And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 91

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

YouTube! We're so sorry, yet again, about the weird glitch-lag. We promise we're working on fixing these mysterious lags but in the meantime the listener stories show must go on, even if the May stories aren't as important as our birthday month stories... oops, did we say that out loud?! Tune in this month for some fun, mystery themed stories including a current Starbucks arrest, a house haunted by a full body apparition of a burnt man and even a spooky little haunting at one of our live shows. We also reveal the name of our next brand new tour and share some medical intuition... and that's why we drink!We're so proud of our second book, coming out this September! Make sure to pre-order your copy today: bit.ly/hranextstop

It's gonna be May. Uh, it is gonna be May for us. It is May for everybody. Happy May. It is May. It is May. Also, uh, so now we're officially a third done with the year. Stop. That makes me ill.

I'm drinking a beer. I just I went and got one from my mini fridge that I installed in my studio. I was going to say, wow, we we've been recording since morning for me, and now we're at beer drinking stage. Yeah, yeah, we started at two my time, which is about when my parenting duties for the day cease and Blaze takes Leona to do fun stuff like the aquarium, which by the way, I'm so sorry I'm not usually like this, but I'm sending you a picture immediately of what Blaze just

texted me. I just sent it to the group chat, but yeah, so they're having fun. So I'm home and I got the evening off. Isn't that cute? So I'm doing beer drinking time now. So cute. I mean, it's literally a Miller light or whatever.

So it's not that exciting, but. By the way, but folks, it's like a little strip of, it's like a little photo booth strip of them at the aquarium. Please, he's such a good dad. He's a good daddy. I'm lucky, because it means I can sit home and drink beer. You're also a daddy in a lot of ways.

Exactly. See, I'm manifesting my dream life. You're man-of-esting. That's right! Yeah. Well, I hope everyone's having a good May. You know that this is probably the last sane listeners episode you'll get for a while because next month...

Next time we do this, it will be our... Oh, Eva just got a migraine, instant migraine. Ha ha ha! My medical intuition says, Eva justraine, instant migraine. My medical intuition says Eva just got an instant migraine. Our birthdays are countdown. Oh, Eva just said, I literally did, LOL. Thanks for the LOL even though I know it's actually the truth for softening the blow.

The grown eye roll combo was probably elite in that house. Oh, imagine the pain, but you know what? Sorry, Eva. Sorry. Sorry, but not really. I'm sorry, but not sorry enough to change, you know, so anyway. That's exactly it. That's how I am usually with Allison when she tries to correct some sort of behavior of mine.

I'm like, I can't change at this point, so. And also, and also, let me just say something, which is that, wow, the energy I've shifted, you've told me, I'm almost- The beer, the one sip of beer really got me. The one sip of Miller Lite has really gotten to my head. One thing I'll also say is, they signed up for this shit, they know they can't change.

Like you can't go into a relationship healthily and say, I'm gonna change that person. Everyone knows that doesn't end well. So you know what? He married me, Alison moved in with you. What do they want? I'm going to change that person. Everyone knows that doesn't end well. So you know what? He married me. Alison moved in with you. What do they want? I'm not going to change. I think it's why she spends months at a time off grid in the rain forest.

In the Amazon rainforest. By the while we're recording this, she's still going to be gone for at least another two weeks. So this is insane. I haven't seen her. You don't know what's wild. I have not seen her since before our Salem trip That's how do you do that? I would be so sad and lonely. Well, I don't know if I would be Sad I think and then but and then when

We get back when I get back from my current trip. I still have yet to do the cruise folks But when I get back from the cruise, I'm only in town for like five days, then I'm gone for a week. And then when I get back, she's gone for two weeks. So I only see her for a few days after the cruise and then I don't see her until my birthday weekend. And by the way, during that window where you're back in town, I'm also back in town. So it's like she just gets double whammy, both of us.

So I'm only going to see from mid-March until our birthday weekend, I only see her for, I think, and when you add up all the days, it makes a week. It's wild. What? You guys are insane. That makes me sad, but I hope you're not sad about it. I hope you're okay about it.

We're fine. Oh, okay, excellent. We're good. You have healthier, maybe boundaries than I do. So in any case, we have stories for you today and all we know for the May stories is that they're not as important as the June stories. Oops, oops, did I say that out loud?

No, all we know, I'm just kidding. All we know is that Eva did choose these, we have not seen them. And by the way, in case, usually Em describes this, but these are stories that you all send in to us, your own personal story submissions, and we read them aloud on a monthly listener episode, the first of the month.

Eva has instructed that I begin with the first story. We have not seen, Em and I have not seen these yet. And Eva has also said there is a theme. So we're gonna try and catch on as we go. I love a theme. We love a mystery theme too.'re gonna try and catch on. I love a theme. I love a theme. We love a mystery theme too. Like that's so much fun.

That's my favorite round in trivia, bar trivia, when in Cincinnati the way they do it at one of the places is you, one of the rounds has a theme and you can guess everything, like every round. Oh, I went to one like that. It's really fun because you can just like just guess. One of them was Beyonce songs. Like, I forget that it was Halo was one of the answers, but the three ended up being all Beyonce songs. But you know, it's fun.

It's fun. Okay, let's see. What if this was Beyonce songs? What if that's Eva's theme? Can you imagine if the theme was Beyonce wrote in and now we're just reading her personal diary entries to us? Stop! Okay.

That would be like a mean April Fools that Eva did May 1st instead of April 1st. You know what I would like to do again though? Well, since you've brought it up, remember all those years ago when we had an April Fools episode where we just had Blaze and Allison record and we didn't have to do anything?

Oh, I missed that. Yeah, but no wonder that bitch goes to Amazon Rainforest. She's like, April 1st is coming. I need to get the F out of here. Oh my God, it all makes sense. It all makes sense, yes. Like she has, that woman has like the most intense, strenuous, like time, what's the word?

Time consuming job ever. So like she saw my chance for vacation and evading yet another hour's worth of work for Em and Christine. But you know what? So many people loved that episode. Like I also loved that episode. It was almost like to a scary amount.

