily fluorescent orange light cast through the porch dipping everything in the otherworldly jack-o'-lantern glow. Are you a writer? Do you write Fall Out Boy songs? Yeah. What's happening? Is this Pete Wentz?

I had a broom and I could fly on it. Problem was I was trapped in this little covered porch and turns out flying was somewhat exhausting, but I knew that I couldn't touch down. Why you may ask? Well, there was an oddly humanoid scarecrow on the raggedy maroon velvet armchair adorned with gosh, embroidered grape leaves inside the porch.

What the fuck? I couldn't be sure if the scarecrow below me was an elderly man, a mannequin or a scarecrow but i knew he was living and i and i knew he was unsafe oh my god what the fuck he was balding with white wispy hair and yellow tinted aviator glasses he wore blue plaid and had straw coming out of his sleeves but liver spotted skin stretched over his hands. What the fuck? I could tell he was somehow human,

like a human disguised as a scarecrow. I knew the door was locked. I knew this man was unsafe. Wake up. I'm sweating. Every time I'm petrified, crying. I call for my mom.

I tell her my dream. Flash forward. We're moving back to my mom's hometown. My mom wants to be closer to her mom my grandma my grandma who left her first husband which was my mother's dad he was in albeit traumatized abusive alcoholic um and she left him for merv another abusive alcoholic oh boy my mom was worried about her and wanted to be closer. I never met Merv and when Merv moved into my grandmother's home, my mother moved out.

When I met Merv at his and my grandmother's apartment, under my mother's hypervigilant, intense supervision, he was deeply sunken into a maroon velvet armchair with the same grape leaves and I immediately burst into tears. He was the scarecrow man from my nightmares.

Oh, my God! What? My grandmother, a superstitious woman, listened to my story, listened to my dreams, and left him. My mother, a brave woman whose story wasn't listened to, confirmed that Merv was a very unsafe man for any woman to live with. I know that epigenetics is a relatively new area of research with mothers and fathers seemingly passing down their genetic memories onto their

offspring. But it is the only way I can explain how I knew what Merv looked like, how I knew he was dangerous, and how his face made it into my dreams. Thank you for all that you do and for providing a platform to share stories that are too bizarre to go untold. As a former social worker in practice, but forever social worker at heart, thank you for being advocates for inclusion, for the life forces we can see and the forces we can't. Wow. Damn. Are you a writer? What the hell is going on here?

What a story. That is insane. Wow. That was for fricking bananas. So, so the, the, I love, I watch a lot of epigenetic TikToks. Yeah. And it is fascinating how they have proven that you can carry trauma in the womb. You can pass it on genetically.

Yeah. So that is really interesting so the idea that like her mom knew that he was a dangerous man yeah and maybe she was like reflecting her mom's i also yeah like she could just she was flying around she was stuck in and also i wonder like from a dream analysis perspective what that would because if it's a dream to her but maybe a warped memory right to her mom i wonder how the dream translated it because i feel like it says a lot to be trapped on a porch and you can't get inside the house and this man is just staring at like why does it happen every year on halloween Yeah. You know, it makes you wonder. Yeah. Wow.

That is quite a story. That's one of my favorites. We've gotten. That was a good one. That was a super duper good one. Oh man, I did not see that coming either. Wow. What a tale. Well, thank you, Jacqueline.

You should, you might be a writer, but if you're not, you gotta look into it. You absolutely need to. Every sentence was bam, bam, bam. Another watercolor painting for us. you might be a writer but if you're not you you gotta look you absolutely need to every sentence was another watercolor painting for us um okay so this story is our last one eva gave us i think a bonus story this is from katarina she her and the subject is the time an armchair saved my life wow oh okay hello my lovelies i heard both em and christine begging for an armchair saved my life. Wow. Oh, okay. Hello, my lovelies. I heard both Em and Christine begging for an armchair ep, and I knew it was my calling.

I know that the title seems like the most biggest bull, but just hear me out. It's worth it. When I was a teenager, I grew up in a very dangerous area, but not too bad if that makes sense. I lived in Australia where guns are really hard to own, so gun violence was never really high. It was Saturday, and I was sitting outside the front of my house in a rocking armchair. I could hear intense yelling coming from the left-hand side of me, but I couldn't see what was going on since there were trees and bushes blocking it. Me being the curious kid I was, I tried to get up,

but the sleeve of my jacket had caught into a poking nail, pulling me back down. Not even two seconds later, a bullet from a gun comes blasting past me, inches away from my face. What? If only I'd been standing up, I would have definitely gotten shot. Holy shit. It was as if the armchair itself just knew.

What the frick? Holy crap. The armchair quite dramatically saved your life i mean yeah i would be like you know what chair if you don't want me to get up i never will again yeah this reminds me of like pushing hands down yeah like in a totally different kind of context um thank you for reading the story and i hope you all have an amazing day wow oh my god like i like how katarina got to the goddamn point i love it you're you should be a writer too all of y'all should be writers i mean really god that is incredible fucking scary also like that means that you watched a bullet hit a part of the couch or a part of the room or something that you know on the porch so probably right past oh god but like right by your face i mean that's traumatizing in its own right you know

oh my god that's so fucking creepy yeah um i'm very there was a shooting outside my house at one point and i didn't even see it but it was very very frightening to like to like hide from bullets yeah fire um and so you know i can't even imagine seeing it firsthand like that that's very scary so i'm glad you're okay especially in a place that does not have very much gun violence yeah oh my god wow wow wow um could have gone so differently you know uh thank you everybody for your stories thank you what a freaking you came out in droves we got to do another armchair uh saga someday maybe we'll do armchair august 2023 if we remember can you imagine if we just made it like an annual thing like armchair season yeah it's armchair it's autumn and august oh shit we should have gone

with autumn and it would have worked so much better. If we had autumn in autumn, then we could have just made it like a fall furniture extravaganza. Oh, well. Oh, well. We'll work on it. We have plenty of years to figure it out. Hopefully. Hopefully everyone enjoys their last summer season because after this month, we are dipping our toe into Halloween spooky season.

Spooky scandals. Come come on send them in and we might as well shout it out here while we're at it that uh next month we will be back doing on the road doing our encore shows yes come to our live shows we've only got 10 shows uh that we're doing and they are going to be the last time that we perform uh are here for the booze tour so if you would like a chance at seeing it either one last time or for the first time or for the only time, please go look at our tickets. It's on our website and that's soydrink.com. Yes. And as it's August 1st, in 12 days, we're doing our little armchair. No, armchair. What the fuck, Christine? We're doing our little spooky cryptids unscripted slam poetry event and live auction

and all the proceeds are going to the national abortion federation we're very excited we have a lot of awesome small businesses donating um their time and products and we have some really exciting things you can bid on um and like i said we're uh funds are going to reproductive efforts and it's going to be a blast and if you have a story of meeting and encountering a cryptid or if you want to write your own cryptid poetry, you can send that to atwwdfromourcouches at gmail.com. And that's why we drink.