Like you and I were like, uh-oh. It was actually, I also, do you remember what we did while they recorded? We sat on your couch, we watched Bob's Burgers and we went, this is so lovely to not have to work and make other people do it. There's a selfie of us with a box of wine, and we're watching Bob's Burgers,

and we were like, wait a minute, we need to do this weekly, monthly at least. This is the easiest job I've ever had is making other people record our episode for us. That was lovely. So, I would like to bring that back. And maybe we just like write in the comments or something, if someone would also like Alison and Blaze

to redo an episode. Like, what do you think? Like, who do you want to see on the show? And then we can just start farming out our responsibilities to others. That would be great. Remember who played, no, oh, oh, it was Zandi played you. Alison, no, Alison played you, Zandi played me,

and then Blaze was Gio. Is that how we did it last time? Blaze was Gio, I know that because Alexander and Alison still sometimes reference some joke he made about his ball, how he doesn't have balls anymore, because he got neutered. And I was like, I don't like this anymore. Alison played me, I think, because she was doing

all the wine jokes. Yeah, and then Alexander, I'm pretty sure played you, which I have no, honestly, I don't think I ever listened to, well, I did, because I edited it, but beyond that, I don't know if I listened to it. I think I'm gonna go listen to it again, because... I kind of want to. I'm, like, curious.

It feels like such a time capsule, doesn't it? I would love to bring them back, and just you and I not have to deal with it. Maybe that could be for our birthday episode one day. For our birthday, they handle it, so we don't have to. Wait, that would be really fun. It has to be a present for me. We're gonna sit on our pony ride has to be a present for me. We're going to sit on our pony ride while they do a performance for us.

We're like those bratty little children. Dance monkey, dance. Yeah. Dance. Anyway, yes, until then, it's unfortunately for everybody. It's just us reading the stories. And I know what you're thinking. Wow, it can't be like they talk about their birthdays more during their actual birthday week,

but you'd be surprised. We find a way. You would be fuuucked. You'd be so fucking wrong. Okay, are you new here? Anyway, this is called a paranormal prank. Okay. It's from Libby, she, her, and the subject,

remember how anxious we were last month when one of these was fake? Oh, that was evil. Like, I just started getting sweat in my palms thinking, anxious we were last month when one of these was fake. Oh, that was evil. I just started getting sweat in my palms thinking, OK, where are the holes in this story? And I'm like, I've read three words, but I'm already looking for clues.

Which one would Eva have written up or something? Wasn't that weird? I'm like, Libby's a liar. Libby's not real. Poor Libby is like, I just sent this. Libby's like, I actually went through a trauma. I was hoping you could help me with it. Thank you for calling it fake

and screaming that I'm a liar. Okay. Oops, I would be a terrible therapist. This is exactly what I wanted, what I wrote this in. Exactly the kind of healing I was looking for. Thank you, Emma and Christine. Okay, Libby, she, her, subject, a paranormal prank. And the title, or I'm sorry, the greeting says,

Hi Eva, and then in parentheses, and Em and Christine. Thank you so much. You know what, Libby, you're right. You're right for that. I've been wanting to submit this story for a while and I figured now is the time of year to finally do it. When I was little, maybe three or four years old, my family and I went on vacation to Prince Edward Island,

which is on the East Coast of Canada. We were joined by my aunt and uncle, their three kids and my grandparents, and we all stayed together in a rented cottage. Because I was so young, I don't actually have any memories of this trip, but what happened has since become family lore and is still something we talk about to this day.

One night, my parents, aunt and uncle were up late after everyone else had gone to bed, probably drinking, knowing my dad and uncle. See, told you, dad vibes. I wasn't even there. I can pretty much agree with you that, yeah, I think everyone was up late drinking on a family vacation, for sure.

I feel like there's one of those, like a, what do they call it when everybody has like a communal memory, like societal consciousness. It's like we, as toddlers, we all are just sort of vaguely aware that our parents were just drinking all the time. And that's kind of what I think she's getting at. So all of a sudden, so her dad and uncle are up late drinking, presumably, all of a sudden the two of them hear scream

right outside of the cottage. My dad and uncle go take a look, thinking that maybe my grandmother had woken up and gone outside for a smoke and had fallen off the front stoop. Why is that our first thought? How fucked up did we think she was? Grandma?

Grandma doesn't want to throw down. Are you just tumbling out? She just tumbles off. She's like, I forgot where I was. I just went out for a smoke and launched into the woods. I don't know. Now, there were a few other cottages nearby, but the scream was way too close to have

come from any of them. A little unnerved, my dad and uncle went back inside. And while nothing else happened for the rest of our time there, my uncle could not forget about that scream. After we all left to go back home, he ended up doing some research and found an article talking about a fire that had happened on the property some years before, which had killed several people.

Oh shit. Apparently we were not the only ones to have experienced strange things at that cottage. Another article we found revealed that the cottage had actually been visited by a paranormal investigator who had been drawn by reports of unexplained activity. Whoa. I, we were all shocked. I was going to say, you know, I feel like that's how someone could describe anytime I've gone anywhere where it's like,

technically, yes, I'm a paranormal investigator. Technically, yes, I was drawn in by the reports, but maybe I was just there for like a good weekend, you know, maybe we're, but also. Okay, but if you go somewhere for a good weekend, I feel like you don't seek out, like you're not going to do investigating there if you're just traveling. I guess that's true. I guess it depends on the mood, but that being said.

Like you weren't there for a ghost hunt if you're on vacation, but it sounds like this guy like came to investigate the property. I love that about him. I did too. Good for him. That's how a vacation should be.

That is. He's like, this is not a vacation. Oh, right. This is a very serious job. And to be fair, when you and I went to San Diego and slept over at a house, it was not for vacation. It was unfortunately also for work. So, you know, I get it. So, blah, blah, blah.

It had been visited by a paranormal investigator who had been drawn there by reports of unexplained activity. We were all shocked to learn this. None more so than my grandmother. Still in the bushes, I imagine. For years after she went around telling people all about the time we stayed in a haunted cottage. And I even remember mentioning it to friends as a kid.

So you can imagine my surprise when, oh my God, many years later, I learned that my uncle had made it all up. Yeah. I knew, remember I called Libby a liar? I said, Libby's a liar. You were just like one relative off, but yeah. Okay, well, she was fooling us. Someone was a liar.

She was fooling us. Okay, okay, okay. He had written all the article. Okay, this is something my dad does. He had written all the articles himself about the fire and the paranormal investigation and had even created fake websites with all of this information.

Why did he go to all that trouble, you may ask? Well, it was all to prank my grandmother. She's known for sometimes being a bit hysterical, and so he obviously thought it would be funny to convince her that the cottage was haunted. And for that, he had needed proof, hence the fake articles and websites. And it had worked. It was years before my grandmother realized she had been pranked and that was only after someone else in the family finally told her.

But the scream that started it all, that was real and is still unexplained. I feel like the uncle was like, we heard the scream and then he was like, this is my fucking moment. Like I was wondering- It like, it got out of hand. I was wondering what was going to be the initial move on this and now that I've heard a scream,

we have to work with what we've got. 100%. And also- Do you know what it reminds me of? What? Real quick side note is when Zach Baggins gets like a, like a, and it's a real sound. Like he gets like a, like a weird EVP and he goes,

could this be the voice of a small child saying she's looking for her teddy bear just like the girl that had been here? And it's like, well, no, it's just a weird garbling noise but you took it and ran so far with it that now I don't even believe your evidence because you've turned it into this wild story. You know what I really, I actually really dig

because it'd be one thing if it was like my dad or something, I'd be like, Oh my God, like, this is so annoying. But I feel like uncle is one step removed where I'm like, Oh, you know, like, I actually really respect that you went so far as to build fucking websites and write articles for a prank. Like that feels like uncle energy. That feels like it is uncle energy for sure. And if it's if it's your parent, you're like, are you, like you are so toxic, but if it's an uncle, you're like, ah, silly old uncle. I'm just like, I've got it.

That's just what he does. I would just be like, I'm so lucky. I've got an uncle who commits to the bit. Like he loves a theme. Oh yes. He's going to ride with it. And you know he's there. If like, if you need somebody to join in,

like he's there. I have an uncle like that. And remember I told you a long time ago that I thought I was actually the president of the SpongeBob fan club, despite having no qualifications and being nine. Okay, well, I remember when you first told me and you told it to me, like it was really real.

And then like I went to your house and you were like, oh, by the way, I found out later. Because for a lot of my life, I really thought that somehow SpongeBob contacted me. And when I heard you were the president of my fan club, I mean, a lot of my life, I mean, like from like seven years old to like 10 or 11 when I was like, wait a minute, something's going on here. But for years, I was like, this is amazing.

And not only that, but because I was the president, I was gifted a video compilation of SpongeBob episodes. And now in hindsight, I'm like, that was just my uncle being a fucking great uncle. He wrote a whole letter to me as if it were SpongeBob. He designed it like it was from SpongeBob. He made a whole video and recorded probably a Nickelodeon marathon and just put it on a tape and sent it to me.

But in hindsight, I was like, that was a lot of effort for a bit that like nobody asked for. Do you feel any resentment about that? I feel like I would be like, oh man, like you made all that up. I don't know. I feel like for me I get- No,

because by the time I realized I made it up, I'd be like, oh, I should have seen that coming a mile away. I just like, I had such a hard time with that. It's like the same I feel with like, I just like I had such a hard time with that. It's like the same I feel with like Spoiler alert for people about Easter critters and other holiday characters who

Do things so if you have kids in the car you can fast-forward But that's kind of how I feel about like Santa and Easter bunny I'm like I was so devastated, but I'm also so fucking sensitive. Like, I don't know, I would, but I was so devastated and I like didn't speak to my mom for weeks because I was like, I cannot believe you would just like make me look like such a fool for believing this for so long. But like clearly I was just taking internalizing it. But I'm like, I'm trying to find a delicate way to approach these kinds of things where I don't like traumatize my child, but I think maybe I'm just the sensitive one. I don't know.

I don't know. I think I have always been pretty, before I react to things, I think my go-to is to try to find a benefit of a doubt in it. So I was just like, well, why would he have done this? And then I just was like, oh, he's trying to be nice. No, and it's obviously, and that's the same way I feel about

all the same things I was just discussing. It's all for the magic of the kit, for the kids. I'm not downing the intention there at all. And I'm like, I loved that growing up, the magic of it. But I mean, as a kid, I even thought that. I didn't go through a phase of being offended because I was like, oh, he was trying to be nice. That was just my first thought.

I think you were maybe more mature than I was. I think I just got my feelings hurt. I was like, mom, I thought you never lied to me and now you're saying you blatantly lied to me for years. Like, I don't know. I just felt so like, taken a, I just felt like kind of, I think I was embarrassed, honestly. I think I was just embarrassed.

Like, I can't believe I believed that and you made me look like a fool all those years, but I think I'm also just embarrassed. Maybe, I've never felt like kind of, I think I was embarrassed, honestly, I think I was just embarrassed. Like I can't believe I believed that and you made me look like a fool all those years, but I think I'm also just embarrassed. Maybe, I've never felt like, I very rarely feel like a fool unless it is self-inflicted. Like I very rarely ever think like, oh, someone was trying to make me feel stupid. It's more like, oh, I just did something stupid.

Yeah, yeah, I think I was just ashamed that I didn't figure it out sooner. I don't know. I don't know. I think maybe I have lower self-esteem and I'm always kind of riding the wave that like, I don't know what's going on. So then when I find out that I didn't know something was going on, I'm like, well, that tracks. Oh, that's okay.

That's interesting. I mean, I don't think it sounds like you have lower self-esteem at all. I think it sounds like you were very very self assured about maybe or my uncle was just doing something nice for me not like wow He was trying I don't know. I feel like I just immediately get like so defensive which yeah I don't think I I was definitely not a kid who like assumed there was like a hidden agenda Where the maybe that's where it feels different because my was definitely not a kid who assumed there was a hidden agenda where the plan was to make me feel stupid.

Because my thought is always somebody's, there's some sort of hidden agenda. Yeah, even to this day, I don't really ever assume somebody's got an agenda. So I think I just kinda, so then when I find out that there is an agenda, I'm like, oh, I didn't see that coming. So yeah, I don't know.

But anyway, I thought I was the SpongeBob president. And I also thought I was like, wow, I didn't even have to do anything. That kind of worked out. Like, I just get to be the president of a fan club. That's dope. And I got a free videotape out of it. I mean, that's that's pretty cool. Anyway, all that to say, I think the like an uncle who commits to a bit, I was like, that's a good time.

Like you like he said, I want the kids to remember me. And guess what? Now people are writing in to podcast. And the fact that he was pranking his own mother makes me laugh so much. Like it's not like he was pranking a child. Like he was pranking his own mother and it worked for years, which is just like hysterical to me. Which like she must have had an inkling.

She must have a little bit. They're like, like her. This can't be her son's first prank on her. Well, I mean, it sounds like it was long ago, long enough ago that probably like she didn't even realize he was like making up websites. Like I feel like since this happened a long time ago, like the fact that he was making up websites and articles, like nowadays you could probably be like,

oh, maybe this is fake. But I feel like back then. No, I feel the opposite. I feel like it would be easier then to make website because every website looked really shitty and pixelated. So like nowadays you'd have to like really know what you were doing. I mean, I guess not because there's like no templates, template sites, Squarespace. Maybe you're right. You just type in AI, make me a website about how this cabin is haunted. You're right, you're right, you're right. Anyway, I just, before you get to the next story, I wanna read the PS, which by the way, the ending, I just wanna read again, cause it's so good.

Only after someone else in the family finally told her, but the scream that started it all, that was real and is still unexplained. PS, love the pod, it's gotten me through some very boring days at work. I was at your Toronto show last week and I thought you guys were hilarious. Hope you come back soon. Oh, thanks Libby.

Thank you. I like how Christine was like, we have to talk about how great we were for a second though. I didn't even read it. I just saw another paragraph and I was like, if we move on, I'm never going to remember that that exists. But yes, it did end up just complimenting us and I don't regret reading it for one second. Well, thank you, Libby. Appreciate it. The next story is from a baby. I'm very excited about that. This is from J. They them. I hope you tell people that your pronouns are J them. Just kidding, just kidding. But. Good one.

I don't know. She, her, she, her. We're working on it. We're trying to take over the world. M them. M them. I don't know. Hopefully it'll catch on. Well, the subject line screams drama.

I love it because it's an arrest at Starbucks. And it says, hey, and that's why we drink fam. This shit just happened and it was wild. At least to me it was. I like how Jay was like, something crazy just happened. I immediately have to write it. I just feel like they're live tweeting it to us.

Yes, yes. So I work at Starbucks in Canada. Okay, so the theme is Canada. What? Okay, you found it, nailed it. Unless there is a really bastard of an uncle in here who likes to mess with people. If there's a Wiley.

Oh, Eva says, Eva says nailed it, it's Canada. Okay. Good job, Em. You made a good point, Kristina, it could have been another Wiley Coyote uncle, so. Yeah, the ACME uncle. So I work at a Starbucks in Canada and my store is down the road from the local RCMP, Royal Canadian Mounted Police building. So we get cops and RCMP at all hours of the day, both in and out of uniform.

Anyway, also down the road in the opposite direction is a conference center. I don't know all the details, but yesterday someone was stabbed there and the suspect managed to get away. However, the cops knew what he looked like. Catch this morning at 7 a.m., we're in the middle of our busiest time of the morning and who comes in and orders a coffee? The stabber.

What? He was like, I'm just gonna waltz on in and order a coffee fucking a block from where I stabbed someone. Remember what I said about cops, remember what I said about cops being frequent customers at my store? We had some ununiformed officers in the building.

So yeah, they let this guy order his coffee and quietly order for backup. The guy sits, drinks his coffee. I thought they meant like ordered for backup. Like, I'll take a flat white and some backup, please That's like saying like oh something smells like up dog. It's like oh Order some backup for me with extra sweetener Well, I do like how they saw him and someone nudged someone and made eyes and then very slowly in a James Bond watch went

We need a little And you know, they were both dressed like in this, they were like plain chain clothes. And one of them was like, well, so, you know, Tommy's going starting his freshman year. And they're like, shut the fuck up. I'm so fucking not paying attention right now. We have this going on right now.

Like I so care about your family shit, but like shut the fuck up. So the guy sits down, drinks his coffee, has a granola time, and then gets up to leave only to be tackled, right? He drank the coffee there? Like, that's even weirder. That feels a little chaotic.

Who does that? That feels like someone sitting on a plane and like not having something to do anymore. Like, it's just like, you're odd for just sitting there and just like raw dogging the plane ride. Yeah. Right, raw dogging the plane, you're being weird. Go home with, leave with your coffee.

Unless you are like working on something. Yeah, if you're just there to sit at a table and drink your coffee and think, yuck. Okay, so no, no, no. He gets tackled right outside the store by eight officers. And all I can think is how dumb do you have to be to stab someone, get away, and then go to the Starbucks down the road from their station?

Anyway, that was my morning at work. Love the show. Whether or not this gets read, I hope you enjoy this random thing that happened at Starbucks. Love you guys, Jay. A Canadian Scorpio. Aw. No.

With a huge crush on Em. Ah, we're back in the good graces. No. Thank you, Jay. And also thank you for having a crush on me. You have immaculate taste. Oh, you sure do. I mean, I'm not gonna deny it.

There's no denying that, even if I tried. Immaculate taste. Wow, what a tale. And like, I love these. Jim Harreld always says it, so I feel like just such a fan girl, but he's always like, workplace stories, we never get enough workplace stories.

And it's so wild. I agree that they're so interesting because it's like you're at work. You're just like doing like, oh, just the, I mean, pun, pun, not intended, but like the daily grind. Like you're just like, okay, more frappuccinos, more of this, more of that. You're just whatever getting through the day. And then all of a sudden it's like drama. And remember like when we were either at a job or at school and something happened and it was like so exciting because like your day got derailed and it's like, no, let's keep this energy up.

Like let's see, let's all focus on something else. Think about the one person who finally like went on their break in that moment and then missed the best part of the day. I know. And now they get to hear everyone else talk about it. They were like, I was hung over and it's like, well, that'll be the last time you call off sick.

I know. Like you missed the arrest of the century. You know they talked about it for the rest of the week in that building and if you were one of the employees who actually saw it happen, you were like cool and people wanted to know what happened, you know? Apparently, honestly, it's 100% true. And also Jay, like I need to be honest with you,

and I know you have a crush on Em, so maybe tell Em, but do you know what this guy ordered? Because I would love to know, with as much fervor as I have for people's last meals, I'm just so curious, for no reason, I feel like it says something about you, I just don't know what. Did he order literally a black coffee

and then sit at a table by himself? Because that's psychotic behavior. Or just like at your coffee. If he ordered a Frappuccino and was just scrolling on his Kindle, okay, that I understand. But like, I wanna know, Jay, if you know like what this guy ordered.

I'm so curious. I also like, I do think like how nice of the cops to let him have one last sip of good coffee before he's in fucking prison. It is his final meal. It's his final meal before prison. Yeah, I don't know. What do you think a murderer gets to drink?

I mean, obviously a black coffee, but I feel like something unhinged, right? I would feel like it would be something like seemingly very plain, like a black coffee, but then he would add 16 equal packets. Like not Splenda, not Stevie, but like equal. Or something very specific. I don't know.

What is your guess? Milk. That's you, babe. I know, but I'm trying to think's Em. I'm trying to think of something like unhinged where everyone would like remember him later and report it to the police. They'd be like, he wanted just a Trenta milk. You know?

Also, ew. Also, I love the fact that like they recognize him, but he just didn't even have like the wherewithal to realize that like multiple people in the building spot. Or maybe he did and he was trying to act casual. I don't know, but just the idea that you would sit down and enjoy your coffee. That's a great point too though,

because do you think he was shaking in his boots or do you think he just thought this was like, he totally got away with it and it's fine now? That's what I wonder. Do you think he was like, oh shit, now I'm really stuck and I have to pretend I'm just gonna leave here casually? Or he just had no care in the world? I wonder, do you think he was like, oh shit, now I'm really stuck and I have to pretend I'm just gonna leave here casually? Or he just had no care in the world?

I wonder. Yeah, was nothing going on in his mind or was everything going on in his mind? I hope they really, I wanna know what he was texting during that, texting his friend like, uh-oh, they're all looking at me. Wow, well, Jay, what a story, thank you.

I now have a story, this is from River, another they be, they them, and the subject is, "'My mom survived an attempted murder.'" Yikes. Okay. "'Hello lovely ATWWD creatures, cryptids and citruses. I have many a story to share at another time,

but with Mother's Day coming up.'" Aw. Happy Mother's Day. Aw, I say with a big question share at another time, but with Mother's Day coming up, aw. Happy Mother's Day. Aw, I say with a big question mark at the end. I wanted to honor my mom's story. It's a bit long, so buckle up. Long before I was born, my kind, generous, and barely 19-year-old mom

married her first boyfriend. I am not sure what red flags this guy was flying before the marriage, but he sure busted them out after the wedding. Oh my. He did it. I know, that's a beautiful way to put it. He didn't work and stole all my mom's earnings,

controlled her every movement and threatened that he'd burn down her parents' farm if she ever left him. He then forced my mom to move away from her family to a town in another province, parentheses hello from so-called Canada. Far away from everyone she knew. The horrible situation continued and was made worse by this guy's sister who lived nearby. It turns out that their sibling, Bon, didn't just include abusive but also attempted murder. One day my mom was home with a headache

and the awful sister made her a cup of tea, which was quite out of character. The sister and the brother left and my mom was home alone. Okay, so by the way, this is while they're still together. It's not even like... It's not like she broke up with him, pissed him off. Yeah, yeah, and is like prepared for his vengeance. Like this is just a random day in an abusive relationship. The sister and brother left and my mom was home alone.

After drinking the tea, she began to feel very ill and dizzy and was about to pass out when a friend randomly stopped by. Thank God. I know. I'm like that guy, his guardian angels were like dragging him off the couch, being like, go see your friend. He ran to help her and took her out of the house. She refused to go to the hospital.

This is classic for my mom, but she also may have been in fear because of the situation she was in. The friend took her to his place and took care of her until she was out of the woods and started to recover. My mom's friend suspected it wasn't just the headache that made my mom so ill, so he offered to let her stay at his place for a while.

He went back to her house to get some things and found it completely trashed. The abusive husband and his sister had taken all her belongings, even her clothing, and had completely trashed the place. The only thing they left was a Bible from her family, and they had torn it up and left it on the floor. Ew.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Also, so did she just not drink enough of the tea that she was able to heal, but had she drank all the tea, she would have been poisoned? Is that what we're thinking? Um, I don't know. Let me finish it and see. I'm not sure.

Sure. I don't know why I thought you already and see. I'm not sure. Sure. I don't know why I thought you already knew the ending. No, I mean, it's a good question. I'm also pondering the same thing. Cause I'm like, maybe she just had a headache and he happened to still save her from the situation. I don't know.

My mom never found out for sure if the sister had slipped something in her tea, but she's never had a reaction like that to a headache, especially so extreme. She knew it wasn't worth filing a report. It was the 1970s, she was young, and she didn't really have any proof. She knew how the system worked, and continues to work. Thankfully, the abusive ex and his sister didn't try anything else and disappeared. My mom filed for divorce as soon as she could, but it

took years because he wouldn't show up to court. The evil siblings returned to their home province and both died by the mid-2000s. My mom stayed in the same town for a few more years and met many lifelong friends, and best of all, a really, really great guy, my dad. Okay, I'm gonna cry. That's a pretty magical and hilarious tale of its own, and if you ever want stories about fate, I do, I'll send it in.

My mom has survived so much in her life and is one of the most courageous, tenacious, generous people I know. While we don't have the best relationship, I have tremendous respect for her. And I'm just so grateful for how hard she has fought for herself and for our family. Thank you for all the stories over the many years.

I'm glad I stumbled on your podcast four years ago. You've accompanied me on many drives and bus rides here in rural Canada. It constantly lights the sparks of curiosity, wonder and weirdness in us all. PSM, I owe you a big thank you. I am celebrating my two year ADHD diagnosis because of you. I have caused so much mental illness recognition.

You have in me as well, very actively. And yes, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Sharing your ADHD neurodivergent story made me realize I also have ADHD and it changed my life. Big love to you all, River. River's such a good name. I know that's a great name. Well, as a fellow neurodiver, Fabie, you are welcome. Yep

Wow, okay. Well, yeah. Hey, we can put this down in the future as like one of the Themes maybe fate or something. Yeah, I'm putting it down now. Oh wait. No next month is our birthday But yes for July, maybe I don't know. Start sending in your cool fate stories. I love, love fate stories. Our next story is from Carly with a K, because she's fun. Pronouns are she, her, thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject line is haunted childhood home.

Carly says, hello to Eva M. Christine Lemon and the rest of the And That's Why We Drink Fam. First off, I just want to say that I absolutely love the podcast and I love that you two can keep awful stories palatable with banter and comedic relief. Again, you are welcome. My story takes place in my childhood home in a suburb of, can you guess? Canada. Vancouver. Oh, I thought we? Canada, Vancouver, Canada.

Oh, I was like, I thought we were guessing the town. Okay. The suburb is called Surrey, and there were a lot of weird things that went on in this house, but I'll try to keep it short with what I remember. I was five when we moved in. The first experience I remember happening

was when I was three or four, my younger brother had stolen my plastic hamburger from my play kitchen set. How dare. By the way, this is where I ask because I'll forget for the rest of my life. Did you ever get that medical toy? Oh yes, but I've kept it in the box because I'm like,

I wanted to open it on a special day from you. Gotcha, okay. I'm sorry, it got here while you were still here, so I think I just assumed you knew that it got here. I apologize. I assumed it got stuck in a trash pile somewhere and- No, I'm so sorry. It is here.

I have it in like the gift room, which is my closet, but I want to like- Okay, so it didn't get in the trash pile. Okay. Well, sort of. But I want to give it to her on a day where I can like film it and you know, the whole thing. Gotcha.

You also don't have to do that, but I just wanted to make sure that it got to you. It was very special that you did that so I wanted to. Something else is also coming to her right now. I can't stop myself. So it's actually, the second you see it you'll go, yeah this is absolutely a Funko-Lem gift. Okay. Great. Okay so her younger brother stole her plastic hamburger from her Play Kitchen set. I pushed him so my mom sent me for a time out and our time out spot was a single chair at the end of the hallway looking into the living room.

Like The Shining, it seems. Yeah, I was gonna say, that's the creepiest place he could have a time out. About 10 seconds into sitting in that chair, a fucking apparition of a man with a heavily burnt face appeared, but he had no legs. What? Bitch. OK, that's you have to warm people in with sentences like that.

Hang on. So an apparition of a man with a heavily burnt face appeared, but he had no legs. No. What? I started screaming and crying because he was floating towards me and my mom ran out of the kitchen thinking I was hurt. You know what? Okay, first of all, let's start with the facts. Your mom put you in timeout

because your brother stole your toy, so immediately, canceled. Also, now there's a grown ass man without legs approaching you, and I have a feeling your mom's gonna put you in timeout again for crying about it. That's how it feels right now. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

He was floating towards me. My mom ran out of the kitchen thinking I was hurt and she ran right through him and he evaporated. So like the mom didn't even see it. Ooh, but she saved her because, or she saved, yeah, she saved her because she dissipated the man. Yeah, she like busted through him.

But also that's so creepy though, what you're seeing right before your very eyes, you're also watching somebody else not notice it. Who's like, what's wrong? And you're like, wait, that must be so trippy. That's what I imagine dogs and all animals experience when they're seeing another ghost of a man in a room and we're not responding.

They're like, why is nobody acting, like reacting to that? Yeah. And then we punish them. So we're just like, we're just like Carly's mom. Cause we're like, oh, shut up. You are barking. Let's see if she's, well,

let's see if she's punished about it. I don't want to give her, I don't want to diss the mom now. Maybe, maybe she gives her, I don't know. Maybe we'll see. The next sentence is my mom punished me. Oh, nevermind. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know, maybe. We'll see. The next sentence is, my mom punished me. Oh! No, I'm just kidding. Nevermind.

I made that up. Oh. I was like, wow, okay, I guess I shouldn't get ahead of myself. No, mom runs through the man and evaporates, he evaporates. I was inconsolable and trying to tell my mom I saw a burnt man, so she took my brother and I out of the house for a nature walk.

Thank God she's a hippie, dippy mom who believes me because later in life when I was. See, you're such a hater. You're right. I'm a hater. Thank God she's a hippie, dippy mom who believed me because later in life when I was about 12, she said she remembered that and felt a heavy slowness when she was running to me, which I think was her running through him.

to me, which I think was her running through him. Ooh! Ah! So she felt her, she couldn't see it, but she felt the experience. Oh my God, that's so gross. A few months after this, I was in my room trying to sleep and I felt someone sit on my bed thinking it was my dad coming to say good night.

I opened my eyes to give him a hug, but it was the burnt man again. Girl, get out of this house. I screamed and my dad came and brought me to him and my mom's room across the hall. Another time when my dad was at work, my mom put on the Wizard of Oz for my brother and I while she went to shower. My mom felt someone grab her shoulders. So she got out to find, and she got out to find a full handprint on her shoulder. Wait, she was in the shower? Yes, which means when you're naked. Oh no, so vulnerable and your kids are out there.

Oh, no. No. No. Literally no explanation there and no privacy either, geez. Yes. The last event that happened, I don't remember this, but my parents do and have told me that it was about 2 a.m. and my dad got home from an afternoon shift. He was trying to fall asleep and it said, and he said it sounded like someone was hitting

the side of the house with a two by four. So he threw his robe on and went outside to check it out, thinking a person on drugs was trying to break in. Once he got outside, it sounded like someone was banging a two by four inside the house. So he freaked out and went inside and heard the noises outside again. He said this lasted about 15 minutes until it was just silent. Needless to say, my mom brought some lady in the house to cleanse it. But, we ended up moving to Vancouver shortly after. These events still make my hair stand up when I think about 25 years later. Hope you enjoyed the stories.

Thanks for everything you folks do, Carly." Carly, I got to be honest, with love, I hated that. Carly, I've got to be honest. I need you to go research that house and find out if there was a fire and why there was that man, because like what on earth? Why wouldn't he leave you alone? Yeah, it's one thing if there was a fire on that house and like someone died there. But like, why is he so aggressively trying to get to you all?

I don't like that. It's almost like. Yeah, it's almost like either he realized you could see him and he's like, I I'm lost. I need a message or whatever. But like if you research it and there's no fire and nothing, then like, I don't know what I don't know what that's about. Yeah, firm path. Please don't write back. Please don't write. No, no, please. OK, just email it just to me because I want to know. Yeah.

This is from Julia. She her and the subject is my mom was born into a cult. Oh boy. Okay, I'm signed up, let's go. All right, here you go. This is just for you, Em. Hello, Eva M. Christine and all spouses, pets, lemons, and anyone else associated with the podcast.

I have the urge to begin this with, hope you are well, as if I were emailing a professor, but I feel like that would be so weird. I have been listening to you guys since 2020 and finally caught up right before your live show. Shout out to 222 Toronto crowd. I promised myself back in 2020 that I would send in my magnum opus of a story

when I finally caught up. So here I am. Wow, this is exciting. I love it. I'm sure I do too. I'm sure by the subject line, so here I am. Wow, this is exciting. I love it. I'm sure, I do too. I'm sure by the subject line, you're probably confused. Well, I thought it was pretty clear anyway. So I'll just crack into it.

This story does involve my mom's entire family and I've actually had to change everyone's name, including mine, to protect our identities. My family is terrified that the cult will one day find us again. And so we try to keep a low profile about it. I'm going to apologize now for how sporadic this is. I've had to gather the information from my mom in bits and pieces over the years because she's still so traumatized from it. I'll keep it as organized as I can, but it will be messy. I don't have much of a timeline to follow.

So basically, my mom was born into a cult. It's called Exclusive Brethren and is very much still around today. I would say it's the most similar cult wise to what the Duggars were in, parentheses, IDK the name or Scientology. Oh. Those are very different. I wonder what crossover.

They're like the Venn diagram of Scientology and the Duggars. Wow. Maybe the isolation from the public, I suppose. I don't know. That's the only... If you said Scientology and I said quiverful and we had a mind meld, I'd be like, oh, hating other everybody else. Yeah, but they also love being famous. They love celebrity, both of them.

Oh, right. You know. Okay. Yeah. I don't yeah. I don't know, though. I don't know. If you came to me one day, Christine, and you said, I've joined a club, it's called Exclusive Brethren, how do you want me to play that?

Because... Call Maggie, our manager, please, because she'll be like, fucking snap out of it. I'm gonna call Eva and be like, I think you and I are on our own, my friend. No, you two are too nice. You need to call Maggie and be like, just get her back. Yeah.

Or call my mom. She'll know what to do. Okay, great. My grandparents were also born into the cult and had an arranged marriage. Okay, wow. So they were born, the grandparents were born into it and then arranged to marry each other.

So the mom wouldn't have even been born if the grandparents went, wow. Like third generation by cause and effect. Yeah. That's wild. They had five kids, which was small for most families in the church. Okay, there I'm getting the quiverful thing. Will, Olivia, Steve, my mom and Dan. Every single day they would go to church

and on Sundays they would be in church all day and the entire community would gather in someone's house for dinner Sunday night. Women and girls could not cut their hair and had to only wear skirts or dresses and when saying grace at dinner women and girls had to get out of their seats and kneel on the floor with a napkin on their head. Parentheses, I wish I was joking. Pretty much all forms of entertainment were banned in the cult, including television, radios, movies, pretty much everything but books. My grandpa had a job outside the cult. And so sometimes he would sneak in things like VHS tapes or records for the family to listen to. I'm sure you can see how my grandpa did not love the rules and did not always follow them. Go off. That's what they said about their grandpa. Okay, gramps. Go off, gramps.

Because he worked outside the cult, they were not able to control him as well as the others. The last straw for my grandpa was when they forbade him from accepting a raise at work because it was money that would benefit my mom's family specifically instead of the cult. You weren't really meant to keep money for yourself and should instead donate it to the cult

so that it would fund the community, right? It's the same as every fucking cult. This next part is hard to explain, but I'm going to try. My grandparents had been brainwashed in this cult since they were kids. And so they really believed that leaving the church was condemning them to hell. They wanted to do the right thing

and prevent their kids from a fate in hell. So when my grandparents fled the cult, they only took my mom and her younger brother, Dan. The three oldest stayed. Oh, wow. They were like, fuck them kids. Yeah, they were like, the three get to stay in heaven, these two. Oh.

They're not gonna make it. When they said fuck them kids, they meant it about different kids at different times for different things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The three oldest stayed. This decision absolutely was wrong, When they said fuck them kids, they meant it about different kids at different times for different things. The three oldest stayed this decision absolutely was wrong But I know in my heart my grandparents were trying to do right when you're told your whole life leaving is to accept eternal punishment Why would you want to put your kids through that? They took the two youngest and left the older three who were all teenagers at that point

The cult separated my aunt from my uncles and had them live with other families in the cult. The cult believed in shunning members who had left, so they were completely cut off from the rest of their family. My grandparents realized quickly they made a big mistake. However, it was not easy to make it better. This is where the timeline is hardest because it's so hard to ask my mom about this time.

What I know for certain is that Will, the oldest, and Steve, middle, were gotten back first. Getting my aunt back was hard. She was apparently kept as a live-in maid in the house she lived in and was verbally abused by the family she was staying with. When my uncles left, the cult knew that my grandparents were going to try and get her out,

so they started setting my aunt up with an arranged marriage to a man in Australia. She was 16. So essentially they're saying, so what Julia is saying is that they left three of the kids there thinking like, okay, they are already teenagers, they can stay in the church

and maybe if they wanna get out when they're older, that's their decision, what have you. But then when they got out with the two youngest they were like shit we want to get them back and bring them out of the club. Well I feel like they probably saw the two younger ones and probably felt like we still have time to we've already the others are already probably a little too brainwashed the others we can right maybe still quote save. But they like really believed that like leaving was...

Or maybe they just felt like they still had to be responsible for these other two kids, but the other ones, they were adults enough that they could just stay. Right, that's kind of, at least I mean, I can't say, but that's where my mind went was like, oh, they're teenagers, they can like fend for themselves a little better, they can stay in the cult if they want,

they can leave if they want, they're old enough. But of course, I imagine the youngest ones being much littler. You don't want to just like leave them. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. So it sounds like they tried to get them back, but it was very, very difficult. It sounds like Will and Steve, they got back. Okay.

But the aunt was being basically like hidden from her family, from her parents. My grandparents got her out in a really smart way. They went to her part-time job when she wasn't working and explained to the manager what was happening. Imagine getting that story. Okay, I feel like that's something that Jay at Starbucks would be like, okay, another crazy ass thing.

Jay would be like, I need to quit. This is too, this is so above my pay rate. This is not for me. I thought I was making flat whites. Now I am a part of like a hostage negotiation or something. Wow. So they went to the job saying to the manager, this is what's going on. Then they hid their grand.

So then they hid my grandparents car and their car behind the store. So that when my aunt came in for her shift, they snuck her out the back and put her in the car and got away. Wow. Wow. It took over a year to get my aunt back so that when my mom saw her again, she thought she was just a cousin and didn't recognize her as her own sister. Oh, that's so sad. That's so sad. When my mom was 18, which was nine years after getting out of the cult, there was a knock

on the front door. She answered the door. It was the 80s, but still big no, and was greeted by two men. They asked her if Olivia, her sister, was home. And my mom said no. Then they explained that they were from the cult, although they obviously called it a church, and were wondering if Olivia would like to come back to be with them. They then said that my mom was also welcome back and that all her sins would be forgiven

if she did. My mom then drops the most fire jaw droppingdropping line to these old men, quote, "'You know what? I know I'm going to heaven. I hope you make it there too,' and closes the fucking door on them." Good job. Good job. Good luck with that.

Good job. That's what I know about the cult. I'm sure there's more, but asking upsets my mom so much that I don't like to. A few years ago, one of my mom's cousins left the cult and ended up reuniting with my family after decades. So there are absolutely still family members in there.

There are dominions of this church in Canada, the US, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand. So who knows, maybe more people know about it. Christine, if you ever wanna cover it and its history, like with Scientology, one of my favorite episodes, I've linked a City News Toronto documentary they did in 2022. Thank you for listening to me ramble.

I'm so sorry it was long. I love the podcast so much and y'all are amazing. Keep doing what you do best. Love and lemons, Julia Asagetarius. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Hopefully your mom's cool with everything

you just said to us publicly. Well, she did say she changed all their names, including her own. So I'm sure this is private. Although exclusive brethren, is that what it was called, extreme brethren? Yeah, exclusive. Please cover that one day if you can.

That sounds really good. Yeah, it says here, exclusive brethren are a subset of the Christian evangelical movement, generally described as the Plymouth brethren. Oh Okay. Whoa. Okay interesting Well, we've got one last story this is from Maddie who's a she her pronouns Thank you for knowing my pronouns and the subject line is Toronto live show Whoo?

And here here we go. Hey you guys I just had to reach out to share my experience at your live show. Oh fuck. Okay. Oh It was a in all caps time Well worth well worth the three-hour drive from up north First of all, I just wanted to say how much fun the show was I feel like we paid Maddie to say this publicly for us. What's happening? Is this like a promo? Is this actually an advertisement? Yeah, I hope so. I it's lovely. It's lovely. I hope I love it It'll make other people want to Come to our show one day. Okay, maybe

I just wanted to say how much fun the show was. I love the content the story and of course your humor I had an absolute blast. I dragged my fiance there, but he claims that he did enjoy himself. So bravo. Yay. My little experience happened even before the show began. Immediately upon entering the building, I ditched my man and headed straight to the merch because duh, thank you so much.

I saw the table and followed the line, which might I mentioned led me down a hall up the stairs, past the bar, around another corner, down some stairs, and basically back to where I was standing when I entered the building. Oh my god. OK, people always say the merch line's really long. I didn't think quite think it was that long.

Wow. Yeah, it's very, by the way, nothing makes me happier about our live shows than people wanting to buy our merch. It makes me so happy. Me too, it's like so validating. Luckily the line moved relatively fast and my fiance delivered me drinks while I waited.

I was finally closing in on the merch table where the hallway was sectioned off so there was space between us and the merch line and people entering the theater or hitting the bar. I was turned towards the table in deep thought of, do I get the sweet purple tie-dye tour tee or the light blue tie-dye planche at long sleeve? Both good ones.

Por que no los dos. Por que no los dos. When I felt a hand pass by both of the backs of my legs. Oh, by the backs of my legs. Yuck. What? Yuck. Okay, so you felt someone like swipe your legs

as if someone was walking behind me and wanted me to know that they were there, so I didn't back up into them. Okay, so just kind of like putting their hand on you while they walk past. Like to say like, I'm scooching on by. Yeah. I immediately thought, who the fuck brought their child here

because the hand rubs along my legs just so below my knees, like a child passing by and feeling everything as they go. I swiveled around so quick to catch a glimpse of this creepy kid and their diehard and that's why we drink parents who maybe couldn't find a babysitter. I love that someone in Toronto brought their kid and now they're having to hear from another person who went to the Toronto show that their kid is creepy. I think they're saying there was no kid. She just whipped around and be like,

what creepy kid was that that somebody brought to a show? I mean, it says, I swiveled around to catch a glimpse of this creepy kid, oh, and their diehard ATWD parents, and absolutely no one was close to me. Like, I mean, a two meter radius around me of no one. It was dope. Okay, cool.

I was like, that's not the word I expected. Anyways, I ended up with the purple Tide ID and made my way towards the theater. Right before stepping in, I saw a girl yacking into a garbage can with her friend. I thought I was gonna see a little girl. I was like, oh my God, it's her? Oh no.

I saw a girl yacking into the garbage can with her friend. I thought I was gonna see a little girl. I was like, oh my God, it's her. Oh no. I saw a girl yacking into the garbage can with her friend and a security guard. And I thought this is going to be fucking awesome. Oh. Wow. Who knew, Em? Meanwhile, we're just sitting backstage eating carrots and ranch dressing.

I didn't know things were so fucking hip hop happening out there. If I knew it was like so lit in the fucking like seats of our show, I would be hanging out over there. Everyone just getting like so like fucked up before the show's even begun. Like, oh, you know, so Maddie says, these are my people. I sat and laughed and was totally hooked on the entire show.

I ended up spilling my rum and coke on our new and that's what we drink shirt, which I kind of just accepted and took as a sign of good luck, maybe like a christening. Anyways, amazing job to you both and especially Eva. If you three ever dress up as Zach Bagans for Halloween again, Eva should most definitely be Erin. Oh, honestly, she already is the essence of Erin when we make her go to the boiler room.

So yeah, fair point I love you all. Thank you for coming to Ontario Also, huge shout out to the guy running the merch table. That guy was sweating pumping up pump purchases And uh, sorry for the length come back to canada anytime also em I truly hope someone told you to try a beaver tail while you were here Uh, google it. Love you mean it maddie. I don't know what a beaver tail is. What's a beaver tail? Okay were here. Google it, love you, mean it, Maddie. I don't know what a beaver tail is. What's a beaver tail? Okay, let me Google it.

Beaver tail, I'm assuming that's food. Yeah, right. Beaver tail, oh, a pastry. Ooh, oh my, oh, I see. It's like a flattened pastry. That's why it's called a beaver tail. Makes sense. That sounds good. I am sad I didn't try, but just another reason to go back to Toronto.

Deep fried, oh my god, deep fried dough covered in cinnamon and sugar. I mean, come on. Yeah, I think that's something that I'll be doing for sure. I mean, I don't think that's a hard sell for any of us. Anyway, I'm so glad that something spooky happened at a spooky theme show So I know but like not spooky enough to ruin it like spooky enough to make it exciting And for a second, I thought that you really did see a creepy kid in our audience. I was like, oh my god I know I know

Yeah, I know at first I was like wait, there's no one there. So that can't be a real kid But I'm like no babysitter. No problem so that can't be a real kid, but I'm like, no babysitter, no problem. Exactly. There was a show we just had. There was a show we just had where someone brought their baby. And then I felt bad because I was I like didn't really like talk shit about babies. Oh, yeah. Well, they know what they're doing. They're actually the baby was maybe like a paid actor

because it like if the baby was going gonna cry at any point in our show, it was right before we started talking about the baby portion of the show. And I was like, oh, well, that worked out really well. Oh, did the baby, I don't remember this at all. There was a baby crying? Well, the show is over now, now that it's May. So, oh no, we've got two,

no, wait, no, tomorrow is our final show of the tour. Yeah, our last show! But we talk about one of the ghosts is a little our last show! But we talk about, like, one of their, one of the ghosts is, like, a little haunted kid. Yeah. And it happened, the baby cried right at that moment. I was like, oh, well, this is... I don't remember that at all. Perfect segue.

Anyway, yeah, tomorrow is our very last show of On the Rocks, and it's a very, it's very sad and bittersweet. Bittersweet, yeah. Yeah. And that being said, please be on the lookout for future dates to our new tour, Poor Decisions.

Whoop, whoop, whoop. Poor Decisions! Now we've announced it. Okay, and also, M came up with the name, isn't it great? Also, it's gonna be a whole brand new show, so. And Poor Decisions is spelled P-O-U-R, poor. Oh, of course, of course. Yes, yes, yes.

Because we're making Poor Decisions, well, Kristina's probably pouring things all over the floors of the location, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you get it. Anyway, thank you everyone, hope you have a happy May, and we look forward to seeing you with a whole new set of listener

stories for our birthday. So bring cake and preorder our book, a haunted road Atlas next up. I'm really plugging the shit out of this one because I kept forgetting to do it on our last book. So I'm trying to make up for it. But if you would like to preorder, it helps our sales in first week, and you can find the link in the show notes. You can also find it in our social media bio. Please pre-order our book,

HaunaRhoda Atlas Next Stop, and... That's why we drink.